Gun Nut Crossword

by | Mar 23, 2020 | Fun, Games, Guns | 449 comments

Call me Ishmael!

Wait:  I’ve been told that stealing great lines from great works that aren’t really related to one’s topic is ill-advised.  I repent.

 

Starting over >>>  It’s been a while since our last crossword . . . . maybe for good reason.  But since most Glibs are all about the gun prOn, I figure it’s okay to toss this out there, and then we can just go off-thread immediately like we do the rest of the time.  Think of it as our standard Glib circle-jerk, only with homework.

The answers to the questions are almost always gun manufacturers and inventors.  There is some fringe stuff, but half of you Animal will zip through all of it in three minutes.

 

And cut me some slack:  if I characterized, say, Wilson, as a pistol shop but you know they’ve also built some great full-automatic shotguns, well, I’m talking about the normal stuff or the main stuff.

I also took some liberties with designations so as not to betray some of the names/answers.  So if you’re obsessed with calling a trenchgun by some other exact initials, don’t change for me, but that’s what “W97” would mean in my nomenclature.

 

I figure the best format is PDF; I tried to make it easy to print.  SP or someone figured out the link and a place to put it:  I don’t know the proper incantations.  The solution is on page four.

Any here’s some gun noise to listen to while you whittle on the puzzle.

 

It was the devious-cruising Rachel, that in her retracing search after her missing children, only found another orphan.

 

 

About The Author

Don escaped Memphis

Don escaped Memphis

all my exes live in Texas

449 Comments

  1. hayeksplosives

    I will not play your crossword but I will admire it from afar.

    • Tres Cool

      “If nominated I will not run; if elected I will not serve”

  2. Aloysious

    Nice shirt on that young lady. Makes me think of the worst pick up line I’ve ever heard.

    Hey baby, are you a school? Because I’d like to shoot some kids in you.

    Do not recommend. Guaranteed to offend everyone.

    • cyto

      It’s a the rotting carcass of a dead whale draped over a giant forklift, not a young lady. You need to get your eyes checked.

      • Hyperion

        But it looked very much like his last date.

      • Aloysious

        Someone get the aloe vera, because that was a burn.

      • DEG

        Look at the front page.

    • juris imprudent

      More like “how much play is there in that trigger”?

      Or “mind if I slide that rack? Er I mean, rack the slide?”

    • Rhywun

      I laffed. And then felt a little more dead inside.

    • Trigger Hippie

      I’d laugh. Maybe only in the inside, but I’d laugh.

  3. Fourscore

    Looks like Barbra may be getting a replacement gift

  4. Crusty Juggler

    “On no account will a Commie ever drink water, and not without good reason.”

  5. TARDIS

    I can smell that photo from here.

    • Crusty Juggler

      It smells like revolution!

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        After going back and looking, I now realize why there’s no link the the Reno 911 movie version of that incident.

  6. cyto

    Good thing we are on lockdown, or there might be an armed revolt. Langford called for inclusion of $600 million for the arts in the bill to help the coronavirus fallout. And they want something for solar panels. And any company that takes government loans…. he wants to force them to take a government official on as a board member.

    These people have lost their damn minds.

    • JD is Unemployed

      Armed insurrection sure sounds pretty ruttin’ sweet. Make my day, commie.

      Well, being a pissant limey, my day is already made. Also since my internets has now apparently gone dead, I’m not sure this comment will even reach Glibs.

      • MikeS

        Hang in there, JD. Shitty situation, for sure.

      • juris imprudent

        We all died with Net Neutrality anyway. This is just a lost episode of Lost.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        This is just a lost episode of Lost.

        That’s Lindelof levels of meta.

    • peachy rex

      “Mr Chairman, I’d like to tack on a rider to that bill – $30 million of taxpayer money to support the perverted arts.”

    • DEG

      #8 and #34 both remind me of a woman I once knew.

      I had an e-mail for her and used that to ask her if she wanted to meet for drinks. She was interested. I proposed a time and place. She never replied again.

  7. Rhywun

    LOL I grew up in upstate NY and I had no idea about 227 Across. I think I have to skip this one 🙂

    • Don Escaped Texas

      give me a second: half my clues are found wanting

      My definition of upstate is anything not south of Hyde Park, so take it that way

      when editing, I found I had originally written only upstate, no NY, just thinking in a generic American way I think most people think in, but, then it occurred, there might be some MN or CA notion of upstate I had never heard of

      • Rhywun

        I tend to use everything north of I-84 as a rough guide. Your definition works too.

        No, the fault lies not in your clue but in my absolute lack of knowledge of this stuff.

      • Rhywun

        PS. I also have no idea if there are any other “Upstates”. Some non-New Yorkers need to chime in and confirm.

      • Q Continuum

        There’s “downstate” in Illinois…

      • Nephilium

        There’s the UP of Michigan.

      • Gender Traitor

        Lovely place! So unfair that they have to be associated with the rest of That State. ; )

      • Jarflax

        That is Ohio’s fault for winning the Toledo War.

      • Nephilium

        My dad went to tOSU. I did not. I actually spent my 21st birthday at a little brewery in Kalamazoo, several years before they distributed to Ohio. We were there to see a band we knew (The Articles, for those familiar with midwestern ska bands of the 90’s) play that happened to coincide with my 21st. This brewery was one that has become a bit better known in the years since Larry started it up.

      • DEG

        Bell’s?

      • Nephilium

        DEG: Yep. Back then it wasn’t as well known. But had more of a following then that upshot from Grand Rapids [Founder’s].

      • DEG

        A friend of mine that used to live in the Detroit area, back before Bell’s distributed in New England, used to pay me to bring Oberon back from Pennsylvania whenever I visited PA.

        I like Founder’s too. The local Irish pub has Breakfast Stout on tap, and has had it on tap for I don’t know how long. We’ll see if it is still on tap when they reopen. If they reopen.

      • Nephilium

        DEG: Founders has some really good beer. But there are some in the community who have tossed them into the sellout category (they sold a large stake to a Spanish company). The company reps I’ve met at events have always been personable, and by the end of the night tell stories they probably shouldn’t be telling the general public (such as the original meaning of the PC Pils name). Founders Porter is also probably one of the single greatest standard porters available in the area (and I live less then 10 miles from Great Lakes Brewing).

      • DEG

        As long as Founder’s produces good beer, I don’t care who owns them.

        Founders Porter used to be on tap at a few places in the area. I have not seen it in a long time. Another one that used to be on tap around here was the Imperial Stout. Also not seen in a long time.

      • Nephilium

        DEG: I believe Founders retired the Imperial Stout. I haven’t seen it out and about for a while. I care about the ownership when a brewery goes to the BMC side or is just an asshole about it like Magee from Lagunitas (“How dare companies sell out!” ; “We’re not selling out to Heineken, we’re just aligning our distribution in ways that will help us both!”)

      • Crusty Juggler

        North of 84 is pretty good, but it really is anything north of the Tappan Zee.

      • DEG

        PA has a notion of Upstate too.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        “Up-country” for both B.C. and Alberta (more B.C., though . . . ).

      • Caput Lupinum

        Philadelphians have a notion of upstate, anyone north of ABE doesn’t. If you use the term upstate in thr Scranton area people assume you’re talking about Binghamton or some other part of the southern tier in New York.

      • pistoffnick

        “…there might be some MN…notion of upstate I had never heard of”

        degens from upcountry

    • Don Escaped Texas

      The other thing is some states have the national dibs on town names. There may be several towns with these names, but I think of the one:
      New Haven CT
      Peoria IL
      Elmira, NY
      Union City NJ
      Athens, GA

      Clear exceptions: there is no definitive Jackson, Auburn, or Troy.

      • C. Anacreon

        I think the people in Greece might have an argument with you over who has the definitive Athens.

      • C. Anacreon

        Greece is a nation….

        (Now I’m just ruffling you, I know what you mean)

      • UnCivilServant

        You guys can have Troylet. I don’t care if it’s right across the bridge, come and take it away.

      • Nephilium

        Athens, OH would probably argue that Georgia gets a claim on the name. Really, I think Georgia just likes the names of our fine Ohio cities too much I mean, really Cleveland, GA? Did Moses Cleaveland make his way down there too?

      • Jarflax

        Aythens probably would do well to keep quiet on the subject.

  8. Crusty Juggler

    OT: Watching Dr. Strangelove, a perfect move.

    Name a perfect movie!

    • Crusty Juggler

      Groundhog Day

      • Rhywun

        You’re not wrong.

    • Crusty Juggler

      Ghostbusters

      • Ozymandias

        It really does not hold up well, I’m afraid, CJ. It was good in its era and context, but does not seem nearly as funny as I remembered it when I catch it on cable reruns.

      • Crusty Juggler

        This is just wrong.

      • UnCivilServant

        I didn’t even realize it was supposed to be a comedy for years.

      • Crusty Juggler

        There’s a surprise.

      • juris imprudent

        Somebody’s got a little too much love for Bill Murray.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Peak Murray is the knees.

      • Ozymandias

        I thought he was amazing in “Steve Zissou” – which is pretty damn good itself.

      • cyto

        Stripes is also a perfect comedy.

      • Nephilium

        “Too much love” for Bill Murray? I don’t understand?

    • Ozymandias

      Slapshot

      • westernsloper

        ?

      • Plinker762

        I’m listening to the fucking song!

    • Ted S.

      The Best Years of Our Lives

      • RAHeinlein

        +1

      • Gustave Lytton

        That is my #2 choice. #1 is An Autumn Afternoon.

    • Ozymandias

      And I’ll put in a pitch for one that I just watched and it instantly goes into my Top 10 of all time: JoJo Rabbit is an amazing piece of art.

      • Rhywun

        That one’s on my wish list.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        It’s good, but, nowhere near as funny as What We Do In The Shadows (if we’re going off of Waititi movies). His new, embolden wokeness kinda hung on JoJo, for me.

    • cyto

      There are lots of them. In the bucket with Strangelove, I’d put a rare callout – They Live. Roddy Piper in all his B movie glory.

      Princess Bride.

      Terms of Endearment

      Rocky

      Full Metal Jacket

      Ex Machina.

      I cannot stress this enough. Ex Machina is freaking sci-fi poetry.

      Babe

      In the same bucket with Babe, The Iron Giant. “That’ll do pig” and “Superman”, perfect denouement.

      Bringing up Baby

      Maltese Falcon

      The first 15 minutes of UP!

      Roxanne

      Again, I can’t stress it enough. IF you are too young to have seen Roxanne, it is a must see. It holds up. “Oh, I’ve been a lot braver since then.” Perfect.

      Deadpool and Guardians of the Galaxy.

      There’s Something About Mary

      Wow… I really have a lot of movies on my “top ten movies of all time” list.

      • juris imprudent

        Common core math – you were ahead of your time.

      • Nephilium

        Objection on Full Metal Jacket. The first half of the movie is perfect, the Vietnam section is less so.

    • MikeS

      Executive Decision

    • Sean

      Grosse Point Blanke.

      • cyto

        Excellent.

        In fact, mining that seem…

        Better Off Dead

        Say Anything

        Breakfast Club

        16 Candles

        Stand By Me

    • Aloysious

      All of Me.

      Love Steve Martin.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Perfect

    • MikeS

      Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid

      • cyto

        Loving the old Steve Martin movie love. We skipped The Jerk, which is perfect.

      • MikeS

        The first time I saw The Jerk, it felt like I spent 5 days laughing. The next time, it felt like 3 days. Then there was a break for a few years, and then I watched it again and that felt like I watched it for 8 days…

      • Charles Easterly

        +1 Pizza in a Cup

      • Toxteth O’Grady

        ? but tonight you belong to me ?

      • Toxteth O’Grady

        PS. Is Grandma still farting?

    • Ozymandias

      Midnight Run with Grodin and de Niro has been mentioned befoe. I love that one.

    • Trigger Hippie

      I don’t know about perfect but I can catch Goodfellas at any point in the flick and watch it without losing focus. As well as remember every line before it’s spoken.

      That has to count for something, I guess.

    • juris imprudent

      Young Frankenstein

      • LemonGrenade

        Yes! I break in every new TV with a marathon of Young Frankenstein, Army of Darkness, and Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy.

    • Gender Traitor

      Dude, what is Hunt for Red October?

    • Raven Nation

      Hoosiers?

    • C. Anacreon

      North by Northwest

      Miracle on 34th Street

      Two movies I can watch over and over, though the latter only at Xmastime.
      NxNW I have easily watched over 50 times, if not twice that, including seeing it with the San Francisco Symphony playing the soundtrack live.

      • Rhywun

        North by Northwest

        YAAASSS

      • Gustave Lytton

        That’s one of my rewatchers. Along with Ronin, Dirty Dozen, The Delta Force, and the Outrage trilogy.

    • straffinrun

      Ten

      • juris imprudent

        Buddy and I saw that when it was in theaters. Both in our early 20s and after laughing our asses off we both went “is that what being 40 is going be like”?

    • LemonGrenade

      Some of my favorites that I haven’t seen mentioned otherwise:
      Ed and His Dead Mother
      Army of Darkness
      Ginger Snaps
      Bubba Ho-Tep
      Kick Ass
      … and I was bored this weekend and shelled out the $20 to rent The Hunt early and really enjoyed it. If they truly didn’t make any changes to the film, just the marketing after everyone freaked out, I’m impressed.

    • Not Another Naked Digby

      Are “we” seriously not gonna mention Die Hard.

      Best fucking comedy of the ’80s.

  9. cyto

    The answers to the questions are almost always gun manufacturers and inventors. There is some fringe stuff, but half of you Animal will zip through all of it in three minutes.

    I’m gonna just go the SF route and put euphamisms for penis and vagina in all of the slots.

    Heh. slots. I said, “slots”. Heh.

    • Don Escaped Texas

      sorry: maybe too much gun stuff

      but there was a lot of gun stuff this year that resonated with me, so I figured half the guys would be into it

  10. UnCivilServant

    Why am I so paranoid about having mice? I haven’t had mice in my house since the landlord next door walked away from the property and the grass grew so long the city cut it. (causing the mice to try to flee into my house where I exterminated them) But every so often I’ll hear something like sleet on window glass and mistake it for the pitter-patter of tiny mouse feet and go on the verge of a freakout, ready to launch another extermination campaign. But it causes a great deal of anxiety as I sit there trying to figure out if the noise is what I fear it to be, or something innocent.

      • UnCivilServant

        It’s not mice. It was a paper bag uncrumpling. I was able to relocate the source of the noise and verify.

        Damn you Cuomo.

    • MikeS

      Sounds like a great muse for a story.

    • Sean

      Someone needs a kitty.

      • Gender Traitor

        ^^^THIS!!! I highly recommend getting a black cat. Black cats are awesome.

      • UnCivilServant

        It would be cruel to subject a cat to my negligence.

      • Fourscore

        A couple weeks ago I saw the scurry of a mouse downstairs. We never, ever have mice. Anyway I put out a sticky trap and a peanut butter baited mouse trap. Within minutes I saw the critter hit the sticky trap and it worked perfectly. I watched and laughed as he got more and more stuck. Finally he collapsed and I cheered. Suffer, you little bastard!

        Turned out it wasn’t a mouse but a little shrew. We never, ever have mice, the record still holds. No idea where he came in, maybe he was in between the storm door and inside door and ran in when I opened the door.

        I love it when a plan comes together

    • Gustave Lytton

      I feel your pain UCS. We’ve gotten them a couple times. Always feels like being violated. Had a pest service for a while and now have gone the DIY route.

  11. Crusty Juggler

    Let’s get back to the nonsense that really matters:

    Only ‘Cum Shoes’ Can Encapsulate the Circle Jerk of Luxury Footwear

    The $1,655 “cum shoes” are the latest in designer sneaker foolishness. Meant to evoke the cut-and-pasted collage style of Margiela’s SS20 collection, the shoes are covered with dried hot glue, which is the last thing anyone who sees the shoes associates them with. Underneath that hot glue is what has become the norm for modern designer sneakers as we enter the 2020s: a New Balance made with premium materials marked up 10x for overzealous trust-fund kids.

    It looks like Winston’s Mom’s headboard.

    • creech

      Anyone buying such shoes should be ineligible for federal Chinavirus checks. As should anyone who bought and wears those pre-ripped jeans. I’ll just “OK, Boomer” myself even though I don’t qualify..

      • Toxteth O’Grady

        Not just you. Am turning into Mr. Hand myself in my old age.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        I have some pre-ripped jeans. Never wanted any, and, never intended to get them. However, they are one of, if not the, most comfortable pair I have.

  12. DEG

    I’m going to try it out. In pen.

    • DEG

      There are six I don’t have…. let me think a little while longer before I go get the answers.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        hints are an option

        I many not have written very good clues. I tried to get out of my head, but I didn’t have an editor.

        on the ones you got, how obtuse would you score my clues?

      • DEG

        Most of the historical ones were easy for me, but then again I read a lot about firearms history.

        There were a couple I had think about, like 227 and 148 across.

        Overall, I liked this.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        good!

        148 is far and away the least fair of the group, but that’s what I toted when I was a teen

      • DEG

        157 and 109 have me stumped. I got the rest. Time to check the answers.

      • DEG

        Oh fuck I feel stupid for missing those two.

      • UnCivilServant

        Well, 109, you probably should.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        okay; I’m feeling pretty good about it, then

      • Plinker762

        109?

      • UnCivilServant

        You know, the Typewriter Company.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        that was the brand in middle America: we didn’t have any of the elite guns

      • Don Escaped Texas

        Dad shots LH due to a childhood accident. The light weight of the Nylon66 really helped him enjoy shooting.

        I always thought the thing was more than a little Star Wars. I’m addicted to walnut.

      • DEG

        I hang my head in shame.

  13. Chipping Pioneer

    great lines from great works

    We’re going to need a bigger boat.

    • AlmightyJB

      Classy

  14. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    Made it about 2/3 of the way through before I exhausted my gun knowledge. There were a handful more that I had heard of, and a few that were completely unknown to me.

    Great fun, Don!

    • Don Escaped Texas

      you’re kind

      I try to match the hatch, but I’m never quite sure what is normal, what is hobby-elite, and then accidentally-memorized-the-Speer-manual level of interest. I had a very strange childhood, and the ride hasn’t really steadied up much. Hopefully a couple of those answers will start you down a World Book worm hole to cool knowledge.

    • Raven Nation

      There’s a distinct lack of sugar in your post.

    • Nephilium

      I actually feel a lot better after moving out of the office and going and vegging out playing on the Switch for a couple hours today. It also helps that the flow of work texts/e-mails has started to slow, and I see things calming down (for a given value of calm) soon.

  15. Sean

    @UCS

    My gf started reading Shadowboy this weekend, as of today she says she’s hooked.

    • UnCivilServant

      I’m glad she’s enjoying it. Any idea how far in she got?

      • CPRM

        The real question is how far in you got him.

        “You know babe, I know the author.”

      • Sean

        Looking at the bookmark, I’m gonna say 10%.

      • UnCivilServant

        I suppose that’s a good time frame to hook the reader.

      • Sean

        There was a definite moment of happiness when I explained there’s more in the series.

      • UnCivilServant

        That usually forebodes annoyance when the books run out.

      • Sean

        Which explains Terry Brooks?

      • Jarflax

        You’ll know you have arrived when you get denounced for not being busy writing a sequel every time you post anywhere.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’ve been in a slump in terms of output.

        I finally got 470 words on a page, but they’re an independant story in the Tarnished Sterling universe. In a bit I was going to ask the commentariat what they think of it as an opening.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I know it’s been asked before, but which is the best entrance into the series?

  16. The Late P Brooks

    But every so often I’ll hear something like sleet on window glass and mistake it for the pitter-patter of tiny mouse feet

    Nibble, nibble, like a mouse

    Who’s that nibbling on my house?

  17. Sean

    How did we make it this far without debating 45 vs 90 degree gas ports on aks?

    You people disappoint me.

    • MikeS

      I’m with you. SMDH

    • UnCivilServant

      Ooo. Nice floors.

      No, I don’t get why people carpet over hardwood.

      Rugs for temperature reasons, maybe, but carpet?

    • Rhywun

      I wanted wall-to-wall for my cats but otherwise I totally agree.

    • Raven Nation

      Yeah, our house had carpets everywhere and underneath were hardwood floors. Paid about $3k to have them all re-finished.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Good lord! They should be shot.

    • Nephilium

      /sigh

      So far, all of my tests have indicated softwood under the carpets (hence the plans to go with bamboo). But if the carpet was torn up and hardwood was underneath, I would be overjoyed. Then I could use that money to get rid of the giant mirrored wall in the living room (currently mostly blocked by shelving, but the previous owners even put a mirrored outlet cover on it).

    • Plinker762

      Mass transit also helps the transmission of viruses and therefore should be banned. Private means of conveyance only.

      • C. Anacreon

        The solipsism of the assholes is unbelievable. “I live in the hip city and don’t need a car, therefore no one else does either”.

        People like this are going to be in for a real surprise when the actual huge change from all this will be that companies will realize it’s much easier and less expensive to have the majority of their employees work from home and do meetings on Zoom, etc — and that home can be anywhere in the world. They will then start cutting way down on their overpriced downtown office space. And suddenly instead of leaving his tiny apartment in the expensive district that he could easily get to his office without a car from before, he’s going to be stuck inside the dark little 300-square foot spot the entire day for work, then sleep there at night, and start wishing he could have a spacious home like everyone else in the Zoom meeting has behind their faces. Then it will eventually be a move to somewhere where he can have a house, yard, family and needs a car. And he’ll curse the removal of car access from the places he wants to go.

      • Nephilium

        And they realize it’s a lot cheaper to hire people in flyover country then on the coasts (cost of living alone).

      • Heroic Mulatto

        It’s even cheaper to hire people in Chennai.

      • Nephilium

        No argument here. My coworkers include a Costa Rican and over half a dozen people in the Philippines. I’m fairly certain part of the reason I got the job was that I already lived in the midwest, so there was no need to move me across the country to go to the office. My job can be done by someone on the other side of the world as easily as by someone here.

    • The Other Kevin

      If anything I hope it convinces more people that living in crowded cities is a bad idea.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      This is a truly bipartisan problem. The September 11th attacks did prompt a Republican president to create the Dept. of Homeland Security after all, a fact that still makes conservatives cringe to this day.

      LOLWUT?

      • Jarflax

        I don’t know if I count as conservative. And it’s less a cringe than a diatribe that rhymes with Tuck Gorge Push. But I have to say I fear bi-partisanship more than most things.

  18. CPRM

    My problem with working 3rd shift isn’t anything to do with staying up; it’s about falling asleep and how my body will go totally insomniac. I’ve got a few days off, so of course I’ve been up 26 hrs and had 12 beers in the last 3hrs, and I still don’t feel no ways tired.

    • Crusty Juggler

      Melatonin, bro.

      • CPRM

        Popped them like candy last time I worked 3rd. that didn’t help either.

      • CPRM

        ‘Chew some Valerian Root and get more exercise’

      • Crusty Juggler

        Doxxylamine succinate 25mg?

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Serious

    Progressive activists are proposing a “green stimulus” plan that would aim to boost the economy through the implementation of environmental reforms in various sectors.

    The advocates and academics behind the plan outlined their at least $2 trillion proposal that aims to accelerate the transition away from fossil fuels and create “green jobs” in an open letter to Congress posted Sunday.

    The proposal includes certain elements of the Green New Deal, a broad policy framework that seeks to mobilize the U.S. economy to fight climate change.

    It comes amid projections that the U.S. has fallen into a recession and that unemployment may increase dramatically as businesses shutter during the coronavirus pandemic.

    It also comes as senators are in tense negotiations over a stimulus package. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) criticized Democrats on Monday over their demands for the stimulus, describing their proposals as a political “wish list” that he said includes tax deductions for solar and wind energy, measures for organized labor and emissions standards for airlines.

    The activist proposal aims to make changes to areas including housing, transportation, manufacturing, energy and farming.

    After we burn it all down, we can rebuild the world as a shining paradise.

    • Q Continuum

      “After we burn it all down, we can rebuild the world as a shining paradise.”

      TBF, they’ve been pretty upfront about that being the goal for a while.

    • AlmightyJB

      What not 100 trillion? Pussies.

    • Rhywun

      Unreal.

  20. juris imprudent

    Hyperion – you spoke too soon about MD being a libertarian paradise! Hogan just gave the non-essential business announcement.

    • Trigger Hippie

      The market affects are soon to make my essential job nonessential. People are canceling our work due to fears over strangers entering their homes during Apocalypse 2020. I very well be out of work by next week.

      • CPRM

        Unless they were paying you a Living Wage, you had no right to have a job in the first place!

      • Trigger Hippie

        What kills me is that several of the guys are bitching about having to work during these ever so dire times.

        They think that they should be being paid to sit at home by their employer and get a check from the federal government.

        Guys, you are being given the means to support your families without disruption and are doing so in an environment that rarely has more than four people in it with ample room to do your jobs without coming into close contact with each other. Shut the fuck up.

      • Nephilium

        The liquor store I hit up today for the restock had signs hung all over through it with large “X”‘s on them. With the caption “Stand this far away to prevent the spread!”. Half the people who go into this liquor store are walking through on muscle memory and aren’t stopping for anything (and there’s nothing wrong with that).

      • DEG

        A couple days ago I was at the post office to mail a package. There were signs asking people to keep six feet between each other.

        No one did.

      • Rhywun

        If I hear “the new normal” one more time I’m going to lose it.

      • Jarflax

        For me it is “flatten the curve”. Ok I get it you freaking watch the news. You are not a goddamn epidemiologist or a statistician and even they don’t actually know what the freaking curve looks like, because there isn’t enough data yet and half of what there is was likely made up by communists. Stop explaining the theory to me. I understood it the first time I saw it and do not need another internet expert or talking head to explain it to me for the millionth time.

    • Trigger Hippie

      Er,..not in MD, just saying in general.

    • Hyperion

      “Hyperion – you spoke too soon about MD being a libertarian paradise! Hogan”

      It was sort of a joke. I see the fat face fuck finally came out of his diabetic coma.

  21. AlmightyJB

    Aperol, Brut Rose Cava, splash of Sprite zero, orange slice. Decent.

    • CPRM

      Decent

      I asked a Yooper d’other day what my change was dare fer dat ninety-nine cent piece of beef jerky was, and that was his answer.

  22. Jarflax

    37 the clue is simply incorrect. Screw the ATF definition.

    • UnCivilServant

      That’s pretty much doing nothing but running for two years or more.

      How did he finance that?

      • Nephilium

        Sponsorships? Either personal or through a company? Left Hand Brewing sponsors the MS Bike rides, I’ve heard the CFO does the full 150 miles (over two days) for all of them (and met him on the ride I did).

    • CPRM

      That Butter is a stupid name for assholes?

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        I think I’ve seen clips from that series….

  23. KSuellington

    If I may go off topic, since I don’t do crosswords. This has been the best article I’ve read about the great virus panic so far. Maybe because it exactly confirms my bias and what I have thought in regards to climate change hysteria being a precursor to our present hysteria. It’s worth a read.

    https://www.spiked-online.com/2020/03/17/the-luxury-of-apocalypticism/

    • Don Escaped Texas

      I figure it’s okay to toss this out there, and then we can just

      go off-thread immediately

      like we do the rest of the time

      a full hour!? you are the very model of restraint, sir

      • KSuellington

        I did very much appreciate the AK and whale graphics though. Thanks Don.

  24. Q Continuum

    You have to give it to Dems, they are ruthlessly efficient and they never lose their focus. They know that the Pachyderms are weak and they know they’ll get cover from the media so they’re going ALL IN on retarded Lefty spending causes. They remind me of an enforcer on a hockey or soccer team; you’d love to have him on your side and absolutely hate to play against him.

    • AlmightyJB

      Well it’s no doubt quite confidence boosting knowing the the media and historians will always cover your ass no matter how bad you fuckup. It’s like being in a made man in the mob or a member of a biker gang. You’re never in the wrong.

  25. Plinker762

    And Washington joins closing down all non-essential businesses, without defining what that is.

    • AlmightyJB

      Anyone who isn’t a pimp or coke dealer?

      • Plinker762

        Non-government workers?

      • AlmightyJB

        That’s why they need to nationalize all industries. So all comrades will be essential.

  26. straffinrun

    Thanks, Don. Problem is, unless every answer is “12 Gauge”, I’m in trouble.

    • Plinker762

      Soon we will all be a hobo with a shotgun

  27. Gender Traitor

    I figured out exactly thirteen of the crossword clues, then handed it off to Mr. GT. This – and all the other gun articles – may be what finally drags his butt off Facebook and gets him over here.

    But then you’ll find out how much smarter and funnier he is than I am, and I’ll has a sad. : (

    • Don Escaped Texas

      NewWife is quite keen but would probably only cypher out four or so.

    • Tres Cool

      Well…..better than Face off ButtBook, amirite?

      • Gender Traitor

        I left you a Dayton radio reference in the “perfect movie” thread. Didja catch it?

      • Tres Cool

        Nah bae….sprinkle me

      • Gender Traitor

        Back in the ’90s, I believe, Kerrigan & Christopher on WTUE used to do “Stoner Trivia.” It was like Jeopardy, as in answering in the form of a question, but you had to start with “Dude, what is…” and if you didn’t know the actual answer/question, then “Dude, what is Hunt for Red October?” was ALWAYS counted as a correct answer.

  28. straffinrun

    Getting our new washing machine deliver today. And for some reason the mother and father in law are coming over. “Why?”, I ask. “To help clean”, the wife says. So I get through about an hour of cleaning out the laundry room when the wife comes in and yells at me. “Don’t do that! What are they going to do when they come over?” “Now they don’t have to come over was my thought”, but I’m not so stupid I’d say it out loud. Bizarre.

    • Tres Cool

      Please tell me she yelled “to crean!”

  29. UnCivilServant

    Can I get opinions on whether this works as the start of a story?

    There was no snazzy into to the video, it started abruptly with a view of a wall of cardboard boxes. Sitting between the camera and the boxes as a thin-faced man with blond hair. The sides of his head had been shaved, and the remainder of the hair swept back. Adjusting his posture, he came fully into the center of the camera’s field of view. He had a narrow, sharply pointed nose and intense green eyes. Setting his narrow shoulders, he started to speak.

    “I’m new to making these internet videos, so forgive the low production values. Since everyone else has been trying to make money off of my story, I figured I should try to do the same.” He adjusted the camera so it focused more on him than the cardboard. “Since every reporter and his editor has spilled my info all over the place, there’s not much point in trying to hide behind a codename. I am Charles Speer, sometimes known as the New Port Arthur Vampire. Now, we’re not talking goth kids playing neckbiter, or some crazy guy who collects blood, but the real deal.” He hooked his fingers in the corner of his mouth and pulled back his lips far enough to reveal grossly exaggerated canine teeth. Taking his fingers back out of his mouth, he resumed talking as he wiped off the saliva. “Those chompers aren’t implants or prothetics, they are my original cuspids grown to thrice their proper length. Before we go any further I have to say it’s not illegal for me to be a vampire. What’s illegal is going around biting people and drinking their blood. I’ve never done anything of the sort, and I have no intention to.”

    Charles paused, drawing in a deep breath.

    “Anyway, for those of you who don’t know, I actually became a vampire by getting shot.” He paused again. “That’s going to take a lot of explaining.” Settling in, Charles looked at the camera. “Before all this started, I lived in a part of New Port Arthur known as The Bricks. It is the second worst neighborhood in terms of crime, and only because Riverside is so awful that it just can’t compete. So, when I was a bystander in a drive-by shooting, it would have just been another statistic. Yes, this city is riddled with costumed heroes, but by the time they’re on the scene of a drive-by, the shooters are gone. Not being a gang member, I wasn’t the target. They missed the actual target, only hitting me and a zombie.”

    Charles visibly collected his thoughts. “Now I know that sounds strange, but if a zombie has eaten enough recently, they’re actually rather docile. This one was apparently sated and wandering the streets looking for all the world like a stoned-out junkie. Well, the bullet that hit me passed through the zombie first, and buried itself in my guts. The bullet itself probably didn’t carry any infectious material, but the blood splatter that followed it from the zombie’s exit wound did. The real target ran, and the zombie wandered off, so I was the only one on the scene when authorities arrived. I was taken to Mercy Hospital.” There was a jump cut as something was edited out of the video.

    “Being close to Riverside and the Bricks, Mercy has a lot of experience dealing with gunshot victims. So they fish the bullet out and stitch up my guts. Naturally, with a perforated intestine, they figure my fever is the result of sepsis. So I’m on antibiotics to clear up a condition I might have had on top of everything else. My fever doesn’t get any better and I have a violent allergic reaction to sunlight that results in my skin starting to burn off. Mercy had no idea what was going on, and I don’t blame them. They boxed me up in a biohazard gurney and shipped me off to Vanguard. Took them a while to pin down the symptoms as Raposat Syndrome and start me on antiretrovirals.”

    Charles thought for a moment.

    “I may be mispronouncing Raposat Syndrome. But, if you prefer medical greek, it’s Viral Hematophagic Athananthropy. I know some people out there are going ‘but you got the virus from a zombie’. The thing is, all three forms of Viral Athanathropy are caused by the same virus. While its in your cells making more of itself, the virus injects genetic material into the nucleus. The effect it has depends on what other genes you’ve already got. Most people become zombies. That is, they develop the Neurophagic form of the disease. Because both the Sarcophagic and Hematophagic forms of the disease describe the diet of the victim, the term ‘Neurophagic Athananthropy’ has led to the misconception that zombies eat mainly brains. It actually refers to the cognitive degeneration the victim undergoes as they become effectively a walking vegetable seeking only to eat. Zombies can actually eat anything normal people can eat, but they don’t recognize most food as food. As a result, they try to eat anything that moves. They typically only manage to catch pets, livestock, and people.

    “But I digress. It’s the same virus, but I had the genes that caused me to develop the Hematophagic form and become a vampire.”

    • straffinrun

      I’d finish reading it. Hate jump cuts, though.

      • UnCivilServant

        It’s supposed to be a sign that he’s new to making internet videos at this point.

      • straffinrun

        Fair enough. You’ve set up basically everything that has to happen in the rest of the story. We just need to find out why he became so notorious, right?

      • UnCivilServant

        That, and find out how he makes a living, and get to the bottom of the zombie outbreak in NPA

      • straffinrun

        BTW, starting with “There was no snazzy into to the video” probably isn’t the best way.

      • Gender Traitor

        “into” s/b “intro”?

      • Rhywun

        Also, the comma should be a semicolon.

    • Tres Cool

      ” The sides of his head had been shaved, and the remainder of the hair swept back. ”

      I immediately thought of Sling Blade, whether or not that was intentional.

    • LemonGrenade

      I’d keep reading.

    • UnCivilServant

      All right, I’ll try to finish the story.

  30. Winston

    https://www.aier.org/article/incarceration-monetization-and-nationalization-cant-preserve-our-health-or-wealth/

    In 2009-10, the media infrequently and quietly covered the “swine flu;” there was no widespread phobia, no government bans on peaceful assembly, no shutdowns of economic activity, no stock-price crash.

    Given the impeachment hysteria of 2018-20 and the partisan motives that drove it, perhaps the main difference between the mild reaction to the more lethal H1NI virus in 2010 and the hyped, heated reaction to the Wuhan China virus in 2020 is the difference between President Obama, who was adored by most of the media, and President Trump, who, we know, is reviled by most of it.

    I’m not so sure though. All sorts of countries are doing the same authoritarian things so it’s not like Trump is unusually authoritarian in his response. And Democratic state governors and leftist media outlets aren’t calling for calm.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      It’s well known that one side of the American bipartisan divide (Republican) favors policies reflecting nationalism while the other side (Democrat) favors policies reflecting socialism.

      That’s the case here too, in dealing with COVID-19. Sometimes the two sides clash, but we also all observe them finding common ground. A synthesis of the two, if you know your history, would be national socialism. Look it up and see whether it’s really something you want or, regardless, whether it’s something you’ll eventually get.

      SHUT THE FUCK UP, TRULIBMPTARD!

    • Heroic Mulatto

      I’m not so sure though. All sorts of countries are doing the same authoritarian things so it’s not like Trump is unusually authoritarian in his response. And Democratic state governors and leftist media outlets aren’t calling for calm.

      The past 4 years have traumatized some people so much that they can only view the world through the lens of Pro-Trump/Anti-Trump. Every single event, regardless of temporal or geographic location, is viewed through that funhouse mirror of monomanic pareidolia.

      • Jarflax

        So I am watchng The Boys and I have to warn you, it has the least HM friendly scene ever filmed.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Duly noted.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        That scene is hilariously awful.

      • straffinrun

        Mass hysteria, isn’t it? Right now the “No, YOuR a MOron!” debate over the failed stimulus bill is in full swing on my FB feed. I just scroll by as I look for stuff that I need to know for my jobs.

      • Winston

        Personally I think it says a lot more about modern politics of the whole world rather than Trump per se. And another example of a false dawn of the “open society” just like in 1914, 1991 or 2001.

    • Tres Cool

      Someone here typed it out the other day- our Deep State has friends with the Deep State in other countries, and they get together on Deep State twitter and DarkWeb™ to talk about their DeepState® stuff.

      I’m not seeing that as too far-fetched. There’s tons of dead people in Italy- but they have a mad-old population, and shitty medical infrastructure. Of course they have bodies in the streets. But every other non-Italy country wants to compare themselves to….Italy. For some reason.

      • Winston

        Huh, I thought modern communications, supranational institutions, foreign trade and foreign travel was supposed to turn all of the foreigners into libertarians not turn us into non-libertarians?

      • Trigger Hippie

        Seriously dude, that’s getting old. To an outside observer, the way you can comment at times implies that the person you’re responding to holds or held the position you’re criticizing. When in fact you’re mocking talking points from the editorial and writing staff of a website most of us decided to abandon over three years ago.

        We get it, Gillespie and Welch aren’t true Scotsman.

      • Winston

        I really do repeat myself, don’t I?

        I really do repeat myself, don’t I?

      • Trigger Hippie

        Sorry, man.

        I’m a little bitchy this evening.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        TH, allow me to say that that was a truly fine summation.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Add Spain, as soon as the idiots in the media wake up to what’s happening there. While continue to ignore Iran.

    • Rhywun

      All sorts of countries are doing the same authoritarian things so it’s not like Trump is unusually authoritarian in his response.

      I’m starting to wonder if it’s the whole world that has changed so much between 2010 and 2020. That’s unsettling.

      • Winston

        How dare you oppose progress! It was supposed to a one way ratchet of Hayekian spontaneous order!

  31. Yusef drives a Kia

    I’m late, but my Sunburned Face and Racoon Eyes Testify, What a Great day! Sunshine, met some Golf Tourists who were very cool, and Casey Showed up and crushed them all. Locals!
    Kingman tomorrow, I love this game! and the people who play it, looking at you Tonio!

    • Tres Cool

      SMALL CANS!
      Ive been loaded since at least noon.

  32. creech

    NJ Gov Murphy on tv telling people not to go get tested unless they are showing symptoms. After testing, they go home, self quarantine and wait for results. And then…. Why not, if you are showing symptoms, just stay the hell home in self quarantine and not go get a test? If you find yourself sick enough to go to the hospital, then it ain’t going to matter if it’s Chinavirus or something else. Meanwhile all sorts of health care resources are being used (wasted?) in testing that might be better used to prepare hospitals for the apocalypse. But what the hell, Murphy also asked for $100 billion in Federal taxpayer dollars (screw you Iowa and Oklahoma) because, I guess, NJ has found their geese have no more golden eggs to lay.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      And it ends, not with a bang, but a whimper…..

    • Winston

      Hopefully it will be stalled forever but I of expecting the Republican surrender. Not a Hill to die on, of course.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I could see them reaching a bipartisan compromise of more corporate money for the Reps and bigger payouts to individuals for the Dems along with some nice student loan forgiveness for good measure. Whatever passes Trump’s desk, there’s no way in hell he”ll veto it.

      • Jarflax

        We’ll all get a check! And a tanked economy! And more regs! What could go wrong?

      • Tres Cool

        ^^^ this guy

        They’re ripping the guts out of the couch of the country, while keeping the slip-cover intact.

      • Gender Traitor

        But they’ll send us the change they find between the cushions,

      • Tres Cool

        “look under your chair! You get $600!”

  33. Gustave Lytton

    Dammit. Forgot the gin at the liquor store today.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      That’s a Party Fail! go pass out until you realize what you Did!

      • Gustave Lytton

        I still have a half bottle. Just for stocking up.

      • Nephilium

        Half a bottle? Go to the box and feel shame!

        Off the top of my head, I’ve got four different half bottles of gin: Aviation, Tanqueray, Tanqueray Malacca, and Josephine.

      • AlmightyJB

        Which is your favorite?

      • Nephilium

        I prefer the grapefruit/citrus gins over the herbal. I’m not a fan of anise at all (which the Aviation gin does have in it). I prefer the Tanqueray lines to the Bombay ones. With the various expressions (10, Rangpur, Malacca) over the standard bottle. As I generally use gin in mixed drinks, I won’t jump up the shelf like I will for a good single malt.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Mine is Damrak.

        I do have 2.5 bottles of genever.

      • Caput Lupinum

        One and a half bottles of Blue Coat, three quarters of a bottle of Hendricks, one bottle of Boardroom from the local distillery, half a bottle of Etsu; hopefully that’ll last me until PA opens the liquor stores again.

    • Nephilium

      That’s why you write out a list before going out…

      • Gustave Lytton

        I swear I did!

      • Nephilium

        But did you look at the list when you were in the store?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I’ll write a nice list and leave it home………

      • Gustave Lytton

        I did, but it’s a shared notes between my devices and apparently the addition didn’t propagate to my phone.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Bad Gustave! buy more for your penance!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Maybe after the lockdown is over.

    • straffinrun

      No margaritas for you.

  34. Yusef drives a Kia

    Bella loves Mayo!
    / Best foods or course….

    • Tres Cool

      Feed her Hellman’s you troglodyte!

      • C. Anacreon

        No it’s Carl’s JR. rather than Hardees

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Correct, but we Have Taco Bell and Del Taco,……..

      • Rhywun

        Hungry Jack’s rather than Burger King….

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Hmm, new to me..

      • Rhywun

        I only know of it from watching too much Aussie sports TV. Guess that’s over with now.

      • Raven Nation

        Hungry Jack’s in Oz too

      • Rhywun

        See my above comment. I think it only exists in Oz. I never would have made the connection except I saw one of their commercials during a footy match and the logo is exactly like BK’s except for the wording.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Hardee’s and Hellman’s > Carl’s Jr. and Best Foods

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Same=Same, what’s in a word?

      • Gustave Lytton

        That’ what they want you to think..

      • hayeksplosives

        I thought Ellmabs was Best, complete with blue bow and all.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        “Hellmans, East of the Mississippi”
        On the the package, why I know…..

      • Tres Cool

        Duke’s works too

  35. Mason

    You expect me to go to a page 4?

  36. RAHeinlein

    Where is Ted S? Please explain use of then versus than.

    • Jarflax

      First you measure item A, then you measure item B, then You announce that A is larger than B.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Why do you light the Ted Signal? Bored? Mononucleosis?

    • Caput Lupinum

      “Than” is used to compare two things, such as “he is taller than her”, or “OOP is dumber than sitting bare assed on a cactus”.

      “Then” is used to establish a temporal relation. “Pants first, then shoes”, or “In 1986 the then governor McStupid was a general blight upon the human race”.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Comparative versus linear, or, or then in Binary

      • Caput Lupinum

        If (weather === “nice”){
        Yusef.playDiscGolf = true;
        Bella.WagTail = true;
        TallCans = “up”;
        } else {
        FuckOff.Slaver(“tulpa”);
        }

        ‘Sup Yusef!

    • hayeksplosives

      Quarantine really getting to you, eh?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Come visit Quarantine Free Arizona, we have so many newcomers since the shutdown, I have as pot for your RV,

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        A Spot

      • Urthona

        I just got back from a long family trip around Arizona. Visited numerous locales spreading my coronavirus hither and yon.

  37. Trigger Hippie

    Gah! A spider the size if a dime just started walking across my tablet screen, bold as you please. I crushed the little bastard with my palm but that sent a little jolt of alertness up my spine.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      ewww, spider screen!

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      OTOH, we now have to watch were we put our Disc bags, the Fire Ants are out…………….

    • DenverJ

      I have arachnophobia. I mean, I’m a grown ass man and will pick one up or even crawl through a crawlspace full of them if suitably attired, but only because I’m a grown ass man- they give me the willie’s and I will scream like a little girl if one surprises me.

      • C. Anacreon

        The morning news here has this guy Sal who’s been doing the traffic for years, he does voice-over as they show live shots and interactive maps.
        When they get to the Bay Bridge Toll Plaza view, the fixed aerial camera recently has had a spider web over half the lens, usually with a spider moving around on it.
        Since it’s so close to the lens it looks ginormous and like it could take down some of the passing trucks.
        The traffic guy likes the spider though, and has named it, and often asks its opinion about today’s backup.
        I guess it must be too far up a pole for someone to swipe a broom at it. I’d just as soon they did, I don’t need to see an eight-foot spider terrorizing commuters with my morning coffee.

      • hayeksplosives

        I kinda like the idea. Through the lens, not real life.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        We had a gecko inside one of the camera plastic ‘bubbles’, here at work a few months ago. Cute little bugger must’ve been warmed up by the trapped air inside.

        It’s not Boris the Spider, but her was ours for a while.

  38. DenverJ

    Well, a little bit of sanity, a small glimmer of reason in an ocean of idiocy: after his order to close all nonessential businesses caused massive lines and hording, Denver mayor Michael Hancock has added recreational marijuana and liquor stores to the list of essential businesses allowed to stay open, so long as they practice “extreme precautions” by only allowing so many people inside at once.

    • Urthona

      my local aquarium store sent out a message that it’s staying open because it considers itself essential.

      ok then.

    • Rhywun

      I encountered that at the pet store yesterday. Locked door. No more than 3 customers at a time (it fits maybe 6 and I’ve never seen it that packed in ten years anyway).

      • Urthona

        My local strip club is now adding a rule that no more than two ladies at a time can be in your lap. pure fascism.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Collin’s “first” S.O.B., huh? I’ll, uh…contact you for location info.

      • Urthona

        Ok I made that up.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Yeah, I was just having fun with the concept, and your larf.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Shit even Vegas doesnt get liquor stores…one of our biggest stores shuttered Sunday to bow to the benevolent masters in Carson City

      • DenverJ

        Oh man that’s gotta suck. It’s like they’re trying to see how far they can push us before we rebel. I think they have until Monday, when the Trumpster will decide whether to loosen suggested actions. Of course, it’s just suggested, but CYA and “here, hold my beer”, but if the feds say loosen it up a little, and governors and mayors keep clamping down, people are gonna get restless.
        15 days from those federal recommendations is Monday, 5/30.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        What I don’t understand is this damn-near absolute need to have the highest offices all order people. If the Pres says it’s OK to loosen, states can still make their own choices about what measures to use.

        Yeah, they’ll need to be held accountable, but people are actually clamoring (with real clams!) to be ordered around, and yet, get upset when they think the ‘orders’ aren’t stringent enough. If you know so much better than the pols, then do what you think is best.

        /I know, I know–it’s about making others do what you want.

      • DenverJ

        Denver just ordered the closure of any “non essential” businesses. But the metro area includes half a dozen major cities and several smaller ones- in a bizarre jigsaw of strange and arbitrary borders.
        So, Denver merchants are gonna bitch to the state about loosing business to Lakewood and Aurora. And instead of encouraging Denver to lighten up, Gov Polis is gonna issue a statewide cower-in-place, for fairness. I hope not; he’s been fairly balanced so far.

  39. straffinrun

    We got the old washing machine out of it’s space in the wash room. Glad father in law was there to find the half opened XX size condom pack that had fallen under there years ago.

    • grrizzly

      Condoms? One advantage of monogamy with my partner of 15 years is that I don’t need them.

    • Not Another Naked Digby

      half opened

      Did you just give up? It wasn’t in that annoying foil shit, was it?

    • KSuellington

      Dude, you shouldn’t brag, those were Asian XX condoms. Tell us the truth.

    • DenverJ

      Better than XS, am I right?

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        XG–Xtra Gaijin

  40. Mojeaux

    That picture of the whale on the forklift is possibly the saddest picture I have ever seen.

    • straffinrun

      Oh, don’t blubber.

    • C. Anacreon

      Take your complaint to the Whaling Wall.

      • Mojeaux

        Oil get right on that.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      Not enough “awesome”. He is slacking.

      • Tres Cool

        w/e
        I’ve seen your work. You prefer “beefy”.

    • Not Another Naked Digby

      He’s surrounded by snow… Dude, just grab some handfuls of that.

  41. Tejicano

    Cool crossword there Don. Fun but too easy for me. I didn’t even have to fill it in.

    Now I have to get in a suit and head out for a meeting. Maybe I’ll have some work to do soon. Wish me luck!

    • Don Escaped Texas

      No report from Animal, but I’m sure he feels the same way. The good news is that you made heads and tails out of my clues.

      With any product, the question is audience, and I bumbled my way to some sort of success. It was always doomed with reasonable people who didn’t grow up reading the Speer manual, but I was very pleased with Trashy’s report: he got 2/3 of the way through it. Isn’t that about right: most of it was reasonable, and then the rest would motivate people in the hobby to learn a little bit more?

      At least the OT was solid; I just hate that we’re burning down society to give the Glibs something to talk about.

  42. Tres Cool

    00:00 in Ohio
    I hope you have your papers ready to travel, Gospodin

    • Vacuous

      I got my papers for my part-time job this morning. I started online classes today. There was 30 min of us in a video conference waiting for the professor to figure out how to turn on her audio followed by 20 min spent trying to turn off the echo.

  43. Ownbestenemy

    Risk of drugs falling out of my ass…

    The headline doesn’t fit the actual story.

    https://news.trust.org/item/20200323225613-cmq3v

    Headline says man dies after taking chloroquine…however the news story identifies it not as the anti-malaria drug but rather chloroquine-phosphate, shit you put in aquariums.

    They even link it to Trump. Evil fucks all around.

    • Not Another Naked Digby

      Damn, that truly is a shitty attempt to stomp on OrangeManBad. I wouldn’t be surprised if their reporters are looking for evidence that Trump personally sent them the chemicals.

    • Urthona

      Chloroquine phosphate is also used as an anti-malaria drug and there were studies suggesting it could work.

      I have a shit ton of it because I use it to treat sick fish. But I doubt it’s for people in this form.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        The thing is, the shit’s not Tylenol, even at the right dosages there is potential for serious side effects and drug interactions.

      • Urthona

        Right. I would also have no idea how much to take.

        Also I have a feeling it’s nasty. Because fish won’t even touch food that’s been given a tiny dose until they are voracious. And most fish are not picky usually.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Isn’t the Chloroquine “potential” based on a drug combo/cocktail, and not just the cp?

        In any event, they took the wrong thing, and, with no medical guidance, like it was some kind of vitamin supplement.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Isn’t the Chloroquine “potential” based on a drug combo/cocktail, and not just the cp?

        Wiki says no, for what it’s worth. It’s already used as an antiviral and the Chinese experimented with it during SARS, which is why someone got the idea to try it. Hydroxychloroquine, which is what I took when I went to malarial parts of S.E. Asia, has less side effects and I guess works better with Azithromycin for this.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        works better with Azithromycin for this.

        This is what i was thinking of. Got my terminology/understanding all f’d up.

      • Chafed

        To follow up on HM, I read something by a specialist saying CP has poorly understood antiviral effects. The Zpac is also administered to address the pneumonia that results from the infection. This avoids respiratory distress.

        I’m not a doctor and don’t play one on TV so hopefully I didn’t garble it.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        “they consumed only one teaspoon each of the fish tank additive”

        Jesus! Considering that it’s intended to be diluted in water, God knows how much the dosage was.

      • Chafed

        It’s a shame the cure isn’t nitroglycerin.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        @cc_fla the entire point of marriage is if one of you suggests ingesting fish tank cleaner the other says no

      • straffinrun

        Still isn’t supposed to be self medicating with that stuff. Also, I’d imagine there are other chemicals added to the fish tank stuff. Seems like a big reach to link Trump to this overdose.

      • straffinrun

        Did anyone believe that politics would be put aside and we’d all work for the common good? I didn’t. Fully expected this shitshow.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Seems like a big reach to link Trump to this overdose.

        Well, of course. He didn’t say what the woman thinks he said.

      • straffinrun

        He said what she thought he said. And she’s an idiot for that. The media claiming that’s what he said is plain evil.

      • straffinrun

        Ugh. He didn’t say*

      • Chafed

        This reveals the utter cluelessness of most reporters. Suppose Trump did say to get some of that fish tank chemical to fix you right up. The first question should be how much. Every medicine has a dosage. The couple and the reporter are fools.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        I agree, to a very short extent, that the head executive of the country should lead well.

        Having said that, these reporters sure do love being told what to do, and that top-down style. They cannot conceive of people taking care of themselves and making decisions on their own.

        In fact, I would bet they pretzel themselves over this couple ‘handling things on their own’, but still blaming the Trump WH.

      • Mad Scientist

        The can conceive of people making decisions on their own. That’s why they’re against it.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Thanks HM…i was more speaking to the article and the way it was written.

      • Chafed

        Next you’ll tell me too much Tylenol can be a problem. Pffffft.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I remember watching a documentary on the BBC where they showed an old British “chemist” one of those big bottles of acetaminophen, the kind you can get at any CVS, and he just shook his head sadly and said “That’s a big bottle of death.” Like he honestly believed that Americans were dying in the streets from liver failure.

      • Ownbestenemy

        +1 dry-land drowning from drinking too much water.

        +2 mice dying from aspartame over-doses

        +3 cancer from everything in California

        +4 [insert whatever here in ungodly amounts) typically means death

      • Rhywun

        It’s amazing they let us take anything OTC. Someone should do something.

  44. hayeksplosives

    Tomorrow I’m going into work, partly to see who is complying.

    Should be interesting…

      • Chafed

        I assumed it would be Flight of the Valkries.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        I would second that.

    • KSuellington

      You should consider yourself essential.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      Machavellia Bagsby

      LOLWUT

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        He died as he lived…?

    • Chafed

      The feel good story of the day.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Well, for the rest of society. Machavellia, I’m not so sure…

        ?

        /yeah, I laughed at my own supply

    • Ownbestenemy

      Yeah shits gonna get ugly in the states. Trump, right or wrong wants to have an end-goal lined up and all the statist want it to go on forever until either the boot is square on your neck or you are so destitute that you crawl to them seeking redemption under their glorious guidance.

      • straffinrun

        Both teams want to fill it with crap that I don’t want. Team Red wants mercantilist crap. Team Blue wants identity crap.

  45. KSuellington

    Millenarianism is really popular, as it has been for some time. Unfortunately, we get to sit through this present iteration. I’m not a fan, I never have been.

  46. Yusef drives a Kia

    20 year old Kittah, in my lap, Goin to Kingman for Mountain Golf, Enjoy, Mein Froinds!

  47. Yusef drives a Kia

    Mein Froinds!!

  48. straffinrun

    Just saw that AOC is claiming the 2T$ stimulus isn’t enough. The answer is always Moar.

    • Not Another Naked Digby

      Bitch, give ’em your own money!

      Don’t tell me she doesn’t have some sugar daddies out there.

    • DenverJ

      First!

    • DenverJ

      Four cereal, Strafe, how’s life?

      • straffinrun

        Fine. You?

    • DenverJ

      Ha!

  49. Not Another Naked Digby

    Here: Try to have a bit of fun and relaxation (yes, there are a couple of kittehs).

    Oh, and my life’s fine, too, Denver, not that you asked… ::sniff::

    ?

  50. Trials and Trippelations

    Never have I ever been so excited to have my new patient arrive to the floor. I chose the wrong time to eat lunch. Several people were in the workroom discussing the evils of trump and corona, which is different than the hysterical corona is gonna kill us all I had to suffer through this past weekend.
    I was grinding my teeth over the regurgitated talking points.
    I did have to call out the corona lives for 3 days on surfaces lie.

    Glad my lunch was interrupted and now the workroom is empty.

    • Not Another Naked Digby

      I chose the wrong time to eat lunch

      And, to stop amphetamines, too.

    • Not Another Naked Digby

      Well, considering that only insane, misguided rubes are OK with guns, I’d say the site does serve an out-group.

  51. PieInTheSky

    The fucking wind is starting to piss me off. Stop already. Although maybe it disperses the evil virus.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Finally: A cure I can get on board with!

      • Trials and Trippelations

        I always knew if someone could find the cure it would be FloridaMan

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Huh….I always thought of him as more California Man.

      • Trials and Trippelations

        Ha. Nicely done

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Thank you–I have my moments, I guess. I have no idea why ‘hair dryer’ makes my mind go directly to that.

  52. Sean

    I’m feeling rather surly this morning.

    Do I have the China virus?

    • UnCivilServant

      No, you have The American Disease.

      • Sean

        I am not overweight.

      • UnCivilServant

        *cross references symptoms*

        Then you probably have New York Disease. The next sign will be support for corruption.

  53. Gender Traitor

    Note to DonET: Mr. GT finished almost all the rest of the puzzle last night. He got one incorrect – put in something other than “Beretta” (it fit, but wasn’t what you were after,) and couldn’t solve two near the bottom.

    This morning, he’s off to the geezer hour at the grocery. With my credit card. Please keep my credit score in your thoughts and prayers.

    • Don Escaped Texas

      I I need an editor: probably could have made some of the clues more reasonable.

      • The Hyperbole

        Sorry Don, I didn’t see your email until you’d sent the second saying you were good. Of course I’d have been the most useless editor for this puzzle, my lack of gun knowledge is boundless. But if you do another I’ll gladly give it the once over and if you want I can run it through the software I use and make an online version.

  54. Fourscore

    Looks like virus danger is over, Congress will have a ton of money to throw at it, Wall Street happy, banks, airlines, Joe down the street, everyone gets a piece of the pie. Gonna be crowded on the East side.

    The cure was there all the time, just needed more spending. Looks like restrictions will be coming off so the mail man can bring that big check. Won’t be long before everyone will have a trillion dollar coin but it’ll be easy to carry.

    • Gender Traitor

      Looks like restrictions will be coming off

      ::glances at local & national headlines:: Ummmm…are you sure that wasn’t a dream?

      • Fourscore

        How are we going to be able to spend that money with restrictions? TX governor already talking about people going back to work, Trump hinting that destroying the country to save it may be a false dilemma. Italy/China saying the worst is over.

        People (us) already tired of looking in the mirror to find someone we know.

      • Gender Traitor

        I sure hope we’re over the hump. It’s just hard for me to be optimistic on Day One of full-bore Stay At Home/”shelter in place” here in Ohio.

      • Nephilium

        But Comrade. We have many pleasant opportunities for entertainment here in Ohio. There is the liquor store (assuming you haven’t reached your quota for the month yet), the various types of clouds that will blow overhead, and the many wondrous parks which you may or may not be allowed to walk through.

      • Festus

        Trudeau is gonna waggle his baby dick tomorrow just as good news comes out of the States. Bank on it.

    • JD is Unemployed

      *wakes up hung over in front of a pile of TVs*

      Oh man, not again.

  55. JD is Unemployed

    I finally joined twatter with a burner email acct so I could follow the people I wanted to and put them all in a feed. However, after adding a bunch of libertarian/mildy conservative accounts. Nothing that I thought was particularly controversial, Twitter demands I give it my phone number before I can even read any more tweets. I have no intention of posting anything. It’s the burner acct that did, right? Or is it my ad-blocker and anti-tracking stuff? Ugh.

    • JD is Unemployed

      I would be tempted to do a test with following only mainstream/lefty accounts.

    • JD is Unemployed

      I hate to be a party-pooper but I’m going to poop out an entire party in saying that perhaps that’s still not enough to save it. But then, I never was a Dr. Who fan, really.

  56. Don Escaped Texas

    Barry Sternlict on CNBC: 40,000 people die each day in car wrecks

    Simple mistake, but I don’t think Sworkin corrected him.

    • JD is Unemployed

      That’s the kind of population control they could only dream of.