Ohio House Bill 562; Never Let a Crisis Go to Waste

by | Mar 31, 2020 | Big Government, Finance, Politics, Rant, Regulation | 629 comments

Our selfless public servants in the Ohio House of Representatives have proposed a bill to ease our pain as real estate borrowers and tenants during the Covid-19 crisis. The bill is captioned:

A Bill to prohibit foreclosure activity and the eviction of residential and commercial tenants during the state of emergency declared regarding Covid-19, to refer such proceedings caused by the state of emergency to mediation, and to declare an emergency.

The bill does several things. First, it suspends eviction and foreclosure proceedings, including filings, writs, sheriff’s sales, and set outs, for the duration of the emergency. To balance out the suspension of these proceedings it tolls the statute of limitations, and extends any deadlines for filings, execution of writs, scheduling of sales etc. Basically this just treats the period of the emergency as a time out. You cannot take any action to protect your rights, but the time of the time out doesn’t count against you.

Second, and more disturbingly, once the emergency is over and for sixty days afterwards, any evictions or foreclosures filed will not be heard as court cases. Instead they will be referred to mediation, which will be paid for by the court, and that mediation will conclude at the discretion of the court. What does that mean? Well it means you won’t be able to get your property back from your non-paying tenant, or your tenant who is cooking over an open fire in the living room, or who is dealing drugs out of his apartment in the timely fashion you are used to.

Mediation is not going to be a matter of standing up and testifying that your tenant is behind on their rent, that you served a notice to leave on their door, have not accepted any rent and want them out. It will be sitting down face to face with your tenant listening to their sob story for an hour and then having a mediator propose ‘compromises’; since all you want is either your unit back or the money you are owed I am not sure what there is to compromise on, possibly they could give you back the basement and keep the kitchen?

And what does mediation shall conclude at the discretion of the court mean? Does it mean that the individual mediation will continue until the court decides you have listened enough and compromised enough? Or does it mean that the substitution of mediation for actual rights to a hearing can continue until the judges and magistrates decide they want to hold court again? I suspect the former, but the bill is unclear.
But all of this pain as a landlord is balanced out by the ‘relief you get as a mortgage borrower. After a frustrating hour spent listening to why your tenant can’t pay, or shouldn’t owe their rent you get to spend an hour frustrating your lender as you explain why you cannot pay, and shouldn’t owe your mortgage payment!

There is one significant difference between the suspension of foreclosures and the suspension of evictions. Under the terms of this bill, if you file an eviction action before the bill goes into effect, or during the emergency (which you can’t according to the bill itself, but consistency is not generally a characteristic of laws these days), once the courts finally get around to hearing your case, probably sometime next fall, you are not allowed to sue your tenants for the rent for any period during the emergency. There is no matching provision in the foreclosure ban. Your lender is still entitled to the money. You are not. Why? Who has more clout with legislators?

Ok, that is what the bill says, but what are your tenants going to hear? Free housing! After all, if you can’t kick them out during the emergency, and have to have mediation after the emergency, and can’t sue them for the unpaid rent, that sounds a lot like free housing.
Now the bill does not prevent you from evicting them for non-payment once this all wraps up. It does impose the mediation, and it does forbid you to evict until the emergency is over, and it does say you can’t get a judgment for the unpaid rent, but it does not say you have to let them stay despite not paying, and you will eventually be able to take the property back if they do not. But will you do so? Or will you chalk up the loss (which you can’t recover anyway) and keep renting to the tenants assuming they start paying again after the emergency?

About The Author

Jarflax

Jarflax

Lawyer, gamer, curmudgeon

629 Comments

  1. Yusef drives a Kia

    My Lanlord lives in Nevada, i live in Arizona, how does that work?
    And it’s Bullshit, I have the money, pay the fucking rent!

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Finished reading the rest, This is how we Fall people, get ready…..
      Good write up Jar!

  2. KSuellington

    Here in SF, we have the most insane tenant protection laws already in place in the country. As a result, rents are high, landlords don’t like taking any borderline tenants and many units sit empty. This is no surprise to anyone here. I have seen firsthand some absolutely crazy shit participating in hundreds of evictions here.

    • Crusty Juggler

      “Here in SF”

      My God there’s a Communist among us.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I think he got lost, be he ain’t no Commie,
        Run! K!

      • KSuellington

        Heh, heh. Born here and still here. My grandfather (on me ma’s side) was a scaffold constructor on the GG and Bay Bridges, the proggie invaders haven’t gotten rid of all of us yet.

      • Crusty Juggler

        “Born here”

        It’s in his blood.

        My God.

      • UnCivilServant

        I wonder who.

        It’s you, isn’t it?

  3. Crusty Juggler

    ‘Gremlins 2: The New Batch’ Remains One of the Best Pick-Me-Up Horror Movies

    Like most of you, I adore Gremlins. It’s an annual watch around Christmastime and it has heavily informed my particular interest in genre film. It’s a cornerstone of my childhood and one of my all-time favorite movies. In recent years, there has been a school of thought that posits that the sequel, Gremlins 2: The New Batch, is the superior of the two movies. While I certainly loved the second entry as a kid – and played the heck out of the Nintendo video game – I was always a staunch defender of the original film as the best of the duology.

    But even I have to finally admit it: Gremlins 2: The New Batch is an outright masterpiece.

    And yes, it’s also the best Gremlins movie.

    My God I might agree.

    • UnCivilServant

      Horror?

      It’s a comedy.

  4. Crusty Juggler

    This is the worst meditation article I have ever read.

  5. dontreadonme

    Tucker Carlson just nailed it again tonight.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Can someone with ‘teh powers’ please embed an applause gif for UCS?

    • Ted S.

      What did he say?

  6. AlmightyJB

    Where the hell are these numbers coming from?

  7. Rhywun

    Sorry to OT so soon but this breaking news must be shared.

    • Q Continuum

      He still can’t compete with Schumer’s funbags.

      • Tres Cool

        Hey Chuck….someone needs to borrow your “bro”

    • Gustave Lytton

      Still say he looks like a country club pool boy in that getup.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Aging county club pool boy.

    • dontreadonme

      No, it mustn’t..

    • Count Potato

      “Andrew Cuomo’s nipples take our minds off coronavirus”

      This is the one time I would rather think of the coronavirus.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Fun fact: Nazi chef Sandra Lee once compared Cuomo’s nipples to her semi-homemade sponge cake, calling them “buttery soft.”

      • Rhywun

        ?

      • TARDIS

        Trying to watch a movie with the wife. She wondering why I’m chortling.

      • Count Potato

        Is that the TV chef who never made anything from scratch?

    • westernsloper

      Damn man that was unnecessary.

    • grrizzly

      Sorry, NY. You are still behind Massachusetts.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Those aren’t piercings, they are secondary nipples that get hard when he tramples constitutional rights.

      • Ozymandias

        That one made me crack up. Thank you, bobarian.

    • Chafed

      If there was ever a time for a trigger warning….

  8. Q Continuum

    Wow.

    Let’s just destroy the housing market mmmkay?

    • TARDIS

      Well landlords are shitlords. They deserve to be destroyed. Only good-think corporations should own property, ya know. Praise to those too big to fail.

  9. Gustave Lytton

    It’s central planning assholes all the way down.

  10. Sean

    Can they really legislate away previously agreed to contractual obligations?

    Seems absolutely impossible to me.

    • Tres Cool

      Damn it Sean….ITS AN EMERGENCY! SOMEONE HAS TO DO SOMETHING!

      • Sean

        *yawn*

        Say what now?

      • dontreadonme

        Good question. I don’t think they can. But who has the money to fight the gov’mint?

  11. Tres Cool

    I start (and end) many comments with “I need more Reynold’s wrap”, but this is by design. They’re trying to send us back to 2008.
    Furthermore, the DNC knew Trump was going to run on a platform of ‘strong economy’. So they (and some DeepState actors) broke it when Krugnut’s predictions of a “recession immediately following…” didnt occur. Now, the DNC being able to come up with a coherent candidate, is suddenly elevating “America’s Governor”. And with funding from Bloomers, Cuomo shows up in a couple months with Hilldabeast. Sadly, Andy is too full of himself to realize that his life is in jeopardy the moment he’s sworn in.

    Also, good article. I was explaining the more salient points to Jugsy earlier when she was strutting around about Brown’s “Hazard Pay” bill, with essentially “who is going to pay for all this?”

    • Tres Cool

      thats /unable to come up with

    • Jarflax

      Who knows how much of this we will end up with. They did not actually pass this one, although some of it is in effect by order because the courts are closed for evictions at the moment. I can’t even keep up with what the law says today because what they did pass was appended to a 350 page bill rewriting most of the tax code. It did not appear to amend any parts of the real estate code or the codes governing courts, but that doesn’t mean that none of this slipped in, and certainly doesn’t mean they won’t bring it back up for a vote. If we hadn’t effectively banned travel I’d take a vacation and just unplug entirely for the duration. It is not like I am making any money right now, because my clients are all terrified and no one is doing any business. I have three transactons in the works from before the shutdown, but they are on hold because the State is not doing lien clearance right now so most closings are delayed, or happening dry (no money) or at least with funds held in escrow until the liens can be determined not to actually be attached.

      I’m ok for now, and I can probably stay afloat even in the coming collapse, but a lot of my clients and friends are going to end up badly hurt. Investors, private lenders, landlords, even contractors are going to have a rough year or two and none of them are going to get bailed out. You cannot save your business in a down turn by borrowing money from the SBA, all you can do is dig the hole deeper every month.

      • Tres Cool

        I do have to give some credit to your (and your lawyer-ly colleagues) eye for detail. Im used to reading 40 CFR, APP A (and other Federal EPA guidance), but trying to muddle through that made my already glazed eyes glaze over.

  12. Sean

    Sister update: released early from the hospital. She’s doing quite well and is getting around with a walker while she heals at home.

    • Tres Cool

      Did they send her home with a negative Wu-Han Clan virus test ?

      • Sean

        Dunno if they even tested her. Sounds like they did a good job putting her hip back together though.

      • Rhywun

        ?

      • Tres Cool

        Any good news is still…good news!

    • TARDIS

      Sister update: released early from the hospital.

      I missed this. Hope she is better soon.
      Being in the hospital suuuuccks.

      • Sean

        She fell Sunday morning and broke her hip. (!?!?). She’s not old.

        She got surgery Sunday mid day and was done by early afternoon.

      • TARDIS

        broke her hip
        Ouch. I hope it’s not long recovery.

      • C. Anacreon

        In the ER we often recognize the order is reversed, it’s actually someone breaks their hip and then falls as a result. It’s often a misstep that breaks a hip weakened by osteoporosis. Regardless, it’s heartening to hear your sister is recuperating, and all the best to her.

    • Count Potato

      Glad she’s doing well.

    • dontreadonme

      Make sure she keeps walking as much as possible. Need to ward off the embolism demons.

    • DEG

      This is good news.

  13. Fourscore

    Very interesting, Jarflax. Even though none of it applies to me I started thinking that if I was renter I’d just skip the two months, maybe enjoy some better booze, buy both the wife and girl friend a new coat. Anyway, you get the idea, free rent for two months.

    Say that until now I was a good renter, timely, maintained your property well, the kind of renter you’d want. Wouldn’t you rather have me stay, minus 2 months, then evict me and start the whole process of finding another good tenant?

    I do know, however, I’d have been paying the rent during that time or pay the lump sum afterwords. I can only speak for myself. The whole scenario is so totally disruptive of business that it will certainly discourage owning rental property.

    Now Trump is talking of 2 T worth of infrastructure improvements. (Shovel ready with the money anyway). I love WPA.

    You answered the questions I was debating with myself, since I’m social distancing. Thanks

    • westernsloper

      If I was a landlord, (which I should be but took too many vacations to Thailand, Aus, Maui, Mexico etc.) I would let the good tenant who lost his job due to the panic slide and we would make it right in the end. The shit heel tenants who do the same are getting the boot once this shit show susses itself out.

      • Jarflax

        That is how some of my clients are handling this voluntarily. Forgive rent for people shut down who have been good tenants, eat the loss and pray it doesn’t go on too long. That is not sustainable long term though. If you are collecting $1000 a month in rent and paying out $800 a month in taxes, mortgage payment, insurance, maintenance etc, (which are very reasonable numbers here) every lost month’s rent eats 5 months of profit. The bills don’t stop just because you can’t collect your rents, and even if you have decent reserves (which most people don’t actually keep) they go fast, and weren’t intended for this situation. Evene the careful people with real reserves will see those reserves depleted, and roofs, furnaces etc. are still wearing out, and the money going to cover current bills is the money put aside to cover those repairs when the time comes.

      • juris imprudent

        Well certainly the govt can’t expect property taxes and other taxes to be paid to them during this time. No, of course they will extend the same beneficence to what is owed to them as to what is owed to property owners.

      • westernsloper

        If someone is getting a grand in rent for a property that is costing them 800 that is not a smart market to be in. No offense intended to you or your clients but that kind of overhead is crazy.

      • pistoffnick

        Yeah I’m not a shit lord rent baron, but a margin of 20% seems too narrow.

      • Jarflax

        That is a margin on a financed property. Obviously when paid off the margin is higher.

    • straffinrun

      Wouldn’t you rather have me stay, minus 2 months, then evict me and start the whole process of finding another good tenant?

      Landlords are too evil to think like this.

  14. westernsloper

    Ok, that is what the bill says, but what are your tenants going to hear? Free housing!

    Pretty much.

  15. Yusef drives a Kia

    Now Trump is talking of 2 T worth of infrastructure improvements.
    adding to the 2T already spent on cash handouts, we are well and truly fucked,
    Hello inflation, where ya been?
    Venezuela? well come see what you do here!

    • Fourscore

      The beauty of that is it comes at a time of high unemployment.

    • Sean

      I’m waiting for the “make China pay for it” angle.

      • Tres Cool

        Didnt some lawyer already say he’s bringing a $20 Trillion suit against China ?

      • Sean

        Dunno. I was working part of today.

        UNLIKE SOME OF YOU. ?

      • TARDIS

        Hey! I was AT work! The thing is, everyone has so many questions that are above my pay grade that I can’t do what I need to do.

      • Tres Cool

        I did some “work”. Still didnt have pants on tho.
        Cept when I went to Kroger to get beer.

      • Sean

        Just make shit up and blame it on the temp.

  16. Crusty Juggler

    The Sports Radio Host Battling Mitch McConnell for the Soul of Kentucky

    But while the book definitely delves into McConnell’s toxicity, Jones also has a call to action for the Democratic Party that he believes has largely ditched poor, rural voters. “Name me a national Democrat who has a country accent,” he tells me. Jones says he’ll vote for whoever the Democratic nominee is in the Kentucky Senate race, but he rejects the idea that Chuck Schumer knows the best candidate for the state, something he discusses in the book (he wonders aloud if Schumer has actually ever been to Kentucky).

    Us self-respecting New Yorkers only set foot into that gross state for a horse race. gtfo!

    • TARDIS

      he wonders aloud if Schumer has actually ever been to Kentucky

      That fucker couldn’t find it on a map with an Army Ranger pointing at it.

      • juris imprudent

        Interesting euphemism.

  17. The Hyperbole

    It’s your property go get your rent or hire some goons and kick the freeloaders to the curb. Man up people.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I have 1046$ in the bank, tomorrow I’m depositing 750$ in my LL’s account for this months rent, Pay your fucking dues if you can….

      • The Hyperbole

        Good on ya, I too will pay my rent. My point was that people shouldn’t be bitching that the state is no longer going to subsidize their rent collection.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        I’m not following you on this and am trying to. The state doesn’t subsidize rent collection… the state handles evictions because its illegal to evict people yourself. I’m sure many landlords would be overenjoyed to be given a freehand by the state with deadbeat tenants.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        *overjoyed…damn autocorrect

      • The Hyperbole

        Would they be so overjoyed when it becomes clear that their tenants also have a freehand in dealing with their landlords? How many landlords are going to hire the necessary goons to collect rent and run off free loaders? get rid of the state enforcing these contracts and most landlords would be clamoring for the state to get back into it within a few months of trying to enforce them themselves.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        Comon H, you’re not even trying here. Everything you say may even be true, but it’s all theoretical what-ifs contingent on a fantasy about the state giving some autonomy back.

        My point was that people shouldn’t be bitching that the state is no longer going to subsidize their rent collection.

        You’re original statement was about the current state of affairs here which is 1) you can only evict using the govt, 2) if you self-evict then you’ll go to jail and have your property seized, and 3) the government declares they will no longer evict but 1) and 2) remain in force.

      • Mojeaux

        I am taking Hyp to mean that right now the gummint’s so tied up, you could probably self-evict with some measure of impunity.

      • C. Anacreon

        Hired goons?

        /Homer Simpson, “Last Exit to Springfield”

    • Ted S.

      If it’s your property why do you have to pay rent to the government?

      • The Hyperbole

        You don’t “have” to, If it’s your property defend it.

    • Jarflax

      Want to bet on which cases get heard first when things open back up? The evictions against non-paying tenants or the lawsuits by tenants against landlords who ‘self help’ evict?

    • Tres Cool

      As someone thats done radon testing for Section 8 apartments in Cincinnati and saw who lives there?

      Your “goons” better be a platoon of Steven Seagals fully armed and battle trained. Cause when they have a full crew cookin’ up in a trap? You got a fight.
      Pinkertons aint gonna do it.

      • Tres Cool

        Ive seen it 1st hand, like a Sparkmaster Tape video.

        “It’s your property go get your rent or hire some goons and kick the freeloaders to the curb. Man up people.”

        That argument doesnt work, unless you want to see 1920s Chicago again. Well, current day Chicago, too but for other reasons.

      • Animal

        Would I have priority of fires?

  18. kinnath

    Anyone here have experience with personal weather stations?

    • Tres Cool

      I just go stand outside for a moment or two.

      • Bobarian LMD

        When I started going bald, such things just seemed frivolous.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Bald men are living our best lives right now.

        Remember those guys with hair who thought they were cool and special and getting their luscious locks cut every two weeks?

        haahahahahahhahahaahahhahahaha

    • Sean

      Sometimes I leave my zipper down, does that count?

      • Tres Cool

        “It feels nice out. I think I’ll leave it out.”

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Just watching them with Wunderground,

    • juris imprudent

      Have one we bought from Costco. Couldn’t tell you brand or model without going out and looking.

    • westernsloper

      I bought one for my dad once.

    • mikey

      We have an Ambient WS-2000 and are vey happy with it. Set up was painless
      It replaced and Oregon Scientific system that was a pain to set up and only lastest about six months

    • Mad Scientist

      I have an AcuRite. So does Francisco D’Anconia. Seems to work well enough. but if you ever have to call them, fugetaboutit.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      It’s not cold in Vegas right now, quite pleasant, my homeless chums are just staying low and out of sight…..

    • AlmightyJB

      Why don’t all of the people bitching about go ask one of them if they would like to stay with them?

    • Fourscore

      The first comment is great and much appreciated, humor is often lacking in these troubling times

  19. Tres Cool

    So the 36 sponsors of the bill are all (D)

    Go figures.

    • Sean

      My shocked face. Let me show it to you.

      ?

      • Tres Cool

        I thought I had one around here someplace. Must be in the cleaners.

  20. Crusty Juggler

    Finding Villains and Heroes in the Coronavirus Crisis Shouldn’t Be Difficult, Right?

    Now, to be fair, we should have all seen this coming. Of course there will be movies about the coronavirus, and of course these movies will have villains. The villains will be, well, us. I think the idea of a Contagion-like movie highlighting the myriad ways in which the Chinese government failed to prevent the stop of this thing would be a death sentence for any studio bold enough to make it. You do that and you’ll see your whole slate of films locked out of the Chinese market. You’ll find out what’s forbidden in the Forbidden Kingdom: criticizing the CCP.

    Trump and fat, old people are to blame.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    Ok, that is what the bill says, but what are your tenants going to hear? Free housing! After all, if you can’t kick them out during the emergency, and have to have mediation after the emergency, and can’t sue them for the unpaid rent, that sounds a lot like free housing.

    JUBILEE! Thank the Lawd, thank the Lawd!

    • Fourscore

      AOC for the win!

    • Tres Cool

      Thats meta AF yo

    • Jarflax

      This is known.

      • AlmightyJB

        So he likes tits.

      • Count Potato

        In the Count Dankula interview, Jones said he wasn’t a “man of culture.”

    • mock-star

      Dammit, I was hoping for Alex “Turn the frogs gay” Jones.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Inorite?! I was rather disappointed. Still…better looking.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Also, excellent, only-partially Tulpaish avatar. ?

      • CPRM

        Xi has been around at least a year, xermophobe!

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        I was merely talking about the avatar. I know how to hedge, buddy!

  22. Sean

    My poor, over washed hands.

    Thank goodness for Aveeno lotion.

    Not even trying to be weird…

    • AlmightyJB

      I try to use nitrile gloves while cooking or cleaning. Then I just wash as needed with the gloves on and save my skin.

      • Crusty Juggler

        GIVE GLOVES TO NURSES

      • AlmightyJB

        I like to give them something else.

      • Jarflax

        Be careful what you wish for. They may start out looking like they do in porn, but that tends not to last.

      • Fourscore

        I was in an Army hospital once , the nurses didn’t look anything like they did on MASH. Angels of Mercy, yes, but early in the morning a little different

      • Crusty Juggler

        THANKS AND PRAISE FOR SAVING LIVES!?!?!?!?

      • AlmightyJB

        I am looking up to them while I show my appreciation.

    • Rhywun

      Hi Preet! Seek help!

    • Rhywun

      The stock photos of “empty shelves” that don’t actually exist (yet!) are sooper-helpful.

    • Tres Cool

      “It might be toilet paper, it might be surgical masks, it might be gasoline so that people couldn’t come in and buy it all up,” Yost explained.

      What we need, as a state, is an open and honest dialogue on ration cards.

    • Fourscore

      The good news is that shopping doesn’t take nearly as much time as in the ‘old days’.

  23. Bobarian LMD

    The only answer? Burn down your property and collect the insurance.

    Or double down and take out some life insurance on your tenant first.

  24. Crusty Juggler

    My day tomorrow will be based upon the fact – is it a fact?!?!??!?!!??!?! – that you cannot disinfect paper.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Fire disinfects everything……..

      • TARDIS

        Napalm FTW!
        Plus, it sticks to kids.

    • Tres Cool

      Paper as a surface can be disinfected. Also re-infected.

    • westernsloper

      Do you have those high pressure misting backpacks?

      • Crusty Juggler

        You still have to physically “clean” with those.

        Don’t question my expertise!

      • westernsloper

        I watched a video damnit. I know what I am talking about!

      • Crusty Juggler

        Depending on what you do they are fine. They are also usually plastic junk machines.

        If I, in theory, acted like I was a super expert and made people feel better about “cleaning” the virus I would not use them.

        If I wanted to give myself peace of mind and also almost certainly “kill” whatever knowing I had to clean before and after, it’s a good machine.

        Bottom line: you still need labor.

        Related: I routinely walk through “hot” areas with a client and charge them a lot of money to “clean” just so the staff shows up the next day.

        Capitalism.

      • westernsloper

        I like it. Good on ya! The video I am talking about are the machines a neighboring county used to disinfect spaces after a norovirus outbreak some months back. They closed some schools and disinfected and they claimed they could do it in some unbelievable short time. The fog machines they said was the key. No I don’t believe them. May as well spray Lysol.

      • Crusty Juggler

        “Disinfect” is a dirty word.

        There are enough terrible, horrible, deplorable, nerdy lawyer-nerds who can tell you that.

        But yes, it makes the masses feel comfortable. I am sure it will kill the vast majority of whatever.

        But technically you still have to clean before and after.

  25. Crusty Juggler

    Lacey Underall, Linda Barrett, Mia Sara, Barbra Crampton:

    Who ya got?

    • Tres Cool

      Crystal Bernard

      • Crusty Juggler

        This wildcard blew my mind and is almost correct.

        WILDCARDS ARE ALLOWED

    • AlmightyJB

      Barbara Eden

      • Crusty Juggler

        Great choice! WILDCARD

        Elizabeth Montgomery > Barbara Eden

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        No.

      • TARDIS

        Tough call .
        Abstain.

      • dontreadonme

        Disagree. but why can’t we have both?

      • Chafed

        You got that backward.

    • Gustave Lytton

      28 year old Diana Muldaur in Starfleet uniform.

    • Mad Scientist

      Rockford Files era Lindsay Wagner.

      • MikeS

        OMG. She was a smokeshow in those episodes.

      • Mad Scientist

        Oh hell yes.

  26. Crusty Juggler

    Edgar Wright to Tackle Robot Story ‘Set My Heart to Five’

    According to a synopsis, the story is “set in an all-too human 2054” and follows Jared, an android that works as a dentist, as he undergoes an emotional awakening that is sparked by an introduction to ’80s and ’90s movies. He then embarks on a quest to convince humans that he and his kind should be permitted to feel. It’s a quest that leads to an unforgettable adventure across the West Coast of America, determined to meet to programmer that created him and write a film script that will change the world.

    ??

    • DEG

      #2 being collared is probably not available.

      #27 catches my eye.

  27. Mojeaux

    I don’t know who it was on Saturday’s Zoom chat that got me on Kind of Blue, but thank you! I already had the album but forgot how awesome it is.

    • westernsloper

      When I worked in Nigeria I was told by expats there Ghana was the place to hang. Now I am bummed I never took their advice.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Everything I’ve heard also confirms that.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      If CV gets me I want to hire those guys.

  28. straffinrun

    And people think the free market wouldn’t solve this. Ugh. The government can’t force you to stay inside unless you have a place to stay inside of. Every tenant is under financial stress and every landlord is under financial stress, so payment of rent will have to become more lax or they both get screwed. If landlords just started booting out everyone who was a week late on rent, their rentals would be sitting empty. I suppose that is the way people look at the monied class: they will squeeze every cent out of the poor even if it screws themselves.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      So I should negotiate and not pay my Rent this month?
      Serious question…

      • straffinrun

        No idea. If it’ll cost you too much to take a loss on principle, play the game the way it’s set up.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Rent, not Mortgage

      • straffinrun

        Do a cost/benefit analysis. Make two columns: “pros” and “cons”. Write down as many as you can for each. Do this for both paying rent and not paying rent. Basic stuff, but that is all I got.

      • westernsloper

        Pay your rent.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Yes, see below

      • westernsloper

        ?

    • Heroic Mulatto

      Dude. It’s all libertarians and free trade’s fault. Everybody knows this.

    • Gustave Lytton

      The government can’t force you to stay inside unless you have a place to stay inside of.

      Uh….

      • straffinrun

        There it is, the end game of their heavy handed tactics.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        So jail for the homeless then where they can all get coronavirus.

  29. kinnath

    Just paid my mortgage and property taxes yesterday. I guess I should have held off for a while.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I’m about pay rent, should I wait?

      • Crusty Juggler

        No. But don’t pay it next month.

      • kinnath

        Fulfill your obligations, until you can’t.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Yessir!

      • kinnath

        Take care. Enjoy the courses.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I want to play Cerbat tomorrow, but my new ATM card isn’t here yet, so I’m effectively broke,
        Riverview is fine though,

      • Rhywun

        That’s pretty much where I am. Who knows what’s coming next month.

    • dontreadonme

      Maybe on the latter. I am almost sure the gubermint will forgive all such excesses. After all, they can wait a year or two to put a new AC system on their offices.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      That was enlightening, I guess I’ll pay my rent, it’s the right thing to do…

      • commodious spittoon

        It’s the necessary thing to do, unless you don’t.

  30. creech

    Sean, know any businesses up your way who are hiring? Got two kids in Harleysville ,with two kids of their own, who aren’t working because of restaurant shutdowns.

    • westernsloper

      I hear Walmart is hiring everywhere and I imagine local grocers are too.

      • Fourscore

        Headed for Walmart tomorrow but won’t make the early old people time. Mrs F says “That’s not how I roll” We’ll check in just in time to catch the freshest virus.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Bahh, You and the Missus will be fine,
        Cheers 4×20!

    • Crusty Juggler

      environmental services companies need people.

    • Sean

      I do not know any specifically. Though I might be when this thing is over.

      We have a backlog of job sites and will be going into a very busy time of the year.

      The suggestion of Wal-Mart is probably true and I think I read Amazon is hiring.

    • straffinrun

      He loves his analogies, doesn’t he. We don’t need infrastructure if we’re all stuck inside.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Fuck it, I say we grease the skids with our fiat currency and skid into the ditch with style.

  31. straffinrun

    Gen X is going to get fucked the worst at the end of all this. Gen Z and the millennials will have enough time to build/rebuild their lives if they choose. Also, they didn’t have much shit to begin with. The Boomers will be protected because “why do you hate old people?”. Gen X are the ones that have cash on hand and aren’t using walkers yet. Half thought out idea…

    • Crusty Juggler

      The “Singles” remake is going to suck.

      • straffinrun

        They already did that. It’s called “Reality Bites”.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Good movie!

      • Gustave Lytton

        It’s my measure of who’s Gen X. If you remember it in the theater, you’re in.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I’m ashamed of my former boners for Janeane Garofalo.

      • MikeS

        Never be ashamed of your boners. Be ashamed for the women who let you down.

      • Mojeaux

        As well you should be.

        I hope you were ashamed then, too.

      • pistoffnick

        Enjoy every sandwich boner!

      • MikeS

        Nick, ISWYDT, ??

      • straffinrun

        I never saw her. Winona’s tits were blocking the view.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I hope you were ashamed then, too.

        It wouldn’t have been hot otherwise.

      • Tres Cool

        ^^^ This guy

        I’m not. She was a great stand-up, and hot in Mystery Men.
        But then….she opened her mouth about politics.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        She was cute – from The Ben Stiller Show up until about Mystery Men. The angry started after that and her looks followed.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        I’m not. She was a great stand-up

        ,
        False

        and hot in Mystery Men.

        True.

        But then….she opened her mouth about politics.

        Too true.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I’m glad I’m stuck between Boomers and Xers, no one know I exist,
      1963

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      My gen X dad got almost completely out of the market a couple months ago. I need to borrow his crystal ball.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        Jaysus, you make me feel old.

      • RAHeinlein

        Wait, I thought you were a Boglehead guy?

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        I am, but my dad’s not really a doctrinaire boglehead. He’s close to retirement, the company he’s working for is about to run out of cash, and he’s looking to move soon. I think he pulled out to lock in the gains in case all of those factors went sideways at the same time.

        Personally, I’d have just left well enough alone, but I don’t know the details of his finances or exactly what he was thinking beyond “looks like a storm is brewing”

      • Mojeaux

        “looks like a storm is brewing”

        The problem usually is that it ALWAYS looks like a storm is brewing.

      • RAHeinlein

        Ah, the calculus is more complicated once you are preparing to withdraw – IMHO he did the right thing given his circumstances. We are sitting tight, but could have avoided some, ahem, unnecessary cash allocations.

      • Mojeaux

        The only real asset we had (untouchable) to show the court was Mr. Mojeaux’s 401(k), which was…not much, relatively speaking (to what we should have had by now).

        It’s halved now.

        “Dear Judge, we’re even more broke NOW than we were 2 weeks ago!”

        “Yeah, and so’s everybody else, including me.”

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        It’s halved now.

        I hope that’s just hyperbole. 50% is quite a haircut given the market performance.

      • Mojeaux

        7% hyperbole.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        We made some decisions that, in hindsight, were too risky. They may pay off still, but I’d probably lower the risk profile had I to do it again.

        We’re too antsy to get out of VA and so we put house renovations on a credit card. Assuming the house sells in due course for something within $25k of listing, the gamble pays off. If the house doesn’t sell, we pay everything off by end of June and are no worse for the wear. If I lose my job and the house doesn’t sell, we’re hosed within 2 months.

      • RAHeinlein

        I hope the best for you.

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      I should enjoy looking at my retirement balance before it’s taken from me.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Retirement= Van, check
        River=check
        Cheese?

      • westernsloper

        I aint looking. What’s the point?

    • Heroic Mulatto

      You’re tellin’ me?!?!

      I’m ready to hoist the black flag and slit throats.

      • straffinrun

        Your own fault. Should’ve never put down the honey bottle bong and went to work.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I keep reminding myself of that fact.

      • CPRM
      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Where do I sign?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        You just did.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        ~S~!

    • westernsloper

      Gen X are the ones that have cash on hand

      HAHAHA

      • straffinrun

        Comparatively. Gen Xers aren’t exempt from the complaint we have against Boomers: “My house’s value should never go down. I need that for retirement. Help me Fed!”

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I’m in between, I get nothing, never asked for it either, we knew young it was all a scam,

      • westernsloper

        I am one of those people who knows he will die working. Didn’t plan, well had a plan but that didn’t work out because I am an idiot, so I go on. My house? Hopefully build it in a year or two.

    • RAHeinlein

      Oh, the retired Boomers and government workers are sitting pretty. I’m GenX and losses are mounting, but my concern is for my millennial sons – fucked job market, and limited opportunity to achieve our net worth, particularly given yet-to-retire Boomers who can’t be fired, plus future insane tax burden.

      • straffinrun

        The future isn’t written yet. The younger generations could very likely come out of this in the worst position. If the free market is allowed to emerge at the end of this, they will come out ahead because they have time. If not, well, they could be living in a socialist hellhole.

      • straffinrun

        And I just contradicted my original comment. Told ya it was half thought out.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        fucked job market, and limited opportunity to achieve our net worth, particularly given yet-to-retire Boomers who can’t be fired, plus future insane tax burden.

        The market for millennials is quite bifurcated. Somewhat unique skill? All the good paying jobs you could hope for. Blend in with the pack? Fucked.

        Me and my youngest brother have (OK, he’s graduating in a few weeks) engineering degrees. Both had/have good jobs lined up after school. Middle brother got a bio degree, floundered around a bit, taught for a year, and ended up in police academy because he was sick of gigging to pay his bills.

        Honest appraisal of an older millennial who has interviewed candidates for entry level jobs in two industries: 80% of the resumes are the same. GPAs all cluster around the mean, everybody has the same type of work experience. Stick out from that pack, and you immediately get my attention.

      • RAHeinlein

        I wouldn’t have disagreed before this cluster. I do appreciate the perspective, both my son are soundly in the stand-out category.

      • Mojeaux

        Stick out from that pack

        How?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        A dick pic.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Real world experience. It shines through every single time. Military experience, working at a startup, spending a year building schools in Kenya, heck even working up the job track at the local grocery store while living in an apartment with a roommate. Something with real responsibility and decision making requirements.

        In the entry level space, it’s clear who has flown the coop and who hasn’t really stretched their wings out yet. It shows in confidence. It shows in relatability. It shows both in their personality and on paper. The person with the highest GPA has never gotten a recommendation from me. It’s usually the person with the somewhat above average GPA and the interesting work/volunteer experience.

      • Mojeaux

        spending a year building schools in Kenya

        I would assume a Mormon mission would do the same? I don’t really care if my kids go on missions, but I’d like it just so they could get sales experience, preferably in a foreign language.

        Sales experience is always valuable everywhere.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        I would assume a Mormon mission would do the same?

        I’ve seen it go both ways. It’s really dependent on the specifics of the mission. The qualities that shine are maturity, self-sufficiency, leadership, and confidence.

        Being one of two missionaries in a town in Belize who rallied the community to rebuild a community center that was washed away in a mudslide? Great experience.

        Being one of 45 missionaries in Munich doing a glorified high school service project? Meh.

        Like I said earlier, it’s about standing out from the pack. Everybody does extracurriculars, and the less like a plug and play extracurricular something is, the more the candidate stands out.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        You don’t have to be a millennial to appreciate that.

        I always include a dick pic with my cover letter and CV.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        A pic of whose dick?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        That’s where industry knowledge comes into play.

        Read up. Build a portfolio of dicks.

      • RAHeinlein

        …and be sure to diversify.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        What I’m hearing is, machine learning to generate a “perfect” dick, one that speaks to the primal essence of dong. An Ur-schlong, if you will.

      • straffinrun

        The dick pic with the caption “Black Mamba” doesn’t get the call backs that “Sven Lefsa” gets.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        By “machine learning”, I mean I’m just going to keep e-mailing dickpics to various Glibs.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan
      • Mojeaux

        “…yet-to-retire Boomers who can’t be fired” and who refuse to die.

        FIFY.

    • Gustave Lytton

      My work buddy is retiring next month. His plan before this was to not touch his 401K for three years.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Was retiring….

      • Gustave Lytton

        Still is- annuity. But he gets a bit testy with talk of a depression level plunge and follow on taxation.

      • juris imprudent

        I may be tacking on an extra year of work to the two I had planned.

      • Chafed

        Danny Glover is your work buddy?

  32. slumbrew - double secret satan

    Thank you to whoever (whomever?) recommended The Robots of Gotham – I am enjoying the heck out of it.

  33. mikey

    The King of Montana didn’t no steenking legislatiion, he just issued a decree.
    Our non-essential houskeeper is getting shafted by all this. Half her customers have dried up in fear of the virus/govenor. She rents her mom’s old house for a signifigant part of her limited income. Hopefully he new tennant will keep paying the the rent. The previous one certainly would not have.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      No Dental Floss Tycoons?
      Yusef is Sad…………………………

      • mikey

        Nope. In these parts it;s potatos, beef and limestone.
        The latter two release lots of sweet C02.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Cow farts and Mining, these are few of my Favorite things….

    • commodious spittoon

      Hangings. When all is done with, we need hangings. String them up.

  34. CPRM

    Rent is for suckers.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Thanks, Love you too!

  35. Yusef drives a Kia

    I have rented all my life, I’m a fuck up, but not so irresponsible as to buy a house I couldn’t afford. I always pay my rent, always have, always will,
    guess I’m a Sucker……..

    • CPRM

      I don’t rent or own; makes my existence very tenuous at times.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Are you Smelly Pat? that lives on the River?
        or are you another Time traveler?
        Hmmmm

      • CPRM
      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Nice!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Too funny to live

    • RAHeinlein

      Give it a rest.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        We jest, not rest,
        Cheers!

    • straffinrun

      Nah. There are 1%ers that will only rent and not buy. It’s a rather complicated task to determine which is better for each individual.

      • Jarflax

        My 2 cents worth is this, your own home is not an investment; it is a consumer good. Make your decision based on your lifestyle preferences.

      • CPRM

        Yes. I think that has been one of the evils perpetrated on this society, to see the home as a means of investment rather than a good to own.

      • straffinrun

        Problem is that monetary policy for the past four or five decades have made it into an investment. You are correct in theory, but you’ll also be sitting on the sidelines as others rake in the cash. Then when the bubble pops, it’s “we’re all in this together”. Of course, “we” weren’t in it together when the cash was rolling in.

      • Mojeaux

        I do not care if I hit the lottery tomorrow, I will NEVER own a home again.

        And if I hit the lottery tomorrow, I’d be leasing all my vehicles.

      • Tres Cool

        Really?

      • CPRM

        But where can one rent a home with a Batcave for a basement?

      • Mad Scientist

        Fuck that. If I own it, I can paint something, or nail something to something else, or tear something out, or put something in, or plant something, or whatever without having to ask anyone’s permission.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        And if I hit the lottery tomorrow, I’d be leasing all my vehicles.

        I can understand the renting a house thing from a lifestyle point of view (even if I’d rather never rent ever again)

        I’ve never understood the car leasing thing. Feels like pissing money away to me.

      • MikeS

        It is. Renting/leasing anything is pissing money away.

      • straffinrun

        C’mon. That is not remotely true. There are a shitton of equipment you’re better off renting.

      • Tres Cool

        Women

      • MikeS

        Yes, of course you’re right. However, generally your living quarters is not one of them.

      • straffinrun

        As always, it depends on what you think the government will do. Incentives.

      • Tres Cool

        It is. Leasing is just a long-term rental, and you assume wear/tear charges.
        And having leased before- lemme tell ya, they ding you for EVERYthing on turn-in

        Then they lot their cars as USED “128 point inspected” BS, and when they dont move quick, it goes to the auction.
        That’s where my friend that has a car lot cleans up.

      • Mojeaux

        they ding you for EVERYthing on turn-in

        Okay, THIS I did not know.

      • Mojeaux

        No. What I am spending money on is freedom from having to worry about it.

        It’s the same reason people buy a gallon of milk at QuikTrip.

        However, if I won the lottery, I would ALSO be traveling.

        Maybe I’d just live on a cruise ship.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Maybe I’d just live on a cruise ship.

        Checked into it last year while traveling on a Celebrity ship cruising the Dalmatian Coast. Surprisingly affordable, all things considered.

      • straffinrun

        It certainly is an individual decision. You prioritize you, Mojo.

      • Mojeaux

        Surprisingly affordable, all things considered.

        Yanno, I’ve heard that, especially with folks headed to an old folks’ home retirement community. The retirement community is more expensive.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        freedom from having to worry about it.

        Different strokes and all that. I’d happily wrench on my car all weekend if I get to keep my freedom from a car payment. I’m never financing a car again… worst financial decision I ever made (no, wait, passing up the opportunity to go to UTexas for Law school is #1)

      • Mojeaux

        Oh, now my money has never been lost in the payments. It’s been lost in repairs.

        I will save you the bullet-point list, but the point here is that I have had a string of cars that treated me like this house has treated me. Black holes.

        Now, before you say I am a bad car-picker, no I am not. Those were all chosen for me. Complicated family relationships, etc etc etc, and not knowing any better at the time.

      • CPRM

        I’d happily wrench on my car all weekend if I get to keep my freedom from a car payment.

        Look at Mr. no arthritic claw fingers good knees over here!

      • slumbrew - double secret satan
      • Mojeaux

        Oh my goodness! I knew those existed but totally forgot!

        *Homer drool*

        I’d still write and possibly do my ebook formatting. Formatting really does give me some joy.

      • l0b0t

        That giant floating cruise ship of apartments is preposterous. These apartments have kitchens. How is this place provisioned and lardered? How much Bunker C is that beast burning every hour? My goodness, the waste, the inefficiency. No! It must be some sort of ruse, like the Hanso Foundation; you’ll end up penniless, living in an underground bunker, having to push a series of buttons on a specific interval.

      • Mojeaux

        You all can chat up the benefits of home ownership all you want, but after 14 years of throwing money down a hole and tearing two rotator cuffs, I’m throwing in the towel.

        There is NO HOUSE ON EARTH worth the misery I have lived through. Fuck that, let a landlord do it.

        Not getting to paint walls the color I want means I don’t have to worry about it. Ever. No buying tools, choosing paint, prepping, painting, cleaning up, scraping glass. None of it.

        I can live with that.

      • MikeS

        I understand the money-pit troubles you’ve lived through. But to just dismiss other’s positive home-ownership experiences as “chat up the benefits” is extremely dismissive of possible helpful advice you could get.

        I bought a car once that turned out to be a total piece of shit. And then, I found one that was better.

      • Mojeaux

        extremely dismissive of possible helpful advice you could get.

        Helpful advice about…what, exactly? I am seeing no advice, just people saying “you’re throwing your money away if you rent.” I find that dismissive, as if renting is somehow less than owning. Which, well, given our society, it is. Losers rent. I get it. (I am not saying anybody here is saying that. This is a general vague notion American society has: losers rent.)

        Look at Trashy’s problem: In 3 weeks, his good investment turned out to be on a very fragile fulcrum. He gets out with his shirt OR he gets out on a wash in June OR he loses his job and he and his family are hosed. Any which way, it all depends on decisions *other people* have to make. Three weeks ago that house and the renos were a good investment. Today…not so much. Granted, this is a black swan event and it’s the government doing it, but a roof is a roof is a roof is a roof. You’re paying for it any which way you cut it until the end of your life.

        I can’t possibly be dismissive of advice that hasn’t been offered.

      • straffinrun

        You remain a lot more mobile if you aren’t tied to a mortgage. Your house could be a lemon (as happened to you). Your neighborhood could go to shit and the value plummets. The whole market could sour. You prefer to use your time on other activities than homeownship. There are a million reasons a person could choose renting over buying.

      • MikeS

        Maybe a billion reasons.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        To be fair, my precarious situation is due to precisely the same pitfall as renting/leasing. Too much monthly cash flow (potentially) tied up in interest bearing repayment of things that won’t provide long term value. Not enough pre-planning to save cash for our goals.

        This was a calculated risk, in which just about everything would have to go wrong to force us into tough decisions. Had we taken the time to save for the renovations, we wouldn’t be in any danger of even the worst case scenario biting us.

        I’m very anti-payment and anti-debt. I made an exception for what looked like a slam dunk, and it quickly evolved into a riskier situation. I’m swearing off of debt after we get through this.

      • straffinrun

        The government insisted that owning a home was the ultimate policy goal. So, the financial advisers followed suit (a logical decision on their part) and insisted that buying was the best decision. It’s similar to what happened with a college education. Warp the market and reap the whirlwind.

      • Mojeaux

        Thanks, Straff. The “being more mobile” is a lot more valuable to me than I thought it was.

      • MikeS

        I can’t possibly be dismissive of advice that hasn’t been offered.

        You mean in the last day or two, right? Because that advice is often and freely offered here.

        If the new reason is mobility; sure. Renting wins.

      • Jarflax

        Being more mobile is a major reason I advocate kids learn a trade. A welder can find a job anywhere in the world, pretty much any time they want. A lawyer has effectively a 6 months to a year process to be able to work in a new State, and moving to a new country? Forget about it unless you have very specific skills and experience on your resume.

      • Mojeaux

        Well, no, I don’t mean in the last day or two. I mean right now in this specific thread.

        I do have the attention span of a gnat though so I either forgot I participated in the same discussion somewhere else or I missed it.

    • westernsloper

      Not if you have no debt. That makes you smarter than most of us.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I have no assets, and no debt

      • westernsloper

        Dave Ramsey approves! Well, not the no assets part but close enough.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I have refused credit for 20 years or more, i am irresponsible, so I avoid trouble that way.
        Wendy and I had a sweet Life, Raised our kids well, owned boats and Bla Bla, and always paid Cash,
        Always

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Sup Tres!

      • Tres Cool

        HEY YUFUS!

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        No debt. Our assets have been reduced by one-third in under three weeks. The carbine’s been cleaned and inspected.

        And I’m really getting sick of listening to talking heads on the news tell us that this economic dislocation is due to the COVID-19 virus. It’s due to our fucking governments, you stupid, brainless, overy-hairsprayed assholes!

      • westernsloper

        Tell me about it. I am not sure I have ever been this pissed off.

    • MikeS

      …but you’ve never tried buying a house you could afford?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        My Kia Van?

  36. MikeS

    I’ve caught a whisper that there are to be more lay-offs tomorrow. And the “lucky” ones that survive it will be laid-off for at least 2 weeks, starting next week.

    Hang in there everyone. This too, shall pass.

    • CPRM

      I haven’t been to work in four days (normal 2 days off and two admin days) last I heard I’m laid off for two weeks starting Sunday.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I don’t feel so confident anymore, April 30th?

    • RAHeinlein

      Sorry to hear that, hoping the best for your family.

      • MikeS

        Thanks, RAH. So far so good…

      • CPRM

        And when this is all over hopefully we’re all better.

    • westernsloper

      This is making me more mad the more I hear of these things.

    • straffinrun

      Hold…..Hold…..Charge!

      We’re right behind ya!

    • DEG

      Sorry. Best wishes.

  37. pistoffnick

    Day 2 of work from home: this sucks, I don’t know how you guys do it. I ate a whole bag of pretzels. I had 3 cans of diet Pepsi and a bottle of diet A&W. I mean, I got some stuff designed, but then lost it because the VPN cut out.

    I felt so cooped up, that I went grocery shopping. More diet Pepsi and pretzels.

    I am going to be spherical before this thing is over. /assume a spherical Nick of 600 lbs….

    • Chafed

      I’ll bet Glibfit is looking a little more interesting now.

  38. straffinrun

    Finally heard the Surgeon General’s voice. My mind is blown.

    • CPRM

      I thought “Wow! Trump has a black gay Surgeon General!” But wikipedia says he’s married to a woman.

      • straffinrun

        After Iron Mike, we should’ve been used to this phenomenon.

      • commodious spittoon

        NTTAWWT, bigot.

  39. straffinrun

    Why is it impossible to say the word “sputum” without feeling like you’re giving head?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      TMI

      • straffinrun

        Say it 10X as fast as you can and then tell me I’m wrong.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        How about no?

  40. Yusef drives a Kia

    I’ve been running around golfing with my bro Casey, The Guy has Colon Cancer, and just keeps going, sometimes I wear him out playing the game.
    He keeps going while others cower in fear, and I’m going to make sure he plays a lot of courses,
    Before the whole Shithouse goes up in flames

    • RAHeinlein

      “NPR will be publishing stories from this investigative series in the weeks ahead, even as we focus our current coverage on the coronavirus pandemic.”

      The workload of these brave journalists during the CV crisis – heroes!

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        You wanna recycle all of these “un-recyclable” plastics?

        BURN THEM AND CAPTURE THEIR HEAT AS USEFUL ENERGY.

        You’re welcome. I’ll send you my consulting fee invoice via e-mail.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        (Same fucking thing you could do with most of the used tires on Earth, BTW . . . )

      • RAHeinlein

        Stop with the sensible ideas already!

      • KSuellington

        Well, what we have been doing is packaging all that plastic up, sending it over on a cargo ship that burns tons of diesel and then letting the Chinese burn it in their incinerators or send it straight into their rivers.

    • Rhywun

      I would pray to doG that America gives a collective fuck you to the people pushing this crap now, if I thought it would do any good.

    • Not Another Naked Digby

      Uh…hat tip, bruh? You’re deep-dishing, man!

      • CPRM

        I’m subscribed to the channel, I found this one of my own accord!

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        my own accord

        Oooh, Mr, Moneybags-Bigshot (Money-shot, for short); spending that paycheck on Hondas, are ya?

  41. DEG

    This makes me even happier I didn’t become a landlord.

    • straffinrun

      Become a slumlord. Schadenfreude Arms.

    • KSuellington

      Close all trails now! The pussification of America is really evident with this bullshit.

    • CPRM

      It is a certainty they got it from those two hikers they waived at from 500 feet away.

      • Chafed

        There’s no other explanation.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        ::quickly glances 360°::

        Right….no other explanation

    • Gustave Lytton

      Huh. They’ve managed to identify the point of infection for all of those workers? None of it was from the grocery store, or the Starbucks, or anywhere else.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Daughter took her kids to the Grand canyon a few days back, the parks are open, and no one was there to distance from…….

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      Seven out of how many employees?

      • CPRM

        There are only seven! 100% infection rate!

      • Chafed

        One is one too many. We must close the parks to save the children or something.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Four-hundred and eighty-two trillion. But we must shutter global civilization if it saves but one life. For the children. Future generations will thank us. Et cetera.

    • CPRM

      Has some small town newspaper writer come down with it so we can scream about journalists killing us all?

      • CPRM

        WHY WON’tTrUmP ShuT DowN The NEWsPapERs to SAve TeH ChilLUNz!?

  42. Mojeaux

    *sigh*

    I’m going to have to plant veggies, aren’t I?

    *goes digging for Foxfire books*

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      For the Motherland, comrade Homeland!

      • Mojeaux

        ? Here we go a-dowsing ?

      • CPRM

        Best drunk person story I have was when a drunk at the bar asked me what my name was. He heard my last name and said a relative of mine was “…the best damn water witch I ever seen!” *slaps the bar*

        Twenty minutes later he sits down next to again and asks my name and said a relative of mine was “…the best damn water witch I ever seen!” *slaps the bar*

        Another twenty minutes later he sits down beside me again and asks my name and said a relative of mine was “…the best damn water witch I ever seen!” *slaps the bar*

        I don’t think I’ve every seen anyone that drunk who wasn’t passed out or vomiting.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Well, just how long did you hang around? Give it some time, next time.

      • Mojeaux

        LOL That is a very cute story. ?

    • KSuellington

      I bought a large amount of seeds a couple weeks back. We have the back garden planted and still have most of the seeds. If some are using this as a dress rehearsal for socialism, I want to do my small part for a dress rehearsal for liberty.

      • CPRM

        I’m still waiting on some piles of snow to melt and the ground to thaw.

      • Mojeaux

        I’d be more proactive about that if I actually liked vegetables, but I don’t. I don’t grow them because I don’t eat them.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Ding ding DING!

    • CPRM

      Almost twenty years of unchecked power got abused, I’m SHOCKED!

    • Jarflax

      The disingenuousness of the findings “Oh no, agents appear to have included unsupported allegations, ‘errors’ of fact, and a complete disregard for the procedures established to ‘ensure’ fairness.” We will punish them by saying “bad agent, no more FISA for you, you’ll have to get another agent to walk the secret general warrant through the star chamber.” Is there a single grievance from the Declaration that the Feds are not actively perpetrating?

  43. CPRM

    I watched Richard Jewell tonight. I should have watched Joumanji III, not because I think it would have been a better movie, but because I didn’t need another reason to hate the world.

    • Rhywun

      There’s a 3rd one?!

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Yup…just released in the last month or so (I think).

        Chances are, if you’ve been hearing a lot of Welcome to the Jungle on commercials, it was probably a commercial for #3.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Or, what ever song they used. It all runs together after a while.

      • Rhywun

        I haven’t seen a movie commercial in weeks. I guess nobody’s going to the movies in the New Normal™.

    • Not Another Naked Digby

      I didn’t need another reason to hate the world.

      And, J3 wouldn’t do that?

      • CPRM

        Not in the same way. Not in the way a man and woman…look, in the play we love each other…but not in the usual way…like how two bananas dipped in chrome love each other…

    • Jarflax

      Why is the first solution that comes to mind a moratorium on evictions? How about call your landlord and ask for some concessions to help you survive. In my experience most business people understand and accept the idea of sharing risks. It is not generally in the landlord’s interest to have tenants go belly up, especially in difficult economic times. Maybe ask for a reduction, or a reduction and a deferral? But no, it is far better to ask the looters to give you a few scraps from someone else’s carcass.

      • straffinrun

        No. We never the government to step in an fix the problem through regulation, rules, incentives and, hopefully, more incarcerated people.

      • straffinrun

        Never= need.

    • Not Another Naked Digby

      just a fair share

      His personal estimation? Consensus? A scientifically-derived amount?

      • Mad Scientist

        We have top men working on it right now.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        tsk tsk…”TOP. MEN.”

        /That’s opposed to the Jeff Stryker Top Man Gay Kit.

        //Unless your experience differs…

    • Urthona

      Honestly the government owes them the money, since they’re the dicktards that shut everything down. Too bad we are all the creditors.

    • Not Another Naked Digby

      How reliable is Alibaba? China Post/USPS (eyes dao that took 2 months to show up)?

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Not exactly an action star, either. But props for making Gong Shou Dao happen.

        No, my concern is with shipping. And, surprisingly/not surprisingly, it’s the USPS side that worries me more, right now.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        The thing is, for these orders, the average Joe isn’t going to be ordering. These listings are around minimum 30,000 per order. So you’re going to have your own logistics chain. Or your best friend is CEO of FedEx.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Yeah, I noticed that (30K part). I was doing some finance math, and figuring which of you I like best.

      • Mojeaux

        If I needed a pallet of mass market paperbacks (of my books) for a convention or gifts or swag or whatever, I’d go through Alibaba. In fact, just as this virus was winding up, I was looking for a printer for a client. I have no use for 500 books of one title. If I could mix and match, I would have done that.

    • CPRM

      What am I missing?

      That Orange Man is bad?

    • MikeS

      Isn’t Alibaba owned by ChiCom?

      • CPRM

        The preferred nomenclature is ChiNazi, Dude!

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        If Ma is a Commie (and, he may be, out of necessity), he’s the worst EVAR.

      • Mojeaux

        I think HM said something the other day about the ordinary Chinese having a more finely developed sense of capitalism and were freer than we are in that respect.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I think the whole point of communism is that everything is owned by the party.

        That having been said, green is their favorite color, not red.

      • MikeS

        I think the whole point of communism is that everything is owned by the party.

        Thank you for the insight.

        That having been said, green is their favorite color, not red.

        So just keep sending our money to them? In spite of how much red blood they spill?

        I’ll admit that I’ve had more alcohol than usual tonight (and am minutes from going to bed) but I really hope I misunderstood your reply.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Better Dead than Red.
        Better green than Red.

        You know…

      • Heroic Mulatto

        If we need masks now and Chinese companies are willing to sell them to us why should we wait for New Balance and MyPillow guy to make masks that won’t even be N95 rated because there is no melt-blown fabric to be found? You can work on diversifying your supply chain or re-domiciling factories after the pandemic. I mean, with the situation being what it is, if Satan open a mask store, I’d at least consider going down to Hell to check it out.

        Anyway, doctors need masks now and the longer we take in getting masks to the doctors, nurses, etc., the greater the chance they will become infected. Even though they probably won’t die, they will be down with something pretty serious for 2 to 4 weeks. So, that’s one less trained medic you have on the bench to help take care of the sick. So I’ll ask you, what’s the acceptable number of doctors we have to endanger in the name of economic nationalism? For me, it’s zero, because economic nationalism is bullshit.

      • MikeS

        I apologize that I missed the context of your original comment. (?) Absolutely we should be buying what we need from whomever is willing to sell it to us. Full stop.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        No worries.

    • Rhywun

      Probably half the jokers I observe walking around my neighborhood lately are wearing masks – and I have no idea where they are getting them from. I did see a crudely-drawn sign on one of the sketchy dollar stores* saying “masks 2.99” or something but is that for one, or a dozen, or what?

      *I know it’s sketchy because I’ve shopped there before

    • Gustave Lytton

      N95 or KN95? Not that it matters, it’s just words printed on the outside of a box.

      Really, surgical style mask would be adequate and a third of the price of an N95, or less.

  44. CPRM

    Of course my hair picks the time when barber shops are shut down to become so long that is bothersome. Stupid Hair!

    • Not Another Naked Digby

      Sounds like you could use a hat…

      /C–I apologize…

      • CPRM

        *lost the hat I wore for 18 years whenever my hair got too long last year* *is still in mourning*

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Totally disappointed it wasn’t an add for the Flowbee.

  45. straffinrun

    Used to be that I was having sex with every person my partner ever had sex with. Now I’m swapping spit all of them. At least with AIDS, you get sex or drugs.

    • Not Another Naked Digby

      Oh, you can get drugs with COVID…or, you can be proper fucked. Your choice.

      /WNB?

  46. Q Continuum

    My Pillow is being vandalized on Amazon. Flooded with one-star reviews recently that all are very generic. I’ll say one thing for the DNC, they sure know how to circle the wagons and they’ve got an endless supply of NPCs willing to waste their lives doing stuff like that.

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      That’s incredibly petty, even for true belivers on the left.

    • MikeS

      That is truly disgusting.

    • Rhywun

      I don’t trust any Amazon reviews, and increasingly, the products that are available – at least, for generic stuff.

    • CPRM

      A distant cousin is married to a relative of the ‘My Pillow’ guy and I hear he is an asshat, but I wouldn’t write a news story about it. Why I don’t work in the news biz.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Eh, who isn’t?

        Er, umm….I mean, beyond us fine folk.

      • MikeS

        Define “asshat”. Does Evangelical Christian, ex-drug addict who created his own multi-million dollar business define him as an “asshat”?

      • CPRM

        Heard it third hand from my aunt who taught at a catholic school, so I don’t think religion played a part in the definition.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Yeah, for all he/we know, it simply means he doesn’t hand out cashier’s checks, or Ferraris whenever this person shows up.

      • CPRM

        Well, these relatives do live in MinniSoda, so they are probably pricks as well.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Claiming a pillow can cure restless-leg syndrome is pretty asshat-y.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Did he do that? Legit question–I never heard that. Yeah, highly dubious, if so.

        I admit to owning one that I don’t currently use. But, RLS wasn’t exactly in the cards, either.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Wow–I didn’t realize I owned a Panacea Pillow.

      • MikeS

        A distant cousin is married to a relative of…I hear he is an asshat

        Heard it third hand from my aunt

        There’s can be no doubt! Mike Lindell is officially an asshat!

      • CPRM

        Now you’re a journalist! You’re ESSENTIAL!

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        BROTHER!!

      • Rhywun

        created his own multi-million dollar business

        Being an asshat kind of comes with the territory. NTTIAWWT.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Don’t shame the asshats.

    • Urthona

      How dare he turn 75% of his production into making much needed medical supplies!

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Eh. When even Breitbart, of all sources, feels the need to editorialize about how “sus” it is….

        It remains unclear what kind of face mask MyPillow is making. Healthcare professionals are asking for the N95 respirator mask, which are in short supply around the country. The N95 face mask provides a more snug fit than other kinds of surgical masks, providing better protection from airborne pathogens.

        A MyPillow spokesperson didn’t immediately respond to a request for comment.

        His heart may just be in the right place this time, but let’s not be naive enough to forget that the guy has always been a bit of a medicine show barker.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Probably the best summation/advice about this issue.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I think it’s also fair to say that the CDC, WHO, etc. have also taken advantage of the average person’s ignorance concerning the difference between a surgical mask and an N95-N100 mask/respirator in an effort to prevent hoarding. The contempt for the average person displayed by pretty much everyone involved should be enlightening to many.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        should be

        Key words. But, I won’t be holding my breath.

      • CPRM

        But, I won’t be holding my breath.

        Well, you should, otherwise you might spread the plague and be a murderer.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        #BreathingAMurderer

      • CPRM

        *goes on another diatribe about how easy it is to manipulate reality through documentaries and film*

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Or, mentioning them ?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Not just that, but also the lack of realization that things have a long life on the Internet. CDC from yesteryear on mask use for an influenza pandemic:

        https://www.cdc.gov/media/pressrel/2007/r070503.htm

        The FDA approved several N95 respirators for general public use (without a fit test) in a public health emergency such as envisioned in that guidance above.

      • Urthona

        I say no face masks for health workers. Get them all exposed quickly.

        The ones who live will then serve us. It’s for the “greater good”.

      • CPRM

        The Eloi are the rightful chattel of the Morlocks.

      • CPRM

        Orange Man Bad likes him! He’s a witch! Burn Him! /the party of IFL Science. How can you disagree with that?!

      • Urthona

        I’m still unsure why we can’t just wrap any piece of fabric over our mouths For this.. A coronavirus is about .1 microns in size. An N95 protects against .3 microns or higher. The extra benefits of the fancy respirator seem irrelevant if we are just about stopping big droplets from shooting out of mouths. Any shitty face mask will do for that.

      • Suthenboy

        “Medicine show barker”

        Bingo.

  47. Not Another Naked Digby

    Bitch better lose her job over this horseshit.

    911? For racist talk? Not for a fight that started with such–just the talk itself? Her dispatchers oughta quit en masse.

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      Priorities.

    • straffinrun

      Calling her “Seattle Police Chief” is racist.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        I think “Hot Chocolate Fuzz” was already taken…

        ::quickly hides pseudonymous writings::

    • Heroic Mulatto

      This is exactly what tar and feathers were made for.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Exactamundo! It’s one thing to encourage people to report racial violence (if there are those that won’t do so); this is something else.

  48. straffinrun

    I’ve got five 11 year olds in my house. School closed and it’s pouring rain so no park. They are bouncing off the walls literally. Of course their parents said they could come over as long as TV wasn’t allowed. No YT, either. The two girls (my daughter included) are quietly making stuff. The boys are about to get throttled by me.

    • Not Another Naked Digby

      Are you OK (with me giggling about this for a bit)?

      • straffinrun

        And suddenly the other room became ominously quiet. Fuggit, I’m not even gonna look.

      • CPRM

        They’re just playing Wuhan Nurse.

      • straffinrun

        Oh, a wet market.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        This exchange has been funny enough to keep leftist college students away!

        Kudos to the both of you.

        /”Wuhan Nurse”…smdh

      • CPRM

        It’s the Sconnie humor. (speaking of which, what did you think of the new addition to the H&H universe?)

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        You know me–I think it’s great. Of course, the exposure is rather small…er,short, but, xe should fit right in.

        /damn, these euphemisms…

      • CPRM

        The short duration was part of the joke. SAD you didn’t get that. Not Classy.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        FINE–let me watch it some more….::sigh::

    • CPRM

      a

      s long as TV wasn’t allowed. No YT, either.

      Porn Hub it is then.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        He’s not wrong….

    • Rhywun

      as long as TV wasn’t allowed

      Not even TV that is, you know, geared towards children?

      I am sorry, so sorry.

    • whahappan

      Um, just curious, but why would you allow them over with those restrictions?

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        While I’ll not ask, I admit that this isn’t an invalid question.

      • straffinrun

        I didn’t. The wife did and then promptly left to do some shopping for a new blouse. I’d have used the same excuse to get out if she hadn’t been so quick.

      • whahappan

        Ah, should have known.
        /also married

      • straffinrun

        It’s nice to spread the kids around so that other parents in our circle can have a break from time to time. Also, I’m trying to keep some allies for when the ethnic cleansing starts.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        when the ethnic cleansing starts

        Methinks someone needs to get out the the bath-houses a bit more.

      • CPRM

        Methinks someone needs to get out the the bath-houses a bit more.

        What part of language are ‘to’ and ‘of’, because one of those seems to be the missing word here.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        To…two, even.

      • KSuellington

        Very very wise straff. You a smart man.

      • Rhywun

        A new blouse sounds kind of non-essential to me.

      • straffinrun

        She absolutely DGAF. She still goes into her office even though she can WFH. I’m not complaining.

      • CPRM

        Good thing you’re a gay guy, otherwise you’d be sleeping on the couch.

    • Mad Scientist

      I hear espresso is very calming. See if the kids would all like to try a cup or two.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        You’re an agent of Chaos, too, I see.

    • DEG

      That is good news.

      It won’t matter a bit to the shits that are destroying the country.

      And with that bright note, I’m off to bed.

    • CPRM

      *Then they make a joke about stupid white people*

      • hayeksplosives

        Hey! Some of my best friends are stupid white people.

      • Not Another Naked Digby
  49. hayeksplosives

    My local medical center of choice is doing something low-tech and logical to help stop the spread of covid19:

    —>they are scheduling specialty appointments outside normal hours.

    I went at 7pm tonight for an ultrasound then stopped by the lab for blood work. I commented on it. The medical techs like it too because it thins out the rush hour if they can do radiology or other tests/procedures.

    • Not Another Naked Digby

      It’s good when the professionals practice sensibility along with their actual practice.

      /hope everything is A-OK.

      • straffinrun

        Same for the best wishes, HE.

    • CPRM

      Doing things not approved as CURING THE DISEASE by the fedgov should not be allowed!11ty

    • Not Another Naked Digby

      I hear it, but, in my mind, this is playing.

      • CPRM

        GAH! WHY!?!?!

      • CPRM

        Do you hate humanity!?!?!

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        See–if I had posted…oh, this, I would understand. FoaL, on the other hand, is a cherished 90’s numetal jam.

      • CPRM

        I don’t think I can trust your opinion any more.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        YMMV ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

      • CPRM

        This is the worst disservice to the world radio has wrought, constantly replaying the songs that were popular, not the ones that were good, in perpetuity.

      • CPRM

        When I bought my car I got free XM radio for a couple months, so I tuned into their station that played early oughts metal. Korn and Godsmack were played hourly. Between them they had 1 good song. I decided I didn’t need to pay for XM going forward.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Other than my music flash drive, the only thing I listen to is XM. Of course, I don’t listen to anything past the 80’s, if I can help it.

        XM 38 & 39 suffice for metal.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Eh–like what you want. Someone, somewhere, is gonna jam to it.

      • CPRM

        So you’re a shill for Big Radio now?

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        If the $ is ample.

    • mock-star

      The late 90s/early aughts, I practically lived at the Crowbar, a club in State College PA that routinely got b-level metal and punk bands twice a week. Shows were always on Tues and Thurs, and the job I had at the time was 3 12 hour shifts, Sat-Mon. I have seen so many bands. Was backstage with these guys, Cold, and Dope. Was on stage with Type O Negative. Got drunk and partied with so many bands. Spineshank, Biohazard, Machinehead, Soulfly, etc. So many great, yet fuzzy, memories!

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Not bad!

      • CPRM

        My talents experience would have been wasted had I become a priest.

      • CPRM

        I’m not a fucking Protestant! *hides bomb under Digby’s car*

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        ?? Bros do NOT blow each other.

        UP! They don’t blow each other up.

      • CPRM

        Ahh, the 11th commandment that God gave to Mohammed, ‘Thou shalt not be homosexual, unless…’

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        ‘Unless sextarian sectarian violence is called for’. ??‍?

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Speaking of–is there any drink along the lines of a Sconnie Car Bomb?

      • CPRM

        If only Catholics had been given that commandment, we wouldn’t have Carona Virus.

      • CPRM

        i

        s there any drink along the lines of a Sconnie Car Bomb?

        The fifteenth beer after a fish fry?

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        Note to self–avoid fish with anything more than a 12-pack when around CPRM

  50. Not Another Naked Digby

    Are all the other late-nighters just lurking and watching me and CPRM be silly?

    • CPRM

      I think it’s just you and me, so the 11th commandment might apply *shudders* I guess if that’s what God wants…

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        FINE! Go on–bend over.

        /Yes; when I was a jailer, and prisoners asked if I was gay, or ‘accused’ me of being gay, I would tell them to bend over so we could find out. Tended to shut them up.

      • CPRM

        STOP CALLING ME GAY, OR I’LL FUCK YOU IN THE ASS!

      • CPRM

        I never got that bit about jails. I mean, they say rape is about power and not about sex, but man I can’t even keep hard if I see a dick, much less putting mine into a guys ass. /Probably makes me homophobic

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        ::AHEM::

        I don’t think I can trust your opinion any more.

        So you’re a shill for Big Radio now?

        *hides bomb under Digby’s car*

        that all escalated rather quickly, given the newest threat (promise).

      • CPRM

        You accused me of being a protestant, I had no choice.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        I did NOT! I even linked to a dancing priest! ⛪?

      • CPRM

        A PROTESTANT priest, ye heathen!

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        WTF is a “A PROTESTANT priest”?

    • CPRM

      So, I’m not privy to the schedules of other departments, but I hope that gal is on shift with me tomorrow, so I can go totally Alpha on her, like I totally do, like all the time.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        That’s right–you’ve been home for a good while. I guess I should well-wish whichever course chosen.

        /I have expectations should you find yourself dealing with certain situations in the future; I will inform you of said demands at a later time.

      • Not Another Naked Digby

        You didn’t disappoint (with that link).

        /NO!

  51. CPRM

    Sorry Digby I think I’ll tap out taproot.

  52. CPRM

    I tap out taproot.

    • Not Another Naked Digby

      Pffft–quitter.

    • Not Another Naked Digby

      Oooh…both funky, AND cold

      • Festus

        That’s what Ted Bundy said!

  53. Not Another Naked Digby

    OK–thanks, Karen!!

    I guess the upside is not having to shop around her–I presume she’ll want to maintain her holiness and not give them her business any more.

  54. UnCivilServant

    Morning, glibs.

    I wanted to be pithy, but my brain is still booting.

  55. Mojeaux

    Well, I’m awake. So much for going Tylenol-less 2 nights in a row.

    • Festus

      I feel for you, Mojo. Sleeplessness is a curse if you need to be a normie.

      • UnCivilServant

        I get the impression that a lot of people on this site are insomniacs.

    • Gender Traitor

      I have an MP3 I want to send you – can’t find the song anywhere on the ‘net. Since the CD was stolen from my car, I only have it on the microSD card in my portable satellite radio. So as soon as I find the SD adapter…

      • Gender Traitor

        Adapter found, file sent.

  56. Gender Traitor

    Good morning, Moje & UCS, if you’re still about.

    There’s something that’s been bugging me, so I just have to get it off my chest.

    We’re old school, so we still have cable TV. If I wake up in the night or during a weekend afternoon nap, I’ll glance at the bedroom cable box to see what time it is. I swear, sometimes the LED display on that box glows distinctly more brightly than usual, and then after a while it drops back to its usual intensity.

    That really kinda creeps me out.

    • UnCivilServant

      That would typically indicate some sort of activity. Not knowing too much about the unit in question, I can’t be more helpful (and telling me the model won’t help)

      • Gender Traitor

        Sometimes I wonder if that’s when they’ve activated the hidden camera.

        Not that I’m paranoid or anything.

      • UnCivilServant

        I was going to crack that joke, but decided against it.

      • Festus

        There has to be a Rule 34 channel that specializes in night vision sleep sound. Snoring, farts and the like.

    • Festus

      Howdy, Friends! I’m always awake at this time. I remember the same phenomena with a light on on the deep freeze at my Grandad’s house one time but maybe it was just the acid…

    • Mojeaux

      When I had my shoulder surgery and was sleeping in the recliner in the living room I had the nightly “ceremonial draping,” which was covering the cable box with a thick towel so I didn’t have to deal with it. It is very bright and very intense.

    • Festus

      This time I hate it. 22 below American with the wind chill and still two feet of snow on the ground. On a positive note I did fill the truck with just $50 Canadian. This has never happened before and I’ve owned it for nearly ten years. I had to actually rock the chassis just to get the last two dollars in. So many euphemisms. Great! Nowhere to go.

    • Gender Traitor

      I’m just hoping someone – BadOrangeMan or Xi or ANYONE at this point – calls a press conference and announces that this entire Moo Goo Gai Panic has all been an elaborate April Fools Day prank.

      • Toxteth O’Grady

        What time is it in Oz?

      • UnCivilServant

        Are you just cribbing from the sheet of stuff I decided not to say at this point?

      • Gender Traitor

        Yup. I’m in your head.

      • UnCivilServant

        I am so sorry you had to see that.

      • Gender Traitor

        With therapy, I should be able to lead a relatively normal life.

  57. Toxteth O’Grady

    Got gravy, que pasó? That was like a damned cartoon, that!

    • Festus

      Just extended the pandemic another two weeks here too. No cower in place laws, yet. I’d wager that 95% of the victims are oldsters in nursing homes but the Gubmint is not very forthcoming on details.

      • Festus

        In an area larger than the State of Texas (excluding Vancouver etc.) we have 15 cases. We are pretty spread out but people are pretty much ignoring everything. Traffic is light because there’s nowhere to go and nothing to do.

    • Gender Traitor

      Can we just put all these tin pot dictator governors in a big cage/ring and have them fight to the death?

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Last time somebody did that, they all assembled together like the megazord and carved up a 25 story tall constitution.

    • Gustave Lytton

      …because NJ bans self serve gasoline?

  58. straffinrun

    Go ahead and try to make me laugh while I host my conference call. I won’t be able to respond but…

    • UnCivilServant

      That’s out of title work.

    • Festus

      Challenge accepted! The supervisor that I had a tiff with last week resembles Gru. https://youtu.be/CeOsRggJO4s Same giant top half and skinny legs. Did I mention that she is about two inches taller and has about forty lbs on me? The nose is the kicker, though…

      • Festus

        I can’t un-see it.

    • Sean

      Hmmm…Let’s use this sign as a weapon…maybe a wine bottle would work…nah, let’s go back to the sign. ?

    • The Hyperbole

      I wish that woman that was getting punched in the doorway would have smashed that wet floor sign into his melon.