Saturday Morning I’m Dying Links

by | Mar 14, 2020 | Daily Links | 320 comments

On the bright side, the stark raving panic meant I got out of a trip to Detroit. On the dark side, I am living through a virtual chapter of Mackay. But so are you. I made the mistake of mentioning to a Normal that more people have gotten killed on the streets of Chicago this year than have died of coronavirus. Perhaps answering the sputtering outrage with, “…of course, the former are overwhelmingly black and young, so it’s not surprising that you don’t care about them.” Dale Carnegie would have been proud of me.

Birthdays today are minor except one: a guy who kicked syphilis’s ass; a guy who inspired a great Dead song; a Socon piece of shit who occasionally did the right thing spending-wise; and  finally, the big one. The biggest.

On to news.

Goddammit, this is just too much! 

 

Fuck you, cut spending. And don’t make working people subsidize the 17th Century British Feminist Art MFA making designs in the foam of your latte.

 

Had they ever consider that it wasn’t the audio that was garbled?

 

This is a relief, so to speak. 

 

THIS IS JUST TOO MUCH!!!

 

Biden’s PR flacks have no shame. 

 

I have an idea to solve this: get rid of, oh, 90% of the criminal laws.

 

Old Guy Music having, not just the most wonderful alto player ever, not just (besides Duke) the finest composer/arranger ever, but also a singer who was just a monster and mysteriously never made it huge. Listen to what this guy can do with his voice. This link is virus-free.

About The Author

Old Man With Candy

Old Man With Candy

Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me. Wait, wrong book, I'll find something else.

320 Comments

  1. Shpip

    98 Degrees no longer attending Chandler Ostrich Festival

    Well, you can’t accuse them of having their heads in the sand.

    • Atanarjuat

      … Because the sand in Arizona is far hotter than 98 deg F.

    • Atanarjuat

      I imagine the ostrich ranchers all breathed a sigh of relief at the news.

  2. Brawndo

    I work in a grocery store, thankfully not in the dry goods or as a cashier, but looking I’m looking at a few 12-16 hour days ahead. At least the overtime is nice.

    • Aloysious

      I’m really glad OMWC linked to Mackay. The last two days has been ‘the madness of crowds’ on full display.

  3. Gender Traitor

    I was wondering what the hell student loan interest had to do with CV. ***cough, cough***pandering***cough, cough***

    /not really coughing. No! Really! Hey! Don’t spray that Lysol on me!

    • PieInTheSky

      I would say 14 day quarantine just in case

    • Jarflax

      It isn’t student loan interest. It is interest that would be accruing on loans in forbearance. I am so annoyed by this one I could spit virus. Everyone in forbearance is supposedly experiencing financial hardship. That is how one gets a forbearance. So to virtue signal about the lamest plague ever we are going to forgive the interest that should be accruing on loans in forbearance now. Those of us who are paying our loans still pay interest, and those whose financial hardships hit before now or later this year when the virtue signalling ends will still have interest accrue. It is important to only suffer the approved misfortunes. If you suffer approved misfortunes those of us who suffer the unapproved misfortunes will pick up the tab for you.

    • Charles Easterly

      “Buenos días, Glibertarians, wherever you are!”

      Big Shoe Dance

      • JD is Unemployed

        Appreciated, Charles. Thanks.

      • Charles Easterly

        De nada, JD.

  4. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Ooh, those corona virus Jews will serve nicely as an avatar for my ZeroHedge commenting.
    Thanks.
    (just kidding BTW)

    • JD is Unemployed

      Based on OMWC’s graphics, casual observers to the site assume we are basically zerohedge meets dailystormer anyway. I wouldn’t be surprised to find Glibs had been added to some kind of list by the ADL or the SPLC.

      • l0b0t

        I was an enthusiastic user of High Weirdness By Mail as a lad and always thought highly of their advice to subscribe to a roughly equal amount of righty and lefty kook literature so as to not be pigeonholed onto particular watchlists.

      • Atanarjuat

        “MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE THE COURAGE TO JUMP ONTO THE “BOB” TULPA’S TRACTOR!”
        — Friar Synapse

        Wait, what?

      • egould310

        Give him some slack, man.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Getting condemned by one of those groups means you’ve made it. As long as we don’t get doxed…

      • Jarflax

        It could be worse. If he used the graphics he really wants to use we’d all be in prison learning how the ordinary criminals treat short eyes.

  5. PieInTheSky

    Fuck you, cut spending. And don’t make working people subsidize the 17th Century British Feminist Art MFA making designs in the foam of your latte. – was feminism a thing in the 17th century?

    • JD is Unemployed

      If it was, at least it was before it was co-opted and infiltrated by The Long March.

    • Count Potato

      It started in the 1840’s.

    • RAHeinlein

      Gig economy is the new euphemism for day labors. Jackpot for sanctuary cities. Vouchers for breakfast/lunch for those “poor” children who would have had free lunch schools plus expanded food benefits and other goodies.

      • PieInTheSky

        and as some women are day laborers this is a feminist issue

      • l0b0t

        The talking point amongst certain educators and educrats here in NYC is that if schools are shut down for CoronaPanic, all the poor children will go hungry because they get breakfast and lunch (Their ONLY meals of the day!) at school.

      • Count Potato

        They could get the feminists to make them sandwiches.

      • Spartacus

        I guess they starve all summer?

      • Timeloose

        Exactly, programs like this are ways to give the state more control over you and your kids lives in exchange for some free shit.

        You can feed your kids for a few dollars a day if you need to. You just have to make trade offs in your lives.

      • l0b0t

        Tee hee, silly rube. NYC provides free breakfast and lunch to all NYC school students during the school year AND free breakfast during all breaks, holidays, and Summer.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Air that isn’t a sad indictment of the current state of our society I don’t know what is.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        “If”
        Damn, how can Apple’s autocorrect be so bad?

      • Rhywun

        They practically celebrate the poors around here. And why not, they are a rich vein of votes.

      • Rhywun

        those “poor” children who would have had free lunch

        NYC is literally using this excuse to keep the schools open. ?‍♂️

        Freakouts ensue, of course.

      • Rhywun

        Or, what Lobot said.

      • Fourscore

        ‘Vouchers for breakfast/lunch for those “poor” children who would have had free lunch schools plus expanded food benefits and other goodies.

        Where are these vouchers gonna be used? Take ’em to school, get a free breakfast/lunch? WTF is up with that?
        CV Packet is at 500 B and counting. If I did the math right we’re all in for $1500 per person, man/woman/trans/kids/everyone. Would I spend 1500 as a precaution? Hell no! Would I spend the money for treatment, Hell yes.

        I want my $1500 back.

  6. Trigger Hippie

    “Maureen, are you there?” Biden said.

    I’m currently giggling to the idea of him randomly blurting that out all the time with no context.

    • egould310

      Maureen was the first love of his life when Joe was sixteen. She died in a tragic swimming pool accident. Her memory still haunts him.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        What a shame, I bet Corn Pop had something to do with it.

      • egould310

        Corn Pop absolutely had something to do with it. Every tragedy in Joe’s life can be traced back to Corn Pop.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Corn Pop was a badass, I hear had a custom Continental, he had an Eldorado too, he had a 32 gun in his pocket for fun, and he had a razor in his shoe.

      • Animal

        But did he learn a lesson ’bout a-messin’ with the wife of a jealous man?

      • Shpip

        – a couple of pieces from a jigsaw puzzle

      • Cy

        Did the men just call him sir?

      • Fatty Bolger

        Hey Joe, where you goin’ with that gun in your hand?

      • Atanarjuat

        I heard she died trying to save a child who nearly drowned in a throng if swimmers smoothing down Joe’s leg hair.

      • Fourscore

        throng

        No, a thong, we’re talking Uncle Joe here

      • Trigger Hippie

        Heh. Well done.

      • Grummun

        The swimming pool was drunk at the time.

  7. Atanarjuat

    Azar will be able to “waive provisions of applicable laws and regulations to give doctors, hospitals — all hospitals — and health care providers maximum flexibility to respond to the virus,” Trump added.

    Let’s just make the deregulation permanent in case another virus hits someday.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Agreed, if they an be waived in times of crisis they’re largely superfluous nonsense anyway.

  8. straffinrun

    Let’s say that it were exploding power lines that suddenly started killing thousands of people. Would you compare that to deaths in Chicago from gun fire? Of course people would be freaking out because you can’t really get away from them unless you go Unabomber. And it’s going to get worse before it gets better. We’ve become adjusted to other forms of death and risks because they’ve been around for a while. We aren’t used to new threats. This whole panic vs don’t panic crowd is the necessary process by which society determines the correct path. And this is exactly why the climate change fear mongers are so evil: they took a manageable threat and heightened it to eleven before the process even began. That is ideological fervor.

    • PieInTheSky

      Point is that gun fire deaths in Chicago are not contagious to the general population and are rather unlikely to grow exponentially in a few months

      • straffinrun

        True. And you can avoid Chicago if you want. We don’t know the end game of this yet.

      • invisible finger

        Gun fire deaths in Chicago are not contagious. But they are absolutely likely to grow in a few months – always ramps up in the summer.

      • PieInTheSky

        key word exponentially

      • invisible finger

        I know, i left that out intentionally 🙂

        Coronavirus will also cease to grow exponentially.

  9. Atanarjuat

    Woke up with a runny nose and sore throat. PANIC!!!

    • Drake

      Thiis about the time of year my seasonal allergies kick in. That should make for some fun paranoia.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Take a Benadryl, if that doesn’t “cure” it you’re doomed.

      • Drake

        Take a Benadryl and I’ll wake up when this is all over.

      • l0b0t

        I feel your pain. Benadryl is the most efficacious remedy for me but I can’t take it if I have to do anything; it puts me down for hours. I take one or two Claritin, generic Costco flavor, per day and it works, but not as well as that sweet diphenhydramine. Anecdotally, I now get my loratadine at Costco – $10 for 100 tablets. My very first Claritin was in 1988; it was Rx only and cost $2.50 per tablet.

      • Tundra

        Same.

        Flonase seems to work pretty well.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Ditto. My throat tickles also, but no fever. Which unfortunately isn’t always present with the other either.

  10. Trigger Hippie

    “If we lose 40 percent of our force, what would police service look like?” asked Chris Davis, a deputy police chief in Portland, Ore.

    *fapping*

    • Slammer

      Antifa won’t have anyone to rebel against and scream “Fuck the pigs” while they assault people and break shit in Portland. Maybe they can riot with the Zoom app

      • Cy

        No. There’s just no one standing in the way of everyone bating ANTIFA’s ass.

  11. Count Potato

    I didn’t know Casey Jones was a real person, but apparently he wasn’t high on cocaine.

  12. l0b0t

    The CoronaPanic seems to have reduced airline prices significantly. The $300 flights to NOLA I was perusing last week have gone down to $100 ($89 with stupendously bad layover in Ft. Lauderdale). It’s house hunting time!

  13. PieInTheSky

    99 official cases in Romania. Goin triple digits.

    • Sean

      But can you still buy toilet paper?

      • PieInTheSky

        Not in every supermarket, but here and there yes

    • straffinrun

      Is that a Romanian beer chant?

      • Trigger Hippie

        99 vials of blood on the wall

        99 vials of blood…

      • straffinrun

        Take one down

        Pass hepatitis around…

      • Trigger Hippie

        Drink now, don’t postpone-a

        They’re free of Corona?

  14. Sean

    https://www.wfmz.com/health/coronavirus/all-pa-schools-to-be-closed-for-weeks-over-coronavirus/article_3668d51e-655d-11ea-9aeb-271fa4fa37fa.html

    “HARRISBURG, Pa. – All K-12 Pennsylvania schools will be closed for 10 business days effective Monday, March 16, Gov. Tom Wolf said Friday.

    At the end of the 10 days, the administration will reevaluate and decide whether the closure needs to continue.

    No school district will be penalized if it fails to meet the 180 day or school hours requirements, Gov. Wolf said.

    Cyber charter school closures would be considered on a case-by-case basis and private schools were encouraged to consider closures.”

    This is in reaction to 33 cases in the state…

      • Gender Traitor

        Ohio announced their school closings before we even hit the current reported total of 16. (Pop. abt. 11.7 million)

      • Timeloose

        No one is happy about this. I will expect half of my employees To work from home now to take care of the kids.

        I also had a debate with my wife about kids not eating Free breakfast and lunch. Shouldn’t the parents be able to feed their kids? Isn’t that one of your first priorities as a parent.

      • Fourscore

        “Everything is free in America” sung with my bad Midwest accent

  15. Rufus the Monocled

    So. Does COVID-19 qualify as a ‘Black Swan’?

    Or is it more about our reaction to it (where the human psyche plays a role)?

    • straffinrun

      Brack Swan

      • Rufus the Monocled

        Grey Goose?

      • Pi Guy

        What you did there was seen.

    • PieInTheSky

      human psyche plays a role in everything though

    • Trigger Hippie

      Will I get visions of Mila Kunis and Natalie Potrman going at it with each other if infected? If so…

      • Cy

        It’s only dirty if they don’t wear masks!

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Well yeah. A Black Swan event being something that pops the bubble.

    • Cy

      Negative Goose. It qualifies as a Black B-52 Super Fortress with a full pay load and a cowboy hat wearing bomb tech named ‘Rex.’

  16. Tundra

    Good morning to you, Old Man, and to your merry band of misfits!

    I’m too tired to panic.

    But I miss having sports to watch and read about. Fuck you, China.

    Nice Old Guy music today. Not that I know much about that genre, but I had never heard of the guy. A little research and I found this interview. He sounds exactly how you would imagine.

    I hope you all have a great day!

    • Rufus the Monocled

      This can’t be stressed enough.

      FUCK CHINA.

      • Atanarjuat

        China is Ass Hole.

      • Atanarjuat

        Those Hong Kong protestors are heroically brave.

    • PieInTheSky

      sadly you never know who is really good on war until they get in

      • Atanarjuat

        Very true, but when she was in Congress she met with Assad to help prevent an invasion of Syria.

    • Rufus the Monocled

      The economies are the West are grinding to a halt (you should see what we’re doing here) and they want to pile on by giving money? This doesn’t sound prudent to me.

      I have no idea anymore what to think but I’m leaning this is a little on the hyper precautionary principle side.

      • PieInTheSky

        money is easy just some bits in a computer

    • invisible finger

      How about just adding $4000 to the standard deduction on fed income tax?

      • Fourscore

        Assume a job

      • invisible finger

        Assume any $1000 “gift” will come with a 1099.

    • robc

      Is she a member of the Bush family?

  17. Animal

    The site I’m working with now put out a notice yesterday; the site will be closed for two weeks, everyone to work remotely. The building will be open Monday for people can come in and pick up anything they need (laptops, power cords, etc.) and after that will only be open to those few people who have to be physically present, which in this place, since it’s only offices, will be almost nobody.

    We went out yesterday to do our normal Friday grocery shopping. There was an epic amount of pants-shitting on display. People buying entire carts full of bottled water and toilet paper! It’s not a freakin’ hurricane, it’s a virus, I’m 100% certain the water and power will stay on. People are reacting like morons.

    Mrs. Animal and I have a flight home to CO booked for Friday. I’m pretty sure we’ll be on that flight. I’m pretty sure we’ll return here on schedule nine days later. The world will, for the most part, continue to tick along.

    • Animal

      Also: I might need this. I’ve often wondered how hard it would be to take one of these old Model 100s, and make a bullpup hunting rifle with a nice walnut stock. It would be an interesting project gun. The trick would be getting a forward trigger with a decent pull.

      • Tejicano

        A bullpup with a decent trigger is pretty much the holy grail. I have a design in my head which gets around the major obstacles but you would have to fabricate it from scratch.

    • Rufus the Monocled

      If it costs us two weeks it shouldn’t be so bad.

      But if the rumours I’m hearing that this shit can last as much as three months….watch out.

      Buy bullets.

      People are gonna empty more than toilet paper shelves. We’re already seeing how fast irrational behaviour can set.

      • Animal

        I don’t think it will last three months. I figure that in a week or so, most of the pants-shitting will taper off as people realize that it’s not a case of OMG THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END, that the power and water will stay on and they will still have to pay their bills. Supplies will continue to flow to the stores, and gradually all but a few paranoid morons will return to some semblance of normalcy.

      • Rufus the Monocled

        You mean….we’re gonna get our toilet paper back?

      • Animal

        Well, as an alternative, one could always lay in a supply of corn cobs.

      • Cy

        The US isn’t going to run out of toilet paper or food or running water or electricity. It’s not a meteor!

      • Cy

        I’ll be the contrarian here, this is going to be 6-18 months. The initial shutdowns are going to do what they’re supposed to. People are going to come out and claim they didn’t save anything and everything is not that bad. After that, the real carnage will begin. If you look at previous infectious disease pandemics you’ll see three humps for fatalities. We’re at the very beginning of the first hump. Its the small one. The 2nd hump is gigantic.

    • Sean

      Frankly, I’m disappointed the stores didn’t impose purchase limits. Yeah, yeah…free markets…

      It would have prevented the media hype and fear that added to the general public’s anxiety.

      • Rufus the Monocled

        They did hear. Three per.

        Empty.

      • Rufus the Monocled

        here

      • Ted S.

        They should auction the stock off one package at a time.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Panic buying mostly useless shit gives people an illusion of control to an unseen and potentially deadly outsider. Best get used to it until this either resolves or it becomes the norm.

      • Cy

        It’s the “I’ve got to do SOMETHING!” mentality. The irony is, they’re mostly just helping the virus spread by congregating in long public lines and sharing public surfaces like shopping cart handles.

      • Gender Traitor

        During our not-brief-enough foray over to the grocery side of our local Meijer last night, I saw a lady pushing her cart with plastic bags over her hands.

      • Shirley Knott

        I’ve started wearing vinyl gloves when I have to be out touching things — mostly grocery shopping. If nothing else, it’s a reminder not to touch my face.
        I also just bought (the last) 2 eyeglass wipes at Walgreens. Should do as sanitizing wipers — isopropyl alcohol soaked tissues. Nice that they were buy one get the second half-off.

      • Agent Cooper

        Wait until Tuesday AM, when most new shipments arrive to stores.

    • PieInTheSky

      its sort of game theory. If you don’t panic buy and others do you will not get any

      • Jarflax

        ^this. The initial panic is irrational. But once it starts it is not irrational to take the panic effect into account in your own decisions. Do not be me. I didn’t join the tp mobs, and now we have 1/2 a roll of tp left for 3 people…

    • Not an Economist

      My big boss told the office to try and work remotely on Monday. My only problem with that is he told us at 3 PM on a Friday.

  18. Timeloose

    I’m starting to put operation car fun into effect. Things are getting silly out there.

    • Timeloose

      Operation car gun.

      • PieInTheSky

        one letter can be very important

      • Cy

        Between the fun the gun and the car, it sounds like we have a real life GTA situation here.

      • Animal

        What are you building? I have a truck gun; it’s an old H&R Topper 12 gauge single-shot with the barrel cut to 18″. My friends call it the Ditch Witch. I’m not saying I would shoot rabbits out the truck window – that would be illegal – but if I were to do that, I’d have the perfect shotgun for it.

      • Timeloose

        It’s a keltec sub2000 with a red dot and 32 round Glock mag. Folds up and fits snugly behind the passenger seat

      • Timeloose

        9mm

      • Tejicano

        I always had a truck gun back in the day. Usually it was an SKS in a folding stock running 30 round magazines. But that was when you could pick up an SKS for a bit over $100.

      • Animal

        For a truck rifle, I will have my old 336 Marlin in .30WCF. Should handle anything I need done.

    • Charles Easterly

      “I’m starting to put operation car gun into effect. Things are getting silly out there.”

      But do you have a phased plasma rifle in the 40 Watt range?

  19. Rhywun

    kicked syphilis’s ass

    Fun if only to me fact… I used to live on the corner of Paul Ehrlich and the other day’s Otto Hahn Straßen.

    Now to find a cup of coffee and something, anything to watch on TV.

    • Sean

      Futurama is on SyFy.

      • Rhywun

        On it.

    • Trigger Hippie

      Monty Ptyhon is on IFC…really don’t want to go to work right meow.

      Ah hell, away I go.

  20. PieInTheSky

    SO I read you should wash everything you buy in stores with hot water and soap before putting it in the fridge/freezer/pantry. Yeah I ain’t doing that.

    • Count Potato

      That’s a bit much.

      • Jarflax

        It really screwed up my ice cream…

    • Nephilium

      I just put in a pickup order for the grocery store for tomorrow (they only had a couple of slots left for tomorrow, and none for today). I’ll just dip everything in bleach first.

    • straffinrun

      They will then be told to self-quarantine for 14 days, but otherwise will be free to roam in the country

      Looking for brains to eat.

      • Tejicano

        Sounds like those were in short supply with either party there

    • KSuellington

      The most accurate thermometers are anal.

      • westernsloper

        ^ this comment brings me a flash of product genius. Blue tooth butt plug with apple watch readout taking self monitoring to a new level!

      • Mad Scientist

        It also needs to automatically tweet changes in temperature, and take selfies.

      • westernsloper

        I suppose that could be used anally. My research has not led me to see that but I guess it is possible.

      • Mad Scientist

        Likewise, the most anal thermometers are accurate.

      • Aloysious

        That reminds me of a joke:

        What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

        The taste.

  21. straffinrun

    It’s the little things in life. She looks like she got lost on the way back from Mardi Gras.

    • Slammer

      needs moar “accidentally” dropping papers on the floor

      • straffinrun

        Considering the best we normally get is Pelosi dropping her dentures on floor, I’ll take it.

    • Old Man With Candy

      And she looks pissed about it.

  22. Timeloose

    I’m going to put all of my 401K money into RotoRooter futures. There’s going to be a ton of clogged toilets once the paper starts getting replaced with yellow pages and old rags.

      • Count Potato

        Married Ice-T, apparently.

    • JD is Unemployed

      Well at least her giganto-norks still work after the surgery.

  23. Florida Man

    Report from MCO/MIA. Airports look like they always do, flight from Orlando to Miami was at capacity. Will report back once in LIR.

    • Tundra

      Wife and daughter flew to DEN on Thursday night. Normal crowds at both airports and full flight.

  24. Rufus the Monocled

    Yesterday I went to the grocery store after the Quebec government held a conference figuring it was a normal day.

    As soon as I approached the store, I realized how wrong I was and had forgotten, as OMWC reminds, about my Mackay.

    Tepidly, I walked in and while everyone was calm enough you can sense some level of tension. Curiously, I headed for the toilet paper section and sure enough…..empty.

    As I continued on purchasing some items, I entered the dairy and eggs section and came upon the young stock manager of the section I’ve come to know. I noticed he had a big pallet off eggs to unload because the shelf had been emptied out. I asked him, ‘Est-ce que c’est assez debile pour toi? (Is it crazy enough for you? In more Quebecois than French). He responded, ‘C’est des maudits d’hostie caves’ (They’re a bunch of fucken retards).

    We had a laugh and I went on.

    • Atanarjuat

      My phone died for 10 days over the holidays (I also have no internet or tv at home right now). It was like a weight off my back. I read 2 books and started a third in that time. He’s not wrong.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      100 percent seems to be a bit of an overstatement but I comprehend his gist.

  25. Slammer

    Look at that line up. There are drivers who are going to spend DAYS at this facility trying to get loaded and bring you toilet paper, which will sit in a closet unused for months. LOOK AT IT

    • Tundra
      • Slammer

        awesome

      • Sean

        Outstanding!

      • Rufus the Monocled

        LOVE that movie.

      • JD is Unemployed

        Loaded up and truckin’!

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      That’s an awesome sight.

    • leon

      This must be great for the economy! /Krugman

  26. JD is Unemployed

    Fuck tipping. Discuss.

    • Atanarjuat

      No need to discuss. You said it all. The only good thing about it is getting some part of some people’s income tax free.

      • JD is Unemployed

        Oh yeah, that’s what I tell myself to make me feel better. It’s really the only upside. In the grand scheme of things, fuck it, but if I ignore the encompassing economic reality I can at least feel good about that.

      • Atanarjuat

        Doesn’t affect you as much, does it? My experience was UK servers are noticeably more polite and attentive than in US.

      • JD is Unemployed

        It depends where you go. Tipping isn’t so prevalent except in restaurants, cafés, some bars. In the USA, tips cleaned me out. Paid two dollars to some bum who insisted on showing me how to operate a ticket machine for the DART, and when I gave him that just to piss off he had the audacity to point out that he could see I had more cash in my wallet that I hadn’t given to him.

    • invisible finger

      I’m not paying waitstaff full price to stand around if no customers come in.

    • The Hyperbole

      I don’t mind tipping if it is truly an expression of appreciation for a job well done, but fuck me if I’m giving the bartenders a buck every time they reach into a cooler and hand me a beer.

      • straffinrun

        That is not how bar tending works. They stock, do inventory, wash glasses, throw out drunks, clean the bar, haul kegs and on and on. Maybe they shouldn’t be tipped, but the pay isn’t always great if tips are bad. I did it for five years and it isn’t easy money by any stretch.

      • The Hyperbole

        Oh I’ll leave a buck or two at the end of the night just not every time I place an order.

      • straffinrun

        You get the bartender you pay for (in general). If the place you go to expects a buck or two from a customer that’s been there hours taking up a seat, well, you get a bartender that won’t be all that good.

      • Jarflax

        You work your ass off bartending when it is busy, both physically and mentally, but even with the occassional cheapskate you generally make out pretty well.

      • straffinrun

        You’re giving up weekend nights (if you want the good money) and will pay a physical price if you keep it up too many years. Jump at every order that comes in for hours at a time and, if you were doing it at a cash bar like I did, you’re doing calculations in your head all night while trying to take new orders and keep stocked. All at the same time. Wasn’t worth the money after a while. Young man’s game.

      • straffinrun

        IOW what you said. Sorry.

      • Jarflax

        It was a lot of fun in my 20s. When I hit 30 I went back to school. Like you said, a young man’s game.

      • Agent Cooper

        The absolute smoke-show who got me a bit drunk at the W bar in Westwood with about 5 Vodka Gimlets in a little over an hour got a nice tip.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      The only time I’ve ever not tipped was when a waitress refused to divide up a sizable check for four people and told us to use the calculators on our phones. I still get pissed thinking about that.

      • Jarflax

        Separate checks are an abomination. Just pick up the check, and if your friends do not take their turns stop eating with them.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        If I was to buy for my friends I could kiss my money goodbye. Good guys but I’d have to send a leg breaker to get my money back.

      • Fatty Bolger

        There’s always that one, though. The cheapskate who never pays.

      • JD is Unemployed

        Weird. I’ve always considered it our responsibility to divide up the cheque rather than ask a waiter to do it. It’s never taken too long to sort out. I’m a stickler for that except when with good friends who I know I can count on.

        The only time I’ve been with folks who just wanted to split it evenly was when they had three bottles of expensive wine, and 2 more courses than everyone else. Meal communists. I flatly refused to subsidise them.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Around here at least they always inquire about separate checks before they take your order. She was aware, I’m not that much of a bastard.

    • Cy

      Until it stops being an entitlement and goes back to being what it was originally intended for… fuck tipping.

    • Spudalicious

      I’m a big tipper. Less than 20% means you pissed me off.

    • leon


      Jester
      @quaintjester
      ·
      12h
      Replying to
      @NBCNewsWorld
      Good to know our Army can operate with impunity in China without them catching us.”

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Huawei no longer a threat.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Divert, deflect, lie…it’s CCP SOP.

      • JD is Unemployed

        “It is well known that…”

    • Rhywun

      US is asshole!

      • Plinker762

        Damn straight – so don’t fuck with us

    • Rufus the Monocled

      YOU PAY US NOW!

    • Raven Nation

      What bullshit. Everyone knows it’s the CIA that imports diseases to kill people.

    • Tejicano

      My nine-year-old has better sense than to try that kind of line on me

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Way to go Bloomberg, keep people divided based on characteristics that are an accident of birth during a health scare.

    • Gender Traitor

      Just one more damn thing for chicks to bitch about.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Are you kidding me? It’s assigned female at birth!

    • Certified Public Asshat

      After my wife gave birth, I went back to work after two weeks and had to do more housework. This in addition to all of my outdoor chores she never does. I was clearly bearing the brunt.

    • Rufus the Monocled

      Apparently it’s actually men I hear.

      But Bloomberg is a piece of shit anyway so why would he care?

  27. leon

    If Police Officers Get the Coronavirus, Who Will Patrol the Streetsshoot the dogs?

    • invisible finger

      Anyone hungry enough.

    • JD is Unemployed

      Odds on them still frequenting fast food joints and flashing their badges for free meals?

    • straffinrun

      Rabies didn’t seem to stop them.

    • leon

      Who will kidnap you illegally with impunity?

      Who will destroy your house catching a petty theft?

    • commodious spittoon

      Comfortably Smug
      @ComfortablySmug

      If you have a dog, and caught the Wuhan virus, one thing is important to remember:

      – After you died, the dog wouldn’t know what happened. It would think it was a bad dog and you decided to abandon it.

      Comfortably Smug
      @ComfortablySmug

      Also in that case it’s prob best you aren’t around to see that after the authorities collect your body they’ll send your dog to the pound for a couple months and after no one adopts it it’ll get a bolt to the head and tossed in the incinerator.

      You just had to touch your face

      • cyto

        That is some next level stuff right there….

      • commodious spittoon

        Comfortably Smug
        @ComfortablySmug

        If you contract the Wuhan virus you should STAY CALM.

        The important thing is to focus on writing a letter to say goodbye to your loved ones.

    • Agent Cooper

      Sammy Davis, Jr. blew the roof off the place.

  28. Hyperion

    Don’t worry everyone. Then virus will not last long, it was made in China!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Thank God it didn’t come out of Japan.

      • straffinrun

        That’s comforting.

    • Nephilium

      So I’ll be getting it again an hour later?

  29. Fourscore

    Grand kid: “Grandpa, you sure have a lot of toilet paper”

    Me: “I know, we live a long ways away from Walmart so we keep a pretty good supply on hand”

    Grand kid: “Well, you and Grandma are getting kind of old and the corona virus and all, I was just wondering. If anything happens to you and Grandma could I have the toilet paper?

    Me: What would you do with all that toilet paper?”

    Grandkid: Well, me and my friends have some enemies and we’d like to TP their houses, you know, like you had your house TPed.”

    • commodious spittoon

      TPing your enemy’s house? Would you throw DIAMONDS at your enemy, too?

      • leon

        Fourscore is flaunting his wealth. Dang 2-plyer!!!

    • Cy

      Wait until those kids find out about the ammo stock pile… those enemies will never know what hit em.

  30. Hyperion

    “Biden’s PR flacks have no shame”

    Speaking of hacks with no shame:

    CHINA GOOD, MUCH WOKE, MANY BRAVE, WEST BAD!

    Fuck you, you fucking hacks, move your goddamn offices to Wuhan!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Good lord, how much are the Chinese paying them? That’s shameful, just because it’s written doesn’t mean they have to publish it.

    • invisible finger

      You could have at least said it was a NYT article.

      • invisible finger

        And I love the disclaimer “Article does not necessarily represent the views of MSN or Microsoft.”

        Um, yes, yes it does. You chose to republish NYT articles knowing their socialist bent before you entered into the contract. If A=B and B=C…

    • leon

      Once again collectivism she’s what it can but us individualists screw it up.

  31. Hyperion

    So, some of my co-workers and I are considering this 100% WFH period, this year’s snow days. Since we didn’t get any this year because of global warming and all.

    • JD is Unemployed

      What is this twee hepcat nonsense? Go to your room.

  32. cyto

    Funny that you posted the Dollywood link. My wife arranged for her whole family to meet us there… we have a cabin rented for 30 people over spring break. And now they are closing Dollywood.

    But here’s the difference… the people at Dollywood are really nice. Unlike all these music festivals, they said that we could get a full refund for our group tickets. And they actually called us to notify us that the opening was being postponed.

    Now we have to figure out what we are going to do. Hiking in the mountains is still my jam, but I don’t know about being trapped in a cabin with a half-dozen families from all over the place. Even without Covid-19, it was going to be a petri dish.

  33. DrOtto

    I was watching Beavis and Butthead on Pluto last night – the Cornholio episode came on and seemed especially rich in today’s environment – “I am the great Cornholio – I need TP for my bunghole”

  34. leon

    Predictions I want them: Does Coronavirus cost Trump the presidency?

    Yes.
    No
    No, but only because it kills Joe Biden and Bernie is nominated.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Maybe: Depends on the effectiveness of the response.

      • cyto

        I don’t think it depends on the response at all. They have already declared Trump’s response incompetent and too little too late and that he’s killed people – even though it hasn’t even started here yet.

        If this virus is as bad as advertised, the result from a great response is still going to be hundreds of thousands of dead. (remember, 80k died of flu in the 2017 season. This is supposed to be more than 10x as bad as flu) So if they blunt the peak of the virus and the healthcare system only gets heavily strained, they’ll still say it was a massive failure.

        And if the virus is not as virulent as they have been saying, they’ll still say it was a failure. There is no death total that the left propaganda machine would call a success. “One life is too many” in this scenario. So even though 10% of all octogenarians are going to die this year from some cause, the idea that 1% of that 10% is from coronavirus will be proof that Trump is uber-evil and incompetent.

        They already said that blocking travel from Europe but not the UK was an example of Trump’s racism. They already blame Trump for not containing the virus to China.

        And there was no containing this hysteria. We have 12 people in our county testing positive… all of their contacts have been tracked. We have just shy of 2 million people here in Broward county. So we shut down the schools. WTF?

        You really couldn’t get more aggressive than this. Shutting everything down before anyone even has it? It might take until July for this thing to pass the peak at this rate.

      • straffinrun

        That’s about where I’m at. Question is: How many people will see through what team blue is doing? Trump running around saying stuff like, “The doctors are amazed at how much I know about this virus!” raises another question concerning who’s buying what he’s selling.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Trump running around saying stuff like, “The doctors are amazed at how much I know about this virus!” raises another question concerning who’s buying what he’s selling.

        That’s just Trump being Trump. However, the Fox News-o-sphere has successfully created the narrative that anyone who criticizes the administration’s response to Tom Hanks Disease is a filthy slant-eyed Chinese spy. Lizard brain programming fills in the rest, and hatred of the outgroup ensures that no one in his base will step out of line.

      • Cy

        Wait… weren’t they all Russian spies? I can’t keep up!

      • Cy

        I think the shutdown was the right play. They knew they’d fallen behind on testing, instead of wondering how many people are actually out there, shut it all down for 2-3 weeks and see who actually has it.

      • cyto

        The “testing” story is one of the big spin problems. Fauci detailed this very well… and completely got set up for political spin. He very clearly explained that our system is designed to monitor the spread of disease, not to quarantine people who have a viral infection, stopping the spread. We have been testing exactly those people needed to do that job.

        For some reason that means that if you are a celebrity and have a cold and want to get tested, Trump failed you.

        Meanwhile, here in Florida, our governor bought enough tests for a quarter million people – more than all other states combined. Recognizing the different mission of state and federal healthcare bureaucracies, he pushed them out to private labs on his own, skipping the state testing laboratories because hospitals told him that it was too slow.

        Now Trump reveals that he did the same thing – 10 days ago… well, 11 now. The just had to get FDA approval on the tests, which were turned around in 24 hours after the application was received. Creating partnerships among a bunch of retail and pharmaceutical giants is unique. I don’t know if Trump played a role other than saying OK, but it is a pretty aggressive solution.

        There still are not that many people to be tested in the US. Everyone wants millions to be tested, but as of this past week, only hundreds were known to be potentially exposed. Here in Florida they tested hundreds and found tens – mostly cruise ship and international travelers. All the rest were negative.

        That’s gonna flip in a couple of weeks. And Trump’s 2 million tests should be distributed by then.

        But don’t worry. They’ll find something else to criticize.

        That “do you accept responsibility” question was clearly designed to create a talking point. And even though Fauci directly told her that he was not in any way referring to the administration’s response, they ran with it anyway. Heck, he even said “as I have told you many times” as a part of that answer, and every media outlet still ran with “Trump refuses to take responsibility” as the headline.

      • Gustave Lytton

        They already said that blocking travel from Europe but not the UK was an example of Trump’s racism.

        I’m already hearing from low info voters that’s it’s really due to where Trump has golf courses in Europe.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        As Q points out below the hair on fire media response is transparently political and they’re overplaying their hand. A bad response rightly dooms his chances but a good response will make this a wash or even help him. Maybe they’ll manage to Katrina him though, we’ll just have to wait and see.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Complaining about the European travel ban was a mistake, because right after that it was widely being reported that Europe was the new epicenter for the disease. Oops.

      • dorvinion

        In a week it will be ‘why did he delay in issuing Europe travel ban’

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Yep

      • Gustave Lytton

        Agreed. I see a couple possibilities

        Covid-19 fizzles out, economy tanks- Trump takes the blame

        Covid-19 is a big deal, economy declines in some sectors but also starts picking up in others, gov is generally competent- Trump gets re-elected

        Covid-19 is a disaster, the economy tanks, gov response is a fuckup- Trump is done

        Obviously many other permutations.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        It’s THD, simp.

    • R C Dean

      No, because (plot twist) it kills Trump!

    • Q Continuum

      A week ago I would have said yes. However, the media (once again) overreacted and let their TDS get the best of them. Anecdotally, even my apolitical and slightly left friends are noticing the media’s insane and inconsistent response to this and are accusing them of using a nonpartisan emergency to try and score political points. It’s distasteful and takes the focus off Trump. Additionally, they’re carrying water for the ChiComs, which is also pretty transparent. I’m slowly sliding back to the “no it doesn’t torpedo him” column, especially if the stock market keeps going up.

      • cyto

        His problem is that this is at least a 3 month hit. I have no idea what we are going to do 30 days in, let alone after 60 days.

        In South Florida, we have spring break coming up in a week. Next week had a couple of teacher planning days sprinkled in, so it was a jacked up week anyway. So the unions began putting pressure on the schools to close. They said it would give us 2 weeks quarantine (playing on the 14 days thing).

        The problem? They are scientifically illiterate. With almost zero community infection, taking this particular 2 weeks off will not have that big of an impact. Waiting to take off the week after spring break would have been the move, since very little transmission is likely in the next week anyway. But 3 weeks from now? We could finally be in full on Covid-19 season. After 3 weeks of people missing out on work, etc. 3 weeks of finding something for your kids to do, or someone to watch your kids while you work, if you still have work.

        This is the ultimate Kobyashi Maru. Nothing will be seen as “success”.

        (meanwhile, if you want to be partisan, you can enjoy the crowing over Obama/Biden’s huge success in battling ebola – a virus that has never spread beyond the villages where it originates.)

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I see you took the black pill. Careful man, those things are bad for you.

      • Gustave Lytton

        With almost zero community infection, taking this particular 2 weeks off will not have that big of an impact. Waiting to take off the week after spring break would have been the move, since very little transmission is likely in the next week anyway.

        Agree with much of what you’re saying, but earlier intervention into social distancing can flatten the peak much more than waiting, even a week or three. There’s also an argument that it will give testing time to catch up, but the CDC has been promising that for weeks that they’re just on the cusp.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Testing isn’t going to come from the CDC. They finally let private companies and labs get involved, and it will be ramped up quickly now.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Still needs time. Local doctors office that is sending in samples to Quest says they’re limited to 40 but the glorious news reporters didn’t clarify why and and how long.

        Testing is only really useful at the beginning. Once it’s widespread, testing is less useful as an individual diagnostic and is more for trend analysis.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        (meanwhile, if you want to be partisan, you can enjoy the crowing over Obama/Biden’s huge success in battling ebola – a virus that has never spread beyond the villages where it originates.)

        Remember the Great Hit ‘n Run Ebola Freakout of 2014?

        Pepperidge Farms remembers.

      • Sean

        What Q said.

        I’m already able to make jokes about it at work and get laughs.

    • dorvinion

      Depends on how many people view the media/dem response as contrary to be contrary

      Aggressive responses are inciting a panic
      Measured and reasonable responses are fiddling while corona burns

    • l0b0t

      Tall cans to you, good sir. I didn’t get to comment on your last article but that fishing diorama was fantastic.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder
  35. leon

    Remember when the lady started yelling at AOC about eating Babies. Who’s laughing now?

    • R C Dean

      Me?

  36. LJW

    Was having a discussion with friends regarding all of closures and panic. I’m not a pandemic expert, but I wonder if we’re going about this all wrong. Wouldn’t it be wiser to have the vulnerable self isolate while the rest live business as usual. Wouldn’t this be the most efficient way to build up herd immunity and eliminate the threat of the disease sticking around for long?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Can’t afford to have everyone in the healthcare industry catch it at the same time. The most vulnerable are going to be exposed to them regardless.

      • LJW

        But couldn’t you say the same about the flu and that never seems to happen.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Healthcare workers have good herd immunity to the flu in general. And vaccines exist.

        The reactions are primarily about minimizing the impact to the healthcare industry and not overwhelming it like in Italy where dead bodies are not being picked up because of strained resources.

      • Gustave Lytton

        And there are antivirals that reduce the severity of flu.

      • Raven Nation

        “like in Italy”

        This is one explanation of what took place there:
        “The situation in Italy, to some extent, is mimicking what happened in China, where hospitals were overwhelmed. In addition, hospitals were unprepared to take various infection control measures so that some of the people who were infected first were hospital and medical personnel. You had sort of a two pronged attack. You had an overwhelming demand for medical services and then you had a decrease in the supply of people able to provide it.

        That, to some extent, has happened in Italy, but I think Italy is more just a question of overwhelming demand and hospitals that were not prepared to take care of those patients. What I mean by prepared is they weren’t prepared to have isolation facilities so that these patients would have a place to go where they wouldn’t infect other people. They weren’t prepared in that what are called universal precautions were taken with everyone. People were exposed, and as a result, you have a system that’s sort of teetering on the edge in Italy.”

      • Cy

        Given the severity and plausible amount of people that would overwhelm our medical capacities if we missed the ‘shutdown’ mark. I’m ok with the governments being a week or even 2 weeks early. In some places, they were 2-3 weeks late. Also, it’s worth considering, the governments realized they didn’t nor couldn’t get an accurate picture of the amount of sick account of the testing issues.

    • Gustave Lytton

      The vulnerable would be pretty much everyone over 20. Every adult age group, based on current analysis, has worse outcomes in both death and complications/hospitalizations compared to influenza at the same age group. It’s just even worse as you age up or add other factors such as smoking or diabetes or immunocompromised.

    • IRBE

      That’s an interesting thought experiment but that is not how herd immunity works. I worked on the first gen FluMist in 2000. Basically it is a live flu that is cold adapted. Grows in the nose and throat but dies in the lungs (not disease state allowed). In clinical trials, we gave it to childrens…if 2 kid got the vaccine at a day care, they would snot all over everything like they always do. We found that after time that all the kids at the daycare had antibodies to that flu strain. That is herd immunity. No one got sick per se but there was immunity to the community.

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      Wouldn’t it be wiser to have the vulnerable self isolate while the rest live business as usual?

      Yes, it would be. I have a buddy with adult-onset MS and his immune system ain’t the healthiest thing. He’s self-isolating for the next two weeks after just returning from the DFW metroplex. The way things are rolling out, he may have to self-isolate longer . . .

  37. Pope Jimbo

    Never change Ohio, while Sloopy nods approvingly in TX.

  38. Lackadaisical

    Joe has a cure for corona, but can’t do a live stream. okay boomer.

  39. Scruffy Nerfherder

    At least our local media gets the headlines right

    Coronavirus in Hampton Roads: 7 cases in James City County; ABC stores remain open

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      We’re probably a day or two away from them announcing community spread here and enacting stricter quarantine measures.

      *hides TP in crawl space*

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      More local headlines

      Drinking bleach will not prevent coronavirus, Virginia poison control center warns

      • Fatty Bolger

        Fake news! Can’t get the virus if you’re dead.

      • Fourscore

        Anti freeze is the true disinfectant. Kills every living thing (I’ve heard)

    • Charles Easterly

      Hampton Roads.

      Good morning Scruffy,

      Unrelated to your main point, yet a few years ago I was visiting friends in southeastern Virginia and we went to a place called The Mariner’s Museum. Afterward, they took me to Yorktown, another place rich in history, although it was not too long before they were more keen on enjoying the fare at the local pub than indulging my historical interests.

      Have you been to the Mariner’s Museum and if so what is your general impression?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        The Mariner’s is one of my favorite museums. Simply because it’s not like any other museum I’ve ever been to.

        It doesn’t hurt that I grew up on the water, sailing and fishing all the time.

  40. Heroic Mulatto

    I just came.

    I also just came on here to say that anyone who calls it “Wuhan virus” is a fucking simp and a cuck.

    It’s “Tom Hanks Disease” (THD). Get some fucking balls and call it what it is. Stop being a Hollywood apologist unwittingly.

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      Huh. And here I thought it was an STD (Sophie Trudeau Disease). Silly me.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        We don’t speak French around here; we speak American.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Wut? Learn to parlay-voo da English, ya goddam furriner.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I’m not falling for your China-man disinformation.

    • westernsloper

      I only simp for the Tik Tok OK Boomer girl. Hope she doesn’t get THD.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Uniting to protect her is the only way to heal this fractured nation.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Only if he dies.

  41. Not an Economist

    Grandpa, where were you in the Great Toilet Paper War of 2020?

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      “I was on the front lines, boy, wipin’ my ass with the best of ’em.”

    • Fourscore

      In the trenches, m’lad, digging them slit trenches for the fightenest army of those that couldn’t wait to go inside.

    • commodious spittoon

      When the paper runs out I’m scooting around the carpet.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Trim the beard, and he’s got his future in politics or as a talking head.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        That’d be a shame, that’s a pretty sweet beard.

  42. zwak

    So, fun story. My great, great uncle (grandfathers uncle) and Einstein were both founders of the Hebrew University of Jerusalem (along with one other guy). Judah Magnes was his name, and back in the twenties he tried to create a dual-state solution for Isreal-Palastein. A rabbi, he was from SF (one of the really old Jewish families there) but united the New York city Jews as one group. You can read more about him here, or go visit the museum in Berkeley, the Magnes collection of Jewish life and arts.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judah_Leon_Magnes

    • Heroic Mulatto

      Cool!