Saturday Morning We’re Even Doomeder Than Before Links

by | Mar 21, 2020 | Daily Links | 446 comments

I stand by my observation of last week- people are transitioning into the “jesus christ, enough already!” mode and getting surly. And delightfully, there’s even signs that they are skeptical of news coverage and experts. Some of the links may bear this out. Here in the PHX area, a lot of restaurants are restricted to carry out, schools are closed, but life basically is going on just fine. We just hope Governor Dougie doesn’t suddenly develop California Envy and shut everything down because we had one already-sick guy die.

Birthdays today include a Founding Father; a modest exhibitionist; a guy who had his follies; the face that launched a thousand tits; and finally, Spudalicious’s fantasy woman.

On to news.

 

Slate’s version of Florida Man.

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, the future of the Democratic Party!

 

Women and minorities particularly hurt.

 

Really, why even try? We’re doomed and that’s that.

 

If memory serves, he tried cutting off entrants from China in January and you screamed RACISM. Huh.

 

Meaningless and futile gesture, but obviously Trump’s fault.

 

He knew when to fold ’em.

 

Old Guy Music is a lady I was lucky enough to meet a few times and who was friends with my parents. In a just universe, she’d be as famous as Ella or Sarah or Billie.

About The Author

Old Man With Candy

Old Man With Candy

Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me. Wait, wrong book, I'll find something else.

446 Comments

  1. Trigger Hippie

    Team Free Shit says: “Not enough free shit, no dice.”

    Kinda funny.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      The Reps did a pretty good job of setting up the Dems to seem like the strict parent that says no. It’s not good economics but in the current situation it’s good politics.

      • Trigger Hippie

        ‘It’s not good economics but in the current situation it’s good politics.’

        You just described the likely cause of the fall of Western Civilization in one sentence. Well done.

      • Fourscore

        “Good politics”

        Contradiction in terms

      • juris imprudent

        It’s just a contraction of “what is good for politicians“.

  2. straffinrun

    Florida’s sea levels are currently rising one inch every three years and could rise 15 to 20 inches in Miami Beach and the Keys by 2050.

    *Takes a step backwards* FTFY.

    • Fourscore

      This is the most serious news of the day, except for the death of “The Gambler”. Where are all the young folks gonna go when they take their Spring Break from the their computer learning stuff.

      On a more serious note, all those home study college degrees won’t be able to find a job ’cause Trump has shut down the world. The young will be able to party forever or until the beach disappears in 2050.

      Annette and Frankie live! Forever!

      • Animal

        I met Kenny Rogers once, very briefly. 1989, I had just gotten off active Army duty (the first time) and moved to Colorado, which was still South Wyoming in those days. I was working selling guns in a sporting-goods outlet in Aurora Mall while I looked for a real job.

        One day I was on my lunch break, out just walking up and down the mall. I see this white-haired guy with a beard walking towards me and thought he looked familiar. As he passed me he smiled at me and said “Hey, how you doing?” I said “Fine, thanks, how’s it going?” “Good!” he replied, and walked on. As he passed, I realized, “Wow, that was Kenny Rogers!”

        My boss at the time was a Kenny Rogers fan. He was telling a bunch of us that Rogers was known for doing that; when he played a show in a town he would rent a car, drive to a big mall or other public venue, and just walk around shaking hands, signing autographs and just chatting with folks. He liked people.

        It’s neat when one of these celebrity types acknowledges the folks that actually made them rich and famous.

      • AlmightyJB

        That’s a nice story.

    • Tulip

      Huh, water rising in just one location. That’s really special.

      • westernsloper

        Florida is sinking.

      • Tulip

        *I* know that, but does the Slate guy? And if he does, it’s still poorly written.

      • westernsloper

        There are too many people there. If it wasn’t attached to GA and AL it would tip over.

      • peachy rex

        East Guam.

      • cyto

        Everything in that article is wrong.

        Florida has been surprisingly proactive about the Covid-19 epidemic, with the Governor buying more testing kits than all other states combined. Florida was at the front of locking things down, despite not being at the front of the epidemic.

        And behind the scenes, DeSantis went to Trump about locking down interstate travel, likely because he saw the clown show in NYC and knew that all those New Yorkers would be heading his way, bringing a wave of infection with them.

        That said…. we are doomed. This is a retirement state, particularly here in the south. Lots of elderly. The death toll here should be particularly high, no matter what steps we take.

      • AlmightyJB

        Best thing for it really.

    • Grumbletarian

      What’s worse from Slate’s perspective is that if they have a bunch of old northern liberal retirees die off from Covfefe-19, Florida might go from being a swing state to a red state.

  3. Stinky Wizzleteats

    “North Korea fires projectiles into sea for third time in a month”
    It’s interesting how real problems will make you not give a damn about the small stuff. Sorry Kim, we don’t give a shit.

    • straffinrun

      Two images in my head: Kim Jong Un barfing or whacking off into the Sea of Japan.

      • Animal

        …whacking off into the Sea of Japan.

        Now there’s a mental image I would have cheerfully gone the rest of my life without.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Once again Japan is the victim of a white wave of destruction.

    • Drake

      Was it the last North Korean with Wuhan virus?

  4. Fatty Bolger

    Trump’s Embrace of Unproven Drugs to Treat Coronavirus Defies Science

    Man, they really are terrified by any positive news, aren’t they? Finding a cure under Trump before the election would be the worst possible outcome for these people.

    • UnCivilServant

      Of course it would. Wuhan is their last great hope to destroy the president.

      • Sean

        I explained this to my mom yesterday. She is a deplorable and had not yet realized it.

      • Hyperion

        ^this^

        Kungflu is the new Mueller, the new impeachment, the new Russia. It’s all they have and they’re going to ride that horse until it drops dead of exhaustion!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      The antimalarials have an established track record of relative safety so give them a try for fuck’s sake. From whatI’ve seen they have a lot of promise and the NYT and any who are downplaying that can go to hell.

      • UnCivilServant

        But then Trump might get re-elected!

        /NYT

      • creech

        And you know damn well that if the drugs work, it will be NYT and NBC and etc. staffers first in line because they are “essentials.”

    • Fourscore

      What’s the cure for stupidity? Another election? hahaha.

    • Private Chipperbot

      DO SOMETHING 1!!111!

      Unless it might work…

      • Atanarjuat

        I had to click to make sure that wasn’t a parody. Shameless.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        With their fancy journalism degrees you’d think they’d know what “unsubstantiated” means.

      • Tulip

        We have a number of 20 something people at work and they mock CNN. I don’t know what they think of Trump, but they do think the media is ridiculous in its coverage.

      • Hyperion

        Not like that where I work. As soon as CNN or NYT cranks out another Trump hit piece, they don’t wait a second to start running around with their hair on fire ‘Do you know what Trump just did!?’. They totally eat that shit up.

      • cyto

        Yeah, I have that experience too. And they are married to the meme of the day. Don’t dare contradict it, or offer another interpretation.

        What is even more bizarre, they don’t notice when the meme of the day is 180 degrees opposed to the meme of the day from last Wednesday.

        Motivated reasoning is scary. Even the educated and intelligent are susceptible to it.

      • Ozymandias

        I really like that term, cyto.

        Motivated reasoning is scary. Even the educated and intelligent are susceptible to it.

        I think you’ve touched on something at the heart of the Prog philosophy that begets the “Secular State UBER ALLES!” mentality, but it’s too much to explore in a comment. (No, I’m not giving myself more homework.)

    • Tonio

      Ok lefty media, now do homeopathy.

      • Nephilium

        I wish it was just homeopathic.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Dude, why you gotta go after the gayz during an emergency?

    • Drake

      RACISTS!

      They just casually dismiss studies done by the Chinese, Koreans, and French as “unscientific”?
      So we’ll shut down our economy for a month so some white Anglo-Saxon men can confirm.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Yes, while people continue to croak unnecessarily.

      • Gender Traitor

        Necessity is in the eye of the beholder.

      • Drake

        If I or a family member was sick with this thing, i would be very insistent on getting this treatment. If that failed, I’d tell my family doctor I was headed off on a trip to Tamil Nadu next week.

      • Gender Traitor

        For Dems & MSM, “Something something omelette, something something eggs.”

      • Hyperion

        Am I the only one who remembers Trump calling for ‘right to try’ mediation for people without much hope and the left immediately throwing a hissy about it? Those people are 100% anti-liberty.

      • cyto

        I wonder.

        I suspect that if he had taken the opposite tack, they would have screamed about the right to try. I think they just pick “orange man bad” from the drop-down menu every time.

      • westernsloper

        I don’t remember what anti-malarial I used to be on back in the day but that stuff made for some really freaky dreams. Acid trip level dreams. Good stuff! It also increased sensitivity to the sun so you got sunburned really easy which was kind of PIA.

      • Ozymandias

        Likely mefloquine. We had a choice in country of either the daily pills (no crazy dreams) or the mefloquine (take less often, but crazy dreams). I opted out of the crazy dreams, but a bunch of guys loved it specifically for that side-effect.

    • straffinrun

      You just linked to your own link and duped me into commenting on the link to your link.

      • Ted S.

        The last time I asked for a hat-tip, I got cat-butted.

      • straffinrun

        How did that feel?

      • Ted S.

        Not as bad as clicking on HM links.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Technically, a cat-but is a type of link.

      • ttyrant

        Kenny Rogers Jackass is too damn funny. That skit is probably the most quoted of any movie/TV show by me and a few of my 30-something buds.

        “You got eggnog in my goat milk!”

        “I was raised on the dairy, bitch.”

    • Atanarjuat

      Kenny Rogers sucks. Corny beyond belief.

      • Ted S.

        He may have become a parody of himself, but “Islands in the Stream” is a great song.

      • RAHeinlein

        Thank you Bee Gees

      • Crusty Juggler
  5. RAHeinlein

    I can’t believe you did that to me – way too early for Rosie!

    • Fourscore

      Rosie’s pissed, just as she gets ready for her SS, Trump screws her out of it.

    • Atanarjuat

      I have an aunt with the same first name. Upon middle age and a second marriage to an overly accommodating rich guy, she has begun to enjoy several bottles of wine each night and gained lots of weight everywhere, including her formerly svelte face, as a result.

      I don’t know what part of my psyche makes this classic pop into my head when she visits, but it’s trying to get me in trouble.

    • Old Man With Candy

      I think of poor Spud waking up to that and… I laugh hysterically.

  6. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    My wife’s still in the “everybody just stay at home for a couple weeks and then all will be well” mentality. We’ll see if that attitude continues next week.

    • straffinrun

      Nobody should catch covid 19 for a couple weeks so that we can all catch it in a couple weeks.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Basically. My libertarian influence hasn’t fully implanted in her (unlike my genetic influence).

        She’s inundated by panicked mommies on social media, so it’s not hard to understand how she got worked up by it.

      • Gender Traitor

        Facebook + raging hormones. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

      • Tonio

        ^So much this.

      • Fourscore

        Sunshine and mental sunshine are great disinfectants but seems to be shortage of both right now.

      • Tres Cool

        ^^^^That

        We’re on the verge of allergy season here, and I mentioned “OK, so in a few weeks when everyone’s hay fever kicks in, is there going to be a fresh round of pants-shitting since people will be walking around coughing & sneezing due to pollen?”

        RE-EMERGENCE! GET BACK IN THE HOUSE!

      • Crusty Juggler

        Exactly.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Our allergy season hit hard a couple weeks ago. Kiddo was dealing with a cold all last week, and I wasn’t 100% either. Got some pretty nasty glares from people whenever she coughed.

      • Hyperion

        Yes, so much this. We can’t ever go back to normal, just listen to Cuomo mafioso Hitler.

    • Pope Jimbo

      My wife is a tower of cognitive dissonance. On one hand, she is screaming at the family about how everyone will die and our only hope is to hide in our house. Followed immediately by “I am going to the Korean market to shop. Need anything?” In her brain, the Korean market is totes safe any time of the day. She only goes to the regular super market at midnight because she is sure that will be a safe time.

      The list goes on and on.

      I am utterly baffled at why an otherwise very bright woman (except for marrying me) is so unhinged by this.

      • Tundra

        Where is the Korean market?

      • Pope Jimbo

        She goes to one in Columbia Heights. South of 649 on Central.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Dong Yang’s is the place she goes. She and her friends love the deli. This used to be at a different place and was much rattier. When they moved, they upgraded so it isn’t the typical asian market that Hyperion talked about.

        The one I visit with my wife is Seoul Foods up in Friendly Fridley. Mostly because there is an Ax-Man next door. So I can putter around there while she shops. Then I only have to go over when she is ready to leave and haul out the 50lb sacks of rice.

      • cyto

        It is a euphemism. Ted Kim lives just down the street.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Better Ted K, than Ted S.

      • Hyperion

        We love the local Korean markets, but their level of sanitation is not on the level with other Supermakets and being in there is like you’re in Asia for real, very narrow aisles and people running into each other like caged chickens. I won’t be going in there for a while.

      • invisible finger

        I’ll bet she watches Korean tv news too. Just as ducked up as American news.

        War is the health of the state and news outlets.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Yes. Yes she does. And she’s from Daegu (where the big outbreak happened).

        And as usual for Koreans, she spends a lot of time crowing about how much better their response has been than China or Italy.

    • Hyperion

      We’re just hanging out here at home. People are out walking around and grilling stuff on their decks. I go out to get supplies, wife won’t go anywhere. She had a cold and cough and was terrified, but now she’s already better, so either it wasn’t yellow flu or it was mild. I don’t have any cold/flu like symptoms myself.

      “everybody just stay at home for a couple weeks and then all will be well”

      The problem with that is, the politicians are not going to let go of this crisis very easily. They’re loving this way too much. Even if there are no more cases at all, they will still insist that we cannot ever go back to normal, because they have to save us, from something.

      • cyto

        The other problem….

        it takes two weeks for the disease to incubate and develop. And two weeks to be cleared.

        And we are nowhere near the peak, even in Cali and NY. Most of the country doesn’t even have any yet. We probably have at least a month to go before the peak… then another several weeks after that to avoid a rebound boom.

        I don’t know how long we can survive on lockdown… but this has a months feel to it. Which is pretty sketchy.

      • Pope Jimbo

        I’m hoping that at some point, people realize the cure is worse than the disease.

  7. straffinrun


    EXCLUSIVE: Baggies of crystal meth, empty Corona bottles and soiled bedding: These are the sordid images of the raucous hotel party that sent Florida Dem Andrew Gillum to rehab and left male escort hospitalized

    That’s not raucous.

    • Private Chipperbot

      Soiled bedding. Nice.

      • Trigger Hippie

        All hotel beds look like a Jackson Pollock painting under a blacklight.

      • westernsloper

        Are those Santorum stains?

      • Tonio

        [thunderous applause]

      • westernsloper

        Being a sheltered heterosexual I have never seen one in the wild.

    • Atanarjuat

      For a guy who always wears impeccable suits in public, and as a local I’ve been watching his rise since the early aughts, he sure has shitty taste in beer and street drugs.

      • Tres Cool

        “EXCLUSIVE: Baggies of crystal meth, empty CORONA bottles and soiled bedding..”

        Patient Zero ?

      • Rhywun

        he sure has shitty taste in beer and street drugs

        And men.

  8. The Hyperbole

    she’d be as famous as Ella or Sarah or Billie.

    For a large portion of the population she is.

  9. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Looked at my news feed this morning. I didn’t think it could get more pessimistic, but holy hell.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Nothing yet on how social distancing is bringing us together?

      • Sean

        Apparently no one has informed the neighborhood children about social distancing.

      • straffinrun

        What a dumb term. You need to be swapping fluids with someone in order to be “social” with them? What is wrong with “Don’t stand so close to meisting”?

      • Pi Guy

        “Sting” is the part that jumped out at me

    • Ted S.

      So they have no actual evidence that it happened, from what I read.

      Reminds me of rainbow parties.

    • Atanarjuat

      Probably the same kid who was licking the ice cream.

    • Gdragon

      When you allow people to sell beer in the supermarkets butt-chugging in the aisles is inevitable

  10. Tulip

    I decided to put a sports bra on when I was fresh from the shower. HAD MY WORKOUT!

    • Ted S.

      Pics or not real.

      • RAHeinlein

        What are you – some fancy woman who works out of the house?

      • Tulip

        On a sports bra?

      • Gender Traitor

        Yup. I have three. Best designs have a flap of fabric that goes between skin & zipper. I wore ’em to my spin class….back when I could go to spin class. ***sobs***

      • Tonio

        I can still ride around the neighborhood on my bike. Nyah, nyah…

      • Nephilium

        Theoretically I could as well, but it’s 29 degrees outside right now.

      • Fourscore

        6F this morning but alas, tomorrow brings the change, the snow will disappear and may even hear, in the distance, sounds of kids playing outside.

      • Ted S.

        Not a Peloton?

      • Nephilium

        One of the local spin studios is trying to keep themselves going by selling virtual classes and delivering stationary bikes.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Look at Richie Rich here!

        Actually, she’s using the free trial of the Peloton app.

      • Tres Cool

        rollers or GTFO

        /hXc

      • Fourscore

        Neat coat rack. Used treadmills always come with a disclaimer.

        Like new !

        Rarely used ! As in once only!

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Lol! I certainly fall into that camp. Ive maybe used the treadmill 10x in the last year, and the spin bike 2x.

        Wife is a fitness trainer, so she uses the shit out of them. We actually own a spare treadmill for parts. Granted, the pair cost us $75, so it’s not like we invested a ton of cash in the proposition.

      • Tundra

        When i got rid of my treadmill it had almost 3,000 miles on it.

        Of course, I was mentally ill then and thought running was a good thing.

      • Fourscore

        I’ve had 4 treadmills. Wore the first one out. Second was free, had the rollers on it and had to walk to turn the flywheel, gave that away. # 3 became a coat rack quickly. #4 is in the garage and getting a lot of use now that its a little warmer. About 20 miles a week walking. This one is a deluxe model, free when the first owner died with the warranty brand new.

    • Mojeaux

      You put on a bra when you’re not going out? Woman, what madness is this?!

      • RAHeinlein

        I knew I could count on you!

    • Aloysious

      I hope none of you ladies wear the medieval torture device known as a ‘minimizer’. I work with a woman who wears one every day, and she has permanent strap marks on her shoulders from the wretched thing.

    • Pope Jimbo

      LOL. My semi-dyslexia (and failure to look at the avatar) made me think that this was a Tundra comment. I was going to say something snotty about admission being the first step (even though that would definitely be a case of someone in a glass fishhouse throwing frozen minnows).

  11. westernsloper

    It won’t be so easy to ignore the coronavirus once patients begin overwhelming the state’s hospitals.

    According to the CDC, normal flu puts between 390,000 and 710,000 people in the hospital. Does this overwhelm the system?

      • westernsloper

        I imagine it would. THD has been here for months now and we are not seeing hospitalizations in big numbers. Sure the number of confirmed cases goes up when they start actually testing people, but I would think we would have seen a spike in hospitalizations already if indeed it was coming. I could be wrong. The one confirmed case in a neighboring county is a dude who is self isolating in his house now.

      • Trials and Trippelations

        In NC we had only 4 people hospitalized for the whole state.

        My hospital was in good shape last weekend. the ED is a little less full as people Are being a bit more discerning as they don’t want to catch the corona

      • Trials and Trippelations

        Oops only 4 hospitalized as of yesterday

  12. CPRM

    Kenny Rogers died of Corona!

  13. CPRM

    I’m not lucky enough to get WFH or a paid two week vacation, but for the next two weeks we only have to come in for 20hrs a week with 20hrs paid leave a week for the next two weeks. And while we’re there we don’t really have to do much. Spent a whole shift reading the cards from a game of trivial pursuit.

    • UnCivilServant

      I’m going stir crazy from being in my house.

      When it warms up a bit, I’m going to go out and put air in my tires. Then maybe spend my tax refund on plastic crack.

      • UnCivilServant

        What I’m trying to say is I’d rather have some reason to not be at home all the time.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Where would you normally go?

      • Tonio

        Take a walk around the neighborhood. A lot of folks are home and doing yardwork. I’ve met some neighbors and had nice convos from a safe distance. Chicks doing gardening UCS, think about it.

      • Gender Traitor

        It’s only 32 degrees F in Dayton. I doubt it’s any warmer where UCS is, so not a lot of gardening going on.

      • Tonio

        Eek, that’s too cold for me to ride, even with cold weather gear.

      • juris imprudent

        Ha! Warm enough in south-central PA for the weeds to have leaped into action. Just pulled a bunch around my blueberry plants.

      • Hyperion

        It was 80 here yesterday. In the 50s today.

      • CPRM

        It was 9 degrees here this morning, ain’t no one out gardening. And I think latitudinally he’s farther north than me.

      • Ted S.

        I believe he’s not even at Milwaukee latitudes.

      • CPRM

        I’m a cartoonist not a cartographer!

      • Tonio

        Oops, sorry. was eighties in RVA yesterday. Our first warm day.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Twas very nice (even with the on and off drizzle) . I took the afternoon off and spent it outside doing yard work.

      • Nephilium

        Oh, it was in the 60’s yesterday here. And raining.

      • PieInTheSky

        Here is 23 quality degrees and sunny but snow is coming next week and all the plants have started strong. everything will be fucked. stupid snow 🙁

      • Pope Jimbo

        Chicks doing gardening UCS, think about it.

        You had him at gardening gloves!

      • Trigger Hippie

        Heading out now. Going to get some gas, flirt with the pretty woman who runs the station, deposit my paycheck at my credit union and then finally get some groceries. A week straight of take out and delivery is wrecking my gut.

      • Atanarjuat

        plastic crack

        I’m pretty sure RealDolls are made of realistic silicone these days.

      • UnCivilServant

        warhammer minis are made of plastic.

      • Tres Cool

        Don’t forget your Inflatin’ Gloves

    • Trigger Hippie

      My crowning intellectual achievement is whipping the ass of a Hardvard grad at Trivial Pursuit: Genus Edition.

      Three quarters of the way through the game he looked at me and asked where I went to college. I told him that I had five Fs my Senior year of high school, was strung out on meth, and barely graduated. He didn’t know what to make of that.

      • Trigger Hippie

        *Hardvard*

        Jesus…

        Still can’t spell to save my life though…ha!

      • Pope Jimbo

        What got me was the “Genus Edition”. All science questions focused on taxonomy?

      • Gdragon

        People always think that is a spelling error but it isn’t. Genus = general, as in general knowledge.

      • Gdragon

        Also

        “a class of things that have common characteristics and that can be divided into subordinate kinds.”

        6 pie slices could be the subordinate kinds

      • CPRM

        You’re Will Hunting?!

      • PieInTheSky

        You would not last a day in University Challange

    • PieInTheSky

      How about the next two weeks though?

  14. PieInTheSky

    I viseted my mom and her sister who lives next door refuses to cone to her house anymore due to the plague, although i have no contact to it and have been working from home for 2 weeks. I sort of feel bad but as things are going i don’t know if a lockdown is comming and wanted to visit mom before it, given i have no symptoms and no contsct with someone who has. I was at the store a few times last week though

    • straffinrun

      Say hi to your mom for me.

      • straffinrun

        Sorry. And her sister.

      • Ted S.

        That’s not Winston you’re replying to.

    • Fourscore

      Don’t Romanians have a certain way to visit, like in the middle of night way?

  15. Sean

    I’m looking forward to grocery shopping this morning. Really.

    • Tonio

      Good luck.

  16. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Adam Corolla and Norm MacDonald discuss Kenny Rogers’ surprisingly dark lyrics:

    https://youtu.be/bHNhmwmNsPc

    • Atanarjuat

      “He killed strange Gooks!”

  17. Certified Public Asshat

    If college athletes are going to make money off their likenesses while in school, their scholarships should be treated like income. I’ll be introducing legislation that subjects scholarships given to athletes who choose to “cash in” to income taxes. https://t.co/H7jXC0dNls— Richard Burr (@SenatorBurr) October 29, 2019

    What an asshole.

    • Spartacus

      Why single out athletes? If a computer science student is on scholarship and writes an app that earns some cash, is their scholarship going to be treated as taxable income?

      • Spartacus

        If a theater student is on scholarship and lands a big part, is the scholarship taxable?
        This has long been a major complaint of mine…we don’t treat athletes like regular students, in many ways they are treated far worse.

      • cyto

        In grad school I received a stipend and a scholarship.

        The stipend was taxable, the scholarship not.

        In athletics they call that stipend “impermissible benefits”.

      • R C Dean

        My question is, why do scholarships get special treatment as untaxed income?

      • The Last American Hero

        How many schools chuck their admission requirements out the door to allow barely literate computer science majors into the university?

        Do they also get their own gym/computer lab and private tutors free of charge? What about their own dining hall/catering with better food?

        And let’s face it, the jersey chasers look like Budweiser Calendar girls. The code-chasers…not so much.

  18. Shirley Knott

    I had no idea Bach and Mussorgsky shared a birthday. Awesome!
    For those into a particular niche, I *highly* recommend Calvin Hampton’s performance of his own transcription of Pictures at an Exhibition. Available here
    They also have many of the E. Power Biggs recordings that never officially made it to CD.

  19. Mojeaux

    Unpopular opinion: I don’t like Billie Holliday’s voice.

    • PieInTheSky

      I have no idea how Billie Holliday sounds like

      • Mojeaux

        LOL we linked the same one.

      • PieInTheSky

        I did not say I want to know

      • Mojeaux

        That’s why I didn’t say anything snarky. ? My fam doesn’t pay attention to what I SAY, just what they THINK I said or WANTED me to have said.

      • PieInTheSky

        Also second does sound better

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        My fam doesn’t pay attention to what I SAY, just what they THINK I said or WANTED me to have said.

        Good God. Are you my doppelgänger?

      • Gender Traitor

        Cover from a surprising source (if you didn’t know better.)

      • Mojeaux

        THAT is gorgeous.

        This cover is better than hers, though.

        Also, I actually didn’t care for her much until she started doing those psoriasis commercials because wow, that’s rough. Also Alison Krauss when she admitted in an interview how bad her acne is/was and how much makeup she has to wear to cover them.

      • Gender Traitor

        Noice! Positively lush arrangement!

        Bonus track: My fave from Cyndi’s album of covers. (Warning: May stir up dust. Does for me.)

      • cyto

        I was amazed to learn that her character from the 80’s was just that… a character. I mean, I knew that she was hamming it up with the accent and the jokes, but I had no clue that it was 100% a calculated put-on.

        Despite Time After Time being about as good a song as it gets, I still dismissed her as an overall artist. Then I saw a couple of “serious” interviews after the fact where she wasn’t playing a character, and she’s super smart and you start seeing the artist behind the art.

        Fast forward to her second career and …. what the hell? She can sing anything? She’s got this huge voice?

        It was really surprising, even though I suppose it shouldn’t have been.

      • Mojeaux

        Yep. She’s got serious pipes, but I didn’t know that her entire 80s thing was a whole character. I thought it was her playing up a gimmick. More like Boy George than Pee Wee Herman.

    • Gender Traitor

      Somewhat reminiscent of Billie, but possibly more palatable – and I thought you’d appreciate the title. ; )

      • Mojeaux

        Have I told you today how much I ❤️ you?

        Her, Amy Winehouse, Adele, and Rumer.

        And then of course Grand Empress Karen “the money’s in the basement” Carpenter.

      • Gender Traitor

        <3 U 2! Check out link below.

      • Ted S.

        Have I told you today how much I ❤️ you?

        Yes

    • Mad Scientist

      What the? Is this… I mean. That’s can’t be real. Mojo must have the fever!

    • PieInTheSky

      19 i guess

      • Q Continuum

        Leave it to Pie to choose the only girl in the bunch with below a D cup.

      • MikeS

        Without even looking I’ll say 19.

  20. Stinky Wizzleteats

    I see the China Uncensored guy is calling it the CCP coronavirus now:

    https://youtu.be/YH1dDBKbKUg

    I like it, puts the blame where it belongs.

      • PieInTheSky

        neither the stripper not the country

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      I like it. In my department, we peddle bullshit in gross. All attempts to ratchet down the bullshit are met with resistance from up the chain. Very frustrating until you realize that you’re giving your employer exactly what they want.

    • Chipping Pioneer

      I like that the C.R.A.P. flows downhill.

  21. straffinrun

    Why would we put our ventilators in a pile?

    • CPRM

      DAMNIT! He threw in shit at the end before I finished watching it.

    • Old Man With Candy

      I’m dyin’.

    • straffinrun

      +1 cutting board.

    • Q Continuum

      Did you just doxx yourself?

      • CPRM

        My work never gets that many views.

    • westernsloper

      That was ? !!!

    • Tundra

      Awesome.

      • dbleagle

        Damn. That reminds me of certain uncles and cousins. Bravo!

    • westernsloper

      A pandemic is precisely the kind of situation that shows why it is important to have a government staffed by qualified civil servants, rather than whimpering toadies who can’t deliver bad news to a mercurial president whose main priority is protecting himself.

      Now do Chocolate Jesus.

      • leon

        “have a government staffed by qualified civil servants”

        Civil servants are so selfless. They never think about protecting themselves. They are always thinking about what is best for us. And Donald Trump is not what is best for us.

        The Independence of the administrative deepstate is anathema to the republic.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Also now do just about every nation in Western Europe, as well as Australia, New Zealand, and Canada. There’s not really anything unique about how Trump’s been handling this other than he’s more aggressive about taking the media to task which is per for the course for him.

      • Toxteth O’Grady

        God damn but “You’re a bad reporter” was funny.

    • Hyperion

      Someone needs a clean pair of shorts.

  22. RAHeinlein

    Many food delivery services going cash free – I am predicting cries of racism within 24 hours.

    • Old Man With Candy

      Can’t happen here, we are remarkably free of darkies.

      • RAHeinlein

        I’ve got some stories waiting for the next time we see you guys – spouse took us to some “interesting seafood shops” in Chicago. Divorce papers weren’t filed, but close.

      • Fourscore

        And the brownies are the delivery guys?

      • Old Man With Candy

        It gets SP jealous.

    • westernsloper

      One of the problems, or benefits, (depending on perspective) of living in the relative boonies is there is no food delivery available. Hence frozen pizzas. Now I wish I had replaced the toaster oven. Maybe next week. Now that I think about it, probably pointless. I doubt there are any frozen pizzas left in the county.

    • Fourscore

      Haha, can’t fool ol’ Fourscore, that’s the Bee, isn’t it? Had me going though

    • AlmightyJB

      We need a wall! And Snake Plisskin!

    • l0b0t

      JIMINY CRICKET! That article has me all scared. Here in The Rockaways, the only signs of the whole fooferall are the forced closings/quarantines (that aren’t being obeyed very well), and the shocking number of idiots in masks. Heading to Brooklyn later today, we’ll see how it goes.

  23. Old Man With Candy

    Kenny Rogers didn’t kill himself.

    • Q Continuum

      He had dirt on Hillary!!!!

      • gbob

        He should have knew when to hold ’em.

      • Ted S.

        He picked a fine time to leave us.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      The ultimate cliche in that business is either suicide or a fatal overdose so good for him I guess.

  24. Breet Pharara

    You know how people were joking about how if Trump single-handedly found a cure for cancer, the media would find a way to make it a bad thing….

    Yeah about that “joke”…

    • Suthenboy

      I just talked to a relative on the phone. She is convinced by cnn/nbc etc that the chloroquine drug is a canard pushed by Trump, who she pointed out is no scientist.

      *facepalm*

      Because journalists are scientists.

      TDS is one hell of a drug.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        At this point she’s being willfully ignorant, send her a link to one of the studies. They’re easy to find now and they show the efficacy of the drug, both alone and in combination with others.

      • Hyperion

        We have to be careful! After the studies are concluded, the FDA could approve these treatments in as little as 20 years. Anything else is anarchy!

  25. gbob

    Good god, I feel broken. The instacart gig, that used to be me being paid to read books and occasionally help a shut in with their shopping, has become a non stop parade of hauling case upon case of bottled water to cars, while fighting my way through aisle after aisle of an asylum.

    Shelves bare, meat and bread are gone today. No soap or paper products.

    Latest madness is a directive from our less than benevolent overlords that carts have to somehow be kept six feet apart from each other. Lines to the cashier are already stretching across the store. How is a grocery store supposed to enforce this?

    I do, however, believe that Winnie the Flu is worse than being let on. It apparently causes a decrease in brain function, making people literally retarded. If you have an IQ below room temperature, please self quarantine for a decade or two.

    Alright. People need food and supplies. Back to the grind.

    • RAHeinlein

      Sorry to hear this – a tough way to make a living.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      I do, however, believe that Winnie the Flu is worse than being let on. It apparently causes a decrease in brain function, making people literally retarded.

      These sorts of panics make me get my yokel on. Maybe if these convenient people had to bother to bear responsibility for where their supplies came from, they’d panic less. When the city pipes everything in and pipes everything out, and there’s no more thought to it, it’s no wonder that people are panic buying bottled water and toilet paper.

      Me? I’m good until the power goes out. Then I’ll start to panic.

  26. Tundra

    Good morning, Old Man!

    And a good morning to the rest of you crazed lunatics, pissing on the smoldering ashes of the Social Contract!

    The sun is out, the birds are singing and there are no NG soldiers on the streets (yet).

    I find it disgusting, but not surprising, that the lefty media wants piles of dead bodies everywhere, just to be able to screech at the man in the big chair. They are sick fucks.

    I miss the NHL. Of course there are plenty of other entertainment options, but I want hockey, dammit!

    Excellent Old Guy music today. She is better than Billie.

    I hope you all have a wonderful day!

    • Old Man With Candy

      I dunno about “better,” but certainly “different and on a par with.” Her style, to me, hews closer to Sarah while still being distinctive.

      Ethel had a little club in Annapolis that I would go to a lot- Charlie Byrd was basically the house guitarist.

      • Tundra

        She’s very precise. I like that.

        The club sounds cool – Charlie could play a little bit.

    • Ayn Random Variation

      How is it that all of these athletes who feel fine are being tested positive? I was told I can’t be tested unless I have the 3 symptoms and can touch my nose while standing on one foot while reciting the alphabet backwards.

      And why isn’t anyone talking about this possible tupac cure? Seems like that should be the leading story in a world where news shows reported on news.

  27. leon

    ““I couldn’t believe that they were talking about lowest income people getting $600 and somebody making $75,000 getting twice as much as that, $1,200,” she said. “Those numbers don’t make any sense.””

    Git Gud at paying taxes if you want big rebates.

    • Ayn Random Variation

      Yeah. “It don’t make no sense that that dude making 3 times what I make is paying 8 times more taxes than I do”

  28. Rebel Scum

    We will decide what is ok for people to hear.

    Calls are increasing for cable networks to stop airing President Donald Trump’s press conferences live as critics believe Trump is turning White House news briefings into virtual campaign rallies that can “get people killed” with lies about the Coronavirus crisis. The pressure only increased after Trump’s Friday briefing.

    The Atlantic’s James Fallows believes the attention-starved Trump is turning the press conferences into “virtual campaign” rallies and Trump would actually lose interest in showing up if the media did not cover the briefings live.

    “Also, as a practical matter, if the briefings were no longer covered live, Trump would lose interest in attending himself,” Fallows argues. “Then the scientists could come back on stage—and eventually they could be covered live again.”

    • RAHeinlein

      I have watched a number of these briefings. Both Trump and Pence go out of their way to ensure the “scientists” (and I use the term loosely related to Fauci), can talk. In fact, the press often chastises them when they defer to the scientists to answer a question (“don’t you know?- you’re the VP”). As many here have commented, the press is downright hostile and generally ask gotcha or unrelated questions.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Just more evidence that much of the press is more concerned about wounding Trump than they are about relaying information. They’re scum.

    • leon

      I’m done with the corporate press.

    • Subwoofer

      We’ve had a lot of those press conferences on in my house. What lies is he telling? The only lies are from the press.

      If anything, Trump should stop the live press conferences and just do livestreams via YouTube with questions from viewers.

    • Suthenboy

      “….stop airing President Donald Trump’s press conferences live…”

      We insist on being able to take Trump’s statements out of context and editing them.

    • Spartacus

      #10 looks just like one of ours. Same attitude, too.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      I don’t know why it’s catching me so abrasively today, but the “mommy and daddy” shit on those signs are raising my hackles.

    • Tulip

      My cat acts like #34

      • CPRM

        Invoking cats and 34 on the internet?! What sickness you have brought into being!

      • Trigger Hippie

        Did there. Seen.

    • Spartacus

      A lot of that stuff is just a normal day at the Spartacus household. Except for mice and rats. Our cats are indoors-only so they have to wait for lizards to get inside.

  29. Rebel Scum

    The guns make you do it.

    One way in which the coronavirus will lead to more deaths: It is leading to a rush to buy guns, which will lead to more murders, suicides and accidents: https://t.co/cxPcvjk6X0

    — Nicholas Kristof (@NickKristof) March 16, 2020

    • Drake

      Guns kill – it is known.

    • AlmightyJB

      Even if that were true, which it’s not, we didn’t start the fire.

    • Subwoofer

      A lot of grabbers are buying their first guns who have zero training, no impulse control, and mental health problems. It wouldn’t be too shocking if these folks start mishandling their new acquisitions.

      • Q Continuum

        Grabbers project their own irresponsibility, emotional incontinence and impulse control problems on everyone.

      • Tejicano

        Hopefully all of those first time buyers with “mental health issues” don’t realize they have to lie to pass the process in buying a gun. First, because if they really have issues which would lead to them acting irrationally with a gun they are better off without it. But secondly, if their condition doesn’t really warrant them being unarmed I hope this experience wakes them up about the depth and breadth of gun control laws in the US – and hopefully they will act on that in the future.

    • Gustave Lytton

      The pride of Yamhill County. *sigh*

    • Suthenboy

      You dingleberries cant have my guns. Fuck off.

  30. Crusty Juggler

    Connie Chung’s Secret Committee of Twelve is behind all of this!

    • AlmightyJB

      Still would

    • Gustave Lytton

      Maury Povich… Russian influence confirmed.

  31. AlmightyJB

    How about the Fed matches unemployment benefits to anyone who first filed this week, which is when they started shutting businesses down. They can pay for that with a special tax on journalists and politicians. We’ll call it the Asshole Tax.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      No no, you have to make it an acronym. The Americans Suspending Service Healthcare and Other Longstanding Employment Tax.

      • AlmightyJB

        Nice:)

  32. R C Dean

    Can anyone explain why Gillum hasn’t been arrested and charged with multiple felonies?

    Because there’s multiple felonies in those pics.

    • straffinrun

      Demfluenza.

    • AlmightyJB

      Some animals are more equal than others.

    • Animal

      Because he has a “D” after his name. He’s one of the right Top Men. (Innuendo intentional.)

    • Trigger Hippie

      Most of what went down there shouldn’t be any of the legal system’s business but I see your point.

    • Not an Economist

      All of the illegal stuff was owned by the hooker who OD.

      • Shirley Knott

        They executed a guy who was the driver, waiting in the car, for all the illegal stuff his ‘associates’ did. Lock Gollum up and throw away the key.

    • Hyperion

      “Can anyone explain why Gillum hasn’t been arrested and charged with multiple felonies?”

      Because he was elected to public office once. When that happens, the person transitions from serf to royalty. So instead of prison, you go to a posh resort to ‘rehabilitate’.

      Geez, I thought everyone knows this.

  33. Drake

    I’m doing a module of my online course, making a run to Home Deport, stocking up on wine and beer, planting 3 trees in the yard, apparently not getting a haircut, and going for a hike up a big hill in the state park. And not watching any news – my pulmonary system has been stress-tested enough this week.

      • Drake

        Birch. Two white in the front bed to replace the bunch that died last year and grey birch in the side yard. I also have another apple tree coming next month for the back bed.

    • Aus

      I’ve only flown Southwest recently, so meh.

      I find Southwest to have reasonable prices, and their rewards program is good. Just flew roundtrip from OH > FL for ~$160

      • Tundra

        I try to use them as often as possible. Excellent service and pricing. Stews are always happy and friendly.

        I don’t travel nearly as often for work as I used to, so Delta’s program is meaningless to me.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Ditto. I am exclusive to southwest whenever possible. The fact that they occasionally send drink tickets to me for no apparent reason is enough to keep me. Add on the free bags and the competitive prices, and the other airlines have to do a lot to steal my business from SW

      • Tundra

        Two free bags!

        Lots of flights between MSP and DEN, too.

  34. Crusty Juggler

    Have we declared War on Covid19 yet?

    • Nephilium

      Why? You want it to be around forever?

      /it likely will be

      • AlmightyJB

        Yeap, like every other war on x, it’s a really just a war on civil liberties and taxpayers.

    • Tejicano

      When you realize that the last time the US declared war was in 1941 that puts a different light on it.

  35. Crusty Juggler

    Under Coronavirus, Public Sex Has Become a Dangerous Act of Resistance

    As a developing trend in the online world of public sex videos seems to imply, there’s no time like a devastating global pandemic to fuck in public (even though it’s dangerous, selfish and fully unadvised). With cities, counties and countries all over the world in various states of quarantine — and many local governments pledging to ease up on arrests for non-violent crimes — abandoned, unpatrolled streets, balconies, movie theaters and parks are fast-becoming hospitable to brazen outdoor boning, and on a scale that would be fully impossible had coronavirus ever been contained.

    Remember kids, the world is good.

    • Crusty Juggler

      On Pornub, a facemasked woman doles out a “risky” blowjob in the park. On Reddit, a couple posting on r/teenbeauties has sex in a deserted movie theater before walking around, pants down and pussy out. “I guess this is a benefit of coronavirus,” the post’s title reads. Elsewhere, a couple in the Philippines breaks into an abandoned hotel and fucks in fishnet tights next to a wall where they’ve crudely spray painted “coronavirus” in white paint.

      *tears up*

      The positives will outweigh the negatives!

    • Q Continuum

      “Consisting of real-life siblings Shane, 33, and Melody, 18, and their mutual girlfriend Sissi, also 18”

      wut

      • CPRM

        These pervs are ruining my porn. ‘You got your incest in my porn! You got your porn in my incest!’ Fucking *generation you hate*

      • Crusty Juggler

        I know!

    • westernsloper

      *Bookmarked* The links in that article can keep a person busy for hours.

    • CPRM

      Looks like Octomom trying to look like Angelina Jolie. *ALARM NOISE*

    • Not Adahn

      I think we’re supposed to guess what she has in that ice cube tray.

  36. DrOtto

    Nobody needs more than 19 Covid.

    • UnCivilServant

      I’m going to venture forth again.

      If I see any moron wearing a mask, especially a mask that won’t actually help, I hope I have the willpower not to slap the shit out of them.

      • Mojeaux

        Funny. I always had you pegged as a mild-mannered and always unruffled sort.

      • Not Adahn

        He wears monochrome Hawaiian shirts. Obvious psychopath.

      • UnCivilServant

        The shirts are clearly labelled.

      • AlmightyJB

        Some people had masks in the grocery store yesterday. I also saw people wearing those clear plastic gloves like deli people wear, not the latex/nitril type.

      • Gustave Lytton

        A mask or any kind of covering cuts down on transmission from them, more than protects themselves. Why would you slap them?

      • Crusty Juggler

        ‘Cause!

      • Juan-Baptiste Emmanuel Seguin

        I’ve actually considered it, not to protect myself, but to reduce the risk of transmitting it. Since the symptoms show up 3 days or so after infection and they may never show up at all or so mildly to as not even register, I figured the most logical thing is to act as though I already have it and do what I can to prevent myself being a vector.

    • AlmightyJB

      In another week, when we still don’t have some massive death count, it will drop even further.

    • Gender Traitor

      The differences between political parties are stark, with a majority of Republicans saying it is overblown and the vast majority of Democrats considering it a legitimate threat.

      Go figure.

      • CPRM

        ORANGE MAN KILLED US ALL FOR THE 12,000th TIME!!!11!!!11111!

      • leon

        Stupid Republicans, believe everything they see on Fox. : Turns on CNN

      • juris imprudent

        Almost sounds like a bias to pants-shitters in the Democratic ranks – not that I would say such a thing.

      • Hyperion

        Don’t worry, as soon as a Dem is back in the Whitehouse, it will magically transition from major threat to no threat at all.

  37. Not Adahn

    So, I guess restaurants are supposed to close tomorrow night? My diner was closed this morning — not even doing takeout. And I wanted a bacon and egg on a bagel.

    Of course, no bagels are to be had, nor bacon. They did have a package of Taylor ham which I’ve heard good things about, so I bought it. I guess the good thing about everything being cancelled is that I don’t have to worry about being hungover, so I can do a another rye writeup tonight.

    • Drake

      You have to fry it just to the point where it starts to carmalize on both sides.

      • Not Adahn

        I will keep that in mind. Now to get some bagels or rolls…

    • Timeloose

      Taylor ham is good stuff. Score the rounds From the outer edge toward the center. Make 4 Cuts radially Half way to the center. They should look Like iron crosses.

      Fry on both sides until brown and crispy. Like making fried bologna. cook, cut up then mix with raw eggs, then cook the eggs and eat. You can also top on eggs after they are cooked.

      Ideally put in a hoagie roll with hot sauce.

      • Timeloose

        If you don’t score them before frying they bulge in the middle due to steam and under cook the middle.

      • Not Adahn

        If there are eight slices in this little package, they must be pretty thin. Does it liberate enough fat on its own to fry, or do I need to add any ?

      • Timeloose

        I would add a little oil or butter in case.

      • Not Adahn

        Availability is an odd thing.

        The grocery bakery had no hoagies, but did have ciabatta and bagels.

        Breakfast tomorrow!

  38. AlmightyJB

    In another week, when we still don’t have some massive death count, it will drop even further. This whole thing is going to start to burn itself out. NYC may have a little longer to go.

  39. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I’m becoming more concerned with a run on banks with each passing day. Trying to figure out what’s the best way to prepare for that.

    • Drake

      Run to the bank?

      • Gender Traitor

        My CU closed its lobbies. Gas up before you get in line at the drive-thru.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Enough to get by for needs for 1-2 weeks perhaps. Concerted run would probably trigger a banking holiday like was done in the 30’s until things calmed down.

    • straffinrun

      Central Bank run?

    • juris imprudent

      If people are truly stupid enough to “get their money” out of the bank, then we are beyond fucked, and overall as a society deserve exactly what we get.

  40. Animal

    One bennie of the lockdown; I’ve been getting some work done on my first foray into fantasy writing. It’s going to either be a long short story or a short novella, titled Season of Ice. I’m about 14,000 words in so far.

    • westernsloper

      ?

    • Mojeaux

      Oh, I wanted to tell you. On Goodreads (I’m a librarian), I made you a series page.

      • Animal

        Oh, wow! Thanks so much! Is there any way to update you as we release more work?

      • Mojeaux

        Yes, it can be done, but by the author or not, I don’t know because I’ve always been a librarian.

      • UnCivilServant

        What’s the procedure to get series pages updated normally?

      • Mojeaux

        I THINK you have to ask a librarian if you aren’t one. So if you aren’t one, ask me.

        Otherwise, after the book is added, you click on the series name (the grayed-out underneath the book title). It will take you to the series page. In the upper right hand corner of the series page header, there is EDIT. That will take you to the series edit page. Scroll down. You will see a button that says ADD BOOKS. And then do that.

      • Mojeaux

        I’m looking at your list of works.

        Shadowboy
        Shadowdemon
        Shadowrealm (#4)
        Lucid Blue
        Beyond the Edge of the Map
        Gruefield 18
        The Cure

        Tell me which titles are in what series and in what order.

      • UnCivilServant

        The only thing that needs to be changed is adding Shadowrealm to the end of Tarnished Sterling. It should be book 4. The others arecorrectly classified.

      • Mojeaux

        Also, tell me if you want (Tarnished Sterling #x) behind your titles or the (Tarnished Sterling #4) removed from Shadowrealm.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’d rather have it removed from Shadowrealm.

      • Mojeaux

        🙂

      • Mojeaux

        See Animal’s series page. If you are logged in, but don’t see an EDIT button in the upper right hand corner, you will have to ask a librarian.

    • westernsloper

      HA!

    • Trigger Hippie

      “All Gilmore Girls and no sports makes Bill a dull boy”

      Holy shit, that’s awesome.

  41. Nephilium

    And back on conference calls for work.

    Learning that the reason we have to manually configure thousands of phones is so reporting and other features will still work.

    /rage building.

    • Don Escaped Texas

      time to negotiate a huge raise

      or take the weekend off, whichever makes more sense

      • Nephilium

        Still working… but now they’re talking about halting the process for the weekend to start back up Monday.

        Which seems like a terrible idea to me, as we’ll also be busy doing support for all the open sites on Monday.

  42. Timeloose

    The wife and I will be BBQ ing and day drinking margaritas this afternoon.

    FTW. I just wish it was a few degrees warmer.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Same here. I am gonna fire up the smoker for the pork loin. Maybr some apple slaw and baked beans.

      • Timeloose

        Ribs and chicken leg/thigh combo. Wife made her two tone potato salad with capers green olives, pickles and parsley.

    • Hyperion

      We’re going to do food and drink. Yesterday I would have fired the grill, but I was working until around 8pm. Today is about 25 degrees cooler, so all the action will be indoors.

  43. l0b0t

    Just got another text message from my union. They have, apparently, negotiated a 10% raise for all Pause & Purchase employees through the end of May, any sick days through the end of May are pad and do not count against accrued sick days, management is required to approve flex-time for those of us with kids home from school, and any absences due to Covid-19 will not result in any write-ups/suspensions/terminations.

    • RAHeinlein

      Andrew Cuomo giving a press conference – very clear, rationale, and essentially saying the same things Trump messaged from the beginning (even using the term flu). Good for him.

      • peachy rex

        Maybe he can read a poll. Or maybe they’re starting to look at more than one model.

      • Hyperion

        It’s beyond a critical mistake if the dems and the media keep intentionally trying to panic people for political reasons. Besides being disgusting, it will not result in any good for anyone, no matter what your politics are.

    • Not Adahn

      Those with defective pancreases?

    • Tundra

      Especially SugarFree!

    • Pope Jimbo

      Powerline’s Week in Pictures is pretty good. Even if it is full of lies (unless you mean RAPE when you say social distancing).

      • Tundra

        The Ron Burgundy one is great!

      • AlmightyJB

        I cracked up at the men losing a $1 one:)

      • Pope Jimbo

        That was the one I tried linking to originally as well. I’d give anything if someone in Congress actually tried to add that as an amendment to the current bail out bill.

      • westernsloper

        Dylan is my hero.

      • hayeksplosives

        Nice! Some good ones in there.

    • Drake

      Your link?

  44. Aus

    One silver lining of the virus fear mongering could be that even Trump haters might start seeing the MSM as bad actors.

    MSN
    @MSN
    21h
    Drug touted by Trump to possibly treat virus can kill in just 2 grams

    https://twitter.com/MSN/status/1241053472910274562?s=20

    • Ayn Random Variation

      Nah, haters gonna hate, but it might convince some normals who barely paid attention to the news in the past, other than glancing at CNN in the break room or bar.

    • AlmightyJB

      Not to mention that you have several prominent Democrats rallying behind the President during a crisis, while CNN is using the situation as just another opportunity to politically assassinate him. People see that.

    • Drake

      I have no idea what the dosage was, but I was on that stuff for 6 months with no side effects. I’d say it’s safer than untreated Wuhan virus and runaway government.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Lots of highly effective drugs can kill you with two grams’ dose. That number doesn’t mean a damn thing without context.

    • robc

      Odds that the author gets fired?

      • Drake

        From Bloomberg for a TDS hit?

    • Hyperion

      “Drug touted by Trump to possibly treat virus can kill in just 2 grams”

      Maybe you aren’t supposed to take 2 grams? Most medicines could kill you if you take enough. That is just the media going beyond their current level of stupidity.

      • Drake

        Vitamins can kill you if you take enough.

  45. westernsloper

    Had to run out to restock the cheap box wine supply. Lots of folks with snowmobiles loaded up headed up to the fresh stuff. Don’t these people know we have a global pandemic? I really need a snowmobile.

    • Plinker762

      My sled is in the back of my truck right now

      • westernsloper

        Jealous. Damn things are too expensive these days. Maybe in a year or two. I mean if I am not dead of course.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Think of how cheap they will be. You can probably pick one up for the price of helping dig out the mass grave on the edge of town. After a day or so of digging, they just let you have the sled of one of the guys who died.

      • juris imprudent

        If net neutrality didn’t kill you, do you honestly think some virus will?

      • westernsloper

        But net neutrality did kill me.

      • cyto

        Ajit Pai literally killed the internet. True fact. There is no internet any more because of him. You can google that shit.

  46. Yusef drives a Kia

    Well, Nevada closed the Weed stores, the World has come to and end,

    • Pope Jimbo

      So much for Tiger Wood’s second act as a hand model.

    • cyto

      Ok… step one… go find a partner. A diverse partner of appropriately diverse race, gender identity and sexual orientation. Next…..

  47. Crusty Juggler

    New York women are coronavirus crushing on Andrew Cuomo: ‘Is he single?’

    Denise Albert, a 45-year-old divorcee on the Upper West Side, is officially smitten.

    “For me, it was when I heard him say, ‘My mother is light and joy,’” Albert, co-founder of multi-media company The Moms, told The Post. “What also got me was his speaking about family dynamics — disagreeing with his brother about where his mom should be. … It’s relatable, vulnerable, inspirational. There’s nothing hotter than vulnerability in a man.”

    Talia Reese, a married mom of two from Great Neck, LI, thinks Andrew Cuomo sounds like Al Pacino. The comedian said she and her friends text each other when he’s on TV, with one of them declaring: “Cuomo press conference right now. Morning fix.”

    White women are the devil.

    • straffinrun

      Spank me, Andy!

    • juris imprudent

      That is far worse than anything HM has ever posted. You might as well be Nikki.

  48. Private Chipperbot

    A county near me just closed… Playgrounds. We have 4 deaths in the entire state.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Fundamentally, the problem is they don’t know how many cases they actually have so they’re assuming the worst case scenario.

      The government royally fucked up getting testing going and this is where we are.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Even so, cases doesn’t equal deaths. I suspect this is going to roll out each time our betters at the CDC determine a resurgance or bad flu season. The timeline is set.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I agree. Normal is forever changed now.

  49. Crusty Juggler

    Amazon gives away two free months of Kindle Unlimited

    You’re going to be able to add a lot more books to your reading list now that Amazon is giving away two free months of Kindle Unlimited.

    The Kindle Unlimited trial gives you access to over 1 million books, audiobooks and current magazines on any device that has the Kindle app.

    The free Kindle Unlimited trial lasts for two months

    Amazon just can’t help itself!

    • Pope Jimbo

      I hate Kindle Unlimited. Not because it is a bad product, but because I’m such a slow reader. I can’t stop thinking about how I might be better off just buying the damn books. Instead I try to read faster (I blame being surrounded by cheap Norwegians as a kid) so I get more “value”. Then I get frustrated because I can’t speed up that much and when I do, my comprehension goes to shit and I’m always going back a few pages to figure out what I missed.

      KU is the dyslexic debbil!

      • cyto

        Your local library likely has an agreement with Amazon that allows you to check out digital books on your kindle. My library uses the Overdrive app.

        Works great in my house because we are 5 (plus a sister in law). So everyone has a kindle since they are so cheap, and then they can check out books and not read them digitally, instead of checking them out and not reading the physical books.

  50. straffinrun

    Joe Biden just announced he beat Corona with a just a rusty chain.

    • cyto

      One of the things that slipped through in that whole story was the “put the razor in a rain bucket to get it rusty” bit. Why in the world would you want your razor to be rusty? You want your edged weapon sharp…. you know, so it cuts things. Yet you are going to rust it such that it won’t really cut? And it won’t fold and unfold?

      That makes absolutely no sense.

      A rusty razor would be hell to shave with…. but if we got in a knife fight, I’ll take the freshly sharpened and carefully oiled razor and you can have the rusty one from the rain barrel.

  51. Ozymandias

    On the links: I know some believe he is too mechanical, but for me, Bach is still the best composer ever (but that’s probably because I’m still a novice player and dreaming of a day when each hand works separately). I also think that ‘mechanical’ reputation is a bit unfair given things like this. Even things as simple as Prelude 1 from Well-Tempered Clavier are beautiful in their simplicity, bringing to mind the mathematical definition of “elegance:” a proof marked by either its novelty and/or efficiency, frequently both.

    • Shirley Knott

      Check out the recording by Biggs of the 4 ‘great’ tocattas and fugues played on the 4 antiphonal organs of Freiburg Cathedral. If you have the system, the SACD surround version is flat out amazing. The F Major has become my favorite organ work.

    • Drake

      I try to find Bach music made with original baroque era instruments.
      https://youtu.be/pzlw6fUux4o
      I love his 3 and 4 harpsichord stuff too.