HE GOOD PET.
SEA SMITH JUST FINISH TAKE PET FISH ON SWIM AROUND BLOCK. NOW HE HAVE TIME MAKE FUN. HE MAKE LINKS. GIVE ADVICE. EVERYONE HAPPY! IF NO HAPPY, SEA SMITH PERSUADE TO SMILE. BY PERSUADE, MEAN RAPE.
HERE FUN LINKS!
- WHICH FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN LAND HOOMAN THIS? SEA SMITH LAUGH.
- MAYBE IT PIRATES. MAYBE IT SEA SMITH… SEA SMITH NO TELL!
- IT SHIP FAULT! STUPID SEXY ENGINE ASK FOR IT. SEA SMITH DONE WITH IT, IT NO START.
HA HA! NOW ADVICE. FROM SEA SMITH. IT GOOD ADVICE!
Q: I’ve been married for almost 17 years to the only man I’d been with (I was 21, and he was 19). I work in a predominantly male industry, so I have what I call “work husbands.” I have found one in particular who is 1,500 miles away and have worked with for close to four years. All of our interaction has been through email or work calls. Over the last several months, we’ve taken our work relationship to a personal level, so much so that we call or text each other on our personal cells after work to just vent about the day. We work in the same industry, so we have the same frustrations and even share the same customers. He has become one of my closest confidants. We have shared personal thoughts, pictures, etc. Is it possible to have a work spouse many miles away who you can develop feelings for? How do you suggest handling those feelings? He is not married, but I still very much am. Quitting my job is not an option, and to be honest, I don’t want to stop talking to him. He understands me and my workload better than my husband ever could. What do I do?
A: IT CLEAR, YOU NO WANT LAND HOOMAN HUSBAND. HIM BORE YOU. SEA SMITH OFFER MORE FUN THAN “WORK HUSBAND”. COME DOWN TO SEA SHORE, SEA SMITH SHOW GOOD TIME. BY SHOW GOOD TIME…
SEA SMITH HERE FOR YOU.
THEN YOU GO BACK WORK. MAYBE YOU SEND NOODZ TO WORK HUSBAND, YOU NAUGHTY SLATE READER.
Q: Do I have to tell them? My father was the definition of a deadbeat dad. He was abusive and absent, and he rejected his three children (of which I’m the youngest) in every way possible. As a result, my siblings have had a tough life of drug abuse, crappy relationships, poverty, etc. I dodged the bullet by embracing a conservative religion and ended up being financially healthy, physically healthy, and mentally fine. For whatever reason, my siblings have put my father on a pedestal. A year ago I discovered Deadbeat Dad is actually dead (and has been for a couple decades). I haven’t yet told my siblings. The thing is, I can’t stand the reaction they’ll have—they’re going to cry and go on and on. It makes me sick and Deadbeat Dad is so unworthy. And yes, I get that I’m being a stereotypical judgmental conservative religious person. I have two questions: 1) Do I have to tell them? 2) If so, how do I do it in a compassionate, Christian way, when I feel so much hostility about him?
A: SEA SMITH DISAPPOINT. HE KNOW ADVICE HOOMANS MAKE THINGS UP. BUT THIS JUST SILLY. SEA SMITH HAVE ONLY ONE SOLUTION FOR BAD FAKE ADVICE LETTER. WRITER MUST GO DISINTEGRATION CHAMBER.
HAPPY DISINTEGRATING!
MAYBE SEA SMITH TAKE OVER ADVICE AT SLATE?
COME ON IN, WATER IS FINE!
anonymous letter to an advice column?
My father was the definition of a deadbeat dad.
He had a nasty reputation as a cruel dude.
They said he was ruthless said he was crude.
Folks say Papa never was much on thinking
Spent most of his time chasing women and drinking
Papa was a rolling Stone
Wherever he laid his hat was his home
My father was a gambler down in Georgia,
‘Till he wound up on the wrong end of a gun.
My daddy was a cop on the east side of Chicago
Back in the U.S.A. back in the bad old days
Wasn’t I worth the time?
A boy needs a daddy
Like a dance to mime and all the time
I looked up to you
If you’re an uptight fundie, and they’re homeless addicts, how would you even hear them cry? Just send a letter to their last known address.
WHICH FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN LAND HOOMAN THIS?
Not me. My snowblower is a Deere.
I have an Ariens and a Craftsman
AND I BLOW SNOW IN THE NUDE
That explains a lot.
Do you like the Ariens? My Deere is a mid-80s version that I can’t get parts for anymore. I’ve actually fabricated my own…
Love mine.
Model?
Cindy Crawford
Christie Brinkley
Kate Moss
Heidi Klum
Claudia Schiffer
The one Ric Ocasek crossed
The Ariens 8524 is under-powered and the drive train housing is too thin. It (the drive train housing) curently needs to be replaced because the axle bushing has has moved enough that the gears don’t mesh.
I like Craftsman better. Power is better. Controls are better. And it starts right up without even using the electric start.
Everything sucks today. My neighbor has a top-of-the-line Craftsman that he hates.
Honda?
Yes, Honda 208cc engine.
I’ve had three Honda mowers. Not others with Honda engines, but Honda machines. All bulletproof. Honda snowblowers are obscenely expensive, but I’ll be tempted.
Honda lawnmowers might be bulletproof.
But they are NOT Mojeaux’s XY tax deduction proof.
Forged In Fire dude looks at XY – “This will keel!”
The Shape of Water was a weird movie. Just saying.
Very, very weird, and not what I would think of as an Oscar-winner.
Compare to “Chinatown”, for example.
But I did like the acting of the guy who played the sad-sack older gay man neighbor, and it had nothing to do with he’s a fellow alumni of my tiny college.
Michael Shannon.
Sold.
He’s good in every role.
Specially when cunte punting.
A year ago I discovered Deadbeat Dad is actually dead (and has been for a couple decades). I haven’t yet told my siblings.
WTF is wrong with you? You’re just as fucked up as your siblings. Pass it on and move on. Why is that so hard?
Sounds like my Brother, may he Fuck Off!
Meh, if no one could be arsed to look into whether the guy’s dead or alive for over twenty years there’s no need to make any effort to spread the word, wait til you run into them at church or Kroger’s or sommat.
Break it to them gently.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Not Dad.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Someone with a dad who’s still alive.
Someone with a dad who’s still alive who?
I don’t know but it’s definitely not any of us.
Dad’s on the roof
Crew evacuated from distressed general cargo ship
Nobody bothered to ask how the ship felt? Maybe stop calling her a cargo ship, assholes?
She did gain a lot of weight last port.
YOU SAID I TOWED JUST FINE, ASSHOLE
Why is Fruit Sushi able to sound reasonable on Tucker?
And wtf is happening with his hair?
Even Fruit gets old, maybe rots?
Because everyone else on cable news is a screeching dolt, and his calculated, measured branding will serve him because it is unusual?
I ran into Robbie at a Reason event a few months back (actually it was a book signing for his new book) and asked him about how he’s on Tucker so often.
He said it’s because he lives very close to the Fox studio, so they like to call him up at the last minute and he’s almost always able to go on and fill a spot, so they now are quite fond of him.
Thanks for letting us know he’s on tonight, we can watch him on the 9pm California time replay.
then there is this fucking thread:
https://twitter.com/Oloni/status/1235256194937344000
“LADIES & LADIES only i want you to DM me about a time something inappropriate happened with you & your work husband. Did you kiss at the xmas party even though one of you is in a rship? Was your work boo the person you fucked during your ‘break’ when you were in a relationship?”
Humans are sick,
This is why I don’t date. I mean, laziness and this.
MAYBE YOU SEND NOODZ TO WORK HUSBAND, YOU NAUGHTY SLAT[T]E R[N]
EADER.It’s interesting the amount of pics sent to r/gonewild that are from nurses.
Yet so very few of them ought to.
Calling it: work husband is gay, she’s just obtuse.
“ought to” ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Man, I’ve seen enough of those nurses with their muffin tops spilling over the spandex brims of their work wear, revealing their gross huge areolas. I mean, the headless photoshoot in the grim utilitarian bathroom is bad enough, but nothing spells out unsexy like a bit of functional undergarment peaking out from beneath those awful turquoises-colored scrubs. Nobody looks good.
To each to their own I guess
“…huge areolas…”
THAT’S MY FETISH!
That and those weird inch long Asian nipples. Love those!
You’ll poke your eye out!
I got two!
She should still leave her husband. He probably doesn’t deserve her. Unless it’s Bill Clinton in which case, he does.
Wolf Fish? Good eats.
Wash it down with a tasty Wolf Cola?
For the love of Pete, why is it so moist in here?
Anal leakage?
Swamp ass.
Moist in a libertarian chatroom, said nobody ever
Because you’re turned on?
Asshole
“Dad died 20 years ago. I know you have better feelings for him than I do. I’m sorry.”
2. “I just learned that dad passed 20 years ago. I’m not ready to talk about it, but I wanted to let you know.”
The guy you thought was your dad just died. Your real dad is Donald Trump.
I killed your father.
Look at me. I am
the captainyour father now.Search your feelings. You know it to be true.
Have you ever been slightly inebriated after a long week and texting a tall woman you want to smash while also simultaneously texting your sister who is being annoying because of the Covid19 cases in her hospital and you have to concentrate to make sure you don’t send the wrong message to the wrong person?
Nope.
Helps that I don’t text my sisters.
I only text my sisters photos and holiday messages.
Dick pics?
You really want a dick pic of me?
We already have your avatar.
Meow.
Meow.
Did you hit on your sister again?
………………………………………………………………maybe……………………
My sister keeps texting me nudes and I have to remind her just because we’re only step-siblings doesn’t make it okay.
She may call them ‘her’ nudes, but they’re pictures of other people.
I wouldn’t mind so much except it’s all super hairy, uncircumcised, and unerect.
cs,
Your post was one of the most amusing (in a disturbing manner I find rather appropriate to this website) that I have seen today.
Well done, Sir.
Charles, you are, without a doubt, the weirdest person posting here.
That’s not even close to being true.
I’d say most people are tied for the weirdest except for Tundra, who seems normal which probably makes him the actual weirdest.
Charles has kept up the persona, which is bizarre. The rest of you are functionally weird.
I don’t mind you, Charles, you’re a respectable addition to our crew.
Crusty > SF > Warty in the weirdest competition.
Charles is a sweet man. I always appreciate his posts.
Charles’ commitment makes him superior to all, this is true, and I am glad you are acknowledging it. The man is a treasure.
Thank you.
I’m truly flattered.
I’ll kill you last 🙂
Later Tundra: Remember how I said I’d kill you last?
“Charles, you are, without a doubt, the weirdest person posting here.”
I took no offence, cs., and can apologize if I offended you by any of my own comments.
And Charles, YOU made ME laugh. That was awesomely exquisite.
Every time I read cryptid advice columns, I want to scream, “GET OFF MY LAWN!!!” at the computer screen.
https://twitter.com/Pornhubmeigen/status/1235505676329181185
que?
Dear DT, if you run that as an actual campaign ad, I will vote for you.
LOL
Straffinrun needs to translate.
It’s not like you’re going to get them to feel shame or apologize. That only happens in one direction.
http://www.theburkean.ie/articles/2020/03/06/introducing-the-irish-antifa-project
I wonder if sea law allows pew-pew-pew in these situations?
Russian Navy vs. Somali pirates
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XJ0nblZjZE
In Russia, warning shot aimed at head.
Now, who else want negotiate?
Oh my. I’m a little turned on.
*fans self*
No, A LOT turned on. Where’s my husband?
Jesus, lady, those are human lives on the line there
are you sure they’re prepared for you?
Bad guys going up in smoke always makes me happy.
The fire direction for the Gatling gun is poor. For all the shooting the number of hits was low.
Damn right it does.
!958 Walter Cronkite, explaining the St. Lawrence Seaway construction, with period Dioramas!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDYfNUrjs0w
Often when I watch such videos from that era I am reminded of Rod Serling’s introduction to “The Twilight Zone”.
I read that he (Mr. Serling) had to modify many things to make them acceptable to contemporary audiences, including his presentation.
Regardless, YdaK, I appreciate the link even though I did not have the time to watch the entirety if the video.
That is odd in that I did not attempt a second link.
no worries, the SLS was interesting, then came Cronkite, then the old school diorama, I was hooked, YMMV
I watched a few minutes here and there, fascinating.
I remember a history of Buffalo class (really) where they mentioned the Seaway helping spell the end of Buffalo. It basically killed the Erie Canal IIRC.
I got a mule, her name is Sal,
15 miles on the Erie Canal.
She’s a good old worker and a good old pal,
15 miles on the Erie Canal.
It’s one more trip and back we’ll go,
Through the rain or heat or snow,
Cause we know every inch of the way,
From Albany to Buffalo.
Low Bridge! Everybody Down!
Low Bridge! Cause we’re coming to a town.
And you’ll always know your neighbor, you always know your pal,
If you’ve ever navigated on the Erie Canal.
/music class, also in Mrs. Sharp’s 4th Grade in 1969
Same.
Fun fact: the Erie Canal ran through my hometown but was diverted around it and the canal bed turned into a (long gone) railway.
Dewitt Clinton has a sadz
I think Mrs. Sharp played this on the movie projector for our fourth-grade class in 1969, while she ran out to the teacher’s lounge for a smoke.
WRT the run on to at all the stores, I’m reminded of the old Redd Foxx skit about “You gots to wash your ass!”
Don’t any of those hoarders know how to wash their ass!
edit: run on toilet paper.
dammit.
Bis durch für gegen ohne um… oh never mind.
Aus ausser bei mit nach seit von zu.
Wohin geht Peter?
Ins Pfefferpflückenfeld?
Hört sich richtig an.
Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom’ Being A Prequel Is Fascinating
My God Lucas and Spiels love Nazis
In what world is something that was obvious to me at the age of 7 considered the equivalent of cracking the Voynich Manuscript?
Earth 2020, bro.
“In what world is something that was obvious to me at the age of 7 considered the equivalent of cracking the Voynich Manuscript?”
The place in which you believe you to be extant, Sir.
You know who else loved Nazis?
Everybody in the Republican party?
George Soros?
I hope that is not the ship XX’s prom dress is on or we’re gonna have another meltdown.
Her pretty shoes didn’t fit and they don’t come in a size larger.
It has been a helluva week at Chez Mojeaux.
I always hope my girls don’t come in a size larger. They always do.
I’m so sorry.
I’m not sorry.
I am sorry, I’m a sorry, sorry sot.
see also: “I’m trying!”
“Yes, you are. You’re very trying.”
You’re adorable.
My proudest moment in some time. I wish this dumb chatroom had badges. I’d insist on this one.
Badges?
Mitch Mcconnell hardest hit?
I’m sorry but this is actually David Brent flogging duvets on Ideal World
w
t
f
D E
EP
F
A
KeE
A pink unicorn running a snowblower is a non event. Show me someone sporting the blind unicorn running a snow blower and we then have news.
Remember back in the 70s when REAL AMERICAN men patrolled alleyways protecting Hot Mary and her boyfriend from goddamn pie hawkers ?
WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT
he says
not at all disingenuously, I’m only 14, I don’t know what you mean
He’s watching Dirty Harry.
I understand all the words, but they make no sense to me strung together.
Apparently we aren’t the same movie on Netflix.
Watching the same movie. On Netflix. At the same time.
No, no I don’t.
Whatever you say, Mr. Biden.
^ winning response ^
Here, have an earworm.
Relevant
Theory: Tundra is a successful, attractive man with a hot wife and good-looking kids who are all respectful and on the path to have successful careers, one being a lawyer or investment banker which he won’t brag about just to annoy everyone, and he has a private work space in a shed or basement where he spends time woodworking or fixing up classic automobiles, except while in his secretive workshop instead of building or restoring he spends most of his time fashioning severed squirrel paws (he illegally traps them in a secluded area in a rarely visited National Forest) into anal dildos he sells on the Filipino version of Etsy.
Oh, Crusty.
Leave it to you to give me the best laugh I’ve had all week.
Take that, commodious spittoon!
*shrugs*
Twenty bucks is twenty bucks. Even with free shipping.
So what inspired this Crusty crush on Tundra?
His nudes.
Reubenesque.
More like dude-enesque, am I right?
We begin by coveting what we see every day.
Powerful Minnesota pheromones.
He’s not the first.
True.
except while in his secretive workshop instead of building or restoring he spends most of his time fashioning severed squirrel paws (he illegally traps them in a secluded area in a rarely visited National Forest) into anal dildos he sells on the Filipino version of Etsy.
This is plausible. There is a good chance Tundra listens to Tom Woods and Tom’s online business strategies and finding a niche market with demand.
Could Cannibalism Ultimately Be the Most Reliable Way to Sustain the World’s Food Supply?
This article gets to the real reason I don’t have kids:
I am so alpha I will eat them little gooey mugs to get some more puss.
I so despise the local news broadcasts, but my wife likes to watch them for some reason, so occasionally I have no choice.
Tonight I see that they are sucking up to the California Democratic Party talking points, just like the national network news does for the DNC.
Most of you have no doubt heard of California’s AB 5, the new law that started in January which essentially outlaws the ‘gig economy’ in the state, potentially destroying the Uber, Lyft, Door Dash, Task Rabbit etc business model? It’s hard to find anyone in favor of it, and if you talk to Uber drivers, they’re totally pissed. They like Uber because they work when they want to, and they turn off the app when they don’t. It’s that simple. And most of them want that flexibility, and plenty have other jobs, or are students, or retirees, and this is just a nice, interesting and fairly easy way to make extra $$.
All one can figure is that the big city taxi unions have bombarded the legislature about how Uber is killing their industry (well, if you had done a decent job, or made it easy to get a cab when you needed one, they never would have been able to beat you now, eh? Welcome to competition and the free market. Next time try and respond to your customers’ needs rather than coasting on your monopoly). But when one union cries out in CA, the other unions join in, so no doubt the SEIU, the teachers’ unions, the nurses’ unions, etc. have all pitched in their support and got their lapdogs in the statehouses to support them. A measure to repeal the law just failed miserably the other day, despite the fact that now freelance journalists and club musicians are also complaining as well, because — oops! — they didn’t realize they all get paid per gig (especially all the ‘journalists’ who wrote so positively about the bill). So they might pass an amendment just exempting the musicians and writers, because people might listen to them and get the wrong idea, but they’ll still screw over them Uber drivers.
But still, it’s hard to find anyone outside of the unions and politicians who support the law. But no need to fear, here comes local news to the rescue!
Tonight’s big story on the San Francisco news — “gig economy workers fear the coronavirus!”
Filled with the handpicked one-in-a-hundred Uber drivers who do support AB 5, it has interviews with the drivers who all say the exact same thing: “what if I get the coronavirus? I won’t drive and put my passengers at risk! But because of the gig economy, I don’t get sick pay, so if I don’t drive, I don’t eat!” Then cut to the TV foof saying “this is what AB 5 will be correcting. Making sure these poor gig workers can get sick pay and so not infect YOU!”
No mention, of course, how the law will essentially force all gig workers to convert to full-time status or not have a job, and most won’t have that option anyway. And no more ability to do flexible work, because AB 5 will require them to be on schedules with full-time shifts, hours and overtime. But hey — if they don’t have a job any more, at least they won’t be making YOU sick! And shouldn’t everyone have a full-time job, anyway? No one could possibly want part-time work.
Somehow Uber has delayed implementation of this law temporarily via a lawsuit, but if it does go into effect, goodbye fun nights out where we can drink without worry, because suddenly there won’t be an Uber just moments away when we’re ready to go home. And there sure ain’t going to be any taxis taking their place. Thanks, California.
Boo hoo, gig workers in CA vote for more taxes but don’t want to pay, those who pay taxes (presumably) complain about not getting a cheaper ride.
We’d gladly pay more for Uber rides than taxis if that’s what it would take to keep them around.
For us it’s the access, not the price. Call an Uber, even in the sticks suburbs, and it’s usually there in less than five minutes.
The only way to get a taxi is to call for one on the telephone, be told they won’t be there for at least an hour, and then have them never show up.
I’m confused on how that gets you a taxi.
I’ve lived in San Francisco. Can confirm that this is how it “works”.
Same as it was 30 years ago in SF.
Well, really, the only solution is to start working and buying under the table.
Shootin’ revenuers works better if you do it enough.
I’m cold, but not that cold. They’re just trying to do their jobs, man.
Their job is enslaving you.
Yeah, “just doing their jobs” works for meter maids, but Revenuers? No.
Some thoughts –
– NYC was way ahead of CA at least on Uber et al. They now pose no threat to the taxi/limo cartel at least on price. The takeaway is I will only call them if the company is paying or it’s a special event and money is no object.
– Are not Uber at al. still running at a loss? Or am I behind?
– Local news is absolute trash.
Uber the company is losing money, but that’s not relevant to the drivers. As a former uber driver myself, I keep my finger on the pulse of both riders & drivers. I might start driving again, it’s a good side hustle imo.
In NYC are ubers much more expensive than Taxis?
Uber et al. are now almost exclusively run by what we call the “limo” industry, i.e. private car services. These were always very expensive and now so is Uber. IOW, Uber in NYC is not “mom driving in her spare time to make some extra cash” or some such.
Taxis are also quite expensive but usually less so. Can be worth it for norms after a long night of drinking but still too expensive for most situations.
Livery? Or is that another category?
Yes, the car service license plates read “livery” across the bottom.
Ah, ok. I’ve heard of those. Buddy worked in NYC for a year on a contract assignment.
I use Uber feet after a long night of drinking.
“my wife likes to watch them for some reason, so occasionally I have no choice.”
CUCK!!!!!!!11111111111!!!!!!!!!!1!1!!1!!!11!!
Happy Wife,
Happy Life,
I love Arizona, I miss the old California, my Hvac thing may be just a gig, it’s from a temp agency, but I can do it with no Union penalty.
The Unions are done, and they know it, so they are desperate,
If people are “legally” making money in an unapproved way the best way to fix that is to make it “illegal”. Fuck whoever submitted that bill and fuck whoever voted for it. That is fascistic to tell a person how to make money. Someone needs to meme the 70’s van with the “Cash, ass, or Grass nobody rides for free” bumper sticker being written up for violating AB 5.
Yes, the other sob story the pundits around here like to press is how all these people are ‘forced’ into the gig jobs with no alternatives because of the “Trump economy”, you know, the one with more full time jobs available than people looking for work?
You ask any local Uber or Lyft driver, with rare exceptions,and they’ll tell you no one ‘forced’ them to do this, they like it, and it fits with their life right now.
what if your Uber driver had this on his Van?,
https://photos.app.goo.gl/yfKjoTyMPE6CBcqu8
LOL
Craigslist:
“Hey, listen, if you need a ride somewhere, I’m going that way. Just pay for gas and I’ll drop you off on my way. Cash only.”
San Franciso local news, one week later:
“Young woman raped and killed by Craigslist driver”
They did exactly that kind of regular reporting about Uber and Lyft before they could get AB 5 passed, publicizing even stories of people getting minor stickups, or worse, a driver who went too fast and scared them, which never would happen, of course, with a licensed and bonded taxi driver!
Yeah, every driver I’ve talked with has not been a fan to say the least. Lyft and Uber have been a huge boon to us boozers who want no part of driving after a few pops. I imagine the state and cities are losing their DUI revenue and not happy about it.
Yeah, I remember a local story a year or two ago about two women who were KILLED!!! while taking an UBER!!!!!
(when their uber was hit by a drunk driver)
When Uber started up here in Japan I thought they didn’t have a chance. And in fact, I don’t believe the standard Uber taxi service is working out here – never tried it and don’t know anybody who has. But the Uber Eats thing looks like a hit. You can’t walk 50 meters down the street without seeing some dude on a bicycle or motorbike with a big, square Uber Eats backpack.
Yep. Never used an Uber here (or anywhere for that matter) but those Uber eats guys are everywhere. The Chinese delivery scooters with the floating rack are the coolest things I’ve ever seen.
That’s weird. I find the concept ridiculous. But I’m cheap and refuse to pay someone to deliver food to me when I can just cook it myself or walk somewhere and pick it up.
I haven’t checked with my local info sources but I’m guessing it is stressed mommies (maybe in small groups) with one infant who doesn’t eat regular food yet and doesn’t want to have to get the other kids dressed/organized to go out to eat. Also, might be small office groups ordering dinner to eat at their desks – not wanting to waste time going out.
I think it’s only Uber Black in Japan, when I looked into it. Regular Japanese taxis are so far different from American cabs to boot.
COVID-19. First confirmed case for Edmonton.
I feel so big league.
We have one, now.
Someone who was on a fucking cruise ship.
Probably wouldn’t have spread so quickly if they had been on a non-fucking cruise ship
THAT SEA SMITH FAVORITE KIND!
Waiting patiently for Covid’s metamorphosis.
When those who already got better start turning into zombies?
How dare you turn my high brow joke into low brow brain munching.
We have two in CO now. Apparently one of the dumb motherfuckers in isolation knew he was exposed to someone with it and then decided to do a week long ski vacation. He later felt ill and knew right away to go to the doc because he assumed had it.
Damn. I should’ve quit licking the ski lift poles
If you know you have it, or suspect you do, call ahead. Don’t just show up.
Here’s a song I like, probably not for this general crowd, but here it is anyway. Don’t care for the video, but a YT link prolly more accessible than a spotify link:
https://youtu.be/gUKl7xxRUZI
Didn’t hate it. Sort of liked it, but I have never been called general.
Lil Dicky Has a Small Penis. So He Made a TV Show About It.
My God
here,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EiN4XgbKUfM
Lights HM signal
I mean Lil Dicky is awesome. And the views, bro. The views.
Lose yourself.
Columbus cancelled the “Expo” part of the Arnold Sports Expo, probably one of our larger events of the year. I mean, less work for me this weekend, but still.
I’m trying to read past the sensationalized news on the beer virus shit, but it’s difficult to reconcile what seems like an irrational fear with the reaction to it. Maybe I’m underestimating the effect of the media, or maybe I’m wrong, idk anymore.
You may be too young to remember, but I’m getting a serious Y2K vibe from this one.
It’s a new risk that needed to go through the “it’s nothing” stage to the “we’re all gonna die!” stage. We’ll figure it out.
Agreed. It just gets tiresome.
Where I work there are plans in the works. Buildings will be shut down in the event schools close because of it and that is the trigger for other closings. People sent home. No work for those who don’t stare at a computer all day because those people can work from home. Which makes me wonder why in the fuck we have offices for those fucking people anyways.
#metoo
Yup.
I could easily run things from a tropical island with good internet connectivity.
Hmmm…
The Mcafe Plan. Do It!
Control.
Companies in APAC are already doing this, and realizing it can work. Of course, fuck offs will fuck off but that’s always an issue.
My company had three floors of a building but almost every meeting started to be on Zoom, so no further need for people congregating in the big conference rooms. And tons of people started to realize they could go to every meeting, and do all their work, from home, so why go into the office? And so since such fewer people were coming in, the company gave up one of the floors last summer, including the floor my office was in, which I DID go to, because my wife works out of our house, it gave me a good reason to dress in the morning, and I liked the free coffee and snacks. The CEO told me to ‘carve out some space in your home,’ because everyone else who was still there every day were doubling and tripling up the remaining office space, and I was expendable because of my travel schedule. So now I work out of my little home office, wear sweat pants all day, except for when I’m on the road, which is a lot.
I mostly joke. I think there’s good value in “the office”, “face-to-face”, and so forth. If it’s done right. I will freely admit I’m more productive in the office than at home. IIF there aren’t too many distractions.
I think I like a mix and would flake out with too much work from home. I work a couple days a week from home now and think that’s a good mix. Enough structure to make me honest.
Yes, it’s a nice perk but TBH I wouldn’t want to WFH every day.
I hate my office, but the structure of the couple in office days helps a ton.
“it’s difficult to reconcile what seems like an irrational fear with the reaction to it.”
It is something to be feared but lol it’s not that bad
“Maybe I’m underestimating the effect of the media, or maybe I’m wrong, idk anymore.”
It is very over-hyped – lol at me in Manhattan yesterday and a lady sneezed and the sidewalk opened like she was Moses.
Also, if you have an outbreak let me know – I will clean your shit!
They just cancelled SXSW and the St. Paddy’s Day parade here. Seems like the panic is taking hold.
This is what pisses me off. If it’s that fucking scary, shut down all travel and go lockdown until it’s fixed.
Yes, vastly more scary than some fucking overhyped flu.
The problem with lockdown (aside from the problems with implementing it) is eventually it ends. And then what? Cratered economy and still have the same problem. China is having that right now and they’re going to get hit from either growth taking off again or from foreign sources. This isn’t a one time thing, it’s going to go on for a while until it becomes an endemic disease like colds or influenza. Maybe it mutates and selects for a more mild variant, maybe it doesn’t.
Best thing is personal hygiene (wash your fucking hands, cover your cough, stay home if you’re sick even if it’s just a cold) and social distancing (no large scale public gatherings/events, work from home as much as possible, maintain as much 6ft+ distance from others, minimize the number of contacts, etc). The problem is by the time such measures are necessary in the minds of people, it would be too late to be truly effective. And that’s only going to slow, not stop this. Frankly, I think there needs to be more honest messaging. But I also hold out hope that this too will be a nothingburger.
60 From Boston Hotel Head To Hospital To Test For Coronavirus
https://www.pnas.org/content/pnas/104/18/7582/F1.large.jpg?width=800&height=600&carousel=1
From
https://www.pnas.org/content/104/18/7582
Look, we’re libertarians, and social distancing comes naturally to us. THIS IS OUR TIME, PEOPLE!
I heard South by Southwest was cancelled in Austin.
The drugs! they are all over the ground! but they smell funny………..
3 second rule! Dibs!
Heh,
It’s a little different when it’s in your circle. A co-worker’s kid homeschooled with a known GA Kung Flu victim and is now on voluntary CDC lockdown. I’m trying to process that. I and my wife have elderly parents and a niece in the fight with juvenile ovarian cancer. So far coworker and kid are asymptomatic…
SpaceX is going to the ISS in about 90 minutes, Like Daytona, waiting for the Big One,
no crew, no problem, and I wish them success, it’s a dream come true for this old Sci Fi man,
Tuesdays with Derpy, part 8
***
What’s this?, said the college kid as he held up some framed ribbons.
Oh, that’s just a few souvenirs from some stuff I did a long time ago, said the old man.
Liar, said the college kid.
Ok, fine, I tried to be modest, said the Old Man. Get us some beers, will ya?
The Old Man took out his dentures and used them as a bottle opener. The cap of the Progress Pilsener clattered to the floor.
He began: I re-upped after my first few years in the Army and got press-ganged into the Space Force. They sent off to some god forsaken rock. I think it was called Chalupa Prime. It’s one of the moons orbiting the gas giant Quilmes.
You were in the War of the Argentine Moons?, asked the college kid.
Well, I was *there*, said the Old Man, but I didn’t see much combat. You see, I was already an old man by military standards, so it was mostly rear echelon stuff. Some of it was interesting, but on the whole, kind of a yawn fest. Except for the Crustaceanoids, of course. We called them Shellbacks. We were there to protect the refinery from them. You see, at the time we required more Vespene gas. And so began Operation Crab Cake. Of course, there was plenty of down time, enough for us to mingle with the locals. There were these things. They best way I can describe them is lobstergirls. Well, they were always ready for a good time. I heard they gave good clawjobs, but I was too scared to get one. Anyway, where was I?
Sex with space alien lobster girls, said the college kid.
Oh yeah, that. Good times, lemme tell ya. Old Bay is their aphrodisiac; remember that if you’re ever on Chalupa Prime. That was a long time ago. I retired from the military a few years before it got renamed the Social Justice Defense Forces. And that’s pretty much it.
The Old Man chugged the rest of his beer and put the bottle on the end table.
***
I was a Navigator in the Third Temporal Wars, which takes place in 2301-10034,
/Would You Like to know More?
Yes! Did you slay your enemies with exploding frisbees? Please say yes.
My gunner threw from the 24th century all the way to the 35th, and Aced a planet FWIW,
/ I got my Second Medal for that Op,
My God what a story this could make……
Oops, now it will be….
Straff, you Rock,
I’m an Id iot,
Derp!
It’s OK. You caught your mistake. You’re safe as long you don’t go Full Biden.
Never go Full Biden.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6WHBO_Qc-Q
Well, at least an elephant didn’t eat your entire platoon:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LZlD76DD3M
See that can be a Diorama theme, maybe
The fact that the elephant has a little coolie hat is what gets me every time.
Old Bay is their aphrodisiac;
*got an lol
[grateful bow]
I wanted to bring humor back to the series. It was in a depressing rut for a while.
@Q from last thread:
Dude, she looks like Jazz Jennings.
Not even. NM has teeth that fill her smile. The latter has enough room on either side of her teeth to store multiple walnuts. Jazz may be part squirrel.
While I can appreciate Miss Mexico’s thighs (and what seems to be bountiful pussy-meat)…too skinny.
Id split her in 2 like dry hickory.
Crumble-brag?
Friday Funbags sez let’s hear it for the sluts!
http://archive.li/s5Orv
I would only feel safe entering #18’s bedroom after sacrificing a chicken.
After a bit more research I wish I had a chicken.
+1 Jobu
Ha! I re-watched that movie just a few nights ago.
Not even then. That much ink scares me.
I’m taking requests. Tell me your favorite for a quick write up.
Clinton Remains Favorite Among Super Delegates, Ancient Spirits of Evil
ACLU Defends Right of SPLC to List ACLU as Hate Group
Trump Says AOC Can Be President If She Sits In Corner of Oval Office
Bigfoot Claims Jussie Smollet Molested Him
Emancipation Proclamation Slammed for Having Only White Authors
Or give me your own headline. I can make it work.
Bloomberg quits race for president to join cast of biggest loser.
Ooh, that is *good*!
[raises tall can]
That was inspired! “Levels, Jerry!’
“Prepper”, once thought weird by his neighbors retires after one week of selling N95 masks on E-Bay.
Nuclear Football Is Actually In The Care of “Willy”, The Janitor. “I likes ta keep it up on the top shelf behind the safety gear. Ain’t nobody got no use for that nonsense so I figger it be safe up there for a good long spell!”
[Mortal Kombat voice]
Excellent.
“Coronavirus Death Rate Soars to 100% Among People Who’ve Died From It”
Wouldn’t that be “Stays at 100% of those who’ve died from it”?
Evening Glibs! Wifey is on a conference call with her buddies. Good Lord those are some “earthy” women! Every second word is an expletive and they’re all drunk as skunks. So, so happy that I bailed on joining their bowling team.
Lol.
https://babylonbee.com/news/despite-cdc-warning-biden-cant-stop-touching-other-peoples-faces
https://babylonbee.com/news/coronavirus-passes-over-houses-with-cfa-sauce
Derpetologist on February 14, 2020 at 4:24 pm
Remaining Democratic Candidates Form Giant Fighting Robot
…..
Dems Combine Into Giant Mech To Annihilate Bernie Sanders
March 4th, 2020
https://babylonbee.com/news/dems-combine-into-giant-mech-in-last-ditch-effort-to-defeat-bernie
Great minds think alike?
Ah ha! You just outed yourself as the secret Glib BB contributor. Gotcha!
Called it weeks ago. Derpy is the Mole.
I AM NOT THE MOLE!
I don’t even know if there *is* a mole. There is probably a lurker. In either case, people in the joke writing business often come up with similar ideas.
Ok, Yuri. The mole would say that.
These guys beat me to the punch ages ago:
https://youtu.be/_YrFULMj5qQ?t=138
So there is such a thing as a collective consciousness.
Have you ever read two books that are sorta the same and came out about the same time, within a year or two?
Yeah, ideas go around and people pick up on them. Some people pick up on them at the same time or thereabouts. They express that idea, then it goes out into the world and it spreads like the Enlightenment.
Twilight Zone, The Outer Limits, and One Step Beyond all came out within a year or 2.
oh ?
Something something NSA parallel construction something something
Used to read sci-fi and before they went into the serialization craze there were certain brands that became repetitive. It has become much worse now that the authors have discovered what sells better.
Rockets!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MkcWK2PnsU
To go on-topic – Both of my parents died recently and I don’t think my estranged brother is aware. I lose no sleep over it.
I’m not a vengeful man but I am a shun-ful feller. When crossed I don’t lash out but instead draw the blinds after the bridges are well and truly burned to cinders…
If I’m not prying, what’s the reason for the estrangement?
Family dynamics are hard to parse, Chafed. He bullied me relentlessly when we were little and cause and effected the eventual breakdown of our family unit. The splitting point was when I caught him groping my step-daughter’s ass at the dinner table on Xmas Day. Blackened his eyes and threw him out in the snow. He’s just poison. We’re all poison. Our family did the the big-bang and exponentially drew apart, so much so that when I heard of my parents’ deaths it was pretty shrugful. Huh, guess I’m an orphan, now. The last time I spoke with my brother he called me a Nazi because I thought 2016 was hilarious. I’d forgotten that he was a full-on bikelock Commie.
Jeebus. I can see why you threw him out and cut ties. My condolences on having to deal with this (or not) Festus.
I’m the love Nazi – “No love for you!” and snatch the bread back.
“WHICH FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN LAND HOOMAN THIS? SEA SMITH LAUGH.”
I miss Lord Humungus.
#metoo! I thought that they might come back after a cooling off period but apparently they are like me (see above comment). Shame…
#metoo
Elon’s people Rule! no one does what they do,
Private enterprise for the win! Think Howard Hughes or Henry Ford.
Omigod! The conference call is getting louder and it’s coming from inside the house! Horse girls are the worst…
Bloomberg Quits Race for President to Join Cast of The Biggest Loser
NEW YORK – Failed presidential candidate Michael Bloomberg strode confidently to the podium on the set of the hit TV show and introduced himself to the judges. “You think these guys are pathetic? Well let me tell you something. I spent half a billion dollars to get humiliated on national TV by America’s frumpy mother-in-law.” The judges all gasped and scribbled on their note pads. Bloomberg continued: “And you know what else? That screeching harridan’s entire career is based on a lie she’s been telling for 40 years. It’s a lie she exposed herself when she took that DNA test. At least I actually became a billionaire through my own efforts. But wait, there’s more. My lasting legacy will be ignoring the 4th amendment, licking my fingers on Twitter, banning large sodas, and having Trump compare me to Dark Helmet from Spaceballs. Yeah, that Trump. The one who did a cameo in Home Alone 2 and paid hush money to a porn star. And here’s the real cherry on top: after all that, do you know what I once said about myself in 2014? I said when I die, I’m going straight to heaven because I supported gun control.” Bloomberg then tore his garments and screamed helplessly at the sky.
“Rent” his garments. The proper usage was “rent”. Fucking solid, Derpy!
Just discovered my little doge cowering beside the toilet. She’s ultra-sensitive to words and that conference call is making her tremble like an aspen in September. Too many F-bombs.
Is your wife shouting?
No. Judi never shouts. When she gets mad it comes out in squeaks.
What breed?
Little pom-cross. I won’t say she’s the smartest dog that I’ve ever had but picking up on environmental cues she is unsurpassed. She seems to know at least two hundred words. Mind you, they were bred to be companions so it makes sense.
That explains why she’s hiding.
I’ll post some photos at a later date if I can get arsed enough to do the leg-work. She’s a nifty little doge and fulfills her role with aplomb.
MikeS. Eddie Trunk is interviewing Steve Harris.
Steve Fucking Rocks!
I just did a quote for a guy who’d fit right in here.
I’m not about to tell him about us.
I have no IRL friends left. This is my “safe space” even though I knew at least a dozen people that would have dug what we do here.
I don’t want IRL friends, since SP and OMWC passed me over for Arizona. I’m broken. Forever.
No, seriously. People are way too much work.
You’ll coo over the baby and you’ll like it!
ditto
I’ve never had a problem with making new friends (I’m a personable, engaging person for the most part) but keeping friends is the hurdle. I grew up with people that would literally take a bullet for you and I never speak with any of them. Ever. We grew up, some of us, and grew on but it seems a damned shame that happened. The next time we meet will be a funeral for one of our compadres.
“Prepper” Once Thought Weird Retires After Selling N95 Mask Stockpile Online
EUREKA – Self-styled “Natural Man” Ernie Tertelgte, an itinerant forager whose only permanent address is a storage unit in Manhattan, reported in his self-published, Spirograph-based newspaper that he is now a millionaire. He gained his fortune by selling his enormous stockpile of N95 masks on Ebay. As he explained, “I prepared thoroughly for Y2k after I read ‘Industrial Society and Its Future’ by the great Theodore Kaczynksi. And also licking toads. Suddenly, my eyes were open! Although I consider Federal Reserve Notes to be a shameful hoax, I must admit their utility in providing with pork rinds and fishing lures, what I use to sustain myself on god’s green earth in accordance to the natural law.” Mr. Tertelgte then solemnly lit a stack of Social Security cards on fire and said the Pledge of Allegiance backwards.
The “toad-licking” sealed the deal! Nice work, Mole!
I AM NOT THE MOLE!
Sure. That’s what any super-ultra-secret double agent would say… *points two fingers at eyes and then at Derp*
Someone failed third grade math.
https://twitchy.com/samj-3930/2020/03/06/math-wizard-behind-original-bloomberg-tweet-doubles-down-on-claim-he-could-give-everyone-a-million-bucks/
Truth or fiction, none of it matters if you just BELIEVE. Scientific Consensus, Ladies and Xers!
Years ago, I read an article on CNN I wished I screenshotted. It was an article about global warming in Antarctica. The journalist wrote that temperatures there could rise by 1 degree C or 33.8 degrees F. In other words, the journolist was too stupid to understand the difference between a change in temperature and the temperature itself.
A change of 1 degree C or Kelvin is the same as a change of 1.8 degrees F or Rakine.
They’re not even “journalists” anymore. I wanted to be one when I was a kid. It would have been perfect for me because I’m #1 Lazy #2 Adept with words and #3 Really good at being a neutral observer. Now it’s just tweet-farming.
The guy didn’t know the difference between ‘weather’ temperature and what the actual degrees mean. A temp of 1 degree C is 33.8 degrees F, only because 32 degrees F is the Centigrade ‘zero’. He apparently never learned the conversion is 9/5 PLUS 32! (or 5/9 minus 32)
The level of innumeracy among the general population is startling.
Have you met the general public? I’m mathematically retarded and I took AP algebra in high school. That’s not to say that I passed but I did borrow some books a few years later and passed with flying colors. Don’t skip out and miss the steps. Wish I could go back and slap myself silly.
Yeah, American schools instill a fear of math into their students, mostly projected by the teachers. I followed your path – just barely passing algebra in high school and giving up on math. After a tour in the Marines I went back to school, figured out what I got wrong the first time, and ended up graduating with honors in a STEM degree.
Excellent! My problem was missing three weeks because of injury and never catching up. All the ditching never helped, either. One of my report cards reads 32 absent in a 3 month period. I was a diligent student and the I stopped being one.
Lit and History 12 were a walk through, same with French. Bio was easy but Physics and Chem? After I missed that time I may as well have stood in the back of the class and juggled frisbees. So I did. Much to my disgrace.
Whelp, Wifey met her four beer limit and finally toddled off to bed. That call lasted for hours and I’m pretty sure her friends could drink me under the table. As I stated above, dodged a bullet when I didn’t join the bowling team. Lecherous old ladies are not to be trifled with.
24 years without a case. Can we shut it down now?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Alien_Terrorist_Removal_Court
Nope. It’s like the specialized tools that I hang onto in case I ever have to rebuild a Honda or do the brake lines on a Chevy. “You never know!”
*looks at two bottles of touch up paint for equipment I no longer own, shuffles away*
“But they were expensive!” *touch-up paint has long turned to goo*
Pffft. What if we need it tomorrow?
Matches my mood – https://youtu.be/29886mE4OrI
Version for OMWC https://youtu.be/CfXHQNSwdfI
And right back where I started. https://youtu.be/kWbQR_k1IFA God damn, I wish I weren’t such a doleful man…
Stop appropriating my culture.
Eating bar-b-q chips with tears rolling down my cheeks. I’ve always been a sensitive boy. They couldn’t beat it out of me even though they tried. I endeavored to persevere!
I think that I need to ape Yusef and get my golf shoes on. Join a men’s night or something. All of my old golfing partners either moved away or won’t talk to me anymore. I hate to be the sad-sack loner hoping that he’ll be asked to join. Golf clubs are like high school cafeterias writ large.
I was on the wrestling team in high school which meant that I had PE during the A-lunch shift and we just kept through most of our B-lunch shift – usually getting 10-15 minutes to eat. So I was never around for the lunch room social scene – not to mention that I was a marginal social-retard. I don’t think I missed anything anyway.
I’ve never been a “joiner” but if asked I’ll be all in. I’m the kid that stands on the sidelines, digging his sneaker into the ground and I hate that portion of myself. I just can’t rectify that.
Elected “Employee Rep” twice by 260 of my coworkers. I used to be able to glad-hand and bullshit with the best of them. Whither that Festus? Now I don’t even leave the house until necessity erupts. Work, beer, smokes. They were my guys and I always got them raises. Losing that job to down-sizing broke me.
I warned them. Don’t do this because you’ll stretch the company too thin. They listened to the new hire and expanded. My division was superseded by her’s. My position was made redundant and the entire company went down the drain three years later. If you drive past it looks like Detroit. Giant empty, derelict buildings. I wish that I could have fought harder for my guys but they dangled a buy-out and I snapped at it like a trout. Saved us all a bunch of embarrassment. Stupid bitch destroyed a company and a legacy. I hope that camel-faced bitch burns in whatever SF hell that she could imagine.
Festus just put me on a “river song” (“Hello, Sweetie”) kick, which led me to this classic. Lead on the first of the two songs (the redhead on the right on the album cover) was the idol of my adolescence.
You’re killing me. My Mom used to sing us to sleep with that song. Cigarette ember glowing in the dark. Thanks, GT, you are the best.
Least I could do, which is why I did it. ; )
*wipes away tear*
Present for GT https://youtu.be/Lk_3O_D68zQ
Lovely! Thanks! Wonderful fiddle & guitar combo, which of course reminds me of my all-time favorite pairing of those two.
Stop it! Will you be my bride? We’ll run off to the Casbah together!
So sorry – already taken. : ) Now serving #2. Please take a number and form a line. (Oh, wait – it takes at least two points to form a line doesn’t it? I only got a B in HS geometry.)
Another present https://youtu.be/AXW6VIq4LBs
Dessert! https://youtu.be/5IulRIcwtbs
I’m a sucker for Gypsy Jazz.
Awesome!! No fiddle, just some fun finger-pickin’!
Are you trying to seduce me Mrs.Robinson? Because it’s working.
Wow. Haven’t heard this one in an Evan and a bit’s age https://youtu.be/_kX8lqXAONg
Weekend! Yay!
My new subordinate gave me his cold. Symptoms appeared this morning. Will ruin my weekend.
Corona!!!!11!!!!!! *runs away screaming*
I’m not saying it’s coronavirus, but…
The incubation time was at most two days, so it’s not Wuhan.
Rhywun Virus. Run!
You forgot to don your employee gloves. H and S need a word…