St. Patrick’s Day Afternoon Links

by | Mar 17, 2020 | Daily Links | 435 comments

My wife and I walked down to our local, which happens to be an Irish Pub. They had all the fixin’s laid out for their usual St. Patrick’s Day blast. They also serve a decent lunch, so we did that. At 11:00am this morning, the county announced that all bars were to close by 5:00pm. The owner, who is actually Irish, had his Irish up about that, and may have indicated that he would require the attendance of the police before he complied. After all, what’s St. Patrick’s Day to an Irishman without a little brawl with the coppers? Anyhow, we left our usual tip and then I threw a $20 on the table for the waitstaff. Tonight, Momma L, maiden name is Callahan, will be serving us corned beef and cabbage.

Also (**knocks on wood**) currently the kids’ daycare and my gym “have no plans to close”, so I’m good. How are you? Eating the flesh of your neighbors yet?

Tom-tom Gone?

Ah yes, the old cordon sanitaire.

Trump administration discusses best way to throw money at people. Current stimulus proposal $850B.

Oh yeah, I’m supposed to vote today.

Penguins get a field trip at Chicago Aquarium. We’ll later find out that the staff just opened their cages before abandoning the aquarium.

Have an Irish-American song.

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

435 Comments

  1. Donation Not Taxation

    COVID-19 are small.

    • Donation Not Taxation

      First!

  2. KSuellington

    The health of a salmon to all ye Glibs, a good heart, a long life and a wet mouth.

    • juris imprudent

      And don’t bite down on shiny things.

    • Tonio

      And watch out for bears.

      • Mad Scientist

        We're here! We're queer! We don't want any more bears!

      • Animal

        Huh? What?

    • Tres Cool

      …smells familiar

  3. Yusef drives a Kia

    Howdy from Hell!
    /Nice day though

    • Jarflax

      How’s your noggin?

      • Ted S.

        Better or worse than Suthenboy’s?

  4. Drake

    The 53-year-old man in Nelson County refused to quarantine himself after testing positive for Covid-19.

    What an asshole.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Why not? The Dartmouth idiot got to go to his party and the MO dad went to the father-daughter dance. It’s only fair.

      • Gustave Lytton

        My personal fave is the guy in Washington who was described in the news story as “experiencing homelessness” who left his state provided quarters… gee, I though handing out shelter would fix the homeless “crisis”.

      • Chafed

        I’m hoping the answer for WA man is mental illness like hallucinations. If it’s anything else then just shoot the bastard.

      • Count Potato

        Maybe to buy drugs?

      • C. Anacreon

        gee, I though handing out shelter would fix the homeless “crisis”.

        Truly a shock to the developer-influenced press in California who’ve become convinced the way to end the tent cities in downtown San Francisco is to build luxury condominiums in the suburbs. For real.

    • Donation Not Taxation

      From the previous thread:
      R C Dean on March 17, 2020 at 12:18 pm

      We heard about a woman whose husband was hospitalized with Kung Flu.

      She came to visit him every day in the hospital. While she was under home quarantine. What a fucking idiot.

      Our understanding is that the hospital called the County Health Department, who called the sheriff, who had a chat with her.

      • Gustave Lytton

        There comes a time when a man must spit on his hands and hoist the yellow jack.

      • Count Potato

        euphemism?

      • DEG

        I toured a plantation outside of Charleston, SC several years ago. The main plantation house pre-dated the Civil War.

        The tour guide explained it survived the Civil War because the then-owner was a doctor. When he heard the Union Army was approaching, he had quarantine flags posted at the boundaries of the property. The doctor told the Union Army scouts that there were cholera/smallpox/can’t remember patients on the property.

        The Union Army bypassed that plantation house.

      • Pine_Tree

        I mentioned this the other day, but there’s a scene in Swiss Family Robinson where they keep pirates away by hoisting a quarantine flag.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Remember it well. Loved that movie as a kid.

      • Shirley Knott

        Huh, I hadn’t thought about that movie in years. I, like Gustave, loved it when I was a kid. My local library has it; assuming the dates don’t get pushed out, they’ll re-open on 4-6 and I can get it then. But I’m betting on an extension to their shutdown.

    • Agent Cooper

      It’s “Christ. What an asshole.”

  5. Mad Scientist

    The owner, who is actually Irish, had his Irish up about that, and may have indicated that he would require the attendance of the police before he complied.

    This is my kind of bar.

  6. leon

    Oh yeah, I’m supposed to vote today.

    Now we get to see who the dumbest segment of the populace is…

  7. Certified Public Asshat

    Tom-tom Gone?

    Philip Rivers finally made it to his homeland in Indiana.

    • juris imprudent

      Thought he was from somewhere in the south (via NC State).

      • Certified Public Asshat

        He is, but for a non-mormon with a ton of kids, I assume Indiana is a good spot.

    • Chafed

      So the Colts will win enough to keep it interesting for the post-season but never get anywhere in the post-season. Half the Chargers curse is lifted. If Spanos sells the team they might win again.

    • blighted_non_millenial

      I look forward to the Falcons blowing double digit leads to the Bucs twice a year for the next couple of years…..

  8. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    How are you? Eating the flesh of your neighbors yet?

    Not quite yet, but hippie next door neighbor will be first to go when it comes time.

    I need the housing market to hold out 15 more days.

    • Mad Scientist

      Warning: patchouli tastes terrible.

      • Caput Lupinum

        Cook them like saurbraten. Long marinade and slow cooking to soften up the stringy meat, juniper and acid to cut the gaminess.

      • Tonio

        Acid?

      • juris imprudent

        Yeah, you’d think they’d been marinated enough in that.

      • Caput Lupinum

        Remember, low heat to preserve that hallucinogenic goodness.

      • bacon-magic

        Wine or vinegar. Or LSD if you’re nasty.

      • bacon-magic

        I was thinking more Janet Jackson.

      • Count Potato

        I know, but that is more acid.

      • Not Adahn

        Maybe so, but vegan chicks are delicious

      • Tres Cool

        “she dont eat meat but she sure like the bone!”

    • Tonio

      Trashy, I finally read your IZPC Episode #6 and loved it.

    • bacon-magic

      I just cleaned and sharpened my meat grinder. (yes, it is a euphemism as well)

  9. Drake

    How are you?

    It’s St. Patrick’s Day, the restraunts are closed, the breweries are closed, the gym is closed… I’m Pretty fucking far from OK

    • leon

      I know NJ is at least 1000 miles away from there.

    • Nephilium

      I’ve got whiskey. I’m going to get beer. And I better fucking get some corned beef today.

    • Tonio

      The Breweries? Christ, man. What Hell are you living in? Surely the living envy the dead.

      My local microbrewery has closed their taproom but will deliver growlers, ten-mile radius, minimum order three.

      • Chafed

        I’m guessing most people will have no trouble hitting that minimum.

      • Nephilium

        Just stopped a brewery, they were asked by the department of health not to use previously filled growlers (never mind that fact that I keep mine with Star-San sanitizer in them), and only sell new. They were doing crowlers and packaged beer to go. Hop Juju and Mojo Jojo is now in my fridge.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        We did, but they Gilmored the search and haven’t seen since…..

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Bad threading,,

  10. leon

    Do you think we were to harsh on “First shows bad quality community” Tulpa? i havn’t seen him since.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      It was a silly idea anyway,
      Bye, whoever you were………

    • Lackadaisical

      lol, no. If a Tulpa can’t hack that, just fuck off.

  11. Rebel Scum

    Beshear didn’t share then how the government had forced the unnamed man to stay in his home.

    Shoot him if he leaves?

      • leon

        More like “Sleeps, Shoots, leaves” with the cops eh?

      • Tonio

        Normally I disapprove of handle-hopping. But in this case…

      • Donation Not Taxation

        How do you think “Trump Stimulus Apologist” would look on me?

        “there’s always a Don in there somewhere”

        Don Trump Stimulus Apologist

      • juris imprudent

        More like Don escaped Trump’s Stimulation, no?

  12. juris imprudent

    There was alas, no green river in Chicago this year. Well, not entirely, it was it’s natural green rather than the dyed variety.

  13. Nephilium

    So who’s going to count how many less penguins are left after the shutdown?

    So far no corned beef yet today. Hopefully for dinner. But my patience with people panic requesting items is reaching a limit. I’m going to get stabby soon.

    Plan is to head up to one of the local breweries to pick up some beer once I log off of the work system. Usually, it would be Guinness, Harp, or Smithwick’s. But with all the bullshit going on, it’s time to drink local.

  14. Don escaped Dr Nurse FirstWife PhD

    Current stimulus proposal

    Stimulus is catalyst, lubrication. If they want to play the welfare game, they need to think income replacement, not petty stimulus. I’d go so far as to say that half the country is doing nothing: half of domestic product is being lost: that’s $1T per month for as long as this goes.

    If this doesn’t blow over in short over, it’s because the shit came down, and $850B will be lost like a popcorn fart in a hurricane. If it blows over, well: it blows over.

  15. Lackadaisical

    “Also (**knocks on wood**) currently the kids’ daycare and my gym “have no plans to close”, so I’m good. How are you?”
    that’s what my daycare said Friday. by Monday they were shutting down.

    “Eating the flesh of your neighbors yet?”

    this is new York, so we’re cowering in fear instead.

    • Nephilium

      Local breweries that had the capacity can still sell beer to go. Several are opening for extremely limited hours to sell growlers/howlers/crowlers.

      But this has been the most disappointing 3/17 in a long time.

      /mods, mind unlocking my scary early comment?

      • Tonio

        Done. Not sure why. Maybe three linkses? /edit fairy flutters off, tipsily

      • Not Adahn

        Someone looked into it earlier today and it looked like there was an issue with Akismet?

      • Nephilium

        No links, but appreciate it none the less.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    Current stimulus proposal $850B.

    Maybe we should think twice about intentionally harpooning the economy.

    Crazy, I know.

    • leon

      I’m starting to agree with hyperbole. It’s all fake. Why not embrace the logical conclusion that we can spend anything we want.

    • Tonio

      “Thar she blows!”

      Whalefishing is an essential component of out economy, Brooksie.

      Lamp oil doesn’t just spurt from the earth, you know.

    • tarran

      Great! Of course, all those bucks are going to be extracted from the population, so basically it’s not going to make us better off. It’s going to just move some money from some people to others. Even better, the dead-weight losses associated with taxation mean that it’s actually going to contract the economy even further than the anit-Kung-Flu efforts did.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        “You Are Correct Sir” — Ed Mcmahon

      • The Hyperbole

        Bullshit, when was the last time “all those bucks” were ever extracted from anybody? they just print or ‘borrow’ whatever they need to keep their cronies fat and happy, It’s all a house of cards. May as well grab what we can, all we can, while we can because at best we are just kicking the can down the road by playing by the ‘rules’.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Corporate and personal income taxes paying interest on the promissory paper

      • Gadfly

        Bullshit, when was the last time “all those bucks” were ever extracted from anybody? they just print or ‘borrow’ whatever they need to keep their cronies fat and happy

        Ummm, you do know that “printing money” is a way to extract money from people, right? Increasing the ratio of money to wealth decreases the value of the money, transferring the value (the only thing about it that matters) from the people who had it to the people who are getting the new stuff. It’s a stealth tax.

      • The Hyperbole

        Meh, If there ever is some final accounting I’d agree but as far as I can tell it’s like a giant poker game where the bank keeps giving out more chips but there’s never going to be a cashout so you’re a sucker if you don’t take as many extra chips as you can get while people still think the chips are worth something.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Nah, we’ll just put it on our giant credit card. Future generations can worry about paying it off.

  17. Nephilium

    /accomplishment unlocked

    Logged off work machine

    • Drake

      Won a boss fight?

      • Nephilium

        The plan now is to head up to a local establishment, and pick up beer to bring home to buttress up the supplies and support a local business. For those who live in areas without that luxury, you can also support your local establishments by buying swag until the powers that be allow freedom of assembly and commerce.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I really don’t want a WalMart T shirt,

      • Nephilium

        A couple of the breweries around me sell cycling jerseys.

    • DEG

      Excellent. I’m going to call up the local brewpub soon and see if they still have their corned beef and cabbage for takeout. I might get a crowler or two as well. I don’t like corned beef and cabbage, but I like this place and they’re going to close completely until April 7th.

      • AlmightyJB

        I know our local Irish pub does. I might do carry out tomorrow or Thursday. They’re probably doing ok tonight. This shit is pissing me off. Wife’s out of town. I could be sitting there drinking beer right now!

      • DEG

        I stopped in my local Irish pub for some take-out at lunch. Eerily quiet in there.

  18. Atanarjuat

    There’s a neat Irish pub near the Tampa convention center with an actual thatch roof, Irish bartenders and disturbing pro-terrorism posters on the walls. Is that the one?

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Nelson County Judge Executive Dean Watts told CNN affiliate WDRB the measure was necessary to keep the community safe.
    “This is about us, not about ‘I,'” Watts said. “So quarantine is a must. If we have to, we’ll do it by force.”

    Accept your role in the collective. Resistance is fatal.

    • leon

      “This is about us, not about ‘I’,”.

      …………………………………………..

  20. DEG

    Beshear didn’t share then how the government had forced the unnamed man to stay in his home.

    Hmm… armored vehicles and flames a la Waco?

    That Steve Earle song sounds a lot like the tune from “Galway Girl”

  21. The Late P Brooks

    Under the Commerce Clause of the Constitution, a president can issue an executive order authorizing isolation or quarantine for several contagious diseases, including severe acute respiratory syndromes like Covid-19.

    Huh. What a surprise. The Commerce Clause; it’s like a Swiss Army Knife of government power.

    • leon

      Huh. See i thought the Commerce Clause was in Article I, not Article II but fuck me. I guess we are just now saying that all the powers of congress also belong to the King erm President.

      • juris imprudent

        Well Congress passed the law that gives the President power to declare emergencies… [actual progtard logic]

  22. Rebel Scum

    So work is now planning on possible work-from-home quarantine scenario. They don’t think the network can stand everyone being active at the same time so they just surveyed to see who is willing to work a 7a-3p or 3p-11p window. I would definitely not be productive from 3p-11p.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Oh I’m productive then, producing Beer induced Pee,

  23. Donation Not Taxation

    “Trump administration discusses best way to throw money at people. Current stimulus proposal $850B.”

    If you like your stimulus, you can keep your stimulus, as long as you get people to voluntarily donate to pay for it.

    Word on the street is Trump rally attendance is 20,000 to 66,000 per. A whip round at $20,000,000 per at the next one should get $400B to $1,320B

  24. Gender Traitor

    The Mister & I are going to try out a brand new Mediterranean restaurant just up the road from Chez GT – maybe help give ’em a fighting chance to survive. Tabouli FTW!

    • Tres Cool

      I look forward to reading your review.

      • Gender Traitor

        ?

  25. grrizzly

    I’m at the new Centurion lounge at LAX. It opened just last week. There’s more staff than visitors. Every other Centurion lounge I visited before the world ended was always full.

    • Chafed

      Absolutely. Every time I’ve been to the one at SFO it has been packed.

  26. AlmightyJB

    They have about two weeks to start opening places back up or people are going to start going postal.

  27. The Late P Brooks

    What am i supposed to spend my free money on, if the bars are closed?

    • Chafed

      Ammo.

      • Animal

        Yeah, good luck with that. Ammo is getting to be as scarce as toilet paper.

  28. Not Adahn

    First plate of corned beef and cabbage consumed. A little irritated because the cabbage stem was included (who doesthat?). Backup potatoes cooking.

    I ain’t gonna lie. I already know what I’d do with a bonus $1k. SP-01 tactical. Cajunized.

    • AlmightyJB

      ??

    • Fourscore

      Price will be 2K. Handling costs. When everyone gets a free K prices will rise quickly to off set the free money

      • Not Adahn

        They could, but since I knew the earlier price that would piss me off enough to lose me as a customer. And hopefully they know that.

    • Count Potato

      cajunized?

      • Not Adahn

        Holy shit. Are they rolling in business, or did they get corona’d?

        Send CGW an e-mail requesting to be added to our waitlist. Turn around is 10 weeks. Plus return FedEx of $40.00.

      • Sean

        I wanna say it was 8 weeks or so when I had my 75c done some years back.

      • Not Adahn

        Now it’s waitlist + 10.

        Having them build one is 14 weeks.

      • Shirley Knott

        Dang! I know next to nothing about guns but those are gorgeous.

      • Not Adahn

        cajungunworks.com

      • The Hyperbole

        Wrapped in gator skin?

    • Count Potato

      Couldn’t you just snort it off her tits?

    • DEG

      #2 is a bad photoshop job. The pixelations are a bit too obvious.

      I have mixed feelings on #31. I’d like her to do butt stuff outside the gym, but inside the gym is OK.

      I think #32 might be a bit young.

      #34 and #39 are nice.

      Also, #42, #47, #52 are nice too.

      #80 looks too much like a relative of mine.

      Add #90 and #100 to the nice list.

      • DEG

        Good song.

        I like Flogging Molly. I stumbled on this tune of theirs and was hooked.

      • The Hyperbole

        Flogging Molly > Dropkick Murphys

      • Chipwooder

        Depends on what kind of mood I’m in. I like them both.

      • Nephilium

        Flogging Molly’s best album was Drunken Lullabies. Once the lead singer got sober (and started faking drinking on stage with a Jameson’s bottle filled with iced tea), he went country fast. The Pogues are of course the best, and the Prodigals are another good one. Dropkick Murphy’s is always a consistently good show, with a solid pit.

      • Rhywun

        I like Dropkick Murphy’s because “The Boys Are Back” is the intro song to Friday Night Footy (Aussie rules).

      • DEG

        I never liked the Dropkick Murphys. I tried. I never liked them.

  29. Ownbestenemy

    We normally head to the one true Irish Pub in Vegas for a fun night out but this year i decided to ure my own beef and stocking up on alcohol since it had become evident that is what nanny govs are going after. Happy St. Patrick’s day glibbies!

    • Gustave Lytton

      No, but for those who live on their own, which is quite a number of 60+, there isn’t much choice

      • C. Anacreon

        So 60 is now the starting point for seniors, eh?

        Oh well, in eight months I’ll have to buy a rocking chair, I guess.

    • tarran

      Was she just reacting when she used makeup to make her face appear bruised so that the courts would take the kids away from Johnny Depp?

      • Tres Cool

        No, that was just regular acting.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    Yesterday, the regulars at my place of worship favorite bar were plotting alternative strategies in case of shutdown.

    • AlmightyJB

      Oh I’m sure there is a lot of business going on behind locked doors:)

      • Fourscore

        “Friend of Joe’s”

        I almost remember speakeasys, heard the stories from my folks. Nothing new ever.

  31. Juvenile Bluster

    They picked today to close all bars in Florida (at 5 PM), for 30 days.

    Fort Lauderdale is closing all restaurants (except delivery/takeout), gyms, bowling alleys, video arcades (there are still video arcades?) for 30 days as well.

    • Not Adahn

      I didn’t hear the order go out, but it must have here too. All the places downtown had signs “open for take out only.”

    • AlmightyJB

      Video arcades are making a comeback. They now have bars in them.

      • DEG

        A friend of mine is slowly putting together an arcade in the back of his restaurant.

        He picked up some vintage old school games and has been slowly fixing them.

        We’ll see if he gets to finish his plans given he’s limited to take-out only thanks to the panic.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Well not anymore.

      • Sean

        https://www.thegameisafootarcade.com/

        This one isn’t too far from me. We went once, and had fun. I think I spent most of my time there on Gauntlet 2.

      • Tres Cool

        Defender > Stargate > anything else.

        Change my mind.

      • Tundra

        ^^This!^^

      • Tres Cool

        Battlezone v. Tempest.

        Discuss.

      • Jarflax

        Battlezone was best

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      This is why I don’t go nuts…..

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Discs do wear out, I’ll have to be careful about the River eating them however..

    • Fatty Bolger

      They should. I don’t get why some beaches and parks are being closed. And liquor stores. That’s just bullshit, there’s no logical reason behind any of it.

  32. The Late P Brooks

    I already know what I’d do with a bonus $1k. SP-01 tactical. Cajunized.

    Good plan. Aluminum 80% 1911 frame and ~4″ barrel top end.

  33. Winston

    Interesting that mass travel, global trade and urbanization gave us the coronavirus and in turn the massive increase in government control. States of emergencies, economic shutdown, bailouts, nationalized healthcare. command economy. Yikes.

    • AlmightyJB

      Just can’t wait for next winter!

      • Fourscore

        Winter 2020-2021 has been cancelled. Officially closed by EO.

  34. Rebel Scum

    Donald J. Trump✔
    @realDonaldTrump

    The United States will be powerfully supporting those industries, like Airlines and others, that are particularly affected by the Chinese Virus. We will be stronger than ever before!

    286K
    6:51 PM – Mar 16, 2020
    Twitter Ads info and privacy
    185K people are talking about this

    Donald J. Trump✔
    @realDonaldTrump

    Cuomo wants “all states to be treated the same.” But all states aren’t the same. Some are being hit hard by the Chinese Virus, some are being hit practically not at all. New York is a very big “hotspot”, West Virginia has, thus far, zero cases. Andrew, keep politics out of it….

    He obviously wanted to call it “Yellow Fever”, but was informed that was already taken.

    • AlmightyJB

      As was the Horizontal Hootchie Disease.

      • Rebel Scum

        And Slant-Eye Sickness.

    • Shirley Knott

      Okay, I’m impressed. Directly countering ‘treat all the same’ with ‘all are not the same.’ Good.
      And Chinese Virus. Eat it, Pooh.

  35. Winston

    https://www.aier.org/article/an-epistemic-crisis/

    It’s a classic pretension of knowledge about something that the government itself is clueless about. They tried to plan without reliable signs or signals. That’s a recipe for chaotic, hasty, haphazard, and internally contradictory policy decisions, all driven by the need to maintain an appearance of an official response.

    Such circumstances are ripe for abuse. We got censorship of the problem when it first emerged, and now other governments trying to cover their own rears for chaotic inaction as it’s played out. Then all the vultures arrive, trying to append their pet political projects to the response: authoritarian busybodies like Cuomo and de Blasio instinctually calling out the police or calling for nationalization of industry, Bernie using it to make the case for Medicare for All, the UBI crowd trying to build that into a stimulus, the nationalists demanding a shutdown of global trade.

    Right now, there is a huge debate in this country about how bad Coronavirus really is. Some people are saying that we are all going to be infected. Many will die. Others are saying that this is completely overwrought, that authorities have overreacted, and that viruses burn themselves out and that the casualties will be few. The problem here is that we haven’t had access to reliable, scientifically valid information either to avoid panic and behave in a rational way.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Perhaps if we had a CDC that was focused on its actual core mission instead of bullshit political initiatives we might be more prepared…

      But that’s just crazy talk.

      • RAHeinlein

        See Obama’s focus on Agency for Toxic Substances and Disease Registry (ATSDR) with his CDC henchman Tom Frieden – talk about overreach, and abandonment of the original/core mission.

      • Winston

        I didn’t expect government officials to only care about their power and funding…

      • Gustave Lytton

        No shit. And the answer from top.men. is Trump gutted the CDC so we need moar government with even less accountability like the Fed Reserve.

      • Naptown Bill

        Well it was a political issue within days of its discovery, and that’s part of the reason why there are so many irrational responses. Also, this sort of thing appeals directly to the kind of mentality that wants a strongman dictatorship to keep order and safety, e.g. Biden and Sanders both suggesting martial law to enforce curfews during this whole deal.

      • Don escaped Dr Nurse FirstWife PhD

        Not disagreeing.

        But on the liberty front, this was the perfect chance for Republicans to prove they are the great Americans. Dominating the governors’ houses in our great land, it would have been easy for them to be the shining lights of true north, the sane alternative to all those evil Democrats, the kings of flyover sense.

        But they’ve started mobilizing this, state of emergency that, and curfewing those: just like everyone else.

      • RAHeinlein

        It’s like you don’t even Boomer bro – what if Don is an escaped Covid-19 carrier?

      • Don escaped Dr Nurse FirstWife PhD

        FWIW, I’d rank myself amongst the top 20% in likelihood of having been exposed

        something should be done about it

      • Nephilium

        I flew through Atlanta airport last Monday. If I didn’t catch it there, I won’t catch it anywhere.

  36. JD is Unemployed

    Excuse me for being a dipshit millenial, but is that the Steve Earle, or just a Steve Earle? I used to think that ‘Copperhead Road’ song was cool. Maybe it is. The guy had to go full retard in the “everything is political!” sense, so after that it kind of tainted it for me. I’m shallow? Yes, apparently.

    • Winston

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Copperhead_Road

      The songs on side one of the album reflect Earle’s politics: the title track attacks the War on Drugs, and the song “Snake Oil” compares then president Ronald Reagan to a traveling con man and draws attention to his “legacy of creative deceit”.[2] The title track and “Johnny Come Lately” (performed with The Pogues[2]) both describe the experiences of returning veterans. The latter compares the experience of US servicemen fighting in World War II with those in the Vietnam War, and contrasts the differing receptions they received on returning home. “Back to the Wall” is about poverty, describing the life of the homeless in the US.

    • The Hyperbole

      Yes that is that Steve Earle, yes he went full retard, still makes/made some really good music.

  37. mrfamous

    I thought the above headline said “St. Panick’s Day.”

    • pistoffnick

      nice!

  38. Not Adahn

    Apparently the coronavirus killed my USPS driver. I’ve been tracking a holster as it made its way here from Colorado. Four days ago it left Springfield, Ma.

    • hayeksplosives

      Amazon is changing their third party distribution system too.

      It’s a real mess.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Amazon is not accepting restocks from marketplace sellers that aren’t selling priority items right now (TP, thermometers, etc…)

        There’s a lot of Fulfilled By Amazon sellers that are going to be left out in the cold.

      • Count Potato

        Why?

    • Don escaped Dr Nurse FirstWife PhD

      When I worked at UPS (before barcodes and when package cars only had five digits in their capital asset numbers), a guy on third shift with me got caught “forwarding” packages to his own home!

      He worked a sort position by himself way up in the conveyors and got tired of nice toys passing him everyday and his not getting any of them, so he made up some labels with his own address so he could snag and reroute/relabel choice packages.

      In those days there was no systematic way to catch him, and maybe there was no idea that some of the missing package complaints were remotely related. But a driver finally thought: this dude on Nowhere Street sure is getting a lot of fourth class mail, oh: and I heard about something back at the hub.

    • Fourscore

      I mailed a book to Virginia recently, took 4 weeks.

  39. hayeksplosives

    I’m getting my “smog check” done on the old Ford, then off to transfer it to CA at the DMV. I hear it’s a ghost town.

    • Spudalicious

      Our DMV is closed.

      • Chafed

        That’s creative.

    • Tres Cool

      A Haitian. Laundering money.
      Unrelated….The Clinton Global Initiative.

  40. Winston

    https://www.aier.org/article/the-parasites-exacerbating-covid-19/

    Our public K-12 education system inculcates in Americans the notion that some benevolent government official can wave a magic wand and protect us all. University study used to disabuse Americans of such notions but, alas, not so much anymore as the academy has fallen into the hands of Left-leaning scholars and administrators.

    The so-far easy acceptance of the government’s medieval reaction to the spread of a not very lethal virus to a vanishingly small percentage of the population suggests that universities are not helping Americans to overcome the many behavioral biases they inherited from their cavemen ancestors.

    When did universities ever actually do that? And why should they? And who are these profs and who will hire them and why will they think that way?

  41. Tundra

    Hi Brett!

    Happy St. Paddy’s day to you and the lass!

    Don’t worry. You will join the rest of us in closing all things good and pure.

    I went to the local paint place to get some primer (since everyone’s home, my wife has generated quite the impressive projects list). I asked the counter kid if they were planning to stay open and he said probably not after a few more days. Turned out that closing schools and making people work from home has spurred painting projects. The store went from seeing 20-30 people a day to like 150 yesterday. Which of course pushes them into a higher risk category.

    We had a laugh about it, but it still annoys me.

    • Count Potato

      Damn.

      I was going to repaint another room soon.

    • RAHeinlein

      A friend works at Lowe’s and said the same thing – insanely busy. We are actively making our list of projects and plan to hit Menard’s tomorrow since unlikely they will stay open.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Funny about that. There’s been a bunch of stuff I’ve been putting off. Got a bunch of material last week so I don’t have to go to the store each time for the next month or more to do each one.

      If I get all of those done, there’s still lots of yard work to do as well.

      • Tundra

        Yep. I work from home 75% of the time, so that’s not new for me. It’s just being stuck here that sucks.

        I do have some projects on the Triumph to work on, so that’s cool.

      • Mad Scientist

        Fire is cleansing. Spitting fire cleanses others. Therefore, a Spitfire cleans the environment.

      • Tundra

        We’re clearly superior environmentalists.

        Saving the world, most likely.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Huh. I thought spitfire was how the electricals work…

        /ducks

      • Tundra

        No need to duck. The fear is what keeps them cheap!

  42. Count Potato

    Imagine if all the time and effort people spent on climate change was spent on preparing for a pandemic.

    • Winston

      Well considering the massive statism this outbreak has caused I assume this will happen very soon…

  43. invisible finger

    Everybody remain calm and kindly quarantine yourself in your poorly-ventilated multi-family housing units.

    • Tundra

      My neighbors are all outside. I’ve talked to more of them today than in the last month!

      Nice work, coronapanic!

      • Hyperion

        I’ve been out and about pretty much every day. Most people to me seem completely calm. My wife doesn’t want to go out and she has a cold/flu, so I just makes runs to get stuff when we need it.

        I find it sort of distressing that you cannot buy fresh potatoes in any local stores though. I’m going to have to do an early morning Walmart run soon.

      • invisible finger

        The stores are out of potatoes as a tribute to St. Patrick.

      • Hyperion

        There’s no potatoes, let them eat French Fries and Hash Browns!

      • Tres Cool

        FREEDOM FRIES !

    • Gustave Lytton

      “Smoke you!”

      • Mad Scientist

        Wrong answer, meat popsicle.

  44. Don escaped Dr Nurse FirstWife PhD

    listening to NewWife lead her troops virtually all day

    nothing in my inbox in seven business days: ¡nada!

  45. Rothbardsbitch

    So I have pneumonia, I have been on oxygen and a nebulizer. They said my pneumonia could be from corona or not it doesn’t matter and they can’t test me due to CDC guidelines. I’m not one to really worry about getting sick but now I am scared, chest hurts, rib cage hurts they said to go to the hospital if anything gets any worse. I also take care of my 75 year old grandmother with Parkinson’s. This shit is no longer funny. It’s very real. I can’t even smoke or drink now 🙁 this pandemic is no longer fun.

    • Tundra

      First off, I’m very sorry.

      They said my pneumonia could be from corona or not it doesn’t matter and they can’t test me due to CDC guidelines.

      Why the fuck not?

      Where are you located?

      • Rothbardsbitch

        I’m in Texas. Guidelines are that you must

        1) Have traveled internationally to a coronavirus infected zone.

        and/or two

        2) Have been in close contact with a corona infected individual.

        They say with the inhalers (yes multiple) I should be able to maintain my own oxygen level.

        3) They just said to isolate myself as much as possible.

      • Tundra

        3) is damn near impossible if you live with people.

        Good luck, brother. I hope you get better fast and Grandma stays well.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yeah, do what you can do. Use a mask if you have any when you’re in the same room, or even a handkerchief or rag, to intercept any exhaled droplets/sneezes. Reuse should be ok.

        (missed that it was grandma not ma)

      • Gustave Lytton

        https://youtu.be/H2E1t3yMXgE

        One of the Diamond Princess passengers. Skip to about the 20 minute mark and he talks about doing lung exercises that he believes helped him recover from the pneumonia. Not a doctor or health professional so ymmv.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Ah crap, sorry RB. Did they set you up with a pulse oximeter so you can at least monitor your oxygenation on your own? Pneumonia sucks hard.

      Your doc (or another doc) should be able to send a swab out to one of the private labs even if it doesn’t meet CDC guidelines. Not that it does much for your treatment, but perhaps some piece of mind.

      The mom situation is a shit sandwich. Can the local health department set her up in a quarantine (because she’s potentially exposed) somewhere else while you recover?

    • Spudalicious

      Sorry to hear that. That sucks.

    • Shirley Knott

      So sorry to hear this. Misery and fear compounded. Some good advice above, I’ve nothing to add, but hang in there.

    • DEG

      Sorry. I hope you heal up quickly.

      I hope you can find someone to help out with your grandmother. My mom has Parkinson’s and even though I don’t see her very much, I know it’s difficult.

    • Sean

      Sorry to hear that. Get better!

    • blighted_non_millenial

      Sorry, man.

    • Mojeaux

      Oh, that bites. I am so sorry.

    • Rothbardsbitch

      Thanks everyone! Chest pain is down so that is a plus!

  46. Hyperion

    “Ah yes, the old cordon sanitaire.”

    I would have all sorts of fun with that. I’d just start making demands. ‘Hey fuzz, I’m thirsty, go get me some beer!’. And I’d make them stay there 24/7 by saying if they don’t meet my demands, I’m going out. Sure, they’d probably just shoot me, but it would be worth it while it lasted.

  47. Private Chipperbot

    So. Today is the 19th anniversary with the Mrs. She is still smoking hot after all these years. Dealing with the pants shitting, kids home from school, and general jackassery. My son tore his ACL going into his senior year, daughter made varsity as a sophomore, but the season will probably be cancelled. The bars are closed. Otherwise we’re healthy and relatively happy. Cheers!

    • Tundra

      Congratulations, man. That is a hell of an accomplishment.

      Yeah, sports are probably done. Spawn 2 doesn’t even expect to walk for graduation.

      The bars are closed but the speakeasies are readying for operation. Never underestimate the market.

    • Private Chipperbot

      I also drank a growler of 9.2 beer from the local to support them during the coronatine this afternoon. So…

    • Mad Scientist

      Happy anniversary!

    • RAHeinlein

      Happy Anniversary!

    • Gustave Lytton

      Congratulations!

    • Hyperion

      Congrats!

    • Fourscore

      Good for you and the Mrs, PC. Life goes on. You’re doing great, as are all the others with a real life.

    • Spudalicious

      Happy Anniversary!

    • Shirley Knott

      Good on ya, the both of ya 😉

    • DEG

      Congratulations!

    • DOOMco

      Happy anniversary!

  48. The Late P Brooks

    All government agencies should fly their flags upside down until further notice.

  49. Hyperion

    The Great Pooh Bear has Spoken!

    LOL, you just threw out the only guys from the US that are praising you 24/7.

    I’d seriously give a million dollars if I had it to punch that fat commie cartoon character right in his fat face.

    • Chafed

      Dictators gonna dictate.

      • juris imprudent

        Trump sighs in frustrated envy.

    • Rhywun

      The Wall Street Journal slammed the move in a statement, Editor in Chief Matt Murray, calling it an “unprecedented attack on freedom of the press” …

      ? Um…

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        So the WSJ has joined the ‘Tard Army? Do they not understand that the government that’s doing this is a repressive, authoritarian socialist/pseudo-Communist regime?

      • Chafed

        They know full well. Their editorial page has consistently defended freedom of the press worldwide.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        So it’s just editorial masturbation. Got it.

    • Nephilium

      I’m partial to the Sick Note.

    • DEG

      That is one of my favorites too.

      I saw them in Munich just after Ronnie Drew died. It was a good show. They did three encores.

      I saw them again in Vienna, as The Dublin Legends, just after Barney McKenna died. At the end, they played “Whiskey in the Jar” and some drunk Viennese guy got everyone in the venue up and dancing and singing.

  50. Donation Not Taxation

    Trump administration discusses best way to throw money at people. Current stimulus proposal $850B. https://www.washingtonpost.com/us-policy/2020/03/17/trump-coronavirus-stimulus-package/

    “Trump is a typical conservative. That says a lot about the conservative tradition.”
    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/monkey-cage/wp/2018/02/01/trump-is-a-typical-conservative-that-says-a-lot-about-the-conservative-tradition/

    “One of these things is not like the others
    One of these things just doesn’t belong
    Can you tell which thing is not like the others
    By the time I finish my song?”

    • Gustave Lytton

      Under the more worse case scenarios, that spending alone is $200K per life saved. That’s in addition to the economic damage* interventions will cause and the interruption to daily life.

      *assumes that economy wasn’t a house of cards already

    • Hyperion

      The Trump admin actually had a great idea, wanting to cancel payroll tax for the rest of the year. Of course, that could never get through the dem house because THE RICH GETTING MOAR TAX CUTS! Fucking idiots, the rich do NOT pay payroll taxes, it’s the middle class and poor folk that ya’ll love so much who pays that.

  51. The Late P Brooks

    Reliable source

    The problem is that “this is a different kind of crisis than normal crises. It’s just not a problem of aggregate demand,” he said.

    “Because of the disease, people are shutting down their businesses. In the United States, restaurants in New York City have been closed,” said Stiglitz. “More demand is not going to save that particular problem.”

    ——-

    Stiglitz advocated for targeted assistance to help people and sectors weather the public health emergency.

    “It is clearly a case where targeted fiscal policy is what is needed. It’s been true for a long while that monetary policies has had only have limited efficacy,” said the Columbia University professor, who is also chief economist at the Roosevelt Institute.

    The support should focus on those who will be “facing enormous stress,” strengthening the capacity of the healthcare system and encouraging people to not interact, as well as get tested and not show up at work if they are sick, said Stiglitz.

    “We are going to need to get large amounts of money — you might call it ‘helicopter money’ — to those people who are going to be under enormous stress,” he said, citing the example of Hong Kong, which announced a 10,000 Hong Kong dollar ($1,287) cash payout to all permanent residents above 18 years old.

    In fact, large government spending in today’s pressing circumstances while paying no attention to deficit “is correct,” he said.

    “The deficit is something that we will have to deal with in the future. When we went to World War II, we didn’t ask ‘could we afford it,’” said Stiglitz. “We spent the money as we needed it.”

    “We had to make sure that we weren’t overspending in the sense that we had inflation. We had to manage the economy.”

    The sky is falling, and we have to prop it up with gargantuan stacks of cash. It’s always what we need to do. It’s the only way.

    • Winston

      When is there ever time to spend less money?

      • Winston

        Erm…Stiglitz is not one of those people…

      • Don escaped Dr Nurse FirstWife PhD

        oh, I was extrapolating to answer your observation, not gunning for Stiglitz

        I”m simply agreeing: generally, there is no appetite for fiscal responsibility except as a scalpel with which to eviscerate one’s enemies. The drum I refuse to quit pounding is that those who vote partisan sympathy are as apt (have proven?) to get as terrible leaders as the folk they are voting against. Principle seems to count for very little, and the consequences are everywhere. The moral hazard of inducing men of succeedingly lower character to run also seems not to ring true with anyone.

        I do respect practicality, but I think that rationale has been overplayed.

      • Jarflax

        I’m torn on this. I agree with you that voting for a tax and spend authoritarian with an R next to his name, just tells the party that your vote is theirs no matter what they do so why should they ever run anyone who will reduce the power of the Government. But the D team is now running openly socialist candidates and history shows that electing an openly socialist government just one time ends the opportunity to vote your way out of a socialist government. I don’t see a good answer.

  52. hayeksplosives

    My 24% Irish spousal unit it submitting to his branding as a Cali resident, getting his CA ID. He’s been slinking by on MN ID for almost 2 years now.

    Maybe this is some form of acceptance.

    • Don escaped Dr Nurse FirstWife PhD

      They should start issuing passports with little bears on them for the coming Calexit.

      You, of course, should maintain your dual citizenship for emergency repatriation if needed.

      • hayeksplosives

        Sounds good. The CA “REAL ID” compliant ones actually do have a little Golden Bear for US citizens.

        I’ve been parked here in the inspection line to get the car verified (got the smog check on the way in) for 15 minutes with no help. Angry minority lady tells me “awl be right witchu” but nothing since then.

        They seem to be prioritizing driver tests over vehicle registration. I’m not even sure what they look for other than smog check.

      • Mad Scientist

        Driver over to the nearest AAA and get a membership. They’ll do your DMV paperwork for you. Free.

      • hayeksplosives

        Not if it is being transferred from out of state. Then it has to go to a real CA bureaucrat who can read the “pass” on the smog very I bought at a third party place, and can read matching numbers on VIN on windshield, doorframe, behind dash.

        New plates now in hand. The spouse is having to continue with his hooman registration though.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Lights, turn signals, no broken/ cracked glass, tires arent bald….

      • UnCivilServant

        I think I play too many video games. The first mental image I had was the two-headed bear of the NCR.

    • Hyperion

      Real ID is weak. We’ll all be getting a real DNA test and an implant soon. The reason the sheeple will comply is because they’ll be worn out from 200 unique passwords and having to login to something 500 times a day. Duo security is just the start. We’ll replace all of that with a swipe of the DNA implant, easy/peasy. 24/7 government tracking and geo location, all purchases with places and dates.

      • hayeksplosives

        The true nightmare.

        And there are people who’d think this was a grand idea.

      • Mojeaux

        The mark of the Beast.

      • Hyperion

        The ultimate dystopian nightmare:

        “And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.”

  53. kinnath

    Vacation to the deep south wiped out. Spending a week in Iowa instead. And now every conceivable form of public entertainment is closed for two weeks.

    I suppose it is a good thing that I know how to make booze and am well stocked at this point.

    • Nephilium

      As was mentioned on the Penny Arcade newspost (they’re in the Seattle, WA area):

      As for Quarantine, these are the conditions I am optimized for but never come to pass. I can make coffee and beer for months, out of things I have in ready supply. I am a good person to know.

      • kinnath

        I’m thinking I should go buy groceries before the shelves are cleared out by idiots.

        Perhaps I’ll carry.

  54. The Late P Brooks

    It is now once again time to do my sacred duty as an American, and go to the bar. I have bartenders to support. I will not cower. I will not shirk.

    • Tundra

      Godspeed, hero!

      • Tres Cool

        “we shall drink with them on the beaches, we shall drink with them on the landing grounds, we will drink with them in the hills and the streets; we shall never surrender!”

      • Tundra

        “Then there’s one thing you men will be able to say when this freakout is over and you get back home. Thirty years from now when you’re sitting by your fireside with your grandson on your knee and he asks, ‘What did you do in the great Coronafreakout?’ You won’t have to cough and say, ‘Well, your granddaddy cowered in his house like a bitch.’ No sir, you can look him straight in the eye and say ‘Son, your granddaddy rode with the great Montana Army and a son-of-a-goddamned-bitch named The Late P Brooks!’

        All right, you sons of bitches. You know how I feel. I’ll be proud to lead you wonderful guys in drinking anytime, anywhere. That’s all.”

        *music swells*

    • Mad Scientist

      * wipes away patriotic tear *

    • Tulip

      Tip them well, sweetie

    • Nephilium

      I bought beer at a brewery, and ordered food from a local bar.

      They won’t let me sit down and order a beer. Maybe next time I should carry my flask with me.

    • DEG

      I supported two bars today with take-out orders.

  55. Timeloose

    Well someone just broke into my MIL house. I’m going to investigate. Going heavy with my wife on cop watch.

    • Tundra

      Yikes! Be safe.

    • DEG

      Sorry. Stay safe.

  56. Chafed

    The last two days have been interesting. Yesterday was court in San Diego. The judge was very concerned about Covid and gave a short speech on social distancing and calling in for future appearances. Every case he called, he then reminded the attorneys to use Court Call next time if the Covid situation is the same. I left court and went to my office. Early in the afternoon I learn San Diego courts are shut, except for emergencies, until the beginning of April. No doubt a lengthier closure will be coming.

    I had court in Los Angeles today so I checked the court’s website before driving up last night. LA had taken some more modest measures and nothing had changed. I drive up and check into my hotel. Wife is texting me in a panic. She heard there’s going to be a “lockdown” and didn’t want me stuck in LA. That was a fun discussion. I grabbed dinner and checked the LA court’s website. No change. I hung out with you louts and then checked the website around 10 PM. No change.

    I get up this morning and am getting ready to walk to court when I checked again. Court is closed for the next four days at least. Sure glad I made that trip.

    I drive back to my office. Oldest daughter was informed college will not reopen on April 6th and the remainder of the semester will be virtual learning. Youngest daughter’s school started spring break a week early and she was supposed to go back the same day. Today the county announces all schools will remain closed until April 30th. Gym emails me they are closing until the end of the month.

    Tried to go into Trader Joe’s to pick up a few items for lunch. The line was out the door. Went to the supermarket nearby. It was unbelievable how much of the stock was gone. Bare shelves and empty freezers in quite a few spots. This is really turning into a clusterfuck.

    • Fatty Bolger

      The most interesting thing about virtual learning is seeing how little time is actually spent on school work. The kids can do everything they normally do in a full school day in 1 1/2 to 2 hours.

      • Chafed

        For my youngest, it won’t surprise me if that’s true. For my oldest, I hope that isn’t true.

  57. kinnath

    Let the pants shitting begin.

    This is how Trump steals the election

    But this fall’s elections must also be protected from partisans who might use a national emergency as an excuse to subvert democracy. Trump might not be able to cancel elections on his own. Individual state legislatures, however, could essentially nullify the results, if they wished, by exercising the authority to appoint the state’s representatives to the Electoral College.

    I really should just turn off the fucking computer and get drunk.

    • Hyperion

      “I really should just turn off the fucking computer and get drunk.”

      Probably a good idea.

      I spent part of the day reading headlines like ‘Crisis threatens Trump re-election!’. Yeah, sure it does, you hacks, because everyone believes that only Biden can save us. They’re scum for politicizing this, so nothing much has changed.

      • Animal

        …everyone believes that only Biden can save us.

        Meanwhile, Groper Joe is dividing his time between trying to remember where he is, and making fart noises with his armpit and giggling maniacally.

      • Mad Scientist

        He’s also taking time out to wash his TransAm.

      • Nephilium

        Oi! Hyperion, I replied to your question about bikes early this morning. And realized I never did finish writing up a piece about what you need to get started, what’s important, what’s not, and how to go from a 10 mile ride to routine 50+ mile rides.

        When work gets out of pants shitting mode, I’ll have to finish that up.

      • Hyperion

        Thanks, man. Looking forward to it.

    • Chafed

      I was expecting it to be Democratic Underground. Salon just keeps getting worse. I didn’t think it was possible.

    • hayeksplosives

      If they succeed in postponing the election, all bets are off. We have elections prescheduled in order to avoid mass hysteria and mood swings, unlike parliaments that can call new elections when they think they’ll have an advantage.

      • Nephilium

        If? If? Dare you doubt the power of the tiny emperor DeWine!?

      • The Hyperbole

        Primaries aren’t elections, the States shouldn’t have a damn thing to do with them, if the Dems and Rebs want to poll the populous as to who should be their candidate that should be on them.

      • Nephilium

        TeH PaRTieS SWiTCHeD!

      • Nephilium

        Somehow my random ramblings have been catching the attention of the Spam filters, but posts like this get through…

      • leon

        ^^^ Why states got roped into supporting these private entites is beyond me.

      • Winston

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smith_v._Allwright

        Segregation basically

        It overturned the Texas state law that authorized parties to set their internal rules, including the use of white primaries. The court ruled that it was unconstitutional for the state to delegate its authority over elections to parties in order to allow discrimination to be practiced. This ruling affected all other states where the party used the white primary rule.

      • Nephilium

        The States shouldn’t have anything to do with them, but they also put issues and other actual election items on the ballots for the Primary (at least here in Ohio). That’s what the Independent primary ballots are.

      • hayeksplosives

        Yup. Only real reason I voted was to defeat a shit measure.

      • Rhywun

        I don’t think they do that in NY. You have to be a party member to vote in a primary here (and “Independent” doesn’t count).

      • Nephilium

        Independent gets you an “Issues ballot” here in Ohio.

      • Gender Traitor

        In OH you just ask for R, D, or “Issues Only” ballot at the polls.

    • Tundra

      Perfect.

      I heart Stella.

    • Tulip

      Awww. Dogs and cats are definitely the big winners.

    • Spudalicious

      That dog knows what’s what.

      • IRBE

        I wonder if she closes her eyes when she jumps.

        FYI all EBRP closed. Just got back..great hike. Parking lot was full. Ha! Correct civil disobedient response engaged.

      • Tundra

        EBRP

        Help a brother out?

      • IRBE

        Sorry East Bay Regional Parks. (east of Oakland, CA) Spuds was a local

      • Spudalicious

        That’s funny. Good to see there are still some locals that haven’t become sheeple.

    • hayeksplosives

      Awwww. Cute and carefree

  58. mikey

    Went to the hardware store to get an electrical box to move an outlet (dipshit previous owner put the wall outlet directly behind the faucet). The store had a big hand-lettered sign out front – “We Have TP for Sale : -)” Not something they usually carry. Recent new owners and they’re trying real hard.

  59. Nephilium

    First beer of the day has been cracked. Corned Beef from one of the local bars being consumed. Stabby levels going down.

    • DEG

      I stopped at the local brewpub. I picked up some corned beef and cabbage plus two small crowlers. A stout and a barrel aged Scotch ale.

      Two guys sitting at the bar drinking water, another guy getting some cans filled, and me. One waitress I’ve seen a few times, a guy I’ve never seen before, and the house manager were taking care of orders. I paid cash and left a nice. I told him I will be back when they reopen.

      I have to say, despite not liking corned beef and cabbage, I liked this.

      I haven’t finished the stout. I think I should have bought more.

  60. Yusef drives a Kia

    Trumps gonna pay my Rent!
    Praise be unto the Mighty Trump! God Emperor of the Universe!

  61. Winston

    Is Joe Biden the REAL TOP MAN who should be ruling us?

  62. Nephilium

    Well… this isn’t good. The Dropkick Murphy’s website has already fallen down to the traffic. And the live stream isn’t supposed to start for ~30 minutes.

    • Nephilium

      After hunting through other news articles, it appears it will be available here.

      And I hate news writers even more. The ones at engadget seem almost gleeful about it. Or I’m just in a more pissy mood then normal.

      • Nephilium

        Why do you hate my joy Hyperbole?

      • The Hyperbole

        I just thought you wanted to here some authentic Irish music. If you want to listen to that long haired punk noise ain’t no never mind to me.

      • Nephilium

        *cough*

        They’re a skinhead (not bonehead) punk band.

        Over 120,000 on just the YouTube stream.

      • Nephilium

        And you (Hyperbole) could have gone with this instead.

      • The Hyperbole

        I prefer the alternative (ulster).

      • juris imprudent

        Thanks, you philistines can eat dog shit and die.

      • Nephilium

        I thought I liked you juris…

      • Nephilium

        Still waiting for the stream to get started… there appears to be some technical issues after you force most of the country to stay in, and then have a very popular band (especially for the holiday) do a free livestream.

      • DEG

        Alright, I’ll give them another try. Watching now.

      • Nephilium

        Not necessary. If they’re not your jam, no need. I’ve been seeing them since they were an opening band back in 1996. It’s entertaining to me to see them grow from a band playing in shitholes to being able to tell House of Blues what their ticket prices will be.

      • DEG

        I’ve heard a couple good songs.

        I first saw Lake Street Dive when they were a Boston bar band. Someone I knew through dancing knew them, and got a few folks to go see them.

        He introduced me to Rachael Price, who appeared to be busy prepping for the show but was strangely smiley with me. I figured she was just being polite to a potential fan. In hindsight, before leaving during the band break, I should have asked for her number. Oh well.

        Anyways, look at them now.

      • Nephilium

        Glad you at least enjoyed some of them.

        I remember seeing all of their lead singers, going out drinking with Spicy McHaggis (Rob) after a show, the band threatening a bouncer at a show I was at, seeing a surprise engagement on stage (it became part of their publicity real, happened during the American Pride tour during the Forever song), being warned by a parent who was there for their kids that I wouldn’t want to go down into the pit…

      • DEG

        I’m still listening to them.

        I’m working on some stuff for work in the background.

      • Nephilium

        DEG: This is my first working St. Patrick’s Day since I was in high school (and that was only one year before they realized that a Catholic school in an Irish area wouldn’t work out). When I logged out today, I’ve managed to only check the work e-mail once, and look at the ticketing system twice.

        /switched over to the Dubliner Bourbon aged Irish Whiskey. Not recommended unless you think most Irish whiskey isn’t sweet enough. But on the plus side, it was cheap.

      • The Hyperbole

        Gave it three songs, it’s telling that without a crowd of drunk frat boys drowning out the music they are mediocre at best.

      • Nephilium

        And yet it was Flogging Molly who went on tour with Andrew W. K. opening up for them. Very entertaining watching the frat boys try to throw punches for the first couple of songs.

  63. pan fried wylie

    Festus on March 17, 2020 at 7:40 am

    Better headline – “Upon Surrender of French, Italians Switch Sides And Embrace Coronavirus Just As They Did In Two World Wars”

    even better.

  64. pan fried wylie

    leon on March 17, 2020 at 8:24 am

    I know all the government places are super amenable to working 24/7

    Mad Scientist on March 17, 2020 at 8:30 am

    They’ll have 3 unionized shifts working 24/7 to maintain the output of the current day shift.

    *chefs kiss* Deliciouso!

  65. LJW

    Was just told they’re considering closing our daycare because only half the kids have been showing up. Why the hell does that matter? The other half are still paying even their kids aren’t going. If anything this is a reason to stay open, less risk.

    • Nephilium

      So, you can’t put together some kind of grid of pool noodles to force all the kids to be 6 feet away from each other?

      /runs off to patent idea

      • hayeksplosives

        Put ‘em in Velcro suits and toss them up onto the Velcro wall like they do at Saints games.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        +1 Stupid Human Tricks

      • Tres Cool

        I liked the suit of magnets, myself.

      • hayeksplosives

        Lol. Don’t think I’ve seen that before!

      • hayeksplosives

        Spouse had to go through a wait and lots of paperwork, then the photo, but he’s been taking the written test (at a computer kiosk) for what seems like a while. I hope he’s ready..,

      • juris imprudent

        The CA DL test is a masterpiece of insipidity – multiple questions that have jack squat to do with [safely] operating a motor vehicle. Early implementation of SJW transportation theory.

      • UnCivilServant

        “This test was too othering, just give me my license, bigot”

      • Donation Not Taxation

        See the part of the immediately preceding post (referring to the article, not the comments) about the MCAT being revised to dilute content of multiple-choice questions about icky subjects such as biology and organic chemistry with multiple-choice questions that show whether an applicant for medical school has learned enough SJ to become a respectable pillar of the community.

  66. pan fried wylie

    Tejicano on March 17, 2020 at 11:27 am

    Part of the issue in Italy (actually northern Italy) was the legions of Chinese seamstresses who work in the fashion industry, giving cheap labor which allows the companies producing “Made in Italy” products at competitive prices.

    So they got the socialized medicine but somehow missed Min Wage? Oh, yeah, it’s all run by the actual Mafia there, not some halfassed wannabe mobsters masquerading as public servants. Actual Mobsters care about the bottom line.

    • hayeksplosives

      Why bother having border control?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that Ellis Island was built, and operated as, a quarantine station.

    • Rhywun

      But not New Yorkers.

      De Blasio also didn’t rule out travel out of the city being banned.

      • Nephilium

        I didn’t know he was a John Carpenter fan…

      • Don escaped Dr Nurse FirstWife PhD

        but then how would you retrieve your pistol from your place in the Hamptons for the club marksmanship tournament ?

      • Rhywun

        Nice life you’ve built up for me. 🙂

  67. pan fried wylie

    The Late P Brooks on March 17, 2020 at 8:17 am

    …I’m working on my business plan for making artisanal tallow candles.

    Sourced from the transportation sector’s used-up horses.

    I’ll accept my royalties in TP or ammo, kkthxbai.

  68. JaimeRoberto Delecto

    Nothing better to do. Off to the garage to make some reloads. Not a euphemism.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      The way they describe the experiment in the news story and what they actually did are pretty different when it comes to certainty.

      • Tres Cool

        Lookit Mr Critical Eye over there.

        Nice work.

    • Donation Not Taxation

      Thanks for posting that.
      Two of the six has Sanders tied with Obama.

    • Rhywun
      • Chipwooder

        I only had a Corona
        5 cent deposit

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I could go for an Italian ice right about now.

      • Tres Cool

        too soon, brah

  69. pan fried wylie

    PieInTheSky on March 17, 2020 at 8:33 am

    Not only the coronobullshit going on, but a spring frost had to come and fuck up all the fruit this year.

    *panics for real* *doesn’t recall spring frost so far* *doesn’t recall spring so far…*

    *looks at who posted*

    Whew!

    • C. Anacreon

      By the dark of the moon I planted

      But there came a killing frost

      Been a hoot owl outside my window now

      For six nights in a row

      She’s coming for me I know

      And on Wildfire we’re both going to go…..

    • Tres Cool

      “I was always on the lookout for novel ways to apply homicide …

      — Glenn Kirschner (@glennkirschner2) March 17, 2020 ”

      Well, he certainly seems nice.

      • Tres Cool

        …and not like he’s stealing John Edwards’s shtick, either

      • Jarflax

        If you come up with a “novel way to apply homocide” and put someone away for life for some conduct that was not considered homocide when they did it you deserve to be hanged.

      • DOOMco

        Woodchippers, man.

      • Nephilium

        Light post or helicopter?

      • Donation Not Taxation

        How about 2 1/2 years instead of life?
        Michelle Carter Massachusetts
        Not defending her actions. The issue was politically popular idea of justice versus the state legislature monkeying with the law and leaving her the loophole.

      • Chipwooder

        Oh man, her case was the root of some hellacious arguments with people I otherwise think well of. I never would have thought so many otherwise smart people could not accept that one could both find her to be a wretched human being and yet also believe that her conviction was a travesty of justice.

    • Rhywun

      OFFS

    • juris imprudent

      I’m guessing this is something that Preet shit out of the NY district?

      • Chipwooder

        Nope, from the DC office.

        As Ron Coleman notes, can you imagine how many lives this asshole has destroyed in his career?

  70. DOOMco

    Trump’s a fascist.
    Also, why isn’t the federal government shutting down more businesses?!

    • juris imprudent

      Dude can’t even fascist competently. Whadda yagonna do, huh?

      • C. Anacreon

        Political definition of fascism:

        Strict regulation and control of the economy by the regime through some form of corporatist economic planning in which the legal forms of private ownership of industry are nominally preserved but in which both workers and capitalists are obliged to submit their plans and objectives to the most detailed state regulation and extensive wage and price controls, which are designed to insure the priority of the political leadership’s objectives over the private economic interests of the citizenry. Therefore under fascism most of the more important markets are allowed to operate only in a non-competitive, cartelized, and governmentally “rigged” fashion.

        So Trump so far, not really.

        But look at DeBlasio yesterday calling for federal government control of health care, disinfectant scrubs, and pharmaceutical supply chains, and tell me who’s actually an aspiring fascist.

    • Nephilium

      Because he doesn’t have the power of DeWine!

      /points upthread.

      Fuck DeWine.

  71. Timeloose

    Well that sucked. I went to my MILs house after the alarm went off on the front door. She recently lost her husband to cancer and the mountain house was where he went fishing. She is 2 hours away and we are 30 minutes.

    The wife and I drove up with my rifle and revolver in the car in case they were still around. Thankfully the local security guard was there when we arrived.

    Some D-Gen kicked the door in and split when the alarm went off. The local hero’s said they checked the property and lied. They never showed up.

    I spent the last hour nailing the door back together and securing the house. Now we need to get a real door installed.

    The worst part is my MIL is scared and alone 2 hours away.

    • DOOMco

      That really sucks, glad it wasn’t worse.

    • pan fried wylie

      The worst part is my MIL is scared and alone 2 hours away.

      I doubt the piece of shit doorkicker has the motivation to drive that far. Or know where to drive anyway.

  72. mrfamous

    Over at TOS, Gillespie and Suderman are arguing on their podcast about whether all of the quarantines and curfews are reasonable responses. The fact that Gillespie is the voice of reason and Suderman and Mangu-Ward are fully on board with martial-law (just don’t call it that) means that those two aren’t even remotely libertarians. If you can’t out-libertarian Nick Gillespie…

    Suderman equated the “expected” 1.5 million deaths with an asteroid hitting Dallas, Texas. No, I’m not kidding. Gillespie, to his credit, stressed that this was “not the plague.”

    • Chipwooder

      Mr. McArdle says stupid shit, film at 11.

  73. pan fried wylie

    Donation Not Taxation on March 17, 2020 at 10:59 am

    Are wine coolers usually made with bad wine?

    I always suspected DonnyTaxy was too young to drink.

    • Donation Not Taxation

      Are you one of the subset of Americans that use malt instead of wine but call it a ‘wine cooler’ anyway?

  74. CPRM

    Wisconsin is forcing businesses to shut down as well as of today. What the hell is going on!? And whycome I can’t get extra days off?!

    • Donation Not Taxation

      The government(s) DOING SOMETHING about what has been officially declared by the World Health Organization as a PANDEMIC. While ignoring: Last what was officially a pandemic: US had 55,000,000 to 60,000,000 infected, 260,000 to 270,000 hospitalized, 11,000 to 13,000 dead. Even allowing for population growth, similar numbers would still rank COVID-19 low on causes of death. Current mortality rate figures for COVID-19 are only valid if you can point to somewhere with decent health care that also had mass testing.