Friday Afternoon Links – 04/10/2020

by | Apr 10, 2020 | Daily Links | 427 comments

Happy Passover and/or Good Friday for our Jews, Christians and/or Jews for Jesus. Happy National Farm Animals Day for everyone else. I’m not even going to try to do a COVID-19 free links.

  • It’s weird to realize that feeling like this work week has dragged on forever is a blessing now. TGIF!
  • God damned Millenials with their spring breaking during a crisis!
  • It’s time for the people of China to rise up against their oppressive government.
  • BoJo on the mend!
  • My hometown in Korea and epicenter of the Korean epidemic (totally unrelated facts, I’m sure) has reported zero new cases for the first time since February. Unfortunately the number of people thought to be recovered who have tested positive for the virus there has increased.
  • NYC is breaking out the potter’s field. While Italy struggles to keep up with burying its dead.

And some music.

About The Author

jesse.in.mb

jesse.in.mb

Think Mark Twain without the wit or the wisdom.

427 Comments

  1. Certified Public Asshat

    NYC is breaking out the potter’s field. While Italy struggles to keep up with burying its dead.

    Why do we need to bury?

    • Tonio

      Maybe cheaper than cremation?

      FWIW, Catholics abandoned their prohibition on cremation like forever ago, don’t know if any other religious groups still prohibit it.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It’s still a no-no for those who practice Vodou.

      • C. Anacreon

        Go do that Vodou that you do so well.

      • Tres Cool

        + Hedley Lamar

      • Certified Public Asshat

        They are doing it for unclaimed bodies, which I would assume means we have no idea what these people believed in.

        Burying seems more inefficient, but maybe it’s not.

      • Not Adahn

        Cremation requires a LOT of energy. Plus you’ve got to have emission controls and I’m sure there aren’t facilties to handle it on a mass scale. Whereas with burial, you can just fill up a van with bagged bodies and have a couple of Teamsters chiuck them in.

      • Tres Cool

        In Ohio, crematories are exempt from nearly all air pollution regulations. However, thats likely based on frequency of operation, volume, stuff like that . It generally gets small pollution emitters a ‘de minimus’ label.

        But when you’ve got a couple thousand piled up, that could change things

        Years ago I was part of a test at University of Cininnati’s cadaver incinerator, but that was to characterize typical emissions, not for compliance.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      This guy knows how to soylent.

    • hayeksplosives

      Orthodox Jews want the burial to be before the next sunset.

      • Suthenboy

        Does anyone remember what a wake is for? That new graves used to have a string inside the coffin attached to a little bell above ground?

        The main purpose of embalming is to make certain the person is dead.

        I wonder how many Orthodox Jewish coffins have scratch marks on the inside of the lid.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Gah, delete that comment for insensitivity and my general jackassishness.

      • Don Escaped 1PHJ1

        ever notice that Costanza’s mom was the yenta and Seinfeld’s was completely reasonable?

      • Mad Scientist

        Vey-oh!

      • Derpetologist

        Eh, the ancient Egyptians did embalming to the max. And the whole point of their rituals was to ensure resurrection by preserving the body.

      • Don Escaped 1PHJ1

        I think embalming took off ’cause Yankees wanted to bring Sonny Jim back to New York for proper plantin’

      • Not Adahn

        ^this

      • Tonio

        Yep, Matthew Brady photographed an embalmer at work after a big battle.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Gracias to the Ones Above All

      • Certified Public Asshat

        I saw it, you naughty Scruffy.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I’m tired, and when I’m tired I say shit that sounded humorous in my head but generally makes me look like an asshole.

        Of course, I may actually be an asshole, but that’s beside the point.

      • The Hyperbole

        You don’t “look” like an asshole.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        At least I’ve got the early advantage in relationships.

      • Tres Cool

        Nobody ever called Pablo Picasso an…..oh, you know the rest.

      • Don Escaped April

        * jumps on Official Asshole BandWagon *

  2. kinnath

    Man – son of man – buy the flame of ever-life
    (yours to breathe and breath the pain of living)… living BE!
    Here am I! Roll the stone away
    from the dark into ever-day.

  3. Certified Public Asshat

    Corona virus has re-killed the XFL.

    • hayeksplosives

      That gives me a sad. Just when they had the right formula.

      • bacon-magic

        They had some promising ratings…I think they might make it next round barring SMOD or some other cataclysm.

      • Not Adahn

        It was very strange, the Boston-based “sports” show Only a Game which was all gung-ho about banning the NFL over TBIs, for some reason was hyping the XFL.

  4. bacon-magic

    My hometown in Korea and epicenter of the Korean epidemic (totally unrelated facts, I’m sure) has reported zero new cases for the first time since February. Unfortunately the number of people thought to be recovered who have tested positive for the virus there has increased.

    I didn’t know you were Korean. Please send me some kimchi and some jap chae…I’m going through thai/japanese/korean food withdrawals.

    • Tonio

      Kimchi and bacon go well together…

    • jesse.in.mb

      I lived in Daegu for a bit several years ago. It was distressing to hear that they got hit so hard with this outrbreak.

      Maangchi has several kimchi recipes, but her longer version is not that hard to make and is honestly better than anything I’ve had since I moved home. I used fish and oyster sauce just because I didn’t want to go hunting for the dried shrimp.

      • bacon-magic

        My favorite kimchi was a turnip based one. The cabbage is my 2nd fave. Thanks for the recipe!

      • Suthenboy

        You are dead to me.

      • bacon-magic

        Oh hush it. I enjoy all food except chitlings, lima beans and liver.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Fried chicken livers are worth killin over.

      • bacon-magic

        Gizzards are greater.

      • Suthenboy

        Doubly dead.

      • bacon-magic

        I am immortal from the curing process.

      • Count Potato

        I’ve had good kimchi.

      • Bobarian LMD

        When I was a young officer at FT Knox, the two Korean women who ran the Hamburger Stand would have fried rice Wednesdays.

        Big plate for $1.50…

        If you sweet talked them, they’d get the jar of kimchee out from behind the counter as a condiment. Different kind every week.

        Leeks were delicious, and radish really went well with the rice.

        Radish was sweet, completely different than most others.

      • bacon-magic

        Yeah except for the texture the radish reminds me of pears and/or apples.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        A block away from the Johns Hopkins campus, there used to be a Korean burger joint called CC’s. They had the greasiest, most fantastical, hangover-killing bulgogi burgers.

      • Not Adahn

        There is a Korean family that runs a couple of hamburger chains in central Texas that were the best burgers ever. One branch ran “Burger House” and the other was “Burger Tex.” They also served big plates of bulgogi and french fries.

      • jesse.in.mb

        I need to try making a broader array of Korean pickles. I’ve only really done the cabbage kimchi.

  5. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Never got to see Oingo live, but I heard it was always a blast.

  6. hayeksplosives

    Happy Good Friday.

    Working from home/off work today. But it’s gray, cold, and rainy! Not how April in San Diego is supposed to be. Some highways are flooded.

    Thanks for tossing out good nuggets for us to think about. I come down on the “cure is worse than the disease” side, and furthermore, I think if the media hadn’t mentioned it or at least my blown it up, it would be no different from a flue season.

    • Translucent Chum

      It snowed in Michigan yesterday and we had the fireplace going, so I guess it’s still flue season here. Ready for spring.

      • C. Anacreon

        A flea and a fly in a flue,
        Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
        Said the flea, “Let us fly!”
        Said the fly, “Let us flee!”
        So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

  7. Tonio

    I wore a mask out for the first time today — grocery shopping expedition. Not a proper protective mask, which probably wouldn’t work anyway since I have a beard, but a stars and stripes bandana worn “outlaw” style. I couldn’t bring myself to wear one in the ABC (state liquor) store, since they’re traditionally sensitive about that, but one of the ABC chicks was masked up. Strange times.

    • Fatty Bolger

      a stars and stripes bandana worn “outlaw” style

      Now *that’s* how you do it. I commented in the last article that I saw somebody a the store today wearing a bandanna… but it was baby blue so it looked kinda dumb.

  8. Suthenboy

    “It’s time for the people of China to rise up against their oppressive government.”

    Their government is an outgrowth of their culture. The only way to get rid of that regime is to crush their economy. That will require an enormous amount of human suffering.
    There is no good answer here but China is a blight on the planet and should be punished.

    • Mad Scientist

      You could say the same thing about any country, including this one.

      • Suthenboy

        …and people often do. Incorrectly.

    • Los Doyers

      And Taiwan? Different culture?

      • Suthenboy

        1968…my first father-in-law was stationed in Taiwan briefly before his first stint in Vietnam. A pair of his boots were stolen from his foot locker. He reported the theft. A week later he was approached by three Taiwanese cops. They had his boots and some poor Taiwanese dude in tow. They asked him if they were his boots. He identified them as his boots.
        The Taiwanese cop leading the detail didn’t say a word, yanked out his pistol and shot the suspected thief between the eyes right there on the spot.

        His description – “The Taiwanese are some of the hardest motherfuckers on the planet. You really don’t want to screw around with them.”

        Same or different culture my opinion is about the same.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I have a similar anecdote from Russia right after the collapse involving a local bum, some very underpaid and hungry military grunts, and a Rolex.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Not my anecdote, but from the father of a girl I was dating in the 90’s.

      • Suthenboy

        Yes.
        Re Mad Scientists comment above…no offense intended but our ideas about rule of law are very different from every other culture on earth and despite our offenses we are more than a few notches above because of that.

  9. Derpetologist

    I found anchovies in the supermarket and it made me so happy. Whenever I order pizza, I ask for anchovies, but a lot of places don’t have them, even if they’re listed on the toppings menu.

    Ah, anchovies. Truly the bacon of the sea.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxnlx7JoAP4

    • Tonio

      Now I have a strange craving. You’re a terrible person, Derpy.

      • Derpetologist

        Yeah, I know.

        Pimpin’ ain’t easy.

    • The Hyperbole

      When I work at Domino’s people ordered EBA’s (Everything But Anchovies), we didn’t have anchovies anyway/ One night after closing we sent Hillbilly Pete to the all night grocery for some and made a pie, other than overpowering saltiness I didn’t think they added much flavor fishy or otherwise.

      • Derpetologist

        I’m pretty sure ocean fish have more salt in them naturally as that would reduce water lost through osmosis. Sharks avoid water loss through high concentration of urea in their bodies.

        Anyway, anchovies are usually packed in olive oil. I had some herring packed in spring water the other day and the fat calories were the bulk.

    • bacon-magic

      If it was the bacon of the sea more people would like it. If any sea critter was close I would say it is the lowly shrimp.

      • Tonio

        Anchovies are cured in brine, not unlike the wet process by which bacon is made.

      • bacon-magic

        But very few people actually like it. Bacon is magic. Don’t tarnish it with oily fishies.

      • bacon-magic

        My grandmother used to use bacon grease on biscuits. She lived during the depression. I still save my grease so that might be on the menu soon. Thanks for saying bacon is magic. *blushes

    • Not Adahn

      I ordered olives on a pizza here once. They were whole, and so many, I can only assume they opened a can from the store and dumped them all on.

      • Suthenboy

        That is funny. So many people have no clue about food.
        Had a similar experience when I ordered a root beer float from a sonic restaurant and got a glass full of ice, root beer and soft serve ice cream dolloped on top.
        Really? What the hell?

      • Mojeaux

        Sonic ice and hospital ice is the best ice.

    • blackjack

      Ahem! No anchovies please!

      • Tres Cool

        Highly under-rated

      • Derpetologist

        Things I didn’t know existed for $800, Alex.

      • Tres Cool

        Fun fact- the backwards speaking part is “Aren’t you educated enough to know the difference between chicken shit and chicken salad?”

    • pistoffnick

      “Ah, anchovies.”

      Derp, my man. I too get a hankering for anchovies every now and then. I don’t understand why most people don’t like them.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        They’re a flavouring, not a major ingredient, in my mind. They really pump up the umami in a dish.
        The only time I’ve ever had anchovies and liked ’em was an anchovy salad I had in France about 25 years ago. The anchovies were fresh, not preserved in any way. Still one of the great pleasant surprises of my culinary life.

  10. Tundra

    Hi jesse!

    Nice to see you back.

    Thanks for the giving of lynx and especially the little shot of OB!

    • DEG

      Seconded.

  11. The Late P Brooks

    Report from the end of the world:

    Went to Costco this morning to pick up eye drop prescription. Parking lot didn’t look too bad as I was pulling in. Got to the entrance and discovered they are regulating the number of shoppers. There was a line of people, with their shopping carts, waiting to enter which stretched out the door, around the corner and all the way down the side of the building blocking the overhead doors where the tire installers are.

    I don’t wanna ride this ride anymore. If this fucking plague kills half the people on the planet it won’t be enough.

    ps- Harbor Freight was a typical walk-in-grab-tool-and-go experience.

    • Tundra

      I just got back from Costco. Got some prime filets for Sunday.

      It was business as usual, except the mask thing. I would say about half the people were wearing them – mostly young people, though. I saw quite a few older people shopping sans mask and – if you can believe it – cheerful!

      Plague fatigue is real.

      • Sean

        Plague fatigue is real.

        It’s going to start ramping up rapidly after Easter.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Last time I went, everyone was wearing a mask except for the 90 year old guy on his Hoveround wearing a Nascar jacket that was crowding all the other shoppers .

      • Fatty Bolger

        mostly young people

        Same thing I saw today. Weird, isn’t it? They’re at nearly zero risk from this thing. Wearing masks could help prevent them spreading it to other people, of course. But I doubt that’s why they are doing it.

      • Count Potato

        I read the hospitalization rate for young people is rather high. Of course, there is no good way of knowing.

    • Tres Cool

      You can walk into HB and actually leave with only 1 item ?

    • DEG

      I went grocery shopping today.

      It was pretty quick to get through the bread line. I spent only about ten, fifteen minutes waiting.

      The line stretched in front of a state liquor store in part because people were practicing LeperLength. The state liquor store had a sign on the door about limiting occupancy, but unlike the grocery store I saw no enforcement of the limit.

      One nice thing I noticed: If I got close to someone blocking an aisle and said, “Excuse me”, the person would apologize and move out of the way quickly. That never happened before the Moo Goo Gai Panic. Before folks would just ignore me.

      I’d say about half the shoppers were wearing masks. Mask wearing looked about even across all ages. Note: I did not wear a mask.

      The store marked all its aisles as one-way. I saw a few people ignore those signs. I’m one of them – I entered an aisle obeying the one way signs, got what I needed, and since I was arm’s length away from where I entered the aisle, I went the “wrong way” out of the aisle. BFD.

      Store brand toilet paper only with a limit of one container per shopper/groups of shoppers. The tissue and paper towel sections were about half full. A wide selection of meats. Pasta, soups, and bean sections were about half full. Plenty of produce.

    • Donation Not Taxation

      One tool or multiple purchases on the one trip?

  12. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I need a beer.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      That’s better.

    • Hyperion

      Slacker. Just popped my 3rd.

      • blackjack

        2nd and I’m west coast.

      • Nephilium

        Just cracked my first with an early dinner.

        But I’ve got a full growler (it was $8 with the new jug) of Monk In Public for tonight.

  13. AlmightyJB

    Boulevardier with Mithters Rye.

    • slumbrew - double secret satan

      ^^ this guy gets it. ^^

  14. The Late P Brooks

    Plague fatigue is real.

    If you told people you were a SCIENTIST, and then instructed them to hop backwards on their left foot and turn three full counterclockwise rotations before they sit down to keep the plague away, 80% of them would do it unquestioningly.

    • Grosspatzer

      If you told people you were a SCIENTIST the Mayor, and then instructed them to hop backwards on their left foot and turn three full counterclockwise rotations before they sit down to keep the plague away, 80% of them would do it unquestioningly.

  15. westernsloper

    — Unemployment claims have reached nearly 17 million in just three weeks.

    That is truly impressive.

    Thanks for the boingo trip down memory lane.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Not for nothing, but my Son got laid off from his job at the body shop. The unemployment benefits are such that he’ll end up making a few hundred more a week than he did working.

      How many people in that situation are gonna be in a rush to get back to work?

      Our economy is gonna fucking implode.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    Mid 60s right now. Winter storm warning tomorrow.

    On the plus side, I got the 914 running yesterday. I guess I oughtta put the top back on it.

  17. Hyperion

    “God damned Millenials with their spring breaking during a crisis!”

    Those seem like some fairly serious hombres. I mean they already stood down the federal government once, and that takes some pretty serious balls.

    Should be interesting.

    • Not Adahn

      Especially after one of them was greased by the cops.

      • Hyperion

        They also have the advantage of knowing that Trump would probably intervene to stop the feds from massacring a bunch of church goers. He’s not going to risk alienating one of the cores of his voter bases.

        If I had to bet, I bet they do it and no one does jack shit about it. And the media won’t want to talk about it.

    • Hyperion

      As bad as Biden is, he stands a much better chance than Cuomo does.

      Cuomo is way too regional to run for president. He might do well in NYC, but not in flyover.

      • Don Escaped April

        *bangs drum *

        Cuomo ain’t from Kenosha

      • Fatty Bolger

        Yeah. Biden could win. Cuomo would get destroyed outside of liberal enclaves. He’d probably put the hurt on them down ticket, too.

      • Hyperion

        Biden stands the best chance of any democrat candidate to enter the race so far. Bernie would lose in a landslide, as far as we can have landslides these days. Meaning, of course he wins CA and NY. They could run the reincarnation of Hitler and that person could claim to be Hitler, and they would win CA and NY.

        But Biden will no do as well as Hillary did.

      • Hyperion

        Not. Biden will lose to Trump by a greater margin than Hillary did and Trump will probably win the popular vote this time. But I have no doubt Trump will be reelected.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Nondemented Biden stood a chance, demented Biden doesn’t and they’re just trial ballooning replacements.

      • Suthenboy

        Best comment from this morning was the suggestion that at the first televised debate between Trump and Biden Trump just needs to bring a 14 year old girl on stage with him and see how long before Biden loses his train of thought and goes after her like one of the walking dead.

      • Hyperion

        They’re not planning on there being any debates. Or any in person voting.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I don’t think Biden is going to be vertical in six months, much less able to run for President.

        I would love to be a fly on the wall in the DNC zoom meetings.

      • Hyperion

        I think he’ll be around for a long time. But he’ll be a drooling idiot in a few short years. There is already no way he can be President and there’s no cure for that level of dementia, yet.

      • Mad Scientist

        Sock puppets

      • Not Adahn

        Reagan finished out his second term.

      • R C Dean

        How did he do upstate?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      “Cuomo” is a funny way to spell “Clinton.”

  18. Derpetologist

    CDC Warns That Death Could Kill Us All

    ATLANTA – Speaking on behalf of the Center for Disease Control, Dr. Rachel Warbler-Mangroff warned of dire consequences if no measures are taken to stop death.”Death has no cure, and we’re a long way off from a vaccine”, explained Dr. Warbler-Mangroff, who added that “in this situation, we must ‘flatten the curve’, meaning the government must enforce mortality distancing measures, such as only eating and drinking what is necessary for survival, and abstaining from all activities associated with death, such as driving, smoking, eating fat or sugar, drinking, owning guns, playing sports, running, swimming, sitting still for long periods, traveling, working, or going outside.” At a press conference on the ongoing death pandemic, President Trump, while opining that technically, death is not a disease, requested auto manufacturers to re-tool for the production of cryogenic pods, which are in desperately short supply. In contrast, economists have warned of possible negative outcomes if everyone stops working at the same time, as well as noting that it is not possible to put the entire population in cryogenic stasis. The CDC condemned these statements on Twitter saying that if the measures save even one life, it will be worth it.

    • Not Adahn

      *applause*

      But someday…

    • C. Anacreon

      Rachel Warbler-Mangroff

      Throat’s sister?

      • Derpetologist

        I tried to find the Monty Python sketch for those unfamiliar with the reference, but gave up after dickety six miles.

      • Bobarian LMD

        You couldn’t find it because you’re spelling it wrong.

        It’s spelled ‘Raymond Luxury-Yacht’.

    • Hyperion

      “CDC Warns That Death Could Kill Us All”

      Killed by Death?

      • DEG

        That is a funny movie.

      • Chafed

        Thanks Hyperion. That hit the spot.

    • kinnath

      You can’t reason with Death. Susan, however, will at least listen to you.

      • Bill Door

        I endorse this message.

      • Jarflax

        That was a pretty reasonable comment…

  19. Enough About Palin

    Tie-rod busted this afternoon. Thank G-d it happened in the alley by my driveway.

    • Mad Scientist

      Steering with out one of those is….interesting.

  20. DEG

    Ammon Bundy, the rancher who led an armed occupation of a federal wildlife refuge in Oregon, said he plans on holding an Easter gathering despite stay-at-home orders implemented during the coronavirus pandemic.
    Bundy told CNN he wants to gather several hundred people in Idaho at a yet-to-be-announced location. He said he believes it’s his constitutional right to assemble, even as state and local officials urge people to socially distance to avoid spreading the virus further.

    “Constitutional right”. That ship sailed. Where do you think the government gets their toilet paper from?

    • Suthenboy

      Well, ‘urge’ is different than ‘order’.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    Slavers salivate

    The Boise Police Department confirmed that it is aware of Bundy’s plans to organize, but said it does not have any additional information or details about the proposed event to pass along at this time.
    “Boise Police has not issued any citations or charges due to the governor’s order,” Haley Williams, Boise Police Department spokeswoman, told CNN in a statement. “Officers have been focused on gaining voluntary compliance. As a last resort, if we are unable to do that, then we would refer the report to the prosecutor’s office for possible misdemeanor charges authorized by the governor’s order.”
    The Boise Mayor’s Office said it encourages community members to follow social distancing guidelines set by the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
    “It’ll save lives and is why we took action early to pass social distancing orders,” the mayor’s office said in its statement. “We appreciate that our residents have taken these orders and guidelines seriously and continue to ask everyone to stay the course.”

    Some in Idaho feel officials aren’t doing enough to mandate the stay-at-home order. In an editorial published on Thursday, the Idaho Statesman called on Gov. Little to crack down on gatherings, including Bundy’s planned event.
    “It’s time for Little to use his bully pulpit and surround himself with thousands of his supporters around the state to make clear that the stay-home order is just that: an order,” the editorial reads. “It’s not a suggestion. It’s not a hope or a preference or a request. It’s an order.”

    WHYCOME NO SHOOT TO KILL?

    Saving lives, one dead white supremacist at a time.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Bundy’s an attention whore. The best way to fight him is to not give him attention.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Some in Idaho feel officials aren’t doing enough to mandate the stay-at-home order. In an editorial published….

      So the media is calling for more.

      • Spudalicious

        Schools are closed for the rest of the year and I can’t go sit at a fucking bar. That seems plenty oppressive to me.

        Looks like there’s about 25% compliance on masks.

  22. Not Adahn

    Why does CNN illustrate the story of Ammon Bundy in Idaho with a picture of St. Peter’s square?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Even the Pope realizes this is so bad he’s forgoing Easter services. Who the fuck does this Bundy nutcase think he is? That’s essentially the message.

      • Hyperion

        We’ll see. Because those guys are not going to back down.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Why does CNN think an Mormon gives a shit about the pope?

    • westernsloper

      Because everyone in Italy is dead just like they are going to be in Idaho after Bundy’s gathering.

      • Mad Scientist

        If Italian real estate takes a nose dive, I’m buying a villa in Tuscany.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Now there’s an idea…

      • Hyperion

        There’s only one in Tuscany. This one.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        That’s a good idea, there aren’t many places that’d be nicer to end up.

      • Mad Scientist

        OK,now I’m getting all hot and bothered.

      • Mad Scientist

        Now you’ve done it. I just showed that to my wife and she wants to start packing our stuff right now.

      • Hyperion

        Have any of ya’ll checked the income tax rates in Italy? Because I believe it is still part of the EU.

        As best as I can tell, 43%.

      • Mad Scientist

        And no one pays that rate. Italians are experts at avoiding taxes.

      • Hyperion

        Can they also avoid the VAT taxes on all consumer goods?

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Can they also avoid the VAT taxes on all consumer goods?

        In the underground economy? Easy. My French rellies do it all the time.

    • Fourscore

      Because Bundy lives in God’s country, Peter lived in Italy?

  23. Translucent Chum

    OMG. This has to end. It a traveshamockery in Michigan. Wife just got back from store. We can’t buy paint, gardening stuff, or plants now. Motorboats are banned (but kayaks and canoes okay). Whitmer also said we cannot go to our cottage. I can’t even fathom how that constitutional or enforceable. But whatever.

    I wonder if she’s refunding property taxes?

    Beginning Friday, people aren’t allowed to travel between homes they own in Michigan or to vacation rentals, and large retail stores must cordon off areas dedicated to furniture, gardening and paint, which aren’t viewed as essential supplies.

    Seriously.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Whitmer has gone total authoritarian. She keeps this up and there’s going to be an uprising.

      Personally, I think she’s campaigning for the VP slot.

      • Hyperion

        Anyone who doesn’t view gardening stuff as essential needs to be hanging from a lamppost. Who voted for that Nazi?

      • Mad Scientist

        Michiganers…ites….whatever. Sloopy will tell you what kind of low character they have.

      • Nephilium

        Hobby Lobby got a letter from the AG here in Ohio when they tried to stay open as essential.

      • Fourscore

        “I think she’s campaigning for the VP slot”

        Or Prez…2024

      • Hyperion

        What, there’s not enough tyrant wannabes on the dem ticket yet?

      • Bobarian LMD

        Angels on the head of a pin?

      • Spudalicious

        I wouldn’t mind seeing her tits.

    • Urthona

      None of that exists here in North Texas. I’m sitting here in the family lake house watching boat after boat zip by. This is my 4th trip up here in the last 3 weeks.

      We have 226 covid deaths out of 30,000,000 people.

      • Urthona

        Yeah. I live in a suburb of Dallas with a million people in it (Collin), and we have none of the restrictions that the deep blue county has.

        So far 5 deaths.

      • Jarflax
      • Shirley Knott

        26 reds and a bottle of wine.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      A they don’t want you to be able to grow your own food when there are shortages in the stores? How is that justifiable in their eyes I wonder.

      • Suthenboy

        I am laughing. Why are you asking that?

        Shortages, poverty, high crime….essential tools for the authoritarian.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Motorboats are banned (but kayaks and canoes okay).

      How does that make any sense whatsoever?

      • Not Adahn

        I wonder how many people are needless killed by kayaks? If it saves just one life…

      • Rhywun

        +1 Gaia

      • westernsloper

        Q hardest hit?

      • Spudalicious

        Boat exhaust and water is a combination that creates the virus. You need to science it to figure it out.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Whitmer also said we cannot go to our cottage.

      Can you get there by canoe?

      • Mad Scientist

        I have to wonder how they think they can prevent it. If the cops stop you and ask where you’re headed, you say, “To my cottage.” If they ask where you’re coming from, you say, “From my cottage.”

      • Urthona

        This is the most ridiculous one of all.

        Do cars spread covid now?

        Holy shit is this dumb.

      • Urthona

        No wait. I changed my mind. The motorboat one is worse.

        Nothing spreads covid faster than driving to the middle of the lake on a boat. With an engine.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        This is what you get when your state is ruled by a clique of high school girls.

      • Tonio

        ^Called it.

    • Count Potato

      WTF?????

  24. The Late P Brooks

    You can walk into HB and actually leave with only 1 item ?

    I consider a new backer and two grades of foam buffers for the body grinder to be one “tool”.

    I can, in fact buy a single item which is exactly what I want/need. It’s not like I have a shortage of tools.

    • Bobarian LMD

      I consider a new backer and two grades of foam buffers for the body grinder to be one “tool”.

      What better time to build your sex doll?

  25. The Late P Brooks

    Random blurt:

    Sunday, my roku died. The only reason it didn’t trigger defcon five was because I had the previous one kicking around in a drawer. Score one for never throwing anything away. I immediately ordered a new one fron roku, and it arrived yesterday. It is faster nd better than the one that croked. It’s lightning fast, compared to the original.

    At this point, the only job left is to completely re-train youtube. Right now it pukes up nothing but horrible crap about the plague, and so-called teeevee comics’ “takedowns” of Public Enemy Number One and pop music references I don’t understand

    • Urthona

      Just order a new one from Amazon.

      Can you imagine how much this would suck without modern capitalism?

      • Hyperion

        Only Firesticks are essential. /Amazon

    • jesse.in.mb

      At this point, the only job left is to completely re-train youtube. Right now it pukes up nothing but horrible crap about the plague, and so-called teeevee comics’ “takedowns” of Public Enemy Number One and pop music references I don’t understand

      Wait are you using youtube without an account? It should just be like youtube was on your old Roku.

    • grrizzly

      I have a Fire TV, a Roku and an Apple TV connected to the TV in the living room. And there’s nothing to watch because all the sports are cancelled. I have to raise the volume by a lot on the receiver when I turn on Roku, all other devices have the same volume, only Roku is different.

      • Suthenboy

        “…nothing to watch….”

        Nonsense. Wife has been watching endless re-runs of Murder She Wrote and now Here We Go Again (Abba songs, the musical)

        I keep pouring vodka. I have to get through this somehow.

      • Don Escaped April

        I had not read the details before, and now I wish I hadn’t at all.

        I’ve only got a few more years until the designated hitter thing eliminates my connection to the grand old game. I’m completely ready for it, resigned.

        Telescopic sights, calculators, digital watches, automatic transmissions: it’s an artless world.

        * kicks dirt *

      • Jarflax

        So you take a sport that thrives entirely based on tradition and your plan is to eliminate every vestige of that tradition?

      • grrizzly

        NESN shows the Bruins playoff games from 2011. That’s what I watch until my Fubo TV subscription expires.

      • Count Potato

        Has anyone figured out the murder rate in Cabot Cove, Maine? It seems like a very small town, and every week someone gets murdered.

      • The Hyperbole

        And cue the Jessica Fletcher is a serial killer meme in 3…2…

      • Jarflax

        Serial killer? I just assumed she was a senile old lady having delusions.

      • jesse.in.mb

        I need to get back on Murder She Wrote. There’s a Magnum PI/MSW cross-over episode and I’ve been putting off watching it and episodes further on because I feel like I need candles, comfy jimjams and booze for the ultimate “procedural shows my mother watched when I was a kid” moment. Maybe some marlborough lites to really gel the sensory memories.

    • Ted S.

      Nitpick: DEFCON 5 is the least severe.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    Just order a new one from Amazon.

    Ordered direct from roku. Fiddy bux, free shipping. Oddly, the only roku sticks on Amazon were refurbed older ones.

  27. The Late P Brooks

    Nothing spreads covid faster than driving to the middle of the lake on a boat. With an engine.

    Aimlessly zooming around on motorboats causes global warming. Global warming causes covid.

    Do

    the

    MATHS.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I believe you have found their actual narrative on this.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      The fuck? I didn’t fight against King George to call it “maths”.

      • Jarflax

        Mathematics!

    • Donation Not Taxation

      ‘Global warming causes covid.’

      Pope confirms.

      https://thehill.com/policy/energy-environment/491734-pope-says-coronavirus-outbreak-may-be-one-of-natures-responses-to

      ‘There’s a saying, which you have heard: ‘God always forgives. We sometimes forgive. Nature never forgives, Fires, earthquakes … nature is throwing a tantrum so that we will take care of her.’

      Would it be a radical interpretation the text to say that the Pope is saying that Nature is a person separate from the three or one more generally recognized dieties of the Catholic Church?

      • Hyperion

        “‘Global warming causes covid.’

        Pope confirms.”

        Well, fuck, I mean, I guess I’m convinced. That guy talks to god and stuff.

      • hayeksplosives

        The pope isn’t even Catholic anymore.

      • Hyperion

        It’s Commie Pope, so just Catholic of the Marxist type.l

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Old enough remember ‘Is the Pope Catholic?’ joke and/or rhetorical question?

      • Q Continuum

        It’s called idolatry.

      • Shirley Knott

        Everybody needs a hobby.

    • Tonio

      Most sailboats have engines as well. It makes getting in- and out-of-slip easier, plus safety while becalmed, etc.

      And an increasingly large number of kayaks have electric trolling motors, pedal drives, etc.

  28. The Late P Brooks

    Wait are you using youtube without an account? It should just be like youtube was on your old Roku.

    Correct- watching while not signed into a youtube account. I actually thought the roku acct would collect that info, but apparently not.

    yrs trly,

    Paranoid Nutjob

  29. AlmightyJB

    You were born in S. Korea Jesse? Military brat?

    • jesse.in.mb

      Noooo. I was unclear with the hometown thing. Daegu was where I lived while abroad teaching. I have a markedly redneck Korean accent because Daegu has a distinct tone pattern. Like folks from Seoul giggle when I talk.

      • AlmightyJB

        Cool. I’ve never been outside if US/Canada, but S. Korea always intrigued my as a cool place to visit.

      • jesse.in.mb

        I’d recommend Korea, but probably not as a first time abroad experience. It’s beautiful, the food is fucking amazing and cheap, the people are usually friendly, especially to Americans whom they see as a brother nation for our role in them not being under the thumb of the Kim family. The writing system takes less than a day to learn (vocab and grammar a hell of a lot longer). That said Seoul feels just like LA, but totally alien at the same time, which makes it a jarring experience.

      • AlmightyJB

        Interesting. Well, I’ve never been to LA so wouldn’t have that to compare it to:) Great food and friendly people sound right up my alley though:)

  30. Ownbestenemy

    I am sure we have all noticed that as more and more restrictions are put into place they are all on the notion that ‘people just aren’t getting the message…’

    • Mad Scientist

      But if they pass (oh, hell, why bother when you can decree?) just one more law, control will finally be obtained.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      It’s like a jungle sometimes. It makes me wonder how I keep from going under.

    • Urthona

      Man the covid data here looks for the most part great outside the NYC area, so if they’re not getting the message then.. whatever.. amIright?

    • DEG

      I’ve noticed it. And I fucking hate the folks cheerleading this on.

    • Q Continuum

      Whatever’s not mandatory is prohibited.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I was hoping my state senator would have replied by now to see what nonsense he would have replied to me…but my guess is I am just waiting for a canned statement about “its good for your health”

    • DEG

      A little too much ink, but not bad overall.

    • Ownbestenemy

      1 and done….see you all in a few

      • Ownbestenemy

        Not my cup of tea but still appreciated

      • blackjack

        It don’t really much matter if it’s safe for work anymore, right?

    • jesse.in.mb

      Off topic: those waffles were some of the best I’ve ever had.

      • Nephilium

        Glad you enjoyed them. My only role was finding the recipe.

        I’ve found a sourdough biscuit recipe that will be tested over the weekend (it uses the starter as a replacement for buttermilk).

      • jesse.in.mb

        I’ve been playing around with yogurt as a replacement for buttermilk and find most commercial kefir (plain) is 1:1. Unfortunately my boyfriend keeps buying fruit flavored ones. The sourdough as acidulant recipes I’ve done have been ok, but not as good as a buttermilk/yogurt inflected version. Let me know how this one turns out.

      • Nephilium

        Will do. Biscuits seems like it should work, as you still have the butter (and lard if you’re doing it right) to provide flakes and some raising.

  31. Derpetologist

    If social distancing is rule #1, can someone please explain to me why journos are crowding into rooms for multi-hour daily press conferences?

    • Mad Scientist

      Interesting. All the gun shops and ranges around here are closed as “non-essential.” Must be a county-by-county thing.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Nevada has it in their Constitution, which was added after Katrina that emergency declarations cannot force gun shops to close

    • Plinker762

      The text for the picture at the top of that story:

      “a .9mm handgun produced by Honor Defense”

    • Q Continuum

      Fauci is just enjoying his 15 minutes waaaaaaay too much. Someone needs to ring the gong and get him back in some dark basement lab.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I beleive so and I dont blame him. This is a once in a life time event for someone who studies infectious diseases. I would be setting up quarentines and test groups all over the place to see how it all works…

        Wait…am I Fauci?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        When he’s not trying to control what 1.7 billion people eat, Fauci has actually said on TV that we need to stop the custom of “shaking hands”.

      • jesse.in.mb

        How will I know that you aren’t carrying a sword or hiding a dagger up your right sleeve if I can’t shake your right hand.

        Thinking this over, ending the practice of the handshake will limit my evolutionary advantage as a left-handed person just like the best judge, Ehud.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Just assume I am always hiding a dagger.

      • The Hyperbole

        He’s not wrong, Americans are way to comfortable in other peoples personal space. Don’t hug me, don’t touch me, you don’t have to be standing at my shoulder to talk to me, a nice half leper length should be the closest anyone get to anyone else unless they are wrestling or wrasslin’.

      • Ownbestenemy

        But a mutual handshake? Its offered, not thrust into someones face.

      • jesse.in.mb

        Offering a handshake is obliges someone to reciprocate. Failing to reciprocate or reciprocating poorly generates distrust.

        When this kicked off several of our doctors started actively declining hand-shakes and even with a clear “there’s something going around, stop touching each other” event it generated resentment with the patients.

      • The Hyperbole

        Sure but then some asshole does that handshake into bro hug thing, or Donny’s move with the jerk/pull/tug of war thing. In Hyperbotopia if you get within the half-leper length its considered a violation of the NAP and the person’s whom’s space’s you encroached upon has the option of shooting or fucking you.

      • Derpetologist

        On a side note, there are places in the world where it is customary to touch, wash, and even embrace the bodies of dead friends and relatives.

        In parts of Cameroon, the dead are dressed in their finest clothes and seated at the table, so they can take part in the funeral feast.

        You must acknowledge the local customs!

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7EYInQsivI

      • Heroic Mulatto

        You’re supposed to wash your parents’ corpses in a ritual bath and shroud them in Judaism. You can have someone else do it, but it’s more sacred to do it yourself.

      • Spudalicious

        “In Hyperbotopia if you get within the half-leper length its considered a violation of the NAP and the person’s whom’s space’s you encroached upon has the option of shooting or fucking you.”

        Does the perp get to choose which one?

      • Derpetologist

        Oh, silly Dr. Fauci. Surely he knows that shaking hands is pretty low on the list of things that kill people.

        Seems to me that the best way to help people live longer is to impose a few rules as possible on them.

        Poverty kills more than anything else:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WmiFShBQDIs

        skip to 39:00 mark for the big picture

      • Derpetologist

        as few rules as possible, is what I meant

        Hmm. Maybe I should stop on beer #6.

      • Suthenboy

        No, it isn’t. It happens every year. The only difference here is that the viral particles that infect others are shed early in the infection (5 days) when symptoms are mild rather than late (10 days) with the flu when symptoms are more severe. That is what makes it more infectious. That is the best I can figure so far.

        When this is all over, which it will be soon, everyone involved in the panic will do their best to pretend they had nothing to do with it.

      • The Hyperbole

        Especially all the dead ones.

      • Suthenboy

        So you are saying the living will envy the dead?

      • The Hyperbole

        Don’t they always? Who doesn’t long to Gambol? A pirate’s life for me and whatnot?

      • Breet Pharara

        Disagree. When this is over, the politicians will claim that they single-handandly saved you for guaranteed death. They will point to the original models and the actual (predictably inflated but still way lower) numbers and claim that it is all because of them. They will talk about how compassionate they are as they extend unemployment benefits indefinably to all those whose lives were ruined by their totalitarian actions.

        And the worst part…they will be reelected in a landslide for being such a great leader during a time of crisis.

        Fuck it. I need a drink.

      • Mad Scientist

        That’s how I see it too. Heads they win. Tails we lose.

      • Count Potato

        “The only difference here is that the viral particles that infect others are shed early in the infection (5 days) when symptoms are mild rather than late (10 days) with the flu when symptoms are more severe. That is what makes it more infectious. That is the best I can figure so far. ”

        I thought the same thing, but I’m far less than certain. It seems the very sick people in the hospitals and nursing homes are very contagious.

    • Rhywun

      OFFS.

  32. Derpetologist

    Maybe some of you older guys can answer this one: was there a panic like this during the polio scare? I asked some older guys about it and they said no. People were afraid and took precautions, but the economy didn’t shut down.

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      My Mom remembered the Asian flu pandemic of ’57 (the year before I was born). She said people just got on with life, and yes, there were occasional deaths amongst people you knew (usually at a remove).

    • Suthenboy

      Polio is quite different. You catch that from contaminated water, not person to person.

      The Spanish flu on the other hand….

      • Hyperion

        The Spanish Flu seems one of those oddities you read about, but can’t quite figure out.

        It was worldwide, and killed people everywhere no matter how remote.

        International travel was rare back then compared to today, but WW1 had just finished, was finishing up, so I suspect that is part of how it spread.

        The other scary thing about that is that it occurred in the Spring and then came back with a vengeance in the Fall when it killed way more people. Then it just sort of went away.

        Of course our knowledge of viruses and all things medical, and information recording back then was pretty primitive compared to today.

      • Sean

        Aliens.

      • Suthenboy

        I read that the main way it was transmitted was on the troop transport boats where troops were crammed in like sardines then discharged and spread out over the country.

        https://n7.alamy.com/zooms/c1e339f6fba94c0fba8bfa6507030fd3/us-soldiers-wave-from-a-troop-ship-embarked-for-france-world-war-i-dd725k.jpg
        There are a zillion photos like that.

        I had a great uncle who survived the trenches in Europe, somehow dodged the Spanish Flu and then while in New Orleans after discharge caught the goddamned yellow fever in the last yellow fever epidemic and died. His nephew travelled to New Orleans, retrieved his body and brought it back.

        Once per year I do a cemetery maintenance where he is buried on a plot of land my family owns. It always makes me sad.

      • Spudalicious

        Did you catch the Spanish Flu, Suthen?

      • Suthenboy

        Actually I did. Once. She was blonde which is odd for a spaniard.

      • Spudalicious

        Fair point.

      • Hyperion

        “She was blonde which is odd for a spaniard.”

        It is? When I was right out of high school one of my best friends (she) had blonde, well sort of reddish blonde hair and blue eyes.

    • Hyperion

      I’m 60, so old I guess. I’ve never seen anything like this in my life. Not even close.

      If governors would have told people just 40 years ago, they have to stay at home, they would have been laughed right out of office, if not hung from a lamppost.

      • Rhywun

        There were stay-at-home orders during the Spanish Flu.

      • Hyperion

        How many people do you expect obeyed those?

      • Suthenboy

        According to my grandmother….everyone. The panic got so bad that a lot of people got shot for not staying at home.
        If you walked up. on a porch and knocked on the door your chances of catching a load of buckshot were pretty good.
        The panic we are seeing now pales in comparison.

      • Don Escaped April

        stay at home

        and miss my UFO yeti from the bog movie ?

        * tries to crank LeBaron

        * tries again

        * there it goes!!! burns rubber *

    • Fourscore

      In Mpls, home of the Sister Kenney Institute, late ’40s, early ’50s we went to school, played outside with our friends. Nothing was shut down. But..no TV or at least very little so all the news was radio and newspapers. I delivered the Mpls papers, 50-52. My opinion, and I think its an accurate assessment, this thing is spread via so much media attention.

      It was the time of the Korean War, which as wars go was not a big deal. It was at our house ’cause my brother was there. The war news way overpowered the polio news, as I remember. Truman was prez, called it a police action and my family didn’t think too much of that discussion. Polio was certainly serious, we saw Sister Kenney on the news reels at the movies but it wasn’t like this.

  33. Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

    Second glass of wine already and it’s barely after 4 PM. I blame Glibs. So does my spousal unit, to be fair.

    Also, trying to get my sourdough bread to rise has been a colossal failure. My starter appears to be ripe and active, but once it’s mixed with other ingredients, it ain’t doin’ shit, even after 30 hours. Right. Back to commercial yeast it is!

    • Nephilium

      If you haven’t pitched the dough yet, you can attempt to revive it with about a teaspoon of sugar worked into the dough, and let it sit overnight. Did you do a sponge/leven or just add the active starter to the dough? Just flour, water and starter in the dough you were waiting to rise? Or, did you just want to vent, and not have someone try to offer suggestions?

      • Jarflax

        Is pitching dough when a fat dude from the Regency got his flirt on?

      • Spudalicious

        That got a *snort*.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Added one cup of the active starter to approx. 5 fluid ounces of 110 degree Fahrenheit water with one tablespoon of honey added to it, waited ten minutes, then added 2.5 cups of flour to it, mixed it into a shaggy dough, then added 3/4 teaspoon of salt, used a bread hook on it in my mixer for eight minutes, and tried to proof it using the Proof function on my Samsung range (100 degree Fahrenheit). After ten hours in the proofer, gave up and refrigerated overnight. Attempted to re-proof the next morning around 7:30 AM. Called it at 3:00 PM. Into the garbage.

      • jesse.in.mb

        That all sees pretty normal although I usually avoid adding anything over a hundred to my starter (I know there are people who do math on the volume and temp and try to target exactly some temp based on cooler starters though), and I’d probably go for proofing at ~85 instead of 100.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        The problem is that the proofer works beautifully with commercial yeast — better than any other rising method I’ve been able to use in my kitchen. So it leads me to wonder, what could have caused the wild yeast to give up the ghost. I’m leaning to the explanation that the starter is too acidic, but I honestly don’t know.

      • Spudalicious

        I let my starter get too acidic and all of a sudden, the loaves stopped rising. Nothing I could do revived it. This new starter is off to the races after only four days.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        The starter’s about fifteen days old. Er, was about fifteen days old. It has gone to a better place now. But yeah, that sounds familiar. And, to amplify what other people have been saying, I have found the creation and maintenance of a starter, absent constant use, to be pretty wasteful — the spousal unit and I can only eat so much bread every couple of days.

      • Spudalicious

        I put it in a ziplock bag and toss it in the fridge. Lasts for weeks, even if just toasted, or turned into breadcrumbs.

      • Nephilium

        If you’re still getting bubbling in the starter, it’s still producing CO2. Which would indicate that it’s not too acidic for the yeast. I can try to dig up the article that popped up in my newsfeed about how sourdough was a waste of time and materials in these trying times.

      • jesse.in.mb

        I mean, they aren’t wrong about it being a massively wasteful experience. Most of the refreshment schedules are serious bullshit because they’re just scaled down versions of kitchen refreshments. Fuck you Ken Forkish and your

        Build your levain to 1000g,
        Final dough, use 250g levain
        Refresh with 25g levain
        discard everything else

        I scaled his refreshment schedule so I’m just making ~255g of 85% mother at a time, using the 227g that most recipes call for and then refreshing with 25g of starter, 25g of WW and 100g of water and white and it’s been fanfuckingtastic.

      • jesse.in.mb

        I’m sorry Ken Forkish. I really like some of your wonky bits of technique, but I don’t need all of my bread prep to be based on kilo units. We can still be bread friends though <3

        I sent this to the doctor that asked me for some of my starter and advice on how to use it. It’s an even more scaled back maintenance and storage process than I’ve done.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Thanks Jesse. I’ll give this “micro-starter” a go.

      • jesse.in.mb

        I dunno. I wouldn’t expect there to be enough acidity to inhibit growth if you were using an active and recently fed starter. If you’re not getting as much rising power as you’d hoped you can cheat and do a an eight to a half teaspoon of instant yeast at the same time that you add the salt just to give it a bit more oomph. Especially if it’s a relatively young starter that you’re just getting up and running.

      • Spudalicious

        “active and recently fed starter”

        We have a winner! This starter was over ten years old and I neglected it. Damn, it made some good bread.

        This first batch I’m starting tonight will be done in the pizza oven Sunday afternoon. There’s a learning curve with that thing I still haven gotten through.

      • jesse.in.mb

        I had to put down my last round of starter because I neglected it just a little too long when my boyfriend demanded we go keto. The current one has been pretty forgiving.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        I did in fact use 3/4 teaspoon of active dry yeast in the previous loaf, and while good, it just wasn’t giving me that French bakery experience I’ve come to know and love so well from visiting the rellies all these years.

        Your method sounds more precise and a lot less wasteful than the one I was using (Neph linked to it a few weeks ago . . . ). I’ve never been a fan of wasting food, and the method called for in that link kinda grated on me, but I’m a n00b when it comes to sourdough, so I slavishly followed directions. My bad, I guess.

      • jesse.in.mb

        Have you tried doing something with a preferment (sponge/biga/poolish/etc) instead of a sourdough? It might hit a sweet spot for flavor development and convenience/reduced waste.

        Something like this looks solid (it’s an industrial recipe so scale down by …maybe 20-35x?

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Poolish has always fascinated me, but I’ve never actually used it. Well, I’ve certainly got the time now . . .

    • Lady Z

      Adding salt, or water that’s too hot, can kill the yeast early in the process. Could be the problem?

      I mostly stick to sourdough foccacia – it’s super easy, can be done in 1/2 day, and doesn’t have to rise as much as a loaf.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        110° F water should be fine — everything I’ve read states that yeast will *tolerate* temps to about 130° (after that, you’re risking cell death). 110 is right in the sweet spot, although adding the room-temperature starter to it would’ve almost immediately dropped the temps into the 90s. The salt was added after a shaggy dough was created for the reason you mentioned — too concentrated, and salt can kill yeast as well, but 3/4 tsp for an entire loaf of bread is quite typical of recipes. I also added the honey early enough that I gave the little yeast beasties a food boost before adding the rest of the dough.

        The only thing I can think of is that the starter might have become too acidic, and stopped the yeast from multiplying.

      • Nephilium

        ^this^

        I generally work the salt in after the initial raise, before shaping and proofing. I also just use room temp water, as that’s what the mixture of yeast and bacteria are used to.

  34. Hyperion

    No one really knows what happens after this weirdness. But there’s one thing you can be sure of. China is in for a very rude awakening. Even most of the liberal media are starting to realize this. Outside of the NYT of course. And those guys must own many profitable sweatshops in China, there’s no other explanation. But China has fucked themselves right up the ass with this. Counties are going to start pulling manufacturing out of China and no one is going to trust them going forward.

    This is how autocratic empires always fail to achieve their great visions of utopia. You have one guy making every decision. When they make a mistake, it’s a big one. Enjoy, Pooh Bear.

    • Rhywun

      Couldn’t happen to a more deserving bear.

      • Suthenboy

        I say that every time I click on a youtube link.

        It takes forever to load.

      • Not Adahn

        I’m pretty sure if you try ad use Google Translate to find out, your social credit score plummets and one of the interns at the NYT is assigned to dig up dirt on you.

  35. Count Potato

    “The terrifying reports that tell the truth about how lockdown ends – there will be NO return to normal: America’s top experts explain how the nation faces mass digital surveillance, testing on an unimaginable scale or recurring social distancing”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8209125/The-terrifying-reports-lockdown-ends-NO-return-normal.html

    “New York’s ICU admissions fell again on Thursday to lower than they were before the coronavirus crisis began, another indication that the state has hit its peak and is now on the road to restarting the economy with antibody tests, thousands of which will become available next week.

    Hospitalizations increased slightly from 200 new admissions on Wednesday to 250 on Thursday but the three-day average is still down. ICU admissions were -17 on Thursday – the first time ICU admissions are a negative number since coronavirus gripped the state.

    The death toll rose to 7,844 – an increase of 777 which is some 20 less than the previous day. The number of infections also rose by 10,575 to 170,512.

    All of the signs show that New York is now on the way down from its peak and that the crisis is finally coming to an end.”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8208733/More-hope-New-York-hospitalizations-drop-fewer-ICU-admissions.html

    • Suthenboy

      “Top experts”

      I think that helps me draw a conclusion.

      • Hyperion

        Yeah, that one was easy.

    • Hyperion

      “there will be NO return to normal: America’s top experts”

      Is that you, Ezekial? Fuck off.

      • Rhywun

        Saw today that that ghoul is working with Biden. Also, I did not know he’s Rahm’s brother.

      • Hyperion

        He said he wants to die at 75. Please send me an invite on that day so that I can go piss on his grave.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Define “to normal”

        If we are talking distancing and those measure…sure.

        If we are talking a cycle of 3-4 months of business shutdowns then I agree Fuck off

    • Derpetologist

      200k Americans die every month. So the 7k that have died in the past month are a whopping 3% of that.

      Does no one understand math anymore?

      I need a pick me up. Here’s a rock and roll band where they dress up like Transformers:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xf9ZtTC2aHw

      • Suthenboy

        Anymore? Did they ever?

        You know that the rule of thumb for pop entertainment writers is to write on a 5th grade level, right?

      • Nephilium

        I was expecting Captured By Robots.

      • Hyperion

        No one needs your racist math, shitlord!

    • Urthona

      I’m signed up for an antibodies test appointment on May 8th. My friend got in two weeks before, but I was an hour late to sign up and already my appointment was 2 weeks back.

      Wow did that queue ever fill up quick.

  36. Aus

    Rest in peace my beautiful car. Totaled by hit & run 🙁

    I always have a sentimental attachment to my cars… sad to see this one taken from me too soon.

    https://i.imgur.com/hUY16bP.jpg

    Now I have to decide if I want another one, or go with something different.

    • Mad Scientist

      Bummer. Sorry, to hear that.

    • DEG

      Sorry.

    • egould310

      Bummer.

      I’d try a different car, just because I like variety.

    • Fourscore

      Really doesn’t look so bad but I know, fenders/doors cost money and labor at @ 100 plus an hour. Sorry to see those things happen but as long as no one was hurt and the deductible isn’t too bad life goes on . Tough to deal with some insurance companies though

    • Hyperion

      What, is the frame bent? That doesn’t look totaled to me.

      • Aus

        Pic was from before they started pulling panels off, but yes structural damage. Here’s one pic, but theres another one showing damage to the mid-support too.

        https://i.imgur.com/LU5MVN4.jpg

      • Hyperion

        Ooh, yeah that looks way worse than in the first pic. Sorry to see that.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        That sucks. Sorry, mang. Even though it wasn’t due to a car wreck, I didn’t like giving up my Passat. The replacement (a RAV4) is a technically quite good ride, and has been easy on the wallet, but the emotional attachment’s never been there.

      • Aus

        I feel that, my last ride was a 2004 audi A4, which IIRC, is basically the Passat. Really enjoyed that car, but just wasn’t worth continuing to shell out the steep maintenance costs.

        I should probably get a Toyota or Hyundai, but I guess I like burning cash. But otoh, life is short so may as well do what makes me happy.

    • Sean

      That blows. ?

    • Count Potato

      Sorry 🙁

    • Aus

      Thanks for the comments everyone! Last week’s IFLA horoscope was pretty spot on

      “Cancer: Judgement – Change of position, renewal, outcome, total loss though lawsuit”

      • westernsloper

        Science! I would make Not Adahn buy you a new car.

  37. The Late P Brooks

    “What are the deep thinkers at the Atlantic contemplating?” you ask.

    Much of what’s clunky and grating about Zoom happy hours and their ilk is that many people use the still-unfamiliar tech in clunky, grating ways. A lot of Ellison’s friends, she told me, are technology researchers—so they’ve had more exposure to teleconferencing than a good chunk of the population, and know without being told to mute themselves when someone else is talking, and to sit with the light in front of them to avoid showing up on-screen as a spooky silhouette. She expects that most people who have just recently migrated their work to teleconferencing will catch on to subtle, unspoken rules like these pretty quickly: “Norms and practices will evolve over time,” she said. “I promise you—we’ll get better at it.”

    I can’t in good faith suggest that hanging out remotely will be an adequate replacement for time spent physically together, even if and when we develop better virtual social skills. Even those of us who succeed in adapting our social life to platforms like FaceTime will still undoubtedly long for the delicious, crackling chemistry of actual face time. But in this moment, it’s worth remembering that the options we have can be nourishing, too—and even satisfying, if we get creative enough. I suspect we’ll figure that out when we stop trying to pretend the tofurkey tastes just as good.

    This is how life as a brain in a jar will be. Get a head start on the rituals and protocols.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      The biggest fucking annoyance is when people don’t know how to position their microphone properly and either get extremely distorted audio or the dreaded mic breather. Everything else can be forgiven.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Me tonight probably

      • Hyperion

        LOL. I had a 5 person Zoom meeting today. We spent way too much of the nearly 2 hours time telling one person, who couldn’t get her mike to work and had to talk into her laptop… We can’t hear you when you turn your head like that.

    • Nephilium

      /goes off to find a lamp to set up behind him.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Festus is that you?

  38. The Late P Brooks

    Rest in peace my beautiful car. Totaled by hit & run

    Holy shit that sucks.

    • Aus

      Indeed. Had some great experience in that car …. and one great experience on the hood 😉

      • Suthenboy

        Pics?

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        PICS? Pfffffft. Video or GTFO.  ;-)

      • Aus

        Haha, shoulda had a dashcam.

      • Count Potato

        It was with Poppy?

  39. The Late P Brooks

    I watched the 1986 Australian Grand Prix the other night. Vastly better racing than the tedious shitshow they put on now.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      There’s something to be said for the formulas where the racer has more power than grip

  40. The Late P Brooks

    /goes off to find a lamp to set up behind him.

    Put it in your lap, pointing up.

    • juris imprudent

      Or a lightbulb in your mouth a la Fester Addams.

  41. Derpetologist

    time for a much needed dose of courage: below is the text of the want ad for Scott’s expedition to Antarctica

    ***
    Men wanted for hazardous journey. Low wages, bitter cold, long hours of complete darkness. Safe return, doubtful. Honor and recognition in case of success.
    ***

    Several hundred applied. The expedition set sail from England on the day Germany declared war. Scott asked for advice and was given one word in reply: proceed.

    • blackjack

      Yeah, and when I was a kid, “Question Authority” bumper stickers were popular.

      • Rhywun

        “Hey pal, it’s a free country.”

      • Derpetologist

        I saw an old sticker (from 1960s about) once that had Hitler giving a salute. The caption said: no good citizen always trusts the government.

        Funny how all those free-spirited hippies turned into social distance enforcers.

      • blackjack

        When I lived in Phoenix in 1993, they had a billboard with uncle Sam and a Caption that read ” remember, he’s your uncle, not your dad!”

    • Ted S.

      Scott’s last diary entry was March 29, 1912, two years before Germany declared war.

      • Derpetologist

        Oopsy – I mixed him up with Shackleton

        ***
        Despite the outbreak of the First World War on 3 August 1914, Endurance was directed by the First Lord of the Admiralty, Winston Churchill, to “proceed”,[g] and left British waters on 8 August. Shackleton delayed his own departure until 27 September, meeting the ship in Buenos Aires.[84]
        ***

        Good catch, Ted. You keep me on my toes.

    • juris imprudent

      We can only gaze back with wonderment that honor and glory once held such a lock on men’s minds.

      We would not die in that man’s company
      That fears his fellowship to die with us.
      This day is called the feast of Crispian:
      He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
      Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,
      And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
      He that shall live this day, and see old age,
      Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
      And say ‘To-morrow is Saint Crispian:’
      Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars.
      And say ‘These wounds I had on Crispin’s day.’
      Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot,
      But he’ll remember with advantages
      What feats he did that day: then shall our names.
      Familiar in his mouth as household words
      Harry the king, Bedford and Exeter,
      Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester,
      Be in their flowing cups freshly remember’d.
      This story shall the good man teach his son;
      And Crispin Crispian shall ne’er go by,
      From this day to the ending of the world,
      But we in it shall be remember’d;
      We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
      For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
      Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile,
      This day shall gentle his condition:
      And gentlemen in England now a-bed
      Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
      And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
      That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.

      • hayeksplosives

        That always makes me want to follow Henry into battle.

  42. sssbobbyr

    Is there a password for the zoom thing tonight? I just tried to check my setup and is asking for one.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Fuck off Tulpa! I think that is the password

      • sssbobbyr

        I tried podesta. I should have known.

    • blackjack

      I think there’s no password, you just have to have a really bright light BEHIND you and put the mic right in front of your mouth. It helps to breathe heavily too.

    • Nephilium

      All Zoom meetings have a password by default now.

      If you use the link, you get around that. Speaking of, the Virtual Happy Hour is open.

  43. The Late P Brooks

    when I was a kid, “Question Authority” bumper stickers were popular.

    And Democrats were the ones putting them on their bumpers.

    • Hyperion

      I like it.

      MrParadroid
      1 year ago
      I’ve never thought even few years before, rock music will be saved by japanese chicks…

      LOL

    • Mojeaux

      That’s my hard-rock speed.

      I don’t even care that I can’t understand the lyrics.

      • Count Potato

        pssst… Tommy Lee was a way better drummer.

  44. The Late P Brooks

    I am going to go outside and drink beer. It’s supposed to snow tomorrow. Wheeee!

  45. Derpetologist

    time for an Irish drinking song:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJG7CIqLo9A

    comment gold: Fun fact “luck of the Irish” originally meant “terrible luck that makes you miserable constantly”

    • Suthenboy

      Which is where the phrase “You make your own luck” comes from

    • blackjack

      So wait, everything about Ireland is a lie? No fuckin way man!

    • KSuellington

      If the Irish were any luckier they’d be extinct.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Huh. I always figured it meant something similar to “dumb luck” or “drunk luck.” Kind of like, God watches over drunks and fools … and the Irish, but I repeat myself.

    • kinnath

      “terrible luck that makes you miserable constantly”

      That’s one interpretation.

      Another is that the Irish were viewed as lazy, useless drunkards. If an Irishman had anything, it was because of luck, not hard work.

      • Derpetologist

        I never thought of it that way, but it makes sense the way you said it.

        time for another drinking song!

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbrzZWLu6Qw

        St Patrick’s Day was a bit lame this year.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        It wasn’t the fault of the Irish.
        Y’know, this time.

  46. Aloysious

    I’d like to go to Bundy’s little gathering. If I wasn’t working. Again.

    Upside to this mess, I get to work as much as I want. Downside: feels like I’m living here.

    • blackjack

      Just got back from the liquor store. They put up a glass sneeze guard. They told me I should be wearing a mask and that there’s a new law. Thousand dollar fine for no mask in public.

      • Aloysious

        They can all pound sand. Vigorously.

      • Sean

        Armed robbers rejoice.

      • westernsloper

        I too went to the liquid store today. I asked the owner if business has picked up. He said it has been crazy.

      • westernsloper

        And seriously? It’s a law there?

      • blackjack

        Yeah it looks like it, sorta. I will fight it all the way, should I get a ticket (arrested?) for this. And, no, I will not wear a mask when I go to the store.

      • blackjack

        Oops.

      • blackjack

        Doggamit! The link.

    • hayeksplosives

      Here at a store, most customers were wearing masks, but some aren’t. So i don’t know what they do if push came to shove.

  47. commodious spittoon

    Y’all need Jesus, or something.

    That’s not in response to anything, just a sort of Lysol spritz on whatever’s been discussed today. You’re welcome. God bless.

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      I’m beginning to think “Y’all motherfuckers need Jesus” should be one of the reflexive statements used by Glibs, much like “Fuck off, Tulpa.”
      Modified for HM: “Y’all motherfuckers need Buddha, but only if Loki’s out back having a smoke.”

  48. Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

    Apropos of nothing in particular, my contribution to music links today (“Shangri-La” by E.O.B. — give it a few moments, it’s worth it . . . ):

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7Djc5z-EMg

  49. egould310

    Vodka and orange juice. Cheers to you Glibs!

    • Crusty Juggler

      Johnnie black and soda. Cheers to you, sir.

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      Sköl!
      (I think.)

    • Sean

      Wild Turkey 101. Cheers!

    • blackjack

      Stellas, almost enough of them to start me a ‘lyin. Almost.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Willett’s Pot Still Reserve Bourbon

      and a splash of branch.

  50. Drake

    Rumor is that Durham has started issuing subpoenas.

  51. Derpetologist

    When Sugarfree’s imagination ruled the earth:

    ***
    Opabinia is a strange Burgess Shale taxon; it had five stalked eyes and one appendage with a grasping claw. It may have both swum and walked along the sea floor.
    ***

    ***
    Hallucigenia is a genus of Cambrian xenusiids known from articulated fossils in Burgess Shale-type deposits in Canada and China, and from isolated spines around the world.[3] The generic name reflects the type species’ unusual appearance and eccentric history of study; when it was erected as a genus, H. sparsa was reconstructed upside down and back to front. Hallucigenia is now recognized as a “lobopodian worm”. It is considered by some to represent an early ancestor of the living velvet worms, although other researchers favour a relationship closer to arthropods.[
    ***

    cue dramatic paleontology music:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyYt1P5rQLE

    They should remake the Primal Rage video game with Paleozoic animals.

  52. Derpetologist

    interesting – lethal comes from a Latin word for death and the Greek word for forgetfulness.