Monday Afternoon Links

by | Apr 13, 2020 | Daily Links | 434 comments

Hi guys. How’s it going? I got news today that my job is like Jesus. Its been resurrected, but (as of now) its only going to hang around a little while. Still, I’m (probably, nobody actually has a plan at my company, so its work if you can bill and see ya when you can’t) two paychecks closer to surviving the madness. That’s how I’m going about it right now. Get to the next paycheck. I know some of you didn’t get good news like that, so I count myself fortunate.

In India, someone got sikh of the whole Singh, and took action.

AOC says unifiying behind Biden should be “uncomfortable for everyone”. Especially the ladies.

Tampa Bay Times says Florida Man should be the sequel to Tiger King.

Dear John Oliver, the day I am released from my current employment, I would love to be ‘mistreated’ as an Amazon employee.

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

434 Comments

  1. Donation Not Taxation

    Covid 19 are small.

  2. Tres Cool

    “In India, someone got sikh of the whole Singh, and took action.”

    Someone was very…

    /dons sunglasses

    …sari

    • SDF-7

      That pun was second to …. naan.

      • Chipwooder

        *Wont’ Get Fooled Again plays*
        YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAH

      • leon

        I’m thinking about writing an article that would be called “Leon’s Advice for 3rd parties”. But really it would be 1 thing. “Stop caring about national elections and win State Legislative seats.”

      • leon

        DAMN YOU GILMORE!!!!

      • Tres Cool

        What do you call the indian chef that refuses to make traditional dishes?

        A naan-conformist.

      • Jarflax

        The one that only makes traditional dishes is a puriist

      • J. Frank Parnell

        You’re raita bout that.

      • topnotchtoledo

        You guys are so dal

    • Gender Traitor

      Good pun job!

      • Tres Cool

        Ill always remember driving to work and hearing this on the radio.

        Doubt anyone could play it now.

      • B.P.

        Ah, Bob and Tom. Made my years in Indianapolis bearable.

      • Tres Cool

        20 years ago they were kinda funny. I turned them on here a couple months ago, after not listening for years.
        Unlistenable.

      • B.P.

        25 years ago was my time frame in Indy.

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      In order to curry favor with certain parties, I’m not going to add any puns to this thread.

      • Jarflax

        You’re so tandoori hearted

    • KSuellington

      Dude must have really been tikka’d off.

  3. The Late P Brooks

    How’s it going?

    The world has gone completely insane. Thanks for asking.

    • Tonio

      Brooksie, I’ve been completely insane for years. It’s great. There is jello.

      • Ted S.

        Yeah, but the Jello has Quaaludes in it.

      • Shirley Knott

        You say that like it’s a bad thing.

      • Ted S.

        It depends on whether you’re Bill Cosby or whether you’re eating the Jello.

  4. SDF-7

    That front page image… “Ah!”

    Glad you’re employed until Pentecost at least, Brett.

    • juris imprudent

      Yeah, almost caused a reflexive tab close.

  5. Donation Not Taxation

    Maybe John Oliver will write a book available at Amazon.

    • Chipping Pioneer

      Or have a show available on Prime video.

  6. leon

    AOC says unifiying behind Biden should be “uncomfortable for everyone”. Especially the ladies

    Lay back and think of Biden?

  7. Chipwooder

    Since the kids were in rare form this morning, and I couldn’t concentrate or get any work done, I came to my parents’ house to work in peace.

    Naturally, this meant that today is the day dad got on the phone with his extremely liberal teacher and spent the better part of an hour loudly arguing with her over politics.

    • Chipwooder

      Teacher? Bah….sister.

    • Sean

      Breaking quarantine, eh?

      Where’s a Karen when you need one?

      • Chipwooder

        I fought the law and Karen…well, didn’t win yet.

  8. Spartacus

    The hand of Harjit Singh, an assistant sub inspector for the Punjab police, was chopped off while he patrolled outside a vegetable market in Patiala, a city in northwestern India. While patrolling the area, a truck carrying seven men, who belong to the Sikh minority warrior sect known as the Nihangs, were stopped at a barricade.

    When the men in the truck were asked for valid travel passes, one of them pulled out a sword and chopped Singh’s hand off.

    According to TheHindu.com, the main perpetrator of the attack was a man named Baba Balwinder Singh, one of the leaders of the Nihang group.

    Another incidence of senseless Singh on Singh violence.

    • Chipwooder

      When the men in the truck were asked for valid travel passes, one of them pulled out a sword and chopped Singh’s hand off.

      I dunno, seems reasonable to me.

    • Trolleric the Goth

      that’s no way to curry favor with the local authorities

      • Agent Cooper

        The solution is tur ban swords.

  9. Tonio

    I can’t believe you took a jab at him and made a pun.

    • Sensei

      I actually groaned. Well done.

  10. Donation Not Taxation

    Bernie Sanders endorsed Joe Biden.

    https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reuters.com%2Farticle%2Fus-usa-election-biden-idUSKCN21V1UC

  11. Scruffy Nerfherder

    “But Oliver said leaked notes from an internal meeting in which Bezos was present show the company’s leadership discussing plans to make Smalls the face of the entire movement since he is “not smart or articulate.”

    “That is so racist I can’t even point out how smart and articulate Smalls is without also sounding racist,” Oliver quipped. ”

    You’re killing me Smalls!

    • Ted S.

      “That is so racist I can’t even point out how smart and articulate Smalls is without also sounding racist,” Oliver quipped. ”

      Didn’t stop Joe Biden.

  12. Mad Scientist

    Where does Zardoz stand (hover?) on the issue of cleansing brutal enforcers, on hand at a time?

      • Mad Scientist

        I can find an SA or FB all day long for under $1000. I gave a running one away to a racing school a few years ago. But, Jalopnik gonna Jalopnik.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Odds are that thing will never run again. The seals are probably way beyond shot.

      • Mad Scientist

        The seals aren’t a big deal to replace. Parts abound for the 12A.

    • Brett L

      Angry that they forewent the gift of the gun?

  13. Donation Not Taxation

    ‘Governor Ralph Northam (D) signed legislation Friday creating universal background checks in Virginia and limiting law-abiding Virginians to one handgun purchase per month.

    Northam’s office announced his signature on Senate Bill 70 / House Bill 2, creating the universal checks and thereby outlawing private gun sales.

    He signed Senate Bill 69 / House Bill 812 resurrecting Virginia’s “one-handgun-a-month rule to help curtail stockpiling of firearms and trafficking.”’

    https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2020/04/11/va-governor-signs-universal-background-checks-gun-rationing-bill/

    • Chipwooder

      June gun sales are gonna be jumpin’!

      • Tonio

        …assuming you can find anyone who actually has stock.

      • Chipwooder

        Or can get into a store.

        After all these years, dad finally overruled mom on getting a firearm for home defense. Asked me to come with him to Cabela’s for advice, so we get there today and……there’s a big line to get in because they’re only letting like 15 people at a time through the doors.

        In a 20,000 sq.ft. store.

      • catchthecarp

        I know someone who works at Bass Pro, guns and ammo have been out of stock for weeks. He told me the only guns they had in stock were a few uber expensive models and good luck finding ammo for it.

      • Sean

        I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve been assured you can just order guns right off the internet.

      • SDF-7

        I seem to recall someone assuring us guns were easier to get than books… so that tracks.

      • Rebel Scum
      • Donation Not Taxation

        Commie Cough affecting number/percent VA counties enforcing 2A?

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      Somebody buy my house. Somebody buy my house. Please! For the love of all that is holy, let me get out of this shithole before governor kkklansman makes me a felon!

      • Chipwooder

        I wish you luck with much envy, my friend.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Senate Bill 69

      nice.

    • Rebel Scum

      limiting law-abiding Virginians

      IOW, people not inclined to commit actual crimes against other people.

  14. The Late P Brooks

    Speaking of insane people

    “You don’t know anyone who has made as much money out of this as I have,” he said over the phone. No argument here. He wouldn’t specify an amount, but reckoned that he was up almost two thousand per cent on the year.

    Emboldened by vindication, the Australian, walking through the countryside, laid out his prognosis for the United States and the world. America needed to “rip off the Band-Aid,” he said. The federal government should close the borders, shut off all international commerce, declare martial law, deploy the military to build field hospitals and isolation wards, and arrest or even fire on anyone who didn’t abide by a stay-in-place protocol. (“In 1918, in San Francisco, a cop shot someone in broad daylight for being outside without a face mask, and the cop was celebrated for it!”) Or perhaps the government should reward each citizen who strictly observed the quarantine with fifty thousand dollars. “The virus would burn out after four weeks,” he said. The U.S. had all the food and water and fuel it would need to survive months, if not years, of total isolation from the world. “If you don’t trade with China, they’re screwed,” he said. “You’d win this war. Let the rest of the world burn.” The problem, he said, was that, perhaps more now than ever, Americans lack what he called “social cohesion,” and thus the collective will, to commit to such a path. “Plus, you have guns. Lots of guns. And all the base materials for your drugs, like ninety-seven per cent, come from China.” He predicted that any less stringent measures—the slow removal of the Band-Aid that we are experiencing now—would result in social unrest bordering on civil war, and the decimation of our medical ranks. “So suddenly everyone who’s seen ‘House’ would be a doctor,” he said. Politically, the Australian considered himself well right of center, yet he thought it ridiculous that the United States doesn’t have nationalized health care. He predicted the cancellation of the Presidential election, or Donald Trump’s resignation, or the creation of an emergency leadership council, to which, throughout the conversation, he nominated Generals Mattis and Petraeus, Bill Gates, and Gary Cohn, for whom the Australian had worked at Goldman Sachs. “You could have either four weeks of pain and a future boom or years of this rolling bullshit and a depression. But people are just selfish. They’re not thinking. They’re morons.”

    And, of course, the thing bugging me most about that is his egregious misuse of the term “rip the band-ad off”. That’s not ripping the band-aid off, that’s euthanizing the patient who has the sniffles.

    But none of us can grasp the complexity and severity of this situation without somebody explaining it to us on the pages of the New Yorker.

    • Sean

      Yowza.

    • Sensei

      How did your interview go? No technical issues?

      I have a colleague in Westchester with no electricity. That makes working at home just a bit difficult…

      • Drake

        Everything was fine on my end. One of the people on the call (the COO) had all kinds of technical problems. But it went well – we’ll see.

        Thanks!

      • JD is Unemployed

        Yes please! I mean *blinks twice*

    • Ted S.

      Paul Watson is no longer with Prison Planet?

      • Count Potato

        He’s been writing for Summit for a while.

    • JD is Unemployed

      This country is beyond salvation. My sociopath sister is another symptom of the disease. Constantly shift goalposts to emotional talking point that anyone who disagrees with is bad/evil instead of arguing honestly and literally say that “any context is irrelevant”, then in the very next breath viciously denying that she refuses to acknowledge context. I cannot begin to describe how obnoxious and deluded she is.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Don’t feel too bad, there are plenty of people like that here too. I guess there are plenty of people like that just about everywhere, it’s not unique to Great Britain.

      • JD is Unemployed

        I suppose you are right.

        Sigh.

  15. Raven Nation

    “Well, just had another friend delete and block me on FB. Guy is from France. We where talking sports history. He asked me “who won the first Tour de France.” Apparently the Fifth Panzer Division is not the correct answer.”

    Accompanied by the picture of a German tank, the above post violates Facebook’s rules and will not be posted.

    Sigh

    • RAHeinlein

      Too soon?

    • Tonio

      [golf clap]

    • Raven Nation

      FB told me I could respond and contest their decision. Yeah, because I want to argue with a bunch of knobs over a post.

      Idiots.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      That got a laugh out of me though.

    • Sensei

      I LOL’d.

      Given most people’s knowledge of history I’m acutally impressed he was aware of the the Fifth Panzer Division.

    • Drake

      Nice!

      Had a teacher who got pulled over in Georgia. The Trooper said he’d never seen anyone going through Georgia that fast.

      Turns out “what about General Sherman?” was the wrong answer.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        We here in the South don’t take too kindly to jokes making light of The War of Northern Aggression.

      • grrizzly

        I’m glad nobody asked me in Atlanta who my favorite Civil War general was.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Sherman should have salted the earth under Atlanta like the Romans did with Carthage. I hate that city.

      • Enough About Palin

        I lived and worked there. Druid Hills is a very nice neighborhood.

      • Plisade

        Seconded.

      • Don Escaped Kenosha

        NewWife can trace her dad’s folk back to a Union soldier who helped take SAV. They don’t bring it up much.

      • Agent Cooper

        Sherman. Undefeated out of conference.

  16. JaimeRoberto Delecto

    Why does anyone care what John Oliver has to say?

    • Tres Cool

      I heard DeWine today briefly in the truck, and part of his bit was “There’s a monster out there, and its looking to take people out….”

      Thats when I switched over to Shade45.

      Also, I must be getting old, but I don’t care to hear Reichsführer Dr. Amy Acton saying “…and I need to give a shout-out to….”

      • Tres Cool

        This is the part I love: “The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recently revised how coronavirus cases and deaths can be reported, saying positive symptoms can count toward a diagnosis even if there isn’t a positive test.”

        The really need to get those numbers up.

      • AlmightyJB

        Yeah they’re going back and restating prior days numbers. Not helping them that much. Still peaked a few days ago at under 300 new cases in a day. Projected with full mitigation was original 10K (over 60k without), revised down to 1600 last week. So we peaked at 3% of the original and less than 20% of the downward revised numbers. But we must stay the course! Fucking assholes.

      • Tres Cool

        They’re loving this. And I suspect flu season will come early this year, maybe the end of October just so they can fuck with the voting. Mail-in ballots for everyone! Dont worry about fraud.

      • R C Dean

        So, somebody who dies without a positive test is a Commie Cough victim.

        Somebody who has a positive test but dies of something else is a Commie Cough victim.

        In a way, this is all very encouraging. They wouldn’t be trying to juke the stats if people were actually dying in large numbers from this thing.

      • Ted S.

        That monster is named Mike Dewine, isn’t it?

      • Fatty Bolger

        Before he was saying we were at war. So now we’re at war with a monster? An invisible monster that is looking to take people out?

  17. Chipwooder

    The Amish menace strikes again.

    Ohio glibs, your elected officials (and unelected paper pushers!) must be making you so proud:

    Inspectors from the Trumbull County Combined Health District reported more than 10 people attended a wedding reception Thursday afternoon in Mesopotamia. Authorities plan to issue citations to the people who planned the gathering, which was in violation of the state’s order that limits crowds of more than 10 during the COVID-19 pandemic…….

    ….Wilster said his report will be turned over to Trumbull County authorities. The Trumbull County Sheriff’s Office and the county health department investigated the report of a possible wedding celebration involving 300 people, according to a sheriff’s report.

    According to a caller Tuesday night to Trumbull County 911, an Amish wedding was scheduled to take place Thursday around noon at the Mesopotamia location, which is commonly used for large gatherings. The caller told 911 that food preparation at that location began Wednesday with about 40 people.

    • leon

      According to a caller Tuesday night to Trumbull County 911, an Amish wedding was scheduled to take place Thursday around noon at the Mesopotamia location, which is commonly used for large gatherings. The caller told 911 that food preparation at that location began Wednesday with about 40 people.

      Do you know what the dutch did to collaborators?

      • Donation Not Taxation

        W Al Y’s ‘Social Distancing Anthem’
        youturbe.com/wch?v=yrq2bRvvG8E

      • Rebel Scum

        Woke Al Yankovic said he isn’t going to do a Corona parody.

    • AlmightyJB

      Youngstown is the asshole of Ohio. Warren is a bunch of meth heads you would think they have bigger problems.

  18. grrizzly

    Virology Journal 2005; 2: 69.
    Published online 2005 Aug 22

    Chloroquine is a potent inhibitor of SARS coronavirus infection and spread

    Conclusion
    Chloroquine is effective in preventing the spread of SARS CoV in cell culture. Favorable inhibition of virus spread was observed when the cells were either treated with chloroquine prior to or after SARS CoV infection. In addition, the indirect immunofluorescence assay described herein represents a simple and rapid method for screening SARS-CoV antiviral compounds.

    And what’s the official name of the Wuhan coronavirus? SARS-CoV-2.

    Only stupid Trump could think that chloroquine might have some promise against SARS-CoV-2.

    • leon

      Why do you hate Intelligence and love death?

    • bacon-magic

      Your daddy Trump said soooooooo.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Yeah, all you have to do is go to Google Scholar and there are a several studies from the time the original SARS popped up many of them show efficacy. Chloroquine’s possible effectiveness wasn’t just pulled out of Trump’s ass.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      No, this can’t be right. I’ve been assured by the finest scholars on Facebook that chloroquine is dangerous snake-oil that Trump is only pushing so he can profit from his pharmaceutical investments.

      • Count Potato

        He really needs that 23 cents.

      • Rhywun

        Did you know it can cause heart arrhythmia? Saw the headline today. NY Post stringers are on the case!

        No mention that everyone already knew this and it is a result of overdosing.

    • The Other Kevin

      The popular narrative now is that Trump pushed an unsafe drug on the country, giving everyone false hope for a quick and easy cure.

      None of the articles mention that there are several studies In several countries still ongoing.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        That’s the popular narrative for the people who froth at the mouth when Trump’s mentioned and they’re welcome to not take it if offered. Normal people are hopeful it’s effective and it seems to be although it isn’t a miracle drug.

      • grrizzly

        There’s no miracle cure for influenza either. So, it’s not surprising.

    • Suthenboy

      Cop gets whacked by a sword. I wonder how long before that sort of thing starts happening here.

      AOC on Biden. Who cares. I will be president before Biden will. What the dems have forgotten is that VP’s are life insurance policies for Presidents. The worst person possible is made VP so no one dares knock off the President. Now they are running Biden for the top slot? It’s laughable.

      “John Oliver said….”
      Who?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        John Oliver, the smug, arrogant little prick who always shows up in Wes Anderson films.

      • Don Escaped Kenosha

        I will be president before Biden will

        I don’t care about the poker idea, but someone ought make a Glib book on this

      • Donation Not Taxation

        John Oliver = host/title character of ‘Last Week Tonight with John Oliver’ (HBO) $5 million per year contract Still doing show while cower in place

        Guardian (UK), Daily Beast (US), Entertainment Tonight (US), Rolling Stone (US), and Vanity Fair (?) all carrying buzz Oliver’s verbal attack Amazon

  19. Aloysious

    OT:

    Any Idaho Glibs near the Meridian Fred Meyer… in store special. 1 doz x-large eggs 99 cents. I’m craving a souffle.

    • Ted S.

      Yeah, our local grocery store claims its supplier jacked up prices, and a half dozen eggs went from $1.19 to $1.79.

      • Count Potato

        For a half dozen?

      • Ted S.

        Yeah. A dozen were $2.69.

      • Count Potato

        Yikes!

    • Tres Cool

      My Meijer had them for $0.90/doz. Which I could have jumped on if there weren’t 2 dozen already in the fridge.

      • Fourscore

        $5 @ dozen here in Podunkville for large, limit 1. The egg selection looks the same day after day, not many buyers, I’m sure.

  20. CPRM

    Got word today I MAY be called back to work this week, if someone else can’t be there. So I guess I’m kind of ‘on call’. Otherwise I go back to work for 2 weeks starting next week.

    • DEG

      Best wishes.

      • CPRM

        Thanks. It’s all the not knowing that sucks.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    He asked me “who won the first Tour de France.” Apparently the Fifth Panzer Division is not the correct answer.”

    Thank you, sir or madam.

    I desperately needed a good laugh.

    • Tundra

      +1

      That was gold!

    • SandMan

      Similar joke:

      “Why are there so many trees lining the streets of Paris?”

      “So the German Army can march in the shade “

  22. Tundra

    Hi Brett!

    Really glad to hear that you are still on the payroll. There’s enough anxiety without that.

    The Holloway story is a great one. He is exactly the hero this country needs right now.

  23. AlmightyJB

    Guess I’ll make some Guac.

  24. leon

    What is the best R.E.M song?

    • Mad Scientist

      Any one in which that whiny Stipes isn’t singing?

      • Rhywun

        Heh. ‘Texarkana’ IS one of my favorites.

        Otherwise my answer is ‘Sitting Still’.

    • Ted S.

      There aren’t any.

      • leon

        Ted, Ted, Ted. Of all people, I didn’t think i would have to explain “Best” to you.

      • Ted S.

        I’m sorry you have such lousy taste in music as to like R.E.M.

      • leon

        I don’t know why you have to get so mad, i just asked which one you hated the least.

      • Ted S.

        As my piano teacher used to say, “Humans get angry. Dogs go mad.”

        Of course, if we misbehaved, she’d say that she’s crown us, so I’ve always been amused by the hymn Crown Him With Many Crowns.

    • RAHeinlein

      Radio Free Europe

      • Tres Cool

        /seconded

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Buffalo Wild Wings employee dies after being exposed to their food…

        FIFY

      • Tres Cool

        ….Call me Gilmore. That didnt belong here.

      • SandMan

        Similar joke:

        “Why are there so many trees lining the streets of Paris?”

        “So the German Army can march in the shade “

      • Rhywun

        Nice. That song did come to my attention a couple years later when I started listening to the “alternative” radio stations.

      • Rhywun

        Harborcoat is my favorite on that album.

      • Tundra

        It’s a solid album.

        My wife just commented on how much she liked it back in the day.

        I’m not gonna participate in any old REM hate.

    • kinnath

      Orange Crush

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      This is the wrong place to ask that because it’s infested with tin eared bastards who think REM sucks. That being said, I’d go with Moral Kiosk.

    • SDF-7
      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Correct answer

    • B.P.

      Don’t Go Back to Rockville

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      Shiney Happy People.

      /sarc

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        You just want to make everybody hurt.

      • Mad Scientist

        But not all the time.

    • hoof_in_mouth

      Fireplace. Maybe their cover of Toys in the Attic.

    • Toxteth O’Grady

      Driver 8.
      Second place: Swan Swan Hummingbird.

      • pistoffnick

        Old school R.E.M.! I like it!

        I wore out the cassette tapes of “Fables of the Reconstruction” and “Life’s Rich Pagent”

        After those two, they kind of lost me.

      • Rhywun

        Agreed.

        LRP is my overall favorite – also, the first one I owned (taped from a friend). Played the shit out of that.

      • Tundra

        I saw REM in 1983 at an outdoor concert. Radio Free Europe was just blowing up. They were the opening act for the Suburbs, ffs, but I really dug the show!

        I loved Murmur and Reckoning. I bailed after Fables.

        As a matter of fact, I’m gonna listen to Reckoning now!

    • l0b0t

      Radio Free Europe is a solid choice. Nobody would think less of those who picked it. I MIGHT go, if restricted to the band singing, with whatever song they use as the theme to Get A Life because, Chris Elliot, natch’. However, the best REM song is this cover of End Of The World by Saint ‘N & Hellena Handbasket.

    • DrOtto

      What’s the Frequency Kenneth or Radio Free Europe.

  25. The Late P Brooks

    A mild case of the hiccups

    The No. 2 official at the Federal Reserve on Monday said the U.S. economy was fundamentally sound and the central bank would not need to continue its massive support of financial markets indefinitely.

    “I’m very confident that as the economy recovers from this hit and begins to recover that we, at the appropriate time, will be able to unwind these programs. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with the U.S. economy,” Fed Vice Chairman Clarida, said in an interview on Bloomberg Television.

    ——-

    He downplayed any worry about “moral hazard” — a term for the worry that the Fed’s actions would ultimately spark investors to take even greater risk during the next expansion. Business are closing and people are unemployed through no fault of their own, and so moral hazard is not a relevant consideration, he said.

    The Fed was only buying “junk” bonds of companies that had lost their investment-grade status only as a result of the crisis, he said.

    Clarida said the central bank would keep its benchmark interest rate close to zero until the economy is on track. “The path of the economy is going to dictate the path of rates,” he said.

    It’s not like his paychecks are going to stop. His job is essential. You people are just a bunch of whiners.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      The moral hazard was already there, left over from the bailouts of ten and twenty years ago.

      Now we’re reaping the harvest.

      • leon

        Yeah. The fact that everyone came rushing to the Fed and congress and demanded their bailouts, shows that the Moral Hazard is fully underway.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        As a one off situation, the central government would have some reason to intervene in the economy for a pandemic.

        But we’ve done it so many times now, that we’ve used up our regular ammo and have resorted to nukes.

    • Gustave Lytton

      only buying “junk” bonds of companies that had lost their investment-grade status only as a result of the crisis

      Holy winnowing skills, Batman!

  26. Mojeaux

    @HM, I read your explanation of your created language. I didn’t understand about half of what you said, but I was particularly fascinated by your gender designation of divine. I have many questions, most of which are based on probably wrong assumptions.

    I’m also interested in the commercial evidentiary tenses (I think that’s what you said; I’m on my phone).

    I also assume your alphabet is unique.

    Soooooo… article, plzkthxbai.

    • Mad Scientist

      HM doesn’t isn’t some commie who will work for free! He’ll write you an article in exchange for a wheelbarrow full of random animal genitalia.

      • Mojeaux

        Oh. Huh. I thought it was futanari but okay.

      • Jarflax

        Furry futanari. So, both.

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      So, where might someone with a lot of time on his hands these days find this aforementioned explanation?

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Thanks, lass!

        Man, if only commenting wasn’t a freakin’ pain in the ass with all these gateway errors etc.

    • DEG

      Too many RealDolls.

      #10 looks good.

    • Oy the Billy-Bumbler

      23 for me

  27. The Late P Brooks

    Sick burn

    Conservative Washington Post columnist Jennifer Rubin issued a challenge to wealthy business owners and friends of President Donald Trump demanding that people get back to work: You first.

    In her Sunday column, Rubin cited Ryan Williams, “the head of the previously well-respected and now crackpotish Claremont Institute,” calling on people to join the “resistance” against coronavirus and go back to life as usual.

    “President Trump imagines he alone will decide when to reopen the country for business, although he has no constitutional, statutory or practical ability to do so,” Rubin explained. “He insists, contrary to the advice of public health officials, that we can get back to work regardless of whether we have the capacity to test millions of Americans.”

    ——-

    Rubin explained that for every one of Trump’s “sycophantic rich friends,” and “irresponsible and uninformed voice” demanding everything reopen, there are just as many, if not more, respected, rational, experts who are warning against it.

    “Let me suggest a simple test for those arguing for a quick return to business as normal absent a robust testing, contact tracing and quarantine program: You go first,” Rubin suggested. “Trump should cease requiring everyone who comes into his orbit to submit to a covid-19 test. After all, if it’s not important enough for all of us to have the same protection, he should feel perfectly comfortable re-engaging with those of unknown health status.”

    ——-

    “Among the COVID-19 deniers, the maniacal capitalists and the Trump campaign cheerleaders, there is far too much eagerness to expose others to dangers that I suspect they would be entirely unwilling to undertake themselves,” Rubin closed. “They should abide by a single Golden Rule of public health: Do not advocate for others what you are unwilling to do yourself. Maybe if forced to consider the risk to their own health and lives, they will act with greater care.”

    “Conservative” columnist Jennifer Rubin. Okay.

    “Lemme tell you what you should do.”

    • Mojeaux

      “COVID-19 deniers.”

      Language wins again.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Useless hag who offers nothing of value. All she does is bitch and whine.

    • B.P.

      Jennifer Rubin calling someone else a crackpot.

      And with all due respect to Nikki, Jennifer Rubin is the worst.

    • R C Dean

      “Let me suggest a simple test for those arguing for a quick return to business as normal absent a robust testing, contact tracing and quarantine program: You go first,”

      What a fuckwit. That’s exactly what they are asking for – that the orders locking down their business be lifted so that they can go back to work. Nobody except the public health nannies, the TDSers, and the DemOp Media is demanding that the lockdown continue until total safety is assured.

      Throw ’em into that briar patch, Jennifer. Do it!

    • Suthenboy

      “…You go first,” Rubin suggested. “Trump should cease requiring everyone who comes into his orbit to submit to a covid-19 test. After all, if it’s not important enough for all of us to have the same protection, he should feel perfectly comfortable re-engaging with those of unknown health status.”

      “Do not advocate for others what you are unwilling to do yourself. Maybe if forced to consider the risk to their own health and lives, they will act with greater care.”

      Now do gun control.

      https://twitchy.com/sarahd-313035/2018/02/16/unhinged-wapo-conservative-jennifer-rubin-goes-off-on-nra-and-lawful-gun-owners/

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Good grief, we don’t make that argument about cars or building safety codes.

        Yeah, that’s why I have to wear a 5 point harness and a helmet in my roll-cage equipped car.

    • Rhywun

      Conservative Washington Post columnist Jennifer Rubin

      *prolonged laughter*

      • juris imprudent

        Well for WaPo she’s a screaming right-winger.

      • Jarflax

        A veritible Trotskyite.

    • Plisade

      It’s simple: allow each person’s reaction to Kung Flu to be voluntary. If you wanna stay home and not work, do it. Wanna wear a mask? Do it. If Trump doesn’t want to be around people who haven’t been tested, that’s on him.

    • Enough About Palin

      “Conservative Washington Post columnist Jennifer Rubin issued a challenge to wealthy business owners and friends of President Donald Trump demanding that people get back to work: You first.”

      What a fucking envious moron. I work for multi-millionaire ececutives and believe me, they’re working 24/7. It’s called Zoom, email, and telephones, etc.

      • UnCivilServant

        Why are they calling Rubin a conservative? She may claim to be but always advocates a leftist position.

    • R C Dean

      Do not advocate for others what you are unwilling to do yourself.

      So you should be furloughed and the WaPo should be locked down as non-essential?

      • Rhywun

        She’s the Jennifer Rubin of Dave Weigels.

  28. DEG

    Its been resurrected, but (as of now) its only going to hang around a little while.

    Best wishes.

    The incident occurred during India’s nationwide lockdown, which is expected to end on April 14.

    India will get back to normal before America? Fuck.

    New York Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez signaled in an interview published Monday that she will support Joe Biden’s presidential bid in November but said that the process of uniting the party behind his campaign should be “uncomfortable for everyone involved.”

    It would be easier if she got her tits out for Biden. TIWTANFL.

    Holloway is the skydiving, bear-and-big-cat wrestling, rags-to-riches man who built one of the most profitable restaurants in the nation, ran for president, faked his death, and was arrested in Canada.

    He posts here, doesn’t he?

    HBO host John Oliver on Sunday criticized Amazon over the treatment of employees during the coronavirus pandemic on his “Last Week Tonight” show.

    John Oliver can go fuck himself.

    • Drake

      He’s just jealous as he’s not tall enough to reach things on a warehouse shelf.

  29. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Ron Paul still fighting the good fight:

    https://youtu.be/TblqxaQbtac

    He looks frail but he’s still there mentally.

    • Mojeaux

      *eyeballs that nice 5th wheel trailer that can be my office*

      *sits back and waits*

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Buy an Impala and imagine really hard.

      • Tundra
      • Count Potato

        Very clean.

      • Mojeaux

        *fans self*

      • DEG

        I want one.

      • mikey

        Things have gone downhill ever since.

        Sir William Lyons Lyons and his panel beater came up with that shape in 14 days.

      • mikey

        Things have gone downhill ever since.

        Sir William Lyons and his panel beater came up with that shape in 14 days.

    • Plinker762

      I’m waiting for the crash in machine tool prices

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        #metoo

        Daddy needs a new sliding compound mitre saw, table saw and router table.
        A drill press would be nice, too.

    • RAHeinlein

      “Karen” is commonly used in the US to refer to a strident middle-class white woman who talks down to people of colour, usually in serving-staff positions. But the term was never just about racial oppression.

      Sorry, Guardian, “Karen” isn’t about race.

      • Rhywun

        But the term was never just about racial oppression.

        FTFY.

        They probably know this but hey, any chance to play smug and superior, right?

      • AlmightyJB

        They’re not very original with their narrative. Writing every paper about racial oppression is how they got all A’s in college. Now all they have to do is pull out those papers change the names.

    • Mad Scientist

      What the Karens of the world really need is someone who stand up to the memers and tell them everything they’re saying is wrong.

      • Gustave Lytton

        And demand to speak to their manager.

      • R C Dean

        *insert “That’s Not Funny” meme*

    • Rebel Scum

      Countless TikTok videos are dedicated to the Karen meme. What was once a way of describing women’s behaviour is now too often about controlling it

      Ironic…

    • Suthenboy

      The root of Karen’s problem is a complete lack of self awareness.

      This article is exhibit 1

  30. Rebel Scum

    AOC says unifiying behind Biden should be “uncomfortable for everyone”. Especially the ladies.

    We do know that Biden is uncomfortably unified behind the ladies.

    • westernsloper

      FINGERBANG!

    • westernsloper

      In India, someone got sikh of the whole Singh, and took action.

      Brett deserves a hand for that article’s teaser.

      • westernsloper

        Well fuck.

      • westernsloper

        So when did the Gilmore squirrel show up?

      • westernsloper

        Ya, that fucker there.

  31. Rebel Scum

    John Oliver rips Amazon for its treatment of employees during coronavirus crisis

    I can’t be bothered to view or care about anything John Oliver says. Every rant of his that I have seen is so full of holes that Swiss would get his face stuck like that trying to squint through each one.

    • Rhywun

      full of holes

      His schtick is “promoting socialism”. It goes with the territory.

    • Fatty Bolger

      But he has a British accent and wears glasses, which means he’s smart.

      • Suthenboy

        I thought it meant what we do here is none of his concern.

  32. Plinker762

    If unifying behind Biden is uncomfortable, wait until they stand in front of him.

  33. The Late P Brooks

    I notice Scruffy’s used car article didn’t even mention all the newly jobless suckers three or four years into a six year loan who will be dropping their keys off at the dealership (or bank).

    I was just thinking about that earlier. There are going to be a lot of trucks for sale around here at a big discount, in the not-too-distant future.

    • Plinker762

      I am sooo glad I didn’t drop $75K into a new diesel pickup for work this winter.

      • Tundra

        Now that I drive one every day, it would be difficult to give it up.

      • Jarflax

        Monthly payment budgetting FTW. Keep on buying things and adding subscriptions till each paycheck is spent in advance! What could go wrong?

      • Don Escaped Kenosha

        Average American:
        * sees what works, ignores it
        * sees what doesn’t work, dives in head first

        maybe for one election cycle we should let Experian decide who gets to vote

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      three or four years into a six year loan

      Most of them already traded in before thar. By and large they dont even make it to 3 years old before trading in for new shiny.

    • Aus

      Where is this article, I’m not seeing it on the first page or two and I’m in the market for used car!

  34. The Late P Brooks

    I am sooo glad I didn’t drop $75K into a new diesel pickup for work this winter.

    A bullet was dodged.

    • Plinker762

      It was GMC’d

      • Tres Cool

        /insert cummins_joke.exe

      • Tundra

        That river was forded.

      • Plinker762

        Strokin or cummin?

      • pistoffnick

        It’s better to be blown than stroked.

  35. Hyperion

    You know, despite a lifetime of hearing about it, I wasn’t certain that Satan actually exists. But now I’m sure, and there she is:

    HITLER AIN’T GOT NUTHIN ON ME!

    In other news, maybe not, I’m sure it’s went around here. But I didn’t know it until I read it on TOS today. PA bans all sales of alcohol. WTF? I guess MD, NJ, and WV stores on the border cannot keep up with the demand now.

    • Count Potato

      That’s going way too far. Then again, so is everything else.

      • Hyperion

        “That’s going way too far.”

        That’s the understatement of the year.

    • Timeloose

      Pa shut down state run liquor and wine stores. Beer is still available. Delaware has state police set up at liquor stores to turn away PA customers.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Delaware has state police set up at liquor stores to turn away PA customers.

        Can you imagine writing this even a month ago. Weird ass times

      • Ayn Random Variation

        You can still buy wine and shit like white claw and Four Loko in PA and beer and malt liquor. It’s hard liquor, which is only sold in special state run stores, that you can’t buy. Yes, this makes sense to somebody somewhere

    • Tres Cool

      I bet she’s a blast at parties.

      • DrOtto

        FINGERBLAST

    • westernsloper

      Here it is county health officials ordering the roping off of “non-essentials”. I have heard of it in one county but rumors the county south of me called for it but I have not seen the order.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I can think of some other uses for that rope…

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      F*ck me, even the damned Soviets knew that you had to keep the vodka flowing.

      • grrizzly

        Not Gorbachev. Or why do you think the Soviet Union collapsed so quickly?

      • Brochettaward

        Our commies are pussies trying to appeal to soccer Moms/Karens and kids who grew up playing soccer.

      • Rhywun

        kids who grew up playing soccer

        That’s uncalled for 😛

      • Ayn Random Variation

        Well that explains it

  36. Fatty Bolger

    Nine U.S. states planning reopening of economies after coronavirus shutdown

    A total of nine states on the U.S. East and West coasts said on Monday they had begun planning for the slow reopening of their economies and lifting of strict stay-at-home orders amid signs the worst had passed in the U.S. coronavirus pandemic.

    The Northeast states of New York, New Jersey and Connecticut will work with Delaware, Pennsylvania and Rhode Island in coordinating to gradually reopen their economies together, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo said.

    The governors of California, Oregon and Washington said they also had reached an agreement on a shared approach to restarting businesses, although they gave no firm timeline and said they would be guided by the health of residents first.

    U.S. President Donald Trump said earlier on Monday that any decision on restarting the economy was his to make.

    Call it 5D chess or serendipity or whatever, but Trump saying the decision to restart the economy is his seems to have worked brilliantly to achieve the desired effect.

    • Gustave Lytton

      The governors of California, Oregon and Washington said they also had reached an agreement on a shared approach to restarting businesses

      We are so fucked. This is even worse Gov Cunthead’s 10-14 days without a single Covid death. Didn’t think that would be possible.

      • Fatty Bolger

        I’m going to be a bit contrarian and say this is a good thing. Why? Because they’re all be too chickenshit to go first. This way the responsibility is shared, and it will happen somewhat sooner.

      • Gustave Lytton

        No, now it will be even later because of the chickenshit approach. OR has far different numbers than either WA or CA.

      • AlmightyJB

        We’ve gone a week with zero deaths in Central Ohio and DeWine’s telling MSNBC a couple more months.

    • grrizzly

      Or they are preparing to restart the economy on their own terms. Perhaps, much slower than Trump’s.

    • R C Dean

      slow reopening

      Fuck you, you fucking fucks.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Nearly got me. I wasn’t thinking Bee until the second one.

  37. Jarflax

    Has anyone come up with a fix or workaround to the gateway timeout after each post? It’s annoying

    • Fatty Bolger

      Yeah, just nut it up, cupcake. ?

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      Yep, my workaround is to go play RetroBowl between posts. By the time I remember to flip back to glibs, it’s not annoying anymore.

    • Rebel Scum

      Post Comment

      Cancel and refresh

      • westernsloper

        Cancel and refresh

      • westernsloper

        Cancel and refresh

        That is what I have been doing and I seem to only reply to myself.

    • Tundra

      Listening to Spittin’ Chiclets between posts.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Have you tried turning it off and on again?

      • Ayn Random Variation

        Haha. The sister of “unplug it for 10 seconds, we’ll send a signal to your cable box, and if it still doesn’t work after 10 minutes, call us back.”

    • Tres Cool

      Check the thermostat ?

    • LemonGrenade

      I’ve just been letting it time out and deliver the 504, then upon navigating back to the article, find my comment has posted.

  38. The Late P Brooks

    Most of them already traded in before thar. By and large they dont even make it to 3 years old before trading in for new shiny.

    Which means they’re rolling the underwater balance over into the new loan. Good thinking.

    • Suthenboy

      Ex-wife did that for decades. Her debt for cars got to ridiculous levels.

      All of my cars are paid for. The last one we bought we just bought outright without borrowing a penny.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        One of the guardrails wife and I have set up as an indicator of falling off the financial bandwagon is seriously contemplating financing a car again. It’ll be cash only for us going forward.

      • R C Dean

        I can’t remember the last time I had a car payment. Had to be 15 years ago, probably more. Of course, our cars are 12 years old and 7 years old.

    • Fatty Bolger

      So many people do this as a matter of course. They really don’t care, as long as they can afford the payment.

    • Plinker762

      But my payments are the same!!

      • Sean

        I played the leasing game for a while. I had my fun. No more leasing for me.

  39. J. Frank Parnell

    What Do Countries With The Best Coronavirus Reponses Have In Common? Women Leaders

    Generally, the empathy and care which all of these female leaders have communicated seems to come from an alternate universe than the one we have gotten used to. It’s like their arms are coming out of their videos to hold you close in a heart-felt and loving embrace. Who knew leaders could sound like this? Now we do.

    Now, compare these leaders and stories with the strongmen using the crisis to accelerate a terrifying trifecta of authoritarianism: blame-“others”, capture-the-judiciary, demonize-the-journalists, and blanket their country in I-will-never-retire darkness (Trump, Bolsonaro, Obrador, Modi, Duterte, Orban, Putin, Netanyahu…).

    If only we had elected that nice lady who wanted to be president instead of the bad orange man, we could have been spared this horror.

    • Fatty Bolger

      So the invisible monster we’re at war with is scared of women? Finally, the picture becomes clearer.

    • Suthenboy

      Y’all sure link to Babylon Bee a lot.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      *Points at Michigan*

      • westernsloper

        No kidding.

    • B.P.

      “…terrifying trifecta of authoritarianism…”

      All last week these shitsticks were complaining that Trump wasn’t being authoritarian enough. “Where’s the comprehensive federal plan!?! Shut us down!”

    • Q Continuum

      If we had elected Herself, Chinese peasants wouldn’t have eaten pangolin anuses.

    • Rhywun

      OFFS!

    • Gustave Lytton

      -reason and accountability

  40. The Late P Brooks

    Rats hardest hit

    As millions of Americans shelter indoors to combat the deadly virus, which has claimed over 21,000 U.S. lives, many businesses — including restaurants and grocery stores — have closed or limited operations, cutting off many rodents’ main sources for food. On deserted streets across the country, rats are in dire survival mode, experts say.

    “If you take rats that have been established in the area or somebody’s property and they’re doing well, the reason they’re doing well is because they’re eating well,” Bobby Corrigan, an urban rodentologist, told NBC News. “Ever since coronavirus broke out, not a single thing has changed with them, because someone’s doing their trash exactly the same in their yard as they’ve always done it — poorly.”

    But many other rats are not faring as well, said Corrigan, who works as a consultant for several city health departments and businesses, such as airports and shopping malls.

    “A restaurant all of a sudden closes now, which has happened by the thousands in not just New York City but coast to coast and around the world, and those rats that were living by that restaurant, some place nearby, and perhaps for decades having generations of rats that depended on that restaurant food, well, life is no longer working for them, and they only have a couple of choices.”

    And those choices are grim. They include cannibalism, rat battles and infanticide.

    Maybe we can get a nice bubonic plague going in NYC when the rats move above ground.

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      Are rats before or after locusts?

    • Jarflax

      If the thing that gets us out of lockdown is some bleeding heart saying “Why will no one think of the rats?” I’m donating to an animal rights charity.

    • Trigger Hippie

      But just think of the material for any up and coming death metal bands in the area.

    • Not Adahn

      *Ties on Hachimaki*
      *Straps on wakizashi and Desert Eagle*

    • R C Dean

      rat battles

      *jots note for YouTube search later*

    • Lady Z

      Must be fake news.

    • Rhywun

      From the “CNN won’t touch this story with a ten-foot pole” archives.

      • Rhywun

        They do throw in a straight-reporting piece once in a while, to keep us on our toes.

      • Ted S.

        Meow.

    • Suthenboy

      I dont even remember h ow long ago it was…before censorship hit the internet….I saw a video of some backwoods Chinamen butchering, cooking and eating a black guy. When asked about why they were doing it they said “It’s ok. That is not a human.”

      Yeah. Civilization, my ass.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        That sounds like a rotten.com entry.

      • Tres Cool

        tastes just lik……oh, never mind.

        /goes off to self-flagellate

      • Tejicano

        And people wonder why Japanese don’t like being confused with the Chinese. Why Japanese might not be properly woke when it comes to having racial stereotypes they do have similar cultural norms as compared to the West when it comes to hygiene and sanitation.

    • DrOtto

      It only took a pandemic to make Asians a minority again.

    • YDAK

      Thanks…………
      Eyebleach! Stat!

    • westernsloper

      Wow. Don’t want to watch that threesome.

    • Animal

      Oh, for crying out loud, I just ate!

    • J. Frank Parnell

      thicc

    • Lady Z

      Shelly, a software developer from Texas, said: “Before Camila we were in a terrible poly relationship, I was sort of the outsider of the pod and didn’t like it.

      I think they meant Florida.

    • DEG

      I hope those people don’t breed.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      GAH!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I do not blame that guy one bit for wanting to bring a sex doll into the mix.

    • Agent Cooper

      That’s a lot of flair.

  41. YDAK

    Thanks…………
    Eyebleach! Stat!

    • Toxteth O’Grady

      Good to see you, Yusef.

      • YDAK

        Yarg!

  42. The Late P Brooks

    Looks like someone is alreay working on a solution

    I wonder how many of those cars were hybrids. I don’t think the firemen will go near one that’s on fire.

    • Tundra

      I was chatting with a fireman friend of mine and he said they were still working on protocols.

      The fucking things bursting into flames a day or two later is something of a challenge…

  43. The Late P Brooks

    CBS news is on. “Nearly half of all U S plague deaths have occurred in New York” (State? City? Who knows?).

    Keep up the good work, Andy.

  44. The Late P Brooks

    Ooh, nice. “The President says he has the authority to open the economy”

    NUH_UUUHHH!

    STFU, Foochy. I wish somebody would shut you down.

    • Suthenboy

      I dont think the president or any governor has the authority to shut the country down in the first place.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Yesterday they were clamoring for him to shit down states and today they are saying he cant open them up. Its hilariously sad to watch yet so fun to watch how quick they can turn on that dime.

      • AlmightyJB

        I would love for him to come out tomorrow and issue an executive order stating that under no circumstances can any governer lift restrictions before April 20th.

      • Ownbestenemy

        That would be funny. I mean we all know and he knows that the media is full force against him…and they will disagree with that and demand Govs open up next week…Do it Mr. President!

    • UnCivilServant

      Now are we talking about something to try to destroy me, or a destroyer that I control?

      • AlmightyJB

        Depends on how much time you want to spend meeting with HR.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        “It’s a floor wax and a dessert topping!”

    • commodious spittoon

      My first girlfriend was named Karen and I can very much see her having become the consummate Karen.

  45. Brochettaward

    I demand compensation for lost posting time due to these errors. I have a God given right to bitch about things on the internet that is being infringed upon.

    • UnCivilServant

      “You are not obeying the Cower in Place Commands! That is a fine and imprisonment.”

    • Suthenboy

      “…As the Gabriola Island, B.C., native’s journey — which he’s documenting on Instagram as well as on the 5 Capes blog that tracks his progress, making climate change observations along the way…”

      What the hell does that even mean? Climate change observations?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        That translates to “collecting financial support from idiots”

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Rounding the Horn in a small sailboat ain’t exactly what I’d call “safe”.

      • Suthenboy

        No. Shit.

      • Tres Cool

        I agree entirely. But ya know, someone once upon a time had to do it.

        Also, Relevant

      • commodious spittoon

        “So some sort of hat is in order.”

  46. Juvenile Bluster

    I’m 100% done with Trump at this point. I don’t care if the communists complete their takeover of the Dem party and resurrect Stalin to run, I’m not voting for Trump. I may just smear my ballot with feces. I’m sure I wouldn’t be the only Florida man to do that.

  47. Juvenile Bluster

    I’m done with Trump at this point. I don’t care if the commies complete their takeover of the Dem party and resurrect Stalin and put him up as their nominee, I’m still not voting for Trump.

    • Juvenile Bluster

      I’m also done with the posting errors.

      I liked my first one better. Which I posted second. Because the first one gave me a timeout and didn’t post. Except then it did.

      • Suthenboy

        What am I missing. I haven’t watched news all day long. What has he done now?

      • Juvenile Bluster

        “When somebody’s president of the United States, the authority is total, and that’s the way it’s gotta be.”
        —Donald Trump

        He said it in the context of being told that he doesn’t have the authority to override states and “open the country back up” (he doesn’t).

        This doesn’t say anything about whether these continuing shutdowns are a good idea past, say May 1st. But it makes my states rights self upset.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I wish you luck finding an alternative that anyone will vote for.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I should say “a palatable alternative”

      • Jarflax

        But if Biden wins… You know what, smear away. We are beyond screwed regardless.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Maybe he was just referring to the federal response. That was on Twitter, right? Twitter (and Trump) aren’t exactly known for conveying nuance.

      • Suthenboy

        That is the problem with Trump. You never know why he is saying something or what he actually means.

      • Rhywun

        Yeah, he can piss right off with that kind of talk.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Yup. Just because everybody else is shitting on their respective job descriptions doesn’t mean that Donnie needs to pop a squat over the constitution.

        Fuck everybody involved in this entire mess. I’m thisclose to doing a full write-in ballot.

      • Juvenile Bluster

        Bingo. Except I’ve already decided to do a full write-in ballot.

      • Suthenboy

        Yikes.
        As far as I am concerned this entire cluster is wildly illegal. No govt official in the US has the power to just cancel the constitution because heeby jeebies. The whole thing is bullshit.

        I was equally pissed off when Little George claimed his primary job was protecting people. That’s how we got the Patriot Act, an act which is essentially a permission slip for the govt to commit crimes.

      • RAHeinlein

        Of course he has Federal authority for the country – that is not inconsistent with a state’s (or government authorities within a state) right to govern and Trump has been clear on this point when asked to create a Federal lockdown.

      • Jarflax

        Congress has Federal authority. The President is charged with the execution of the laws they pass. We have strayed too far from the original intent.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        The thing to do is hit post, let it work on it for three or four seconds, and hit refresh. It’s worked for me every time posting from an iPad.

      • Tundra

        This.

        1) Compose stupid post
        2) Hit ‘Post Comment’
        3) Go do something
        4) Come back to 504 message
        5) Refresh
        6) Enjoy duplicate message warning
        7) Hit ‘Back’
        8) Refresh

        Simple!

      • Brochettaward

        I just wait until I get the 503 message and my post is up. I am the superior.

      • AlmightyJB

        I would love for him to come out tomorrow and issue an executive order stating that under no circumstances can any governer lift restrictions before April 20th.

      • Sean

        Hitler’s birthday?

        Nazi confirmed.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        The thing to do is hit post, let it work on it for three or four seconds minutes, and hit refresh.

        FTFY.

    • Brochettaward

      It’s time we riot. *knocks over trash can*

      ATTICA! ATTICA! ATTICA!

    • Sean

      Don’t listen so close to his rhetoric. He’s the one fighting the lunatics that want to keep shit shut down for many more months. He’s fighting to get us back to business. He’s driving the conversation to get plans in motion.

  48. AlmightyJB

    Looks like we’re going to need a bigger server.

  49. The Late P Brooks

    “When somebody’s president of the United States, the authority is total, and that’s the way it’s gotta be.”
    —Donald Trump

    Too bad he doesn’t have a piece of paper declaring him to be a Constitutional scholar. Then it would be true.

    • Tres Cool

      + pen & phone

  50. The Late P Brooks

    1) Compose stupid post
    2) Hit ‘Post Comment’
    3) Go do something
    4) Come back to 504 message
    5) Refresh
    6) Enjoy duplicate message warning
    7) Hit ‘Back’
    8) Refresh

    Alternatively:

    5) close tab
    6) open pm lanx in new tb

  51. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Geez people

    1. Post
    2. Wait three seconds
    3. Hit stop
    4. Hit refresh
    5. Pray to SP for deliverance

    Easy as cake

    • Rhywun

      Yeah, this is working for me.

    • The Hyperbole

      5 steps?!?! Bullshit.

      and you left off –

      6. Profit.

  52. The Late P Brooks

    I would love for him to come out tomorrow and issue an executive order stating that under no circumstances can any governer lift restrictions before April 20th.

    WABBIT SEASON!

    • Suthenboy

      Damn you.

    • Tres Cool

      /seconded

    • Brochettaward

      Kavanaugh was already in a public forum in a large way. Kavanaugh’s status as a Supreme Court justice was in question because of a very serious allegation. And when I say in a public way, I don’t mean in the public way of Tara Reade’s. If you ask the average person in America, they didn’t know about the Tara Reade case. So I thought in that case, if The New York Times was going to introduce this to readers, we needed to introduce it with some reporting and perspective. Kavanaugh was in a very different situation. It was a live, ongoing story that had become the biggest political story in the country. It was just a different news judgment moment.

      It’s not even worth breaking this bullshit down.

      • leon

        That’s just special pleading

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Bullshit seems to fall short as a descriptor. This is scuba diving in a Porto-John servicing truck bad.

      • Suthenboy

        Didn’t they get caught on audio not long ago having a meeting where they decided it was going to be all smear Trump all of the time?

    • creech

      In other words: “Joe Biden? Who is Joe Biden?”

  53. Fatty Bolger

    Liberals and the MSM have rediscovered the tenth amendment. Never thought I’d see the day.

    • leon

      This is after they argued that the shutdowns are justified by the commerce clause, something not applied to the states.

  54. Suthenboy

    Tinfoil hat time.

    Wealth gives people options. With a strong economy where the average person has access to enough wealth to hire a lawyer and do all sorts of other things to defend themselves the authoritarians will never be able to put their boot down the way they want to.
    This is crushing the economy in ways we dont understand yet. Of course they wanted the shutdowns. Of course they dont want it lifted. The coronapanic is a wet dream for them.
    Of course they dont want effective treatment. They dont care one whit about lives, they care about power.