Monday Afternoon Links

by | Apr 20, 2020 | Daily Links | 437 comments

Not much to report here. I am alive and working. I also feel more trapped than I have in a while. Some of that is probably the cloudy weather. How are y’all?

Another sector of the economy, destroyed. Sure, there was lots of underlying price weakness before we cut gasoline consumption by 50%, but damn.

Hard hitting news from my neck of the woods.

Old habits die hard. Russians withdrawing cash during TP shortage. That’s a pretty crappy joke about the value of the ruble.

Wow. Guess I’d better find a job since Florida Man is in charge of paying unemployment.

Hey, guess what? If we reopen, there will be more COVID cases. Thanks, Mr. Expert. What we’d really appreciate is some expert knowledge on the relative tradeoffs of dying of COVID versus grinding poverty.

 

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

437 Comments

  1. Frank Dux

    With these negative oil prices I’m kinda thinking I should fill my garage up.

    • Frank Dux

      I’m just here to get firsts and fill my garage up with cheap oil and I’ve already got a first.

      • bacon-magic

        You slid in there like an oil slick.

      • Spudalicious

        Like greased lightning, he did.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Being able to refine that garage full of oil will probably become problematic.

      Invest in refineries?

  2. Count Potato

    “Just 40,193 Floridians who have filed for unemployment since March 15 have received their benefits, according to a new website the state launched Monday.

    That’s less than 3% of the more than 1.5 million claims filed since mid-March when the state saw a record surge in people thrown out of work because of the novel coronavirus.”

    I could understand that there is wait due to the number of claims, but that sounds as though people at the unemployment office are staying home.

    • R C Dean

      “The union contract says I only have to process 5 claims a day.”

    • Idle Hands

      I’m pretty concerned that things could get riot bad very soon.

      • Suthenboy

        No shit. I dont think the genius’s giving all of these orders know what they are fucking with. People will put up with all kinds of shit….until they get hungry or lose everything they have spent a lifetime working for. Then all bets are off.

      • Not Adahn

        “Wheel of rioting turn, turn, turn. Tell us the reason why we should burn (Citroens)”

      • mexican sharpshooter

        I wish they brought Yakko, Whakko, and Dot back.

      • Mad Scientist

        They have baloney in their slacks!

      • Donation Not Taxation

        +1 Animaniacs: Riot Edition

    • Shpip

      I’m paywalled on the Herald article, but is it really a surprise that an antiquated state-run system crashes when demand spikes?

      Looking at the Derpbook comments whenever DeSantis give a presser or update, half the state is pissed that he didn’t “shut down Florida” the first week of March, and the other half are screaming for him to “fix unemployment,” where “fix” means “get me my money!”

  3. Ownbestenemy

    “How are y’all?”

    We’re all fine here, now, thank you. How are you?

    Our local paper started a new column that all start with “Emotional Wellness…”

  4. Shpip

    Dr Anthony Fauci has warned that if the US moves too quickly to end stay-at-home orders there could be another surge in Covid-19 cases.

    I’ve started doing what another commenter (RC Dean, perhaps?) and reading “could be” as “could, or could not.” If only newspapers were so honest.

    • Shpip

      *what another commenter suggested

    • R C Dean

      When I see “may” (as in “there may be another surge if stay-at-home orders are lifted”), I substitute “may or may not.” Same thing goes for “could”, though.

      • The Hyperbole

        Isn’t that what saying something may happen means?

      • Rhywun

        I think the point is that it’s content-free. It doesn’t say anything, so why bother saying it.

      • The Hyperbole

        Okay, but that isn’t resolved by saying “it also may not” That’s already implied in the “may” it’s kind of the definition of the word. If you’re pointing out that it’s baseless I’d suggest something like “Yeah and Not Adahn may write an amusing IFLA article one day but that ain’t too likely either.”

      • Not Adahn

        They Hyperbole may be a huge fan of bay leaves, and may be such a degenerate molester of children that OMWC says “dude, that’s fucked up.”

      • R C Dean

        Yup. And that’s my point.

        “May” is too often taken to mean “shall” and is often used precisely to give the impression that a possible outcome is likely or even inevitable. You don’t change the meaning of the sentence, but you do make it more clear. If nothing else, it might get people to ask the real question, which is “what is the probability?”.

      • The Hyperbole

        Fair enough, the problem isn’t with the person using the term but the fact that the public doesn’t know what the term means.

      • R C Dean

        The problem is also with people using the word to create the illusion that a highly unlikely worst case is actually high probability. They know people will misread it, and decline to clarify.

      • Ted S.

        The person using the term knows damn well that the public doesn’t know what it means, which is why the writer uses it.

      • Not Adahn

        Well, no.

        They know that the term has a connatative meaning which is why they use it, and a denotative meaning that they can hide behind.

        If the public actually didn’t know the (connatative) meaning, then it wouldn’t get used.

      • The Hyperbole

        So everyone needs to write down to the lowest-browed redneck’s reading level or they are just manipulating the masses, got it… I mean, I reckon.

      • Viking1865

        So everyone needs to write down to the lowest-browed redneck’s reading level or they are just manipulating the masses, got it… I mean, I reckon.

        The media has no trouble at all being abundantly clear when it wants to be. They have no trouble digging out extensive background information, plotting it all out, and explaining it in an easy to understand manner, when they want to.

      • Not Adahn

        Today, TH pretends to learn that such a thing as “rhetoric” exists.

      • blackjack

        It actually has more to do with the sentiments expressed before and after the word “may.” When you breathlessly described armageddon for a few paragraphs and a headline, you’ve setup the word may to have far more persuasion than it normally would. The tone of the article is always based n the assumption that whatever “may” happen is likely to happen. Our brains skip over may because we’ve been told to, by the preceding verbiage. Focusing on the technicality of the use of may misses the whole point.

      • Shirley Knott

        I think it relates to the “can I” / “may I” distinction.
        There is a certain positive approval associated with “may” in addition to its use as “perhaps”.

    • Gender Traitor

      There could also be more auto accidents from people driving to work. And more workplace accidents. And people slipping and falling in the shower because they have to bathe before they go to work.

      Nope – too risky. Better not to take any chances.

      • Fourscore

        The low price of gas may result in people driving more and could see a spike in auto accidents which would possibly see insurance rates increase. Increases in driving would result in roads wearing out faster and could result in tax increases

    • R C Dean

      I wish somebody would ask Fauci something like “If our best guess was that stay-at-home orders would save 1,000 lives from the Commie Cough, but cause 2,000 deaths by other means, would you support stay-at-home orders?”

    • RAHeinlein

      Mises lays it out:

      The trick used by Himmler…was very simple and probably very effective; it consisted in turning these instincts around, as it were, in directing them toward the self. So that instead of saying: What horrible things I did to people!, the murderers would be able to say: What horrible things I had to watch in the pursuance of my duties, how heavily the task weighed upon my shoulders! (Hannah Arendt, Eichmann in Jerusalem)

      So you hear statements that twist reality in this manner: “The virus will let us know when we can reopen the country.” As if the virus is dictating policy.

      https://mises.org/wire/exactly-how-many-deaths-are-needed-justify-giving-governments-control-everything

      • Mojeaux

        When my son breaks something, he’ll say, “It broke” (after much prodding) and then I’ll say, “Language!” and he’ll say, “I broke it.”

        We don’t do passive voice in my house. That’s weaseling.

    • DrOtto

      Or add the phrase “without evidence”

    • DrOtto

      Or add the phrase “without evidence”

  5. Idle Hands

    Should we be concerned Oil is worth less than a big mac a barrel? Nah V shaped recovery baby.

    • tripacer

      Waiting for the sharp spike upward right around the beginning of November. No reason.

      • Idle Hands

        I’m not one of those Liquidity trap this time it’s happening people but this time it’s happening. This is going to be bad.

    • Q Continuum

      something something crisis going to waste something

    • Chipwooder

      See, they just need more common-sense gun safety laws on top the metric fuckload they already have!

      Personally, I blame Indiana.

    • Suthenboy

      I had this conversation this morning but about Chicago. Something something guns r bad look at all of the violence we have.

      Me: “Chicago doesn’t have a gun problem. Guns are inanimate objects. They have no agency. Inanimate objects are inanimate. People have agency. Chicago has a violence problem because your culture is shit. I live in the most heavily armed parish (county) – average 48 guns per person – in the country and we have one of the lowest crime rates in the country. You dont have a gun problem. You have a people problem.

      Response: crickets.

      • Enough About Palin

        “average 48 guns per person” Holy FUCK! FTR, I have always love Louisiana and this is but one reason.

      • Enough About Palin

        And don’t say “parish” during a pendemic, thank you very much!

  6. grrizzly

    When one morning in August 1998 the Russian government announced a huge Ruble devaluation, my grandma immediately ran to the bank where she had an account with savings in rubles and converted them into dollars using the exchange rate from the previous business day. That opportunity didn’t last long, obviously.

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      I remember that day well. My wife nearly got arrested when we were crossing the border to Estonia because she didn’t declare all the foreign currency she had in her wallet.

  7. The Late P Brooks

    Apropos of me going to the grocery store and back, a littel while ago:

    I have been thinking about B F Skinner’s pigeons, lately. I was compelled to take Psych 101 in college, as part of the “all college” requirement. Blah, blah blah well rounded, etc. Fuck them.

    Anyway, at The Colorado College, the psychology department was all behaviorism all the time. Skinner was their High Prophet. I remember, somewhere along the line, there was talk about “pigeon superstition” by which they meant some of the pigeons, although they merely needed to tap the little bar to get their treats, would incorporate more elaborate behaviors; presumably because they thought the pirouette, or head bob, or hop-skip-and-a-jump were requisite behaviors to get the Almighty Pigeon God to favor them with a delicious snack.

    What do I see, when I go out, these days?

    A lot of pigeon superstition, being practiced by hairless monkeys.

    • Suthenboy

      Heh. Yep.

    • Q Continuum

      They don’t call it the Daily Fail for nothing.

    • R C Dean

      Mrs. Dean was watching one of the pressers on her tablet. All I got was the audio. Don’t recall that exact exchange, but I do recall the female reporter (CNN, I believe) sounding very emotional – some combination of angry and tear-y. I thought Trump did a good job, in his uniquely inarticulate way, of responding to the question of “whycome you didn’t do something sooner.”

    • Gustave Lytton


      Weijia Jiang got her first broadcast news break for Channel One aged just 13 when she was a student reporter and anchor for the children’s network which was also a proving ground for CNN’s Anderson Cooper and Fox and Friends’ Brian Kilmeade

      Fuck Chris Whittle with a covid encrusted rusty chainsaw.

    • Rhywun

      the latest angry exchange at a coronavirus briefing, which critics say have seen disproportionately attack female and non-white reporters

      Oh, go fuck yourself.

      • R C Dean

        critics say have seen disproportionately attack female and non-white reporters

        I prefer to get my news from people who can write sentences that aren’t a hot garbled mess.

      • Rhywun

        The Daily Mail seems to have its own style guide.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Semi random mid SENTENCE capitalizations?

      • Grumbletarian

        After beating Jim Acosta about the face and head for so long, Trump is employing affirmative action to treat jourlolists as they deserve.

    • Chipwooder

      This is the same bitch who claimed that a White House official said the words “kung flu” to her but refused to say who it was.

      Because, y’know, she’s a liar.

      • Suthenboy

        The press in general could shoot their credibility, hit it in the head with a shovel, piss on it, set it on fire and throw the ashes to the wind and it would do less damage than what they have done since 2016.

    • Slammer

      Don’t share that joint,
      That commie coughing joint,
      I just don’t think you understand

      Cos if you share that joint
      That wuflu covered joint
      It might blow up and kill you, man

    • tripacer

      I’m trying to come up with a way to fit “WNBA” into your hypothesis

      • Agent Cooper

        WNBA: The Non-Essentialist workers?

      • tripacer

        They have good fundamentals.

      • Viking1865

        I was scrolling through my feed at The Athletic, and they were trying really really hard to push the WNBA draft as this huge event, interspersing WNBA draft content with NFL draft content. Like, come on, fuck off with that.

      • tripacer

        They hold a draft? I just assumed everyone that applied was a winner.

      • Enough About Palin

        Here’s the ting about the WNBA. Those players were awesome in college.

        And scene.

    • Idle Hands

      Pretty much my analysis. But I have an even lower opinion of his opponents.

    • Tulip

      They have stated that these are strictly astroturf protests by right wing groups. Therefore, no one needs to listen or think about what the protesters are saying.

      • Enough About Palin

        My take is that the Confederate and Nazi flags were false ones.

    • Slammer

      There are lawsuits being filed as we soeak

    • Not Adahn

      Accused? I thought they admitted it?

    • Ted S.

      Did drugs fall out of their asses?

      • Bobarian LMD

        That is where they keep them.

    • Q Continuum

      They have just publicly admitted that they are a publication, not a platform.

      • R C Dean

        Yeah, not seeing how that falls under the requirements for their immunity from defamation.

      • Gustave Lytton

        And zero principles to stand on when a more authoritarian government demands that FB censor their pet cause.

    • Suthenboy

      Face-who?

  8. The Other Kevin

    At some point in the past few weeks, there was a bait and switch. We’d been told for weeks that all this stay at home stuff was to “bend the curve”, meaning that people will get sick, we just don’t want everyone sick at once. Right now equipment, hospitals, and staff are as prepared as they will ever be for an increase in patients. And yet, we’re told that we can’t open the economy because it will cause an increase in sick people. We’ve gone from bending the curve, to expecting zero infections and zero deaths (which is impossible).

    • Gustave Lytton

      Yep. Goalposts getting moved all over the place.

    • LemonGrenade

      You noticed that, too? That’s because this was just a trial run, to see if they could get away with it. Now they’re going to calibrate how long they can get away with it, and plan on when to use it on us again.

    • KSuellington

      Yup. I’ve noted that as well. At first the justification was “we can’t overwhelm hospitals”. Now it is FYTW.

    • Chafed

      Exactly right TOK. Add to that the conditions some governors are setting for reopening are so vague as to be useless.

    • Lackadaisical

      +1 precautionary principle

      • dontreadonme

        Buying more ammo.

  9. The Late P Brooks

    I’ll re-ask my question from the dead AM thread:

    What will “we” do with l those desperately needed respirators Ford and GM were arm-twisted into making?

    It seems as if there might be a glut, soon.

    • R C Dean

      What should we do?

      Stockpile them, with a budget for maintenance.

      Donate or sell them to countries that need ventilators.

      What will we do?

      No need to wonder. Look at what happened last time we (well, NY) had a surplus of ventilators in response to a pandemic. Refuse to fund maintenance on them, then auction them off as junk.

      • Fourscore

        Buy a barrel of oil, get a ventilator for free, just like the premiums gas stations used to give away and no need to save green stamps

    • Gustave Lytton

      Ventilators? Probably molder in the National Strategic Stockpile warehouses for the next 75 years. Or get thrown like candy at small rural hospitals that have no use or support for them.

      Assuming they actually get built and delivered on the promised quantities and not delayed or cancelled in the meantime.

      • Plinker762

        They’ll be stored right next to the Arc of the Covenant. Like this

      • creech

        Yo, I said that 2 weeks ago. And, as I recall, when they needed space in WWII to store some stuff, they found crates of Civil War-era cannon harnesses that were forgotten. Somewhere on line you can probably still buy tropical uniforms made for the blessedly short Spanish American war.

      • Bobarian LMD

        In 1983, the Army authorized the wearing of Viet Nam era jungle fatigues because there was a large surplus and the new Hot Weather BDUs were going to be delayed.

        You could buy a set for $7.

        Best uniform I ever wore. Like wearing pajamas.

      • tripacer

        I wear a jungle fatigue jacket as my work jacket in the winter. I love it. Need to get another set actually.

      • Viking1865

        Meanwhile, the US government subsidies mohair goats producers, because of NATIONAL SECURITY.

        You can’t make this shit up.

      • Hyperion

        “Meanwhile, the US government subsidies mohair goats producers”

        I thought we already bombed them all to death?

      • Bobarian LMD

        That’s why they get the subsidies.

    • topnotchtoledo

      They will be stored in a tax funded warehouse and unceremoniously destroyed or sold when folks decide we don’t need them in a few years. Also it will be discovered that they never really worked anyways. But what’s a few billion? It helped the feelz.

      • Fourscore

        In the caves with the surplus cheese and honey

    • Oy the Billy-Bumbler

      Place another order asap.

  10. Count Potato

    “Yes. The K-word is stronger than the n-word, at least currently. Misogyny and patriarchy has been around longer than slavery. Just don’t use either, ok?”

    https://twitter.com/EmillySwaven/status/1251964304150183936

    The “K-word”? SMDHLOLWTFDIAF

    • Slammer

      Kneegro?

      • Suthenboy

        Is ‘Negro’ a bad word now? I cant keep up.
        A little while back someone here informed me that the word ‘Gay’ no longer means homosexual but I never got if it is bad or good.

      • The Hyperbole

        I think the dude-bros created that theory back in the 90’s when it became socially unacceptable to make fun of queers. They couldn’t quit saying “That’s gay” or “you’re gay” when ball busting with their buds so they claimed it just meant uncool… oh and that that didn’t mean being gay was uncool, it just meant that the “gay thing” the were talking about was uncool, not being gay…and so on and so on.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Growing up, Fag had nothing to do with sexual orientation… and I had no idea what a homosexual was.

        George Carlin put it perfectly:

        “A Queer was uhh… well we all knew what queer was. A fag was someone who wouldn’t go out and beat up queer with ya!”

    • R C Dean

      Misogyny and patriarchy has been around longer than slavery

      Since both date to pre-history, I wonder how you would even know.

      • leon

        Misogyny was the OG slavery!

      • Suthenboy

        The imbecile probably thinks slavery is unique to white America and started in….uh…1619 is it?

    • Not Adahn

      Parody account.

      • Rhywun

        Ah… well-played then.

    • Rhywun

      I would love to see her post that at The Root. ?

  11. mexican sharpshooter

    Is anybody else being inundated with videos from work where corporate overlords hold up a sign to display some motivational message?

    Because apparently health care admin types have nothing better to do with their time.

    • R C Dean

      Would a video of me holding a sign that says “Quit complaining and do your job, or else” count as motivational?

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Am I complaining? I suppose I am. You’re not my boss.

        *goes back to auditing March denials*

      • Pope Jimbo

        Aspirational. Since stopping my bitching and actually working is a pipe dream at best.

    • Donation Not Taxation

      Are those COVIDeos?

      You not getting hourly updates by e-mail trying to shoehorn employer into whatever vis-a-vis coronavirus?

  12. Donation Not Taxation

    Most of you are US, so using that country. The numbers for the ‘weekend’ of 17-19 April are not yet posted, so 10-16 is the latest set.

    Swallow is the #1 movie in US box office with $2,787 for those 7 days, not cumulative. The Other Lamb is #2 at $2,490. There is no #3.

    https://www.boxofficemojo.com/weekly/2020W15/

    • Q Continuum

      That’s…. amazing.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I’m beginning to think COVID was a Netflix conspiracy

      • Breet Pharara

        Does netflix own any 5g towers?

      • Bobarian LMD

        Apparently, they own them all.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        What about Italian patriots?
        * The NET cost of their elderly and of their disabled sub-elderly was not sustainable. Cutting back the safety net was not going far enough despite ‘austerity’ to fix the economic problem. COVID-19 deaths…
        * China and the Chinese were buying up Italy’s assets at a level Italy’s right wing does not like. Releasing COVID in Wuhan plus the allegations of coverup sour Italian public’s view of China.
        * COVID-19 is having a disproportionate effect on Iran’s leadership, even if it missed #1.

        Disclaimer: Conspiracy theory. Not saying it happened.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Swallow about a pregnant women who keeps swallowing more “objects” and a movie about an all female cult led by a man. I didn’t know porn movie houses still existed.

    • DEG

      #1 is both impressive and high maintenance.

      I kinda like #3, #7, #74, #79

      #32 has an interesting choice of outfit for a shooting range trip.

  13. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I’m sitting in my bathroom office with a beer, shooting squirrels because my wife wants them away from her tomato plants, all while posting on a glib website.

    /modern living

    • AlmightyJB

      I wish I could shoot out my window.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Pellet rifles are useful

      • AlmightyJB

        Yeah, I have shot critters with my pellet gun here. My great uncle used to shoot bucks out of his kitchen window with a 12 ga.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I don’t want to go deaf

      • Pope Jimbo

        Scruffy wishes he could afford glass to put in his windows.

        Everyone wants what the other guy has.

    • Q Continuum

      If you have another tab open to PornHub I’d say you’ve reached the pinnacle of human evolution.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Wife is in the next room. Evolution will have to wait

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Two down, 800 to go

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Three for three

        I’m on today

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Four

        It’s like Hitchcock’s The Birds out there, except with tree rats.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Five

        They keep coming

      • Mad Scientist

        Listen and understand. Those squirrels can’t be bargained with. They can’t be reasoned with. They don’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And they absolutely will not stop, ever, until your tomatoes are dead.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        * golf clap*

      • Not Adahn

        Nail the ones already down to trees as a warning.

    • Suthenboy

      Want to keep squirrels out of your tomatoes? Plant pear trees.

      One year I shot nearly 100 squirrels. I still got zero pears and I could not tell a difference in the squirrel population.

    • Rhywun

      LOLOLOL. Idiots.

      • topnotchtoledo

        And people wonder how Whitmer won. Never forget she used an alleged (made up) sexual assault to win. And a communications major. And a lawyer.

    • Translucent Chum

      Ramlawi said it seems there’s a disconnect between the $10 per month a survey showed residents were willing to pay for carbon-neutrality and what’s now in the plan.

      City residents will pay $10/month to virtue signal. City, here’s a $1 billion plan. What a bunch of clowns.

    • Suthenboy

      How does giving money to another person mean carbon neutrality? Oh…carbon neutrality has nothing to do with carbon and everything to do with giving money to someone else. I get it now.

      • topnotchtoledo

        We can only solve climate change by giving government money. It’s never by reducing subsidies to farmers for growing corn for ethanol. It’s never reducing the military footprint all over the world. It’s never letting people hunt and fish without forking over hundreds of dollars. It’s never about any form of reducing government spending. Always just give us more money you stupid sheep, we are your betters.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Tried this one? Tell Leftie assume sake argument Apocalyptic Manmade Climate Change. Manmade CO2 somehow different natural CO2. Atmospheric levels CO2 rising. Somehow rising CO2 levels will mean extinction of Life on Earth. Assuming all of that for the moment. Let Leftie squirm and semi-protest because substance assumptions Left but wording wrong.
        Then get to two choices:
        * Volunteer to be poor. Leftie should lead by example.
        * Fracking and nuclear. Lefties objections to both no longer matter because alternative is End of All Life on Earth.

        If Leftie reads enough The Atlantic, be prepared for cannot build more nuclear because in their reality building plants take too long and SCIENCE says nuke plant more than 1 TW impossible.

      • topnotchtoledo

        Somehow we could build nuclear submarines and aircraft carriers that are powered off a basketball sized piece of material for 50 years but it’s impossible to update that tech? GFY with a rusty fencepost.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        Said ‘their reality’. Not ours.

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        If you pay a person to not eat a burrito that they wouldn’t have eaten anyway you reduce carbon. And as we all know, methane is a more powerful greenhouse gas. It’s science and economics.

  14. R C Dean

    Today, in incandescent stupidity, Ocasio-Cortez’s deep thoughts on the oil market.

    Note: Tweet apparently deleted, but not before it got screen-shotted.

    • Q Continuum

      She should really call BU and ask for a refund.

      • Bobarian LMD

        They should preemptively offer a refund and get out ahead of it.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Derp

    • Rhywun

      Wow.

    • bacon-magic

      Playa commented on her revised tweet. I think he’s got a crush.

    • hayeksplosives

      The govt heard about this subversive Libertarian chick named Tulip and had to crack down on unauthorized Tulip displays.

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      He thought it was a strip club.

    • Mojeaux

      LOLwut she says she had an upset stomach while she was there “so I guess that means I’m pregnant.”

      Lady, you need to learn how to count and/or get some Pepcid for your guilt/stress nausea.

    • Ted S.

      Let him keep believing that.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      So Chavilicious

    • Hyperion

      Is he not supposed to think that? Maybe you should tell him a test is needed?

  15. AlmightyJB

    How did interview go Brett?

    • Brett L

      Good. Although I think I am going to work for myself. I’m just not interested in being an employee any more. Set up an LLC. Buying insurance and domain. As soon as I get the EIN certificate back from the IRS, I’m opening a bank account. Then I can hate my boss and have nobody to blame but myself.

      • Tundra

        Perfect.

        Good luck, man!

      • Mojeaux

        My boss is a bitch. Some Glibs can concur.

      • DEG

        Best wishes!

      • Mojeaux

        I am in dire emotional need of new office supplies, but I don’t really need office supplies at all.

        I. Want. Office. Supplies.

      • Mad Scientist

        My wife has that same malady. She gets all excited about folders and paperclips and pens. I can’t understand it. But, to be fair, she probably can’t understand my excitement when I get a new ratcheting, stubby, 18mm combination wrench.

      • Mojeaux

        Um…may I have both?

        *hides new tool from XY*

      • AlmightyJB

        Awesome! To your success?

  16. The Late P Brooks

    I wish I could shoot out my window.

    Stimulus!

    • AlmightyJB

      My wife really wants me to pull the trigger on buying some land.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Wait

        Raw land will get cheaper

      • AlmightyJB

        Well me problem is that I would like to be within 20 minutes of civilization but still get some decent acreage without paying a ton of money for it and I don’t think that’s going to get any easier to find.

      • AlmightyJB

        When I say civilization I don’t mean big city, just some stuff to do. Like near a small college town.

      • R C Dean

        Civilization, like a college town?

        Does not compute.

      • AlmightyJB

        They have to have grocery, movie theater, some bars and restaurants, brewery would be great. I’m not looking for much. Just more than a walmart, fast food, and one mostly empty bar of 70 yo alcoholics.

      • RAHeinlein

        Where are you now?

      • AlmightyJB

        Columbus, OH

      • Tres Cool

        two words for you, my friend. Just 2…..Plain City.

      • AlmightyJB

        It’s not out of the question. I’m really looking for some woods though.

      • AlmightyJB

        We’ve been checking out near Athens.

      • violent_k

        Spawn1 went to Ohio U. He wants to get some land outside of Athens some day. It’s a beautiful area and the land looks cheap when he shows me places.

      • AlmightyJB

        Yeah, it has enough stuff to do for me and it’s pretty. Wayne National Forest. Near Hocking Hills. Hour and half from family in CBus. KY and TN also options though.

      • Pope Jimbo

        So you are saying the bank would have him over the barrel if he pulled the trigger now?

    • LemonGrenade

      God King Emperor Of Twitter Trolls. I’d actually mind it if I didn’t sit through way too many of these press conferences and watch almost every question from the press boil down to “Have you stopped beating your wife?” Even my kids are appalled at the way the press behaves during those stupid coronavirus task force briefings. The media finally has the president they so justly deserve.

    • AlmightyJB

      Biden really is a gift.

    • Translucent Chum

      OMG. Best timeline.

  17. Sensei

    Ahh TRIA – the “temporary” program from 9/11 has naturally birthed PRIA.

    The draft bill calls for “a transparent system of shared public and private compensation for business interruption losses resulting from a pandemic or outbreak of communicative disease.”

    The goal of any Federal pandemic reinsurance facility is to protect consumers, “by addressing market disruptions and ensure the continued widespread availability and affordability of business interruption coverage for losses resulting from a pandemic or outbreak of communicative disease.”

    While also allowing for, “a transitional period for the private markets to stabilize, resume pricing of such insurance, and build capacity to absorb any future losses, while preserving State insurance regulation and consumer protections.”

    Re/insurers would have to pay a premium to receive coverage from the government backed pandemic reinsurance program, while the facility would only kick-in and be triggered when industry losses from a pandemic or outbreak exceeded $250 million, up to a level where aggregate industry losses are capped at $500 billion annually. Participation in the program would be voluntary for re/insurers.

    Open your wallets everyone!

    • RAHeinlein

      So, my son chose the right field – no shortage of work.

      “Voluntary for re/insurers” – check.

      • Sensei

        Well you’re going to have to cover pandemic so would you like reinsurance or not? It will be cheap and taxpayer subsidized so you’d pretty much be foolish not to take it…

  18. The Late P Brooks

    “I had sex with three men and now I’m pregnant but my husband thinks the baby is his”

    How could it be the husband’s? He was operating the camera, the whole time.

    • R C Dean

      I was wondering if he was one of the three men.

      • Jarflax

        Indications are he is not a man so I’m guessing no.

    • Rhywun

      Ladies, he’s single!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      He looks surprisingly normal. I wonder what Ukranian prisons are like, probably not too nice a place to be.

    • Pope Jimbo

      The gruesome remains were spotted the next day by a family who were looking for a fishing spot.

      Mykola, a father-of-two, told local media: “We were looking for a fishing spot when we stumbled upon the sack.

      “I saw naked buttocks sticking out of it and realised it was human remains. I called the police.”

      You know that dude is pissed. The ONE time he brings his whole family fishing and that is the time he finds an unused ass in a bag. You know if the fam hadn’t been along that murderer would also be facing additional charges of anal rape.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        “Unused ass in a bag”

        Dibs on the album name

      • Tres Cool

        STEVE SMITH HANDLE BUTTOCKS IN BAG

      • Suthenboy

        This is why I love this place. We take the most horrible nightmares imaginable and turn them into jokes.

        I love y’all.

      • Pope Jimbo

        You are in a good mood because you found an unused vagina in a ziploc bag during your last walk through your woods.

        Find a pussy pick it up; all day long you?ll have good fuck

      • Mojeaux

        I larfed. Mr. Mojeaux groaned.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      At least she was observing COVID precautions and wore a mask.

    • Suthenboy

      He was on quarantine. He couldn’t go to the grocery store.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        So you’re saying the death is Covid-related.

  19. B.P.

    Local, transgressive alt-weekly is on the scene, covering mask wearing. Wherein a reporter sees people not wearing masks, and makes a lot of assumptions about those people….

    https://www.westword.com/news/covid-19-and-the-rich-colorado-town-that-doesnt-care-about-masks-11693416

    “A Saturday, April 18, trip to Castle Pines suggested that residents of this extremely affluent area south of Denver think that huge piles of money will keep the virus at bay. ”

    “One young family included a mom and three kids, all masked; the only exception was Dad, a macho type who seemed to think COVID-19 wouldn’t dare mess with him.”

    Etc. Way to speak truth to power while sticking it to the man, alt-weekly.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      That article reads like Facebook post

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      He should take a visit to a poor area and report back on the rate of mask wearing there. I wonder if he’s one of the fuckers that was ridiculing people who wanted masks only a week ago before the CDC liars changed their minds?

    • Pope Jimbo

      I bet the wife took away Macho Man Dad’s mask for some unknown reason. NSFW (and I posted it this morning, but I have been laughing at it all day)

    • R C Dean

      Or, perhaps the family didn’t have enough masks for everyone, and Dad decided the masks should go to his wife and children.

      • Pope Jimbo

        That would be the worst sin ever!*

        *only in theory. If actually happened in real life I’m sure the same women who berate men for holding doors open for them would be the first to demand their seat in the lifeboat.

  20. Tres Cool

    Lima beans are the Nick Gillespie of the legume family. Discuss.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Peanuts

      Hard jacket, disappointing contents

      • Tres Cool

        Peanuts serve a useful purpose while drinking, tho.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      They’re good cooked with a big chunk of ham and served over rice so I’m going to have to disagree. I’d say lentils (are lentils legumes?).

    • Rhywun

      If that means they’re disgusting, I agree.

      • bacon-magic

        ^^^

    • Suthenboy

      Baby limas. Cook them in chicken stock with lots of bacon cut into 1/2 X 1/2 inch squares. Black pepper. Toss in a few slices of jalapeño.
      Cook your rice in chicken stock, add lots of butter and sweet basil. Serve the limas over the rice with some cornbread on the side.

      You will change your mind after the first bite.

      • Suthenboy

        It also helps to add some chopped jalapeños in the cornbread batter.

        Damn. Now I am hungry.

      • Tundra

        It all sounds delightful, except for the fucking lima beans.

        Legumes, particularly those repellent limas, are gross and unnecessary.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I think this is the real North versus South cultural divide.

      • Suthenboy

        That recipe works well with green beans, field peas, limas, butter beans….etc.

        *Plants flag in pea patch with greasy, bacony hands*

      • Pope Jimbo

        Baby limas

        I read that first as Baby llamas and was thinking “Damn Suthen sure is country”.

    • Count Potato

      I like succotash.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Me too. I hated Lima beans as a kid. As an adult, I’ve grown to like them.

      • Pope Jimbo

        I’m sorry, but Andy has to fire Barney over this bullshit. It was bad enough when Barney was running Checkpoint Chickie but that drone shit is beyond the pale.

      • Grumbletarian

        It would sure be terrible if someone with a mask knocked that thing out of the sky.

  21. hayeksplosives

    What a sunny and lovely day here in house arrest, CA!

    The fact that it’s pleasant to sit outside is the only thing keeping me sane at present.

    • AlmightyJB

      Brings back a lot of discombobulated memories.

      • Tundra

        It was a strange time.

        But that lineup was tight.

      • AlmightyJB

        No doubt.

  22. DEG

    Dr Anthony Fauci has warned that if the US moves too quickly to end stay-at-home orders there could be another surge in Covid-19 cases.

    Fuck him. Fire Fauci.

    • AlmightyJB

      Well since they’re going to start testing everyone, that’s a pretty easy prediction. Doesn’t mean shit though. We have millions of more cases but the virus had zero impact on those people. WTF cares.

      • Hyperion

        We may not have such a golden chance at another crisis in a long time! Opportunities are there to be had! Opportunities… must seize…. opp…. can’t… fading…

    • Hyperion

      Hey! That’s America’s Doctor! You’re going to try to hit him in the knee with a stick, aren’t you?

    • R C Dean

      The thing is, he’s right. To the extent (which is completely unknown, BTW) that the lockdown has been effective, there will be an increase in Commie Cough patients when it ends.

      But that’s just the start of the analysis, not the end. How much of an increase? At what cost? Theoretically, he could provide some insight into the first question (although not much, because we don’t have a clue whether or to what extent the lockdown has actually reduced the spread of the Commie Cough). And the second is completely beyond his scope.

      And unless the second wave will be much worse than the first, it provides no justification for keeping the lockdown on, because it would have to be much worse to overwhelm the healthcare system.

      • AlmightyJB

        That’s the thing. The predictions were no doubt overblown but the nannies will say that the low counts were because of the lock downs. Of course there’s no alternative reality to compare to because even in the same countries, different states have different population densities, demographics, etc.

      • R C Dean

        You can get a rough cut on how effective the lockdown has been, I think. It would be very rough.

        But why isn’t the burden of proof on those would impose and extend an unprecedented and hugely destructive policy? Why don’t the Branch Covidians have to prove up the effectiveness of their lockdown in order to get it extended?

      • AlmightyJB

        Because they’re in charge unfortunately. That could change but probably won’t.

      • Tundra

        Anger.

      • Gustave Lytton

        From what I’m hearing else by someone living in Sweden, to say there is no lock down is both correct and somewhat misleading. Social distancing is very much going on, though largely voluntary. Their economy is going down as well. 8% unemployment and rising.

      • Ted S.

        Radio Sweden’s weekly English-language program actually had a reasonable interview with a Norwegian “expert” who objected to the use of the word “experiment” regarding what Sweden was doing and said he understood why Norway handled things the way they did and Sweden handled things the different way they did.

        Refreshing to hear something that wasn’t “How dare they not panic!”

      • DEG

        I understand what you’re saying. But Fauci’s been wrong and following wrong models. Fuck him. Fire him.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I don’t find it that upsetting. The man’s a doctor, not an economist, and I’d expect him to advocate from a doctor’s perspective. Trump’s listening to him but is also giving his ear to others who realize there are other concerns as well which is as good as we can realistically hope for.

      • R C Dean

        I doubt he has actually provided any patient care in decades, so I hesitate to call him a “doctor” with a “doctor’s perspective” in that sense.

        He’s a bureaucrat and an epidemiologist. As the latter, he should not just say “could be a surge”. He should do some sciencing, show his work, and let us know how much of a surge and whether it will exceed capacity.

        I fault him for failing to do that.

        If he said “There is a possibility that there will be a second wave, but we have no reason to believe/we are concerned it will exceed health system capacity because blah blah”, then I would say he is doing his job.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Not even an epidemiologist, he’s a public health expert. One is a (supposedly) a scientist, the other is a political animal.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Interesting how Fauci has become the public face of the “expert” chorus, yet seems to be 3-4 management layers at CDC that supposedly deal with infectious diseases that don’t seem to be showing up at all in public.

      • Suthenboy

        Making unfalsifiable claims seems to be all the rage these days for people who wear lab coats in front of cameras.

      • Pope Jimbo

        He’s an epidemiologist

        For decades the epidemiologists have been banging the warning drum about the next pandemic. How way more funding is needed. How they need more power to get shit done. Then they’ve had to suffer through a bunch of false alarms: avian flu, SARS, H1N1, MERS, ebola.

        Finally they got the attention, power and money they’ve been craving. Not because the actual pandemic was so horrible, but because the media was determined to fan any flames they thought would make Trump look bad.

        The problem is that in numbers (so far) this pandemic doesn’t seem that much worse than any of those other false alarms. What is an epidemiologist to do? You can’t imagine that your predictions were wrong again. At best no one would ever listen to you again. At worst, they might slash your budget.

        So you keep your foot on the gas and hope you can get ahead of the story.

      • Tundra

        You are talking about that cunt Osterholm, aren’t you?

        That guy has never issued a measured response in his professional career.

  23. DEG

    Recording of today’s protest in Harrisburg, PA

    Looks like a good turn-out. Of course, there are a few folks riding their hobby horse like the guy holding the anti-gay marriage sign. I saw a few rifles. There is a police presence.

    • AlmightyJB

      That’s awesome.

      • DEG

        At about the one hour mark, a state senator admonishes the crowd for not practicing social distancing or wearing a mask. She gets shouted down.

    • Hyperion

      Them deporables got some them racist snake flags again. Figures.

      Look, the fist part of the Green New Deal needs to be building those camps for the deplorables.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Do you know else liked to hold gatherings on April 20th?

      • Tres Cool

        Alois Hilter & wife Klara ?

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Janet Reno?

      • Tundra

        Excellent young men.

      • DEG

        Seconded.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Tragic young victims of Trump’s war on science.

      • Tres Cool

        Oh, I just give up.

      • Spudalicious

        Ha! But look at all the shit covered drugs you have now.

      • R C Dean

        *pulls on nitrile gloves, gingerly picks up drugs laying on ground*

        Sir, I believe these are your drugs.

      • Rhywun

        the fist part of the Green New Deal

        Pass.

      • Hyperion

        You deplorables, you hate green, hate new, and hate deals.

    • Suthenboy

      People who show up to protest because OUTRAGE! have conditioned pols to pay little attention to protests. When people start showing up to protest because they are actually hurting it is going to be a painful wakeup call to those pols.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Yep, they’re playing with fire and being dismissive or hostile is not the way to handle it.

      • Hyperion

        They’ve gotten away with playing a game, making a game out of playing with people’s lives for way too long. It’s because so little of what they do actually affects most people with much impact because America is such a prosperous country.

        Now they are actually starting to hurt people. They keep it up for much longer and it won’t be a game anymore.

  24. J. Frank Parnell

    Someone in the morning thread linked to this article by Mark Rippetoe. From the article:

    But the government has just shown us exactly what will happen next time such a disease comes along. They have removed all doubt about who decides whether gyms and other “non-essential” businesses are “allowed” to operate. Their owners and the market for their services have been declared irrelevant in favor of the wisdom of mayors, county judges, and governors. In the absence of the passage of very strong laws preventing this very action – perhaps as unlikely an event as the explosion of the sun – these businesses will face periodic arbitrary closure from now on. Power once taken is not returned voluntarily.

    In consideration of this, how likely is a bank or an investor to lend money to anybody contemplating the silly idea of opening a “non-essential” business? How likely is a commercial landlord to lease to a business that cannot afford to pay its rent every other winter?

    I’m going to make a prediction: Sometime maybe next year, there will be proposals in some state(s)* to combat this uncertainty by coming up with some sort of pre-qualification/licensing/certification scheme for “essential” businesses that are allowed to stay open. For some unknown reason, a large part of being determined “essential” will be hiring union labor and donating to the correct “nonprofit” foundations.

    *this seems most likely to happen in any state that rhymes with “balifornia”

    • Tundra

      It was me and I’ve distributed that article widely. With much hilarity, I might add.

      Turns out chubby proggies don’t care about the fitness industry and can’t see the bigger picture.

      Shocked?

      • Suthenboy

        My personal theory is that proggies in general are idiots unable to to make fine distinctions between concepts that superficially look the same. Here is a perfect example. They completely miss the point. It has nothing to do with the fitness industry.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Why?

      • Hyperion

        Because in the new one, Perry Mason will be played by a woke trangendered butch dyke and that Burger guy will be played by Rand Paul, worst of all the deplorables.

        Of course Perry will always win and Rand Paul will always lose, just like God intended it.

        Any more questions?

      • Hyperion

        Wow, xer has checked all the boxes. Is there a reason someone should care, that someone would bother posting that on the Twatter?

      • Mojeaux

        So gay + lesbian = heterosexual? Like a double-negative?

      • Hyperion

        “gay + lesbian”

        That’s an extra checkbox. You don’t do the maths?

      • Mojeaux

        Doubleplusgood.

      • Count Potato

        “lesbian immigrant” is someone who moved here from Lesbos.

      • Not Adahn

        LadyAnonLatin cross
        @LadyAnon5
        ·
        Apr 19
        Replying to
        @Slate
        I can’t believe y’all left out her preferred pronouns. Rude.

      • Donation Not Taxation

        In the first TV (the books were the original), Perry lost three times.

      • Winston

        Well Paul Drake is black in this version

      • Count Potato

        Isn’t that show very old?

      • Hyperion

        Get off my lawn, millennial.

      • Suthenboy

        Because the H-crowd is mostly unimaginative and cant come up with anything new. Everything these days are re-makes and sequels and remakes of sequels.

        Raymond Burr is Perry Mason, and I dont mean the later ’80s movies, I mean the original B&W portrayals of a world that is long gone and sorely missed by me. There is no other. Wife and I have them all on DVD.

      • Mad Scientist

        I was watching a Perry Mason episode the other night in which a guy, who is financing a race car engine development program, is murdered. It’s a new engine that’s going to revolutionize the automotive world! It has no valves, no cam shafts, and no pistons, and they call it a “rotary.” We then get to see the car in action, and it clearly has a piston engine in it, but hey, it was the 50s. Perry caught the bad guy in the end. I love that show.

      • Not Adahn

        Yes, HBO remaking Perry Mason is like HBO remaking The Andy Griffith Show.

      • Mojeaux

        HBO remaking The Andy Griffith Show

        Wherein Andy and Helen are having a torrid affair whilst everyone else believes their romance to be sweet, innocent, and utterly chaste.

      • Not Adahn

        HBO could totally get away with remaking The Addams Family or The Beverly Hillbillies.

        *thinks about what HBO could do with Ellie Mae*

      • Tres Cool

        *see Leslie Jones

      • Hyperion

        Who doesn’t want to see Opey Cunningham as an obese pink and green haired non-binary woke scold?

      • Suthenboy

        I remember that one.
        Believe it or not the last time I saw it I thought of you.

      • Mad Scientist

        I hope your thought went something like, “The only people I know who like those things are mad. Mad I say!”

      • Winston

        Warren William has a sad.

      • Mojeaux

        Road-tripping with my mom a couple of years ago, we stopped in a hotel and they had the old black-and-white Saint TV series on. It was surprisingly sophisticated and snarky. I loved it and she was amused (almost delighted) that I did. I got her the DVD set for Christmas.

      • Ted S.

        How the hell did it cut off my comment like that?

        I was going to add a point of trivia that one of Errol Flynn’s first Hollywood roles was a brief one as the murder victim in The Case of the Curious Bride.

      • The Hyperbole

        Because it may entertain some people and get eyes on screens, maybe make HBO some money? You know, capitalism.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Perhaps my question should have been:

        Was there a unsated desire for yet another show about lawyers, particularly one about a morbidly obese one that only your grandparents remember?

      • The Hyperbole

        They’ll never know until they try. Also, if no one remembers him is the fact that it’s a remake/prequel even relevant?

      • Mojeaux

        if no one remembers him is the fact that it’s a remake/prequel even relevant?

        This is a recurring debate within me. I liked Born Yesterday (because REASONS), with Melanie Griffith. I did NOT know it was a remake.

        So there I am, hating remakes, yet finding out that more and more movies I like are remakes of things made in the 40s and 50s I would never have known about because I am not a cinephile.

        50 years? 60 years? What would it take?

      • Not Adahn

        I really liked the Brosnan/Russo The Thomas Crowne Affair. Never seen the original.

      • Mojeaux

        I pretty much stop at “I like Brosnan.” *fans self*

      • Winston

        Don’t forget all those remakes of silent films. Or how the Maltese Falcon is the third film version of the novel. The second version even…gasp…. gender swapped the Fat Man! Don’t tell Angelica…

      • Winston

        And people called the Born Yesterday remake not as good as the original even then.

      • Mad Scientist

        The original stars Steve McQueen. You’ll need a fan for that one too.

      • Not Adahn

        Did they ever make another after The Last Remake of Beau Geste?

      • Tundra

        You’ll need a fan for that one too.

        QFT

        And Faye Dunaway. Yum.

      • Mojeaux

        @Winston

        And people called the Born Yesterday remake not as good as the original even then.

        I’m sure. I mean, it was Melanie Griffith after all.

        I am well aware that it’s kind of a dud, but I like it for a philosophical reason, not an aesthetic one.

        My point was, I didn’t know it was a remake and I was introduced to a cute story because someone remade it.

        Yet I “don’t like remakes.” Maybe it’s just that I don’t like 16 Batmans in my lifetime.

      • Tres Cool

        What’s Camryn Mannheim ? Chopped liver ?

    • Not Adahn

      Since it’s HBO, we’ll finally get to see Della’s boobs.

  25. Not Adahn

    Report from the grocery store:

    I have renewed faith in my neighbors. Almost everyone studiously ignored me. A couple of amused chuckles and one “I love your mask” in the parking lot. No humorless scolds.

  26. Hyperion

    Today a truckload of brand name toilet paper showed up at my door from the Amazon Pantry. It has to be 5 years worth of TP, but wife is happy.

    I assume this means the apocalypse is over, so when can we go outside again?

    I was just checking my tomato plants, I have 2 blooming, both Patios.

    • Sean

      Never. It’s dangerous outside.

      • The Hyperbole

        Hey Seansteaksteak didn’t turn as bright red as yours do, maybe more salt or time? I’ll be working on it.

      • Sean

        I try to let them sit at least 24 hours.

      • Tundra

        If I have time, I do 48 hours.

        Kosher or pink Himalayan salt.

      • Spudalicious

        Maybe more WD-40?

      • Tres Cool

        PB Blaster > WD-40

        It is known.

      • Sean

        Oh, and lol

      • The Hyperbole

        I have to say it was very tasty, one of the best steaks I’ve had in a while, a little early to say it was due entirely to the dry brine* but I’m definitely adding this to my standard meat prep.

        *I nailed the sauteed mushrooms, and perfect mushrooms can make even a sub-par steak acceptable.

      • Sean

        It won’t make a bad steak good, but it will make a good steak great.

        The results are real. Real tastey.

    • Suthenboy

      Her ratings/popularity whatever they call it must be down.

      • AlmightyJB

        She was never that popular to begin with. But to your point, yeah it’s just attention seeking.

      • hayeksplosives

        Yeah, she’s just not that funny. Her only joke persona was “tough, angry black woman” which she fit to a T, but she was unpleasant and not funny.

      • Suthenboy

        I have never seen her perform. I looked at the article and had to think for a minute….yeah, she looks familiar, sorta.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        She’s the even worse version of Wanda Sykes.

        We need more Aisha Tylers.

      • LCDR_Fish

        The gal who voices Lana on Archer? Hell yeah!

      • Count Potato

        Wanda Sykes used to be hilarious though. Remember when she was on the Chris Rock HBO show?

      • Count Potato

        MSNBC/CNN/ETC have gone all in that the the anti-lockdown protesters are a bunch of right-wing gun nuts.

      • Ted S.

        Never saw her on SNL, but when she was on Pyramid I always wanted her to tone it the fuck down.

        Not quite as bad as Mario Cantone, but still pretty bad.

  27. LCDR_Fish

    Random question just based on some articles I’ve seen the last couple days….anyone else not received their Trumpbucks yet? I’m already seeing articles about trying to catch folks who wouldn’t normally receive it due to income status.

    just curious if anyone else who filed in ’18-’19 hasn’t received anything yet?

    • Mad Scientist

      Nothing here.

    • Spudalicious

      Nope. But we’ll be getting a check, not direct deposit.

    • Ted S.

      Haven’t received mine either.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I received mine last week.

    • Rhywun

      I got some. About enough for 1 week of rent. Yay.

      • Lackadaisical

        holy dick batman, isn’t it like 1200 bucks?

      • LCDR_Fish

        Not if you made significantly more than $75k

      • Lackadaisical

        y’all need more tax deductions.

      • Rhywun

        I didn’t get anywhere near that.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      None for me yet, but I had to enter my direct deposit info after the fact.

    • Gender Traitor

      The IRS took our Fed taxes out of the Mr.’s account the other day, but no Trumpbucks have gone in yet. We filed using TurboTax – has that been established as one possible cause of a delay?

      • Hyperion

        I use Taxact. Taxes filed. No Trump checks.

        Did you check their website?

        I get a ‘status cannot be determined’ message. Apparently a LOT of people are getting it for unknown reasons.

        Government as always, dependable.

      • Ted S.

        I used Taxact last year, but this year they wanted $50 because I have an 8880 for the credit for 401k contributions. Turbo Tax was still free.

      • Gender Traitor

        I got the same message.

      • LCDR_Fish

        I paid taxes via my checking deposit when I filed through H&R Block.

      • Hyperion

        Did you get a Trump check?

      • UnCivilServant

        I used TurboTax, I got my refund and the stimulus refund.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      Not only have I not received my trumpbux but I still haven’t received my income tax refund.

      Nor the alleged refund from my insurance co.

  28. AlmightyJB

    BG marathon on. Tricia Helfer so damn hot.

    • Not Adahn

      Boomer > Starbuck

      • tripacer

        I do have a thing for Boomer bangs.

      • AlmightyJB

        My granddaughter was named Kara after Starbuck.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Imagine an unlimited supply of Tricia Helfers.

      The Cylons had it right.

  29. Not Adahn

    Is there anything more delicious than a homemade hamburger?

    For dessert, a glass of Beam with chocolate syrup.

    • AlmightyJB

      “Beam with chocolate syrup”

      ??? How’s that work?

    • Ownbestenemy

      i am trying to decide on: brisket sliders, brisket tacos, brisket taquitos or brisket enchiladas…

      Obviously I am making chicken 🙂

      • AlmightyJB

        Yum

      • Spudalicious

        Brisket tacos.

  30. Winston

    So is losing guns an acceptable trade-off for legal pot? Canadian libertarians must know.

    • Tundra

      Did you hit your head?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        When he fell out of his boat.

      • Winston

        Well I did store all my guns in there…

    • Hyperion

      Sure, until they decide to take back the legal pot they promised you, you know, after they have your guns, and then you can’t do anything about it. Then you have neither and you’re shit out of luck.

      • Tejicano

        “you’re shit out of luck”

        Pretty much already covered if you’re in Canukistan

    • Winston

      Just pointing out that Turdeau Jr. is a gun grabbing pot legalizer something that libertarians for 50 years thought was an impossible political combination.

      • Hyperion

        Just like I said. They can take back the legal weed whenever they want. Not much an unarmed populace can do. And maybe the fact that everyone is stoned will make them more compliant. That’s how tyrants think.

      • Winston

        That’s how tyrants think.

        Well my point is more that libertarians didn’t seem to realize that a tyrant might want to legalize pot since back in the 1960s and 1970s that seemed like something a tyrant would never accept for any reason.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        It’s funny how the Menace™ changes like that from generation to generation.

      • Winston

        Well that’s the thing society always has things it likes and dislikes and these always change. And politicians play on or create these fears for their own gain.

        And all the talk about “social tolerance” and weed, Mexicans and Ass-Sex show how libertarians either did not realize this or wanted society to have the exact same mores as them.

        I mean Weed, Mexicans and Ass-Sex were the Menace in 1960s and 1970s for people libertarians hated so it was assumed that the victories for these “menaces” would mean the end of all “menaces” for all time or make agree with libertaisn on everything.

        And before HM says anything yes I am aware of the issues with saying “society” likes or dislikes something which is part of the problem. Is something bad because 51% of people in the same country, state, county or city think it is bad? Or is it whatever the majority of intellectuals (however you define them!) don’t like right at this very moment?

      • Winston

        And I do agree that if the political class decides in the future that Pot is bad again they will ban it again of course.

      • Hyperion

        The political class who have kindly ‘allowed’ people to smoke some weed on their terms, something which is an outrage that it was ever illegal, did not do so because they approve of it. Or because they think anyone should be allowed to do anything because they have a right to do so. They’ve done it, reluctantly, because they want votes, not for any other reason whatsoever. And they will gladly undo it in an instant if they believe it furthers their political career or is no longer needed to keep them in power.

  31. grrizzly

    Where are the Mass. plague death numbers for the day? Every day starting from 4 pm I click on the link with today’s numbers. Still nothing.

    • Tundra

      Even with gaming the shit out of the numbers, this fucking virus won’t cooperate with the doomsayers.

    • Hyperion

      You’re all going to die. Now go back inside and wait, citizen.

    • grrizzly

      They changed the URL. A completely different format from the past. Much more information. Deaths with underlying conditions: 97.5%. Average age of deaths in confirmed COVID-19 cases: 81.

      • Hyperion

        Stop trying to make people not afraid, deplorable!

        I still do not know anyone or anyone who even knows anyone who has it or has had it. But I suppose we need to cower in place and wait to get it.

        Then again, I don’t live in Manhattan, which is the only place in the USA that matters.

      • Mad Scientist

        A friend of mine in England, and his wife and daughter, all caught it. He tells me he spent 2 days in bed feeling miserable and much like he had the flu, and then it he got over it.

      • Tres Cool

        A friend of mine in Brooklyn had suspect CoVID, and reported essentially the same thing. He got better.

    • Tundra

      Florida?

      • Spudalicious

        Too late in the season.

    • Rhywun

      PS. Are they really “patients” or are we being fast and loose with words again?

    • Hyperion

      To Cuomo’s house? I hear Pelosi will be taking the spillovers.

    • R C Dean

      To the morgue. The Commie Cough is fatal. No treatment. You get it, you’re a goner.

      *turns volume up on CNN*

    • Ted S.

      Obviously Trump’s fault.

  32. AlmightyJB

    I’d like to offer a compromise. Private sector all goes back to work. Public sector stays at home. For the children.

    • Hyperion

      “Public sector stays at home.”

      I note that you didn’t include the word ‘work’ in that one. I get it. Also, ‘without pay’.

  33. Winston

    https://www.aier.org/article/the-worst-public-policy-in-a-century/

    Closing down the U.S. economy in response to COVID-19 was probably the worst public policy in at least one-hundred years.

    ….

    The economic lockdowns, by contrast, have turned the Constitution into a frail and worthless fabric, to steal a phrase from Alexander Hamilton. The due process and taking clauses are a shambles and even the First and Second Amendments have been de facto suspended in some states

    I think he might be correct here.

    Politicians without the courage to end lockdowns immediately should not seek re-election so that new ideas and voices can be heard. Newbies surely can’t do much worse than the incumbents.

    I fear you might be overly optimistic about the reaction to the coronavirus lockdown. And that those newbie pols will have ideas you like.

  34. LCDR_Fish

    Hey Animal – great article this afternoon. Missed it as usual. Not sure if these quotes showed up at all afterwards – just found this site ;p – http://sightm1911.com/lib/rkba/Cooper_Quotes.htm

    “Already a couple of the faithful have sent in checks for a foundation memorial to the innocents who perished at the hands of the ninja at Waco. … I have been criticized by referring to our federal masked men as “ninja” … Let us reflect upon the fact that a man who covers his face shows reason to be ashamed of what he is doing. A man who takes it upon himself to shed blood while concealing his identity is a revolting perversion of the warrior ethic. It has long been my conviction that a masked man with a gun is a target. I see no reason to change that view.”

    “Bushido is all very well in its way, but it is no match for a 30-06.”

    “All the people constitute the militia — according to the Founding Fathers. Therefore every able-bodied man has a duty under the Constitution to become part of the “well-regulated” militia, specifically to understand and perform well with the individual weapon currently issued to the regular establishment. . . . Thus one who has not qualified himself with the M-16 may not be considered to be a responsible citizen.”

    • R C Dean

      Might quibble with the last one, since the government won’t let me have “the individual weapon currently issued to the regular establishment”.

      • LCDR_Fish

        Well, technically none of the qualification measures for any service (that I’m aware of) require more than semi-auto fire so any AR-15 series should work for these purposes.

      • The Hyperbole

        Definite quibble with the “duty under the Constitution” part, I’m dyslexic but something something positive/negative rights. I also thought I had a problem with the last bit as well but then I realized that I don’t give a rat’s whether I’m considered a responsible citizen or not.