PORTLAND – “It was a tough decision, but it had to be made,” said Comrade Rainbow Manatee, an Antifa group leader. “Everybody’s wearing masks now, so the intimidation and anonymity factor is gone. We decided it was best to go for something more visible and frightening. And then it hit us: what’s scarier than a ghost? Let’s all dress up in white robes and hoods. We can carry torches and nail threatening letters to the doors of our enemies. That went well, but there were other difficulties. Although in places like Portland we can count on the police and the local government to look the other way, in other places, we need to be more careful. So we developed some secret handshakes and code words, and set up a network of safe houses. Of course, it can all seem kind of silly, but we must do what’s necessary to keep outside Republican agitators are their local allies from making trouble.” At a secret late night rally, dozens of Antifa gathered to perform their newest ritual- the lighting of a giant wooden t to represent their desire to burn Trump and everything he stands for. Comrade Manatee remains optimistic about Antifa’s new look. “It’s all been going really great. The only problem is we’ve been having trouble recruiting and keeping people of color. I’m really excited for the DNC convention this summer, so we can force the party to return to its roots. We’ll have a huge rally and then everyone will see what we stand for.”
Pandemic Forces Antifa to Drop Masks and Don Pointy, White Hoods
About The Author
Derpetologist
The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp,
Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy
Nice. Very, very nice, Derpy. Couple of typos, but damn… I had a good chuckle. Great ending, too.
I give it an A-
My review.
Well, I mean… who could argue with that?
?
He forgot to say it’s gay. Which can only mean on thing, Brokenwad is gay now.
*You’re* a towel.
In fairness, I did rip off most of a South Park episode:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqD97W5_kxI
Lol. It’s hate all the way down.
Frankly…it is pretty on point for Portland. (I have a feeling that I was linked to this article from Glibs previously…how ironic – https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/07/racist-history-portland/492035/)
I have another perspective on that. From personal experience. I know a guy in Portland who I talk to frequently. He’s your typical prog, not one of the radical ones. Meaning, he believes everything the leftwing media and his lefty friends tell him. He’s not going to any of their rallies or joining Antifa. But like the rest of the normal ones, he buys into all their bullshit.
I was talking to him once and he asks me, ‘Why are there no black people in Portland?’. No seriously, who asks something like that? I can tell you, someone who has heard it from their full of shit lefty Facebook friends all week long.
So I asked him ‘Is that a problem?’. He seemed sort of surprised and said ‘Well, I just wondered why that is?’. Sort of knowing the answer I said ‘Around here we call it Gentrification. How many former working class minorities from inner city Portland do you think can afford the mortgage on your house?’. *crickets*
There are black people in Portland. You’re acquaintance just never sees them, or interacts with them, apparently. He’s probably not a racist, though.
He’s not a racist, he’s actually a really nice guy. But he’s all sorts of naive as far as politics go and buys into all of this identity politics bullshit and other leftist idiocy.
I remember back when the Bundy ranch standoff was going on and he asked me ‘Did you hear about those bunch of crazy guys with guns! That’s really scary!’. I made some comment about supporting those guys and the subject got changed very quickly.
Did you hear about those bunch of crazy guys with guns! That’s really scary!
Proper Glib response: “You mean the BLM tactical teams? Yeah that is scary, they are probably going to hurt people who haven’t even committed crimes”
But Lake NoNegro….
(long ago nickname for a richy rich suburb to the south)
Derpy, you have a gift.
Or a curse?
We have to make sure Detpy doesn’t stare into the deep face of the derp so long that he falls into it…
I think we can keep him out of the abyss.
OTOH, the Bee isn’t really satire anymore…
That’s what his equipment is for.
Very close. This is the most accurate depiction:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4e6Ffukcsbw
I stared into the abyss. It ran away screaming.
That Orson Welles drunken commercial he posted is probably the funniest thing I’ve seen on the internet since the original Steve Smith posts from TOS, way back when. I still haven’t been able to watch the entire thing.
Here ya go:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6P1ifGjvEE
I lost it at the chicken part @ 2:09
That’s gold!!!
Negativland crafted a great song around some of Welles’ Birdseye outtakes.
https://youtu.be/Oh3BTbb9hCQ
Our libertarian celebrity representative represents.
Eating a burger without washing ones hands is now news worthy. JFC.
FOLLOW THE RULES
Actor Vince Vaughn was spotted with his six-year-old son Vernon in Manhattan Beach, California, on Friday
…, so someone decided to be a total cunte and took pictures of him and his six year old. We at the Daily Mail decided to be total cuntes, too.
Don’t you mean the Daily Karen?
Picture for your post. Antifa meeting with Portland officials to work out common strategy
https://oregonhistoryproject.org/media/uploads/thumbnails_medium/ba021814.jpg
Hey, what could be worse than a Governor dragging his feet on reopening? How about a 21-member committee in charge of opening the state?
http://newjersey.news12.com/story/42064215/gov-murphy-announces-members-of-his-restart-and-recovery-commission
“For God so loved the world he didn’t send a committee.”
Obama cronies. NJ is so fucked. Sorry dude.
Remind of when it wasn’t fucked?
You ain’t got no jobs, but we got boatloads of money to waste on new bullshit government do nothing jobs.
Wait, they’re dressed up in white sheets and hoods? No wonder they are having trouble recruiting black people, they look like, ah, well, ghosts.
Oh, I get it, this is a parody, isn’t it? Haha, you caught me, again. Great, Derpie.
Not parody, satire: Posted by Derpetologist | Apr 28, 2020 | Satire | 13
Parody satire different IP law, possibly elsewhere
Antifa member 1: Wait, we look like the KKK!
Antifa member 2: We can’t wear masks anymore because that’s following the rules, we’re revolutionaries!
Antifa member 1: Dude, can I sleep over in you mum’s basement with you, my mum is threatening to cut off my internet!
Antifa member 2: Comrade, that’s comrade!
Antifa member 1: Look, we can’t wear this, we look like KKK, gettin them darkies ain’t cool these days! We’re supposed to get the white guys!
Antifa member 2: Wait… the white guys… that’s us!
‘Man busted by police in Spain for taking pet fish for walk during lockdown’
Cue snark about female masturbation
Excellent work.
Remember shakey puddin?
David Lynch banned cooking smells from his home.
Jackson, Mississippi mayor suspends open carry citing covid as predicate:
https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/jackson-mi-mayor-suspends-open-carry-law-citing-covid-19
Something something redacted.
Actually citing the emergency declaration law but still.
More like the emergency declaration FLAW am i right?
https://youtu.be/LekUKeFijxc
Where’s the TRO? Wouldn’t that take ten seconds to secure?
The City of Jackson faces a significant challenge with illegal guns
So, we’re going to ban the legal guns. Must be one of those “common sense” gun laws I keep hearing about.
The irony is that the more legal guns you don’t have, the more illegal guns you will have. This is a proven fact, no used to guess.
That’s exactly what you will have. I live in Mississippi. The guns aren’t going anywhere. Everyone owns guns.
Left the headlights on yesterday. Discovered battery completely dead this afternoon. How effing hard would it be to provide an unpainted piece of exposed frame or metal bonded to the frame in the engine compartment?
How it feels when one of your comments is quarantined in the spam filter.
He seems nice.
Don’t you think some antifa members might be claustrophobic under those hoods at night? For those preferring not to wear hoods, how about a snazzy black uniform with polished boots and maybe some collar insignia, say lightning bolts symbolizing electrocution for Trump supporters, and a groovy red, white and black armband with some kind of symbol to show you aren’t just some goth youth?
That’ll never catch on.
Saw Amash is running for LP candidate for president.
Oof.
Man, his TDS case is terminal.
He was never going to be another Rand Paul. But jeebus, what a dumbass. Massie seems principled at least, so there’s that.
There goes my chance to vote for a principled L candidate, I’m sure the “Big L” party will back him.
He has a pretty good congressional voting record but “RUSHAAAA!!!111!!” was the dumbest issue to take a stand on in the last decade. He has no credibility in my eyes.
He’s a fucking douchebag.
This guy is better.
Oh I’ve been on team Hornberger since he announced he was running.
(or more accurately since Scott Horton announced it)
Sadly with the Libertarian Party’s closed primary all I can do is nominate a delegate……and I know nobody who wants to go to the (now online) convention to vote for him.
Nice ending Derp. Burn a t should become a meme. My memeing skills are lacking so I will leave it to the professionals.
I was inspired by a meme from 2016. It showed KKK, ISIS, and Antifa side by side. The caption said “if your ideology makes you cover your face, then you are a coward”.
Sorry couldn’t find a good version to link to.
Hmmmmm…..that meme didn’t age well…. Or did it?
Finally get off work after another 12 hour day and come to Glibs to read this. Perfect accompaniment to the beer. Thanks, Derp!
You’re up against some stiff competition, Derp. First thing I saw online this morning was Biden talking about “economic intercourse”.
Fucking the economy is the core of Democrat politics.
Jarflax wins the internet.
Did the economy consent?
#METOO!
Wait… # BELIEVEALLECONOMIES!
They Fed paid her off with sticky wages.
I need ideas for an EDC, open carry. I want small enough I can wear it playing Disc, .22? not a revolver, holster ideas welcome, I’m going shopping tomorrow,
Minimum: .380
Better: 9mm
I like my friend’s Ruger LC9s. 7+1. They are fairly cheap and reliable.
Shoulder holsters are still classy, yet concealable.
Old Faithful Holster has always done me well.
AZ= open carry, which i want more than the firepower, the park can get sketchy at times, and the Bazooka is overkill,
I’ll look into .380, I just dont want a brick strapped to my leg while playing,
Did MoJo ever sell her 380?
MO! got a gun?
Yep, along with my .410.
I looked at a couple shoulder holsters. Most seemed to point either up or back. Both seem sub-optimal.
Yusef, a bunch of us carry the S&W Shield. Cheap, light and reliable.
Noted, we have a large number of guns shops in the area, so I’ll do some hands on, ask questions, probably take a course on safe handling, but this getting old and alone thing has me me concerned, I have the Bazooka, but EDC is a must now,
Thanks
My first handgun was a .38. I loved, loved, loved that thing.
Please consider at least looking at a .357 revolver.
“I looked at a couple shoulder holsters. Most seemed to point either up or back. Both seem sub-optimal.”
I’m fat (“it’s a poor man who cant afford a roof to cover his tool”), so armpit is best for me. Mine is a Galco jackass modified with a holster I made myself. It points back and down.
I’m a fan of 9mm.
I want something on my right thigh, that stays there when I throw,
Tundra, will consider .357, why a revolver I must ask? easier? reliable?
Dead simple. No manipulations to get it ready. Point and pull the trigger. Easy to maintain.
Very nice! I won’t be so reticent to them, they look purty,
I am partial to Clips? Magazines? Load and go kind of thing,
I agree with Tundra on revolvers, but .357 magnum is terrible with a short barrel — way too much flash and report.
You can always load it up with .38 though and take some of the starch out of it. That’s what I love about .357
I don’t know the nomenclature
looks like EC9 is 9mm, LC9 is .380 ?
If you’re buying new and trying to keep this to an absolute minimum but still get the 9mm punch, then EC9 is the answer.
The problem is that tiny backstrap: there’s no room to distribute the recoil. Maybe others can report on how much they get bit shooting that tiny thing.
Again, Don, the Glibs give me things to look for, and look out for, it’s greatly appreciated Sir!
EC9 is the successor to the LC9. Both are 9mm. The LC9s is striker fired and and mostly considered better than the LC9 with the long pull trigger.
The Ruger LCP is .380. Man is that tiny. You can throw it in your pocket like a set of car keys.
/Ruger fanboi
“Ruger LCP is .380,” I want tiny, I’ll get a holster and customize it to fit on my right thigh, and then, Safety Golf!
Oh hell yes!, just what I want, will buy, Thanks Nick!
Without sounding stupid, The 590m is Magazine fed, what goes in an LCP?
Clips? what’s the difference?
6 round magazines
https://ruger.com/products/lcpII/specSheets/3750.html
You’ll want 2 magazines.
Ifn’ ya can’t get done what needs doing with 12 chances, you are probably in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people.
Ill get 4, I’m lazy, when I get my 20 round Mag for the 590, I’ll make a video,
it’s a bazooka.
for the LCP, it’s 4 mags, holster, case, 100’s of ammo rounds, and a new cleaning kit, got my Hoppes,
Several years ago I compiled a chart of muzzle energies for various rounds. This was taken from Federal Arms info and doesn’t include wildcat stuff.
In order of decreasing muzzle energy:
.44 Mag > .357Mag/.357Sig > .45ACP> 10mm > .40S&W > .327Mag > 9mm > .22Mag > .38Spl > .380 > .22LR >.32ACP > .25ACP
The ranking of .22Mag above .38Spl was interesting.
Must be a lot of years ago since it is missing the top of the list 🙂 .500 S&W > .454 Casull > .475 Linebaugh> your list. Never fired a Linebaugh but the Casull feels like hitting a cinderblock with an aluminum bat, from a car going 60. The .500 is actually pretty easy on the wrist due to its weight.
It was complied as a reference for me, just thought I would pass it along.
A buddy offered his .44Mag at a shoot. After three rounds I handed it back to him, “No thanks”.
On the other hand, I love the “whump” from my .357Mag.
Fired the .500 SW at one of those machine gun ranges in Vegas.
At 10 rounds, the recoil got me in the shoulder/triceps more than the wrist.
Would not be my choice of gun if a bear were charging, because it is an unruly and heavy beast.
I find that one even more interesting.
I don’t buy the .45ACP> 10mm.
.45 and .40S&W are almost identical in momentum (mass vice speed), and 10mm is basically a .40 magnum.
A typical .45 is going ~700-900 fps and a 10mm is going 12-1500 fps
Yeah, I owned a Colt Delta waaaay back in the day (it was stolen). So, I’m not fully convinced of that numerical order.
I just read about a Ruger LCPII in .22 if that is what you want to carry. 10+1 in a size where .380 would be 6 rounds. Small and concealable.
If you’re open carry, though, Ruger-57 is a gun chambered in 5.7X28 (think .22 Maximum). Very similar to the FN FiveseveN that I have but at about half the price. Has the stopping power of 9mm or .45 in a very accurate and fast round.
These are both new guns, but I love my FN, but it’s a little too big for EDC if you’re carrying concealed.
Hey Mojeaux, if you want a simple, no-knead bread recipe, my mom’s French bread is easy. The link is here: https://www.glibertarians.com/2019/11/3rd-annual-glib-community-thanksgiving-recipe-post/
Thank you, Tulip! I’ll give it a whirl.
I made this this weekend: https://leitesculinaria.com/99521/recipes-jim-laheys-no-knead-bread.html
I think it is damn fine, but for some reason it doesn’t sell with the female contingent in my household, and I am trying to avoid carbs.
My neighbor who bakes bread weekly was impressed.
That looks good too! You do need to plan ahead, though for the 12-18 hour rise
You do but it is less than 10 minutes active time towards delicious (to me, even though carbs are my nemesis) bread.
Mrs. pistoffnick was not impressed with the bread or the expensive butter I bought to go with it.
Then again she regularly eats bland popcorn for supper.
What do I know?
I’m impressed too. I don’t eat a lot of bread but that’s what I would eat. Reminds me of some I had in France years ago.
I don’t really care if someone makes my mom’s recipe or something else, but I will note that my mom’s recipe is from her French landlady back in the 1950s. Mom lived in France for about 4 years. So I think of it as authentically French, as it is what a French housewife actually made in the 1950s.
Hmmm.
Pics?
My mom is 89. Really?! You want pics?
GGILF’s are a thing. I thought there was no kink shaming here.
Of the bread. Sheesh, we’re old farts here.
I’ve never said I wouldn’t link shame. And if you’re fantasizing about my mom, I will kink shame you.
Look, are you going to give us the pictures or not?
Seriously.
I’m a little surprised, Tulip!
Seriously, though, I hope mom is doing well.
I am all about results for effort, my mom’s recipe is low effort, good results. So is the recipe pistoffnick linked. So, make what works for you.
I’ll probably try that Jim Lahey recipe when I have yeast.
I thought it was this guy’s recipe and I was scared.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7g8VAu6LKs
Hi, Tulip. I have a couple of questions about that recipe. I’m not a baker, so if my questions are stupid, forgive me.
It calls for a pkg of yeast. Is there a specific size, or does yeast only come in one size?
It’s not in the ingredients list, but in the directions it calls for cornmeal on top of the loaves. Corn is American, not native to France. Is this something your mom added, and what is the purpose?
“Comrade Rainbow Manatee”
LOL
Larry Correia wants a word.
Good stuff, Derpie!
Like the Bee, though, it’s tough to tell if it’s real or not.
Got a better title for this?
Are you of the body?
Junchic?
Something like that. Maybe Karen Yo Un. Or go a different direction: “Thot Experiment”.
“You’re right, people WILL die.
Every breath you take
A sneak peak at the next installment: Democrats Propose Lowering Retirement Age to 18.
It would reduce inequality *and* increase diversity among retirees!
That’s supposed to be satire? Give ’em a few years.
“In the Carboniferous Epoch we were promised abundance for all,
By robbing selected Peter to pay for collective Paul;
But, though we had plenty of money, there was nothing our money could buy,
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings said: “If you don’t work you die.”
I wish I could tattoo this on the forehead of every progressive I meet……yeah, yeah, not very NAP of me, I know.
I think the best way to cure progressives would be to put a bunch of them on an island. That experiment was quite entertaining with feminist subjects:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2ZFDQiP4jM
I think the best way to cure progressives would be to put a bunch of them on an island
That’s sorta been tried, not always on islands though. Never seems to work out for some reason. Yet commies still walk among us.
Let’s go back to nature!
Nature is unfair!
“But contrary to evidence the wymnz are way better at everything than those poopy-head boys.”
Yeah, sure they are, until big daddy government goes away. Sorry ladies, you are better at a lot of things, but you still need us. Yeah, I know we wouldn’t wash our hair with all the drinking water just to look nicer, but…
I knew a uber progressive (yet surprisingly sweet and normal seeming) girl who said about as much as her rationale for her political beliefs; ‘I can’t compete with you so the only way I’ll ever get a fair shake is if there is big government’. it was shockingly honest if somewhat sad that she places so little faith in her own abilities.
She also said “libertarianism makes perfect sense if you are a white male”
So, if you’re not a white male, you want to be a slave. Got it.
Let’s talk when progressives champion school choice.
‘Massa treat me real good. He gib me food, he gib me a bed, he only whip me when I be bad.’
There is probably a lot to unpack there in regard to feminism…….for all the ‘you go gurl!!’ out there in our culture there seems to be an underlying belief that women can only have agency if someone is putting a thumb on the scales for them. That’s pretty damn misogynistic.
Behold the glory that is Life of Julia, saved by grace of the Great and Powerful O:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqBjXP8RKho
For some reason, the original is hard to find. It was last seen heading for the memory hole.
In basic training, we had to camp outside a few times. There were about 120 guys and 80 gals in our bunch. The guys pitched their tents no problem, even though the drill sergeants told us to take them down and move them 3 times. The gals put up their tents about half as fast and with twice as much noise.
I was pragmatic enough to know that there was a lot of practical knowledge I was missing, so married an extremely handy man who filled in all the gaps. Build a deck or wire in a new outlet? He’s on it. Cook a fabulous meal regardless of the location, sew or mend something? That’s on me. (I roasted a turkey for christmas dinner over a campfire last year.) We balance each other out, which is as it should be. It’s one of the reasons the feminists irritated me. I don’t want to do it all by myself, I’d rather be part of well constructed team.
Lemongrenade:
Yep. It’s almost as if were designed to function like that. Who knew? Just another example of how antithetical to nature so much of these trash ideologies are. It really does all come back to Copybook Headings.
married an extremely handy man who filled in all the gaps
Seriously… are we not doing phrasing anymore?
I fail at phrasing every time, but in this case it’s accurate, so I’ll just own it.
Bear Grylls replicated the results of the above experiment:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1x5IqnT160o
The comments are gold. My wife doesn’t think they’re funny. Odd, that.
“Day 10th men reinvented tv and are now watching the super ball.
Day 10th women are still introducing themselves”
Sorry ladies but thats fucking hilarious.
http://archive.li/B59Qm/7f17bcb6a986d36038fa51ee742ac698caf2a264.jpg
NSFW.
http://archive.li/6D4eP/d507de09eb42588cdd8f7d7948bc01a54fb743ba.jpg
NSFW.
http://archive.li/Dz1I2/a0a27419e0d48859d8578500bcd02ea6219ac011.jpg
NSFW.
http://archive.li/zY4lS/fd3eb589acbdb8708a0f27a86f34d72c5fa22821.jpg
NSFW.
Nice….smile!
Young Q discovers boobs, artist’s depiction:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihb7vEce9cc
Thanks to Q and HM links, I had an intense panic attack today. My kid asked me if she could use my computer for the first time ever for her online lesson. Not sure if I accidentally downloaded or bookmarked some stuff.
“Listen honey, daddy’s computer has important…business stuff on it. It’s very easy to break. You wouldn’t want daddy lose his job, would you? Now run along and play with your octopus.”
When this all started & my wife wanted to use my computer, it was quickly “here, honey, let me make another account for you so my stuff isn’t in your way”
*insert gif of dude tapping his forehead*
I still remember back in the early days, you know those heady days when there was HM’s Thicc Thursday and all that?
I clicked on one of those and my wife walked right up behind me. She says ‘hmm, who’s she? I said ‘I dunno, it’s Glibertarians’.
Oddly, the same thing just happened like 2 days ago when I rarely clicked one of Q’s NSFW links and the first pic was a chick with a pretty plump ass. My wife says ‘hmm, who’s she?’. I said ‘I dunno, it’s Glibertarians’. She says something like ‘Aye aye aye, Mr. Hyperion, aye aye aye, merda!’. Or something and walks off.
One day I’m going to get into trouble cause you assholes.
Nothing beats the moving picture.
Jeebus. I dindunuthin.
I, too, prefer the luxury model.
See these are all perfectly reasonably sized well shape breasts. It is possible.
2 >4>3>1
Glad you took this up Derp. I wanted to do similar with a potoshopped news bits based, on contests I’d entered at Cracked, but photoshop takes a lot of time and the news gets hard to parody these days.
Derp would do his work a favor by dressing up his articles like that. But how long ago in internet years was that the hot new thing to do?
I was doing those in 2015/2016.
Pretty sure it’ll get you kicked off the internet for being a Russian troll.
Yeah, I stopped participating at Cracked when TDS struck. Before Fake Newz was cause de jour, probably just a coincidence that site tanked shortly there after. ‘How dare the other satire sites make satire news like we just did!? They must be Rushuns!!!1111111!!!’
@Mojeaux – just finished 1520 Main and it was great! Loved the conclusion. And now, off to try out Elmer Gantry (finally).
Yay!!!!
And now you know where the Two Rules Sermon comes from and how THAT family turned into Mormons.
With that in mind….since your church sends out missionaries- how many people do you think you pull just off the street?
No idea. Maybe…none?
But remember, a Mormon bishop is charged with the temporal welfare of everyone in his ward (parish) boundaries, not just the members. Pretty sure more people would come in off the street if they knew that. Some of them might find comfort and stay.
It’s not just the missionaries. The members themselves are so nice and friendly and eager to help out that they suck you in. That’s how my parents both joined. I remember my dad used to joke about how confused he was when one of his friends invited him to a ‘stake conference’ and he was all, ‘what, that’s a barbecue?’
I kind of liked that it wasn’t a huge religious conversion at the end. Do any of your other books in the series go further into the history of Trey and Marina, and let me know how they and their children turned out?
Well, you know how Trudy turned out. ?
The youngest daughter Marina and Trey had, who is also named Marina, is Sebastian’s executive assistant.
Otherwise, the other 7 girls turned out just fine. Belinda spawned Morgan. Harriet spawned Victoria and Étienne. Dianne spawned Sebastian. Lilly spawned Giselle. Trudy spawned Knox (and Eilis).
Ah ha! Once I’m done with Elmer Gantry, I’ll have to dive into the rest of the series. It’s been a really good diversion for me.
I do have extras, but mention of the parents and Trey and Marina are sparse.
ESPN just now:
“Boone hits it to deep left. That might send the Yankees to the World Series. Boone a hero in Game 7.”
I can’t even watch that, though it lead to the title of a beloved website I haunted for years, “Surviving Grady”.
And, while they did indeed go to the World Series, it didn’t work out for the Yanks.
And the next year… oh, the next year was special. “Don’t let us win tonight.”
Anyone ever read “Alongside Night”? I listened to an audible sample, which was atrocious, but because of the narration, not the content.
Good book? Worthwhile read?
Amazon tells me I bought it on December 18, 2015.
I read it, but without prompts I can’t tell you a fucking thing about it.
But that just could be early onset dementia.
I did like this one, though.
Thanks!! Saved to my wish list
You know who else…
You know that the Hassidim are not going to stop because de Commio tells them to. It’s going to be an exceptionally bad look for NYPD to be frog marching a bunch of Ortho Jews into the paddy wagon.
The hate directed at the Hassidic community and anti-vax community at large has me ready to say ‘fuck vaccines.’ It’s not that I don’t believe they work, it’s not that I don’t think many of them are the safe course of action, but the people foaming at the mouth to see the government force others into taking them ruffles my libertarian feathers.
And its going to be really interesting to see this war escalate if they develop a COVID-19 vaccine, regardless of whether it works or not. You know there will be a huge contingent of Karens and pols eager to hold those jews down and force vaccinate them.
If there are too many for the squad cars they can use trains…
That sounds like verbiage straight from the NSDAP. Old Heydrich himself could not do better.
Hebrew Hammer 2?
Pretty sure that the NY (((community))) is pretty staunch supporters of the politicians who are threatening to do this stuff.
Chasidim? No way.
There are multiple (((communities))). The one that this sort of thing is targeting voted 80% for Trump (just a rough proxy, I know).
He’s loving this shit.
de Blasio is good at reminding me, “our mayor could be worse”. Not by a whole lot, but he could be.
They re-imagined that government could keep people poor and obedient for over a decade until another crisis forced them unleash freedom. This time they won’t let that war part happen.
Wow, I thought that was not particularly good parody. I had to click in to confirm it was actually his account.
I can’t even…
https://pjmedia.com/news-and-politics/victoria-taft/2020/04/28/insanity-wash-state-came-one-vote-away-from-releasing-green-river-serial-killer-so-he-wouldnt-get-wuhan-virus-n386043
Progland NW tries to free the most prolific serial killer in US history but comes up ONE VOTE short in the Star Chamber.
‘Hey! Did he kill as many people as Corona!? I didn’t think so! Fucking Drumf!’
Even if he gets out and kills like 300 people in a week, it wouldn’t matter, cause the virus!
We always knew they would go this retarded. They went this retarded.
And there still is no such thing as peak derp, is there?
But he’s old now!! He surely no longer has the energy to troll for prostitutes, strangle them to death and then defile their dead bodies any more, right? We should just let it go, because he’s more likely to get bat soup flu in lockdown inside prison, than he is to get it in lockdown outside of prison.
I don’t understand people.
You never lose the passion for murdering prostitutes if you have it.
I’m sure you never lose the passion, but don’t you at some point lose the relative strength? Then again, all those days in the prison yard, he could have been keeping himself fit for the day he could escape like Ted Bundy did.
Viagra and alcohol are things. Not bad things per se, but things.
Yeah, OK. Bill Cosby is old. And I think it’s a damn disgrace what they are doing to that guy. He’s old. He drugged someone and took advantage of them, if it’s true, that’s bad. But he’s no threat to society. That’s not exactly the same as murdering 70 people.
The Washington state government is full of completely insane people. They may be more dangerous than the serial killer. Lock them up with him.
I actually disagreed with the whole Bill Cosby shit. There should be a statute of limitations on that stuff, but I’m fine with no statute of limitations on murdering over 70 people. I actually disagree with letting prisoners out of prison just for wuflu at all. Let them out because they engaged in victimless crimes, but keep the violent ones in. But I would have let them out for the victimless crimes in the absence of wuflu, too.
“Let them out because they engaged in victimless crimes, but keep the violent ones in.”
Yep. In fact, let’s not wait on another Pooh B Flu to clear our prisons of victimless crime inmates, let’s just do it because it’s the right thing to do.
I don’t know. I think raping a bunch of woman, some in the statute of limitations that do exist already, is grounds for imprisonment. I don’t get the argument otherwise. He’s old and didn’t get caught sooner so there should be no punishment? If some 30 year old rapist or pedophile agrees to castrate himself is he off the hook?
Asking….for a friend?
That was very well done Derp, very “Bee-like”.
STFU up, Tulpa!
Fuck! on top of Corona! , having to deal with lay-offs and not getting my unemployment worked out yet, just heard the tell-tale sound of a pine/rat snake imitating a rattler in my ceiling. Fuck sake!
Dude…its not a rattler where you live. Chill.
That’s why I said it was imitating one. It’s still fucking annoying walking into a room and finding a snake, or having it drop from the ceiling and having to coral it.
There’s only one way to be sure. get your shotgun and start blasting it through the ceiling!
Burn the house down and collect the insurance money.
I would do that. That’s why I no longer have a shotgun.
I once shot a wasp with a shotgun. My grandma was pissed that I blew away one of her windchimes. Oops.
Nuke it from orbit!
More annoying than anything, they always seem to make their way into the house when I’m drunk, which makes dealing with them harder.
Drunk is cool- when you stay sober for a couple days and start seeing snakes all over, its time for some ativan.
/heard from a friend
I thought it was spiders?
You watched that MASH episode.
Sober…Is that a French word? Latin maybe?…Either way it’s not a word I know.
Why am I picturing something akin to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFRtzGuktfU ?
Burn the place down and use the insurance money to get yourself a studio in New York or Chicago or another big city and there won’t be snakes there
Great video from PragerU featuring Anna Paulina Luna, my favorite congressional candidate? But has FL completed it’s primary? I dont understand if she has won her primary race or its pending. (?)
We need this lady in our govt.
https://youtu.be/V4mUAjGTiQI
On one hand, Mexicans aren’t people.
On the other hand, would.
I’m so confused.
I skipped forward when she talked about her dad using drugs, is she therefore a ‘drug’ warrior? ‘People like me’ fuck I hate that. Also, crying is a sign of weakness, man or woman. If you can be moved to tears so quickly, you really shouldn’t be in a position of power.
Dude, she is > AOC. By lightyears.
/Hell ya, “would”
Never said otherwise, still doesn’t mean she’s good. (also, AOC actually hits my visuals buttons better, but we’re talking about substance, right?)
Nope. I mean, if you’re a nostril fan, AOC’s your man….er, WO-man. 😉
But Comrade McBony’s politics just seem to ooze into her visage, from what I can see. As far as drugs, she can come around (ahem) on them.
I consider staunchly pro 2A a “good” candidate at this point; low bar and all.
Plus she pays lip service to other liberty causes, and she is very skeptical of the whole shutdown thing, so I’d vote for her given the chance.
Confident in betting that she would be in handful of “good” people in Congress if she won.
Yo GT- they’re back, baybay!
https://postimg.cc/GBpZ3bJQ
Yessir! Large thin-crust pepperoni for dinner and a Chicken Harvest Salad for my lunch tomorrow! Pickup was reportedly a bit of an adventure – a whole buncha cars in a very small lot, coming at the pickup window from two different driveways. Obviously lotsa pent-up demand!
I’m glad they pulled thru…..the lawnmower place at Shiloh and 48 says “out of business”. I used to buy little stuff from them.
Thank G_d that the LA Lakers got a FedGov bailout, but now I need to find a new place to buy Stihl parts.
Trump to reporter: “That’s why nobody knows who you are, including me.”
He knows you knew we didn’t know who Trump also didn’t know.
He only knew that you would know that he knew. Did you know that?
Apt.
Aww, dang!
Greg Kinnear at his best, IMO
So apparently the new thing XY is into is watching Forensic Files with me late at night, since we’re both night owls.
Aww, that’s sweet.
He’s not….like, taking notes, is he?
/from INSIDE the house!!!
1. Burn the clothes.
2. Act sad
3. Cry a lot.
4. …profit?
If it were OT times, #4 could be “…prophet?”
The roofing business can be rough business, but Bob grew it into a multi million dollar business. *Cut to wedding photo* That’s when he met Susan. *Cut to “Welcome to shithole small town* What none of the people in this small town knew, would shock them. *Dramatic music*
You left out where he was a womanizing drunk, that beat her.
I like the show ‘The First 48’.
I also always liked that show ‘Unsolved Mysteries’. My daughter and I used to watch every episode of that back when I still had kids in the house.
No mystery why though. It’s my analytical nature. My dream job is probably homicide detective. Although there’s probably not one that pays enough. Maybe after I retire I can get my geezer on with that.
But I over analyze everything to the point that it drives my wife crazy. I’ve actually gotten better at it now and try to keep it focused on work.
Just one more thing…
Hmmm, well, my wife will not like that either.
We all think we’d be John Rebus.
F to the A, my man. And, while I do love me some Dennis Farina, Robert Stack ruled that show.
/RIP to the both of ’em
Robert Stack.
there must be an interested behind it. You are being prepped.
Given my rate of saving before the government fucked me out of steady work, I would have amassed more than $1200 in my excess accounts. But instead I’ve gotten paid once in the last three weeks. Promises of riches untold through un-employment have not materialized because I’m also self-employed, even though that was worked out when I went unemployment before I got this job. The Trump Bux (TM) site still says it has no fucking clue. After spending 17 years putting other people before myself I finally moved on to an ‘adult’ job and got fucked over.
I overheard a random comment today from someone that said try entering your address in “ALL CAPS” when inputting on the TrumpBux site (I assume that’s the IRS “wheres my payment”-or-whatever site)
I got mine direct deposit into my checking acct, so idk.
Sorry to hear, bro. If it makes you feel better, almost all of us are feeling the pain and being fucked over.
Today was the first day I checked the IRS site for Trumpbux and actually got a ‘You’re eligible for this’ message and was able to put in my 2019 tax info and bank info and then got a message to check back to see when I will get my direct deposit. So don’t give up on that, keep checking back.
But yeah, losing thousands in the stock market and losing 2 clients for now, as well as no way to get an increase in compensation from my remaining client this year, or any bonus, that sucks ballz. I’m pissed.
You did file your 2019 return, right? If so, I cannot fathom why there would be a wait for you. Hell ours went in first thing (7 am-ish) on C-day.
*Check Day/Collapse Day
If your 2019 return has not yet processed yet, I think it caused a delay. But you should eventually get a message if you’re eligible and enter the data for your return. That worked for me. If people were smart, unlike me, and filed their return early before this shit happened, they probably already have their money.
We did, and we do. So, I do believe you are right (after just that one data point).
And the good thing is, if for a married couple, you made under 150K in 2018, even if you made 3 billion in 2019, you will still qualify, I think. I didn’t make 3 billion last year, but it still worked!
I didn’t file for 2019 yet. I was still trying to figure out Patreon money along with the other self-employment and how to not have to pay in, then the shit hit the fan and I was too pissed and they extended 2019 to July.
That may be the hold-up. Or, possibly, a combination of things. I’ll shoot you an email.
You know anything about doing a 709?
Me? Heck no–I haven’t touched a tax form in…I guess 15 years. Wife’s the one with the MBA and a finance-based job, so taxes are supposed to be her area. When I did, all I ever did was a 1040-EZ, with maybe one or two years with some extras to consider (back when I was 18-19).
Yeah, I sort of had a similar problem. I didn’t file 2019 yet, but I filed the estimated. I have to do a 709 because I gave someone a gift of equity last year. That form is crazy ass complicated and I don’t want to fuck it up.
But like I said, using your 2018 return will get you the Trumpbux if you qualified.
I filed 2018, but the site just spits out ‘unable to compute’ kind of gibberish.
As far as I can tell, you should qualify if you filed the 2018 return. When’s the last time you checked. I checked it yesterday and got the same BS, but today it worked.
I checked today. The site still threw it’s hands up and said ‘I don’t fuckin know’
I have not filed 2019* and I received mine with zero input from me. I have used the same checking acct for 10+ years and have several years of tax returns direct deposited into this acct, so I assume that’s why it went smoothly for me.
*I really should file, I should get like a 1k return, but laziness and all. So… July 14th night to do my taxes? 🙂
ditto, except I sort of have an excuse because I have to file a 709 and no idea yet now to not fuck it up.
What are you filling out paper forms like a madman? Don’t you use TurboTax or something similar like a normal human?
Note: I say this as a former professional tax preparer for a store that may or may not be H&R Block.
Honestly, those companies should really make a “self-service” modal, where folks can come in, complete the tax returns in-store using their proprietary software, which is much better than TurboTax, with “tax advisors” roaming from user to user to answer questions as users fill in their own data.
I use Taxact. I have for years. I’ve actually done my own taxes for probably 20 years, except for the businesses I’ve owned.
You can’t file a 709 online. They have to be mailed in.
So, professional tax preparer. I’d appreciate it if you tell me how I can do a 709 online? You know, cause no one else knows how.
*former* professional tax preparer. I dont give a fuck anymore 🙂
Fun fact: My colleague and I would often discuss questions and a few times we would both call the IRS and receive different answers. So, truth is, just depends on who at the IRS looks at your shit.
Fair enough. But there’s no way to file a 709 online, you have to mail it. That much is not going to change, at least not this year. Just don’t give one person over 15K in a gift of equity in a single year and you don’t even have to file. After that you are still good up to 5 million without any tax liability for it. You still have to file, by mail, ugh.
I meant to add: So just give it your best shot at filing the 709 and you should be fine. They (the IRS) are probably not sure either.
If police don’t actually have to KNOW the laws they enforce, and can just give it a reasonable guesstimate, how can we expect more from the IRS?
“So just give it your best shot at filing the 709”
You might want to take a look at that form before you make that call. I’m going to try it, but I might have to get help. I’ll take care of that later, we still have to July 15.
Challange accepted! (If I remember) I’ll take a look at it and let ya know. I do have a knack for bureaucracy.
Same – dragging my feet since I owe a fuckton. Paid a professional for the first time, since I wasn’t sure I got it right; I got the answer today – I owe the same (plus several hundred to the CPA).
While I feel slightly better for having a pro confirming it, it’ll be back to doing my own taxes next year.
…This is what steams my hams…I’ve made less than $12,000 a year for the last 5 years and had to get creative on my taxes to not pay in, because part of that was self-employment, and everyone working a shit job around me got thousands in ‘returns’. And they think that’s how it should be, because they get that check every year. Fucksake.
You shouldn’t owe any taxes if you made 12K in a year. 1099 stuff, you have to file it quarterly or you get fucked. But you probably should be getting money back even though you don’t owe anything at 12K. It’s the self employed thing. You have to get someone to help you, it’s not like filing a 1040EZ.
No, I file schedule C, and I owe because SS and such, unless I can claim a loss on the small bit that was self-employment income.
Oh, you’re saying you didn’t withhold the SS for yourself on your quarterly self employed income? Yeah, that will happen.
Yeah, for that under $5,000 that I make I don’t withhold, most people I know that ‘get returns’ don’t even report those amounts, but I know I’m the guy that would get fucked for not doing that.
How do their returns affect yours? Or, are you saying they’re giving you shit for how you file?
No, I’m saying all the poor folk around me who have taxes withheld think it’s great that the govment is givin them money. They’re all waiting to ‘get their tax return’ rather than worrying about paying taxes.
You should talk to some of the perpetual welfare couples who haven’t worked for years, and collect every conceivable government benefit even though the are perfectly able to work.
I used to have a friend who went down that track. Last time I talked to him, he hadn’t worked in 5 years, was married and his wife stopped working also. They were in their 30s, nothing wrong with either of them. They then proceeded to have 3 kids in the next 5 years.
The guy started bragging to me about how he was getting such a big tax return that year and how much bigger it would be because they popped out another baby. I asked him how much taxes he paid last year. He said ‘Man, I can’t work, you know my back and all’. I said ‘how are you getting a tax return when you didn’t pay any taxes?’. Where is that coming from? He said ‘the government’. I said ‘the only money the government has is what they stole from me. You want to share that return I gave you?’.
Last time I talked to that guy.
Heh. Good on you, and, good riddance (it seems).
My Reagan, Fuck Yeah! mom has become one of those. She won’t marry her boyfriend, because that would stop her getting checks from the VA and SS from my dead dad, and she still tries to say she’s a conservative catholic.
So, it’s the Government’s fault…! I mean, she’s not wrong about that very surface realization. But, yeah, it’s infuriating to see that kind of contortion
Worse is, before my dad died, one of his friends had a girlfriend who wouldn’t marry him because she’d lose her VA and SS bennies and my mom made fun of them for not being serious.
Any chance you’ll do that to her and her beau?
“Oh, mom–he’s just a boy-toy! If he wasn’t surely you’d marry him…”
I keep my mouth shut around people, but yes, it has caused a schism between my mother and I. We used to talk every day, but her behavior has disrupted not only my life, but the rest of the families since then. It has been less than a year after all since we found out my oldest sister was the result of an affair before my parents even married.
Oh man. I can relate. I got a msg from a girl on FB. She was my first wife’s daughter, who was obviously conceived while I was married to her. After DNA testing, she wasn’t my daughter, but oddly, she was a distant cousin. We had a common ancestor, in the not too distant past. My only thought was… where the fuck was I? Oh, working 3rd shift in a printing plant. Nice. Love is eternal, or until I go to work. Fucking cunt.
so what is an excess account?
A savings account, that is where I have my check deposited. I take out my budgeted amount to pay bills and have fun, the rest is excess to be saved for later.
Night, kids
Talls Can dreamz, bro!
Woke up at 7 today… weirdly late for me and dunno why cause yesterday was quite ordinary.
Of well got me coffee and I think i wont do much work today.
Good morning gliberati
Go to sleep vampire, it’s dark outside!
GM, Pie–just dealing with a late night hail storm over here.
Nothing to see–move along.
eh as long as it is reasonable sized hail, not assault hail.
As I keep saying we could really use some rain around here (pass on the ice part)
Well…
It’s not me, but the campuses that I have to worry about. The PTB for the District get very touchy about inclement weather, students or not.
WHile I have no idea of the size of that coin, that lookes like some helluva hail
I’m gonna guess that the hail is roughly golf-ball sized, based on what I can see there.
Nice coke nail.
Vampires put out holy water soaked garlic and it makes the hail evaporate in the sky. Duh!
That is quite the line of thunderstorms running from Texas to the Great Lakes!
Hope you don’t have hail damage.
Thank ya, ma’am ?
It seems like it was far more tame than that hail pic would suggest (came from a local news website). The warnings have run their course, and all we got was rain and wind (I think). Of course, I just hope that I don’t get to the end of my shift to find that various college buildings and cars around the county got pelted. As far as I know, my house is fine.
Gas at the gas station by work is 99 cents. I watched a guy pull gas can after gas can out his truck. He bought 150 gallons of gas. Don’t ask me how I that, or I’ll
have to kill yousneeze on you.Wait…how many transactions was that? Or, did he pay cash?
I mean, uh…how the hell would you know?!? ::covers up in XXL Kleenex::
The day before someone drove off after pumping more than that…I can’t tell you anymore unless I kill you.
I just see so many pumps that limit the amount that can be either charged on a single card, or, can be pumped. So, that seems so weird.
Ooooooh….now I get why NJ and OR demand full-service gas! So all the criminal citizenry can’t be thievin’ like that.’
Oh, only crazy people have pre-pay pumps here, we’re all nice folk, except those meth-heads from illinois.
ExcellentNot-bad band name.If I had a gas generator, or even plenty of storage space, I’d be stocking up right now.
Was it Mac from Always Sunny in Philadelphia?
It couldn’t be–this guy apparently had actual gas cans.
I don’t even live in PineSylvania!?
This is fucking great. Don’t worry, ain’t nothing wrong with me, I’m perfectly sane.
I’m going straight to hell
I’m partial to this one – https://youtu.be/nfxMfkVbjq8
角隠し．(The period in Japanese is a small circle, not a dot)
The Japanese word “tsuno” is “horn” in English and “kakushi” is “hiding”, respectively. The name indicates many women seem to secretly have horns of onis（refer to #090) as a metaphor for the rage to their spouses.
So…like, Nth-level passive-aggressive trolling your hubby? Am I understanding that correctly?
Maybe not so passive now? Good news everybody!
https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2020/04/26/national/social-issues/coronavirus-divorce-tokyo-marriage-japan/#.Xqkm68plChD
No sense of urgency?? Yeah, a mini-vacay is totes gonna smooth that shit right out.
Good idea.
Everybody needs nobody, sometimes…
Mornin’, ye early-risers.
A song to gently soothe you into the day.
Mornin’, JD! Thanks for the song! Loves me some LBM! We just had a quick shower pass over. Is it raining where you are?
This came up next. Very cool! Thanks again!
I know it’s a chestnut but I’ve been partial to this one since forever – https://youtu.be/e0TInLOJuUM
Good morning.
https://www.reddit.com/r/sydney/comments/g8ryll/spotted_this_gem_in_marrickville/
Nasty. ?
Maybe the phantom shitter is afraid to go near a place called “Banana Joe’s”. Sounds kinda STEVE SMITH-like.
So I just had my 30 minute work break when the sun hits a corner of the balcony and I sit there and have Pie’s patent quarantine cocktail.
Gin and Chloraquine?
I’m going to notify your supervisor.
Karen.
?
https://www.politico.com/news/2020/04/28/andrew-yang-lawsuit-new-york-primary-217349
??
Ohio’s scheduled mid-March primary was changed to mail-in ballots that were due yesterday. The big local news station has been posting results. Oddly (ahem,) so far they are showing 0 votes for Trump.
Gee, maybe some of the folks who think the current panic-demic lockdown is just peachy will start waking up when the effects start to hit academia.
No word about how many of those affected were “diversity” and/or grievance studies staff.
Mornin’ GT! Wifey’s company is going to half time because of flight reductions but still maintaining full-time wages for all affected. How much longer can this insanity go on? My pay check got a three hundred dollar bump, take home because “Hero”. Open it up.
Retail in OH is supposed to open back up May 12th, and happily, the Gov backed down from the originally-announced requirement that everybody – even folks who’ve been working through the shutdown – wear masks. I was all set to put in for two weeks vacation starting that day just to avoid the indignity.
I’ve still got a bunch of bandannas in the back of the drawer that I used to wear under the hard-hat. Sadly they don’t have any piquant messaging, just cowboy-looking. They’ll do if it comes to that. Nobody is wearing masks or gloves up here.
One would hope that is where they would start, but it’s too optimistic to expect it.
By the power of Grayskull!!!!!
https://bangordailynews.com/2020/04/28/up-beat/up-beat-how-he-man-began-delivering-curbside-food-to-customers-in-levant/
There’s an older Sikh gentleman that lives in Shi-Pa-Town that has been cooking free meals for the denizens for years now. He went from twice a week to five times. You almost never hear about this sort of thing. Believe me, Shi-Pa-Town is like a bad Rez. Burned out buildings, kids out in the middle of the night, shootings etc. Little Detroit. Cops don’t go there unless they get an urgent call.
Fake nooz. Antifa has always been lily-white.
Unless your surname is “Huxtable” or “Obama” I’m not featuring too many LARPERS of color.