Saturday Morning Hot Hot Hot Links

by | Apr 25, 2020 | Daily Links | 360 comments

It was a rough week, but SP vanquished the squirrels. Our home page image is proof.

Yes, Hell here. 101 today, 108 tomorrow. What the actual fuck. IT’S APRIL.

Birthdays, yes, let’s review them. We have a guy whose execution was a bit odd; a guy who was rather bottled up; a guy who was electrifying; a guy who was rather exclusive; arguably the greatest American female vocalist; a guy who was in a disproportionate number of my favorite movies; the one and only Apu; and an Easter Island statue.

News next.

 

Mr. Rogers is about to be CANCELED.

 

“His condition is stable.”

 

The passing of a true baseball legend.

 

Pediatrician is asshole.

 

Brits are getting as pissed off as we are.

 

Northwest Baltimore?

 

Wasn’t this in Caddyshack?

 

 

Old Guy Music is a shout out to an even Older Guy, the one and only Fourscore. Yes, it’s youngsters and recently done, but it’s true to the music of his youth. And fucking excellent.

 

About The Author

Old Man With Candy

Old Man With Candy

Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me. Wait, wrong book, I'll find something else.

360 Comments

  1. Shpip

    “The difficult decision to maintain the restriction of the number of mourners attending funerals to six – which has the support of all the political groups on Birmingham City Council – was not made by our staff.”

    Well, don’t make your staff enforce it then, either.

    • Tonio

      It would be a shame if one of those council employees fell into a nearby, convenient hole.

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        Convenient hole. Is that what Brits call a woodchipper?

      • Ted S.

        To be fair, those “convenient holes” are likely open graves.

      • Atanarjuat

        STEVE SMITH CALL HIKER CONVENIENT HOLE

  2. PieInTheSky

    Yes, Hell here. 101 today, 108 tomorrow. What the actual fuck. IT’S APRIL. – next week on the 1st may weekend romanian youths traditionally go to the seaside to party, irrespective of the weather. It is going to be 28 and sunny, and no one will be able to go

    • Old Man With Candy

      If Romanian youths don’t rebel and go anyway, they’re worthless.

    • Ted S.

      At 28 the sea is going to be mighty cold but not frozen since salt water freezes at temperatures much lower than 32.

      • hayeksplosives

        He’s talking about those fancy Celsius degrees.

  3. PieInTheSky

    It was a rough week, but SP vanquished the squirrels. – ish

  4. Festus

    Tuba Skinny is always solid! I dig the pupper finding a flea!

    • Festus

      ETA your excellent links always make me feel less than. I was never going to be anything special but it sucks to live in mediocrity. My talent seems to be “getting along”. Pouring oil on raging waters, as it were. Plus being handy with a mop.

  5. PieInTheSky

    Pediatrician is asshole. – if you make nasks cool enough kids will want to wear them all the time

    • Sean

      Masks are so last week. Kids should be putting plastic bags over their heads.

      • Ted S.

        They should be putting the bags over the politicians’ heads.

    • Pope Jimbo

      One of the Altar Boys wore his Power Ranger costume from Halloween as his PJ’s for a year (and would wear them outside if we let him). That included the plastic mask that came with it, So, yeah it wouldn’t be too hard to get him to wear a Power Ranger mask.

  6. Ted S.

    The passing of a true baseball legend.

    From the article:

    Dalkowski had been in assisted living for 26 years because of alcoholic dementia.

    Sure it’s a coronavirus death….

    • Festus

      He’s my spirit animal.

    • The Hyperbole

      A person with alcoholic dementia often has:
      poor planning and organisational skills, and problems with decision-making, judgement and risk assessment
      problems with impulsivity (eg rash financial decisions) and difficulty controlling emotions (eg irritability or outbursts)
      problems with attention and slower reasoning
      lack of sensitivity to the feelings of other people
      behaviour which is socially inappropriate.

      Welp, I’m fucked.

      • Trials and Trippelations

        I don’t know the Glib board looked pretty organized to me

      • Festus

        Me, in a nut shell. What to do, what to do…

      • TARDIS

        Now if I could just disability payments for it.

      • mindyourbusiness

        Sounds like he could have had a great political career…

  7. Tejicano

    “His condition is stable.”

    The country, on the other hand…

    • Tejicano

      He’s been out of sight for over two weeks – I’ve been speculating for few days that he has reached room temperature. If we’re lucky the transition will be uneventful – hopefully with a warming to the outside world.

      • Atanarjuat

        We’ve lost a lot of good things from all this stupidity. Some forever. It would be nice to find the silver lining was freeing an entire nation from slavery.

      • Tejicano

        Sorry, I don’t really have much of an opinion on Japanese politics. Most of what’s really going on happens behind closed doors and a lot of the real power is in the hands of the old, aristocratic families. who still own controlling shares of the major corporations. I find I’m a lot like most Japanese I know – I rarely discuss politics.

      • straffinrun

        Didn’t listen to the link, but the headline doesn’t match what I’m seeing elsewhere in the media. A quick look at the numbers (blue=support, red=against) and it doesn’t look like it’s in “tatters”. As TJ said, politics isn’t the sport among the people that it is in America. When things get really trying, they are even more unwilling to give opinions on politicians.

  8. PieInTheSky

    glendronach 15 is a damn good malt

    • Pope Jimbo

      You are mixing good hooch with milk and ice cream? Monster!

      • PieInTheSky

        that makes no sense outside whatever silly meaning the word malt may have in the backward regions of the United States.

  9. Suthenboy

    We have been lucky so far this year. Highest temps were 80F and The humidity hasn’t been bad. I am sure will all change soon. I have planted a fair number of things in the yard and want to make sure they survive so I will be doing a lot of watering this summer.

    • Festus

      We have little oak trees that seem to be doing well. Wifey planted them from acorns she harvested from Vancouver Island. The hazelnuts are thriving but the ash needs to come down. Pisses me off because I planted it 21 years ago and it’s 40′ tall now.

      • Suthenboy

        I wish I could get hazelnuts to grow here.

      • Drake

        Ash borers?

      • Grosspatzer

        Hope not. When we moved here (NE NJ) 19 years ago ash was the predominant tree in the neighborhood. Borers killed every last one of them.

      • Drake

        Another gift from the Chinese, along with Dutch Elm disease that wiped out all the pictures in the yard when I was a kid, and Chestnut blight.

      • Grosspatzer

        You forgot Chinese Wisteria. That shit is trying to strangle every tree in the woods at the rear of my property. I’ve sorta got it under control now, but barely.

      • pan fried wylie

        China, the Gift That Keeps On Giving.

        Stinkbugs.

  10. Trials and Trippelations

    It is probably some crime against humanity that I’ve lived in NC much of my life and in Durham for 2 years, but have not watched Bull Durham.
    I even bikes by the old ballpark last week

    • Florida Man

      It’s definitely worth a watch.

      • Gender Traitor

        I wonder if there’s any chance it’s available on Netflix so the Mr. and I can get our minor league baseball fix. ***SNIFFLE!!!***

      • Rhywun

        I watched it recently and enjoyed it. I don’t like baseball either.

  11. Trials and Trippelations

    I don’t see the reason kids need to wear masks. The adults in my neighborhood run away screaming in yhe opposite direction when they see my kids outside

    • Festus

      Well, how hideous are your children?

      • Trials and Trippelations

        My children are beautiful. My orphans though…well there is a reason they are orphans

    • Pope Jimbo

      run away screaming in the opposite direction when they see my kids

      I don’t blame them. Baby goats freak me out too.

      • Trials and Trippelations

        It’s the eyes

  12. Fourscore

    Morning, OMWC, so many choices this morning.

    I left TX many years ago after too many years of Hell, as you mentioned. I liked the winters but summers, wowsa!

    Great music today! I was expecting this

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BavRrRNvz8g

    Thanks for waking me up. Thanks to all the Horsepower that got my machine working the ways of old.

    • Gender Traitor

      I was raised on Spike Jones! (Which may explain a lot to people who’ve met me either IRL or online.) Specifically, an album called Thank You, Music Lovers, which was essentially a “Best Of.” I manage to get my hands on that LP when we were packing up the house in which my sisters & I grew up, so I still have it.

      • Old Man With Candy

        I used Spike for OGM one weekend. Amazing musicians.

      • Gender Traitor

        No doubt. Impeccably arranged mayhem.

    • Pope Jimbo

      My dad was telling me that when the snow birds leave the rentals in Brownsville, TX in the spring, the landlords rent the units out to Mexicans who are moving there to escape the summer heat in Mexico.

      So I think you are just whinging about the heat Fourscore

      • Tres Cool

        In my head Im trying to make that work with “MIke DeWine”.

        THIS is prolly my favorite.

    • l0b0t

      The Internet Archive has a nice collection of the Spike Jones Radio Show. The episode with Don Ameche is one of my favorites; they do an operatic tribute to J. Edgar’s boys called Your F.B. Aida.

      https://archive.org/details/SpikeJones

  13. The Late P Brooks

    It is probably some crime against humanity that I’ve lived in NC much of my life and in Durham for 2 years, but have not watched Bull Durham.

    It’s a good movie. I don’t even like baseball.

    And it amuses me to no end to see Costner driving around in a beater Shelby.

  14. Festus

    Belated thanks to the Goddess that runs the site and the people that are able to chip in some. You too, OMWC! I’d throw a few lollipops your way if I could…

    • Trials and Trippelations

      Seconded

  15. Rufus the Monocled

    “…Making masks at home for your family or to donate to others can be an activity that gives children a sense that they are staying safe and helping others.”

    My inner rage is starting to worry me. I can’t go out right now because I can’t believe people are this pathetic.

    These sons of bitches are going to ruin our sense of freedom and individualism.

    I hope these twat is ignored like doctors who wanted ‘head gear’ for soccer players. Which would have ruined soccer.

    • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

      These sons of bitches are going to ruin our sense of freedom and individualism.

      But, we’re all in this together. It’s for the Greater Good.

      • Rufus the Monocled

        Ooof. These goofball ‘CanadaTogheter’ commercials. They even sing ‘O Canada’ every Sunday at Noon.

        Empty gestures for empty suits.

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        O Canada once a week doesn’t seem as cringy to me as fire trucks and shit, honking and blowing sirens in honor of the healthcare “heroes” every day in NY.

    • The Last American Hero

      Ruined soccer? It would have covered up the silly man-buns and encouraged more high speed collisions.

      It could have made it almost watchable.

  16. Fourscore

    First alert: Bees arrive May 2nd, Honey Harvest will go on Sep 20, in spite of governors, presidents or bee die off. Some things are far too important to try to change.

    Bee there or Bee square.

    • Tonio

      He said he had an apiary, but I didn’t see a single monkey.

      • pan fried wylie

        Likewise, I wasn’t able to successfully program an application with it.

  17. Not Adahn

    Officer Clemmons was not a “costar.” He was in fewer episodes than Daniel Striped Tiger or Mr. McFeely.

    • Rhywun

      Yeah, gotta admit I never heard of him.

    • creech

      Even so, Fred Rodgers was probably more tolerant of gays than was Barry Obama at the time.

      • Not Adahn

        There are lots of interviews of Francois Clemmons saying so.

    • Random Drunken Asshole

      Is there a creepier name than “Mr. McFeely”?

  18. juris imprudent

    Hell could descend upon the entire country.

    • Pope Jimbo

      At the same time, this person must have an understanding of the world and America’s place in it. Last November, Gov. Whitmer deftly led a trade mission to Israel, signing an agreement to connect Israeli business to Michigan.

      This idiot hasn’t been paying much attention to the new modern Democratic party has he? That there is a total disqualifier in today’s party.

  19. Sean

    River’s edge is Keanu’s best movie. Fight me.

    • PieInTheSky

      would have figured you for a Johnny Mnemonic guy

    • Frank Dux

      Bill and Ted’s bogus journey

    • DrOtto

      Bill and Ted would like a word, dude.

    • TARDIS

      John Wick 3 was tedious.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Also no.

      • pan fried wylie

        The scene in the stable, dayum.

        Can anyone explain to me the pistol reassembly scene? All that work for one shot?

    • Crusty Juggler

      lol no

    • l0b0t

      The correct answer is Freaked.

    • straffinrun

      I know Kung Fu.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Crispin Glover+ 1000

    • KSuellington

      Not even a question. Point Break dude.

      • The Last American Hero

        OK, so squirrels not vanquished.

        But…..

        Much Ado About Nothing is Reeve’s crowning achievement.

    • The Last American Hero

      Ruined soccer? It would have covered up the silly man-buns and encouraged more high speed collisions.

      It could have made it almost watchable.

    • Rufus the Monocled

      https://twitter.com/brumlableader/status/1253292388208050176

      Yes I do. Its 6 family, but you also have the celebrants and the funeral staff so its more like 10 – 12 at the funerals in most cases. Push that up to 15 or 20 and you increase the risk of more people dying from picking up the disease at the funerals. It’s as stark as that.

      Log in
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      Conversation

      Ian Ward
      @brumlableader
      It is so important that key workers are treated with kindness and respect at this time. Thank you
      @Ken__newhall

      @rogerbhx
      @BrumGreenJulian for signing this joint statement along with
      @Ms_SThompson
      on supporting our bereavement staff. https://birmingham.gov.uk/news/article/592/councillors_call_for_respect_towards_bereavement_staff…
      7:59 AM · Apr 23, 2020·Twitter Web App
      5
      Retweets
      21
      Likes

      Martin Smith
      @MartinS20165962
      ·
      Apr 23
      Replying to
      @brumlableader

      @Ken__newhall
      and 2 others
      If people want to act this way then staff should have access to report and police action taken. Understandable that people are upset but treatment of the staff is inexcusable.
      1
      10
      1 more reply

      Cola Herrero-Driver
      @franklyPM
      ·
      Apr 23
      Replying to
      @brumlableader

      @Ken__newhall
      and 2 others
      We’re not in a state of normality. The public have to flex with that, no matter how painful. A close friend passed 2 weeks ago. He would have had 200 at his funeral but instead 5 close family members attended and the rest took part over video. Spirituality isn’t a physical thing.
      1
      4
      1 more reply

      Brett Reylander
      @BrettReylander
      ·
      Apr 23
      Replying to
      @brumlableader

      @Ken__newhall
      and 2 others
      Spitting is defined as battery under the Criminal Justice Act 1988, and can carry a prison sentence.
      2

      Matthew JT Thornton
      @Thorny1587
      ·
      Apr 23
      Replying to
      @brumlableader

      @Ken__newhall
      and 2 others
      Well said Ian. It isn’t the bereavement staff that make the rules & its unacceptable for them to be abused like that. From my own experience in the industry, i’m sure staff would have been trying their best to be as understanding as possible in such emotionally charged situations
      1

      Tony Stafford
      @tonystaf
      ·
      Apr 23
      Replying to
      @brumlableader

      @Ken__newhall
      and 2 others
      They should be charged with assault
      1

      vuser
      @vuser888
      ·
      Apr 23
      Replying to
      @brumlableader

      @Ken__newhall
      and 2 others
      Its horrendous that anyone should act in this vile way by spitting/abusing people who are doing their job. Do people really not realise that there have been funerals in Italy where more than SIXTY people were infected?? The longer people act selfishly, the longer lockdowns last.
      1

      David Hutton
      @DavidHu63544211
      ·
      Apr 23
      Replying to
      @brumlableader

      @Ken__newhall
      and 2 others
      You are totally right Sir am not making excuses for things going so far out of order and control with families but we must also take into account we can’t say goodbye or see and comfort loved 1s the mental toll is overwhelming I hope you get more respected Folded hands

      knp
      @knp90010571
      ·
      Apr 23
      Replying to
      @brumlableader

      @Ken__newhall
      and 2 others
      And kindness and respect for Mourners

      “alex potter
      ·Apr 23
      @Ken__newhall
      and 2 others
      Do you really think 6 is acceptable when most councils are saying approx 10? Most crematoriums host over 100 normally, so 10-15 is surely more realistic! For goodness sake..dont make a bad situation worse than it already is!”

      “Roger Harmer

      Yes I do. Its 6 family, but you also have the celebrants and the funeral staff so its more like 10 – 12 at the funerals in most cases. Push that up to 15 or 20 and you increase the risk of more people dying from picking up the disease at the funerals. It’s as stark as that.”

      So a family of seven is screwed and Roger thinks it’s ok.

      ‘Sorry Brenda. You can’t come to see mom. Could you prepare the sandwiches since you’ll be stuck mourning at home because fuckheaded pant shitting turds like Roger said so?”

      • Rufus the Monocled

        Sorry about this. I hate copy pasted just ONE exchange and don’t understand how it did all this. It even only showed the part I pasted in the body and none of this. If you guys want to cut this out please by all means and I’ll try again. It’s supposed to be just the exchange between ‘Alex Potter’ and ‘Roger Moron’.

      • PieInTheSky

        hate leads to unpredictable events. Find peace in your heart

      • Tonio

        “people who are doing their job”

      • DrOtto

        Yep, struck me ad funny too. Any convicted war criminals still alive should ask for a retrial. They’d get a sympathetic jury today.

      • Grosspatzer

        We’re not in a state of normality. The public have to flex with that, no matter how painful. A close friend passed 2 weeks ago. He would have had 200 at his funeral but instead 5 close family members attended and the rest took part over video. Spirituality isn’t a physical thing.

        Christ, what an asshole. Spirituality? I don’t think you know what that word means. The formal grieving process (wakes, funerals, sitting shiva,…) is about offering whatever comfort you can give to those in mourning. One of my neighbors lost his 27 year old daughter a few months ago (probable suicide). Though we’re not close, we attended the wake out of a sense of obligation. When I approached him to offer condolences, he burst into tears and embraced me. This, from someone who is effectively a stranger. The only reason this happened is that I was physically present – this is precisely the point. Cut off that ability to be there and you are depriving the survivors an essential means of grieving.

      • Rufus the Monocled

        Exactly. This is why these people are saying these things are actually probably sociopaths. Just shut up because Ann Frank. All they’re doing is projecting their empty soul onto others. Plus there’s the CLOSURE aspect to this. Closure is severely unappreciated it sounds like.

        “(probable suicide)” You mean Covid, right? They can backdate this now since it’s been around for a while.

      • Grosspatzer

        You mean Covid, right? They can backdate this now since it’s been around for a while.

        Well, it’s NJ so it’s up to Supreme Leader Murphy.

  20. Translucent Chum

    Death is a stable condition.

  21. Pope Jimbo

    Poor crisis mongers in Minnesoda!

    We’ve had 3 days of 20 or so CV deaths in a row, which should be great news for the statists. They can climb on the dead bodies and shout about needing more power to control things. The bad news, though, is that once again almost all the deaths came from nursing homes.

    3/22 — 16 of 19
    3/23 — 18 of 21
    3/24 — 20 of 21

    It is hard to keep the herd panicked when people start noticing that outside of a nursing home you are pretty damn safe. (75% overall of the deaths have been nursing home residents).

    • DrOtto

      And that’s assuming those stats aren’t juked.

    • Fourscore

      ” The bad news, though, is that once again almost all the deaths came from nursing homes.”

      Strangely, I’m calling that the good news. For me, at least

      • pan fried wylie

        There really isn’t any good news for people in nursing homes.

        Most of them are going to die alone, sooner rather than later. Reality bites.

    • Grosspatzer

      NJ Mayors Conference:

      “We have 130 miles of ocean beaches. People from all over civilization, also Quebec, pay big bucks to spend a few weeks here every year. What can we do to fuck this up?”

      • Shirley Knott

        “All over civilization, also Quebec.”
        That’s funny right there, that is.

  22. Fatty Bolger

    Amid Signs the Virus Came Earlier, Americans Ask: Did I Already Have It?

    The revelation this week that a death in the United States in early February was the result of the coronavirus has significantly altered the understanding of how early the virus may have been circulating in this country. Researchers now believe that hidden outbreaks were creeping through cities like Chicago, New York, Seattle and Boston in January and February, earlier than previously known.

    The new timeline has lent credence to a question on the minds of many Americans: Did I already have the coronavirus?

    Yes. Yes you did. Now go back to work. And stop wearing a mask everywhere, you look like an idiot.

    • creech

      Karen: “Scientists would have alerted us to the virus back in January if only Trump had allowed them to.”

  23. Q Continuum

    Silicone Saturday brings bodacious boobs and tremendous tits into an otherwise bleak and meaningless existence.

    http://archive.li/23CsB

    • PieInTheSky

      well except maybe 7, that is just unappealing

  24. Pope Jimbo

    So how many residents will states that keep the clamps on lose to less restrictive states?

    I saw a comment this week somewhere where someone was saying that the only reason they were still living in their current state was because their youngest kid still had a year of high school left and they didn’t want to disrupt his life. But if the state wasn’t going to open school next year anyhow…..

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      There are states that are already talking about canceling next school year too?

      • Trials and Trippelations

        I forgot the county I grew up in has year round schools. The governor had a presser about schools yesterday to say he will be monitoring data for the traditional school year. Said nothing about year around? He’s fucked on that end and totally deserves it. The Asian community in that county I expect will be pissed if he tries to cancel the July start date

      • Tonio

        There are rumblings about this. That’s going to setup for a great conflict between the moms who want their free childcare back, and the moms who want to continue staying home with their kids.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Allegedly our state is going to open back up on May 4th. No clear indication whether they will try to make kids go back to school for a month or so or not.

        At work we’ve been laughing that if they make it optional, 90% of those kids will be in school because their parents are sick and tired of them. Which is quite the turn around from when all this nonsense started.

  25. The Late P Brooks

    Lies, damned lies, and reported coronaplague deaths

    Earlier this week, Pennsylvania started to include “probable deaths” in its fatalities. As a result, the total number of coronavirus deaths grew by 276, then 360, in successive nights, almost doubling the number of deaths in the state in two days. The Pennsylvania Department of Health (DOH) subsequently removed 200 deaths from its count after facing mounting questions about the accuracy of the count.

    Health Secretary Rachel Levine spoke to the Philadelphia Inquirer about the initial decision to include probable deaths, as well as the decision to later remove those from the count.

    A “probable death” is one that a doctor believes is caused by COVID-19, even though the patient is never tested for the virus.

    ——-

    The discrepancy initially came to light weeks ago when coroners reported that their numbers did not match what the DOH reported.

    “There’s a discrepancy in the numbers,” Charles E. Kiessling Jr., president of the Pennsylvania Coroners Association and coroner in Lycoming County, told the Inquirer. “I’m not saying there’s something going on… I’m not a conspiracy theory guy. But accuracy is important.”

    “This is why I’m so upset,” Kiessling added. “Our job is to investigate… We do this every day.”

    Kiessling said it was a matter of public safety that the DOH clarify the discrepancy. Coroners have complained over the past month regarding discrepancies in the death figures.

    It’s not really a lie, if the government does it in the service of HUMANITY.

      • Fourscore

        I can always count on you, OM

    • Spartacus

      Just keep making up numbers until you get ones that fit the model.
      Don’t you guys know anything about science?

    • PieInTheSky

      one the one hand, if the total death rate is abnormally high, one can infer corona may have caused it. On the other hand, I would count yearly deaths at the end of the year myself…

  26. Pope Jimbo

    I’m sure if I dig deeper into the Gov of SoDak I’ll end up disappointed in her, but so far I have a stiffy for what I have seen.

    It is also funny to see that responsible states are getting fucked the same as responsible citizens by the Feds.

    SoDak has a fully funded pension plan, no income tax, no corporate tax, a AAA credit rating, and a balanced budget. The Feds, though, won’t allow their bail out money to simply make up for sales tax short falls.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      “ SoDak has a fully funded pension plan, no income tax, no corporate tax, a AAA credit rating, and a balanced budget.”

      That place would be heaven if it wasn’t for the blisteringly cold weather.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Ummmmmm……………………………………. What?

      • Fourscore

        “I’ll take Rapid City for $400, Alex”

  27. Rufus the Monocled

    “Once you build your time machine, please do not set your destination for 100 million years ago in Morocco.”

    Yeh, but did it have Covid?

    • Pope Jimbo

      I took a glans at that story and I think that this is just the tip of a lot of unforeseen uses of AI

      • Translucent Chum

        /throws flag. Only one pun per comment. Don’t throw your load all at one.

      • Tres Cool

        Stop trying to shaft him.

      • Q Continuum

        The more excited you are to post puns, the harder it gets to resist.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Chumsy is just jelly because he doesn’t have the balls to try the double pun.

      • Fourscore

        STEVE SMITH gonna take you to the would shed for that, Popemeister

      • Old Man With Candy

        Well, in that vein…

  28. leon

    So can someone explain the whole bleach thing? And injecting it?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Trump was spitballing ideas out loud at his daily conference which he shouldn’t have been doing and the press went crazy and ran with it (nowhere was Clorox or Lysol mentioned, it’s all horseshit). It’s as simple as that and it’s media malfeasance at the highest level.

    • R C Dean

      The media is lying about something Trump blathered at the last presser.

    • Q Continuum

      Trump said some very typically Trumpian muddled and convoluted nonsense about UV and disinfectant at the daily corona-presser.

      The Enemy of the People latched on to one tiny part of it (something like “we need to look at disinfectant, bigly” or some crap) and fabricated lies about how he recommended people inject Lysol or something.

      It’s 100% libelous bullshit.

    • Suthenboy

      Apparently Trump speculated on using UV light and something something about cleaners to ‘get inside the body’ to kill the Flu Manchu. I have no idea what he meant and I suspect he doesn’t either. It was a really dumb thing to say.

      Anyway the MSM pounced on it and set their hair on fire claiming that he was instructing people to inject bleach or Lysol or…Febreeze, who knows. The whole thing is a three ring circus of stupid.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        If you watch the presser you can see him asking the doctors about them working on light therapies and whatnot. I think he was repeating what he’d been told in a particularly inarticulate fashion. It’s not clear what he meant but it is clear that he wasn’t talking about drinking/injecting bleach or lysol.

    • Rufus the Monocled

      What PISSES ME OFF are people who are too lazy to actually maybe research it and PAY CLOSE ATTENTION to what he was saying.

      If you’re predisposed to automatically believe he’s an idiot and hate him, then yes, you will blindly just assume and believe he said use Lysol.

      There’s little we can do for these people.

      But to those people who have a light pulse left, all you have to do is go the source and listen to what he said in full context. He said NOTHING of the sort.

      That being said, maybe he should just not talk about these things.

      • straffinrun

        Honestly, I couldn’t understand what the hell he was going on about. How that got turned into “Don’t drink bleach!” is pure media scumbaggery.

    • The Hyperbole

      Trump wondered if we couldn’t inject disinfectants inside the body to fight Covid-19, Left wing twitter jumped on it and substituted brand name disinfectants so right wing twitter could play the well actually he didn’t literally say lysol game for 24 hours and then (and this is my favorite part), Trump claims he did say it and he did it to punk the dumb reporters.

      • ruodberht

        Oh, there’s another presser? The one I saw he definitely did not say to inject disinfectants of any kind. Link?

      • ruodberht

        No, I saw that one, where he definitely does not say to inject disinfectants: where is the one you’re talking about?

      • ruodberht

        Yeah that’s bizarre, because it clearly wasn’t sarcastic because suggesting that you apply chemicals internally to treat a condition isn’t…particularly wild an idea. Don’t we do that with chemo already? Antibiotics?

        All around odd. And, shocker!, the headlines saying he suggested people inject bleach were totally false.

      • The Hyperbole

        Oh, you are correct. He doesn’t say to inject disinfectants he just wonders if we could, which is why I phrased it that way in my initial reply, I didn’t catch the distinction in your question, sorry.

      • Rufus the Monocled

        I should always refresh. Didn’t see this. So disregard the comment below.

        /tries to disinfect comment and screen with Lysol.

      • Rufus the Monocled

        You’re full of it. It’s not what he said AT ALL.

        He awkwardly meant ‘disinfectant kills germs in one minute and so can we do the same with the UV’.

        It’s right fucken there. Wtf?

      • The Hyperbole

        My post is a direct quote, it is exactly what he said, AT ALL even.

        And I’m no physicist but I’d think the idea of injecting UV is an even more stupiderer idea, how do you inject light?

      • Not Adahn

        From an emitter. You can have an external source that shines through the skin, or just like you can swallow a camera to look at the inside of your digestive tract you can put it inside the body. You do know taht cather-inserted lights are a thing, right?

      • The Hyperbole

        Apparently not, my fault for not equating jamming a light up some one’s ass with an injection, I was being rather short sighted in thinking of ‘inject’ as with like a needle into the arm. My apologies.

      • R C Dean

        “You do know taht cather-inserted lights are a thing, right?”

        Ding ding ding.

        We have a winner.

        And injecting a poison in titrated amounts is commonly referred to as “chemo”.

      • Ted S.

        Forget it, it’s Hyperboletown.

      • pan fried wylie

        No it’s not.

        #Hyperboletown

      • Not Adahn

        Trump is wondering if it’s possible to find a substance that deactivates that virus that is injectable? This is what you find a hilaristupid idea?

      • The Hyperbole

        No, given even that most generous parsing, what he said just becomes meaningless almost to the point of tautology.

        “maybe we can treat this thing with something in a syringe” is next to useless.

      • Not Adahn

        That’s not a generous parsing. That’s a literal parsing. “Something like that” is explicitly “not that.”

        Any attempt to say “something like that” (in the subjunctive mood no less) means “do that” (imperative) is an untruth. Probably a lie.

        And of course it’s useless tautological garbage. Are you new here? What is the fraction of the time Trump (or really any politician) says anything other than platitudes or tautological garbage?

      • The Hyperbole

        Or ‘something like that’ refers to ‘knock it out in a minute’ but on the inside, by injecting the disinfectant.

      • Not Adahn

        Since you’ve already got the board, yarn, and thumbtacks, perhaps you could diagram some of Trump’s sentences? I don’t know if it could be the basis for an entire article, but maybe art for a links or open post?

      • The Hyperbole

        Can’t do it
        A. The boards back in it’s rightful place in my shop
        B. One of the many things I never learned to do good is english.

      • Mojeaux

        Diagramming Trump’s sentences?

        That’s the tenth level of hell.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        The second presser was the bad one, he’s obviously lying there. He should have just stood his ground and clarified because what he said initially really wasn’t that bad but he really hates admitting mistakes.

      • straffinrun

        Yep. The first presser had the word salad from hell. The second was blatantly lying.

      • The Hyperbole

        I love when he does that though, almost as good as when when he claims to not even know who one of his erstwhile sycophants is after they criticizes him. The Ann Coulter one was the best.

  29. Q Continuum

    If it turns out that Lil’ Kim died of Kung Flu, it might make me rethink my skepticism of karma.

    • Atanarjuat

      There has already been wild, unwarranted speculation that obesity and related issues see strongly correlated with dying from coronavirus.

      Normally I loathe people who wish death on political enemies (a proggy in-law wouldn’t shut up about Clarence Thomas and heart disease, the evil bitch), but in this case I don’t care, it would make my month.

      • Suthenboy

        Porkchop is not a political enemy. He is a sadistic mass murderer and I would gladly tie him down to an anthill myself.

      • TARDIS

        He should be fed to wild starving dogs.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I was watching Michael Malice talk about this and he said his sister is next in line and is immeasurably worse. I actually hope the chubby little rascal is OK.

    • DrOtto

      He was just doing his job!

    • Tres Cool
  30. The Late P Brooks

    From Juris Imprudent’s link:

    Finally, there’s her handling of the entire pandemic in her state, one of the several epicenters of the virus’s spread across America, the state with the third-highest number of deaths from Covid-19. Whitmer has inaugurated some of the toughest restrictions in the nation, from travel bans to vacation homes to the sale of paint, garden supplies and furniture.

    And despite widespread demonstrations carefully orchestrated by national conservatives, she’s stood her ground.

    Yes, yes, of course. The Question Authority Party’s search for their best VP choice is to stand in front of the mirror and chant, “Mirror mirror, on the wall, who is the most authoritarian governor of them all?”

    “We want you to know, we of the Democratic Party will not shirk our sacred duty to regulate every single aspect of life in America. That’s what true freedom demands.”

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      You can leave off that last sentence, they don’t even have the pretense of freedom entering the equation anymore.

    • Suthenboy

      Are you shitting me? Do you really think I am going to click on that?

      • TARDIS

        I tried, stopped at ”woman with a vagina”.

      • Not Adahn

        ALL WOMYN HAVE VAGINAS!!!!!

        I’ts just that some womyn also have a “front hole.”

      • Pope Jimbo

        Are you shitting me?

        Sigh. Are you really so lazy that you can’t go Google up a link to that Teen Vogue article on anal sex yourself Suthen? And now you are pissing and moaning because Q got his John freak on instead of catering to your particular tastes?

    • Atanarjuat

      I learned a lot. Unfortunately, it was about people who have to pick up different sections of their fat and place them out of the way of their sexual partners.

      • Suthenboy

        Thank you. Now I don’t even have to click on the link.

        *retches*

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        Thanks. I guess I won’t be rubbing one out today.

      • Fourscore

        Well, that’s a new wrinkle

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        And a category on pornhub. Not that I would know.

    • Tres Cool

      “You’re going to need to talk about your fat, move it around, try out different positions, knowing and accepting ahead of time that it may not work out.”

      Not surprisingly, I’m aroused.

  31. PieInTheSky

    Now I am not saying death is not tragic, but I hate stupid articles like youngest person to die in Romania was 21. This is imo panic mongering because many only read the title. in the article at comorbidity besides covid it said down syndrome, obesity, chronic kidney disease, chronic heart disease.

  32. Rufus the Monocled

    Repeat after me: STOP LISTENING TO THE MEDICAL EXPERTS.

    Of course they’re going to point out all the dangerous possibilities. Doctors and media can be a toxic blend leading to unnecessary panic.

    I’m not saying don’t listen to a doctor. In private, you should. I’m saying this context, be careful and attentive. If you follow everything they say in the news, you’re going to stay home and do nothing.

    • Tonio

      You should probably listen to your doctor about individual health problems which you are experiencing; public policy not so much.

      • Gustave Lytton

        The public health field is near complete garbage. It was before this latest development.

    • Q Continuum

      Political correctness kills.

    • Trials and Trippelations

      Holy shit was that dumb

    • R C Dean

      Better that thousands die than be saved by whites people.

    • JD is Unemployed

      Colonial shitlords saving lives on a global scale. HOW F*&@ING DARE THEY.

      • pan fried wylie

        Pipe down, Colonizer.

  33. The Late P Brooks

    It’s a MADHOUSE!

    Thousands of protesters descended on the Wisconsin State Capitol on Friday as they called for coronavirus restrictions implemented by Gov. Tony Evers (D) to be lifted.

    Photos of the massive demonstration show protesters packed on the capitol’s steps, breaking social distancing guidelines as they crammed into the area standing shoulder to shoulder.

    OH

    MY

    GOD!

    • Pope Jimbo

      Right now the entire staff of the NY Times is playing a modified version of Where’s Waldo poring over pictures of that crowd, but they are looking for Confederate flags.

  34. The Late P Brooks

    You can leave off that last sentence, they don’t even have the pretense of freedom entering the equation anymore.

    FREE TO OBEY

    • kbolino

      Glenn Greenwald works for The Intercept. I don’t think they take their marching orders from the Dem/Op/Media complex.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Yeah, Greenwald and the Intercept are actually left leaning media that I listen to because they are pretty consistent. They don’t carry water for bad actors just because they belong to the Dem party.

        Also, the fact that they found that phone call makes her 1000% more credible that Kavanaugh’s accuser. So therefore there should be 1000 times more coverage, right?

      • Ted S.

        [pedantic bastard]

        1000% is only ten times as much, not 1000 times as much.

        [/pedantic bastard]

      • Pope Jimbo

        [double pedantic bastard]

        This is a government thing, you need to factor in the magical multiplier effect

        [/2000% pedantic bastard]

      • Not Adahn

        [modeller]

        But the media coverage increases with the cube of the credibility

        [/modeller]

    • Tonio

      Loading…

      • l0b0t

        Hillnu comin’?

      • Rhywun

        Wannafud?

    • Not Adahn

      The Intercept is a Russian propaganda rag, spreading such consipracy theories as the DNC email hack was an inside job, in defiance of the settled scientific fact that it was a Putin ordered job to benefit Trump.

  35. PieInTheSky

    So NFL glibs whic are the 3 best pick and 3 worst picks in the draft?

    I will save the replies if any and see who was right in 5 years if glibs is still around.

    Also why are there linebackers but not linefronters?

    • Q Continuum

      Linefronters would imply people being in front of the defensive line, which would be an illegal, offside position.

      • Pope Jimbo

        You sound like one of those evil hateful anti-trans people! Who cares what side of the line of scrimmage this brave trans-lineperson wants to stand on? They should be able to choose whichever side they want.

        And if you are worried about your precious running back getting freaked out because he sees a defensive player right next to him pre-snap… well, you better just get over your old fashioned ways boomer!

    • Spartacus

      Probably the same reason that offensive tackles do not actually tackle anyone, at least not legally.

      • PieInTheSky

        Thats just silly

    • Drake

      As always, Bill Belichek is the guy who realizes the multiple 2nd and 3rd round picks are more valuable than 1 really expensive and risky 1st rounder.

      • PieInTheSky

        Well i looked a few articles out of curiosity to compare with the nba ones, and the majority of them gave poor draft grades to all patriots picks. I wonder how they will turn out

      • Trigger Hippie

        There are exceptions. Patrick Mahomes being a recent example.

        *begins watching Chiefs highlights on YouTube*

      • PieInTheSky

        But drake do say which are the risky first round picks?

        Because the grades for the first round seem solid.

      • Drake

        They are all risky. It’s an extremely violent sport in which players often miss entire seasons. You can pick the most talented guy in the draft. If he breaks his leg in the first game, you wasted the pick.

      • Pope Jimbo

        That is why I like watching the Pats. Belichek has succeeded by getting players who are B level physically and A+ level mentally (OK, Gronk is the exception).

        When I see the Pats play, it is nice to see their players understand what is going on and react accordingly. Too much of the NFL now is played by guys who would have no idea what to do if some coach hadn’t taught them a scheme and given them a list of things to check for.

    • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

      in 5 years if glibs is still around

      Surely, you jest.

      • PieInTheSky

        Goddamnit another one of these name who i can’t tell if new or infrequent commenter.

        But it’s ok you can call me shirley if thay makes you happy

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        Infrequent. I’ve been here since coming over from TOS. I lurk mostly, but have posting fits occasionally.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Infrequent. I believe we’ve already told that Tulpa to fuck off.

        *waves at DGWF*

      • Trigger Hippie

        Refresh, dammit.

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        Fuck off, Tulpa was many moons ago. But, thanks.

        *waves back at Trigger Hippie while snorting and pushing taped glasses up nose*

  36. The Late P Brooks

    That being said, maybe he should just not talk about these things.

    He might be better off if he stuck to the prepared statement.

    • Suthenboy

      If he is gonna ad lib he should stick to material he knows. Let the med professionals do the talking about technical stuff.
      Stick to strategy and logistics.

      • Spartacus

        I read an article this morning that said his advisors have been pleading with him to stop doing daily briefings. He should listen to them, but he won’t as long as they get YUGE ratings. This is probably also why the media continue to cover it every day, to provide them with a non-stop source of incoherent quotes to choose from. It’s like a perpetual motion machine for the outrage mob.

      • R C Dean

        His approval ratings are up since he started doing the pressers.

        As bad as he may come off from time to time, his enemies the DemOp Media are coming off worse.

      • Spartacus

        Could be, although every time I hear tape of his statements, I’m like “Dude, just. Stop. Talking.” The change in approval ratings could be caused by the pressers, or by the simple slowing of the spread of the outbreak and deployment of more tests. Either way, as long as his approval ratings are up and TV ratings are high, no way he’s gonna cut back.

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        It’s hard to listen to, he’s so bad. But, when he rips in to the press, it’s fucking glorious. I think that’s the appeal.

  37. PieInTheSky

    This is DESPICABLE, outrageous behavior from
    @UberEats
    .

    They are now saying that they can no longer deliver to Treasure Island residents bc of new regulations capping commissions.

    So they are RETALIATING against SF by punishing one of our most low income, isolated communities

    https://mobile.twitter.com/MattHaneySF/status/1253750774552641536

    • kbolino

      There’s a whole lot of people, including majorities in both houses of California’s legislature, who don’t seem to understand how Uber works.

      • Suthenboy

        Or much of anything else.

    • PieInTheSky

      But honest question: do this people think companies cannot legitimatly protest damaging legislation? They should just take it whatever it may be?

      • Suthenboy

        We need to back up. How is it any of the CC’s business what prices businesses charge?

      • PieInTheSky

        That is a different point. I am talking besides that… as a general concept

    • R C Dean

      “Dammit, we broke your leg, and now you won’t fetch and carry.”

    • Rhywun

      one of our most low income, isolated communities

      Because SF dumped a bunch of homeless people there?

  38. The Late P Brooks

    Hoarder

    A Long Island man is charged with violating the Defense Production Act, after prosecutors say he hoarded several tons of personal protective equipment needed by first responders and health care workers who are treating Covid-19 patients and sold it at his store for huge markups, according to court filings.
    In a complaint filed Friday, federal prosecutors in the Eastern District of New York say that Amardeep Singh, 45, filled his Long Island warehouse and store with protective equipment and sanitizing products that are in serious shortage nationwide and New York.
    “Singh’s amassing of critical personal protective equipment during a public health crisis and reselling at huge markups places him squarely in the cross-hairs of law enforcement armed with the Defense Production Act,” said United States Attorney Richard Donoghue.
    Singh’s attorney, Brad Gerstman, said his client claims he is innocent and will fight the charges.

    “Given the set of circumstances we’re all living in with coronavirus, everyone trying to still make a living, for the federal government to start targeting private business and people seems unconscionable to me,” Gerstman told CNN.
    President Donald Trump issued an executive order invoking the Defense Production Act on March 18, which made it illegal to accumulate products like personal protective equipment and sanitizing products “in excess of reasonable demands of business, personal or home consumption,” and prohibited resale of projects at prices “in excess of prevailing market prices.”

    An Enemy of the People.

    We must make an example of him!

    • kbolino

      Just how many laws have the legislative branches passed that give their respective executive branches plenary powers whenever they deem fit?

    • Suthenboy

      Next they will go after smaller and smaller fish. Before you know it it will be law that you have to wear a mask and a crime to possess a mask.

    • Rhywun

      Prosecutors say he sold face masks for $1 that were normally worth 7 cents — a markup of about 1,328%.

      LOL please point out a ‘legitimate’ store that is selling face masks for 7 cents. I’ll wait.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Prices? How the fuck do they work??

      • R C Dean

        Yeah, that’s the bulk hospital price for surgical masks. Pretty much wholesale, since we order them by the pallet, if not truckload.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Did he acquire the items before or after the edict was issued on March 18? Not that it matters either way.

      I guarantee you that the biggest hoarders right now are federal, state, and local government agencies followed by hospitals. No way is the Fed going to stop jumping to the front of the order queue until they have refilled their strategic reserve so they have enough dry rotted masks for the next crisis.

      • R C Dean

        *throws camo netting over semi trailers parked outside warehouse*

  39. kbolino

    Did the squirrels come back? Or do I need to do something on my end to vanquish them? I’m still getting the timeouts when posting.

    • PieInTheSky

      I am not it just takes very long to post. Like 1 minute or more per comment

    • kbolino

      Actually, it’s just taking a very long time to post (no 503/504 errors anymore). I can still cancel the request early (which is what I was doing), and the post goes through, but then I have to reload. If I don’t cancel, it takes about a minute.

    • Spartacus

      Mine is slow but it does post (I am a Chrome user), which is an improvement over the 504 errors I was getting before.

    • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

      They never went away for me. When I post a comment, it says waiting for glibertarians.com. I wait about 10 seconds and hit ESC. I continue reading new comments, then refresh. My post is always there. I thought it was just me, because I use a Vivaldi browser.

  40. The Late P Brooks

    It’s like the WPA, for restaurants

    Democratic California Governor Gavin Newsom has put into immediate effect “Restaurants Deliver: Home Meals for Seniors”, a program that will pay local restaurants to deliver three nutritious meals every day of the week to at-risk seniors during the coronavirus epidemic.

    When announcing the program on Friday, Newsom said that 1.7 million of California’s 5.7 million seniors live alone. He hopes the program will help ensure that high-risk seniors and other adults stay at home to avoid potentially contracting the virus.

    Additionally, Newsom intends for the program to help “provide essential economic stimulus to local businesses and workers struggling to stay afloat during the Covid-19 crisis.” Restaurants can receive up to $16 for breakfasts, $17 for lunch and $28 for dinners.

    The program will be financed through a combination of state funds, funds provided through the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) and funds from local governments to help repay restaurants for their meals.

    Who could possibly object to this? Other than complaining about how parsimonious and limited it in scope it is.

    • Suthenboy

      “…to help repay restaurants for their meals.”

      Repay.

      So, the restaurant isn’t getting paid up-front. “The check is in the mail.”
      Any restaurant that participates in that is gonna get fucked.

      • Tonio

        “vouchers”

        The restaurant owner then has to do the paperwork to submit the vouchers in hopes of eventually receiving a check (or tax credit), something they are ill-prepared to do and which may reduce the profit on said meals to zero.

      • Hyperion

        12 weeks later…

        (former) restaurant owner: Checks IRS Website, clicks ‘Get my Voucher’ button…

        IRS Website: Your status cannot be determined at this time, please check back later.

    • RAHeinlein

      I’d subsidize this to keep high-risk populations isolated and free everyone else. Otherwise, just more free shit for seniors who have the same opportunity/ability to order delivery as everyone else, although I would be OK with a level of subsidy for delivery (shipping and handling) given the circumstances.

      • Tonio

        Yes, we as a society should find a way to make it easier for the high-risk individuals to stay home. Once government starts doing that we’re fucked; about five seconds in someone will start screaming about identity politics, the programs will never go away, etc.

    • l0b0t

      What with all the schools shut down, this sounds like a good use for those cafeteria kitchens and lunch staff who are currently being paid in full to stay at home.

      • Tonio

        Here the school foodservice staff is still reporting to work and preparing take-home lunches and breakfasts which are then distributed.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Need to step that up. Local SD is now providing dinner too.

    • Pope Jimbo

      I can hardly wait for all the squawking from the blue haired biddies in the retirement home when the geezers living there get subsidized meals delivered to them by Hooters.

      • Fourscore

        Wait, Hoo-hoo-hooters is delivery the meals? Maybe I spoke too soon about the nursing homes.

  41. Q Continuum

    RE: Corona Goalpost Migration.

    Since it’s become pretty obvious that “the curve has flattened” and hospitals around the nation are, not, in fact overwhelmed and bursting at the seams with Kung Flu patients, where have the goalposts moved? Is it “we need to make sure the infection count doesn’t go up” or “we need to wait until a vaccine (that likely won’t work anyway)” or “we need to stay locked down indefinitely until no one ever gets sick again”?

    • Grosspatzer

      “We need to ban driving until self-driving cars are perfected”

      • Hyperion

        That you, Elon?

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        Garage by the motorway… For 30 years, I thought he was saying “carriage”. Fucking Brits.

      • Grosspatzer

        That, and they hold up their trousers with braces. No wonder they have bad teeth.

      • Hyperion

        You fell off the ‘glos’-‘ee’-‘ur’ into the ‘crev’-‘aus’?

      • Ted S.

        That’s because the second word is “crevasse”, not “crevice”. “Crevasse” is only stressed on the second syllable.

      • Hyperion

        “That’s because the second word is “crevasse”, not “crevice”.”

        Just like Krugabe and Winson’s mum, ‘Somehow more wrong’.

    • Tonio

      Virginia uses the metric of “percentage of positive test results” and wants that to decrease steadily for fourteen consecutive days. Do note that the positive test results will also include the people who had the virus and recovered on their own and those who never developed symptoms. This is a slight improvement over “number of positive test results;” they quietly changed this metric last week without saying anything.

      • Spartacus

        The federal guidelines call for 14 consecutive days of a “downward trajectory” of new cases before moving from one phase of reopening to the next. They don’t define “downward trajectory” though, probably intentionally. Since the daily number of new cases seems most closely correlated with the number of tests administered, the easiest way to create a downward trajectory is to throttle back on testing.

        Seems like there’s a GlibLaw to be invoked here…

      • Hyperion

        “The federal guidelines call for 14 consecutive days of a “downward trajectory”

        Why do I keep thinking that they are making up this stuff as they pull it out of their asses?

      • Not Adahn

        Because they do.

        When I was working for a company that had an agreed order, the EPA required us to keep a control chart based on the last 20 points.

        They (EPA) straight up admit their detection limit calculation is invalid, but they are keeping it becasue everyone the regulate already knows how to do it.

      • Hyperion

        I have a client who works in an office that mostly deals with compliance, related to medical research. For him, it’s his world, I suppose. But I seem to be able to constantly annoy the poor guy because I mostly have no filter.

        I once made the comment ‘In the not too distant future, no real work will ever be done. The only thing that will be done is compliance with some regulation and documenting of the compliance with the regulation’. Which elicited another of his eye rolls and change of the subject.

    • Hyperion

      Look, deplorable, you would all be dead if we didn’t do something! So obviously we have to keep doing something! Now cower in place and wait for your daily gruel rations.

    • Rufus the Monocled

      All of the above.

    • Gustave Lytton

      “We need to wait until it mutates far enough that any recovered no longer have immunity”

      • Hyperion

        Don’t underestimate the creativity of the bat eating ching-a-lings. They could start churning out these bat flus yearly. We get to do this again every year, it’ll be like the new Christmas! I got a bat flu, you got a bat flu, everybody got a bat flu!

  42. The Late P Brooks

    I read an article this morning that said his advisors have been pleading with him to stop doing daily briefings. He should listen to them, but he won’t as long as they get YUGE ratings. This is probably also why the media continue to cover it every day, to provide them with a non-stop source of incoherent quotes to choose from. It’s like a perpetual motion machine for the outrage mob.

    He’s like a puppy with a piece of rope, begging somebody to grab it and play tug-of-war. As long as there’s somebody on the other end, nothing else matters.

  43. Hyperion

    “Mr. Rogers is about to be CANCELED.”

    Oh muh gawds, he set back the gay revolucion by at least a decade! Think of all the rainbow flags that could have been!

    so, Rogers was a secret Nazi. Who knew.

  44. Hyperion

    “It was a rough week, but SP vanquished the squirrels.”

    I got my hopes up there for a minute. But sigh… the squirrel is not dead, but was merely passed out. What a waste of good beer! Thanks, SP!

    • Pope Jimbo

      Well it does make Trolly plunging into a tunnel on the way to Makebelieve Land much more symbolical than I had thought before.

  45. The Late P Brooks

    Since it’s become pretty obvious that “the curve has flattened” and hospitals around the nation are, not, in fact overwhelmed and bursting at the seams with Kung Flu patients, where have the goalposts moved? Is it “we need to make sure the infection count doesn’t go up” or “we need to wait until a vaccine (that likely won’t work anyway)” or “we need to stay locked down indefinitely until no one ever gets sick again”?

    There is an article in the Bozeman paper with the Gallatin County Commissar of Health basically warning people that their freedom new toy will be taken away if they misbehave. Just like the stern but fair daddy figure the people crave.

    That asshole is definitely getting a big thrill from his newfound celebrity.

    • The Other Kevin

      When people start coming more into contact with each other, there will definitely be more cases. That shouldn’t be a problem as long as hospitals aren’t overwhelmed (the original intent of “bending the curve”). But now that the narrative has changed, that inevitable increase is going to be used relentlessly against Trump and any governor who opened their economy. Those hit pieces are probably already written.

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        If Trump loses the election, that’s another COVID-19 death. Who gets the $39k?

  46. Hyperion

    So, I’m not feeling too well this morning. I wonder if it’s the Lysol I injected last night? I read in the NYT that I’m not supposed to do that, so I automatically assumed that it’s the best thing I could ever do. I’m not sure if I fucked up this time, broken clock theory and all. Oh well, some food and a beer should fix it.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I think drinking bleach mixed with a raw egg is good for a Lysol hangover.

      • Spartacus

        Yep. Throw in a couple of Tide Pods and you’ll be good to go.

  47. pan fried wylie

    Test

    • pan fried wylie

      Hmmm, maybe my other reply didn’t post because it was just a URL and it went into moderation?

      Unless this one doesn’t post either…

  48. Hyperion

    I keep seeing more articles similar to this one:

    Stop the economic suicide

    At some point, folks, we are all going to have to start wondering if we have been had by the ‘experts’ and it’s time once again for tar, feathers, and rope.

    • 61North

      Surely you aren’t suggesting our credentialled betters could be wrong???

    • Pope Jimbo

      You know what I’ve decided? That The Office is a real documentary. Our expert leaders are completely incompetent and delusional, there are crazy authoritarians just dying to be put in charge and anyone watching it all is bemused and appalled at the same time.

      This is just like reading Tom Clancy novels when I was a young kid in the Marines. In Clancy’s novels, every body in the military was super smart and always on point and never missing a thing. Officers treated enlisted men with respect and listened to E-2s who figured out how to spot the commie sub. In my real experience we were young, dumb and full of cum. Officers were pretty much just as bad, but they had managed to muddle through some ROTC program.

      • Hyperion

        Well, I’m convinced that you are right.

        “Our expert leaders are completely incompetent and delusional, there are crazy authoritarians just dying to be put in charge”

        And if the general public were not, in general, so mentally and emotionally challenged (12 years+ of public school?), it wouldn’t be quite so easy for them.

  49. The Late P Brooks

    Surprise!

    Hillary Clinton on Friday knocked President Trump’s controversial comments about disinfectant possibly being used to treat coronavirus patients, warning people not to poison themselves based on the president’s statement.

    “Please don’t poison yourself because Donald Trump thinks it could be a good idea,” the former secretary of State wrote on Twitter.

    The dig from the 2016 Democratic presidential nominee comes as Trump faces criticism from medical professionals for his remarks.

    That’s “Failed Democratic Presidential Candidate” who is desperate for attention, Hillary Clinton.

    • ruodberht

      Presumably she then clarified that people should not eat chemotherapy drugs because chemo is used to treat cancer?

      The fuck is going on here?! How are the headlines ALWAYS WRONG.

      • JD is Unemployed

        No but she did expressly forbid that anyone else but her draw power from the Dark Dimension as she needs all she can get to maintain her corporeal avatar on this plane of existence.

    • straffinrun

      Team Blue party hacks are scared to death that a Trumpster may drink bleach. That’s what I’m supposed to believe?

      • Hyperion

        The problem is that you obviously don’t believe it. So you have to be saved. We’re going to have to test you for tide pods too, bend over, this is going to hurt a little. /your betters and protectors

    • Bob Boberson

      It ought to appall people that our betters have the audacity to presume that us stupid rubes are so stupid that we will inject ourselves with bleach at the Presidents WaPo/NYT suggestion.

      Sadly Floridaman is out their waiting to give their smug assumptions validity.

    • Hyperion

      Dear brave leader has no choice now. He has to send in the tanks. It’s time to Tiananmen those crazy fucks.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Still reporting (all) confirmed cases rather than active cases.

    • creech

      Yet most of these younguns will end up voting from more Newsom, more Harris, more Feinstein, and more Biden.

      • Hyperion

        Well, they get legal weed, more free stuff, and they can just ignore the dictats, so why not? Until their back is up again a wall in a camp, it will never dawn on them that something is wrong.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Good luck keeping people away from a beach filled with the wahinis I saw in those pics (after Zapruder like inspection of them, I can confirm no Confederate flags were spotted in that crowd).

      Even in non-pandemic times, girls in tiny bikinis are going to draw boys to them like freshly washed hair draws Biden.

      • Hyperion

        “wahinis”

        In the latest news out of California:

        “Governor Newsome bans the Wahini, for the public good”

      • R C Dean

        I can hear the wood chippers firing up from here.

  50. Mojeaux

    ?

    I don’t know whether I’m more mad at myself or this asshole who won’t pay me. It’s not a lot, $25, but it’s the principle of the thing!

    Prospective client: “I’m getting this error. Can you fix my EPUB?”
    Me: *Asks a couple of questions, gets requested document*
    Me: *Does easy fix, sends it, sends invoice*
    Client: “Oh, I did it another way and it seemed to work so I didn’t need yours*
    Me: “Fuck you, pay me.”

    • Grosspatzer

      Shitlordlady confirmed

      • Mojeaux

        Thing is, his other way WON’T work. He doesn’t understand what the problem really IS.

        Also, do I lose my shitlady status if I didn’t actually say “Fuck you, pay me”?

      • Not Adahn

        No, that’s really more of a NY/NJ requirement.

      • Grosspatzer

        Hmm – now that you mention it, I’ve been wondering who is in charge of shitperson status. Since this is a (g)libertarian site, I’m guessing no one is in charge. Or ZARDOZ.

      • Gender Traitor

        I identify as a shitlady. Therefore, you have to accept honor celebrate that.

      • straffinrun

        “Oh, I did it another way and it seemed to work so I didn’t need yours”

        “That sucks that you wasted some money then.”

      • Mojeaux

        He didn’t waste it if he never paid it and has no intention of it.

        I almost always ask for half up front if it’s over $100 and all of it if it’s under, but it was $25, 15 minutes’ worth of work. Meh, $25 for a problem he can’t fix. I threw the dice and lost, which is why I’m pissed I didn’t follow my own protocol.

      • straffinrun

        Been there. People have tried to slip extra work into a project I’m doing for them and normally I just do it. Then I never am able to find time to fit them in my schedule ever again. Live and learn, right?

      • Mojeaux

        We formatters have a blacklist. I’m going to put him on it.

      • creech

        My company used to forgive but not forget. Sooner or later, the customer would come back with some vital order or project where you could add back the insult, and more, and get paid.

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        Never underestimate the shittiness of your fellow humans. Sorry you had to learn it the heard way.

    • Hyperion

      Start charging ahead of delivering on orders. Then at least your customer will have to demand a refund.

      • Mojeaux

        I usually do, which is why I’m pissed at myself too.

    • Bob Boberson

      I went nuclear over $20 once when I ordered a part for my blackpowder rifle. The company sent it to the wrong address and then strongly suggested I was trying to pull some sort of scheme, even though they’d admitted it was their error. It was less the money than the casual suggestion that I was a thief. In another era that would have been grounds to demand a duel.

  51. Crusty Juggler

    Italians Find Quarantine Relief in a Cloud of Cigarette Smoke

    When the lockdown began, the Italian government included tobacconists (“tabacchis”) among the few “essential” businesses that would remain open. At the start, too, panic buyers swept all the quality rolling papers — vaguely organic; thin, but not too thin — off their stands. These days, lines for cigarettes are frequently longer than those for groceries. Meanwhile, cigarette vending machines covered in wire mesh dispense cigarettes to anybody with a “health card.”

    And so, beneath the spreading boughs of Rome’s stone pines, even frail old ladies peel back their masks and huff down great clouds of tobacco.

    So cool.

    • Not Adahn

      Obviously smoking cures it. That’s why the Chinese have so many fewer cases than Americans do.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Cutting off Italians’ access to nicotine would result in nationwide riots and heads on pikes.

      • Hyperion

        “would result in nationwide riots and heads on pikes.”

        Then, let’s do it. I want a preview. No more fags for those pasta eating olive oil swillers.

      • pan fried wylie

        ‘pasta popping’? ‘pasta pecking’?

    • pan fried wylie

      How is paper “vaguely” organic?

  52. Hyperion

    It’s going to get real interesting after it’s obvious to everyone that we need to re-open the economy. Why? Because the ‘we have to stay locked down forever, we can never go back to normal!’ crowd who didn’t get their wildest commietopia wishes out of this, will also start realizing that they can probably never pull this off again in a lifetime. Then they’re going to get desperate and start grasping at every little straw remaining from their once in a lifetime pandemic broken dream. The shit that they will come up with, I am sure is going to be interesting. They’ll be more ‘What ifs’ in the media than there are assholes.

    • creech

      My company used to forgive but not forget. Sooner or later, the customer would come back with some vital order or project where you could add back the insult, and more, and get paid.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Yep, that’s good. They can use that when she becomes Biden’s running mate too.

    • Hyperion

      Maybe Biden should pick her for VP. /CNN

    • Tres Cool

      I like this guy’s response. A master of brevity:

      Not banned yet
      @notbannedyet666
      ·
      10h
      Replying to
      @PeterRQuinones
      What a cunt.

  53. The Late P Brooks

    “maybe we can treat this thing with something in a syringe” is next to useless.

    But the respected experts who say we can’t get back to normal until we have a vaccine are offering a perfectly reasonable and sensible response.

    • Bob Boberson

      A prospect so idiotic and far -etched that it makes 5G/Bill Gates conspiracy theorists look more credible.

  54. Pope Jimbo

    What is the over/under on when Brett L uses a home invasion by Tom Brady as an excuse for why the afternoon links are late?

    • hayeksplosives

      That is a great story.

  55. Gustave Lytton

    So after the server migration, every time the browser rebuilds the page after coming back from another tab or such, it’s not just rebuilding a cached page but reloading the real data from the server (because I can see new comments now) and logging me out.

    • R C Dean

      Hey, SP said she would fix the old problem. Nobody promised you no problems.

  56. Hyperion

    I seem to now be enjoying my new career of professional lay about. I get up 8:30-9ish AM and put on coffee and go to my puter desk, still in bathrobe or jammies. Noon rolls around, still in bathrobe or jammies. 5pm, still in bathrobe or jammies, but now with beer in hand.

    Weekends are sort of the same except no job related work. Today, I’m cleaning off the deck again and going to start cleaning up and prepping to rebuild my grill. Still in jammies of course. I hope my neighbors think I’m fashionable now. Since most of them are elderly, they probably think I’m becoming one of them and will renew efforts at communicating with me. I have to come up with a plan… Gadsden Flag jammies? Anyone know where I can buy those? Maybe black with skull and crossbones? That had better work, I don’t really want to break out the Nazi jammies.

  57. Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

    Let’s try this.

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      Interesting. I can post a comment as long as there’s no explicit URL in it. If I attempt to post a link, I get an error page that says “Looks like you’ve already made that comment”.

      Well, let’s try an embedded link (links to a really cool DIY cellphone project I’m Jonesing for).

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      Interesting. I can post a comment as long as there’s no explicit URL in it. If I attempt to post a link, I get an error page that says “Looks like you’ve already made that comment”.