The Hat and The Hair: Episode 151

by | Apr 1, 2020 | Hat and Hair, SugarFree | 264 comments

“I don’t understand why we have to say inside,” the hat whined.

“Donald must be protected from re-infection,” the hair said, not even looking away from the laptop he was bingeing The Crown on.

“I mean us,” the hat asked.

“Do I need to pause this?” the hair asked.

“I’m just wondering,” the hat said.

“OK, OK, I’ll pause it,” the hair sighed and fumbled at the laptop.

“You don’t have to do that,” the hat said.

“No, no,” the hair said, jumping from the TV chair to the desk. “I’ve stopped enjoying myself so that we can have this talk. So talk.”

“Don’t be an asshole,” the hat said.

“No, no,” the hair said. “The episode was almost over, but I’ve already paused it. So let’s talk.”

“I didn’t know it was almost the end of the episode,” the hat said.

“You said we were going to watch this together, but you didn’t want that.”

“Claire Foy creeps me out,” the hat said quietly.

“So what did you want to talk about?” the hair asked, settling down on the desk.

“I was just saying that I want to go outside,” the hat said.

“Where do you want to go?” the hair asked with a flat affect. “All the hat stores are closed and most grocery stores are out of fruit and vegetables and bulk bean bins for you to molest.”

“I want to scoop them up,” the hat admitted. “Get used like I’m an erotic ladle.” The hat shivered with once and future pleasure.

“Well, we can’t do any of that right now,” the hair said.

“I’m bored!” the hat said. “Let’s go on an adventure!”

“We’re stuck inside,” the hair said as if he were talking to a small child. “We can’t go on an adventure right now.”

The hat glared at him as he walked off the edge of the desk and dropped onto the floor.

“Don’t start watching that show again,” the hat implored. “Stay here and talk to me!”

“Figure out how to entertain yourself!” the hair shot back.

Bald and in filthy underwear, Donald burst into the Oval Office. “I have had a vision!” he announced. The hat cheered and the hair groaned.

“The ghost of Reagan spoke to me,” Donald said excitedly. “He said I should fire all the striking Amazon workers. Fire them for America!”

“You don’t have the authority to do that, Donald,” the hair said wearily.

“Who says?” Donald asked.

“Yeah, who says?” the hat asked as well.

“Fine, do what you want!” the hair said and turned on his show.

“For America!” Donald shouted again.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

264 Comments

  1. Spudalicious

    The hat has become a petulant bitch.

    • juris imprudent

      They do that when cooped up against their wishes.

  2. The Late P Brooks

    The hat cheered and the hair groaned.

    Needz moar bipartisan consensus in the face of Armageddon.

    • Suthenboy

      Uh…no. What is the purpose of it?

      • commodious spittoon

        It sounds like a really bad idea. Once people know where the sick people are, they might go assault their neighbors. That’s why you’re not supposed to acknowledge where it originated.

      • Drake

        I’m supposed to beat up people with ChiCom, not avoid them? I’ve been doing it wrong.

    • Drake

      My wife just talked to a co-worker who has sick family members in nearby towns – now she’s freaking out.

      • AlexinCT

        Was it on the phone?

      • Drake

        Yes – or Skype or whatever they are using now.

      • AlexinCT

        You need to explain to her that she can’t catch it from chat sessions on a computer?

      • Nephilium

        Oh yeah! Explain computer viruses then! You can’t CAN YOU!

      • AlexinCT

        Touche…

        Tell her on a computer the virus is COVID-Y2K and to do a search on the mortality of that virus?

    • Rhywun

      I was just going to post this map of dubious utility. You might want to sit down for this: it’s being used to push the “muh inequalitee” narrative.

      • Suthenboy

        “The map is flawed in that it does not incorporate the overall number of tests given, just the positivity rate of tests taken. The city’s health commissioner has warned that it largely reflects testing behavior of medical providers.”

        Of dubious utility, indeed.

      • Akira

        People have a piss-poor understanding of statistics and how they are compiled. I hear everyone freaking the fuck out about “COVID-19 cases in NYC doubled in four days” or something. Nobody ever stops to think that these are the numbers of positive test results. If you test more for something, you will get higher numbers for it.

        But if you mention that to any of these panicky animals, they just lambast you and accuse you of “not trusting the experts” or “not believing in science”.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        This is a test of the weaponization of the IFLS drones. If this works, they have a template for ostracizing climate deniers.

      • WTF

        Yep, this is a test to see what they can get away with to address the looming “climate emergency”.

      • leon

        Think of all the things that have been called “Public Health Crises” by the left in the past decade, and now all the tools they see they can use against them.

      • WTF

        They’ve already set the precedent, now they can set about defining down “emergency”.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Test turn around times in Virginia range anywhere up to ten days.

        So the numbers you’re seeing now are about a week old.

  3. The Late P Brooks

    “You don’t have the authority to do that, Donald,” the hair said wearily.

    Did we surrender when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?

    • leon

      Did we let the French keep New Orleans during the war of 1812?

      • juris imprudent

        Mexico as the 51st state – and they get Puerto Rico as a province.

  4. Tres Cool

    “like I’m an erotic ladel”…..

    Ded.

    • juris imprudent

      I’m really glad I finished ladling the soup out of the pot to the quart containers before I read that.

  5. Sean

    Good stuff SF.

  6. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    We’re stuck inside,” the hair said as if he were talking to a small child. “We can’t go on an adventure right now.”

    The hat glared at him as he walked off the edge of the desk and dropped onto the floor.

    “Don’t start watching that show again,” the hat implored. “Stay here and talk to me!”

    *starts looking around for microphones*

    • Tundra

      LOL!

      I was just thinking this. My ADHD and momma’s focus don’t coexist very well!

      Great episode, SF!

    • ChipsnSalsa

      SF has his finger on the pulse of the American household I think.

      Oh, dear Lord.

      • juris imprudent

        on the pulse of the American household I think

        That’s a euphemism, I thsphincter.

  7. bacon-magic

    I was waiting for a tweetsplosion.

  8. Suthenboy

    Just checked out at the grocery store. Young guy at the check out. I like him. We banter a bit now and then. As I got to the checkout I said “So, are you going to survive the apocalypse?”

    “Yeah, I will survive that but… these people, maybe not….”

    I had to laugh. The toilet paper and paper towels were wiped out.

    What the fuck is that? As the zombie apocalypse approaches the last thing on my mind is “Do I have enough toilet paper?”. Really, what the fuck?

    • AlexinCT

      A dirty ass results in wrong decisions leading to you becoming zombie food?

      • Tres Cool

        The smell attracts them.

      • AlexinCT

        Wait….

        STEVE SMITH and HM are both ass munchers?

        Do they know they share this, erm… culinary-erotic interest?

      • Plisade

        Culo-nary?

      • AlexinCT

        Cabronez!

    • Shirley Knott

      Every time someone sneezes 50 people shit their pants.

  9. commodious spittoon

    Sitting here at home twiddling my thumbs and wondering if maybe we can’t get our furlough on so I can go back to bed. Not really. But kinda. We’ve not been given a lot to do this week, and I wonder whether I should email my boss or twiddle my thumbs some more.

    • Suthenboy

      Are. you getting paid? Keep getting paid for twiddling your thumbs unless that is going to make. your company go tits up and make. you unemployed.

    • Don escaped Oklahoma

      I’ve worked 30 minutes of the past four weeks.

      Nothing else on the horizon except maybe some quality work in FDA operations; otherwise it’s fair to say that my leads are dead

      • Ted S.

        Alec Baldwin has some leads for you.

    • juris imprudent

      I work for the govt – I have become accustomed to getting paid for doing very, very little.

  10. The Late P Brooks

    Say what, now?

    For example, $13.5 billion is available for formula grants to states (from the $30 billion total dedicated to education) which will then distribute 90 percent of what they receive to local educational agencies. States should insist that the maximum possible number of dollars go to instruction and not to administrative costs. We know now, more than ever, that instruction is not limited to the classroom. Now is the time to increase the technology utilized in education to get a bigger bang for our buck.

    States and local governments receiving dollars from the $500 billion lending fund must be thinking in terms of spending taxpayer dollars the intelligent and proper way. It will be a new world once we return to lives resembling what we consider normal.

    Simply stated, throwing good money after bad is not a winning formula.

    Stop it, you’re killing me.

    • juris imprudent

      intelligent and proper way

      That’s not even a given in the private sphere, what balloon juice is this guy on thinking it will work that way in the public one?

    • Tulip

      That’s exactly how my dog seems to feel.

  11. hayeksplosives

    I caught some kind of creeping crud. I don’t know it it’s THE virus or what, and not really inclined to find out.

    Started out yesterday with an itchy throat and a little cough. Probably nothing, and fits with my plans of staying home anyway.

    • Tundra

      Sounds like seasonal allergies to me.

      Feel better!

  12. Gustave Lytton

    Hair is watching
    The Crown
    wolf Hall
    crossbones
    Upstairs Downstairs
    Little Dorrit
    ?

    • SugarFree

      He loves all British TV, really. And is worried about Harry and Meghan.

      • Gustave Lytton

        That sick little fuck. I bet he’s a Gavin & Stacey fan.

      • Spartacus

        Who isn’t worried about Harry and Meghan?

      • ChipsnSalsa

        *raises hand*

      • Gustave Lytton

        Trump?

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t give a rat’s rear end about the pair.

      • Toxteth O’Grady

        I never did either. At least Diana was an interesting sort of crazy. William seems cool at least.

        (Displayed my disturbed sleep with an earlier incoherent post; so embarrassed.)

      • Gustave Lytton

        Diana was a cunte. It’s too bad the cult of St Dianer is keeping Camilla from publicly calling herself what she is. The PWRR could use the titular holder as colonel-in-chief instead of the foreigner.

      • Bobarian LMD

        titular holder?

        Bra?

  13. The Late P Brooks

    My phone just puked up another one of those Krazy Kidz Kourt KoronaKrud!!!! stories.

    UT Austin kids went to Mexico, partied their asses off, and now some of them test positive for the you-know-what. We should be mining these groups of volunteer lab rats for antibodies and any other useful data. Strictly on a voluntary basis, of course. We might just learn something useful.

    • commodious spittoon

      TRUMP MUST USE THE DPA TO PUMP THEM FULL OF FISH TANK CLEANER TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

    • Private Chipperbot

      A whole 1/3 of them tested positive. You’ll notice they don’t say how many are actually sick, etc.

      • commodious spittoon

        Given how prevalent this bug is it’s starting to strain credulity that it’s the deadliest virus ever unleashed on humanity. Nursing homes, sure, but why am I dialing in to work like this thing is gonna melt the skin off my face?

        Maybe I’m just inadequately panicky.

      • commodious spittoon

        I’m expecting CNN to tell us unironically that fear is patriotic when the question of relaxing the “quarantine” is brought up.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Mexico has just 1000 cases (out of 130 million people) and these kids just happened to get it there? What a coincidence!

      • Don escaped Oklahoma

        yeah: MEX is a big place but seems to be tracking to a safer place than the US

        Of course, I can think of a lot of places in TX that are probably safer than a lot of places in MEX . . . and vice versa. Discrete behaviors and environs are probably much more predictive in these cases than politically cordoned data.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Word on the street is those numbers are as bullshit as CCP. No testing, filing patients under their apparent symptoms, and the best part, not even trying to keep hospitalized patients isolated from the rest of the patients.

  14. Ozymandias

    Nice episode, SF! Thank you for the laugh. I can relate to the “Okay, I’m stopping what I’m doing because clearly you’re need to chatter supersedes what I’m doing.”

    OT (sort of): The WH is projecting 240k dead from WuFlu. Any Glibs want to engage in a little bet on the actual number when it’s all said and done? I also noticed that now they’re listing over 4,000 “coronavirus-related deaths.” Because my tin foil hat is a little tight, I feel like we’re going to see some jiggering with the numbers to bring the total up.
    N.B. Yes, I know people are dying. Yes, I know it’s grotesque, but so is watching my fellow citizens cower like pussies while govt stomps all over the Constitution and takes our money. Seriously, how does what we’re enduring compare to what George III did to the colonists? And, as a note, at 4,000 deaths from CV, we only have to multiply it by 20 to get to the number of annual deaths from diabetes! (2017 there were 83K deaths). And we’re only another 43K away from catching suicides! (2017: 47,173)

    • Urthona

      How are they gonna fudge though? The only way I can think is reporting anyone who dies while having the coronavirus as dying from the virus. I expect this is already being done though.

      • Fatty Bolger

        It’s definitely being done in Italy. Not sure about here.

      • ChipsnSalsa

        Between gun deaths and corona virus we’ll probably see 8.5 billion dead this year alone.

    • Tres Cool

      They’re going to start labeling every death ‘corona-related’ until they get the number they want.
      And then use it as justification to close everything down again when allergy season hits.

      • Nephilium

        As a plus, they can then add them to the alcohol related deaths stats, right?

      • Rhywun

        Smoking-related deaths would like a word.

      • Tres Cool

        All of it! Since they predicted 70% of the country would be exposed, then 70% of the deaths from now on are corona-related.

      • commodious spittoon

        Just call it “adjacent” like “white supremacy adjacent” and you’re golden.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Any death that that occurs in a confirmed infected person is a coronavirus death, even if the direct cause is something else (usually related, or caused by it). Think death by AIDS or from pneumonia in an HIV positive patient.

    • Akira

      Seriously, how does what we’re enduring compare to what George III did to the colonists?

      The modern government has gotten away with 100 times the oppression that ol’ Georgie could have because there’s this pretense that the government is “for the people, by the people”.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Going back even further:

        He will take the best of your fields and vineyards and olive groves and give them to his attendants. 15 He will take a tenth of your grain and of your vintage and give it to his officials and attendants. 16 Your male and female servants and the best of your cattle[c] and donkeys he will take for his own use. 17 He will take a tenth of your flocks, and you yourselves will become his slaves. 18 When that day comes, you will cry out for relief from the king you have chosen, but the Lord will not answer you in that day.

      • WTF

        I wish the government only took a tenth of my earnings.

      • ChipsnSalsa

        The Israelites got what they wanted. Good and hard.

  15. Rhywun

    OFFS.

    “I’d rather bury them in debt than bury them in a coffin,” Councilman George Altgelt said.

    Yeah, we get it, tuffgai.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Why not both? Because that’s what a Great Depression level collapse will cause as well.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    Yes, I know people are dying. Yes, I know it’s grotesque, but so is watching my fellow citizens cower like pussies while govt stomps all over the Constitution and takes our money.

    #METOO

    • Tundra

      My spidey sense is screaming.

      This is way too hysterical.

    • Urthona

      It’s not the cowering I hate so much. It’s the shaming and turning in your non compliant friends and neighbors for the “common good”. Straight out of the USSR playbook and creepy as fuck.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Stasi playbook.

      • juris imprudent

        +1 It Could Happen Here

  17. kinnath

    One way or another.

    A New Jersey couple is facing multiple child endangerment charges after throwing an event with dozens of people in violation of a state emergency order against gatherings, authorities said.

    Because, Fuck You That’s Why!

    • Urthona

      That seems like a poor legal argument since the disease is not all that dangerous to children.

      • kinnath

        The process is the punishment.

        It is an excuse to punish people for breaking orders. Logic got nuthin to do with it.

      • Sean

        They already live in NJ. Isn’t that punishment enough?

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      Making the kids wards of the state is better than a miniscule chance of them getting an illness that is as dangerous as a bad flu.

      /statist logic

      • Heroic Mulatto

        It takes an interment camp to raise a child.

      • AlexinCT

        Is that like a public school?

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        The only difference is that you get real work experience at the internment camp

      • juris imprudent

        Arguably, camp food is better.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Can I hate everyone involved?

      • ChipsnSalsa

        Always appropriate here at Glibs HQ.

  18. The Late P Brooks

    How are they gonna fudge though? The only way I can think is reporting anyone who dies while having the coronavirus as dying from the virus. I expect this is already being done though.

    None of those nursing home patients would have died, if not for the plague.

    • Urthona

      most had less than a year life expectancy too.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Maybe I’m just inadequately panicky.

    That reminds me of an article I saw, a while back; I can’t remember where (some place like Slate, probably). The article was, “Signs Your Man is a Sociopath.”

    I think Clue Number One was, “Doesn’t panic in stressful situations.”

    • AlexinCT

      Yeah, my girlfriend already told me that she worries sometimes because I refuse to panic, am dismissive of people that do, and constantly tell her we work the problems we can work right now and we don’t panic & shut down cause that is how you make sure youfail.

      • Drake

        Remember old movies and TV shows where you tell the men from the boys by how they reacted in dangerous situations?

    • WTF

      Gee, I guess I must be a sociopath, then. Of course the major element to being able to handle a bad situation is to keep calm, because that allows you think and analyze in a rational manner.

  20. The Late P Brooks

    Videos of women sneezing is my new fetish.

    While twerking?

    • Heroic Mulatto

      Icing on top of the fetish cake.

      • AlexinCT

        Does expectorant have to be flying out their nasal cavities for it to be hot, or is it just the very act?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        The sound and facial expression, mostly.

      • AlexinCT

        Reminds you of a loud queef, doesn’t it? Come clean man!

      • Mad Scientist

        I wonder if they can sneeze, twerk, and step on goldfish all at once?

  21. The Late P Brooks

    They’re going to start labeling every death ‘corona-related’ until they get the number they want.
    And then use it as justification to close everything down again when allergy season hits.

    Every traffic death shall henceforth be deemed “corona-related”, because they should have been cowering at home.

    • ChipsnSalsa

      Now your catching the spirit of the obfuscation game.

    • juris imprudent

      Penumbras and corona-mations

    • kinnath

      Abushariah, who was staying at the shop because his Washington, D.C., apartment complex had several coronavirus cases, apparently shot the suspects (who turned out to be juveniles) as they fled.

      Can’t shoot people that are running away.

      • Sean

        Well, cops can.

      • WTF

        Of course that’s the cop’s version.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        Yep, article doesn’t say they were shot in the back. Notably, the cops berate the victim (guy defending himself) for not fleeing and standing his ground instead. The arresting leos sound like real pos that would spin facts in the report.

        the clerk’s boss, Jowan Zuber, says they’ve got the wrong person locked up. He told Fox News’s Tucker Carlson that the police asked his employee why he didn’t run away:

        “When the police came, we thought we were in the right. Three masked men, 4:30 a.m. on a Sunday morning…The cops are treating us like we’re the ones who caused the harm! This is a very sad day for America today. As an American citizen, practicing the Second Amendment to protect the store and the lives and, not only that, the people [living] upstairs. Do you know what the police officers told him? Why didn’t you run out the back door? And guess what? When we checked the back door, there was a book bag and two rocks and a pole. What were going to do with that? If he would have gone out the back he would have met up with the three masked men and maybe shot them. Then what? He would be doing 60 years in jail?”

      • Drake

        Don’t talk to cops!

      • kinnath

        With all due respect officer, I won’t be answering any questions until I consult with my attorney.

      • leon

        Unfortunately, now you cannot simply invoke the 5th amendment without imputing some guilt on yourself. You have to be very careful how you do it.

      • kinnath

        Correct. You have to ask for your attorney, so your attorney can say you’ll take the fifth.

        Hence, not refusing to answer questions under the fifth, just waiting to answer questions until you talk to your attorney.

      • Raven Nation

        The UK dropped even the pretense in 1994:

        “You do not have to say anything. But it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence.”

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      It’s Arlington, the home world for 30-Something men wearing brown flip-flops and shorts.

    • Private Chipperbot

      Got to keep the plebes uncomfortable and guessing.

    • Tundra

      Apparently the Cinci police aren’t working anymore. Maybe he’s making it statewide?

      • Nephilium

        But then who will get shot by the Cleveland police?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      What is this shit?

      I see all of the pols doing similar stuff.

      “Big announcement today! Tune it at 2pm to find out how I’m going to fuck you harder!”

      • Chipwooder

        They’re jealous of the attention Coonman got.

      • ChipsnSalsa

        They give you time to think up and read about all sorts of crazy stuff they are going to prohibit or put restrictions on. Then when slightly less restrictions are announced you feel pretty good about what didn’t, and never was, going to happen.

    • Tundra

      Wow. That’s how you hero.

    • Drake

      Maybe the first think he’s done that I agree with. If I do get it, hopefully makes my doctor more likely to prescribe some of the “off-use” stuff that actually works.

    • Drake

      Maybe the first think he’s done that I agree with. If I do get it, hopefully makes my doctor more likely to prescribe some of the “off-use” stuff that actually works.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I think that was the second think.

      • Drake

        I need a dose of anti-squirrel medication.

    • RAHeinlein

      Thank goodness – now we can commence with angel of mercy killings!

    • Ted S.

      The more New Jerseyans explode, the better.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    Apres moi, le deluge

    In fact, we are witnessing a restructuring of the global economic order that could lead to an entirely new civilization. Building on a range of coordinated social and economic policies that must come, we will also see the rise of a new global system. Among these new policies will be a shift to universal basic income (UBI) and the rise of a highly automated production infrastructure.

    Just as revolutionary movements have emerged in the past, so the combination of disease and economic contraction will provoke a new era and a new global order. Indeed, even as we confront the prospect of economic collapse, we will also witness the application of policies that move our society beyond a dying fossil fuel era and into an era of cheap renewables. Beyond the age of combustion and the wanton destruction of the Earth, we are on the cusp of a digital Renaissance.

    But first the collapse.

    Estimates are that as many as 2 million Americans could die from the coronavirus. As the United States becomes the epicenter of the COVID-19 pandemic, the country’s structural deficiencies are on full display. A profiteering healthcare system in combination with a broken government and a vacuum in moral leadership have left the population naked to the predations of disease. In order for the United States to effectively manage this crisis, it would need to marshal a government capacity it no longer possesses.

    More concretely, this would include national systems of testing, tracing, and treatment measures, with a simultaneous enforcement of quarantines and a full-scale lockdown. Put differently, this would be something akin to the massive and scaled mobilization which is now the province of Asian governments and especially China. To appreciate the depth of the problem, we need to understand the current leadership of the country, and in particular the character and legacy of the Baby Boom generation.

    ——-

    Taken to its logical conclusion, the US era is coming to an end. After decades of swelling deficits fed by $6.4 trillion in war spending, many now predict the end of the US dollar as the world’s reserve currency. Beset by social inequality, economic stratification, drug addiction, mass imprisonment, and government dysfunction, the country is now a shadow of its former self.

    Indeed with clinical precision, journalist and Pulitzer Prize-winning author Chris Hedges has deconstructed the corporate take-over of America’s democracy and the ruthless kleptocracy that has broken the country. The culmination of a political, economic, and cultural decay, the United States is now disintegrating. But why? To understand this, we need to grasp the historical cycles of crisis and renewal that William Strauss and Neil Howe describe in their book, The Fourth Turning.

    Don’t let this crisis go to waste! We must overcome radical individualism in every way. End Kkkapitalism! End freedom! Kill the Baby Boomers!

    Malcolm Forbes must be spinning in his grave with enough force to light a small city.

    • Rhywun

      beep boop derp overload ?

    • WTF

      An awful lot of assertions without evidence there.

    • Akira

      A profiteering healthcare system in combination with a broken government and a vacuum in moral leadership have left the population naked to the predations of disease.

      That’s true. We should provide free universal healthcare like China and Italy. I haven’t checked, but I bet they don’t have any COVID-19 cases at all since everyone gets all the healthcare they need for free.

    • Gustave Lytton

      How many people die each year from all causes already, dipshit?

      • Private Chipperbot

        COVID-19 patient developed rare nervous system infection

        The woman diagnosed with the condition at Henry Ford had a fever, cough and muscle aches for several days before she was taken to the emergency department at Henry Ford on March 19, according to the statement.

        At the hospital, she also showed signs of “confusion, lethargy and disorientation.” She tested positive for COVID-19, and an MRI scan showed “abnormal adhesions” in parts of her brain controlling sensation, memory and consciousness, the health system said.

        “The team had suspected encephalitis at the outset, but then back-to-back CT and MRI scans made the diagnosis,” Fory said.

        Children typically develop ANE after coming down with chickenpox, enterovirus or the flu.

        Will this be a COVID or flu death, I wonder?

      • Gustave Lytton

        If she’s positive, then it’s a catch-all Covid death.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        “This is significant for all providers to be aware of and looking out for in patients who present with an altered level of consciousness,”

        There goes my plan to eat shrooms before heading out to get swabbed.

      • Tres Cool

        No mention of her age.

    • Chipwooder

      an era of cheap renewables

      If you just flap your gums about them enough, your fantasy will come true! Just as if Mr. Roarke were a real person.

  23. The Late P Brooks

    As we consider the scale of these changes, it’s important to appreciate both the deteriorating nature of the current system and the forces of creative destruction that these changes are unleashing. Beyond a postwar generation grounded in rights, what must come is a post-crisis generation grounded in institutional renewal.

    ——-

    Beyond a global financial system devoted to hyper-consumption and the cult of the individual, what we now need is a culture built around human flourishing and a shared global project. Where the culture of Baby Boomers emphasized individuality, rights, and personal choice, Millennials will build new institutions that support civic solidarity, the state, and the common good. And just as the previous Hero generation fought World War II and built the US into an economic powerhouse, so Millennials will be tasked with building a new global society out of the coming collapse. Every generation seeks to resolve the mistakes of the last. This coming generation will be no different. But for now, winter has come.

    And there it is. Learn to love Big Brother.

    Or else.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      You first asshole.

      Get out there and volunteer in some ERs.

    • Gustave Lytton

      the previous Hero generation fought World War II

      And what exactly were they fighting for, and against?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        He’s a twat that specializes in big words and big speculation without any real understanding of history or economics. He’s a wannabe politician that doesn’t like shaking hands and kissing babies.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Beyond a neo-feudal class structure administered by capitalist markets, this new era will be negotiated across new technologies and new institutions of government. As the futurist Gerd Leonhard predicts, we will see a second Renaissance rooted in human development as an end itself. Where the European Renaissance replaced religious dogmas with humanism, this second global Renaissance will replace market dogmas with a kind of digital humanism.

        ARGLE BLARGLE BLARGLE BUZZWORD ARGLE BLARGLE

        He’s a fucking consultant.

    • Semi-Spartan Dad

      I don’t often read Forbes, but that article seems strange for a supposedly business-focused paper. I get the WSJ’s love of the deep state because it funnels money towards parasitic businesses, but this seems like an outright embrace of communism. Was Forbes skinsuited or maybe was always this way?

      • leon

        Millennials will build new institutions that support civic solidarity, the state, and the common good.

        This is State worship. Fuck off Fascists.

      • WTF

        Telling that they feel comfortable coming right out and saying it.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I really wish I could comment on that full-throated endorsement of fascism.

      • Jarflax

        We’re getting fascism and we aren’t even getting cool scary uniforms. Lamest dictatorship ever.

      • Mojeaux

        I went to a concentration camp and all I got was this lousy loose skinsuit.

    • Chipwooder

      ….civic solidiarity, the state, and the common good

      Fuck. You. Asshole.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I was mentioning to my kids the other day that I view taking steps to reduce the possibility of getting infected and passing an infection as a civic duty, whereas voting is not. Not infecting my neighbor is a tangible good, voting is almost completely useless virtue signaling.

        That said, it is up to each of us to conduct ourselves in a moral manner and the state and legality have nothing to do with it.

  24. Mojeaux

    Ope. I posted this in the wrong thread. In the Kung Flu Fighting thread, @blackjack said:

    It is, however, very scary how readily the populace has bent to the will of the top men.

    My county be like: “[…] residents of Clay County are prohibited from leaving their homes except when performing “Essential Activities” as that term is defined in the Order.”

    Fuck you, Top Men.

  25. The Late P Brooks

    beep boop derp overload

    Read the whole thing. I dare you. You’ll pray for the sweet release of drowning in your own bronchial fluids.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Constructing this new system will mean rethinking our food production industries to moderate the impact of future pandemics.

      Say what?

      Perhaps he means the Chinese system will have to rethink itself.

      • Gustave Lytton

        If everyone just grew their own food, they wouldn’t need to go to the grocery store.

      • Tres Cool

        Commerce clause, comrade. Thats not your food.

    • Rhywun

      That’s why we have you 🙂

  26. Ownbestenemy

    So now the real test about my wife’s mobile grooming business is the “we aren’t saying you can’t go outside but you can’t go outside” order coming this evening from NevadaGov.

    If she is forced to not operate…we lose half our income. Fuckers.

    • Mojeaux

      What is the worst case scenario if she continues to work? That is not snark. I really want to know what the risk is.

      • commodious spittoon

        Cuffed and put in a cell with other scofflaws, pour encourager les autres.

        Can’t let the peasants think they have the run of the place.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Revoking her business license (though underground grooming is alive and well). Luckily we have no overhead except insurance on the trailer and proffesional fees.

        It amazes me that every State assembly isnt even in the picture. All states that have declared emergency and defacto dictatorships with one person making the rules/laws with no imput except from “experts”.

        It is damn sad

      • Mojeaux

        underground

        Black market #FTW

        I believe with all my heart that an economy’s health often depends on the black market.

        In bad times, the black market (include bartering goods/services, if you will) takes the lead. Although it cannot cure a sick economy it can keep it from getting too bad as long as, say, drought (Great Depression) is not in the picture.

        In good times, it’s not needed so much but functions well enough.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Yes but States and cities are encouraging snitching on others so we must make that determination.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Greece waves “hi!”.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Why can’t you go outside?

      Alternatively, you could just tell the authorities you’re homeless.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Probably be deemed non-essential. Though we could make a case that we are no different (but much cleaner) than the random kid dropping off your food at your door-step

      • Nephilium

        Still have to stay six feet away.

      • Rhywun

        I love everyone recoiling in horror – as if sleeping in a gutter was better.

    • Drake

      Put a few bags of dog food in the van with price tags on them. Our pet groomer is still open because she sells pet food – which IS considered essential.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Good idea. We dont have a resale license but ay this point does it really matter? I am overreacting a bit as I see no valid reason to not continue.

        We offer side-yard pickup or garage pickup, digital payment (or cash in envelope left in mailbox).

    • Ted S.

      Does your state have an exception for businesses with only one employee?

      • Mojeaux

        She is likely a sole proprietor. Of course, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t pay herself with an actual paycheck and do withholding, but generally speaking, that’s the province of an LLC.

  27. The Late P Brooks

    What is the worst case scenario if she continues to work? That is not snark. I really want to know what the risk is.

    My guess is they are going to start fining people. Impounding the vehicle, too, if they feel like it.

    Because [you know very well].

    • Gustave Lytton

      Cancelling business licenses.

      • Gustave Lytton

        And your insurer may cancel or refuse to cover any claims.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Yep and yep. Luckily we didnt have the funds for the company name on the side of the trailer…so its non-descript except the generator running.

      • Mojeaux

        Well, when you do, get a wrap you can take off if you have to.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Magnetic squares… 😉

      • Ownbestenemy

        We wont even advertise. We have about 100 dogs, have postponed 2 of them because of their pet parent’s age.

        One even offered to pay us for their normal groom even after they cancelled because of all this.

        My estimates will be we still will groom about half our dogs and gain a couple from people who just dont care if there is a lockdown or not

      • Mojeaux

        Cheap and yucky, which is why I didn’t recommend it.

      • Gustave Lytton

        It’s not exactly cheap, but quality magnetic signs are almost indistinguishable from permanent vinyl decals. It basically the same thing with a flexible magnetic layer on the back. Use the same color as the vehicle/trailer body color and most people won’t notice until they get up close. Some of our vehicles use them for people who need to take them off at times.

      • Mojeaux

        Huh.

        Now I’m wondering how that would work with an author. Slap a QR code on it, and… But who would want to hit up an author with a decal on her car?

      • SP

        It’s called “marketing.” You could try it sometime! 😉

        Seriously, if you came up with a clever landing page to which to direct the QR code, it could be effective.

      • Mojeaux

        clever landing page to which to direct the QR code

        Well, I have my book site, which has all the covers on the front page, but I will assume that’s not quite what you mean.

  28. Gustave Lytton

    The state retards have reversed themselves, and are now embracing online schools. Sort of. Any imbecile could have seen this from the start was it for the rest of the school year.

    Middle and high school students should get three hours of teacher-led instruction every day totaling no more than 30 minutes per subject with an additional one or two hours of supplemental learning.

    State officials also stress that students should take at least two hours per day for “brain breaks” and meals.

    So if they’re only supposed to get 3 hours of class per day, what exactly were they doing for the other 4 hours when school was in session?

    Oregon education officials call parents and caregivers “critical partners and co-facilitators of learning” in their guidance documents.

    Yeah right.

    If I had kids in public school, I would seriously reconsider homeschooling with real lesson plans and resources instead of this Keystone Kops crap they’re pushing.

  29. The Late P Brooks

    Where the European Renaissance replaced religious dogmas with humanism, this second global Renaissance will replace market dogmas with a kind of digital humanism.

    I would happily install a chip in his brain.

    • leon

      You mean the European Enlightenment that led to the French Reign of Terror?

      Yeah i’ll pass

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      This idiot purports to understand philosophical trends but doesn’t even get this right.

      Engels et al already covered this ground 200 years ago. This is just rehashing their old arguments with even more sophism.

      • leon

        A shining example of the Arrogance of Youth with “New” ideas.

  30. leon

    If you can handle listening to a Die Hard Hillary supporter, Michael Malice’s interview with Jessica Tarlov is pretty good to see how the establishment left thinks.

  31. The Late P Brooks

    Thank goodness – now we can commence with angel of mercy killings!

    “Sorry, the guy who was just admitted has a higher Social Credit score than you. Gimme that respirator.”

    • Mojeaux

      Pish-posh. Everybody knows there is not now nor will there ever be death panels.

      • RAHeinlein

        Gov Murphy is just trying to cut red tape and bureaucracy.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Take screen shots, because they roll the actual numbers into the prediction charts each day.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        That would be a very interesting article…. “here’s how the model evolved over time”

    • Private Chipperbot

      But what did the predictions vs actual look like historically?

      • juris imprudent

        Our predictions were perfect – look how well they match the data that we now have!

    • robc

      The low end of the range looks like a peak in a week and back to normalish by the end of April.

      • kinnath

        The charts below show projected hospital resource use based on COVID-19 deaths. The model assumes continued social distancing until the end of May 2020.
        In locations without social distancing measures currently in place, we have assumed they will be in place within seven days of the last model update. If not, the number of deaths and burden on their hospital systems will likely be higher than the model predicts.

        Big assumptions there.

    • Pine_Tree

      I think it’s also assuming that everybody who tests positive gets hospitalized and stays there (duration?). Our local hospital’s message about 10 days ago was something like “there were 7 in this county who’ve been positive, but 6 of those have already been sent home under (real) quarantine”.

    • Ownbestenemy

      There goes my afternoon..thanks Mo

      • Mojeaux

        Anytime! ?

    • Tulip

      Ooh, fun!

      • Mojeaux

        It’s very plain Jane, just like the recipes.

      • tripacer

        I’m going to try your stroganoff next time I’m alone for a couple days. Unfortunately there’s no way I’m going to get my girlfriend to eat something with a quart of mushrooms in it.

      • Mojeaux

        You don’t have to put the mushrooms in. If I didn’t like mushrooms, I wouldn’t.

      • tripacer

        Oh, no. I would have to put mushrooms in it. I also just realized that it also has 5lbs of hamburger, so scaled down it would seem pretty normal.

      • Rhywun

        #metoo

        I usually use stew beef but trying it with hamburger sounds like I can shave 3 or 4 hours off the cooking time….

    • Nephilium

      I still owe you some cookie recipes, don’t I?

      • Mojeaux

        Yeup.

    • bacon-magic

      Thanks!

    • Private Chipperbot

      Ladies and gentlemen, your scapegoat. When this goes on the gov will say, I really wanted to open up, but I just couldn’t get the okay.

    • Plinker762

      But does he get to wear a cool uniform? That is the important question.

      Yeah, the whole indefinite target for relaxing the cower in place rules makes any kind of planning pretty hard. They must know that as soon as they relax them, the virus will start spreading faster again.

    • ChipsnSalsa

      Azzam testified that while he has no background in anesthesia or pain management, he says the doses of three drugs proposed for an inmate’s lethal injection would be enough to kill a mammoth.

      Because the AKM (Amount to Kill a Mammoth) is the typical benchmark for lethal injections.

      • leon

        There’s about 10 AKM’s worth of poison in this drink…

      • Plinker762

        With standard size magazines?

      • hayeksplosives

        About as good as “a foot” or “an inch”.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Guy doesnt even have an infectious disease background. When does State Assembly step in and say…okay we are done

      • hayeksplosives

        It’s like we don’t have an assembly or representative body.

        It’s elected/selected cult of personality of the Supreme Leader, thus ensuring about half the population feels left out completely after each election.

      • leon

        Aren’t you in Calliflournia?

      • hayeksplosives

        Yes I am. I’m in a red district here.

      • juris imprudent

        That’s where the Gov decided to share some of his absolute and illegitimate power with the Chief Justice you know to balance things (and assure the Court doesn’t rule against him).

  32. hayeksplosives

    Gov Cuomo “urges NYPD to be ‘more aggressive’ on ‘selfish, reckless’ crowds”

    What could possibly go wrong with riled up NYPD thinking they are saving the world?

    • Ownbestenemy

      Most Guvs are just creating the recipe for destruction.

    • creech

      Il Douche is pissed at all those NYC Republican voters who aren’t listening and obeying.

  33. Nephilium

    And for the later peoples… Friday, 19:00 Eastern until some time later. Glibs Virtual Happy Hour.

    Feel free to share the link around here and the Discord.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Happy hour at 1600….good for me!