The Hat and The Hair Extended Universe: North Korea

by | Apr 22, 2020 | Hat and Hair, SugarFree | 272 comments

“Honored Elder Doctor,” the young doctor said and bowed.

“Knock that off,” the older doctor said. “I’m only 30.” He lit a black market cigarette and the stink of kerosine and dogshit filled the lobby of the deserted hospital. Two drags and it was finished, burning down like a fuse.

“My name is…” the young doctor began.

The older one held up his hand. “If you’re still here in a week, I’ll learn it.”

Visibly pained, the young doctor gave a series of rapid bows.

“Come on,” he said to the eager little puppy doctor child and turned. He flicked the butt into the empty nurse’s station as he trudged past it.

“Why was I chosen for this honor?” the young doctor asked. “I am so young and so unworthy.”

“He goes through doctors like facial tissues,” the old doctor said. “They are buried out back if you ever want to pay your respects.”

“He? You speak so casually about Dear Leader, Mountain Foundation of Our Great Nation, the Moon and The Sky, He Who Will Destroy The West and Feast on Its Rubble?” the young doctor asked, trembling. He pronounced all the capital letters in a rising lilt.

The old doctor stopped and turned on him, reaching out to prod his chest with a bony finger. “Cut that hog shit out right now. I know it keeps you alive out there, but in here, it just annoys me.”

He turned and walked a few steps, turned back, and said “Don’t annoy me. And don’t steal anything unless I say you can.” He lit another foul cigarette and motioned the young doctor to follow.

They walked through empty hallways and up dusty stairwells. Finally, the young doctor spoke, “Sir, I am sorry, but please can you tell me where everyone else is? The hospital is empty.”

“There is only one patient here,” he replied. “There should be a couple of nurses somewhere, probably eating, the fat cows, and a small crew of likvidatsyi to handle clean-up and containment. We cleared the rest of them out.”

Likvidatsyi, Honored Sir?” the young doctor asked.

“Sorry, Russian word. Prisoners under execution order, ‘slave robot’ is the closest, I guess.”

And they do cleanup and containment?” the young doctor asked.

“You’ll see,” the older one said.

One more hallway and the older doctor directed him into the scrub area, the cleanest part of the hospital the young one had seen so far.

“Level Four precautions,” the old doctor told him.

“So high?” the young man asked.

“You’ll see,” the old doctor said again.

They entered the isolation room some minutes later in Chinese chemical weapons handling suits, walking gingerly, dragging atmosphere tanks behind them on rusty carts.

“Dear Leader,” the young doctor blurted out.

“Not so loud!” the old doctor said. “I can hear you fine through the receiver.”

Kim Jung Un was a white bulk on the reinforced hospital bed, sheets piled on him until only his fat head stuck out. A crumbled trilby hat sat on the peak of his stomach.

The young doctor shuffled forward. The heart monitor was flat and silenced. He looked back at the old doctor in alarm, “Our Leader is dead?!?”

“Look at the electroencephalogram,” he replied.

The young doctor saw activity, minimal for a long moment, and then jagged, violent spikes.

“How does the brain function without the heart?” he asked quietly, just a modulated crackle across the cheap suit speaker.

“The real question is how he eats, even though there is no blood flow to the stomach. How he defecates so profoundly with a completely necrotic bowel.”

“When…when did this begin?” the young doctor asked.

“Shortly after his genital surgery.”

“Genital surgery?”

“Pull back the covers.”

The young doctor burrowed through layers of sheets and then threw his entire body weight into levering the stomach off the crotch.

“What has happened?!?” the young doctor cried. “His staff of manhood is gone!”

“That was his choice,” the old doctor said. He lifted a cigarette to his mouth on reflex and crushed it against the facemask of his suit.

“His choice?!?”

“Technically, their choice, but I refuse to participate in his delusion. He read some Western propaganda rag on gender dysphoria and decided he was non-binary.”

“Non-binary?”

“Neither a man or a woman.”

“The decadent West did this to him?”

“Not on purpose, I think. He just got a few issues of Teen Vogue like he always does.”

“And so you castrated him?!?”

“It was what he wanted. Do you as you are told or you end up in the back field with the rest of them, the poor dumb fuckers who told him to stop smoking or exercise.”

“But what purpose was this?” the young doctor said, pointing at the raw wound between Kim’s legs, held together with a mass of black stitches, like a swarm of ants on a rotting peach pit.

“He wanted to be neither man nor woman so he could be both father and mother to The People,” the old doctor said.

The young doctor stumbled back, reeling for balance.

“Don’t throw up in the suit,” the old doctor said, laughing bitterly, “We don’t have an extra one.”

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

272 Comments

  1. juris imprudent

    So now this implies that Teen Vogue is really a very deep CIA operation. Likely farmed out to corporate contractors because their evil has no bounds.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I find that quite believable.

    • Chipwooder

      Well, I believe the data shows that teen girls are far from Teen Vogue’s reader base.

  2. The Late P Brooks

    Slave robot, indeed.

    I think i might be one.

    • WTF

      Slave robot, tax cattle, tomayto, tomahto….

  3. Fourscore

    “like a swarm of ants on a rotting peach pit”

    Poetry, SF

    • Spudalicious

      Sheer literary genius.

    • Swiss Servator

      Horrible, terrible, awful, majestic poetry.

      • Viking1865

        After all, He Who Must Not Be Named did great things – terrible, yes, but great.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Ah, a Vogon connoisseur.

    • WTF

      Yeah, that’s the one that got me.

  4. Fourscore

    No news from NK, often that means something is happening. If rockets go off something may be up. If fireworks start in SK we may know the answer.

  5. Heroic Mulatto

    F

    • egould310

      I

      • DEG

        C

    • AlmightyJB

      F for Fabulous!!!

    • jesse.in.mb

      Respect.

      • Heroic Mulatto
  6. Ozymandias

    It may as well read like a Dick Wolf TV show intro: “Ripped from the headlines!”

    Damn, SF. What’s it like to have access to the Vortex?

    • SugarFree

      After having to re-write or even scrap a few due to the fast-paced chaos of the White House and Dem primary, I started waiting until Wednesday morning to write these. So they get to go out very fresh (and unproofread.)

      • R C Dean

        fresh

        Well, that’s one way to describe them.

        Another sterling entry, diabetic one.

      • juris imprudent

        fresh and steaming?

  7. DEG

    I love this.

  8. Naptown Bill

    *gags, applauds wildly*

  9. Ozymandias

    I can only see some of the comments – and sometimes none load at all, although monocle appears to be working. Happens no matter the thread.
    Is anyone else having this problem? It’s been happening since yesterday afternoon to me. I’m on a Mac using chrome. Should I switch to firefox or some other browser? This is just awful.
    And I still have to do the comment, wait 5 sec, stop loading page, then hit refresh.

    • SugarFree

      It’s a WordPress issue on the backend. SP has been working to resolve it. Something to do with a WordPress server upgrade, I think?

      • kbolino

        You would think after the 40th or 50th time of doing this, WordPress would have figured out how to not fuck shit up by now. But then again, they probably do it on purpose, to “nudge” people into using WordPress hosting instead of self-hosting.

      • The Hyperbole

        One would think that with all the nerds around here, and our supposed libertarian/individualist/self-reliant ideals, some of them would build a host or server or whatever it’s called (not being a nerd I have no idea) so we aren’t at the mercy of WordPress. It’s a pity we only have nerds who know how many decks there are on the Starship Enterprise, and which Dr Who had the robot dog, but not how to do any useful nerd stuff.

      • Sean

        It’s “Doctor”, not “Dr”.

        *harrumph*

      • Gustave Lytton

        Maybe he’s referring to the non cannon Peter Cushing universe?

      • Sean

        K9 reference should exclude that possibility.

      • UnCivilServant

        Hyperbole’s trolling, He can probably name every episode that character appeared in.

      • The Hyperbole

        The only Dr Who I remember is the one that got played all the time before/after? Monty Python on PBS when I was a kid, the one where the space station people are infected by green bubble-wrap.

      • Swiss Servator

        Your contributions, both in knowledge and money, to solve the problem are noted.

        Guess you could go find some other site that isn’t such a bother?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I think he’s just busting balls.

      • Tundra

        Absolutely.

        He’s actually pretty funny when he’s had like 50 Stroh’s…

      • Swiss Servator

        Unless you are Andre the Giant, 50 Stroh’s would not make you funny – it would make you dead.

      • Swiss Servator

        When isn’t he? It is getting tiresome.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        That reminds me. I just dropped a 20 in the tip jar.

        How much to get our own dedicated server? I used to run such rigs BITD, but I have no idea what we’d be looking at now. Might be worth it, though — I can’t imagine WP’s easy on the processor load, and a dedicated physical server might help. Mebbe. ???

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      1) if you get to the page before any comments have been posted, you will have to refresh the page to see them. It’s a known issue, but it’s a lot of coding effort to fix, so it’s way in the backlog.

      2)’I can only see some of the comments ‘ – can you describe what you’re seeing? Just want to confirm/deny any culpability ?

      • Ozymandias

        I cleared my cache, removed tampermonkey, exited chrome, and came back on and it seems to be better. I’m going to try a new install of monocle and eyepiece now, but it’s a lot better. Might just have been garbage in my cache or something. I don’t know.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT! RHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

        (Isn’t that how “confirmation of culpability” works in our world now?)

    • Naptown Bill

      I’m getting 504s after each post. I wonder if it’s related.

      • Nephilium

        503s/504s after each post. If you’re trying to trick it out by refreshing multiple times, your comments will land at that location. You need to do a hard refresh (Ctrl-F5 for most systems), or just let the original tab go to a 503/504 error and load the page again on a fresh tab.

    • Don Escape a Landslide

      points and plugs is where I always start

      maybe up the idle 100RPM

      and swap in a cooler thermostat ?

      I can’t find the dimmer button anywhere on the floorboard; don’t know what that means

      • DrOtto

        Before swapping the thermostat – check the thermostat.

      • Yusef sounds like David Lee Roth, ...really?

        Change your filter!

      • egould310

        Change your strings!

      • Ozymandias

        Well, apparently it was the thermostat. ?

        I cleared cache, uninstalled and reinstalled everything, and it’s much better.
        Thank you all for the tips!… just the tips.

    • Rebel Scum

      Is anyone else having this problem?

      Do you also have a burning sensation?

      • Ozymandias

        Only when I put my penis on the stove.

  10. Gender Traitor

    OT for Fourscore – as promised, here’s a favorite song of mine from the same era as the one you linked this morning. It was released the year after I was born, but when I stumbled across it as an (alleged) adult, I thought it was one of the most romantic songs I’d ever heard. Still turns my knees to butter: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=n-XQ26KePUQ

    • Gustave Lytton

      Also The Drifters. RIP Ken Shimura.

    • Fourscore

      Absolutely! I remember the days of hitting on the ladies (subtly, of course) and also having my lady friend being hit on. It never worked either. I sent that out to some of my girl classmates not too long ago, like Pepperidge Farm, they remembered as well.

      Back in the day the there was always a little choreography in volved, the men dressed well. Thanks, GT.

    • Gustave Lytton

      My favorite from the period is The Platters’ cover of Smoke Gets in Your Eyes. My eyes get misty when it comes on.

      https://youtu.be/iqhLDTxODhY

      Also, Shu Qi can make me madeleines every morning.

      • Fourscore

        Another great choice. The music and the lyrics are discernible today yet, even without hearing aids. It was a good time to be coming of age, dancing with the ladies, learning about life.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Phil Spector’s Wall of Sound can be impressive, but other times it’s counterproductive and unnecessary. I’ve noticed it in older movies too. There doesn’t need to be constant noise to make a good movie.

      • R C Dean

        I recall reading that he developed that sound so it would work on the AM radios of the day.

      • Fourscore

        I was not surprised to see that. I have some of the CDs from the era. I lived in NJ near Asbury Park at the time, spent a lot of time on the beach/boardwalk but no time under the boardwalk.

        I met my first wife near there, big mistake, but that’s why they put erasers on the tops of pencils. Good song, dance tune for the slow guys.
        Thanks for reminding me, need to play the music again.

  11. Tundra

    “Don’t throw up in the suit,” the old doctor said, laughing bitterly, “We don’t have an extra one.”

    Excellent!

  12. The Late P Brooks

    It’s only science if we say it is!

    On April 13, Jeffrey Harris, an economist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology released a non-peer-reviewed study with a provocative title: “The Subways Seeded the Massive Coronavirus Epidemic in New York City.”

    In the working paper now available at the National Bureau of Economic Research, Harris maps subway turnstile data against infection rate by zip code, and claims that the recent flattening of New York City’s epidemic curve is linked to the 65 percent decline in ridership that occurred in the first half of March. In an op-ed in the New York Daily News detailing the paper’s contents, he also points to the heavy death toll among MTA workers, which hit 79 on April 20, as another piece of evidence.

    The study has been widely panned. Over the past week, mathematicians, infectious disease researchers, and transit policy experts have criticized Harris’ methods, warning that he fails to provide statistical evidence and ignores significant confounding factors. That hasn’t stopped its conclusions from now providing fodder for a political debate on social media, conservative talk radio, and among city policymakers about the appropriate public health response to coronavirus. On Sunday, a Queens politician cited the paper in a plea to New York Governor Andrew Cuomo to shut down all subway service.

    ——-

    The paper also does not attempt to disentangle the many confounding factors that could easily make the subway not the primary vector. With no statistical analysis to contextualize the significance of the numbers he presents, it’s impossible to say that ridership is more than a reflection of the other types of activity that declined in mid-March, after public schools and restaurants were closed and stay-at-home orders were issued.

    ——-

    In a withering blog post critiquing the paper, mathematician, transit analyst and CityLab contributor Alon Levy detailed several reasons that subway and track workers might have been affected worse than riders — “contamination at work is not the same as contamination during travel,” Levy wrote.

    Great. Now tell us why we should believe the models or the people who pulled them out of their asses.

    • kbolino

      For once, a bias has gone both ways. People who publish get to set the terms of the debate more than people who just criticize. Whether that is right or wrong is another matter entirely, but being the fastest gun in the West gets more eyeballs.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        , but being the fastest gun in the West gets more eyeballs.

        I dunno. My premature ejaculation series isn’t that popular on Pornhub.

      • Tundra

        I told you.

        It’s the background music.

      • Gustave Lytton

        And the ass eating intro.

    • RAHeinlein

      Conditional probability seems to allude the mathematicians.

      A relatively high percentage of NY city workers are walking comorbidities.

      • Don Escape a Landslide

        or covariance: there might be some there there, but maybe it’s some other there

    • invisible finger

      It’s stupid to talk about the subway and not talk about buses. This is the kind of stuff where I’d rather listen to an actuary.

      The best model is to probably use a 30-year average of weekly deaths in a given geographic group for a given week of the year. I think NYC had a jump from 1k expected in the first week of April to 3K actual deaths. I’d be OK counting those additional 2K deaths as C19-related because there is no other obvious explanation. I think the number is going down now but it’s still far enough above expected that they probably need to get another five weeks of data (mid May) to get a good idea of what the actual trend is and to watch for spikes that last more than a week.

      It doesn’t tell you much about infection rate though.

      Also, geo areas where the death rate is not significantly above expected should probably open up from lockdown unless the type of death (hospital, auto accident, overdose, suicide, etc.) suggests that the death rate is roughly the same but, say, auto accidents are way down and hospital deaths are way up. But I think insurance companies (aka actuaries) are a good source of this information and it would hope they are being consulted by the model makers. I think most of the models are doing this and have enough data where the model isn’t getting skewed by small sample sizes (four week’s worth of data versus 12 weeks).

      But Journalistic synopses of these things will always be bad. If you watch the WH press conferences, you can see that there is a better effort to present data to the journalists, and most of them are uninterested in the data because they either don’t understand it or think it’s a killjoy.

      • R C Dean

        most of them are uninterested in the data because they either don’t understand it or think it’s a killjoy it doesn’t advance the Narrative

    • R C Dean

      Over the past week, mathematicians, infectious disease researchers, and transit policy experts have criticized Harris’ methods

      One of these things is not like the others.

    • Drake

      “contamination at work is not the same as contamination during travel”

      He may be trying to say that the level of exposure – “viral load” – may have a lot to do with the severity of the infection. If so, he’s probably right according to preliminary studies.

      While a bus can be dirty and crowded, I’ve rarely seen a bus as crowded or with the level of people in and out as a NYC subway at rush hour.

      • R C Dean

        Also, contamination during travel happens during a relatively short time frame, compared to a workday. You may get a briefer but more intense exposure during travel, but a longer exposure but less intense exposure during the workday, depending on what your work environment is. Bus drivers would probably get a faceful all day. Track maintenance workers might get a much lower exposure, even to the point of the general environment in the city.

  13. The Late P Brooks

    But where the facts point, many infectious disease experts say, are to a few critical days in early March that daily life went on after the virus was established in the city of eight million, but before public health directives took effect. That lag is the leading explanation for why New York City wound up leading the world in coronavirus cases: well before subway ridership dropped off, “the damage was already done,” said Robyn Gershon, a clinical professor of epidemiology at New York University with a focus on occupational and environmental health and safety. “The virus was already spreading.”

    “if only we had wrecked the economy sooner, and more comprehensively.”

    • R C Dean

      That lag is the leading explanation for why New York City wound up leading the world in coronavirus cases

      Oh, allofasudden we aren’t interested in the multitude of confounding factors.

  14. Nephilium

    I really wish we would at least have a Spring here. This snowing for days with temps in the 30’s, to get a single day in the 50’s with heavy rain is not helping the lift the lockdown movement.

    • Gender Traitor

      Dr. Amy & the Gov have deemed Spring nonessential. : (

      • Nephilium

        And summer non-existent.

      • Nephilium

        Speaking of… it’s snowing again now. Not sticking, but come on…

      • DEG

        There was a prediction of snow here today. I don’t think it will happen. It’s windy and quite chilly. The temperature was down around freezing when I got up. It barely got into the 40s today.

    • Hyperion

      Some scientists have predicted for years now that we are about to enter a sort of Maunder minimum period, where the sun gets very quiet and we see a long period of lower temperatures. But all of that was silenced because it does not fit the global warming hysteria.

      Well, I’m just saying, maybe this is the beginning of a new mini-ice age, what happened the last time we had a Maunder minimum. They just have to figure out how to blame it on global warming, and then we can start hearing about it.

      Or maybe, it’s just weather, which also does not fit the narrative.

    • UnCivilServant

      The girls at the end are not Social Distancing.

      • Chipwooder

        No trigger discipline in the chick on the left. Appalling.

      • Tundra

        Yeah, that’s scary.

        Also why I like to go to the range on off-hours.

      • Chipwooder

        It’s why I look forward to the future day when I live on a decent sized chunk of land out in the middle of nowhere and can just set up my own outdoor range in the woods.

      • Plinker762

        I grew up with that, it was great.

    • Tundra

      Love the C-4 play doh!

  15. Tundra

    Neither here nor there, but yesterday I ordered an interior door handle for the Triumph from a company in England.

    It will be here Friday.

    The market is a beautiful thing.

    • Mojeaux

      I test-drove a Triumph motorcycle once. Damn near killed myself, as all the controls were on the opposite sides.

      • Not Adahn

        At least you didn’t run over yourself with the Aussie model.

      • Mojeaux

        Um, no? What’s the story to that?

      • Not Adahn

        Well it’s upside down, innit?

      • Mojeaux

        *headdesk*

        My brain, she is moosh.

      • grrizzly

        Was it an old bike? I think now all motorcycles sold in the US have to have all the controls the same way. My Triumph is not different from other bikes.

      • Tundra

        I believe the standardization was not done until the 70s. Pretty sure the 60s Brit bikes often had LH throttle.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Mid-60’s, after the massive importation of Japanese bikes. People thought they were stepping on the brake but were downshifting instead.

        All bikes had the throttle on the right. It was only the foot levers that were switched.

        Mid-50’s Harley (and maybe others) had the spark advance on the left grip. Not having the spark set right could cause a backfire that could flip you over the handlebars.

      • Mojeaux

        All bikes had the throttle on the right.

        All Japanese bikes?

        Because the English one I rode had a left-hand throttle.

      • Mojeaux

        1976.

  16. UnCivilServant

    While I love having most of the world’s information at my fingertips, I wish people would be more precise with their language. Averaged across three sources I get that a chicken wing (with skin) has around a hundred calories plus or minus ten. What none of these sources say is whether that is the amount for the whole wing, or for one span that you would colloquially call a wing when preparing wings with sauce. I’m guessing it’s the whole wing, but I would rather they say as much.

    • Viking1865

      You can’t trust the fitness app calorie counts, because a lot of people love using it to delude themselves.

      “I ate a serving of french fries, thats 150 calories.” No, you actually ate 4 servings of fries.

      • UnCivilServant

        That’s why I want to know what size piece is being measured.

      • Viking1865

        Yeah even then they straight up lie about it. They’ll create “French fries, 2 oz, homemade.” and then they’ll plop 8oz of fries on their plate. I think theres a lot of people who are tracking on MyFitnessPal or something because their spouse or their parent or their diet coach is telling them to, and they’re just deluding themselves.

        I usually use fast food calorie counts. So if I make a homemade burger, I log it as a Big Mac or something.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m not using any online tool to track anything.

        I’m trying to look up information. If I were trying to fool myself I’d go “Obviously that 89 calories refers to the whole wing, including the third segment most people don’t eat, so each must be only thirty”.

      • UnCivilServant

        The math will be easier to call it 100 per.

        And since I’m trying to limit intake, overestimation is safer.

    • Nephilium

      The calorie counts will also depend on the cooking method, grilled will be less then fried. If you are deep frying correctly, you actually aren’t adding that much oil to your food (per Alton Brown, and measurements as to the oil before and after cooking). I’ve found the larger grocery store chains have started printing calorie information on their packaged meats (with a per weight nutrition breakdown).

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m baking. Logistically, it doesn’t make sense for me to fry anything at home.

        And the package did not have that information.

      • Nephilium

        I’ve got a small fryer that I break out probably once a year or so. I did some quick searching and found Giant Eagle has the specific information but no serving size so the data isn’t useful. Another quick search was for boneless, skinless chicken wings… which just sound like sadness incarnate to me.

      • Mojeaux

        I deep-fry in a very deep skillet.

        In an effort to help (*waves at Hyperion*), I went to the USDA nutrition database, but they, too, fail to mention any specifics about the chicken wing.

      • UnCivilServant

        So, no one anticipated this very basic question?

      • Nephilium

        Hah! Success!

        I think I found something here. 240 calories per 3 ounces.

        Hell, you were more pleasant to work with then one asshole I’ve been working with today who keeps wanting to conflate multiple issues and adding in new ones in the middle of an e-mail thread.

      • UnCivilServant

        Is that bone-in or boneless weight?

      • Mojeaux

        So, no one anticipated this very basic question?

        It’s not a question that needs to be asked. From a life-long dieter standpoint, you’re way overthinking it. A wing is a wing (all 3 sections). The “drumstick” part of the wing is called a drummette. Also see this.

      • UnCivilServant

        That middle line is at the wrong spit, it leaves about a third of the bone of the middle section attached to the inner section.

      • Nephilium

        UCS: There’s a disclaimer saying it was the edible weight portion. So I would assume boneless, but if I’m counting calories, I’ll assume bone-in. I’d rather error on the side of counting too many calories then too little.

        That’s when I stop going the comfort food cooking route. Tonight is going to be jumbalaya and teaching the girlfriend to make corn bread.

      • UnCivilServant

        This is too complicated. I’ll go with three thousand calories per wing segment.

      • R C Dean

        The correct way to cook wings is to sous vide them in whatever sauce/rub you are using, and then finish them under a broiler to get that little bit of char.

      • UnCivilServant

        No, the correct way is in a deep fat fryer that has been used to cook chicken for at least three days.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        The “good enough” way is to bread them in chicken breading, sauce them, and bake them on cookie cooling racks stacked on top of cookie sheets. 90% of the flavor and texture, 10% of the mess.

      • UnCivilServant

        breading? that is not part of the recipe.

      • Nephilium

        I’m still annoyed I didn’t get wings from my favorite place before they went to full shutdown. Unfortunately, they only announced it on Facebook. I’m hoping they re-open when this shite is done.

      • UnCivilServant

        I hope so too. I’d rather this stupidity not drive people out of business.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Oh so good. It soaks up some of the liquid from the wings as they bake, making for a crisper and airier skin. The meat inside stays damn tender, and it retains all of the deliciousness of the sauce while reducing the mess a little bit.

      • R C Dean

        I may need to borrow your slapping gloves to properly challenge you to a duel.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        No, the correct way is with a hand phaser set to “molecular acceleration”.

      • R C Dean

        “Just what you see here, pal.”

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        You’re no fun at all.

      • westernsloper

        You are all wrong. The best way to do wings is to put rub on them, smoke them, deep fry them, and then sauce them.

    • PieInTheSky

      you should find online data per 100 g, skin eaten or not, etc…

      • PieInTheSky

        Per 3.5 ounces (100 grams), chicken wings provide 203 calories, 30.5 grams of protein and 8.1 grams of fat (3)

        There are 109 calories in 1 wing [3.2 oz with bone] with skin, raw.

      • PieInTheSky

        basically the site says a 3.2 oz wing has 1.7 ounces of meat which is sort of like 200 something for 3.5 ounce of meat

    • UnCivilServant

      Well, that was a tasty ~1000 calories.

      I should have left it frozen.

  17. The Late P Brooks

    yesterday I ordered an interior door handle for the Triumph from a company in England.

    Not Moss Motors? What are you, some kind of cheapskate?

    Tangentially: the 914 has been pulled out of dry dock, and seems to be pretty happy. It really likes that carb I put on it a while back. I was perusing the Pelican Parts catalog (500 bucks for a clutch kit? Hahahahaha!), and it’s obvious why so many people throw the VW type 4 motor away for something else, like a Subie. Cheaper, better reliability, and a ton more power.

    • Tundra

      Moss is closed, BP Northwest is out of stock, Spitbits has the worst website ever. Rimmer Bros had them in stock for the same price. Shipping was a little more.

      Clutch kit for mine is less than $100.

      I’ve been pleasantly surprised how inexpensive and readily available the parts are for this car.

      • R C Dean

        Rimmer Bros

        *snicker*

    • Tundra

      Fuck. Sorry to hear that, man.

    • DEG

      Sorry.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Sorry

    • Gustave Lytton

      Crap, sorry. I was afraid this was going to happen as 1Q books get closed and forecasting for 2Q get updated. Idiots and their essential/nonessential businesses false distinction can piss up a rope.

    • Viking1865

      That sucks. Everyone got cut to 80% pay here, and we laid off all the part time people and some of the full time people.

    • PieInTheSky

      that sucks…

      • PieInTheSky

        godfrikindamnit

    • westernsloper

      Shit no good. Sorry to hear that.

    • PieInTheSky

      Subaru can make you a sandwich?

  18. Certified Public Asshat

    Yes. The K-word is stronger than the n-word, at least currently. Misogyny and patriarchy has been around longer than slavery. Just don't use either, ok? pic.twitter.com/nZ6mTpf945— EmillySwaven (@EmillySwaven) April 19, 2020

    K-word = Karen. We have a new champion of twitter crazy.

    • leon

      Looking at the other tweets, it looks to be parody.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        It’s so hard to tell these days.

    • Gender Traitor

      I have a short story I wrote last summer in which the heroine’s name was Karen. Now I have to come up with another name for her and do the Find & Replace thing through the whole thing. : (

      • Swiss Servator

        Leave it….”irony”.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    points and plugs is where I always start

    maybe up the idle 100RPM

    Don’t forget to change the O2 sensor. I hear that helps.

  20. Scruffy Nerfherder

    @&*^#@*%!!

    Shitty fan bearing on laptop went.

    While removing it, crossed a cap with tweezers that was energized. Blew the video output. Now it has to be RMA’d.

    @&*(^*(&%!!

    • UnCivilServant

      I’m sorry to hear that.

    • Rhywun

      theguardian

      Pass.

    • Suthenboy

      Lemme guess….the ‘action’ is international communism?

    • R C Dean

      No list of catastrophic risks that doesn’t start with “government action” should be disregarded.

    • PieInTheSky

      “guy with an English accent explains things” genre – meh

    • l0b0t

      I initially read that as Gene Scott and had a giggle. Also, Pastor Melissa Scott? Totally would, regardless of her place on the hot/crazy matrix.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    Republicans want you to die!

    Part of last month’s bill provided $1,200 checks to individuals who make up to $75,000 a year. But Paul argued that the direct assistance would not boost the broader economy — a view shared broadly by opponents of the provision.

    “The massive economic calamity we’re experiencing right now is caused by government. Passing out $1,200 checks indiscriminately to people who haven’t lost their jobs will do nothing to rescue the country,” Paul said. “A recovery only comes when the quarantine has ended.”

    Paul’s remarks are the latest from Senate Republicans who are calling for social distancing restrictions that have been put in place to slow the spread of the coronavirus to be lifted.

    President Trump has also appeared eager for states to begin reopening, though he’s acknowledged that the decision will be made in conjunction with governors and local officials. There are currently more than 816,200 confirmed cases of the coronavirus within the United States, according to Johns Hopkins University, including nearly 44,000 deaths.

    Health experts warn that reopening parts of the country closed because of the virus too quickly could lead to a second spike in cases as social distancing measures are scaled back.

    They love money more than people.

    • PieInTheSky

      better dead than red?

  22. The Late P Brooks

    Shitty fan bearing on laptop went.

    While removing it, crossed a cap with tweezers that was energized. Blew the video output. Now it has to be RMA’d.

    @&*(^*(&%!!

    Stimulus!

    • Fourscore

      Wait? What? Broke the internet? Damn it!

    • tripacer

      Apparently the guy was notified that he tested positive, and went to work anyway, according to my gf that works at the clinic where he was tested.

      • Gustave Lytton

        What is wrong with people?

      • R C Dean

        At least one commenter here (Mojeaux, I believe) has announced she would do the same. Ask her.

      • Mojeaux

        What is wrong with people is that they do not have sick time and need the money and nobody’s offering to cover their pay if they go home. That is what is wrong with people.

      • Mojeaux

        That’s the thing about the marketplace. Ya rollz the dice, ya take yer chances. Not offering to cover a sick worker (as in, “Gosh, you look terrible, go home”) is economically motivated. That is true, and that’s the employer’s prerogative. It is ALSO taking a risk with all your other people.

        Is it really the employee’s duty/responsibility to go without pay to keep the other people from being infected? I say no. It’s the employer’s responsibility to protect his investment.

      • Plinker762

        This person works in WA state which now has mandatory sick leave for all employees

      • Mojeaux

        Oh, then I change my answer.

        You pay me to stay home with my illness, I’mma stay home with my illness.

      • Swiss Servator

        SO…you lie and risk shutting the whole place down? Guess you will get UI when the plant closes, eh?

      • Swiss Servator

        So, after you lie about not being sick/contagious – and the plant closes…would you be upset if the newly unemployed came after you? Or would you blame the “employer”?

      • Mojeaux

        I am speaking generally of illness, not specifically of this illness when everyone is on high alert.

        I would not lie about it. I would drag my not-very-happy ass out of bed like a good worker bee and head to work. Boss says, “Damn, you look awful. Go home.” I say, “Nope, need the pay.” He shrugs and walks away, clearly uninterested in my illness.

        That has happened too many times in my life.

        As for the kung flu, I’m smart enough to know that the consequences for me coming to work when I KNOW I’ve got it would not be worth however many days’ pay.

        Risk assessment. If I know my boss wants me there working, sick or not, I’m going to be there.

      • R C Dean

        We have debated whether knowingly exposing other people to an infectious disease is a violation of the NAP.

        I think if you take the paycheck out of the equation, the answer seems less controversial.

        Is it really the employee’s duty/responsibility to go without pay to keep the other people from being infected?

        I’m not sure how being financially rewarded changes the answer.

      • Mojeaux

        “Reward” is a very odd word choice.

        You don’t get “rewarded” for going to work.

      • R C Dean

        You get paid, don’t you? Isn’t that why you go even when you don’t feel well?

        For a garden-variety head cold, I got no problem with asking the boss. For no-bennies positions, no-call/no-show is typically a big problem, and supervisors tend to be very skeptical of anyone who says they can’t come in because they are sick, because 90% of the time the employee is lying and just doesn’t feel like showing up. In those positions, not showing, regardless of whether you are sick, has a non-zero risk of getting fired.

        There’s still a theoretical question about whether someone who knows they are contagious, even with a mild disease, has a general duty not to infect others. I don’t think that duty (if you think there is one) changes based on whether you are exposing others at work in order to get paid, or just going out in public.

      • RAHeinlein

        Workplace rules and protocols – live with them or leave. Tyson has policies related to working with influenza-like symptoms unrelated to CV, so not a new policy.

        I understand Mo’s point regarding getting paid (N/A in this specific case given WA leave policies; IA plant also suspended their attendance incentive policy).

      • Not Adahn

        I actually had a tech throw a fit yesterday.

        For the people still working onsite, they are getting a $1000 bonus, but it’s prorated for time taken off. This guy’s attitude was “you’re encouraging people to come in sick by not giving them the bonus when they’re not here!”

        I wish I had the option of working onsite and getting that, but since I’ve been assigned to WDFH half the week, I only get half the bonus.

        Did I mention that we’re also getting free meals and unlimited sick time? And unlimited locally sourced artisanally produced 80% alcohol shots hand sanitizer?

      • Mojeaux

        You get paid, don’t you? Isn’t that why you go even when you don’t feel well?

        Yes. But it’s not a reward. It’s fulfilling the terms of the agreement.

        A paycheck is an ordinary thing. It says, “I have fulfilled my part and you have fulfilled your part.” A paycheck is someone buying my time, labor, and experience.

        A reward is extra-ordinary. It’s someone expressing extraordinary appreciation for my extraordinary time, labor, and experience.

      • Mojeaux

        I will be more specific.

        Your murals are gorgeous. I don’t know what the artists are getting paid, but they should get a bonus (reward) for doing an extraordinarily good job.

      • R C Dean

        I’ll go along with not calling a paycheck a financial reward, but I don’t think it matters. As I said:

        I don’t think that duty (if you think there is one) changes based on whether you are exposing others at work in order to get paid,

      • R C Dean

        Because I like to analyze these things in terms of duties, I would also point out that someone who is working has other duties in play besides not exposing others to infection.

        At the top of that list, I would put bringing home a paycheck to help support her family. I do things at work that I would not justify on the basis of my duty to my employer, but I do justify on the basis of my duty to my family.

      • Mojeaux

        someone who is working has other duties in play besides not exposing others to infection.

        Yes, thank you. I forgot to make that point myself.

        I may care about my coworkers’ health. I may even agonize over it as if it were a moral dilemma and maybe it is. But I do not care about my coworkers’ health as much as I care about feeding my kids.

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      Yeah, we’ve had the same problem with a Cargill beef processor in Alberta (near High River). It’s been idled, and only accounts for 40% (!) of Canada’s beef processing capability.

      Man, the food riots in a few months are going to be awesome.

  23. PieInTheSky

    Reposting this because it ended up in a quite inappropriate place.

    How To Open Every Shellfish | Method Mastery | Epicurious

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJTy_8Dtbsc

    And I think I will only reply to comments from now on posting new ones is too risky.

  24. westernsloper

    Is it wrong that now I kind of want a peach?

      • westernsloper
      • westernsloper

        Just noticed WP ate my which made that make sense.

    • PieInTheSky

      I think you need to update your euphemisms for the 21st century

    • Not Adahn

      Do you dare?

    • l0b0t

      Naw, man… PEACHES!

    • Suthenboy

      A communist calling themselves a libertarian?

      Unheard of. I am shocked.

      • kinnath

        The democratic people’s republic of libertopia.

    • R C Dean

      He can’t possibly have thought that through.

      Or, and this is the way I would bet, by “economic rights” he means “other people’s money”.

      • Not Adahn

        Of course. The right to be economically secure. The right to a dignified lifestyle. The right to economic equality. The right to leisure time. You know, just basic human rights.

    • Q Continuum

      He’s gonna dance naked on stage at the convention?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Economic rights:
      -The right to a job
      -The right to a fair wage
      -The right to equal pay
      -The right to not be fired as that’s a taking
      -and a whole host of other crap we disagree with
      would be my guess as to his meaning.

      • kinnath

        work or die.

        that’s my final offer.

      • leon

        So you are the physical embodiment of life and reality?

      • kinnath

        semi-old geezer; graduate of the school of hard knocks.

    • Q Continuum

      Notice no ban of #titsoutforharambe. I call that a win!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      That’s a lot of fucking bad words.

      • Plinker762

        I want to run that list through text-to-speech hooked to a PA system.

    • Plinker762

      Thank god “wood chipper” isn’t on that list.

    • Q Continuum

      “artificially generated stampede awareness foundation”

      lolwut

    • leon

      No Gambol ban?

    • leon


      zcgshpndpzruqjcyurch

      Ummmm…. what?

      • R C Dean

        You heard the man.

    • Drake

      hair, hurry, grades, poor, sell, web

      Those are bad words?

    • Ownbestenemy

      Now that is awesome. Like watching the space shuttle when I was a kid. We can do so much cool shit only for it to be drowned out in bullshit.

      Reusable components under that much stress is awesome.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Their first manned launch is scheduled for a month from now. Hopefully it doesn’t get pushed back again.

  25. R C Dean

    A couple more murals from outside our pediatrics units. Still not sure if they are done with the project. There is a theme on other sections that involves a submarine and a desert island, so we have some that are more undersea themed.

    Turtles and whatnot.

    Seahorses and . . . cowcrabs?

    • UnCivilServant

      I like how they made the murals look like submarine windows.

      • R C Dean

        The work on it was really piecemeal, so I’m not sure if the plan is to fill around the “frames” with something that looks like the interior of a submarine or not.

        I don’t even know who to ask if they are done or not.

    • Ted S.

      Silly rabbit pediatrics are for kids!

    • Sean

      I like the seahorses & cowcrabs.

  26. Chipwooder

    Dreamboat of the Karens displays some top-notch empathy here:

    CBS News

    @CBSNews
    A reporter asked Gov. Cuomo what he’d say to New Yorkers who want to go back to work because they’re running out of money, to which he replied, “economic hardship doesn’t equal death”

    “You want to go to work? Go take a job as an essential worker” he added https://cbsn.ws/2wYbD51

    Embedded video
    1,129
    1:29 PM – Apr 22, 2020

    • Gender Traitor

      If the Dems ditch Biden in favor of him, I smell a Trump campaign ad in that quote.

      • Q Continuum

        They can use it in any case.

        Voice Over: “What did Democrats do when 22 million Americans were out of work?”
        Cuomo: blah blah blah
        Voice Over: “Republicans understand what your livelihood means to you”
        Trump: blah blah blah
        Voice Over: “Vote for us”

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      “amid warnings of second wave”
      And that, my friends, is how they’re going to justify keeping us locked in our houses for another three months (then comes the third wave, the fourth wave, and repeat endlessly).

      Also, fuck Cuomo, he’s a well-known jackass.

      • R C Dean

        If there is a second wave at all, it won’t show until next fall. Studies have confirmed that yes, the COVID coronavirus, like damn near every coronavirus, can’t take heat and humidity. As was the way to bet the entire time, this will fade out over the next month regardless.

        Just put in the pile of arguments being ignored on why there is zero justification for not lifting the lockdown immediately.

      • RAHeinlein

        The Dem talking point memos clearly went out today – I saw operatives on CNBC and Fox with identical narratives: can’t open, not following guidelines, second wave, Trump is trying to distract, etc.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Absolutely, they all work from the same script.

      • Ownbestenemy

        So civil unrest is what it will be because too many are gobbling up this shit.

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      economic hardship doesn’t equal death

      Er, yeah, it can.

      • Q Continuum

        No shit. Anyone who thinks this needs to go hang out in a New Dehli slum for a while.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Damn straight it can. My grand father ended his own life because of economic hardship back in the 50s…granted his own vices, but still…it will take lives and a lot of them if this continues.

    • Ownbestenemy

      He actually said that? So learn to code is now acceptable? What a pissant

      • Ted S.

        It was when TEAM BLUE was telling it to coal miners.

    • Drake

      The humiliation of losing your job or business, eventually your car and home, being unable to provide for your family, the prospect of grinding poverty and hopelessness… that will make death a tempting alternative to many. Thanks fucker.

      • leon

        Look he’s just being compassionate. You guys want people to DIE!

      • R C Dean

        Well, some people, yeah.

    • R C Dean

      A reporter asked Gov. Cuomo what he’d say to New Yorkers who want to go back to work because they’re running out of money, to which he replied, “economic hardship doesn’t equal death”

      Note the implicit equation of going to work = getting infected = ded D. E. D. ded.

      A better way to put it would be to say “economic hardship doesn’t equal a less than one in one thousand chance of death”. See how that plays.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Yeah, although if you’re bedridden in a nursing home you probably should wait a bit longer before you start going out again.

      • Q Continuum

        Just because I weigh 600 pounds, smoke 3 packs a day, have emphysema, diabetes and heart disease doesn’t mean I should have to exercise judgement about when it’s safe to leave the house! Only the government can tell me!

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      Interesting.

      Facebook’s just . . . stopped loading. No matter what I do, or how long I wait. Been doing that for 40 minutes or so. Doesn’t seem to matter how many times I log-off and log back on. Never seen that before.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Its a sign to drop it.

      • Q Continuum

        It’s ok BEAM, you don’t have to hide that you’re going to PornHub instead of “Facebook”.

      • ruodberht

        FacialBook?

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Oh, puh-LEEZE. PornHub’s just roarin’ along.

        Er, so I’ve heard.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Those tenants are not staying at home as ordered so the landlords are just helping…

    • Fatty Bolger

      Believe me, for every “bad landlord” story, there’s 1000 “bad tenant” stories. You just don’t see them in the news.

    • Drake

      Were they protesting on a highway? Otherwise Ponch and John shouldn’t have any say in it.

  27. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Jeez, first my man Kim Jong Un almost dies yesterday and now the afternoon links are late. This has been a terrible week so far.

  28. bacon-magic

    *pukes
    Once again you astound and horrify us with your prose.

  29. PieInTheSky

    I find this Omakase series from Eater for some reason very enjoyable to watch although I would not afford to eat in any of those restaurants

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6x9T07zsHo