Trump Says AOC Can be President if She Sits in Corner of Oval Office

by | Apr 14, 2020 | Satire | 371 comments

WASHINGTON DC – Trump invited select members of the press, mainly reporters from Weekly World News, to the White House to witness the historic wager. “This isn’t a trick, is it? I remember that time you told me to pull your finger”, said a skeptical AOC. “Oh no, totally legit. Just like these fine journalists here. They broke the story about how Elvis faked his own death and disguised himself as Bigfoot. Now who would make up a thing like that?”, said Trump. Trump continued: “Besides, you want that Green New Deal, right? Well, here’s your chance. Be careful now, the corner is very, very small, so you’ll have to keep your eyes *peeled*. It’s down by the baseboard, so you should probably crawl, very slowly. If you have trouble, blow on this kazoo, and a friendly bird called a snipe will come to help. Now, snipes are afraid of people, but they love shiny things, so you’d better use this aluminum foil. Now hold out your arms. I’ll wrap you up wrap nice and good. Let me know when you’re ready, and I’ll turn off the lights. Snipes prefer dark.” AOC said “but if it’s dark, how will the snipe see the shiny foil?” “Ah b-b-b-b-bup”, said Trump, before adding “no more questions, cupcake. It’s go time!” Trump then switched off the lights, left the office, and locked the door. The kazoo could be heard periodically over the next 4 hours. At the 6 hour mark, aides opened the door and discovered AOC passed out behind a ficus.

About The Author

Derpetologist

Derpetologist

The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp, Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy

371 Comments

  1. AlmightyJB

    “blow on this kazoo”

    I would have played a similar game with her.

    • R C Dean

      Yeah, she’s a would for me. Easily passes my bar for physical attractiveness, which admittedly is getting lower over time.

      • Crusty Juggler

        She is an attractive woman and anyone who disagrees is either lying, stupid, or a Republican.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        I’m not into horse teeth.

      • Hyperion

        Yeah, umm… just no. Hispanic Olive Oyl, hard pass, well sort of not so hard, but pass. Bug eyed horseface.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Yep, she’s just….blech.

      • juris imprudent

        Pretty sure you wouldn’t be able to get through the whole thing without her going off onto some bullshit political topic. Unless she’s into ballgags.

      • DEG

        Unless she’s into ballgags.

        I think it is a safe bet she is.

      • Chafed

        That’s what I was thinking.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Judging by her king of the betas boyfriend, she might be into pegging.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        It is difficult to maintain an erection whilst being pelted by Marxist gibberish. Plus, as any man over thirty can tell you, there is no good outcome when you put it in crazy.

      • AlmightyJB

        Ya’ll no fun

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Even a Rightie/(R)/Fox News 1 or 2 is far above AOC. Why settle?

      • BakedPenguin

        Thirded or eighted or whatever. In that dance video (admittedly a while ago), she was trailing smoke everywhere she stepped.

      • Animal

        Yeah, but beauty is skin deep, while stupid goes clear to the marrow.

  2. Crusty Juggler

    Elvis was living in an East Texas nursing home until the corona got them.

    • UnCivilServant

      I thought it was a mummy that got him.

  3. Sean

    Is that Weinstein’s ficus?

    • Crusty Juggler

      I’m on Team Weinstein on that one – Lauren Sivan is a piece, bro.

  4. The Hyperbole

    See, this is what I was talking about.*

    *I think I was talking about this, but it’s all kinda fuzzy, I may have just been mumbling insults and criticisms.

  5. westernsloper

    AOC could be president if she just wore more sheer blouses. *too lazy to find the meme*

  6. Not Adahn

    I don’t think Trump is that coherent.

    Then again, most of my Trump quotations come from SF and CPRM, so what do I know?

    Speaking of things I (don’t) know, whycome someone didn’t tell me they made a Tiger King ep 8? I’m going to go watch the interview with his LP campaign manager.

    • UnCivilServant

      I didn’t tell you because I don’t pay attention to that show, so I didn’t know.

      • Not Adahn

        Just FYI, I’m glad you didn’t give everyone the Covid. Everyone at steel challenge was crammed into the front room of the clubhouse to take the RO class, and AFAIK, nobody has it.

        But dammit, I am so sick of dry-fire practice. I wish NYers weren’t so freaking panicky.

      • Sean

        My range is open…

        Neener neener!

        I’m looking forward to going this weekend.

      • Not Adahn

        Honestly, if the Beretta acts under live ammo the way it does under dry fire, I may have accidentally discovered the sub-$600 race gun.

        wait….

        You have an open range, I have an open liquor store.

      • UnCivilServant

        My range is open.

        The meetings are cancelled, but the range itself is still open.

      • Sean

        It’s a long drive for you, but I’ve got enough ammo for the apocalypse. ?

        Oh, and a gun safe you’d be in your bunk for.

      • DEG

        My club is open, but certain ranges are shut down due to contractors working on them.

      • UnCivilServant

        Well, you guys started cancelling around the time I probably had it

    • Not Adahn

      Oh goddammit, someone beat that little fuck until he confesses he’s a Democrat. That weaselly little shit just said that he “couldn’t get” counselling because Joe didn’t provide it.

      L2libertarian politifag!

      • CPRM

        Yeah, that’s why I never mentioned the new ep. It was even less investigative than the rest of the show, which is a pretty low bar.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        I don’t think that’s exactly what he said or implied. I think he was saying he hasn’t had counseling, AND that Joe didn’t provided it (which, I think he should have, considering what happened, and that it was a business). Is that something in Joe’s rat’s nest of a brain (providing counseling)? I highly doubt it. Doesn’t not make Joe a piece of shit for not making sure his other employees are OK after the suicide.

    • CPRM

      Then again, most of my Trump quotations come from SF and CPRM, so what do I know?

      I edit him less than the press does, which is really fucking insane.

  7. DEG

    It’s down by the baseboard, so you should probably crawl, very slowly. If you have trouble, blow on this kazoo, and a friendly bird called a snipe will come to help. Now, snipes are afraid of people, but they love shiny things, so you’d better use this aluminum foil. Now hold out your arms. I’ll wrap you up wrap nice and good. Let me know when you’re ready, and I’ll turn off the lights. Snipes prefer dark.

    This is the strangest porn story ever.

    • Sean

      Way to light the SugarFree signal…

      • DEG

        I thought those were current events stories? You mean they’re not?

  8. Count Potato

    To be fair, I haven’t given them any money Keith Moon died.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      You’re doubleplusbad. We’ve always been at war with Eastasia.

      • Gustave Lytton

        This doubled chocolate ration tastes even more like ass.

    • westernsloper

      Doctor GU agreed with him though so he has that going for him.

    • Jarflax

      Eugene Gu, MD
      @eugenegu
      ·
      Jan 24
      Replying to
      @realDonaldTrump
      Well, this is one reasonable stance that makes sense. But you know what they say. A broken clock can be right twice a day.

      The one tweet Gu liked is the dumbest thing Trump had to say.

      • Crusty Juggler

        And from which graduate school did you graduate? Huh?

      • Jarflax

        The 4th oldest continuously running college of law in the US! A bastion of commiethink with a statue of the fattest President outside!

      • Crusty Juggler

        omg this LAWYER thinks is as smart as a DOCTOR

        omfg lol

      • Jarflax

        Who is a Doctor?

      • Crusty Juggler

        Eugene Gu

        Pay attention, Esq

      • Jarflax

        Well he has a doctoral degree…

      • UnCivilServant

        He didn’t finish his residency and can’t practice medicine.

      • Crusty Juggler

        *impression time!!!!*

        Guess who I am:

        “oh, I’m jealous I didn’t go to medical school and can’t get fancy letters at the end of my name because I am person of lower intelligence”

      • UnCivilServant

        Let me see… You’re Crusty Juggler!

      • Tres Cool

        As I recall, he didn’t finish his residency because he was fired.

      • Not Adahn

        “oh, I’m jealous I didn’t go to medical school and can’t get fancy letters at the end of my name because I am person of lower intelligence”

        I have had sex with women holding literally every terminal degree other than a D. Div.

        It is amazing how unimpressed I am by academic letters. While I haven’t jizzed on shoulder stripes, I have managed to stain the hood and tam after one particularly boring commencement ceremony.

      • Homple

        Jarflax, I caught that.

      • UnCivilServant

        Is he also the fattest supreme court justice?

      • Jarflax

        Probably.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Someone doesn’t want to get in a winning boat.

  9. Crusty Juggler

    Triggering the libs and insulting the media is more important than my personal liberty.

    • Jarflax

      Your liberty is a lost cause, but the lulz are still acheivable!

      • Don Escaped Kenosha

        bless you: my life has meaning again

        In fact, I don’t enjoy it as much as the rest of you. As fruit goes, it’s just too low and easy to come by: the nonsense du jour is obvious . . . it doesn’t challenge . . .shooting fish in a barrel. The popular discourse is like listening to a tweener tell jokes.

        * tired sigh *

      • Sean

        Save the ???!

      • UnCivilServant

        Shave the green hatchbacks?

      • Sean

        I’ve got a pissed off* aquatic turtle upstairs. You’re welcome to shave him if you want.

        *GF cleaned his tank yesterday, apparently that always agitates him.

        Of course, he’s not even supposed to be here… He was a classroom pet, until NJ banned him…

      • UnCivilServant

        Turtles? Those are cars with their tunks open.

      • BakedPenguin

        *GF cleaned his tank yesterday

        Sure, that’s what she did with the hydrochloroquine.

      • Mojeaux

        sksksksks an’ I oop!

      • westernsloper

        Is that where that comes from? The you tube makeup/fashion girls? Hoe lee fuck.

      • Toxteth O’Grady

        I didn’t realize it sounded like “alley OOP”. What in hell does that mean?

      • Jarflax

        Honestly I prefer making puns. I don’t actually enjoy stupidity, or mocking stupidity. I do it. But it is more an alternative to screaming incoherent curses while curled up in a corner than a thing I enjoy.

      • Crusty Juggler

        I prefer making funs!

        Folks!

    • Don Escaped Kenosha

      17 is yummy in that North Sea way that pushes me buttons

    • UnCivilServant

      Only two of thirty ruined by tattoos.

      You can do it, you can have an ink-free set.

    • westernsloper

      At least some things are constant in these trying times. And 4.

      • Ownbestenemy

        oddly I am aroused

      • blackjack

        Man! You ARE your own best enemy!

      • westernsloper

        FFS. Just when I think I have the threading problems figured out.

      • commodious spittoon

        Seems perversely appropriate.

      • Tres Cool

        So someone recorded my Easter secks?

    • DEG

      #6 looks fun.

      #7 has an elegance that I like.

      #18 is Katelyn Runck.

      #19 is Lindsay Pelas.

      #20 is Casey Leigh.

      #26 is gorgeous.

      #28 is too.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        This is what privilege looks like.

  10. R C Dean

    From the dedthred:

    Harking back to conversations here about debt and leverage, consider how leveraged the US economy is.

    Now throw in a 6% contraction in one quarter. Compare to the total contraction of 4.3% (I believe) in the US GDP during the Great Recession.

    I see no reason to be the least bit optimistic about “bouncing back” from the damage done to our economy.

    I was thinking the other day that it has been a long generation (nearly 40 years) since we had inflation that mattered much. The memory of how bad high inflation can be is pretty much gone, which I think is why everyone is so blase about throwing trillions of fiat cash into a contracting economy.

    I have a feeling a lot of people are about to re-learn the lesson about inflation.

    • blackjack

      I think it’s likely that the poverty we willingly accepted will kill more people than the cooties we did it for. Maybe not in the US, but many places count on us being rich.

      • Gustave Lytton

        That’s been my thinking. Even at the worst of predictions, I suspect far more will die indirectly and over the long term from this suicide. These idiots who think this time they can centrally plan economies, have no clue that rich economies support luxuries like all of modern medical care.

      • Tejicano

        The CCP released this virus to give the average Wang something else to worry about rather than protest about a lack freedom. I expect they didn’t expect it would spread – given the first SARS situation as an example.

        But with the way this outbreak, and the west’s economical suicide in responses to it, have put a stake through the heart of the world economy China’s own economy is going to feel this burn like they have no concept for yet. Hopefully that will be compounded by the world finding other sources for consumer goods as a reaction.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        All nefarious actors now have a blueprint for bringing the West to its knees.

      • Jarflax

        And it appears to take almost nothing.

      • blackjack

        Last time it was a dozen guys with box cutters.

    • kinnath

      Jimmy Carter and the 20% misery index. 10% inflation and 10% unemployment.

      I have no fucking interest at all going back to high inflation.

      • R C Dean

        I suspect high inflation is interested in coming back to you.

      • Jarflax

        Pray it is Carter era high inflation, not currency collapse level inflation.

      • straffinrun

        There is no Volker at the Fed today.

      • Rhywun

        +1 malaise

      • Playa Manhattan

        We have no other way to pay back the national debt. It will happen, it’s just a question of when.

    • mikey

      -1 17.5% mortgages. We had one.

      • Tres Cool

        26%

        /tightens foil on head

        This is by design.

    • straffinrun

      At least we’ll have a stockpile of ventilators to eat if things get too bad.

      I don’t know about price inflation, however. People going from, say, $5K a month in salary down to $1200 in Trump bucks is going to put downward pressure on prices. My bigger fear is a good old fashioned return to price controls.

    • commodious spittoon

      R C, I’m curious what’s your opinion on this thread. The gist is that people are dying in hospitals in large part due to the panic policies put in place to prevent the spread of virus, but it leaves vulnerable patients alone in understaffed hospitals where anxiety and neglect lead to preventable deaths… then those numbers serve as the basis for even more panic and distancing and counterproductive policy-making. Do you think he has a case? Or is he overstating the problem?

      • blackjack

        How many people have died for fear of seeking treatment. Every time my kid does something dangerous ( about 5 times an hour ) my wife goes on a rant about how we don’t want to have to go to a hospital in the middle of this. I always wonder how many people have heart attacks or strokes and think the same way.

      • commodious spittoon

        Not that it matters, I guess, he also questions the official mortality numbers and modeling, so he’s due to be unpersoned regardless.

      • R C Dean

        Way overstated. On mobile, so not inclined to go into detail. The one thing he calls out that we are concerned about is the visitor restrictions. Solely for the moral/psychic support, not for any supposed contribution to patient safety. Commie Cough ventilator units are ICUs with one nurse for every two patients.

  11. Playa Manhattan

    Where is all of this “Save USPS” bullshit coming from?

    • straffinrun

      Spooner’s doppelganger?

    • Tres Cool

      Net neutrality killed them. Too many emails.

    • UnCivilServant

      A lot of bad business decisions.

    • Rhywun

      The past?

      They’ve been crying poverty forever.

      • AlmightyJB

        Yeah, they’ve been losing money for ever. They’re just using current situation to try and feed from trough like everyone else. We’ll be bailing out pensions across the country.

    • LJW

      Why would I want to save something that fills my mailbox with garbage that I have to sort through to find the one legitimate piece of mail I get every 3 or 4 months.

    • Not an Economist

      Well apparently the Democrats think it is critical to the economy to bail out an agency that was failing before the economic shutdown.

      I’m sure that will fix the problem.

  12. Mojeaux

    And all the Boomers will die and leave it to GenX to sort out.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Reality bites. Again.

    • Rhywun

      Meh. We’ll just leave it to the Millennials.

      • straffinrun

        Look what they did to tattoos and beards. We can’t let that happen.

      • Rhywun

        Shit. You’re right.

        *brushes up flannel sleeves*

    • straffinrun

      Meh. *Hits bong*

  13. Hyperion

    So, is the Gateway error after every post a new permanent feature?

    • UnCivilServant

      Think of it as a rate limiter.

    • Tres Cool

      Its the new “normal”. Get used to it, gospodin.

    • AlmightyJB

      There’s kids in Africa who can’t post at all.

      • blackjack

        Sally Struthers posts for them.

      • AlmightyJB

        While she eats their food.

      • Hyperion

        LOL. That’s why I love you guys, you are funny guys!

      • UnCivilServant

        And they can’t vote Either!

        See, we need vote by mail!

        /Dem

      • straffinrun

        Ever hear of Olajuwon or Mutombo?

      • AlmightyJB

        I was waiting for something like that.

  14. DEG

    CDC and FEMA have drafted a plan!

    There is a draft of a back-to-work strategy for the nation, created by a team led by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the Federal Emergency Management Agency, according to The Washington Post.
    CNN has reached out to the government agencies for comment.
    The plan offers guidance for local and state governments on how to reopen the country safely and in phases, the newspaper reported.
    The strategy has three phases, according to the report. One is readying the country through a “communication campaign and community readiness assessment until May 1,” according to the Post.

    In the second phase, manufacturing of testing kits and protective equipment would be stepped up and emergency funding increased. That would go through May 15, the Post reported.
    “Staged reopenings” would start after that and would depend on conditions locally.
    The plan specifically says reopenings would not be before May 1, the Post reported.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      Riots in the streets if it takes another month to seriously start reopening.

      Like I’ve said before, if we’re not well on the path to normalcy by memorial day, people are going to start burning things.

      • blackjack

        Worked out well for Raleigh, right?

      • AlmightyJB

        “people are going to start burning things”

        We can only dream

    • Tres Cool

      And then when the flu season that kills ~20,000 annually starts in mid-October, they shut it down and insist on mail-in ballots.

      /not by design

    • hayeksplosives

      How can the system have failed so badly that “central planning doesn’t work” has failed to sink in?

    • LJW

      Better idea the CDC can fuck off, they’ve screwed up enough. Shelter the pre-existing conditions, encourage work from home and social distancing, but don’t force anything. Reopen the economy. Shutting down the economy is only prolonging the pandemic. Rip the damn band aid off, people are going to die regardless.

    • Gustave Lytton

      That is absolutely insane. Two weeks to start reopening. Max.

    • blackjack

      My work want’s me to stay home until the 15th as of now. Subject to constant revision of course.

      • Gustave Lytton

        How’s your employer doing? PDX’s parent org has already announced 12% budget cuts.

      • blackjack

        Lax is hurtin bad. Business down by 90% over last year. They’re already counting trump bucks, though. I don’t know what effect it’ll have on us worker bees, though.

      • commodious spittoon

        If this comes down to Trump saying reopen and governors saying boo, I don’t see it going well for governors. I imagine most exposure the latter gets to hoi polloi are schoolteachers, bureaucrats, activist groups, etc… not people unduly affected by the shutdown. People who actually have their livelihoods on the line are not going to take it well being told to stay home, stay broke, and learn to love Big Brother.

        Or maybe I’m dreaming and the strength to force the moment to its crisis has long since faded.

      • AlmightyJB

        People believe what they’re told. Even though they can go download the numbers from Ohio’s website and see that the numbers don’t remotely justify any restrictions. They won’t. They’ll just call 911 on their neighbors.

      • Tres Cool

        When I see “recovery task force”, the bile stops just at the top of my throat.

      • Tres Cool

        Thanks, JB. As if Ozys article didnt already spike my blood pressure.

        “Until there is a vaccine, this monster as I like to call it, is going to be lurking around us,” he said.

        Statist prick said that yesterday, too. “the monster”. Cause when it comes to complacency, we all need a boogeyman. He’s gonna get ya!

        Fuck him, fuck Amy Acton, and doubly fuck thathorse-faced cunte daughter of his.
        She’s the “2nd wave” or the “re-emergence”.
        Besides, there was only ever 1 boogeyman

        /mic drop

      • AlmightyJB

        I had that album

      • AlmightyJB

        My boss asked in our staff meeting today if anyone had any concerns about going back to office end if month. I said none at all as long as I don’t have to wear a mask.

      • blackjack

        I don’t have to go in until at least the 15th of May, but I got the email that said there’s masks and decals enforcing distancing there. I’m glad I am missing that. It’s bad enough they converted my supermarket into a life sized boardgame.

      • Tres Cool

        Ages ago in a marketing class I had to take, I was told (by an old instructor) only 3 things deeply motivate people- fear, hunger, and sex.
        They’re playing on the one, and counting on #2.

      • AlmightyJB

        It’s probably a good thing that I don’t have all of the Infinity Stones right now.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Besides, there was only ever 1 boogeyman

        Well, there was a challenger.

      • CPRM

        What about Mr. Boogedy?

      • CPRM

        And yes Tres, that was John Aston, not festus.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Umm….Think I’ll stick with Rob.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        ??

      • CPRM

        Was meant as response to your response while I was responding about huge ass houses: Huge ass houses

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Oh; the huge bitch! I gotcha.

      • l0b0t

        HOLY MACKEREL! She looks like a very sleepy mule.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Hahahaha!

      • l0b0t

        Woo hook! My $1200 in Trump Fun Bux just deposited to my account. I REALLY need the money but sigh…

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        As my wife pointed out, no withholding taken out, so, be prepared for that. Otherwise, cheers*, and put it to good use.

        *all things considered about Trump Bux, might as well try to see something good, I guess.

      • UnCivilServant

        Do we know the tax status of the funds?

      • l0b0t

        Woo hoo! My $1200 in Trump Fun Bux just deposited to my account. I REALLY need the money but sigh…

      • Ted S.

        Looks like the squirrels need it too….

      • Grumbletarian

        One $1200 hookerbot, or twelve hundred $1 hookerbots?

    • CPRM

      communication campaign and community readiness assessment until May 1

      See, Obama always told us we were just too dumb to see the majesty of his words, if he’d only talked more stupider to us we woulda understanded…

  15. straffinrun

    Sorry Derp, but there are fewer people in the world I care less about right now than AOC.

    • straffinrun

      Is that phrased right? Need coffee.

      • AlmightyJB

        Few

      • straffinrun

        Know-it-all.

      • AlmightyJB

        Well I am Almighty.

      • Rhywun

        I could care less.

  16. Q Continuum

    Fuck fuck fuck I can’t believe it! Alright so today we’re having class over Zoom because of the WuFlu and my crush was looking like a straight-up snack as usual. No one could see me from the waist down so I stared at her and started to jerk off. I was yanking it, I was cranking it the teacher’s words were going in one ear and right out the other. Then my crush got up to get a cola out of her mini-fridge, her fast ass was on display for everyone to see. I came so hard that it shot out of my dick like a surface-to-air missile! My thick sticky cum covered my Kill-La-Kill shirt, the whole class was staring. I knew they knew but I had to clean myself up. I thought I had covered the camera when I got up but the whole class saw my semi-hard dick in all its four inches of glory. The teacher kicked me from the class and pmd me to let me know that I had been suspended indefinitely. Does anyone know if I can sue the school for discrimination?

    • Jarflax

      Are you channeling Crusty and HM tonight?

      • Gustave Lytton

        His one last night was a little more it there.

    • AlmightyJB

      I thought teachers were into that.

    • LemonGrenade

      That’s why you turn off your damn camera before you actually start jerking it.

      • blackjack

        I think I would’ve starting shilling for tips. Maybe post my Venmo addy.

    • Brochettaward

      I’m tired of all the masturbation shaming that goes on in this world. Free the penis!

      • LemonGrenade

        Whack it if you got it, but turn off the video camera first. Then I can pretend I didn’t notice the thwapping noises because you forgot to mute.

      • Brochettaward

        I won’t subject my penis to your normie social mores.

      • LemonGrenade

        Subject your penis to the next glibs happy hour. I’m sure we’d all be entertained!

      • Brochettaward

        Beware what you wish for. The Dragon is no laughing matter.

      • LemonGrenade

        Once upon a time, the news org I work for encouraged users to upload their own photos to any article that was posted on the site. Which might have been an admirable goal if people were actually interested in adding their own pictures of current car accidents, etc. Instead, seven years later, I am *still* finding and deleting comparisons between coke cans and cocks from our old news articles. I’m inured.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        comparisons between coke cans and cocks

        Pr0n, then?

    • straffinrun

      I knew they knew but I had to clean myself up.

      No you didn’t.

    • Tres Cool

      Seems relevant:

      Agile Cyborg
      March.28.2015 at 4:44 pm

      Once as a child I was playing in a park in a field of flowers and all the flowers naturally broke as I frolicked except one… and that flower spoke to me and explained it was planted by a robot gardener and I shouldn’t be afraid. And I wasn’t but I did feel shades of awe and I left that flower because I figured had I picked it I might have been killed by a robot flower.

      • DEG

        I miss Agile Cyborg.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      This is one occasion where I will not invoke the internet law of, “Pics or it didn’t happen.” I will take your word for it.

    • Tres Cool

      Since I started with old AC posts, Ima drop this here and go cook some chicken:

      Agile Cyborg
      March.28.2015 at 7:16 pm

      So who wants to fuck my wife and me with a robot for a fmr and so and so?

      Agile Cyborg
      March.28.2015 at 7:30 pm

      If you make robot math it should desire humans.

      Should robots lust?

      I lust after all sorts of goodness and anything that doens’t lust is living a tired boring existence.

    • commodious spittoon

      4. Individual people should look at this math differently depending on their situation. Some people are at higher risk for the virus. Others are in more financially vulnerable situations. They should have the right to adjust their behavior accordingly. Right now, they don’t.

      Rather than getting the upside of a functioning economy and the downside of a viral pandemic, they’re getting nothing but downside. Rather than targeting aid at the most vulnerable we’ve made everyone more vulnerable than they otherwise would be. It’s madness. Who cares whether the virus was engineered in a lab, the response could hardly have been better engineered to fuck us.

    • creech

      Well it looks like the cower in place edict has saved at least one school kid’s life. And that should be justification for closing down public schools permanently.

      • AlmightyJB

        Hopefully in home school they’ll learn about their Rights and the Constitution.

      • Hyperion

        Yes, it will not go well for statists.

      • straffinrun

        You gotta love that headline. Most people will see it and think something similar to what you said. The author has no idea it could be interpreted that way.

      • Hyperion

        “closing down public schools permanently.”

        Bestest idea ever.

        School’s Out

      • LemonGrenade

        That’s how I let my kids know the schools had been shut down. I called them into the kitchen and said, “My darling children, I have bad news.” Then I played Alice Cooper and they started dancing.

      • Hyperion

        When I was a kid, I couldn’t have even dreamed of such a glorious revolution. The best we ever had was an occasional snow day. Millions of libertarian chillins created overnight. Unintended consequences gone awry, hahhaahahaa!!!

      • LemonGrenade

        Yeah, they got a month off out of the 4th quarter and the rest of the quarter is voluntary pass/fail if that. I’m not worried about my monsters. They know how to read quite well, which is the gateway to every other skill. If they miss a few standardized tests and state sponsored movie showings, I’m not going to fret. I’m actually enjoying how much it’s making my husband go, “Hmmm, maybe homeschooling wouldn’t be so bad.” Maybe I’ll achieve my dream of working from the road full time after all.

      • Hyperion

        Get them interested in Science, Geography, and History. The rest will follow.

      • dbleagle

        There are plenty of books and websites out there by long term cruisers (sailing) and RV travelers. It is a bit different proposition than when you are in a fixed location. But every cruising kid I have met has been bright and mature beyond their years- plus 100% sense of adventure.

      • LemonGrenade

        We already travel for approximately three months out of the year, and I think the kids would be fine full-timing it, as long as we had a home base to store all their shit.
        That’s the biggest thing I’m dreading about the pangolin panic: we’ve already had reservations canceled for spring break and the summer was not only booked, but fucking set up. We were reserved for Mt Rushmore over 4th of July, during first fireworks in like a decade and now that’s all up in the air, along with all our Michigan reservations since Whitmer is totally insane. All those reservations, paid up in advance, and I’m dreading asking shuttered businesses for my money back if I have to, since I know it wasn’t their fault but some commie governors.

      • blackjack

        Today, I told my kid it was time for school. He said, ” I don’t wanna go!” I had to explain that I’m his teacher now and he doesn’t have to go anywhere. He was elated. As a bonus, he’s progressing by leaps and bounds now that he’s getting home schooled. Apparently, I’m better at getting him to stop messing around and pay attention. If only I didn’t have to work full time.

      • Gustave Lytton

        That is awesome.

    • CPRM

      Why didn’t we think to outlaw school sooner!? SCIENCE!

    • kinnath

      Ignore that spike in domestic violence.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Color me skeptical of that particular claim.

      • CPRM

        You’ve heard the stories of Sconnies beating our wives when the Packers loose, you think the reaction to not being able to go to the bar is less severe?

      • kinnath

        I made it up on the spot.

        Still as accurate as 93.7% of the claims on the internets.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Some people have been claiming it. It doesn’t make sense to me. A lot of DV is a result of jealousy, if she’s not leaving the house, the piece of shit jealous wifebeater knows where she is at all times. Because the insecure piece of shit isn’t having his insecurities triggered by his wife’s absence, I would assume those cases would go down.

      • blackjack

        Guys who beat women find women who want to get beat. They don’t really need reasons. Normal women would ditch a wifebeater the very first time he tried it. Not that makes it right, but that’s how it is. I’ve had women try to get me to hit them and when I didn’t they split.

      • LemonGrenade

        Somewhat agree. My mom and dad have both confirmed that dad wanted to hit mom once, but she picked up a chair and basically said “come get me motherfucker” and he backed down. I would hope a lot more bullies would back down, given resistance. It has been my experience at least.

      • Tejicano

        I think the final nail in the coffin on my first marriage was some time after we had separated and were talking on the phone (talking her into going through with the final paperwork – the only reason why I would be talking to her at that point). At some point she let it slip that her attitude might have been different if I had been more forceful – English translation being I should have hit her once in a while. I made it clear that I had grown up in a violent place at school and wasn’t going to be doing that at home ever.

      • straffinrun

        90% of domestic violence occurs within a mile of home. QED.

      • CPRM

        Them other 10% got huge ass houses.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder
      • Gustave Lytton

        My wife said the other day that it doesn’t count as domestic violence if it happens in your own home.

      • Ted S.

        The problem is that when (if?) things reopen and the pressure groups make the claims about domestic violence still going on, it’s going to be taken as gospel truth. They only have to be disbelieved now because if they weren’t it might make Orangemanbad look good.

  17. kinnath

    My new PC9 should arrive by Thursday. The Burris red dot should be here by Friday. I should be on the range this weekend.

    • kinnath

      The Leupold scope for the mini-14 comes this week as well.

      • kinnath

        Nothing else to do until the weather turns nice

      • YDAK

        it is nice, til June……

      • kinnath

        It’s April. It should be nice. But this is the 3rd fucking year in a row we’ve had sub-freezing temps and snow.

        It looks like it should return to normal next week.

      • YDAK

        Like the Economy?

      • CPRM

        Winter (in North America) has seemed to start later in the year and go longer into the following spring for quite a while (2010-2011 winter not withstanding) perhaps the couple hundred years of recorded weather patterns aren’t as reliable a predictor of the norm as we thought? Or WE KILLIN THA WERLD!!!!111!

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        I looked up the data for Indianapolis, since I grew up there and intuitively have an idea of the weather.

        I was surprised that the average (over 125 years) last freeze is right around now. April 16th for the city itself, as late as the 27th for outlying areas.

        The interesting data point was the record. May 27, 1961. Friggin memorial day weekend and it dropped below freezing. Intuitively, memorial day is the start of pool season in indy.

    • Sean

      Retail therapy. ?

  18. Hyperion

    504 Gateway Reply:

    Trump cut off WHO funding. Hahahahaahhaaaa! Bwahahhhaaaaahahahha, oh fuck, hahahhahhahahha!!! LOLOLOL!!!!!!

    Tin Pot Bureaucrats hardest hit.

  19. YDAK

    I just ran off a Homeless guy who tried to get in my house, yelling worked, and I also knew who he was, I’m not happy..
    actually I’m freaked out…

    • Hyperion

      Give him Nancy Pelosi’s address.

    • CPRM

      I’ve got a homeless guy sleeping in one of my spare bedrooms. Fuck up little-not-brother, left here a few weeks ago without telling me, got kicked out of where ever he was and I let him come back. I’m too fucking charitable, a fucking heartless libertarian caricature I am not, what’s wrong with me?…

      • YDAK

        I gave Pat the Homeless guy a Backpack full of nice clothes and a Jacket, I’m a sucker as well…
        /Good Man

      • Hyperion

        Dude, I did that a few years back with a hapless cousin. He didn’t have anywhere to go. So after long deliberation with my wife, we finally decided to be nice and tell him he could live with us for a little while until he could find a job here.

        A little time turned into months and it started to become obvious why he was destitute.

        That was a lesson hard learned.

      • CPRM

        He was raised like brother to me, and I keep hoping despite his real fucked up family and his poor life decisions he’ll be able to get on track. I let him know if he’s here there are rules, and the biggest rule is just letting me know where he is going. But I’m just the (white) man keeping him down from his POV when he gets himself in trouble, so he can’t seem to handle that. Maybe one day…

      • Hyperion

        I’d like to tell you it will go better for you. But now I’m so jaded. We did everything we could do, it wasn’t enough. My wife is one of the most generous, kind people I have ever met. You can’t change people through any amount of kindness and generosity. They have to change themselves, or not.

      • CPRM

        How ever it ends will color my view of nurture vs nature. Until his teens he spent more time with us than with his real family. Reality seems to be coloring me racist.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        He came back, after the “Man, rulez are for suckas!” play??

      • CPRM

        Yeah, despite being the only one to put conditions on his staying with me I’m still the biggest sucker.

      • YDAK

        The least of us, Good Man CPRM,

  20. LJW

    Any lawyers in here? We bought a car on Friday. Yesterday I went to call our insurance broker to add the vehicle but noticed our new car was already on our e-card and our old vehicle was gone. Called the broker to find the dealer called and swapped them. We never gave them authorization to do it. Granted they did put it on the same plan we wanted. Could we take legal action against both the dealer and/or our broker.

    • blackjack

      What for? Sounds like they did you a favor. Legal action is for reversing damage. Actual damage, not theoretical. I’m sure your Ins company would’ve corrected it if that’s what you chose. And anyways, if the car is financed, they might be required to make sure it has full coverage.

      • LJW

        I should mention we aren’t planning on taking action it was more just hypothetical my wife and I were talking about. We were just curious if there were legal grounds, given they entered us into a contract we didn’t agree upon.

      • YDAK

        I entered into a real big contract for this POS i live in, and he immediately broke the lease, I owe him nothing…..

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        1) Double check everything you signed before hanging your hat on “contract we didn’t agree upon”. Its quite possible that you did agree to it
        (or to them swapping the cars out, at least)

        2) damages are king. No harm, no foul. Juries don’t pay out for “they did exactly what I would’ve done, but I don’t like that they took initiative”

      • LJW

        But they hurt my pride! We checked the paperwork and there wasn’t anything insurance related. We thought it was unusual, but like I mentioned before nothing we were really upset about.

      • blackjack

        It’s possible that state law allows/requires them to do that. There’s a lot of public/private interaction here in CA. Smog stations report directly to the DMV as do insurance companies. In any case, if it harmed you, you would probably prevail ( as in, you continued driving car 1, thinking it was still insured and wrecked, etc.) If you contacted your Ins, company and told them you didn’t want the changes, they would likely comply.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        L, I’m on your side (I think)–not that I don’t get the obviousness of what the others have laid out; it just sticks in the craw to think of a business ‘taking liberties’ with things I consider to be my obligations/decisions.

      • CPRM

        I get that angle as well. But still not sure it can be a legal action unless he contests the coverage.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Oh, no–I fully get the tort requirement. It’s just the idea of a a third party doing (something like) that, regardless of whether it was mandated or not. Messes with my now dwindling sense of security.

      • blackjack

        I get it too. I would have a sense of intrusion also. But, I doubt there’s a legal recourse. And, after all is said and done, you ended up where you were going with no harm involved.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        sense of intrusion

        Yep–that’s the phrase.

      • CPRM

        Why I don’t sign up for any kind of automated payments or ‘free trials’ that ask for a card. Even if it’s easier, I’d rather know when money is going in or out. Hell, that’s also why I stopped doing paper checks. Growing up poor I know how those can be abused, ‘I’ll date it the 22nd, but send it on the second, tehee’ and vice-a-versa.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Did they tell your agent to swap or just report the transaction and your agent made the change?

      You might have to research the insurance requirements for your state and your insurance company’s rules for coverage of new vehicles/termination of sold vehicles and notification requirements of the same.

    • Sean

      Not sure if serious…

      Did you want to drive around uninsured?

      • Gender Traitor

        As blackjack mentioned above, if you’re financing, whoever coughed up the money is likely to require comprehensive coverage. At the credit union where I work, if we don’t get proof of coverage within our required parameters (which includes an upper limit on your deductible) we slap Collateral Protection Insurance on your loan and increase your required payment to cover the (exorbitant) cost. (Borrowers are given this info – at least they’re SUPPOSED to be given this info, whether doing the paperwork at the CU or at the dealer.) And CPI does you no good in fulfilling any state-mandated “financial responsibility” requirement – all the CPI does is pay down/off your loan balance if you total the vehicle.

        I’m so glad I’m no longer the one who has to deal with that. Everyone hates everything about CPI, but it’s how the credit union protects itself against loss.

  21. CPRM

    BTW, if I were an amoral man, I WOULD AOC as long as she didn’t talk.

    • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

      I hate to say it, but I fear she might inhale you up one of her monstrous nostrils.
      And, that bug-eyed stare….yeeesh.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        +1 ‘Alligator fuck-house’

  22. straffinrun

    Getting sick of Zoom meetings. (My work ones, not the Glib ones). How about I just send you the documents you need and you read them first? Some people are taking advantage of this WFH stuff and monopolizing my time. If we were in meatspace, I could avoid them easier.

    • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

      That is…oddly fascinating. Not that you have to deal with it; just the idea that teleconferencing, or, whatever the kids are calling it, is making it more difficult to dodge others.

      • straffinrun

        They know I’m at my PC. Ugh. My boss is hosting the meetings and other people jump in. If it were a physical meeting, they’d have to get off their butts and go to the meeting room.

      • CPRM

        So…don’t be at your PC. Seems pretty easy to me. Plausible deniability.

      • Gustave Lytton

        My boss has apparently decided that he’s using Teams and txt messages to communicate instead via email. He called me about a Teams IM he sent. While I was offline. SMH.

    • blackjack

      You could avoid it by handling Zoom meetings the way “Q” does. No one’s going to come back for more of that.

  23. Creosote Achilles

    We’re fucked. As I shared on the Discord, STEVE SMITH has applied for a CARES PPP loan. I didn’t realize he had employees.

    • CPRM

      You think 1 STEVE SMITH can rape that many people in one night? He’d need hundreds of STEVE SMITHs around the world! Santa couldn’t even do that, and he’s real!

    • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

      STEVE SMITH CARES.

      And, by CARE….

      /also, PPP… ::shudders to think of that acronym’s meaning for STEVE::

  24. Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

    Out of the mouths of children

    Look at their mug shots, if you want a smarm overdose.

    • CPRM

      work as doctors.

      Well, are they?

    • straffinrun

      Showed that old guy. Got arrested and will have to pay him some coin.

      • CPRM

        $500 in damage to the flag pole and $200 for the flag itself.

        As big of pieces of shit they are, I don’t know how those things could be worth that much.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        I bet the pole cost (heh) include having it erected (ahem…).

        Also, you can kinda see OMB charging a lot for the flag. Maybe.

        /trust me, po-po will always err on the larger end of the scale wrt to cost of something.

      • CPRM

        Sounds like a poll tax to me! (but really, I have flagpole, cost was $0, I had a poll, and I stuck it in the ground)

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Well, that doesn’t require a ladder….

        It does look, from teh camera footage, that it was a high(er) end pole–set in concrete type thing.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Really? Another ‘teh’?

        FML

      • CPRM

        Mine is ringed in stone and I need a ladder to change the flag, but go ahead and poor shame me for not being beholden to Big Flagpole!

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        not being beholden to Big Flagpole

        Now, there’s an idea for the toons. Not exactly a full concept, but, at least, a great joke.

    • CPRM

      I AM ESSENTIAL! But, since the business I work for is closed down by government mandate, they don’t have enough cash to pay all essential employees, so we’re being rotated through lay-offs. (I know you know this Digby, just putting it out there for other folks who don’t get it.)

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        BTW, how long has brother been back? Is it impacting your time off*?

        *In whatever you have going on, $, etc.

      • CPRM

        He just came back today, said he’d find another place, but is asleep in a spare room. Money-wise, I’m doing better than I probably ever have, despite all this shit; but that’s because I’m miserly even in the moments of plenty I’ve had.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Well, here’s hoping he can settle down and get shit straightened. He sounds like he needs some counseling to help walk him through whatever is eating at him. I guess he could just be the type to only want to coast through life, but I figure you would have said something about that by now, if it were the case.

      • CPRM

        No, he won’t. He’s spoiled and everything wrong is some one else’s fault. But I can’t not be a good guy.

  25. Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

    Umm, CHAFED!!!

    In Fredericksburg?? Man, leave F-burg alone, dammit!

    • CPRM

      There is no Chafed only Zuel CPRM

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        They looked chafed, is all I’m saying.

      • CPRM

        Actually, that’s my go to visualization for lubricated.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        If ‘sex works’ is a concern, why not visit the farm?

      • CPRM

        Sad that almost everyone involved in that would literally support crucifying people make satire today…

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Rob would, and does.

        Harry, I think, is a bot more opened-minded. He’ll go on Crowder’s show as Derek every so often, so, he may retain some ‘fairness’.

        But, I’ve been wrong before, so…

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Something happened there…I got re-directed to a page about the ’16 GB movie.

        Say; you aren’t ‘a fan’ of it………are you?

      • CPRM

        No, I linked to a picture of Zuul with that…saliva?…cum?…vaginal secretions?…ectoplasm?…all over her , um, bits.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Oh…that didn’t make it through. The portal must’ve closed.

  26. YDAK

    what do you do with a twenty year old Cat?

    • YDAK

      She’s old and tiny,and tough, and won’t die! Kitah!

  27. Gustave Lytton

    So pissed right now. The local county health department director has released an edict of the things he’d like to see to “reopen” the county. First, the county isn’t shut, the state is. Second, his list is like a kid aping what he heard someone else (the governor and state epidemiologist) said and made his version of it. Third, the list is just bullshit that has little semblance to reality and are just plucked out of thin air. Things like seeing 30 days of declines. Fourth, the county health department has been out of control for years. Things like trying to ban tobacco use in open air parks and building a network of multimillion dollar county clinics (at a time when there’s more private providers than ever, often at low cost, of healthcare and vaccination).

    • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

      No wasted crises!!

    • CPRM

      This is when pre-meds too dumb to be doctors get their time to shine! It’s there time up there! But, it’s our Time Down here! Goonies never say die!

  28. YDAK

    and it’s my duty to take care of kittah til she dies, good Kittah!

    • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

      Is she doing OK right now? There is, apparently, a fairly healthy 29-year old cat, so, she could keep on keepin on.

      • YDAK

        She is an amazing little cat, Totally healthy, and just hangs out, and bugs the shit out of me for food and Love,

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Outstanding.

        Also, peace on the family.

      • YDAK

        Thankee,

  29. YDAK

    Kittah, Bella, and Daddy miss Momma very badly,

    • whahappan

      Hang in there bud, we’re here for you.

  30. Ownbestenemy

    to ensure my two 15 year olds experience their formative teenage years I have introduced them to The Man Show…where Adam Carolla maintains his principles and Jimmy Kimmel displays his cuckness.

    And girls jumping on trampolines

    • YDAK

      and BEER!

      • Ownbestenemy

        Beer indeed! Hows the kitty doing?

      • YDAK

        She’s fine, the site however…

    • YDAK

      15 can have a beer!

      • Ownbestenemy

        we have had our father son moments of the first beer. One after a hard day working in the yard, the other after a bad defeat on the mat in wrestling.

      • YDAK

        Yep, young Man stuff FTW!

    • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

      where Adam Carolla

      I guess this lights the Digby signal, if I follow CPRM’s idea. Not saying he’s the Kimmel here, though.

      • CPRM

        I’m no Kimmel, but you are our Carolla. I sleep now.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Peace out, mang.

  31. YDAK

    Too much, I’m out til this WP shit gets fixed

  32. l0b0t

    So my cow orker, who has been out sick for 2 weeks and management swore was negative for ChiCom Pox, came back to work tonight. He DID have ChiCom Pox and spent 6 days in hospital, losing 25lbs. in the process.

    • UnCivilServant

      Was the claim made before the hospitalization, or an insistance until the day he was back at work?

    • JD is Unemployed

      25lbs in 6 days? That’s commitment.

    • Gender Traitor

      So I gather that means you were exposed? Is your management the type that would have denied it in order to keep from having to send other employees home to self-isolate as a precaution?

    • Sean

      What ever happened to the blueberry buggerers?

      • UnCivilServant

        I thought they got fired in the initial telling of the story for ruining the product.

      • Sean

        Makes sense. I guess I didn’t register that part of the story.

      • The Hyperbole

        Maybe Sean is asking about how their relationship is doing? Not everything is about work UnCiv.

      • Sean

        ??

  33. UnCivilServant

    Hearing l0b0t got his money back from the feds, I checked and at first I was confused because there was a far bigger jump than I was expecting.

    Turns out the state finally processed my regular tax return, my paycheck cleared, and I got the stimulus money from the feds.

    Though they may have still used my 2018 returns instead of my 2019 returns, because it’s about $50 higher than I calculated, and more in line with the numbers for 2018.

    • Nephilium

      My Trumpbucks just got deposited into my account this morning as well. Now the question is what the fuck to do with it.

      • Nephilium

        And I see the posting issue is still ongoing. I’m trying to decide if it’s more or less annoying then the default layout.

      • Gender Traitor

        Ours will land in Mr. GT’s account, so I’ll have to be on the lookout for suspicious new guitar acquisitions.

      • UnCivilServant

        “This isn’t a suspicious guitar purchace”

        “Uh huh.”

        “It’s a Key-tar!”

      • Gender Traitor

        In truth, there are already so many that one more case on the shelf in the basement “music room” – or even one more sitting on a guitar stand in the “dining” (music) room – wouldn’t register with me. His trouble, though, is that he wouldn’t be able to resist showing it off and telling me all about how THIS one has some tone or feature that none of the (many) others have.

      • UnCivilServant

        I can sympathize with both of you. I have both been that person, and plagued by that person’s hobbies.

      • Gender Traitor

        My weakness is yarn. I probably have more than I can knit or crochet up before I die even if I live to a ripe old age.

        I need to finish up my current project – it’s too simple, so I’ve found it uninteresting. I need to start something more complex and therefore more engaging.

        Too bad we’re going into the wrong season for gloves. (Unless you need any more, of course.)

      • Festus

        That’s solid right there, UCS.

      • Nephilium

        UCS is Senior Chang?

  34. Not an Economist

    This is interesting.

    No idea if this true but Israeli professor says virus follows a fixed path. Peak in six weeks with a rapid decline after eight. Doesn’t matter if the country quarantined or not, it followed the same pattern. Professor does not know why.

    • westernsloper

      That is interesting. The starting point for tracking the virus is still kind of up in the air though so who knows.

  35. Festus

    I know it’s maudlin but Maudlin is my middle name. Something for my friends here in these trying times – https://youtu.be/VjEq-r2agqc (plus Tony Levin being genius at the end

    • UnCivilServant

      I keep forgetting how to spell my middle name The only time I ever need to know more than the first letter is when filling out a 4473

      Oh, you were being metaphorical.

      • Festus

        No, I was being all sensitive and caring and shit. Just for that Imma go back to being a cunte. My actual middle name is very gay.

      • UnCivilServant

        When I first get up I’m either silly or grumpy. Today is a silly day.

        I hope I can manage to keep it that way.

      • Not Adahn

        Francis?

      • Festus

        Kenneth, your server at some high-end bistro. Hate it.

    • Gender Traitor

      Noice! I’m partial to this one. Weird video, but sexy, sexy song.

      • Festus

        I’ve been a fan since I was 15 or so. I don’t think there is any bad Peter Gabriel.

  36. Shirley Knott

    OFFS. It’s April 15, I get up and open the blinds, the cars and grass are covered with snow. Snow!
    Spring is a very intermittent affair in mid-Michigan.

    • Festus

      We are finally, FINALLY! getting some Spring weather here. Still lotsa snow on the ground but it actually rained today. Everything is gonna be two or three weeks behind this year and I have to rebuild the garden. *grumbles*