Unintended Consequences

by | Apr 13, 2020 | Musings | 331 comments

Often we hear the words Unintended Consequences, meaning that some things happen in spite of our best planning. For example, we ‘borrow’ Dad’s car without permission for a short ride some evening, over to our friend’s house. We have been there, driven there, a hundred times, we know how to drive well, we have our learner’s permit in our pocket, right?

It really wasn’t our fault the jerk backed into us at McDonald’s and crumpled the fender. The flat tire it caused complicated things a little too. Now we have another problem, how do we explain these unintended things to Dad, especially the fact that we had used the car without permission?

At this point you are on your own, I’m not going to help. Fourth of July comes along and you hear that your friend has a whole box of M-80s that his brother brought back from Missouri. M-80s are cool (and super powerful, beats sparklers hands down on the Fourth). We’ll take them over to the field behind Jimmy’s house with some assorted bottles and cans and have a little safe fun, no little kids, no dogs, Jimmy and I understand safety, right? All goes well, cans fly, bottles explode, but then Jimmy (the Stupid) accidentally sets the dry grass on fire and the wind blows, just a little.

C’mon Jimmy, you butt hole, help me get the fire out.” Stomping, stomping, finally get the fire out, adrenalin pounding, before any major damage happens but alas, a neighbor has called the fire department with an LEO in tow. It was your first ride home in a police car and the explanations begin. “Mom, it was an accident, we didn’t mean for the fire to start.”

With any luck the unintended consequences result in your cell phone going missing for a month, two weeks restriction, a verbal kick in the butt from Dad and Jimmy’s brother never, ever will bring any kind of pyrotechnics home from Missouri.

Finally, you get to be 17 and you want to get a job at the local fast food place. All the neighbor kids, including Jimmy, now that he got off his 3 months in house detention, have jobs and of course you want/need some spending money. Old Milwaukee isn’t cheap. As the new guy you get to pick the trash from the parking lot, clean the grease trap on Wednesday and wash tables the rest of the time, but it does pay. You get your first check, 18 hours @ $7. an hour, you’ll be in the big bucks. “Hey, wait a minute, this check is only for $98, where’s the rest of the my money?” The manager patiently explains FICA and income tax, as he has done to the last 100 short term employees. You weren’t aware there was some unexpected and unintended consequences when you work up to elbows in grease, not to mention Suzee says you smell like week-old French fries and you don’t take that as a compliment.

Graduation finally drags around, summer passes at the pool and it’s time to head for college. Choosing a major was kind of tough, since math and stuff are a lot harder than finding Pornhub on Jimmy’s brother’s computer. What to choose? Remembering those things the counselor had said about your choices are going to make a lot of difference in your future adult life so you want to choose wisely. Finally you decide and get into a med tech program, it’s 5 years but should be fun, cute girls, things like that.

Do you know how tough it is to get up for an 8 o’clock class, every day? Who would have thought there would be chemistry and stuff? And trying to study with those crazy guys in the dorm? Maybe I’ll switch to Forestry, I’m an outdoor guy, wouldn’t like to be in a lab all day anyway. Hey, what’s this? Why do I have to take chemistry, I want to be out in the woods?

Oh hey, Jimmy, whassup, bro? Naw, I decided to go to VoTech, a couple years and I’ll be done and making some money. You? Oh, you and Suzee are both in pre-nursing? Tough, huh? You’re running a 3.7 GPA after two years? Great, man.”

Yeah, I got a couple student loans that kick in right away, not too bad, about 28K or so. It’ll be a piece of cake after I finish VoTech, I’ll need to get a little more for that but I’ll be working over at the fast food place, 20 hours a week, that will help and it’ll only take a couple years and I’ll be back on my feet.”

Yeah, I was hoping Bernie would get the nomination and then win the election. Bernie understands what it like when the fat cat corporations are running things and us stiffs are working for wages. I wish we’d unionize, get single payer and enjoy all the benefits. I’m taking it in the shorts, my company charges the customer $105 an hour for labor and I get $22 only, you can see how much they are making off my work. Well, yeah, I get two weeks paid vacation and 9 days sick leave but still.”

If Bernie had gotten elected my student loans would have been paid off, I might have even thought about going back to school with the free college thing. Of course, now that we’re shut down I’ll be collecting unemployment plus $600 a week, I’ll be fishing every day and laughing at the old days of cheap beer. There’s been some talk about the shop never opening again, but that’s the way those kind of people talk to cut your wages when we do go back.

Oh hi Jim, how ya doin,’ bro? Yeah, I saw on TV you guys are bustin’ your butts on this virus thing. Naw, looks like we may have a pretty long layoff, maybe the company will fold, move to Mexico or some other cheap labor place. Yeah, me too, the groceries seem to be going out of sight, damned inflation. We used to have a little left over for a coupla beers at the old bar but no one goes there much anymore. I actually like riding my bike around, car was a lot of trouble, insurance and maintenance and all. Bike gives me some exercise.”

It’s really tough to understand, we grew up fairly comfortable, had a little fun along the way. It’s different now, kids never seem to be outside playing anymore. The theater closed a long time ago, they tore the building down 7-8 years ago, the street people were destroying the inside, filthy, dangerous.

Maybe we need to get different people in office, stronger, take charge people, get people back to work again. Remember in our history classes that back in the ’30s there were work programs, even had work in the name. Men could earn a liveable wage and take care of their families without so much worrying.

I wonder what happened? Why didn’t someone do something? Roosevelt was lucky, he had a war and everything turned out all right. Maybe that’s what we need, a good war. Who, me, I’m 28, why do you ask? Naw, I’d be too old. Besides, who’d take care of my folks, if they got sick again?

About The Author

Fourscore

Fourscore

331 Comments

  1. Tres Cool

    Hah! My 1st job at a ‘consulting firm’ when I was 23 or so, I saw what the company billed my time as vs. why my hourly rate was. I thought, “those pricks! Getting rich off my labor! I’m being exploited!”.

    Then I learned about the burden a business has for health insurance, paid vacation, paid sick leave…for each of its employees.

    • hayeksplosives

      …and the govt mandated training on diversity, commercial property tax, whatever the cost of a govt power grab—that kind of thing.

  2. Q Continuum

    Nice.

    Unfortunately, I’d say the destruction of the economy right now is anything but unintended.

    • leon

      I’m at the point where nothing is unintended.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Yep. They have wanton indifference in spades, but the results are not unintended.

    • Donation Not Taxation

      More important consequence foreseeable / not foreseeable than intended or unintended.

      ‘I do not believe that the solution to our problem is simply to elect the right people. The important thing is to establish a political climate of opinion which will make it politically profitable for the wrong people to do the right thing. Unless it is politically profitable for the wrong people to do the right thing, the right people will not do the right thing either, or it they try, they will shortly be out of office.’
      ― Milton Friedman

      • R C Dean

        Foreseeable consequences are not unintended.

        You are responsible for the foreseeable results of your decisions. Whether the actual results were the intended results is pretty irrelevant one the consequences are in hand.

    • Rhywun

      anything but unintended

      I’m not sure if I’m there yet. Maybe.

  3. Sean

    Fuck it. It’s still 74 in here despite opening up some windows.

    *turns on ac*

    • Q Continuum

      It’s 16 here outside. You can borrow it if you want.

      • Chafed

        Such a giver.

    • pistoffnick

      It snowed here today. When does spring come?

  4. YDAK

    “Of course, now that we’re shut down I’ll be collecting unemployment plus $600 a week”
    I’ll take it……

  5. pistoffnick

    I have many “fond” memories of cleaning grease traps, changing fryer oil, unplugging the ladies toilet.

    • AlmightyJB

      Doing shots on the line, firing up a doobie out back, flirting with waitresses.

      • egould310

        You worked at BW3 in Bloomington, IN too?

  6. DEG

    Some of the anecdotes seem a bit semi-auto-biographical.

    Nice article.

    • Fourscore

      Sometimes those things may happen to someone you know, a friend, so to speak.

      • YDAK

        that was fun 4×20, thanks,

  7. mikey

    Too complicated.
    It’s ll just Bad Luck, that’s all.

    • Jarflax

      If we just sacrifice enough evil rich people the ‘conomy will forgive us our sins and give us prosperity.

      • Sean

        *sharpens obsidian knife*

        Just kidding. Bring on the apocalypse.

        And the zombies, but not the 28 days later ones. They’re fucking scary.

    • mikey

      Also, fun read 4x. Thx.

  8. westernsloper

    $7 an hour minimum wage? This Jimmy got the big money.

  9. catchthecarp

    Speaking of sparklers and unintended consequences…. When I was wee tike of 7 I found where my Dad had hidden the 4th of July fireworks…..on top of the fridge. I jumped up on the counter and liberated 2 sparklers from the bag. Since my parents both smoked in those days finding a pack of matches was no problem. Accompanied by my younger brother we went out into the garage, opened the garage door and placed the sparklers on the drive just outside of the garage. Couldn’t get them to light and we were down to the last match. I got the brilliant idea that pouring a little gas on the sparklers might help. That did the trick, lit the sparklers, the gas can and then the garage. Trying to keep my cool I went inside and asked my Mom for a bucket of water. She asked what I needed a bucket of water for? Then she smelled the smoke. Mom got the fire put out, only minor damage and no need to call the fire dept. My ass was sore for a week.

    • Rhywun

      lol

    • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

      At my first agency, some guy in one of the neighborhoods was setting off fireworks in his driveway, in a fairly typical suburban area (i.e. plenty of houses). Neighbors called to report him, and one of the officers went out simply to give him a warning to not shoot them off, as it was illegal against legislation.

      “I don’t care. Write me a ticket, or whatever. I paid for these, and I’m gonna shoot ’em off.”

      The officer confirmed that he was, indeed, going to keep firing them off, and that the guy was alright with getting a ticket. When the guy reiterated that he was, he was ticketed, and promptly waded the ticket up and threw it on the ground. The officer just kinda laughed and went on his way.

      Fast forward a couple of months, and my friend tells me, at shift change, “You remember the guy who told Brent to give him a ticket for his fireworks? Yeah, he’s sitting in one of the cells now.”

      I guess that the moral of the story is, if you are willing to take the hit, and don’t want to sit in a cell for truly stupid behavior, at least show up to court. Or, pay the fine, if that’s your thing. Or, don’t–just don’t be surprised when the ticket turns into a warrant.

  10. straffinrun

    Jimmy has been canon fodder for as long as I’ve been alive. He got killed or maimed in Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan. He got thrown in jail for smoking weed. He got convinced to put his head in the bear trap of loans. He got his paycheck raided to pay for boomer’s pensions, banker’s yachts, and the military’s neat toys. He got his nuts squeezed by TSA, his dog shot by the PD, his PC infected by the NSA. Jimmy DGAF anymore. I don’t blame Jimmy.

    • Rhywun

      George likes spicy chicken.

    • westernsloper

      Jimmy has also been flashed through an open rain coat, tugged on a park bench and kicked in anger. I don’t blame him either.

  11. Tundra

    Excellent, Fourscore.

    If there’s anything good from this virus clusterfuck, though, it’s that kids are outside again. The woods are full of forts and the moms are learning to relax.

    Also, double-breasted suits are superior in every way.

    • Sean

      “moms are learning to relax.”

      So…anal?

    • Ozymandias

      Also, double-breasted suits are superior in every way.

      +1 (But you really have to make sure you get the cut just right)

      • RAHeinlein

        I just can’t get over those lapels!

      • Tundra

        Yeah, I know.

        Like they were designed by God.

      • Chafed

        Such a giver. This guy gets it.

      • R C Dean

        They work on some builds , not on others. I’m in the “not” camp.

    • Crusty Juggler

      “the moms are learning to relax”

      What?

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Don’t do it!

    • LemonGrenade

      Heh. Some of the moms. I know a few nutjobs that have locked themselves and their children inside the house and won’t even let them out into the yard for fear of the wuflu, like if they can just stay inside long enough, it’ll go away and be safe to come out. Which has been refreshing, because those moms have the most annoying kids.

      • Tundra

        Not my neighborhood.

        I’ve had several of the moms tell me that the LCD babysitter no longer works!

      • LemonGrenade

        There are all of three families (including mine) in my hood that are allowing their kids to continue playing and mingling. A few are letting their kids into their yards. I do know an actual few who literally won’t let their kids out of the house and haven’t since March 13.

      • Tundra

        Huh.

        You must be in a more upscale neighborhood than me!

        Out of curiosity, where are you locked down?

      • LemonGrenade

        Virginia. Fauquier county, which is rapidly being absorbed into the fringes of NoVa, so the county is becoming steadily less sensible. We were waiting til the kids graduated HS but we may try to flee sooner than that at the rate things are going.

      • Tundra

        Ah, gotcha.

        Even here in Blue Hell there are still plenty of people who believe kids belong outside.

        All the time.

      • LemonGrenade

        Our list of candidate states to relocate to shuffled considerably based on which have gone on lockdown, and how fast and how tight. My job is portable anywhere and Iowa is suddenly looking pretty fucking good.

      • RAHeinlein

        Iowa is safe, clean, boring, easy.

      • LemonGrenade

        And not on lockdown!

      • westernsloper

        Safe, clean, boring and easy is my nickname. *clean has some caveats*

  12. Ozymandias

    I got a job washing dishes for $6/hr (1987) and the grease would be caked on me at the end of my shift. The first few months of my salary had to go to pay for my long-distance charges on the phone bill ($400) from falling asleep on the phone – more than once – while pitching woo to my girlfriend who was off at college. Like our erstwhile friend Jimmy, I was also shocked – SHOCKED! – that I did not take home exactly what I earned. Who the hell was Fica and why was she getting some of my money?!

    Thanks for that, 4×20. Love the picture. Which one is the young you?

    • Fourscore

      The NCO with the proper gas mask

    • Suthenboy

      He’s not the one with the beard. That’s Abraham Lincoln.

      • Ozymandias

        I’m glad to see I got proper Glib responses from both of you. i.e. Funny, and not helpful.
        Thank you for showing me the error of my ways in asking. 😉

  13. Suthenboy

    Tinfoil hat time.

    Wealth gives people options. With a strong economy where the average person has access to enough wealth to hire a lawyer and do all sorts of other things to defend themselves the authoritarians will never be able to put their boot down the way they want to.
    This is crushing the economy in ways we dont understand yet. Of course they wanted the shutdowns. Of course they dont want it lifted. The coronapanic is a wet dream for them.
    Of course they dont want effective treatment. They dont care one whit about lives, they care about power.

    • Fourscore

      The rumblings are beginning. Governors being questioned, sounds of the constitutionality, the destruction of the economy etc. The natives are getting restless.

      • straffinrun

        Despite my snark above, I enjoyed this post. As for the Governors, it’s a little late for people to be questioning their actions. Precedent has been set and now we clearly know how far they will go to “protect” us. At least the mask is off for the normies who really can’t look away anymore.

      • Tres Cool

        Nah…Ill pull a number out of my backside and say at least 80% of people are on board with the ‘if it only saves 1 life movement”.

        The normies are gonna be just that….slobbin’ the knob of gov’t “protection”.

      • straffinrun

        Probably true for most of the “normies”. There must be a subset of normies out there that are seeing what is happening to them and who is to blame. I’m seeing conservative friends on social media rejecting the govt line more and more.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Don’t confuse people Gung ho for this versus people who aren’t spitting mad yet. Libertarians are the canary in the coal mine, but that doesn’t mean that we’re the only animal in the coal mine.

      • hayeksplosives

        Sadly, CA gov Newsom is polling at 80% approval.

      • DrOtto

        I think even that dipshit Whitman is polling above 60%. That is a depressing fact.

      • Tejicano

        I can only hope that enough normies “get it” – realize how far off the constitution the PTB have driven things. Then we might have a chance that people will be a little more reactive in the future when a governor gets his/her power boner on. It doesn’t have to be full-on torches and pitchforks – just enough people telling them they can’t cross that line when they proclaim what we the people have to do “for the children” (or whatever cause célèbre du jour).

      • straffinrun

        I’m not a constitutional conservative, but I do wish them the best. Their world would be close enough for me. I don’t think they stand a chance, but I’ll travel with them because they are the few people out there fighting a principled fight against govt overreach. Same with Christians. I’m not one, but they have a higher calling than the state and for that I applaud them (disclaimer* not all Christians).

  14. kinnath

    kinnath’s first job was McD’s at the age of 16. Made a buck sixty-five an hour.

    • straffinrun

      3.35 an hour. I thought I had hacked the system when I moved from McD’s to delivering Zas for Domino’s.

      • kinnath

        My first full-time job was 500 a month.

    • westernsloper

      I had to duckduckgo what the minimum wage was the year I got my first real job flipping burgers and dunking fries. $2.65. I do remember the $4 an hour washing dishes in 1983-84 in Mammoth. My buddy and I struggled to pay rent on those wages and turning the heat on was out of the question but the skiing was good.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      First “real job”* was in 1968. Minimum wage was $1.15

      I found a pay stub from a few years later washing dishes for $1.45

      *Real Job= I had to get a Social Security card.

      • kinnath

        It would have been ’73 for me.

    • Rhywun

      Mom’s office after school – $3.35 an hour. I guess I was destined for cubicle work. Not that I had one then but still.

    • westernsloper

      I got my black market haircut today. I think I lost 3 lbs.

      • westernsloper

        offs. The Gilmore squirrel hit me again.

      • Tres Cool

        this is how you get illegal, back-alley, haircuts

    • Suthenboy

      Nice. Like I said, you can’t go wrong with Leopold. Plus it has that classy brass ring.
      You are going to have a lot of fun. Let me know when you can hit a beer can at 500 yards. Be sure and shake it up first.

      • kinnath

        Google tells me there is a range about 45 minutes from my house that goes out to 600 yards.

        I imagine I will get out there eventually.

  15. Tejicano

    Great story Fourscore. I can smell the teenage instantaneous regret in each chapter.

  16. commodious spittoon

    We had two would-be assassins of Gerald Ford within weeks of one another. Now, I don’t know much of anything about Ford’s presidency. I don’t know whether he’s more or less hated than Trump. But you’d think there’d be an attempt on Trump’s life by now. Maybe just a token effort, at least something people would serve time for. We had the couple high school girls arrested for threatening Bush Jr.’s life, I remember. And a dude threw his shoes at Bush. Where, if Trump is the Literalist Hitler of Literally Hitlers, are people putting money where their stupid, dumb mouths are, and ridding us of this would-be tyrant?

    • straffinrun

      Where? On Twitter, of course.

    • Suthenboy

      We dont see it because there is a difference between the howling, lying power-mongers going after Trump and a loonie that tries to kill a president because they think he is secretly a lizard person. Also, we dont know there hasn’t been attempts.

    • Tejicano

      President Ford was about as plain vanilla as they come. It was only the era which led to those shooters – one of which was close to Charles Manson so pretty much the definition of “looney”. The other shooter was more a lone wolf but equally kooky.

      Most probably today’s looneys are found on-line and tracked before they get too far.

  17. Suthenboy

    Y’all are talking money….

    I broke down and cried day before yesterday. I haven’t cried in…..uh…..have I ever? I cant remember. I am sure I did when I was born. Who doesn’t pop out, look around and think “Oh shit!” and start bawling.
    Anyway, I am on the phone with my father and he is telling me about his books (he has almost as many as I do). He tells me he opened one he has had all of his life and discovered some ad sheets he put in there when he was young. Ads for Browning, Ruger, Colt etc guns. New Winchester 70s, the old one with the controlled feed and claw extractor…$75. Browning BARs for 125 bucks. Colt SAAs for $35.
    I am tearing up again just talking about it.

    • Fourscore

      I have an idea it isn’t the prices that are causing the emotion, Suthen

      • Suthenboy

        Of course I am joking. I did the inflation calculator on those prices and essentially the prices were about the same as they are today.
        If only I had a time machine…..

      • creech

        Love those kind of comparisons. Read something yesterday about “Can you imagine, Kresge sold a 39 cent breakfast!” I did the inflation calculator for whatever year it was and you can get one of those Denny Grand Slam coronary b-fasts for less today.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Reminds me of all the firearms I never bought.

      The real sad part of those is that you could undoubtedly buy them via mail with just a check. Or maybe COD.

      • Suthenboy

        Thank you Lee Harvey Oswald. Thank you very fucking much.

      • Tejicano

        The only gun purchases I regret are the ones I didn’t make.

        {remembers gun show in 1990 seeing a class-3 1928 Thompson SMG in the FBI case with 50-round drums and other extras priced at $2,500}

      • Gustave Lytton

        I (slightly) regretted both the Kimber jam-o-matic and sporterized 1903. There were better stuff to spend money on.

      • Tejicano

        I keep a copy of Shotgun News from early 1986 to remind me of the time when NFA full-auto versions of the same rifle were much cheaper than the semi-auto versions.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      My brother and I bought our first deer rifles from Sears and Roebuck circa 1967 for, if I recall, $29.95 mail-order. They were surplus Mauser M65 in 7×57 from Argentina. Dad sporterized the stocks. Sadly, both rifles were lost in separate home burglaries in the 1980s.

      Now I want to cry.

      • commodious spittoon

        Dad bought Jess and me a .22 rifle, I don’t know the model or make, but we went out and traumatized one another with how little lethality those guns had on prairie dogs. One particular grisly episode involved trying to put a varmint out of our misery and neither of us could land a killing blow. Thank god dad did the humane thing and gassed the motherfuckers in later years.

        No hunting grouse for us. Though Jess found a pheasant once that’d worked its way partially under a chain link fence, and we managed to free it. Whereupon it died of shock from being liberated into the hands of its overeager saviors.

      • creech

        In the woods one day with my teenaged cohorts, we were watching a squirrel jump from tree to tree. A branch broke and said rodent plummeted about 30 ft. to the ground. Bill picked it up; it bit him and pissed on him, then died.

  18. Gustave Lytton

    I’ve come around on Dubonnet. I think I might actually buy another bottle when this one is finished.

  19. kinnath

    Haven’t told the wife yet, but I ordered a Ruger PC9, some extra magazines, and a new Burris red dot. She doesn’t know about the case of 9MM arriving Wednesday yet either.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      Wives love surprises.

      • Gender Traitor

        Wives have secrets of their own.

      • Brochettaward

        Wives that like breathing don’t.

      • Gender Traitor

        What you don’t know can’t hurt me.

      • Brochettaward

        Especially surprise sex.

      • Chafed

        I recognize the words but they unfamiliar in that order.

    • Fourscore

      A couple weeks ago I gave 2- .22s away to grand daughters. Mrs Fourscore asked later “How many guns do you have?” Only one right answer, “Not enough”

    • DEG

      #31

  20. straffinrun

    Saw this the other day. Using the pandemic to create something “more just, more fair” when it’s all said and done. Deblasio’s ideas of just and fair are probably not mine.

    https://youtu.be/cmfzRY3c5zY?t=3722

    • Q Continuum

      more just, more fair = more commie

    • westernsloper

      That is a bit frightening.

  21. Q Continuum

    Just ordered some Midnight Wisps swag.

    Wospy may not have had the best season, but he’s still drowning in pussy.

    • Brochettaward

      Here’s the NYT’s explaining the differences in their coverage:

      Kavanaugh was already in a public forum in a large way. Kavanaugh’s status as a Supreme Court justice was in question because of a very serious allegation. And when I say in a public way, I don’t mean in the public way of Tara Reade’s. If you ask the average person in America, they didn’t know about the Tara Reade case. So I thought in that case, if The New York Times was going to introduce this to readers, we needed to introduce it with some reporting and perspective. Kavanaugh was in a very different situation. It was a live, ongoing story that had become the biggest political story in the country. It was just a different news judgment moment.

      • RAHeinlein

        I get it now, Biden it not in a public forum in a large way…so intellectually careless of me to think otherwise.

      • AlmightyJB

        Their readers just nod and agree

      • Tejicano

        /\/\/\PRETTY MUCH THIS – If they’ve been ignoring his creepy ways this far they’re just looking for anybody to frame the problem in a way they can pretend makes him good to go for the highest office in the land.

    • Q Continuum

      How the hell can this girl be a Bernie supporter. She’s so… rational.

      • Brochettaward

        I’d like to cum on her rational face.

      • AlmightyJB

        She’s young

      • commodious spittoon

        I expect she’s a Bernie supporter like Joe Rogan is a Bernie supporter, as in: who the fuck cares.

  22. mikey

    Just read an article that used a term I hadn’t see in decades. The “Tenth Amendment”. Doesn’t that have something to do with “States’ Rights”? Been so long I forget.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      There are ten? I would have guessed three or four, tops.

      /ACLU

      • R C Dean

        We’re down to a fraction of the First, by my count.

  23. Q Continuum

    I cannot think or comprehend of anything more cucked than having a daughter. Honestly, think about it rationally. You are feeding, clothing, raising and rearing a girl for at least 18 years solely so she can go and get ravaged by another man. All the hard work you put into your beautiful little girl – reading her stories at bedtime, making her go to sports practice, making sure she had a healthy diet, educating her, playing with her. All of it has one simple result: her body is more enjoyable for the men that will eventually fuck her in every hole.

    Raised the perfect girl? Great. Who benefits? If you’re lucky, a random man who had nothing to do with the way she grew up, who marries her. He gets to fuck her tight pussy every night. He gets the benefits of her kind and sweet personality that came from the way you raised her.

    As a man who has a daughter, you are LITERALLY dedicating at least 20 years of your life simply to raise a girl for another man to enjoy. It is the ULTIMATE AND FINAL cuck. Think about it logically.

    • Q Continuum

      *lifted from reddit incel forum, not a joke*

      • Jarflax

        I wonder why he is an Incel?

    • straffinrun

      LOL.

    • Brochettaward

      I WAS HACKED

    • LemonGrenade

      lol. My mom once asked my dad, “Why are you always so rude to LG’s dates? She’s bringing home really nice boys, and you’ll hardly even be polite to them.”
      Dad replied, “What am I supposed to say, ‘How’s my daughter?'”

    • Crusty Juggler

      Dudes rock.

    • Crusty Juggler

      How Secretary to the Governor Melissa DeRosa Is Leading Cuomo’s Coronavirus Response

      Cuomo is flanked by his inner circle of aides at these briefings, including the woman who sits to his left, Melissa DeRosa. As secretary to the governor, DeRosa is behind every relief effort writ large in New York, now the epicenter of the international coronavirus outbreak, with more confirmed cases than any other country. She strategizes with state departments, and analyzes hospitalization and ventilator numbers. She briefs Cuomo, who then presents the facts to the public in easily-digestible bulleted lists and charts that have become appointment viewing for residents across the state and beyond.

      Their strategy is simple: Be as transparent as possible, even when the news is bad.

      When reached by phone, DeRosa told me that people want to feel like “soldiers” in times of crisis, equipped with all the necessary facts and figures to fight back.

      “Even,” DeRosa said, “if those facts and figures are scary.”

      “As long as you know what’s going on and feel like there’s a plan that you’re a part of, then you can galvanize, and survive, and endure, and get through it,” she added. “If you don’t, that’s when you hit real crisis.”

      Cuomo is being influenced by a typing school skirt?

      My God.

      • Gender Traitor

        Promoted from Chief of Staff.

        An Albany veteran, Ms. DeRosa, 34, is the first woman to hold the position. He [sic] succeeds William J. Mulrow, a former senior executive of the Blackstone Group, who will become president of Mr. Cuomo’s 2018 re-election campaign, a Democrat.

        I’m sure Mr. Mulrow’s shorthand was impeccable.

      • Gustave Lytton

        34 years old and a “veteran”.

        I have pencils with more experience than her.

      • UnCivilServant

        I hope they’re mechanical, or I’m calling BS on their ‘experience’.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        I’ve certainly got a stapler with more experience than her.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        “I’m glad she was on bottom. Because, I’d hate to do the nasty with a stapler up my ass.”
        Sam Ace

    • Fourscore

      With any luck (good or bad) some grand children come along and you can have more fun and you can send them home with their parents.

      • LemonGrenade

        Yeah, dad was only testy with the dates I introduced to him until I married one of them. Once he was sure I was off his hands, he eased up considerably. Now when we visit, his wife pesters me to allow them to take my kids on a weekend trip, with my dad in the background making throat cutting gestures, then clasping his hands to beg that we say ‘no’.

      • AlmightyJB

        Yeah, my daughters would always tell me how intimidated their dates were by me. Now that they’re married, I’ve eased up. A little:)

      • LemonGrenade

        It took marrying a guy who would give my dad shit right back instead of getting flustered when dad picked on him (oh, and *staying* married to him; that counts for a lot, too). Now he’s the favorite son in law.

  24. Crusty Juggler

    Disney Plus Censors Daryl Hannah’s Butt in ‘Splash’ Using Questionable CGI

    The version edited for Disney Plus conforms to the studio’s more rigorous standards for family entertainment, but fans are noticing that the effects used to cover the nudity appear to have about the same quality level as the “digital fur technology” used in the “Cats” movie debacle.

    The film begins with a notice saying, “This film has been modified from its original version. It has been edited for content.”

    “Disney+ didn’t want butts on their platform so they edited Splash with digital fur technology,” Allison Pregler tweeted.

    “Corporations are good” right, Loosertardians?

      • Crusty Juggler

        Thank you. What a lady.

      • AlmightyJB

        Ok. Now comments are showing up in different places. Weird. Cause I’ll try again tomorrow.

      • Q Continuum

        “We know this image is false because he isn’t drunk & doesn’t have a bottle or flask in his hand”

        LOL

      • AlmightyJB

        Can confirm

    • Rhywun

      Can’t they just slap a PG on it and let people watch the thing as intended? Oh, I guess that would be too demanding of parents.

      • Chafed

        I recognize the words but they unfamiliar in that order. It’s impossible to explain the human ass to young children. Impossible. It can’t be done. They don’t know what it is.

      • Chafed

        It’s impossible to explain the human ass to young children. Impossible. It can’t be done. They don’t know what it is.

      • Rhywun

        I always liked watching the same movie at different stages of life and catching more and more things going on. I guess that’s out now.

  25. straffinrun

    Since it’s hard to get info out of China, stuff like this guy’s anecdotes will have to do for now. Been following the guy for years and he seems relatively trustworthy. Xenophobia appears to be even worse than usual in China and in my experience, I would expect it to be.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQaNdTKQyLY

    • Q Continuum

      Why anyone would want to visit or, G-d forbid, live in China, is beyond me.

      • Crusty Juggler

        They’re fans of cheap food and bad teeth?

      • Tejicano

        I have a friend who lives there. He was living in Taiwan, learning Chinese back when the mainland was still closed and had no economy to lure anybody there for business purposes. 35 years later he is in top management of a major player in his industry so running the China branch of his company is a natural position for him.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        20 years ago, it wasn’t so bad to visit or do the short-term expat thing. Hu Jintao was a different cat. Sadly, if things were a little different, I think he could have even been China’s Gorbachev.

      • Rhywun

        I spent a lovely week there in 2001. I don’t think I’ll go back any time soon.

  26. Crusty Juggler

    “Big Night” is a good movie. Timpano, man.

    “The Shining” still scares me.

    • westernsloper

      I watched The Shining once when it came out. Will not watch again.

      • straffinrun

        I drove by The Stanley in Estes Park. That took the edge off the movie for me. It’s just a normal hotel.

      • westernsloper

        I am not good with scary movies. I am a pussy and I am ok with that.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      Eh. We did just that to the French in 1798. It worked then.

    • Urthona

      I feel like this will just teach the US the wrong lesson. 😉

    • Chafed

      It’s impossible to explain the human ass to young children. Impossible. It can’t be done. They don’t know what it is. She must be running for reelection.

  27. LemonGrenade

    Given all the db timeouts, do you guys need funds for more space or something? Or is wordpress just being bitchy? I’m a drupal girl.

    • Crusty Juggler

      “I’m a drupal girl.”

      What an oxymoron.

      • LemonGrenade

        Girls can use drupal, dammit.

      • Crusty Juggler

        This is an obvious parody account!11!!!11!!1111!!!!11

    • Brochettaward

      They should be paying me, frankly.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      I need funds for hookers and coke.

      • Jarflax

        Can’t you just trade for grades?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        You can only go so far before you get grade inflation.

      • Jarflax

        Touche.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        I thought going further, and getting inflation, was simple biology.

    • CPRM

      I’m a drupal girl.

      I hate it when ladies talk about their female problems.

      • LemonGrenade

        What, men can bitch about work but girls can’t? The primary CMS my company uses is a highly customized version of drupal. I tech. Or at least criticize those who do tech, since I’m a QA engineer.

        It wasn’t a typo for drooping; if I had those complaints, I’d keep them to myself.

      • CPRM

        Woah! TMI! This ain’t a tampon ad.

      • Brochettaward

        I tell everyone who will listen about my one testicle that hangs not just below the other testicle but slightly in front of it as well.

      • UnCivilServant

        All I remember about Drupal is having to separate it from the wiki because the consultant whose work I spent my first year cleaning up had loaded both into the same database and tablespace.

        I am so glad there was not an overlap in table names.

      • LemonGrenade

        It can be a bitch, but with fastly for caching, we handle over 150k concurrent users without breaking a sweat. And for large structured data projects, I like it better than other CMS’s I’ve dealt with. We’re gradually moving off of it for our frontend systems, but intend to keep our backends on it.

      • CPRM

        but intend to keep our backends on it.

        You’re just making it too easy to keep up this sexist act, I give up.

      • Brochettaward

        I shared intimate knowledge of my anatomy with her and alls she wants to do is talk about herself. Typical.

      • LemonGrenade

        Shit, I didn’t even think about that. You’re right, I make it too damn easy.

      • LemonGrenade

        @Brochettaward – I’m a girl in tech. I’m extremely good at completely missing intimate knowledge of male anatomy. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten dick pics and offended the sender by asking “What IS that?”

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        “I didn’t know the Loch Ness monster only had one eye!”

      • CPRM

        I make it too damn easy.

        Are we seriously not doing phrasing anymore?

      • LemonGrenade

        I think that’s why I get along with my coworkers so well.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Be fair, LG–you get along with them so well because you kick ass all over the place, and tolerate no bullshit.

    • Tres Cool

      From what little I know, Drupal is that viewr-funded, crowd-sourced, non-GMO, free-range, platform that you get free with a $20 fill-up at an Exxon station.

  28. Charles Easterly

    May I suggest the “Non-Aggression Axiom”, Fourscore?

    • Jarflax

      If only someone would suggest it to our various Executuves.

  29. CPRM

    I watched a movie on Netflix where a character was referred to with the pronouns ‘they’, ‘them’; it was only like two lines but had me confused for several minutes about what the fuck was happening in the actual plot.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Likewise, on Radio Classics on SXM today, Greg Bell was referring to one of the female stars as “actor”. Bullshit, she was an actress and I bet if you called her an actor then, she’d correct you.

      • CPRM

        News from the future: “Then they shot them. Backup arrived and arrested them and they went home safely. They then were awarded with a medal for their bravery, while they died at the hospital.”

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        One Cop One Perp?

      • CPRM

        No way to know.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Well, by my reckoning, we’re probably better off not knowing.

  30. Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder
    • CPRM

      In HS I stayed with my grandma to keep her from going to the nursing home. She was on blood thinners so all the GRUPS told me not to let her have alcohol. She’d give me big puppy dog eyes ‘Just one beer?’ Ok grandma, one. And that’s how have a house 20 years later…

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Who–they?

      • CPRM

        No, they don’t live here, they do!

      • Plinker762

        You killed her with alchohol and forged her will?

      • CPRM

        I wasn’t in the state when she died, you can’t prove anything!

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        I was gonna make a joke about other states, but….nah.

        Also, kudos on the reload advice.

    • Rhywun

      a Coors Light a day

      Yeah, right.

  31. CPRM

    I’m watching a documentary to make sure I’m prepared if the PANDEMIC! keeps going.

  32. Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

    I’m sorry, but–what THE hell is going on with the site? Every single comment I’ve made has gotten a time out, or, gateway whatever.

    • Plinker762

      Post
      Cancel
      Reload

      It’s the new normal

      • Q Continuum

        The site caught the Kung Flu.

      • Rhywun

        It’s the new normal

        *rage building*

      • Plinker762

        I’ve been drinking a large white russian and binge watching the “Venture Brothers” so my rage is going down as I laugh my ass off.

      • Rhywun

        I’m watching a Bob’s Burgers mini-marathon. Same.

      • Plinker762

        That is a good one too.

      • Rhywun

        I need to pick up Venture Bros. media – I liked the ones I’ve seen. Would like to catch again not coked up.

      • salted earth

        I liked your Yoda link from last night.

      • Plinker762

        They, he, it? Hit it out of the ballpark with that one.

      • salted earth

        There was another video about Yoda’s stick!

      • CPRM

        One day I was walking and I found this big log
        Then I rolled the log over
        And underneath was a tiny little stick
        And I was like, “That log had a child!”

        Made me suspect a certain cyborg wrote that song.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        That nostalgia done got her them.

      • salted earth

        + 1 Bruce Campbell

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        So, ‘sexy’ IS an acceptable adjective!

    • CPRM

      Hit ‘Post Comment’ count to ten, stop the site from loading and reload and it works fine.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Alright, then…..I’ll try it now.

      • CPRM

        How did it work for them?

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Is ‘sexy’ an acceptable adjective, here?

        They were quite helpful and knowledgeable. Thank them.

    • salted earth

      I’m not sure why everyone is being so nice to you.
      The truth is, you have been voted off the island.

      • CPRM

        Island? I thought we were on a seastead!?

      • salted earth

        Why can’t it be both?

        Or alternatively…something, something, Guam.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Tip O’Neil’s Dive Bar
        Dededo, Guam
        Hank Johnson–Manager

      • CPRM

        Guam for the Guamish! Racist! (By the way, people from Guam get mad if you call them Guamish)

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        “Guamalos”?

      • CPRM

        Guamisimos?

      • Rhywun

        Garanimals?

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Hmmm…maybe it goes by class:

        Guamisimo–Upper class

        Guamalos–trailer park denizens

      • salted earth

        guamen

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Garanimals?

        ??
        ??

        They do love to match…

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Nice??? Oh, have you got the wrong guy person human.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I see the J school moron infect Fox News just like everywhere else

      Taiwan is located about 80 miles off China’s coast but has declared itself an independent nation for over 70 years. China, however, has refused to acknowledge Taiwan’s sovereignty and consistently fights to bring them back under Beijing’s control.

      ?‍♂️

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Wait…is that not correct? If not, how is it not?

      • CPRM

        I think the problem lies with

        has declared itself an independent nation for over 70 years

        Not acknowledging it IS an independent nation. Sort of like, ” The US, 4,242 miles off the coast of the UK declared itself an independent nation 224 years ago.”

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        It’s a fair cop.

      • Gustave Lytton

        For one thing, Taiwan hasn’t declared itself an independent country (despite a growing independence movement). That Taiwan is a part of China is one of the few things the PRC and ROC agree on. They just disagree which China it is. I’m also at a loss as to how China constantly fights to bring them under control, other than behind the scenes and minor skirmishing that so far hasn’t materialized in any kind of pitched battle.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Duly noted.

    • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

      FOUR?!? Pffft–bunch of hoarders and kulaks….”

      Bernie

  33. SP

    I’m having zero issues with the site, either front end/back end or database. We did just have a server migration (not just upgrade) a couple days ago, so try deleting cookies etc etc. Also, I’m sure you’ve all noticed that the site traffic has boomed since everyone is “working” from home.

    We haven’t hit our service limits yet, so I’m really not going to worry about it since I’m not being paid to. If we start experiencing real downtime or bandwidth issues (defined by TPTB as TPTB not being able to reach the site or post articles and comments), then we’ll look at another service upgrade and solicit funds accordingly. But for now, speak less and more slowly. 😉

    • Rhywun

      O

      K

      • SP

        At least SOMEONE gets it.

    • CPRM

      Since I’m on a DSL connection with the last mile being copper wire, I would agree if I were the only one having issues.

      • SP

        Well, if I can’t replicate the issue, I can’t solve it.

      • Rhywun

        test

      • Rhywun

        Clearing cookies, cache, and local storage does not solve the issue.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Let’s see….

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Nope for #MeToo.

        Dang.

      • Gustave Lytton

        My test

      • Gustave Lytton

        No diff.

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        Must…..speak…..more…………………………………………slowly!

      • Digby is still NOT a Naked Intruder

        You are speaking slowly……Man.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m sorry, I can’t understand you.

    • UnCivilServant

      Nope, haven’t figured it out.

      • Gender Traitor

        It’s like that funny noise your car won’t make in the presence of the mechanic.

      • UnCivilServant

        Mornin’

        Looking at my calendar I’ve apparently got meetings starting an hour from now and running until an hour after the end of my workday.

        Should be a ‘fun’ day.

      • Sean

        Getting a root canal sounds more fun.

      • Gender Traitor

        That reminds me – I’m supposed to have a dentist appointment Friday morning for a cleaning. I’m thinking that’s not going to happen. That’ll be three appointments I’ll have to reschedule – dental, mammogram, and hair coloring.

        Yet I managed to get my colonoscopy in before the fertilizer hit the ventilator. ***SIGH!!!***

      • Gender Traitor

        That’s a special kind of hell. You must have been very bad indeed.

        I have to submit our staff payroll. Normally I’d have done it yesterday, but we’re waiting for an employee to bring in a doctor’s note to document that she’s eligible to use a new DOL COVID19 pay code for some of her time off. Supposedly that will give our employer some kind of payroll tax break.

      • UnCivilServant

        What makes you think I deserve it?

      • Gender Traitor

        Just kidding. No one deserves THAT many work meetings in a single day.

      • UnCivilServant

        I only accepted five of the seven because of conflicts.

        Tomorrow I’ve only got three. Than there’s six on thursday, and four on friday…

        I’m not going to have any time to get work done.

    • UnCivilServant

      There’s no need to coordinate reopening, just recind the illegal orders and let people go about their lives. there – you’re reopened. Doesn’t matter what the other states are doing.

    • Gender Traitor

      OH’s governor claims to be “working with the White House” but otherwise seems to be going it alone with plans to ease up on restrictions (not nearly quickly enough.) I suppose it could be worse. We could be trying to work with Michigan.

      • Sean

        Hehe. I just told my gf “at least this should put us ahead of Ohio and Michigan.”

    • westernsloper

      There is hope for alcoholics across the world in these dark times.

    • UnCivilServant

      I thought she asked for beer.

      • westernsloper

        It’s what’s for breakfast.

      • westernsloper

        I tried turning off my VPN (which is way slow now) and seeing if that helped the commenting issue. No joy. Other than it happened faster.

      • Festus

        Beggars *something something* Choosers. Don’t look a *something* in the *something* Plus drugs fell out of her rear. Grandma deals advice and the potent!

      • Festus

        Between the commenting being gibbled and periodic internet brown-outs this has been interesting, to say the least. Poor UCS, he might not be able to attend all those meetings today.

      • UnCivilServant

        But… then I’d have to work.

  34. Gender Traitor

    My employer has done a fair amount of promotion and fund raising for this service dog training organization. Apparently they’ve had to delay matching trained dogs up with their recipients. I was feeling bad for them until I saw the names they’d picked for a recent litter of puppies:

    The puppies were all named in honor of those leading Ohio’s battle against the coronavirus. Some of the dog’s names are Acton, DeWine, Responder, and Amy.

    (Dr. Amy Acton is the state Health Dictator.)

    ***SIGH!!!***

    • UnCivilServant

      What an insult to the dogs.

      • Festus

        The nice thing is that you are still free to call the Doggo “Asshole” when you get him home. So far.

    • westernsloper

      FFS. The politician/would be tyrant worship is really starting to piss me off.

      • Sean

        It’s creepy and disgusting.

      • Festus

        I’ve never seen anything like this and I’ve been politically aware since the early 70’s.

      • westernsloper

        The threads on any of Gov Polis’s tweets are almost entirely, “thanks for keeping us safe, you’re the bestest Gov ever” and Karens ratting out their neighbors. I despise both groups.

  35. Festus

    The nice thing is that you are still free to call the Doggo “Asshole” when you get him home. So far.

    • Festus

      Purr-fect

      • Festus

        F5 seems to work on my lap-top to avoid squirrels. Hit F5 when the site is pondering.

      • Festus

        Worked again.

      • UnCivilServant

        If I do that while the site is contemplating, I get asked if I want to resend my comment, which just results in an error message.

      • Festus

        I’m in Chrome.

      • Festus

        I heard good things about Opera but it just seems like a Google off-shoot. I hear that Duck Duck Go is where you source the naughty bits but I can’t be arsed to change.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Opera but it just seems like a Google off-shoot.

        IIRC Opera may have switched to a chromium basis a few years back, but it’s not a Google offshoot.

      • Festus

        Like I said, I don’t care much. My search history other than this site and some of the links is about as middle-aged vanilla as you might suppose. Thanks for the attempted lesson to the retarded kid in the corner, Trashy!

      • UnCivilServant

        It’s not that I have anything to hide, it’s that I don’t like people looking.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        . My search history other than this site and some of the links is about as middle-aged vanilla as you might suppose.

        Ditto.

        I use duck duck go mainly so that Google doesn’t pop up personal search info on my work computer. Not that I’m searching for anything salacious, but the company isn’t exactly gun friendly.

        I did opera for a while. Fine enough browser, but I found just enough incompatibilities and missing features here and there to justify switching back to Firefox.

        Oh, and ignorance about a topic isn’t retardation. I had to duck duck go to confirm my suspicion that opera was now based on chromium. Nobody gets a gold star for knowing trivia.

  36. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    42 out of 146 deaths in VA have happened at a single nursing home. It points out, once again, that targeted guidance for the elderly and immunocompromised would’ve been more effective.

    Also, I’m hearing rumblings that governor kkklansman is going to put out his own model that justifies his June 10th stay at home order and possibly gives him the excuse to lock down even further.

    • Festus

      “So the Parties switched?”

    • Tonio

      “targeted guidance”

      Canterbury *was* following the Health Department guidelines at the time, which was not to test until symptomatic. Public health officials are trying to downplay this, but they erred on the side of caution and people died.

    • westernsloper

      CO is claiming there is 72 outbreaks in assisted living facilities. The ball was not only dropped it was kicked off the field. I read a CPR article where the head of the State Health Dept said they could not get into the old folks homes to assist them because they lacked PPE. How in the actual fuck does that even happen? If I did not have what I needed to do my job I wouldn’t have a job and my job is “not essential”. They do not readily publish how many deaths have occurred in these homes, but judging by the ages of the deceased I am guessing around 80%.

      • Tonio

        “assist them” =/= “do their job”

        Sometimes being a public health worker means you have to go out of your office and do actual health worker stuff to the public.

    • Trials and Trippelations

      He is probably doing that to prevent a further arms buying spree in June

    • Tonio

      “the excuse to lock down even further”

      He slipped up during his 1400 televised announcement yesterday and said “through june” which nobody else seems to have picked up on.

      The study you’re mentioning is out of UVA and suggests that Virginia cases will peak mid-August.

  37. leon

    Test

  38. PieInTheSky

    testing

    • PieInTheSky

      hmmm worked a tad better

    • PieInTheSky

      one more time

      • PieInTheSky

        so the F5 thing seems to work better than leaving it be

  39. Festus

    I’ll get cut with a rusty tin can lid for this but “Where muh links?” j/k