LOS ANGELES – “While it appears that this is an extermination campaign, it has largely spared rural America which skews older, whiter, and more Republican,” explained associate professor of political science Susan McGee-Maus from the ruins of UCLA. Meanwhile, many experts have blamed Trump for the botched response. “We’ve known for decades that the universe contains countless planets, so it’s just ridiculous for Trump to claim that no one could have predicted this,” said Joy Behar, noted astronomer and host of The View. Although Trump mentioned reports from Wyoming and West Virginia that concentrated small arms fire can repel and even disable the enemy war machines, this remains unconfirmed. In response, the CDC reiterated that a gun in the home is far more likely to harm an innocent than a hostile extraterrestrial. Elsewhere, a Black Lives Matter protest against the aliens was incinerated by heat rays. “Unfortunately, it appears these murderous intergalactic beasts are immune to accusations of racism, and efforts to shame them on Twitter have had no effect. I call on our nation’s finest minds to find another way to guilt trip them,” said black leader Jesse Jackson. Environmentalists and feminists have also reacted. The Sierra Club has stated that the devastation presents and opportunity to reduce carbon emissions and overpopulation. The National Organization for Women has called for stronger efforts to prevent abduction, unless the aliens turn out to be sexy. “If they’re tall and make a decent amount of whatever it is they use for money, I’d be willing to wear a Princess Leia bikini for them,” said Gloria Steinem. While Trump has authorized the military to counterattack with whatever means available, mobilization has been hindered as commanders struggle to create a cool name for the operation. Experts say it will likely be a present participle followed by an animal.
Aliens Invade Earth, Women and Minorities Hardest Hit
About The Author
Derpetologist
The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp,
Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy
Young Gloria Steinem in Princess Leia costume, yes. Current Gloria Steinem, no, thanks, please, for gawdsakes NO.
Might stop the aliens?
In other news, the interstellar alien menace polls higher than Trump among New York voters by forty points.
No path to 270.
SMOD ’16 was a universal disappointment.
*pours out ballot box of 40 for ALMANIAN*
Dude, Almanian said way back when, that when he disappears that Hyperion must be elected Supreme Overlord.
Did drugs fall out of your ass?
It’s “Almanian!”
Get it right.
Shit. I thought it was all caps. *hangs head in shame*
That’s because Ktuthlu stole its votes.
I ain’t saying it’s aliens. BUT IT’S ALIENS!
said black leader Jesse Jackson
He’s still around?
No, he died and they made him in a dark, short strand of tough fishing line, aka a ‘black leader”
I like ?s.
mmmm . . .soup.
Trolls ?
I bet it’s me.
In soup?
It’s pronounced TUHTLES.
Sean and his Turtles. So happy together.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcTjh1JfhSQ
You’re my pride and joy
No ampersands in the link text?
Flo & Eddie?
Is it that time of the month?
/sksksksks
/and I oop
/save the turtles
Large tortoises are apparently quite delicious. The Royal Geographical Society had a bounty out for a living specimen from Mauritius for the better part of a century (IIRC) and although many ships did attempt to bring one home to old Blighty none of the crews could be restrained from eating it before completing the voyage.
Not going to say much more, but I swear there is a troll on this site that has escaped detection. Not my business. Nothing to do with this post, but I’ve noticed it for a few days now.
He who smelt it, dealt it?
Not my sock. I’m remaining silent.
So you admit to sock puppets, do you?
Yeah sure, I’ve been Hyperion at this site and TOS since around 2007.
What all the Tulpae say.
That’s no way to talk about Hyperion! :-p
Hyperion the cocktease. Sort of guy to fuck you in the ass and not even give you a reach-around. If you’re going to start it, finish it.
Is this where I jump in and tell Derpy this was stupid, and everyone around here is stupid for liking it, and stupid, and crap…?
Yes. Yes it is.
Got it! ?
I realized that I forgot to mention how disappointed I am at Derpy, and this site, and everyone, and everything.
I think you’re supposed to say something about it being childish or sophomoric or something too…
Dammit….he’s right. I guess I’m disappointed in myself.
And don’t forget to put on those red slippers before you pout and stamp your feet.
How about a little mil-derp?
I once thought that SOF held the risk of turning into a Praetorian Guard, but really they are much more like the French Foreign Legion.
That’s the CIA and FBI now – obviously. They tried to pick the next Emperor and strangle the current one.
Roses are red,
They grow in this region.
If I had a face like yours,
I’d join the Foreign Legion.
LOL *wild applause*
OT: America will always be free
I’m not really a hat guy. Occasionally I’ll buy one to see if I can make it work. It never does, but like an Alzheimer’s patient I keep repeating this.
The latest one arrived today. It was made in China and that immediately aggravated me. I should know better. ?
As the hair on the top of my head fades away, I am becoming a hat guy – if only for the added UV protection.
^^ this guy gets it
I haven’t had a hair cut since February. My hair style is something between the Larry Fine and Doc Brown. So yeah, I’m wearing hats now.
You need to join the weekend Zoom drunkfests. Last weekend we were all modeling hats like a bunch of idiots.
“like” a bunch of idiots .
Semantics.
Anti-semantics.
I dont remember any of that
4 years in the infantry taught me what hats are for. When you spend huge chunks of your existence outdoors, doing strenuous activities as well as crawling and sleeping on the ground in all kinds of weather you appreciate a proper hat.
I started wearing hats to avoid styling my hair every day.
Patience Roggensack
A superb name, but apparently she is a racist. because pointing out that the people who work in meat packing plants aren’t regular folk. I would argue there are different types of regular folk, but that is just nit picking and I am most likely a racist.
She should’ve been more articulate said, “non meat packing folks”. No chance for misunderstanding that way.
Homophobe
That is fucking HYUGE!!!!
Other state governors: Feature, not bug.
Tee-hee. We should do a press conference mad lib.
Some celebrities are living the life
Hawt.
She’s a touch small for my tastes, but WOOD
After all, she wants to get pregnant just so she knows how an abortion feels.
I’m kinda weak on my animal husbandry techniques so – pass!
Just dont play with her in a gravel driveway. Ask her sister.
Is that Spam loaves tattoed on her legs?
?
Her legs are made of actual spam.
What the fuck is with the bologna slices on her thighs?
What the fuck is wrong with you? That was unnecessary.
Damn right. I just lost my appetite for supper, just as Uber Eats is pulling into the driveway too.
Thanks a lot Crusty!
I’m expecting Lena Dunham.
To be sure, not klicking that.
Ass Wednesday sez it’s not just aliens who get to probe.
http://archive.li/zMYSa
The difference between Q and Crusty couldn’t be more perfectly juxtaposed.
I appreciate a little muff fluff and natural curves – Q is more of a barely there fitness freak fella.
It’s ebony and ivory.
Living in perfect harmony?
It takes all kinds.
I think 13 is in Dean’s backyard.
#3 and #26.
Hello #2
OT:
Subhead: Request for opinions.
I have an iPhone and use it for Amazon Kindle content and eBooks. I need a headset for it for travel, in bed, etc, but I don’t like the standard earbuds.
Are the Bose Quiet Comfort ear buds any good?
I’m also looking at the kind built into a headband made especially for sleeping. But I’ve only seen Chinese crap—what’s the legitimate product they are ripping off?
“Lightning” style cord of course.
Wife has the Amazon Echo buds. I have some Jabra 65ts I like. Really down with the wireless earbud thing, it’s joined the every day carry rotation.
Thumbs up any Jabra product. Also j-lab.
About three years ago I got hearing aids.
Minus: They don’t really help that much and my tinnitus is still dominant.
Plus: I have this device called the Phonak which connects my hearing aids to my smartphone.
I can make/receive calls with no interaction with my phone. When traveling with my mother-in-law I could put on music that I would hear, drowning out her bitching.
Sometimes that is good enough.
What?
It’s the sound of his neighbor’s dog talking to him.
Lol.
Ed Zachary.
Spousal unit has a pair of Sonys attached to what looks like a slave necklace, kinda, if it was super-high-tech.
For the record, she loves it (great battery life amongst other things – 20 hours!).
https://www.sony.ca/en/electronics/in-ear-headphones/wi-c400
I have the QC20 (wired). They’re great for plane travel or elsewhere with the noise cancelling turned on. When the noise cancelling isn’t needed, I like the AirPods instead for the convenience factor. I haven’t tried the noise cancelling AirPods. I don’t like the call control/volume on the AirPods and use the controls on the idevice or watch.
I’ve never had a pair of headphones that fit as well as those Bose in-ear designs, but I’m not sure they’re making anything other than those super-expensive noise-cancelling ones now.
My early-pandemic purchase was a pair of Jabra Elite 75t – they’re pretty great, albeit not quite as secure as those old Bose were.
Freedom is just another word for being a real American
U.S.A! U.S.A!
Awesome, but glad nobody got shot.
Fear of a Black Watergun?
If they had a black water gun then Sandman’s fear would have been realized.
See also: https://youtu.be/a_0xYamFYYI
I was thinking more along the lines of: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZu2DtXQqs4
I love that Fear Of A Black Hat is a thing here now. I love that movie.
It is Uh-MAZE-ing! The fact that Rusty, wrote, directed, stars in, and, wrote all the music for it is just incredible.
As I’ve stated here, recently–I own the soundtrack CD. Fuck The Security Guards and Granny Said Kick YoAss are the tops.
I am shocked. Of course, it’s Medford but still. Not going full of authoritarian?
https://kval.com/news/local/its-a-constitutional-right-mpd-will-not-enforce-browns-orders-during-freedom-rally
I wouldn’t want to enforce “don’t go near other people because of the invisible virus” in Medford either.
Twitter suspends that Trump reply guy who pissed in his own mouth
Who needs more?
TWiteR iz a PRIvate CoMpANY!
…huh?
Have you ever seen them lower it? Unexercised theoretical power is an illusion of power.
Not that I know of, but still… what a weird thing to say.
This dude has the nerve to criticize piss-drinking??
Hey! I’ve written plays!
Also, wut?
A) It’s the Chicago/play-writing nexus that’s the issue.
B) See??
was a talking head in Best Worst Movie, the documentary about Troll 2
“I briefly appeared in a documentary 11 years ago”
SEE?!?
CP–I trust your playwright talent far more than I trust his.
Need a little help. Imma need someone to overlay Trump making the mock-a-retarded-person gesture on the lady doing the sign language.
https://twitter.com/Breaking911/status/1260689159158738946
Do not enact this slavers labor!
Don’t do what I asked.
That is above my skill level.
Like walking and chewing gum at the same time?
Folks?!
“Trump…mocking…journalist”–got it!
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.macleans.ca/opinion/is-donald-trump-a-fascist/amp/
Or Minutemen.
Minutemen – Corona
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jlxmKsTvcLg
Mike Watt is my hero.
“Stanley centres fascism on power rather than belief and more specifically, techniques for winning power and keeping it. ”
That’s a stupid definition since fascism is a political ideology.
Wrong
Fascism is things I don’t like.
A lot of…ahem…intellectuals…give fascism an almost mystical quality when defining it. As if it wasn’t and isn’t a defined political ideology put into practice in multiple countries.
Including the 1930’s USA
And we’re still living with it as evidenced by the actions of the government and central bank over the last two months.
*Checks clock for the unofficial Glib OT time*
Good. Sorry, Derp. I need to bail, I’m already toasty, and I feel the urge to brain fart…so…
Shallow Thoughts, by TH
The Cindy Sheehan talk earlier got me thinking about crazy conspiratorial people who are obviously deranged yet are still able to hold enough cognitive reasoning to maintain at the least an ethos to base their decisions around on a consistent bases.
Take for an example, Dennis Kucinich. The man is obviously a dyed in the wool progressive who has some peculiar beliefs about extraterrestrials and the possible impact they may have had on Earth’s history, but he also actually has a reflex to defend the constitution on certain issues and would vote against his party’s wishes to defend his principles…plus he married a redheaded smokeshow a foot taller than him, half his age, and has managed to keep her around long enough for her to wait put his death for the payday.
So the point of my rant, I guess, is cheers to Dennis! You lucky, wrongheaded, yet weirdly honest little shit.
Good work Derp. This puts current events in a perspective that has not been touched on yet so I give you ten tequila points.
The cheap hamburger is up to $4/lb here. The good stuff is $8/lb.
One ginormous new-to-us freezer and 220 lb of beef at $1.99/lb later, I am feeling very clever.
I’m starting to think about raising rabbits in the basement.
My whole menu is meat and vegetable.
My dad tried that. He couldn’t slaughter them after taking care of them.
I HATE RABBITS
I HATE RABBITS
I HATE RABBITS
*campfire smoke goes into Mojeaux’s eyes instead of mine*
Hey, I was talking about my dad.
I’m a little more hard-hearted and pragmatic than that.
Ohhhhh, what a sweet little bunny!
Please pass the BBQ sauce.
David Sedaris has a quip in one of his books about buying rabbit in the supermarket in France. They come split right down the middle of the rabbit, lenghtwise. He said something about having half a mind,,,,and I just lost it. I laughed so hard, I woke mrs. pistoffnick up.
She found it more funny the next morning.
OK, I don’t know which of you has earned my simmering rage more, so…I’ll just keep reading, for now.
Nah, if you eat the rabbits, you’re still on a vegetarian diet, since rabbits are vegetarians.
I just bought three strip steaks for $5.99 a pound. I’m not worried about the meat shortages yet, but it certainly is different in the meat section. They only had 73/27 ground beef at $4lb a pound. No other ground beef mixtures.
I think people hammered away at ground beef in the 3 lb tubes because they can be stacked in a freezer. Got some more vaccum bags for the sealer, so I am going to go ahead and get some meat this weekend and freeze some portions.
I have a friend that has 2 kids that live in Michigan. We were texting about Gov Whitman, and I wanted to send him an article on how she hinted that ‘protests lead to more lockdown’.
So on my PC, I used the search terms “whitmer threatens lockdown over protests” on my PC, using DuckDuckGo. Then, since I was using my phone, I searched it on Safari using Google.
Holy Shit….the diff between the articles I got was night & day. All the google hits were pro-GOV
“‘Swastikas and nooses’: governor slams ‘racism’ of Michigan lockdown protest”
“Armed protesters demonstrate against Covid-19 lockdown at Michigan capitol”
“Lockdown protesters don’t care about lives”
DuckDuckGo gave me: “Gov. Whitmer threatens Michigan protesters with lockdown extension”
…which is why I avoid google
This is too important to be ignored.
Google has been shoving stuff at me in my phone’s news feed. Stuff that clearly is not algorithm driven. All of it pro-progressive stuff.
Three days ago or thereabouts they sent me two cards about retrospectives on the Nixon impeachment and the Clinton impeachment. A day and a half later, former Clinton impeachment lawyers file an amicus brief in the Flynn case.
Now, there was absolutely no reason to send me those two links. Yet somehow they lined up with what was happening in DNC politics – before the event was public. It was as if there were some group behind the scenes coordinating such things.
I usually link to the NYT article that breathlessly describes the wonders of google CEO Eric Schmidt’s political manipulation company “the Groundwork”, but today’s search pushed this version to the top:
https://qz.com/520652/groundwork-eric-schmidt-startup-working-for-hillary-clinton-campaign/
It is a company entirely created to help progressive / democrat causes by manipulating the back end of tech companies like google search.
Thanks for the info. I’ve been using DDG as the search engine on my laptop for a long time, but you’ve finally nudged me to change the settings on my phone’s browser (Chrome – maybe I should change that, too) from Google to DDG.
The thing is, I’m a libertarian nerd who likes science stuff. And UNC sports. So anything Proggie that gets shoved in my feed is going to stand out like a sore thumb.
My news feed looks like this:
Nerd story
Astronomy story
Athlete entering transfer porthole
Linux version release
Barr destroying rule of law!!!!
SpaceX story
Reason.com article
Former DOJ officials Call for Barr Resignation!!
nerd story
Virology story
My news feed lools like:
No news is good news.
Glibs is the only news aggregator I visit.
I’ll look over one of the local TV stations’ sites for local news & weather and, for lack of a better alternative, Fox for national/international news headlines, but Glibs is my home page.
Let’s have at it. Name a celeb or celebs – someone we can google – that you shamelessly ‘baited to.
Suzanne Somers
Alicia Silverstone
Kathy Lee Gifford
Can’t fap to people who I know wouldn’t fuck me.
I only fap after I’ve received consent.
*Nods* I’ve never understood why rapists masturbate.
Silence implies consent.
infers.
Silence can’t infer shit, silly. Silence only stands in mute witness to the nonevents that aren’t not going on.
Actually, I don’t know the difference other than you tell people they are using the wrong one.
To infer is the act of drawing a conclusion from something, the detectives infers from the evidence.
To imply is to suggest something without saying it. The evidence implies a conclusion.
That’s pretty much everyone in my case
What the…?
Missing your 12-Step Group ?
Lock the door
Unzip
Unfurl
Spit on hand
Commence ‘bait
Fill navel
That’s five steps, bro.
raquel welch
No mention of the Farrah Fawcett bathing-suit/protruding-nipples poster?
I was married by time that poster came out.
I won that poster at the county fair by throwing a baseball at bowling pins.
Also note, I had subscriptions to playboy and penthouse by time this poster came out.
Old Steve Martin line —
“Farrah wouldn’t give me the time of day, and after all the hours I spent holding her poster up with one hand!”
Problem is, she doesn’t move her arms when she dances.
While I’d expect she does have arms I can’t say I’ve ever noticed them.
“…and then the priest said, “those arent buoys!””
-Seinfeld
Lynda Carter
Barbi Benton
Heather Thomas
Heather Locklear
Rank the Heathers!
Heather McNamara
Heather Chandler
Heather Duke
Bull in the Heather https://youtu.be/hykLeFnVee8
That’s a group of boner-wilters.
Listen, no matter how many times you try to convince me I won’t apologize for preferring the adult version of Punky Brewster.
Aisha Tyler and all the girls on Charmed.
New charmed or old? or both?
In a darker moment I once masturbated to Kathy Griffin.
I apologize for nothing.
Dude….
I read this to my husband.
“There are more attractive midgets out there.”
Penthouse Madonna, aka Hairy Armpit Madonna
Why would you want to take them fishin’?
If they aren’t hot enough for porn or webcams, they aren’t worth it.
So, I don’t bother calling into the All Hands Zoom call every morning. Because I have fucking work to do. Well today, the woman across the hall was playing it loud over the speakers. So I got to hear the Office Prog Brigade endlessly bleating about MUH FAUCI and MUH SCIENTISTS. Meanwhile our numbers get worse and worse. But hey, its just money right. Not like we need money to actually fucking stay in business.
Just wait for another bailout and another welfare check.
I sent this image out to the 2x weekly scheduling meeting I am forced to attend:
https://ctl.s6img.com/society6/img/ZiMryOq7gsrruT-HD0_m7TKBC18/w_1500/posters/18×24/front/~artwork,fw_2718,fh_3619,fy_-3,iw_2718,ih_3624/s6-original-art-uploads/society6/uploads/misc/43e9c61510ae4c70b6dd33c6b2245b2b/~~/i-survived-another-meeting-that-should-have-been-an-email-black-posters.jpg
I have that saying on a blue ribbon. It looks like I won the science fair until I point somebody at it.
Pabst?
Tony Scott > Ridley Scott
*throws self off bridge*
Can a lawyer weigh in, isn’t what Flynn’s judge doing what the SCOTUS reprimanded the ninth for doing last week?
I’m in at about 235. Covid 15, you know what I mean?
Folks?!
…what did he do?
He’s taken on the role of judge and prosecutor.
In short, he’s trying to charge Flynn with perjury for pleading guilty and then withdrawing it.
“Will no one rid me of this turbulent defendant?”
If that happens… look for open rebellion.
The federal system is rigged for plea bargains. 90%+ are resolved this way, and almost all are extorted pleas, similar to Flynn’s.
These guys really, really, really want to protect their own. I’m stunned at how many political operatives in the bureaucracy are on board with doing whatever it takes to stop Trump – whether of the left or of the right. If he gets a second term, look for the swamp draining to reach open warfare proportions.
People kept theorizing about why Romney suddenly became a docile kitten in the 2012 campaign. With what happened to the Trump campaign and since, I’m starting to listen to those conspiracy theories.
I’m not aware of what the 9th was reprimanded for but a trial court soliciting amicus briefs is very unusual.
Not only did the Ninth Circus solicit amicus briefs, they suggested what issues the briefs should address.
Ouch. That is bizarre. RBG did the right thing.
Thanks for posting the article.
Well, if enough of them do it, it becomes precedent, and then we can’t change it.
“ Experts say it will likely be a present participle followed by an animal.”
Farting Beaver
Licking Toad
Milking Bull
Felching Tapir.
Infuriating Horntoads
Milking Seacow starring Mark Hamill
In color!
In Living Color
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xxgRUyzgs0
Fun facts:
The word “hippopotamus” comes from the Greek word for “water horse” or “river horse.
Hippopotami are some of the most dangerous animals in Africa, killing up to 500 people per year.
Hippos sweat blood and fling their poo with their tail to mark territory and attract mates.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oOzszFIBcE
You have described Spudalicious to a tee.
Spud has a tail?
He can attract mates?
That’s what hippos do
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x54apTlFIFY
For example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-jXMeo4a4k
Hippos are my spirit animal.
Lactating Platypus
If you know what I mean.
-Colin Mocherie
Gargling Eel.
My kinda girl.
Felching Manatees
Damnit, Viking beat me to felching
Umm… oookaayy…
Yeah are we still doing phrasing?
OK. So I thought “felching” would be my Glib Word of the Day and looked it up.
Mistake.
I learn a lot around here. That is not always a good thing.
I imagine it’s a combo of “felatio” and “belch”.
Wrong hole.
Fine. Fart and belch.
Close, but no cigar…
I can vaguely remember just enough about the meaning of that word that I know I don’t want to remember it exactly.
Tweeting Orangutan
That which was done by you at that place did not go undetected.
And Derp, that was good! Was waiting for a Krugman reference, though.
I’m a Middle-Aged Woman Who Loves Twerking During Sex
The problem: It’s hurting my back. Any exercise tips?
“…at least twice a week…”
Fuck, Grandma is getting it on more than me.
Cat-Camel stretches, not prolonged. About 30 repetitions a day.
*goes back to twerking*
A different 56 year old man every year for 30 years? Bunny boiler!
Started out as a sugar baby, now she’s robbing the cradle
OPERATION: EATING TURTLE?
It’s pronounced tuhtle.
Facebook is seeing fit to broadcast WHO press conferences live now on my news feed…
Facebook…
There’s your problem.
Listen to Slumbrew.
Operation Twerking Eagle
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eg8t0DB_wbk
‘Murica.
(I just realized I don’t really need NSFW tags right now, do I?)
I..ahh..need a tissue.
Credit to HM for that link, from when I first came over from TOS.
Probably solidified my move.
Just realized that wasn’t even the source:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6vinrXWxls
104M views
As I said, ‘Murica.
to the powers that be, I have submitted the first of several articles on planting and managing a backyard orchard.
cool
I linked to this in the afternoon links and none of the daytime folks cared. But you late nighters have had to read my complaints. My birthday present replacement to myself arrived today! (the big red one, I bought the other two for myself last year.)
🙂
since I have no idea but have a bit of Glib experience, ima guessing
a/ bear-proof bee hives
b/ armored, self-propelled orphan mining suits
c/ clam-shell laptop and wanking gloves chests
d/ worst bullet casts ever
e/ worst Greta Thunberg love-dolls ever
f/ Fist of Etiquette backup ego reservoir
g/ NoDak adult diaper outer garment
h/ HM-proof bung-tongue cladding
i/ Gilmore sharp-dressed-lego fever dream
j/ Minnesota-nice Godzirra party mask
k/ trespasser found shrinky-dinked the next morning down a long, rural driveway in Louisiana
‘C’!….No, ‘E’! It’s definitely ‘E’!
Definitely c.
Security footage of Biden dumpster diving behind a beauty parlor. Victim of social distancing.
“Montana reporting 462 confirmed COVID-19 cases”
I guess “Montana Reporting Zero New Cases, 15 Active Cases and 3 Active Hospitalizations”
Isn’t much of a headline.
I think we’re waiting for the total cases to go down
https://flip.it/EHhe6i
I noticed the local tv news no longer reports daily additions to the scorecard. Now all they report is the total since day one. So the totals are always going up and (purposely?) alarming those watchers who haven’t had the foresight to write down the previous day’s totals and do the subtraction.
Corona cases in [STATE] reach new high!
I guess I shouldn’t complain they do always give you the relevant numbers, but the focus on the total is just is just meaningless fear mongering.
Maybe I’m reading this wrong, but the numbers in the left column seem to be getting smaller
That can’t be right, it shows total COVID-PANIC deaths around 50,000, we all know it’s over 100,000.
My mother went with “over 800,000” when we chatted this weekend. She shall most assuredly vote for
BidenDNC candidate.According to the chart, while I’m drunk, the 100,000 comes under this heading :Deaths with Pneumonia, Influenza OR Covid-19. If I’m reading this right, that right there shows what a shitshow this all is.
“We’re gonna assume it’s Covid-19, for $reasons”
Hawaii 55 active cases (2 in hospital) and a grand total of 17 deaths. This only cost an official 40% unemployment rate and 5 mile long lines of cars for “free” food.
JFC.
I really think I’m just not understanding it. Like there’s a hidden angle I’m not getting. I mean- I know lying and manipulating numbers to support a narrative is what they do, I just don’t get how it can be so obviously wrong.
I just now realized that IO in the IO panel on the back of a computer stands for Input/Output. Random drunken realizations.
So…..NOT the planet, then?
::goes to reconfigure computer::
http://archive.li/Z7q7c/53b677327951e5aed1d3b26c8272be264a8ce27f.jpg
NSFW.
http://archive.li/CgHES/ad85999585eb09fa5d931447f54ad11f778909ce.jpg
NSFW.
http://archive.li/67k7H/92fc16c2bbb7a31070747bfcf6d94207df1eb7eb.jpg
NSFW.
O-H!!
I’m still stuck on one from your Monday manual release session. Mitch, I’m lonely.
In a nice example of principals over principles, Breyer expressed some concern over House Dem’s fishing expedition:
Got that? (TW: TOS) His issue isn’t that they are doing this to Trump, but that it might be used against a progressive champion in the future.
That’s some mighty fine principles, Lou.
Me Today, You Tomorrow.
Perfectly fine principle. I thought it was a good line of questioning.
I think that’s too clever a reading. It’s an inarticulate way of getting to the idea this could be used against any president. I think it was also part of an effort to get House counsel to state a limiting principle. He didn’t.
While you are correct, I can’t say that they are wrong, either.
I don’t. I think it’s a base reading of it. He may have been trying to prompt an argument for some sort of limiting principle, but that goes back to my main point. The concern isn’t that all this information is being asked for from Trump on a flimsy pretext just as I said. You can argue that he picked his examples randomly or without much concern for how it could be interpreted or just chose his words poorly, but I’d argue it just reveals his own biases regardless.
And McCarthy at least stumbled upon actual honest to god communists unlike this farce.
Now that she’s back in the news…
https://i.imgflip.com/41dj8z.jpg
She loses more than that runnin for the
busrickshaw pulled by non-carbon emitting life forms.She likes subsized candy.
Finally a point of agreement we can start from.
“6-1-2 Wharf Avenue”
N/A. 🙁
Damn region locks….try this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=if8-8YxET4g
Thumbs up.
It’s an ear worm. To me, at least.
We knew that Matthew Walther was a shitty opinion piece writer, with a penchant for fellating government.
Them damn drunk gun nutz caused
China VirusChina SyndromeCovid-19!I like the bitching about federalism. I mean, I’m going to bet he’s written endlessly about how awful the Trump admin’s response to this has all been, yet his takeaway from all this is that we need all the decision making centralized into the hands of the executive of the entire country.
…we need all the decision making centralized into the hands of
thehis handpicked executive of the entire country.That does seems to be his shtick.
I just opened one of the TP rolls I had to buy during the shortage – bought by the roll, mind you, no multipacks
And this stuff is like what you find in the bathrooms of gas stations on a road trip in 1990. one step up from a paper towel in that same bathroom.
it’s probably my special sneak preview of the Forthcoming Wonders of Debt Collapse so I should just be grateful I have better stuff for as long as it lasts. I should keep one roll of Quilted Northern in my display case to bring out for the grandkids – “and feel this, kiddies, this was what Toilet Paper was like before the Hunger Games began.”
In A.D. 2101–TP Wars was beginning
All Your Waste Are Belong To Us.
Quilted Northern is the greatest TP ever. I’ve got a decent stash from the before times. I’ll try to purchase whatever I can from Amazon, but I’m protecting my double roll 12 pack. Double rolls; 12=24.
Mega Rolls > Double Rolls
Wha tha fuuuuu… ?!?!?!
Well, if the double rolls are better than single rolls, it should be the case that the mega rolls, at four times that of the regular, are that much better.
And, they are!
Do the megas fit on the TP holder.
Does anyone else use the calculator on their phone to figure out the least expensive price per roll while standing in the TP aisle?
I wouldn’t know–TP holders are for…::adjusts Crusty Juggler helmet::…”cripples and coloreds”.
Wait–that can’t be right…
Also: No, other than if one particular sized package of Charmin Ultra Soft is “on sale”. But, even then, I just check the price per unit breakdown on the shelf tags, usually.
Hehe. I don’t claim to know the future in any real detail, but I do see a fan and some shit flying through the air directly at it.
You rang?
I was not disappointed
I definitely have the paper for that!
In case of shit-on fan, break glass
That should be shit-on-fan
When the shit hits the fan https://youtu.be/OIlIL5pPFmY
We once lived as Kings.
Now, we’re lucky to be Oilers. Or, Senators.
Or recruited for an Olympic pairs skating team.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zm0f0oFUxVA
I can live with that.
“Is this what the USA would be like if we had lost WW2?”
You know, that doesn’t seem so bad.
Second that.
Haha, Takei Ischii is a beast. He studied under some true old-school yodeling masters and really does it well.
(Yes, I went through a polka kick when I was learning the accordion)
In reference to CJ’s request for media personality fappage, I kinda like this lovely lady news anchor
No ring–check
Got moves–check
Finds Larry attractive———-what the hell; check
From our Discord cousins: https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/1273335/oxford-coronavirus-vaccine-trial-begins-covid19-doctor-emily-cousens-political-correctness
I’m sure this is too late for all but the most Nippon/Euro/late nighters, but….holy shite. I think we’ve discovered the embodiment of Mojeaux’s greatest grammatical creation.
Since the car hasn’t been too far recently I took it for a drive last night to charge the battery, and noticed a disturbing amount of “THANK YOU!” signs. Also apparently “stay safe” is the Branch Covidian equivalent of “God bless you”, to which my response is, “no risk, no reward!”.
Morning Digbo.
A simple thank you to the doctors and nurses if you end up in the hospital should be enough. The servile attitude towards the NHS in a nation where the death rate has been on the high side has been kind of sad to see and the clapping is just silly.
For decades the “tory scum” have been called “fascists” by the left, and now it’s effectively “tory is scum isn’t being fascist enough!”.
Morning, glibs.
I’ve hit a rough patch where I’m not even getting work done at the day job, let alone anything I want to get done. I think I’m going to flee the capital district this weekend, go visit my mother.
I love it when bureacracy grinds to a halt. Road trip!
It really saps the motivation when one of the documents I’ve been tasked to update has been accessed all of twice in its existance – including when I opened it to see what was there.
*blinks*
Road trip!
Good morning, gentlemen.
Sorry to hear about the rough patch, UCS. I know I felt the need to get away from my office for a bit, especially after the COVID theater began to escalate. A week ago Monday we started having to wear masks when away from our workspaces, and I had to go around each morning quizzing people about whether they were experiencing symptoms consistent with Lung Pao Sicken. As soon as an order of thermometers arrived, I was also going to have to take about a dozen coworkers’ temperatures daily. I decided it was a good time to be elsewhere, even if it were just at home.
Hope some time away allows you to relax & refresh a bit.
Morning GT. In all seriousness UCS, yeah it sounds like it’s time to down tools and embrace a change of scenery.
Road trip!!!!11
Can’t go anywhere until saturday. Have to connect to work.
In quasiunrelated news, I ordered a few pulp magazines from the pre-decline era of their publication history. So far, the language used is rather dry and uninspired. Certainly nothing even close to the overwrought noir characature Hyperbole expected. I’m guessing the publications skimped on writers as much as they did on paper, so they got the bottom of the barrel output.
Do I recall correctly that some eventually-big-name writers got their start in pulp? Heinlein comes to mind, but I haven’t looked that up to check whether it’s true.
That doesn’t make it their best work.
At the time there was a heirarchy of publications. If the people who paid the most in the genre rejected a story, you’d shop it around down the stack until you found someone who’d buy it. This ended up crudely sorting by quality.
Oh, I’m sure if there were any big names who started out in pulp, they later looked back on that work and shuddered.
Elmore Leonard
Admittedly I was conflating ‘hard-boiled crime noir’ with ‘pulp’. I guess pulp is more a publishing category than a genre, so you’re going to encounter a wide spectrum of styles, genre and quality.
Working from home is no way to live. I’m still going into the office during these trying times and it’s helped me stay relatively sane.
https://www.nbc15.com/content/news/wisconsin-supreme-court-blocks-evers-stay-home-extension-570448161.html
Good for those cheese peeps.
A savory marshmallow treat.
“Nearly seven out of 10 Wisconsin residents still back Evers’ “safer at home” order”
We desperately need to initiate some kind of economics education in the schools. People apparently don’t have the underlying knowledge to realize what they’re getting themselves into.
I don’t believe any polls.
“Would you rather stay indoors, or murder old people?”
I’m annoyed by the reasoning used.
The court said “The order is not okay because it didn’t follow this rule-making procedure” not “This is a gross violation of basic rights and impermissable whatever the motives asserted, or process followed.”
Once the legislature approves the measures, and they will, it looks like the court will be fine with it.
Less creepy than American mannequins.
https://www.wthr.com/article/restaurant-uses-stuffed-pandas-encourage-social-distancing
Uh-Oh! I think I let my inner Glib slip out of his cage tonight while conversing with a cow-worker. Me and Big Gay Jeff are friendly (he’s the one that started the fund for my troubles last year) and we started talking. Turns out we were both venting our bitchiness on the universe today. I made a quip, “Maybe we’re on our Moons”. Then I told him about something positive that I saw on the way to the site. People out practicing on the ball diamonds. He turns around and starts complaining about oldsters gathering in empty parking lots to schmooze and drink coffee. In lawn chairs. Six feet apart. Then we started talking about how everyone is working at cross purposes to each other and I noted that they should have protected the vulnerable right from the start. He hemmed and hawed and then I enlightened him about Cuomo and Hogan sending Wu-Flu patients to nursing homes. Big Gay Jeff – “I’ve never heard of that!” Festus – “That’s because the media won’t talk about it.” He then starts going on about armed protesters at re-open rallies… I just chuckled. Big Gay Jeff is a Karen. A sweetheart but indoctrinated. And I Oop.
The rank and file at Canada Post are near Tankie-level socialists if I need to clear that up for you.
Not really, the term “tankie” doesn’t mean anything to me.
They are so pro-union that they’d cut off their own noses to spite their face. Really. It’s not a wonder that three supervisors died in my seven and half years working on their sites. Upper management is asshoe, rank and file is bigger asshoe. They are red red red.
I’m reading that as your coworkers murdered the supervisors.
Show me the Supervisor and I’ll show you the crime! There’s only a couple of cuntes and the cuntiest of the bunch wheedled his way up to Regional Manager. I hope he has fun losing his hair. We used to butt heads regularly but he has more important concerns, now. Eh, the workers are pretty lazy and very prone to take offence, hence the stress that caused those strokes and heart attacks. Now I’m thinking about Ron and Glen. Not putting my grieving gloves on, though.
A long-time friend of ours is retired from the USPS, and he has one of the worst cases of TDS we’ve witnessed in our social circle.
I’m lucky to be largely “on the same page” with my boss of twenty years. He agrees with me that the pandemic nonsense has been overblown and that the economic consequences will be dire. He commented recently, “I’m frustrated by all these restrictions, but I can tell you’re downright angry.”
One of the happiest working experiences of my professional life was having a boss that I golfed with and also played on the same ball team. When push came to shove I was the one nudged under the bus, though. I think he lasted about six months more. Never spoke to him again. I’m not Glibbing right, am I?
I had time to kill last night so I drove past the old plant. A place that employed upwards of 300 people sits vacant and moldering. The main building is honest to god filled with wood chips for some kind of bedding concern. It looks like Detroit after a botched face-lift. Heart breaking. It didn’t help that the sunset last night was achingly beautiful…
I’m so sorry that happened to your company. I hate to think how many more workplaces will end up the same way in the coming months and years.
That company was my life for five years. I was the Employee Rep for the last three. It was a thriving concern and because of of one cunte brought on board it just stopped being that. I didn’t just lose my job, I lost all of my friends and family. I helped those guys get hired and once my Ex and I split (family business), I was deemed expendable. Heart and soul I gave to them and now there are ruins. It was my one chance at the brass ring and then it was just gone.
https://www.wfmz.com/news/area/lehighvalley/allentown-man-charged-in-doughnut-truck-heist/article_4987b10a-9542-11ea-9e19-bb203668bdcd.html
Those cops aren’t social distancing very well. Someone call the Karens.
BUT DOUGHNUTS ARE AT STAKE!!! THIS ISN’T AN EMERGENCY, IT’S A CRISIS!!!1!1!
The robber thought they were pecan log rolls.
Drudge has a stormy sky over the white house and the headline “Whistleblower of Doom!”
Because some immunologist who used to work for the white house is saying that he predicts that next winter will be the worst in history… And the administration didn’t do what he wanted.
Uh… they keep using the word “whistleblower” to describe people who merely disagree with a government policy decision. Do you think they know what that word means?
Anyway, the house commerce committee is on top of it, doing hearings into this terrible malfeasance. Some CEO of a ventilator company is going to blow the lid off of the whole thing.
Drudge has become a histrionic twat who posts panicky headlines for clicks. The day his link farm goes under will be a good day for the internet and the world.
Didn’t he sell out a few years back?
So last night I had to make a run to publix for bread crumbs. Wifey ran out in the middle of making a double batch of meatballs. While checking out, there’s some burly dude standing on the distancing stripe in front of me. He’s looking around, seemingly agitated behind his mask. He looks to me a few times, and finally says “this is all such bullshit”.
“Yeah”, I helpfully offer.
He goes on a rant about the rights of the people getting stomped on by the government.
Now, this is the heart of proggie land. My particular town is more working class than most in the area, but we still have a plastic straw ban in place. And yet here’s this construction worker looking dude loudly proclaiming his anti-proggie stance.
I don’t know what it says for the larger world….. but that would not have happened here in 2016.
Have you noticed that as the proggies are pushing so terribly hard to keep everyone on lockdown and out of work, they are simultaneously pushing the “the economy is breaking down” narrative?
https://www.vox.com/recode/2020/5/8/21248618/coronavirus-meat-shortage-food-supply-chain-grocery-stores
Vox is super worried about the meat supply chain.