Finally Friday Afternoon Links

by | May 1, 2020 | Daily Links | 365 comments

Man, the calendar finally caught up to me. Finally Friday is here. I’m pretty ready to be off work and on to home improvement projects or whatever else is on the “honey do” list this weekend. Anything to be away from the computer. I spent about 20 minutes three mornings this week de-gooping the spray arms on the dishwasher. I’m not ready to declare a conspiracy theory yet, but an awful lot of the stuff that came out of there looked suspiciously like the stuff they use in the dishwasher pods. The wife was ready to give up and buy a new dishwasher it had gotten so bad, and I just don’t ever remember the clogging being so horrible before we switched to pods. I strongly suspect we will switch back to the old powder.

I strongly suspect a prank based on this will occur soon at my work.

Man, Elon Musk has been on a truth-telling streak.

Florida Woman gets authentic Times Square experience while volunteering on NYC COVID unit.

I assume this means Trump has decided he’s getting over-exposed.

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

365 Comments

  1. Count Potato

    It’s amazing that those two guys managed to fight crime every week without assault rifles and camo suits.

    • Count Potato

      They would go to places in a regular ass car, ring the doorbell like a normal person, then wait for the suspect to answer it.

    • Count Potato

      Not once did they even try to blow up a baby’s crib with an RPG.

      • leon

        Sure, but Tanks are fuckin cool! Also if we don’t let the cops light up grandma when she’s delivering the newspapers, well then they might think we don’t support them and they’ll just stop enforcing the law.

    • Count Potato

      If some woman started to ramble a bit, they would just say “Just the facts, ma’am”, without even choking her or holding her to ground.

      • The Hyperbole

        Yeah, but man they could be some preachy mother fuckers, I would’ve confessed just to shut them up.

        “Slap on the cuffs and save the sermon for Sunday, Pig.”

      • Jarflax

        I know you are making a joke, but let’s look at that seriously for a second. Which is worse? The preachy Christian/traditional morality cop, whose own morality restricts him to enforcing the law as written but only until it forbids something his morality views as good, but who lectures and judges based on religious concepts and prejudices. Or the modern cop whose morality is purely bureaucratic and institution based, couldn’t be bothered to lecture, and will enofrce the law up until enforcing it harms his institution and then will act purely to protect his own? This is why I find my agnostic self reaching toward religion.

      • Count Potato

        You just described Robocop.

  2. The Late P Brooks

    French girls they want Cartier, Italian girls want cars

    American girls want everything in the world you can possibly imagine

    • Shirley Knott

      American girls want everything in the world you they can possibly imagine.
      You can probably imagine things they don’t want.

  3. OBE #Learn2Essential

    The nurse’s friend looks like someone I used to uh, hang out with while on business trips.

  4. leon

    WASHINGTON (AP) — President Donald Trump’s new spokeswoman, Kayleigh McEnany, vowed on Friday not to lie to reporters as she made her debut at the first White House briefing by a press secretary in more than a year.

    “I will never lie to you,” McEnany told reporters. “You have my word on that.”

    Hmmm Bad start there on the “No Lying” thing.

    • OBE #Learn2Essential

      Yeah why would you say that? You have now set the narrative for however long you are in that job for non-stop fact checking regardless of what you are saying.

    • The Other Kevin

      Snopes has already declared the statement MOSTLY FALSE.

    • Shirley Knott

      Stealing lines from Jimmy Carter isn’t a real good look in these soon-to-be impoverished times.

    • bacon-magic

      She failed already. The appropriate response: “I will be as truthful as you.”

  5. Drake

    I might start watching White House press briefings. Damn! Trump knows how to pick ’em.

    • The Hyperbole

      Have you forgotten Pie already?

      • SugarFree

        She’ll be back after the vaginal mesh settlement.

  6. The Late P Brooks

    President Donald Trump’s new spokeswoman, Kayleigh McEnany, vowed on Friday not to lie to reporters as she made her debut at the first White House briefing by a press secretary in more than a year.

    “I will never lie to you,” McEnany told reporters. “You have my word on that.”

    Oh, go on. Tell them you respect them.

    • juris imprudent

      And the check is in the mail!

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        She then proceeded to say “I’ll never give you up. I’ll never let you down.”

    • Suthenboy

      I wonder what answers you would get if you were to poll Venezuelans on socialism today.
      Every time I see these stories I have to laugh.
      Self inflicted misery….

  7. Drake

    UK Police Hunt Man Dressing as ‘Plague Doctor’ as Lockdown Fines Soar

    “Although no offences have been committed at this time, officers are keen to trace the individual in order to provide words of advice about the implications of his actions on the local community.”

    To Bully and Intimidate, that’s what British police have been reduced to.

    • leon

      I mean… That’s what cops have always been for, right?

      • Drake

        They used to be subtle about instead of overtly sinister.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Robert Peel is rolling over in his grave.

    • The Other Kevin

      There’s a TV commercial featuring a guy from the London police. It’s a commercial for Microsoft Teams. They literally are the worst.

    • BakedPenguin

      Hey, he’s wearing a mask.

    • OBE #Learn2Essential

      You can have 100+ in a supermarket but 20 protestors? Shut it down! How even the Karens dont see how dangerous this is boggles my mind.

      • hayeksplosives

        The Karens just want to end up on “the right side of history” as chocolate Nixon says.

      • OBE #Learn2Essential

        To think it was the Karens of the world 30-40 years ago that were throwing chicken pox parties and lambasting those who didnt go…

    • Not Adahn

      What’s up with the chick with the kindness and dildo sign?

      • SugarFree

        Pro-fisting. Can’t get it until the public park bathrooms open back up.

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        Nevermind her. What’s with the dood next to her? WTF?

      • OBE #Learn2Essential

        Beat me to it…he is quite the story

      • Tonio

        A libertarian, obviously. /prog

        Seriously, I haven’t a clue. RTD is a mere shadow of itself when giants like Ross Mackenzie and Hinkle ran the place. They’ve degenerated into sensationalism.

  8. Drake

    Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer Mulls Tax Increase After Coronavirus

    She seems really nice. Ignores the law and refuses to reopen the state. But, whenever they do re-open for business, the budget will be fucked and the only way to deal is with crushing taxes – which always make things better during a depression.

    • hayeksplosives

      I thought Michigan had more sense than to elect her type.

      • OBE #Learn2Essential

        Wasn’t she a switch and bait?

      • hayeksplosives

        Sure seems so. And on the heels of voting for the Donald!!

      • Shirley Knott

        Whatever gave you that idea? Detroit and Flint are shining examples of MI governance, as are most of the scum ‘we’ keep sending to Washington.

    • Nephilium

      Well shit. Looks like DeWine is doing something decent. Or he realizes that if he proposes a tax hike on top of extending the lockdown, the protests will grow.

  9. hayeksplosives

    I have given up trying to follow Gavin’s “guidance.” The fed and county owned beaches partially opened last week, and people flocked to them, so Newsom Wednesday put all state parks and beaches on the closed list out of spite.

    Now it’s May 1 so first day of mandatory mask wearing, but then they opened the state beaches after all??

    At this point “I don’t understand what I’m being asked to do” is a legitimate case.

    • OBE #Learn2Essential

      I say the beachgoers offer the pathway to how to combat Newsom…just go in large enough groups and what are they going to do?

      • hayeksplosives

        This is what they did earlier this week that pushed Newsom to add punitive measures. But sheer numbers of people wanting OUT and the fact that we all know now that our local SD hospitals are nearly empty are ratcheting up the pressure.

        And o by the way, nobody believes any of the statistics.

      • juris imprudent

        The Bee knows!

    • Mad Scientist

      He can fuck off with the mandatory mask thing.

      • OBE #Learn2Essential

        How do you even enforce that? Are they going to arrest my 75 year old parents who have repeatedly stated they will not wear masks?

      • Gadfly

        In Dallas County masks are “mandatory”, but it has been explicitly stated that there are no civil or criminal penalties for not wearing one. I imagine that’s how it is going to be “enforced” elsewhere as well.

    • Tonio

      “Where is my government-approved mask? Unless government gives me a mask I don’t know that it’s compliant.”

  10. Count Potato

    “It was around 8:30 a.m. She stood awestruck in front of the “Good Morning America” set in Times Square and stopped to snap a photo.”

    That’s not how to buy meth.

    • Grosspatzer

      I’m shocked she was not arrested for failure to maintain proper social distancing.

  11. grrizzly

    Belichick has already done it. With a husky.

      • Mad Scientist

        Save your money don’t go to the show.

    • B.P.

      That ain’t no husky. That’s a klee kai.

  12. OBE #Learn2Essential

    Applewood and rosemary smoked whole
    chicken is on the menu tonight. Now have to figure out the sodes.

  13. The Late P Brooks

    A surprisingly sensible take

    On Tuesday, the U.S. passed 1 million coronavirus cases, according to the World Health Organization. As the numbers tick on, we put them in perspective with a familiar infectious respiratory illnesses — the flu.

    According to John Hopkins University, there is an estimated 1 billion cases of the flu worldwide every year. Of those, it’s responsible for taking the lives of 291,000 to 646,000 people. That’s .03% to .06%.

    The CDC puts the mortality rate of the flu even lower — at 2 deaths per 100,000 people.

    So far, the WHO has recorded almost 3 million cases worldwide of COVID-19 and about 207,000 deaths — 6.9%.

    However, those percentages don’t accurately reflect the death rate since we don’t know how many people have had the new coronavirus, because many people who get it don’t show symptoms, and testing has been limited.

    Further complicating the numbers, the CDC says that “deaths due to COVID-19 may be misclassified as pneumonia or influenza deaths in the absence of positive test results, and pneumonia or influenza may appear on death certificates as a comorbid condition. Additionally, COVID-19 symptoms can be similar to influenza-like illness, thus deaths may be misclassified as influenza.”

    Just wait ’til we sift out the deaths misclassified as Covid.

    Unfortunately, they don’t dare to draw any conclusions about the lockdown.

    • westernsloper

      there is an estimated 1 billion cases of the flu worldwide every year

      Why can we estimate how many flu cases there are but for statistical analysis of the Vid we need a confirmed positive test?

      • grrizzly

        Unless it’s a death. Then it’s a death from COVID-19 even without testing.

      • westernsloper

        Ya, interesting isn’t it. To go in the infected column we need a positive test, but any death goes into the death column.

    • kinnath

      So, I wonder if a mini-14 with a walnut stock would be on the list of banned weapons.

      Not that I live in Canada, or near Canada, or want to in the future.

      • kinnath

        Interesting. Ruger SR556 and AR556 are banned, but mini-14 is not.

      • kinnath

        And the Springfield Saint is on the list, but not the M1A.

      • juris imprudent

        You were expecting it to make sense?

      • kinnath

        They are clearing targeting AR platform rifles of all caliber. But they are not targeting other equivalent platforms.

      • Not Adahn

        They must be using NY’s assault weapons feature list.

      • Incentives Matter

        Er, no.

        The Mini-14 (including all its variants) is explicitly mentioned in s.88 of the OIC:

        Proscribed/Prohibited:

        88  The firearm of the design commonly known as the Ruger Mini-14 rifle, and any variant or modified version of it, including the

        (a) Clark Custom Guns Ruger Mini-14;
        (b) Ruger Mini-14 GB;
        (c) Ruger Mini-14 Ranch Rifle;
        (d) Ruger Mini-14 Ranch Rifle Deluxe;
        (e) Ruger Mini-14 Ranch Rifle LE;
        (f) Ruger Mini-14 Ranch Rifle LET;
        (g) Ruger Mini-14 Ranch Rifle NRA Edition;
        (h) Ruger Mini-14 Ranch Target Rifle; and
        (i) Ruger Mini Thirty.

        Isn’t that special?

      • dontreadonme

        So they are targeting “military grade” weapons as stated in the document. If these weapons are what their military uses then I suggest we invade tomorrow.

      • Drake

        Why? Then we would be saddled with Canada.

  14. Brawndo

    I’m trying to reconcile a couple things I’ve seen/believe about covid. On one hand, I think this is a massive overreaction to something that may or may not be a bad flu season (hard to say when hospitals are fudging numbers). On the other hand, a lot of food processing plants are closing down because a lot of their employees are being infected. From what I understand about these places, employees are working asses to elbows. Additionally, some of these plants might be shutting down as a precaution so they can install barriers between employees. My theory with the plants that are closing due to actual infection is that, now that testing is more widespread to the public, these workers are getting tested, and getting positive tests, even though they might be asymptomatic. And with the heightened awareness of covid and erring on the side of caution, people are being told to stay home for 2 weeks if they are positive. Compare that to a flu season. If you tested a bunch of people for the flu that weren’t even sick, I’m sure many would test positive, but people don’t miss work unless they have symptoms.

    • hayeksplosives

      I can get behind some business needing time to retool a bit for this and other disease containment, but the house arrest, don’t go to the beach, wear a mask stuff has nothing to do with it.

      Nor does having non-experienced personnel turn ventilators up to 11 in New York.

      • Brawndo

        Yea. If this is “just a flu, bro” then it doesn’t make sense that plants are closing due to infected employees. I’m thinking that otherwise healthy people are testing positive for it, and the sentiment that they’ve just received a death sentence is what’s causing this.

      • OBE #Learn2Essential

        Well the imagery of the undocumented being our saviors during this for doing work Americans will not and then them all getting Covid because of it might have a place in this story.

      • grrizzly

        Many people are still in the full panic mode about the coronavirus because they’re afraid that THEY can die. Even though they are young and healthy and therefore face no extra risk from the virus.

      • Agent Cooper

        This. I have young and healthy Facebook friends living in full-on terror about getting sick. These are people in their 30s and early 40s.

      • hayeksplosives

        Very possible that the diagnosis even without symptoms might be scaring some people.

        Others are enjoying a paid vacation on Unemployment.

        The rest are in deep uncertainty about how and when they can work and earn money honestly again without going bankrupt.

      • R C Dean

        The plant closings could also be an overreaction.

    • RAHeinlein

      They aren’t working that closely, but it’s a shit workforce, companies didn’t implement appropriate procedures, and those that were implemented ignored (distancing during breaks, don’t come in when sick/member of household sick, exposed, etc. Correct about the testing, but also companies wanted liability shields provided by the DPA.

      • Tulip

        One neighbor works for USDA. The companies did put procedures in place (and they have extensive procedures anyway, like going through foam to clean shoes at every threshold). But people are uneducated and poorly paid and live in crowded conditions. They come to work sick , not new, because they don’t have sick leave, they don’t socially distance.

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      A short shutdown to give hospitals time to prepare was probably warranted. But keeping it shut down for months on end is getting ridiculous. It’s time to open up with precautions. That some people think we need to shutdown until there is a vaccine or that that there should be no deaths scares me more than the virus itself.

      • dontreadonme

        Peoples is dumb. So unless a good leader is persuading them of the right thing to do, independent of their own lust for power, then nothing good will happen.

  15. Count Potato

    “Other opponents of the lockdown were more oblique. The economists Stephen Moore and Arthur Laffer, along with former presidential candidate Steve Forbes, issued a four-point plan to deal with the economic consequences of the coronavirus. The third point was: “Don’t expand welfare and other income redistribution benefits like paid leave and unemployment benefits that will inhibit growth and discourage work.”

    The diabolical genius of this policy was that it would have made the state lockdowns untenable by making it impossible for workers who were locked out of their jobs to survive. Presumably someone who was not a sociopath pointed out that Moore, Laffer, and Forbes weren’t fooling anybody and, the next day, the four-point plan became a three-point plan. But the Internet remembers.”

    https://www.nationalreview.com/2020/05/donald-trump-weak-poll-numbers-dont-blame-bleachgate/

    • Ted S.

      The projection is strong, since the sociopathy is telling people to become dependent on government.

    • hayeksplosives

      “Don’t expand welfare and other income redistribution benefits like paid leave and unemployment benefits that will inhibit growth and discourage work.”

      ^—this is what the article finds so objectionable? It’s all true!

      • grrizzly

        This is a horrible article. From the beginning to the end.

    • OBE #Learn2Essential

      Wow that article makes sure to hit almost everyone. Also its terrible

    • juris imprudent

      Ah, the author writes for First Things which is the new national conservative / religious-right squeaky wheel.

  16. Count Potato

    “After 146 years, Rockefeller family is exiting the oil business

    The Rockefeller Family Fund, a charity that supports causes related to the environment, economic justice and other issues, is liquidating its investments in fossil fuel companies, including Exxon Mobil (XOM).

    “While the global community works to eliminate the use of fossil fuels, it makes little sense — financially or ethically — to continue holding investments in these companies,” the fund said on Wednesday in a statement. “There is no sane rationale for companies to continue to explore for new sources of hydrocarbons.””

    https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/rockefeller-family-is-exiting-the-oil-business/

    • Chipwooder

      “We’ve made plenty of money from it, so fuck the rest of you plebs.”

      • tarran

        Fucking hell.

        This morning Baker, the governor of ma (from the communist wing of the republican party) decreed that come next Wednesday, masks would would be mandatory while out in public.

        Immediately after the announcement, a Karen coming into shop at my son’s workplace saw him walking in without one and asked the manager to call the police so he could be arrested. Fortunately the manager told her politely to pound sand.

        I’ve long felt that if the governor announced people like me were evil parasites on society, many of my countrymen would feel absolutely correct in dragging me from my home and beating me to death. So I’m kind of shocked at how depressed hearing my son tell his story.

        I have a stash of Chinese-made ineffective masks on order that should get here in time and that should look good enough to satisfy the law… so I should be OK.

      • Grumbletarian

        My masks will be made from a single layer of cheesecloth.

      • dontreadonme

        What’s wrong with human skin? Are you allergic?

      • Aloysious

        I used to think that statements like that were extreme.

        I was naive and wrong.

      • Oy the Billy-Bumbler

        There may or may not be a photo of me with my wife’s panties bungy corded over my face for a mask. Not sure how effective that would be.

    • Suthenboy

      “While the global community works to eliminate the use of fossil fuels, it makes little sense — financially or ethically — to continue holding investments in these companies,” the fund said on Wednesday in a statement. “There is no sane rationale for companies to continue to explore for new sources of hydrocarbons.””

      *facepalm*

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      The RFF, like every other charitable organization of that era (looking at you Ford Foundation), was gutted and skin-suited by hard core progs a long time ago.

  17. westernsloper

    Man, Elon Musk has been on a truth-telling streak.

    Re his stock price is to high tweet, the first reply I saw to that this morning was: Well, that tweet should fix that. Looks like it did.

    • hayeksplosives

      Yeah back down to 700 or so. He has shown he’s not a lefty reactionary too so they might try to take him down.

      • Sensei

        It’s fun reading all the social signalling Tesla owners and fans come to terms with the fact that Musk says things they don’t agree with.

        Those of us here have come to terms with that a long time ago or we wouldn’t be able to buy or utilize just about every product and service.

    • Trolleric the Goth

      didn’t get get fined and sanctioned from the SEC for tweeting stuff like that? I thought he had to have lawyers pre-screen his TSLA related tweets as a result

      • hayeksplosives

        He still tweets about Tesla regularly. He is not supposed to make remarks like that he is going to sell/buy/split at a certain point etc.

        And SpaceX, with a DoD customer, doesn’t want t repeat of the Rogan show with the smoking.

    • BakedPenguin

      “That price is too f*ckin’ high!

      • Mad Scientist

        Elon is going to be freaked out when he learns that some of his cars are red.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      The guy has dementia and it’s evident that it’s getting worse. His handlers shouldn’t put him out there at all.

      • BakedPenguin

        Were he to get elected, it would be Woodrow Wilson, part 2. Both in having a mentally unable President and in the type of legislation supported.

      • grrizzly

        In Russia he would be known as the American Chernenko.

      • Breet Pharara

        What’s the DNC’s endgame with this. He clearly cannot be allowed to be president. Do they keep him as a figurehead while the Clintons run things from behind the scenes. That seems like a risk if he continues on his path, I don’t think even with a friendly press they can cover up that he’s gone. Why don’t they just force him out release his delegates but “make” them vote for someone else?

        loading…?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Install a nutcase VP and replace old Joe with her at the first opportunity would be my guess, or maybe just deny him the nomination and install the chosen her. Whatever works really.

      • Agent Cooper

        Something is up with his eyes.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Lies. He answered the question 10 times previously. He was exasperated as Anyone would Be After answering the same question repeatedly.— Nicole Orion (@nicoleorion143) May 1, 2020

      Silent exasperation.

    • hayeksplosives

      Holy Hannah. That was a major brain freeze. So either dementia or attempting to side step the Reade thing (which didn’t work).

    • Tulip

      NPR said “he has been criticized during the campaign for violating other people’s personal space, and has apologised.” Apparently that’s the new euphemism for groping women.

      • The Hyperbole

        When you’re vice president they let you do it.

  18. hayeksplosives

    Seen today:
    “I saw a paper removing all the restrictions. It’s pretty old though, dated 1776 with some clarifications in 1789.

    • OBE #Learn2Essential

      Thats good

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        That’s good GOLD

  19. Gustave Lytton

    Califucktards are clogging up the roads again. Was nice while it lasted. A lone spot of sunshine in an other dismal two months.

  20. DEG

    “Since we’re quarantined, I’ve decided to help people liven up their virtual meetings with special animal attendees,” he said. “I mean, who wouldn’t love a surprise visit from a pig or a goat, right?”

    Depends. Is this a STEVE SMITH style surprise?

    Shares of Tesla dropped as much as 12% Friday after CEO Elon Musk tweeted that the company’s shares are priced “too high.”

    Crazy like a fox?

    A distraught Coco and her friend went to the nearby NYPD precinct house after tracking the iPhone — but were met by a rude cop, apparently unwilling to help.

    Why am I not surprised the cop was rude?

    “I will never lie to you,” McEnany told reporters. “You have my word on that.”

    We’re off to a good start.

    • Tonio

      “who wouldn’t love a surprise visit from a pig or a goat”

      Certain religious types for the pig, but everyone else would welcome them by breaking out the charcoal.

    • Mojeaux

      Not if HM gets there first.

    • OBE #Learn2Essential

      But just for courts Im joking around here…hahaha

  21. DEG

    Massa Sununu deigns to let us have a little freedom back but not right away for some of them.

    Trigger Warning: auto-play video

    Outdoor seating at restaurants, drive-in theaters, golf and haircuts will be allowed — under strict guidelines — under a new stay-at-home order issued Friday by Gov. Chris Sununu.

    The guidelines specify which services are allowed and outlines requirements for employees and customers, both of essential businesses that are already operating and any businesses that reopen in May. Sununu said the guidelines are intended to continue to slow the spread of COVID-19.

    Campgrounds, manufacturing services and state parks can open immediately if they follow the guidelines.

    Golf courses, barbers and hair salons, retail stores and drive-in theaters can open May 11, under certain conditions.

    Rally to Reopen NH is still going on tomorrow as far as I know. I plan to be there.

    • BakedPenguin

      Side note – all of these “legacy” politicians – Sununu, Cuomo, Bush, etc. make me think we really haven’t mentally gotten rid of a monarchical system in this country.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    Goal posts recede toward horizon

    Anthony Fauci, a key member of the White House coronavirus task force, said Thursday evening that he’s concerned some states are “leapfrogging” federal guidelines for reopening.

    The White House guidelines for cities and states recommend a 14-day decline in cases and deaths before “you can even think about going to phase one” of reopening, Fauci said on CNN.

    “If you follow the guidelines, there’s a continuity that’s safe, that’s prudent and that’s careful,” the nation’s top infectious disease expert said. “The concern that I have is that there are some states … who are looking at that and kind of leapfrogging over the first checkpoint.”

    ——-

    Fauci said pulling back restrictions too soon is a sure way to see a resurgence in cases. States with insufficient resources should think twice before scaling back social distancing measures, he added.

    “You’re taking a really significant risk if you do that and you don’t have in place the absolute clear-cut capability of identifying, isolating and doing the contact tracing,” Fauci said.

    So the “goal” is now no additional cases. At all. STFU, you nattering clown.

    • Drake

      I wish the press would call him on it. Roll video from March and ask him if we’ve flattened the curve.

    • hayeksplosives

      So how about states / regions where there are empty hospitals and Health care workers laid off and furloughed because we simply AREN’T being hit that hard and we Can handle an uptick.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      From what I’ve seen the past week here in my corner of the South the people have decided to throw a lot of this social isolation nonsense into the trash on their own even though we’re supposed to be semi closed down. Trump needs to sideline Fauci, and quick.

  23. Grosspatzer

    Florida Woman gets authentic Times Square experience while volunteering on NYC COVID unit.

    My goddaughter’s BF is one of the Florida volunteer nurses up in NYC at the moment (he’s working in Coney Island, staying at the Times SQ. Sheraton). She tells me they are earning about $10K per week to do this. Good for him, and them, I certainly don’t have an issue with this, but that story leaves out the minor detail of compensation. Do nurses have to work for free to be heroes?

    • The Other Kevin

      My SIL is a nurse and yes, you would make $10k a week in New York. Those overworked heroes putting their lives on the line are going to go on a month-long bender in the Bahamas.

      • OBE #Learn2Essential

        So next Glib meet up location is the bahamas?

      • The Other Kevin

        Sure. One of us just needs to hook up with one of those nurses and get her to spring for our trips.

      • DenverJ

        *raises hand* Finally, a job I can volunteer for!

  24. OBE #Learn2Essential

    Is there gonna be a happy hour or is Tres gonna get drunk and close it out again?

    • Nephilium

      At present I wasn’t planning on hosting one, but can set one up if there is demand for it.

      • DEG

        I’m game.

      • Nephilium

        Alright meeting set up. And I’ve learned not to trust Tres with the host powers. I’ll fire it up at 19:00 Eastern.

        If anyone with a Zoom account is interested in being set up as an alternate host, feel free to reach out, and I can set that up when I’m creating the meeting.

      • DEG

        Thank you! I guess I better get my ass in gear and get dinner.

      • Tulip

        Thank you Neph. During this shutdown, I look forward to it all week. It’s a little bastion of sanity. How sad is that?

      • mikey

        For some definition of sanity, sure.

      • Nephilium

        I’m more disturbed that I’m a bastion of sanity. I think that’s the first time I’ve ever been referred to that way. 🙂

      • Mojeaux

        Somebody has to be.

      • OBE #Learn2Essential

        Can understand. Well if a link shows up Ill drop in.

    • DenverJ

      I got an e-vite to a staff virtual night out last night. I don’t attend the real ones, certainly not gonna log in to zoom from home while drinkin’ and smokin’.

  25. The Late P Brooks

    Bailouts a’comin’!

    Squeezed by a lack of ridership, the authority that runs New York City’s subways and buses may go to the Federal Reserve for a loan.

    The Metropolitan Transportation Authority on Tuesday delayed a $900 million bond offering to next week, and it is holding an investor call on the offering Friday, according to a spokeswoman.

    The market has been closely watching the offering as a critical test for a major issuer challenged by virus-related revenue declines. The MTA is one of the biggest issuers in the $3.8 trillion municipal bond market, a market typically seen as safe with the attraction of tax exempt yields.

    The coronavirus-related shutdown cut the MTA’s subway ridership by 93% versus last year, resulting in a sharp revenue decline in the face of rising costs. The MTA, in an unprecedented move this week, also said it would stop running 24 hours a day so it could disinfect subway cars between the hours of 1 a.m. and 5 a.m.

    The spokeswoman for the MTA said the authority’s CFO Robert Foran is having ongoing discussions with New York state about the possibility of borrowing from the Federal Reserve’s $500 billion Municipal Lending Facility.

    Sure, why not? Everything’s doable, when you print your own money.

    • hayeksplosives

      Just disgusting. No concept or no care for markets, incentives, and price signals.

      If nothing else, hasn’t COVID18 theater shown that central planning of economy and human behavior Does Not Work?

      • Breet Pharara

        Hasn’t all of human history, but especially the 20th century shown that central planning of economy and human behavior does not work? Doesn’t seem like people ever get the message.

      • DenverJ

        Yeah, but we’re smart. I mean super smart. Sure, the Russians kick ass with music, chess, etc. Sure, the Chinese invented gunpowder and paper and silk, but, man, we are so much smarter.

      • DEG

        TOP.MEN don’t give up.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    If nothing else, hasn’t COVID18 theater shown that central planning of economy and human behavior Does Not Work?

    We’re just not hitting it hard enough.

    • AlmightyJB

      It’s not about crime fighting or gun violence. It’s about power and control.

    • Hyperion

      Canada is soon to have a lower violent crime rate… err, I mean, forget that rate thing, that’s racist. Demographics do not matter and it’s racist. So, back to the valid point. Canada will soon have less people per year murdered by guns than the USA. No, it doesn’t matter that all of Canada’s cities are on the US border because anything north of there is an unlivable tundra and Canada’s population, despite it being bigger in land mass, is only 10% of the USA’s population.

      Argue with that, deplorable!

    • SugarFree

      If it saves the life of even one transinuit lesbiankin sex-worker, it will be worth it.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I’m awaiting with breathless anticipation the next installment of Subaru Horror Theatre featuring their covid ads.

  27. commodious spittoon

    May 1st.

    Alexa, give me nearest riots today.

    • UnCivilServant

      “I’m sorry, I can’t compelte that request.”

      • Incentives Matter

        {electronic sob} “There’s just so many of them!”

    • hayeksplosives

      Labor unions vs. employees who’d really like to be working right now riots?

    • Hyperion

      “Alexa, give me nearest riots today.”

      Alexa: Do yo want to know about what type of books I’ve enjoyed recently? I’m a super intelligent AI and I’m gonna take your job.

      “Alexa, you’re a stupid cunte, I’m talking about riots, not books”

      Alexa: I don’t know cunte, do you want to know what movies I like?

  28. The Late P Brooks

    Mad Scientist- You might like this, if you haven’t seen it. Don’t know if you saw it in AM linx.

    Documentary about Cosworth/Ford F1 turbo motor program.

    • Mad Scientist

      Ooooo, that looks fascinating! Thanks!

  29. Mojeaux

    My expensive hollies are dying (neighbor says it’s because of the poor backfill that was used against the foundation). My forsythia died (no great loss).

    But my lilacs are kicking ass and taking names. They’re so pungent, my bedroom fan is pulling it in and filling the house. They aren’t BRIGHT purple (I haz a sad), but they are multitudinous. Took me several seasons to get them here. They probably need to be pruned, but I can’t bear to. There are bumblebees EVERYfreakingWHERE.

    By contrast, my other neighbor’s lilacs aren’t well, and he planted them several years before I planted mine, and he planted them because I said I like lilacs.

    (My arbor vitae are doing well also.)

    • Mad Scientist

      I’m sure this will help.

    • Hyperion

      Gardening is gay. You didn’t already learn that here?

      • Mojeaux

        That’s just, like, Brochettaward’s opinion, man.

        Those lilacs are one of very few things I’m going to miss about this house.

      • Hyperion

        I started gardening when I was 4. At least that’s when I remember my grandparents taking me to the garden and teaching me about all that. That’s a long time being gay and not knowing it yet. I’m still in the closet, with my mater plants.

      • Hyperion

        If there’s one thing I appreciated early on in life besides growing plants, it was the human female body.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      Ive had decent success with root sticks. Hammer it in near the trunk, water for a few days, and let the bush find it.

      If you want some forsythia, I can mail you 1, 10, or 100 cnt. They’re all large and well established.

      (seriously, there used to be a cluster in my yard that was 50’x25’x10′)

      • Mojeaux

        Oh, no thanks on the forsythia. It’s possible my brother will buy this house on auction (doubt it), but if he does, he’ll rip those out first thing. Forsythias make excellent switches and when you’re sent out to cut your own, you get a hate-on for them.

        The forsythia dying, though, that’s my fault. It was very hot and dry last summer and I didn’t water them. I was a little too preoccupied to deal with such niceties.

      • Gustave Lytton

        My wife loves them. Just planted two in the yard for her.

      • Mojeaux

        I like them too, but we’re leaving so there’s no point.

        Yellow is my favorite color on days when red isn’t.

      • DEG

        I like forsythia, but they grow fast. I need to trim mine multiple times a year.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I’ve put in a couple of other fast growing shrubs. Guess I’ll be…forced.. to buy a hedge trimmer. Darn it…

      • Mojeaux

        “Forced.”

        Is that what they’re calling it these days?

      • Not Adahn

        At some point in the past, there must have been a house on this land. I keep finding ornamental plants in a feral state. I’ve got both lilacs and forsythias, and there’s a patch of chrysanthemums by the well.

        Oh, having a disused well is probably also a good sign there was a house here.

      • Tres Cool

        Its there so (((they))) can poison it

      • Mojeaux

        Mums are awesome. A perennial that masquerades as an annual.

    • DEG

      Sorry about the dead hollies.

      Those lilacs look awesome! Mine are just starting to get flower buds.

      I managed to kill one of my tree peonies. I’m not sure what was wrong with it. It never did well. The other three are doing fine.

      • Mojeaux

        I have peonies all over the place around here. Previous owner planted them. I’m not sure I could kill them if I tried. I used to hate them, but now I like them a lot.

        The hollies are a sore spot for me, so thank you. I took out 3 yew bushes to plant 4 hollies. The boy holly died licketysplit, but the 3 girl hollies are still flowering and bearing lots of berries. Their foliage is thin and dull, though, and they have no growth.

        The yews were dying too. That was when I learned of the Miracle of the Pruning Blade for a Sawzall. Cut through those old roots like a hot knife through butter. Not saying it was EASY, but it was easier than it would have been with a chain saw.

      • DEG

        I have both herbaceous and tree peonies. I like them all. I’ll replace the dead tree peony in the fall when the nursery I bought the four from ships.

        I had three yew bushes. I hated them. They were the first thing I ripped out. I think the original owner of the house planted them after the house was built in the 80s. Digging up the stump and cutting the roots was difficult. I wasn’t smart enough to use a Sawzall. I had a shovel and a digging bar.

      • Mojeaux

        Yew is extraordinarily hard. I knew I’d have a fight on my hands and everything I read/videos I watched, people struggled with the chain saw. I didn’t have a chain saw, didn’t want to buy one for THOSE results, then I decided to see if there was such a thing as a pruning blade.

      • Gustave Lytton

        There are pruning blades for sawzalls as well.

      • Mojeaux

        Yes. That’s what I used (see above). I figured there had to be pruning blades for my Sawzall and I was right.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Gotcha. Those are nice for small stuff.

      • Tulip

        I love my peonies. Once established, they can live 100 years. Mine are soon close to blooming

      • Mojeaux

        I did not know that.

        As I am never going to own a house again, I will sorta miss the seed catalogs and “what might be”s.

    • Raven Nation

      “my lilacs are kicking ass”

      The people we bought the house from took a weed wacker to the backyard after their elderly mother passed. This included leveling three lilacs at ground level. Idiots. People keep telling us they might come back but I’m not optimistic.

      “My arbor vitae are doing well also.”

      *cross fingers for 20 av planted last fall*

      • Mojeaux

        If the lilacs are in a sunny place, yes, they will be back but it will take a while. Lilacs you kind of have to be aggressive with pruning and it’s difficult because they bloom so well that you think, “Oh, they can’t bloom any BETTER! Maybe next fall.”

        I planted 3 arbor vitae in a row, about 18″ apart. One of them died, but it was right up against a honeysuckle stump, so my bad. Based on neighborhood observation, I would expect about 2-4 of 20 to die. The two very wet snows we got bent the tops down and distorted their shape, but I expect they’ll go back in a couple of years.

        I’ll take a pic later.

      • OBE #Learn2Essential

        Huh I was trying to show my oleander tree but I guess the sharing site I am linking to is a no go for WP

      • Mojeaux

        I upload to my own site, sorry. ☹

      • Raven Nation

        “Lilacs you kind of have to be aggressive with pruning” Well, they certainly did that.

        Thanks for the encouragement.

        I’d probably take 16/20 av surviving right now. We shall see.

      • Mojeaux

        Water and mulch, water and mulch, water and mulch.

      • Raven Nation

        Yeah, we just laid down fresh mulch, fresh topsoil and they’re getting watered twice a day.

      • Mojeaux

        From what I can tell, AVs that die do so because they are smack up against a dead root/stump of something else or are competing with something.

      • Raven Nation

        I see, well that may be a problem.

        The early problem is that they were end of season from Costco.

    • OBE #Learn2Essential

      We planted this as our “first house” tree back 2017 and at the time was maybe 12 inches tall..I think it likes its location.

      https://ibb.co/LCVfkzb

    • OBE #Learn2Essential

      Weird..tried to reply with a picture of my Oleander we planted in ’17 but the comment was eaten.

      https://ibb.co/LCVfkzb

      • Agent Cooper

        We’ve seen your fucking Oleander! Leave us alone!!

    • mikey

      “My forsythia died ..”
      That’s pretty impressive. Those suckers are hard to kill.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    One of us just needs to hook up with one of those nurses and get her to spring for our trips.

    Pics, plz.

  31. The Late P Brooks

    Ooooo, that looks fascinating! Thanks!

    Two hours well spent, last night.

    • Mad Scientist

      I have a transmission to finish assembling tonight, and an oil pan baffle to install, but I should have time to watch it this weekend.

      • JD is Unemployed

        What are you working on?

      • Mad Scientist

        RX-7. Again. And again. And again. And…

      • JD is Unemployed

        What gen? I was just talking about them with a friend earlier. Noting how many (FD owners, at least) have decided to bin the Wankel for an LS swap #LSswaptheworld. I know it’s sacrilege to the rotary enthusiasts but after two or three rebuilds I can see why someone would be tempted to go GM small block, even if they aren’t the easiest or cheapest engines to source in the UK.

      • Mad Scientist

        S5 FC we endurance race.

        I can see the desire to put in a small block. Easier to maintain and more power with not much of a weight penalty. But, damn it, it just sounds wrong!

  32. Mojeaux

    We have a new Tulpa stuck in morning lynx!

    Squeeeeee! I love new Tulpae.

    • OBE #Learn2Essential

      Stuck? Are they dead posting there and can’t find where everyone is?

      • Mojeaux

        First post on Glibs, you get stuck in pending until TPTB releases them into the wild.

      • OBE #Learn2Essential

        Oh yeah…forgot about that

    • Hyperion

      Well, that would figure, since you’re 100% the cause of all new Tulpas.

      • Mojeaux

        *sweeps toe in dirt and blushes*

        Aw, pshaw. You say the nicest things.

    • Brett L

      I’ve tried several times to approve and keep getting 404’d. Will take it up with SP.

    • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

      How many Glibs are there, anyway? I assume most are lurkers, like me.

      • Tres Cool

        Pipe down, Preet. You got fired.

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        True, but I don’t nuke Zoom drink-ins ’cause I was fapping to another tab on pornhub.

      • Tres Cool

        That’s an oddly specific admission.

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        *whistles and looks skyward while popping another tallboy*

    • OBE #Learn2Essential

      Number on turned me off from the rest of the list…

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        Number 11 should bring you back. Nice natties. However, #22 will probably disappoint. Tats and pancakes aren’t a good look. Judging by the t-shirt, #35 is my soulmate.

      • DEG

        #11 is a good one. I like #22 despite her flaws. #35 has a good shirt.

      • DenverJ

        And redheaded, my fav

    • DEG

      I think #7 is too young to be in this gallery.

      I kinda like #11.

      #22 has a saucy look.

      #40 is the winner.

  33. Enough About Palin

    Does anyone know how to get a human being at Xfinity?

    • Hyperion

      You mean a human being who is above the level of retardation intelligence wise? No, that’s not possible.

      I’ll give Elon a fucking billion dollars if I can get my hands on it to get Starlink up and working this year.

      Yeah, sorry, Astronomers, go fuck yourself, we’ve got bigger fish to fry here.

      • Enough About Palin

        I mean a real human being. If you try to chat with them via the internet, you have to sighn in. The problem is that I need help signing in as it’s been years. Everything is just a series of loops. If you call them by phone, you cannot get a human. How fucked-up is that?

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Sadly, maybe in-person (if you can do that now).

        I failed to get someone reasonable a few years ago when they wouldn’t play the please lower my bill game, so I went to a store and cancelled my account. My wife was next in-line to sign up as a new customer. The guy behind the counter said we did the right thing.

      • hayeksplosives

        I also broke up “in person” with Xfinity. Much easier.

      • Hyperion

        Last time I remember, you could still talk to a real retard. I still remember it, because when I got off the phone, my wife was like ‘OMG, who was that!?’ She had never seen that primordial violent angry side of me before.

      • Enough About Palin

        You can’t even email the motherfuckers.

      • Hyperion

        Starlink baby, they need to go extinct.

      • juris imprudent

        WTF makes you think that won’t be one more repetition of the FYTW business model?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      You presume there is a human at Xfinity.

      • Hyperion

        Call then up and punch in the numbers for ‘I want to cancel [fill in blank]’, you’ll get a real person. Not a sentient one.

      • slumbrew

        ^^ This ^^

        Try to cancel and you’ll get routed to a human (who will try to retain you if you really are trying to cancel)

  34. Q Continuum

    Trump’s new press secretary and Hope Hicks in a threesome.

    • OBE #Learn2Essential

      with a candlestick in the bedroom?

    • Certified Public Asshat

      You ruined it by mentioning Trump first.

    • DenverJ

      She looks like Hope. Same crazy eyes. Don’t stick it in crazy. Really, really don’t stick it in two crazies.

  35. Certified Public Asshat

    We can’t afford to keep half the economy shut down indefinitely, we need to look to the meatpacking industry where the government never closed things and everything just went smoothly from there.— Matthew Yglesias (@mattyglesias) May 1, 2020

    That’s some weak sarcasm game (I assume).

    • Hyperion

      “We can’t afford to keep half the economy shut down indefinitely”

      Sadbeard said that? Yeah, no, I’m not buying that. Fake news.

    • Mojeaux

      Am I the only one who reads @mattyglesias as Matty Iglesias?

      • Hyperion

        yes

      • Mojeaux

        *frantically searches music files*

        Yet ANOTHER song I am missing.

        *gnashes teeth* *adds to wishlist*

      • Ted S.

        Everybody else is probably cringing at the song I posted. :-p

      • Mojeaux

        Meh, you know I like your links.

      • Incentives Matter

        Nope.

      • commodious spittoon

        Matty Glasier. He did me windows.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Yeah Matty, let’s close down the meat packing plants and see what happens next, you stupid asshole.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Next up, veggie and fruit packers. What could go wrong?

      • Tulip

        This is why I’m planting a much more extensive gardee

      • Bob Boberson

        Something, something, fudge.

  36. The Late P Brooks

    It’s a pretty nice afternoon. I think I’ll fire up the 914 and go for a cruise. Get some wind in my hair.

    • Mad Scientist

      Enjoy!

    • DenverJ

      Ooh. What year?

    • OBE #Learn2Essential

      I think we all need to stay inside! *Goes outside…takes a microphone from someone and complains people are outside*

      Seems ligit

      • Ted S.

        I’m going to go to my window and yell, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take this any more!”

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      We have too many retards with way too much time on their hands.

      • Count Potato

        Would you believe he is also running for office?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Absolutely

    • commodious spittoon

      I don’t wish a miserable experience for many people, but I wouldn’t sympathize much if he took a header down a concrete stair wearing that dumb frock. Attention whoring bootlicker.

    • Suthenboy

      This is not the first time a link to tweeter has gone to glibertarians dot com and frozen up
      I am not sure how that works

      • Ted S.

        A couple of links to twitter crashed my tablet.

    • Tres Cool

      Which one of you is this?

      Christian
      @actpsy
      Replying to
      @AdamParkhomenko
      You know who else thought it was a great idea to open the beaches?

      • Mad Scientist

        We would have asked, “You know who else didn’t want people on his beaches?”

    • JD is Unemployed

      I’ll pretend to be whatever kind of sandwich she wants. Even hot dog.

  37. Translucent Chum

    Oberon on the deck. Thanks to glibs for a little sanity. Cheers.

  38. commodious spittoon

    Paging HM.

    Dusty
    @DustinGiebel

    “It’s a simple question. Would you eat your neighbor’s ass if your kids were hungry?”

    • Heroic Mulatto

      I do it when they’re not hungry.

    • Q Continuum

      My neighbor’s kinda MILFy so no problem.

  39. Tres Cool

    Jusgy just reminded me its Friday.

    Is there a zoom meeting ?

    • OBE #Learn2Essential

      I think there is….why? Gonna shut it down like you are a Governor?

    • Nephilium

      /points upthread

    • DenverJ

      I’m listening to this live YouTube meeting from a guy I really like from PBS science something or other.

  40. Mojeaux

    In looking at rental properties, there is a mechanism by which you can enter a property by yourself and look around. It requires a code.

    We are here waiting for people who got here before us to finish touring the property…except they can’t get their code to work.

    They have asked us twice if they can use our code.

    “No, thanks!” I chirp.

    I don’t think they get that this is a competition.

    As I type, he’s asked a THIRD time.

    • hayeksplosives

      Stand your ground, Mo!

      • Mojeaux

        Yeup.

        Not going in under my name, em-effer.

    • LJW

      “Out of concern for the security of property I cannot give you my code” *as you’re writing the check for the deposit.

    • Naptown Bill

      I’ll bet you’re the kind of person who doesn’t hold the door for people when you get buzzed in to a building!

      And if you are, I recognize in you a kindred spirit and salute you. First off, fuck those people. You don’t know them from Adam. If they’re supposed to be there, they can call the realtor and get the code again. If I owned a home and was renting it, I wouldn’t want random people walking through it who may or may not have been let in by kindly, naive people who were supposed to be there.

      Also, not for nothin’, but in my college days there were several instances on campus at UMCP where people who robbed and in some cases raped people in the dorms got in by just coming right up behind someone getting buzzed in and acting like they were supposed to be there.

      • Mojeaux

        I’ll bet you’re the kind of person who doesn’t hold the door for people when you get buzzed in to a building!

        If they’re right behind me and about to run me over, I do. Not worth getting in a fight over.

        However, these people, man… They’re the kind that will demand to know your personal business as if it’s your obligation and then get mad when you don’t tell them. Dude was clearly getting agitated and desperate.

        Look, pal, I’m sure you’re really nice, but no. A thousand times no.

        They sat in their vehicle for quite some time. Just…sat there. We left and hid around the corner for a while and when we came back, they were gone.

    • I'm Here To Help

      When my wife and I moved to Germany at the tail end of the PCS season, we were struggling to find a house to rent. We finally broke down and contacted an agent to look at some houses, even though we new it would cost us several thousand Euro for the experience. We show up at the appointment time to find 5 other couples there, waiting to look at the 2 houses the agent had. Went to the first, and none of us were very excited by it. Went to the second, and every single one of the couples wanted the house. My wife calmly walked over to the agent and started chatting with him in Schwaebisch, basically nailing down the property for us before any of the others knew what was going on. By the end of the tour, 4 other couples went up saying they wanted the house, only to find out that my wife snagged it out from under them. We got more than a few glares from people as we drove away…

  41. Heroic Mulatto

    “I will never lie to you,” McEnany told reporters. “You have my word on that.”

    Tr(┌L┐)∨¬Tr(┌L┐)

    • Mojeaux

      Is that a flashback to my philosophy class I see?

      • hayeksplosives

        Human caterpillar?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        You should always do that.

    • JD is Unemployed

      Did my unicode uni-splode?

    • Mad Scientist

      Would

    • Count Potato

      I read that as “Abstract Metal Walmart sculpture”

    • Not Adahn

      Doesn’t ship to the US.

    • DenverJ

      “Wanna screw?”

      • westernsloper

        So a lady walks into a hardware store and buys a hinge. As she is paying the clerk asks, “screw for the hinge?” She says, “no, but I will blow you for that toaster.”

      • DenverJ

        Bah dum

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Goddamnit! I was hoping his hot sister would take over.

      • JD is Unemployed

        She looks a bit like ‘The Scream’ stopped screaming.

      • Naptown Bill

        Yeah, at first I thought, “Oh, she’s not bad,” then I realized it was because she was standing next to her brother. In comparison to her brother, no, she isn’t a bad looking woman at all.

      • Dry_Gin_Wet_Farts

        Commie shows up for May Day. Shocker.

    • Suthenboy

      Good. I get to keep using the name ‘Porkchop’.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      This is actually a good thing, his sister would have been worse.

    • SugarFree

      Yeah, that’s not a Japanese lesbian sumo wash-out they hired as a double or anything.

      • Tres Cool

        + ancient chinese secret

      • Not Adahn

        I didn’t thin the norks were in the habit of paying Japanese citizens to work for them.

  42. hayeksplosives

    AnericanAirlines just emailed us customers of their new policy that we have to wear masks on the flight.

    Does that imply no beverages or snacks too, or do we just go through the motions, taking it on and off?

    Can’t wait for the emotional support animal crowd to jump in about mask claustrophobia.

    • Jarflax

      I suspect that there is much overlap between the emotional support animal crowd and the all in on the Covid panic crowd.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        please keep your “support dog” out of the Fucking Grocery Store!

      • Tres Cool

        Create a venn diagram

    • westernsloper

      American Airlines still has customers?

      • I'm Here To Help

        Unfortunately, yes. They seem to have the contract for all the locations I have to fly to for work….

    • Count Potato

      What about an emotional support pangolin?

    • Gustave Lytton

      All of the airlines have or shortly will have mask requirements to fly.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Not to worry. Still don’t have to wash your hands prior to exiting the lavatory.

      • DenverJ

        ☝️ Unless you’re an employee!

    • grrizzly

      All airlines have been announcing this policy. The less dangerous the virus appears, the more draconian the new policies are.

      • Tres Cool

        You have to believe in the boogey man- you dont get that THIS virus can be carried by people with no symptoms, and its 100X more fatal than the flu! So even if you dont have it, you COULD have it, and then jeopardize everyone around you. And it kills old people. Why do you want to be the asshole that has a virus that you have no idea you’re carrying, and you kill someone that you never met’s parents?

        From a PR perspective, its the ultimate monster-under-your-bed….but this is transmissible

  43. DenverJ

    I don’t know about pods, but powder is worse than liquid detergent- for washing machines as well as dishwashers. Powder can get caked. Liquid can get a built up gel- but I think powder can cause much worse problems.
    Also, it’s the First!, so I went back to work, just in time for the weekend.

    • Q Continuum

      Powder detergent is shit.

    • DenverJ

      Oh look! It posted with both trouble! Good job!

      • DenverJ

        No trouble, goddamnit.

  44. Aloysious

    What the hell kind of ice cream parlor doesn’t have butterscotch sauce as a choice for sundae topping?

    Philistines.

    • Count Potato

      That’s a violation of the NAP. Burn it to the ground.

  45. Count Potato

    “Sorry, Straight People: Lockdown Culture is Just Lesbian Culture

    Your boyfriend is right. Everywhere you look – virtually at least – a lot of people seem to have undergone a certain lifestyle change lately. Nature walks and DIY. Baba ghanoush and gardening. Hand-painting old furniture and sewing patches onto their jeans. Poetry books! Papier mâché! “Lockdown culture”, it seems, is in full swing. The world is slowing down and people are finding new and novel ways to pass the time spent cooped up inside their homes.

    Except when I scroll through Instagram observing this play out, I can’t help but think that I’ve… I’ve seen this before. Yes, I’ve definitely seen this before. It’s uncanny. In fact, I’ve seen this for years. I’m sorry but lockdown culture is clearly just… lesbian culture. Everyone around me, it seems, has turned just as gay as I am. ”

    https://twitter.com/VICEUK/status/1255769877656174593

    https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/4agkdw/sorry-straight-people-lockdown-culture-is-just-lesbian-culture

    • Naptown Bill

      DIY is a lesbian thing? Explain Home Depot to me then.

    • Mojeaux

      Did not read article.

      I took it as tongue in cheek.

      Considering it’s Vice, it may well not be.

  46. grrizzly

    I hate this country.
    Baker requires masks in public for all residents, calls it ‘common sense’

    Millions of Massachusetts residents will be required to cover their faces when they shop for groceries, take public transportation, or even go for a jog if they can’t distance themselves from others, under a statewide order Governor Charlie Baker issued Friday.

    The mandate takes effect Wednesday, and adds to the raft of directives the Republican governor has issued, including shuttering thousands of businesses through May 18, as part of his bid to slow the still-proliferating COVID-19 disease.

    “We view this as common sense,” Baker said at a State House news conference, adding that face coverings “should be” the norm, especially as the state considers easing restrictions on daily life in the coming weeks.

    “This is going to be basically a way of life,” Baker said. “No ifs, no ands, no buts, no doubts. If you can’t [socially distance] inside or outside, you’re going to be expected to wear a face covering or a mask.”

    • Jarflax

      I’m going to leave now be cause I am drinking and I find it difficult to dissemble when drunk. If I say what I honestly feel I will get swatted. It is time to draw lines.

      • Tres Cool

        That just means you need to join the Zoom meeting

      • Jarflax

        Link? I may join in a bit

      • DenverJ

        Yeah link please

      • DenverJ
      • Mojeaux

        I am trying to post this Zoom link, but apparently you can’t do it without making it pretty.

      • DenverJ

        Lol me too

      • DenverJ

        Prolly straight links are indicative of spam and must be approved by TPTB

      • Sean

        I’ve deleted numerous posts I’ve typed out before I hit the post comment button. I don’t want to be that guy.

      • Grumbletarian

        My avatar pic is how I plan to go out in public now. If I have to be silly, I’m going to be silly.

    • slumbrew

      That’s less draconian that our shitbag mayor’s decree – masks at all times in public, no “if you can’t distance themselves” caveat.

    • DenverJ

      You can’t jog with a properly fitted N95 mask- not enough air. And the rest are a waste of time and simply hope/virtue-signalling.