Happiest American is Blind, Deaf

by | May 21, 2020 | Satire | 239 comments

BOISE – “I’ve always seen it as a blessing in disguise, now more than ever,” said Everett Bingham, who was recently found to be the only US citizen in a good mood. “Beethoven composed his greatest works after he went deaf and Milton was blind and broke when he wrote his masterpiece,” added Bingham. “If that’s the way it works, I should probably try to cure cancer or something. But the best part is all the stupid crap I don’t even notice. Like this Trump guy. I just can’t see why people get uptight about him. Well, I *can’t* see but I don’t see either.”

When asked about the secret of his joy, Everett said “I guess it all comes down to where you focus your attention. Me? I look forward to morning walks so I can feel the breeze and the sunshine. My friend and I walk to his house where we eat bacon and eggs, drink coffee, and do the crossword puzzle together. I don’t have to do those things, but I do them because it makes me feel good. Other people seems like they do the opposite. They read, watch, and listen to things that make them angry, lo and behold, they get angry. That’s like sticking a dog turd up your nose and complaining about the stink. As for me, I’d rather smell fresh baked bread, and I often do.”

Bingham fills his time with many projects, including weight-lifting, origami, and training seeing eye dogs. “I feel sorry for all the people out of work right now. I’m no economist, but seems to me that it’s probably not a good idea to shut down the country indefinitely just because some so-called experts said so. When I was a kid, plenty of experts said I’d basically be a person-shaped vegetable. Who’s the dummy now, you blockheads? I’ve probably read more with my fingers than most college grads these days have with their eyes. Long story short, ignorance is not always bliss, but you can’t be bothered by what you don’t know.”

About The Author

Derpetologist

Derpetologist

The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp, Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy

239 Comments

  1. DEG

    I’ve probably read more with my fingers than most college grads these days have with their eyes.

    Ouch.

    • Brochettaward

      In my benevolence I once again allowed you to be first, and you squandered it.

      • UnCivilServant

        It seems to me that you’re the only one who cares.

      • Brochettaward

        You are a joyless paper-pusher who could never understand the importance of being first.

      • Raven Nation

        Fist?

  2. hayeksplosives

    Who’s the dummy now?

    Naturally I hear that as Dennis Duffy* talking to Liz Lemon.

    * “Mayhem” character of insurance ad fame

    • Mojeaux

      I love those commercials!

      I do not know why, but many of the insurance companies have the best commercials.

      • Ted S.

        Even the Liberty Mutual emu commercials?

        SMH

      • BakedPenguin

        Worse ae the GEICO “mo-taur” commercials

      • Rhywun

        That one sailed over my head until weeks later I saw it with captions on and realized they were mispronouncing “moh-tawr”.

      • Mojeaux

        It took me a while to get what LIMU was. Of course, I wasn’t thinking too hard about it, either.

      • UnCivilServant

        Because they’re selling a product that doesn’t sell itself?

      • Rhywun

        I actually chuckled at the Progressive Zoom commercial. A nice antidote to all the other sappy “we’re all in this together” bullshit.

  3. hayeksplosives

    It’s funny, Derpy, but it also has the feel of old fashioned advice.

    Why choose to spend free time seething away at government when we could just go enjoy something lovely and non political.

    • DEG

      Better than average gallery.

    • westernsloper

      My Q post workaround now (thanks to whatever the hell is up with Firefox) is to copy link address, paste in Safari, then copy real address and view on Chive. A few extra steps but I get to see the GIF’s!

    • Brochettaward

      There is really no historical basis for the claim that there was some realignment based on race or because of Nixon’s Southern strategy. The South didn’t start reliably voting for the GOP until Bush the Lesser. None. That it somehow has remains a credible theory would mystify me if I were a Robby Soave type rube or pretending to be one.

      And how exactly does that GQ article try to equate the pro-life movement with racism? Even the few snippets in the article have to actually note that the opposite was true – that the pro-life movement had its roots in eugenics and racism.

      • Lackadaisical

        That it somehow has remains a credible theory would mystify me if I were a Robby Soave type rube or pretending to be one.

        Indeed. It is amazing what they get away with.

        And how exactly does that GQ article try to equate the pro-life movement with racism? Even the few snippets in the article have to actually note that the opposite was true – that the pro-lifechoice movement had its roots in eugenics and racism.

        ftfy

    • Tres Cool

      $5 says Gray isnt wearing pants

    • UnCivilServant

      I don’t even know what you’re referencing, so I’m going to assume It’s not my webex with datacenter hosting.

      • Tres Cool

        What would happen if The Mustache wore The Jacket and acquired Robby’s hair?

        Complete meltdown of reality ?

      • westernsloper

        Libertarian moment?

        /Winston

      • Tres Cool

        What would happen if Huma captured Hat and Hair in some bizzare Pokemon game, and took them to Hillary where they were assimilated…..

      • R C Dean

        Loading . . . .

    • Don Escaped Australians

      Hmmm

      Tries

      Lasted two minutes

      • Tres Cool

        And we wonder why we cant be taken seriously…..

      • The Hyperbole

        To be fair, listening to the R’s or D’s for two minutes is equally impossible.

      • UnCivilServant

        I thought it was because we had people using such odd names as ‘Don’ and ‘Sean’.

      • Tres Cool

        If a Shawn yawns, does a Sean yean ?

      • BakedPenguin

        Only if a Don dawns on an early morn when the veil of night is shorn.

      • robc

        The erfworld comic (RIP) had a character named Shawn Bhawn, who looked like Sean Bean ( and died like him too).

  4. westernsloper

    Other people seems like they do the opposite. They read, watch, and listen to things that make them angry,…..

    Not always. Pornhub is still there in these trying times.

    • Sean

      I’m more of a xhamster fan…

      Something about PH’s format that rubs me the wrong way.

      • Tres Cool

        *motherless.com FTW

        /a friend told me that

      • DEG

        Phrasing.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Isn’t it all the same Canadian company?

      • Tres Cool

        xHamster is a pornographic media and social networking site headquartered in the Cypriot city of Limassol,[1] with offices in Houston, Kyoto, and London.

        No way eh.

      • Gustave Lytton

        This is the enlightenment that I come to Glibs for.

      • Tres Cool

        We do the research so you dont have to.

      • DEG

        That company owns PornHub, RedTube, and YouPorn. I don’t think it owns xvideos or xhamster.

      • Lackadaisical

        That is interesting, I am also a Xhamster/xvideo guy. I even got the PH premium free and didn’t bother going back, wonder what the appeal/lack of appeal is.

        Bros that fap together stay together.

      • Gdragon

        I have been using VIPporns for professional scenes for a month or two now, it’s excellent for new scenes but the inadequate tagging makes it harder to find past material.

    • DEG

      YES

    • R C Dean

      “That’s like sticking a dog turd up your nose and complaining about the stink.”

      Word.

  5. LJW

    Someone please send help! 3 hours into a 6 hour drive. My wife is listening to the Hamilton soundtrack. God I hate show tunes!

    • Tres Cool

      Drive into a bridge pillar after you disabled her airbag. Im sorry for your loss, but its the only way.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Except for G&S, right…?

    • westernsloper

      Hand her her phone and some ear buds. That sounds like pure hell.

      • LJW

        She’s driving at the moment, I don’t Glib and drive.

      • Brochettaward

        This sounds like grounds for divorce to me.

      • Tres Cool

        Grab the phone, cut that shit off, and counter with this.

        *warning 100 octane funk

        PS- why arent you driving, Soave ?

      • Viking1865

        That’s some good shit.

      • Tres Cool

        #Solid

      • Mojeaux

        “funk”

        *squeeeeeeee* runs over to YT.

        Very nice. Thank you!

      • westernsloper

        Say you hear something funny with the engine and ask her to pull over onto the shoulder and stop. When the car reaches 15 MPH bail. Don’t forget to tuck and roll and get up sprinting. Hide in the woods as long as it takes to escape. You may have to eat some bugs and sleep under leaves for awhile but I think it is best to write that marriage off as a bad choice and start over.

    • Sean

      Sorry.

  6. Tres Cool

    Jo Jorgensen.

    Would ?

    • BakedPenguin

      Okay, so long as you set your time machine to 1980. And it still works.

      • Tres Cool

        20 years ago is prolly OK too.
        She gots crazy eyes like that runaway Jennifer Wilbanks, and a psychology degree. You know she’s fun tho.

      • creech

        She looked pretty hot in 1996 when she was LP Veep nominee. Lots of guys drooling over her as I recall.

  7. Gustave Lytton

    Box from Target Sports arrived. Day is getting better all the time. Sorry trshy for the shit sandwich you’ve got on the plate.

    • BakedPenguin

      2nd for sorry for Trashy, but it could be worse: your wife could be like LJW’s and listening to show tunes.

    • Crusty Juggler

      “Box from Target Sports arrived”

      Winston’s Mom performs house visits?

      Times are tough.

    • Sean

      I spread the money around a bit, but sgammo is still my fave.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Target had what I wanted and their pmag prices were lower than most. Somehow I seem to have lost about a half dozen.

      • BakedPenguin
    • Raven Nation

      “Sorry trshy for the shit sandwich you’ve got on the plate.”

      OK, what did I miss?

      • Gustave Lytton

        It’s at the end of the last post. Unexpected unresolved house selling problems, pay cut, and needy in laws.

      • Raven Nation

        Thanks.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      Thank you! Hopefully it’s just a shit day and doesn’t turn into a giant mess. I appreciate the sympathetic ears here.

      • Tres Cool

        Im not sure what story I missed either, but Im on your side….w/e that is

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Quick recap is 1) we needed a water bacteria test as a last hurdle to selling the house. Plumber who took the water sample fucked up twice and is delaying the house sale. 2) work just announced pay cuts across the board. 3) I was stupid enough to get a deep cat bite on my hand. 4) the inlaw who was a big reason behind us moving to VA in the first place is showing why we moved away even before we get back to TX.

        Mostly I’m just bitching to bitch, and appreciate the sympathetic ear

      • pistoffnick

        I still have several scars on my thumb/wrist from Simon the the Lovable Siamese that we fostered 25 years ago. He got into a fight with another cat we fostered. I foolishly got in between them in an effort to break them up. He sunk all four canine (feline?) teeth deep in my flesh.

        He was a great cat as long as no other cats were present. I usually did homework laid out on the floor. He would sleep between my shoulders while I did Thermo homework.

    • Sean

      I don’t.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Maybe it contains all the deleted funny scenes.

      • Lackadaisical

        That just got more laughs than the movie did.

    • CPRM

      Yay! an extra hour of poorly improvised queef jokes!

      • commodious spittoon

        I hate that comedy has come to this ad-lib hellscape. “You’re funny People say you’re funny, so mug for the camera and say whatever comes to mind and we’ll use the best of thirty takes, and if there’s a movie at the end of it, bonus.”

      • BakedPenguin

        Huzzah! A less funny version of the Queef sisters! Oh, Happy Day!

  8. Crusty Juggler

    An inch to the hard or two to the flac – whaddya got?

    • pistoffnick

      Two in the hand, one in the bush?

    • Lackadaisical

      *Sigh*

      Why do I click your links? I feel like this is some sort of punishment, but what did we ever do to you, you crusty mofo?

      • Crusty Juggler

        It’s self-loathing.

        Be happier.

        Hug a friend.

        You’re worth it.

        People love you.

        I love you.

        Don’t choke/jerk yourself to death.

    • Brochettaward

      This whole thing where Robert Pattinson is supposed to be a serious actor? Yea, I’m not for it. Not buying it. Just stop.

      • UnCivilServant

        Is he playing another tree or plank?

      • DenverJ

        Maybe in 40 yrs when he grows up. I’m thinking of Lenny as the older brother in “Better Call Saul”. Took me a month of asking myself “who is that before I googled, and then was like “wow! That’s crazy/great. Good for him!”
        But, I’m lazy, and I’d bet that if I looked it up, that actor probably had a magnificent career on Broadway. Sigh. Hold on.
        Holy shit, Michael John McKean is much more accomplished than I imagined, so never mind.

  9. DenverJ

    First!, I’m going to stop using “First!” because only people who don’t really work can sit there and refresh constantly in order to be first. Therefore, I will now be claiming “best”.
    Best!
    Second, I can’t believe that we all fell for this shit! What has happened to the once ornery and unherdable American people?
    Also, hello everybody! My favorite virtual people! I still don’t know how so many of you can live in my phone.

    • Fourscore

      The bread looks super, Derp. Your creation?

      Looking at the posters I would never be best but having so many friends that I don’t know makes me feel pretty darn good, none the less. Those I do know make me feel pretty darn good, too.

      • DenverJ

        Are you kidding? I love your posts and your comments! You’ve lived, and learned, and have so much wisdom to share with the rest of us! I’m sorry, I’m not trying to embarrass you, but I enjoy reading your thoughts.

      • BakedPenguin

        You can always go for “Firstborn!”, Fourscore.

      • Fourscore

        The neat thing is learning from all the different and diffused experiences, skills and art that is here. As a group there is enough talent to make a serious run at a Glib entity. Real diversity.

      • DenverJ

        A libertarian Borg? “Resistance is required?”

      • BakedPenguin

        Funny, I was thinking something really similar just a bit earlier. So many different life experiences leading to different takes, different knowledge, etc.

    • Lackadaisical

      Second, I can’t believe that we all fell for this shit! What has happened to the once ornery and unherdable American people?

      All?

      Hardly, but way too many people. Maybe I just have a libertarian bubble, but very few people I actually know have been observing the nonsense outside of wearing masks at stores- because they will kick you out.

      • Nephilium

        At the two bars I visited today, the only masks were worn by the staff (mandated by government order). None by visitors. I only saw a couple of masks outside of those places today as well. Lots of people are over the lockdown theater here.

      • Lackadaisical

        Heh, I don’t think we’re allowed to go to bars here.

      • Nephilium

        Today was the first day for interior bar/restaurant seating. Last Friday was the first for patio seating. Some are still not opening up, as there’s some onerous rules to follow, and several locations made the news when guests were “violating the protective orders”. One of the locations got into the news for an argument on Facebook that got… heated. The employee is keeping their job, and for that I’m planning on making my way up to their establishment this weekend if I can.

      • Lackadaisical

        Some are still not opening up, as there’s some onerous rules to follow, and several locations made the news when guests were “violating the protective orders”.

        Sounds incredibly dumb – as in, what do you expect, for one and why can’t anyone mind their own business?

        One of the locations got into the news for an argument on Facebook that got… heated. The employee is keeping their job, and for that I’m planning on making my way up to their establishment this weekend if I can.

        Nice.

      • Nephilium

        The places here that people were complaining about was one that a picture circulated that showed people standing and drinking (which is prohibited under the current rules). Another one gamed the system by opening up the garage doors at the front and back of their building, then calling the entire area there part of the “patio”. Looks like the restaurant is suing for defamation as well..

        For the quick read, the initially shared statement was:

        Damn, imagine risking your life just to eat at Townhall.

        The manager responded to someone who was Ukrainian with:

        We all risk our lives every day on different levels regardless of the virus. Stop with the fear mongering. If you hate this country so much go back to the one you came from.

        Yes. He crossed a line. I’m also sure that he’s probably been a bit pissed off since he’s been out of work for two months, and the restaurant he works for may be going under. The place is a crunchy/hipster/trendy brunch place. The fact they’re standing behind the manager gives them a lot of credit in my book.

      • CPRM

        Yes. He crossed a line.

        Did he?

      • Nephilium

        CPRM: I think he crossed a line. The love it or leave it statement is a bad argument, and doesn’t change minds. He also crossed a line as a manager publicly replying on social media where it could be spun into a negative story for the place he works for. Part of the job is realizing that things like that can cause bad press for the place you work at (and here it has). I’ll guess he got an ass reaming from his boss, and a reminder to not engage on social media. I figure that’s an appropriate punishment in this case.

        On the other hand, I’m not a fan of launching a defamation lawsuit either.

      • CPRM

        The love it or leave it statement is a bad argument, and doesn’t change minds.

        Sure, but why is that a reason to draw a line? Was it poor manners? Yes. Was it bad business? Yes. But to me ‘crossing a line’ isn’t about those things, it’s more about ‘acceptable behavior’, which is a much wider array than either of those.

  10. Mojeaux

    My arguing-over-a-micron client said “looks good, send invoice.” I did. He paid. I will likely never see him again. And if I do, I will be very busy.

    • l0b0t

      Yay!

    • whiz

      Congratulations?

      • Mojeaux

        Yes, thanks.

        For once I didn’t immediately reply to someone. I had to let it sit for about 3 days so I could communicate without swearing at him before dumping him, but I really needed the money. Not replying for 3 days was, it turns out, a very wise decision.

  11. Heroic Mulatto

    Pic from the last Glibertarians meetup

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Ms. Skipalis could be a Glib, you never know.

      • DenverJ

        Of course it’s fake; There Are No Libertarian Women.

      • Gustave Lytton

        And no ivory handles revolvers.

    • CPRM

      Is that you standing creepily in the window?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        No one stands as creepily as OMWC.

        You can tell because he is making a furtive gesture towards his waist.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      By the way, you are gay if you notice the woman before the FN SCAR(? – I think, my eyes aren’t that good anymore.)

      • The Hyperbole

        What does it mean if you notice the concrete lion first?

      • egould310

        Hah! That’s what I first noticed, too. After the lady’s hips.

      • Heroic Mulatto
    • CPRM

      Also, I want stone lion statues to put at the end of my driveway, but I want them to be Voltron lions, where can you hire a cheap stone sculptor?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        That would be killer!

      • DenverJ

        You hire a sculptor. They make the sculpture. You make a mold using that sculpture. You use that mold to manufacture hundreds of concrete Voltron lions.
        Profit.

      • l0b0t

        In certain Queens neighborhoods, the concrete, or better yet, marble elephants are VERY popular as gate/porch decorations.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Reminds me of a pair in front of a frat house on a main drag in my home town. They were always getting spray painted on weekends.

        Now I’m in the mood for some concrete lions. And a St Francis. It’s all pagodas and bird fountains around here.

    • Fourscore

      Good idea, make them check their hardware at the door. Looks like the usual 5-6 showed up again. Always a great crowd.

    • BakedPenguin

      Is that “Kelly” from The Office? If so, would. If not, probably would anyway.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Scroll up.

      • commodious spittoon

        Do all black women POC look the same to you?

      • BakedPenguin

        Meh. It’s all pointless about the racial thing, unless current knowledge is wrong, we’re all Africans at some point. Just some of our ancestors humped Neanderthals.

        Of course, my thing about Kelly is also probably 20 years too old at this point, too. Still – a babe with guns. Mmm… babe with guns.

      • commodious spittoon

        She was pretty hot in The Office. I doubt she’s aged well. Got the Kirsty Alley curse, I bet.

    • straffinrun

      That doesn’t seem like a very good idea.

      • Gustave Lytton

        It’s the lack of genkans in US construction.

  12. l0b0t

    Hey, Tres! Someone linked this news story about the Jeeps on the beach thingy in Galveston and I immediately thought of you. Big girl smorgasbord.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcgVb6zZmn0

      • l0b0t

        One of my fave bands and totally underrated. Dag Nasty was MD/DC at its finest; far better than Minor Threat IMO.

      • egould310

        I agree. That “Wig Out” album was the birth of emo. I should write an article…

  13. Don Escaped Australians

    Has this ground been plowed already: post-house-arrest stand-up is going to suuuuuuucck.

    I find something to like most of the time: Chappell let’s get real chats, Attell fart jokes, Seinfeld graceful aging routines, Gaffigan I’m so fat while I change this diaper shtick. Mostly I’m dodging the holier-than-thou SJW sermons, so that has meant giving up on Colbert who’s never going to reprise his excellent uber-Republican theme from his Comedy Central run and Seth Myer who never had more than 15 minutes’ work a week on SNL but now is trying to be smugly funny for an hour daily. I’ve been finding my way, but it’s getting sketchy.

    It’s gonna get a lot, lot worse.

    Politics can be funny, but, after the election, everyone is going to be asked to do the identity-politics chuckle: laugh to signal you fit in with our wonderful crowd, the intellectual equivalent of watching cable news all day as nodding at the same time as your flavor of talking head.

    Win or lose, the virus will go viral, and it’s going to be like living our rape all over again during the testimony. There are no jokes left: we all wrote them ’cause we all lived it. Our virtual lives were parsed and documented on the fly, memed to death, Karened to pieces, and no one is genius enough to get a new shred out of it that is worth sitting through the set-up.

    The economy is going to suck, and it’s going to be infuriating to hear about it. I’ll be sitting there while people with real jobs are my drink waitress trying to pull themselves out of their virus debts. Every line is going to remind us of somebody we know who’s in bankruptcy, whose business collapsed, who is barely getting by. It’s going to be a complete strain for anyone to run that gauntlet of slice-of-life, to skip through the minefield of recent tragedies. It’s going to be tenuous and awkward.

    Or is it just me. Proposed: stand-up will not be funny until at least 2026.

    • Nephilium

      On my bike ride last weekend, I got to pass a lot of places that had two signs hanging on the building: Now Open; and For Rent/Sale/Lease.

    • l0b0t

      I’ve been enjoying more stuff than not from this outlet – Comedy Unleashed. Some of it is edginess/outrage to own the libs, but there is some really funny (to me, YMMV) work in there.

      • Lackadaisical

        Some of it is good. I like that Italian fellow, they need to get some better audio though – some of their stuff is unlistenable.

    • Winston

      Eh wasn’t the whole point of Lenny Bruce, George Carlin and Sam Kinison their vulgarity and their politics rather the quality of their material? Stand-up Comedy being nothing more than culture war virtue signaling politics was always the point. It seems we are just mad that Colbert and Meyers don’t agree with us.

      • Naptown Bill

        Well, arguably, standup comics were funny first, then edgy. The best from the early days weren’t political other than to generally disdain politicians as a group. Lenny Bruce and George Carlin are both examples of guys who were funny above all and added the edginess. But even then, those guys were actually *edgy*, i.e. they said things that were controversial, things that went against the status quo of polite, acceptable society. Colbert is a genuinely funny guy, but he’s probably more of a satirist, and, quite frankly, there’s nothing especially edgy about parroting the dominant opinions of the Progressive Left. Seriously, none of these people with “news” shows on Comedy Central are saying anything you wouldn’t see in the NY Times opinion section or hear from Anderson Cooper. They’re not risking anything by regurgitating propaganda.

      • straffinrun

        They’re bullies and bullies aren’t funny.

  14. Winston

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Louis_Antoine_de_Saint-Just

    Based on the assumption that man is a social animal, Saint-Just argues that in nature there is no need for contracts, legislation, or acts of force.[109] These constructs only become necessary when a society is in need of moral regeneration and serve merely as unsatisfactory substitutes for the natural bonds of free people.[110] Such constructs permit small groups to assume unwarranted powers which, according to Saint-Just, leads to corruption within society.[111] Because a return to the natural state is impossible, Saint-Just argues for a government composed of the most educated members of society, who could be expected to share an understanding of the larger social good.[112] Outside the government itself, Saint-Just asserts there must be full equality between all men, including equal security in material possessions and personal independence. Property must be protected by the state but, to secure universal independence, all citizens (including women) must own property.[113]

    Regarding France’s internal strife, he spared few: “You have to punish not only the traitors, but even those who are indifferent; you have to punish whoever is passive in the republic, and who does nothing for it”.[122] He thought the only way to create a true republic was to rid it of enemies, to enforce the “complete destruction of its opposite”.[123] Regarding the war, he declared without regret to the Convention, “The vessel of the Revolution can arrive in port only on a sea reddened with torrents of blood”.[81] He urged the deputies to embrace the notion that “a nation generates itself only upon heaps of corpses”.[124]

    Can’t see why the French Revolution went wrong…

  15. Winston

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fabre_d%27Églantine

    Fabre constructed the play to represent what he envisioned as the new relationship between theater and society. Not only did Fabre believe that Old Regime society was bankrupt, Old Regime comedy was viewed by the budding playwright as equally without value. Fabre d’Eglantine believed that he could fashion a place for theater in revolutionary culture and redeem French drama by developing a new form of theater that would promote the new social order of equality and fraternity. He found his justification and framework in Rousseaus’s critique of theatricality and advocated transparency as the critical transformative element that could generate theater worthy of and in keeping with revolutionary culture. As envisioned by Fabre, evolutionary political institutions would not shape theater; rather, a regenerated revolutionary theatrical culture would redeem the work of art, generating a new, revolutionary society.

    On the abolition of the Gregorian Calendar in France he sat on the committee entrusted with the creation of the French Republic’s French Republican Calendar. The calendar was designed by the politician and agronomist Gilbert Romme, although it is usually attributed to Fabre d’Eglantine, who invented the names of the months. This Calendar featured a ten-day week so that Sunday would be forgotten as a religious day, and the months were named after the intrinsic qualities of the seasons. He contributed a large part of the new nomenclature; for example, the months of Prairial and Floréal, as well as the days Primidi and Duodi. The report which he made on the subject, on 24 October 1793, described the aim of the commission as “to substitute for visions of ignorance the realities of reason, and for sacerdotal prestige the truth of nature,” to exalt “the agricultural system…by marking the days and the divisions of the year with intelligible or visible signs taken from agriculture and rural life.” [1]

    Sure sounds like the “Culture War” and the “Politicizing of Everything” is a lot older than we would like to think.

    • CPRM

      Favre wrote a play?…Oh it says Fabre. I bet he didn’t throw as many interceptions or touchdowns.

    • Brochettaward

      is a lot older than we would like to think.

      But not as old as the world’s oldest profession…

      • egould310

        … the world’s oldest profession…

        Breadmaking?

  16. Enough About Palin

    DON’T TELL ME HOW TO LIVE!

  17. UnCivilServant

    Of course a two hour expected outage runs four hours and leaves at least one thing still broken when we finish.

    • CPRM

      So, better than most government work.

    • CPRM

      Someday we’ll tell her about the year of virtual birthday parties…

      It also just so happened to be the year Uncle Jerry took his own life because the only human interaction that gave his lonely existence any meaning ceased, but we couldn’t let anyone visit him, because Orange Man bad and #Science!

      • straffinrun

        He’s also assuming xer future gender.

      • CPRM

        My niece who has been talked into thinking she’s a transboy to the point where she wants people to call her by a different name, and signed that name in her birthday card to me, was telling me how exciting it was to get a new set of earrings and how excited she was that her dance classes are starting up again after the lockdown. I really don’t get this shit.

      • straffinrun

        Luckily she didn’t get the hormone assault by woke doctors.

      • Lackadaisical

        Yuppers.

        Similar with my niece. She acts wayyy too much like a girl for me to take it very seriously.

  18. Gustave Lytton

    Spoke too soon. Opened my package from Target Sports, and half the order is missing.

    • EvilSheldon

      Sadly, this has been typical of my experience with Target Sports. Good luck on dealing with their customer support people.

    • PieInTheSky

      think of it like this: you got your fair share. Don’t be hoardin’

  19. PieInTheSky

    goddamnit im bored. I have to test shit and just click wait click wait gah.

    • Gender Traitor

      Howdy, Pie. Why are you testing shit?

      • PieInTheSky

        because it is part of my job

      • Gender Traitor

        Sounds like a job for Mike Rowe.

    • The Hyperbole

      Think of it this way: at least you have a job. Don’t be whingin’

      • PieInTheSky

        I think of it this way: If I had 10 million dollars I would not need a job

      • The Hyperbole

        10 million? living a little high on the hog aren’t we?

      • Fourscore

        10 million may be pocket change when the dust settles.

    • PieInTheSky

      I opened youtube and this was in my recomandations

      Gohatto (1999). Opening scene

      What? Why?

      • PieInTheSky

        followed by

        Kenshin vs Usami

      • JD is in the United Karendom

        Is that some sorta vampire flick because if you’re going to lay down all the inaccuracies for us and talk about how it’s just propaganda of the anti-vamp cinematic hegemony or some grievance crap like that you can stick it where the sun DOES shine, you nocturnal bloodshevik. I’m had just about enough of you pulmonary plunderers corrupting our youth and deflowering our maidens at dusk.

      • PieInTheSky

        The Domestics (2018) | Final Shootout Scene | 1080p – this was bad

      • Festus

        The recs on my phone are chock-full of Euro women athletics. I watched a video once for about two minutes (natch) and every time I click Youtube there is another “Track and Field Hottie” vid about ten places down in the queue.

      • PieInTheSky

        I got one of those as well although I did not watch anything similar

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mZmm_ml_tc

        Thing is on my work computer I am not signed into my account and do not get my usual recommends

      • Festus

        Yep. That one has made an appearance. Just on my phone, so far.

      • Festus

        I’m a WWII geek. Those videos are Legion.

    • PieInTheSky

      at least it is quiet it was a 21st was a public holiday in Germany and Austria so most of the people I work with were offline yesterday and today.

  20. Yusef drives a Kia

    I fucked up and missed my alarm from 5 hours ago, so my son had to take a cab for a 30 mile trip to the train station, oops.
    The worst part is I’ll probably never see him again, and didnt get to say goodbye, he may be a shit weasel, but he’s still my shit weasel.
    /Sad Yusef

    • JD is in the United Karendom

      #saddad

      Make a point of that not being the last time you see him. Enjoy another shitweasel gettogether. Maybe play a round of weird frisbee?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        We have a, troubled relationship at best, so this didnt help, since he lives in Cali and he hates AZ, not gonna see him in my lifetime

      • Fourscore

        Yusef, every time I say Goodbye to a family member I understand that it may be the last time I’ll ever see them. Certainly different situation but still…

        All we do is muddle through life, doing the best we can. I’ve been muddling for a long time. Some times the fish aren’t biting or we don’t know how to catch them. The rain seems to fall on all but occasionally the sun will shine. Hope your sun is shining today and every day.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        So very true, thanks 4×20, and the sun will shine today, just not yet, it’s pre dawn here,

      • Festus

        You’re a good Dad, Dad.

      • Fourscore

        Son, you are the best, well, you and Yusef.

        Shame that we live in country/continent so vast that we never see our adopted family. Oh, some of the local kiddies but most of you (us) are scattered like the fuzz from the cottonwood trees this time of year.

        OTOH maybe the distances are best

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        love your latest handle BTW

      • Festus

        Yeah, it’s scrumptiously Glib.

    • Festus

      Never say never. I saw my Dad once after we declared war but before he died. I wish I’d have been more diplomatic but hindsight and all. He may still come around after the wounds heal over.

      • Fourscore

        I hardly saw my dad the last 13 years of his life, ’cause of my out of country exploits. I miss him every day. When I’m sitting in my deer stand or in a boat he is with me and still patient.

      • Festus

        It took a few weeks but I grieved much harder for my Dad than my Mom. I never understood her motivations. I shed not a single tear when she passed on.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        my parents died on the same day, 1000 miles apart, very strange for us 3 kids, I had Dad’s stuff in a trailer after his “friends” rifled his stuff first, Brother in Denver with Dad, and Mom Died alone in Tyler Texas while Sister was in Michigan, fucking mess….

      • Fourscore

        I saw my Mom getting old and infirm so the Big Surprise wasn’t unexpected. I miss her too but not the same.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        My Mother made me a Reader and a cynic, the best gifts you could give to a busy mind, I miss her

    • Festus

      Lots of time yet, Bob. You’re my age and when I last saw my Dad he was twenty years on. Circumstances can change and people can too.

  21. UnCivilServant

    I don’t suppose anyone knows old versions of PeopleSoft?

    • Gender Traitor

      Haven’t had the pleasure. Don’t know the new ones either.

    • Trigger Hippie

      Just old versions of soft people, sorry.

      • Fourscore

        Just old versions of old people, sorry

      • Festus

        Can concur.

  22. Unreconstructed

    Ugh. 6:45 AM is far too early to be watching a demo of software from India.