The Night Shift for May 23, 2020

by | May 23, 2020 | Daily Links, Fun, Night Shift | 134 comments

Yeah, I’m gonna pack it up, for the time being.  Not that the world doesn’t still need bitching about, and being laughed at.  Nosiree!  But, between my time input, and my self-assessed value in these things, I want to take a vacay for a while.  So, let me get on with this:

 

I have to say it:  Dallas, you’re a little bitch.  You may be my birthplace.  You may be my mother’s home, as well as home to other family and friends.  But, you are a still a suck-ass, p.o.s., p.i.t.a., petty tyrant haven, boil-on-the-ass-of-America.  Yes, there are worse places—I don’t want to live there, either.

I’ll admit that the phrase “Drive-thru pole dance” is intriguing.  Of course, this aspect has been covered (ahem) on this site before.  But, “hand sanitizer wrestling”??

So…Swing and a hit?  It’s the delicate dance of couple-hood, or, something.

Whoopsie!  Personally, I am not in the camp of, “they’re gonna learn it sometime; might as well be…”  I am also very happy this isn’t something I have to contend with.

From the Truth in Advertising department…“Free State Province”?  Really?

I don’t think I can facepalm big enough for this.

I mean, if you’re gonna keep poking the bear, dude.  I bet Ed is SO disappointed (I sort of doubt anyone gets the joke).

Hey, we could all use some good ne–Oh.  Watch this be a legit ‘Greatest Invention Since Sliced Bread’ thing…

Insert Taco Bell recipe joke of your choosing.  Someone in her household has done time, I would wager.

Alright, Lone Star State—time to get back to work.  To help this happen, I’ll be getting a haircut before this post goes up.  Think I may rock a mohawk….

Goodnight, sweethearts.  Or, if you prefer.  Or…whateverI’ve got “activities” to attend toAlways one last light to turn out, ya know?

 

I guess that wraps it up for a while, at least.  No need to get sentimental, or anything.  If anyone wants to jump in with their own late-night postings, please feel free to get that set up.  I will, most likely, be back at some point soon.  I hope everyone is starting to get out and live a fruitful and fulfilling life again.  You know—F Karens and make money.  Hope to see more of you over on the video chats, as long as they are a thing.  Peace!

About The Author

Sir Digby Classic

Sir Digby Classic

My goal is to make every social interaction awkward.

134 Comments

  1. commodious spittoon

    Watch this be a legit ‘Greatest Invention Since Sliced Bread’ thing

    When it comes with the patty.

  2. commodious spittoon

    I think it’s just you and me, Digby, and I’m sorry.

    • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

      Eh–it’s nothin. Besides, I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why I can’t link. Is it this fucking chromebook?

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        You lucky bastard…

      • commodious spittoon

        I think it might legit be just us. We’re like the passengers from the Langoliers.

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        Legit fantastic story. Not sure what I think of the tele-movie thing…it’s been a while.

      • commodious spittoon

        it’s rough. I watched it as a child, it was a lot creepier then than it is now.

        Storm of the Century was pretty goddamn creepy, too.

      • commodious spittoon

        Andre Linoge being a manifestation of Randall Flagg is pretty creepy. All he wanted was your children.

    • Brochettaward

      *stands completely still in the corner*

    • Toxteth O’Grady

      I’m awake, just watching the book hoarders link.

      • Derpetologist

        It’s a strangely addictive show, isn’t it?

        Beware though- once you start upon the derp path, forever will it dominate you destiny…

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tn3X465414Y

      • Toxteth O’Grady

        I watched it (and Hoarding; what’s the dif?) a fair amount when it came out a decade ago but it got to be a bit much. Flat mummy cats and whatnot.

        I preferred How Clean is Your House? (? — Kim and Aggie on BBCA). Less extreme though most subjects backslid there too.

      • salted earth

        I watched Hoarders daily for a bit when I was going through a sad time. That and QVC.

  3. Gustave Lytton

    Thank you sir!

    • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

      Sa-LUTE!

  4. pistoffnick

    Dead Thread and all.

    I extend my offer to anyone. If you find yourself at the notrhern end of interstate 35, I can guarantee vodka, grilled meat, and a soft bed.

    • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

      Dead? It’s not even been up 30 minutes! BTW–how far north is the northern end of 35?

      • Brochettaward

        5 dead prostitutes north of Duluth, if we’re being precise.

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        Wait….only five? That’s not so bad…

      • DrOtto

        So mid-town Duluth?

      • pistoffnick

        Interstate 35 turns into MN 61. I’m a little further north.

      • pistoffnick

        Not much though.

      • Chafed

        So basically Canada?

    • Derpetologist

      I probably passed nearby you during my big road trip in August last year. I may go to Minnesota again for the drive a tank thing in Kasota.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcrV-Zb-gT4

      car crush at 4:19

      • Plinker762

        I find tanks and military aircraft interesting but without functioning weapons they loose some of their luster.

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        This is true. Of course, that is somewhat an inverse with proximity to said vehicles–that loss takes longer to set in the less you’re exposed.

  5. Tejicano

    “I want to take a vacay for a while. ”

    Where’re you gonna go anyway?

    • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

      Alright, alright….a “stay-cay”. You happy now?! Huh?!

      ….makin’ me write “stay-cay…….

      • Tejicano

        It’s just that I’m in the same spot. I had been holding up as well as possible, just looking forward to a quick trip back to that side of the Pacific in early March. Only to end up locked down since then. I’m still hoping to make a break for it – but that won’t be for another 6 or 7 weeks minimum. Bleah…

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        Damn. Was supposed to go to Corpus for the anniversary last month, but that fell through. Still, I don’t need much in the way of “movement”, so I’m OK. But, when you start marling things in 6-7 week intervals? F that.

      • Tejicano

        Yeah, I’m doing what I can to get by. In a few minutes I’ll be putting up the canopy on our roof top and prepping the Weber.

        We got one of those portable canopies both for shade and to keep our activities out of the prying eyes of the residents of the 15 story building that went up behind us a couple years ago. Japanese are overly afraid of any open flame – one time years ago somebody called the police because I was running my Weber, mostly with the lid on. I’m pretty sure he was just pissed to see a Gaijin enjoying his property.

        But I will be enjoying the rest of the day regardless of what’s happening elsewhere.

      • dbleagle

        Our fucking Gauleiter of a governor has decreed we can’t travel between the islands of the state without a 14 day quarantine at both ends. So I am stuck on Oahu. We still go sailing even though the fucktard has decreed no more than two people on a boat. Today’s Kung Flu count is zero hospitalizations and holding steady at 17 total dead for the last week plus.

      • Chafed

        I’m sure your governor is obeying all the rules.

        /eyes roll back so far5I see my brain

  6. CPRM

    zooming after I got back from work. Thanks fir these articles though broheim.

    • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

      OK, zoomer…. ?

  7. Derpetologist

    Some of you might say Q just appeals to prurient interests, but I know he is working on a new novel called Harry Potter and the Effect of Coolidge.

    What a pity that I am down to my last pint of Moosehead lager. Oh well. I need to drink less anyway.

    • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

      Great joke. Also–a “government farm”? Coolidge? I call shennanigans.

    • Chafed

      That’s some Ted’S level hate.

  8. Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

    I wish trshy was here…I’m on a chromebook, using Chrome, with monocle, just like I do on my work desktop. But, for some reason(s), I cannot do any linkage with my comments here.

    Turning off Monocle doesn’t work. Using a different browser doesn’t help. Other than doing a complete reset of the C-book (heh), I have no idea why my link comments fail.

  9. Derpetologist

    “I have no idea to this day what the hell Joe Biden was talking about. Truth is, I don’t wanna know. I would like to think he was talking about something so idiotic it can’t be expressed in words and it make your head hurt because of it. I tell you his voice sounded dumber and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It is like some retarded bird flapped into our drab little cage and shat on everything. For the briefest moment every last person in America felt brain damaged.”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzuM2XTnpSA

    • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

      It does inspire a need to pinch a loaf…

    • Tejicano

      …but we totes need this person to be the leader of the free world

      • Plinker762

        It’s his turn?

      • salted earth

        Do we all get a turn?

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        I mean…if you want a turn with Gropin’ Joe, I’m sure he’ll sniff ya.

      • salted earth

        At first, I thought you typed “run” and was contemplating a run for VP. Then on the third pass I realized you typed “turn.” Ewwwww. Gross. That is really not a nice thing to say!

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        Well, you asked….

      • salted earth

        If we all got a turn at being president…
        I have noticed that gentlemen of a certain age are a bit more “demonstrative.” It’s not just Joe.

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        That could very well be the realization that younger years could have been more “active”, had attempts been made, based on how women tend to confess to having had similar proclivities in those same years. Might as well make up for lost time, or, something like that.

        That, and, “Whaddya gonna do–he’s an old man. Let him enjoy his dotage!”

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        Yeah–Trump has been notorious in his fear of offending the ChiComs….

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        Steve Martin would have really done a world of good if they had used him more on the Simpsons

  10. commodious spittoon

    Give me what I want and I will go away.

    • salted earth

      What do you want?

      • commodious spittoon

        Flagg wants children. I don’t know why.

      • salted earth

        mid-life crisis

    • commodious spittoon

      This is a legitimately creepy movie. This is the one Stephen King adaptation that actually works.

      • commodious spittoon

        RANDALL FLAGG IS CASTING SPELLS FROM THE JAIL CELL, OBVIOUSLY.

      • salted earth

        Why are you watching a Stephen King movie late at night? Seems like a bad idea 🙂

    • commodious spittoon

      Give me what I want and I will go away.

      • commodious spittoon

        Give me what I want and I will go away.

      • commodious spittoon

        Give me what I want and I will go away.

      • Chafed

        We get the point.

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        Great–now, I’m gonna associate cs with Colm Feore’s voice.

      • commodious spittoon

        Give me what I want and I will go away, asshole.

  11. Tejicano

    Musicians who lecture us on what they think about politics should be forced to listen to music written, performed, and sung by politicians.

    • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

      This is the single most brilliant thing said in….decades. I’ll add: As long as they don’t get to pick to politician.

      • Tejicano

        There should be a movement – “Yo, that’s not your schtick”

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        Zod help us if they start making “the jump”…

    • Chafed

      You know we have the Eighth Amendment.

      • Tejicano

        Listen to 10 me minutes of current pop music and then tell me the eighth amendment is being enforced.

  12. hayeksplosives

    Good evening, gents.

    That’s quite the list of links there, Sir Diggs!

    I have just crawled into bed and am squinting at Glibs on my iPhone, so I don’t know how well this will work, but I will find out soon!

    • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

      Well, so far, so good. Also–Howdy!

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        I have just crawled into bed and am squinting at Glibs on my iPhone

        Dangit–can’t link to the ol’ hubba hubba/eyebrows meme

      • Chafed

        HS hasn’t posted a selfie yet.

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        No jinxing!

      • Chafed

        ?

      • DrOtto

        +2 the twins

  13. Gustave Lytton

    No apology and

    Bell pointed out that students “were not directed” to self-research such topics, because “answers to the questions students posed were contained in the teacher-produced materials we shared.”

    Should have been fired on the spot. If only to keep the parents from lynching his ass…but this is Merry Olde England where the real problem is nothing is ever far enough to the left.

  14. Chafed

    Digby WASP-rolled me. He really does care.

    • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

      WASP-rolled? Nah. More like an homage to muh broh.

      ?✊?

      /better stop–that’s straying into CE3K territory

      • Chafed

        ??

  15. salted earth

    Um…did the scary clown get Commodius?

    • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

      Hey–don’t summon him….it….whatever the hell.

    • Chafed

      He had it coming.

  16. Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

    So, COVID issues finally hit around Chez Diggy–the wife just found out that her company is going to a 4-day work week…at 80% pay. If I remember correctly, she was told it’s for the next 3 months, starting on the 1st. But, I have the sinking suspicion it’s a test run.

    Thing is, this is impacting the 2/3 part of our income. Not that it would be good if it happened to me, but, the impact would be less. Of course, this is not as bad as others have had, even with fellow glibs. But, it makes things that much gloomier around here.

    ::steals Derp’s Kiff sigh::

    • Chafed

      Sorry Digby. That blows.

      Why is it happening now with Texas reopening?

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        It’s a part of Wunderman-Thompson, which is global, and, the whole WFH thing has apparently been very bad for them. I have no idea what revenue is like, but, they haven’t exactly been the sharpest tools in the shed when it comes to decision-making. Add to that a history of disposing of the “little people”, and this starts to seem inevitable.

      • Chafed

        Ugh. Sorry. The only good news is even blue state governors are having trouble keeping things locked down. Europe is opening up. It’ll be a long slop but (I think) things will slowly get better.

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        To complicate things, she hates the job, yet won’t seek other employment. Doesn’t necessarily want to go back to the office, but, has some cabin fever…it’s just a crap show, tbh. So very tiring.

      • Chafed

        Good lord. You cannot win. Keep your head down. I’ll pray for you.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Hah hah! My wife says she’s going crazy being at home, but doesn’t really have any interest in going somewhere when I suggest it. That was before this whole thing too, so not entirely corona related.

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        Yup. Got something like that here. Oy…

    • salted earth

      sorry. hope things get better.

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        Thank you.

    • Tejicano

      Very sorry to hear that. I hope it won’t get any worse there.

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        Crossing fingers that it IS temporary. Otherwise, we lose $16K+/year.

  17. commodious spittoon

    I thik I goofed up the site. I think I really futzed up things here. I’m so happy it’s back. I’m so sorry I goofed up things so bad.

    • Chafed

      Promise you will never watch another Steven King movie late at night.

      • commodious spittoon

        Only an hour and a half left in this

        oh god oh god oh god please help me, I ‘m helpless

      • commodious spittoon

        good night good night good night goood god good night good lord good night good night good night good lord almighty please let me sleep all night

      • commodious spittoon

        I am so fucked I am altogether fucked I wish I wish I wish I wish I could be anything other than what I am.

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        YAY!!

  18. Chafed

    Digby you have to explain that first link to this non-Texan. That seems super woke especially for Dallas. What am I missing?

    • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

      I think Dallas wants to be Houston/Austin, in terms of leftism. The Commissioners Court is the county-level “city hall”, and they cannot abide that mere peasant defied a Dallas judge’s totally legit orders and got supported by the Gov and Lt Gov. Going so far as to say it’s all “white supremacy” to support her (the salon owner; yowza, btw).

      To just crap all over her, and everyone who doesn’t automatically genuflect to them…They can eat and AIDS dick.

      • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

        The touted Texas conservatism comes from the suburbs–Dallas is a leftist-led sort-of hybrid. Plus, we love us some authoritah around here.

  19. Chafed

    Got it. How weird.

    • Chafed

      Brooks’d it.

  20. Chafed

    I am going to sleep. Thanks for running this joint SD. I hope you pick it up again in the future.

    • Digby something something Unclothed Intruder

      We shall see, but, probably will. G’night, yo.

  21. DrOtto

    It’s 3:12 CST, I’ve got damn near 20lbs of meat on the smoker, I’m drunk and calling it: last

    • DrOtto

      For those at home, I’m drinking Covid cocktail – 1 part gin to 2 parts quinine tonic, squeeze in a little lime and you’ve got it. Also, I reverse the gin to tonic ratio.

  22. DrOtto

    It’s 3:12 CST, I’ve got damn near 20lbs of meat on the smoker, I’m drunk and calling it: last

  23. Tejicano

    Sorry to burst your bubble – but it’s almost 1730 here and I have about 4 lbs of Carne Asada about to go on the grill here.

    • DrOtto

      4 lbs? I have twice that in turkey (vegetarian meat substitute) alone.

      • DrOtto

        But no squirrels.

      • Tejicano

        That’s just the Carne Asada. There’s also ribs, kilebasa, tandoori chicken, and burgers for the kids.

      • DrOtto

        9lbs brisket also on the grill with about 4lbs sausage to be introduced later tomorrow. And just enough cocaine to keep the chef AWAKE.

      • DrOtto

        By tomorrow, I mean later today.

      • Tejicano

        I wish I could get brisket here. I have never seen it in any Japanese shops and the commissaries on the local military bases don’t seem to ever have them.

  24. SP

    And, I’m turning out the lights. Goodnight all. Thanks for the late night frivolity, Digby!