The Fisher Man
By
Florida Man
“Well, he had a good run. 84 years is more than most of us will get.” Said Cory. “He may still recover,” suggests Claudia.
Cory looks at the slowly beeping EKG, placed on the medical grade plastic shelf. A cluster of bags hang, slowly dripping medicine into his dry veins, helping the old man cling to life.
“Not with his complexes widening like that. His heart is giving out.” “It is still sad to see him go, even at his age” says Claudia. “Sure, but there are worse things than death. Seneca says, “you weren’t unhappy before you were born, so why be sad after you’re gone?” or something like that. “You know the most random things” says Claudia. “Speaking of random, have you ever heard of the Fisher Man?” asks Cory. “Who or what is the Fisher Man?”asked Ady. “You know, the light people claim to have seen with near death experiences?” “Thats bullshit.” Said Sam “It is just random electrical signals the brain fires off during lack of oxygen to the brain.” “I know that, but the legend of the Fisher Man has a different explanation” claimed Cory.
The obsolete ventilator alarms in the indigent care hospital, and the four turn to see the old man cough against the machine, then settle back into eery stillness. The years of hard work had calloused his hands and his hair was so thin it was like someone had tried to use a single cotton ball to create a wig. The wrinkles in his face show a man that was constantly smiling though now his lips were wrapped around a breathing tube.
“I hate to see old man John suffer like that. I hope he goes quickly. You know, he gave me my first sip of moonshine when I was 8 years old” said Cory. “Anyway, most people, most Christians anyways, think the light at the end of the tunnel is heaven”explains Cory. If you go towards the light you are greeted by God.” “Saint Peter” corrects Claudia. “That or your deceased pets guide you to your family waiting for you in Heaven.” “Yes, it’s God or Dog that greets the newly departed. Anyways, if you’re done with living, you go towards the light and if you have unfinished business, you move away from the light, back towards your body.”
“What does that have to do with fishing.” ask Sam.
Another coughing fit wracks the old man lit by flickering florescent lights with a too heavy layer of dust. The old man begins to breath again and they along with him.
“So sad he doesn’t have any family left. You know old man John tried to teach me the guitar a few times? Sam softly chuckled. It just never took, but man could that dude play the blues. John liked to tell a story with his music. The blues are supposed to be sad, but his songs were always uplifting at the same time. Sorry, you were telling a story yourself.”
“Well if I can tell the story without interruptions, I’ll tell you.”
“Who is interrupting? Asks Ady. We are just asking questions about the story?”
“Yeah, nobody is stopping you from telling the story” adds Claudia
“Go on and tell the story, about fish, nobody is stopping you.”
Cory pouts. The other three chuckle.
“Fuck, you guys, you don’t get to know now.” “Don’t sulk, we are sorry” says Claudia “Yeah, go on buddy. We will be good.” Adds Sam “I was really just curious” snickers Ady
“Fine, but you guys are on thin ice.”
The three exchange naughty glances, waiting for the next chance to annoy Cory.
“Obviously, death is as old as life and life is far more ancient than humans” explains Cory. “The universe, or more accurately the observable universe, is 13 billion years old. The earth, about 5 billions years old. Humans have been around a scant few million years, so our religious explanations for the after life are a blink of the eye in comparison. It makes sense that something far older than our gods exists somewhere in the universe and it would develop a life cycle far different from anything we can explain.”
“This story is so boring. I didn’t want a history lesson, I wanted to hear a story about the afterlife” whines Claudia. “Yeah, we know the universe is old buddy, what does that have to do with cat-fishing?” Chimes Sam. “That is a fun show. I heard that host guy got #metoo’d” says Ady
“I’m going to get coffee.” Cory says coldly
“Oh come back and finish the story. Yeah ,don’t leave us here. Hospitals are creepy, especially this dump. We will stop. Promise.” The three chorus
“No I need my coffee, I’m getting the grumps. I’ll finish when I come back.”
The three were left alone to look at the alien equipment, yellowed with age.
“What do you think this button does?” Ask Claudia. “Push it and fine out.” Says Sam. “Guys please, don’t. I can’t handle anymore drama right now.” Begs Ady.
A long flat line appears on the heart monitor and the three hold their breath, until a few feeble blips return. They sigh a collective breath and then start as Cory crashes through the door, coffee in hand.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Ask Sam. “What? The latch is a little sticky. I don’t think the routine maintenance is up to snuff. How is the old guy doing?” “His heart stopped for a little while. I’m glad you’re back, since you know about this stuff.” Said Claudia “It doesn’t matter who is here, there are some things you can’t fix.” Says Cory grimly. “Have a little compassion Cory. You know when I couldn’t pay my water bill, Mr. John paid the 6 months back pay for me. Really saved my ass.” Said Ady. “Geez, I’m sorry Ady. I never knew he did that for you.” “He is not the kind of person to mention it. Let’s change the subject, I’m getting a little emotional. Can we hear more about the Fish-Man?” Pleads Ady
“Fisher Man. Well as I was saying about the universe, it is much more vast and old than we can possible imagine. What we do know, is the whole thing runs on entropy. Eventually all energy will be spread out evenly through the constantly expanding cosmos until nothing can exist. Life needs a gradient to exist or more accurately to perform work. Shit rolls down hill, in the vernacular.”
“Do we get calculators with the story?” Ask Sam. “Yeah, only you could turn a ghost story into a science lecture, Cory.” Mocks Ady.
“It’s not a fucking ghost story! Anyways…when we die, when anything dies, it release electrical energy from the nervous system. Some scientist think it is our consciousness or even our soul leaving our body. The thing that makes us alive and different from rocks.”
“Well, some people aren’t much smarter than rocks.” Says Claudia
Cory sighs bigly and sips his black coffee.
“So the theory or story goes, the universe wouldn’t let this energy go to waste. Someone or some-THING, would want to harvest this highly organized and rare energy. That entity is the Fisher Man.”
“Finally he shows up.” Says Sam. “Yeah, I thought we were getting Catfished with this story.” Says Ady. “Its a gay man!” Exclaims Claudia
As they laugh at their new taunts, an electric crackle ripples through the myriad of medical equipment and they fall silent.
“Jesus, this stuff is old. I’m surprised one of this things hasn’t caught fire yet.” Fumes Cory “Watch your temper, you’ll get an ulcer. Old man John was always so gentle and kind” warns Claudia. He use to go with me to the Catholic orphanage on Christmas Eve and pass out gifts as Santa.” “He was always a soft touch.” Adds Sam.
The four sit quietly reminiscing about the many kindnesses of Old Man John.
Cory coughs nervously. “Back to the story. Have you ever watched one of those deep sea documentaries? They have a species of fish, called an angler fish, because they fish for fish. One of the ones down in the deep dark ocean uses a light on a protuberance to lure little fish to him and then gobbles them up.”
“They have one of those fish in ‘Finding Nemo’!” adds Claudia. “Thats a great movie. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.” Sings Ady.
“The Fisher Man, uses the same principle, except he doesn’t look like an angler fish. He has long sinewy arms and legs. Like a man, but much much taller, so that his limbs can reach far from his thin body. It is hard to put on weight when you exist off something as ephemeral as souls. He has massive eyes, much like those deep sea fish so he can see in the dark, set deep in a bird like skull. He has three sharp digits for fingers and toes and in his left hand he holds a sphere of pure light. He uses his right hand sweep helpless souls into his beak.”
“Jesus, should you be telling this story right now?” Claudia whispers as she looks at the old man
“Well it is just a story. If it is too much I’ll stop.”
“No, I want to hear more.” Pleads Ady. “Yeah we’ve come this far.” adds Sam
“Alright. Well I’m sure you all are familiar with quantum mechanics…”
The three groan in unison.
“Groan all you want, clowns. We know three dimensions plus time, that is all we can perceive, but according to quantum mechanics there may be as many as 20 dimensions. That is where the Fisher Man dwells, in one of those un-perceived dimensions. He waits for passing souls and in the darkness of the void, his light sphere is the only guide point. Though the meals are meager, something or someone is always dying. It is a constant, like taxes.”
“How could anybody know that? Any of that?” Asks Sam
“QM has be rigorously tested and has make some predictions with astonishing accuracy. It would be astronomically lucky to have made those predictions and it all been random. So, the dimensions are most likely real. The neuro-energy is real, just look at EEGs. We know time and space are vast, which means it is possible for just about anything to be lurking out there.”
“Possible for some boogie-man hiding out there waiting to eat your immortal soul? Come the fuck on.” Says Ady
“I never said you have an immortal soul or that the Fisher Man is real, just that it is possible.”
“Yeah but you don’t believe in anything. I doubt you believe in this.” Accuses Claudia
“That is true. My bet is you just rot in the ground, I’m just saying you never know. Wooo!” Says Cory as he wiggles his fingers at the trio
“That may be the dumbest ghost story ever told.” States Sam
Just then the heart monitor alarms and red lights begin to blink on and off.
“I think you guys should get your goodbyes in now. He doesn’t have much time left.”
“Are you sure?” Ask Claudia “Yup, I use to see this a lot in my old ICU days. He is going now and the DNR order is in effect, so at least his will be spared the indignity of people swarming over him.”
They each give John a kiss and a hug, grateful for knowing such a gentle man. The EKG goes flat and the old man is gone. Gone from this world.
“Who would have thought four kids from the street would be brought together by an old guitar player.” Said Cory. “You’re getting soft as you get older” kids Sam. It’s that low T.” “Don’t act so tough, I saw your eyes get misty.” “It’s dusty in hospitals. Everybody knows that.” Defends Sam
“I’m going to miss him and his old man humor” laments Ady. “He had the worst dad jokes, but always laughed.”
“We should all promise to stay friends forever, in honor of Old Man John” suggests Claudia.
The four agree to keep the memory of John and meet once a year on his birthday to celebrate his long kind life.
“You guys up for some dinner together?” Ask Cory “I’m buying.”
“Anything but fish.” Answers Sam
“Show some respect, a sweet friend of ours just died” says Claudia as she does the sign of the cross. He just passed give it some time.”
“Sorry guys. You know I don’t deal well with all this touchy feely stuff.” Replies Sam
“It’s okay buddy, we know you don’t mean any harm.” Adds Cory
They all take one final looks at their dear friend and slowly file out the room. Claudia lingers til last and blows a final kiss.
John no longer has difficulty breathing, in fact he is not breathing at all, but it doesn’t distress him. He isn’t cold anymore; doesn’t hurt. He only feels a sense of weightlessness. He finds that he can propel himself through space with nothing more than his will. In the vast darkness he can only see a small point of light, so he wills himself towards it, anxious to be reunited with his wife after so many years. He wonders if all of life’s mysteries will be revealed or if he will be reincarnated. So many questions he hopes to find the answers for.
As the old man nears the light a sense of dread creeps into him. The light seems false; too perfect, like Disney’s main-street. Still, he can see no other destination in the murk other than the uncanny light, so ignores his anxiety and still approaches. He senses a heavy darkness, darker than the void, sweeping in behind him, something unseen, yet irresistible. He struggles against the pressure, yet finds he still moves towards the light, his will failing him. Closer and closer towards the light, he fears he will be burned in this miniature sun, though he has no body to burn. He summons all his will to push back, flee into the night. Anywhere, anywhere in the entire universe but here.
Just as John is about to touch the light, he is swept past the orb, by a massive hand, and finds two large black eyes boring into him. Horrifyingly large and unblinking, lidless, they set atop a small round mouth. The neck holding the large skull looks far too frail to support the weight and the body wane and frail; like a marionette with the strings ripped away. John makes one last attempt to flee, desperation drives him back towards the terrible void, away from the grotesque figure. Just as John begins to believes his freedom is at hand, the mouth opens and a vacuum as great as a black hole draws him back. Back into the Fisher Man.
THE END.
“Fisher Man”
SEXIST!!!!!!!!
Wait, I saw this one. Whoopi Goldberg and Mark Twain travel through time to kill the fishermen, and all it takes is a pair of photon torpedoes.
Seriously though, good story!
So that’s what St. Peter looks like.
I was doing well until ” anxious to be reunited with his wife after so many years.”
If that’s the first wife I ain’t goin’. I’ll hang around here for a while longer. Here I have friends, like Jimbo and Tundra and…OK scratch Jimbo but I have friends
Jimbo is the Pope. He’ll definitely be there.
I wanted to create a monster that was unverifiable. We known zombies, Dracula and werewolves don’t exist, but there is no way to know what the light at the end of the tunnel is. Happy I convinced you to try to become fivescore.
Psst! Happy birthday, (4*20)+3! ? ?
I was told there’d be no math.
We lied.
(I shoulda said bzzzt. GD esprit d’escalier.)
Happy Birthday! I used to think your handle was just golf bragging.
Happy birthday!
You have friends.
And you aren’t allowed to go anywhere yet. We can’t afford to lose you.
And happy birthday!
Stick around a while longer old man. Keep those bees buzzing.
And Happy Birthday
Happy birthday, dude!
You old.
Happy birthday!
Happy Birthday friend. You haven’t met me yet so you can’t give me the Jimbo treatment. Yet. When is Honey Harvest?
Happy Birthday young man.
Ah shit! Happy bday!
Honey Harvest is the 3rd Sunday of Sep. Thanks to all for your good.wishes, couldn’t be happier with a nicer and more thoughtful group of people.
Whoa
Someone didn’t pass the vibe check.
That video captures the feel I was going for. Once again HM shows he is the master linker of YouTube.
I wrote this during covid lockdown because my cousin and I like horror movies, but were talking about how they recycle the same old monsters. We decided to write a short story introducing a new kind of monster and this is what I came up with. Killed an afternoon and was a fun time writing my first story. His had an alligator mutant, which is fitting for a Florida man. Hope you guys enjoy my feeble attempt at creativity.
?
It was entertaining.
Sounds a lot like this one.
https://snarp.github.io/magnus_archives_transcripts/episode/001.html
My daughter really likes this series.
I can’t wait to read it, thanks. It wouldn’t surprise me if this wasn’t a new idea. It seems like everything has been done before, usually by the Simpsons.
“Animation is built on plagiarism. If it weren’t for someone plagiarizing The Honeymooners… we wouldn’t have The Flintstones. If someone hadn’t ripped off Sergeant Bilko, there’d be no Top Cat. Huckleberry Hound? Chief Wiggum? Yogi Bear? Ha! Andy Griffith. Edward G. Robinson. Art Carney. Your Honor, you take away our right to steal ideas… where are they gonna come from- her?”
Roger Myers, Jr., “The Day the Violence Died”
The look on Wiggum’s face in the background when he gets mentioned is just perfect.
Work for Contingency?
No, money down!
It gave me flashbacks to my time working in a nursing home, so the atmosphere of the conversation was very good. I filled in the extra details of the scene from my own memories, but a few extra lines to fill out the sensory experience might be a good idea; you don’t want to overdo it though.
The monster was well designed. Explained enough to be understood but vague enough to be terrifying, and the concept was well executed. I really liked the brief bit of hope for an afterlife before the existential dread was reasserted.
Overall it was definitely better than some of the stories I’ve seen published in recent years, and I heartily enjoyed it. 8/10, needs a touch of polish, but the fundamentals of a short horror story were great and you nailed the landing.
I liked it. Honestly, it could be the opening scene of a horror movie, or a longer story.
This is how Frankenstein started out.
It also spawned “The Vampyre” by John Polidori, the first English language story about Romanians.
Non-fiction.
So, which of you is Shelley and which of you is Polidori?
But I think their drug of choice was laudanum, and not Bath Saltz.
I don’t have my spouse’s heart in a box, so I’ll go with Polidori.
I liked it quite a bit, particularly the newness of the life after death monster.
We decided to write a short story introducing a new kind of monster and this is what I came up with. Killed an afternoon and was a fun time writing my first story. His had an alligator mutant,
Mutant alligators have been done before.
In fact, it’s been done in the 1950s, although I believe that one is set in Suthenboy’s neck of the woods..
pic
Florida Man took those missing quotation marks, and he crushed them up and snorted them. And if you don’t believe that, you don’t know Florida Man.
Hey, I grew up in Jacksonville. You’re lucky it isn’t entirely written in AAVE.
So is Jason Mendoza from The Good Place accurate?
Yes, except he should be shouting “Duval!” Instead of Bortles.
David Duval was born in Jacksonville.
That would have been too perfect.
An explanation of Jason.
https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/12/16880762/joe-mande-jason-mendoza-jacksonville-jaguars-blake-bortles-the-good-place
OK, it’s been long enough (right?) to go OT:
https://campusreform.org/?ID=15022
Why would anyone send their kid to college nowadays?
For the record: I’m down with #shutdownacademia; it produces very little value anymore. People get into a mortgage-worth of debt to learn nothing useful and get their minds turned to mush. It’s gotta be one of the biggest scams in modern history.
I’m down with #shutdownacademia
Then you’ll love the billions of dollars of bailouts for higher education that will be paid to prevent it from collapsing.
Can I choose option 3: SMOD?
I dunno. Can you get a rocket attached to an asteroid to steer it into a collision path?
Option 4: Meet the new Chancellor, Cthulhu.
RC, thanks for the link yesterday to the 12 gauge 00 Buck. My case just shipped.
My pleasure.
“An armed glibertarian is, well, a less polite glibertarian.”
I see a class action lawsuit for failing to cover the material contracted for.
We were talking about Bryan Caplan in the morning thread and I said I disagreed with the promise of The Myth of the Rational Voter.
On the other hand, The Case Against Education is rock solid.
premise. Promise too, probably.
arXiv.org, where researchers send their papers for dissemination, shut down for a day yesterday. Fermilab near Chicago (proton collider and neutrino beam experiments) had some kind of program (via Zoom — I didn’t attend):
Call for action on diversity and inclusion in academia
In solidarity with several initiatives started by our US colleagues on calls for action against anti-Blackness in academia, we invite you to join us in a session of awareness on the general failure in achieving an inclusive and diverse academia, particularly in physics and STEM.
The session will include five very short contributions followed by an open discussion:
* Prof. Hitoshi Murayama (UC Berkeley and IMPU Tokyo)
* Dr. Lou Strolger (Space Telescope Science Institute)
* Prof. Denise R. Gonçalves (Valongo Observatory Brasil)
* Dr. Daniel Hernández (Google)
* Prof. Patricia Conde Muiño (IST Lisbon)
Why is it that anti-blackness, racism (and let’s not forget misogyny) are so present, by their own admission, in governments and institutions controlled for decades by the Left?
SHUT UP, LOGICTARD !
Because the engineers and scientists are kneeling and groveling in sufficient numbers yet.
Postmodern critical theory seeks to destroy all logic and reason. If it wasn’t evident before, it absolutely is now.
If racial politics infects STEM we may as well just give up. If the smartest of the smart and the logicalest of the logical can get sucked in by this nonsense we’re done.
The “problem” is that the best professors and students in stem have spent the last XX years ignoring this stuff as irrelevant and stupid.
They were right about the latter, but they need to push back hard on the former.
I took STEM (engineering). And I went the opposite of the relatively limited amount of leftist crap that was foisted into my face. Went from sorta conservative to libertarian (now more conservatarian) by reading things in my spare time.
My son and his buddies are definitely red-pilled.
Judging from the wide range of backgrounds/professions here, I think there are simply a subset of people who reflexively hate this shit. Then, once they are immersed in the philosophy, tend to nerd out over it.
I stay concerned for my son and getting thru his college experience. It’s incredibly easy for these assholes to claim a scalp these days.
“Keep your head down, do your work, achieve” is what I keep telling him. Avoid the campus politics at all costs right now unless you are ready to accept the consequences that come with it, because they will come.
It might be different now, but when i was in school i went to a school where almost all the students lived off campus, and a large portion lived out of the city. It was a commuter school. I tend to think that helped in keep down the crazy political bullshit. A lot of the students were older and had things to do with their lives other than be involved in some campus communist club.
My son starts this fall. Part of methinks he should start some crap, get booted, then sue the piss out of them. J/K. I don’t think we could handle the stress of a crazy mob of evil shit stains destroying our lives over thought crimes.
Outside of STEM, higher education is almost worthless. Even for STEM it’s terribly inefficient. Most of the really good stuff in colleges is done post-grad.
Or can easily be learned on the job…as I have discovered.
Just part of the “Everyone needs a degree”. What? you wanted to learn something deep and interesting, and not just get a certificate for a job? sorry that will be another 2 years and several thousand dollars.
I was just starting to not be pissed off for a brief moment.
Thanks a whole fucking lot Q.
Why would anyone send their kid to college nowadays?
Those little letters after your name are the means of advancement in many careers. I hear the cost… just had to wire my summer semester tuition. It was almost 18 months of mortgage payments for me.
Even if the courses for my PhD were 100% bullshit though, the financial ROI for the degree in my field is well worth it. It’s pretty much required for any director-level position in Big Pharma or the medical device world. I made back the cost of my MSHS in a little over a year with one job jump.
And I missed adding my point which is that school can be a necessary evil even with all of this SWJ nonsense. And these fuckers know it which is why the schools don’t clamp down harder. They are largely insulated from free market forces (e.g., feds propping up student loans, preventing employers from administering their own assessment tests, etc).
I have hopes the online model may drag some sanity back.
I don’t know how to parody this shit.
The only proper response (“Fuck you, I have work to do.”) will not be provided, I am confident.
The sad part is that they have some otherwise very intelligent people that have endorsed it.
The only way it wouldn’t happen, is if those nut jobs had been shanked hard when they first started it. Except that non-nut jobs aren’t sociopathic nutjobs, which is how this persists.
Sounds like a good day to go fishing instead.
Participants say “justice will not be achieved until Black people not only have the right to survive but also thrive”.
That’s up to you, not to me. Do the work.
Founders of the movement write that STEM is problematic because research papers often “reinforce anti-Black narratives.”
Such as 2+2=4?
Whatever happened to “wypipo stole math and science from Africa”, anyway?
Protest Leader: . . . so that’s why we need a change at city hall!!!!
Cell Phone: buzz bussz
PL: hey, Bill, I’m kinda busy
cell (in Peanuts teacher voice): wah wah waaaah, wah wah !!!!
PL: You know he’s my best client . . . hold on. GUYS: I’ve got to take this. . . . Jim, can you take over for a few minutes?
cell: wah wahmah wayh!
PL: exactly right: we should eat the FedEx bill since the delay was our fault. I’d like to sit in on the corrective action on this one.
cell: wah buzz wah
PL: tomorrow is great; we’ve got to fix this. Thanks, Bill.
The protester I could follow = the protester who doesn’t exist.
Tricknology is real.
Why would anyone send their kid to college nowadays?
I was getting tired of having all that extra money.
My son is having a good experience – even with this stupidity. It’s not like the crazy fuckers disappear out in the workplace.
I get why, due to Griggs v. Duke Power, credentialism is a thing. What I don’t understand is why other countries go in for it.
I want to believe this is not real.
Mao would be proud.
*makes note to go away from the light*
Actually, training as a libertarian should make that much more automatic…
Great story, FM!
Well, I’n screwed. My work has not only instituted mandatory furloughs, one per pay period, but also eradicated the 9/80 schedule in favor of 5/40. So, I have the same schedule but get off one hour earlier and take home 10% less. The whole place is going to flood the transfer opportunity list. They just pissed off a few thousand employees. Tell me again why I have to pay union dues?
Have to?
(I’m afraid I’ve forgotten your profession, if I knew it in the first place. I can see how a sudden Janus unsubscription might be impolitic.)
Mechanic at LAX. Have to. There’s a smattering of people desperately trying to opt out, but the union is fighting them tooth and nail. You got your Janus decision, now let’s see you enforce it.
Ah, jeez.
The bull trap has been sprung.
OT: Did you see my post about the permethrin?
I didn’t, but I have some already. I’ll be spraying this weekend.
I skipped it last year because it’s hard on the frogs but the ticks have obviously made a major comeback.
I use it on my clothes mostly. Targets where I don’t want them, on me!
OT: Do better, Ohio.
What a genius.
I blame Dayton.
::checks map of this clown’s state Senate district:: Oh, crap. I’m right at the edge of his district. ::facepalm, headdesk::
Poor dad. Escapes from the commies only to find his daughter turns into one, and a fat commie at that.
This obituary is part of a series about people who have died in the coronavirus pandemic. Read about others here.
Pass.
Can’t wait for the series on the motor vehicle accident fatalities.
Look proof that being young isn’t a cure for the Rona.
She shoulda washed her hands better
Yup, turned into a commie:
I wonder how many Joe Sixpacks who aren’t “progressive dynamos” are going to get this treatment in the NYT.
The passing of untermensch doesn’t get covered in Pravda.
How many marginal workers who off themselves after failing to find work are they going to bother profiling, or even acknowledge?
She certainly was never hungry.
And she never worked a real job in her short life.
I’m fast becoming of the opinion that I will never give another red cent to a charity unless it’s Habitat for Humanity or something else that requires actual physical input.
All of my monetary charitable giving is overseas at this point. I don’t trust any of the US based secular poverty alleviation charities to not be progressive front groups, or at least in cahoots with progressive front groups.
This does remind me to get plugged in with Habitat now that I’m back here in TX.
Trsh, you made some comment the other day that had me start investigating TX as our new home in exile from VA. I never seriously considered TX before, but think I may be a convert. No homeschooling laws, which is #1 priority.
My wife said absolutely not and refused to consider. Then she became a zealous convert after I showed her the mcmansions with acreage we could afford out there. South and east of Houston, near the Gulf and LA border. Looks like some promising stuff around DFW too. Tx may have just jumped to our #1 contender.
Just be prepared for the AC bills.
I think I’m ready for somewhere with palm trees.
Electricity deregulation balances that out. I was paying $125/month in July for a 2500 sqft house here in Dallas. It wouldn’t get that cheap in VA even in the temperate months for my 2600 sqft house.
I’m in that area (southeast of Houston) – grew up due east, but moved a bit south due to circumstances. Like Scruffy says, the AC will cost ya in the summer, but unless you’re in a ginormous place, it shouldn’t break you. Also, LOTS of medical business here – Texas Medical Center in Houston, UTMB in Galveston…so career wise it probably makes sense for you. And cost…definitely better than a lot of other places.
I haven’t checked out the industry there yet so thanks for the heads up. I’m 100% remote (even before covid), but it’d be nice to have onsite options available to fallback on wherever we move without needing to relocate if something happens to my current job.
Aslo, MD Anderson.
My brother moved north and east of Houston. If you like rural living east Texas or somewhere in Louisiana is the place to be. There is not a lot of excitement but if you, like myself, enjoy peace and privacy it is ideal. Superficially the culture of east Texas and Louisiana appears the same but natives of both places can tell the difference.
For non-natives it takes a little getting used to.
Cost of living is low, a little lower over here than Texas I think. Louisiana has the lowest property taxes in the country, Texas has no income tax. I dont think we have any homeschooling laws. There are a lot of factors to weigh.
Peace and privacy is the goal. I think my wife and the kids would enjoy being a little closer to a major city (~1 hour drive), but it looks like there are plenty of such places around Houston.
I took a look and LA apparently has very restrictive homeschool laws. I have no idea why…TN strangely does too. Looks like your kids have to take annual assessment exams and be signed off on yearly by a certified
guild memberteacher in LA who is against homeschooling with every fiber of their soul.At least I’ll be close to some good cajun food in east Tx. And Mexican of course. Maybe I can finally get some Hatch chiles.
If you want to consider charitable giving, have a look at the various groups that provide free air transport to patients and families who need to travel for medical treatment, but who cannot afford airline tickets, or for medical reasons can’t do airline travel.
Patient Airlift Services http://www.palservices.org
Angel Flight East http://www.angeflighteast.org (there are different Angel Flight orgs for different regions, look them up)
Air Care Alliance
Aerobridge
https://angelflighteast.org/ (adding the www doesn’t work because they have a malconfigured dns or server apparently)
Thank you
I give to ILJ, FIRE and NRA.
ILJ? Do you mean IJ (they are on my give-to list)?
Institute for Lumberjack Justice
They’re OK
Yeah IJ, sorry.
Good story, and most appropriate for the times. Also, it is probably the first thing I’ve read in months.
I think I’m developing ADD to go along with my dementia.
Interesting concept!
Wonderful!
I larfed.
First story? Good job!
Thanks! That means a lot coming from a real writer. After writing my first short story I have no idea how the pros write hundreds and thousands of pages for a novel.
How long would you last between boredom and oblivion? I might make it half an hour.
Thanks for the story. It is well told.
Me: OMG I DON’T KNOW THE BEST WAY TO DO THE THING!!!
Me: *spends an hour trying to figure out the best way to do the Thing*
Me: Oh, hi, Fiverr.
Frequent format i see:
Of course this is a popular format because it fits easy into a Mote and Baily argument. It can be taken to mean both that there are special rights that Group X has that they have as being part of Group X, and it can mean the more innocuous “Group X deserves the same human rights as all humans”.
Of course i’d like to see something like: “Business Owners Rights are Human Rights. Full Stop. Period”. But i guess that is too radical. Or Regressive.
Property rights are human rights. Full stop.
Property is theft.
Property is a human right.
Theft is a human right.
It checks out.
I know its “Fisher Man” but the voices in my head say “Pusher Man”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCDAfa-NI-M
Excellent.
Relevant
Sure, Joe.
Host Trevor Noah asked, [relevant exchange begins around 16:30] “Let me ask you this, and I know this is a strange question to ask an American politician, may be easier around the world, but have you ever considered what would happen if the election result came out as you being the winner and Trump refused to leave?”
Biden responded, “Yes, I have.”
After a break in the video, Biden stated, “I was so damn proud. You have four chiefs of staff coming out and ripping the skin off of Trump. And you have so many rank and file military personnel saying, whoa, we’re not a military state. This is not who we are. I promise you, I am absolutely convinced they will escort him from the White House with great dispatch.”
Turn off the cameras and he’d be out the door in ten minutes.
The only reason I have to doubt wether Joe has thought about that scenario (fantasizing and projecting being common enough traits) is my general doubt in his remaining capacity to think. Other than that, based on the actual question asked, it’d be an honest answer.
The unasked question is whether that’s likely. I dobut that combination would come to pass.
That smug prick gives Don Lemon a run for his money when it comes to spinning bullshit.
What he describes is a military state….
You have four chiefs of staff coming out and ripping the skin off of Trump.
Pretty sure those were former chiefs of staff.
Also, pretty sure Obama got beat up pretty good by former chiefs of staff.
And nothing says “nope, not a military state” like a Praetorian Guard determining who can, and cannot, be the President.
Well, so far, the assassins have not been the bodyguards, so, there is that.
If the military were to storm the White House to forcibly remove a President (which is what Biden envisions), I wonder what the Secret Service would do?
Depends, which side has the better hookers?
Florida Man: Good Job. I enjoyed it and your attempt at creativity was a success. It is very difficult to come up with something new because the monsters we know are based on real monsters. Once upon a time lions, tigers and bears were a real thing. The boogey man was a real thing. I may have said this before but has anyone noticed that in horror stories the monster is always conquered in the end? That is because like these guys we are the real monsters – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hn1VxaMEjRU – We really are the scariest thing around.
Your monster on the other hand, we cannot defeat. That adds an extra level of scary.
Kudos on creating a very sympathetic character. That always makes the mind scream “Nooooooo!!” as they fall victim.
Ha!
My favorite meme.
That’s hilarious, because it’s true.
Says Florida Man!
Someone never read Lovecraft. From memory, there were two stories of his I read that didn’t end with the main character dead or insane by the end.
Poe also had monsters that defeated the main character. Sometimes the main character was ALSO the monster.
I was trying to avoid that old tale.
It isn’t universal, obviously. there are a few modern ‘same ‘ol monster’ stories where the monster wins. That is supposed to be a twist, but you can still see that in the end people are going to squash them.
Yes, Florida Man’s story is very Lovecraftian.
“We are the real monsters.”
I thought you might go with this.
Not this?
Bug-A-Salt Day 1 update:
4/5 shots were for a kill. The fifth winged the fly and I had to put it down with a mercy shot. The flies are now running scared after the initial massacre. I’ve only seen one more flit past, and it has stayed far enough back in the shadows that I couldn’t find it to shoot.
Nice shooting?
Pretty fly for a white guy. Is that OK to say anymore?
heh. I get more out of my bug-a-salt than any of my guns. I have probably killed a hundred so far since it warmed up. Also, at close range it is effective on wasps.
I found that mine won’t kill a wasp, but with his wings torn off, my dog loves to deliver the coop de boop.
History is funny.
This was published 50 years and three days ago. Imagine it being published in NY Mag now. I’m actually kind of surprised they still have it up.
Radical Chic: That Party at Lenny’s
I posted this to my Facederp. We’ll see if it blows up in my face or not.
Brutal. I approve.
Enjoyed the story. Keep going!
Ok, this shit is getting ridiculous. Just went to use an emoji while texting my wife. My frequently used emojis were full of black skinned versions of this sot of thing: ???✌️
I’ve never used most of those, let alone in black skin.
Everything is political.
And the techies who program the crap into your system are fully bought into that premise.
According to my most recent ethics training, we are totally woke and completely bought into cancel culture.
I haven’t heard anything at my work yet, thankfully. Then again, we’re not a company that has a significant public profile.
The only conversation I heard was brief chatter about how bad the riots were, then some girl says, “That’s why I’m not friends with anyone from here on Facebook. I just don’t want to know what y’alls political leanings are. I just want us to all get along as co-workers and go home at the end of the day.”
I guess it’s much better than I expected from her, since this is the girl who was reading news out loud to the whole office of Trump’s impeachment and gleefully declaring that “they’re taking him to jail right now!!”
I’ve noticed that many progs don’t actually consider themselves to be political. They just “listen to the experts” and “trust the scientists.” They have fully embraced the Marxist cant that socialism is objectively and scientifically superior, and that people who deny it are the same as flat Earthers.
You can’t debate them because they don’t actually think someone can be factually in opposition to their bullshit.
They are, on average, intellectually and morally lazy.
It’s weird how Leftists say those things while having this anti-authoritarian, “fight the man” self image.
??
LOL
Can I text that to Apple somehow? I’m serious.
??♂️
I’m waiting for a light skinned eggplant emoji.
There is already one, a baby cucumber.
One of my neighbors.
Good heavens. That’s kind of what kids are born to do.
I replied with:
“They should definitely be spending the summer playing video games in the basement instead. That’s safe.”
“Awesome!”
/Every kid ever
LOL
Nice checklist.
Dogs behind fences seems to be coming-up a lot lately.
Eliminate this interloper.
I’m guessing she raised some strong, self-reliant kids if she has any. /sarc
Or she never had any and prefers to tell others what to do, more likely.
Look, just don’t break my stuff, okay. If I had a lawn I’d tell you to keep the kids off it.
The rest of of the grumpy old ladies are piping up now.
“If I have to BECOME the grumpy lady on the cul de sac”?
too late.
Uber-lib, predictably
OK, Karen.
Anyone know the average meat : organ : inedible mass ratios for common livestock?
Beef:
Pork:
Thank you.
No problem. Here’s an expansion of the terminology and processes. They also have a chart with yield percentages for a few other animals like lamb, turkeys, and chickens.
What are the ratios for long pork? Asking for a friend.
:sips chianti:
Free range or cubicle farmed?
I suspect there’s a lot of variation, depending on how, err, well-marbled your particular specimen is.
And they told me BMI was useless.
Depends on the creativity of the chef.
https://www.oda.state.ok.us/food/fs-cowweight.pdf
No, but I’d say I get about 80-100 pounds of meat out of a 200 pound deer. The hide is roughly 20-25 I’d say. Guts are maybe 40-45. Rest is bone or whatever’s left.
This strictly off the cuff, so YMMV.
I made quite a bit of stock out of the bones from my last one. The bones dont have to be all waste, though I have to say the two forelegs were buried in the back yard so that. they could ripen perfectly. Apparently my big Catahoula Cur is an expert on that particular process.
AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….seriously, click that if you want a laugh
In a couple of days, it’ll be a full grocery store.
As if farming is a skill. You just put the seed in the ground and water it. – Bloomer
Trump would be nuts to go in and break that up. This will keep paying off for him. Let the locals deal with it and let us have our lulz.
We are stuck with how many of these completely dysfunctional idiots? Their ideas about everything are as informed as their ideas about politics. They can’t produce anything, they only take and destroy. They are just dead weight.
That really looks like they stole a bunch of potting soil and dumped it on the ground. Maybe put some kind of weedblocker paper underneath?
Not visible: gardening tools.
I mean, there are definitely some tools pictured, but you know what I mean.
Yeah, I see no political downside to just letting this run. I might cut off power and gas (the latter as a safety measure), but leave the water and sewer. Also, the cell and internet service, because the more gets posted on these pathetic losers, the better.
Maybe put some kind of weedblocker paper underneath?
Cardboard, according to the replies. I wonder if it’s treated, but I’m not wondering too loud.
Check the CHAZUpdate Twitter for a new pic showing just how utterly pathetic their garden is.
Wow. Just, wow. A couple of 4 year olds could do better than that.
Scroll down for their list of “Concerns”
“First responder access”? Seriously?
“Guns” – I wonder, pro or con?
LOL
What about the actual residents and businesses? You’d be hurting them more than these bums camping outside.
CHAZ is responsible for its hostages.
The businesses are most likely a lost cause, anyway. Any that aren’t looted shells by now, will be shortly.
I would guess that the business owners after last closing hours went home and did not return. Why would they? They won’t have any customers and even if they did the fruitloops will just be standing by with one hand out and the other holding a rifle.
The businesses are gone.
Worth noting that any non-Wakandans are still American citizens. Despite the comedy gold Trump may be required to step in on their behalf soon.
It’s a utilitarian decision made easier by the fact that Inslee has to formally request the Feds to come in before they can.
I don’t know which I relish more; watching it all go to shit or Inslee begging Trump to save him.
By a wide margin.
I am tempted to agree but after laughing I think “businesses ruined, rent not being paid, landowners not able to pay mortgages, banks not getting paid, all so we can laugh watching these nit-wits shit the bed? Damned. We better get them out of there.”
We need this. Much like we needed the Soviet Union as a counter-example. We need people to wake the hell up and realize who they’re in bed with.
https://www.king5.com/article/news/local/protests/businesses-provide-supplies-black-lives-matter-capitol-hill-chaz/281-4eca7314-fcc8-426d-b631-80d600a92bf0
Still have sympathy for them?
Agreed, Scruffy.
Tools are racist.
Seattle Protesters Abolish Police, Replace With Squads Of Armed Individuals Tasked With Enforcing Set Of Agreed-Upon Rules
When did the Bee become a straight news outfit?
When reality became satire.
I liked the Animal Farm ending.
I liked the Animal Farm ending.
mandatory voluntary donations
Nice.
That’s pathetic compared to any random community garden.
The community gardens I’ve seen have been pretty impressive. That . . . is a bad joke.
That what I mean. And Seattle has thousands of community gardeners. But apparently not any of these guys.
Well, the obvious solution is to round up all the community gardeners in the area, and make them plant and harvest the crops for them.
I lol’d, a lot.
each image was better than the last
Best comment:
Bring in the Brawndo!
Thank you to everyone for the kind words and taking the time to read this story.
No, thank you. It was a good read.
I like it when people share their talents.
https://pagetwo.completecolorado.com/2020/06/11/dierenbach-the-coronavirus-response-has-been-deadly/
I came across this via the twitters.
I don’t know anything about this publication or this guy.
Complete Colorado is the independent Drudge wannabe for CO (before Drudge became Slate). It’s pretty good and the guy, while definitely right-biased, seems to do a decent job at journalisming.
So BLM has managed to do quite well in the King of the Diversity Hill. Taken down women (mostly white women, who were on the verge of getting quotas for sinecure positions on boards and elsewhere) and gays (crime of talking to the police and seeking permission first). Who’s next?
Another prediction, mask wearing will be deemed contrary to BLM because it reinforces racist notions of blacks as criminals or they’re blocked from accessing those nifty homemade ones that privileged girls make on their sewing machines or that it’s because mask wearers are asserting blacks are unclean and not want to be contaminated by their skin color. Think of the most insane course of events and it’s not even coming close to what’s happening.
The women on board legislation was a key driver – no way the long-time quota beneficiaries were going to out-done on that score. Women have dug themselves a dangerous hole by supporting this nonsense and D&I in-general.
My only critique? You lost me at “medical grade plastic”
Other than that, a decent read.
Lol, why?
You know, he gave me my first sip of moonshine when I was 8 years old
I like this guy.
Reading the bit about his guitar reminded me of “The Ballad of Curtis Loew”.
I like the story.
Curtis Loew was my thought too.
I didn’t consciously model the old man after Curtis Loew, but I’m definitely a Skynard fan so it was probably in my subconscious.
Tied with Simple Man as the best Skynyrd song.
Ahem! There’s this one.
This might be my favorite, though.