SPLC Warns of Dangerous Right-Wing Manifesto Known as ‘US Constitution’

by | Jun 1, 2020 | Satire | 388 comments

ATLANTA – At a press conference, SPLC spokeswoman Joanna Gambolputty warned of the dangerous new document which was recently spotted on 4chan and other alt-right websites. “This hateful screed has inspired numerous acts of violence and is frequently quoted by far-right extremists. Practically every step toward a more tolerant progressive society is being blocked by these so-called Constitutionalists. Well I call them terrorists because that’s what they are.”

Meanwhile MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow noted that it was FDR who defined the freedoms that the government provides: the freedoms of speech and worship and the freedoms from want and fear. As she noted on her show last night “you see there’s nothing in that list about a right to bear arms or state rights or rights of any kind. Rights are a right-wing myth! What there are a freedoms, which the government grants as a *privilege* to those responsible enough to use them. It’s high time we stopped letting ourselves be held hostage to a musty piece of parchment full of scribbles from a bunch of old, slave-owning, white males!” These comments provoked a firestorm of outrage from conservatives and Republicans. “The drive-by media is at it again folks,” said Rush Limbaugh on his most recent progam. He added “these are the same whackjobs who promote flag burning and dope smoking and gay pride and trials by jury for terrorists. I have right now in my formerly nicotine-stained fingers the platform of the Democratic party which I found on the secret dark web site called Wikipedia, which is where that punk Snowden leaked everything. And you know what? There isn’t a single mention of god or America’s Judeo-Christian heritage. None, zip, nada. And now for quick plug for Boll and Branch sheets.” Dark horse presidential hopeful Vermin Supreme commented on the issue as well. “I wear a boot on my head to make a point, which is people who actually hold consistent, rational views on limited government, freedom, and personal responsibility will always be viewed as kooks. Why should I dress and groom like my ideological enemies? Besides, it really pisses off the Karens.”

About The Author

Derpetologist

Derpetologist

The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp, Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy

388 Comments

  1. Brochettaward

    Is Limbaugh dead yet?

  2. Aloysious

    Vote Vermin!

    • Trigger Hippie

      Zombie.Almanian.

  3. Winston

    Is it good or bad satire if it is indistinguishable from reality?

    • commodious spittoon

      Good satire is whatever gets you whoos and clapter from the SNL studio audience.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        You know… Morons…

      • Trigger Hippie

        +infinite common clay

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        “Well, let’s play chess…”

    • C. Anacreon

      The best satire is indistinguishable from reality.

      See Swift, Jonathan: “A Modest Proposal”.

  4. DEG

    This hateful screed has inspired numerous acts of violence and is frequently quoted by far-right extremists.

    Wait a minute. I thought far extremists were supposed to be uneducated dolts? How could they understand a document written 100 years ago in a language no one understands?

    • Trigger Hippie

      It’s funny you say that. I was recently writing in cursive in front of my seven year old niece and her response was basically silently looking at me like I was drawing out magical incantations.

      • C. Anacreon

        My son, who graduated from high school today, got a congratulations card from his grandma in perfect cursive. I had to read it to him, he had no idea what it said. Good thing he didn’t also have to manually roll down a car window and tell time on an analog clock.

      • LemonGrenade

        Really? They still teach cursive out in the sticks of Fauquier county. Not with the painful dedication to it that I endured growing up before the age of computers, but at least enough to make sure kids can read cursive script and make a ‘signature’.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Was it written in chicken scratch? Just trying to be fair to the kid because I tend to write cursive in chicken scratch when I’m in a rush. I can only assume those already familiar with reading cursive have an easier time decoding it.

  5. Sean

    A little too on the nose, dontcha think?

    • juris imprudent

      Even happens toThe Bee.

  6. Brochettaward

    Bringing this over from the links thread because I’m a pretty asshole. Reply to Hyperion who tried to claim that Obama took legit action on police reform:

    No sarcasm (see my alt text) I can’t keep track if which news source is which. Now, if there are inaccuracies in the article I’m more than willing to listen to that criticism, but ‘It’s from “X” publication so it’s bullshit’ is a lazy argument.

    The entire article takes a few token gestures made during the twilight of his presidency and pretends they’re significant accomplishments.

    Your own link tells you that he ignored the subject entirely for the first 6 years he was in office. There wasn’t a legislative push until the waning months of his presidency.

    So, yea, kindly fuck off.

    • Florida Man

      I think you mean hyperbole.

      • Ted S.

        Aren’t they both Tulpa?

      • Florida Man

        Let me check my Rolodex.

        *spins at maximum velocity showing only the name tulpa*

        Uh, yup.

      • Enough About Palin

        Saw that tis morning. That is the dumbest shit I have ever read.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Heh,heh,heh,heh…ha,ha,…HAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAA!…

        I can’t possibly think of a more divisive move for a Minnesota based team to make right now other than a ten year, 250 million dollar Joe Mauer contract extension.

      • Ted S.

        How about hiring a straight coach for the Lynx?

      • Trigger Hippie

        ‘How about hiring a straight coach for the Lynx?’

        To be honest Ted, without Googling that shit I can only assume you mean a coach for the WNBA. 😉

      • Rhywun

        Signing Kaepernick would signal that the Vikings care about social justice

        OFFS!

      • Trigger Hippie

        Signaling is more important than a cohesive unit focused on a common goal devoid of unneeded distractions within a team structured sports environment, don’tcha know.

    • The Hyperbole

      I’d copypasta my rebuttal but I don’t chew my cabbage twice, so to paraphrase – nice goalpost moving.

      • Brochettaward

        You don’t chew anything. You attempt to weasel your way out of pathetic arguments that you initiate.

        I’ll go ahead and reiterate what was stated. Obama didn’t do jack shit for 8 years. The few token gestures mentioned by The Guardian are a pathetic joke. And that’s the guy calling for systematic change and for voting for the “right” people.

      • The Hyperbole

        “He didn’t do anything”

        “He did these things”

        “Those don’t count”

        Perhaps I was wrong, that could be No True Scotsman not Moving Goalpost. And the impostor started it.

      • Brochettaward

        You routinely do anything to avoid actually addressing the substance of an argument.

      • Enough About Palin

        If I’m seeing his avitar correctly, his shirt is spot-on.

      • Jarflax

        No he doesn’t. He just doesn’t agree with all the assumptions about the uniform, and unique evil of the left that many of us hold. I think he is wrong, but I do not think he is being dishonest.

      • Trigger Hippie

        I hope I’m not being intrusive here because I’m not trying to get in the middle of their argument and if I am you guys can kindly tell me to piss off, no offense taken. That being said, I only have a small handful of gripes about this place and the comments here. The foremost is that I constantly see several people here complain about the dangers of collectivist thought, then proceed to collectivize tens of millions of people into a single enemy to rally against.

        Don’t get me wrong, I’m absolutely positive I’ve done the same many times over but I’ve been trying not to, with varying degrees of success.

      • Jarflax

        It is wrong to assign collective characteristics to a group that are not inherent in membership of that group. I am not convinced it is wrong to judge a group based on a collectove characteristic that defines the group.

        In other words, when a cop, or a black person, or an immigrant, or a gay, or a transgendered, or a white, or a woman, or a man etc. commits a crime it is evil to then assign the characteristic of criminality to the group. But when the group is ideological, criticisms of the ideology do in fact apply to all members of the group, because they deliberately adopted them.

      • Florida Man

        Re: TH

        I think their is a difference collectivizing people based on immutable characteristics and people that self select a philosophy/political ideology. Even doing that is probably painting with too broad a brush.

      • Trigger Hippie

        ‘But when the group is ideological, criticisms of the ideology do in fact apply to all members of the group, because they deliberately adopted them.’

        I think that’s fair to a point. But I also think that assumes not only a universal acceptance of what we construe as left wing ideology onto an individual without us being able to know each and every stance they may have on an issue but also assumes what we would consider to be nefarious intent.

        I don’t know. Maybe I’m off base on the second part.

      • leon

        but I also think that assumes not only a universal acceptance of what we construe as left wing ideology onto an individual without us being able to know each and every stance they may have on an issue but also assumes what we would consider to be nefarious intent.

        I think you’re right. I try to be careful in my constructions to ensure the people i’m talking about have the opinions or i’m reasonably sure they do. (Far left socialists don’t believe in Property rights, for example) as for the intent, you are probably correct that we aren’t as generous as we could be. I lately have had a hard time, because i think i have a grasp on some of the moral sentiments of the left and i find them utterly repulsive.

      • Trigger Hippie

        FM: Just checking in. Sorry, refreshing is a lost cause for me. Anyway, I think I touched on your reply in my last reply to Jarflax. If you feel I didn’t, please tell me.

        leon: I’m pretty much in the same boat. However, whenever my initial reaction is repulsion, I’ve been trying to take ten minutes, reread the story, then cross reference it as best as I can. Usually my Instincts are solid but I’ve had my mind changed a few times, especially when I make the effort to employ the three day rule…hot takes are for chumps.

      • Florida Man

        No worries TH. Jarflax and I posted at the same time and had similar points.

      • The Hyperbole

        And somehow I wasn’t the one to resort to “Kindly, fuck off” as an argument.

      • Brochettaward

        Telling you to kindly fuck off at the end of presenting a rebuttal has what to do with the fact that you fail to address the substance of arguments? You latch onto single sentences or phrases and try and to play the contrarian.

        I think he is wrong, but I do not think he is being dishonest.

        And I think you’re being naive.

      • The Hyperbole

        I linked to an article that detailed the efforts Obama made, these included

        Obama has made moves on reducing the use of solitary confinement, phasing out private prisons and scaling back federal drug prosecutions.

        Since Obama lobbied for and signed the bill, federal prosecution of crack offenders has been cut in half. This mirrors drops in drug prosecution across the board after Holder’s DoJ announced “smart on crime” reforms in 2013 that expanded so-called compassionate release, and guided prosecutors away from seeking maximum punishments for smaller-scale drug crimes.


        Under Obama’s justice department these “patterns and practices” interventions increased more than 50% over the Clinton and Bush years. Obama’s administration used these investigations to impose federal oversight on eight large police departments over its two terms. In their 16 years combined, Clinton and Bush oversaw just six.

        I didn’t know I’d be required to block quote parts of it to “address the substance of argument” but there you are. Was it enough? fuck no, was it “Jack Shit”? well that’s going to depend on your definition of ‘Jack Shit’, I say it meets the minimum criteria for above and beyond “Jack Shit”, and you better have citations and a fully source bibliography if you want to claim otherwise.

      • Hyperion

        “You latch onto single sentences or phrases and try and to play the contrarian.

        ^this^

      • Brochettaward

        Yea, let’s see what your own link says:

        “Criminal justice reform was treacherous waters in the first term,” said Van Jones, who served in the Obama administration in 2009 and went on to co-found #cut50. “Pre-Trayvon [Martin] and Black Lives Matter, these issues were considered to be ultra-liberal and African American.”

        I find this one interesting, as it was the only significant claim made by The Guardian:

        Obama’s administration used these investigations to impose federal oversight on eight large police departments over its two terms. In their 16 years combined, Clinton and Bush oversaw just six.

        Congress only gave the DOJ to impose federal oversight in 1994, so there was no 16 years to measure.

        The Justice Department’s only broad assessment of its interventions occurred as part of a 2010 roundtable with police chiefs from some of the departments targeted. One of the conclusions: Federal officials had no universal way to measure impact and needed better data to determine whether reforms worked.

        But numbers will not tell the full story, experts said.

        “The hard question — have you stopped doing the things that got you into court in the first place — is something that these consent decrees seem to have trouble answering,” said Jeffrey Fagan, a professor of law at Columbia University who has studied reform agreements.

        https://www.washingtonpost.com/sf/investigative/2015/11/13/forced-reforms-mixed-results/

        The Washington Post also has completely different numbers on the number of oversight cases than The Guardian. There had been 26 in the 21 years when that story was written. Oversight cases related to excessive force accounted for 16 of those. 7 occurred pre-Obama, 9 under Obama. So the Obama DOJ used it roughly the same number of times as Clinton. Slightly less on a per-year average, actually.

        Meanwhile, there are 15,000 police departments across the country.

      • Jarflax

        My $.02 Hyperion said “Didn’t do jack shit.” Now sometimes that does in fact mean literally “did not one thing,” but other times it means “”did nothing of any significance” in a hyperbolionic construction.

      • Hyperion

        Exactly. It’s more of an observation that he had 8 years and he accomplished almost nothing. And it’s because for him, like most democrats, it’s all about patronizing and painting a narrative that the other guys are racists, while doing nothing but gathering more political power, for themselves. The fuckhead is a privileged guy who grew up wealthy, went to Harvard. He doesn’t give one rat’s fucking ass about poor blacks or anyone else below his elitist status. He’s an arrogant pompous fucking asshole who would sell his own mother down the river for a pack of smokes. Fuck him, period.

  7. Juvenile Bluster

    Between the two sides we basically have no constitutional rights left. Maybe the 3rd amendment.

    We are so very, very fucked.

    • Florida Man

      Cheer up champ. At least you can ask permission to get your Med-pot in Florida now.

      • Juvenile Bluster

        I have my card. I can order at the dispensary in downtown Fort Lauderdale, drive over and pick it up like I pick up dinner. It’s pretty great.

      • Jarflax

        Which likely means you lose your second amendment rights…

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Osama won.

      Or maybe it was Bill Ayers…

      • Trigger Hippie

        …I was going type out a short screed about some crazy guy a few decades ago having a few prophetic points about the state of the constitution in the future but I remembered I was in the future and typing out those thoughts could put me on yet another watch list.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        +1 shack in the woods

      • Trigger Hippie

        *taps nose*

    • leon

      It’s true. But that’s the state of things for a while. The best option is to focus at home. Get on a county board and do what you can.

    • CPRM

      Worry not, the 16th amendment is being staunchly defended!

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        ^The most observant thing I’ve read today

  8. Scruffy Nerfherder

    The founder of BET is calling for $14T in reparations.

    What a load of shit, dude is a total piker. That’s only 14 trillion dollars coins. Gotta go for at least $1T for every black body in America. That’s only fair.

    • RAHeinlein

      Robert Johnson wants it in cash – no alphabet agencies – because Blacks “are spenders” so that money will go back into the economy. Also, a capitalist system pays for labor, and slaves weren’t paid. Yeah, we need to tax all the whitey’s who benefits, but that’s just capitalism.

  9. Enough About Palin

    “Well I call them terrorists because that’s what they are.”

    No, the terrorist are the animals that have started burning businesses in my Minneapolis neighbood. So here’s what I don’t get, why aren’t these people being shot? They shoot looters after hurricanes. WTF?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Because they’re victims, and victims get a pass to do whatever they want because they’re victims.

      Don’t you prog?

  10. Sean

    Tucker’s taken an angle showing the worst of the riots and none I’ve the good I’ve seen. I mean, he’s not wrong, but it’s not balanced. And I like Tucker.

  11. Ownbestenemy

    I am sure this sheriff will draw the ire of the Left…

    https://www.fox13news.com/news/peaceful-protesters-gather-in-polk-county-curfew-in-effect-at-8-p-m

    FtA “We are going to hunt you down and lock you up if you engage in any criminal conduct,” Judd said.

    And for the money shot

    “I would tell them, if you value your life, they probably shouldn’t do that in Polk County. Because the people of Polk County like guns, they have guns, I encourage them to own guns, and they’re going to be in their homes tonight with their guns loaded, and if you try to break into their homes to steal, to set fires, I’m highly recommending they blow you back out of the house with their guns. So, leave the community alone,”

    • leon

      He’s encouraging violence!!!

    • whiz

      Story County (where I am) is again sending down our MRAP to help tonight.

      Overall I think the police in Des Moines have handled it fairly well, arrested who they could catch of the rioters, without hassling the peaceful protesters (of which there are many). They used tear gas to disperse people, protecting the state capitol and police station, and arrested those who did not comply. Black community leaders are imploring people to say their piece and then go home, rather than stay around until it gets ugly. I haven’t heard of community leaders in other cities with riots trying to do that, but maybe they have and it’s not reported much in national news. I did see

      10 minutes until curfew, maybe I should turn on the TV and see what’s going on.

      • Rhywun

        I haven’t heard of community leaders in other cities with riots trying to do that

        I’ve heard it many times; but yes, it doesn’t make headlines.

  12. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Fundamentally, we’re in this state because as a nation we do not even consider, let alone value, individualism any more.

    Individualism would say that Chauvin and his buddies get tried and sent to prison. Individualism would say that rioters get arrested and tried. Individualism would also say property rights exist. Individualism would not say we need collective reparations. Individualism would not say we need to get together to heal. Individualism would not say that victimhood trumps truth. Individualism would not say that the rioters just need to let off some steam or that they were provoked by agitators.

    Individualism would say that we are all individually responsible for our actions and should be held to account for that instead of hiding behind or from our collectivist identities.

    • leon

      I’m with JB though. Fuck Trump. His instincts are awful, he has no principles and picks the worst people to advise him.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I have no illusions of what Trump is. And I knew that if they pushed hard enough, he would respond like an authoritarian. But honestly, show me a President that wouldn’t have. When they’re trying to set off car bombs around the White House, the Feds take the kid gloves off. I don’t care if it’s President Carter, they’re going to respond with force. The instigators know what they are doing and to some extent, much like Osama was, they are correct. Our fundamental commitment to individual rights doesn’t exist any more.

        And Obama made sure he had nobody to advise him. He poisoned that well by going after Flynn.

      • Overt

        Here is what is hilarious though, a democrat president would have been throwing people in jail and throwing the key away, WHILE commenting on the deep passions of those poor victims. Why couldn’t Trump do something similar? That is his bad instincts.

        Trump had the perfect opportunity to drop this in the laps of every Democrat governor in the country. He could have sent in the feds to arrest the chief of police on down to Officer Strangleboner. And when the mayor complained, he could justifiably say, “Look, you have had decades to do better, and I and your citizens got Floyd in return for our patience. No more!” And the message would have been perfect.

        Instead he played into precisely the same playbook that has kept minorities safely on the Dem plantation for 30 years.

    • westernsloper

      ^ This right here. We are no longer allowed to be individuals when this shit happens. I just watched another (!) protest march video telling the hipster white kids to move to the edges and the back. I have always waved away calls of systemic racism because I honestly do not hold that as a true nature of human beings but I grew up in small towns with only white and brown kids/people and well we are all the same. I have though worked all over the world with all kinds and tints of people. Never gave a fuck. Ya I notice skin color and who doesn’t and it becomes an adjective. “Ya, the brown guy”. “The black guy”. “The skinny white fucker who is an ass because he is Canadian”…..blah blah blah…..skin tone has nothing to do with an individual. The individual defines the individual as a piece of shit or not. From what I am seeing there are a whole bunch of pieces of shit of all skin tones out there. And some of all skin tones being just awesome people. +1 Rooftop Koreans, and hardwared up black dudes guarding neighborhood business + white red necks doing the same. Those people are individuals. If this country had more individuals we would not have the fuck off already military on the streets. This week has pissed me off more than Covid and I was ready to burn the local HHS building where the policy comes out of over that one.

  13. cyto

    Anderson Cooper is in full meltdown.

    He says we have descended to a third world dictatorship. That Trump is like some little lieutenant who takes over in a coup and declares himself the law and order president, when he is anything but.

    As bizarre as Trump’s walk to hold up a bible was… Cooper and friends managed to be even more bizarre.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      And Cooper couldn’t be happier.

      This is what they wanted. They wanted to push and push until Trump cracked. And I think he has.

      • Sean

        Nah. Not yet. Despite CNN, Trump’s gonna win this one.

        ?

      • cyto

        They had expert after expert on explaining that this means that Trump is going to lose in a landslide.

    • LJW

      Social media is in complete meltdown.

      • Ownbestenemy

        For holding a bible or mentioning Insurrection Act?

  14. cyto

    While I’m at it…

    Who here understood the bit with the bible. He had me baffled with that one. Why did he go stand in front of the church and hold up a bible?

    • Ownbestenemy

      Symbolism is all. Its a political ploy to garner the faiithful, probably moreso on the black community side of things.

      • peachy rex

        It could work, too. The contrast with the Dems – cracking down on churches and then coddling rioters – is pretty stark.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I’m waiting for SF to explain it.

      #covfefe

  15. Sean

    Man, Atlanta has got some fat ass cops.

    • Ted S.

      I thought HM was the ass-cop.

      • cyto

        Nah… the guy from this morning doing the cavity search in the photo was definitely the ass-cop.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Obvious white supremacist

  16. commodious spittoon

    Was Judge Sullivan’s filing discussed today?

    Another take:

    I think the main purpose of this move by Sullivan et alia was not to win but to create a powerful election talking point: “AG Barr’s DOJ allows Trump officials who have pled guilty to get off scot free, just as Obama wrote.”

    You have to admit: it’s a great talking point.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I read a brief overview of it and the summary was his filing is a mess that’s devoid of legal explanations for his actions. Sounds like he’s just going to compound his self-inflicted mess.

      • juris imprudent

        I don’t know why the obvious reason eludes him – the DOJ does not want to throw their own people (plus FBI) under the bus for misconduct. You really want all the exculpatory evidence pulled into court your honor? You’re going to look like a raging idiot when that is done (what with the suggestion from the bench of adding treason charges).

      • cyto

        You think the left is going to read any of that?

        He’s the hero standing up to Trump. Full stop. Details don’t matter.

        In so doing, he proves that the charges were justified and that Trump was being purely political in dropping the charges. Barr is illegitimate because of this.

        Don’t think so?

        just look at their reaction to the transcripts of the phone calls. The calls that were so over-the-top that it proved Russian collusion and required unmasking an American who dared have such a call. You read the transcripts and see that it is obvious that they never truly believed one word of what they were selling. But the press reads them and they say “It proves that Mueller and Comey were right all along! The guy was clearly subverting the government!”

        They will lie often, and lie big. Worse, they will lie to themselves, and believe the lies.

  17. Crusty Juggler

    I don’t like the re-mastered or whatever original Star Trek on Netflix.

    I mean when I want to watch Spock in heat I want it to be real!

    • cyto

      I have not heard of this…. what did they change?

      • CPRM

        They replaced a lot of the model ship shots with CGI for one, and it doesn’t make it look better.

      • cyto

        That’s dumb. Not making Greedo shoot first dumb. But dumb, nonetheless.

      • cyto

        Oooh… and definitely not as dumb as replacing all the guns with walkie-talkies.

        That on might take the all-time record.

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        What–you don’t take down home intruders with 00 in a Motorola?

      • CPRM

        No, but that’s how you take down aliens. *applies to ICE and makes ‘pew pew’ sounds while pointing walkie talkies at the interviewer*

    • Chipwooder

      The bitch sics CPS on a hairdresser who dared open her shop in violation of the bullshit “quarantine” but isn’t interested in stopping rioting or looting. Beautiful.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      You reduce violence by letting Antifa burn the city. Obviously.

      • Drake

        The “save the foundations” strategy.

    • Rhywun

      I wonder what the residents and businessowners in the affected neighborhoods want. Has anyone asked?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Who cares what those capitalist pigs want? Let them burn.

      • cyto

        They’ve been fomenting violence on their own streets for years.

        Saying “I won’t do it because it is what Trump wants” is really beyond the pale though. Anyone who would make a decision of this weight using that sort of reasoning should not be in charge of anything more important than buying new K-cups for the breakroom.

      • Rhywun

        They’ve been fomenting violence on their own streets for years.

        Pretty sure anyone doing that is greatly outnumbered by law-abiding folks who are sick of this shit.

      • cyto

        I meant the government… Mayor specifically.

    • Drake

      Glad I’m not in the Guard any more. If I wasn’t issue a weapon, I either get in trouble for saying “fuck no” and walking out, or I conceal my own pistol. And they don’t let guardsmen make up their own rules lime cops.

      • Gustave Lytton

        There may have been privately owned weapons carried during drills, ATs, and by the AGR NCOs in my company. Open carry on 9/11.

        I know the battalion ammo control point guys were armed.

  18. Crusty Juggler

    Soros, Gates, or 5g – who is behind it all?

    • Jarflax

      Mr. Lizard is making his move.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Don Herbert died in 2007.

      • Jarflax

        That was an Icke pun.

      • Crusty Juggler

        One could say it was Savage.

      • Florida Man

        Oh, I wish. That would mean orbital bombardment is eminent, which we desperately need. Time to start from scratch.

    • Brochettaward

      It was a case of Lloyd pissing off the cops and getting the rough treatment because of it.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        This. It was Contempt of Cop.

        The racism angle only clouds the real issue of accountability and brutality.

      • dbleagle

        I coue see when I watched the video the moment when in the cop’s mind it was no longer about Floyd and became a “Fuck you plebes. I can do whatever I want to- and there nothing you can do to stop me.” At that moment George Floyd became nothing more than a prop to the cop. He was going to demonstrate his dominance. Race had nothing to do with it. He was going to kill whomever he had the power to.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Yup

      • Q Continuum

        Feature, not bug. The Left doesn’t want to disempower cops in general because they’re counting on being able to use them against the Deplorables.

    • Jarflax

      Mao was Chinese, Stalin was Georgian, Hitler was German, Pol Pot was Cambodian, Castro was Cuban, Nkrumah was Ghanain, Hussein was Iraqi, Assad is Syrian, Allende was Chilean, Ortega is Nicaraguan, Obote and Amin were Ugandan.

      Socialism is the truly diverse ideology.

    • dbleagle

      That is on point. So it will be ignored by the MSM.

  19. LemonGrenade

    I explained to the kids tonight that it’s entirely possible to be angry at police, looters, and the president all at the same time without coming into conflict. I can hate the police for their blank check to do whatever the fuck they feel like doing, and hate looters, too and support shooting them on sight. I was pretty appalled by the visuals of the police tear-gassing and shooting rubber bullets at protesters that – from the streams I was watching – while profane, were peaceful, while Trump was delivering remarks saying he was an ally to peaceful protesters. The whole photo-op at St. John’s was, in my opinion, just a straight up response to the protest chant ‘whose streets? our streets!’ … he, uh, kinda proved that wasn’t the case. They’re his streets if he wants them to be. I’m not happy about that. I think we’re in for a long hot summer.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Somebody’s going to take a pot shot at Donny and then we’re really going to be in a shit storm.

      • LemonGrenade

        Oh yeah, that’ll really bring the noise. Hubby restocked ammo today. Not that we expect anyone to be stupid enough to try to start shit in a county with such high gun ownership, but better safe than sorry.

  20. Chipwooder

    Re: JB’s comment about sending antifas to Gitmo…..it probably makes me a terrible person and not a libertarian at all, but I’m finding it impossible to give a shit what happens to any of those motherfuckers, up to and including them getting gunned down in the streets.

    • Crusty Juggler

      Why do you hate white people?

      • Chipwooder

        Because they smell like bologna

      • Florida Man

        Milk or spoiled milk is the correct answer.

      • Naptown Bill

        Negative. Wet dogs. I always thought that was just racist shit black people said about white people, but no, sure enough, I got caught out in a rain storm once and then got into a small car and would’ve sworn I was sitting next to a Collie.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Liverwurst > those pre-sliced baloney slices in the plastic packaging on white bread > olive loaf

      • Chipwooder

        My wife likes liverwurst, but only when it’s called braunschweiger. If it’s labeled as liverwurst, she won’t eat it. Don’t ask me, I’m as confused as anyone else.

      • Crusty Juggler

        I call it liverbest.

      • Overt

        I do the braunschweiger one time a year, and that is before the deer hunt. Any other time, it disgusts me. But in the afternoon after you’ve bee hiking through the sage brush, and likely dragged quarters back to the car, something about it just tastes perfect.

    • Florida Man

      Something trees, something Devil.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Trees are the Devil?

        I fucking knew it.

      • Chipwooder

        Now the TRUE nature of the Sierra Club is revealed to you! Thank God I read that Jack Chick pamphlet years ago.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Please share a copy with me if you still have one to spare.

      • Jarflax

        Without Jack Chick i wouldn’t know about the secret catacombs connecting seminaries and convents around Europe that are lined with the skeletons of millions of aborted babies conceived in orgies between priests and nuns. Can you believe that not a single other source I can find even montions those?

      • Tres Cool

        I did a search for a reputable source.

        Math checks out.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I don’t like them either but I don’t want to see the legal protections we have trashed because the precedent would be catastrophic. They need to be treated seriously and harshly in some cases but there are some things you can’t come back from.

      • Viking1865

        Yeah at the end of the day, if every pasty antifa fuckhead who tossed a brick through a window spent 3 years on a chain gang, and everyone who tossed a molotov spent 20 years breaking rocks, the ZOMG ANTIFA MENANCE wouldn’t exist.

        The problem is that antifa is the spoiled sons and daughters of the ruling class. Tim Kaines son is antifa, he got arrested for mixing it up at a Trump rally a couple years back. Did 4 days in jail. The crazy bitch who tossed a molotov at an occupied cop car is a 27 year old white girl from Catskill NY whos mom owns a day care center. There were two lawyers, one of whom was a Princeton grad and a member of the NYC government, tossing molotovs in NYC. These people are not the downtrodden voiceless ones. They’re your future rulers.

      • IntraveneousWoodChipper

        You forget that Lenin was the scion of minor nobility and Stalin went to seminary, comrade. Our future overlords are merely following in the footsteps of their masters.

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        Yeah at the end of the day, if every pasty antifa fuckhead who tossed a brick through a window spent 3 years on a chain gang, and everyone who tossed a molotov spent 20 years breaking rocks, the ZOMG ANTIFA MENANCE wouldn’t exist.

        Eh, let’s ask the Weathermen Underground about that one. Go on to be celebrated “educators”? Help prime a future, two-term President?

        Not saying it can’t happen, or, even that it won’t happen. But, there are enough people around to see these assholes as righteous, and would only see them doing time as proof of it. And, those people would pass it along to other generations.

    • Naptown Bill

      I hear you, but I’d rather they just get the private sector ass-whoopin’s they richly deserve.

    • Hyperion

      The world sees chaos. Q sees titties. A revolutionary thinker without a doubt. Ahead of his time.

    • DEG

      #8 looks like Alexa Pearl.

      #14 is Ewa Sonnet.

      #16 is gorgeous.

      #19 looks like she is waiting for something.

      #30 is Maitland Ward.

      #34 is cute.

      While she is well developed, #38 looks a little young to be in this gallery.

    • Trigger Hippie

      #6
      #12
      #37..Oh, Tessa. Even without a headshot I’d recognize that rack anywhere, and I’m more of a legs man.

  21. LJW

    I asked this earlier but it was ignored so I’m asking again. 8s it possible to embed Google Street View in articles on this site? Not a link but the actual 3d street view.

    • LJW

      Is* stupid phone.

    • Hyperion

      No idea. Try it and we shall see.

      • LJW

        Submitting an article tonight guess I’ll find out.

      • Hyperion
      • Hyperion

        No prob. If you have god like rights, I bet you can embed that in an article. I could definitely do it on a html page.

      • Rhywun

        You can link to Street View fine. Embedding it is a different animal.

      • Hyperion

        You mean with the 360 view? It’s doable. I don’t have time to try it right now, but I’m sure it’s doable. Maybe some javascript you can steal for your page. I’m just about positive you can do it.

      • Hyperion

        Well, I have time, but I’m tired and a little drunk.

    • Rhywun

      Playing around with it at Google Maps, I don’t see a way to embed Street View. Just maps.

  22. Crusty Juggler

    Have you ever been frenching a heavier gal and you accidentally pick a piece of tuna out of her teeth?

    • Hyperion

      Did that happen while she was buggering you, Crusy?

      • Hyperion

        Sorry, I really didn’t mean to be disrespectful by misspelling your name. I’ve been drinking again, but not enough to allow any pegging.

      • Rhywun

        He might be cruisy, who knows.

      • Hyperion

        Or Crissy. Or maybe just some perv named Crusty on the intertoobz, lol.

      • Brochettaward

        I’m taking cruising back from the gays. It starts tonight.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Great, now I need an antacid to counter the vomit in my throat.

      • Hyperion

        Crusty is a major marketing wizard for Alka-Seltzer, only surpassed by SF.

    • Fatty Bolger

      She wasn’t that heavy.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Quit white knighting, bro

      • Bobarian LMD

        She was actually a tuna.

    • westernsloper

      Yes.

    • JaimeRoberto Delecto

      From her teeth? No.

    • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

      While “frenching”? No.

      See, we usually do ‘the dentist and the hygienist’ role-play first, which just so happens to catch things like that.

      Also sets the mood, and….well, you get the picture.

  23. Hyperion

    If that were not satire, I’d still totally believe it just happened.

    We now live in a world there reality is dumber than any satire.

  24. Crusty Juggler

    Remember Blendo?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      No, I don’t.

      I’m going to regret this aren’t I?

      • Hyperion

        Yes.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Probably not.

  25. Scruffy Nerfherder

    How long before we have masked reactionaries abducting Antifa goons off the street using unmarked white vans?

    • Hyperion

      Not soon enough.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I’m waiting for the maskistas to reverse course yet again and start banning public facemasks as a security measure.

  26. Hyperion

    Looks like Trump has emerged from his cave. Is it open season on antifa yet, or are you going to do something?

    • Drake

      Why do something? Let the blue state governors and mayors fix it.

      • Hyperion

        I think we’ve already figured out that ain’t happening.

        Trump mentioned antifa again.

        How the fuck do we survive as a nation if we do not prosecute people burning businesses and national landmarks, attacking people? This is terrorism, plain and simple. I don’t even like the term, but they deserve it. Let them fucking hang, I’m sick of it.

  27. IntraveneousWoodChipper

    Haven’t been this down about politics in some time.

    There seem to be no large segment of the American public who can simultaneously agree that murderous cops AND violent looters all need to go to jail.

    We have lost a degree of individual freedom that is reminiscent of 9/11.

    We have China running amok around the world.

    We have a worldwide pandemic and a fucked up economy.

    We have two shitty options for President, as usual. *Both varying degrees of Leftist*

    The Hard Left controls institutions of the culture and an entire generation of our young people indoctrinated with their farcical Marxist bullshit.

    Somebody is massacring elephants in Africa.

    And I am out of beer.

    Fucking A can 2021 hurry up for Chrissakes?

    • commodious spittoon

      The best thing about today was the torrential downpour we had in the early evening.

      • IntraveneousWoodChipper

        Sad to say, you are correct.

    • Hyperion

      “There seem to be no large segment of the American public who can simultaneously agree that murderous cops AND violent looters all need to go to jail.”

      Sure there is. You just won’t hear about it from our ‘media’, if you want to call them that. I now prefer to call them ‘traitorous lying bastards who all need to be hung public’.

      • IntraveneousWoodChipper

        I agree that a large part of this is media driven.

        If this keeps up there will be literal blood on their hands.

      • blackjack

        While I generally agree with this, I can’t help but think this stupid rioting and looting is going to entice people to demand more law and order. Last time, they did just that and that was when we heard the “superpredator” speech and started handing out life sentences for knowing a guy who sold some weed. I have bad premonitions about this. All that is aside from the point that they keep shooting for the race angle, which there is no objective way to repair. I don’t really care if it’s race or if they think they’re killing aliens, They must be made to stop killing for sport. That and lying to help frame people they think are guilty of something else.

      • IntraveneousWoodChipper

        Yeah it could lurch the other way as well and cause a massive crackdown that destroys liberty, fair enough.

        Oy vay, this is bad any way you slice it.

  28. LemonGrenade

    Today, I learned that possession of an infernal machine is a charge that actually exists in NH. Was kind of a letdown to find out it meant using a lighter during an arson.

    • Crusty Juggler

      That’s what it said on my marriage license!

      Folks!

      • LemonGrenade

        They were mean enough to put “was kind of a letdown” on your marriage license?

    • Tres Cool

      “Infernal Machine”

      Band name? Album name ?

  29. Yusef drives a Kia

    It’s peaceful here, if that changes and shit Will go down, and little Antifa Childrens will die, You won’t get away with that shit around here…

  30. Stinky Wizzleteats

    That does sound pretty awesome, like something Pinhead from Hellraiser would carry.

    • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

      I think we would all lament that.

    • Winston

      Well after Corona what is going to happen with those lockdown boners?

    • Hyperion

      “Why do we need another curfew?”

      Is bad orange man gone yet? I just peeked out from under my covers, and he’s still there! Eek! Cower in place!

    • The Last American Hero

      It’s fucking Salt Lake. Aren’t the Mormons all in bed by then anyway?

  31. Tres Cool

    Ya know, far be it for me to be a cynic and not see the positive in everyone. However, over the past couple months, our elected officials- the statist pricks, have learned that with a public health scare, or some rioting (even if it didnt happen in your city) are able to grant themselves nearly unlimited powers with an ’emergency order’.

    Governors have the national guard to send out; counties and municipalities all have sheriff’s departments and city cops, all hoping for a chance to LARP at “DeltaForce/Ranger/Ninja/Astronaut” and shoot people knowing they have the FOP and qualified immunity- people that dare look at them and question their authoritah.

    How many 3rd world, banana-republic, despots started with “hey- these people listen to me. And I have my own army!” ?

    /rant off

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Who the fuck is that bitch?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        “I’m changing the name of Hobby Lobby to Looty Booty”
        Ugh, she’s a real peach.

    • Winston

      I was told this would stop with the Confederate Battle Flag…

      • Florida Man

        No one ever told you that.

      • Fatty Bolger

        The voices, man. The voices told him.

      • Hyperion

        Just like dumb useful idiot cunt in link above, it doesn’t stop until civilization is ended. I wonder if she’d prefer ISIS or antifa come to her next ‘archaeology’ dig, destroy the monument and bury her dead body in the sand?

        Some people are too fucking stupid to breathe.

      • Winston

        That’s not supposed to happen since Ancient Egyptians weren’t racist White Supremacists!

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        She’s too smart to be stupid, her mind’s just poisoned.

    • Tres Cool

      Sarah Parcak
      @indyfromspace
      I recommend a rhythmic song. YOU WILL NEED SOMEONE WITH A LOUDSPEAKER DIRECTING. There can be only one person yelling. Everyone will be alternating on rope left right left right not everyone on the same side. No one else near the obelisk! Safety first!

      You mean something to sing while you work? Maybe a spiritual of some kind….Swing Lo ? And there can only be 1 person calling it out….

      God, I hope thats a troll

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Unless someone hacked her account no:

        From her Wikipedia-She is a professor of Anthropology and director of the Laboratory for Global Observation at the University of Alabama at Birmingham. In partnership with her husband, Greg Mumford, she directs survey and excavation projects in the Faiyum, Sinai, and Egypt’s East Delta.

      • CPRM

        So she’s the one hiding all the evidence of Ancient Aliens!?

      • Tres Cool

        She’s not saying it was aliens, but…..

      • leon

        I kinda hope she recieves a professional rebuke, but i doubt it will happen.

      • Winston

        Pretty sure the administrators agree with her.

        Also I like how until very recently it was assumed that University students couldn’t be Communists. Education was supposed to make us “civilized” and by civilized the classical liberals meant “think like us.”

      • leon

        Do you consider 100 years ago “Recently” because i’m pretty sure if someone asked “Where are the communists” at any time in the last 100 years, you’d point to the local university.

      • Winston

        Well these articles suggest the current generation of college commies is much worse than the old ones:

        https://www.aier.org/article/the-intellectual-harm-of-safe-spaces/

        Censoriousness is nothing new, but they note that there is an important difference between previous generations and what they document: the students themselves, they argue, have turned against freedom of speech.

        https://www.aier.org/article/how-a-leftist-echo-chamber-became-the-new-norm-on-campus/

        Over the past 20 years, faculty in English, history, foreign languages, and philosophy have shifted sharply to the political left, resulting in a nearly complete exclusion of dissenting perspectives from these fields.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        She might actually, Alabama’s not exactly a leftist loving place.

      • Winston

        Well Doug Jones and this the University which may not accurately reflect the Republicans in the state

      • Winston

        Leftist university student in Alabama is a commie. What a shock.

        Also she insists we leave actual Egyptian obelisks alone as they aren’t “racist” monuments to “white Supremacy”. I’m sure ISIS and the Sudanians would say otherwise..

    • westernsloper

      That tweet mad a *whoosh* sound as it went over my head.

      • CPRM

        Get out of here you fuckin sloper! (to get the reference see your mention in the credits scene in tomorrow nights cartoon)

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        Oh, so a new episode, huh?

      • CPRM

        Yeah, you’d know that if you were as obsessed with me as your love letters e-mails portend. Frankly, I’m disappointed in your low lever of stalkerishness given the persona you present. LIES! I feel lied to! In current year that is as bad a racism and or rape!

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        low lever of stalkerishness…or rape

        Hot & cold there, buddy. (“Make up your mind–I gotta adjust the chair!”)

      • CPRM

        That’s some NY Times level ‘quoting’ there.

  32. CPRM

    It really is amazing how many people who go to a gas station and find out it’s closed will decide to piss outside there than to go to the one a mile down the road that is open.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      You never know, the next one might be closed too and there’s something about the sight of a prospective restroom that makes the urge way stronger.

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        SW get it.
        Like…a little too well.

    • LemonGrenade

      That’s a guy thing, generally speaking. I have to be absolutely on the verge of pissing myself before I will do anything other than find a toilet.

      • CPRM

        The examples I’ve seen this last week have skewed that way, the only female being a child (no I didn’t watch her pee, but it’s pretty clear that’s why she was being scurried out of the car.)

      • Brochettaward

        no I didn’t watch her pee

        Sure you didn’t. *wink wink*

      • LemonGrenade

        Small children just learning bladder control is the worst. Most memorable spot my daughter peed: with an Adult Videos store in sight right off the exit on the highway because she had to go right now. Every road trip we took when they were younger, we had to add in at least an hour to the drive time for emergency restroom stops. Now they’re pros, and wait til we need to fuel up again like the grown ups.

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        If my experiences are in any way representative of the norm, female + steady intake of diet cola = bladder the size of a singular Dippin’ Dot.

  33. Tres Cool

    Too local, but I read this just untilthe bile stopped at the top of my throat

    I mean, its good PR for the local media, but you know for every cop kneeling down, there was a line behind them locked with 1 in the chamber.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Seems to be a popular thing. Localish cops did the same gesture.

    • Rhywun

      Happened in NYC too. Let the healing begin.

    • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

      As a police employee and a Christian, I believe in redemption, even for cops. That said…

      “So you on our side now? You gonna stop hasslin’ us, and arresting us for petty things, like a little weed, or, hangin’ out in front of the liquor store?”

      “Ye-well, I still have to enforce the law…”

      “But, you gonna stop shooting all these Black men, right??”

      “I’m gonna go home safe at the end of my shift.”

  34. Winston

    https://www.americanthinker.com/articles/2020/06/the_fog_is_lifted.html

    America, understand one thing: this is a civil war, one that is upon us from the hard left. It is stoked by leftist leadership, stoked by leftist media toadies, and unfortunately bought by too many of the Democrat Party voters. Do not be deceived: the war has one end, and one end only: the removal of Donald Trump and his coalition and the ascendance of the hard left to power and dominance.

    ….

    This is an awful war, brought to us by awful people. They do not care whom they hurt, what laws or mores they break, nor that they themselves are the reprobates in all of this. They have no shame, never have, never will.

    ….

    They can be seen for what they are: a group attempting a naked political power-grab. One more attempt to sow chaos in the American system. One more attempt to take over from an American public that wants to bring the normal processes of American life back. One more attempt to shock America into rejecting the Trump presidency. One more attempt for them to overthrow us. One more attempt to sell their utopia to us.

    All these fronts were staged by a criminal left (and these people are criminal), pushed by a politically motivated FBI, a rogue bureaucracy, and a series of horrible leftist politicians. Their tactics and plans are being exposed, one by one.

    If you are a normal citizen who wants to do something positive in this war, know that you must simply stand fast. Know this latest violence for what it is. Know that this isn’t going to be their last front opened. Gird yourselves; they will try to pull off several more things in their attempt to fog over everyone’s ability to see. They will muddy the waters until Election Day and beyond.

    Stand up, because now is the time. Stare these people down. Get rid of as many as we can by voting them out. Stop pretending these are nice, civil people to discuss things with. Stop pretending, or fearing, they have won because of all the chaos they are sowing. They have won nothing. They win only if American stops standing against them. They win only if we let them. They win only if we fail to stand against them, point them out, and send them into irrelevance.

    Ah American Thinker being a calming influence, lol.

    I can’t help but wonder if the Right is as strong as they think? They say they have the guns but what if they don’t use them?

    Also depending on Trump is rather questionable. And else could be the leader? Barr? Roberts? Hogan? Dewine? Baker? Cotton?

    Also the rot is a lot deeper than we can imagine. Not sure if we do anything except a Communist or a Pinochet…

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Nah, things are bad but they aren’t that bad and that article is ridiculous.

      • leon

        Yeah they are way off base here. But it is getting scary how openly people are talking about Civil war.

        How do you loose a fortune? At first, slowly, then all of the sudden.

      • CPRM

        How do you loose a fortune? At first, slowly, then all of the sudden.

        I was SURE the answer was hookers and blow!

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        Probably by not wearing a belt.

      • Winston

        But it is getting scary how openly people are talking about Civil war.

        Yes. Then there is the fact that we don’t know what will finally set it off, how bad it will get and who will win.

        I find reading about the Iranian Revolution rather interesting. Hardly anybody thought the Shah could be overthrown until he was and no one thought Khomeini could turn Iran into an Islamic Theocracy until he did it and I wonder how many people thought Khamenei could hold it together for at least 30 more years?

  35. IntraveneousWoodChipper

    Has anyone ever compiled a list of the class backgrounds/occupations of famous douchebag revolutionaries?

    *Marx – dad was a lawyer and owned vineyards

    *Engels – parents owned textile mills

    *Lenin – minor nobility

    *Stalin – went to church school

    *Mussolini – school teacher

    *Hitler – dad was a customs bureaucrat

    *Ho Chi Minh – dad was imperial bureaucrat

    Sounds a lot like the backgrounds of modern Antifa, no? Scions of privilege or, at the very least, moderate means?

    • leon

      Communists have always been schoolboys. See Les Miserables

      • Winston

        Or look at the Jacobins…

      • IntraveneousWoodChipper

        Touche. I was thinking more like Lord of the Flies and we are all Piggy.

    • Q Continuum

      Jeffrey Dahmer had a very normal and relatively affluent childhood.

    • Winston

      Pol Pot was pretty affluent as well

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pol_Pot

      [Pol Pot’s] father Loth, who later took the name Saloth Phem, was a prosperous farmer who owned nine hectares of rice land and several draft cattle.[6] Loth’s house was one of the largest in the village and at transplanting and harvest time he hired poorer neighbors to carry out much of the agricultural labour.[5]

      ….

      Sâr’s family had connections to the Cambodian royalty: his cousin Meak was a consort of King Sisowath Monivong and later worked as a ballet teacher.[11] When Sâr was six years old, he and an older brother were sent to live with Meak in Phnom Penh; informal adoptions by wealthier relatives were then common in Cambodia.[7]

      ….

      Access to further education abroad made Sâr part of a tiny elite in Cambodia.[38]

    • Tejicano

      Ernestito Guevara Lynch – medical student

      • CPRM

        and motorcycle enthusiast.

  36. Winston

    https://www.aier.org/article/the-real-looters-are-the-politicians/

    Most of the media coverage, reciting the official narrative that shutdowns were vital and justified, has ignored the human carnage of the COVID shutdowns. Almost 40% of households earning less than $40,000 per year have someone who lost their job in recent months, according to the Federal Reserve. Politicians destroyed much of the economy in the name of “risk reduction.” Unprecedented restrictions on personal and economic freedom were justified in part by federal Centers for Disease Control fatality forecasts that turned out to be wildly exaggerated.

    Some leftists on Twitter urged the looters to go after national chain stores such as Target and avoid small family-owned businesses. Politicians issuing COVID shutdown decrees followed the opposite standard, effectively padlocking small businesses while Walmart and other large stores easily received the “essential” bureaucratic holy water and Amazon practically won the lottery. The recent riots may have destroyed hundreds of businesses. But forecasts predict that millions of businesses could be forced to close or file bankruptcy because of the pandemic disruptions.

    The people who pillaged stores in recent days deserve vigorous prosecution, and the deluge of Twitter plundering-in-progress videos could make it easier to identify culprits. It remains to be seen whether mayors will have the gumption to throw the book at the thieves. But it is even less likely that the politicians and other government officials who inflicted far greater damage on the economy will ever be held liable.

    Something tells me the looters and the politicians will not be held accountable for this.

    • IntraveneousWoodChipper

      On the contrary, to even be mildly concerned with the looting and burning of entire portions of American cities makes you “part of the problem” and a “white supremicist”, you see.

      • Winston

        I’m not sure how many commies understand that their new woke cops will have to kill a lot of black people in order to achieve utopia.

      • Tejicano

        “Did you order this omelet?”

  37. Gustave Lytton

    In spite of everything on the screen, today was a good day. Sunny weather, got four plants in the ground, dog’s nails done, dinner made, wedding anniversary, another successful haircut at home, and a bunch of other stuff.

    • RAHeinlein

      Happy Anniversary – I hope you had a fabulous dinner!

      • straffinrun

        June bride. Congrats

    • Gender Traitor

      What a coinky-dink! It was our anniversary, too – our second 24th. (Two wedding ceremonies: one in December to make it legal, another in June for an excuse to throw a party.) Ate out in a real restaurant where you go in, sit down, someone comes and asks you what you’d like to eat, and then a little later they bring it to you – and you can eat it RIGHT THERE! It was the coolest thing ever!

      And I got MY nails done.

      • RAHeinlein

        Happy Anniversary! I have a confused about this “restaurant” experience you describe, but hope you and Mr. GT enjoyed a wonderful meal!

      • CPRM

        Ate out in a real restaurant

        Hopefully he was discreet, like he dropped his fork 😉

      • slumbrew

        What you did there is seen.

        Also, my mind went there right away as well.

      • LemonGrenade

        Jealous. Our 15th was over the lockdown, so nothing was different. We got drunk, raged against the government, did other stuff, the usual.

      • Brochettaward

        did other stuff

        …Butt stuff?

      • LemonGrenade

        We’re married. Nothing we do with each other consensually is wrong.

      • Brochettaward

        Have you not listened to the hit Meatloaf song “I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)”?

      • LemonGrenade

        I’ve heard it, but my ‘won’t do that’ would be “screaming Joe Biden should be our next president while my husband pegs me with a double-dildo.” Not just regular butt play.

      • CPRM

        I don’t think you get what pegging is, unless your husband is a eunuch, NTTIAWWT.

      • LemonGrenade

        I did say double dildo. Terminology is correct.

      • CPRM

        I’ve not had the sex ever, but I still don’t think that’s right, but hopefully he gave you a Voltron ring first.

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        Ugh….that scene.

        /Yeah, yeah–he’s into everything. Or, will be.

      • Chafed

        The whole eating out part sounds like fiction to me.

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste
    • LemonGrenade

      Happy anniversary, and here’s to many more.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Thanks everyone! Congratulations also GT! This is our official one. Someone may have selected the day with an eye to remembering it in the future. Unfortunately the year itself was indistinguishable so can’t remember which one it is without going back to the calendar. Sorry about yours LG, maybe next year will be better?

      • CPRM

        I already linked that for someone else, I forget who. And S Club is Gustave and my inside joke/admission to liking corny things.

      • Gustave Lytton

        And apapreciated!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Or appreciated, depending on autocorrect.

  38. salted earth

    Since a lot of the retail stores have been closed, the shop-lifters are behind on their “quotas.” The looters are just making up for the lost time.
    People steal stuff, a lot of stuff, all the time. It hurts small businesses and big corporations.

    • tripacer

      Senor Earth, if I dare to presume your gender, I saw your suggestion about a N. Cascadia glib meetup last night but did not respond in time. I’m open to the idea. Either shortwing atthe protonmail or the email requested by SP will work.

  39. straffinrun

    Biden strongly condemns the president for declaring queen latifa a terrorist organization.

  40. slumbrew

    Got a goddamn AARP mailing today – not even my birthday yet.

    They can fuck right off with that shit, I ain’t that old yet.

    • straffinrun

      What are they politically?

      • slumbrew

        Quite proggy, ISTR. I doubt I’d join even if I were 15 years older.

      • Chafed

        My wife had a good laugh when they first mailed something to me. I threw it right in the trash.

  41. straffinrun

    That Vermin Supreme quote is real, right?

  42. straffinrun

    Getting caught up on all the World Star clips making the rounds on Twitter. There is a disturbing lack of violent assholes getting a comeuppance. As a matter of fact, I haven’t even seen a single one.

      • straffinrun

        He rides a bipedal horse which makes him Brown Star.

      • CPRM

        How dare you call a fictional future extraplanetary native american brown! Do you know how racist that sounds and how many black bodies it will offend?!

      • straffinrun

        How dare you not recognize the quality of joke but instead use it to make your own joke. (Like I did to yours)

    • KSuellington

      My last job of the day was for one of my favorite customers. His brother in law last night had his car dealership mobbed and they broke the key safe. The looters took or destroyed about 50 vehicles, all new. He just had a lady kill herself in the building a week ago. He looked ready to cry the whole time and he is generally one of the happiest and level headed. Today was a bad day.

      • straffinrun

        Seriously, I don’t need 100% to fight back. Can I get at least 5% to?

      • Chafed

        Serious question Kswell. He must have seen what was going on. Why not bring in the local equivalent of rooftop Koreans?

      • KSuellington

        I have no idea. I imagine he didn’t want to get into a shoot situation. I will ask that tomorrow of him actually as I am going back to change the locks on the soon to be available apartment. His relative owned a quarter share of the lot.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Takashi Sakai?

    • Tejicano

      I don’t get it. An ethnically Chinese resident of Hong Kong who wishes Hong Kong was just another Chinese city. Why doesn’t she just move to another Chinese city?

      • dbleagle

        Talk is cheap.

    • CPRM

      A month ago CNN was saying Trump wasn’t using enough force to make people cower at home. Now, by threatening use of force if the most violent riots in decades continue, He Will Literally Use Nukes On US Soil to protect White Supremacy!

    • leon

      He’ll nuke the cities to save the cities.

    • straffinrun

      At least they will know he shoots back.

      • CPRM

        Lucas will change it in the re-release.

    • Bob Boberson

      “Lauren Theisen is a journalist and hockey fan originally from Michigan who covers national breaking stories for the New York Daily News. Before arriving at NYDN, she wrote for publications including Deadspin, Vice, Jezebel, The Guardian, and Popular Science.”

      Color me shocked

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        I guess you could call her…

        ::puts on sunglasses::

        The “color guard”‘

        YYYEEEEEEEEAAAA-wait; are we not doing this any more?

      • Gustave Lytton

        The linked NBC story has the same narrative. Including a state legislator calling for prosecution.

  43. straffinrun

    Has there ever been a greater own goal by a minority group in American history? There must be, but I can’t think of it.

    • CPRM

      On the right wing media manufacturing of antifa—a leaderless organisation with no record of lethal violence in the US—as a national threat

      :see white supremacy. Also, I don’t read Andy Ngo, just know him from the milkshake incident, I don’t give him any credence either.

      • slumbrew

        no record of lethal violence

        Not for lack of trying.

    • The Last American Hero

      Best tweet down a bit “They said to me they weren’t rioters they were Democratic Rioters”.

  44. Tejicano

    Yo Gustave! – just to follow up on that brisket.

    Yesterday I smoked the first half of the brisket I bought last week. One of the things I tried, which I won’t do again, is a heavy salt rub. I have brined turkeys in the past and always liked how they came out moist but not salty. Somebody had suggested I try a salt rub days in advance for a similar outcome. Maybe it was the amount of salt I used, maybe it was the Jaccard preparation, maybe it was the number of days before smoking – but, while the meat came out very tender, nice, and smoky it was saltier than I prefer.

    Still, it was nice to have a good brisket done at home. Not so easy to find here and expensive when I do go where I know I can get it.

    • Akira

      Very nice.

      I’ve been off my BBQ game since my damn grill rusted out (I tend to put them through very heavy use).

      I’m just going to buy a brick firepit and construct a lid for it.

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        An odd side note–on our morning walk today, we passed 3-4 grills set out as trash in our neighborhood. It was odd to see that many being thrown away in such a small area. I guess it’s grill-buying time!

    • Gustave Lytton

      Nice! I had the same over salty problem on a filet when I tried it. Did get a nice crust on the outside when grilled so do want to try it again.

    • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

      So, do we hate Twitter because it’s a cesspool, or, do we hate it because of the pure shit human beings reveal themselves to be when they use it?

      Because, holy shit, all the derp… And, it’s not just one point of view, either. But, good on ya to those who managed to be principally nuanced.

      • Chafed

        Both. The answer is both.

      • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

        Agreed, although I find the Twatter itself part is the lesser part–Jack and his cronies are certainly cancerous in their propagandizing. It’s the idiocy spewed by the everyday users that adds up, bit by bit, and really chaps my hide.

        They can say it–I ain’t gotta listen.

  45. l0b0t

    Just started binge watching Fernwood 2 Night. Damn… Martin Mull and Fred Willard were so young.

  46. Tejicano

    Seeing the photos of police taking a knee and wondering – wasn’t how this whole problem started?

    • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

      Ooooohhh….That’s…Ooooohhh.

    • Digby recommends Crelm toothpaste

      Meme that shit, stat!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yes!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Criminals with some brains taking advantage of the chaos.

    • Gender Traitor

      Mornin’, UCS. Hey, thanks for the tip yesterday just as I was leaving for work – for the aftermarket car accessories. Didn’t have time on the way in, but stopped at NAPA after work, got fixed up, and my commute home was smooth sailing!

      • Gender Traitor

        Where have carpoons been all my life??? My new favorite thing ever!

    • Sean

      Mornin all

      • Gender Traitor

        Mornin, Sean.

  47. Not an Economist

    2 weeks ago a lot of people were upset that people were protesting the lockdown. Today those same people are upset that people aren’t outside protesting.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      That’s to be expected, it was ninety percent political bullshit by mid April anyway.

    • Naptown Bill

      Right? Being required to stay inside your house was fine and dandy, but being required to do so by 7:00PM is a step too far, apparently. Maybe if Dr. Fauci said a few words this would all settle down.

  48. Gender Traitor

    I have a feeling this is going to come up during her next evaluation.

    • UnCivilServant

      “Unsatisfactory? I’m appealing this evaluation!”

  49. Naptown Bill

    My wife, who is certain that this is the episode that will cost Trump the presidency, showed me the video of the protestors being cleared from the street yesterday so Trump could go make a speech at the church. I couldn’t miss the opportunity to say that it was a real shame the protestors, who were certainly exercising their rights, weren’t armed so that they could resist the government agents who were using force to trample over those rights. This got me a Look but might have struck home. She said, “You can’t really hear it in this video but some of them are yelling, ‘It’s 6:30, we have half an hour left!'” We agreed that it was hopelessly naive and kind of typical that these idiots somehow think that after arbitrarily deciding the plebes can’t be outside after bedtime will suddenly start respecting the “deal” they made. So there’s hope for the kid yet, I think.

    • UnCivilServant

      I’m not convinced this is going to shift the electoral calculus.

      • Naptown Bill

        Me neither. I think any people who are inspired to vote for Biden, presumably as a protest vote, will be offset by people who side with Trump in this whole thing. I think if you watch CNN you’re going to see Trump as the racist demagogue leader of American white supremacy and vote accordingly, while if you watch Fox you’re going to see him as the one adult in the room attempting to restore law and order while the country burns and the left fiddles.

        And, besides, there’s still a lot of time in news terms before the election. This shit is now dominating the news cycle and the ‘rona is more or less a memory, barring the resumption of normal business which seems to be pretty much a given now.

      • leon

        I don’t know where this will shakes out. But I do know that the amount of principled civil libertarians in this country is negligible, so while we might care that protestors rights were trampled, (here they imposed a week long curfew despite there being no residual violence.) It’s not a major demographic either party has to care about.

      • wdalasio

        I think it might. But, not necessarily the way the riots’ sponsors expect. Elections are won with a relative sliver of the population. These riots are positioning Trump as the “law and order” guy. That becomes a lot more attractive to swing voters when the opposition is backing people rioting in the streets.

  50. leon

    No links???? RIOT!!!!!

    • Sean

      *hands leon a brick*