From Whence Beer?
In these virtual pages we’ve seen some sterling reviews of various beers, so I thought I’d do some speculation as to the origins of the noble brew itself. Benjamin Franklin is reputed to have said “beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy,” but involvements of deities notwithstanding, at some point some human had to invent the stuff. Here are my thoughts on that long-ago event.
The History of Beer
Who doesn’t love a cold beer?
Drinking beer is a pastime as inarguably American as baseball, apple pie and arguing politics, but how often do we stop and reflect on the origins of this most American of beverages?
The origins of beer are lost in the mists of time. As long as there have been men, there have been old men, and we can be certain that it was an old man, perhaps one bored with the unrelenting tedium of Paleolithic life, who invented beer.
We do know a few things about old men and about beer, and we may very well indulge ourselves in a little speculation as to the event itself. Let’s start our story a couple hundred thousand years in the past, with a look at one of human history’s first dirty old men.
We’ll call him Sam.
It Went Something Like This…
Not paying attention was dangerous in those days.
It was a late Paleolithic afternoon, the sun growing low in a primeval sky, and Sam was seated comfortably on a flat rock just inside the entrance to his cave, staring into the stuttering flames of a smoky, sputtering fire. Over the fire was a hide pot, in which Sam’s mate Edna was heating some water for swamp-rat stew.
Sam was not a sterling specimen of early humanity. Short, squat, and bow-legged, Sam was in his youth strong as a bear, but many years of laziness had taken their toll. Now in his fiftieth summer, Sam was tending towards fat. A fringe of gray hair ringed his balding head, and even the thick single eyebrow on his heavy brow ridge had gone gray.
His mate has seen the passage of as many years as he, and many years of hunting, gathering and child rearing have erased whatever traces of feminine figure her squat form had once possessed. Graying and heavy, her fate of having landed a lazy mate has graced her heavy face with a near-permanent scowl. Sam, watching her bustle about the cave, looked at their bedding piled in the back of the cave. In their youths, he had looked forward to mussing Edna about in those furs, but now? An involuntary shudder went through him.
Edna was a bit cross. She has spent the whole day gathering seeds of wild grass to thicken the stew, while Sam spent the day ‘hunting,’ which was his term for ‘walking half a mile from the cave and snoozing all day under a shady tree.’ Edna even brought in the swamp-rat that’s the centerpiece of the stew. She bragged to Sam that a well-thrown rock did the rodent in, but Sam was certain that she nagged it to death.
In front of Sam, the pot of water and wild barley seeds popped and bubbled. Behind Sam, Edna popped and bubbled. She picked up a flint knife and began skinning the swamp-rat. “That big rock above the cave,” she grunted. “It’s going to fall down if you don’t fix it soon.”
“Yes, dear,” Sam grumbled.
“You said you’d do it four moons ago.”
“Yes, dear.”
“I should have listened to my mother,” Edna complained. “She told me not to mate someone from the east side of the glacier. She told me, ‘all the men on the east side of the glacier are a bunch of lazy bums,’ and boy was she right.”
“Yes, dear.”
She finished skinning the swamp-rat and set it aside. “Since you’re just going to sit there, I’m going over to the lake to get some water and ask Madge if I can borrow a handful of mammoth fat. I’ll be back.”
“Yes, dear.”
“You could take a look at that rock while I’m gone, if you can manage to tear your butt away from that flat rock by the fire.”
“Yes, dear.”
Pre-Beer.
Edna stamped away, muttering. Sam went back to staring at the fire.
Above him, the big rock that overhung the mouth of the cave shifted a little. A pattering of pebbles spattered down a few feet away from Sam.
Sam pulled himself up with a grunt and walked outside to stare upward at the big rock.
“I suppose it might fall one day,” he grunted to himself, “but I bet it’s good for years yet.”
Just then, with a long groan, the big rock gave way and fell, shattering into a thousand shards of stone and blocking the mouth of the cave.
“Oh, shit,” Sam mumbled. (Actually, what he said was, “Oh, mammoth droppings,” but that doesn’t translate nearly as well into the modern era.)
Three weeks later, when Sam and Edna finally finished digging out the mouth of the cave, they found the hide pot still hanging over the blackened ashes of the long-dead fire. The barley had been steeping for all that time, turning the water a strange color, and now an entirely new smell filled the cave.
“You know, I should feed you that stew anyway,” Edna snapped. Sleeping beside a fallen log in the forest nearby for three weeks had left her rather more cross than usual.
Sam took a sniff at the odd-looking stuff. He stuck a thick, callused finger in the brew, and licked it off.
“You know,” he grunted, “It’s not bad.”
He picked the hide pot off its stand and convinced a complaining Edna to hold a swamp-rat-skin water bag so he could pour it in.
“It’s going to make you sick, you know,” Edna groused, reversing her statement of only moments before.
Sam watched, fascinated, as the brew foamed up to overflow the top of the water bag as the last of it was poured in. “I bet it won’t.”
Sam took a drink of the foamy brew. “It’s good,” he grinned. He seated himself on his flat rock near the rekindled fire and, over the next couple of hours, drained the entire water bag.
When that was done, he tossed the bag aside and rose unsteadily to his feet. “I think I will call it ‘beer,’” he announced, “and it is good.” (He actually called it “A-Whumpa-Whumpa”, for reasons that are about to become apparent, but that doesn’t translate that well either.)
Narrowing his eyes, he stared hard at his mate.
Post-beer
“Funny,” he thought. “She looks pretty good. I can’t even see her gray hair or the wrinkles around her eyes in this light.”
He rubbed his eyes and looked again. Edna was facing away from him, bent over as she swept rock chips out of their bedding area.
Her backside didn’t look nearly as wide as Sam remembered. In the dim light of the cave, it almost looked like Edna had somehow acquired a waist again, something she’d lost right around the ninth baby, many years before. Sam’s face broke into an expansive leer. “Old woman!” he shouted.
“What do you want now?” Edna turned, placed her fists on her hips, and glared at him.
Sam’s leer widened. Edna’s bosom suddenly looked almost youthful, her frown somehow inviting. With a roar, Sam leaped to his feet and swept Edna into the bedding.
And Then:
Sam didn’t remember much the next morning. Waking with a pounding head, he looked over at his mate, who has suddenly resumed the squat, gray-haired, wide-bottomed, wrinkled, saddlebag-breasted shape she’d had before Sam had drunk the beer. She rolled over and grunted happily in her sleep; Sam hadn’t paid as much attention to her as he had the night before in years, either in the sleeping furs or out of them.
Sam carefully disengaged himself from his smiling, snoring mate and shuffled to the nearby lake for a desperately needed drink of water.
A familiar voice greeted him as he squatted to drink the clean, cold water. “Morning, Sam.”
He looked up, squinting painfully at the early morning sunlight, to see an old friend, another old man, a near-duplicate of Sam who lived in a cave nearby with his wife, who was a near-duplicate of Edna. “Morning, Ralph.”
“You look awful, Sam. Rough night?”
“Eggh. I wish I knew. I feel like my mouth is full of mammoth hair this morning.” Sam filled Ralph in on the results of the barley brew. “It sure was good, though.”
“Hmm. I wish you’d left me some. Think you could make it again?”
“We could try, I guess.”
They spent the afternoon gathering wild barley and cajoling Edna into allowing the use of her hide pot for the experimental brew. Three weeks later, a king-sized batch of barley brew was ready. Sam and Ralph enlisted the aid of Pete and George, two brothers who lived on the other side of the lake, to help them rope together a wooden container to hold the brew. They placed the makeshift barrel in the lake to keep the brew cold, and seated themselves on the shore, four bone cups in four callused hands, drinking the cold brew and discussing the relative physical merits of the occasional young woman that passed by the lake.
Bros.
And so, it came to pass that history’s first kegger was held.
The History of Beer
Who doesn’t love a cold beer? – right now me. I have a sore throat and do not drink anything cold.
You don’t find cold drinks soothing to a sore throat? Huh…..exact opposite of me.
a cold drink is how it got sore in the first place
I would have thought it was all the cock.
Gargle with salt water. It is remarkably effective.
I never understood the hatred of ice outside the US. I once ordered an iced tea in Costa Rica. The menu said ‘iced tea’. It was tepid and came without ice. I requested some ice. The waiter came back with a single ice cube clutched in a pair of tongs and dropped it in the glass. I swear it was straight out of a comedy skit.
weird. most places put as much ice as possible cheaper than booze
A lot of Latin American countries are like that about ice and condiments. Try ordering pancakes in Bolivia’s only 5 star restaurant. No syrup, no butter.
In some of those places, that ice will give you the Monte-zoom-ah’s Revenge.
I’ve always found this not to be the case in Europe. It’s hard to get ice for a soda or non-alcoholic drink at an establishment. But, in Europe you typically get the bottled beverage instead of the bottomless fountain concept. So I can understand why people think they’d get ripped off if they got a glass half full of ice.
Dunno. in Romania you ask one way r the other. Lemonade almost always gets ice in my experience. Then again I never order non alcoholic drinks outside water and coffee.
Here in Texas, both coffee and tea are frequently consumed with ice as well. I typically get an iced coffee every morning.
well you can get iced coffees and teas here as well, I just never do. As the old saying goes, I take my coffee like my women hot and bitter.
that being said if you order ice tea in Romania you generally get a bottle one like Lipton not me in house.
Never use ice outside the US.
Freezing does not kill bacteria. Adding ice to a drink is a really good way to get an intestinal bug.
You can use it pretty much all over Europe. I would parts of the other continents.
Now you tell me.
*A Peruvian friend recently returned from Peru. He got dysentery. He was puzzling over how he got it. I said “All you have to do is look at a map of Peru and you get dysentery.”
He was not amused.
I understand in the finer clubs in Chile the ice is illegally harvested from glaciers.
You can use ice in most anyplace in the developed world. What you really need to look for is ice that appears to have a hollow core (kind of like a donut that’s been stretched along its longitudinal axis). That means the ice came from a machine that first heated the water to pasteurize it, and then froze it.
Even in North America, if the ice doesn’t look like that, there’s a good chance the machine that made the ice hasn’t been properly cleaned in a long, long time — so even using chlorinated tap water won’t necessarily guarantee that the ice is safe.
When we travel, we use ice indiscriminately to keep our chest cooler contents cold, but we don’t use random ice (or its meltwater) in drinks.
*Thinks back to days of running nightclubs and cleaning the ice machine.
Yep can confirm.
Ice machines (and draft systems) get NASTY. You do in fact clean them regularly (or they stop working entirely) because ice machines grow a slimy mold/algae that ends up completely coating the freezing surface/rack and clogs the water flow. It looks, feels and smells like pretty much the same stuff you see growing on the rocks in a stream.
Draft systems issue is basically a really ugly yeast infection, and need to be cleaned about weekly. And you beer snobs drinking the special draft that no one else orders? Y’all are drinking some nasty stuff. The less it is used the nastier the lines get AND the less often it gets cleaned.
A&W restaurants are gone from the US (I think) but they still had them in Okinawa when I was stationed there. Ordered a root beer float at one and they made it by dropping a scoop of ice cream into a root beer loaded with ice. It was rather funny.
KY only. https://awrestaurants.com/locations
A&W was owned by YUM, I believe. They’re still around in a lot of places, but they also tended to be rolled in with other YUM things, like Taco Bell or Long John Silver’s and a lot of places closed when YUM sold off the A&W and Long John Silver’s a few years back.
That locator is screwed up. Still have 3 within 60 miles of me and those are the ones I know of.
625 in the US
https://franchising.awrestaurants.com/research/locations-for-sale/
Huh, no kidding. I guess just the ones I knew about closed up.
There’s one In Okemos, a suburb of Lansing, MI. I think there are a couple more in the area.
There’s one in Mason (where I live) and another in Grand Ledge.
I keep remembering a friend in university when we were at the seaside trying to order a float at a ice cream shop and was not able due to it not being on the menu. He tried the standard rout: you have ice cream? Yes. Soda? Yes. can you put a scoop in a soda? no. He bought and mixed himself.
I prefer a cold drink without ice. Ice makes it watery.
Don’t these people have refrigeration?!
‘Ice makes it watery’
You obviously haven’t put enough alcohol in it.
I actually have to water down my Negronis now. So I do keep the ice in that drink.
I don’t love a cold beer either, for reasons mentioned many times in these comments.
I never loved a cold beer either, I loved 6 of ’em, one after the other.
Great article, Animal. I went to school with Sam and Ralph. Those guys thought anti-freeze must have alcohol in it ’cause it didn’t freeze. They were wrong but I heard of old guys telling WW2 stories, drinking the local stuff. Every liberation vehicle had GIs hanging on by one hand while the young ladies were handing them bottles of consumables.
I’m glad beer was invented, it was something to look forward to when the magic age arrived. Be one of the boys to sit at the bar. After a few times then one wanted to be carded so a real ID card could be presented.
Thanks for your update
This article was not exactly what I was expecting.
I enjoyed reading it though.
The origins of beer are lost in the mists of time. – nonsense. Jean M. Auel covered that in her history books.
Clan of the Cave Beer?
The later books turned into Cave Porn.
Clan of the Care Bear
My mom had that. Fortunately she had enough better stuff like Stephen King and Dean Koontz that I didn’t have to resort to reading it.
Seems legit
In the winter, I enjoy room temp beer.
Ugh. Beer good.
That was fun.
Benjamin Franklin is reputed to have said “beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy,”
Related: https://imgur.com/a/vEgaaK9
Dammit!
I’d call this “Origins of Beer Goggles”.
Also yes.
No beer goggles necessary.
http://archive.li/bVc1v
Ahh… from the earlier days of the Chive before instagram “models” and RealDolls took over.
#7… but all of them are welcome at my place.
Beer goggles definitely needed. Not for me but for me to have even a glimmer of a chance with any of these lovelies. Or a much fatter bank account.
Kill the dude in Picture 11. He is actively ruining skin.
Exactly my thoughts.
Entertaining read, as always Animal. Thanks!
+1 Ron Perlman in the role he was born to play.
“Brew. Brew never changes.”
Wait a minute here, I thought beer was proof of God loving us and wanting us to be hoppy?
Can’t wait until chapter 2, when the hipster cavemen somehow decide that IPA’s are desirable.
There’s gotta be a caveman fight about that.Also, stouts.
Hops weren’t introduced to beer until the Middle Ages. They were traditionally bittered with herbal blends and the like.
I have actually started writing this article.
Great read. I love origin stories of all kinds, and this is light years better than any Marvel Superhero Origin Story.
while Sam spent the day ‘hunting,’ which was his term for ‘walking half a mile from the cave and snoozing all day under a shady tree.’ Edna even brought in the swamp-rat that’s the centerpiece of the stew. She bragged to Sam that a well-thrown rock did the rodent in, but Sam was certain that she nagged it to death.
I laughed.
OT: El Oh El.
https://pjmedia.com/news-and-politics/tyler-o-neil/2020/06/08/as-protesters-flout-coronavirus-lockdowns-racetrack-calls-the-governments-bluff-n506228
I loved this yesterday, and it was exactly what various members of this board had suggested.
Just say you’re a Floyd protest and you’re golden.
Humans (of one sort or another) have been around about 1M years. I would not be surprised if we discovered various kinds of brewing were around all of that time or even before it.
I once came upon a flock of blackbirds that were flopping around on the ground under an elderberry tree. One sniff of the fruit and yep…they were drunk as hell. Lots of critters will seek out fermented fruit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIDJ-sTuoO8
I have met this dude: Patrick Edward McGovern, and I have a couple of his books.
There is archaeological evidence of the intentional production of alcohol going back about 10,000 years.
I am sure it goes back much further. It isn’t much of a leap to find over ripe fruit and later gather fruit and let it ferment. I guess that means wine probably came first. Not much of a leap either to discover beer in the bottom of a grain storage bin that water leaked into and start replicating that.
I am sure alcohol production pre-dates Homo sapiens.
Nature has been making alcohol since forever.
Creatures of all sorts have been getting loopy on spontaneously fermented fruit, grains, and honey since forever.
The intentional gathering of fruit, grains, and honey and processing them to produce alcohol on purpose seems to have started with the origins of agriculture 10 to 12 thousand years ago.
A lot of fermenting was done to save man from the ravages of dysentery. Clean water has always been in short supply. Fermentation was one of the earliest ways to safely store and keep food and drink.
I went to a talk of his in conjunction with dog fish head brewery. It was great
Probably about as close to the truth as you can get.
Good story, Animal
I got to argue with a cop on Facederp today about police brutality. As the one true libertarian who just wants to murder prostitutes and be left alone in peace, I’m doing my part to fight the power. What are you schmucks doing? Nothing. Nothing. That’s what. NOTHING.
When they’re dead they’re just hookers.
General Ripper?
I thought doing nothing is now violence….so it is something….or something.
I….I can’t keep up.
You’re racist unless you support black lives matter.
What is black lives matters #1 platform issue right now if you go their web site? The complete defunding of all police. You know. Something all Americans will get behind.
Oh. We’ve been calling for an end to Americas Police State for years, and yet everyone always says we’re crazy.
I have. I would love to, you know, move in the direction of fewer policing and more self and private protection.
The movement is about to be set back enormously, though, by whatever the commies running Minnesota actually decide to do and the disaster that will likely ensue.
Yes, that’s my point. Libertarians have been decrying the police state for years, and no one listens, but now that the marxists have taken up remaking the police state, it all the sudden is in vogue.
I’m not complaining, i’m just saying it makes me laugh.
remaking the police state
Better, Stronger, Faster…
I thought I am a racist because I am white.
*maybe it’s just me but that seems pretty racist
Keep in mind that it’s the defunding and *rebuilding* of police into their own person Red Guard that they want.
It’s so vague I actually have no idea what they’re gonna due but that wouldn’t surprise me.
I do like the idea of communities being more in charge of their own policing, though I doubt that’s what they have in mind.
*do.
I had to laugh, thinking about who’s turn is it at the wall? After the police are gone and the ‘New Social Interpreters’ with guns arrive someone will have to be sacrificed. Maybe the skinny kids with out a job…
George Floyd Protesters Asked About White Woman Killed by Somali Minneapolis Police Officer
In case anyone thinks the protests are about the police.
Baaahahahahahaha
David Burge
@iowahawkblog
·
31m
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2: ChiTown Thunderdome
Quote Tweet
Chicago Tribune
@chicagotribune
· Jun 6
Chicago will spend up to $1.2 million to hire three private security firms to help prevent a repeat of last weekend’s chaotic civil unrest and looting that erupted amid protests over the Minneapolis police killing of George Floyd, the mayor’s office said https://trib.al/z6SOmKt
David Burge
@iowahawkblog
·
18m
$1.2 million to hire “over 100” unarmed private security guards to monitor and deter weekend civil unrest and looting.
For the math-challenged, that’s $1.2 million / 100 = $12,000 per Blart
David Burge
@iowahawkblog
·
5m
I salute the brave men and women of Totally Not Connected To A Chicago Alderman Security Patrol Inc.
Oops…not supposed to be a reply
What are you schmucks doing?
Trying to lay out a storm water management pond. The available space is very tight so it’s kinda tricky.
“The available space is very tight so it’s kinda tricky”
hawt
can you consider harvesting? (UST etc)
THIS… this is how one does a euphemism.
We will be facing the same problem shortly as the regs for our storm water permit have changed. We have been pumping out ponding water after storms (rarely, we only get about 2″ of rain annually) and putting it back into our process. Now the regs require that all water go to an engineered pond, along with water testing requirements for re-use. California really wants rolling blackouts as they are currently trying to bankrupt utility companies through over regulation.
It’s amazing what fixing a discrete, solvable problem can do for one’s mood when it’s done.
Sure, it was just gathering data so we can figure out how many file transfers have been active in the past year, but writing the script beats checking all 663 archives for activity and writing it all up manually.
Uncivil’s high on endorphins! Check it off your to-do list to maintain the high!
I see the silence= consent slogan is going around. I feel it can be misinterpreted.
How can it be misinterpreted. It is so simple that anyone can understand that they mean that silence is consent. Now if they don’t mean it in all occasions, then maybe they should be more nuanced.
/Tears at the Gloves of UCS (+1 Pedantry)
It just today’s version of “If you’re not with us, you’re against us.”
OK. Have it your way.
I’m waiting for a particularly edgy fraternity to hang this banner outside the house…
Fair point. Whatever happened to “affirmative consent”?
What’s the story with 6mm ARC? All of the sudden seems to be pushed harder than a 16 year old at an Epstein party.
What can it do that the 65-year-old .243 Winchester can’t?
That’s what I’d like to know. Not familiar with the new cartridge, nor why all of the sudden.
Burn out your barrel at 1000 shots?
What can almost anything do that the 115-year-old .30-06 can’t?
Or the 30-30 for that matter.
*around here, a heavily wooded area, you rarely get a shot past 100 yards.
Be chambered in a small-frame AR. Also, get consistent SD(v) in the single digits. Also, burn less powder to throw a 105grn. bullet up in the 3k range.
It’s potentially a neat target cartridge.
Are there already a dozen or so 6mm or 6.5 mm chamberings?
I don’t keep up with this stuff much anymore. It seems pointless to me but it is probably about govt contracts. I see no advantage over the .223 Remington.
Shorter cartridge? It is fatter so it offers no advantage in the number of rounds a soldier can carry.
I dunno. I will stick with my 243 Winchester and 25-06.
Now, get the hell off of my lawn
They are long, relatively heavy, high-pressure cartridges for precision shooting competition. I will probably go for a 6.5 Creedmoor this year, but the new 6mm cartridges seem too expensive, hard on their barrels, and less useful for anything except competition.
Thanks! The 6.5 Creedmore talk has me interested.
I know nothing of bullets but I appreciate they use proper units of measurement
Correct. Bullets are measure in grains, which are traditional not a SI unit.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/citizen-patrols-make-statement-in-minneapolis/2020/06/06/cc1844d4-a78c-11ea-b473-04905b1af82b_story.html
“Citizen Patrols”
Holy shit, the WaPo is promoting militas…..oh theres a picture. Yep. Black people organizing to defend their neighborhoods are “citizen patrols” (which is, of course, a 100% accurate descriptor, no sarcasm.” But when white people do the same thing, they are “armed vigilantes” or “rightwing militais”.
Oh, and get a load of this shit
“Several black-owned businesses had been destroyed in this area — considered the heart of the city’s black community — in recent fires that investigators have deemed “suspicious.” Neighbors suspect right-wing militias, and social media has been abuzz with purported — but unverified — sightings of masked white men in pickup trucks holding semiautomatic assault rifles.
Yeah all the NaziKKKAltRight people in Minneapolis burned those stores.
I’m completely fine with black militias patrolling their own communities. Always should’ve been that way.
Yeah for sure. But the only reason the WaPo is calling them “citizen patrols” and not “armed vigilantes” is the color of their skin, and the fact that a leftist politician in good standing is speaking up for them.
Damn that’s funny. They recorded every second of the protests / riots – except the part where Nazis with machine guns showed up and trashed the place.
The Boogaloos have Predator cloaking technology, dontcha know.
It is starting to look like the commies are going to get what they have wanted all along – a blood bath.
I read this, and can only come to the conclusion that i’m hopelessly insane, or that the writer is trying to push propaganda.
Well, I have noticed that robed and hooded Klansmen are always sighted on super lefty college campuses so this doesn’t seem unbelievable.
*eyeroll*
It’s all about keeping the fuzzy headed WaPo readers happy.
Armed citizens patrolling with “assault weapons” is DOUBLE PLUS BAD
But when the armed citizens are black, have a leftist politician speaking for them, and are doing it to stop ZOMG WHITE SUPREMACISTS then its not DOUBLE PLUS BAD anymore.
Double plus UNGOOD! Bad is an ungood word and far too likely to be used by wrong-thinkers (particularly against good-thinkers).
I wonder how many stores in that area are sporting “Black Owned Business” signs?
….and get looted.
The cognitive dissonance of “White supremacists are the ones doing this!!!” with the observed reality of every single business painting things like “Black Lives Matter” and “Black Owned Business” on their plywood in an attempt to avoid being torched, smashed, or cleaned out.
If the burners and looters were white supermacists, why provoke them with these slogans?
They all know its bullshit. No dissonance involved.
I’ve been away for awhile. This was a fun read to come back to. I wish I could drink more beer than I do, but it bloats me so much now.
Bigger on the inside than the outside? Username checks out.
Worst hurricane ever.
We barely got any rain last night and the wind never got over 12mph
Forecast says rain later today but I am skeptical. The sun is out now.
Now I am going to have to water plants.
Huh. And just like that it is raining.
Thought of you when I saw the reports. Hope you only get as much rain as you need for your trees & other plants.
Only ever been through one hurricane, and that was a “dry” one – when Ike made his cross-country tour. Wouldn’t want to mess with a wet one.
I was stationed in the Azores for two years. Winter winds would sometimes reach hurricane-level speeds. We all laughed at the one hurricane that did come thru because its winds were so wimpy.
I recall driving to shift one night and the winds were reported to be near 80mph.
In spite of my jest a real, no-shit hurricane is not something you want to experience. It is a toss up as to whether the wind or the water is worse.
100+mph winds blow all kinds of objects around, level buildings etc. Water surge drowns everything in sight. it is a nightmare come to life.
After Katrina all of the sewers and gasoline storage tanks were drowned, flushed out and there was a film of those contents on everything up to 8 feet high even up to Laplace. There were animal carcasses (and some human) all over. The smell was unbearable. I remember having to drive around a cargo container ship that was lying across I-10 in Kenner. New Orleans itself was worse than the set of some apocalypse movie. I remember a school bus that was literally wrapped around an oak tree 20 feet from the base. I have no idea how the tree survived. I could go on all day with descriptions of things you never think you will see. It was surreal.
Your hurricane now identifies as a tropical depression. It’s probably depressed because people kept calling it a hurricane when it wasn’t even worthy to hold a real hurricane’s briefcase.
Not even a Superstorm?
Does it have a name? Will it help get rid of Trump? /CNN asking the important questions
Beer is racist. This article is racist. Everyone is racist. /the end
That hurts, everybody
“Who doesn’t love a cold beer?”
Fruity drink swilling progtards?
I am not a progtard.
All of the beers that I drink need to be cellar temperature.
Cold is for beer that has not flavor.
Check your cellar privilege! is cellar a fixed temperature or whatever temperature happens to be in a place designated cellar?
Cellar temperature is 57 degrees, always, in my designated place that I call “the cellar”.
My cellar stays at room temperature.
Ugh, piss warm beer. No thanks.
Your piss is 57 degrees? Are you sure you aren’t Romanian?
As beer warms, flavor is released. This is a Bud Light can only be drunk ice cold, for example.
^this
I did learn to drink beer in Germany.
Beer is only too cold when it starts to form ice crystals. Up until that point, it is just cold enough.
In Brazil, they say ‘Stupidemente Gelada’. And if you serve someone a beer that is not that cold, you’ll probably be thrown through the front window.
In Brazil they believe that even red wine should be cooled down. Not in nice restaurants but in simpler places.
I chill/ice red wine.
My daugher-in-law and her hubby in Brazil are connoisseurs of the stuff. They don’t drink the cheap stuff and I’ve been to some of the most upscale restaurants there with them. But even in the upscale places like that, the beer is really cold. I didn’t really pay attention to the wine because I don’t like the stuff. I never noticed them complain about the temperature, just the price here, because apparently wine is too expensive here, especially compared to Europe, which they frequent.
Germany average daily temp 0° -22° C.
Brazil average daily temp 25° -40° C.
I think I spot a reason for the different customs.
Those are ranges not below zero temps lol
I have joked before about not liking beer, pouring it back in the horse and such.
The truth is I do enjoy a really cold beer. Really cold as in it has some ice crystals floating in it. The problem is that I am at that age where more than one or two makes me feel bloated so I dont drink it often. In fact I haven’t had a really cold beer on a hot day in years. All of these beer articles have me tempted.
At the point it starts getting ice crystals, it’s good cold. I think between 35 and 40 is perfect, but I prefer closer to 35. And that’s for all beers. I can drink dark beer warmer, but I don’t prefer it that way. A lager warmer than 40 degrees tastes awful. Of course, an IPA tastes awful at any temperature.
I can’t drink alcohol in the sun, never could. Even the slightest buzz from outdoor day drinking ends up with a splitting headache an hour or two later.
#metoo
Bee delivers as usual.
Uh oh, Terry Crews learns what happens when you try to flee the plantation:
terry crews
@terrycrews
Any Black person who calls me a coon or and Uncle Tom for promoting EQUALITY is a Black Supremist, because they have determined who’s Black and who is not.
11:56 PM · Jun 7, 202
So… Joe Biden is a Black Supremacist? Or is he allowed to determine who is black and who is not?
“Stay on the plantation, boy.” – Leftists
I wonder how many stores in that area are sporting “Black Owned Business” signs?
OnceUponATime: Found the perfect restaurant online. Drive to pick up date: Venezuelan who always dressed KAPOW! Where is it? I don’t really know Addison that well so I printed out Mapquest directions; the menu online looks amazing and there’s an Al Green cover band. Valet parking, formal doorman, impeccable hostess, Call Me playing through the door. Date flinches as we enter a dining room full of older black couples. Table is fine. Date: we can go somewhere else if you want. Me, opening the meat-space menu: girl, the only thing you could do worse than staying is leaving. And they’ve got chicken and fried green tomatoes . . . so whatchu drinking?
moral: there are some things in Dallas County that don’t deserve to be laughed at
For the most part, soul food is the same stuff Southern whites eat. When I lived in LA, one of my co-workers was a guy from Mississippi. He was whiter than milk, but his favorite local restaurant was a hole in the wall soul food joint because it was the food he grew up eating – fried chicken, pork barbeque (REAL pork barbeque, not the usual LA imitation), greens cooked with fatback, mac and cheese, deviled eggs.
Mmmmm deviled eggs… *Homer drool*
I’ve probably told this story before but in my freshman “Intro to City Planning” class (shut up), the prof – a black guy – for some reason that escapes me once played us a tape of a black guy talking in heavy AAVE. Except it was white southern guy.
“Intro to City Planning” class
okay
(shut up)
laughed
Sound’s like Les Sisters in Chatsworth. Only soul food place I know that is anybody’s favorite.
I don’t think it was in the Valley? Our office was in Torrance and he went there for lunch sometimes, don’t think he would have had enough time to drive up to Chatsworth. I wanna say it was in Carson, maybe? It was 20 years ago so my memories of it aren’t exactly sharp.
“…fried green tomatoes…”
Crawfish roumalade or get out.
It is the time of year for me to whip some of that again.
damned spell check. I corrected its correction three times and when it posted spell check won.
‘marmalade’?
I’ve only had it once, but when the wife and I went to this place for a long weekend I had crawfish etouffee and it was divine.
I recommend everyone buy this guy’s book. His recipes are authentic and very, very good. It is better than River Road. You will pass that book down for generations.
http://www.jfolse.com/recipes/stocks_sauces/stock_sauce43.htm
I looked around at some other recipes…wtf? Green olives and capers in roumelade sauce? I guess cajuns are from Italy.
“Here is a cajun recipe…XYZ but we are going to change X a little, Y is out, and replace Z with the same ol’ shit we always eat. ”
It is no wonder you cant get cajun food outside of Louisiana.
Buy Folse’s book.
Sounds good!
When I worked for an equipment rental company in Alabama, one of our mechanics was a real Cajun from Lafitte LA, had the accent and everything. I remember how thrilled he was when a guy who cooked legit Cajun food started selling it out of a trailer in a gas station parking lot down the street from our store – he said all the local “Cajun” restaurants weren’t worth a shit.
I assume you mean this book?:
https://www.amazon.ca/Encyclopedia-Cajun-Creole-Cuisine/dp/0970445717/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=john+folse&qid=1591643849&s=books&sr=1-1
Looks good, but for $216 CDN and up for new copies, I think I’ll pass.
But thanks for the link!
IMO, it’s worth hunting around for used copy. My former boss presented me a copy when I moved away from NOLA. It is amazing.
Used copies are a steal at only $176 CDN and up! ;-)
To be honest, I prefer a fried red tomato, particularly a nice ugly heirloom from someone’s garden, to the fried green. I do LOVE a fried mirliton though.
In more local news, it appears that there’s a group of local restaurants suing DeWine and Acton for the mandatory guidelines in place. This looks to have been done in the county that found for the gyms earlier this year.
stop with the Wine thine it throws me off
Got two more years before we can vote him out.
Would it be less confusing if we referred to him as DeRINO?
Excellent. Best wishes to them.
Shellshock comes in many forms.
https://twitter.com/klara_sjo/status/1269722967233253376
some turtles may look like grenades…
I see where Nintendo got the idea for Mario Kart.
speaking of turtles
Hold my beer while I pet this SNAPPING turtle
Turtle
https://twitter.com/holdmyale
The guy slapping his hand through the molten metal has to be some kind of a trick.
leidenfrost effect. I think i shared that video a long time ago on this site
I’d think molten metal would splash and stick. I used to douse my hand in alcohol and set it alight at parties until one time I didn’t manage to shake the flame completely out and it reignited. Then I did stretching exercises with my pinky for a few months to get it to the point where it would straighten all the way again.
Regarding the Venus of Willendorf pic, my notion of an update to that ideal of feminine beauty:
thechive.com/submission/5ebafb3eee9d3f0c6e
Your perfect woman is unusually devoid of sucrose.
Yeah, SF’d that link. Take 2:
https://i.thechive.com/submission/5ebafb3eee9d3f0c6e6565f4
racist
Does mean people who are not bi are sexist? 😉
pan not bi
It does if you’re an Everyday Feminist writer.
Would.
With a booty like that, prone position echoes the military adage, “quantity has a quality all of its own.”
Hah, I like that story.
A fan/reader asked me on FB what I think of Mitt Romney.
No. Please no. Don’t drag me into political discussions, but this is what I said:
His TDS is one thing. Now that he’s sunk so low as to endorse Biden, I can’t see how he gets re-elected in Utah as a Republican. Maybe he’s going to switch teams. I’m sure most of his GOP comrades in DC may hate him now. Except for the other RINOs.
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/romney-biden-daily-world/
Daily World is aparently a “fake nooz” site.
Did he actually endorse Slow Joe as opposed to just refusing to endorse Trump? baaahahahaha
So turns out she wanted to know if I’d be voting for him in 2024 if he ran. I said I’d probably just vote libertarian as per usual.
“He’s unfit for public office, and should retire to take up a hobby, like rock watching. Someday he might prove that rocks migrate”
That’s brilliant. I’ll ask you what to say next time that happens.
He’s Utah’s problem, not mine.
Cries…
Though i think even for Utah’s Massachusets Golden Boy, he’s gone too far. we’ll see if he can survive in 2024
His butthurt from losing his election attempt and then being beaten and insulted by Trump is apparently too much for him to overcome. He should realize that the good old RINO days are probably over for the forseeable future.
At least his dad blamed brainwashing for flipping.
Trying for a late term abortion
https://twitter.com/klara_sjo/status/1269452468158685185
Kid’s going to grow up to be the next Evel Knievel, if he lives that long.
In which country is it? Probably in one of the most sadistic ones, like Spain, where people could not walk or exercise outdoors for moths.
months
“I want my child’s last moments to be FUN!”
Nazis do love them some book burning.
https://thefederalist.com/2020/06/01/minneapolis-rioters-burned-one-of-americas-most-beloved-independent-bookstores-to-the-ground/
Fuckers
Whycome he’s re-opening in the suburbs?! He must be racist!
There is a GoFundMe page to benefit rebuilding: https://www.gofundme.com/f/let-us-help-save-uncle-hugo039s
Insurance will pay for itI chipped in on the go fund me, and have been following that story, the last update said they were getting 90% of value on the inventory from the insurer.
Well, readin is racist. Readin and that math. And Science. And that’s SCIENCE!
Here is a coincidence from my afternoon reading. Speaking of fermentation:
One man’s journey to perfect homemade nattō
Apparently a guy in Chicago got nostalgic for natto. Fermented soybeans that are staple of a Japanese breakfast. They are like strong cheeses – people usually have a strong reaction. While I like strong cheeses natto is not my thing. It also has long mucous like strands…
I’ve only seen natto in photographs but it looks like something someone vomited up.
Any interest in Chanpuru from your time in Okinawa?
I don’t like bitter vegetables and this looked to double down on that. Bonus points for the eating the Spam variety?
Chanpurū
Not sure I ever had that. Mostly, when I ate local food, it was yakisoba, yakitori, gyudon, CoCo’s curry, or taco rice, an odd little Okinawan/Tex-Mex fusion that’s popular with the Okinawans and Americans alike. There was also an excellent sushi place, Highway 1, that also had the best fried rice I’ve ever eaten.
I really wish there were a CoCo around here. Loved that stuff. There’s only one in the US, in Los Angeles.
“Not sure I ever had that. Mostly, when I ate local food, it was yakisoba, yakitori, gyudon, CoCo’s curry, or taco rice, an odd little Okinawan/Tex-Mex fusion that’s popular with the Okinawans and Americans alike.”
You can’t go wrong with yakisoba, yakitori, gyuudon, or Japanese style curry! I’m also a big ramen fan too.
Any Marine who was stationed at Futenma undoubtedly ate more than a few meals at this place. I would kill for beef yakisoba from My House today.
So my Hawaiian friend always has fun with me when we hit up the all you can eat sushi joint. He thought he had me when he asked for some natto. It wasn’t something I would go out of my way to get again, but it wasn’t bad.
The next hydrochloroquine!
https://www.theguardian.com/science/2020/jun/05/vitamin-k-could-help-fight-coronavirus-study-suggests
As I said, I believe this will ultimately prove to be a net loss for liberty. When you turn to federal courts to protect your liberty from state actions, you’re playing a game of Russian roulette with five bullets loaded into your six-shooter. Despite a few minor victories here and there, federal courts almost always come out with opinions that expand government power, not protect individual liberty. And these expansions of government power become the law of the land across the entire United States. In a decentralized system, bad state court decisions only impact the people in that one state.
The risk isn’t worth the reward. And yet here we are.
I agree. There are a set of “Libertarian Technocrats”/”Libertarian Authoritarians” who seem to think that the best way to plan a society is along libertarian lines, and they are going to make sure it is mandated from the highest levels.
Yup. I have argued with some before. System of government is a different argument from philosophy, so libertarians can degree about what form is best, but I think constitutional federalism is the best form.
Remember, Sotomayor recently said that measuring a law against what the constitution allows is a ‘novel approach’ for the SC. Kagan wrote her master’s thesis declaring that the socialist party failed in the US because it had the wrong people ini charge. Dont get me started on that fucking asshole Roberts.
The courts only ever seem to get things right on accident.
I still think Heller was a submarine case to get the individual right buried forever that went sideways.
I’ve got to ponder this. The 14th undid a great injustice to a great many people. But it’s worth pondering.
There are no magic bullets. If enough people value a particular liberty enough to fight for it, give up whatever benefit they might gain by infringing it for others, and keep the politicians in line you will get that liberty. If not, you likely won’t. Republics stay free only as long as there are sufficent responsible and thoughtful citizens.
^ this ^
Yes. Governments are symptoms of the cultures that produce them.
Shitty authoritarian governments dont give birth to themselves. Remove them and they will be replaced with another shitty authoritarian government.
Meet the new boss….
See: the entire history of “regime change” in MENA.
Are we still building a democracy in Afghanistan?
Agreed. It takes an imperfect system, but manageable one, and created a leviathan and consolidated power to the modern day Priests in their garments of black and vaunted tautology.
I have to disagree with the author’s contention that the Framers did not intend for a more powerful central govt. They knew the necessity of it, and tried to minimize the dangers as much as possible. But you are a flat out liar or idiot if you don’t think Hamilton wanted power centralized. Those same Founders also passed the Alien and Sedition Acts – in direct contravention of the BoR they had so recently passed (and which WAS binding on the federal govt).
Now I’m all for the P&I clause – but those inconvenient words were written right out of the Constitution by the same court he decries and that well precedes the 14th. Or would the author apply the same argument against the 14th to the 13th?
True. Our current Constitution was a reaction to the Articles of Confederation, which were rejected and replaced in significant part because the national government was seen as too weak.
Now Tau Beta Pi is in on the email virtue signaling game.
Well, It does have beta right in the name.
if you see something, tweet it a zillion times
People accused him of assaulting a child. Of being a racist. They shared a selfie he’d taken in sunglasses and his bike helmet and analyzed it alongside blurry images of another man in sunglasses and a bike helmet. . .
As for the woman who shared his home address: Her correction was shared by fewer than a dozen people.
Don’t worry it will be over in a Flash.
Today I read some mildly risqué tweets. My reading them also comes amid nationwide protests against systemic racism in the wake of George Floyd’s May 25 death in Minneapolis.
It’s struggle sessions all the way down.
That’s all? Those are less offensive than your average Mel Brooks movie.
Hang Em’ High should be mandatory viewing.
This is why reverse class action law suits need to exist.
He should be able to sue the entire “class” and they have to pay his lawyer a bunch of money and each send him a $20 gift card*.
*class action lawsuit joke. YMMV.
Don’t you mean a coupon for $5 off the products they sell?
Possibly that too.
Way too generous. $200,000,000 settlement payable as 45% to the plaintiff’s attorneys, 5% to administrative costs and 50% to produce PSAs.
https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/sex-island-resort-promises-unlimited-22158693
If you don’t hear from me after June 21st, know that my wife has given me aquarium cleaner in hopes to cure what ever disease I picked up from this.
https://thefederalist.com/2020/06/08/america-is-in-a-cultural-civil-war/
When you think about it, kneeling is perfectly natural to those who have committed to a religion with no deity; especially when those lower on the victimhood hierarchy are prostrating to those that are higher.
I find it disgusting and anyone who does it is admitting to everyone that they are no longer a human.
people who want to fix something get after it; they seldom prioritize breaks for empty gestures and photo ops