About The Author

Penguin

Penguin

BakedPenguin is a graduate of some school or another, smells like a homeless person, and has the friendly demeanor of a rabid wolverine.

335 Comments

  1. Brochettaward

    I First, therefore I am.

    • Adama, Yusef Adama

      I nailed first twice today, Piker!

  2. Count Potato

    Who is Duckly in real life?

    • BakedPenguin

      Donald?

      • BakedPenguin

        Oops – didn’t get it at first. Get a photo montage of the HOR or Senate, and throw a dart.

      • Count Potato

        Oh, OK

    • Gadfly

      Who isn’t?

      That may be the easier question to answer.

  3. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Oh shit, now we’re fucked.

    This will be worse than the woodchipper incident.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Wasn’t that a John Cusack romcom film?

      Or was it Mcconaughey?

    • ruodberht

      Did he rear end her?

    • Agent Cooper

      Did he rear-end her?

      • Agent Cooper

        Holy crap. I swore I didn’t see ruodberht’s comment on here when I posted. Weird!

  4. Adama, Yusef Adama

    South Park did it!
    /Fire Breathing Flying Mickey

  5. Sean

    Shouldn’t there be some titties?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Random Drunken Mousehole

  6. Ted S.

    Come to Dinner, a 1934 parody of Dinner at Eight

    (It helps if you’ve seen the original movie.)

  7. Spudalicious

    Minnie wears three different blouses in that strip. She must not swallow.

    • westernsloper

      Now that is some paying attention to detail there.

      • Old Man With Candy

        He has his own special… kinks.

    • Timeloose

      Minnie’s no fool. The were retained with stains for future blackmail. She has tear away blouses that can be removed after the first stain like the F1 drivers have on this helmets visors.

      • Spudalicious

        Mickey got sucked and now he’s fucked.

  8. AlmightyJB

    Nicely done:)

    • DEG

      I would like to see #20’s front view.

  9. Rhywun

    BakedPenguin is Urkobold??

    • Q Continuum

      What’s Urkobold?

      • Jarflax

        The earliest form of a kobold.

      • Rhywun

        Some name I remember from TOS.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Like more tan 10 years ago, think he had a blog?

    • pistoffnick

      What ever happened to the Urkobold guys. I haven’t seen a good monkey picture or witnessed a taint withering in ages.

      *check taint*

      Nope still not withered.

      • BakedPenguin

        You got one of the Urky’s minions here. I haven’t been in touch with Pro Libertate, highnumber, Viking Moose or smacky in a long time.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I miss Pro L

        Let’s see if I can summon him.

        DUNE SUCKS

      • Rhywun

        Pro’L’dib!

      • DEG

        I miss Pro L

        #metoo

      • Gustave Lytton

        Also.

        I hope he and all missing glibs and proto-glibs at the old place are doing well. If i remember correctly, pro-L was having some health challenges.

      • pistoffnick

        I believe Viking Moose was having health issues as well.

        It sucks to get old. Just refuse to do it.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I’d like to think that Viking Moose still walks on the fair autumn shores of the hammy tears story forever, regardless of any comment nuking.

      • BakedPenguin

        I hate to bring the place down, but I believe Pro Lib passed away late last year. I haven’t confirmed this, mostly because I don’t want to.

      • DEG

        I believe Pro Lib passed away late last year.

        That is sad if true.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        *check taint*

        Nope still not withered.

        Well, Mr. Vibrant, Healthy Taint, you can just take your vanity mirror and/or flexible spine, and piss right off!!

        /Sorry, sorry–taint-bragging really sticks in my craw

  10. Fourscore

    Really outstanding B. Penquin. Story line and artwork top notch. To think I wasted my youth with that clown Disney and Tijuana 8 pagers. Excellent and hope to see the rest of your, ahem, collection.

    • straffinrun

      Unfortunately, it’s too small to read on my phone. Looking forward to reading when I get home, BP.

      • Lackadaisical

        I had the same problem, click the images and then zoom in.

      • straffinrun

        That’ll work.

    • AlmightyJB

      That’s crazy

    • westernsloper

      And I thought I had a bad day.

    • Rebel Scum

      Play stupid games…

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Give him credit for taking a couple of bullets and still ticking.

      Dude’s the Timex of gangbangers.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      I hope the vending machines behind are OK.

    • Lackadaisical

      Lady died after. Sad story, even so.

      • Sean

        ?

    • R C Dean

      Also a Marine.

      The kid had a sister(?). Both kids were burned pretty bad, but survived (so far).

    • Chipping Pioneer

      Better post-career than Kaepernick.

      • Chipping Pioneer

        I had to Voggle that for spelling. Kaepernick’s middle name is Rand. Huh.

    • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

      Did he spike it in celebration?

  11. straffinrun

    I’ve decided I can never go too far if I tell myself I’m doing it to help you.

    • Lackadaisical

      How romantic.

    • Jarflax

      So you have gone leftwing?

    • AlmightyJB

      Area was sketchy when I lived on that street close to 20 years ago. It’s gotten quite a bit worse.

    • Lackadaisical

      That’s a lotta fatties.

      • AlmightyJB

        Yeap. Lol.

      • Rhywun

        My 600lb life field trip?…

        I laffed. I’m going to hell.

      • Count Potato

        Also, idiots.

      • Chipping Pioneer

        I’m not up on my middle American geography, but, in my experience, there are a disproportionate number of fatties from the Columbus – Indianapolis – Louisville triangle.

      • Agent Cooper

        What’s round at the ends and actually round in the middle, too?

        OHIO.

    • Rebel Scum

      Maybe don’t try to attack people who are in control of multi-ton pieces of metal.

      • AlmightyJB

        What’s crazy is that one guy was still chasing the car after she showed she was willling to use it as a deadly weapon. Bonus points for extra stupid.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I don’t know man. It looked like the car and the assailant were in the same weight class to me.

  12. Jarflax

    Harlan Ellison learned the lesson BP is about to learn.

    • Lackadaisical

      Roy Disney is going to get BP fired?

      • Jarflax

        Goofy will show up at BP’s house and Hyuck him up!

    • Jarflax

      My one question political compass:

      I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it

      Yes: You get to join my society

      No: You get to the choppah.

      • Rebel Scum

        ^

      • Chipping Pioneer

        You get the choppah chippah.

      • Jarflax

        I said choppah and I meant choppah!

  13. Count Potato

    “Cancel culture: If you are “cancelled” but do not wish to be, you must WORK to EARN back people’s respect by owning up to the thing that cancelled you in the first place, LISTENING to others, EDUCATING yourself, and ADVOCATING on behalf of the people that you have offended/harmed”

    https://twitter.com/Phillipasoo/status/1280890450778501120

    CWAA

    • Jarflax

      Do you by any chance have a camp I could go to to be reeducated?

    • Rebel Scum

      Offense is taken, not given. Fuck off.

    • Rhywun

      Go fuck yourself™.

    • Count Potato

      “Witch culture: If you’re “accused of witchcraft” but do not wish to be, you must WORK to EARN back people’s respect by owning up to being a witch, LISTENING to those who identified you, and ADVOCATING on behalf of people that you harmed/turned into newts”

      https://twitter.com/charlescwcooke/status/1280993254952009728

      LOLOLLOL

    • Hyperion

      You see, here is the problem. The woke cancel culture have backed themselves into a corner. When platforms were mostly open, and they tried to engage in open debate, they got humiliated, and so then they resorted to tantrums and demanding that everyone who dared disagree with them and hurted their feelwings, be banned. So then, for God only knows what stupid reason, the media started going along with them and banning everyone. Now, some on the left are starting to realize the damage they have done and have started to look around at the pack of stark raving lunatics that are surely coming for them as well, because you cannot satiate such a monster from it’s blood lust until it’s devoured everything around it. Most of us have seen this coming for a very long time, but they missed it until they realized they too will be consumed. You cannot argue any sort of point about anything with any sort of logic or sanity, or the beast is coming for you. Have fun, dummies!

    • Gadfly

      What does “CWAA” stand for? I’m not familiar with that acronym, and Google is no help.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Christ, what an asshole

        (I think)

      • Gadfly

        Makes sense.

        *tips cap*

  14. DEG

    This is awesome!

    • Chipping Pioneer

      Outstanding. The wife and I have done a few similar things — pizza stuffed peppers, and deep dish with Italian sausage crust.

  15. Hyperion

    I like the way the Mouse handles his employees.

  16. kinnath

    Great work.

    Balls of steele.

  17. Rebel Scum

    Rashida Tlaib
    @RashidaTlaib

    My sister @IlhanMN said it best: We must begin with dismantling the whole system of oppression wherever we find it.

    Pass it on.

    Fixed. And replace it with what? The US Constitution, while flawed, is the most succinct political document* in the history of man. What is it you want?**

    *The Confederate Constitution was the third iteration of American federation that had a few specific and meaningful revisions (specifically outlawing tariff taxation and providing a single 6 year term for president as examples.). But I doubt she has read either.

    **Rhetorical. I know what they want.

    • Hyperion

      I would suggest she go back to Somalia, where things are a lot more just and fair.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        America won’t be just until we have female genital mutilation forced on all the girls regardless of skin color.

    • Jarflax

      It is a mark of insecurity when you have to try and one up SF on a Wednesday.

    • Q Continuum

      “The drama will portray sex and longing from a female gaze, with female pleasure at its center, according to the producers.”

      What is this “gaze” shit?

      Also: shaddup and make me a sammich.

    • TARDIS

      Chestnuts cheeks and the Blob. *gag*

  18. Derpetologist

    suggested music: The Final Countdown

    https://www.foxnews.com/us/seattle-chop-segregated-training-session-white-supremacy-physical-safety

    ***
    According to his screenshots, the Office of Civil Rights hosted a two-and-a-half-hour “Training on Internalized Racial Superiority for White People.”

    In the email invitation to the event, the office asked “city employees who identify as white to join this training to learn, reflect, challenge ourselves, and build skills and relationships that help us show up more fully as allies and accomplices for racial justice.”

    “We’ll examine our complicity in the system of white supremacy – how we internalize and reinforce it – and begin to cultivate practices that enable us to interrupt racism in ways to be accountable to Black, Indigenous and People of Color (BIPOC) folks within our community,” the email invitation said.

    The name of the initial sender was redacted. Rufo claimed, “the City of Seattle has refused to provide the names of the diversity trainers, the budget for the program, or the video of the session.”

    “I’m going to keep pushing—because this is exactly the kind of thought-policing they want to implement everywhere,” Rufo tweeted. “The new cultural revolution is being fought via corporate HR, city diversity training, and public school curriculums. When you find something like this in your community, expose it, criticize it, mock it, and reject it.”
    ***

    • UnCivilServant

      I don’t identify as white, I identify as Irish.

      • Jarflax

        The original lesser race

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        “transparent” = not white

      • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

        Is CHOP desperate enough to let in the Irish?

    • Hyperion

      He looks like Vinny Barbarino.

  19. Count Potato

    “Survey predicts 90 percent of Austin live music venues to close by Halloween

    A survey of Austin businesses impacted by the Covid-19 pandemic finds that 90 percent of the city’s live music venues are likely to permanently close by this fall.

    That forecast was one of the conclusions of a June survey conducted by the University of Houston’s Hobby School of Public Affairs, with more than 1,000 business owners from all industries sharing their actions following closures and scaled reopening of businesses across the state in recent months.

    The survey, which was commissioned by the Austin Chamber of Commerce in coordination with the Central Texas for Business Task Force, found that bars and live music venues in Austin are the most at risk for closure due to the pandemic.”

    https://www.austinmonitor.com/stories/2020/07/survey-predicts-90-percent-of-austin-live-music-venues-to-close-by-halloween/

    • Old Man With Candy

      Well, Flipnotics died a couple years ago all by itself. That and Whip In were my favorite music hangouts.

    • mrfamous

      We’re gonna have enough broken eggs by the end of this for years worth of omelets

    • Q Continuum

      Maybe all the hipsters will move back to California now.

      • Gadfly

        Not a chance. They’ll just vote for people who would’ve guaranteed 100% of the live music venues go out of business. Can’t be too careful.

    • Digby Says Invest in Malden

      Good. Keep Austin Fucked.

  20. westernsloper

    Thanks for the post BP. Enjoyed it. Familial bribes is something that has been flying under the radar or just outright ignored for decades. That drum needs to be beaten hard since it crosses the aisle. Both parties ruling us are rampant in it. Throw in family members running campaign apparatus collecting a nice sum for salary and it all kind of stinks.

    • BakedPenguin

      You’d think it would have gained some more notoriety given Hunter Biden and Burisma (sp?), but I guess that would require a level of honesty among ‘journalists’ that would be slightly higher than Satan in the Bible.

    • kinnath

      These are a few of my favorite things.

      • AlmightyJB

        Titania is like the Babylon Bee of Twitter.

    • Derpetologist

      She forgot canoes and underwear.

      Science is also racist, because African witch doctors were commanding lightning long before wypipo made use of electricity: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9SiRNibD14

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        “Higher ed”

      • Derpetologist

        I told the witch doctor I’m bleeding out my ass!
        I told told the witch doctor to do something fast!
        He said e, bo, e bo la, ting ,tang, walla walla bing bang
        ebo, ebola, ting tang walla bang boo!

        Mchawi means witch doctor in Swahili, although it is usually translated as sorcerer. It is also the only Swahili word featured in an episode of the Twilight Zone: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Jungle_(The_Twilight_Zone)

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      “The unbearable whiteness of cycling…”

      God forbid there should be a sport that white people can still win.

      • Rebel Scum

        unbearable whiteness

        S/he said ironically while denouncing other people as racists…

      • Derpetologist

        the unbearable whiteness of REEEE-ing

  21. Rebel Scum

    Amazon to Pull Redskins Merchandise from Site

    In an email notice to its associated sellers sent on Wednesday, the company said it will begin deleting Redskins merchandise. Sellers will have 48 hours to remove the products before Amazon does it for them, CNBC reported.

    The company also threatened distributors that failure to remove Redskins merchandise could result in the cancellation of accounts.

    “With the announcement from the Washington team and the NFL, we are removing products with the team’s name and logo from our stores,” the email said. “Failure to properly close or delete all restricted product listings from your inventory may result in deactivation.”

    Amazon’s move to eliminate Redskins merchandise comes on the heels of the team’s announcement that it is reviewing its nearly 90-year-old name and may be considering a new name.

    Amazon joins Walmart, Nike, Target, and others in removing Redskins products from shelves and online catalogs.

    Just cancel the team. They suck anyway.

    • Brochettaward

      The culture wars are over and a majority of the country lost. I can only hope there’s one big fuck you given to the left in November. Because yes – owning the libs is pretty damn important right now.

  22. Derpetologist

    Tom Friedman achieves Peak Tom Friedman

    https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/07/opinion/biden-trump-debate.html

    ***
    Biden Should Not Debate Trump Unless …

    Here are two conditions the Democrat should set.
    ***

    tl;dr – Trump needs to release his tax returns and also should accept live fact checking from journalists

    • Rebel Scum

      Agreed if Biden will do the same. And they each get to choose 2 “journalists” to “fact check” the other candidate.

      • AlmightyJB

        Lol. Perfect

      • Jarflax

        Why on Earth would you ever pick a journalist to fact check? That is like having breathairians do restaurant reviews.

      • Derpetologist

        [hearty applause]

        +1 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jasmuheen

        ***
        Jasmuheen has stated that she has lived on approximately 300 calories per day for the past fourteen years, maintaining full health through supplementing a fluid intake with “cosmic particles” or “micro-food”, which she describes as prana. She has stated that she has not yet mastered the ability to be fluid-free for more than short periods.

        Jasmuheen was awarded the Bent Spoon Award by Australian Skeptics in 2000 (“presented to the perpetrator of the most preposterous piece of paranormal or pseudoscientific piffle”).[5] She was also awarded the 2000 Ig Nobel Prize for Literature for her book Pranic Nourishment – Living on Light, “which explains that although some people do eat food, they don’t ever really need to.”[6]

        Jasmuheen maintains that some of her beliefs are based on the writings and “more recent channelled material” of the Count of St Germain.[7] She states that her DNA expanded from 2 to 12 strands to take up more hydrogen.[3] The extra strands of DNA have not been scientifically verified. When offered $30,000 to prove her claim with a blood test, Jasmuheen stated “you cannot view spiritual energy under a microscope”. She claimed that such a challenge would be a deliberate attack on her beliefs, and that she refuses to act as an example of her alleged paranormal attributes.[

        As of 2012, five deaths had been directly linked to breatharianism and Jasmuheen’s publications.[9][10] Jasmuheen has denied any responsibility for the deaths.[11]
        ***

        I have more respect for the crud behind my refrigerator.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Shit I didn’t know but should have expected.

      • Derpetologist

        No need to be so hard on yourself. I only know the above because I read one of the holy books of derpetology long ago: The World’s Worst, by Mark Frauenfelder of boingboing.net

      • pistoffnick

        “…Mark Frauenfelder…”

        Daily reader of BoingBoing. Mark used to be the most sane there. He has begun to drink the kool-aid.

      • Brochettaward

        So basically they want journalists who will debate for Biden because he’s too dumb to do the job himself.

      • Rebel Scum

        One thing you will never be first in is to consider the entertainment value.

      • AlmightyJB

        The last debates were just the “moderators” debating Trump.

      • Rebel Scum

        owning the libs is pretty damn important right now.

        I have enjoyed picking on you lately for the “first” thing. But you are right here. The meme war, as a part of the culture war, must be won if we are to retain any semblance of freedom. The liberal illiberal among us do not respond to arguments. They may respond to ridicule.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Friedman is such a stupid son of a bitch.

      He gives me hope that I too can write a NY Times bestseller.

      • UnCivilServant

        You can’t, because the list is really “Books the NY Times Editors want to push.”

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        If I debate Friedman, do I have to be lobotomized, in order to not have an unfair advantage over him?

    • R C Dean

      I’ve been predicting Biden will dodge the debates by setting conditions Trump won’t agree to. It’s already starting.

    • Gadfly

      Re: the fact checking.

      How about just let Biden use his phone and do the fact checking himself? A presidential debate should be between those running for president, others should not be involved in the debating.

      If it was up to me, all political debates would be a free-form back and forth between the candidates, with only a chess-clock connected to their mics as a moderator.

      • Derpetologist

        I say no debates. Have Trump and Biden play tic tac toe. Best 2 out of 3 wins.

      • Gadfly

        I’m going to have to disagree with you there. I’m actually looking forward to the cluster-mess that a Trump-Biden debate promises to be. The only thing better than that debate would be if Kanye gets his rear in gear and qualifies for a Trump-Biden-West 3-way.

        But if we are testing presidents on their mental capacity, having them play a game might actually be better than a debate. I’m in for the debates for the entertainment value alone.

  23. Gadianton

    I had a startling thought this evening: DNC is to Antifa as Sinn Fein is to IRA. Am I wrong?

    • Derpetologist

      Hey now, pantyfa is a right wing myth, like leprechauns or Eskimos.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        +1 “It’s a pornography store”

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      The IRA was more effective and deadly. Let’s hope it stays that way.

      • Q Continuum

        Antifa larpers don’t have the commitment required. At core, they’re men without chests. IRA, violent and brutal as they were, could never be accused of that.

      • Gustave Lytton

        That’s what most would have said about the econuts in the early 80’s. A decade later they were firebombing car dealerships and government buildings, along with a host of other stuff on a smaller scale but not necessarily any less deadly.

        Radicalization doesn’t happen overnight.

      • Derpetologist

        +1 “You got lucky this time. We only need to get lucky once. You need to get lucky every time.” – IRA message to Brighton Hotel bombing survivors

        Thatcher gives speech after surviving IRA bombing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOizSzKZtRY

      • Gustave Lytton

        Indeed. The IRA didn’t start off drilling kneecaps and (trying to) blow up ferries.

      • Derpetologist

        The IRA speaks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCenYr2VOMk

        “How do you get your weapons?”

        “With great ingenuity, and there is no way that a leader of a terrorist organization such as meself will answer such a question truthfully.”

        There was an ANC bomber named John McBride who part Irish and part African. He said “if terrorism helps end apartheid, I am proud to be called a terrorist.”

  24. RAHeinlein

    BLM protest/rally/whatever just took place on my block – I went out and yelled back them. They sent a roller-skater down to call me a racist and tell me “they know where we live” – the po-po baked the entire thing. I called an officer over and he gave me the “right to assemble” BS – I told him right to assemble doesn’t mean assemble wherever they want and block streets.

    • creech

      I’m pretty sure they won’t welcome the next Tea Party protest that decides to march down the Interstate day after day after day.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Already the news media is blaming the Trump rally for a spike in Tulsa corona cases.

    • Rebel Scum

      and block streets.

      Public right-of-way, meant for cars, that’s why you, legally, need a permit for such protest.

    • Chafed

      Please tell us you own a gun.

  25. egould310

    Here I sit in a bar in Ellensburg, WA. Sipping a double Jim Beam. Just mashed a decent cheeseburger and fries.

    There are some hotties walking in this place. Tan, lithe college girls. Central Washington University is the Arizona State of the Pacific Northwest.

    • Chafed

      Pics?

  26. Gustave Lytton

    What madness is this? I’m gonna need another beer to enjoy this properly. Thank you BP!

    I always read that name as Urkel-bold. An even more obnoxious Steve Urkel.

    Central Oregon in the summertime sucks donkey dicks.

  27. Derpetologist

    old man and monolingual Irish speaker tells a story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UP4nXlKJx_4

    “Most of the words don’t mean anything.” – translator comment

    Having spoken to many Irish and Irish-descent people: can confirm.

  28. TARDIS

    Great job, BP. I don’t know the steamship mousy reference though. Mickey driving a steamboat?

    • UnCivilServant

      The first cartoon Mickey appeared in was “Steamboat Willy”, in which he was driving a steamboat.

      • TARDIS

        Wow. I haven’t seen that in 30 years. That must have been a big deal back then.

    • BakedPenguin

      Surprised they didn’t copyright strike this One of the first, if not the first MM cartoons.

    • Derpetologist

      Fun fact: Walt wanted to call him Mortimer Mouse, but his wife insisted on Mickey.

      Not sure why Mortimer was ever a name. It means dead sea in French.

      • UnCivilServant

        To be fair, the Dead Sea is pretty important.

      • TARDIS

        That actually seems obvious, now that I think about it.

      • UnCivilServant

        It actually comes from “Still Water” in Old French, not Dead Sea.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Mmmm…. Emily Mortimer…

  29. BakedPenguin

    Thanks to everyone with kind words. This was an older piece recycled, but as I pointed out to SP, one which retained (or even gained) relevance in the intervening years. I’ll be trying to come up with new stuff soon.

  30. Count Potato

    “Just a reminder to all you gun-crackheads who think you’ll “resist.” You won’t.

    You stand no chance when this shows up, and if you dare show aggression and shoot they will carve holes in your house with 50 cal until they get you.

    So stop that nonsense. It won’t work.”

    https://twitter.com/NoGunsInCanada/status/1280664958187888641

    CWAA

    • UnCivilServant

      Says someone who knows nothing of asymmetric warfare.

      • Jarflax

        “Just aground glassarsenic, the guy in the bushes with a 12 gauge when you come home from the bar, and even the mechanic working on your brakes are on our team. Have a nice day!”

      • Jarflax

        sigh, “Just a reminder to all you cops with armored cars. the guy delivering your large pizza with extra ground glass…” No idea how I deleted it.

      • mrfamous

        It’s also worth noting that while there’s plenty of Derek Chauvins out there, there’s also plenty of police and military that would just as soon rather not be the go to thugs to oppress the citizenry. That’s WHY there was a Gestapo, because the regular ‘po’ and the Army lacked enthusiasm for such work.

        An armed citizenry even further discourages the less than “100% committed” tyrants from doing that job.

      • Gadfly

        To be fair, he seems to have an idea of what is the most effective way of defeating an asymmetric force: war crimes.

        That’s not usually a position people advocate for in public, against their own countrymen.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        Well, shit-stains gonna shit-stain. He’s a lunatic bastard with a hard-on for gubmint authoritah.

        What he doesn’t realize is that he’ll be one of the first ones up against the wall, no matter who wins his hypothetical war.

    • Derpetologist

      herpa derpa lower your shields and power down your weapons

      resistance is futile herp herp herpa derp

      question: if resistance to the borg really is futile, why do they command their victims to power down their weapons and shields?

      • UnCivilServant

        It takes less effort when the target surrenders, so the chance of a more efficient route is worth a few moments.

    • Viking1865

      Yeah I’m totally planning to run at an MRAP, firing from the hip. That’s absolutely my plan when the balloon goes up.

      • Derpetologist

        paraphrased from a meme: nobody needs an AR-15, but we need an MRAP to direct traffic

    • Gustave Lytton

      Iraqis and Afghanis say “hold my tea”

    • Rebel Scum

      “No Guns in Canada” does not actually want no guns in Canada. “No Guns in Canada” wants Canadian government guns trained on his/her countrymen. “No Guns in Canada” is a tyranny-advocating cunte.

    • AlmightyJB

      I love how they always assume the military will be on their side.

      • UnCivilServant

        They might have the tranny brigades, and the snowflake regiments.

      • Brochettaward

        They would have most of the army of generals at the Pentagon on their side.

      • Brochettaward

        So not the guys who fire bullets. They kill you via paperwork and power point presentations.

  31. Count Potato

    “The Unintentional Racism Found in Traffic Signals

    Just because something doesn’t use an offensive mascot doesn’t mean it can’t reinforce a broken system

    Washington D.C.’s pro football team. Aunt Jemima pancake products. Eskimo Pies. They’re all examples of the everyday racism that bombards people of color from the supermarket to the playing field. They’re also all iconic American products that both corporations and consumers finally agree are ready for a rebrand.

    But what about the far more subtle streams of everyday racism that course through our homes, our workplaces, and the outside world? These instances may be far subtler than a mascot or an offensive term, but are no less pervasive — and no less deserving of cultural reckoning.

    For me, this reckoning begins with traffic signals.

    A few months back, before Covid-19 kept us in our homes and George Floyd made us take to the streets, I was walking with a friend, her daughter, and my twin sons. My friend is White and I’m not — something I’d never given a second thought until we reached a crosswalk. “Remember, honey,” she said to her daughter as we waited for the light to turn green, “we need to wait for the little White man to appear before we can cross the street.””

    https://level.medium.com/the-unintentional-racism-found-in-traffic-signals-b2899c34fefb

    • Gustave Lytton

      Wait til they discover ISO 7010.

    • Rhywun

      Someone has an hour and a half to come up with something stupider today. Who’s up to the challenge?

      • Gadfly

        That’s a game I don’t want to win.

      • Derpetologist

        [steely gaze into the distance]

        https://www.currentaffairs.org/2020/07/the-right-wing-myth-of-the-left-wing-mob

        ***
        Of course, there is a problem in this country with “people getting fired over speech,” like the Black Lives Matter supporter recently fired from Deloitte over a TikTok video. But the big problem here is at-will employment, not “cancel culture.” American workplaces are dictatorships, meaning your boss can fire you for any reason. So, if there’s even a slight controversy around you, no matter how small it is, your boss may well just can you to avoid the headache. This means that even if it’s a misunderstanding and the person accusing you deletes their accusation, you will still be let go and have no recourse, because capitalism does not give a shit whether you live or die.

        The solution, of course, is unions. The way to prevent arbitrary firings is to make arbitrary firings impossible, by ensuring that all workers receive due process and can’t be let go except for just cause.
        ***

      • Gustave Lytton

        Written by someone who has never worked in a union shop.

      • TARDIS

        I have. I was shop steward for 4 months. Then I quit.

      • Derpetologist

        My grandpa on my mom’s side was born in 1918 and was lucky enough to get a job during the Depression around 1936. It was in a bottling plant. Anyway, after his first day, some workers told him he was working too fast and was making them look bad. Then they threatened to beat him up if he didn’t join the union. He didn’t join the union and spent the rest of his life as an FDR-hating staunch Republican.

        He served stateside in WW2 because he had flat feet and bequeathed his bangbang toy collection to my brother, who spirited them away from the People’s Republic of NJ. I have a collection of the arrowheads and such he collected as boy in Kentucky. I’ve been trying to find a museum to donate them to.

        During the war, he made illustrations for training manuals, including foreign language phrasebooks. I used to have them, but lost them. Those got me interested in foreign languages when I was young.

        He lived to 96 despite various bad habits. We buried his ashes on a mountain he liked.

      • UnCivilServant

        When the uion boys claim the hard worker is making them look bad (which is all too common a tale) it’s actually the reverse – they’re making themselves look bad and blaming the new guy for revealing it.

      • Rhywun

        Not fair. Nathan could win this contest every day.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        Nathan J Robinson
        @NathanJRobinson
        A response to the Harper’s letter on the supposed free speech crisis. I would recommend we not further the right-wing myth about the Totalitarian PC Left That Is Coming For Our Freedoms. Especially since it’s central to Trump’s re-election pitch it’s not a myth, and talking about it really makes shows people just how fucked up we are.

        OK, so I helped him a li’l bit.

      • one true athena

        Wasn’t that guy fired by SDGE part of their union? I read he was – but maybe the source didn’t know.

        But it’s funny to me that this writer’s like “unions will stop cancel culture” and then you can go to the next page of that site and read all about Black Lives Matter/police brutality and Our Failing Schools/ Evil Betsy DeVos and they will never ever figure out the unions there are the problem.

        Speaking of teacher’s unions, did everyone catch Biden promising to make “Teacher Centered Education” a thing. I’m sure that’ll help a lot, MushForBrains.

      • Count Potato

        I wanted to make up for Derp saying the Twitter thread wasn’t retarded enough. As it turns out, he was right. When I went back and looked at it, they had hidden the worst replies.

      • Derpetologist

        Oh, no need for that old chum. It takes time to learn all the tricks of the trade.

        I like to think some things get hidden because they suspect guys like me will go looking for them.

      • Count Potato

        Twitter rarely does that quickly, but I suspect since it involved so many high-level accounts they were notified.

    • Rebel Scum

      “And when I see the orange hand?”

    • Rebel Scum

      And fuck you, you fucking racist retard. Traffic signals are designed to be fucking visible so fucking morons like you don’t fucking misinterpret them and fucking walk in front of a bus. Try substituting a “black” light for the white light and see how your crosswalk travels go.

  32. Gustave Lytton

    https://www.oregonlive.com/crime/2020/07/charges-expected-for-seattle-driver-who-hit-protesters-from-portland.html

    I’d like to know why he drove the wrong way onto the freeway, but other than that, I’d vote to acquit. Note the total bullshit that the ‘cars were blocking the freeway to protect protesters’. No, they were illegally blocking the freeway as part of a criminal conspiracy to illegally stand on a dangerous location. She got what she had coming to her for playing chicken on the roadway. And the police and WSDOT are complicit in killing her.

    I feel bad for the driver. The level of revenge and threats exhibited by the criminals who felt they were allowed to take down the driver is scary. Those are the ones who should have been arrested. But because the driver isn’t a real African-American, he’s going to be fucked over by the terrorists.

    • grrizzly

      The driver was born in Africa?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yep. Eritrea.

    • straffinrun

      No malice on the guy’s part and yet one of the mob’s made men (chick?) got whacked and so he’ll get his metaphorical cement shoes. Assholes.

      • AlmightyJB

        That was pretty good:) lol

      • Chafed

        That’s fantastic.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        Damn, but Twatter can produce some comedy gold, from time to time.

  33. Count Potato

    I was looking for this pic to respond to Hyperion about cancel culture.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DC-rAJzVoAAOY6C.jpg

    One problem was that the anti-SJW’s were mostly having a good time. Many of them didn’t even know others like them were out there because all they heard in school was leftist crap. So there was much camaraderie, even if they didn’t completely agree with each other. Meanwhile, the SJW’s were (and still are) a bunch of humorless scolds, suffering under the weight of their own orthodoxy. They weren’t funny. They couldn’t meme. And YouTube wasn’t some campus safe space where they could just hide. So they lied and pulled all sorts of tricks to get their opposition banned. Most unfortunately, they were largely successful because the social media companies were on there side.

    • straffinrun

      If that is the only port open, I’ll take my chances on the open sea, storm or not.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        Yep, sometimes, a submarine is the best vessel.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        Who dat??

    • Brochettaward

      She’s too far from the stove.

    • Count Potato

      Nice forend checkering.

  34. UnCivilServant

    Okay, I have all of the ingredients, I’ve washed the mixing bowl, etc. so why have I not started the banana bread?

    • straffinrun

      Adding nuts?

      • Trigger Hippie

        +1 ?
        +1?

      • Trigger Hippie

        The lime emoji apparently isn’t an option on my tablet and the next closest one was a sliced kiwifruit. GET OFF MY KOOL-AID, YO!

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        +1 “fur lime”

        What; coconut is the only one that get’s to be hairy??

  35. straffinrun

    What exactly is fundamentally different between affirmative action and what they are trying to do with white privilege? The principle was sold when the government got all handsy with racial shit all the way back to slavery. FFW through Jim Crow and the great society, and there really is no principle in play that tells people that the government shouldn’t be involved in racial preferences.

    We may have a principle that rejects it, but just look at the two main teams: they don’t care about it one iota.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Affirmative action was a paternalistic scheme to attempt to correct the very real wrongs of racism. Except that it itself was race based and would never lead anywhere except in a circle. The current smash the white privilege (beside being a classic leftist divisive operation to gain power) is that it’s Jim Crow in blackface. Skin color perpetually condemns someone to second class (or lower) status. They cannot ever become a full citizen.

      • Gustave Lytton

        *real wrongs of racist laws and intertwined culture

      • straffinrun

        The principle: Collective punishment is evil regardless of intent. Any attempt at doing it will lead to destruction one way or the other.

        It’s beyond frustrating to watch people try and do it in a new and improved! manner.

      • straffinrun

        IOW, I agree.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Ah, yeah I can see that.

        *goes back to plotting to put up fence to keep Califuctards in their own state*

      • KSuellington

        Watch out how far out you build that fence. You might keep some Oregonotards trapped inside.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I’d offer some sort of prisoner swap, but despite the license plates, they seem to have already been assimilated. Two miles of “keep right except to pass” and everyone of them except one stayed in the left hand lane not passing.

      • KSuellington

        I looked it up once, and of all the laws that we have in this fuggin state, we do not have a law that says you must go in the slow lane to allow other traffic to pass. You are suggested to. It often leads to highly dangerous maneuvering from those seeking to pass.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Undertaking leads to undertaking?

      • Don Escaped both Landslides

        everyone of them except one stayed in the left hand lane not passing

        shot at dawn

      • Gustave Lytton

        Washington used to have a reputation for pulling over drivers who stayed in the left lane on I-5 when not passing. That seems to have changed.

        During the bottom of the traffic lull, there were still left laners sitting there even with completely empty right lanes.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        You know–this disappears quite a bit when you have more than 2 lanes. Not saying it ever goes away, totally. But, FFS, tell ’em to add more lanes.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Hah hah. Yeah right. Both about adding lanes and going away. 3 or 4 lanes and they’re still jammed over in the leftmost lane. Drivers are morons here.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        Humans are stupid in everything else. No reason we’d suddenly get it right with traveling using ICE’s, I guess.

  36. Trigger Hippie

    BP Comics reign again, huzzah!..I can’t elaborate further aside from enthusiasm, drinking and all.

    Hiya, Night Shift! Wassup? My new job is running me ragged but, the rewards have been financially rewarding far beyond previous experiences. Make $$$!

    I probably have a rain day tomorrow but I can always work Saturday. So for tonight, a few beers and random curiosities via the Devil’s Web, then I’m off in case the forecast is for shit.

    See ya!

    • straffinrun

      Good for you! Been good for me too lately. Bonuses coming in from multiple places. Cheers!

      • Trigger Hippie

        Hell, ya! Good for you!

        #metoo

        I think I can complete my first solo project for my new company in half the allotted labor hours. If so, all those unworked hours are assigned to me as a bonus. I get paid for the labor hours bid no matter what. Downside: Miss your hours over several straight projects and it’s your ass. However, on a good week, I can earn an extra twenty-five percent of my normal pay on bonuses alone if I just get up off my butt and work hard and efficiently…I’m almost hopeful…ha!

        Fucking incentives, how do they work? Cheers, buddy!

  37. straffinrun

    I can’t see shit with this mask on. Might be wearing it wrong.

    • Brochettaward

      Masks are for fags.

      • Brochettaward

        And Batman. But you are no Batman.

      • straffinrun

        You are no Huey Lewis fan.

      • Brochettaward

        Yup. Straffinrun loves the cock confirmed.

      • Brochettaward

        Yes I would say that straffinrun loves cock an equivalent amount to how much that black boy loves chicken.

      • Chafed

        Hank Venture hardest hit.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        And, Hank crushes box. So….maybe not all faggy, Broch.

    • Derpetologist

      “With the blast shield down, I can’t see anything. How am I supposed to fight?”

      A sci fi story about a mask economy: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Moon_Moth

      The author of the above washed out of the US Army’s Japanese language school in WW2

      ***
      Vance graduated in 1942.[13] Weak eyesight prevented military service. He found a job as a rigger at the Kaiser Shipyard in Richmond, California, and enrolled in an Army Intelligence program to learn Japanese, but washed out. In 1943, he memorized an eye chart and became an able seaman in the Merchant Marine.[12] In later years, boating remained his favorite recreation; boats and voyages are a frequent motif in his work. He worked as a seaman, a rigger, a surveyor, a ceramicist, and a carpenter before he established himself fully as a writer, which did not occur until the 1970s.
      ***

    • KSuellington

      I bet my brother a few weeks back that El T Dog would win it. I shoulda got some odds, but he wasn’t willing. I was trying to scare up another one with a buddy who can’t stand him but he wouldn’t take it.

      • Don Escaped both Landslides

        I still haven’t figured out how to make a legal pool for us 🙁

      • KSuellington

        If we were not betting money, but instead betting something ethereal, it would be legal, yes?

      • Don Escaped both Landslides

        yes

        username bets!?

      • KSuellington

        For instance, I bet we could think of some other interesting things as well.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        Dude–porn is free, yo!

    • Chafed

      I have no love for Trump but a Biden victory scares me. President Harris isn’t something I want to say out loud.

      • KSuellington

        I’ve been calling a Harris VP nod for three years now. It’s more likely than ever. No matter who Biden picks, it is Trump’s prize to lose. I don’t think he will, although in our year of branch Covidian madness any outcome is possível. Except John McAfee winning. That ain’t happening. No matter how awesome it might be.

        https://twitter.com/officialmcafee/status/1280978738369515520?s=20

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        Dammit: If we have to have Crazy in out government, why can’t we have that type of crazy?? Pisses me off!

        At least he’d want to stay out of our lives. Well, unless he thought we were offering up some blow or shaded ass…

    • KSuellington

      The possible one silver cloud is that people will trust “the experts” perhaps a bit less. I’ll be happy to see some of that. I know, I know.

    • Digby Says Invest in Malden

      Considering what they are potentially protecting, I’m not sure it’s worth it. ‘Cause, there’s plenty of stupid to go around in sports.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        Also, considering the intersection of BLM and Antifa, isn’t it really fucking ironic how much Antisemitism there is in that mix?

        If we’re going based on results…

      • Chafed

        (((I))) was trying to be gracious. But you’re right.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        There are plenty of sportsball people with intelligence, of course. But, Something about a media platform seems to just push the Shit-head button on so many of them.

        Of course, since (((they))) control so much of the media….

        /Ha bloody ha

  38. Digby Says Invest in Malden

    “I would like to apologize to the little girl. I did not know that she was a minor. If I had known she was a minor, I would have never spoken to her saved my feelings for when she’s older,” Holt said.
    https://www.theblaze.com/news/white-blm-protest-viral-tennessee

    Please stop trying to help…anyone, really. Just, stop, already.

    • PieInTheSky

      I generally disagree with firing people for speech outside of work, but in this case, given the circumstances, I might see firing for reasons of stupid.

      • Digby Says Invest in Malden

        Yeah…If an employee is going to bring enough problems in based on what they’ve done outside, they will go, even in contract situations.

    • PieInTheSky

      A Mexican doing the job Americans no longer want?

      • JD is in the United Karendom

        Boom.

    • Digby Says Invest in Malden

      Been woked since…..the thing

    • JD is in the United Karendom

      “I’m Joe Biden’s husband” is my fave so far.

  39. JD is in the United Karendom

    Mornin’ Glibbingtonians, and other Glibs in the greater Glib Metropolitan Area, as well as those glibs out in the unincoporated glibitories and glibships of Glibfax county.

    You have to build the narrative around the gimmick, and not use it as a last minute rug-pull.

    I agree. My whole argument is that the dream has to be very relevant, and not wholly removed from the real situation, with my idea being that the initial dream is actually closer to what was reality than what the protagonist finds themselves awaking into. This is the old “everything is not what it seems” trope, but I like the idea of the protagonist essentially having all the clues they need already and finding their way back to what has otherwise been obfuscated for whatever reason. This is all very specific now, but yes, that’s an example of what I mean when I put myself in the apparently impossible position of defending the “it was all a dream” trope. See, I do agree with you about the “rug-pull” aspect.

    • Gender Traitor

      Howdy, JD! So…in order to avoid the “rug-pull”/easy-way-out bit of writing about a dream, should the writer establish at the outset that what’s being portrayed IS a dream?

      • JD is in the United Karendom

        I thought about this in the shower yesterday. I figure it doesn’t really matter. Of course you could leave it as a surprise and it leaves the reader somewhat disoriented, only to find their bearings again as they continue to read and find familiar footholds in the “new reality”, able to apply the clues from the dream world to make sense of it, learning it’s relevance, or you could be upfront about it so they know there’s a different world out there but until they get there it’s a big mystery.

      • Gender Traitor

        As an interlude in the midst of a longer story, it could work. I’d be careful of having a revelation that all the previously-established story elements were part of a dream. The writing class I took last year was focused on short stories, and I’m sure the poor instructor had seen the “never-mind-the-whole-thing-was-a-dream” conclusion far too many times. (As I said at the time, I don’t believe writers have a built-in excuse to drink to excess, but I think community college writing instructors DO.)

      • JD is in the United Karendom

        Yeah, like UCS said it’s got to be integral to the narrative. In this instance I’m just trying to sell it as another plot twist device where it all remains very relevant.

      • UnCivilServant

        I have at least twice included a dream sequence, but the reader was well aware these were dreams at the outset.

      • JD is in the United Karendom

        Well that’s a different kettle of ballgames entirely.

    • UnCivilServant

      Yet you suggested it for a narrative question that was 1 published book plus 50K words in. hense “you’re not taking this seriously”

      • Gender Traitor

        Mornin’, UCS. Meant to tell you – I’m sorry to see you won’t be able to make your cross-country trip this fall. I’m sure you were looking forward to it.

      • UnCivilServant

        I might make shorter trips, I still have to burn a lot of leave to avoid giving it back to the state.

      • Gender Traitor

        If any shorter trips take you to or through SW OH, please speak up. We can round up some Dayton-area Glibs to take you out for some square-cut pizza. Or maybe even something you’d actually enjoy.

        ***SIGH!!!*** Now I’m craving some NON-square-cut gourmet pizza from my favorite joint across town (not far from the AF Museum.) More specifically, I want a little pizza and then some of their made-on-site ice cream. ::dabs drool from chin::

      • Gender Traitor

        As far as I know they are. At the very least, Ohio’s state park lodges are, and they’re trying hard to drum up business. I got an e-mail from the one closest to us, where we’ve stayed several times, promoting a “Three for Two” special wherein you can stay three nights for the price of two Sunday through Thursday any time through 9/2. (This park is on a large man-made lake, SW of Dayton, NW of Cincy & near Oxford, where I went to school.)

      • Festus' Mustache

        Hamster ball.

      • UnCivilServant

        I honestly don’t get it.

      • JD is in the United Karendom

        Are you an intransigently autistic person or do you just play one in real life? JK!

        Anyway, it could still apply since the narrative isn’t wrapped up, but I’m not actually talking specifically about your book now, just having a wider conversation about it. You know, moving the goalposts.

  40. Gender Traitor

    I’m hoping I’ve found a way to continue my twice-weekly after work swimming sessions without having to submit to The Mask Mandate as I enter the building. The local Y has a location just over the county line to the east and pretty accessible from the highway. I made my “lap lane” reservation there for later today. At least I don’t have to cross state lines…yet.

    • Festus' Mustache

      Saw my second mask last weekend. A soy-boyish type walking his dogs in a deserted park. “Look at Meeeeeee!”

      • Festus' Mustache

        He didn’t bother to curb his dogs. It was sublime.

  41. Festus' Mustache

    Regarding BP’s Disney comic there is an illuminating section from “Comic Book Confidential” about the very same thing. Sorry I couldn’t be arsed to pull the scene for the webs but it was an underground comic guy going up against Disney. The interview is hilarious and apparently takes place in the back room of a peeler bar in 1980 something. There is pool-playing strippers and fat cartoonists.

    • Festus' Mustache

      is/are whatever.

  42. Cy

    I’m here to drink coffee and shitpost… and I’m almost out of coffee.