Subject Report 2 – and Links

by | Jul 15, 2020 | Daily Links | 310 comments

Possibly OMWC or Mad Scientist

Subject Report 071520 – Subject RAPERNON has slowed considerably. Aggression is notably less, and rape activity has dropped off to a few desultory thrusts at the food dish and exercise wheel. No attempt at the lab assistant replacing wood shavings and filling water bottle. Checking Subject SWISS SMITH for similar reaction.

 

“Huh. Looks like he is either wearing out, or this stuff is wearing off.” Mad Scientist frowned at the holding cell.

“Yes, that was not even a halfhearted attempt to molest that wheel of raclette cheese.” OMWC shook his head slowly.

“So how long do we keep him in there?”

“We have to let this run its course. Science!”

“Yes, Science!”

“He did the links in a rather mixed fashion…”

 

  • IT RED ALERT for our Glibs in Tokyo.
  • SWISS Smith NO understand this rather strange story.
  • What hath the plague wrought? The Hair…poor fellow.

[To be continued]

About The Author

Glib Staff

Glib Staff

310 Comments

  1. Spudalicious

    There was no way Trump was going to be able to hide the gray.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I can foresee at least one or two pieces written that the gray is RACIST or its POLITICAL

    • Aloysious

      So do you think the carpet matches the curtains?

      • Spudalicious

        Since I recently learned that the hair eats the pubes to keep them from becoming sentient, I don’t think we’ll ever know.

  2. Ownbestenemy

    I have nothing to say except if I was dealing with all the crap that any president deals with, I would have been grey 4 years ago on day 2.

  3. Not Adahn

    Hard to tell, but all three of the lady sex cultists are a would.

    And really, what is illegal about running a sex cult? Stupid Puritans, settling in New England.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Nothing until you force women to have sex with you and then brand them.

      • leon

        branding? is that like for Instagram influencers?

      • Ownbestenemy

        More or less.

      • Not Adahn

        I thought all the charges were financial in nature.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I skimmed the article…thought it said something about their ‘leader’ doing those things.

      • Not Adahn

        Oh, he branded them. But AFAICT, the branding was voluntary. I think the sex is a case of “The Guru said I would only spiritually improve if I fucked him. So I did but I didn’t really want to.”

      • Ownbestenemy

        Then your original statement stands! What is so wrong with voluntarily getting branded and most likely, having sex with the guy. My guess is their tune changed once the state went after him and they offered certain benefits for turning against him.

      • Mad Scientist

        Here’s how it works, ma’am. We’re sending your guru up the river whether you help us or not. That means no more salvation for you and eternal damnation unless you find a new guru. ::unzips:: Get it?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I’ve always wanted to found a sex cult but I’m coming to realize that will be yet another infilled life’s dream for me. Oh well…

    • Animal

      Hard to tell, but all three of the lady sex cultists are a would.

      Never.

      Stick it.

      In crazy.

  4. Count Potato

    “TOKYO (Reuters) – Tokyo raised its coronavirus alert to the highest “red” level on Wednesday, alarmed by a message sung by two tiny twins.”

    • Swiss Servator

      Mothra spreads the ‘vid?!! NOT GOOD.

      • Count Potato

        Mothra is one of the good guys, so the vid must because they violated the laws of nature or some shinto whatever.

  5. mrfamous

    “Tokyo raised its coronavirus alert to the highest “red” level on Wednesday, alarmed by a recent spike in daily new cases to record highs”

    If everyone just wore masks like they do in Asia, we could have stopped this months ago like they did in Japan.

    • Sean

      *standing applause*

      • DEG

        Seconded.

      • invisible finger

        Deaths actually ARE at a virus low in Japan.

        But the government just wants to have any excuse to shit on people so they PANIC which says they don’t even believe the mask bullshit themselves AT THE SAME TIME they have the golden opportunity to claim (by statistics) that the masks are effective.

    • invisible finger

      The Mask Of The Red Sun Death.

  6. Not Adahn

    Tokyo raised its coronavirus alert to the highest “red” level on Wednesday, alarmed by a recent spike in daily new cases to record highs, with Governor Yuriko Koike describing the situation in the Japanese capital as “rather severe”.

    Yuriko-governor must have been taught English by a Brit.

    • Count Potato

      Guv’nor Yuriko

    • Sensei

      Let me give you the magic word “chotto”. I have no idea if this was she said, but it can mean just a little or awful. Perfect for just such a press occasion.

      ちょっと, ちょと, チョット, ちょいと, チョッと【一寸, 鳥渡】
       
      adverb
      1. a little, a bit, slightly (usually written in kana)
      2. just a minute, for a moment, briefly (usually written in kana)
      3. somewhat, rather, fairly, pretty, quite (usually written in kana)
      4. (not) easily, (not) readily (usually written in kana) (before a verb in negative form)
      interjection
      5. hey!, come on, excuse me (usually written in kana)

  7. invisible finger

    A RED ALERT for a virus that isn’t killing people.

    If this were an actual dangerous virus, many of the authorities would already be dead.

    • commodious spittoon

      If they keep it up, it might yet prove deadly.

      • invisible finger

        Remember, the Spanish Flu only became news when the King of Spain got it. The months prior to that when GI’s in foxholes were dying of it? Sorry, not news worthy because cannon fodder.

    • The Last American Hero

      Maybe, but the homeless would certainly be dead. They live in exposed and dirty conditions. They don’t sanitize or social distance. They have a variety of other health issues and poor access to care outside of an E R. COVID should be killing them in waves- like Monty Python Bring Out Your Dead waves. Each day the city paper should be telling how they had to recover 3 more corpses from tent city last night. You know what they aren’t? Morbidly obese. You know what else they aren’t? Over 70.

  8. leon

    I still get giggles when i really sit down and think that Donald Trump is President.

    • mrfamous

      The night of in 2016, once the NY Times had it’s percentage chance above 90%, I kept giggling. Not because I was happy (I wasn’t, but not upset either), but I just kept saying: “I can’t believe we elected Donald Trump president.”

      • Grosspatzer

        I spent election night in the ER attempting to pass a kidney stone. The pain medication was pretty good, but the reactions of the CNN journalos on the itty bitty TV erased all vestiges of discomfort.

      • TARDIS

        Man that sucks. I hope the waterfall of tears eased your pain.

    • Mad Scientist

      Or you are living in a simulation, and this is the charming reality someone constructed for you. Meanwhile, outside, the third year of Hillary’s War on Deplorables rages in the streets and the Backstreet Boys have just released their 4th number one hit of 2020.

      • Ownbestenemy

        You wanna know how messed up 2020 is? Occam’s Razor applies to your statement

  9. B.P.

    On my drive in to work this morning I drove behind a car with the vanity plate BATSOUP.

    • Count Potato

      Was it a DeLorean?

    • Ownbestenemy

      Okay. It would be nice if we could get over the media portraying insta-death if you come up positive. Dad, laying in a hospital bed, with cancer popped positive and was asymptomatic the whole time. It isn’t a death sentence but the media sure likes to play it that way.

      • invisible finger

        The media is always 5-6 months behind the times.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Govs too. We are still operating under March/April “science” for this. Where the damn hell is my beer

      • Fourscore

        The Times are ahead by 6 months? I did sleep well last night or was that back in Feb?

    • Swiss Servator

      Will the have a FOLLOW UP when he isn’t dead, hospitalized or such? Or just the original “HA HA”

      • KSuellington

        Somehow, some way, Bolsonaro is still alive after catching it.

        Gripezinha só.

      • Fourscore

        Now do Boris Johnson (and Pence)

      • invisible finger

        I don’t think Pence ever tested positive, I think he sequestered because someone on his staff did.

      • The Last American Hero

        No that was just because a woman walked into the office.

      • invisible finger

        The time between a positive test and death is three weeks, far longer than journalism’s attention span.

    • Ownbestenemy

      So when he dies between now and forever, he is now a COVID statistic.

    • Idle Hands

      The level of disgust I have for these stories is pretty high.

  10. Rebel Scum

    Individualism is white-supremacy.

    The web page on whiteness appears to have been live on the museum’s website for just over a month, according to a search of the Internet Archive. It offers definitions and educational materials for explaining “systemic racism.”

    One guide, drawn from “data” on a chart created in 1990, advises that features of “whiteness” include “rugged individualism,” the nuclear family, an “emphasis on the scientific method,” and a belief that “hard work is the key to success.”

    • invisible finger

      Does that mean that blind conformity (aka not leaving the plantation) is black supremacy?

    • leon

      Next they will be saying Apple Pie, Freedom and the American way of Life are all parts of “whiteness”.

      • Count Potato

        They already have.

    • The Other Kevin

      So I can escape my toxic whiteness by being part of a collective, being lazy, being habitually late, having poor grammar, rejecting logic and scientific thought, rejecting religion and family, etc.? Guess that explains the whole “woke” generation.

      • Fourscore

        …and stop playing hockey…

      • Ownbestenemy

        WHOA! Slow down there fourscore. Every man has to have a red-line.

      • The Other Kevin

        It doesn’t say anything about sports, so apparently I can still play, I just have to stop trying to be good at it.

      • invisible finger

        Let’s see your privileged ass try to play hockey without a sled,

      • DEG

        No. You will always carry the stain of being white.

    • Drake

      One other aspect of “whiteness”. I don’t really think about race much, don’t care about “the community” as long as they aren’t rioting. Don’t even care what my neighbors are up as long as it doesn’t affect me.

      If indifference = racism, I’m a Grand Wizard.

    • R C Dean

      Its just staggering to me that they list a bunch of stuff which seems to me like uncontroversial Good Things, credit them to white people, and imply thereby that POCs don’t have these good things and/or that they aren’t good at all.

      Being white does mean you have not faced hardships or oppression based on the color of your skin.

      But you have faced barriers to education and career advancement.

      • Mad Scientist

        Being white does mean you have not faced hardships or oppression based on the color of your skin.

        It’s true! The Irish were welcomed with open arms!

      • The Hyperbole

        Irish is a skin color?

      • kbolino

        Neither is black.

        And I don’t just mean that black people aren’t literally Pantone black or RGB #000000 or some other colorists’ definition of black.

        Lots of southern Asians and others are as dark as dark-skinned Africans. But they’re not considered black.

        Lots of light-skinned Americans, Brits, and people of other nationalities are considered black. But their ancestry is primarily (>50%) non-African.

        Black is a cultural identity that has overlap with skin color but is not identical to it.

        So there’s enough imprecision here to go around.

      • Mad Scientist

        The Irish weren’t considered white until relatively recently, so they were some color or other.

      • kbolino

        Being white does mean you have not faced hardships or oppression based on the color of your skin.

        If we assume this is true, there are two ways to rectify it.

        We seek to end harships and oppression based on skin color, race, ethnicity, and other factors that say nothing about a person’s character. This is the approach MLK advocated and many others agreed to in the 1960s-2000s.

        Or we seek to impose new hardships and oppression based on skin color, race, ethnicity, and other factors that say nothing about a person’s character. This is the “new deal” of modern “anti-racism”: there can never be equality until the “white” people suffer.

    • Suthenboy

      I suppose I am a white supremacist. Sue me.

      • Not Adahn

        DOKTOR SMITH VERY INTERESTED CASE! LIE DOWN ON COUCH AND TELL DOKTOR SMITH ABOUT MOTHER. DOKTOR SMITH TAKE NOTES. AND RAPE.

    • The Last American Hero

      #believeallwomen

      • TARDIS

        #believeallwomenare crazy, vindictive, and evil*

        *does not include mythological libertarian(ish) women who don’t exist anyway.

      • Mad Scientist

        Libertarian women are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

  11. DEG

    “My understanding is that we’re in a rather severe situation now,” Koike said.

    Infections among young people and asymptomatic cases are rising in Tokyo, health experts have noted.

    Hmm…. seems like one of these things is not like the other.

    That dancer story is pretty fucking weird.

  12. KSuellington

    El Trumpo looks a hell of a lot better with the grey. Unfortunately this change will somehow mean we are subjected to a disgusting Hat & Hair subplot involving grey pubes. I just know it.

    • Not Adahn

      Well, if we weren’t before…

    • Ownbestenemy

      Well now we will….thanks K!

      • Gadfly

        If so, I for one will not blame KSuellington: I cannot accept as fact the possibility that anyone can take the “Top Pervert” title away from SF. If SF has not written about something, it is not for lack of imagination.

    • Mad Scientist

      It seems more likely that Melania manscapes that mushroom, and no one knows what color the pubes are.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Look at Mad trying to horn in on SF territory.

      • Not Adahn

        Nah, Melania seems like a smart cookie. She probably got him drunk and took him to a laser treatment right after they got married.

      • Ownbestenemy

        She can treat me anytime. My wife says she looks like a man, but I think I would be okay with it.

      • The Hyperbole

        She does have rather sharp features and is from an eastern European country…

      • Mad Scientist

        No chance. Anything SF comes up with will be 50 times more disturbing. In fact, I’ll wager that that ONLY thing more disturbing that SF’s imagination would be the truth.

  13. The Late P Brooks

    One guide, drawn from “data” on a chart created in 1990, advises that features of “whiteness” include “rugged individualism,” the nuclear family, an “emphasis on the scientific method,” and a belief that “hard work is the key to success.”

    How awful.

    • Mad Scientist

      I’m glad they’ve unmasked themselves enough to just admit that “whiteness” is code for “self-sufficient.”

    • invisible finger

      “emphasis on the scientific method”

      So the Amish aren’t white then.

      • Grosspatzer

        Also Florida Man.

    • Negroni Please

      By that metric only like 8% of America is white. So we’re a minority that needs special rules

    • Ownbestenemy

      WHATABOUTISM!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Those motherfuckers over at TLP are the worst of the worst. Honestly, I think I’d side with the communists before I sided with them.

    • commodious spittoon

      And of course what Putin wants more than anything is American dissolution, which the American left is more than happy to serve up.

  14. TARDIS

    I just wanted to say to all of you, as the big rig full of batshit crazyness shifts into 14th gear, I don’t think I can survive without you. The “news” today. It’s nice to know there is some sanity in the world.^

    *Opens arms for hugs*

    ^does not apply to SF who is clearly insane, but in a good kind of way

    • Mad Scientist

      Did you ever watch the movie Seven? The evil murderer turned out to be this completely normal, neighborly type. SF is like that. He’s a sweetheart. He’s very huggable.

      • Jarflax

        What’s in the box?

      • Jarflax

        Im sorry, the correct answer was vagina scented candles.

      • UnCivilServant

        You are sorry, because that’s not the correct answer.

    • Sean

      SOCIAL DISTANCING!!!!11!!!!

      *Pokes Tardis with 6′ distancing pole.*

      • Ownbestenemy

        NTICBTIG

      • TARDIS

        Careful with that, I bruise easily.

    • DEG

      Yes, it is good to find sanity.

      We’ll shake. Fuck social distancing.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    Surprise

    Ben Bernanke says the most important thing Congress can do to fix the US economy is to provide help to state and local governments .
    In a column in the New York Times, Bernanke said the lack of sufficient support for state and local governments was the biggest mistake made during the Great Recession, and he’s afraid that Congress is in danger of repeating that mistake. Bernanke was the chairman of the Federal Reserve during the Great Recession and an academic expert of the Great Depression.
    State and local government have already shed 1.5 million jobs since February, according to Labor Department figures. More jobs losses are coming, warns Bernanke, who is a member of a commission advising New Jersey’s state government on reopening.
    “Our state governments serve a dual role as providers of critical services — health care, public safety, education and mass transit — as well as large employers,” Bernanke wrote.

    STFU, Ben.

    • TARDIS

      STFU, Ben.

      And take a roadtrip with RBG. Let her drive.

    • B.P.

      So the guy who now works for a state government thinks states getting federal money is of the utmost importance? Huh.

    • Grosspatzer

      Or maybe the state governments could just lift the lockdown restrictions. LOOK! UP IN THE SKY! IT’S A BIRD… IT’S A PLANE.. IT’S… A PIG?

    • Not Adahn

      I’ll have you know that NPR is the foremost distributor of totebags on the continent!

    • mrfamous

      Is it a coincidence that a link about Ben Bernanke is followed by a link about helicopters

  16. kinnath

    Reposted from the dead thread:

    I need to order an optic for my new M1A. The scope mount from Springfield should be coming in the next few weeks or so.

    Currently comparing the Leupold FX-3 6x42mm (fixed) with the Leupold VX-3i 3.5-10x40mm (variable). Both are listed at $520 MSRP.

    Any suggestions?

    • TARDIS

      Nope. Hopefully some of the rich shitlords around here can help.

      I settled on a Sig Whiskey 3.

    • R C Dean

      Reposted reply, with redundancies edited out and links this time:

      I’d probably go fixed on the Leupold. 6x is a good all-purpose magnification, but 4x might be even more all-purpose. Honestly, I think most people buy more magnification than they need. I know I have.

      I’m a Trijicon fanboi, and they make some ACOGs that I think are the bee’s knees. Even have some 3.5 x 35 with specific .308 bullet drop reticles. I have a self-illuminated ACOG on mine – I believe its the 2 x 20; its been awhile, and I thought it was 3X but I don’t see my reticle on the 3x. They are spendy. Optics Planet usually has some decent discounts, though.

    • Count Potato

      What are you shooting?

      • kinnath

        I have a thousand rounds of American Eagle 308 Win. I can’t recall the bullet weight off the top of my head, but it pretty standard.

      • Count Potato

        I mean, what is your target? What and how far away?

      • kinnath

        Zombies beyond the range of a Mini-14.

      • TARDIS

        Zombies = white commies, right? Right???

      • Count Potato

        Beyond the range of .223? You’ll need a lot of magnification that far out.

      • TARDIS

        .308 ammo prices! ???

    • Derpetologist

      You still need a Ghille suit and a space blanket to hide your IR signature. And remember, when sniping in cold weather, put snow in your mouth to hide your breath.

      Make note of the tallest structures and highest elevations near you. Consider how you would reach them and retreat from them. When shooting at a group, shoot the guy at the back first and work your way to the front. If you shoot the guy in front first, the others behind will see him fall and scatter.

      Try to use loud noises to hide the sound of your shots. Practice crawling slowly over difficult ground. Mitigate the glare from your scope.

      You can use fishing line and tin cans as a tripwire alarm. Put dummies with dummy rifles in somewhat obvious places. Build a system of tunnels around your house. Learn how to make deadfall and spring traps.

      Learn how to make animal sounds. Practice hiding in stinky places people will naturally avoid. Create a fake identity for use in case of capture.

      [dons tinfoil chapeau, inserts right hand under unbuttoned portion of tunic]

      • R C Dean

        *takes notes, realizes notes create an evidence trail, burns notes, sets off fire alarm, evacuates hospital*

      • kinnath

        Scribbling notes . . . . . Go on.

      • Derpetologist

        In all seriousness, during the last civil war and in wars generally, civilians usually just gave whatever to the occupying forces and hoped to be left alone.

        There’s only so much one guy can do and even snipers work in teams.

        If the manure hits the turbine, the choices are basically stay and fight, stay and hide, or run away. My own view is that the worst of it will be confined to cities and suburbs close to them, so the best defense is just to be as far away from any city as possible. Most of the stuff worth looting and killing over is in cities.

        I forget the guy’s name, but I read his story from a plaque near Glacier National Park. Anyway, he had a cabin in Crow territory – just him, his wife, and his kids. He fought off a couple raids with just his black powder rifle and lived past 100. A real life Jeremiah Johnson, but with a happier ending.

        If one average guy can fight off a bunch of pissed off warriors with a black powder rifle, how hard could it be to fight off a mob of noodle-armed leftists?

        I am not worried about the US military being used to oppress Americans, because the most likely targets of the hypothetical repression would be relatives of the people assigned to do it.

      • Derpetologist

        Found the guy: Hugh Monroe, named Rising Wolf by his enemies

        https://www.wikitree.com/wiki/Monroe-1719

        ***
        Hugh Monroe, said to be the oldest man in Montana, died on Two Medicine creek, four miles east of the Blackfoot agency, a few days since. He as born near Montreal, Canada, 4 May 1784, and was therefore over 108 years of age at the time of his death, which occurred on the 8th inst. At the age of 18 he started west with a relative, in the employ of the Hudson Bay Company, and was stationed on the Saskatchewan river. In 1806 Monroe married a Blackfoot woman and left the employ of the company to dwell among the Indians. Much of his early married life was spent among the Kootenais. In 1832, having heard of the arrival of American Fur Company’s traders at the mouth of the Marias, he made a long journey with his wife, to again see white men and lay in a stock of tobacco. In 1836, with a party of Kootenais, he discovered and christened St. Mary’s lake, erecting a large cross there at the time. In 1853 Gov. Stevens survey party landed at Fort Benton and Monroe acted as guide and interpreter aw far as Walla Walla, from this point he returned to the Kootenais. About ten years ago Monroe returned to the Blackfeet reservatiton, and later took up his residence on Two Medicine creek, about 20 miles east of the main range of the Rockies. Very few interpreters could equal him as a sign talker, and spoke various Indian languages fluently. Up until a few days before his death he was quite active for a man of his age and was an inveterate hunter. He rarely visited the white people and for ninety years past his life was spent almost entirely amongst the Indians.–River Press, Fort Benton, MT — The Anaconda Standard, 15 Feb 1890 (excerpt)
        ***

      • kinnath

        I am out in the county in Iowa.

      • Gadfly

        I am not worried about the US military being used to oppress Americans, because the most likely targets of the hypothetical repression would be relatives of the people assigned to do it.

        This is actually the most worrisome situation, as it would be the most likely to touch off a for real civil war, Spanish Civil War style. Government enacts oppressive laws, a few states refuse to enforce, government sends in the military to correct the states, military splits over the decision, things spiral from there.

      • Jarflax

        Well American commies fought in that Civil Wat as well.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        This is how I see it going down… something along the lines of the Spanish Civil war or The Troubles in Ireland, communities balkanizing into something akin to Republican/Nationalist/Royalist/Protestant/Catholic areas with businesses catering to whichever faction.. god help you if you went to a bar in the incorrect faction’s turf.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Since we are all taking notes…can you speak into this phone clearly and slowly please….

      • Derpetologist

        Good evening, Glibs, it’s another day closer to victory, And now some messages to our friends behind the lines.

        The chair is against the wall. The chair is against the wall.

        John has a long mustache. John has a long mustache.

      • Ozymandias

        Derpy, is there any chance you’re going to the Honey Harvest?

      • Derpetologist

        Is that some 4×20 thing? I couldn’t get permission for leave even if I wanted it.

        Honey Harvest…H H….

        Oh my god!

      • Ozymandias

        “The call is coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE!”

    • EvilSheldon

      Buy a copy of John West’s ‘Fry the Brain: The Art of Urban Sniping and its Role in Modern Guerilla Warfare”. Read it and take the lessons to heart.

  17. Evan from Evansville

    I feel accomplished. Life is goofy. Lady (South African) is in Korea and is literally a refugee in exile…as South Korea/Africa don’t get along right now, and she can neither fly back home nor get legal employment in Korea. She cared for me while I was in comas and in hospital and rehab, and it’s my duty and honor to help her out however I can.

    I strongly thank everyone here who helped my GoFundMe for making this assistance possible.

    She has a new job. Signed contract. Everything. But she has to leave Korea and come back because of COVID stupidity fear. And retarded visa laws. She has to fly to Cambodia, be put in 2 weeks in quarantine, and then for some reason stay there for two more. Hey, I loved Cambodia. Once you get there it’s cheap as hell. Her work is providing the $3k USD that the Cambodian government wants as a deposit. Straight up extortion. ‘Apparently’ that money will be returned. She has to take a 50% pay cut upon return (and more quarantine!) but that’s not that rough. She’ll have rent and insurance covered and ~$1k per month for everything else. I expect no savings, but at least she’ll get by and get back into a routine.

    Today I had to buy her the necessary insurance so that she can prove to the Cambodian embassy in Seoul that she has it. That’s…the best explanation. Just having it. It has no purpose IMO. Cost me $504. I SHOULD straight up get a total refund on that. But I got the cash and I need to help Lady anyway I can. She earned and needs it. Took me a bunch of phone calls and confusion to get it done.

    The nephews are here but I checked out. I helped someone get closer to freedom today with my time, effort and money. I’ve done what I can do. The rest of the day is for me. I’m proud of myself. I’d say in my own stupid way, but I don’t think what I did today was easy or stupid. I got in the ring and did what was needed for the next round. Brings us closer to success.

    Two expats in love, one of whom was broken by a car, the other in exile and unemployable, is not the easiest situation to imagine. Focus on the positive. The negative tries to sink you in. Today was a victory.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Always good to hear it was a good day Evan.

    • Not Adahn

      Glad to hear that the two of you are together again.

    • Derpetologist

      I’ve met many people with problems much less than yours who couldn’t handle it, so you should be proud of yourself.

      If you pray, do not pray for an easy life. Pray for the strength to endure a hard one.

      Life is hard for everyone at times, but if you keep your chin up and try to do right, you’ll have no regrets.

    • Surly Knott

      You’re a good man, Evan.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      @Evan

      If your girlfriend needs a local contact in Cambodia to navigate that 3,000 dollars bullshit and other stuff, let me know.

      • Evan from Evansville

        Sorry, I took a nap! I’m on Korean time so I could speak to her so I’m ‘off’ US time.

        I would love any assistance! Thank you so much! I’m not sure if you’re still around, but I’d love to get in touch.

        If you’re not around, I’ll hit you up next time I see you here. She should be at the Cambodian embassy in Seoul before 11pm (our time today–before noon on Thursday Korean time). She believes she’s flying out on her Friday, but will have to get confirmation on that.

        I’d love her (and me) to know as much as possible to make this as smooth as possible.

        Thanks! And I thank everyone for their kind words and support. It means so much.

    • DEG

      I’m happy your lady has a job. Hopefully you two get through the shit.

  18. Derpetologist

    Uncivil Servant’s story reminded of this: speed archery

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1o9RGnujlkI

    She’s a human machine gun.

    The style of that story reminded me of George R R Martin, except there were no descriptions of lavish banquets.

    • invisible finger

      I was hoping it was the Scientology episode.

      THIS IS WHAT DR. FAUCI ACTUALLY BELIEVES!

    • Nephilium

      I was expecting the SARS episode.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I just like that bit about being positive and not making fun of it…thought it fit best.

  19. Oy the Billy-Bumbler

    All of the corona/mask crap really has me down today. I’m drinking Tennessee whiskey on an empty stomach.

    • Oy the Billy-Bumbler

      On a positive note, despite big Gretch’s mask diktat I was at my daughter’s softball double-header last night and there was not a mask in sight.

      • B.P.

        My kid had six baseball games over two days last weekend. It was no different than baseball last year at this time.

      • Oy the Billy-Bumbler

        That’s perfect

      • Don Escaped both Landslides

        he would know we’re better: he’s from Kentucky

    • Don Escaped both Landslides

      Tennessee

      son, son: pulled pig with slaw, baked beans, and potato salad first, then whiskey

      I’ve long-since advocated that MI and TN should be sister states: twisted backwoods punctuated by freakish cities; and there should be a free-trade society betwixt them: our whiskey for your lovely beers, Bell’s and Founders . . . salute!

      • Oy the Billy-Bumbler

        I was in Nashville last week and got my whiskey there. Nelson’s sourmash.

    • Nephilium

      I’m dreading the DeWine special briefing starting in a couple of minutes. I don’t think I can handle watching it live.

      • Ownbestenemy

        *Pours two-fingers of Glenlivet 18 for Neph* Good luck

      • Nephilium

        If there’s another bar/restaurant shutdown, I’m going to be fucking pissed.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Maybe your bar/tavern owners can join ours suing the State.

      • Nephilium

        There were already a couple of suits, most of which have been mooted so far.

        Based on preliminary news sites, nothing is going to mandated tonight. But we’re all doomed and need to wear masks for 4-6 weeks to stop the COVID.

    • DEG

      Sorry. I’m eating and drinking outside at a place that ignores the local mask order, but strangely they obey the Clown Prince’s capacity restrictions.

  20. Count Potato

    “After @KatyTurNBC editorializes about why BlackLivesMatter marches are OK but not Trump rallies, MSNBC’s @chucktodd
    bizarrely claims “there’s no editorial point of view here on any of these newscasts on MSNBC in the daytime”

    https://twitter.com/tomselliott/status/1283476848542986241

    I AM FULLY SELF AWARE!!!

    • invisible finger

      “And when I say there’s none, I mean there is a certain amount.”

      (Sorry, looked on youtube for Monty Python sketch, could not find.)

    • kbolino

      “there’s no editorial point of view here on any of these newscasts on MSNBC in the daytime”

      Why do any of them feel the need to lie about this still? Is there some ancient dusty FCC regulation nobody remembers that they’ll run afoul of? Have their lawyers advised them to say this constantly lest they violate the terms of some statute or settlement? I don’t get it.

      • Tejicano

        I think it is something like an amputee attempting to scratch a phantom itch. They know it’s not there but they somehow feel a need to go through the motions.

    • leon

      The replies will tell you that she wasn’t editorializing, she was just fact checking.

    • mrfamous

      Did it seem a little to you like Todd was giving her a bit of a smackdown with that?

      • leon

        He looked annoyed by her to me.

  21. Gadfly

    Aggression is notably less, and rape activity has dropped off to a few desultory thrusts at the food dish and exercise wheel.

    Is it rape to fornicate with an inanimate object? On the one hand, rape is frequently defined as sex without consent, which an inanimate object by definition cannot give, but on the other hand can the act even be considered sex when the partner is inanimate? Either way, this has serious implications for the entire sex-toy industry.

    • R C Dean

      #SiliconeMeansYes

    • cyto

      Does not apply to Hitachi wands or Pirex rods or silicone massagers. Those are all just fine and dandy… Whatever you might fantasize about while holding them.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Are you saying I should make amends to my hand?

  22. Idle Hands

    https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/14/health/coronavirus-hair-salon-masks.html

    Both stylists fell ill in mid-May. But they continued to work with clients for about a week after they started to feel symptoms, said Kendra Findley, a researcher at the Springfield-Greene County Health Department and an author on the study.

    At the time, Springfield’s businesses had just begun to reopen, and confirmed coronavirus case numbers in the region were extremely low, said Dr. Robin Trotman, an infectious disease physician and an author on the study.

    “There were days when we had one or two cases, max,” he said. Such low local prevalence may have been part of the reason that the first stylist chalked her cough and fever up to allergies and kept returning to work, Ms. Findley said. Against recommendations, she returned to her job even while awaiting her coronavirus test results, which she got two days after taking her test.

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah we are at peak retard.

    • Idle Hands

      apparently masks are magic.

      • Idle Hands

        also if we had masks we wouldn’t need to do any of this.

    • Ownbestenemy

      So she got the lil’rona from getting a test? Am I reading that poorly written article right?

      • R C Dean

        Now that’s a rumor I’d like to see go viral.

      • Idle Hands

        It’s a pro mask article for retards. Apparently they had the virus, still worked but the cloth masks protected all their customers.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Oh she got her results two days after getting tested….lol I was descending into some Infowars territory with that.

  23. See Double You

    So Governor Bullock (Montana) just instituted the “all masks in public all the time” directive. With only about 1% of the whole U.S. having contracted the virus, there is no way we’re getting to herd immunity in any reasonable amount of time, so I guess it’s masks indefinitely.

    • creech

      Is this an admission by you that masks do work to delay catching the ChiComVirus?

      • See Double You

        No, I mean that since this virus will only begin to recede when we achieve herd immunity, and since the virus is spreading so slowly (contrary to how the headlines make people feel), it seems there is no end in sight to the mask requirement. I mean, how long are we going to be forced to wear them? A year? Two? Five? It’s pretty much indefinite.

  24. Ownbestenemy

    So dad was positive, now negative but was asymptomatic even while in the cancer ward. Does his genes mean that I am super-spreader? Or at least the chance for it? That my genes are that of a demi-god and I won’t even know I had it?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      It means you’re going to die, someday.

      • Tres Cool

        ..on a long-enough timeline….

      • Ownbestenemy

        ZeroHedge(tm)

  25. Derpetologist

    today’s reminder that the first people of the Americas did not hold hands and sing kumbaya 24/7

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pawnee_capture_of_the_Cheyenne_Sacred_Arrows

    ***
    Pawnee Chief Big Eagle concluded they had captured something of extraordinary importance when he examined the arrows. He was keeper of the Morning Star bundle of the Skidi Pawnee and placed three of the arrows in that bundle.[13]:650 [14]:66

    Some time after the battle, the best Cheyenne arrow makers made four surrogate Sacred Arrows.[6]:53[12]:558–560 However, they also tried in various ways to retrieve the originals. Once, they invited Big Eagle and the Pawnees to their camp. In return for the four arrows they promised the guests many horses. Big Eagle expected treachery and brought just one arrow wrapped in a bundle. As feared, a Cheyenne rode away with the arrow in an unguarded moment.[13]:657 Another source recounts that three Cheyenne, White Thunder, Old Bark, and Doll Man traveled to a Skidi village in 1835 where they were received in Big Eagle’s lodge and given one Buffalo Arrow. Despite gifts of more than a hundred horses, no more arrows were returned.[7]:39

    In either the winter of 1843 to 1844 according to a contemporary source,[15]:141 or in 1837 according to more modern sources,[7]:39[16] the Lakota attacked a village of Pawnee and retrieved a single medicine arrow. They recognized the Man Arrow and returned it to the Cheyenne in exchange for one hundred horses.[7]:39[15]:141

    Two of the remade Sacred Arrows were now in excess. A ceremony was held, and the Cheyenne left two of the new arrows in a bundle in a crevice of the Black Hills, near the place where Sweet Medicine had received the original arrows. There they remained for a long while, and were occasional visited by Cheyenne travelers, before eventually disappearing.[6]:55[17]:224

    Efforts to restore the additional two original arrows were again made in the 1890s and 1930s to no avail.[7]:40–1 The return of the remaining arrows remained a source of bitterness for generations.
    ***

    • creech

      Russell Means, actor, Indian activist, and seeker of the LP presidential nomination, once assured me that Native Americans were entirely peaceful until they learned to hate other tribes at the instigation of white European colonialists. Most of the stories of Indian on Indian violence were, of course, fake news invented by the whites to illustrate why Indians were savages. Other than this, Means was a pretty cool guy.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Every libertarian is allowed one batshit crazy belief.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Are you saying most of us are over our quota?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        We live in a time of overabundance.

      • R C Dean

        Oh, well played.

      • Mad Scientist

        My batshit crazy belief is that humanity is not all bad, and one day people will learn not to stick their noses into other peo……

        Ha! Couldn’t do it. Even I’m not that crazy.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Better than mine:

        The majority of the Star Wars prequels are just as good as the original trilogy.

      • Spudalicious

        *slow whistle*

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        That’s definitely over the line.

      • Nephilium

        I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it

      • Mad Scientist

        This is not crazy. It’s controversial, but not crazy. Any sane person can make a case that the original movies were every bit as shitty as the prequels.

      • Spudalicious

        Don’t make me crawl through the internet.

      • Pan Zagloba

        At the very least, CPRM proved to me that all three prequels are a single editing pass away from this being 100% truth.

      • Derpetologist

        “The person who is really in revolt is the optimist, who generally lives and dies in a desperate and suicidal effort to persuade other people how good they are.”

        -G K Chesterton

        As for my bug fuck nutty bat shit crazy belief, I believe that life is good, even when it is hard and even when there is no guarantee it will last forever.

  26. Count Potato

    “Whatever your view on MS-13 or on the death penalty, ask yourself this: have you ever heard Trump call for the death penalty for a white supremacist terrorist? Have you ever heard him passionately denounce white supremacist murderers as “monsters”? You know the answers – and why.”

    https://twitter.com/mehdirhasan/status/1283442064852692992

    CWAA

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Fuck that shit

    • See Double You

      It looks like what they’re offering are the same programs (increasing minority-owned businesses, access to education, etc.) for decades and dressing it up as “reparations”.

      • cyto

        Yup. Salesmanship!

      • Drake

        That would be tribute, not reparations.

        Reparations would be a one-time payment and one-way ticket in exchange for passports and citizenship.

    • Nephilium

      So is white flight going to be the next trouble in Asheville?

      • Tres Cool

        That was my thought, too.

        “Time to move.”

      • TARDIS

        Visited a few years ago. Toured the mansion. There were a couple of nice eateries. No desire to visit again. “bye”

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It’s hard to enjoy your food when everything smells like patchouli.

      • TARDIS

        No lie. There were smellys.

    • grrizzly

      Isn’t it the town that was in the news like a year ago because bears and humans lived harmoniously there? So disappointing.

    • The Hyperbole

      Meh, if you’re gonna grift, grift big. it’s all pretend money anyway. I gotta admit to having an odd kinda respect for the people out there that just say “fuck it” I’m going to get all I can and I don’t care if it fits with some bullshit ethics or not. (obviously this ends at actual violent robbery) But the guys running the long cons or playing ‘the politics game’ I got a soft spot for them, probably due to watching too many heist movies, you put that much work into something you deserve the goods. I sometimes wish I had pursued that route versus the honest days wage for an honest days work one I took.

      • Raven Nation

        ” honest days wage for an honest days work one I took”

        Sucker.

      • Fourscore

        Looking at a Biden win and 2 T worth of Green Scam coming. There must be a way. Maybe sell Energy Rocks or something. Its what happens when all the pet rocks grew up and let home. I’m sitting on a fortune of Energy Rocks, need some distributors. Replacement for Tesla batteries

      • Tres Cool

        Call them ‘opaque crystals with unique healing powers’ and sell ’em online. You’ll clean up.

        *These statements have not been validated by the FDA

        (if it kicks off I get 15%)

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I tried a chiropractor one time who pulled out the crystals to measure my energy field. I quickly said ” I’m out.”

    • Ted S.

      Where are they going to get the money for it?

  27. Count Potato

    “BREAKING: Instagram is now threatening to remove the account of @DonaldJTrumpJr
    for posting these hypocritical headlines from CNN about hydroxychloroquine”

    https://twitter.com/stclairashley/status/1283455678514778112

    “Instagram threatens to ban Donald Trump Jr over truthful depictions of CNN
    The “arbiters of truth” in Big Tech are nothing more than partisan hacks.”

    https://noqreport.com/2020/07/15/instagram-threatens-to-ban-donald-trump-jr-over-truthful-depictions-of-cnn/

    • cyto

      These folks really are amazing.

      Did we do the one where the “fact checkers” at USA today ruled that the claim that a Trump campaign T-Shirt with the American Eagle insignia on it was using a Nazi symbol as “True”.

      “Despite the fact that this is objectively false, we rule this as true, because Trump is obviously a Nazi.

      https://www.foxnews.com/media/usa-today-trump-campaign-shirts-nazi-eagle

      A quick check shows that they have silently edited “true” to be “inconclusive”, despite their own ‘evidence’ showing it to be quite obviously false.

      • cyto

        Babylon Bee responded to USA Today’s tweet about the TRUMP NAZI TSHIRT with this:

        “Here we were thinking the whole time that we were a parody account.”

        And then followed up with this home run:

        https://twitter.com/bee_pitch/status/1282396007746109441

      • dbleagle

        From the comments:
        “Taylor Swift, who has made $360M singing about her terrible choice in men – now endorses Joe Biden.”

  28. Derpetologist

    today I learned that the words mustache and masticate are related

    ***
    also moustache (chiefly British), “the hair that grows upon the upper lip of men,” 1580s, from French moustache (15c.), from Italian mostaccio, from Medieval Greek moustakion, diminutive of Doric mystax (genitive mystakos) “upper lip, mustache,” related to mastax “jaws, mouth,” literally “that with which one chews,” perhaps from PIE root *mendh- “to chew” (see mandible), but Beekes says this whole group of Greek words may be of Pre-Greek origin.

    Borrowed earlier (1550s) as mostacchi, from the Italian word or its Spanish derivative mostacho. The plural form of this, mustachios, lingers in English (the mustache sometimes was considered as the hair on either side of the lip, hence the use of the plural form). Slang shortening stache attested from 1985. Old English had cenep “mustache,” which is related to cnafa “boy” (see knave). Mustache-cup, one with a fixed cover over part of its top, allowing one to drink without dipping the mustache, is by 1868.
    ***

    • Tres Cool

      You got a citation for that? I wanna share.

      • Tres Cool

        /Benny Hill smack on the back of your head

        Much obliged!

    • cyto

      Racist!!

  29. Urthona

    Really bummed that Kanye dropped out.

    • kbolino

      Well, to be fair, he started way too late and was never going to get ballot access in enough states. He wasn’t one of the important people, after all, for whom the rules can always be bent.

      • cyto

        It will be interesting to see if that comes in to play this fall. I’d say there is a fair chance that Biden cannot make the finish line. If he drops out after the final deadline for ballots, I wonder what will happen?

    • Ownbestenemy

      He is a gay fish, so he would have had to speak to that at some point.

      • cyto

        So… you love fish sticks too?

      • Jarflax

        Shh, you will make GT self conscious. She is another gay fish.

    • Spudalicious

      What a two days it was though.

  30. Count Potato

    “”Nearly 2,000 people called for the termination of a New York City professor after she reportedly fell asleep during an anti-racist meeting held on Zoom.”

    https://twitter.com/ZaidJilani/status/1283499988014764032

    I think it’s the lockdown. People have nothing else to do.

    • Urthona

      If you don’t find racism meetings profoundly interesting you’re part of the problem.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        There’s an overabundance of Salem witch accusers who are looking to gain social credibility by finding the next witch.

        They’re morally despicable excuses for human beings.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I think they’re a bunch of useless shitbags that need an ass kicking.

  31. Ownbestenemy

    For no other reason other than I decided that a beer was not enough for today, so I broke out the whiskey

    Barrels of Whiskey

  32. Heroic Mulatto

    This is all wrong. I shouldn’t be on here. I should be with my girlfriend on the other side of the ocean. Yet, you all come to me for Thicc Thursdays. How dare you!

    You have stolen my dreams and my middle-agehood with your empty words and yet I’m one of the lucky ones. People are suffering. People are dying. Entire ecosystems are collapsing. We are in the beginning of a memedemic and all you can talk about is stupid people on Twitter and who is “first”. How dare you!

    For more than 4 years, the links have been crystal clear. How dare you continue to look away and come here saying that you’re doing enough when the comments and the big titty Asian goth gf pics needed are still nowhere in sight.

    There will not be any solutions or plans presented in line with these links here today, because these links are too uncomfortable and you are still not mature enough to tell it like it is.

    You are failing me, but the site founders are starting to understand your betrayal. The eyes of all future Glibertarians are upon you and if you choose to fail us, I say: We will never forgive you.

    We will not let you get away with this. Right here, right now is where we draw the line. The world is waking up and change is coming, whether you like it or not.

    Thank you.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      ” big titty Asian goth gf pics”

      I did not know there was such a thing.

      My life has changed.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Fun fact. Add “asian” to any google search and you will have your eyes opened.

      • Jarflax

        Will they open round?

      • TARDIS

        Perfect hips.

      • Pan Zagloba

        I think it will please you to learn that Malwarebytes blocked the site with a “Trojan Warning”.

    • Raven Nation

      “We shall be as a pornhub upon a hill”

    • cyto

      Isn’t phone sex a lot easier these days? Back in my day, we had to pay long distance for that. Being on the phone for 45 minutes with your fiance cost a fortune.

      • peachy rex

        45 minutes? Man of steel here.

      • cyto

        When you are 22, anything is possible.

    • Mojeaux

      REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

      • Trigger Hippie

        Hey, Mo. I was going through some my old comments and noticed that after a few of my more emotional, drunken rants you took the time to make a few thoughtful comments about them and I, usually being on the verge of passing out right before commenting, never bothered to respond. So,…sorry about that. I honestly appreciate you showing some empathy/sympathy?/fuck it/ in those instances.

        Anywho, toodles!

      • Mojeaux

        Hey! I don’t remember any of it, but thank you. 🙂 I hope you’re feeling better than you were then.

      • UnCivilServant

        So much amnesia around here.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Please keep in mind that if you view my comment history and see contradicts abound about previous life experiences it’s kost likely due to excessive drug and alcohol abuse, not blatant deception.

        “Remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.”

      • Trigger Hippie

        *edit checks*

        See?!

        Useless!

      • Trigger Hippie

        *that moment when you type out a two paragraph response and submit it just after the site does its weekly logout of your account*

        Heh. Next time, I guess. Ha!

    • Jarflax

      HM confirmed to like skinny angry little white girls!

    • TARDIS

      Clicked, didn’t listen. Not even.

      • commodious spittoon

        Not even with your ears.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Better than the Thom Yorke cover.

  33. Drake

    The full body camera video of Daniel Shaver’s murder was released. Don’t watch if you have blood-pressure issues.

    • Ownbestenemy

      From 5 second in the cop was wanting to put bullets in that kid. “Get down!” *guy gets down* “Apparently we have a failure to understand commands”

      • mrfamous

        Cop was rehired long enough to qualify for a medical discharge (PTSD) and pension.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I mean, I would have PTSD too if I knew after two compliant suspects did what I asked of them and I still put a barrage of lead down range.

      • DEG

        You have a concsience.

        I don’t buy the cop had PTSD.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I know that. I want to project my humanity after watching that.

    • Trigger Hippie

      Nope. Sorry, dude. Ain’t happening tonight. Thanks for the heads up.

    • DEG

      I thought the whole thing had been released a while ago? I remember seeing what I thought was the whole video on Eric Peters Autos not long after it happened.

  34. Trigger Hippie

    OT: Okay, it’s far past time for me to contribute more to this site than a few random gifs, a long ago submitted, only once used as an image add on to the afternoon links called STEVE SMITH: THE STEVE SYSTEM vertical panel strip, a few shekels here and there and an article about the trivial sport entertainment known as boxing. So, before the beginning of August, I’m going to dust off, obsess over, agonize, stress, drink, chain smoke, and hate every fucking word I submitted as an article to the staff in the form of the argument for the repeal of the The Reapportionment Act of 1929.

    For better or worse, I want our representatives to reflect the will of the people at the most local level possible. If that happens to make the defense of classical liberalism less likely, well, something, something, get the, something, deserve, something.

    When the inevitable flaws in my arguments arise, please, point them out and challenge me. It shouldn’t be that hard. 😉

    • Oy the Billy-Bumbler

      I look forward to it sir.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Thank you.

  35. The Late P Brooks

    When shooting at a group, shoot the guy at the back first and work your way to the front. If you shoot the guy in front first, the others behind will see him fall and scatter.

    *Sgt York nods sagely*

    • Ownbestenemy

      Was he hacked?

      • mrfamous

        Yeah. All the blue checkmarks apparently were compromised so Twitter shut them down.

      • UnCivilServant

        Just shot down twitter completely.

        That would be a net positive.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Thats awesome. I am sure that the DNC will use whatever is posted as fodder in future ads then.

    • Derpetologist

      The message is in Farsi, the language of Iran. The basic meaning is to criticize the Iranian govt for attacking protesters. I don’t speak Farsi, but since it has a lot of Arabic in it I can kind of read it.

      • Derpetologist

        Translation

        ***
        Three people have been sentenced to death in Iran for participating in protests. Their execution is expected at any moment. The execution of these three people sends a deplorable message to the world and should not be done.
        ***

        Trump wasn’t hacked. The tweet is geared towards an Iranian audience. The “deplorable” part is a funny coincidence.

      • Count Potato

        OK, thanks.

      • Derpetologist

        various facts

        Farsi (the language of Iran), Dari (the common language of Afghanistan) and Tajik are similar. Tajik used the Cyrillic alphabet until the fall of the USSR.

        The main difference between Farsi and Dari is that in Dari, the v sound gets turned in to w.

        The Arabic word for minister is wazir. In Farsi, it got garbled into vizier, and then in Dari regarbled back into wazir.

        Little details are important:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i81yrwiQeds

    • Tulip

      Oh fess up. You’re a Babylon Bee writer, aren’t you!?