About The Author

CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

268 Comments

  1. Sean

    LOL.

  2. Hyperion

    Good, but I want the Space hat!

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Yesterday, but still a great one!

    • Spudalicious

      Spud approved, just for the comedic value.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      The comments, wow. If I ever entertain the idea of becoming a conservative again, hit me with a frying pan, please.

  3. Yusef drives a Kia

    And you know, we, we, we are get, getting frustrated,
    Whoopy!

    • CPRM

      I was wondering if anyone had spotted it.

      • Nephilium

        /thinks back to childhood

        /goes to get another drink

      • Sean

        ?

    • Gender Traitor

      I am virtually certain we had one of those! ***SIGH!!!***

    • hayeksplosives

      Yup! There was one at Grandma’s I believe.

  4. Rebel Scum

    Make Walls Great Again!

    • Sean

      I still don’t trust the software…Or china.

      *Adjusts tin foil chapeau*

      • Nephilium

        /uses tin foil to focus in on Sean’s thoughts.

      • Sean

        Joke’s on you. Good luck on your saving roll.

      • westernsloper

        I don’t get this fear of China thing. Dood, your phone was made there. Ya ya ya, they might have a back door to whatever zooming is going on. You really think they give two fucks about a bunch of drunk libertarians? I would be more worried about the NSA and any number of three lettered acronyms in the US than stupid ass china (SAC). And the three lettered acronyms can already find anything out about you that they want.

      • pistoffnick

        “I don’t get this fear of China thing.”

        I don’t know, man, I work with them every day, My company is owned by a Chinese entity – and by extension, the Chinese government (because everything in China is owned by the government). They are relentless. They want to become the next Japan.

        I spend at least 1/3 of my day answering inane questions. “What is the range and accuracy of your plumb bob?” Have you designed this fixture yet (for a test that is at least 10 weeks out)? Can you share every fixture you have ever designed with us? Can you make this totally superficial change to a test to satisfy some engineer half-way around the world who doesn’t have a clue? They don’t want to do any of the work (or make the mistakes that make you learn) to be successful. They just want to steal whatever I have made.

        And they are good too. The two ladies working with me are very cute. They use that. And it works. I am training someone else to take my job. But I’m not afraid. They are deathly afraid of making mistakes. There is no local knowledge -no farm-boy engineering- no common sense. They are book smart, but piss poor at applying it.

        But they are relentless.

        I’m not sure how much longer I can do this job. I have principles.

      • pistoffnick

        I might be 4 sheets to the wind…

        Determination usually beats ineptitude.

        You should be afraid. They are relentless.

      • westernsloper

        Oh no doubt they are fucking thieves of the highest order. In my former life they Chinese were everywhere in every country we where in doing what we were doing and killing many locals as they did it. They have no respect for human life or safety and people are a tool to achieve a goal. They suck ass in the largest of ways but worrying about a piece of video conferencing software is another matter.

      • pistoffnick

        Yeah life in China is cheap. I saw a baby killed on my way to work in Shenzhen (Moped-Car collision). The guy in the car just drove off.

        I heard about 2 people electrocuted on my job site in China. One was a local Chinese welder. The other was a Belgian who stepped in a puddle in which a welding wire was submerged.

        The Chinese solution is to through people at it. Yeah some of them will die, but eventually the survivors will be able to cross the chasm on the pile of dead bodies.

      • pistoffnick

        through = throw

      • Gender Traitor

        My in-house IT department (AKA Tom T.) says he doesn’t trust Zoom’s security, and I don’t want to ask everyone to switch to a different platform just on my account. I was going to try to download the app to my phone (NOT using our wi-fi, just to be safe,) but after I downloaded it & before I installed it, it listed a whole bunch of things the app would be able to do on my phone. Long story short (I know, I know – “Too late!”) it looks as if the app could take over my phone and have its way with it.

        Sooo….I’d love to join y’all on Zoom, but… : (

    • Mojeaux

      Tulip, I might join later, but it’s XX’s bday and she’s just now getting off work. An hour? Maybe 2.

      I have lots of computer maintenance to do so I will be at my computer anyway after her little cake-and-ice-cream shindig.

      • Hyperion

        “I have lots of computer maintenance to do”

        Well, if you’d stop emulating Window for Workgroups on Windows XP…

      • Mojeaux

        ?

      • Hyperion

        Hey, Moj, sorry I didn’t get to read your fiction pirate story today. I was working, I’ll try to go back and read it tomorrow. I often do not get much time for here during the day, unless it’s a weekend. I post sometimes, I call it hit and run posting ( not a reference to the old site, I’m just really fast at it).

      • DEG

        I haven’t read it either. It’s queued up for later reading.

      • Hyperion

        I was trying to check out the reviews of the series, I guess it’s part of the series, on Amazon, when I got interrupted by incoming client emails. Typical day.

      • Mojeaux

        No problem! I had hoped to spark a philosophical discussion, but that didn’t pan out that way.

      • Gender Traitor

        On the concept of duty?

      • Hyperion

        Well of course, we just expected it was smut aimed at killing our family friendly status, but I’m a give it a read. I like philosophical discussions, especially when you’re getting down to core questions like ‘why does anything exist at all?’.

      • Mojeaux

        Duty, fate, “shit happens”.

      • Mojeaux

        we just expected it was smut

        I wouldn’t dare post the smut in that book.

      • Gender Traitor

        “There are things in this world that strip men of choice. Lightning. Hurricanes. Disease. Wild animals. Governments. Evil men with power….”

      • Mojeaux

        Yes! But maybe it was just preaching to the choir. LOL

      • Gender Traitor

        Sometimes the choir needs to hear the sermon, too.

    • KibbledKristen

      I’m in! Join us! We bite – HARD.

    • westernsloper

      No Zooming for me tonight I have to work early tomorrow. Boss screwed me this weekend. I work two days of a three day weekend. Oh well, that is why I get the mediocre bucks.

    • DEG

      On another zoom, sorry.

  5. CPRM

    WTF?

    “Lift Ev’ry Voice And Sing,” commonly known as the Black national anthem, is expected to be performed live or played before every Week 1 NFL game, sources told
    @TheUndefeated
    .

      • Trigger Hippie

        No, no. It’s the Living Single theme song buy Queen Latifah.

      • Trigger Hippie

        *by

        …don’t look at me like that.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Erika Alexander or Kim Coles?

      • Trigger Hippie

        Erika. Thin with a thicc ass and a glint in her eye.

        Kim looks too wholesome, like she’d be happy just baking cookies for you.

      • Crusty Juggler

        100 out of 100 on that.

    • Derpetologist

      Maybe they can also celebrate this part of authentic African culture: killing albinos and selling their body parts for use in magic spells

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zd7RRr5Eubg

      Brought to you by that notoriously alt-right organization known as the United Nations…

    • Ted S.

      I thought this was the Black national anthem.

  6. Derpetologist

    This is great and reminds me of Zapp Brannigan reading Trump quotes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=406KqNDgKuI

    also: “ennui”- mid 18th century: French, from Latin in odio(n- ), from mihi in odio est ‘it is hateful to me’. Compare with annoy.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      nice…..

  7. Rhywun

    “A gift from CHYNUH!”

    LOL

      • Crusty Juggler

        X-Pac rocked that snizz

    • C. Anacreon

      A long ago girlfriend had a toddler who always called her genitals her “China”. Don’t know why The Donald reminded me of that.

      • Tres Cool

        The kid or the girlfriend used that term ?

  8. Ayn Random Variation

    Applause

      • Hyperion

        I’m not sure what we’re applauding.

      • Rebel Scum

        The NHS?

      • Hyperion

        Oh wait, you mean the new Hat and Hair. Applauds, but I want Space hat!

      • CPRM

        SF introduced that hat yesterday, I had this done on Tuesday.

      • Hyperion

        I’m just having fun dude, this was great. But I really do want animated Space hat, that will be the greatest animated episode ever! Needz some Elon as well!

      • Fourscore

        Trump waits every week to watch, listen, learn from “The H and H”. You do a better Trump than the Donald. The voice & speech mannerisms. Donald will be watching and remembering, oh yeah, the wall. I’m expecting he’ll include that in his revised economic forecasts.

        Good job, CP

        In case of a change in the fall are you ready for the new guy? He has a lot of easy man-man-man-mannerisms, too.

      • Hyperion

        Could CPRM teach the Donald how to hire people? I mean seriously. Why the fuck has this guy not surrounded himself with guys like Thiel and Musk, instead of morons like Sessions and Bolton? Why the goddamn fuck?

    • Ayn Random Variation

      1 and done

    • whiz

      About a week before I retire (from my tenured professorship), which will be in about 17 months, I may say eff it and speak my mind publicly about all kinds of things.

      • Hyperion

        Don’t do it. Get your retirement, then trash the shit out of them.

      • whiz

        My retirement is totally vested already, there’s not much they can do. Maybe rescind post-retirement healthcare options.

      • Hyperion

        Don’t let them have anything. My retirement is still 6+ years off. I work hard, but ya’ll paid me for it and you funded my retirement and now when I retire, I’m going to thank you by helping the deplorables piss all over your woke parade. Payback sucks, motherfuckers and it’s a coming.

      • Gender Traitor

        I have created a little bitty spreadsheet at work that’s my “Countdown to Medicare.” My plan is to work until I’m eligible for that so I don’t have to look for alternate insurance or go the COBRA route. (This, of course, assumes that Medicare is still around by then.) My little spreadsheet counts the number of days, weeks, months, and years until that blessed day.

    • Hyperion

      What about the cancellation of the Gab founder? Is that true? I’ve only seen it linked here so far.

    • CPRM

      “H.R. 6666, the COVID-19 Testing, Reaching and Contacting Everyone (TRACE) Act.” An extra six better than Revelations.

      • Hyperion

        And here all this time, I thought Jared Kushner was the Anti-Christ. Can we make up our minds on that?

        I still say it’s Paul McCartney. I’ve always been saying that.

  9. Crusty Juggler

    We were so naive twenty-three years ago

    Worth a re-post and a re-read at least twice a year imho

    The most direct but not exactly most serene way to travel to Mar-a-Lago, I discovered one weekend not long ago, is aboard Trump’s 727, the same aircraft he gave up during the blip and, after an almost decent interval, bought back. My fellow-passengers included Eric Javits, a lawyer and nephew of the late Senator Jacob Javits, bumming a ride; Ghislaine Maxwell, the daughter of the late publishing tycoon and inadequate swimmer Robert Maxwell, also bumming a ride; Matthew Calamari, a telephone-booth-size bodyguard who is the head of security for the entire Trump Organization; and Eric Trump, Donald’s thirteen-year-old son.

    We hadn’t been airborne long when Trump decided to watch a movie. He’d brought along “Michael,” a recent release, but twenty minutes after popping it into the VCR he got bored and switched to an old favorite, a Jean Claude Van Damme slugfest called “Bloodsport,” which he pronounced “an incredible, fantastic movie.” By assigning to his son the task of fast-forwarding through all the plot exposition—Trump’s goal being “to get this two-hour movie down to forty-five minutes”—he eliminated any lulls between the nose hammering, kidney tenderizing, and shin whacking. When a beefy bad guy who was about to squish a normal-sized good guy received a crippling blow to the scrotum, I laughed. “Admit it, you’re laughing!” Trump shouted. “You want to write that Donald Trump was loving this ridiculous Jean Claude Van Damme movie, but are you willing to put in there that you were loving it, too?”

    Time is a flat circle.

    Heavy shit indeed.

    • Crusty Juggler

      No surprise the commenters on this joint Mossad/CIA funded website won’t comment.

  10. Rebel Scum

    First Amendment, assholes.

    Alliance Defending Freedom, which is representing photographer Chris Herring, explains that the state of Virginia would consider Herring offering an explanation delineating his religious beliefs “discriminatory” on the basis of sexual orientation, adding, “The new law threatens initial fines of up to $50,000 and then $100,000 per additional violation along with court orders that could force Herring to create photographs and blogs against his conscience if he wants to stay in business.”

    ADF states in the lawsuit, “Like most other artists, Chris creates photographs for anyone no matter who they are; he just cannot create some content for anyone no matter who they are—whether that be content promoting pollution, pornography, or certain views about marriage. It’s this last editorial judgment, though, that Virginia finds objectionable—threatening to fine Chris into bankruptcy for not creating photographs and blog posts he objects to.”

    ADF adds, “But Virginia interprets this law to force Chris to do more than serve LGBT clients (which Chris already does). Virginia instead requires Chris to promote content he disagrees with—to create and convey photographs and blogs celebrating same-sex weddings because he does so for weddings between a man and a woman. The law even makes it illegal for Chris to hold a policy of photographing and blogging about weddings only between a man and woman or to post internet statements explaining his religious reasons for only creating this wedding content.”

    Also, Article 1, Section 12, Constitution, Commonwealth of VA:

    That the freedoms of speech and of the press are among the great bulwarks of liberty, and can never be
    restrained except by despotic governments;… that the General Assembly shall not pass any law abridging
    the freedom of speech …

  11. Gender Traitor

    This is an awesome episode. That opening bit of audio from Donald is just the perfect setup for the whole thing. Bravo!

    • Hyperion

      We’re going to open new McDonald’s all over China. That’s how we finally get them. Ever hear of the China Study? That’s how we know this works.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      That was very cool Derp, thanks!

    • Hyperion

      I haz a sad. Can someone start a fundme to get them a new camp set up on Nancy Pelosi’s lawn?

  12. CPRM

    Good News: My unemployment finally got straightened out and I got some guvment moneis!

    Bad News: There seems to be a Red Dog shortage, checked 4 local stores that carry it and they were all out.

    • Hyperion

      4 Loko is in stock here.

    • Gender Traitor

      O Frabjous Day! (About the Unemployment Comp, not the Red Dog shortage.)

    • Crusty Juggler

      I wish you well in your pursuit of the golden elixir, good sir.

      I don’t know one person who had their unemployment situation function somewhat normally. It makes me feel guilty for firing people.

      Yes, I can fire people.

      • Ted S.

        Yeah, everybody where I work who got furloughed down to three days a week had trouble getting the unemployment.

        I feel uncomfortable being one of the few who got brought back to five days a week.

    • Derpetologist

      Red Dog…never seen that one. I have Red Seal Ale and Werewolf Ale, which is blood red.

      If I had to be a monster, I’d pick werewolf. It’s only one weekend a month, so it’s like the National Guard of monsters.

    • DEG

      Good on the good news. Bad on the Red Dog shortage.

      I’m on a different (not Glibs) Zoom. Once that’s done I’ll watch the video.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Back pay, you’re gonna score!

  13. DEG

    Mikey – if you’re out there, I saw your comment on Martha’s Exchange in response to my comment on the now dead thread about a Nashua bar.

    I won’t name the bar publicly beyond saying it was not Martha’s Exchange.

    I like Martha’s Exchange and stop in there occasionally, but the bar in question in my comment was not Martha’s Exchange.

    • mikey

      Thx DEG. Wasn’t thinking about outing a place for doing the right but illegal thing.
      Brooks and I may grumble about our commie govenor, but reading the news and the other folks here griping I feel quite fortunate living where we do.
      Wife and I are both 98% introverts and as long as she can spend her time in her studio with her paints and inks and I can play with old car parts in the garage and ride my bike in the mountains were’re both happy.

      • DEG

        You’re welcome!

        I’ve been thinking I should move to South Dakota.

  14. westernsloper

    HA! I hope Boltens’ mustache eats bath salts and eats Bidens face.

    • Hyperion

      Not much skin left on that age spotted face to eat. Seriously, guy is 3 years older than Trump? He looks at least 20 years older. And sounds 30 years older.

  15. Crusty Juggler

    WHO FUNDS THE GLIBERTARIANS!?!?!?!?!?

    • Tulip

      we do

      • Crusty Juggler

        TULIP IS A MOSSAD AGENT

    • Hyperion

      Bilderburg and the Illuminati. And the sweat of our orphans. Thanks for your question, mister.

    • westernsloper

      Soros!

      • Crusty Juggler

        I KNEW IT!

        READ SAUL ALINSKY!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        R Tard…………

    • Q Continuum

      Winston’s mom.

    • Trigger Hippie

      I just gave CPRM another ten bucks for that sweet, sweet, name-in-the-credits glory one gets from a short cartoon with dozens of views on YT. Glibs will have to wait a bit.

    • Chipping Pioneer

      Big Monocle

    • R C Dean

      Who is that circled in the photo?

      • Crusty Juggler

        My God

      • straffinrun

        Winston’s mom.

  16. Count Potato

    Loved the spliced Biden at the end.

    • Gender Traitor

      Yup! Made a lot more sense than the real thing!

  17. hayeksplosives

    Happy Independence Day!

    I’m off work until Monday. Looking forward to it. Might have to find one of those Speskeasy style restaurants to celebrate.

    Thanks to the Hat and the Hair for Keeping America Great!

    Lovely work, CPRM.

  18. westernsloper

    My contribution why it is nice to live in a small community. I suck at gardening. I have blossom end rot on my tomatoes and my green chili plants have a black spot issue where the leaf comes out of the stem. I went to the green house down the road and dude immediately hooked me up with something for the BER and then handed me something for the chili plants and said, ” try this, if it works come back and pay for it.” I think I over fertilized with too high a nitrogen fertilizer he is guessing a fungus and gave me a fungus spray. I am doing an experiment and using the BER juice which will cure the over nitrogenization on a few chili plants and using the spray on a few. If his fungus spray works I will go pay him. Hell even if it doesn’t work I will go pay him. He would not let me pay for it today.

    • hayeksplosives

      Customer service FTW!

    • Hyperion

      “suck at gardening.”

      Still learning after 30 years.

      Isn’t blossum end rot a nutrient deficiency?

      The only problem I’m having right now is it’s too fucking hot and my maters stopped blooming because of it. Peppers seem to like it, though. I’ve suggested we do a gardening section here, but all I got out of it so far, is for Brochtard to tell me gardening is gay.

      • westernsloper

        Ya, calcium deficiency. Over fertilizing with high nitrogen fertilizer inhibits calcium uptake is what my brief research told me. The juice he gave me was a fast acting calcium fertilizer. Only lost one cheery tomato the the BER so far. The chilis are what are perplexing. Learned my lesson. Never use Miracle Grow. Shit is nitrogen poison.

      • Count Potato

        Miracle Grow is fine, it’s got electrolytes plants crave, but they make one just for tomatoes. Anyway, next year put in lots of bone meal. Foliar feed your nitrogen early in the season, then feed “bloom” fertilizer after you start getting real flowers (ignore the interstitial flowers that won’t make berries).

        Anyway, prune, only ground water, even pull some plants if it’s too crowded, whatever you can to keep the plants from being wet.

    • pistoffnick

      I, too, suck at gardening. But it occupies my time and keeps me out of trouble.

      The peppers I planted suffered a late cold snap and aren’t doing well.

      Spinach has already bolted.

      We usually have peas by now, but the bunnies and a drought have retarded them.

      None of my tomato seedlings survived. If I get any tomatoes this year it will be because of volunteer plants.

      The cilantro has taken over the west garden. Do any of you need cilantro? Or coriander as it matures?

    • hayeksplosives

      It is truly heartbreaking. Especially contrasted with Americans who claim to hate America and hate capitalism.

      Swapsies?

    • Hyperion

      Think about this. If democrats win this fall, we’re getting that here.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Think about this, more guns than the population……

    • westernsloper

      It’s only July. The year aint over yet.

    • pistoffnick

      Yes.
      Hong Kong is my favorite city. And I’m a country mouse.

  19. DEG

    Oh man… I didn’t recognize Biden at first with that fake mustache.

    I like the pin-up in the Biden scene.

    Nicely done!

    • CPRM

      fake mustache

      Thems fightin’ words you useless raghead!

    • Hyperion

      I was already almost sure I won’t watch any games this year. Your value is to entertain, you want to do politics? Nope, go fuck yourself, I wanted to watch men playing football, not a bunch of pussies kneeling, fuck no.

      • SP

        OMWC and I had this exact conversation tonight. I’m pretty much done with the NFL.

    • Ted S.

      And then drugs fell out their asses.

    • Chipwooder

      The fuck is a “black national anthem”?

      • CPRM
      • straffinrun

        Oh, Wakanda

      • CPRM

        Wakanda is a a reverse apartheid state…I’ll allow it…

  20. Derpetologist

    interesting – the words garden and yard are related

    jardin means garden in French

    Nong Nooch garden in Thailand -voted one of the world’s best

    fun fact: lawn comes from the French word l’awne, which means “the awn”.

    • straffinrun

      Do the entomology of “Ghislane”.

      • Derpetologist

        “found dead soon”

      • Derpetologist

        for real though: The name Ghislaine is a girl’s name of French origin meaning “pledge”.

        “A pledge pin?! On your uniform?!”

      • straffinrun

        I pledge allegiance to the shag and united stains of pedophelia.

      • Gender Traitor

        ::wild applause!!!::

      • Derpetologist

        Aye, peg the leeches to the plank of the chewy knights of asparagus…

      • Chafed

        Right on the money.

    • Count Potato

      Jardín is backyard or garden in Spanish depending on country and context.

    • Derpetologist

      He talks like HAL 9000 being shut down.

      “Daisy…Daiiiiiiiiiiisyyyyyy….”

    • Rhywun

      LOL @ the music

    • Count Potato

      LOL

    • Tejicano

      Ha ha ha! If you’ve ever done real time translation that’s your worst nightmare. (WTF is this dude trying to say??)

      • Rhywun

        LOL!

    • Count Potato

      Also, boat race.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Trust me means Fuck You in Californian……..

  21. The Bearded Hobbit

    Hugh Downs 1921-2020

    The young folks will go, “Hugh? Who?” but we oldsters will recall him from all over the teevee.

    Interesting tidbit from teh Wiki:

    Downs publicly expressed support for libertarian viewpoints. He opposed the U.S. “war on drugs”. He did several pieces about the war on drugs and hemp.[44] On his last 20/20 he was asked if he had any personal opinions he would like to express and responded that marijuana should be legalized.

    • Toxteth O’Grady

      Least he lived to see it.

    • JD is in the United Karendom

      Yes, yes, that’s all very nice, but what did he think about Mexican butt sex?

  22. straffinrun

    Trump says some idiotic stuff even when pulled out of context. I could listen to him talking about ladders all day.

    • CPRM

      I considered leaning into that part and naming the episode ‘Jacob’s Ladder’, but the people would probably wonder who Jacob is.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Not here.

  23. Yusef drives a Kia

    And the Fireworks Begin! I had to sample a few myself,

  24. commodious spittoon

    One thing I’m looking forward to under a Biden presidency: never having to hear Trump speak.

    Oh, who am I kidding, he’ll be a favorite guest on Morning Joe. Again.

    • CPRM

      The articulation skills of presidents just keeps sliding down hill.

    • CPRM

      Oh, who am I kidding, he’ll be a favorite guest on Morning Joe. Again.

      Not until the next SUPER NAZI R gets elected and they bemoan the sanity of Trump.

      • commodious spittoon

        He’d be on within six months. He’s the greatest heel Democrats could hope for.

      • commodious spittoon

        Comments are turned off.

        lol

        Smith’s has been running ads capitalizing on its staff’s dedication and hard work during the panicdemic.

        “We applaud you,” now shop at our stores.

        I thought at first that’s what this was.

    • Tejicano

      As little as I care for it I would take Trump’s muddled jingoistic verbal salad over Obama’s well articulated mendacious arrogance any day.

      • CPRM

        Well articulated? Obama? Sure what trump says often doesn’t make sense, but he never stumbles or falters in presentation. Obama was the opposite, he stumbled over words every other sentence and stuttered, while his message made sense but was abhorrent.

      • Tejicano

        Sorry, I left out – “well articulated when the teleprompter was running at his mental speed

      • Derpetologist

        Did you know that in some neighborhoods it’s easier to buy a gun than a book? The Light Worker taught me that.

        https://www.sfgate.com/entertainment/morford/article/Is-Obama-an-enlightened-being-Spiritual-wise-2544395.php

        ***
        Here’s where it gets gooey. Many spiritually advanced people I know (not coweringly religious, mind you, but deeply spiritual) identify Obama as a Lightworker, that rare kind of attuned being who has the ability to lead us not merely to new foreign policies or health care plans or whatnot, but who can actually help usher in a new way of being on the planet, of relating and connecting and engaging with this bizarre earthly experiment. These kinds of people actually help us evolve. They are philosophers and peacemakers of a very high order, and they speak not just to reason or emotion, but to the soul.
        ***

      • Tejicano

        HO-LEY FCUK!! I had always thought the source for that “lightworker” title had come from some snark somewhere. I had always unconsciously mentally recoiled slightly in imagining that somebody might have said that seriously.

      • Derpetologist

        I’ve seen derp you’ve only seen in your nightmares…

        https://prospect.org/article/obama-s-gift./

        ***
        He is not the Word made flesh, but the triumph of word over flesh, over color, over despair. The other great leaders I’ve heard guide us towards a better politics, but Obama is, at his best, able to call us back to our highest selves, to the place where America exists as a glittering ideal, and where we, its honored inhabitants, seem capable of achieving it, and thus of sharing in its meaning and transcendence.In the days to come, just as in the days that have passed, I’ll talk much more about Obama’s policies. About his health care policy, and his foreign policy, and his social policy, and his economic policy.
        ***

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l46t_nrySg4

      • Tejicano

        Aahhhgggg!

        The horror… the horror…

      • Chafed

        I’ll never doubt you Derpetologist.

      • Toxteth O’Grady

        I don’t know whom that describes. Fred Rogers? Carl Sagan? Dolly Parton? Bob Ross?

      • Derpetologist

        I got in trouble once for telling a bulimic to lighten up.

      • CPRM

        Ahh, Trump told the wookie she had bad grooming habits, that’s where the Obama/Trump feud started.

      • Homple

        ^^Hearty agreement.

      • Akira

        As little as I care for it I would take Trump’s muddled jingoistic verbal salad over Obama’s well articulated mendacious arrogance any day.

        I never understood the fanaticism about Obama’s speaking abilities. But it all really fell apart when I read a few rhetoric and advertising psychology books. When he speaks, he’s selling a product – himself. His speeches are just amalgamations of time-tested advertising techniques.

        If anyone thinks there was anything authentic or heartfelt about Obama’s speeches, they’re deluded. He’s not a great speaker – he just has an excellent speechwriting team of people trained in psychology, marketing, and persuasion.

      • JD is in the United Karendom

        Hope! Change!

      • Gender Traitor

        Completely apart from the content of what they’re saying, I’d rather listen to Trump than Obama based on their vocal styles. Obama’s voice always sounded imperious, while at least Trump’s voice sounds more natural and conversational. The sound of Obama’s voice always prompted an instinctive stab at the radio’s On/Off button.

      • Festus' Mustache

        You don’t like being addressed as if you were a five year-old? What’s wrong with you?

  25. Homple

    ^^Hearty agreement.

  26. Chipwooder

    Since it’s now July 3 in EST, 21 years ago today the great Mark Sandman became the late, great Mark Sandman. He was kind enough to leave a bunch of fantastic songs before he departed, though.

    • Chafed

      He was something special. I saw him (can’t remember if it was with Swing Out Sister or Morphine) play at a record store in Cambridge.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I have Ian Rankin to thank for introducing me, along with expanding my musical horizons.

      https://youtu.be/lqpcrpC3P28

  27. CPRM

    My talents are being wasted here. #GrabLifeByThePussy should be trending by now, but you’re all a bunch of lazy naggers.

    • Chafed

      I don’t use twatter. And stop being a racist.

  28. The Hyperbole

    Great, woke up and my computers acting up, keyboard types gibberish and the developers tool side bar thing keeps popping up by itself. typing with the on screen keyboard is a chore. Tried uninstalling drivers and restarting , looks like I’ll be going to the repair shop.

    • Festus' Mustache

      It was me, Rufus, Gdragon and whatever that fella from Edmonton is calling himself now. Lines have been drawn, pushpins enacted. This is WAR!

      • The Hyperbole

        *shakes fist in north by northwesterly direction *

  29. Stinky Wizzleteats

    In fresh China news: Biblical flooding, Three Gorges Dam not looking so great, Hong Kong sucks now, coronavirus, stay away from Tik Tok:

    https://youtu.be/5CQY0lgvLSw

    At least we aren’t the only ones with problems.

    • Gender Traitor

      I know pretty much nothing about international travel*, but would there be halfway-decent safeguards in place to prevent CCP “operatives” from getting to Oz, the UK, or the US as “refugees?”

      *extent of international travel to date has been a few hours driving across the southern tip of Ontario as a kid.

      • JD is in the United Karendom

        AFAIK they are welcomed with open arms.

  30. UnCivilServant

    Morning Glibs.

    I need more sleep.

    Unfortunately, the workday is about to start.

    • Gender Traitor

      Yeah, we’re open today too. Instead of having the paid holiday (since few employees work on Saturday, and the branches are only open in the morning,) we got credit for 8 hours of Floating Holiday time to use before the end of the year. I hope today is a bit calmer than yesterday.

      • UnCivilServant

        Similar situation here, holiday leave-wise.

        That’s why I took monday off instead.

    • JD is in the United Karendom

      Morning. Are you still mostly working from home?

      • UnCivilServant

        Yes.

        The state is full of idiots, so the offices are still mostly closed for a few more months.

      • Sean

        “The state is full of idiots”

        I think there is 50 of those.

    • Festus' Mustache

      Morning BoxBoy! Did you get your problem squared away?

      • UnCivilServant

        Not yet. The boxes full of stuff slowed me down.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Ugh. I have a decrepit greenhouse and shed that need demolishing. Heaven knows what treasures await within. Welp, I do own a truck and the dump is about five miles away. 24 years in the same place will result in a lot of clutter.

      • l0b0t

        NOOO… You can’t get rid of the precious things! I’m, admittedly, a bit of a hoarder.

  31. Gender Traitor

    Since there’s no end in sight to The Madness, my bosses are trying to figure out Something Nice to do for the few of us whose job duties have prevented us from being able to work from home. For more than three months now, we’ve still had to pay for gas to get to the office and take the time to commute. We also can’t work in sweats, yoga pants, or our jammies. Today, they’re buying us lunch, but I think plans are in the works to come up with an even more remunerative reward. The trick is to make it enough to seem worthwhile without making the telecommuters squawk. (Of course, some of them will squawk no matter what.)

    • Sean

      Company gas ⛽ card.

      • Gender Traitor

        Hmmmm…..I like the way you think!

    • Festus' Mustache

      Yoga pants. Go on…

      • Gender Traitor

        Wearing a pair right now, but about to change into capri jeans for work.

  32. UnCivilServant

    Among the upsides to forcing myself to not eat all of what I cooked for dinner – leftovers for breakfast.

    Baked penne with bacon. Of course I let it cook until the cheese on top was nicely browned.

    • Festus' Mustache

      When Wifey goes out of town I cop to that. Make something big and feast on it for the next few days.

      • Sean

        We rarely prepare a single serve meal. Mostly it’s stuff that has left overs. #lazycook

      • Cy

        “#lazycook”

        I’d argue this is one of those cases where it’s more ‘efficient’ than ‘lazy.’

      • UnCivilServant

        One of my biggest problems is the tendency to go back for more.

        Just breaking that habit alone would do wonders for me.

      • Festus' Mustache

        I have to remind myself to eat and then make it stick but I see where you’re coming from.

    • Cy

      “Baked penne with bacon.”

      Sounds delicious. Just a hazelnut chocolate bar and hot black coffee for me.

    • Gender Traitor

      You had me at “bacon.” And then you said “cheese”….

  33. l0b0t

    Rough night at work, got a good early morning buzz right now, but then I stupidly look at Derpbook. Sigh… Once they had an Empire. Now they have a slum.

    DerpBook friend (Welsh expat in TX) original post – 75% of Texans right now…. “muh freedoms!!!”

    Fuck that shit right off, you are being asked to wear a mask. If doctors are wrong, no worries, nothing lost.

    If doctors are right, you helped stop Covid.

    Edd Wilson Limey 1 – There are a lot of folk here complaining about their freedom of expression. I have 2 things to say.
    1. Just because it was written down 300 years ago doesnt make it current or wise to enforce now. Look at your right to bear arms. Hows that working out over there?

    2. If we in the UK chose to enforce our Magna Carta from the 12th century then the lord of the land could legally have sex with our wife on our wedding night. It’s still law but we choose not to enforce it because it’s old, out of date and frankly ludicrous in this day and age.
    James, get back to Wales.

    Jason Jardine Limey 2 – Edd Wilson, theory – the people who refuse to even enter into a sensible debate on gun registration and control, repeatedly demanding their rights under the 2nd amendment (while likely not knowing or caring what any of the other amendments are, or appreciating the meaning of the word “amendment” and the concept that the constitution could be further amended) are the exact same fuckwits that refuse to wear a mask or indeed do anything (voluntarily or otherwise) that might help their fellow man.

    Edd Wilson Limey 1 – Jason Jardine, to be honest, the school system indoctrinates Americans to a degree, pledging allegiance to the flag, forcing them to believe that their ancient rights and amendments are more important than an individual. You see the exact same thing in polar opposites like China but they are communists so automatically wrong.

    l0b0t – Fuck off, slavers!

    • Festus' Mustache

      Get off Derpbook, Stat! I shit you not, Friend, that site is soul poison. Idiots and hangry divorcees. Run. Run far away!

    • Cy

      A friend invited me to the socialism vs capitalism page on Farcebook… it’s the exact shit show you’d think it would be.

      • Festus' Mustache

        So like taking a nail gun to your foot?

    • Cy

      He’s fucked…

      • Festus' Mustache

        Morning links!