GlibFit 4.0 – Coronavirus Edition XXI: Making the Best of a Bad Situation

by | Aug 9, 2020 | Fitness, GlibFit | 159 comments

Some of you have gotten creative with your workouts since gyms were forced to close.  Take Derpetologist for example:

You should have saved it for GlibFit Derpe but all is forgiven.

In the Before Times, Derpe wouldn’t have had to go to such extremes to get in a decent workout.  But here we are now.  What are each of you who are locked out of your gym/spin studio/whatever doing to get in a meaningful workout?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

There has been plenty of chatter here about closed gyms reopening or staying closed.  Mexican Sharpshooter showed us how some gym owners in Arizona are in open defiance of the governor’s orders. In California, all gyms are closed by order of Governor Nuisance.  I know of at least one that is operating on the sly so I suppose there may be others out there too.  What’s the status of gyms in your state?

You knew this would be this week’s music.

About The Author

Chafed

Chafed

I'm looking California but feeling Minnesota

159 Comments

  1. Gender Traitor

    What I suspect is meant to be a screenshot of Derpie’s comment about his weight-laden pack is – on my screen at least – just a bare white rectangle. Is it just me?

    Either that, or Derpie was at an uncharacteristic loss for words.

    • Surly Knott

      No, big white rectangle for me as well.
      Given other image related things I’ve seen, or not seen, here, I’m guessing it’s a lag in getting the image to the server and properly accessed by WordPress.

    • Nephilium

      It’s not just you, it’s just a white box for me as well. Here in Ohio, some places have opened up, others have stayed closed. All of the ones that are open that I’m aware of are not allowing changing, water bottle refills, or supplying towels. They have reduced capacities, and I’m guessing quite a few are struggling.

      I did manage to get my ass in the saddle for ~14 miles on Friday, but I’m really struggling to find motiviation.

    • Fourscore

      “Take Derpetologist for example”

      Someone took The Derp, either as an example or just because

    • Gender Traitor

      To answer your question, AFAIK gyms are pretty much open in OH – my Y’s are open with the expected restrictions (masks as you go in and out, temp checks on the way in, limited class attendance and equipment availability.) I actually like the online (or phoned-in) reservation system they’ve implemented for certain services. I use it to reserve a lap lane in the pool, and I find I have better luck getting one than in The Before Times when it was first-come, first-served. I wouldn’t mind if they kept this practice in place when (it WILL be “when,” won’t it??) this crap is all over.

      And after two trips there this week, I think I’ve found a winner in the Y location closest to home (but a bit further from work.) Six lap lanes, with a class (MUCH less noisy and disruptive than the swim team) using three of them on Tuesday but not Thursday. They open the doors to the outside in nice weather, so if I can snag the lane nearest to that wall, I can look out at the sky as I do my backstroke up & down the length of the pool. Bliss!

    • DEG

      just a bare white rectangle. Is it just me?

      #metoo

      • But Enough About My Prostate

        Moi aussi.

        Any idea why? I can’t even do a “force reload” on the image.

    • Chafed

      I don’t know what happened. I submitted a screenshot of a comment Derpetologist made this week. I assume WordPress is screwing with us.

      • mrfamous

        CENSORSHIP!

      • SP

        No, the interface between your Word doc and WordPress. It previewed just fine last night, which surprised me, but won’t play nice in the server. Sorry for not screenshotting your screenshot.

      • R C Dean

        It wasn’t showing, and now it is.

      • SP

        Because I just screenshotted his screenshot in Word and uploaded it….

      • Nephilium

        You didn’t take a picture with your phone, then e-mail it to yourself, so you could fax it somewhere, then print it out, and finally scan it in?

      • SP

        Damnit. Where do you have the camera hidden?

      • Ted S.

        In his hoo-hah.

      • Chafed

        No problem. I appreciate your work. Not like the ingrates.

  2. mrfamous

    Theoretically my gym in AZ (the one who sued the Governor) is opening on Tuesday.

    I’m down about 12 pounds since the end of lockdown number 1 in late May. It’s the lightest I’ve been in over a year. I’m 6’0″, 188. At my heaviest 8 years ago I was around 375. After a couple of years I was normal weight and have bounced around there since then.

    Anyway, have been getting up at 5am and going out to run before it gets too hot, and been doing that three times a week. On three other days I do pushups and have a pullup bar and a 20 pound dumbbell. Try and craft upper body workouts around those. Letting the running, walking and hiking try and take care of the lower body.

    But can’t wait to get back to heavy lifting. If the State put the kibosh on the gym reopening (as they are attempting to do), I suppose I’ll go search for a “black market” gym (a concept so ludicrously authoritarian, I wouldn’t have been able to imagine it 8 months ago).

    • Sean

      Excellent !

    • DEG

      Excellent!

    • R C Dean

      “I’m 6’0″, 188. At my heaviest 8 years ago I was around 375.”

      So you’re half the man you used to be?

      • UnCivilServant

        No, just more concentrated.

      • Trigger Hippie

        ?…this feeling as the dawn it fades to gray…?

      • Ted S.

        There’s a shadow hanging over him?

      • Nephilium

        Oi… R C Dean (and others). I managed to hunt down those Star Wars/Imperial March Ice Cream Truck tracks.

        I’ve got them shared here. They were distributed for free from a (now) defunct website called ThinkGeek many years ago for a Star Wars Day. They’re in MP3 format, so they can easily be made ringtones on any modern phone.

      • Gustave Lytton

        ThinkGeek is defunct? I gave them a bit of change for stuff many moons ago. Still have a STFU mug around somewhere.

      • Nephilium

        GameStop bought them out several years back, and then killed off the independent store. They had some decent stuff, but they usually had quality control issues with some of their products.

      • Gender Traitor

        (A fave Christmas shopping catalog, especially for ‘puter nerd, bad attitude [the good kind] BIL.)

      • TARDIS

        I gave them a bit of change for stuff

        #metoo

        Well my kids did with, my money. Some of the stuff was junk and didn’t last long.

        *looks at broken Fallout cooler cluttering up my room.

        Oh well, the Tetris lights and Cave Johnson portrait still work, as does my TARDIS cookie jar.

      • Gender Traitor

        We have not one, but TWO different models of sonic screwdriver. And psychic paper. And a figurine of the Muppet Beaker as a “Meeping Angel.”

        We used to have a string of TARDIS lights over our living room window, but they recently burned out. And now they’ve ruined the show. : (

      • TARDIS

        TWO different models of sonic screwdriver.

        *Jealous. I only have one.* ?

      • R C Dean

        Awesome. Thanks.

      • Sean

        Defunct? I didn’t know. ?

        Where did I put my flying screaming monkey?

    • westernsloper

      Good work! Shirley you could find other locals there and all chip in on a plate set, bars, benches and what not. Rent a storage unit and make a personal gym.

    • SP

      That’s fantastic! Did you have any loose skin issues?

    • Chafed

      That’s fantastic! You’re half the man you used to be. I mean that as a compliment.

    • Drake

      My gym is literally a speak-easy now. Secret knocks to get in, work-out in the downstairs where there are no windows. Look around the parking lot for cops and Karens before walking back out.

      It’s so bizarre I wouldn’t have believed it if somebody had told me it was going to happen.

  3. Fourscore

    WOW!, You’re 1/2 the man you used to be. That’s great. Eating controlled and exercise, my guess.

    It’s easier to control the eating regularly than trying to shed even a few pounds. Good man, MrF

    • R C Dean

      And then I look at the very next comment . . . .

    • mrfamous

      Counted calories, Weighed my food. You have to put your food in a bowl anyway, what difference does it make if the bowl is on the counter or on a scale on the counter. Focused and trying to get sufficient protein (at least 150g a day).

      The first five years or so were mostly cardio, since then I’ve gotten into strength training with better body composition results while gaining roughly 20 pounds back on the scale. Sicne I lost 200+ to begin with, losing 180+ and getting stronger ain’t too bad. Still need to drop the weight back down maybe another 10 to 15 pounds though.

  4. Sean

    I don’t belong to a gym. /Shrug

    We’ve been having a lot of drunken sex though. Surely that counts as exercise.

    I weighed in at 147.8 this morning.

    • Chafed

      It does and I’m jealous.

  5. Don did not Escape Bama

    Gemini:The Lovers reversed – Failure, foolish designs, romantic troubles

    The fakest of fake news!!!11! – DJT45

  6. DEG

    What’s the status of gyms in your state?

    The governor’s rules are: Open, but no more than 50% of capacity are allowed in. Staff are required to wear masks. Members must wear masks while entering and exiting.

    Nashua’s mask ordinance requires masks at all times while inside a business unless you can prove you have a medical condition. The only other exception is if you are seated for outdoor dining.

    My gym, which is in Nashua, is open. The personal training staff have stopped wearing masks unless the client wants then trainer to. The front desk staff will wear their masks when they see a member enter or exit (I’ve seen them pull their masks up when I approach). The cleaning staff sometimes wear masks. The head manager almost always has his mask below his chin.

    The staff asked nicely when I chatted with them about the requirements – please wear a mask to keep the city and state off our backs while you enter and exit. So, I put my bandanna on only at those times.

    I am saddened to see an increasing number of people working out while wearing masks. I chuckled one day after working with one of the trainers. Someone had dropped their mask in the middle of the gym floor. I picked it up and threw it out. No great loss.

    My gym is a small chain. Most of the branches of the gym are in Massachusetts. Gauleiter Baker having gyms closed for so long nearly drove the chain into bankruptcy. MA gyms are open again, but the chain is struggling. Some of the staff are not sure it will survive.

    I donated some money to the attempt to reopen NC gyms. They have a group for passing on announcements, sharing information, etc.. Some NC gyms are open under an interesting interpretation of Gauleiter Cooper’s orders which came from the state AG. Basically, if you have a medical reason for working out, you can use a gym. Some gyms opened up, and said, “We’re not going to ask your reason, we’ll just assume you have one.” There has been some push back from law enforcement. Hier is their GoFundMe.

    Weight went from 276 to 274.8. My physical therapist wants to move to one visit a week. I have two scheduled this week. We’re going to keep those. Here on out, once a week.

    I found a grocery store in NH that asks people wear masks but does not require them. It is a local version of Whole Foods which is twice as expensive. Ow. On the other hand, they had duck eggs and chocolate covered pretzels. Yeah, I caved and bought some chocolate covered pretzels. I’ll be careful with them.

    • Chafed

      The gym mask rule is ridiculous. But consider yourself lucky your gyms are open.

      • DEG

        Yeah.

        They’re open, they’re under the thumb of the Nashua city government, in danger of going bankrupt, and I like a lot of the staff there. I’ll bend and comply with the mask stupidity unlike other places where I will take my business elsewhere.

  7. But Enough About My Prostate

    During the Pan(dem)ic, I re-discovered the joys of potato chips. Yeah, I’ve gained weight.

    To my disgust, I’ve gained about 10 pounds. To my surprise, I’ve only gained about ten pounds. I can be a stress eater, and this fits the pattern.

    I’m trying to get back into weight-training, but an antibiotic I was recently prescribed for a gut infection has numerous warnings about tendonitis/tendon ruptures as one of the possible side-effects, with said side-effect sometimes showing up months after terminating the antibiotic (Cipro, in case anyone’s wondering). I’m a bit hesitant, since I’ve already experienced some tendonitis as an elderly person using weights. Never had a tendon rupture, and don’t wanna start now…

    • Q Continuum

      “gut infection”

      C. diff?

      • But Enough About My Prostate

        No, diverticulitis. I was taking Cipro and metronidazole together, with the metro being a prophylactic against C. diff (as well as some others). Essentially trying to bomb my guts and kill off both aerobic and anaerobic bacteria in one fell swoop. Also taking a fairly strong dose of probiotic. Seems to be working well, so far. Fingers crossed.

      • Q Continuum

        You do NOT want C. diff. I have had many different stomach bugs over the years and C. diff was by far the worst.

  8. IRBE

    Hi Chafed, Thanks for the new edition. NoCal stands for no gyms open here. More masks on hiking trails but I think it has more to do with appearance than any perceived effectiveness. I increased my workouts this week and added a 30# pack for 3 hikes. After not doing packs for a while, the additional weight kicked my butt. I have a light week of work, so I am planning some longer hikes, stretches, workouts and manual labor. Weight is steady at 174.

    We named the mighty mouse “Kiddo” in honor of Beatrix from Kill Bill. She has come a long way in the last week but we think she is blind in one eye. Does anyone know or can recommend a murine ophthalmologist?

    I am off to play some boccie…have a great week everyone!

  9. Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

    Had my first Karen experience yesterday while hiking at Tahoe. She was scolding people for not wearing a mask even though we were outdoors and maintaining 6 feet of distance. “It’s the law!” No, outdoors with distancing is an exception to the order (not law). “I work in a hospital! It’s getting worse!” Then maybe you shouldn’t go to crowded places. Thankfully she was getting no support from people on the trail.

    • westernsloper

      Did you throw a rock at her?

    • R C Dean

      ““I work in a hospital! It’s getting worse!”“

      I do, too.

      It’s getting better, quickly.

      CA peaked two weeks ago.

      • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

        Yeah, I thought of mentioning that too, but I hadn’t checked the stats lately.

    • Tundra

      It happened to us in Acadia a few weeks ago. Middle of nowhere, some shriveled granola-gobbler: “Come on guys, wear the masks for the rest of us.”

      I just smiled and wished her a pleasant hike.

      • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

        I’m not even anti-mask. There probably are situations where it does some good. Outdoors isn’t one of those situations. If someone wants to wear a mask in that situation, I won’t look down on them. I just don’t want a lecture.

    • DEG

      Good iChive galleries – #5, #9, #13

      #3 – I don’t like implants but she is sexy. I think it is her smile.

      #37 – nice butt

      #40 – nice smile.

  10. westernsloper

    I don’t even know how many years it has been since I went to a gym. I don’t like people. It is too easy to work out at home. By easy I mean I never do it.

    • hayeksplosives

      Sounds about right for me too.

      Cheers!

    • But Enough About My Prostate

      I gave up on gyms about 20 years ago when the “gang-bangers” (my own term for groups of young men who monopolize a single machine or station for twenty to thirty minutes at a time) seemed to take over every commercial gym I tried. I then realized that it would be much cheaper in the long run to acquire all of the necessary equipment at home and just do my workouts there.

      Turns out I was right. No travel time, hassles, or sh!tty piped-in music, either.  ;-)

  11. Trigger Hippie

    I just can’t gain weight, despite my extra efforts over the last month or so. Still under 170lbs.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Welcome to the party, I’m stuck at 130 lb.

      • Trigger Hippie

        That’s the messed up thing, though. A few years ago I was up to 205lbs, probably about fifteen to twenty pounds too heavy for my frame, easily the heaviest I’ve ever been. Then after a bout with an ulcer I dropped to under 160lbs at one point. Now it’s a year or so later after the ulcer went away I still can’t get much weight back on….tapeworm?

      • Lackadaisical

        Yeah, I get concerned i may have a tapeworm too sometimes.

    • mrfamous

      It’s interesting how different people are. It always astounds me when I meet people like this. Despite all the good work I’ve done, I know for a fact that I’d have zero problems putting away 8,000 calories in a day. Wouldn’t even have to work hard at it.

      For whatever reason, I don’t really get ‘full.’ I could theoretically just keep eating until I got sick. But I know other people who can get intolerably ‘full’ at a calorie level that would be a deficit for me. We’re all wired differently.

      • UnCivilServant

        “I don’t get full” is a familiar symtom to me.

      • Nephilium

        Add me to that list. The same as the people who say that beer makes them full, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten full on beer.

      • Trigger Hippie

        I’ll take that as a compliment, I suppose 😉 …dude, the fact you’ve managed to cut almost 200lbs off is impressive, especially if you don’t have that mental cut off switch. As the others said, well done!

      • Viking1865

        I went from over 400 to 185 at 6 foot 2. In the last year I’ve trickled up 15 pounds or so. Substance abuse runs in my family, I guess with me it manifests with food. I could easily throw down some gross fast food twice a day and have a pint of ice cream every night. I’ve sort of accepted that I’m incapable of doing things like buying ice cream at the store in family sizes, because I’ll just have a big bowl every night.

      • Trigger Hippie

        400 to 185, wow.

      • mrfamous

        Congrats on the weight loss. I think as long as we don’t moralize the issues we have with food as “failures,” it should be easier to simply treat them the way a diabetic treats their condition or similar situations: “Because of the way I am, I have to do these certain things in a certain way, but truth be told it’s not that big of a deal.” No point in fetishizing whatever “normal” is.

      • SP

        That’s amazing!

      • Tundra

        Dude.

        Incredible work.

      • DEG

        400 to 185 is good work.

  12. hayeksplosives

    I went to church this morning. First time since March, same place.

    They moved chairs outside to the ample patio and we just sat/stood there unmasked. Would it have been any more/less safe had we been indoors? I don’t know. At least weather is OK for outdoors here.

    The pastor mentioned the feeling of uncertainty and frustration with the lockdown. He also said (and I could see this thought come into his brain) that it is Time to Get Back to Church. He repeated it a couple of times and declared we’d be doing the patio thing every week.

    Pastor knows that isolation has exacerbated anxiety, tempers flaring, loneliness, lack of purpose.

    I hope Mr Splosives took it to heart. He had a breakdown yesterday in which he wished he’d never agreed to move to California and how he hated Everything since then. He left in the car and went who knows where last night. I started looking into how much he’d need to live on in MN and how could I get by in CA, but he told me that he would take care of it.

    I’m beyond arguing and almost beyond caring,

    On the plus side, it’s a lovely day.

    • hayeksplosives

      (Mental gymnastics and emotional health are all I can manage at present. But getting some gardening and house sorting done too.)

    • Nephilium

      Sorry to hear that Hayek… It’s a shitty year all around.

      • hayeksplosives

        Thanks. Yes, it’s shitty, and it’s taking people who were on the edge before and pushing them over the edge.

        People with some ability to detach and view themselves and their situation dispassionately can generally cope with a bump in the road or even with a big earthquake.

        He just doesn’t know how to do that. I would like to get him to therapy so he can bitch to a grownup other than me, and so they can try putting him on a serotonin reuptake inhibitor.

      • Chafed

        Sorry you have that going on with hubby. But congrats on getting to services. My synagogue hasn’t done anything that creative and I’m doubtful they will.

    • Sean

      Yikes. Sorry to hear that.

      • hayeksplosives

        Thanks. I’m really not fishing for sympathy though. I just need to say it (one of those male vs female things: women complain about their problems to a friend or spouse, and the very act of listening is all we want—we fill instantly better.

        But we women accidentally are torturing male friends/partner because dudes want to “fix” problems we speak aloud, but often the problem can’t be fixed. You’ve done everything that was needed and appreciated by the act of listening.

        So dudes, sorry about the inadvertent torture. Just be a sympathetic ear to your girlfriend, daughter, etc.

      • Mojeaux

        Just be a sympathetic ear to your girlfriend, daughter, etc

        x1000000000000

      • Sean

        I learned that lesson some 20 years ago. It was liberating. ?

      • Lackadaisical

        so… how can I help? 😉

      • Tundra

        Fuck, I’m terrible at that.

        So, I’m listening to you. Not offering any advice. No solutions.

        Could I interest you in just some old fashioned friendship, though?

      • hayeksplosives

        Yes, sure. I will hang with you Glibs together (or we will hang separately).

      • TARDIS

        Like horse thieves?
        Sounds goods.
        *hurk*

    • DEG

      Sorry.

      • hayeksplosives

        Thanks.

    • TARDIS

      Sorry, hope he gets sorted out and you’re okay.

      • hayeksplosives

        I shall live. Thanks.

    • Mojeaux

      Oh Hayek, I’m sorry.

      • hayeksplosives

        This too shall pass.

    • mrfamous

      sorry hayek

      • hayeksplosives

        Thanks, dude.

  13. Ted S.

    I got three walks 9n this week. Having to work last Saturday and the company wanting no overtime if possible meant I got out of work early three days, and used the opportunity Thursday to go on a new-to-me trail called “Quarry”.

    Should have taken photos with my smartphone. Lots of shale, and several clearings that made me wonder whether they opened up to roads big enough for off-road vehicles.

    With the dog on Saturday, saw two bikers and a jogger, while I didn’t see anybody this morning.

    No masks, either.

  14. Tres Cool

    I had to get a part for the endless money-pit that is Jugsy’s truck. I went into O’reilly’s dutifully carrying (but not wearing) my mask. The place was moderately busy. Not one person in there, customer or employee were wearing masks. It was refreshingly normal.

    No doubt Im a goner now.

    • Chafed

      It was good knowing you Tres.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    I agree, though, that it can be a frustrating, draining process to find someone who completes you. 

    But I don’t want to be completed. I prefer to remain a work in progress.

    • Tres Cool

      “Until I met my wife I felt incomplete. Now that Im married, Im finished.” -Norm Macdonald

      • pistoffnick

        Damn you, Tres!

      • Tres Cool

        Great minds.

  16. Spudalicious

    @Chafed. The graphic shows up in edit mode but not when posted. Don’t know what the problem is.

    • kinnath

      Derp’s post shows up just fine on my computer (win 10; chrome)

      • Spudalicious

        SP came to the rescue again.

  17. Lackadaisical

    I’ve been doing F3 for a few weeks.

    Great workouts, great people (at least here). I’m in better shape than I have been in a few years at least.

    https://www.f3buffalo.com/

    ^the one I go to, but there are ones all over the country, and totally free. Couldn’t recommend it more.

  18. Tundra

    Hi Chafed!

    Gyms here are open. Mine is very upfront about the mask ‘requirement’. As in, ‘we know this sucks, but the motherfuckers will close us down again’. So we wear the fucking things when moving about the gym, but you can remove once you get to your rack/bench/whatever.

    I’ll take it. Bodyweight is fine, but it is a shit substitute for a barbell.

    Great week at the gym, numbers are all up. Still walking at least 4 miles every morning – I did 10 today – and am zeroing in on the next challenge. Despite all the weight loss, I still have fat I could jettison, so I’m going to keep experimenting with the low carb/keto-ish thing, while adding in HIIT and some cold and heat stresses. I am gonna see if I can get my body fat down while still getting my lifts back to something that wouldn’t make a 14 year old girl smirk.

    Hang in there, peeps! (And try to find a ‘speakeasy’ gym.)

    • mrfamous

      Jesus, how long does it take you walk 10 miles? 4 hours? A little less?

      • Tundra

        Just under 3, actually. I usually do about a 16 minute pace, but I had the old dog with me for the first 1.5 miles 😉

      • peachy rex

        Interesting. I find the really fast walking pace super-uncomfortable… A brisk walk and a very slow jog both work better.

      • Tundra

        When I started I was much slower. I’m just better conditioned now. I can easily do under 15 while keeping my HR pretty low.

      • peachy rex

        For me it’s a musculoskeletal thing – the gait at 15/mile is just really awkward. A 10/mile jog feels much better.

  19. Q Continuum

    I have a gym that has one of those fob systems 24/7 with no desk staff. Thus it is classified as a “private club” and occupies a loophole so it never closed completely.

  20. The Late P Brooks

    Jesus, how long does it take you walk 10 miles? 4 hours? A little less?

    He takes the shortcut across the lake. It’s a lot quicker.

    • hayeksplosives

      Thanks, folks. P.Brooks will be here all week.

  21. SP

    I went back to strict plant-based (non-ethical vegan) last Monday. Giving it 100 days to see if it makes a difference to a health issue I have. Just in a week, my resting heart rate has dropped from 64 to 56. BP Friday was 95/75. So, maybe it will similarly change other metrics, as well.

    • Raven Nation

      56? Good lord: you almost qualify as in stasis for interstellar travel.

    • Gender Traitor

      If you’ll pardon my asking, what’s a “non-ethical vegan”?

      • SP

        I’m not doing it because I’m allied with, say, PETA, that’s all. I am not going to toss my leather jacket, or stop using honey or yeast.

        We maintain a vegetarian household anyway, of the cheese/butter/eggs/cheese/cheese/cream/cheese variety, but I don’t consider myself a vegetarian. I will sometimes have meat when dining out or ordering in. But it’s rare.

        For the next 94 days, I’m not having any animal products at all. Haven’t even had honey, but that’s just because I haven’t had anything I would normally use it for. *shrug*

      • Gender Traitor

        I will sometimes have meat when dining out or ordering in. But it’s rare.

        I think if you’re eating meat anyway, it’s OK if you want to have it medium or well done.

      • SP

        Where’s Swiss when I need him?

      • Spudalicious

        Rusty can lids! Rusty can lids!

    • westernsloper

      95/75? Holy shit. Eat a cheeseburger and smoke a pack. Nobody needs arteries that clean.

    • Tundra

      Good luck!

      I hope it works for you and I think 100 days is smart. It seems to take awhile for the machine to change!

    • kinnath

      Saw a video with a seal one time. Seal was exhausted and climbed into someone’s boat as a couple of orcas went by.

      • Ted S.

        So he survived by getting a little crazy?

    • Tres Cool

      Giant rubber otter ?

    • Gender Traitor

      Then he immediately scratches an itch. “Yeah, I’m cool. Just escaped an orca – no sweat. Just another day in the ocean.”

      Otters are awesome.

      • Mojeaux

        Otters, cats, owls … the perfect evil trifecta covering sea, land, and air.

      • Gender Traitor

        Evil?? Maybe that’s why I love otters and cats so much. (Neutral on owls, but open to persuasion.)

      • Mojeaux

        Find some owl vids on YouTube. OMG I freaking MELT, they’re so cute and adorable, especially baby ones.

      • Gender Traitor

        For the hell of it?? That monkey had it coming!

        Perfect soundtrack.

      • Mojeaux

        The only good monkey is a dead monkey.

        Also, I have 5 performances of Carmina Burana. That has to be the second most awful performance of “O Fortuna” I have ever heard. The awfulest is TSO’s. https://youtu.be/CkZzroPyOdI

      • Mojeaux

        Sharks do what they do because they have to.

        Otters are assholes. As are cats. And owls.

      • Gender Traitor

        My spirit animals!

    • Sean

      Good video.

    • hayeksplosives

      Poor little guy needs a mid-strength beer now.

  22. Q Continuum

    5 6 packs of near beer?

    For shame Derpy.

  23. The Late P Brooks

    That otter thing is amazing. Otters are better at risk assessment than people.

    • But Enough About My Prostate

      Damn near every sentient being on this planet seems to be better than humans at risk assessment.

      • Nephilium

        /puts on mask and bleaches all packages coming into the house.

        “What do you mean?”

    • one true athena

      Just wait until that orca pod figures out the Swamp the Floaty Thing To Dislodge Lunch Technique, that the Antarctica pod was training in that previous vid. The people on the boats aren’t gonna be real happy.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    Speaking of monkeys what needs a good drownin’

    The U.S. economy needs an even more stringent shutdown than the last time if it’s going to defeat the coronavirus, Minneapolis Federal Reserve President Neel Kashkari said.

    In a Friday New York Times op-ed he authored with Michael T. Osterholm, a professor and director of the Center for Infectious Disease Research and Policy at the University of Minnesota, Kashkari argues that the government should issue a shelter-in-place order “for everyone but the truly essential workers” for up to six weeks.

    ——-

    “To be effective, the lockdown has to be as comprehensive and strict as possible,” Kashkari and Osterholm wrote. “If we aren’t willing to take this action, millions more cases with many more deaths are likely before a vaccine might be available. In addition, the economic recovery will be much slower, with far more business failures and high unemployment for the next year or two.”

    During the initial lockdown, the shuttering of American businesses led to the loss of at least 20 million jobs, only about half of which have been recovered during the restart. Congress stepped in with rescue funding that has swelled the national debt by $3 trillion to $26.5 trillion, and Kashkari’s Fed also has expanded its balance sheet by nearly $3 trillion by lending and providing liquidity through various vehicles.

    If those idiots try the Melbourne Method here, I think there really will be government officials hanging from lampposts.

  25. The Late P Brooks

    The containment measures also crushed broader economic activity, sending GDP down 32.9% in the second quarter as calculated over a full-year’s period.

    Kashkari and Osterholm said that the efforts still weren’t strict enough as the U.S. is still seeing 17 new cases per 100,000 people a day, with more than 160,000 total deaths attributed to the virus.

    “Simply, we gave up on our lockdown efforts to control virus transmission well before the virus was under control,” they wrote.

    Despite the economic damage done during the initial shutdown, including layoffs, thousands of failed businesses and mental health and education issues, the authors say another lockdown would pave the way for a stronger recovery.

    Speaking of the banality of evil….

  26. The Bearded Hobbit

    A guy sends a text to his next-door neighbor.

    “Bob, I’m sorry. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you’re not around, probably more than you. I know it’s no excuse but I don’t get it at home. I can’t live with the guilt any longer. I hope you’ll accept my sincerest apology. It won’t happen again.”

    Feeling outraged and betrayed, Bob grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom and, without a word, shoots his wife.

    Moments later the guy gets a second text: “Really should use spell check! That should be ‘wifi’.”

    • SP

      That wouldn’t have happened with better gun laws. Trump’s fault.

    • Chafed

      It looks like we are going to find out.

    • mrfamous

      “How long can the Governor suffocate an industry before it’s simply gone? ”

      Gov. Murphy: “I know, right? I can’t hold this billow on their faces for much longer!”

  27. Annoyed Nomad

    Ack! I’m late for the GlibFit thread! Well, here’s my update: I’ve continued tracking my food this past week, still targeting protein to be about 40% of my calories. My wife and I went on another 20 mile bike ride. I only got in one weights workout and one Tabata, but we went on multiple walks. My wife and I each lost another pound and continue to feel good about our progress.