Hey Buddy, Stop Doing That! Part 4

by | Aug 19, 2020 | Art, Big Government, Comic, Cops, Federal Power, Satire | 268 comments

No one answered Sloper’s question about part three

 

 

So I’ll give you a little hint, he’s one of those guys who’s known by his initials and last name like H.L. Mencken or A.A. Milne.

I was glad to see that many of you have gotten off your juvenile theories about what ‘That’ is, which were so pervasive after part two and even worse after part one.

Anyhow, with the links to the previous parts out of the way lets get on to the links…er part 4

 

 

 

 

If any of you have totally lost the libertarian track (like a certain zoomer) and would like to sign Jack and The Other Guy’s petition click here.

Stay tuned for the climactic finish next week!

(if I get it done and TPTB schedule it)

About The Author

The Hyperbole

The Hyperbole

The Hyperbole can beat any of you chumps at Earthshaker! the greatest pinball machine of all time.

268 Comments

  1. juris imprudent

    This is a post that deserves a Brochet first.

    • westernsloper

      Pretty sure this post is pointing out you can’t, or soon, can’t jerk off in public so I am not so sure about that.

      • Nephilium

        Are you saying that was wrong? I mean… if someone had let me know, I wouldn’t have done that.

      • Sean

        This is the advantage of mask mandates…

      • westernsloper

        +1 long drive through line

      • Rhywun

        Bay Ridge, Brooklyn fashion update:

        Mask wear down to about 50% outdoors – mostly “the youth” and delivery workers. First live sighting today of an indoor worker without one – counter chick at my usual convenience store. Continued nobody giving a shit.

      • Nephilium

        As it’s burger week… which means $6 burgers at a bunch of places, I was out today (trying the Jalapeno Popper burger at one location – too much cream cheese, not enough heat). As I was walking to the place, I saw three people in their 20’s doing yard work. One of whom was wearing a bandana mask. This person also jumped back when I waved and said hello while being without a mask.

      • Sean

        Need some hot peppers?

      • Nephilium

        Sean:

        If you’re willing to part with some of your specialty ones, I’d be interested. I’ve got some dried ghost, dried reapers, and some smoked ghost flakes (Trader Joe’s had them, and they’re delicious).

      • Sean

        TPTB can share my contact info with you.

        If I can harvest and ship some interesting fresh things to you, I will. And it looks really promising right now. Nothing dried though. Fresh picked and fast shipped.

      • Nephilium

        Sean:

        My e-mail is my handle at the “do no evil” company’s e-mail address.

      • C. Anacreon

        Combine your burger post with Rhywun’s Brooklyn post, and you get a BK Broiler.

      • DEG

        It’s increasing here.

        I saw a woman walk down my street wearing a mask. The average lot size on my street is 1.25 acres. The lots are long and narrow, so the houses are a bit closer together than what you’d think for a lot that size, but still, this is far from the city.

        I grabbed a quick bite in Nashua. I see more and more people of all ages wearing masks while walking down the city streets. Thankfully where I got my bite is one of the places that is ignoring the mask ordinance and the Clown Prince’s requirement that bar/restaurant staff wear masks. Interestingly, they are complying with the Clown Prince’s restrictions on indoor capacity.

  2. DEG

    “half reformed whore”

    So… what you’re saying is, is there is still a chance?

    • westernsloper

      Naaa, she is married now. She was just in the saloon because she is campaigning for VP on the Democrat ticket.

      • DEG

        Heh.

  3. westernsloper

    So I’ll give you a little hint, he’s one of those guys who’s known by his initials and last name like H.L. Mencken or A.A. Milne.

    JRR Tolkien?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      KK Downing?

    • UnCivilServant

      Never trust an author whose middle initials are RR.

    • pistoffnick

      J.R. Ewing?

    • Grumbletarian

      B. B. King?

    • Nephilium

      CC Sabathia?

      But he went to the team that shall not be named.

    • C. Anacreon

      BK Broiler?

  4. Sean

    You’re really hitting your stride now, but I gotta ask, is that James Woods in the last panel?

    • The Hyperbole

      Thanks, and not James Woods, though it does look more like him than the actor I did use ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

      • commodious spittoon

        David Caruso?

      • Bobarian LMD

        Hugo Weaving?

      • westernsloper

        Tom Cruise?

  5. Yusef drives a Kia

    I’m confused, or Buzzed…………….

    • Count Potato

      Why not both?

  6. Mad Scientist

    Elron has too many letters…

    • westernsloper

      Not as many as Hubbard.

    • C. Anacreon

      Elron? Or L. Ron?

      Perhaps you were thinking of famous baseball player Elroy “Shit” Face.

  7. Sean

    “Apologue”*

    You’re getting too fucking fancy for us yokels.

    *I’m not seeing any animals…

    • The Hyperbole

      What do you mean, the entire story is about the most dangerous animal.

      • Sean

        Nope, the candiru.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Ouch! the pain!

      • Bobarian LMD

        Pistol Shrimp?

  8. leon

    Ok. But who’s the guy in panel 16 this time?

    • Sean

      Some jabroni.

  9. leon

    Also i feel like i’m being strung along. Cliff hanger endings every time.

    • pistoffnick

      The pleasure is much, much greater when the happy ending eventually comes.

      *Hyperbole is the ultimate tease

  10. Ted S.

    It would take a heart of stone not to laugh at this story

    A Polish court has handed a suspended six-month jail sentence to a woman who ran over and killed an examiner while taking her driving test.

    The 68-year-old woman hit the 35-year-old examiner while performing a manoeuvre at a test centre in Rybnik, a city in south-western Poland, in June last year.

    The examiner died as a result of his injuries in the accident, state news agency PAP reported.

    A court in Rybnik also banned the woman from driving for 10 years.

    • UnCivilServant

      I don’t see anything funny.

      Is it because they failed to actually issue a punishment for vehicular manslaughter?

      • Hyperion

        She just save him from the raging pandemic. She’s a hero.

      • Ted S.

        There’s a reason she failed her driving test. (At least, I’m assuming she did.)

    • blackjack

      How many pollocks does it take to teach a woman to drive a car? More than one, Imma say.

    • DEG

      I smiled.

    • Hyperion

      When you have many, many more tries left, the pressure is off. Ah, the bliss of being a toddler.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      nice!

  11. Derpetologist

    link 2 of 3

    suggested music – Pomp and Circumstance

    Cal State Long Beach’s new mascot: a non-binary shark who uses plural pronouns
    https://www.thecollegefix.com/cal-state-long-beachs-new-mascot-a-non-binary-shark-who-uses-plural-pronouns/

    ***
    Recent graduate and former international student who majored in film and electronic arts, May Nyback, took to Instagram to voice her thoughts on the new mascot.

    “I think the decision to pronoun the shark as they/them was extremely progressive and promising for our college and community,” Nyback said. “It highlights everyone and set forth a world where everyone is accepted for who they are — even sharks.” …

    The Daily Forty-Niner conducted polls on social media with results showing overwhelming support for the new mascot, averaging more than 70% of the votes.

    In a long process of finding an identity for the Beach, several mascot ideas were eventually narrowed down to three semifinalists: a shark, stingray and the option to have no mascot at all.
    ***

    [Kif sigh]

    • Hyperion

      “a non-binary shark who uses plural pronouns”

      Things that a majority of American lie awake at night over.

    • Fourscore

      Bill the Cat didn’t make the cutoff list this time, I guess. Too young of a crowd (and way too progressive)

      • DEG

        ACK-THPT is problematic.

      • Nephilium

        It’s really because Bill the Cat was the host for Trump’s brain at one point.

      • pistoffnick

        “Toxoplasma gondii, a brain parasite carried by our feline companions infects roughly one in three people.”

        Trump is a cat person?

  12. Derpetologist

    link 3 of 3 – not sure if genius or insane

    Transparent Public Toilets Unveiled In Tokyo Parks — But They Also Offer Privacy
    https://www.npr.org/2020/08/19/903840575/transparent-public-toilets-unveiled-in-tokyo-parks-but-they-also-offer-privacy

    ***
    “There are two things we worry about when entering a public restroom, especially those located at a park,” according to architect Shigeru Ban’s firm. “The first is cleanliness, and the second is whether anyone is inside.”

    Transparent walls can address both of those worries, Ban says, by showing people what awaits them inside. After users enter the restroom and lock the door, the powder room’s walls turn a powdery pastel shade — and are no longer see-through.

    “Using a new technology, we made the outer walls with glass that becomes opaque when the lock is closed, so that a person can check inside before entering,” the Nippon Foundation says.

    The group is behind the Tokyo Toilet project, enlisting world-famous architects to create toilets “like you’ve never seen.”
    ***

    What happens if the shitter’s cloaking device malfunctions?

    • Ted S.

      Haven’t you ever wanted to try exhibitionism?

    • Tejicano

      I don’t get what the problem is with the current standard “red / blue” indicator on the doorknob is? Is there some distrust of that which I am unaware?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Blue? where do you live, Mars?
        Red/Green

      • Tejicano

        You know I live in Japan – where the colors in this case are red and blue. But even when they do use ‘red/green’ they call it ‘red/blue’.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Heisenburg compensator, What else?

    • Gadfly

      What happens if the shitter’s cloaking device malfunctions?

      Not much of a difference, really. From the second picture of the opaque state, that opacity is not what I would want. You can still see the blurry outlines of the appliances, which means you will be able to see the blurry outlines of the user. Not for me.

    • Gustave Lytton

      The first is cleanliness

      I wonder if the article writer has ever been to Tokyo? Because other than squat toilets in certain older stations or maybe one or two places, cleanliness isn’t something I’ve really worried about. Or even using the toilets in a park period.

  13. westernsloper

    In all seriousness, nice work Hype, and I know what the guy is doing but I am juvenile so I make jokes and won’t spoil it. About an hour north is a huge fire and it smells like a campfire here. I have fire ash floating on top of my pool. My eyes are burning. There should be a law against lightning.

    • The Hyperbole

      Thanks.

      (the guy from the last episode was P.T. Barnum)

      • westernsloper

        Oh fer fucks sake, like I would know what he looks like. But I now see a pattern with panel sixteen.

      • Mojeaux

        Soooo he’s tying up an elephant?

      • Nephilium

        He’s just trying to direct people to the great egress.

    • DEG

      In all seriousness, nice work Hype,

      Seconded.

      I don’t know what he is doing, though I have some ideas. All non-prurient.

    • blackjack

      In L.A. we have a whole season for that. Every year.

  14. Rhywun

    I think I know what he’s doing.

    • grrizzly

      I don’t know. I’m in the camp that it doesn’t really matter what he’s doing.

      • Rhywun

        That’s not far off from my guess.

  15. leon

    Great stuff by the way. I’m curious to what the guy is doing. Must be getting Unpasteurized Milk from his cows.

    • Rhywun

      Great stuff by the way.

      I’m reserving judgement until I find out if I’m right.

      /JK

  16. LJW

    “So I’ll give you a little hint, he’s one of those guys who’s known by his initials and last name like H.L. Mencken or A.A. Milne.”

    Sounds like it is H.L. Mencken. He was an atheist, arrested in 1926 for violating the Comstock laws…

    • LJW

      I guess it wouldn’t be though because the Comstock laws weren’t passed as a result of his actions.

    • Chipwooder

      Maybe GG Allin?

  17. Mojeaux

    The “one little problem” dude looks like Hugo Weaving from The Matrix.

    • westernsloper

      ^ nailed it Keanu Reeves

    • westernsloper

      Wait, who is Hugo Weaving?

      • Frosty

        Agent What’s-his-face Bad Guy

      • Nephilium

        Smith?

      • Bobarian LMD

        He was also ze Red Skull in Captain America.

      • Cancelled

        The good guy who wanted to keep us all in the happy world not the crappy land of obnoxious twerps having a rave in a cave.

      • Mojeaux

        You make me laugh.

      • Cancelled

        That is usually my goal 🙂

      • westernsloper

        Aaaah, I hate that mutherfucker.

      • Tejicano

        “Mi-isster Anderson..”

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Or Chris Chapell from China Uncensored

    • The Hyperbole

      Good guess, I looked at him, and Agent K, Vincent and Jules, but went with a still from an actual good film from the director of Zardoz. It didn’t turn out looking like the actor I based it on so I doubt anyone will guess it.

      • Cancelled

        So it’s supposed to be Geoffrey Rush? also, excellent work.

      • DrOtto

        I’d guess Lee Marvin from Point Blank based on that, but the hair has me doubting that.

      • westernsloper

        Hype should have gone with Patrick Swayze from Point Break. That was great hair.

      • pistoffnick

        I contend that Patrick Swayze was the best worst actor ever.

        Also his birthday was yesterday. I smoked 3 packs of cigarettes and tried to fly a plane in his honor.*

        *I can neither smoke nor fly land an airplane.

      • Rhywun

        There’s a reason I watched The Outsiders every chance I got when I was 13.

      • pistoffnick

        OK, OK, I smoke a cigar once a year at Deer Camp.*

        *cost me a life insurance policy – because I was honest. Silly me.

        *branded a smoker for the rest of my life.

  18. Mojeaux

    I have been productive as hell for the last few weeks, but shit, I’m tahred.

    • Tejicano

      Are we talking ‘writing/publishing’ productive or ‘life requirements’ productive? The former can be more satisfying but the latter can often seem more like progress.

      • Mojeaux

        Yes, professionally and life requirements.

        I’m not writing. I’m dealing with my needlework business, listing new old stock and my patterns on Etsy like I’ve been meaning to for years. Hat’s off to Sloopy because posting individual pieces for sale online is exhausting, confusing work. THEN I had to revise my patterns after I found a review of one of them and she made a great point about readability. I’m still debating putting another pattern up or not.

        I’ve been cooking with gas on editing and formatting, and I’m about to clear out my clients’ work, which is concerning. I don’t want to have to go back to my drudgery work (medical transcription) to fill in my income.

        But today I was listing needlework shit on Etsy and it totally took it out of me.

        TMI? Not the exciting kind, sorry.

      • Tejicano

        Nope, not TMI.

        The exciting kind tends to be equally difficult to live through so I’m glad to hear you are making ‘boring’ progress.

        I’m waiting for my kids to be back in school full time (next week) so I might have a chance to possibly make some professional connections. Heck, maybe even make a Scheckel or two here and there.

      • pistoffnick

        Daughter, number 1, starts tomorrow – totally online. Not sure why we are paying a premium for a brand name college when it is just online. Better not to ask such questions.

        Daughter, number 2, has quit her second college and has decided that being a Door Dash driver is her path. Now that she has a “job”, she wants to buy a house and a puppy. Delayed gratification is not her strong suit.

        Son, number 3, starts his last year of high school completely on-line in a little over 3 weeks, including the college courses he is taking.

      • Tejicano

        Sounds very good to me. Mine are just going back to grade school. I’m years away from even having an idea what either of them might be doing for higher education.

        And I’d say your daughter number 2 is probably doing the best thing from the options available. Don’t waste time and money on this half-fast, on-line, on-and-off higher education farce they are trying to water down and offer as normal. Better to be bringing in any income and learning about the real world.

      • pistoffnick

        Except she thinks that working 20-30 hours per week delivering takeout food to lazy people is going to allow her to buy a house, and a dog, and maintain said house and dog, In reality, pistoffnick is going to get called when the toilet is clogged, the furnace stops working, or the grass needs mowing.

        I have raised her poorly.

        *hangs head

      • Mojeaux

        I have raised her poorly.

        Don’t take away her agency. She was born with a personality and character traits. There’s only so much nurture can do.

      • Tejicano

        I thought you said “a house for her puppy”…

        I suspect that after 5 to 6 months of working on that plan she learns that getting a loan for a house is something a little different from what she thinks it is right now – ie: she won’t be getting a loan on the income from a part-time, manual labor job. That will be an education that she wasn’t going to get in a university and at least she (OK, you) won’t have to pay some professor for that lesson.

  19. mikey

    -1 no use of the “jabroni”.

    +1 slack taken up by Sean,

    • Sean

      ?

  20. Agent Cooper

    Why is the sheriff Jewish?

    • hayeksplosives

      I wondered the same thing. Sheriff stars seem to come in 5 or 6 point.

    • The Hyperbole

      Good catch, totally inadvertent, it must be systemic antisemitism at work, I probably need sensitivity training. Anyone know a dainty little Jewish Princess, with a couple of sisters who could help me overcome my prejudices?

      • Chafed

        I could have my wife lecture you if you think it will help.

  21. Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

    Does it even matter what he’s doing? The point is that you can always whip up a crowd to get something banned.

    • Tejicano

      This is how I’ve been reading this all along. He could be building a Lego model of the most innocuous object and somebody would slide in some BS political angle to make it wrong.

    • westernsloper

      You guys are so wrong. I know what he is doing.

    • hayeksplosives

      That’s why I cringe to see people claim that “democracy” is the best form of government. Pure democracy without a strong bill of rights is just mob rule. Two wolves and a sheep voting on what’s for dinner.

      Majority rule, but minority rights.

    • Nephilium

      That assumes anyone pays attention to the Reds.

      • Not an Economist

        They did.

    • Rhywun

      I thought cancel culture was made up?

      • Tejicano

        “The first rule of the cancel culture is that you never talk about the cancel culture.”

      • Nephilium

        Cuck! Cancel culture is when you say people shouldn’t buy stuff from a company that bans political messages you disagree with, but promotes messages you agree with.

        That’s free speech bitches!

        /wonders how many progs would even understand the free beer vs. free speech argument

    • commodious spittoon

      Works around mics for a living

      surely must know that every mic is potentially a hot one

      gets caught saying something cancelable into a hot mic.

      At some point I can’t really work up much sympathy, even if I don’t care about the epithet.

      • The Hyperbole

        ^^^This. I was fumbling through a similar response but you said it much better than I was.

      • Chipwooder

        Yeah, that one falls under the “company fires guy who needlessly embarrassed them because he’s a dumbass” category.

    • straffinrun

      Oops. I should scroll up once in a while.

  22. Yusef drives a Kia

    Fun stuff Hype! But where’s Festus?
    /Marshall Dillan!

    • The Hyperbole

      Thanks, Yusef. As some people don’t recognize certain “Dune” novels, or “Star Trek” Movies I only consider the Radio Version of “Gunsmoke” to be cannon, Festus is an abhorrent aberration (no disrespect to Glib Festus, a beloved and mustachioed commenter, is there even was one.)

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I get it,but Canon, still fun!

      • Gustave Lytton

        I only consider the Radio Version of “Gunsmoke” to be cannon

        Paging Switzy….

      • Festus' Mustache

        *blushes prettily*

      • Festus' Mustache

        *blushes prettily*

      • Festus' Mustache

        I mean to say that I’m REALLY turned on right now but in a confused and questioning way.

      • Gender Traitor

        Both cheeks!

      • Festus' Mustache

        ALL cheeks!

  23. hayeksplosives

    I watched “Can We Take a Joke?” With Penn Gillette, Gilbert Gottfried, and other comedians talking about free speech and cancel culture from a comedian’s perspective.

    It is from 2016, and those guys had no idea how much worse it was about to get.

    (Amazon prime has it)

    • Nephilium

      Have you watched the Aristocrats yet?

      • hayeksplosives

        No—looks interesting

    • Chipwooder

      It got much worse, and I’m sure the 2020 version of Penn is just fine with it. What a fucking joke that guy turned into.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Fat Penn was superior to thin Penn. Ask teller.

  24. hayeksplosives

    On California’s effective ban on Uber and Lyft.

    Legislators didn’t realize the drastic implications their legislation would have; they were simply hoping to improve working conditions in the gig economy.

    The unintended consequences may end up destroying it instead.

    Hahahahahaha! My sides are splitting. Unintended consequences my ass.

    https://fee.org/articles/why-uber-and-lyft-are-about-to-shut-down-all-operations-in-california/

    • Nephilium

      Oh, they did have unintended consequences. They almost banned all freelance journalists through the legislation they passed. But don’t worry, they’ll get it right eventually.

  25. LJW

    Messing around on the new Microsoft Flight Simulator. Holy shit the depth is incredible.

    • Sean

      Now you can fly yourself to Epstein’s island.

  26. straffinrun

    So he isn’t doing that. I’ll go with my second guess: humping a mailbox.

  27. Heroic Mulatto

    Sadly, Hyperbole is under the impression that authorial intent matters.

    The New Criticism, reader-response theory, and even modern hermeneutics agree that the guy is jacking off. It doesn’t matter what he says.

  28. straffinrun
  29. Heroic Mulatto

    • Gender Traitor

      Are you sure that’s not Poppy?

      • straffinrun

        Oh, she’s “poppy” alright.

      • Hyperion

        She looks like Poppy to me.

    • Brochettaward

      You only have the power to post pictures because you are one of (((them))). Or black. It’s definitely because you are some kind of minority.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        It’s because I’m lactose intolerant.

      • Hyperion

        I could have sworn you said you’re Norwegian.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I read that as “lacrosse intolerant”.

    • Hyperion

      Wait now, are you sure those were men, or were they antifa?

    • pistoffnick

      I know who Piper Perri is. I would welcome her into my home and feed her a sandwich, because she looks too damn skinny (and sexy).

    • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

      Something tells me this is a trap.

  30. Plinker762
    • straffinrun

      How long until SWAT teams get those? Would’ve made Roger Stone’s arrest more interesting.

      • Plinker762

        They are going to need shoulder mounted weapons like in Predator because their hands are going to be busy thrust vectoring.

      • pistoffnick

        Ahh, my hands are busy thrust vectoring right now,

        *Googles Piper Perri*

      • straffinrun

        You started before you googled? That is some hardcore glibbing.

      • pistoffnick

        Prior knowledge!

  31. Rhywun

    M———g c——–s.

    Fios was available last week, now it’s “not available”.

    I want to cut the cord NOW.

  32. slumbrew

    Konnichi wa, bitches!

    I’ve been scarce due to a new acquisition, but you remain my favorite bunch of shitlords (awesome new avatar, Straff!).

    You will appreciate this:

    My company has jumped on the woke-train and with quite a bit of fanfare announced a “Racial Equality and Social Justice Matching Gift Program”, where you can give money to a list of pre-selected “justice” organizations & the company will match it (they almost never do matching gifts). This is after spending time on this woke-ness during every company-wide meeting in the last few months.

    One can see the totals on the special website setup for the matching gifts – after almost two weeks, our company of 8,800 employees has seen a torrent of… 54 donations.

    I was already sure that all of the Indian employees just DGAF about these issues, but apparently the thousands of US employees mostly don’t care either…

    Something, something, revealed preferences.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good doggy!

    • Nephilium

      My work had a similar donation matching program. They announced they were extending the deadline for matching. Without saying the amount donated.

      When you’re asking for donations and offering to match them at a time you cut bonuses, raises, and 401(k) matching… it’s a bad look.

      • slumbrew

        My company is doing well – internet related, so we’re busier than ever. No cuts, layoffs, or anything of the sort.

        This sort of woke give-away would indeed be infuriating if that was going on (TBF – I don’t think they’d be that tone-deaf).

    • straffinrun

      I’ll trade ya for the pooch. That guy is awesome.

      • slumbrew

        She – Penny.

        Day 6 – she is no longer running from me in fear, so I’ve got that going for me. She’s definitely a momma’s girl so far.

        Mostly I’m in love with her (she needs to stop shitting right on the sidewalk though).

        Her eyes are amazing – that pic is a bit blurry, but she’s got “sectoral heterochromia” – each eye is half(-ish) blue, half brown; the left is split top/bottom, the right is left/right.

      • straffinrun

        Yep, those eyes are wild. Look into your soul types.

    • Hyperion

      “you can give money to a list of pre-selected “justice” organizations”

      How about piss the fuck off?

    • Tejicano

      “…our company of 8,800 employees has seen a torrent of… 54 donations.”

      You’re trying to restore my non-existent faith in my fellow man and it’s not going to work.

      OK, well maybe a little.

      • Rhywun

        Cue letter: “We’re disappointed in the lack of enthusiasm etc. etc.”

      • slumbrew

        by comparison, employees donated $200,000 for Wu Flu-related charities (which the company matched).

    • grrizzly

      Is she a rescue, too?

      • slumbrew

        Yep, from these guys.

        (though, to steal a line from Adam Carolla, it’s not like I fast-roped into a burning building and snatched her from harm. “Rescue” vs. “adopted” is a tad grandiose).

        She’s from AR, been up here just a few weeks, but she’s adapting to city life well.

        Paperwork from there says she’s a “Catahoula / terrier” mix, which I’m guessing is about right.

      • Chafed

        Congrats and enjoy slumbrew. She looks sweet.

    • Festus' Mustache

      So tweens have the right to vote now? What if Brittney Spears came out as a hard-core Bush-ite in 2000? “Mom, put down the spatula. We need to talk!”

  33. Hyperion

    What is that thing?

    • straffinrun

      Are you examining your balls again?

    • pistoffnick

      I’ve pretty much given up on the news lately. It seems so biased (and I say this as one of those icky anarchists who is not going to vote for either one).

      *shitburger vs. turd sandwich

      • Rhywun

        Jack Johnson: “I say, your three cent titanium tax goes too far!”
        John Jackson: “And I say, your three cent titanium tax doesn’t go too far enough!”

    • PudPaisley

      Nice avatar. Is that a Dali?

      It reminds me of his famous painting “Leg with Arm Sqeezing Tit of Distraught Dead Woman”

      • straffinrun

        From his blew period.

      • PudPaisley

        I’m gonna have to start carrying a magic marker for whenever I see one of those signs. They seem to be popular in Wisconsin among the woke teachers and other assorted union commies.

  34. Gadfly

    OK, I’ve figured out what he’s doing:

    He’s on his phone, vigorously tapping out a comment to post on Glibertarians.com.

    You’re welcome, everyone.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      So like I said, jacking off.

      • straffinrun
      • Gustave Lytton

        I’d like to fire up something for Preet…

      • Gadfly

        LOL

      • commodious spittoon

        I thought we’re a circlejerk, not just a bunch of wankers.

  35. Yusef drives a Kia

    I need a break, too much information, and crap, love you guys, I’ll be Back…………….

  36. KSuellington

    We truly live in the best timeline for music accessibility. How amazing is it to be able to call forth almost any song you can think of on demand? My soundtrack for the evening is currently Kraftwerk’s Tour de France after The Call and “Let the Day Begin”. Last week I heard this one and found it quickly tonite without knowing the name. Good tune, lyrics and video as well.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utCjuKDXQsE

    • Chafed

      No question we have more access to more music than ever before.

    • Tejicano

      I’d say there’s a huge difference between one shitbird acting on his own who’s getting out of uniform (not sure how long ago he was in uniform, if at all, given that beard) and a command structure following unconstitutional orders from above.

      • hayeksplosives

        Yep.

        There’s a reason they say “You and what army?”

      • Gustave Lytton

        The armed forces reflect society, if not in the same degree. It’s not some bastion walled off from the rest of the country.

        And I should have put unconstitutional in quotes, because when they’re issued as orders, they’ll be lawful and carried out.

      • Tejicano

        The military does tend to get all kinds across a wide spectrum. This one, like Lee Harvey Oswald, seems to be non-standard from the usual. A personal acquaintance of mine served with Oswald and he told me Oswald was viewed as a shitbird.

  37. Tejicano

    Seems like this thread has a big ol’ “DNR” tattooed across its chest.

    Or is somebody going to prove me wrong on that?

    • limey

      EVERYTHING IS FINE 🙂

      Mornin’ Sean.

      • Sean

        Mornin

    • limey

      Many Americans would quite like a fake ass authoritarian piece of shit, just as long as it’s their fake ass authoritarian piece of shit, I suppose.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      She’s more malevolent than Hillary Clinton and just as shrill. I was watching a YouTuber speculate that Biden could resign after two years, opening up the door for a ten year Harris presidency. God help us if that happens.

  38. Gender Traitor

    Now the kiddies are starting their schooling (the astute among you will note that I did NOT say “education”) in Pandergarten.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      The earlier you propagandize the young ‘uns, the better it works.

  39. Timeloose

    Donny Two Scoops will be messing up my traffic today as he visits the region.

    He will be in speaking at a blue collar business today.

    • Gender Traitor

      Hope rioters peaceful protestors don’t mess up your traffic even worse. Please be careful out there. (Or don’t. Far be it from me to tell you what to do. I’m not your supervisor.)

    • Grosspatzer

      This is going to be an interesting flu season.

      Son’s uni (Scranton) has set up their first semester to attempt to deal with this. Started early, will go until Thanksgiving with no holidays, then send the kids home until January. Of course, they need to somehow stay open until November for this to work.

  40. Festus' Mustache

    Mornin’ Night Lights! Namesake Kitteh has dental problems and hyper-thyroidism. His meds cost sixty bucks a month but the special food that we need to buy is four bucks for a three pack and they are tiny one shot deals. Twice per day. Sigh. He’s worth every red cent, though. He met the youngest Granddaughter the other day and kissed her on the nose. The Other, giant cat would probably kill and consume small children if he had his druthers. In other pet news I failed to pull the trigger on that Lab pup so Daughter #1 sold her to a willing bidder. 🙁

    • Gender Traitor

      Mornin’, Fes! Hope Kitteh’s meds aren’t too difficult to administer

      He’s worth every red cent, though.

      Yup.

      I failed to pull the trigger on that Lab pup

      The kittehs thank you…in their own way, of course.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Still have dibs on plan B. She’ll be bred once more maybe next year. Was shown video of ten lab puppies chasing the kids around. You can imagine how it was.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Yeah, we just use tricknology at a buck-twenny-five a time. He has improved, noticeably. I know we’re just delaying the inevitable but he seems happy and more comfortable now and that’s what matters. He’s my pal!

    • Gender Traitor

      I bet a GoFundMe would garner no small amount of support.

      • Grosspatzer

        Holy shit, already raised over 300K. Looking good, GT, how much did you bet?

      • Gender Traitor

        Not enough! : )

      • Festus' Mustache

        It’ll double.

  41. l0b0t

    Good morning everyone. I’m hiding in the dairy walk-in, waiting for quittin’ time to arrive. Huzzah for a day off today. If the weather is nice, I get to take the kids to Long Beach.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, l0. Grab me some cheese, wouldja? Hope you have a wonderful day!

      • Festus' Mustache

        Velveeta. Wifey won’t buy it no more.

  42. Stinky Wizzleteats

    NSFW: Anthony Cumia and sidekick break down the Cardi B/Biden interview (absolutely NSFW):

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTnXF7SgG1A

    As a bonus, theres a clip of her talking about why you have to brush your teeth to get rid of the pork grease before going down on a guy. I still cant believe Biden’s people gave the green light to that interview.

    • Festus' Mustache

      That thing with the nails? She is repugnant. I mean actual stomach-churning repellent. Picture Tweety torturing Sylvester with a picture of a boat green-face inducing. “The boat wocked and wocked! Up one wave and down another! Wocking, wocking…”

    • commodious spittoon

      I liked the AA show, even if Artie repeated that Lenny Dykstra joke every single episode.

  43. Festus' Mustache

    So tweens have the right to vote now? What if Brittney Spears came out as a hard-core Bush-ite in 2000? “Mom, put down the spatula. We need to talk!”

  44. Sean

    https://philadelphia.cbslocal.com/video/4672890-yeah-philly-local-youth-group-hopes-to-reduce-gun-violence-in-city-one-conversation-at-a-time/

    Philly CBS news running this morning. It caught my eye because they are running a clip of people not socially distanced in a small room. Many attendees aren’t wearing masks properly, or at all, or standing around eating cake (@ 0:57). It is really against their mask narrative. They’ve been really pushing their solitary reporters wearing masks when reporting remotely.

  45. Sean

    Are the laser attacks over?

    Seems like I haven’t seen any in riot footage this week.

    • Festus' Mustache

      “Very sad! That dog can’t get even one chick to dance with him!” Winner!

  46. Fatty Bolger

    Matt Dillon, of course, lol. Should have known you’d work your obsession into the comic somehow.