Hey Buddy, Stop Doing That! Part 5

by | Aug 26, 2020 | Art, Comic, Crime, Fun, Satire | 391 comments

I am pleased to report that not a single one of you signed Jack’s petition from Part 4

Maybe you Trumpsters are libertarians after all, who woulda guessed

Part 3

Part 2

Part 1

And now the one you’ve all been waiting for…

 

 

As I’ve mentioned before this was originally going to be animated so I had to change it a bit here and there, it translated fairly well but one thing I miss is sound, I tried to layover some sounds ala comic books or TV’s Batman show but it didn’t look right, anyway when you read the last four panels please imagine that ominous “Dun Dun Dunnnn” sound.

 

About The Author

The Hyperbole

The Hyperbole

The Hyperbole can beat any of you chumps at Earthshaker! the greatest pinball machine of all time.

391 Comments

  1. Brochettaward

    This First is earned. Not given.

    • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

      First is meaningless when you’re the only one who cares enough to compete.

      • Rebel Scum

        I only attempt when I feel like it. Batting 1000 so far.

    • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

      Hey buddy, stop doing that.

      • Rhywun

        ???

      • Mojeaux

        JR wins the internet.

      • Brochettaward

        I’ll stop Firsting when my cold dead hands can no longer type.

      • Fatty Bolger

        ?

  2. Yusef drives a Kia

    I never understood this cartoon,

    • IntraveneousWoodChipper

      I like the art style. Wish I could draw like this!

      • Rhywun

        I like the art style.

        #metoo, very much

      • westernsloper

        #metoo Hype has some decent cartoonist chops.

      • The Hyperbole

        Thanks all. I’m mostly a hack but the kind words are appreciated.

      • Chipwooder

        It IS a nice clean look. I haven’t the faintest idea what’s going on it, but it’s visually appealing.

      • DEG

        Yes

      • Tulip

        Yes

      • Mojeaux

        Tulip, your sunbather watercolor was spectacular.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I agree with you there, the art is cool….

      • R C Dean

        #metoo.

    • UnCivilServant

      It’s a libertarian morality play.

      • Tejicano

        Be careful how you label it. Somebody might tell us to stop doing it.

      • Rebel Scum

        I’ve been told by certain conservatives (Michael Knowles…) that libertarians have no morals.

      • Frnxt Ghrt Digby Gurm

        That’s what I thought, for a very long time.

        I figured it out.

  3. But Enough About My Weird Culinary Fantasies

    I like it, but like a Connie Willis book, it sure took a long time to get to the meat of the matter.

    • LemonGrenade

      Agreed. Well done, though.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Me halfway through Doomsday Book: ?

      Me at the end of Doomsday Book: ?

      • UnCivilServant

        I get that a census and assay of medieval england isn’t the most exciting subject matter, and the language is a bit archaic, but you should be able to survive.

      • Gender Traitor

        I found that book unremittingly depressing. For time travel stories with lots of history and entertaining historians, I much prefer Jodi Taylor’s “Chronicles of St. Mary’s” series.

      • UnCivilServant

        Wait, someone ripped off the title of William the Bastard’s Magnum Opus?

      • Gender Traitor

        Well…I guess so. It was Jodi the Bitch.

        (Highly recommended. The first book of the series is Just One Damned Thing After Another.)

      • Gender Traitor

        …and on that note, I’m going to bed. Nighty night, Glibbies.

  4. cyto

    More covid questions:

    I was just looking at the covid numbers for the US.

    New York is still sitting at a little over 32,000 deaths.

    Florida and Texas are still sitting at about a third of that number.

    Now for the Huh? moment.

    Florida and Texas are at over 600k cases.

    New York has about 450 cases.

    So the death rate in New York is – well, a lot higher. Like 6x higher or something.

    So something is wrong with the numbers. New York didn’t have a lot of testing early, so maybe they missed a couple hundred thousand cases. Florida is extremely aggressive about testing. Dunno about Texas. But both states are bigger than NY, have more cases and only a third of the death.

    And yet NY reports only 6k deaths in nursing homes. TX and FL both almost match that number.

    Somebody is full of crap, somewhere along the way.

    • UnCivilServant

      I automatically assume NY is lying until proven otherwise.

      • Bobarian LMD

        There was something recently about how NY way under-reported nursing home deaths…

        Like if you died in the hospital, it wasn’t a nursing home death?

      • UnCivilServant

        If you died in a hospital, that’s counted as a hospital death, no matter if you spent the last decade in a nursing home where you only left because you contracted wuhan there.

    • Sean

      All of them are full of crap. ?

      • cyto

        Uh…. actually probably the most correct answer.

        Having experienced the testing in Florida, I do not believe they would be able to tell if I get multiple negative tests. I don’t know if they do anything different for positive tests… but you’d have to guess that it might contain a few duplicates.

      • westernsloper

        ^ This. The numbers are all shit. The data was fucked from the git go when a monetary value was assigned to treating a Covid patient.

      • Drake

        Yes. It’s crap built upon a foundation bog crap. As Suthern was saying earlier, I have no idea what to believe. But I know not to believe the official numbers.

      • blackjack

        I got sick as a dog about a month ago. Figured the ‘vid had me for sure. Went to my doctor and he could care less. He asked me if I was getting better and I said yes. Then he said it don’t matter if it’s vid, you’re on the upswing. Then, work had a free test for employees day. It was “optional” lol. They made me get tested. It was the mouth swab type. Everyone was negative, me included. We all figure they just tossed all the kits in the dumpster and sent out negative results to everyone. Either that, or the mouth thing just don’t work very well. After the 77 players tested first positive and then negative, I have no faith in any of it.

    • Rhywun

      New York has about 450 cases.

      Are these current numbers?

      • Ted S.

        I think he meant 450K.

      • Rhywun

        I figured.

        I haven’t paid any attention lately. Looks like NY is <10 deaths a day. Florida and Texas are near 200.

        Do better! /Andrew

    • Lackadaisical

      Interesting. I would guess it’s mostly the testing, though I would have thought we had more fatalities in nursing homes.

      Maybe they used the same lab as the nfl to juice the numbers.

    • Gustave Lytton

      There’s also when the deaths/cases occurred. Therapeutics have advanced and the death rate in NY would not be the same now as it was in March/April.

      • invisible finger

        What therapeutics? As far as I’ve been able to gather, if you’re not being hospitalized you are given nothing most of the time and a z-pack otherwise. Florida and Texas never had the hospital capacity problem new York had and learned from their nursing home mistakes.

        The most important difference apart from urban density was that Florida and Texas were locked down before they had any outbreak whereas New York didn’t lock down until their outbreak was already underway. One could even argue that the premature lockdowns in Texas and Florida caused more deaths because people were too frightened to go to the doctor even though their outbreaks hadn’t happened and the risk was low.

      • invisible finger

        I’ll also add that with respiratory virus outbreaks the southern latitudes always have lower death totals per capita than northern latitudes. So I’m not giving any extra credit to public health bureaucrats because they happened to be geographically advantaged.

      • R C Dean

        ICU treatment is improved. “Proning” patients on vents, heated high flow oxygen, mainly. Makes a real difference.

        And, of course, docs with the stones to us HCQ and convalescent plasma, despite the DemOp rage against treatments mentioned by Trump.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yep, and delaying intubation by proning as well. Some number of deaths early on was due to aggressive use of ventilators. Like many things with this virus, part of that is assumptions of what was happening, what the logical treatment would be, and the Chinese clinical experience.

    • hayeksplosives

      I agree that it’s mostly that the numbers are shit.

      But there’s another factor here: New York was hit early on because it’s a big travel hub. So New York imported doctors from other states to help, or had doctors that were highly specialized in stuff like orthopedics, urology, etc. The docs admitted that they didn’t really know how to set the ventilators right, so they were too high pressured and damaged the lungs of the already covid-stricken, causing many deaths that could have been avoided.

      My guess is also that New York doesn’t have the modern, spacious infrastructure in medical care that TX and CA have.

      CA cases are split among a few big cities (LA, San Fran/San Jose, San Diego), and New York cases are packed into one large metropolis.

  5. Sean

    I like it.

    ???

    Time to make a drink.

  6. Mojeaux

    EXCELLENT! *wild applause*

  7. westernsloper

    Do you people want me to explain what Jack was doing that eventually led to him being dead? I don’t care if you want me to I am going to explain anyways. He was making Carbonara and used cream. Now he is dead.

    And since when did Geraldo Rivera become a Special Agent?

    • But Enough About My Weird Culinary Fantasies

      He was making Carbonara and used cream. Now he is dead.

      I revise my entire estimation of this cartoon. If he was making Carbonara Romano, Jack deserves to burn in the Hell of his own making.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      And since when did Geraldo Rivera become a Special Agent?

      Al Capone’s vault?

    • Sean

      Geraldo Rivera and James Woods as special agents. I’d watch that.

      • But Enough About My Weird Culinary Fantasies

        Especially if James popped a cap in Geraldo’s ass in the first episode. That’d be totally worthy of a watch.

        “You’ve failed me for the last time, Number Two.”

      • Chipwooder

        I thought the one was Lee Marvin from Point Blank?

      • Crusty Juggler

        Has any actress looked better on screen than Angie Dickinson?

      • Sean

        Traci Lords.

      • The Hyperbole

        Elisabeth Shue in that one scene from Palmetto.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Nude Angie, Wow

      • Chipwooder

        Margot Robbie in The Wolf of Wall Street

      • Crusty Juggler

        In the running for sure.

    • straffinrun

      By explaining what he’s doing, the author would undermine the very point he is trying to make: the angst that manifests as your existence itself becomes the source of society’s ire.

      Or, he had his finger in his butt. Tough to say which.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        He was wanking it at at elementary school, and Jack is the protagonist in this story.

      • westernsloper

        I got the names mixed up. It was Buddy making Carbonara while using cream. Jack might have a finger up his butt it is not clear. And I never saw mention of an elementary school, but given the appearance of Geraldo Rivera, as Hobbit pointed out they may all be near a vault.

      • Bobarian LMD

        That put into a youtube blackhole.

      • Bobarian LMD

        put me…

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      “Do you people want me to explain what Jack was doing that eventually led to him being dead? ”
      He had dirt on Hillary?

    • Agent Cooper

      I thought he was putting pineapple on pizza …

  8. straffinrun

    I like it.

    First they came in Brochettaward’s mouth, and I said nothing
    Because I’m not a homophobe.

    • Gustave Lytton

      “Then they came in my mouth. Mmmm… salty Calpis…”

    • BakedPenguin

      Nice avatar.

    • Brochettaward

      We all know who The Gay is here.

      • straffinrun

        That’s rude. Don’t talk with your mouth full.

  9. Gustave Lytton

    Internal survey at work. Boss a few levels above is getting pissy about the participation rate. “I’m ok with good or bad feedback but I’m not ok with people not participating” [in this reoccurring sham]. Go fuck yourself, you two faced clown.

    I feel like mailing a copy of Exit, Voice, and Loyalty to the dumbass but I think it would be a waste.

    • Ted S.

      If the survey is anonymous, make up answers.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Allegedly. But results are aggregated at the team level and up. I’ve looked at the slide deck for the results for the execs. It’s less about the actual results but more of an evaluation of the survey takers and whether they’re yes men and fully on board with whatever the company’s current plan is. That’s one of the reasons I’ve stopped doing it.

        Also pissed because IT sent a replacement laptop. The one thing, the one thing I asked before they shipped it was “Will it work with my existing docking station hardware”. “yes”. And of course, it doesn’t. I feel like swapping keyboards (the reason for replacement) and send it back to them.

        Oh, and it was a refurb (not a surprise) but wasn’t even wiped down, like with a cloth. In the before times, it would fucking annoying. Now it just shows their and the company’s commitment to the stated cleaning policies. For all I know, it’s available because it came from one of our dead employees.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Oh, and it was a refurb

        I dread anything ever happening to my computer because of that exact reason. Unless the reason for it being sent back the first time was the hard drive failing or the first owner being fired, it’s guaranteed to have something wrong with it.

        At one point, I went through 3 in 6 months. Shortly thereafter, they flagged that model as a lemon and did a company wide refresh for those who had it.

    • Chipwooder

      Spicy!

      • Gustave Lytton

        The lady is a fucking cunt. She has her assistant send out an org newsletter, which is just sent in email snippets spliced together. Zero editing, rewriting, or a unified editorial voice. And the cunt can’t even write a blurb for it either. Or in this case, doesn’t send out an org wide email (come to think of it, I don’t think she’s ever done that) but sends a snippy email to my boss and his peers about having their people take the survey. Fuck her with a rusty gallop pole.

    • Chipwooder

      Of course he was. Watch the pre-shooting videos – that guy was an obvious piece of shit who got what was coming to him.

      • kinnath

        We all got it coming, kid.

    • Drake

      Our justice system has become blatantly two-tiered. I’ve heard it called “Jim Snow”. While I like it because it’s catchy, the tiers are really based on class and political affiliation.

    • Fatty Bolger

      This report is wrong, anyway. All three shootings were in self defense.

      • Frnxt Ghrt Digby Gurm

        Shaffer also noted that “the alleged shooter was defending the property.”

        This context does not excuse what appears to have been a vigilante assassination.

        The fuck it doesn’t, Tyler.

  10. Lackadaisical

    Nice job hyperbole. Though, the text doesn’t come out well on my phone. I hope the founders compile this into a single link and save that to the front page sidebar.

    • hayeksplosives

      I have the same problem. I save the pic to the phone so I can zoom in, but even that loses resolution.

      I like the cartoon and its message. The issue of exactly what he was doing is unimportant and could distract from the main point, which is that your “right” to do things is constrained by social pressure, and when that’s not enough to make you stop doing the unapproved thing, your moral betters then pressure the government to be the enforcer.

      For justice. Or for the children. Or to be on the right side of history, whatever the fuck that means.

  11. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    one thing I miss is sound

    I’m not sure how 5 articles of fapping sounds would add anything to this. It’s a masterpiece as is.

  12. Crusty Juggler

    It’s a knife fight out there.

    • Lackadaisical

      It’s a pool chain massacre.

      • Gdragon

        RIP Esther Williams

    • Sean

      Oof.

    • Crusty Juggler

      This is in reference to the show, a hidden camera reality show starring The Tenderloins currently on all day every day on TruTv.

      • Rhywun

        Impractical Jokers? Yeah, it is literally 23.5 hours of that and the episode of Tacoma FD I’m looking for.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Broken Lizard or The Tenderloins?

      • Frnxt Ghrt Digby Gurm

        I like BL’s movies, but, I’ll take IJ over Tacoma FD on pretty much any day.

        Which is good, considering the 23.5 hour broadcast time for IJ.

      • straffinrun

        Oh yummy. Factoids.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Fun fact: yummy is an onomatopoeia!

    • Fourscore

      Looks like his arm vaporized. I’ll bet that’ll hurt tomorrow (and the next day too).

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Straight out of ‘Nam….

    • Chipwooder

      Poor Joe took one in the chest? RIP

  13. Rebel Scum

    Count Potato on August 26, 2020 at 6:39 pm
    “The UK’s first fully-decorated Pride train will be making its inaugural journey on Tuesday, staffed by an LGBT+ crew”

    https://twitter.com/PA/status/1298151514154897409

    OFFS!!

    Scruffy Nerfherder on August 26, 2020 at 6:42 pm
    Trains and tunnels is awfully cis-hetero of them.

    True. They should have an identical train heading the opposite direction on the same track. A la tummy-sticks.

    • Rebel Scum

      Are your spidey-senses tingling?

      No, I’m an arachnophobe.

    • LJW

      Ok who had rapist Spiders for September?

      • LJW

        Also time to make Armageddon picks for October. I’m going with sodomy geese.

      • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

        Hate Birds, the Birds That Hate Fuck?

    • Frnxt Ghrt Digby Gurm

      So, they’re simply competition for other hand-sized things, huh?

  14. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    damn Skype… when I’m logged out of the computer, mark me as away. Then my Indian engineers don’t ping me in the middle of my daughter’s bedtime.

    • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

      ‘Then my Indian engineers don’t ping me in the middle of my daughter’s bedtime.’

      That’s a dangerous sentence to just throw around in a place like this.

  15. BakedPenguin

    Interesting take, Hyperbole. I was kind of expecting a different twist, like the guy had to pump up kickballs for the kids’ club or something.

    • The Hyperbole

      I’ll take interesting. Thanks BP.

      • BakedPenguin

        Didn’t mean that to be dismissive at all. I was expecting a twist, and it came from a place I didn’t expect. Also, your style is 1) your own, and 2) uncluttered, which helps for storytelling.

      • The Hyperbole

        No, I got ya. I didn’t think you were being dismissive at at. (nuance is tough in comments, no worries, I sincerely appreciate the feedback, really).

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Me Too Hype,The style is great, I just didn’t the story, I hope to see more, thanks!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Would also. Impressed at all the Glib talent. I’m here to drag down the average.

  16. TARDIS

    I like the ending. I think I missed something though. I’ll reread it.

    I must say, I hate people who whistle. Especially teeth whistlers, and those off key. If you can’t make it sound like an actual instrument, just stop.

    • Fourscore

      Goes outside

    • straffinrun

      Ditto. It’s why I make a fapping sound as go past the graveyard.

  17. KSuellington

    As I suspected from the start, Buddy was not doing anything, or doing everything, or doing something that wasn’t a NAP violation.

    I posted it in the afternoon link, but I will again as I think it is a major development in the Pres race that isn’t getting a lot of coverage. I can’t see Biden easily winning Colorado, Minnesota and Virginia with Kanye now on the ballot in those states.

    https://twitter.com/kanyewest/status/1296844189926211584

    • LJW

      I’m waiting for the feds to bust Kanye for some obscure law violation. The Democrats can’t allow him to continue.

      • KSuellington

        I could easily see Kanye picking up 3% of the vote in those states. 2.99% of those 3% stolen votes would be stolen from Biden.

    • The Hyperbole

      As I suspected from the start, Buddy was not doing anything, or doing everything, or doing something that wasn’t a NAP violation.

      Yep, I think it was Mojo in a happy hour chat that first correctly identified it as a Macguffin, Then someone suggested that at the end he should be seen holding the Maltese Falcon or buggering Peter Lorre, you fucking people tickle me to no end.

      • KSuellington

        Cool, I had never heard that term before, but knew there was such a thing.

      • Frnxt Ghrt Digby Gurm

        Sounds more like Buddy and Peter Lorre tickle you.

        Just sayin’, is all…

    • Tejicano

      I liked the fact that we didn’t know what he was doing which made everybody think about what things people might do which could be considered to be crossing “somebody’s line”. What could that action be and how far does everybody else have a say in where that line should be? Who or what entity really should have the authority to say?

  18. Rhywun

    Today in “tennis is not immune”:

    Just heard Naomi Osaka quit the current tournament because Wisconsin.

    Anyone who likes any sport, get your fill before it all disappears again.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      *goes to local park, gets fill of basketball, baseball, and tennis, all for the low low price of free*

      • Rhywun

        Heh I was people-watching a dad and his kid at the park the other day. I must have watched for fifteen minutes hoping that tyke would hit the ball but nope 🙁

      • invisible finger

        Who gave up first, you or the kid?

      • Rhywun

        Me.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        my daughter has quite an arm for her size, but the catching is still iffy. I haven’t given her a bat yet. I’ll probably reintroduce the tennis racquet first.

      • Tejicano

        My 6th grader finally, after a few months of one-on-one coaching with his batting (his team’s coaches believe he has potential as a batter), finally got a good hit during a game last weekend. Right down the middle of left field and he made it to 2nd base. The next kid hit a grounder and my son made it in to home.

        /proud daddy

    • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

      A segregation movement on college campuses and soon the only remaining athletes we’ll have left will be unathletic white guys.

      We really are regressing rapidly, ain’t we?

    • invisible finger

      Didn’t want to play because Covid but too chicken shit to say so. Found a more ego-stroking excuse.

      Par for the course for big time athletes, most of whom are arrogant assholes.

      • Rhywun

        She already won a couple matches & was in the quarter-finals, I think. Plus they were all quarantined for two weeks; why give up now.

    • Brochettaward

      It’s been said already but the left really hates it when their victims start defending themselves. Like, the gall of people to shoot rioters.

      • Rebel Scum

        Something something skateboards something something gunfights.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I couldn’t bring myself to listen to the audio but judging from the spittle she needs a couple of blue Valium, stat.

    • Annoyed Nomad

      Scrolling down, I liked the tweet: “You may be cool, but you’ll never be “Nick Sandmann on CNN bashing CNN while being paid by CNN” cool.”

      • SandMan

        That was great!

      • Gender Traitor

        Nick??? Is that you???

    • Frnxt Ghrt Digby Gurm

      OK, Baldy McFleck-Spittle, If you’re also keen to throw down, let’s dance, I guess.

      /pulls t-bar back, hears satisfying chambering sound

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Comey’s a saint I tells ya. A goddamn hell ass saint!

    • Rebel Scum

      Dude’s Trump impression isn’t terrible. But that whole film is a bunch of horseshit. They can’t let that narrative go (even when their own investigation disproved it!).

      • Brochettaward

        It may be the best Trump I’ve seen, but he’s definitely going for a…darker portrayal of the narcissist in chief.

      • Frnxt Ghrt Digby Gurm

        darker portrayal of the narcissist in chief.

        Look–I get that Obama is of mixed heritage, but…it has to be darker?

        Someone’s gonna riot over that.

  19. kinnath

    As mention earlier today:

    Driver decides protesters need an attitude adjustment.

    Michael Stepanek, 45, was arrested on Tuesday after allegedly driving his car through a group of protesters gathered at the corner of Burlington Street and Gilbert Street in Iowa City on Friday, August 21. The city said it the wake of that incident, proper permitting is critical to public safety.

    Per Section 10-1 of the City Code, any group wishing to use City streets or sidewalks for a march, procession, demonstration or gathering of more than 25 people must obtain a parade/public assembly permit from the City at least 3 days in advance of the event, according to city officials. Spontaneous events Riots are exempt from this requirement.

    • Brochettaward

      I’m pretty sure there was nothing spontaneous about that gaggle in the street.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Maybe stop antagonizing people by blocking traffic. There’s always going to be someone who’s on the edge when it comes to driving which doesn’t excuse what he did but, still, it was inevitable.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Committing a violent crime is bad. Doing things that make you a prime target for violent crime is stupid. These two ideas are not mutually exclusive.

  20. slumbrew

    Back-to-back games are apparently a bit much for a 35 year old hockey goalie

    • Rhywun

      Unless you’re Henrik Lundqvist and your team doesn’t have any other goalie to play. ?

      • slumbrew

        6-1 in the second. It’s a tad out of hand. Tukka is missed (though not much younger than Halak).

      • Rhywun

        How insensitive of them to be playing tonight. Do better, hockey.

    • Urthona

      wait. They played? Despite Kenosha?

      so weird.

      • slumbrew

        NHL players seem to be the least-woke of the sports – possible because there are like 3 black players and a bunch of foreigners. Point in its favor, for me (not the lack of black players, the lack of wokeness. You racist.)

  21. straffinrun

    Looks like while I was sleeping, team blue and it’s media lackeys did some kind of focus group testing to see how the rioting was affecting the polls. Judging from the U turn in messaging, I’m guessing the focus group reacted like they’d been shown two girls and one cup.

    • one true athena

      There was something about Trump’s approval going up – including among blacks, and this is after their big DNC play.

      I think having it happen in Kenosha was also a factor. That’s a swing state, they can’t just sit on their asses and pretend it’s fine, like they can in states they’ll win anyway.

      And then Durkan goes on Maddow to whine about how the meanie Republicans are making her job SOOO HARD everybody! Shut up, bitch, and actually DO your job.

      • slumbrew

        Roman testudo that was not.

      • Chafed

        That’s people with testicles you bigot.

  22. kinnath

    The ending caught me by surprise. Thanks for that.

  23. mikey

    Nice Hype.
    From WTF to a libertarian morality play.
    I also like the style – simple, clean and expressive.

      • Frnxt Ghrt Digby Gurm

        From WTF to a libertarian morality play.

        This!

        Thanks Mikey.

        Also this.

        😉

  24. one true athena

    Ok, Glibs, I have a question I’d like some input on. It’s for a writing project I’m doing with a friend, so this isn’t vital national security or anything, but in our story (set present day) there’s a mafia boss with some prisoners who lives in a castle we’re basing on Nesvizh Castle in Belarus (wiki) . Basically it’s a chateau with a moat fed by the river.

    How do I get my team over the moat? Sniper take out guards and then shoot their way in across the bridge? Boats down the river and assault from that side? Any other more clever ideas?

    • Crusty Juggler

      You and I lead very different lives and I am jealous.

      Your team crosses the river via a well-planned diversion. You work out those details on your own, slaver!

      • one true athena

        I don’t think I would need to outsource my tactical planning if my life were that exciting!

    • Gustave Lytton

      Hackneyed, but scuba across?

      • Crusty Juggler

        Via diversion…

      • Crusty Juggler

        Via diversion…

    • slumbrew

      Scuba down the river, up the walls like navy seals boarding a ship?

    • Rhywun

      Sharks and laser beams?

      • one true athena

        That would definitely be more interesting!

      • dbleagle

        How much intel does your team have. If not much option one. If lots option two becomes possible as well. I like the first option.

        Rainy and windy miserable night. Combat (quiet) swim in and climb the walls to silently deal with the guards on the walls. You want to get the team in without alerting the people inside. once you have the breach bring in additional team members before entering.

        OR

        Crash land UH-60’s in the courtyard and just start taking people out. AKA Osama Bin Laden takedown.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Number two works better if you just want to kill everyone, rather than rescue hostages/prisoners before they are killed.

      • one true athena

        Is that how they did it? wow. I never read about the details of the operation. I can see how that’d be impressively disorienting to the people on the ground. And as GL says, definitely a great option when there’s nothing but targets all around.

        But sneaking in is probably safer for prisoner rescue.

        Thanks!

    • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

      Surf across in the backs of the alligators that are in the moat.

    • Raven Nation

      Some snipers; send in a small team on Jetman packs to get inside the castle. Take out the bridge guards from the inside.

      • one true athena

        Ok, I knew it would be funny, but I was not expecting that! lol

      • Sean

        Well played.

    • Tejicano

      Young truck driver pulls over 20 meters past the gate, fiddling with his smart phone – trying to get signal for his maps/navigation complaining loudly while wearing headphones (diversion). Two team members are strapped to the under-carriage of the truck.

      Two more team members are HALO-ing in to drop into the middle of the castle’s courtyard.

      Sniper and spotter from 500 meters out are focusing on the rooftop guards (2) – need the distance to make the shooting as quite as possible (silenced rifles are not as quiet as you think they are). There will still be a sonic crack as the bullets will still be hypersonic but that will be less distinct and seem to come from the rooftop as the bullet passes by/through the guards.

      As the “lost” truck driver wanders up to the gate guards the two under the truck drop down and crawl up the ditch towards the gate guards. They take out the guards with silenced pistols (sub-sonic ammo – either 147 grain 9mm or 45 ACP).

      Any questions?

      • Tejicano

        You could substitute the lost truck driver with a lost tourist with a bitchy wife who harangues him to go ask those guys (the guards) where the hell he is.

      • one true athena

        Inspired by the OBL helos — what about a drone dropping some sort of flashbang in the courtyard? Although I suppose some kind of missile would probably be faster than a drone and less likely to be shot down on the way.

        Would you need someone to target the courtyard for the jumpers, or do they do it with GPS?

        Daytime for the lost tourist ploy seems better, but everything else night would be better, right?

      • Tejicano

        It has to be surprise. Drones and missiles alert too many others.

        Jumpers can do it by eyesight – truck could have a strobe/beacon only seen from directly above as a marker.

        I would have it in the script (explained in conversation between the guards) that a couple other people had been getting lost in the area in the previous two weeks (Cheap Chinese phones) – actually prep work by the team. Tourists get lost finding their hotel and dinner – not unusual after dark.

      • one true athena

        Very cool. Thanks!

    • tripacer

      I’m voting for an AVLB and a large wooden badger.

    • Pine_Tree

      I know this may be dead-thread, but I was offline last night, so here goes: Whatever you do, include the “character” of the moat in your description. It’s stagnant, dirty, and full of algae/slime/etc. Some of it’s junk the river brings in, and some is junk that grows there. And if they’re sneaking, there might be ducks or hate birds or something that might get disturbed and make a ton of noise, alerting the guards. Or at least the team has to worry about it, or change their plans because of the birds, or something.

      As far as method, what about a visible diversion at the gate that fails and runs off, while a quieter team floats in from the river and slips in?

  25. Rebel Scum

    And the RNC skewers the CCP.

    • Rebel Scum

      Did I say CCP? I meant DNC. I confuse the two these days.

  26. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    Well, I may have to write off kitteh. He snuck out of the garage on Saturday night, and hasn’t been back since. He has gone adventuring in the past, showing back up as much as a week later, but this one feels different. We’re not out in the country where he would have plenty to explore, there are 8 foot fences everywhere that he wouldnt be jumping, and it’s the heat of the summer. I’m not going to completely give up hope for another week or so, but I’m fairly certain he’s gone.

    This is a much more cat safe area than the places we lived previously, except for the asshole humans.

    • Gender Traitor

      So sorry. I hope he comes home or is somewhere safe.

    • Frnxt Ghrt Digby Gurm

      except for the asshole humans.

      Can confirm. These people are shit.

    • Chafed

      Sorry Teashy. I’ve been through that. It’s sad.

    • tripacer

      Girlfriend and I were mildly intoxicated one night and left the garage doors open. both of our indoor cats were gone in the morning. One of them came back before I had to go to work. We reviewed the tape (there’s cameras outside as well as in the garage) and found that our grey cat, Dagny, led a gaggle of neighborhood cats into the garage for a bit, then went outside and fucked around a bit. Then they all left together. We decided that she had run off and joined a gang. She apparently got kicked out of the gang and came back the next night. I hope your Kitteh makes strong choices and returns safe.

    • Rebel Scum

      Having trouble following that. But I can see Trump’s RNC beating team blue at their own game right now.

    • Gustave Lytton

      You’re enjoying the heck out of using Kenosha as a bellwether, aren’t you?

      • Don escaped Duopoly

        I’m flattered you remembered

        but I had given up on it when some literalhead here kept pounding me; at least one of you can live with metaphor

      • Gustave Lytton

        A lot of people here remembered. You’ve suddenly become the Glib Nostradamus.

      • Don escaped Duopoly

        My question was what did reasonable, informed suburban folk think . . . and would there be a gender gap. I thought Trump would be hard-pressed to hold his own.

        Now it’s really weird: is there some sort of soccer mom who suddenly runs to Trump because BLM burned down the 7Eleven?

        I’m still intrigued by the margins: who will show up!?

    • Gustave Lytton

      And Oregon actually going for Trump in some of those maps? Yeah…

    • Drake

      Come on fat!

  27. Brochettaward

    Screw you guys, I’m going home.

    • UnCivilServant

      You can go home if you want, but I decline the intercourse.

      • Tejicano

        Because his BJ’s are better?

        Asking for a friend.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m not into dudes or assholes.

      • UnCivilServant

        Is the reason why I decline the offer.

      • Brochettaward

        You like Huey Lewis and The News?

  28. pistoffnick

    “Bone Crusher”, was his nickname on the high school football field. Lance was a gentle giant everywhere else. He went on to play football at Dartmouth and then semi-pro football in Japan. He married his highschool sweetheart, Melissa. She was a grade younger than us. They moved to the Twin Cities, because there isn’t much in Podunk, MN.

    He leaves behind Melissa and 3 boys. The obituary didn’t say what the cause of death was which leads me to wonder…

    He and Jeff and I were the bridge between the jocks and the nerds. Grudgingly accepted by both cliques. We could out bench press you and out-math you. And then make you laugh with a joke.

    Good-bye, Lance. 49 is too young to go.

    • straffinrun

      49? That’s rough. Sorry.

    • Drake

      Sorry man.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Condolences. Sounds like he’s left behind a sterling legacy, even if too soon.

    • slumbrew

      Ooof, that’s young. Sorry to hear it.

    • Mojeaux

      I’m so sorry.

    • mrfamous

      Sorry nick.

    • Tejicano

      Really sorry to hear that. 49 is way too soon. I will pray for his kids.

    • one true athena

      oh no. so sorry.

  29. Raven Nation

    NZ mosque shooter got life without parole: first time that sentence has been given in the country.

    • Gustave Lytton

      The rest of the country meanwhile has become an open air prison, so not much of a punishment.

    • straffinrun

      Good. I’m anti death penalty because the govt easily makes mistakes. This case, however, didn’t have any doubt, so they could’ve fried him for all I care.

  30. straffinrun

    Sick of this “good intention” stuff. People screaming at people for wrong think, demanding special status under law, willfully ignoring clear evidence of viciousness. None of that can be explained as “good intentions: bad delivery.” It’s evil.

    The road to hell isn’t paved with good intentions. It’s paved with the skulls of victims crushed by violent and mentally deranged people that have no “good intentions” whatsoever.

    • SandMan

      “The road to hell isn’t paved with good intentions. It’s paved with the skulls of victims crushed by violent and mentally deranged people that have no “good intentions” whatsoever.”

      Wow that’s good stuff, belongs on a poster.

    • Frnxt Ghrt Digby Gurm

      Actually, that’s the parking lots and inn courtyards.

      The road is still “good intentions”.

  31. BakedPenguin

    Straffin, UCS, Don escaped…, or anyone else still hanging around – anyone up for a 40 minute Zoom chat?

    • straffinrun

      Would but I’m at work.

    • UnCivilServant

      I should go to sleep. I still have work in the morning.

    • Don escaped Duopoly

      I can

    • Tejicano

      What time (and time zone?)

      • BakedPenguin

        Hmm. My comment seems to have been eaten. How about 0005 my time (US Eastern). 1305 (I think) your time if you’re still in Japan. 2305 for Don if he’s in Central

      • Tejicano

        Approximately 1 hours from now? Can do.

      • BakedPenguin

        Would 30 minutes be okay?

      • Tejicano

        OK

      • BakedPenguin

        Don and Tejx, if you’re still around, I’ve linked it below.

  32. leon

    :cries:

    • Gender Traitor

      Wassamatta?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Why so Sad?

    • leon

      The guy died. Makes me sad.

      • Plinker762

        He should have stopped. He got what he deserved.

  33. Deplorableme

    Well, I think the NBA just pissed off what remains of their customer base. My son (age 18), a solid Clippers fan is done with the NBA – this was his sport that he loved watching, analyzing and loved being talk with his grandpa about. He could put up with the SJW stuff as long as they were playing. But now, he’s finished. Fuck LeBron, fuck the Lakers, fuck the Clippers and fuck the NBA. So stupid to boycott your customers, what do you think this will change?

    /Rant

    • KSuellington

      Completely understand. I had a really long day at work and after we got the kids to bed and I just wanted to watch the Giants/Dodgers. Game postponed and some bullshit race special on. I’m done with MLB for the year and maybe for good. I’ve been a Giants fan since I’ve been a kid, this is pissing me off more than it should. But what the fuck is up with not playing because of something that you don’t even know the facts of and is not even in your area? It is ludicrous. The NBA already lost me with the woke overload.

    • Don escaped Duopoly

      ESPN/PTI thinks I tune in for their lectures.

      Then some NBA coach lectures about how “we” are afraid of “you.” Collectives: no thank you. You’re lost; you’ll never understand; you’ll always sense enemies; you’ll make sure we’re never friends.

      Fuck all that

    • Breet Pharara

      It’s gotten completely ridiculous. These self-important assholes don’t seem to realize that their opinion on politics is exactly equal to the drunk guy next to me in a bar watching the game. People watch sports to forget about the world for a while. This is exactly the time when sports should be at a high. A return to normalcy for a short period. Escape for 2-3 hours before returning to worrying about riots, recession, corruption, pandemic and all the other bs going on. So naturally these brilliant men, clearly famous for their intellect and for not other reason, choose this moment to throw a hissy fit and deliver pompous lectures to the ignorant masses.

      Someone in an earlier thread said that they loved sports enough that they could look past the politics. I generally agree, but even this is getting to be too much. They are now refusing to do the thing they are paid obscene amounts of money to do because some (alleged) sex offender was killed under dubious circumstances. We’ll see if they’ve finally gone too far, but its got to be getting close to that line.

      • KSuellington

        The strike season pushed me away a bit for a couple years, the steroid stuff was lame but not enough to make me tune it out. I didn’t like the whole kneeling thing in the NFL but it wasn’t a deal breaker. When the baseball season started I was excited this year to have a bit of some normalcy. The ESPN broadcast really pissed me off, and I’ve only listened to a few games on the radio since. Tonite was going to be the first nite I watched since the opener. I’m now done for the season and quite possibly longer. Fuck the Giants, fuck MLB.

      • Chipwooder

        Players can do whatever and that’s fine – I didn’t like it but wasn’t going to quit being a fan over it. Now, all of the leagues have embraced this bullshit and turned into propaganda factories. The hell with that shit.

      • Breet Pharara

        Sorry, he wasn’t killed, even though CNN is currently claiming that the riots are in response to the “killing”. They aren’t even trying anymore.

      • Tejicano

        “I’m getting better!”

      • Rhywun

        People watch sports to forget about the world for a while.

        Not any more, bigot.

    • grrizzly

      I was excited that the NBA season was over, but now it looks like just the two LA teams voted against the continuation of the season and that’s it. They are outnumbered. Sad!

    • Urthona

      They’ll be fine but a cancellation woulda been hilarious.

  34. Chipwooder

    Lots of looting peaceful protesting in Minneapolis yet again tonight

    • Tejicano

      Increasingly peaceful I would suspect.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Beyond ridiculous. How can anybody take them seriously?

      • Suthenboy

        From that thread:

        Allie Beth Stuckey
        @conservmillen
        ·
        14h
        Liberals suddenly want the riots to stop because they realize it’s hurting their election chances. Conservatives have always wanted the riots to stop even though we know it’s helping our election chances. The former cares about votes, the latter about lives.

        That sums it up nicely but people with no principles don’t understand what principles are and that will just leave them scratching their heads.

      • whahappan

        Sorry to be pedantic, but I think you meant “peaceful protesting intensifies.”

      • Chipwooder

        Craziest thing in a crazy year – I’ve grown fond of Matt Taibbi, of all people:

        Matt Taibbi
        @mtaibbi
        Is this new ground in chyron history, or have we had, say, “12 Killed in Mostly Peaceful Drone Strike” before?

      • Chafed

        We have gone through the looking glass.

      • Tejicano

        Thanx – I knew I had the wrong phrase somehow

  35. BakedPenguin

    Sorry for the lateness of my reply. this link should open the meeting.

    All are welcome, and newbies don’t have to drink the grape FlavorAid!

    • PieInTheSky

      what meeting?

  36. Yusef drives a Kia

    For all you Sport guys that are sick of the Posing, try the Disc Golf Pro tour, on CBSN at 7 PM Eastern, for the next 3 days, a very big thing for our sport, watch what the big boys, and Paige Pierce, can do

    • PieInTheSky

      , try the Disc Golf Pro tour – I don’t think so. I had a friend try to turn me onto ultimate frisbee a while back. It all sounds very unfashionable.

    • Rhywun

      Or perhaps there’s simply no other Democrat who either wants the job or feels up to the challenge.

      I’m very familiar with that area – the author is correct.

    • Chafed

      The MTV teen mom is prettier. The politician looks a bit crazy.

      • Frnxt Ghrt Digby Gurm

        Have you seen Farrah?? That bitch is fame-hungry out of her gourd. Lord protect her daughter.

        Also, may be prettier, but, still look quite similar.

      • Chafed

        I was doing research, okay!

      • Frnxt Ghrt Digby Gurm

        “research” is just an anagram of “reachers”. It is known.

        /STRETCH!!!

    • Suthenboy

      So…congenital liar. At least she is in the right line of work.

    • Frnxt Ghrt Digby Gurm

      Damn the fuzz for trying to help hold this guy accountable, thereby forcing his hand in killing himself!

    • Suthenboy

      I see that the coroner released the autopsy report on George Floyd. Floyd was dying of a fentanyl overdose before the cops arrived. He was a dead man walking. The cops didn’t kill him.
      I wonder if the MSM will report that?

      • tripacer

        Didn’t they report that initially, but the family paid a professional coroner to say something different, which is of course what is repeated in the media?

      • Frnxt Ghrt Digby Gurm

        If was already on his way out, due to the drug levels present, how are they gonna be able to secure a M1 conviction? I can see some lesser felony being proven, but, they want to make Chauvin the sole factor in the death, and the autopsy doesn’t seem to support that.

        And that’s the rub–I don’t think they intended to do the “overcharge; whoopsie!” DA ploy…at all. But, in their zeal to assuage anger and all that, I do think they overcharged, and/or, didn’t give themselves enough leeway to go with something else. This is presuming that there isn’t an opportunity for the jury to pick another level or charge.

  37. Suthenboy

    Good work Hyperbole. I enjoyed it. I have to make two compliments. The artwork grew on me quickly. I like it.
    The theme…we get it but I doubt many others will. People never learn.

    I have pulled a few mangled corpses from wrecks yet I still see people driving too fast and otherwise recklessly. That wreck stuff, that only happens to other people or on TV. It won’t happen to me. In their minds I think a lot of people think life amounts to them starring in their own movie. The bad stuff they see happening to others, that’s not real.

    A form of denial? It seems to be fairly common so it must be part of human nature. Who would have gone out with a stone tipped stick to bag a wooly mammoth without that denial? A sane person would have stayed by the fire and settled for berries, shoots and leaves.

    Look at the LARPing dolts burning down the cities. They are having the greatest adventure of their lives…until they get shot or get 10-15 hard time. The cost of this stupidity to us all is shocking but overall there must be some benefit or we would not be here.

    • Suthenboy

      Let me clarify: You stripped the concept down to the bone and put it in a simple, parable like way so that though many wont get it, some will. We will always have Karen with us but her behavior is not based on any kind of rational thought. Even if she gets it she wont be won over. Her behavior is all about her.
      There will be some who aren’t so self absorbed and will get it

      If I were teaching HS civics I would definitely use your series as a teaching tool.

      • Suthenboy

        Another one just popped in my head: “It’s all fun and games until someone gets their eye put out!”

  38. Suthenboy

    Laura update: Damned dogs woke me. I decided it is better to let them out now before things get interesting outside and I walked out with them.
    It is raining a decent rain. No wind yet. It is like a sauna out there. All that gulf heat and the water that soaked it up make the air like warm pudding.

    I see on the tv that Cameron and Lake Charles are getting their asses kicked with 120mph winds, heavy rain and a storm surge. Unless you have seen it it is impossible to imagine the incredible and irresistible force of a storm surge. It is essentially a tsunami.
    They are predicting Laura will still be a cat2 or cat3 all the way up to Avoyelles Parish. Yikes. That is only two Parishes south of me. This one has some staying power. It is sucker punching us like Katrina, Rita and Gustav did. At the last minute it really leaned in.

    I fully expect to lose power. We are battened down and as ready as one can get. Fully stocked on water, food, batteries, cooking gas, water, chain saw supplies, water, first aid supplies, radio, etc.

    The most important is that I use the hot tub as a water reservoir. If you want to be an unhappy man let your wife live in a house with no flushable toilet. I dip buckets in the hot tub and place them in the bathroom so she doesn’t have that problem.
    I will keep y’all updated on what I see.

    • tripacer

      Stay safe; keep that toilet flushing.

    • Suthenboy

      Update: Predicting 9 feet of water in downtown Lake Charles.

      I thought we were going to be on the outer edges but looking at the radar it looks like we are really going to get our asses kicked in a couple of hours.

      More updates later.

      • Tejicano

        Suthenboy – I wish I could do something more than just pray and send positive waves in your direction but expect them to be incoming.

      • Rhywun

        Batten down the hatches!

  39. Suthenboy

    Laura says hello
    Crappy iphone
    No power not sur about wind speed unless tear assing like hell is an offial metric
    Stepped out with flashlight, a couple trees down, limbs everywhere
    Ash limb 20 feet ouside front door i know came from a tree 50 yards south
    Rain is torrential and blowing sideways

    • Gender Traitor

      Thank you so much for checking in with us. Please be careful and stay as safe as you can. We’ll be pulling for you.

    • Sean

      Be safe.

    • Festus' Mustache

      Stay vertical, Friend! That is good tidings! I’ve never met you or any other Glib for that matter but I care about your well-being more than most of the people that I know outside The Matrix.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Guy doesn’t seem like an overly aggressive nutbar at all.

    • Gender Traitor

      A much-needed feel-good story indeed. Unicorns FTW!

      • TARDIS

        The unicorn was just happy to finally find a virgin, so it wanted to keep her.

        Mornin’ GT, Sean, Stinky, and the rest of you lurkers!

      • Gender Traitor

        Mornin’, TARDy!

      • Sean

        Mornin’

  40. Suthenboy

    Just heard two loud pops inside 30 secondS
    * sigh*
    There goes 2 more
    I guess i am going to need that extra chain

    • Gender Traitor

      Still well clear of your house, I hope?

      • Suthenboy

        Yes but damned storm seems to have stalled over my house
        Eye was here and it quit
        Now roaring again but radar say south side is thinner so shouldnt be more than hour or two and we will be in the clear

        After sunup ill go check all the neighbors

      • PieInTheSky

        Get naked grab a flag and kick the storms ass. Also stay safe in the process.

    • Grosspatzer

      Yeesh. Stay safe, Suthen.

    • TARDIS

      Good luck.

    • Not an Economist

      Good luck.

    • UnCivilServant

      Last workday before vacation. 😀

      • Gender Traitor

        Morning, UCS. Do you have all next week off plus Labor Day after that?

      • Gender Traitor

        w00t! Party at UCS’s place! : D

      • Gender Traitor

        ::looks around at own home:: Not on my account. Just post a sign that says “Neatniks enter at your own risk.” It’d be a shame to tidy up when we’re just going to trash the place.

      • UnCivilServant

        If you plan to trash the place I have to move my plastic crack someplace it won’t get broken.

        That shit’s expensive.

      • TARDIS

        Have fun! I’m taking a five day weekend myself. My birthday is Monday. I’ll be recovering on Tuesday, hopefully not in a hospital.

      • UnCivilServant

        Happy birthday. I shant be here monday to say it.

      • TARDIS

        Thanks. Be safe. Are you going on a trip, or staycation?

      • UnCivilServant

        For the most part I’m just going to dtay here. Monday I’m going to visit my mother, but that’s all the travelling I have planned.

    • Sean

      Mornin’

    • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

      Jesus, I thought you were just making a snarky joke. They really ran with that headline. Wow. Beyond. Paraody.

      Oh, good morning, Sean, GT, TARDIS, UCS, everyone else.

      • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

        *parody

        Haven’t had my coffee yet, back off. 😉

      • Gender Traitor

        Good morning, Sir…FKOTDT. (Can I just call you Sir Hippie?)

      • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

        TH is fine.

      • TARDIS

        How about Filthy K’niggit?

      • TARDIS

        Worse. Dutch-German; the worst Europe has to offer. Wife has some French ancestry though.

      • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

        ‘Worse. Dutch-German’

        Hey, samesies! Well, that’s the biggest slice, anyway. My family has been in North America since the late 1600’s so I’m a bit of a mutt.

      • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

        My father reeks of elderberries.

      • TARDIS

        Better than patchouli.

    • Gender Traitor

      It’s just a big ol’ campfire. S’more?

      • TARDIS

        S’more?

        Yes, please. Can I have a new TV and stereo too?

      • UnCivilServant

        New-new, or new to you?

      • TARDIS

        Either is fine. A little smoke damage is also acceptable.

    • UnCivilServant

      Since it’s twitter, I had to squint at the wordpress preview to even see it. The date on it looks like today, but it sounds like a story from a month or so back. Did they repeat the same reporting error or is the people who sent that just catching up?

      • Sean

        Current. Jacob Blake riots.

  41. Festus' Mustache

    So the NHL played on and all of the commentators have suddenly become a bunch of beard-strokers about how the Whitest sport in the world should shut down in solidarity with BLM. These are former professional hockey players. From Canada. Letterkenny, Corner Gas and Trailer Park Boys work as satirical vehicles because they cut so close to the mark. I know because I grew up in that milieu. Who wants to wager that Bettman caves today? It’s so fucking stupid that I can’t even… Sure NHL. Chase away the reluctant fan like me that is finally paying a little attention after 9 years. Smooth move.

    • Festus' Mustache

      Oh and Mornin” Y’all!

      • Sean

        *waves hi*

      • TARDIS

        Mornin’.

        And I agree with you.The NHL was all the sport I had left to give a damn about. Go ahead wokesuckers, I’ll dump you too.

      • Festus' Mustache

        When the PGA takes the knee its all over but the cryin’.

      • Festus' Mustache

        This seems more virulent than the China Flu.

      • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

        Howdy

      • Gender Traitor

        Mornin’, Fes. I’m off to the ol’ day job. Have a good day’s sleep!

      • Festus' Mustache

        That I will! Crunch those numbers like you mean it, Red!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Pro sports committing audience suicide. I feel bad for the people who used them as an escape from everyday life’s bullshit.

      • Festus' Mustache

        The Pub with the attached beer store was packed. I had to park on the street to make my purchase last night and the Canucks don’t play until tonight. What the fuck are they (Pro Sports) playing at?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        They’re trying appeal to a new audience that won’t ever consume their product kind of like the Libertarian Party seems to be doing.

      • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

        Yep. Sport has one purpose in my view. It’s a form of entertainment. That’s it, that’s all it is. Escaping to an outlet to forget about the real world and enjoy watching people perform feats that push the edges of human capabilities. The last thing I want while watching sports is to be preached at. I haven’t watched a sporting event since March and if the major sports keep up with their sanctimonious bullshit I may not watch any sports for the rest of the year. Fuck em. I refuse to reward their behavior.

    • Trials and Trippelations

      And yet despite being largely white it is one of the most diverse sports with players from all over rural and urban US, Canada, and Europe plus a couple black players

      • Festus' Mustache

        We prefer that you call them “Toby”.

    • Tundra

      No bigger hockey fan than me, but I haven’t watched a minute of it.

      I tried listening to part of a game, but the fake crowd noise and the broadcasters clearly having trouble seeing the video feed was annoying.

      Dumba giving the team a ‘heartfelt’ speech on social justice didn’t help much, either.

      Nah, pro sports teams have crawled up inside their own assholes. I’ll go back when the crowds and the fun do.

      • Festus' Mustache

        My ‘Nucks are doing well but I just catch the highlight reels. As mentioned before, 2011 broke me as a sports-monster. I had a “Come to Jesus” moment about how much time and energy that I was investing in something so utterly pointless.

    • Festus' Mustache

      It’s all so tiresome. Poor Tyrion.

    • l0b0t

      Was that fellow imbecilic retarded special needs differently abled? Something seemed not quite right about him once he started speaking.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Rheeeeee! *huffs away*