IFLA: The “Annoying, but not Critical” Edition of the Horoscope for the Week of August 23

by | Aug 23, 2020 | Advice, IFLA | 142 comments

The planets continue their conspiracy of plotting something but staying outside of readable configurations.

While they can do that, they can’t avoid tipping their hand with regard to the sphere of fixed stars, and that’s mostly bad.  However, by playing it cool with their alignments, they by necessity mute the effects of the visitations so while it’s bad news, it’s not going to be severe.  If you didn’t have me to inform you about the celestial influence you’d probably just blow it off as random annoyances.

The “big” three are:

Mars in Aries – associated with negative masculine stereotypes like aggression, stupid pride, pointless dick-waving etc.

Venus in Cancer – associated with negative feminine stereotypes like gossiping, moodiness, backbiting, nagging and such like.

The moon in Libra – literally “unbalancing the scales” so injustice, disorder, safeguards being insufficient, Fineagle’s law being in effect.

It’s not all bad though, as Mercury is in Virgo, portending discovery/revelation/learning.  So maybe this week you’ll make a mistake that you won’t make again?

The cars indicate that the week will start off rough (possibly literally) and stay dangerous most of the week, but end on an up note.

Virgo:  Queen of Swords -Female sadness, embarrassment, absence, sterility, mourning, privation, separation

Libra:  10 of Swords –  Pain, affliction, tears, sadness, desolation

Scorpio:  Justice – Equity, rightness, probity, executive, triumph of the deserving side

Sagittarius:  Ace of Swords –  Triumph, the excessive degree in everything, conquest, great force in love as well as in hatred

Capricorn:  Ace of Coins reversed – The evil side of wealth, bad intelligence

Aquarius:  7 of Swords reversed – Good advice, counsel, instruction, slander, babbling

Pisces:  Strength reversed – Despotism, abuse of power, weakness, discord, disgrace.

Aries: 2 of Coins – Gaiety, recreation, news and messages in writing, obstacles, agitation, trouble, embroilment

Taurus: 4 of Swords reversed – Wise administration, circumspection, economy, avarice, precaution, testament

Gemini: Page of Cups reversed –  Taste, inclination, attachment, seduction, deception, artifice

Cancer:  8 of Wands – Activity in undertakings, the path of such activity, swiftness, great haste, great hope, speed towards an end which promises assured felicity, that which is on the move

Leo:  7 of Wands – Valor, discussion, wordy strife, negotiations, war of trade, barter, competition, success

About The Author

Not Adahn

Not Adahn

Despite all my rage, I am still just an impeccably dressed rat.

142 Comments

  1. Yusef drives a Kia

    “Virgo: Queen of Swords -Female sadness, embarrassment, absence, sterility, mourning, privation, separation” so you mean life as usual,
    8-25

  2. Gender Traitor

    Scorpio: Justice – Equity, rightness, probity, executive, triumph of the deserving side

    Boss will be off getting his tonsils out, so for a couple of days at least, he won’t even be able to call and bother me. w00t!

    • Tom Teriffic

      “Aquarius: 7 of Swords reversed – Good advice, counsel, instruction, slander, babbling”

      I’ll leave it up to you to figure out if I’m giving you good advice or feeding you bullshit. Evidently, I don’t know either.

    • Tom Teriffic

      “Aquarius: 7 of Swords reversed – Good advice, counsel, instruction, slander, babbling”

      I’ll leave it up to you to figure out if I’m giving you good advice or feeding you bullshit. Evidently, I don’t know either.

  3. Sean

    “Activity in undertakings, the path of such activity, swiftness, great haste, great hope, speed towards an end which promises assured felicity, that which is on the move”

    Sounds good to me. ?

  4. KibbledKristen

    I like “news & messages in writing”

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        not really into war porn any longer, it’s quite sickening to see what Man can do, and like Holocaust film, needs to be shown over and over,
        so we never forget……

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Theres a fair amount of that but also color film of that period and earlier. I always used to think of the past in black and white and it’s always interesting to see it in color.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Thanks, will check it out, the Color aspect is why i enjoy them as well

      • Hyperion

        We don’t need any men for that, we have antifa.

    • Hyperion

      Definitely looks like Trump’s America.

    • Rhywun

      Yeap. I lived here a few decades later. Rinse and repeat.

  5. kinnath

    Pisces: Strength reversed – Despotism, abuse of power, weakness, discord, disgrace.

    TDS. Cannot escape it.

    • juris imprudent

      Sounds like your in a New York State of Mind.

  6. Mojeaux

    From last week:

    Taurus: The Fool – Folly, mania, extravagance, intoxication, delirium, frenzy, bewrayment.

    Nailed it.

    Taurus: 4 of Swords reversed – Wise administration, circumspection, economy, avarice, precaution, testament

    Hmm. How does “avarice” get thrown in there with that bunch?

    • pan fried wylie

      I got a normal-world priced chuck roast at wallymart today.

      Also had a jackass in the produce section try to pass off nectarines as peaches, “Those are nectarines”, *dude points as sticker behind them* “Yellow Peaches”, *me points at fruit* “No Fur, Nectarines. If we wanna play point at the sticker throughout the store, at least 90% of the shit in here ain’t gonna match up. Fuck it.”

      Then in the pharmacy, “Sorry, we can only sell 4 vials of insulin at a time.”, “Since when?”, “It’s been the policy as long as I’ve been here”, from the very clerk who sold me 6 vials not 5 months ago. Which I said. “Oh, uh, I, uh, It’s been the policy…”, “No, almost ten years I’ve been buying my insulin 3 times a year and getting more than 4 vials at a time, exclusively from Walmart, and I’ve never heard this before.”, “No, it’s always been the..”, “don’t keep repeating that, please. 4 vials then.”

      So now the supply chain on my insulin is disrupted and Ive got, I dunno, 18months to live?

      • hayeksplosives

        “I’m sorry, sir. We’ve looked at your online presence and determined that your Social Credit Score is in the Fair to Poor range, so only 3 vials of insulin for you. “

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        too close to reality,

      • pan fried wylie

        I blame Chafed for making fun of the dude on the Walmart scooter last night then.

      • Ted S.

        Try being as raunchy as SugarFree and maybe you’ll feel better.

  7. Brochettaward

    Sagittarius: Ace of Swords – Triumph, the excessive degree in everything, conquest, great force in love as well as in hatred

    It means I’m going to have sex with your mother.

    • DrOtto

      I read that in the voice of Darrell Hammond’s Sean Connery and added “Trebec!” to the end of it.

      • hayeksplosives

        Lol. How does that never get old?

  8. The Late P Brooks

    Sagittarius: Ace of Swords – Triumph, the excessive degree in everything, conquest, great force in love as well as in hatred

    That would be nice. I’ll be over here, waiting to collect my winning.

  9. Spudalicious

    “ Libra: 10 of Swords – Pain, affliction, tears, sadness, desolation”

    I’m going back to bed.

    • Annoyed Nomad

      Another bad one for Libra. Dammit!

  10. Scruffy Nerfherder

    What is bad intelligence for someone who is not in the CIA?

    • EvilSheldon

      Bad intelligence is the CIA.

    • Rhywun

      I wonder how so many right-wing flyovers managed to evade Bill’s quarantine policy!

      • Sean

        Trickenology.

  11. pan fried wylie

    Showing up so UCS doesn’t ding me for attendance. Of course, he won’t read this thread now.

    Reposting Overnight Slightlyoldpeaches Cobbler, didn’t quite get the lift I wanted in the batter.

    batter:
    ~1.25c selfrising flour
    .75c sugar
    2tsp baking powder (overdoing it?)
    .75tsp salt
    .75c whole milk

    peaches: 4c fruit, .75c sugar, .75tsp salt, squeeze of lime

    any suggestions?

    • R C Dean

      Maybe some dark rum?

    • hayeksplosives

      Nero looks like the creep he was. More evil than the actors they usually get to play him, because the portrait suggests intelligence and a keen eye, not just the spoiled brat portrayed in lazy productions. He looks like a predator.

      Augustus has a Daniel Craig thing going on. I am down with that.

      • Mojeaux

        Nero looks like the creep he was.

        He kinda looks like Harry Markle, but Harry used to be cute before he got stuffed in Meghan’s purse.

      • hayeksplosives

        I’m not seeing the Harry Markle aspect. (I do enjoy the bad lip reading of NFL that has Carson Palmer saying “You mean I’m not Prince Harry?”)

        I’ve been following the Meghan Markle / Prince Harry debacle unfold from the beginning. Just can’t take my eyes off that train wreck.

        I never liked her, but thought she was just a z list actress who got lucky, and he’s no brainiac, so who cares?

        But, man, her industrial strength Woke tore through that family faster than I imagined possible. And then the endless whining about not being supported and the mean press etc.

      • UnCivilServant

        The fact that they’re still alive means QE2’s gone soft.

      • Mojeaux

        +1 Diana

      • hayeksplosives

        She did take away Meghan’s HRH title (Her Royal Highness) and forbade them the use of “Royal” or “Sussex Royal” in their branding.

        I’d love to hear unfiltered recordings of what Prince Philip thinks of it all. He’s always good for a scathing unvarnished opinion.

      • hayeksplosives

        Of course the truth is that Camilla had private lunches with Meghan before the marriage advising her on coping with negative press and being happy, just as she did with Kate.

        But Meghan loves her some victim card, and she will play it even if she has to make up stories of racism; snobbery, etc.

        Tearing Harry away from his home and family was very selfish of her though. He will have to crawl back someday.

        He’s so stupid, Meghan convinced him that the queen was snubbing him in her televised Christmas address because behind her on the desk were photos of Elizabeth and Philip, one of Charles and Camilla, and one of William and Kate. But not Harry and Meghan! Must be racist!! She is so dumb, she doesn’t see the obvious link of all those portraits is they all show future monarchs, and Harry is a minor royal.

      • Mojeaux

        I am mildly amused by it, enough to click on a headline if I see it, and SMH.

        Her father said it best (paraphrased): Meghan managed to turn that family into People of Walmart.

      • Nephilium

        Well, aren’t the royals a family living on off the government teat already?

      • Mojeaux

        I’m not sure I understand the finances. They have a lot of their own money so I don’t know what they live off of, but OTOH, they bring in a lot of tourist revenue.

        Also, I think the Markles got cut off.

      • hayeksplosives

        Anybody who loves to laugh at the British Royals should look at the spoof series “The Windsors ” on Netflix.
        Pretty funny stuff, and accidentally true with tales of Beatrice and Eugenie’s marriages.

        They even started with Meghan in the most recent season, but then reality became far weirder than the show, so I don’t know if they will do another season.

        I love the casting for Sarah Ferguson..

      • Rhywun

        Caligula’s dreamy.

      • hayeksplosives

        That’s what his mom said.

      • pan fried wylie

        no no no.

        That’s what he said about his mom.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      They should have done Caesar, Because Caesar

      • pan fried wylie

        #That’sWhatSheCaligulaSaid

    • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

      I think I saw most of these guys at fraternity parties in college.

  12. hayeksplosives

    Mars in Aries – associated with negative masculine stereotypes like aggression, stupid pride, pointless dick-waving etc.

    Alrighty then! Time for this Aries gal to wear her ovaries on the outside (I don’t have balls or a big swinging dick).

    But I must beware the negative potential:

    Aries: 2 of Coins – Gaiety, recreation, news and messages in writing, obstacles, agitation, trouble, embroilment

    Come to think of it, that is how I planned to roll anyway.

    • Rhywun

      Finally. I’ve been pointlessly waving my dick around for the last 51 weeks to no effect.

      • mrfamous

        It’s the journey, not the destination

  13. Animal

    Libra:  10 of Swords –  Pain, affliction, tears, sadness, desolation

    Huh. Guess I better go see my leecher. Maybe my humours need adjusting.

  14. UnCivilServant

    This weekend has already messed up my sleep schedule. I should not be waking up at 1pm. This is going to make getting up for the start of work tomorrow a pain.

    • Spudalicious

      Do you work graveyard?

      • Spudalicious

        Is waking up at 1pm a typo?

      • UnCivilServant

        No. Yesterday and today I wok up at 1 PM, as in after noon.

      • Rhywun

        I haven’t woken up at 1pm since I was about 22.

    • pan fried wylie

      Down at 3am, up at 8, half an hour before my alarm. Back from Walmart by 11. Almost done watering the barberry/jennyjumpups spot at the end of the line of blocks. (it’s a hands off process and my waterpressure sucks. that’s on the list for getting diagnosed this week. will cost a fortune I’m sure even if I do the excavation. pretty sure one of my trees has infiltrated the line from the mains to my house. I swear there’s a slight soil taste in the water.)

      • pan fried wylie

        [manic phase icon]

      • Nephilium

        One advantage of the city I live in is that they will come out an auger the water and sewage lines from a phone call. If I had to guess, they want to keep the old, huge oaks and maples in the neighborhood, and if I had to start paying for that service, it would probably be in my financial best interest to get the trees cut down.

  15. DEG

    Leo: 7 of Wands – Valor, discussion, wordy strife, negotiations, war of trade, barter, competition, success

    Mixed bag.

  16. DEG

    The cars indicate that the week

    I like this typo.

    • UnCivilServant

      Who doesn’t do divination by looking at the debris pattern of car wrecks?

      • pan fried wylie

        I use the litter around my block.

    • hayeksplosives

      I don’t mind you comin’ here
      And wastin’ all my time.
      ‘Cause when you’re standin’ oh so near
      I kinda lose my mind.

      • pan fried wylie

        You’re (Glibs, Not Splosives exclusively) Just What I Needed.

      • C. Anacreon

        I thought it was “wasting all my time-time”.

  17. DEG

    Brockton, MA goes deep into Lil Rona Panic

    The city of Brockton is ordering a citywide curfew for all residents and visitors between the hours of 11 p.m. and 5 a.m., as the city struggles to curb a growing number of COVID-19 cases.

    Brockton Mayor Robert Sullivan said the curfew will take effect on Saturday, with exceptions only for essential travel.

    Sullivan said he was also ordering the city’s Harold D. Bent Playground at Ash Street Park and James Edgar Playground to be closed from the hours of 4 p.m. to 6 a.m.

    • Rhywun

      Anything over eight cases per day results in a community being deemed high risk.

      Insanity. That’s orders of magnitude fewer than the maximum number Mayor Bill said he was going to allow for us to “open up” (a number we are below, and guess what’s open?).

      • Ted S.

        That’s 8 per 100K people per day, which would be 650 or so for NYC.

      • Rhywun

        Yeap, I was mixing up “residents” with “tests”. The limit here is under 1% of tests. Still meaningless.

      • But Enough About My Weird Culinary Fantasies

        “You gotta pump those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers in this racket.”

    • mikey

      1940’s

      • peachy rex

        Can we have 940s NYC back? It would be a vast improvement.

      • hayeksplosives

        I hear the prices have gone up more than a few glass beads though.

    • Rhywun

      Neat! But all I see is a cute little two-story house. I always wondered what was here before my building went up in 1955.

  18. But Enough About My Weird Culinary Fantasies

    Gemini: Page of Cups reversed – Taste, inclination, attachment, seduction, deception, artifice

    Gemini’s horoscope (much like this Gemini) seems oddly . . . opaque, somehow.

  19. peachy rex

    My dick-waving is always highly meaningful.

    • pan fried wylie

      ^^meant as a reply to

      UnCivilServant on August 23, 2020 at 12:32 pm

      Who doesn’t do divination by looking at the debris pattern of car wrecks?

      right?

    • Sean

      I’m sure the other passengers on the bus feel the same way.

  20. Brochettaward

    So, the whole Mary Trump thing amounted to next to nothing (mainly because she is a treacherous, embittered little bitch herself who seems to be more motivated by anger over getting screwed out of money), but I found this interesting. It’s just a small aside in a larger story, but I had never heard that Mary Trump was the source of the NYT’s 2018 Trump tax story:

    The investigation stemmed in part from an action that Mary Trump had taken: She had provided boxes of family tax records to the New York Times, which published a Pulitzer Prize-winning report in 2018 that found Donald Trump had engaged in suspect tax schemesthat increased his the family wealth.

    https://www.startribune.com/in-secretly-recorded-audio-president-trump-s-sister-says-he-has-no-principles-and-you-can-t-trust-him/572196022/

    • Ted S.

      I hope she was in a one-party recording state.

    • pan fried wylie

      secretly recorded audio reveals what she shouts from every platform afforded to her at every opportunity.

      *Keanu Whoa* *Mind Blown* IMPEACH!!111111111111111111110000000000

      • pan fried wylie

        “What are the Schemes?”

        “LEGALLY FILING THEIR TAXES, THE SNEAKY MOTHERFUCKERS, STRING EM UP!!!”

      • hayeksplosives

        See, if Trump has set her up to “oversee” a billion dollar concern in Ukraine like Biden did for Hunter, she would have kept her mouth shut.

        Her speaking out is a warning to other would-be candidates that they better take care of their sponger relatives.

        Fortunately Trump doesn’t give a toss.

      • pan fried wylie

        “take care of”, if you know. what. I. mean.

      • Rhywun

        “oversee” a billion dollar concern

        LOL just like Deblasio and his wife. What’s with Democrats and throwing a billion dollars at their slimy family members?

      • But Enough About My Weird Culinary Fantasies

        C’mon, man! You wouldn’t wanna just throw that kinda money at complete strangers, wouldya?!?

      • hayeksplosives

        My theory is that the Dems really do believe that profits are evil, and capitalism is about crony’s and nepotism. So when they (the Dems) playnat business, they act the part by being corrupt and funneling money to spouses, children, etc.

        I saw the same thing after German unification. East German companies acted like total sleazes because that’s how they believed business got done in the West.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Wonder which prosecutors’ offices got copies of those? Those supposed investigations in NY and congress now sound like bullshit parallel reconstruction attempts.

    • Nephilium

      The marzens and pumpkin beers are taking over the shelves here. My least favorite beers, which makes this my least favorite beer season.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Wait a sec.. Kweisi Mfume is back in Congress? How the ever living fuck, in the supposed #metoo era, did he get back into elective politics? Yes, I know the answer. No hypocrisy there at all.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    The investigation stemmed in part from an action that Mary Trump had taken: She had provided boxes of family tax records to the New York Times, which published a Pulitzer Prize-winning report in 2018 that found Donald Trump had engaged in suspect tax schemesthat increased his the family wealth.

    It seems as if that could be construed as a criminal act.

    • Ted S.

      Not if she’s a Never Trumper.

    • pan fried wylie

      *Home Invaded*

      *Swipes topbar to enable Bluetooth*

      *enables Bluetooth*

      *waits for previously paired device to connect*

      *Shotgun isn’t charged*

      *Died 2mins ago*

      • Gustave Lytton

        *turn on BT on next weapon*

        *no devices found*

        *repeat cycle three times*

        *connect*

        *go to firing app*

        *lost connection*

        /inspired by my Plantronics BT headset

      • pan fried wylie

        no, *EYE Died 2mins ago*

        (EYE is my super cool way of putting emphasis on “I”)

      • Gustave Lytton

        Sorry, I thought you meant your Bluetooth device did. Which is also believable.

  22. Gender Traitor

    National anthem for today’s belated Indy 500 performed by a couple of doctors – one singing, one playing the piano – complete with scrubs.

    ::Kif sigh::

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      *low key seethes*

      I was supposed to be going to indy this may for the 500. I’m of the opinion they should’ve canceled.

    • hayeksplosives

      Another class of professionals we have to venerate publicly?

      I’m going to need to write down our new pyramids so I know whoM to genuflect to.

      Does it go:

      President (if leftie)
      Lifelong US senators
      Teachers
      Nurses
      Activist rioters
      Doctors
      Welfare moms
      Firefighters
      Actors
      Singers
      Social media influencer
      Social media influencer who publicly thanks military for their service
      Artists
      Military personnel
      Blue collar workers
      Entrepreneurs ?

      Not up to attempting the identity politics pyramid.

      • DrOtto

        You forgot failed republican presidential candidates.

    • Rhywun

      No scrubs ?

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      *crash happens in turn 1*

      Danica: There’s this bump in turn 2 that always got me. Maybe it got him too.

      /what the hell is she doing here?

  23. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    “zthis year sucks. make it suck less by coming to taco Bueno”

    that’s some effective advertising.

    • C. Anacreon

      “…and no one has ever died from eating our brand!”

  24. Mojeaux

    I have to drive quite a ways tomorrow and would like an audiobook (I only do audiobook for nonfiction). The last one I listened to was Atomic Habits. Anybody got any suggestions for something akin?

    • UnCivilServant

      Do you only do nonfiction for audiobooks?

      • Mojeaux

        Yes.

      • UnCivilServant

        Oh, and Bob Brier’s History of Ancient Egypt is great.

        Most of my nonfiction audiobooks are historical,

      • Mojeaux

        I’m…kinda looking for self-help books, not history books.

      • UnCivilServant

        Oh.

        Can’t help you there. I don’t consume the self help genre

      • Mojeaux

        Philosophy will also do.

      • UnCivilServant

        I dislike philosophy. Vehemently.

    • hayeksplosives

      I enjoyed Tina Fey’s “Bossypants”‘autobiography in audiobook form.

      I have hope that she will eventually become a libertarian. She shows signs of brain matter even though she has to be with lefties for now.

      • Mojeaux

        I’m also trying to find ones that are available at my library. :/ I finally settled on Women Who Run with the Wolves, even though I’ve read it.

      • UnCivilServant

        At the library? I have no idea what they might have.

      • Mojeaux

        I was just looking for title suggestions. I can check my library to see if they have it.

        I also got Maps of Meaning by Jordan Peterson.

      • Brochettaward

        Women Who Run with the Wolves

        Sounds gay.

      • Mojeaux

        It is.

  25. R C Dean

    “So maybe this week you’ll make a mistake that you won’t make again?L

    Great. I’ll win a Darwin Award.

  26. Yusef drives a Kia

    Atomic Habits,
    I saw them at the Whiskey in 82

  27. Brochettaward

    My review of Unhinged, the Russell Crowe road rage movie.

    Highly entertaining. A fat, sweaty, wheezing Russell Crowe torments some bitch who just wouldn’t give him an apology after cutting him off in traffic. He may or may not have been popping real pills throughout the movie. He also beats up a small child in the movie. A+.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      No attempts to associate Crowe’s character as a ‘Right-Wing Extremist (TM)’? I was afraid that Hollywood wouldn’t be able to resist themselves from having him have the most extremist extremeifiyer, Sean Hannity on the radio or some such nonsense.

  28. Tom Teriffic

    Referring back to the OP…

    So, in a nutshell, Mercury has been in Gatorade all fucking year but the good news is that it’s moving into napalm later this week.