IFLA: The “They’re all a Bunch of Whores” Edition of the Horoscope for the Week of September 13

by | Sep 13, 2020 | Advice, IFLA | 143 comments

Lots of times, the stars aren’t talking to you. They don’t care about the average person/Glib/yetisyn. However, Big Astrology (which is marketing, not Science), like any other business needs to generate product and open new markets, so they invent new planets in order to have something to differentiate today from yesterday. If you go online you’ll see people casting based not only on the planets discovered in the 20th century, but on asteroids.  Seriously.  Like this week, Venus aligns with the moon and Ceres, which means “your wife tries a new flavor of oatmeal.” I am not making this up.* Do you really think the stars give a flying fuck about oatmeal, or even baked goods? Even though it means I don’t have a lot to report on any given week, I refuse to stoop to such levels of mountebankery but will uphold only the finest principles of SCIENCEtific truth. Trust glibertarians.com for all your astrological needs.

This week does have something going on:  Venus-Sol-Mercury en tierce with Mercury-Earth/Moon LaGrange point-Mars.  Since I made such a big deal about being scrupulously honest above, I should admit that I can’t determine if the alignment hits the exact LaGrange point, but it is running between the Earth and Moon. My initial reading of this is good news “improvement in your romantic life, caused by an event at a competition (competition in this case could very well include violence). ” However like many castings, the cause-effect directionality is ambiguous. So this same alignment can read “An improvement in your love life causes your house to burn down” or since that LaGrange point is in play, a cyclic/self-referential reading is possible “Fight at home leads to you discovering a new love, which leads you to lose your house.” I’m hoping for the initial reading.

A lot of instability this week with both the moon in Cancer and Mercury in Libra.  Mars moves from Aries to Taurus which suggests that a shift in tactics towards problem-solving:  if you were trying to outlast/wait out a problem, a more direct confrontation would be more effective.  And Venus in Leo means particularly good sex is to be had.

Virgo:  King of Coins reversed – Vice, weakness, ugliness, perversity, corruption, peril

Libra:  Ace of Cups reversed – House of the false heart, mutation, instability, revolution.

Scorpio:  The Tower reversed – Misery, distress, indigence, adversity, calamity, disgrace, deception, ruin, unforeseen catastrophe, oppression, imprisonment, tyranny.  But other than that, things are fine.

Sagittarius:  7 of Wands -Valor, discussion, wordy strife, negotiations, war of trade, barter, competition, success

Capricorn:  6 of Wands – Victory, great news, anticipated success coming to fruition

Aquarius:  7 of Coins – Money, business, barter, altercation, quarrels, innocence, ingenuity, purgation**

Pisces:  Page of Coins reversed – Prodigality, dissipation, liberality, luxury, unfavorable news.

Aries:  Knight of Swords reversed – Imprudence, incapacity, extravagance

Taurus:  King of Swords reversed – Cruelty, perversity, barbarity, perfidy, evil intention

Gemini:  3 of Cups – The conclusion of any matter in plenty, perfection and merriment; happy issue, victory, fulfilment, solace, healing

Cancer:  7 of Swords reversed –  Good advice, counsel, instruction, slander, babbling

Leo:  Justice – Equity, rightness, probity, executive; triumph of the deserving side in law.

About The Author

Not Adahn

Not Adahn

Despite all my rage, I am still just an impeccably dressed rat.

143 Comments

  1. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Capricorn: 6 of Wands – Victory, great news, anticipated success coming to fruition

    Not sure if serious….

    • blackjack

      I ain’t buying it. Prolly forgot the part about “for your enemies” or something.

  2. Grumbletarian

    Scorpio: The Tower reversed – Misery, distress, indigence, adversity, calamity, disgrace, deception, ruin, unforeseen catastrophe, oppression, imprisonment, tyranny. But other than that, things are fine.

    Finally a normal week.

    • Tejicano

      INORITE?

      I read through this and noticed it was missing “drawn and quartered” or “death by serpent” and thought – “Cool, I can enjoy my coffee before all the usual shyte”

  3. Gender Traitor

    Looks like I picked the wrong week to be a Scorpio.

    • UnCivilServant

      Did you actually decide to be a Scorpio?

      • Gender Traitor

        Well, I don’t REMEMBER having a lot of choice in the matter, come to think of it…

        Maybe this week I could decide to identify as a sign with better prospects.

      • KibbledKristen

        YES! This is the right way to apply woke ideology!

        I identify as Gemini this week.

      • But Enough About My Weird Culinary Fantasies

        I actually am a Gemini, and I totally distrust this horoscope. I feel like Charlie Brown spinning up to kick the football that Lucy’s holding for me.

  4. UnCivilServant

    If the stars are talking to you – Run, you’re in Commiefornia.

  5. CPRM

    Cruelty, perversity, barbarity, perfidy, evil intention

    Well, I am going to meet up with other glibs next weekend. Checks out.

  6. The Late P Brooks

    My initial reading of this is good news “improvement in your romantic life, caused by an event at a competition (competition in this case could very well include violence). ”

    Grudge-fuck, for old time’s sake

    *checks list, sees no chance*

  7. Spudalicious

    “ Libra: Ace of Cups reversed – House of the false heart, mutation, instability, revolution.”

    You read that? Revolution is coming bitches.

  8. The Late P Brooks

    Sagittarius: 7 of Wands -Valor, discussion, wordy strife, negotiations, war of trade, barter, competition, success

    Maybe I had better go look at that property in Idaho, this week. I wonder how the internet quality is, in a town of three hundred.

  9. The Late P Brooks

    Revolution is coming bitches.

    What goes around, comes around?

  10. The Late P Brooks

    Mars moves from Aries to Taurus which suggests that a shift in tactics towards problem-solving: if you were trying to outlast/wait out a problem, a more direct confrontation would be more effective.

    *packs bags for trip to Idaho*

    • KibbledKristen

      I can’t tell what happened there until the very end when there was an explosion on the ground. I hear her say “uh oh”, but I can’t seeing what she’s talking about.

      • cyto

        Rocket goes up. Rocket goes sideways. Rocket stops going up. Gravity takes over. Rocket goes boom.

        I could not spot the unpowered descent either.

  11. KibbledKristen

    Is watching Woke Fox NFL Sunday imprudent?

  12. Ownbestenemy

    Valor, discussion, wordy strife, negotiations, war of trade, barter, competition, success

    Ill take it. Almost Trumpian though.

  13. Suthenboy

    “Misery, distress, indigence, adversity, calamity, disgrace, deception, ruin, unforeseen catastrophe, oppression, imprisonment, tyranny. But other than that, things are fine.”

    Apparently their names are Sally, Paulette and Rene. Bitches all. We haven’t finished cleaning up after Laura. Hell, we still have people without power.
    are we gonna end the year with an ice storm? Plague of locusts? The bayous, rivers and lakes are full of reeking dead fish.

    2020….go the fuck away.

    • Nephilium

      We still have an election to get through.

    • Mojeaux

      Rene is a dude.

      Renee is a chick.

      • Tejicano

        Depends on how he identifies.

        (Am I doing this woke thing correctly?)

      • Nephilium

        My first girlfriend was named Rene. Her parents weren’t the brightest.

      • Drake

        I had a neighbor named Rene – Latino guy in the LA Sheriff’s Dept. Good dude who played rugby.

    • Tejicano

      I predict a clear introduction of extraterrestrials in a manner nobody has foreseen. It’s about the only thing that would even get my attention at this point.

      • cyto

        The way news coverage has been working lately, If Trump announced that he had worked out a deal with the Azuthian Empire to obtain technology which would eliminate poverty, disease and allow FTL travel through the universe, the media would find a way to be opposed. Conversely, if Trump announced that he was opposed to the invasion and subjugation of the human species by invaders from Xandu 9, they would all go “I, for one, welcome our new Xandu overlords….”

    • DEG

      Hell, we still have people without power.

      Still? Wow. I hope they get it back soon.

    • Not an Economist

      I’m expecting a Carrington level event any day now … even without any sunsponts.

    • l0b0t

      Those are very pretty. What kind are they?

      • Sean

        Not the kind I ordered. ?

        Orange scorpions apparently.

        I didn’t complain though, they’ve been doing pretty good.

      • RBS

        None of my super hots, other than my jolokia, even sprouted this year.

      • Sean

        Sorry dude.

        The sprouted habanero I got from Lowe’s died. It made it about a foot high and just died. ?

        The other 5 are doing ok. The apocalypse are slower on making peppers.

      • TARDis

        Making some protest spray?

    • westernsloper

      They evolved to look like that because that is what your sphincter looks like post consumption.

  14. The Late P Brooks

    Picture perfect peppers.

    How am I supposed to tell how big they are, without a pistol for reference?

    • Sean

      That’s a half width paper towel.

      I’m considering suspending steak & sidearm posts until after the election.

  15. Mojeaux

    Mars moves from Aries to Taurus which suggests that a shift in tactics towards problem-solving: if you were trying to outlast/wait out a problem, a more direct confrontation would be more effective.

    Yeah, that’s not working, either.

    Taurus: King of Swords reversed – Cruelty, perversity, barbarity, perfidy, evil intention

    You mean, more than what’s currently going on?

    ———–

    Generally speaking, life has been pretty quiet around here, with very little drama. So that’s good. I can appreciate better what’s NOT happening.

    Also, 18 years today for me and the mister. WTF did the time go? 1998 was, like, 2 years ago.

    • Sean

      Congrats on the 18.

    • UnCivilServant

      1998 was two years ago.

      • Nephilium

        Shit. I look bad for being in my 20’s.

    • DEG

      Also, 18 years today for me and the mister. WTF did the time go? 1998 was, like, 2 years ago.

      Congratulations!

      1998 was when I moved to New England. I lived in New England longer than I lived in Pennsylvania.

    • TARDis

      18 years? I have underwear… oh never mind.

      Congrats!

    • Cannoli

      Happy anniversary!

    • BakedPenguin

      Happy x-day to Mojeaux and her beaux. In a far lower level of hope, I hope Sean’s peppers come out well.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    Justice – Equity, rightness, probity, executive; triumph of the deserving side in law.

    Now you’re just making shit up.

  17. DEG

    Like this week, Venus aligns with the moon and Ceres, which means “your wife tries a new flavor of oatmeal.”

    That’s a fancy way of saying she is sleeping around.

    Leo: Justice – Equity, rightness, probity, executive; triumph of the deserving side in law.

    Horseshit. The week is going to suck.

  18. The Late P Brooks

    Also, 18 years today for me and the mister.

    *raises coffee cup in tribute*

  19. RBS

    “Fight at home leads to you discovering a new love, which leads you to lose your house.”

    Virgo: King of Coins reversed – Vice, weakness, ugliness, perversity, corruption, peril

    Shit.

  20. The Late P Brooks

    Goddammit. Now Pandora is infested with Bullock ads. Am I going to have to get my old cd player out? If I can find it, and assuming it even works.

    *Yes, I am a cheap bastard. also not really an audiophile, so I don’t want to pay extra for background noise.

    • KibbledKristen

      What do you have against Jim J Bullock???

    • Nephilium

      I’m tempted to take the free trial and pay for a month to avoid political ads. Which shows how effective the ad buys are.

    • KSuellington

      Somafm.com

      Dozens of commercial free 24/7 radio stations by genre. Once every hour or two they give a five to ten plea to donate. Secret Agent, Left Coast 70’s, Boot Liquor, Groove Salad and 7 inch Soul are my favorites on there.

    • mikey

      Got a glossy mailer yesterday. Whole thing dedicated to how Bullock is getting money from “Hanoi” Jane Fonda. Includes the picture of her haming it up at the NVN SAM site. Pretty funny. No mention of Daines – just Bullock=Fonda.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    What do you have against Jim J Bullock???

    I’m sure I could find a reason, if I knew who he was.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    Suthen-

    Did you get a generator? Did you need one?

    • Suthenboy

      No, we survived without one but we are thinking of getting a propane powered dedicated generator installed.

      • westernsloper

        ^ this comment has been reported as spam

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Meh, it’s an email obscurer, dnt.abine.com

  23. Ted S.

    Gemini: 3 of Cups – The conclusion of any matter in plenty, perfection and merriment

    Please tell me this means I won’t have to work obscene amounts of overtime.

    • LJW

      I’m unemployed and a Gemini, what does that mean for me?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        It means you’re a broke Gemini of course,

  24. The Late P Brooks

    No mention of Daines – just Bullock=Fonda.

    Dark munny destroying dumocrassee!

  25. KibbledKristen

    LOL Eagles touchdown already

    • Nephilium

      May I interest you in the Browns? An interception and a fumble off a fake punt in the first quarter leading to a 0-10 game.

  26. Nephilium

    Sadly. Even at reduced capacity, there’s open seats at the local bar. One story I’ve been told was that the NFL ticket package pric jumped dramatically for bars this year.

    • Rhywun

      Anthem watch:

      Jets and Bills rode out “both” anthems in the locker room in a powerful display of unity. And then they came out and threw the ball around or something.

      • Ted S.

        Listening to Wayne and Larry do the Packers game on my PC (streaming the broadcasts on a desktop PC is free per NFL rules). Didn’t tune in until 1:02 and didn’t hear any antisocial justice shit.

      • Nephilium

        Most of the Browns were standing, most of the Ravens kneeling. Woke has been relegated to the pregame from my observations.

    • DEG

      I was at one of the local brewpubs last night and the night before. The bar area was not full either night. They did have more people than the last few weeks eating indoors. It’s starting to get chilly here at night.

    • DEG

      Ahhh

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Getting some play in while I can, playing a course a day till the cold time comes, 25 course in a 25 mile radius

      • DEG

        Sounds like a good day.

        I was thinking of heading out but have decided I’ll stay in. Maybe I’ll get a few things done around the house.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Too nice to stay inside, I’m getting out while can enjoy it, and explore this big green land I’m in before it snows, Never seen so much green in my life

      • Mojeaux

        I had a friend from Arizona come visit me in the summer time. She couldn’t get over how green it was.

      • Ted S.

        I went for my walk this morning.

        Unfortunately, hunting season starts on October 1, so not too much longer I can go out with the dog.

      • Chipping Pioneer

        How big is your dog?

  27. The Late P Brooks

    Watching Indycar Mid-Ohio. They’re running a promo for a football game I probably won’t be watching.

  28. hayeksplosives

    As an Aries, I’m not convinced about the change in tactics; I’ll take it under advisement.

  29. Ozymandias

    My cumulative understanding of astrology is now that the Universe hates Libras.

    Bringing over from the morning links, one of you Tulpae posteda twitter link that led me to a random Twit that I can’t get out of my head. The paraphrase was this:

    “The same people defending ‘Cuties’ told us that the lyrics to ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ were problematic and had to be changed.”

    This got me to thinkin’… Have we ever lived in a time of such rank hypocrisy?? It doesn’t seem so to me. Not in my 50+ years anyway. It used to be that getting caught in such public and contradictory positions was to be feared – because it revealed one (and one’s argument) to be either ill-considered or completely unprincipled – and therefore caused one to be viewed generally as nothing more than a noisemaker. It also used to be that the public consumption of “news” included references to first principles – or at least an attempt to paint a political position as somehow being tied to a core tenet of some fairly well-traveled road.
    It seems to me now it’s all just will to power, with hypocrisy being a feature, not a bug, of someone trying to justify their momentary preferences, rather than making a principled argument for a particular idea. Indeed, now it appears that debate itself is going the way of the dodo and violence is now how we settle matters of political dispute. I hope we find our way back from this because if we continue on this road, it really will be ugly. I don’t think most Americans have much experience with societies that use violence as a means of settling differences; some of us do (and have) and it’s not fun. All of the LARPers screaming about “MUH OPPRESSION!!1!!!” will find out what that world really means the old-fashioned way.

    • cyto

      Yeah, that is a great observation. I wonder if 50 year old dudes were thinking the same thing when we were in high school back around 1980.

      I doubt it.

      But they would have been children of the 1940’s

    • hayeksplosives

      I share your dismay that being hypocritical or caught in a bald faced lie no longer hurts a politician’s career.

      All of the LARPers screaming about “MUH OPPRESSION!!1!!!” will find out what that world really means the old-fashioned way

      Yup. Sadly, many innocent people will be hurt or killed along the way.

      • cyto

        I am having a hard time believing what I am seeing.

        We saw “protesters” in Portland attempting to burn down the police union headquarters while people were inside, and while blocking the exit doors.

        At any other moment in history, that would be shocking news that would dominate the headlines for many weeks as the perpetrators were rounded up and prosecuted. Instead, we’ve ignored it and decided that prosecuting people for peaceful protests is wrong.

        Earlier someone posted a link about an execution style shooting of two police officers sitting in their car – and the reaction of protesters who blocked the entrance to the hospital and cheered for their deaths.

        Again, at any other moment in history, this would shock the conscience of the nation. But since we live in a propaganda state, it doesn’t exist on the national news. CNN is not running coverage of the horrific and demented people who try to stop medical treatment for shooting victims. CNN doesn’t have the families of the victims on wall-to wall, telling us of their pain… and how terrifying it is that they were targeted simply for being police, while sitting in a car….. notably not while engaged in an assault or after having been accused of a felonious assault.

        I suppose it will take them a bit of time to settle on a narrative that explains why this is all because Trump is a racist.

    • Nephilium

      Look back at pro-prohibition elected officials going to speakeasies. Or the anti-gay Republicans getting caught with their “gentlemen companions”. Hypocrisy has a long and storied history in politics.

      • cyto

        And what happened when anti-gay republicans got caught? They got run out of town, or arrested, in the case of Larry Craig, he was arrested for waving his hand under the stall. The arresting officer said it was a signal for having sex. As was tapping his toe. All of which, even if 100% true is not even remotely criminal. He could have even said “Hey, you are cute. Wanna have sex with me?” and been solidly within the law. The coverage of that incident still gets me angry. Real libertarians are rare as 4 sided triangles.

      • Nephilium

        I understand the rage, I truly do. I’ve managed to shut down political discussions at some family gatherings by asking specific questions to shut down both sides (yes, I was the asshole).

    • Suthenboy

      It isn’t hypocrisy or cognitive dissonance. Look at everything they do through the lens of ‘tear down society and culture’ and everything they do makes perfect sense.

  30. cyto

    Speaking of “woke infecting everything”…

    I have been watching “The Boys” on Amazon Prime. For those who have not seen it, it is an amazingly offensive and irreverent exploration of the idea “what if superhero powers really existed in normal people”. The very concept is quite un-PC, even though they cover PC topics like #metoo (what happens if a female superhero gets sexually harassed by another superhero?)

    They are doling out the episodes at 1 per week.

    And they did an after-show.

    Now, I normally wouldn’t do the after show thing… but I was bored… and they have Aisha Taylor hosting. She was pretty good on “The Soup” some years back, so I gave it a try.

    Mistake.

    They peppered woke all through the broadcast. One actress opined that sexism is alive and well, since you can run for president and not get elected just because you are a woman.

    Aisha never struck me as particularly “woke”, even if her comedy isn’t the equivalent of Stenhope. Not any more. Tons of talk about how white supremacists are everywhere and they have tried to hide by calling themselves “alt right” instead of the Klan.

    Made it about 10 minutes. That was 9 and a half too much.

    • hayeksplosives

      **has a sad that Aisha is woke**
      .
      .
      .
      Okay, I’m over it.

    • Nephilium

      Aisha has been woke for a while. I read the press release for her Wootstock release and studiously avoided anything else she’s said since I enjoy Archer.

    • Rhywun

      Too bad. I always liked her.

      Try “Talkoma FD” for an after-show that doesn’t suck.

      • l0b0t

        (Squeals in delight upon learning that’s a thing) Thanks Rhy!

    • Mojeaux

      There were hints of that in the first couple of after-shows. I decided I didn’t need to look at Homelander in his natural state badly enough to listen to that claptrap.

    • Drake

      This is why “White Supremists” are the worst threat in the world. When there are no cops, a militia will fill the void and solve the problem.

      • TARDis

        When the time comes, I hope all of my non-white neighbors let me join their militia. We should call it the FORSOOTH. Fuck Off Repress-or ,Stay Out of These Homes.

    • Rhywun

      Good luck finding replacements for all the staff that quit.

    • Ozymandias

      Beating my drum one more time: Unions (including and especially pubsec unions) have always been a major source of support for Team Blue. I wonder what happens when the pubsec unions that protect the guys who have the monopoly on violence go hard Team Red (as we’re watching happen in the slow-motion of real-time right now)? I think the Dems think they’ll just yank the leash and those digs will heel. MAYBE… it’s certainly possible. But it’s also possible (IMO) that the rank-and-file, who were always philosophically aligned with Deplorables more than Wokesters, are going to start ignoring places that don’t treat them well – as just one relatively benign example.
      There are a lot worse options than that.

  31. Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

    ‘…I can’t determine if the alignment hits the exact LaGrange point, but it is running between the Earth and Moon.’

    I hear they got a lot of nice girls.

    • hayeksplosives

      And you know what I’m talkin’ about

      • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

        A haw, haw, haw, haw, a haw

  32. Rhywun

    LOL Jets being the Jets

    • Ted S.

      Kirk Cousins was being Kirk Cousins too. 😀

    • Homple

      Coffins perfectly preserved for 2,500 years were found in a well?

      Either well diggers were incompetent 2,500 years ago or there has been a very long drought in the area.

  33. Homple

    “Virgo:  King of Coins reversed – Vice, weakness, ugliness, perversity, corruption, peril”

    Back to normal.

  34. The Late P Brooks

    All of the LARPers screaming about “MUH OPPRESSION!!1!!!” will find out what that world really means the old-fashioned way.

    Members of the press are openly insulting a sitting President in press conferences, without being disappeared or even losing their credentials. Oppression, indeed.

  35. Drake

    ancer: “7 of Swords reversed – Good advice, counsel, instruction, slander, babbling.”

    Good advice or babbling?

    • Sean

      We have both kinds around here.

      • Drake

        I need a hashtag or something to tell the difference.

        #babbling

  36. hayeksplosives

    I got my first internet-purchased prescription glasses yesterday evening. It is also my first pair of bifocals. The lenses have all the bells and whistles. Transitions, no-line bifocal, anti glare blah blah.

    I went to eyebuydirect, uploaded a photo of my face and followed the directions. Browsed a bunch of frames, put them on my picture.

    Easy peasy. Would recommend.

    • Rhywun

      Were you hassled by an eye doc to get your prescription?

      • hayeksplosives

        I had one that I got last year from the ophthalmologist who was doing the annual peak at my choroidal nevus (mole on the retina).

        The prescription was good for 2 years. Doc said that it was so close to my old prescription that I probably didn’t need it, but wrote it for bifocals if I wanted to try that out.

  37. Chipping Pioneer

    How do the stars feel about pineapple on a pizza?

  38. Chipping Pioneer

    Leo: Justice – Equity, rightness, probity, executive; triumph of the deserving side in law.

    ahaaahhhahhhaaahhhhhaaahhaaahh

    We’re well beyond that.

  39. Mojeaux

    I was thinking about Barnett Newman. I don’t know why.

    His work is the perfect example of post-modernism. It exists, but it is meaningless. Every attempt to look at his work and come up with some interpretation will always lead to nihilism. X exists, but it has no purpose and no meaning.

    It is true I tend toward fatalism, but I do not tend toward nihilism; how does anyone who trend that way get through every day? If nothing means anything, why keep living?

    Now, if Newman just said, “Fuck you suckers; I’m going to slap paint on a canvas and swirl it around a little and call it art and say something you will think is deep and pay me lots of money,” well, I can respect that. This way to the Egress.

    • PieInTheSky

      those are images of paint sample for walls I assume

      • Mojeaux

        Sadly, they are not. They are “modern art”. I believe the style is “abstract expressionism”, which apparently means “I got some pretty paints and now I need to express myself.”

    • BakedPenguin
    • l0b0t

      Ugh… His 18 Cantos is indistinguishable from my foamcore palette when I’m brainworking a color scheme for my little Warhammer dudes.

    • Fifth Knight of the Derp Table

      Sometimes I think I should have asked to keep the stacked sheets of 4×8 OSB boards mounted on wheeled A-frames I used to support and roll out doors and windows from a very large spray booth I worked at for three years. Between the dozens of colors of paint and stain and many different sizes of windows and doors, those boards had some very interesting patterns after hundreds of jobs.

      *looks at the above comment*

      I can’t structure a sentence to save my life…ha!