Links, Afternoon, Monday

by | Sep 28, 2020 | Daily Links | 350 comments

Happy Monday, everybody. I believe (**crosses fingers**) I have finally finished moving and/or assembling all of the large furniture items to be had. The count stands at: 4 beds moved, 1 assembled, 1 crib assembled. 5 dressers moved, one assembled, and a glider moved in and assembled. Literally every bedroom we use as a bedroom has a different bed and dresser than it did on the first of September. Nothing is too good for my family (**he grumbled**).

We coulda had a smokin’ hot Jewish chick as our Vice President. Not to worry, under our current dynastic rules, she’ll be the GOP Presidential nominee in 2032.

Maybe this guy should teach freshmen in HS instead of kindergarten. As an object lesson to the kids.

Homeopathy comes for our seltzer water! Parts per trillion. Heh. Cyanide is safe at parts per trillion. In fact, your apple juice may contain that level of cyanide.

This is absolutely infuriating, if true. Initial reports indicated that the cop injured in the Breonna Taylor shooting was injured by a 9mm bullet, and the only person firing 9mm was her boyfriend (who, to be clear, was not the same man named in the warrant — there has been some confusion there). Turns out, the cop who was indicted for mag-dumping now also appears to have been carrying and firing a 9mm pistol. Now I understand why the wrongful death settlement came so high and so fast. $12M was a big number… I’m guessing now that was to keep some inconvenient facts from being made court record in discovery.

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

350 Comments

  1. Count Potato

    “a glider moved in and assembled”

    What?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      “Finger eaters”

    • Bobarian LMD

      It’s a big bedroom.

    • Brett L

      Sorry, that’s what my wife calls an arm chair that rocks back and forth.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It glides back and forth, glides…

        I had this conversation with my wife as well.

      • Ted S.

        Not a rocking chair?

      • Brett L

        See Scruffy’s assertion. I guess it glides. It does not change plane like the perfectly useable rocking chair we own.

      • Ted S.

        I guess a Hawaii chair stays in the same plane, too….

      • db

        WTF was that. I haven’t laughed at something like that for a while.

      • Rhywun

        LOL

    • Hyperion

      Nano-tech glider, duh!

  2. Yusef drives a Kia

    REDRUM!!!!

  3. Count Potato

    “We coulda had a smokin’ hot Jewish chick as our Vice President. Not to worry, under our current dynastic rules, she’ll be the GOP Presidential nominee in 2032.”

    Why not 2024? She’s 38 now.

    • Florida Man

      Please, no more political family dynasties.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Well, imma think that you should vote Biden then, because that family is a shit-show.

        It took the Kennedy’s about 4 generations to reach that level.

      • Florida Man

        I can’t think of anything Slow Joe could say to get me to vote for him.

      • leon

        He just has to keep his promise to punch trump on the nose during his debate.

      • Ted S.

        “Three generations of imbeciles is enough….”

    • kinnath

      POTUS switches parties every 8 to 12 years.

      It’s the wookie’s turn from 2024 to 2032. Then the pendulum returns to Ivanka in 2032.

      The good news is that it looks like the Clinton spawn has fallen out of the cycle.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Clinton spawn has fallen out of the cycle.

        That’s the uncanny valley at work.

      • db

        Last I read, Her Malignity was grooming a new he-spawn.

      • Count Potato

        “It’s the wookie’s turn from 2024 to 2032.”

        I can’t fap to that.

      • mrfamous

        You’re not fooling anyone

      • Hyperion

        We have yet to survive one term of a woman being president. Fist time we get one who still has her period, it’s gonna be nuclear war before 6 months is up. Some dummy probably delivers the wrong drapery to the Whitehouse, she’s having PMS and BOOM!

      • leon

        The US survived both Edith Wilson and Nancy Reagan, so it’s not like this hasn’t been tried before.

    • Rhywun

      Sources familiar with Rhywun’s thinking say that he doesn’t believe any part of that story.

    • DEG

      I’ve seen some noise about convincing Kristi Noem to run in 2024.

      • KibbledKristen

        It’s an uncommon thing for the incumbent party to retain the Presidency after 8 years (if Trump were to win). I think her best bet would be 2028 (fuck, that seems so far away). But I think she should give it a shot in 2024 anyway.

      • C. Anacreon

        Don’t worry, the media will find a way to make Noem look at silly as Sarah Palin. Republican women politicians aren’t really women.

  4. Fourscore

    Normies don’t appreciate the tattoo art. I don’t understand it but there’s a lot of things I don’t understand.

    • blackjack

      I got blackwork partial sleeves when I was 17 y/o. The cops treated it as a criminal offense and tried their damnest to charge me with something, anything. I’m almost glad that the whole world got inked, just so they relaxed on me some. It was basically like the Yakuza or something back then. I just thought they looked cool. Haven’t seen a tattoo gun since my 18th birthday.

  5. Count Potato

    “A schoolteacher whose body, face and tongue are covered in tattoos and who has had the whites of his eyes surgically turned black said he was prevented from teaching at a French kindergarten after a parent complained he scared their child.”

    Maybe he should have gone into different line of work?

    • Florida Man

      When did kids get the right “not to be afraid”? They need nightmare fuel if they are going to grow up strong. Bah!

    • leon

      Its Discrimination! If our kids can’t be taught by people who make poor life decisions, how will they experieince the full breath of diversity life has to offer them.

    • Drake

      Circus freak?

    • Apples and Knives

      “All my life I’ve been terrifying children. I finally thought I’d found a way to give back, by teaching them while I terrify them.”

    • Rhywun

      His job seems to be “attract attention”. I bet he’s wildly successful at it.

  6. The Late P Brooks

    I’m guessing now that was to keep some inconvenient facts from being made court record in discovery.

    Whaaaa?

    • R C Dean

      Turns out, the cop who was indicted for mag-dumping now also appears to have been carrying and firing a 9mm pistol.

      I recall the popo swore up and down that the cops had .40s, so the one who caught a bullet had to have been shot by the boyfriend.

      Also of interest, I saw a report that the single witness “confirming” the knock and announce is getting wobbly, and there are over a dozen witnesses saying they heard no such thing.

      All told, the decision not to charge the boyfriend was right on the law, and it looks like it might not have any factual support, either.

  7. Fourscore

    Brett, did your family expand? Upgrades?, Move? Sounds like a lot of work but the family is worth it. God for you and yours.

    • Fourscore

      Good

    • Brett L

      New baby due sometime in the next five weeks, depending on how long he decides to lay around parasiting off his mom’s blood.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        *tips hat at fellow man dealing with 30-something week pregnant wife*

        Is it November yet?

      • Brett L

        I just need him to cook for 2 more weeks and he’s not a premie. God knows what sort of protocols it takes to break your premature infant out of the NICU right now. When is yours due?

      • R C Dean

        God knows what sort of protocols it takes to break your premature infant out of the NICU right now.

        I’m pretty sure it involves body armor, multiple high-capacity firearms, and some kind of incapacitating gas grenades.

        At least, if our NICU nurses are any indication.

        Oh, and make sure your will is up to date.

      • Brett L

        I, er, kind of meant legally be allowed to leave with him. I ain’t fighting no NICU nurse.

        Listen. Understand. That [NICU Nurse] is out there. It can’t be reasoned with, it can’t be bargained with…it doesn’t feel pity of remorse or fear…and it absolutely will not stop. Ever. Until you are dead.

  8. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Let me just say, uroxatral does not agree with me.

    I’m belching up sulfur clouds.

    • Fourscore

      Is that chunk of granite moving or expelled yet? I hate that when that happens.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Honestly not sure.

    • Aloysious

      It’s better to let it out and bear the shame, than hold it in and bear the pain.

      This goes for flatulence as well.

      • Fourscore

        If it stops at flatulence. After the fact discoveries may bear some shame as well.

      • KibbledKristen

        Farting is way more hilarious than burping anyway

    • Ted S.

      Hawt.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Very hot, and very stanky. Ugh

    • Count Potato

      “Serious side effects of Uroxatral include floppy eye syndrome.”

      What?

  9. Plisade

    “his pupils see past his appearance.”

    I know there’s a joke in there somewhere, but this statement is really tripping me out.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I’m always amazed at the disdain for parental wishes by the education complex.

  10. Count Potato

    “While there is no ethical consumption under capitalism”

    Oh, fuck off.

    • leon

      as long as capitalism exists, we are all immoral and damned.

  11. The Late P Brooks

    Duck Shit-flinging howler monkey season

    As my colleague Tom Scocca observed one year ago, Trump was elected as the ultimate expression of a political party more concerned with taunting and obstructing its opposition than with any specific governing agenda. Others have noted that, for decades, the driving principle behind the Republican project has been the conviction that people of color and their political allies are undeserving of full participation in American democracy. The push to shield those who murder protesters with their cars from criminal or civil liability, which Republican legislators have attempted to do in at least eight states, is a particularly gruesome offshoot of these two philosophies. It’s also not solving any problematic gap in the legal sphere: Property damage is already a criminal offense; self-defense is already an accepted legal defense for causing others harm. DeSantis and his peers are simply trying to create space within the law—or the perception of it—for their political supporters to kill their political opponents.

    Now do “race hate” enhancements.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      “ultimate expression of a political party more concerned with taunting and obstructing its opposition than with any specific governing agenda”

      Now that’s utter bullshit. The GOP desperately did not want Trump. Trump was a fuck you to the GOP.

      • leon

        I think that actually explains some of the outright hatred from the establishment. Before it was just gamesmenship and you were competing against the candidates that each team put up. Then the GOP had to go and put forward a guy that the people of the party wanted. That was unacceptable, and is why you see the vitriol targeting regular people much more than you used to. The establishment _knows_ that it was the GOP voters who put trump in, and they hate them for it.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Yes

        They were busily content fleecing the system and they had the nerve to vote for someone who’s wrecking their grift.

      • Ozymandias

        Bingo. Ab-so-fucking-loot-lee.
        Great comment, leon.
        I had never thought of it in those terms, but I couldn’t agree more. The Dems hate Trump the way they would a third-party candidate (if one had ever been elected). He stole “MUH GOP!!?!?!!” from establishment, neocon Republicans… but he also stole it from establishment Dems, too. And he forced Republicans to adopt policies and tactics that don’t line up with the “usual way of doing business.”
        There’s room for criticism in there, as well. Trump’s not exactly a parliamentarian or expert on Roberts’ Rules of Order. BUT, his political instincts are to try to help the American people – as best he knows under the limitations people (undoubtedly) keep telling him he has to live with.
        That’s why I suspect there are so many articles in the past 4 years about Trump abandoning “norms.” I can’t ever remember hearing so much fucking whining by the media about “norms” as I have the last 4 years. But when you think of Trump as a biz guy, a political outsider, trying to deliver on his promises to the American people, and who has undoubtedly watched Repub and Dem presidents for decades do whatever the fuck they wanted while pissing on the Constitution and the People, Trump makes so much more sense. Of course he stomps all over “norms,” because he seems for what they’ve turned into: bullshit tools used by establishment hacks to keep their gravy train flowing. Hell, Trump was a part of the gravy train back when he was a real estate guy in NY. He knows exactly how fucking slimy politicians are.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Well, he was pox on both parties.

    • Chipwooder

      Hah! Tom Scocca was a particularly screechy leftist cunt at Deadspin years ago. Of course he ended up at Slate. Of course.

      “Murder”….get the fuck out of the roads and there won’t be any “murders”.

    • Grummun

      Property damage is already a criminal offense

      Meaningless if the police and prosecutors chose to do nothing about it.

      self-defense is already an accepted legal defense for causing others harm.

      Also meaningless if a prosecutor chooses to charge you, and then drive you into penury defending yourself.

      Bonus points, you’ll be an internet sensation, in the worst possible way. Good luck keeping your job.

      • leon

        Yup. They are making self defense criminal by process.

  12. KibbledKristen

    I would get a tat if I could figure out something that I would want on me for a lifetime. Also, I’m afraid of needles.

    But I have occasionally thought about getting an Elmer tattoo

    • KibbledKristen

      I’m correcting the Wiki article:

      The stories are suitable for early exploration of the themes and issues relating to the concept of diversity individualism.

    • Florida Man

      I’m with you sister. I like tattoos but I don’t care about anything enough to put in on me forever.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        There’s always a custom t-shirt.

      • Florida Man

        The cheaper smarter play.

        I love playing this game with friends:

        https://www.jackboxgames.com/tee-ko/

        Luckily they be longer sell the shirts or I would be broke.

    • Mojeaux

      With everybody and his dog getting tats, I’m a little discombobulated that I have one. It’s in a place no one sees it and for the most part, I forget it’s there. I got it as a trophy for an accomplishment but now it doesn’t feel very trophy-like.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Send a picture so we can judge you.

      • Tulip

        Heh. My dog actually has tattoos.

      • UnCivilServant

        Your dog’s a chef?

      • Ted S.

        No, a concentration camp survivor.

      • Agent Cooper

        No, he lives on Fantasy Island and has a cloning machine.

        Jeez.

    • Ownbestenemy

      It took me a long time to decide and its not for everyone. It wasn’t a strong desire until I was older (don’t know why). Mjölnir to represent my heritage and Odin’s ravens, Huginn and Muninn, for my two boys.

      Maybe when I am 90 I will regret it. I dunno.

      • Fourscore

        No tatts, no regrets

      • Ownbestenemy

        That would be No Ragrets my good man

      • Fourscore

        Ummm-ummm, ain’t that sumthin?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Odin!

    • Count Potato

      I almost got a tattoo a couple of times and glad I didn’t.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        THICC across your knuckles?

      • Mad Scientist

        No, it’s a tramp stamp that says “Thicc?”

    • Plisade

      My one and only tatt is of the obligatory Marine Corps variety.

      • Drake

        I never got quite drunk enough – would have gone for the Eagle, Globe, and Anchor or First Marine Division. In the National Guard, lots of former active Army types were wearing their combat unit patch on the left shoulder so I put a 1st Div patch on one of my uniforms.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        My Dad was 1st Marine, Salute!

      • Chipwooder

        I sometimes wish I had gotten a moto tat when I was in. Would be the height of lameness to get one now, though.

      • Drake

        Yep – why I’m tat free.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Why I got a Fender tat, my love will never die

      • db

        A Tatocaster?

    • Gdragon

      I have an ama-gi on one shoulder blade. And a dragon on the other one of course.

    • Apples and Knives

      Everybody said one day I’d regret getting that tattoo of OJ Simpson and Bill Cosby dressed like the Blues Brothers.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I larfed

      • TARDis

        Why get a tat you can only see in the mirror? I have two tats BTW. If there is a contest for lamest tat, I’ll be a finalist for sure. It’s funny in a sad kind of way. I don’t even see them anymore, haven’t for years. Until I “see” them. SMDH.

    • KibbledKristen

      Interesting. The county I live in also had a data breach recently.

    • leon

      Hey, their a public school, so i’m sure you could sue them and get to experience the joy of having sovereign immunity thrown in your face.

      • Ownbestenemy

        “National media outlets are reporting information regarding the data security incident CCSD first announced on Aug. 27, 2020. CCSD is working diligently to determine the full nature and scope of the incident and is cooperating with law enforcement. The District is unable to verify many of the claims in the media reports. As the investigation continues, CCSD will be individually notifying affected individuals.”

        Which I respect that maybe the media is wrong, but its nice to see you playing catch up with your PR CCSD. Maybe you should have stayed on top of the news cycle.

      • KibbledKristen

        My parents sued our high school school district LOL

        (it was for a breach of contract type thing…I think they settled. My parents hired a lawyer that was big on suing the school district)

  13. Rebel Scum

    Grasping. At. Straws.

    Pelosi said, “I’m an intelligent person, as you know and I do know that if there is a review of somebody if they’re going to be federally appointed to a job or whatever, if they have outstanding debt, that is an important factor, because that means somebody else has leverage over them. This president appears to have over $400 million in debt, $420 million, whatever it is, million dollars in debt. To whom? Different countries? What is the leverage they have? So for me, this is a national security question. In addition, to which it’s so strange that in 2017 the president paid $750 in federal taxes, and he paid over $300,000 in taxes to other countries that we know of. It may be more. So, again, let’s come back to — we take an oath to protect and defend. This president is a commander-in-chief. He has exposure to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars, to whom? The public has a right to know.”

    She added, “The question is what does Putin have on the president politically, personally, financially in every way that the president would try to undermine our commitment to NATO, give away the store to Russia, and Syria, try to cast blame on Ukraine for interfering in our elections when he knows full well with the consensus from the intelligence community that it is Russia. The list goes on and on. The annexation of Crimea, and the rest of that that the president turns away from. So, he says he likes Putin and Putin likes him. Well, what’s the connection? We’ll see.”

    Just go ahead and initiate another faux impeachment. You know you want to.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Anyone still pushing the Russia nonsense is either a lying piece of fucking shit or a retard and Pelosi’s many things but stupid isn’t one of them.

      • Fourscore

        “if they have outstanding debt, that is an important factor, because that means somebody else has leverage over them.”

        Right on, Nancy, now do countries…

    • Ted S.

      Do we really know Pelosi is intelligent?

    • Bobarian LMD

      “I’m an intelligent person, as you know…”

      I know no such thing.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Objection: facts not in evidence.

    • Random Hungover Asshole

      It seems to be undisputed that his tax filings were completely legal, so maybe Pelosi should complain to whoever makes the tax laws.

    • R C Dean

      I’m sure Nancy will be right at the front of the line to disclose the financial structure of her (and her husband’s) business dealings. He’s big in real estate, right? I don’t suppose he ever borrowed against any property. Its unheard of in real estate, after all.

      The old bat just can’t let Russia go. The idea that Trump is in cahoots with Putin only makes sense if you think Putin is Trump’s stooge, not the other way around.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      As you know, Shes intelligent
      Oh FFS!

    • Rhywun

      The question is what does Putin have on the president politically, personally, financially in every way

      The report said something like “no ties to Russia” but sure let’s run with that anyway. ?

    • Spartacus

      Yes, it was SO WRONG of Trump to sit back and let Russia annex the Crimea back in 2014.
      Morally reprehensible.

    • Hyperion

      Is she aware that taxes are based upon profits if you’re a business, and not gross revenue?

      I doubt it.

      Also, turn it over to the IRS and let them audit him. Oh, right, they already did that. Make SanFran Nan head of the IRS?

  14. The Late P Brooks

    This time, for sure

    The publication of the deeply reported article, based on more than two decades of his tax information obtained by The Times, comes just two days before the first presidential debate and 37 days before an election in which he is trailing Democrat Joe Biden. It poses a grave challenge to a presidency that we now know Trump may need to preserve to outrun creditors with hundreds of millions of dollars in loans soon coming due.

    Somebody had better do some serious jail time. Several somebodies. And if Trump’s crazy niece is one of them, all the better.

    • Ownbestenemy

      So now he needs to stay President to outrun creditors?

    • Hyperion

      Circling the wagons. This time for realz.

  15. Rebel Scum

    I reject your premise.

    Chuck Schumer

    A vote for Judge Amy Coney Barrett is a vote to eliminate health care for millions in the middle of a pandemic.

    Democrats are fighting for Americans’ health care.

    • The Other Kevin

      They’re still beating that dead horse. I just saw a Biden commercial. It had a mom who had a kid with cancer. “If Trump takes our health care, we won’t be able to afford medicine!” IOW, we can’t let Trump have a chance to do something he had 4 years to do, but didn’t.

    • Fourscore

      A friend told me those same words last night, that pre-existing conditions would no longer be covered. I asked if that was included in the BoR. He’s an NJ lawyer, about 77 and still working. Someone has to pay.

    • Rhywun

      Too bad your media arm’s criminal release of Donald’s (supposed) tax returns will probably motivate the Pubs to nominate her even more quickly.

      #owngoal

    • Hyperion

      “A vote for Judge Amy Coney Barrett is a vote to eliminate health care for millions in the middle of a pandemic.”

      Prove it. Because you can’t.

    • Florida Man

      Perfect. The bee is soon going to be my only news source.

    • Hyperion

      One day, we’re going to find out which one of you here are editor at the Bee. I mean, come on man, you horse face pony soldiers, here’s the thing, you know, the thing!

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      Judge Barrett’s husband told her, “Okay, you can go do your knitting club or whatever.”

      This is where I lost it.

      • Grumbletarian

        “End my hunger” did it for me.

    • The Other Kevin

      Seen on Twitter: “Just think of how far she could have gone if she didn’t belong to a cult that holds down women.”

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Trump says he will simply go on stage and say, “I cede my time to Joe Biden,” before calmly sitting down and watching in delight as Biden tries to maintain coherence for nearly two hours.

      “It’s a genius move, frankly,” said one political analyst. “There’s some real 4D chess going on over there in the White House. Or perhaps 7D Axis & Allies, or even 17D Diplomacy. The Biden campaign simply isn’t operating on Trump’s level.”

      That actually would be a winning strategy.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    Trump was a fuck you to the GOP.

    Flaming-Bag-of-Dogshit-on-Your-Porch-in Chief.

  17. prolefeed

    Homeopathy comes for our seltzer water! Parts per trillion.

    To give you an idea of how little one part in a trillion is: Take a reaaally big pile of white rice. Start in LA and lay them end to end so they touch. Keep on going until you get to NYC. Now, repeat this 500 times. Somewhere in this process, substitute a single grain of brown rice.

    That single grain of rice is one of a trillion grains you’ve lined up.

    That’s how retarded obsessing about one part in a trillion is.

    • leon

      Hmmm. Could you do the metaphor but with one drop of blood?

      / Both right and left wing racists.

    • Not Adahn

      Indica or Japonica rice?

      • Hyperion

        I heard the Sativa is good.

  18. Rebel Scum

    “Teacher” is asshole.

    A Colusa High School student exited his Zoom classroom early after a teacher threatened to reprimand him for displaying the Trump 2020 flag hanging on his bedroom wall.

    “Since school has begun, my son has had this Trump flag hanging in his background,” Tiffany, the student’s parent, said.

    Tiffany says her son’s high school chemistry teacher did not approve of the political statement and asked him in the middle of class to get rid of it.

    “You can sit up, remove the flag, or reposition your camera within the next 15 seconds or I’m kicking you out of class,” the teacher said during their virtual class.

    Tiffany says the teacher then began to count and did not make it to 10 before Tiffany’s son waved goodbye and exited the virtual classroom.

    • Brett L

      See, Rebel, see? These kids get out of the classroom and start thinking for themselves and acting like adults. Next he’ll have a job and pay taxes, and then he’ll be permanently lost to the liberal cause.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I bet you, somewhere in the teacher’s classroom is some type of political showing. I prescribe to the “time and place for everything” but yeah, teacher is asshole.

    • Fourscore

      Kid does well in math, too.

    • leon

      I bet all those kids in his class that saw that happen realize that it was all his fault, and see the teacher as a person speaking truth to power. They definatly wouldn’t ever see it as a crazy authoritarian bent of a teacher harassing one of her students.

      • Mad Scientist

        I had a few teachers in college who would interrupt the whole class to yell at someone about how they were being disruptive as they were quietly leaving. It was my impression that every student thought the only person being disruptive was the teacher.

      • TARDis

        Those are the kind of teachers who are not there to impart knowledge and wisdom. They are there because they couldn’t earn authority and control any other way.

  19. KibbledKristen

    Finally finishing the Tour dee France on my DVR, despite BEING SPOILED BY A GLIB (can’t remember who). I didn’t have much hope for this year, but I think it will end up being an all-time classic. I think Pogacar won 3 out of the 4 jerseys.

    • R C Dean

      Yeah, I can’t remember the last one that was this entertaining.

      Still can’t pronounce his name.

      • KibbledKristen

        I’d have to go back to Armstrong-Ulrich battles to remember a really great Tour.

        I do remember some individual stages, though. Like the time Thor Hushovd won a mountain stage in a solo breakaway.

    • grrizzly

      Wow. A week later. I have to avoid so many sites to be able to watch a soccer match without spoilers. No way I could wait more than one day.

      • KibbledKristen

        I knew who won THANKS TO BEING SPOILED, but I wanted to see the time trial and Champs Elysee

    • KibbledKristen

      I didn’t really like the TT being the last “real” stage, though. I think the TT should be in the middle. Or, they could have two TTs – one flat, one mountain.

    • KibbledKristen

      Phil Liggett is a master of commentary. When he retires, it will be a sad day for cycling. I’m glad he stayed on after Paul died.

    • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

      Alaphillipe won the World Championship yesterday. I hope that didn’t spoil it for you.

      • KibbledKristen

        I only watch the TdF…I’ve tried watching the Vuelta & Giro, but they’re not the same.

      • Ted S.

        Now you’ve gone and pissed off Rufus. 😉

    • The Gunslinger

      I think that was me. I did feel a little bad and I do apologize. In my defense though, how many people in the US are DVRing the tour de france to watch later? Probably can count them on one hand.

      • KibbledKristen

        LOL

    • UnCivilServant

      Some bicyclist in tight shorts won.

    • Ted S.

      Yes, you have to be thicc-headed to keep posting Demi Rose shit.

      • whiz

        That goes for the Daily Fail, too.

    • The Gunslinger

      Nope. Toned abs

  20. Broswater

    OT, and I need to glib a bit : They are doing everything they can to get another lockdown.

    I was at the work office today, (Approaching 40, bit of a middle life crisis, working on finding something I like where I can finally give back instead of taking)

    Full complete uber-retard mask theater.

    – Only one person in the elevator.

    – No 2 people in the same room unless somebody points a gun at the receptionist.

    – I was filling forms on a table, facing a wall, 2 meters away from the main door :”Could you put your mask on please sir?”

    The scared little shits in our governments have decided they enjoyed spending their days at home with full pay.

    And there is the stupid Karens that are scared of their shadows, that will happily make sure everyone complies.

    Oh and yes, I borrowed a pen, ”let’s not touch it for a few days….”

    They want their lockdown again, they will get it, it’s just a matter of time.

    • Ted S.

      I’m to the point that I’d think about locking all the media in their houses for 23 hours a day and turning off the transmitters of their TV stations/cable channels for the same 23 hours.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Everything for the Glib,
      Nothing outside of the Glib
      Glibertarians uber alles!

  21. Rebel Scum

    That’s not what the Constitution says.

    “U.S. Constitution provides one chance — one — for the Americans to have their voices heard on who serves a lifetime appointment on the Supreme Court, who makes those big decisions about their healthcare, their civil rights, and much else,” said Biden.

    “That chance is now. That moment is now. And the voters, in my view, are not gonna stand for this abuse of power. And if we’re to call ourselves a Democracy, their voices must be heard,” he added.

    I believe the term used in the Constitution regarding the appointment of scotus vacancies is the president “shall” appoint. Now the ball is in the Senate’s court.

    • R C Dean

      If I can track it down, someone did the lifting on SCOTUS appointments during the last year of a President’s term.

      With only a few exceptions, the pattern was that when the Senate is held by the same party as the President, then the vacancy gets filled, and when the Senate is held by the other party, it doesn’t. With multiple examples each way.

      • R C Dean

        Here you go:

        there have been 29 such vacancies, and presidents made nominations for all of them, in most cases promptly:

        In 19 cases, the president’s party held the Senate; 17 of the 19 vacancies were filled, the exceptions being the bipartisan filibuster against Lyndon Johnson’s nominees in 1968 and George Washington’s withdrawal and resubmission in the next Congress of a nominee who was ineligible to be confirmed (he’d voted to create the Court, and the Constitution made him wait until there was a new Congress seated). Nine of those 17 were confirmed before the election, and eight after. Three were confirmed in lame duck post-election sessions even though the president had just lost reelection.

        In ten cases, the party opposing the president held the Senate; only one of the ten got a nominee confirmed before the election, two were confirmed after the election when the president’s party won the election, and one (Dwight Eisenhower’s nomination of William Brennan) was a pre-election recess appointment that was confirmed by the new Senate in the new year after Eisenhower was reelected

      • leon

        That was McConnells reasoning when he got rid of Garland. Stupid or not they let that reasoning get away from them to the point that it looks hypocritical when he is doing it now (which maybe it is, though the situation _is_ different). I don’t know if it is really hypocritical to say “If we don’t like the person nominating the candidate, we won’t give them a look”, to me it is just politics.

      • Rebel Scum

        Look hypocritical all you want so long as you are playing by the actual rules. Personally, I don’t care about the reasoning, I care about what they actually have the authority to do. As far as nominating someone, the president has to do that. Barry did it. Now Trump did. And the Senate gets to confirm, deny, or ignore.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Yes, I have been comfortable in my position regarding Garland and now ACB. Rules were adhered to. Thems the breaks.

      • Rebel Scum

        I’ll add, that Dems, in their quest for power, have thrown out any semblance of norms or decency. Team Red needs to play by the rules being used against them. Ruthless politics*.

        *Within the bounds of legitimate authority of course. But when you have an advantage, use it.

      • ruodberht

        His reasoning was (I mean, you can see the exact words he used) that there would be a new president. That reasoning does not apply here, where Trump isn’t term-limited out.

        He’s not even being hypocritical. He SAID in 2016 “until we have a new president.”

      • R C Dean

        What’s funny is, GInsburg’s deathbed wish was to hold her seat vacant “until a new President is installed”.

        Meaning, if Trump wins this year, she wanted her seat to be vacant all through his second term.

        Norms!

      • Rhywun

        GInsburg’s deathbed wish

        Yeah… I’m still calling bullshit on that. Too pat.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Hey! Her granddaughter swears it is true! She even read it back to her on the deathbed to make sure it was right! How DARE YOU! 😉

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Who is we, and, what Democracy?

    • Ownbestenemy

      That is playing up the Leftist dream of ridding the country of the Senate. Why come Wisconsin gets just as big a say as California!

    • The Other Kevin

      After the Kavanaugh shit show, I have no sympathy for these people. They get what they deserve.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Not Bee!

    • db

      And when I say there is None, I mean there is Some.

    • Ownbestenemy

      As someone pointed out earlier, if there is no voter fraud, then why does the media and/or Dems get all up in arms when its brought up.

      • leon

        Same with any conspiracy theory. They get very upset when anyone questions the official story.

      • Ownbestenemy

        WTC Building 7 dude…look it up

      • dbleagle

        Hmmmmm. The one borough of NYC that has a GOP lean to it. Must be sheer coincidence.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        I thought that was Staten Island.

    • The Hyperbole

      So the claim is that someone intentionally removed the dash/slash between military and absentee because they figured that people would be confused and just not vote? Got to give ’em points for creativity there.

  22. db

    I posted this in the earlier afternoon thread, but it was at the end. Forgive the repost, please?

    A friend of mine whose daughter is in college in Alabama says that he and his wife just received a second mail-in ballot addressed to his daughter (here in PA).

    Any idea how multiple ballots would work? Are the voting systems smart enough to catch that a particular registered voter has already been recorded, in the case of mail-in ballots?

    With a messed-up, dragged-out, extended-mail-in-voting election, that threatens to put Bush-Gore 2000 to shame, would there be a greater or lesser chance of someone sneaking in multiple ballots under the same name? Or would the recounts actually serve to reduce this kind of fraud?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I had a friend who got two ballots and asked if she should vote twice, for Trump, I called bs on that and said No!

    • Ownbestenemy

      I get two ballots, every year, from two different states. I cannot for the love of God, get Los Angeles County to stop sending me absentee ballots (I signed up for them when I was in the military and that was my home of record). I have called and written and even sent a picture of my current registration in Nevada; they claim I have to go in person with a signed affidavit to get removed or some such.

      I also get a ballot from the State of Nevada, Clark County. I always burn my LA County ballot (no way I am just tossing it without destroying it).

      • leon

        California has been ordered to clean their roles by courts and still refused to do so.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Fun part? I haven’t voted nor lived in the State for over 17 years. Go figure.

      • db

        That’s messed up.

      • Count Potato

        Wow.

      • Rhywun

        I tried to change my party from “Independent” (i.e. none) to LP some time back. Two weeks later I got a form letter noting my change to Independent.

        I gotta figure the margin of error on elections is at least 10 or 15 percent.

      • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

        When I was in high school we learned that if you don’t vote for some number of consecutive elections, your name is automatically removed from the voter roles. I guess they don’t do that any more.

  23. KibbledKristen

    I saw a woman in South Dakota wearing one of these and it looked AMAZING. Of course, she was about 50lbs. skinnier than me.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      That’s Tacticute! Like Freddy Mercury does Rambo!

    • Mojeaux

      I have had that exact purse from that exact vendor for years and years and years. I adore that thing. Sadly, I am too poor. And too fat.

      • Mojeaux

        vendor ON MY WISH LIST* for

      • KibbledKristen

        I just bought one…gave them my fat person measurements LOL

    • Unreconstructed

      And you didn’t take pictures for us?

  24. The Late P Brooks

    After the Kavanaugh shit show, I have no sympathy for these people. They get what they deserve.

    *uptwinkles*

    • Ownbestenemy

      Ahahahaha

    • blackjack

      I will tell you this, partly because of the heatwave stuff and partly because of the masks, I’m certain that the local women are dressing way sluttier than they used to. This is L.A. and slutty is a type around here, but man, I feel like I should give some of them dollar bills just shopping at the grocery store. I think it’s the masks.

  25. hayeksplosives

    Overheard at the office today: 2 engineers in masks in the hall passing by my office door. One guy mutters, “Wait until a turtle chokes on a mask. Then we’ll see the real fun begin.”

    • Ownbestenemy

      Now that is funny.

    • leon

      :snort: That’s funny, especially since both “social distancing” and “straw bans” began with Science fair projects.

    • KibbledKristen

      LOL

    • db

      Pacific Mask Vortex

    • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

      It shouldn’t be hard to Photoshop that to get the ball rolling.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    Remington breakup

    The biggest buy revealed so far is Vista Outdoor Inc.’s purchase of Remington’s Lonoke ammunition business, at $81.4 million.

    I didn’t buy nearly enough VSTO, last spring. Dammit.

    • leon

      Buying an ammunition business on fire-sale discount seems like printing money ATM.

      • Drake

        As long as the raw materials are available.

    • KibbledKristen

      That is…insane

      • Ownbestenemy

        What was insane is they researched it, with sources, to come to the conclusion it was satire. I mean, what in the actually hell. Is that to make it seem they always do so in their other stories?

      • KibbledKristen

        I mean, do they live, like, in the world?

        I’m gonna be generous and say they needed content – any content.

    • The Gunslinger

      FTA. Their fact checking work is funded in part by a grant from Facebook.

  27. Yusef drives a Kia

    I registered to vote today, R, and feel secure enough to get some Trump stickers for the van, Fuck it, let’s get it on.

    I also bought

  28. The Late P Brooks

    Land of milk and honey

    Billionaire bond fund manager Jeffrey Gundlach is considering packing his bags to escape the “incompetent governance” of California.

    “Elon Musk, Joe Rogan and Ben Shapiro, to name just a few, are leaving California to escape incompetent governance,” Gundlach tweeted on Saturday evening. “The ‘response’ from Sacramento? Wealth and massive income tax increases on job creators (AKA ‘the wealthy’).”

    Gundlach, who did not immediately respond to FOX Business’ request for additional comment, has an estimated net worth of $2.2 billion, per Forbes. His firm, DoubleLine Capital, has more than $137 billion in assets under management.

    While Gundlach hasn’t said where he is considering relocating, on Sunday evening he tweeted a picture of himself wearing a cowboy hat.

    Other wealthy Californians have already announced their departures from the Golden State after legislators last month proposed a 0.4% wealth tax on anyone who has a net worth of $30 million or more. The tax would also apply to former residents for 10 years before phasing out completely.

    An additional proposal would raise the state’s top income tax rate to 16.8%, up from 13.3%.

    I’ve got a little piece of Big Sky Country I’d be happy to sell him.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      An extra 10 years? Good luck with that

      • R C Dean

        One would hope that won’t survive judicial review.

        I mean, Roberts will vote to uphold, of course. But there should be five other Justices who vote to overturn.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Emigrotax

      • Rhywun

        Migro, please.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Well, you never know. Whoever is pulling his strings might be subject to this nasty little tax themselves.

      • The Other Kevin

        Wow, really? You’re supposed to obey the laws of a state 10 years after you’ve lived there?

      • R C Dean

        Businesses have to pay sales taxes in states where they have no physical presence. Why should the fact that a person has no physical presence in a state prevent the state from collecting income and wealth taxes from that person?

    • Drake

      I lived in Playa del Rey in the 90s – cheap apartment next to a rich neighborhood. Even back then half the cars in the driveways had AZ, NV, or UT plates.

    • B.P.

      “The tax would also apply to former residents for 10 years before phasing out completely.”

      Come and take it.

      • Drake

        Blatantly unconstitutional.

    • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

      Oh yeah, well we don’t need your tax money anyway, man.

  29. Semi-Spartan Dad

    My wife went to a funeral recently for a kid who was something like 9 years old. At the funeral home, there was plexiglass barriers separating the family off, taped X’s every six feet for people to stand in the receiving lines, and signs everywhere warning people that hugging or any contact at all between mourners would not be tolerated. I assume there were similar restrictions preventing visitors for this poor child when he was in the hospital.

    What the fuck has happened to our country? The main discussion focus is usually on retail businesses, but the impact of this hysteria and power grab on those dying and the family of the deceased saddens me the most.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      mass social cowardice. Two and a half generations taught that they are the center of the universe results in a whole lot of cowards who care only about the panic they feel.

      • KibbledKristen

        Can’t wait to get the ‘Vid from walking around South Dakota like a normal person.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Sister got the video, respirator, the whole nine, shes fine, except her hair fell out, now look weird with my long hair and her butch cut, it’s coming back full though,

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        The vid, dammit!

      • KibbledKristen

        I’m very sure I’ve already been exposed to it many times over.

      • R C Dean

        I’ve never heard of someone losing their hair because they were sick with the ‘Vid.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        It is growing back just fine, but it is a thing,

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        The panic is a sign of validation. If you’re panicked, you must be a victim, and being a victim is a desired social status

    • Ownbestenemy

      One could say hysteria and over reaction, others could say its social conditioning to isolate us and make us fear even our own family members.

    • Tundra

      Awful.

      What the fuck has happened to our country?

      We got weak.

    • Mojeaux

      What the fuck has happened to our country?

      Affluenza.

      • TARDis

        I was trying to think of a better single word response, but I think you nailed it.

    • DEG

      Fucking sad.

      Did anyone break the rules and hug the kid’s parents?

    • Fourscore

      I went to an internment (ashes only) at the local cemetery, about 25-30 people, only a couple masks. No social distancing. Hugs all around for the widow. A week later we hosted a get together of 30-35 people, no masks (2) and no social distancing. I shook a lot of Glibs’ hands that day. AFAIK no setbacks.

    • Ownbestenemy

      This part really got me, more than the initial order.

      “Designation as an ‘essential worker’ is not sufficient reason to be granted an exemption, nor is a negative test for the COVID-19 virus,” the health department said.”

      The fact that these college kids are just taking it and going with it, makes me even less optimistic for the future.

    • R C Dean

      Gatherings of more than two persons within the city of Boulder that include any person or persons between the ages of 18 and 22 years are prohibited. Two persons gathered together must follow all public health laws and orders concerning Face Coverings and must comply with Social Distancing Requirements whenever possible

      If one person aged 18-22 is in a “gathering” of more than two persons, that gathering is illegal and must be broken up. Note that the prohibition applies even if “social distancing” and masks are deployed, or make an exception for living arrangements. “Gathering” is conveniently undefined.

      This would effectively bar anyone in that age range from holding a job, taking public transportation, having an in-person conversation, going to a store or restaurant, etc. ad infinitum. If there are two people on a bus, an 18-22 year old can’t get on, and so forth.

    • Rhywun

      I don’t get it. What is the stated motivation for this?

      • Fatty Bolger

        The kids were scared to be alone, so they’re allowed to have a safety buddy now. Everybody else is still on their own.

      • Fatty Bolger

        That’s not sarcasm, by the way. That’s the actual stated reason.

      • Rhywun

        Wait the fuck up. Are you telling me that everyone else is banned from “gathering” entirely?

      • R C Dean

        No gathering of more than two people can have a person between the age of 18 -22.

        If I’m talking to a nurse manager, and a 22 year old nurse walks up, that is an illegal gathering. Of course, this is a ridiculous example, because no 22 year old could possibly work as a nurse under this requirement. I’m not sure how they could work in any job that wasn’t WFH.

        It also means that if a female 22 year old wants an escort to her car in the parking lot, whoever escorts her can only escort her, and not anyone else who wants an escort to the parking lot.

      • Rhywun

        I must be drunk because none of that makes any sense.

      • Ted S.

        It’s not supposed to. It’s a way for the authorities to harass disfavored people.

      • B.P.

        Well, see, the senior prom is coming up, and some upstart wants to end the ordinance that bans dancing.

        No wait, there’s been an upswing in coronavirus in Boulder because the youngsters just won’t stay away from each other. Illegal parties have been happening. Probably with rock music.

  30. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Sorry to be gross, but in the continuing saga of Scruffy Stones, I just did myself

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      OFFS

      just rid myself of all stomach contents. That uroxatral is some nasty stuff.

      • Unreconstructed

        Doing yourself made you barf? Talk about self loathing!

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It’s not hard to hate myself at the moment. I hurt, I smell bad, etc…

      • Cy

        At this point, are you sure it’s not hard?

    • KibbledKristen

      I just did myself

      You dudes really can masturbate under any circumstances, can’t you?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Uncommon side effects of uroxatral include priapism.

      • db

        “And, Nurse–Keep an eye on that priapism.”

        “Oh, I *will*, Doctor.”

      • Ted S.

        Oh it’s twoo, it’s *twoo*.

      • Ted S.

        I figured he was going to say that he wet himself.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        That’s probably next.

      • Ted S.

        Hawt.

    • DEG

      Sorry.

  31. The Late P Brooks

    What the fuck has happened to our country? The main discussion focus is usually on retail businesses, but the impact of this hysteria and power grab on those dying and the family of the deceased saddens me the most.

    It’s shameful.

  32. The Late P Brooks

    I think California should just claim everyone in America is subject to California income and wealth taxes. The nation couldn’t survive without them.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      California, a great place to be From…
      It wasn’t always this way

      • whiz

        It used to be a nice place to visit, but that is becoming less so all the time. Living there … no way!

    • Sean

      Is that a legit site?

      • whiz

        Well, one of their related articles they link to is also mentioned here.

    • Not Adahn

      Illegal ballot harvesting in Texas? Those filthy cheating Republicans!

  33. Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

    We had some of my coworkers over for a BBQ this weekend. For some of them it was their first in-person social gathering since the lockdown. Sad.

    • Rhywun

      Other than a couple spells in the hospital and doctor visits I haven’t interacted with anyone in person for months.

      • Cy

        And Russia never wired Hunter Biden millions of dollars.

        I can’t wait for the ‘trunks full of ballots.’

    • Ted S.

      The New York Times asserted — without proof — that Trump was underpaying his taxes.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      He has claimed — without proof — that voting by mail will be rife with fraud.

      Can I assume, from this phrasing, that there’s evidence, just not what the writer would consider proof?

  34. DEG

    The KSP report says that “due to limited markings of comparative value,” the 9mm bullet that hit and exited Mattingly was neither “identified nor eliminated as having been fired” from Walker’s gun.

    Cameron said Hankison had been eliminated as the shooter because the three officers carried .40-caliber handguns, while Walker had a 9.

    Wednesday night on CNN, Steven Romines, one of Walker’s attorneys, said he obtained a Louisville Metro Police Department record showing Hankison had been issued a 9mm weapon as well.

    What a shitshow.

    • Fatty Bolger

      There’s also the bodycams, which they weren’t wearing, even though there is video and photographs showing at least two of them wearing them. But I’m sure they would have malfunctioned anyway, so it’s all good.

      • R C Dean

        even though there is video and photographs showing at least two of them wearing them.

        Linky?

      • Fatty Bolger

        Wikipedia: The Louisville police claimed that none of the officers were wearing body cameras, as all three were plainclothes narcotics officers.[34] On September 4, several news sources including The Courier-Journal, reported that photographs of police officers taken late that day showed that at least one wore a body camera. In the later photographs, one of the officers who fired his weapon, Myles Cosgrove, was wearing a mount for a body camera; another detective who was present wore a body camera, although it is not known whether it was active.[53][54]

        New Photos Show at Least One Cop in Deadly Breonna Taylor Raid Was Wearing a Body Camera

        Breonna Taylor shooting: 1,200-plus new crime scene photos tell a story of a chaotic night

        I also saw something about the body camera footage for one of the cops who responded to the shooting showing the body camera worn by one of the involved cops. Don’t have a link handy, though.

      • R C Dean

        If those pictures of the cops were taken at the scene (and it seems they were), then that’s pretty effing definitive.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        If all true, the police dept and the AGs office should be wiped clean.

  35. Yusef drives a Kia

    Because you guys might care,
    Wendy used to call me her little machine,
    Just membering

    • TARDis

      Membering? Heh!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        hmm, phrasing I guess….

    • commodious spittoon

      Some votes are so safe and so secure they could be double or triple-counted, or more!

    • Ted S.

      Government is bought because it’s big.

    • Mad Scientist

      “There’s one thing Americans can agree on: we value democracy.”

      And I’m out.

    • commodious spittoon

      People @EmmaRitch follows or mentioned can reply.

      lolol

      I wonder how long that gimmick will last before people realize their cloistered tweets garner next to no engagement, while people retweeting her are racking up thousands of replies and retweets. People go to Twitter for the brawls, they’re not there to be edified.

      • Rhywun

        Mine says “You can reply” above that. Um… OK.

      • commodious spittoon

        Mine does too, but I’m not logged in.

      • Rhywun

        I don’t have a Tweeter account.

      • commodious spittoon

        I don’t either.

        I also see “You can’t view this tweet” or something similar every time I click a link for the first time, so Twitter being Twitter, I guess.

      • Rhywun

        Shit, I thought that was either my ad blocker or Safari doing its thing!

        God I hate that site.

    • Rhywun

      “misogynist conspiracy Gamergate”

      And… I’m out.

      • Count Potato

        But it gets worse!

    • Rhywun

      Sigh. The preview looked right.

    • But Enough About My Weird Culinary Fantasies

      It astounds me that people buy that dreck. The spousal unit and I were on a train to Barcelona from Paris two years ago and some douche was reading the book “Thanks, Obama” across the aisle from me. Yes, he (and his weedy wife) looked exactly like you’d expect. The perfect instantiation of the decline of Western civilization in human form.

      • UnCivilServant

        I only ever hear that phrase as a sarcastic enjoinder. Are there people who’ve sincerely thanked him?

      • Rhywun

        And there’s a book about it?!

      • whiz

        Written by David Litt, Obama speechwriter. New York Times bestseller, no less, or so its paperback version says on its cover.

  36. RAHeinlein

    My son’s have received multiple hand-written post-cards that trash the incumbent Republican Senator (Joni Ernst) and encourage them to VOTE her out. Post-marks are all from California.

    • westernsloper

      How do people in CA know your sons addresses?

      • RAHeinlein

        Voter registration rolls.

      • UnCivilServant

        Are those like egg rolls or spring rolls?

        😛

      • westernsloper

        Your sons are registered Democrat?

      • RAHeinlein

        No – it appears they targeting young, Republican voters.

    • whiz

      I just got an email from an outfit called “inkling News” that was clearly a pro-Greenfield (anti-Ernst) group; they are based in Washington state.

      I unsubscribed, and they asked why, giving five choices (you can only choose one) : 1) I did not subscribe to this, 2) this is inappropriate, 3) I no longer want to receive these emails, 4) these emails are spam and should be reported, and 5) other — fill in reason below. I chose 5), and said “all of the above”.

    • But Enough About My Weird Culinary Fantasies

      Worse.

      Us whiteys are convinced that black people can’t even cook!

      (I hate this world right now.)

      • Rhywun

        Uncle Ben’s will now be known as Ben’s Original

        I… can’t even.

        The people who see a depiction of a black person in advertising and don’t immediately leap to “slavery” are the not-racists.

      • Rhywun

        Well, I screwed that up.

        I suppose I should lay off the sauce.

      • Hyperion

        Ben’s original football team?

    • mikey

      No, white supremisists can’t stand the sight of darkies.
      Richard Spencer has switched parties.

      • Hyperion

        Just the other day, our little granddaughter picked up a box of that Uncle Ben’s rice in the pantry, saw that darkie on the box, stared at it wide eyed for a few seconds, screamed, threw it straight up in the air, it hit the ceiling I swear! The she ran away crying! We were picking up rice all afternoon! Someone had to do something! For the children!

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Because the Marketing/PR department is full of cowardly shitheels.

    • Hyperion

      Only if democrats help them.

  37. westernsloper

    For now, I am going to sit in front of my fridge, blankly stare at my unopened seltzer cans, and wonder how many more meltdowns my shriveled husk can handle this week.

    Hate to tell you girl everything might kill you. And if everything doesn’t, that one thing will.

    • Mad Scientist

      No one better tell her that stressing out over petty bullshit will also shorten your life.

    • Rhywun

      “And I was just about to drink ten thousand cans of seltzer tonight. Whew! Dodged that bullet.”

  38. mikey

    We all know this Trump is a Putin puppet is BS, but c’mon man. If Putin owned Trump the first thing he would have Two Scoops do is to ban fracking. Low oil prices helped destroy the USSR and they’re hurting Russia which still can’t make anything that anyone wants to buy.

    • Ted S.

      They can make mail-order brides.

    • commodious spittoon

      It’s Putin’s hundred-year plan to destroy the United States via global warming.

    • Rhywun

      the first thing he would have Two Scoops do is to ban fracking

      1000x this.

      Why do you think Cuomo and friends are all over this?

  39. Tundra

    Epic butt-hurt incoming!

    Outrage as Whole Foods CEO Says Ignorance and Poor Choices Cause Obesity

    When journalist David Gelles mentioned issues around access and affordability as a reason why people eat unhealthy foods, the Whole Foods CEO said: “In some sense, we’re all food addicts. We love things that are rich, that are sweet. We love ice cream. We love popcorn. We love French fried potatoes. And the market is providing people what they want.

    “I don’t think there’s an access problem. I think there’s a market demand problem. People have got to become wiser about their food choices. And if people want different foods, the market will provide it.”

    The freakout is hilarious. I remember Warty’s diet advice: “Don’t want to be a fat fuck? Stop eating fat fuck foods.”

    • Rhywun

      Nice.

      I’m in a bit of a fat-fuck food rut myself.

      • westernsloper

        I love fat fuck food. Hell, my dream is to run a food truck and work for myself. Might name it Fat Fucks Food.