The Hat and The Hair Expanded Universe: Kamala

by | Sep 9, 2020 | Hat and Hair, Joemala, SugarFree | 247 comments

 

“I didn’t suck Willie Brown’s herpes-riddled dick for two years to be told no!” Kamala screamed into the phone and then snapped it shut. She threw it at a patch of tastefully exposed brick in her campaign showroom and it shattered, the pieces raining to the floor. The aide behind her tore open the package of another burner and set it on the desk.

“Alright, get them in here,” Kamala grumbled.

The aide waved the campaign’s social media influencers into the room, grimacing as they fell over each other like puppies: eager, bright, blonde, and prone to pissing when excited. They gripped their phones and tossed their hair about trying to take the perfect selfie.

“Sit down,” Kamala ordered. “No selfies in here, dammit. I told you that already.” They whined with disappointment and finally sat down and started scrolling on their phones

“What’s happening,” Kamala demanded. “Give me information.”

“Instagram followers are up,” said Astra. “And I have a yeast infection.”

“Just stick to business,” Kamala said, squirming her seat, echoes of yeast infections past.

“#yeastinfection is trending,” Kayleighburrow said brightly, widening her surgically-enlarged irises. “Twitter will be talking about discharge all day!”

“How is Black Twitter?” Kamala asked.

Seresto, her thin blonde hair in sloppy bantu knots, looked up. “Demands for bikini shots are way up. Way, way up. But they might be Russians pretending to be white people pretending to be Black people on Black Twitter. Massa Dorsey said he’s looking into it.”

“Goddamn it,” Kamala said. “Those better not leak.”

“I bet you look fierce,” Astra said.

“Oh, and I don’t have a yeast infection,” Seresto said and make a show of moving her chair away from Astra slightly.

“I don’t either!” Kayleighburrow protested loudly into the higher octaves.

“Can we at least take a mask selfie?” the three asked.

“What about the shoes? Did they work?” Kamala asked.

“Shoes?” they asked.

“These stupid things!” she said, slamming her pair of signature Converse on the table.

“Fashion,” Astra said knowingly. “So fashion.”

“A good bump in the favorable demos,” Seresto said. “White female journalists under 50, gay Black men in Florida, the Chinese factory where they are made, White female journalists over 40, divorced suicidal fast-food workers, all up.”

Astra’s hand shot up.

“Yes?” Kamala asked archly.

“I have a lot of discharge,” Astra said. “Can I go to the bathroom?”

“You don’t have to raise your hand.”

“It’s like cottage cheese down there,” Astra said.

“Go, just go,” Kamala said wearily. Astra clattered out of the office on wood-soled mules.

“What about cop memes?” Kamala asked, “Are we keeping on top of the damn cop memes?”

“Three hundred accounts banned over the long weekend, two hundred more pending,” Kayleighburrow said.

“Everyone of them, I don’t want to see another one!”

“Yes, ma’am,” the two influencers mumbled.

“Don’t call me ma’am!” Kamala screamed, throwing the unused phone against the brick wall, and then held her hand up for another.

“Out!” Kamala yelled, “Out, out, out!”

They stumbled away, crunching phone pieces under painfully high heels, and beginning to cry.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

247 Comments

  1. limey

    Ew. Thanks, SF. My sides hurt as usual. Definitely a side effect worth the risk.

  2. KibbledKristen

    Cottage cheese craving suddenly wanes

    • Tundra

      Hmmm. Sounds dare-worthy to me.

      Just make sure and go with the full fat version.

      • KibbledKristen

        Always!

    • Count Potato

      Why would anyone crave cottage cheese?

      • Tundra

        Tasty with an excellent fat profile?

      • Count Potato

        I don’t remember it tasting of anything.

      • EvilSheldon

        *obnoxious gagging noises*

      • juris imprudent

        Nothing with that texture will ever be tasty.

      • SugarFree

        Astra is crushed.

      • juris imprudent

        Get that girl some Monistat! Then she can check back in a week.

      • TARDIS

        Delicious lumpy milk. (Large curd only)

        Add fruit and viola healthyish breakfast.

        Of course, I will think of SF from now on.

      • KibbledKristen

        Cottage cheese on avocado (avo sprinkled with a little lemon juice)

        Cottage cheese + beaners & weens (wieners & beans for those of you not from my family)

        Cottage cheese straight outta the carton

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        cottage cheese + lowry’s seasoned salt

        cottage cheese + pineapples

      • UnCivilServant

        cottage cheese + fried lo mein noodles.

      • Fourscore

        This lady gets it. Actually good on peaches, pears, etc (and good for you)

      • kbolino

        I’m partial to Mrs. Dash over seasoned salt, partly because there’s a lot of salt in cottage cheese anyway.

      • Gustave Lytton

        cottage cheese + pineapples

        Nixon’s last meal (lunch) as President. Also, delicious.

      • commodious spittoon

        I enjoy cottage cheese with a splash of pickle brine.

      • Not Adahn

        It makes an excellent dip for triscuts. Also ridiculously high in protein.

      • Akira

        Also ridiculously high in protein.

        That’s the only reason I choke it down. And it’s casein protein, which digests very slowly and keeps you full for a long time.

        The one way I actually like it is smeared on some wholegrain toast with Marmite.

      • l0b0t

        I like to add a big dollop to baked mac & cheese, or a big dollop to a pancake batter. It’s also delicious topped with a little honey.

      • Akira

        Yea, I could see how it could be good as an ingredient in other things with strong flavors. I even tried using it in place of ricotta in cottage cheese (with watery results, unfortunately – I may need to blend it first and then add egg whites for binding).

      • Hyperion

        lt’s one of the most god awful things ever. Right up there with rice pudding and green jello with carrots. Blech!

      • Fourscore

        You know how to hurt a MN guy.

        Growing up faves

      • Hyperion

        Jeebus, 4score, I’m sorry you had to eat public school lunches, no one deserves that.

      • Rhywun

        I like it but I have to load it up with spices/salt/pepper/etc.

    • juris imprudent

      Pineapple on pizza isn’t half as gag inducing as that gawdawful dairy abomination.

      • Hyperion

        There are 2 things that should not be on pizza. I mean there are a lot of things that should not be on pizza, but I’m talking about things that are typically put on pizza that should never be. Pineapple and broccoli, not for pizza.

      • Not Adahn

        Broccoli is a perfect topping for pizza, and improved with the addition of sausage.

      • Hyperion

        Ewww. And I love broccoli, just not on pizza.

      • Not Adahn

        It’s like broccoli fra diavolo, only handheld.

      • Apples and Knives

        The only good broccoli is Chinese stir-fry broccoli.

    • kbolino

      On the topic of cottage cheese, is it just me or has Breakstones gone downhill? They were my go-to for a while but now it just tastes… off. When I can get it, Daisy is good, and sometimes store brand is good, but it used to be that Breakstones was a solid if somewhat expensive choice.

      • KibbledKristen

        I have a definite preference for Safeway brand (Lucerne) and Giant brand. Breakstone’s is grainy

      • kbolino

        Oddly, there are no Safeways anywhere near me. Just local (Giant) and regional (Food Lion) chains. As far as national chains go, there used to be a Shoppers nearby but it’s moved.

      • kbolino

        Of course, Walmart is probably more people’s grocery store now than any actual grocery chain.

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t trust food from WalMart.

        Of course, I don’t trust any products from WalMart.

      • kbolino

        Walmart has two big deficiencies, they have a fuckton of turnover and indifference in the bottom ranks, and they are really terrible at automatically managing inventory. When I go to my local Walmart for hygeine supplies, they are always out of stock for at least 2 of the body wash, shampoo, deodorant, toothpaste, and floss I like, whereas target always has them all in stock. As a consequence of nearly always being out, when they do get them in stock somebody comes by and buys them all at once, so they then stay out of stock for another few weeks. A simple inventory check should catch this, but alas that requires people to have the time and concern to do an inventory check.

        I worked for Walmart for a couple of years. They’re generally no worse than any other retailer as concerns food safety. However, every store is different, and even different teams within the same store are different. The day team for food took food safety seriously. The overnight team, on the other hand, thought nothing of leaving pallets of frozen food in the middle of the aisle all night.

      • grrizzly

        local (Giant)

        Try international. Owned by a Dutch-Belgian multinational.

      • grrizzly

        And Food Lion is owned by the same company.

      • kbolino

        True, but talk to somebody from the Midwest or New England about going to Giant or Food Lion and they won’t know what you mean.

      • l0b0t

        IIRC – my Dutch overlords own 1305 supermarkets on 3 continents and had a net profit in 2019 of around $1.5 billion.

      • grrizzly

        I’m sort of an expert on grocery stores in more ways than one. So, I’ve heard of them.

      • Mojeaux

        True. Other than Walmart and Aldi, we have Price Chopper (local chain, not the other one) and HyVee. Not a Kroger, Food Lion, Giant, Safeway, etc etc etc to be found.

      • l0b0t

        Those are my Dutch Masters as well (I toil for Stop & Shop). About a third of the stores in the US are Giant, and a third S&S; S&S is fully unionized, Giant is not. Board meetings must be fun.

      • kbolino

        The other Giant, Giant-Landover, the Maryland one, is unionized (UFCW). Surprisingly they’re not terrible.

      • Rhywun

        I only buy Friendship – possibly local since it’s from upstate NY. Same with sour cream.

        Happily, they’re both better than the more well-known brands.

      • Fourscore

        Always go with the large curd, 4 %

      • KibbledKristen

        ayup…or, in Minnesota-speak: you betchya

      • Gustave Lytton

        Daisy is decent, but like their sour cream, lacks flavor. The problem with cottage cheese, like most processed dairy products (ice cream, sour cream, cream cheese) is most now have additives and fillers- guar gum, carrageenan, locust bean, etc. All crap and ruins the traditional flavors and textures.

      • KibbledKristen

        Daisy is my preferred brand because it’s ONLY cream

      • UnCivilServant

        Daisy had a phenominally annoying ad campaign, so I put them on permanant boycott.

      • Mojeaux

        We only buy Daisy.

      • KibbledKristen

        (preferred sour cream brand, that is. Never tried their cottage cheese)

      • Not Adahn

        I heard (or maybe read) something about how cottage cheese consumption is way down as yogurt consumption has gone up, but that dairies are fine with this because yogurt is much easier to make than cottage cheese.

  3. leon

    Look what Cardi B has done to Kamala’s Social Media Team.

    • limey

      Now if ever anyone had a lot of discharge…

    • Idle Hands

      lol. On another note how am I just finding out today ben shapiro has a sister?

      • KibbledKristen

        Did you know his wife is a DOCTOR????

    • Rhywun

      Giant breast implants?

      /trying to keep it family-friendly around here

  4. Rebel Scum

    “I have a lot of discharge,” Astra said. “Can I go to the bathroom?”

    “You don’t have to raise your hand.”

    “It’s like cottage cheese down there,” Astra said.

    Ew.

    • AlexinCT

      Dated that once or twice…

      • limey

        Ah yes, the tuna melt. No thanks.

      • R C Dean

        Dayum, limey.

  5. The Late P Brooks

    Our best. Our brightest.

  6. Tundra

    They stumbled away, crunching phone pieces under painful high heels, and beginning to cry.

    I have no idea how you do it, but your closes are fucking sublime.

  7. leon

    “Oh, and I don’t have a yeast infection,” Seresto said and make a show of moving her chair away from Astra slightly.

    Way to other Astra there Seresto.

  8. Count Potato

    “echoes of yeast infections past”

    How Dickensian.

  9. Spudalicious

    Good thing I didn’t order cottage cheese for breakfast.

  10. leon

    “A good bump in the favorable demos,” Seresto said. “White female journalists under 50, gay Black men in Florida, the Chinese factory where they are made, White female journalists over 30, divorced suicidal fast-food workers, all up.”

    So they have Disney in the bag.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      *golf clap*

    • invisible finger

      Long-term physical, sure.

      Long-term financial relationships we leave up to the justice system. But you have to start somewhere.

    • Idle Hands

      I’ve known quite a few people married from tinder michelle. How bout sitting the fuck down instead of pretending you know everything because you married well.

      • banginglc1

        I’m in a long term relationship from Tinder. But I guess I need to end it because Michelle said so. It started with a message exactly one year ago today.

      • Mad Scientist

        Happy anniversary!

      • Chafed

        And the message was…?

  11. Chipwooder

    Always, always eat before a new H&H.

    Particularly the Expanded Universe.

    • juris imprudent

      C’mon, you can choke it down.

      • zwak

        Kamala did!

      • Chipwooder

        BING!

  12. EvilSheldon

    Underwater knife fight between Kammy and Michelle – who wins?

    • SugarFree

      Toss-up. Michelle is stronger, but Wookies don’t swim well.

      • CPRM

        They get weighed down by all the fur.

    • Tundra

      The United States.

      • juris imprudent

        Only if neither one surfaces.

      • AlexinCT

        I believe that’s what he was alluding to…

    • juris imprudent

      SEA SMITH LIKE THREESOME!

    • Pope Jimbo

      Underwater? Why not use the old rules from the WWWF Grudge Match between Tarzan and Aquaman?

      A strong, salty breeze whisks over the pre-dawn sandy beaches on the southeastern coast of Madagascar. Two dark figures walk towards each other, both approaching a third dark figure. As the sun breaks over the cloudless horizon, the early morning light reveals Tarzan, draped in a leopard skin, and Aquaman, in his trademark figure-hugging orange and green tights. In between them stands John James Audubon, the referee who’s decisions are ultimate and final. Both men must grapple hand-to-hand to the death in the surf, between two and four feet of water at all times (unless thrown or dragged out of this zone in which case they must attempt to return to the zone as quickly as possible as judged by Mr. Audubon). Both men retain their animal communication skills. Who survives and how many animals are slaughtered in this coastal melee?

    • Not Adahn

      What species of sharks are nearby?

      • EvilSheldon

        Hilary is the ref.

    • commodious spittoon
  13. Sean

    Poor Astra.

    • AlexinCT

      Her parents didn’t hate her enough to just name her Star?

  14. CPRM

    My Kamala drawing is pretty basic, cuz I just made it for the enemies board. Kind of scary I might have to redo it.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Kind of a Michelle vibe

      • kbolino

        Or a darker-skinned AOC

    • SugarFree

      The skin tone needs more morgue grey in it. And the face needs a little more bitch-ass horse.

      But we need a DNC ticket graphic for our projects.

  15. Idle Hands

    Can I get a character explanation for some of these side characters? who is astra?

    • Tundra

      Third paragraph. Insta-whore.

    • R C Dean

      Extras. Redshirts. You know, nobodies.

  16. Rebel Scum

    The past is always changing.

    CNN appears to have altered a widely-seen photograph of Joe Biden with his young son to remove the logo of the Washington Redskins.

    The Democratic nominee and former vice president initially shared the photo in June to commemorate Father’s Day.

    • leon

      I WAS PROMISED APPLES BEING CALLED APPLES!

      Yesterday Tucker was talking about some soundbites they had from CNN talking to Michael Cohen and Jeff Zucker. Zucker was telling Cohen that no one gets to be president without CNN. It really explained why CNN hates trump so bad.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        The old saying was never get in a fight with someone who buys ink by the barrel. Those rules don’t apply anymore as Trump has completely blown up that model. It explains in part why legacy news in general hates him so much.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Trump leveraged social media, which is killing the previous media gatekeepers.

      • kbolino

        The media gatekeepers should have already died off. They found a wellspring of funds somewhere and have been living on life support for about a decade. This has also allowed them to exert pressure on social media and Internet infrastructure to reduce competition.

      • Chipwooder

        He did, and he was also in a unique position given the pervasive name recognition he had prior to running for office. People who don’t follow politics knew who Donald Trump is.

    • Nephilium

      Man, I can’t wait to watch Football Team play the Browns on the 27th.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Browns? RACIST

    • EvilSheldon

      Next do the history books!

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Have CNN’s ratings done anything other than slide under Zucker’s leadership?

      How the hell does that asshat still have a job?

    • Hyperion

      Someone could have seen that injun image, been triggered and seriously injured while running around in a panic. CNN are responsible news that you can trust, trigger free news.

    • blackjack

      That’s why the new name should be “Washington Bluespins” Seems apt.

  17. leon

    Demands for bikini shots are way up. Way, way up. But they might be Russians pretending to be white people pretending to be Black people on Black Twitter

    DAMN those russian white black white russians!

    • Rhywun

      *adds Kahlua to shopping list*

  18. juris imprudent

    Willie Brown’s herpes-riddled dick

    God I love a power start!

    • juris imprudent

      I knew there was a reason I hated cottage cheese.

      So this is really setting up for a full blown Downfall denouement in early November, isn’t it?

  19. Scruffy Nerfherder

    These are the true stories I have to come to love on Wednesday.

    The aide waved the campaign’s social media influencers into the room, grimacing as they fell over each other like puppies: eager, bright, blonde, and prone to pissing when excited. They gripped their phones and tossed their hair about trying to take the perfect selfie.

    Rings utterly true.

    • leon

      Didn’t her aides shut down any questions yesterday?

      • juris imprudent

        Aides? Or controllers?

      • Chafed

        Yes, and every other day.

    • Idle Hands

      was this sourced by people with first hand knowledge

    • EvilSheldon

      Yum.

      Something I never knew (until now, I suppose) – Dimebag Darrell Abbott owned a DeTomasio Pantera, and the band was named after the car.

      • Chipwooder

        I did not know that, but that makes sense. Pantera is not a word that you come across very often.

    • zwak

      There used to be a Euro car Sunday, or something like that anyway, but the one time I went, someone had an early Pantera with a Paxton supercharger on the FoMoCo V8. Damn if that didn’t make a glorious noise.

    • Tundra

      Very nice.

      I recall a poster on my dorm wall of a statuesque blonde bikini model soaping down one of those.

      I’m a fan.

    • Mad Scientist

      A buddy of mine has one. There’s one serious Achilles heel you have to watch for. When these cars were built they made a bunch of bodies, which were then stored outside, to be brought in as they got orders. Some of them sat outside for years and were rained on many times. There’s a spot in the body near the engine mounts that can get water in it, but there’s no way for the water to escape, so this spot rusts pretty badly. To fix it you have to remove the engine, transmission, and rear suspension, cut out the rusted bit, weld in a new piece (with a weep hole this time!) and then put it all back together. If this has already been done, the car is a delight. If it hasn’t, it’s quite a bit of work to fix.

    • blackjack

      I just bought a Saturn Sky Redline. After a downloaded tune, it’s around 310 HP and only 3k lbs. Big fat tires, 4 wheel independent suspension, effective brakes, and a 5 speed autobox trans. It’s pretty fun, so far and it gets low 20’s mpg. I will save enough to pay for it in three years, compared to the Trailblazer ss, just in fuel costs. I’m enjoying it, except for the cramped quarters. It’s faster than the 2002 z28 I have and more comfortable.

  20. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I’m continuously astounded at how long the algo-traders can sustain the current short squeeze.

    Total number of shorts on the market is at an all time low.

  21. DEG

    The aide waved the campaign’s social media influencers into the room, grimacing as they fell over each other like puppies: eager, bright, blonde, and prone to pissing when excited. They gripped their phones and tossed their hair about trying to take the perfect selfie.

    I love this paragraph.

  22. KibbledKristen

    Are Kamala’s social media team in this scenario from Cali or DC? Because bright, blonde, high-heel-wearing does not describe what you see on Capitol Hill.

    We have hostile, abused, indifferent brown pony tails, unflattering skirts, bulky sweaters, and Aerosoles flats.

  23. Scruffy Nerfherder
    • DEG

      Except for the remade Pink Floyd song, I think this has potential.

      • Sensei

        Hope springs eternal. I’ve seen Lynch’s version plus the miniseries.

        In the right frame of mind Lynch’s version works as long as you block out Sting.

      • Not Adahn

        Lynch’s version got the visual details correct.

        The SciFi version got the surface plot correct, and had an excellent ripoff homage to The Godfather

      • zwak

        Lynch owns the visuals at this point, but the miniseries has a nice Mobius feel to it.

      • Timeloose

        Those visuals look a lot like Lynch. He kind of defined what it should look like. The miniseries looked like Lawrence of Arabia.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I don’t think there’s a chance that shows up in the actual movie outside of the credits.

        Most likely Hans Zimmer pseudo-music sound effects.

    • zwak

      Wait, is that Franco?

    • Drake

      Or again?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I have hopes that they won’t shoehorn “woke” into it but instead rely on the original text.

      • Rhywun

        this

    • Timeloose

      That looks great. Will it be 3 hours long or a trilogy for the first book? Is Bautista playing the Beast Rabban?

      • Not Adahn

        Supposedly two movies.

    • Suthenboy

      Shit. That story doesnt translate to film well. Wife will want to see it and I will have to sleep through it. Is this version less than six hours long?

      • Drake

        They’ll just have a guy whispering all the background info in your head.

      • Not Adahn

        Yeah, having a major part of the worldbuilding being voluntary control of your endocrine system doesn’t translate to a visual medium well.

    • Not Adahn

      at 2:23, was that a deliberate Waste Land reference?

  24. Timeloose

    SF, great stuff as usual. Fortunately and unfortunately your writing is very easy to image visually.

    By the way i’m hooked on Agent Carmack. I burned through Gridlinked in about 2 days an have the next two novel in the mail.

    • SugarFree

      Awesome! I’m glad you like it. Asher is my favorite author to turn people onto.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Where should I start with Asher?

      • SugarFree

        Gridlinked, the first Agent Cormac novel, is a good place to start. There are 5 novels total in the series. The story arcs can be read independently from the Polity Universe as a whole.

      • Timeloose

        Gridlinked was his first novel. It’s a bit clunky but the world building is great.

      • Timeloose

        I’m still trying to figure out how he will justify bringing back one of the largest and fiery characters in the later books.

      • Florida Man

        I’ve discovered Orange County’s library sucks. I searched for some of the books from what we are reading and over half are unavailable, including works by Asher. TBF I didn’t go in person and ask a librarian so it maybe just their online search function sucks.

      • SugarFree

        See if you can access their Interlibrary Loan system. They will order it from another library for you.

        Or send in a request for the books themselves. Collection Development in public libraries are often out-sourced at this point, and knowing that a taxpayer wants some specific, in print, and cheap, they will often just buy it and put you first on the reserve list.

      • Florida Man

        Good advice. Thank you.

      • l0b0t

        What SF said. In my anecdotal experience the Sarasota and Leon County systems were both Johnny-on-the-spot about procuring things from other branches and systems in the State. Leon County would even lend 16mm projectors and films from the Florida State Archives.

  25. limey

    I heard Billy Ocean interviewed on BBC local radio this afternoon. The presenter tried to tie in his new album as a part of the BLM movement and was falling over himself to say how “good” BLM is, and Billy was like “no, that’s just a coincidence… it used to be ‘whatever whatever’ then it was ‘I’m black and proud’ and now it’s ‘black lives matter. All lives matter“, and was somewhat critical of what BLM has become, going on to say that if black people had their own strong economy, “like the asians, or the europeans, or whoever”, etc etc, which I felt was kind of reminiscent of Larry Fishburne’s stirring speech in Boys ‘N’ Tha Hood. Anyway, separate economies aside, he seemed pretty in tune with the fact that BLM is bullshit, and productive and free exchange of goods and services is good. I felt somewhat uplifted to hear someone as legendary as Billy Ocean make some sense.

    They shut down the interview and went to a jingle pretty quick after that. I wish I could find a clip but they don’t have it up, and I don’t imagine they will.

    Here is some Billy Ocean to celebrate the little rays of sunshine and common sense he brought to my afternoon. That performance is from ’97, and he hasn’t aged a day since.

    • limey

      ps – it looks like they accidentally go to the wrong camera at 1:44, lol

    • Gustave Lytton

      Billy Ocean unfortunately gets tagged as a two or three hit wonder and that’s pretty much all that gets played, but he’s pretty good. Not that his megahits are bad either.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      He’s from Trinidad. I imagine that had an impact on his work ethic. All the people I’ve met from there in the US have always had some kind of gig going on.

    • commodious spittoon

      A black man whose opinions weren’t vetted by well-off white feminists? CANCEL HIM.

    • Rhywun

      Ha I either forgot or did not know that was his song. These guys eighties’ed the shit out of it.

  26. Not Adahn

    This Friday, Saraspa Rod and Gun Club (Greenfiled Center, NY) will be holding a free Steel Challenge shoot from 14:00 to dusk. Donations will be accepted and given to the “Tunnel to Towers Foundation,” whoever they are.

    • PieInTheSky

      can I borrow a gun? I cant bring one on the plane.

      • Not Adahn

        Of course. But you can totally fly with guns in the US, you just have to declare it in your checked luggage, and never land in NYC.

    • Chipwooder

      Tunnel to Towers is a 9/11 related charity.

    • Drake

      My heart says “yes”. Google Maps says “no”.

    • EvilSheldon

      How much lube should I bring, for when the NY pigs catch me with a 23-rd. magazine?

      • Not Adahn

        You don’t have a Production or Limited 10 setup?

      • EvilSheldon

        Not one with pinned magazines.

        I could shoot my Glock 48, I guess. I could also show up on a moped.

      • Not Adahn

        I wouldn’t advise the latter, the road to the pits isn’t paved.

      • Not Adahn

        It occurs to me that if it takes:

        CZ75, Beretta 92 or Glock mags, I actually have piles of NY legal versions of those. Also AR mags, but those aren’t appropriate for steel.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Sasse a is a moron if he thinks repealing 17A would do that or fix things. It was a lagging indicator, as was 19A. Repealing it means states can and probably would still use elections to select their senators, with a rubber stamp from the legislature. Thanks to Reynolds v. Sims in the intervening years, legislatures are not bastions against populism either.

      • kbolino

        I still don’t understand how the U.S. Senate is perfectly cromulent but a state legislature similarly organized was a blatant 14th Amendment violation that had to be stamped out even if it somehow meant the U.S. Supreme Court could rewrite nearly every state’s constitution by fiat. Also, apparently, it took 100 years for anybody to understand that this is what the 14th Amendment meant even though the people who wrote and passed the damn amendment intended no such thing.

      • leon

        Also, apparently, it took 100 years for anybody to understand that this is what the 14th Amendment meant even though the people who wrote and passed the damn amendment intended no such thing

        Legislative intent? The legislators have no right to tell the judges what the meant. The Judges will tell the legislators what they meant.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Critical legal theory in a nutshell.

      • juris imprudent

        PROGRESS man! PROGRESS! Like as Progressives decide it is.

  27. Gustave Lytton

    What’s up glibs? State is on fire, and surprisingly antifa isn’t to blame.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EhfHad-UcAE0VYm?format=jpg&name=medium

    https://twitter.com/NOAASatellitePA/status/1303679122967728129?s=20

    Power and internet just came back on after being off since yesterday morning due to fire danger. Generator was humming until late last night when it wouldn’t stay running. Worked on it this morning when there was light and turned out to be a bad electric start battery. Operating circuit apparently goes through it and was killing the spark circuit. Of course the “battery store” doesn’t have the exact replacement and new one didn’t fit in the housing. Grrr… We still have our house and land, so we are blessed. Just smoke and ash like Mt St Helens and a flamingo pink sun.

    • KibbledKristen

      Stay safe!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Thanks! Main fires are well away from us. Had a brush fire three miles away down at the end of the road yesterday afternoon but the RFD got it extinguished with maybe an acre or two burned.

    • Drake

      So one problem that could possibly solve their other problems?

    • grrizzly

      When did the fires in Oregon become a thing? In California, sure. I always thought Oregon was a Northern state where it always rains. At least that’s how my only weekend there looked like.

      Hope the fire is contained before it gets anywhere close to you.

      • DEG

        The rainy parts of Oregon and Washington have a dry season, and I think they’re in the middle of it. I remember on one of my trips to Seattle during the dry season noting brown lawns.

        There is also a rain shadow effect from the mountains.

      • juris imprudent

        Yeah, when the local eco-system is used to nearly daily rain, it doesn’t take but 8 or 10 straight dry days to turn a lot of stuff into tinder.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yeah. Very dry summers.

        Forest fires were really bad in the 1930’s and sporadically afterwards. It goes through cycles.

  28. The Late P Brooks

    Masked today, masked tomorrow, masked forever

    Vice presidential nominee Sen. Kamala Harris said late last month that a nationwide mask requirement would be one of the administration’s first orders of business if successful in ousting Trump.

    In that same NBC “Today” show interview, however, Harris (D-Calif.) said, “It’s a standard. I mean, nobody’s going to be punished,” when she was asked how the order would be enforced.

    “Nobody likes to wear a mask, this is a universal feeling, right? So, that’s not the point,” she said.

    “The point is this is what we as responsible people who love our neighbor, we have to just do that right now. God willing, it won’t be forever.”

    You’d have to stop making shit up, for that to happen.

    So, get comfortable, everybody. Pick a snazzy pattern. We’re all in this together; for the loooong haul.

    • Rhywun

      nobody’s going to be punished

      ?

      • Hyperion

        Unless they turn off your electric and then decide to starve you into compliance by cutting off all your credit and bank accounts. I mean, no one from California would ever think up stuff like that, so we’re safe. Anyway, Joe has got it all under control, it’s not just like he’s going to let a bunch of starry eyed far left power hungry tyrant wannabes roll over him. No siree, not on his watch, he’s sleeping with one eye open and he’s focused like a laser. Nothing to worry about here.

    • leon

      Harris and Biden need to coordiante their talking points.

      • kbolino

        She knows damn well how the law is enforced. The double-talk is in full force. The Democrats simultaneously want to pass a bunch of new laws and also pretend that a cop holding a gun to your face is not how those same laws get enforced at the edges of society. Only racist cops ever shoot anyone, and the only people who get shot or threatened are black, and as long as don’t look too deeply at anything that makes some kind of sense.

    • EvilSheldon

      I don’t love my neighbor, nor am I responsible for them, and I have no desire whatsoever to be a good citizen. Go fuck yourself, Kammy.

    • R C Dean

      So we’re going to need mask mandate starting in four months? No matter what the ‘Vid actually does?

      • leon

        It’s not supposed to make sense. It’s supposed to get you talking about covid again rather than the riots.

      • grrizzly

        Mask mandates have no effect on the virus. Their role is to reinforce the mass psychosis among the public.

    • Akira

      God willing, it won’t be forever.

      And seatbelt laws will never be an excuse to pull someone over.

      And Social Security Numbers will never be used for identification purposes.

      And the federal income tax will only be a tiny tax on huge incomes.

      • juris imprudent

        stealing!

    • Chafed

      One more good reason not to vote for Biden.

  29. The Late P Brooks

    State is on fire

    It surprises me to see the smoke going from east to west.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Totally abnormal. That’s part of why the fires took off. Desert low humidity being fanned by winter storm/hurricane force wind gusts. Those have died down, humidity has gone back up, and wind pattern is more scattered and trending towards normal.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Related. Environmental Quality was warning people about the unhealthy air (duh) and stressed that facemasks can’t protect you unless they’re N95. And those are in short supply still so don’t use them. Sounded familiar… anyways, procedure masks work just fine to provide a certain measure of relief. The Japanese ones are stated to be good for PM2.5 particulate and definitely blocks ash chunks.

      • UnCivilServant

        Why did I envision whole segments of ash trees floating on the air and striking people in the face?

      • Drake

        Chinese Ash Borers?

      • R C Dean

        Chinese Ass Borers 3 was probably the best one.

        Oh, ASH borers. Never mind.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    nobody’s going to be punished

    Not if they OBEY, anyway.

  31. Stinky Wizzleteats

    CNN photoshopped out a Redskins logo on an old photo of Biden and his kid:

    http://acecomments.mu.nu/?post=390099

    Not that big of a deal I suppose but it’s definitely water carrying.

    • R C Dean

      Is that the dead one, or the crooked one?

    • Chipwooder

      Correction – according to CNN, Biden’s campaign did that themselves, which is hilarious.

  32. The Late P Brooks

    The double-talk is in full force. The Democrats simultaneously want to pass a bunch of new laws and also pretend that a cop holding a gun to your face is not how those same laws get enforced at the edges of society.

    This just exposes the depth and breadth of heir mendacity.

    The

    single

    best

    law

    enforcement

    reform

    is to stop making everything under the sun illegal. But they don’t actually care about reform. They just want kontrolle.

  33. Chafed

    OT: I am very likely the victim of identity theft. This week one credit card company told me a new credit card application was received from me (it wasn’t) and the Employment Development Department sent my employer (me) a letter requesting information related to my claim for unemployment benefits due to be stricken with Covid-19 (I’m self-employed, never filed a claim, and healthy). I have already locked down my credit. EDD is getting a letter telling them this is a fraudulent claim. Any other advice from the Glib hive mind on what to do?

    • Swiss Servator

      Contact your bank, change your passwords, consider credit monitoring.

      • Swiss Servator

        Oh, and contact Five Oh….I know, some sort of law enforcement might be in order here.

      • Chafed

        Will do. I’m waiting to receive a copy of the fraudulent credit card application. They will only send it by mail.

      • Chafed

        Thanks. Any recommendations for a credit monitoring service?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Contact the three major credit ratings firms and freeze your credit. Do it now.

        Equifax
        Equifax.com/personal/credit-report-services
        800-685-1111

        Experian
        Experian.com/help
        888-EXPERIAN (888-397-3742)

        Transunion
        TransUnion.com/credit-help
        888-909-8872

      • Chafed

        Thanks Scruffy. I already did.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        And definitely talk to your bank.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      I read in the news

    • But Enough About My Weird Culinary Fantasies

      Well, you can’t control every avenue by which someone can piece together enough of your ID to impersonate you and trick others into giving them stuff (credit cards, UI), but you can certainly review some of the things you’re doing.

      If you haven’t already, invest in a decent paper shredder (one that cross-cuts and creates “confetti”); nothing with any identifying info (either about us or any financial firm we deal with) leaves the house unshredded. We even shred “branded” envelopes, since a miscreant can infer that you deal with so-and-so bank by seeing the bank’s envelope in your garbage. If in doubt, shred that puppy.

      I don’t wanna sound like an ad for them, but AMEX has invested a metric shit-ton of time and money building expert systems that watch your credit usage patterns and flagging stuff that’s at all unusual; I once got an SMS from AMEX about 60 seconds after someone tried to use my number to buy some gift certificates on Amazon, asking me to phone them at once and verify. When I said it wasn’t me, they cancelled and re-issued the card pretty much instantly, and of course denied the transaction. Colour me impressed. None of my other cards can come anywhere close to that level of service, and unsurprisingly, I hardly use any of ’em anymore unless the vendor I’m dealing with doesn’t take AMEX. (Bonus: your AMEX points can now be used on Amazon to buy stuff, and there’s no restrictions — your points are cash on Amazon).

      Which brings me to a related point — if you have a lot of credit cards, winnow ’em down into a few nice ones, and get rid of the rest. The extra exposure to potential fraud, not to mention the complexity of monitoring all of them, isn’t worth the increase in convenience, IMNSHO. I have one Visa, one Mastercard and my AMEX, as well as the (for Canadians) near-ubiquitous debit card.

      And BTW, you might be able to get some credit monitoring for free. Turns out a lot of big retailers have had data breaches over the last few years, and as partial mea culpas have told their customers that they can get free credit monitoring for a period of time (one to five years, depending) paid for by those same retailers. Might be worth looking into (we’ve got a monitoring deal through Home Depot because of some massive data breach a couple of years ago).

      Good luck. I’ve had my identity stolen once when I was much younger, and although it hasn’t affected me for decades, there’s still the occasional contact or reminder from various financial entities that ask me to explain that curious incident almost 40 years ago. It’s amazing how long they hold on to useless info.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Chase and Citi are fairly aggressive in monitoring fraud. Particularly Chase.

      • Rhywun

        Bonus: your AMEX points can now be used on Amazon to buy stuff, and there’s no restrictions — your points are cash on Amazon

        ?

        I had no idea. I have like a thousand “reward dollars” sitting around, if that is the same thing.

        I have Chase too. Agree that both seem pretty good on this stuff.

    • leon

      Look, i get where hes’ coming from. I don’t get how after 4 years of this exact same charade by the dems you still get people saying this:

      https://twitter.com/ViewsPlusNews/status/1303763533679583232

      How do you spell: “The DAM is breaking all over Trump!!!”

      • R C Dean

        Since Congress is on recess until the election, when is Schiff going to hold his secret hearings on this one?

    • Rebel Scum

      A lot of well-adjusted, reality-dwelling people in that thread.

      No, wait. Scratch that. Reverse it.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Completely unsubstantiated unverifiable claim made two months before the election by a known lying shitweasel. Quelle surprise.

    • juris imprudent

      What a COINCIDENCE – this whistleblower has the same attorney as he-who-must-not-be-named!

  34. R C Dean

    Holy crap, are mortgage rates low. We’re going to refi after all, once I heard we could get a 2.25% rate. With the lower principal (7 years into a 15 year loan) and the lower rate, we’ll save $1600/month on our mortgage. Since I’ll pay it off with a lump sum in 2027 regardless, I don’t mind the starting over on a new 15 year mortgage.

    • Chipwooder

      We refied towards the end of last year, and did pretty good….but damn I’m kicking myself now.

      • juris imprudent

        Same here.

    • TARDIS

      1600/ month, what is your rate now???

      • R C Dean

        3.325%. A big chunk of the savings comes from the lower principal that will be financed.