The Hat and The Hair Extended Universe: Hillary and Huma

by | Sep 23, 2020 | Hat and Hair, SugarFree | 234 comments

 

“But why now?” Huma asked. “Grandmother has been dead for months.”

“It’s a trap and Donald stumbled right into it!’ Hillary said, rubbing together hands bloody from breakfast.

“He’s announcing her replacement on Saturday,” Huma said. Her son, the failed Dark Messiah, the never-filled vessel for cosmic horror beyond the ken of mortal men, sat beside her, looked up adoringly at his mother, and then threw his banana peel on the floor.

“He’ll never get a nomination through the Senate; the Republican Senators hate him,” Hillary said before shoving a length of the lamb’s entrails into her mouth.

“McConnell is calling for a vote!” Huma said, opening her shirt. Her son pawed at it until her right breast fell out and he began to greedily suckle at it.

“Does he have to do that at the table?” Hillary asked. “I’m trying to eat here.” She bit into the lamb’s lung and twisted it until she had savaged off a piece.

“It’s very natural,” Huma said defensively, cradling the boy’s head

“So is taking a shit but I don’t do that while you are eating breakfast,” Hillary snapped. “I appreciate you are keeping those titties full of milk, I love that jiggle, but the kid is eight and should be weaned by now.” Hillary poked into the open abdomen of the lamb and plucked out a kidney and let it slide down her throat without chewing and groaned with pleasure.

“Give him to me,” Hillary said, holding out her arms, smiling grotesquely. Huma pulled him from her breast with an audible pop. The boy began to cry.

“Come to Mama Hill-Hill,” she crooned and the boy cried harder. She pulled him into her lap and stared at him until he wound down to petulant sniffles.

“You should have breakfast like a big boy,” Hillary told him. “You want to be a big boy, don’t you?” The boy nodded, his face wet with snot and tears. Hillary dragged a bloody finger across his mouth.

“Now taste that. It’s good, isn’t it? Salty and coppery? That’s what life tastes like,” Hillary said in a sing-song.

“My love…” Huma began.

“Pish-posh,” she said. “I never breastfed Chelsea. I couldn’t stand having her on me, feeding on me like some parasite, that hideous Webb Hubbell face looking up at me. If we didn’t need a kid for Bill’s career, she would have just quietly died of SIDS one night and I could have sued the company that made the crib. Lucky for her, Bill was a good father to his little cuckoo.”

“Yes, my love,” Huma said, getting up to clear her dishes. In the kitchen, she threw the plates and glasses around in the sink in a passive-aggressive rage.

“Donald will never replace Grandmother! Kamala will nominate me!’ Hillary cackled.

“Mitt Romney is going to vote for Trump’s nominee,” Huma called from the stairs.

“That polygamous bastard!” Hillary screamed. The boy covered his ears and winced.

“They all hate me, baby,” Hillary said to the boy, running her gore-stained hands through his hair.

“More,” he said, pointing at the bloody altar of lamb. Hillary kissed him on the cheek and then began to pry out the heart for him.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

234 Comments

  1. The Late P Brooks

    If we didn’t need a kid for Bill’s career, she would have just quietly died of SIDS one night and I could have sued the company that made the crib

    !

    • Not Adahn

      Yeah, some real character trait reveals there.

      • AlexinCT

        A slew of dead people, like Epstein, wish they knew this…

      • Bobarian LMD

        They all knew it in the end… Just before the light left their eyes.

  2. Count Potato

    I didn’t even know Huma had a son….

      • Suthenboy

        I wouldn’t put money on that.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Webb Hubble III?

  3. Ownbestenemy

    Excellent primer for my next meeting. Pit me in the right frame of mind.

    Quoted for truth

    I couldn’t stand having her on me, feeding on me like some parasite, that hideous Webb Hubbell face looking up at me. If we didn’t need a kid for Bill’s career, she would have just quietly died of SIDS one night and I could have sued the company that made the crib.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Is that a tuft of hair on the baby’s chin or off her nipple?

    • EvilSheldon

      Well, I just saw that. *reaches for the scotch*

      • Swiss Servator

        First SugarFree, then that… if HM posts a link, we might explode.

      • EvilSheldon

        I’ve always wondered what a coat-hanger lobotomy is like…

      • EvilSheldon

        Eek.

      • Mojeaux

        I can’t read that description without my stomach turning a little.

      • EvilSheldon

        Seriously.

        Definitely gives me some thoughts on the whole ‘mental health’ industry.

        On the one hand, you have thirty-year-old adolescents too afraid to drive a car or talk to a girl, REEEing all over themselves in public and collecting neuroses like fucking Pokemon cards.

        On the other hand, you have psychopathic quacks in the not-too-recent past, hammering icepicks up into the frontal lobes of undesirables.

        *sigh*

        We’re really not all that far out of the jungle.

      • Mojeaux

        I think mental illness is real and the industry is doing decent work with me and my kids (I have a family history of mental illness), both drugs and therapy.

        But I think in the past, much of what we now know as mental illness was mitigated by the overriding need to survive and just get work done.

        There were other factors involved, I’m sure (corporal punishment, for example). And plenty of people got shipped off to barbaric insane asylums and/or poured themselves into a bottle and/or fell face-down in the gutter and stayed there and/or had family that would prop them up and/or had husbands who sent their wives off to doctors to deal with their hysteria and/or everybody around these people just put up with them. I mean, I’m pretty sure there was more than one reason Lizzie Borden took that ax.

        Now we have the time and prosperity to acknowledge and deal with mental illness directly with alternate therapies and drugs.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        I think mental illness is real and the industry is doing decent work with me and my kids (I have a family history of mental illness), both drugs and therapy.

        I’ve seen both sides of this, but I’m highly skeptical of the drugs because of what I’ve seen with my mom as she waded through the mental health system.

        What started as anxiety issues related to PTSD morphed into full blown paranoid schizophrenia. I think people can mentally break, but I don’t think it happens a year after their divorce, just as they’re getting a rhythm of life established again.

        Turns out, as we found out a decade later, a decade of piling on anti-psychotics and electroshock therapy and God knows how many other pills, my mom recovered after weaning herself off the anti-anxiety pills. The voices went away, the paranoia subsided, and she has returned to a more or less normal mental state. Fragile? yes. Impossible to stand being in the same room with? Not anymore.

        In my eyes, a miraculous answer to prayer. Also a travesty of modern medicine and I still blame, to some extent, my fucking boomer grandparents who think there’s a pill to fix everything. *snips a bunch of “I told you so” venting*

        Anyway, it makes me quite skeptical of drug treatments, even though I know the drugs can work. I’ve been offered anti-depressants in the past and told the doc “hell no!” I’d rather make serious lifestyle changes than entrust my emotional state to a pill. I’ve had to visit too many mental hospitals because of a fucking pill.

        (Mo, I’m definitely not disputing the success you’ve had, I’m just ranting generally on a topic that still evokes a strong emotional response in me)

      • Mojeaux

        I think sometimes I take it for granted how incredibly lucky we have been with our drug dealers (I mean the APRNs who rx our drugs) and our therapist.

        Got them right the first time.

    • Aloysious

      *gags*

  4. Not Adahn

    the failed Dark Messiah, the never-filled vessel for cosmic horror beyond the ken of mortal men

    It was so embarrassing having that on my business cards. Fortunately I got promoted to Senior failed Dark Messiah…

    • commodious spittoon

      It’s an honor even being nominated.

      /gracious loser

  5. Swiss Servator

    Gah!

    *claws at eyes, recoils from laptop screen*

    • Ozymandias

      AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
      /runs into rum, jumps into bed, pulls covers over head.

      • UnCivilServant

        That’s why we’re out of rum.

        Damn you.

      • Ozymandias

        I lol’d

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Yet…he’s going to open that laptop next week.

      • SugarFree

        I am the sweetest taboo.

      • SugarFree

        Exactly the joke. It’s in your head now, like the rest of them.

        [evil laugh]
        [evil laugh]
        [evil laugh]

        (This the cruel game we play at work. I once sidled up to my boss and very calmly and unmusically said “They say we have nothing in common, no common ground to start from and we’re falling apart.” She absorbed that for a second and then punched me in the arm really hard.)

  6. DEG

    “McConnell is calling for a vote!” Huma said, opening her shirt. Her son pawed at it until her right breast fell out and he began to greedily suckle at it.

    “Does he have to do that at the table?” Hillary asked. “I’m trying to eat here.” She bit into the lamb’s lung and twisted it until she had savaged off a piece.

    “It’s very natural,” Huma said defensively, cradling the boy’s head

    “So is taking a shit but I don’t do that while you are eating breakfast,” Hillary snapped. “I appreciate you are keeping those titties full of milk, I love that jiggle, but the kid is eight and should be weaned by now.” Hillary poked into the open abdomen of the lamb and plucked out a kidney and let it slide down her throat without chewing and groaned with pleasure.

    This is both amusing and horrifying. I like it.

  7. AlexinCT

    “Pish-posh,” she said. “I never breastfed Chelsea. I couldn’t stand having her on me, feeding on me like some parasite, that hideous Webb Hubbell face looking up at me.

    LIEZ!

    Everyone knows Janet Reno is Chelsea’s dad!

      • Not Adahn

        I heard Clitdong Swordfight open for Big Frieda at GayXGayGay in 2008.

    • Rhywun

      “I don’t have to worry about the Supreme Court that much because I’m white. Because I’m post menopausal so I can’t get pregnant, thank God,” she continued. “I happen to be straight. I have money because I’ve been working on ‘The View’ for so many years.”

      Please tell me this is satire.

      I can’t believe those hens sit around and channel the DNC for hours on end. Who the hell wants to watch that?!

      • AlexinCT

        Other old hens that are infected with that level of stupid like the herd on that show, Rhywun?

      • commodious spittoon

        Just a guess: none of the hens clucking support for Abortion Inc. on TV has had, or would consider, aborting her own child. That’s just something the poors do.

      • Pine_Tree

        Sorry to put it this way, but I think you are as wrong as you can possibly be on this point.

      • Hyperion

        “Because I’m post menopausal so I can’t get pregnant, thank God,” she continued.”

        Thank God for small wonders.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Huh, Cocaine Mitch must have read her the riot act.

      • AlexinCT

        She must believe that if she doesn’t vote for this now she will not be winning the next election. Cause this scam artist really isn’t about anyone else but herself.

      • Hyperion

        Think of it this way.

        What reason other than ‘I have TDS real bad’ could she have in this case? I see none, and I don’t think anyone, including her constituents are buying anything other than that.

      • creech

        Murkowski won her senate seat in a write-in didn’t she? Anyone who has that much clout may feel totally insulated from whatever pressure the Party can bring to bear. Unless, of course, someone has some compromising pictures or documents.

      • DEG

        Yes. Murkowski lost the primary, then ran a write-in campaign and won.

    • Hyperion

      It’s all over but the crying.

  8. Rhywun

    Finally, back to body horror. I approve.

  9. Tundra

    Hillary kissed him on the cheek and then began to pry out the heart for him.

    Perfect.

    • Bobarian LMD

      The lamb’s heart or his?

      • juris imprudent

        for him, not from him – so lamb.

      • Bobarian LMD

        You assume she wouldn’t pry out his own heart for him.

        Supposition not in evidence.

      • Not Adahn

        Yeah, but it’s “the” heart, not “his” heart. Two different pronouns for two different heart-bearing creatures.

      • juris imprudent

        No I don’t suppose that at all, but the text wasn’t ambiguous in this case.

      • Bobarian LMD

        You guys sound pretty sure of yourself, when the author has trouble keeping which one is the Hat and which one is the Hair straight.

  10. UnCivilServant

    The article says “Image courtesey of Sig Sauer“, but the graininess says they cropped it out of a wider image and blew it up. I’d wager if they’d written an email to Sig’s marketting department and said “Hey, we’re doing an article on the M18, do you have any publicity stills of the pistol we can use” they’d have gotten a much better image.

    • EvilSheldon

      Knowing SIG? I wouldn’t count on it.

      The P320/Mk18 is a good gun, but SIG as a company pretty much exemplifies ‘pain in the ass.’

      • UnCivilServant

        Maybe the Marine PR office. PR is the core competency of the USMC.

      • Plisade

        …at least in the negative reinforcement department.

      • Bobarian LMD

        What do Puerto-Ricans have to do with anything?

      • l0b0t

        Who else is gonna hump the M60 all day?

      • UnCivilServant

        Don’t kink shame the ammosexuals.

    • Drake

      An immediate benefit of the M18 is a consistent trigger, compared to the Beretta M9 trigger that was single action/double action. That means the M9 trigger was sometimes short, sometimes long. The M18 trigger is the same every time.

      That’s just stupid. Whether you like or dislike double action, the M9 was always consistent – hammer down it was a long, hard pull which I like. You better really want that first shot. After that it is a light consistent trigger which I prefer.

      • UnCivilServant

        I think they want to get rid of the hammer down/hammer up difference.

      • Drake

        Sure – but a dumb way to explain it. As if Marines haven’t been able to figure out the difference for 30 years.

      • UnCivilServant

        Hrmm… do I go with the marine joke, or the ‘kids these days’ joke?

      • Drake

        *Racks slide on double-action pistol*

        Chose carefully.

      • UnCivilServant

        You’re not that tough if you can’t take a light ribbing.

      • Drake

        Mmmm… ribs.

      • EvilSheldon

        Yep.

        There are a bunch of mediocre trainers out there* who think that it’s just too hard to train someone to manage two different trigger pulls. It’s pretty much bullshit.

        I really like the traditional DA/SA setup. I like the longer trigger pull for the first shot, or for circumstances where holding someone at gunpoint is warranted but shooting them might not be quite yet. I also like that exposed hammer as a safety measure when re-holstering.

        * – And even one or two good trainers who are just wrong on this one subject.

      • dontreadonme

        Totally agree for the reasons yiu state. Also, having a safety is problematic for training when various pistols may have safety that work in the opposite direction….so decocker only for me.

    • Not Adahn

      Floating around on the innertubs are pics of the slicked out custom variants SIG made for the guards at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.

      They are absolutely gorgeous.

    • db

      From the picture, it looks as if SIG is continuing with their long history of placing the bore axis as high above the grip as possible. Why in the world they seem to like to add muzzle flip to their already awful ergonomics, I’ll never understand.

  11. Aloysious

    Hmmm. Domestic bliss.

    While reading this, I pictured that stoopid Weiner, Carlos Danger, bound naked to an x-shaped cross, ball gagged and blindfolded in anticipation of being whipped into a coma.

    SF, I think you are affecting my imagination.

    • EvilSheldon

      Go on…

      • EvilSheldon

        Like, specifically, go on with the, “…whipped into a coma,” part.

    • SugarFree

      They are both too old for him. Dora the Explorer is too old for him.

      • Suthenboy

        Fuck. You just tricked me into giving teen vogue a click.

      • Sean

        Got me too. ?

      • Hyperion

        Thanks, guys, for your sacrifice.

      • mikey

        You guys clicked on a link promising Mr Danger’s dick pics?
        NTTAWWT

      • Aloysious

        While your point on the taste of the stoopid weiner stands, I don’t see those two… creatures… giving him any opportunity to voice his preferences. In my head, they tell him what he likes.

        Looking forward to the next episode. This put me in the right frame of mind for work today.

    • juris imprudent

      The article that was posted the other day with his and Huma’s picture – I couldn’t help but think, yeah, if I were Huma even semi-demonic Hillary would be a step up from the dumbass scarecrow of a human.

  12. Not Adahn

    TW: TOS

    Somebody really doesn’t like Neil DeGrasse Jr. High

    Regrettably, this brings us to the subject of Cosmos: Possible Worlds. The original PBS show (Cosmos: A Personal Voyage) was one of the first television science documentaries for adults. The version Neil deGrasse Tyson hosted in 2014 (Cosmos: A Space-Time Odyssey) was one of the first television science documentaries aimed at showing how much smarter Tyson was than everyone else.

    • cyto

      Yeah, He’s got a serious case of the liberal smugs. But he’s 1,000 times better than Bill Nye.

      • Bobarian LMD

        1000 times a negative number is still negative.

        Science!

      • juris imprudent

        1000 times zero is still zero.

      • UnCivilServant

        I thought a thousand zeros was an Antifa,

      • Chipwooder

        Well, yeah, since he actually is a scientist, unlike Bill Nye.

    • Rhywun

      CWAA

      Star Trek: Discovery, the seventh TV series in the Trekkie franchise, which CBS has pulled off its streaming service and pushed into prime time to bolster a lineup decimated by the coronavirus.

      I think I’d rather just pop in a Voyager DVD. Not interested in another prequel.

      • cyto

        It wasn’t really a star trek series. Well, maybe Abrams star trek. Lots of space battles. Lots of shooting.

        It was OK, but you really have to “just go with it” on a few things.

      • The Last American Hero

        And by Voyager you mean DS9.

    • Suthenboy

      Christ, why wont that bullshit die already? It is fiction. None of that shit is real. None of those characters are real, the premise for it is bullshit. Socialism doesnt work. It wont lead to starships and interplanetary alliances with ice cream and cherries on top. It will always lead to blood, tears, poverty and mass graves.

      Give it the fuck up.

      • AlexinCT

        We show up to be nice and the alien civilization will enslave us. No society will adopt full blown socialism/marxism and remain modern or be able to progress to space travel. What you get is dark ages.

      • Florida Man

        Humans can’t live with other humans, but we are going to get along with hundreds of alien civilizations. Yeah, right.

      • AlexinCT

        We finally got the new Soviet man to happen, then promptly went into space to bring that revolution and the new Soviet alien!

        Yeah, sure..

  13. cyto

    I just got around to finishing the links from this morning..

    So…

    RBG is a prophet of the Jewish faith?

    What in the ever loving….. ??

    “just like prophets spoke out for justice 2,000 years ago…”

    What?

    She wasn’t even that good on justice issues on the Supreme court. And don’t even get me started on liberty issues.

    But a transcendent prophet worthy of canonization in the Jewish religious texts?

    What are people even thinking?

    • Not Adahn

      “Liberty” is just a dog whistle for White Supremacy.

    • Drake

      Just like some of the Hebrews in the Old Testament, she didn’t believe in God.

    • Suthenboy

      “What are people even thinking?”

      If you have evidence that they are I wanna see it.

    • Caput Lupinum

      I thought the nevuah ended with the destruction of the first temple about 2,500 years ago. Not sure what the significance of 2,000 years is to Judaism is; seems to a number of greater importance to Christiandom.

      • SugarFree

        The Second Temple was destroyed around then, but still, not much to do with the era of Prophets and Judges.

    • The Last American Hero

      I thought they had the Romans crucify the prophet for justice from 2,000 years ago.

      • Sean

        And (according to what I read) those charges are for the shots that hit other apartments.

      • The Other Kevin

        Great. Now I have to take a crash course in rioting. Do they have that on Udemy?

      • Sean

        Intro video.

        Step 1. Learn how to set up.

      • EvilSheldon

        You know, I’ve yet to read an AAR of the Taylor shooting, anywhere. Was this a case of ‘cop takes incoming fire, panics, closes eyes, and burns a magazine in roughly the direction of the threat’?

      • Drake

        1. Knock down the door to the wrong apartment (differing reports on that)

        2. Having invaded a home, take some incoming fire.

        3. Return fire, miss the shooter with every single shot, instead blast the hell out of the innocent woman on the bed 6 feet away from him.

        It was some real keystone cops shit. Everyone involved should have been fired for incompetence.

      • Sean

        1. They had the correct address and her name was on the warrant. (AFAIK.)

      • Chipwooder

        It was her residence, I believe. She had a boyfriend who isn’t a criminal, and he was there that night. She also had an old boyfriend who was still a friend and, if you believe the cops’ account, occasional side piece. That guy is allegedly a dealer, and her involvement with him was the reason behind the raid.

        It actually wasn’t a no-knock raid, although the boyfriend who started shooting said he never heard anyone announce themselves as cops. Cops said they did and a witness said they did. They busted in, the boyfriend started shooting, and the cops shot back wildly and killed the girl in the bed.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Also notable that they were in plain clothes.

      • Chipwooder

        Yes. They were wearing “POLICE” vests but plain clothes.

        You’d think all this mess might motivate some people to rethink the costly, destructive, tyrannical prohibition on narcotics, since that’s the root of these kinds of raids, but then you’d be wrong.

      • Drake

        They were kicking in doors at 1:30am in plainclothes with bullshit vests and no bodycams? Wow. Were they in some kind of Will Smith movie?

      • EvilSheldon

        Sounds like quite a party.

      • cyto

        I don’t think this one is on the guy doing the shooting.

        I think the lights were off and they took fire. So “identify your target” under those conditions is gonna be pretty broadly interpreted.

        The error here started way before the shooting started. There is great dispute as to whether they should have even sought a warrant for that location. (boyfriend had one or more packages delivered there – he deals drugs. that is the nexus).

        GIven that scenario – there is no reason to execute a middle of the night raid. In fact, if you were searching for evidence, not a person (they were), then 3 in the afternoon was easier and probably more likely to yield results.

        We always do this the wrong way – analyzing “he shot the wrong person” as “bad cop”. That fixes nothing.

        If you were standing in a bedroom door in an apartment serving a warrant and someone in the bedroom opened fire – odds are you would return fire. If you were a trained police officer who follows their training, you definitely would return fire. That there was someone else not shooting at you but who was directly between you and the shooter but it was dark so you had no way of knowing that really wouldn’t be part of the calculus at all.

        Every single maneuver prior to that moment should be called into question. Instead, people are rioting over that moment. Because people are apparently stupid and easily manipulated.

        That simply results in a backlash from the police and law and order types. It is dumb to suggest that a cop who is being shot at while serving a warrant should not shoot back. That’s a non starter for any human being shot at, let alone police and the law and order types who set the threshold at “furtive movement”.

        So we burn buildings wanting the death penalty for the guy who was just doing exactly what we told him to do, exactly the way we told him to do it. And the judge who signed the warrant is left alone. And the prosecutor who signed the warrant is left alone. And the supervisor who submitted the warrant is left alone. And the investigator who filled out the warrant is left alone. And the politicians who passed the laws banning drugs and thereby creating a black market are left alone.

        Nope. It isn’t any of those people who are responsible, or any of those policies that are responsible (like the notion that you have to kick the door in when searching for drugs, otherwise they’ll flush them down the toilet. There a plenty of ways around that. And if whatever they are looking for fits in a toilet, they probably didn’t require a dangerous SWAT raid in the first place).

        We get sidetracked on this stuff every single time. And we need to stop it.

        The solutions have been on the table for at least 15 years. And every single time, we get derailed by race baiters and cop haters.

      • Sean

        This is too good of a post to waste on a dead thread.

      • juris imprudent

        They were exempt from wearing bodycams – so you’re gonna wait a long time for footage. Which makes them pretty much indistinguishable from mafia goons.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Cops who don’t wear and/or disable their bodycams should have all facts that are in conflict resolved against them.

      • juris imprudent

        They sure as hell shouldn’t expect their accounts to be considered credible without extensive evidence supporting them. Oh, this is just your story – yeah, right.

      • cyto

        I absolutely support this proposal. Body cams are not the be-all and end all, but they sure do provide a better picture than the all-too-fallible memory of a cop who has skin in the game.

    • Sean

      It’s gonna be spicy.

      We don’t have any Glibs in Louisville, do we?

      • Sean

        George Soros.

      • Drake

        You assume the DA cares and / or cops would be permitted to investigate.

      • Sean

        I’m betting DHS is on it.

      • R C Dean

        Yeah, this is all totally spontaneous. Not organized and funded by anyone at all.

        I suspect one advantage for Trump pushing the SCOTUS nomination before the election is that it will undoubtedly provoke more riots and misbehavior by the left, which works in his favor.

      • robc

        Not since I left in 2014.

        Although I was there twice in the last 2 weeks.

      • Bobarian LMD

        I’m down the road a little way.

        Not close enough to actually experience any rioting, but close enough that it will affect things here.

      • Sean

        Be safe.

  14. Cancelled

    Great, I am going on vacation starting tomorrow morning and now as I drive along I am going to be throwing up into my mounth every half hour as I recall this. Thanks loads SF! Lamb is definitely off the menu.

    • Surly Knott

      How about kid?

    • Sean

      It’s gonna be a real clusterfuck.

    • Hyperion

      The PA situation is really bad because they are going to allow ballots to be mailed in AFTER the election, and there also allowing ballot boxes, so it’s not even vote by mail, it’s just shove a bunch of ballots into a box somewhere.

      Judges in PA allowed this, but that doesn’t mean this does not go all the way to SCOTUS if cheating is found to alter the outcome of an election.

      • UnCivilServant

        The legislature should impeach all the judges in PA, first for going beyond their authority and drawing districts, then for aiding and abetting election fraud.

        If they’re not thrown from the bench and disbarred from ever practicing law again, there is no justice in pennsylvania.

      • Sean

        there is no justice in pennsylvania.

        But we could end up with a thriving woodchipper industry.

      • DEG

        The legislature can’t get the votes to overturn Gauleiter Wolf’s vetoes of bills limiting the Gauletier’s emergency order. There’s no way they will get the votes to impeach Wolf or any of the state Supreme Court justices.

      • juris imprudent

        I don’t love the Republicans in this state, but I loathe the Democrats.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        The Trump admin or campaign or whatever needs to challenge this ASAP, preferably before the election occurs if that’s possible.

      • Ted S.

        Trump doesn’t have standing to do it.

      • R C Dean

        There are federal laws against voter fraud. I doubt they give enough basis for injunctions preventing the trashing of election security; they are mostly designed for prosecution after the fact when its too late to matter.

      • Florida Man

        He won’t have standing until after the fraud has occurred and after he’s removed as president he won’t have standing because he’s no longer the president.

    • AlexinCT

      They were planning on using the SCOTUS to give them cover to steal the election? Really? Who would have thunk people that put their hold on power over all would now freak out that the universe chose to deny them, yet again,. a chance to fuck us all over?

      Having a SCOTUS that will tell the states that the cheating will not work, that the deadline to provide their count is a fixed thing, and that they can’t send their own delegates to override the will of the people, is gonna make team blue have to go back to just running fake impeachment trials and hoping one sticks…

    • The Gunslinger

      I’m praying that Trump’s margin on election day is greater than the number of mail-in ballots that were sent out. Seems unlikely but I can shoot for the moon can’t I?

  15. Hyperion

    Cocaine 3 and O Mitch?

    Is Cocaine Mitch gonna pitch the shutout? CNN hardest hit.

    • Suthenboy

      I am running out of rain barrels here. So many liberal tears…..

      • AlexinCT

        This is what I am honestly the most baffled by. Did they not think it was a seriously stupid risk to have RBG wait for a Clinton presidency to abdicate her throne? She chose to take the risk, and then she couldn’t hold out. Now the orange evil guy gets the pick, has the senate to get the pick validated, and their plan to steal the election and have the SCOTUS help them all go up in flames, and they are crying like little bitchez.

        If there is a God, I suspect he is doing all this as a run-up to giving Trump another 4 years, as to make these people really lose their shit.

      • R C Dean

        their plan to steal the election and have the SCOTUS help them all go up in flames

        Plan A, if course, is to “generate” enough ballots that there isn’t a controversy to go to SCOTUS. That plan is still in effect. Since the PA courts have basically greenlighted boxes of ballots being carried into the polling places after the election, I think the Dems will win that swing state. THe Wisconsin courts haven’t gone that far, but they rewrote Wisconsin election law to allow late delivered ballots to be counted if they had a legible postmark. With the postal union supporting Biden, how hard do you think it will be to get as many ballots backdated as they need? Chalk up another swing state for the Dems.

        MN election machinery is firmly in the hands of leftist Dems, so its highly unlikely they will let Trump win.

        I still think this election is up in the air, because it will likely be decided by things invisible to us. Polls won’t have any relevance. Actual voting won’t decide close swing states. It comes down to how well the Dems cheat, and how well the Repubs fight. And history tells us that when the Dems cheat, the Repubs don’t fight well enough.

      • AlexinCT

        So like one of the left’s heroes Stalin said: Votes don’t count. Whomever counts the votes decides…

      • Hyperion

        “If there is a God, I suspect he is doing all this as a run-up to giving Trump another 4 years, as to make these people really lose their shit.”

        We really are boing to have to bring back asylums, because it is not going to be safe having those people running around free in society.

  16. The Other Kevin

    Welp, there was one indictment handed down for the Breonna Taylor thing. I know this because hockey practice was cancelled for tonight. The Illinois national guard is standing by in case there are riots and looting. Meanwhile in Portland, this is known as “Wednesday.”

  17. Mad Scientist

    I have performed the ultimate experiment. I am eating WHILE reading a SugarFree story. So far I have managed to keep my lunch down AND maintain an appetite. I can now withstand anything! Bring it, 2020!

    • mexican sharpshooter

      I managed to do it. The trick is to embrace your self-loathing.

    • Not Adahn

      Nah. Commerce Clause actually applies here.

      • UnCivilServant

        I want to see a one line law:

        “No state may ban or apply any aditional restrictions upon any product otherwise legally traded across state lines.”

        Perhaps with the concession to the stupidly worded 21st amendment.

      • robc

        Make it an amendment and it fixes the 21st too.

    • Suthenboy

      Yet they haven’t made rain on the weekends illegal.

    • Mad Scientist

      Damn, those gas powered cars are so polluting! What we need are coal powered cars!

      • Hyperion

        They’ve already answered that. They’re going to ban coal power plants and make them all electric. Take that!

      • juris imprudent

        Using electricity to generate electricity? GENIUS!

    • Not Adahn

      Also, since apparently you can just Executive Order anything you want to these days, can Trump issue an EO saying Newsome is a poopyhead and nobody has to listen to him?

      • mexican sharpshooter

        He has a Twitter, doesn’t he?

      • Mad Scientist

        The governor signed an executive order that requires all new cars and passenger trucks sold in California be zero-emission vehicles by the 2035 deadline.

        I’m having trouble imagining a universe in which a court will uphold that as legal.

      • Suthenboy

        You haven’t read the news for 4 years, have you?

      • R C Dean

        zero-emission vehicles

        I suspect that nebulous phrase is the key that will unlock untold billions of graft.

      • Ownbestenemy

        If the battery were to leak, as all batteries eventually do, is it now no longer “zero-emissions”?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Yes and district courts have held that if the EO is from the “right” thinkers, they are without reproach.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I know I know but can an EO even do this?

      Directing the legislature to no longer issue hydraulic fracking permits by 2024

      Maybe its the way the news reported it

    • whiz

      The governor signed an executive order that requires all new cars and passenger trucks sold in California be zero-emission vehicles by the 2035 deadline.

      So buy it in Nevada or Arizona. Or does it also ban registering new cars?

      And what happens when we get blackouts and no one can charge their EVs…work from home day?

      It’s hard to work from home with no electricity.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Government has eaten up their own bullshit that without them, innovation would never occur. Rather than allow the technology to mature, they think that forcing it into the market will iron out all the kinks.

        This move should have immediately brought about the following question from a reporter: Gavin, you can’t even manage a statewide, let alone region or city, infrastructure with alternative energies. How are you going to handle this? Fairy dust and magic farts?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        California used to have a $600 smog impact fee until a state court tossed it as unconstitutional.

        It applied to any vehicle bought out of state, whether you lived in the state at the time or brought it with you when you moved in.

      • Not Adahn

        If you buy a car out of state, you have to pay NY sales tax as if you had bought it in state before you can register it.

      • Mad Scientist

        And they still have the prohibition against bringing in any vehicle with fewer than 7500 miles which doesn’t meet CA smog standards.

    • Mad Scientist

      California collects 50.5 cents per gallon in gas taxes. When Sacramento loses that revenue, I’ll sure they’ll just cut the budget elsewh……Ha. Couldn’t do it.

      • R C Dean

        Mileage tax, via a tracker on your vehicle that reports all your movements to the state.

        Count on it.

      • juris imprudent

        they’ll just cut the budget elsewh some more flesh off the tax cattle.

  18. mikey

    Yesterday I go to the hospital for a pulmonary function test to check my asthma. I asked the tech if I had to do this with my mask on. He laughed and said no, but he had to put on full hood resperator. I said “So because I’m taking off this totally useless neck gator you have to wear a haz mat suit?” “Yep.”

    • DEG

      This is insane.

      • Suthenboy

        Yes. Yes it is and the majority of the country is falling for it, lockstep.

        None of the masks I have seen people wearing are worth a damn for anything but they are following the herd.

      • Mojeaux

        majority of the country is falling for it, lockstep

        Maybe not as many are “falling for it” (much less lockstep) so much as “hounded into it.”

        I want to eat. I have to shop. The city and county where I shop have mandated masks and therefore the stores comply. If I want my stuff, I must comply.

        Will we get a critical mass of people who will not comply? I think not. You never know who’s a Karen* and what’s going to happen to you, and if Sturgis can’t convince the people who are invested in it and the NFL WON’T, then nobody can.

        The college kids around here (KU, MU) are getting (what I would call) downright persecuted for flouting the mask/partying rules.

        *The Karens are the ones this falls to, ultimately, because they’re the ones who want to make other people do what they want them to do, and they are the ones who will report you to the Stasi and make sure the cops get called. “See something, say something” indeed.

      • DEG

        Some employees at a few stores in a grocery store chain wore face shields instead of face masks. The Clown Prince’s edicts (which he calls “guidance”) require retail employees to wear masks. The Clown Prince’s goons stopped by those stores and told management, “Make those employees with face shields wear masks by next Tuesday or we shut you down.”

        I have on good authority that employees at those stores are pissed. They will comply with the theater only to the extent the Clown Prince’s goons stay off their backs. No more enforcement of corporate edicts about masks/number of people in the store/etc..

        I dropped instacart and started shopping at stores in that chain. I walk in without a mask, shop, pay, and leave. Most of the time there is only one other customer, if any one, in the store without a mask. No employee has said a word to me. Only one customer has given me a dirty look, which I promptly ignored.

        I also have on good authority that either that chain or another chain (my source, which I trust, will not name the chain) has quietly adopted a “don’t ask don’t tell” policy about masks. Corporate policy is that shoppers must wear masks unless they have a medical reason to not wear a mask. Employees throughout that chain when they see shoppers without masks, will simply assume the shopper has a medical reason for not wearing a mask. If a customer complains, the employees will just explain the medical exception to the policy.

        There is push back growing. Slow for my tastes, but more and more people are done with this bullshit.

      • UnCivilServant

        If you don’t want to puclically out the chain for their own protection, would you tell me which one it is via email?

        I can be found at scribe at evcombine dot net.

        I’m currently mad that I may have to break my no mask policy to take my car in for maintenance in order to keep my warranty.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    The P320/Mk18 is a good gun, but SIG as a company pretty much exemplifies ‘pain in the ass.’

    Like when they wouldn’t warranty the cracked slide on my Mosquito because I didn’t buy it new. Fuckers. Not a fan.

    And then, a year or so ago, GSG (who originally made them for Sig to put their name on) sold me a new bare slide for about forty bucks. Back in business.

    *Sig wanted more than I paid for the gun to replace the slide, and said I “had” to send it to them for the work.

    • Suthenboy

      Our litigious society is responsible for that bullshit, not the gun companies.

      A lifetime ago I sent a Super Blackhawk back to Ruger to have the small frame grip replaced with a large frame grip. They did it but kept the small frame grip because something something reasons. Now you cant get anything but new guns from them and forget any work or even buying parts from them

      I need some work done on my mini-14. I dread that.

      • Not Adahn

        ? I’ve bought parts from Ruger in just the past year.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        I’ve never heard anything bad about their service, other than the confusion over “AZ Time”.

      • blackjack

        Ruger has some policy that they will repair your gun for a set fee, and it’s small. I had a customer whose Blackhawk was melted in the Sylmar fire. You could tell it was a Ruger, but just barely. He sent it in and they gave him a new one. It cost him about 150.00 His bike was melted and charred severely too and it wasn’t covered because of how the damage happened.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I just had them do the single-action safety upgrade on a 1965 Single Six. The fix was free, the re-blueing cost me $130.

      • juris imprudent

        Barbarian! How could you let them do that to the beautiful original action? If it needed work, you could have found a competent gunsmith.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Eh, it’s a functional gun for killing varmints. not a collector’s piece. I don’t want to have to care about leaving the hammer on a round.

  20. The Late P Brooks

    Using electricity to generate electricity? GENIUS!

    You use this electric motor here to run the generator. Perpetual motion, here we come!

    • Ownbestenemy

      Just around the corner, maybe 5 years, with this one trick!

  21. The Late P Brooks

    None of the masks I have seen people wearing are worth a damn for anything but they are following the herd.

    Wut? Those train robber bandanas are completely effective. You could use them successfully against phosgene.

    • Suthenboy

      Someone around here used the analogy ‘using a chain link fence to keep out mosquitoes’….I like that. It is accurate.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        If your goal is to avoid sneezing on somebody, the masks work. If your goal is to avoid virus laden droplets from escaping, not so much.

    • R C Dean

      The new thing is masks that don’t tie across the bottom, just a flap of cloth hanging over your nose and mouth.

    • Not Adahn

      You could use them successfully against phosgene.

      Only if they were freshly soaked in piss, though.

    • Pine_Tree

      They’re magic charms. Literally. And that’s all they are.

      And they’re actually effective at one of the main functions of magic charms – telling all your co-religionists that you’re one of them.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    The new thing is masks that don’t tie across the bottom, just a flap of cloth hanging over your nose and mouth.

    Like a belly dancer’s veil?

    I like the new ones which are eerily similar to a celluloid shirt collar clipped in a little bracket on the wearer’s chin. Like a mini-up-side-down plastic face shield. Impermeable.

    • R C Dean

      Like a belly dancer’s veil?

      Exactly.

      a mini-up-side-down plastic face shield. Impermeable.

      And completely useless at what we are told masks are supposed to be good for – intercepting aerosols and droplet. That kind of mask won’t stop anything suspended in the air.

      • Suthenboy

        “… the main functions of magic charms – telling all your co-religionists that you’re one of them.”

        That is a bullseye.

      • Mojeaux

        I had reason to interact with cops and an officer of the court. I said, “Look, I’m okay with you taking your masks off.” Every one of them hesitated for a very long moment, then sighed, “No, we have to keep them on.”

      • AlexinCT

        They would be fired for letting you know this is all charades dictated by our masters…

      • juris imprudent

        and yet if they shoot you, or your dog…

      • Suthenboy

        I had the same experience at the grocery store this morning with the employees. One of them was visibly angry that her company required her to wear a mask all of the time and apologized that she could not take it off.

  23. R C Dean

    Alright, I’m starting to really like the Lawn Lawyers.

    • Sean

      Yep. Owning it.

      • AlexinCT

        You don’t bow to the left: you fucking punch them in their female balls.

      • Suthenboy

        Who said “I have never hurt a person. I have shot a few commies….. but people….I would never hurt a person.”

      • R C Dean

        That’s the danger in this. Once one side starts dehumanizing their opponents, it tends to spread. And very bad things happen.

      • Suthenboy

        Yes. There is a line but it isn’t really a line. It is more like a precipice. Once you go over it, it is impossible to go back no matter how much you wish you could.

      • blackjack

        Too late. The Portland people have already proclaimed that Danielson guy to be a “fascist” and therefore, they’re glad he got killed. The whole crowd cheered. The scumbag killer said ” I didn’t hit anyone who was innocent” They clearly accosted him and killed him out of the blue.

    • R C Dean

      So we can add “I Nadlered my pants” to “I just Swalwelled”?

    • Suthenboy

      Good grief. The democrat party is dominated by a bunch of old commies that should be in assisted living facilities.

    • juris imprudent

      He was just deflating, a little.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Addled decrepit crypt keepers that won’t let go.

      Even the fucking cartel kingpins recognize that they have to eventually retire.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    Mileage tax, via a tracker on your vehicle that reports all your movements to the state.

    They’ll just piggyback on the insurance companies’ “safe driver” telemetry downloader. Make it part of their permission to operate in the state that they must capture miles driven and report it to the tax man.

  25. Sean

    They are already smashing windows in Louisville.

    • Tundra

      Which city is gonna be the first to put this shit right down?

      • Sean

        Lancaster did a pretty decent job.

    • Suthenboy

      And the National Guard is….watching?

    • Fatty Bolger

      Krugman drools.

      • blackjack

        Hey, Windows 2k was broken out of the gate. Windows 10 seems OK to me.

  26. westernsloper

    Uhhh…