Tis the Season

by | Sep 29, 2020 | Fiction | 572 comments

Sam leaned against a tree listening to the lovers up in the woods just down the path.

The lovers had spread out a blanket under the low hanging branches of a dogwood tree.Ā  They must have believed that it afforded them some level of privacy.Ā  But, Sam could see them clearly with the night vision binoculars.

He didnā€™t recognize this couple. Ā Unlike most of the couples that went to the park after dark, they took off all of their clothes.Ā  They took a long time to complete, and then they laid still for a while.Ā  When they started to dress, Sam turned and headed down the path in the opposite direction towards the park entrance.

Sam loved autumn.Ā  It got dark early and the lovers would show as soon as they thought they had privacy.Ā  Sam could sometimes watch one couple or even two couples on a lucky night and still get home before curfew on a school night.

 

If you could see my mind, if you really look deep, then maybe you’ll find

That somewhere there will be a place, hidden behind my comedian face

 

You will find somewhere there’s a house, and inside that house there’s a room

Locked in the room in the corner you see

A voice is waiting for me, to set it free

I got the key

I got the key

 

Voices, I hear voices

 

Sam pulled a dining room chair up in front of the china cabinet and climbed up.Ā  He looked at the box, all covered in dust.Ā  Samā€™s dad hadnā€™t touched the box in months, so he would need to be very careful not to disturb the dust on the box or on the cabinet around the box.Ā  Because, you never knew when the old bastard would get shit-faced, then reach up there and grab the box and drag it down.Ā  And even when he was drunk, he would notice shit.Ā  Shit that pissed him off.

The key for the box was always on his dadā€™s key chain.Ā Ā  It was an old-timey key that looked like a skeleton key from the movies on the black and white classics channel.Ā  One day when the old man forgot his keys on the kitchen table, Sam used a small block of wax make an impression of the key just like they did in some of the old movies. Ā Ā He used the wax impression to make a rubbing in the shape of the key.

A few weeks later, he took the rubbing to shop class as school and cut out 8 blanks from a sheet of metal about the same thickness as the key.Ā  Sam was on his third try at shaping a key from one of the blanks using a file he had stolen from shop class.Ā  He would file down the edges to make the key rounder and smoother.Ā  When the key would fit into the wax mold, he could give it a try in the box.

He carefully slipped the home-made key into the slot and turned.Ā  The key resisted a bit but then it turned fully around in the slot.Ā Ā  Sam opened the lid just far enough to see grandpaā€™s service revolver, several speed loaders, and a box of .38 Special.Ā Ā  He closed the box and relocked it.

 

In my head the voice is waiting, waiting for me to set it free

I locked it inside my imagination, but I’m the one who’s got the combination

 

Some people didn’t like what the voice did say

So, I took the voice and I locked it away

I got the key

I got the key

 

Voices, I hear voices

 

Sam got home from school and opened the back door into the kitchen.Ā  He froze as he heard the television blaring in the family room.Ā  He steeled himself and stepped in.

Sam found his father three-sheets to the wind watching girls playing beach volley ball on cable. Ā He tried not to look at his father as he crossed through the family room to get to the hallway to his room.

ā€œHey Sam, go grab me another beer.ā€

ā€œSure dad, right away.ā€

Sam turned and headed back to the kitchen, opened the fridge, and grabbed a beer.Ā Ā  The 12-pack was already half gone.Ā  He headed back to the family room.

ā€œHere you go dad.ā€

ā€œHey Sam, look at the tits on that one.ā€

ā€œSure dad, awesome.ā€

ā€œHey Sam, how come you never bring any girls by the house?Ā  You ainā€™t queer or nothing are you?ā€

ā€œNo dad.Ā  I like girls, they just donā€™t like me much.Ā  Uh, I got homework.Ā  Iā€™ll see you later.ā€

ā€œSure thing, Sam.Ā  Sure thing.ā€

Sam left his father staring at the TV and headed back to his room.

 

Voices, I hear voices

 

Voices, I hear voices

 

Sam heard an enormous crashing sound from the back of the house.

He found his father standing in the middle of the kitchen with a whisky bottle at arms reach on the counter.Ā Ā  The microwave was lying on the floor on the opposite side of the room from where it should be.Ā  There was a huge hole in the sheetrock where the microwave had hit the wall.

ā€œThey canā€™t fucking do this to me.Ā  I worked there for 25 fucking years.ā€

Sam turned from the kitchen and hustled into the dining room.Ā  His father continued to scream.Ā  Little of it made sense at this point.

Sam grabbed a chair and drug it over to the china cabinet.Ā  He climbed up and grabbed the box. Ā He opened the box without getting down from the chair and loaded 6 rounds into the revolver just like the videos showed on Youtube. He got down from the chair; walked back to the kitchen; and pulled the trigger 6 times.

 

Don’t look back, look straight ahead, don’t turn away, then the voice it said

Don’t look back, yesterday’s gone, don’t turn away, you can take it on

 

Sam returned to the dining room and pulled the box down from the cabinet.Ā  He set the box on the dining room table and fully opened the box.Ā Ā  He reloaded the revolver then loaded the three speed loaders that were also in the box.

 

Don’t look back, look straight ahead, don’t turn away, then the voice it said

Don’t look back, yesterday’s gone, don’t turn away, you can take it on

 

It was already dusk.Ā  Sam grabbed the black hoodie that he always wore to the park.Ā  He put the revolver in the right-hand pocket of the hoodie and the three speed loaders in the left-hand pocket.Ā  He dumped the remaining cartridges into a baggy and stuffed them into the front pocket of his jeans.Ā  He grabbed his night vision binoculars and headed out the front door of the house.

 

Don’t look back, look straight ahead, don’t turn away, then the voice it said

Don’t look back, yesterday’s gone, don’t turn away, you can take it on

 

Voices, I hear voices

 

Voices, I hear voices

 

 

 

{Voices; Russ Ballard; 1984}

 

About The Author

kinnath

kinnath

I am not a bum. I'm a jerk. I once had wealth, power, and the love of a beautiful woman. Now I only have two things: the glibs, and... uh... my booze.

572 Comments

  1. Brochettaward

    Three straight firsts without trying. What is wrong with you people?

    • UnCivilServant

      You see, it’s simple – no one cares.

      There is nothing wrong with any of us.

  2. Brochettaward

    When I do what this article suggests I get slapped with felony charges.

  3. Fourscore

    Damn, Kinnath. Great story but its almost my bedtime, how am I going to sleep, knowing that Mrs Fourscore was trained in firearms?. That’s the reason I don’t drink, unlike Sam’s Dad, I believed my wife.

    The talent on here is unreal, Thanks. I hope there is more to think, a serial, a novel.

    • Fourscore

      You can’t leave us hanging, not with that kid out there with a .38, night binocs and a public park full of horny kids.

      As a kid in Mpls, we would hunt night crawlers in the same circumstances but we took a long walk around when we saw the blanket and the romance.

      • kinnath

        You’ll have to finish the story in your head.

  4. Aloysious

    That was a little dark. I mean that as a compliment. Got my imagination going.

    The poetry was a nice break from a routine format.

    Please tell me there will be a part two.

  5. westernsloper

    Holy moly Kinnath, didn’t see that coming.

  6. Plisade

    Nice. My kinda short story. Dark is good.

    • kinnath

      thanks

  7. Sean

    Clearly it’s Trump’s fault Sam went nutso.

    Nice, Kinnath.

  8. kinnath

    Everyone is out buying booze for the drinking games.

    • Sean

      I’m already stocked up. ?

      • Rhywun

        I’m already drunk.

        Nah, only getting there.

      • Sean

        I might hate watch list the debates for a couple minutes before going to bed.

        I just downed a big ass gin & tonic. Moving to vodka.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        just popped open a shiner… my goal is to avoid the news for the next few days.

      • Don escaped Duopoly

        Shiner

        you’ve already bingoed ‘far ‘s I’m concerned

      • EvilSheldon

        Nice. I’m into Shiner #2 (work night.)

    • westernsloper

      I am pissed I can’t watch for the drinking game. Alarm is early.

      • Rhywun

        I have to get up at 5 but I’m game.

      • westernsloper

        I get up at 3:30 but with the time difference it is same time plus 30. Ok I am a wimp. But I drink more than you.

      • Brochettaward

        I am the First drinker. I could drink all of you into the ground.

      • blackjack

        4 A.M. west coast time. First day back to work after a two week covid “self monitor” break. Wife switched it to fox. She’s all hopped up on the red pill.

      • Rhywun

        Well, I’m working on my second double cocktail. At least one beer will follow. Maybe two. But yeah, that’s probably enough for me.

        Unfortunately unlike during the primaries there’s no interesting sportsball to flip over to when the ‘batin’ becomes too ridiculous.

      • westernsloper

        Ya, I am a bit more into my cups. Going to work early means getting off work early. I am yet undecided if it is a good thing for my liver because I am bad at math and dgaf.

      • Rhywun

        Going to work early means getting off work early.

        That’s what I thought. ?

        Oh well, it’s only temporary. Next week should be the normal 9-to-5 grind.

  9. westernsloper

    Read it while listening to the linked music. Love that song. I have voices in my head but it is always the same asshole. Me.

    • kinnath

      That’s one of my favorite tunes.

      • westernsloper

        The 80’s are an unappreciated decade. I might grow a mullet.

      • Sean

        Do it. My apocalypse hair is flourishing.

        My last haircut was in December 2019.

      • Count Potato

        Damn hippies šŸ˜‰

      • westernsloper

        ?

      • DEG

        I’ve been finding mask-free places to get hair cuts. Some are surprisingly open about it.

      • Rhywun

        Not familiar with that tune but I am a child of the 80s so of course it’s the best decade.

      • Rhywun

        …damn, that’s a good tune, BTW.

      • kinnath

        It is. I was listening to it on the way home from Honey Harvest.

        It crossed my mind that Sugar Free should not get all the fun this Halloween season.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!

  10. DenverJ

    Damn zoom alcohol class still got 30 minutes! Imma miss Biden putting Trump in a headlock

    • Count Potato

      “alcohol class”

      ??

    • Ownbestenemy

      Imma want to join that class

    • westernsloper

      Does alcohol class give you a drink ticket for paying cover?

  11. straffinrun

    If you got go, there are worse ways than while watching women playing beach volleyball.

    • kinnath

      yup

      • straffinrun

        Good story.

      • kinnath

        thanks

      • blackjack

        Good story, Kinnath, thanks.

      • kinnath

        thanks

  12. CPRM

    So, what you’re saying is, Ted Cruz’s dad was named Sam?

    • kinnath

      So, Son of Sam then?

    • one true athena

      I gotta say, my respect for Cruz went up for playing along with the Zodiac Killer meme. I didn’t think much of him during the debates, but he got some new manager or something that got him to loosen up a bit and he’s turned pretty fun the last year or two.

      • Rhywun

        I’m growing one of my own. I’m getting more fun already.

      • Gustave Lytton

        ??

        I think the last time I shaved completely was 2003.

  13. pistoffnick

    Kinnath,

    You were pretty quiet at the Honey Harvest.

    It’s always the quiet ones who are twisted. I like twisted. I like this.

    Excellent, sir.

    And your mead was pretty damn good, too.

    • kinnath

      They neighbors will say “He was a quiet guy. Kept pretty much to himself.”

      Thanks

    • Fourscore

      Put a dozen recluses together and there isn’t much social intercourse or the regular kind either. The kids in the masks got the bonus mead and made short order of it, I found the empty bottle the next morning when I cleaned the cabin. Good times, K and PONick.

  14. Ownbestenemy

    Enjoyable read Kenneth. So much talent here on glibs

    • kinnath

      thanks

    • blackjack

      Here’s my soundtrack.

  15. Tundra

    Kinnath, that was amazing!

    Creepy as hell…

    • kinnath

      thanks

  16. Sean

    If old Joe strokes out on stage tonight, I’ll send $200 to Glibs foundation or 2 boxes of range 9mm, whichever has a higher dollar value.

    • The Gunslinger

      My prediction is a typical dull debate where each candidate promises to deliver more free shit than the other one and they try to paint the opponent as literally Hitler who wants to kill you and put your women in chains. I think the Biden will poop his pants stuff is overblown.

    • Don escaped Duopoly

      If Joe codes, ammo prices will plummet.

  17. Brochettaward

    Kinnath is honing in on my turf. I may have to submit my own article. The best article. The First article.

    • Brochettaward

      And just so we are clear if I do submit my own article I will still be First on it.

    • kinnath

      I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

  18. Ownbestenemy

    Uh…. all the live streams showing the opening statements from Wallace are no audio or is it just me

    • Count Potato

      Shotgun but no lavalier.

  19. Count Potato

    BIG DEEP TALKOVER VOICE

  20. Sean

    I see no debate audience facemasks.

    Russia collusion!!!!1!1!1. Or something

  21. DEG

    Good story.

    • kinnath

      Thanks

  22. creech

    Melania or DOCTOR Jill?

    • Ownbestenemy

      wouldnt say no to both…as long as one has a gag

  23. Yusef drives a Kia

    Hey Ho, Here we Go!

  24. kinnath

    So, at this point, the thread rolls over to live blogging the debate right?

    • Ownbestenemy

      Sorry Kinnath. Really was a good story!

      • kinnath

        thanks

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I’m glad I post on Monday

      • Rhywun

        ditto, I just got around to reading it ?

    • DEG

      I’m not watching the debate. I have stuff to wrap up at work, and I have to get a little housework done before bed.

  25. Ownbestenemy

    ACB Question right out the gate. Should be interesting.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      out of the box, nailing it! We won! /Barack obama

    • Ownbestenemy

      And off Joe goes.

  26. Yusef drives a Kia

    BOOM!

  27. Brochettaward

    Donald starts off with a quiet jab with an “elections have consequences” line.

  28. commodious spittoon

    I gotta ear infection and the only prescription isn’t debate night.

  29. Yusef drives a Kia

    Change the tune Joe, your fucking up already,

    • Mojeaux

      I was thinking about the Apple Dumpling Gang yesterday, actually.

      • Ted S.

        There’s also Pete’s Dragon.

    • Gender Traitor

      …And when one of us is gone
      And one of us is left to carry on…

    • CatchTheCarp

      Delta Dawn what’s that flower you have on?
      Could it be a faded rose from days gone by?
      And did I hear you say
      He was a meeting you here today
      To take you to his mansion in the sky

      For some reason that song has remained stuck in my memory banks…… along with this one:

      https://youtu.be/ULKEBJRC0gs

      I Am Woman, meh, forgettable.

      Her voice has a fantastic tone to my ears, so one why not one more:

      https://youtu.be/hjZy00iHM-8

  30. Brochettaward

    When women are pregnant, they can be charged more for the same exact procedure a man has.

    • commodious spittoon

      Why should they get a twofer?

  31. Breet Pharara

    When’s the bikini contest?

  32. Yusef drives a Kia

    Biden’s not going to make it,

    • Breet Pharara

      I did appreciate the “you’re not gonna be able to shut him up” jab by Biden though.

  33. Ownbestenemy

    Joe…I am the Democratic party.

    • Breet Pharara

      “I AM THE SENATE” ~ EMPEROR PALPATINE

    • Rhywun

      He contains multitudes.

  34. Rhywun

    Joe is spinning so much bullshit even the moderator can’t keep up.

  35. Count Potato

    Trump seems a bit too pushy here.

    • Rhywun

      Yeah, he does need to STFU.

    • Brochettaward

      He’s getting under Biden’s skin.

  36. Mojeaux

    Meme I saw:

    “President Trump v Chris Wallace”

    • Ownbestenemy

      Not a meme if Trump said it.

  37. Rhywun

    Pocahontas… OMFG LOL

    • Ownbestenemy

      Joe is gonna get lucky tonight

  38. Sean

    Ugh..I can’t even with this debate.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Its bad…really really bad.

    • westernsloper

      Ya, that is where I am at.

    • Rhywun

      Trump needs to move this in a direction away from Uncle Sugar.

    • AlexinCT

      I am done.. It is Trump vs Chris and a moron that lies and accuses his opponent of being a liar…

  39. Yusef drives a Kia

    trump wants to debate Joe, Joe wants to talk to Chris Wallace,

    • AlexinCT

      The two have a plan it feels like…

  40. The Hyperbole

    These are adults?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      No, next….

    • Breet Pharara

      What part of the past 4 years makes you think anyone running this country is an adult?

    • leon

      Where is SBBC? Why isn’t she on that stage?

      • The Hyperbole

        Did you just assume xir’s gender?

      • leon

        Bitch set me up.

  41. Plisade

    Biden’s gonna tap out.

  42. Ownbestenemy

    This is an absolute shitshow…its awesome

  43. creech

    Vote for Jorgensen and feel clean again.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      BLM supporter, Fuck off

      • creech

        The LP shouldn’t be anti-rascist?

      • grrizzly

        The LP shouldn’t be anti-white.

      • Rhywun

        “Anti-racist” doesn’t mean what you think it does any more.

      • creech

        I go by traditional meaning, not what some woke sjw thinks is racist today.

      • Rhywun

        That’s what the SJW’s are counting on. Language tricks like this are in fact their modus operandi.

      • grrizzly

        Too bad that Jorgensen has enthusiastically embraced the woke sjw definition.

      • Hyperion

        You know, I’ve never once looked at her campaign site. Because the LP is an embarrassing joke. It’s dead to me.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        If Jorg is supporting BLMā„¢, she is supporting straight-up communists (and, Communism, by default).

        FDS.

      • The Hyperbole

        That “if” is the crux. In my view Jo did some milquetoast pandering to the social justice crowd, however she did explicitly condemn the people using the BLM movement to promote violence, looting, rioting and what not. This “she supports Marxists” is the JDS crowd’s equivalent of the “fine people on both sides” TDS crowd talking point.

      • commodious spittoon

        Not even that, just lazy social media game for someone who needed to take risks and thinks taking risks is doing whatever Nike and Starbucks did.

    • Mojeaux

      She is a bake-the-caker.

      • creech

        No idea what that means.

      • Mojeaux

        She supports forcing people to bake cakes for gay couples.

      • creech

        Cite please.

      • commodious spittoon

        Remember when the LP candidate didn’t know some shithole city we helped bomb into oblivion or whatever? And that was a big deal. Now our LP candidate can’t take the temperature of a room on walk-in domestic issues.

      • creech

        I don’t know what rooms you are taking the temperature in, but the vast majority of Americans
        aren’t racist, and support anti-racism. That asshole Marxists and fellow travelling left wingers are trying to redefine what it means to be a racist should not be given in to.

      • Rhywun

        Dude, they won that battle. You can’t win by following their script.

        She said she supports BLM.

        BLM is an explicitly Marxist organization.

        End of story.

      • commodious spittoon

        Why oppose the mob when you can suck up to their corporate-approve messaging?

        Gtfo here with that logic.

      • grrizzly

        Jorgensen cheered on a private company who fired an employee for posting All Lives Matter on her private Facebook page. This is the piece of shot you support. Sad.

    • grrizzly

      I don’t vote for racists like Jorgensen.

      • The Hyperbole

        There are very fine people on both sides.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Except the Communists. They can die in a fire.

      • Lackadaisical

        He already excluded them by specifying people.

  44. Rhywun

    “He doesn’t have a plan to move the American people around like pieces on a chess board zOMFG!!”

    *grrrrr*

    • AlexinCT

      Trump let people die Rhywun, he let people die!!!!!!

      Fucking China plague had nothing to do with it..

      • Rhywun

        They’re bitching back and forth at each other about what they will DO.

        I’m screaming at the television, “don’t do anything! Let Americans do what they will!”

        Holy crap, was it always like this?

      • Breet Pharara

        Most Americans want big daddy government to be more involved in their lives not less. That’s why these two clowns are on stage and we’re stuck talking about it on an obscure site on the internet.

  45. Ownbestenemy

    I have to give you roughly equal time…..really Wallace? You already lost control 5 minutes into this.

    • Brochettaward

      Who cares about a moderator having control? Just let the candidates go at it. They are the ones running to run the country but we expect some journalism major to “keep control.”

      Trump is looking to bully Biden and, I’m going to guess, get under his skin. It’s his opportunity to talk to the American public without his words being funneled through the media.

      • Ownbestenemy

        He already does via Twitter though. So I am not sure its the proper method. But time will tell and no one is going to change sides after this…it just entrenches them.

      • Brochettaward

        Twitter is a platform used by a select number of people. And then you have people who follow Trump full time. It’s a platform, but not an extended one. I don’t use Twitter personally and the media likes to cherry pick tweets and put them in their preferred context.

      • AlexinCT

        Fucking give them light sabers or baseball bats and let them do each other…

  46. Ownbestenemy

    Trump tossing jabs is not going help him.

  47. westernsloper

    I am going to watch the debate during coffee tomorrow morning. This is comedy.

    • Brochettaward

      Of course it’s comedy. It’s Donald fucking Trump against senile Joe Biden.

      That’s the state of the country.

  48. Yusef drives a Kia

    His eyes are Black, Biden is the AntiChrist

  49. Rhywun

    What’s up with Biden’s Betazed-black eyes? Spooky.

    • Brochettaward

      Odds are good that they did, in fact, drug him up for this.

  50. DenverJ

    Biden just lost

    • Count Potato

      How?

      • DenverJ

        Blue and white striped tie

      • DenverJ

        I put on my glasses: is he wearing a super pale sky blue tie with black stripes? Oh, he didn’t just lose this election, I’m pretty sure he retroactively loses elections he already won.

  51. grrizzly

    Biden is doing okay so far.

    • Ownbestenemy

      He is hanging in there, but he isn’t sticking to talking point in the beginning but kinda brought it back in

    • Count Potato

      Better than I expected.

  52. Ownbestenemy

    The “old notion of a vaccine”….nice Biden. Isn’t that the talking point of your party?

  53. Yusef drives a Kia

    Wallace to the Woodchippers!

  54. Yusef drives a Kia

    NO MAS!

  55. Plisade

    Wallace is trying to live fact check Trump

    • Lackadaisical

      Called it.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Jesus Trump….not good. Funny, but not good.

      • Mojeaux

        I’m being entertained.

  56. kinnath

    I tried to watch the debate. Couldn’t do it

    Let me know when Joe strokes out.

    • CPRM

      I’ll watch it after work with some beer, gotta sift through all that audio for an episode.

      • Ownbestenemy

        You will have PLENTY….I mean…PLENTY

  57. Ownbestenemy

    Trump tightening up which is good and focused on what people that are affected greatest is good but he just goes off like Joe. Its like watching a porcupine walk backwards through a pipe.

  58. Ownbestenemy

    So we never ended up with a zoom eh? I feel bad because Kinnath’s post was good.

    • Urthona

      see… according to breitbart Trump is dominating.

      weird.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I am gonna have to agree with CNN…its not wrong.

    • Breet Pharara

      Holy shit! CNN did a not fake news.

    • leon

      With a take like that, i guess Biden didn’t do very well…

  59. Gustave Lytton

    Took the doggie for a walk on the beach this afternoon, and then a bath afterwards. Some alcohol imbibed. Am i ready to watch the shitshow or just tap out for the highlight reel?

    • Ownbestenemy

      Watch a replay but as I type this…I don’t know. Its like a train wreck. You need to watch it once you start.

      • creech

        So far, I think most Glibs could do a better job defending Trump’s record than Trump is doing. Even if you don’t particularly like Trump.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Both are just as senile I think….

      • AlexinCT

        Trump is not an articulate clean black guy….

      • AlexinCT

        Part of me wants to stop, but I am just drawn back when the shit rehits the fan…

  60. AlexinCT

    MILLIONAIRES AND BILLIONAIRES..

    Biden shoutout to Sanders?

  61. Drake

    I forgot how much I hate debates now.

  62. AlexinCT

    So am I wrong that Biden’s solutions to all problems boil down to “Government will take care of the people” meaning free shit?

    • Sir Digby Classic

      Nope–that’s what his newest commercial is. Straight up $ envy, class warfare, and “have some free shit at someone else’s expense”.

  63. Timeloose

    Here comes the income taxes.

  64. Ownbestenemy

    So Biden made a point that the Government is our daddy and should help everyone. Trump pushed for a retort which is good…….and then devolves into football…..GOD THIS IS TERRIBLE.

  65. Count Potato

    This tax question is just gotcha stupid crap.

    • Ownbestenemy

      HA! Trump taking my advice! Calling out Biden and Obama for their tax bills they signed!

    • Rhywun

      This whole thing is fucking gotcha crap.

      What a shitshow.

  66. AlexinCT

    Here comes the come on man… He is starting to wander and stumble…

    • Ownbestenemy

      19…91…that’s called dyslexia.

    • Hyperion

      I don’t watch debates because it’s always just the moderator trying to guide the thing in the direction they want.

      The fact that Biden is up there for 45 minutes without gaffing out, I must have been right about the neural transmitter implant. That explains the beady black eyes too.

      • Rhywun

        I donā€™t watch debates because itā€™s always just the moderator trying to guide the thing in the direction they want.

        This.

        It’s fucking ridiculous.

      • Rhywun

        “I wanna return to the question of race.”

        ^case in point

  67. Ownbestenemy

    Minus Wallace losing control…some good questions really. If only we had good candidates.

  68. Mojeaux

    Bored now.

  69. AlexinCT

    Biden just told everyone Trump’s economy was handed to him by Obama’s people, not the fact he rolled back Obama’s bullshit?

  70. egould310

    What a fucking shit show. I hate everyone.

    Crazy! Crazy! Crazy! Crazy!
    I don’t care what you fuckin’ do
    I don’t care what you fuckin’ say
    I’m so sick of everything
    I just want to die!

    https://youtu.be/302oEzSPCqE

  71. Timeloose

    Bidenā€™s son

  72. AlexinCT

    Oh shit… Biden just tried to act like Trump has been the reason China has been fucking us over? Not Clinton, Boosh, and Obama sucking CCP dick…

    Oh oh… Joe just told us that Hunter didn’t get special treatment and money from China and Barisma…

  73. Timeloose

    Trump should let Biden hang himself. Heā€™s not letting him get a word in edgewise.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Wallace trying to get control is funny.

    • commodious spittoon

      Trump can’t bear to let anyone but him hang himself on TV. He’s the R. Budd Dwyer of rhetoric.

  74. Timeloose

    Shit show. What a bunch of butt heads.

  75. Count Potato

    Uhhhhhh

  76. l0b0t

    This fellow running the debate is an anti-Trump bigot who is doing his level best to help Biden at every turn.

    • wchipperdove

      whadja expect?

    • Hyperion

      So, par for the course?

    • commodious spittoon

      A good reason not to give Trump or Trumpistas much sympathy when they bitch about media bias… Yeah?? And?

  77. Timeloose

    Equity. Bull shit.

  78. Yusef drives a Kia

    Chris’ Father would be ashamed,

    • Ownbestenemy

      Agreed. Senor Wallace was a journalist that would pop out of bushes to get a story.

  79. wchipperdove

    I don’t have cable. Everybody keep commenting! Relevant comments I mean. [chainsmokes nervously]

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Hey you can’t get out of it that easily, it’s on network tv too.

  80. Ownbestenemy

    So the stories about 30 minutes then a break were untrue….1 hour in..Joe hanging in there. Not great, but Trump isn’t looking good either. He is overstepping terribly.

  81. l0b0t

    “VERY FINE PEOPLE ON BOTH SIDES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

    • The Other Kevin

      That should disqualify him. Total lie easily proven. KKK coming out of fields?

  82. Yusef drives a Kia

    out and out Liar!

  83. Ownbestenemy

    Wait…Joe…did he just equate….what the damn well fuck? See Trump just shut up and let him ramble.

  84. l0b0t

    “1 in 100 African Americans have been killed by Corona; if Trump wins it will be 1 in 500.” says Biden

    • Ownbestenemy

      CPRM is gonna have lots of audio to go through. For both.

    • Hyperion

      What? So, Biden just said Trump is going to reduce African Americans deaths from the vid by 500%.

      • l0b0t

        Sorry, 1st number should be 1 in 1000, not 1 in 100.

  85. pistoffnick

    *wonders at both R and D*

    This is the best you have to offer?

    Where are Jo and Vermin on that stage?

    *goes back to watching Bad Chad Customs*

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Jo, as in Joke? the BLM supporter? why do any of you think the LP is a legitimate party? an ideology, not a party,

      • creech

        LP is a ideological supper club, not a political party. Every time they try to do politics, “real” libertarians denounce them for appealing to the Left or Right, or RINOS, or for overlooking whatever pet issue the “real” libertarians believe is the key to convincing 99% of the American public that liberty works and liberty is right.

      • pistoffnick

        As legitimate or illegitimate as D or R candy-dates.

        Dude, I’m an anarchist. Let them both burn in hell (also not religious/don’t believe in heaven or hell). And I won’t vote for any of them, but I wish the window would open wider.

        Look at how rigged the game is when there are only 2 candy-dates on stage.

      • pistoffnick

        HOW IS IT NOT RIGGED?

  86. egould310

    I hate Donald Trump. But I really like Donald Trump. I hate myself…
    https://youtu.be/okqs1nhPdCo

  87. Toxteth O'Grady

    Heard about 10 early minutes while dog-walking and am already tired. Someone (Ron Paul?) said the first 15 minutes of the first debate are the most important. Trump could show more restraint. Joe’s “shut up” and “quit yapping” were cringey funny. Will have to catch the repeat. Or just read the transcript tomorrow.

    • Gender Traitor

      TO’G! I saw your shout-out to me in the AM Lynx, but not until a couple of hours after it dead-threaded. Thanks! ::gives TO’G a big virtual hug::

      BTW, did you know that my new cat is named Grady?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Aw, thanks. And Gracie too, right? ?

      • Gender Traitor

        Gracie lost her chance to become an indoor cat when she disappeared for a few days and Grady showed up. We’re still feeding her on the porch, but not planning to adopt her. 1. She’s skittish around us and won’t let us get close. B. It’s a lot more expensive to spay a female than neuter a male, and III. She’s probably already pregnant.

        (The cat we already had is named Snot. Not my idea.)

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Uh-oh, kitten decisions.

        (I should have specified a cheerful version of Dorothy P, not a saturnine alcoholic.)

      • Gender Traitor

        (Appreciated.)

  88. Rhywun

    I think I’m seeing the plot here.

    Wallace lobs a softball at Biden. Biden gets all fuzzy and warm. Trump calls out the bullshit. Wallace tells him to STFU. Rinse and repeat.

  89. l0b0t

    Ooh… President Biden will, first day, have a meeting in the Oval Office with all the police chiefs and civil rights leaders and “…sort this all out”

    • Breet Pharara

      He’ll call the Dem DA’s and start prosecuting the useful idiots and it will die down real fast.

      • AlexinCT

        Actually he will tell Soros and other dnc entities to stop paying the rioters and stop bailing the trouble makers out…..

        Then he will show how great of a statesman he was by shutting down the criminal activities his party was sanctioning and financing.

      • commodious spittoon

        The useful idiots, but not the community organizers.

  90. Ownbestenemy

    This is a trap question about critical race theory….this is bad points for Trump. Shouldn’t be…but it will be. He started onto core values of our country and didn’t continue this thought.

  91. The Hyperbole

    “Sort of a reversal”

  92. Timeloose

    Canā€™t stand this anymore. What a load. Iā€™m out.

  93. Drake

    Joe’s problem is numbers. Every single time he says a number, he stumbles.

  94. l0b0t

    Biden – “I’m for law… and little bit of order.” CPRM, this dreck is an audio goldmine.

  95. Tulip

    I hate them both

    • Rhywun

      INORITE?

  96. Count Potato

    Trump didn’t get his 2 minutes.

  97. slumbrew

    What’s the point of the debate? Is anyone actually undecided and going to be swayed by this?

    • Ownbestenemy

      No. Its all for campaign sound bites.

    • Chafed

      It may drive up the suicide rate.

  98. Ownbestenemy

    Chris bringing a good question….and Biden swings and misses.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Fuck and Trump sticks his dick in it.

    • Don escaped Duopoly

      I’m carding out Cardinal game 58: MIL@STL

  99. Timeloose

    I feel like Iā€™m watching my drunk uncles yell at each other.

    By the way does Biden think he can get votes from mentioning Scranton more then the entire run of the office.

    Tump canā€™t finish a thought without saying law and order.

    • The Other Kevin

      This is so hard to watch.

      • Hyperion

        It always is. That’s why I’m not watching it.

      • commodious spittoon

        Much more enjoyable listening to music and reading from the poor sots who have to watch this dross.

        I don’t usually listen to music unless I’m hugely drunk… oh, I’m that

        but not nearly drunk enough to listen to those two yammering assholes go at one another.

      • Gender Traitor

        There’s no way I could have stood it. I just love reading all the other Glibs’ reactions.

      • Rhywun

        I’m done. Off. This is disgusting.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Its like peering into everyday America’s Thanksgiving dinner after a couple bottles of wine.

      • Rhywun

        I need 3 or 4 bottles for this.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Somehow, my family is not this dysfunctional.

  100. Rhywun

    “His own FBI director said _______”

    ?

  101. l0b0t

    Biden is blaming the riots and violence on the Short-Fingered Vulgarian. Trump is sponsoring the violence because it helps him electorally. Now Trump won’t condemn Proud Boys; he’s a superNAZI.

    • Hyperion

      It helps him and it should. But the democrats are 100% responsible for the uncontrolled riots and looting.

    • Count Potato

      Why did Trump even mention Proud Boys?

      • The Hyperbole

        I think Biden threw that out when Trump asked “who do you want me to denounce?”

  102. Drake

    A few day days ago somebody asked why Reagan was so popular. He would crush these guys like bugs in a debate.
    https://youtu.be/Z97_qDsrqgU

    • creech

      Just thinking that. Reagan had more dignity in his big toe than either of these guys has.

      • Rhywun

        Yup.

    • Hyperion

      Yea, Reagan was well spoken and articulate. But Trump is the better president, blow hard or not.

    • db

      https://youtu.be/Z97_qDsrqgU?t=317

      Right here is a good one…if this is true, he might be the last President to have done things this way.

  103. Yusef drives a Kia

    TOTAL PROPAGANDA FROM FOX NEWS, Chris gets the woodchipper, what scum

  104. Count Potato

    Trump should have been way more clear condemning white supremacists.

    • Hyperion

      Did Biden condemn antifa and blm?

      • Ownbestenemy

        lol he said it was an ‘idea’

      • Hyperion

        An idea that can’t decide if it’s anarchy, communism, or both.

      • Count Potato

        Well, no, but Trump should know that if he didn’t say “yes” that he condemns white supremacists that the media was going to run with it. I’m not watching CNN, but I’m sure Van Jones is already doing it now.

    • Don escaped Duopoly

      is there a trend of Trump refusing to criticize anyone he suspects might vote for him?

      • Count Potato

        He did condemn them in the past.

  105. DenverJ

    Heavy sigh. I think Trump stands between us and 1984. I also think he lost this debate.

    • creech

      Not the kind of guy with the temperament to beat someone promising apple pie and free shit.

      • Hyperion

        He beat Hillary, and she probably won at least one of the debates, if not all 3 from what I saw.

      • Don escaped Duopoly

        excellent point

      • leon

        I”m pretty sure he won the first debate at least. IIRC, because she wasn’t expecting it.

      • DenverJ

        A flawed messenger, 4sure

    • Rhywun

      With a titanic assist from Mr. Wallace.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Looks like Biden is getting under Trump’s skin.

    • commodious spittoon

      He should have yanked out Biden’s earpiece like Austin Powers tearing the wig off his assailant.

      • wchipperdove

        “It’s a MAN, man!”

  106. The Hyperbole

    I really should have stuck to my long standing tradition of not watching presidential debates. I’m going to end up with absolutely no respect for anyone who supports either of these assholes.

    • straffinrun

      Ding! Embrace the Apathy 2020

  107. Ownbestenemy

    Billionaires! Drink!

  108. Ownbestenemy

    Fuck it…we are done. Let me know where you are going to settle after the country breaks apart. You all are good people.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I’m here, come on up,

      • Ownbestenemy

        This is sad to watch. I used to be an eternal optimist and this past few years have just destroyed it. FIL had a boat a while ago that sank…so there is that going for me.

  109. Chafed

    The two of them are insufferable.

  110. Rhywun

    “Mister President, why do you want the earth to die?”

    JFC this moderator is a joke.

    Fucking “climate change”. Really?

    • Mojeaux

      MUST. HAVE.

    • l0b0t

      That’s brilliant.

  111. l0b0t

    Trump goes hard after Biden’s kid, moderator shuts it down saying American people want to hear about real issues so he pivots to Climate Changeā„¢.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Yeah Biden shoehorned his dead son into the conversation here to substitute Hunter..clever really. Shitty, but clever.

    • The Hyperbole

      That’s what a moderator does, keep things on topic and on a schedule.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Eh…normally I would agree but honestly, Wallace is completely not in control. Biden was given a moment to shoehorn his dead son in lieu of Hunter and then moved on…sorry, Wallace should have allowed it at this point.

      • ruodberht

        MeH

  112. Plisade

    Wallace is debating Trump for Biden!!!

  113. leon

    So i’m watching Thor, Graphics don’t hold up.

  114. l0b0t

    Biden will convert the entire FedGov fleet to electric cars… Sure, Jan.

    • Don escaped Duopoly

      I’ve often asked folk to consider the math of converting a national fleet to all red

      so they can at least benchmark a baseline for a nontechnical decision; then add development, tooling, and logistics.

      • DenverJ

        Still gotta make the electricity.

  115. Gustave Lytton

    Biden- informercial salesman for weatherization. One of these two will be president in January? God help us.

  116. Ownbestenemy

    Oh Biden. You are going to convert the federal fleet to electric are you. I want to know, will that vehicle make it up the mountainside that I need to traverse to fix equipment? Cause a 4×4 v6 with Kevlar tires has a hard time as is. Also, we have sites that require us to use helicopters to get to, how bout that?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Can’t you just use the new Rocket paramedic things and just fly up there?

    • DenverJ

      You need a v8/10 or go to diesel

      • Ownbestenemy

        Yeah well, we get what the government gives us. Biden wants me to take a EV up the mountain? Go fuck yourself. Ill quit

      • Ownbestenemy

        What a fucking shit show and Wallace smirking and giggling at the end will be used by Trump.

  117. Plisade

    The green new deal will stop hurricanes!

    • Don escaped Duopoly

      fake news: as long as Pat Robertson is around, I don’t hafta stop being gay

  118. LJW

    If debates were truly the deciding factor in elections neither of these two idiots would be elected.

    • leon

      If only, if only the woodpecker cried…

    • Don escaped Duopoly

      deciding factor

      It should be a cage match: if either/both parties fail to earn so many points, they’re euthanized on the spot

    • Rhywun

      I’m guessing at least half of Americans watching this garbage turned it off in disgust long before I did. So yeah, this isn’t changing any minds.

      • C. Anacreon

        We actually watched the whole thing. Yes, it was a shitshow, but I couldn’t turn away.

        I think Trump missed a golden opportunity when Biden kept saying “the green new deal will create millions of high paying jobs”. If I’d been Trump, I would have calmly said, “This plan will destroy our economy, not help it. And any jobs “created” by Joe will be government jobs, not private industry. Joe wants everyone working in government jobs. You know what that’s called? Communism.” (mic drop)

    • commodious spittoon

      Can we sacrifice them in fire like an occult Scandinavian tradition?

  119. Negroni Please

    Lol Biden said we can get to net zero energy production. Yep… I bet we can….

    • Ownbestenemy

      I have my candles…but I am sure those require…energy to produce. So…I guess…I dont know anymore.

    • Hyperion

      Isn’t that pretty much the goal of the green new deal? I mean when about 7 billion of us are dead from starvation or exposure to the elements, wind mills and solar panels might actually do it. It worked!

    • commodious spittoon

      Yes.

    • Ownbestenemy

      A LOT. This is bad…..very bad.

      • db

        Bad in the sense that Biden will win and the Republic will splinter, or that Trump will win, and destroy the Republic?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Just bad. I know there are some here that think the site or commentators devolved into Trumpsters, but seriously…this tears off the mask that we are doomed. I am not a doom person, but hell…this is….I dont know.

      • Hyperion

        It’s going to be OK man, seriously. Well, probably not, but…

  120. B.P.

    This is terrible.

  121. db

    Not watching, but anyone get the sense that Biden’s clock has been reset and this is morning for him?

    • DenverJ

      Drugs. They’re giving the old man meth. It’s ok though, because they want him to die so Harris can usher in the… whatever-word-I’m-too-drunk-to-look-up.

      • slumbrew

        Ragnarƶk?

      • Gender Traitor

        Wasn’t that the show with Muppets living in caves?

  122. Ownbestenemy

    Joe decent last response….Trump rambled. Debate goes to to Biden.

  123. Negroni Please

    Best moment tonight:

    Biden: “number one gibberish gibberish gibberish. Number 2…”

    Trump: “you’re a number 2”

    • db

      Was that actually said?

      • Negroni Please

        Yep. It was. Fucking amazing.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        ????ā€ā™‚ļø

    • commodious spittoon

      Please don’t not tell me that wasn’t actually isn’t not something that didn’t but for real really please tell me that happened.

      • Hyperion

        Is that you, Joe?

      • Don escaped Duopoly

        nary a dog-face or a pony-boy in there anywhere ?

      • Rhywun

        “How did that make you feel, Joe?”

        /Chris Wallace

      • Hyperion

        I just saw Greg Gutfeld on Twatter saying that Wallace and Joe just had an on TV love fest. It’s not going over well, lost of people seem pretty pissed.

    • commodious spittoon

      And just try convincing the Obamanomics crowd that just because they win one election, they might not (and probably won’t) win another… especially when their policies take effect.

      • Lachowsky

        He would probably like you. Name is phillip. He’s a redneck mechanic who is woke as fuck to the government fucking the shit out of all of us.

      • Hyperion

        We’re all in this together. Doesn’t that give you the warm an fuzzies?

  124. Ownbestenemy

    Wow loaded question Wallace. Jesus. “Are you counting on the Supreme Court”….

    • Rhywun

      I tapped out a while ago but I suspect Wallace spent more time prepping to battle Trump than Biden did.

  125. mikey

    I want to thank y’all for enacting my labor and suffering through this so I didn’t have to.
    Love the snark.

    • The Other Kevin

      Sunday I had to wear a mask to play 90 minutes of hockey so we could prove to the park district we are being safe and theyā€™ll let us have more people at practice. Now Iā€™m watching a debate and providing commentary. After this week, I think I deserve to achieve total consciousness on my deathbed.

      • DenverJ

        Well, restricting athletes’ airflow as they compete seems pretty safe, policywise.

  126. Lachowsky

    I’ll bet anyone here that the narrative tomorrow is, “Trump didn’t condemn white supremacists.

    Bet.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Probably…or that Trump has no decorum + loves white supremacists + will not leave White House.

    • slumbrew

      I’m not touching that bet.

    • Rhywun

      I forgot what a terrible debater he is. My god – he fell into every trap.

      • Count Potato

        Sad.

    • The Hyperbole

      Wait until someone notices that during his rambling about critical race theory he said something about how one group of people, the assumption being he’s talking about whites, are being told to sit down and shut up and then said “It’s sorta a reversal”. I’m waiting for the articles explaining how this means he liked it better when the blacks had to sit down and shut up.

      • B.P.

        Yep. There are all sorts of avenues for typists to interpret incomplete thoughts from tonight’s debate/senior mixer/dive bar hollerings.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I don’t think I have ever had a dive bar conversation that bad.

  127. Annoyed Nomad

    “And here’s the deal..”

  128. B.P.

    The Trump “I’m gonna wing it” debate strategy is not going to work. The media may have totally discredited themselves at this point to where the after-the-fact reporting doesn’t matter for the great masses not listening, but he needs to have some not-crazy-sounding talking points uploaded. Trump has marched up to the edge of a few good ideas, and never gets there. And that’s being generous.

    • Hyperion

      The only thing that will work is for Trump to keep it short and let Biden make a fool of himself. He will if you let him. But it’s impossible to actually debate the guy, not because he’s good at debating, but because of his style, it’s just clownish and awkward. I posted about that in an earlier thread today. If anyone would have watched Biden debate Ryan, they’d know what I mean. Trump’s too brutish to just let the old guy hand himself.

      But debates are not going to sway an election.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        let the old guy hand himself

        Jill nods in agreement.

  129. db

    The last Presidential debate I watched was one of the Bush/Kerry debates. A group of friends and I were attending Knob Creek and got sloshed while watching.

    Since then, haven’t seen the need to watch. They are more for providing sound bites for ads and tie-in points for news stories that already have been written.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      A group of friends and I were attending Knob Creek

      I see the euphemisms are getting classier.

  130. Ozymandias

    kinnath – great (dark) story. Thanks for that.

    Glibs – your comments were way better for my sanity than watching that. I hope those of you professing your disgust will try to just let this go. None of that – *kicks toe in direction of tv debate* – is us. You, me and a sizable chunk of the American people. I know, I know, how the fuck did we get from George Washington to these assholes? Notwithstanding that, the largest block of voters in this country is “No thank you.” 100MM or so people who are eligible to vote, don’t. They are the largest bloc in the entire country.
    125MM (or so) do vote, split between doucheburger and shit sandwich, with some outliers for the cake-bakers and greenies. Maybe you could argue there are more people who are “political” than not, but I would argue these are the holdovers of two dying parties, and what we are witnessing is the end-stage of the Repub-Dem parties as we knew them.
    I don’t know if it will give you any peace, but in the grand scheme, none of it matters. Tomorrow the sun will rise, it will be warm somewhere and cold somewhere else and we’ll all have our loved ones and this forum to kvetch and cackle about the retards running the political shitshow in DC.
    “And this too shall pass.”
    Be of good cheer. We have so much more than the graspers, grabbers, and power-junkies will ever know. Truly.

    • kinnath

      Thanks Ozzy.

    • DenverJ

      +1

    • Ownbestenemy

      +1 Ozy. Agreed but man….what a sad state we are in.

    • Rhywun

      Bigly.

    • Hyperion

      I never watch debates. And the only way Trump can win one is if Biden drops dead on the stage. Presidential debates are worthless with the media deciding who wins before the debate starts.

    • Ed Wuncler

      Indeed.

    • Gadfly

      I donā€™t know if it will give you any peace, but in the grand scheme, none of it matters.

      “In the long run we are all dead.”
      – John Maynard Keynes

  131. Ayn Random Variation

    So who do you all think won the Wallace / Trump debate?

    • Breet Pharara

      Semi bright border collie is looking more and more like the best choice.

      • Rhywun

        Ruff ruff!

  132. Lady Z

    Thanks for the commentary, I’m glad I didn’t try to watch the debate.

    Kinnath, I absolutely loved your story. Nice job.

    • kinnath

      thanks

      • commodious spittoon

        I didn’t get it, tbh. It was cartoonish and poorly written, and I hated both the characters. I didn’t get the sense that stakes were involved. It just seemed clownish and despicable, trying to make something serious out of the clearly overwrought circumstances. Really very amateurish.

        Debate aside, I liked your story.

      • kinnath

        thanks

  133. Hyperion

    I’m seeing all over the intertoobz, people pissed off at the moderator to the point, actually saying ‘Fuck you Wallace’.

    • Ayn Random Variation

      The climate change part was disgraceful. He interrogated trump with multiple questions while biden conveniently had a 20 point plan he got to read uninterrupted off his cue cards.

    • B.P.

      I listened to the debate on the radio while walking the dog, so I didn’t get a chance to see body language, etc., but I get the sense that Wallace was trying to make the best of a chaotic situation. He seemed honest in his attempts to keep the clock even.

      I felt his questions were about as even-handed as you’re going to get in terms of addressing most alleged modern concerns. For instance, there was a segment on climate change, so… piss off on that premise. He hit each side with a couple of “ripped from the headlines” questions. Biden did better because his programming was dialed to “nice.”*

      *There was a question about critical theory, and the Trump Administration’s opposition thereto, which is explicitly not “nice” but has been marketed as such. Biden sounded nice. Fuck nice.

      • Rhywun

        The entire thing was tuned to the concerns of the average soccer mom who doesn’t pay that much attention to what’s really going on in the country.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Should be the headline of every paper in the country.

      • leon

        Aren’t Soccer Moms the key demographic to convince?

      • B.P.

        The Patriarchy is doing a terrible job if suburban women are the deciding factor in elections. If I’m going to be saddled with the responsibility of being part of a ruling class I’d at least like a scepter or something. Maybe a rope. Doesn’t have to be fancy.

      • B.P.

        Rope?!? Robe. God, now I’m a noose-making racist too. Goddamn Trump.

  134. db

    Kinnath, thanks for the story. I thought it was very well written, and kept me engaged, although the subject matter was a little dark for my tastes.

    • kinnath

      Thanks.

      It was dark, because the song that inspired it is quite dark.

      It’s just a warm up piece. We’ll try for some warm fuzzies next week.

    • slumbrew

      I feel better.

      Thank you.

      I hope all is well on the homefront.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Hell hath frozen over and Q makes his presence known.

      • slumbrew

        Honestly, as crazy as 2020 has been, Q punching out to pay more attention to his pregnant wife was the most unexpected event of the year for me.

      • Count Potato

        To be fair, pregnancy made her tits bigger.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Pics or it didn’t happen…oh, you aren’t Q.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Thank you, kind sir. Hope the spawning is going well.

  135. Urthona

    Who won the debate? Didn’t watch.

    • Hyperion

      Chris Wallace.

      • leon

        No fair. He had access to the questions ahead of time.

    • Brochettaward

      Doubtful it changes any opinions.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Infotainment industry

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Whoever is trying to take down this country.

    • Ayn Random Variation

      Libertarianism

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Huh? Any hope of a strengthening of liberty just got flushed.

      • Ayn Random Variation

        There has to be at least one person who watched that and thought, “why do we allow these people to tell us what to do?”

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        And? Theyā€™re going to check out those crazy libertarians?

      • The Hyperbole

        According to the twitters Jorgensens web site/server crashed due to the increased traffic during the debate.

      • Ownbestenemy

        If we can get fat guys to stop running up on stage naked and get some Fox girls to join, we would be golden. Or serial killers, not sure which.

      • C. Anacreon

        Wwll, Fox girl Kat Timpf keeps telling anyone who will listen that she’s a libertarian. I’d like for her to come over for a rousing game of Strip Economics.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Heh. How about talking her into a quiz on human vascular system terms/names? I would think that should be a blow-out.

        Err….uhh…a ‘decisive victory’.

      • C. Anacreon

        I like where you’re going with this. Perhaps she has to remove one article of clothing for each cranial nerve she can’t name in order. I can still get them all correctly, because I remember the pnemonic:

        “Oh! Oh! Oh! To touch and feel a girl’s vagina and hooters!”

        The first letter of each word in that sentence is the same first letter of the corresponding nerve, from one through twelve.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        You are, indeed, a fount of wisdom, Doc!

        Now, we just gotta get Kat to play…

  136. slumbrew

    I just peeked at Vodkapundit’s live-blog – at the top:

    Scott Ott just texted me with this:

    Jake Tapper: “That was a Hot Mess Inside a Dumpster Fire Inside a Train Wreck…that was Horrific.”

    Dana Bash: “That was a shitshow”

    “Their actual words,” Scott tells me.

    Hilarious.

    • Rhywun

      They’re not wrong.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Yep. I think I have kids that talk more intelligently than that. Wallace really lost control from question one; Trump was, well Trump but combative and thinking he should be the only one talking. Biden also couldn’t resist tossing in jabs. The state of our culture I guess.

    • Hyperion

      I posted the long version.

  137. Hyperion

    Apparently, not everyone thinks Trump lost:

    SEP 29, 2020 10:46 PM EST | STEPHEN GREEN
    One last thing…

    Scott Ott just texted me with this:

    Jake Tapper: “That was a Hot Mess Inside a Dumpster Fire Inside a Train Wreck…that was Horrific.”

    Dana Bash: “That was a shitshow”

    “Their actual words,” Scott tells me.

    And I don’t doubt it.

    The thing is, and this is what Official Uniparty Washington always forgets, is that Trump has lived and breathed and made millions in shitshows for 40 years.

    He’s very good at this stuff, and if Biden didn’t lose tonight, he also failed to prove that he’s any “better” than Trump.

    If Biden is pushing for change, all he sold tonight was more shitshow but with higher taxes and ongoing lockdowns.

    Winner: Trump.

    • leon

      All i know is that america continues its 100+ year loosing streak

      • Ownbestenemy

        Just 100?

      • Hyperion

        Yeah, pretty much for the long term. Trump is the best Potus of my lifetime, despite all his flaws. He’s not articulate and he doesn’t have the principles of a libertarian, but he’s the best we’re going to get right now. And he’s done some really great things with taxes and regulation, and other things. Non-aggression, making some peace deals in the ME, talking about bringing more troops back home, has not started any new ME war campaigns. We dodged an enormous bullet with Hillary losing, and we’ll be dodging an even bigger one if Biden loses.

        The spending is a shit show though. We’re going to pay dearly for that unless we figure out something soon.

      • Count Potato

        “The spending is a shit show though. Weā€™re going to pay dearly for that unless we figure out something soon.”

        The obvious answer is massive de-regulation. Which, unfortunately, isn’t going to happen.

      • Hyperion

        Trump is trying. If we get Biden, OMFG, Venezuela hello and they’ll all be here eating toilet paper and stray dogs along with the rest of us.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Good news is, we are all stocked up on TP…so we have that going for us eh?

      • Hyperion

        My wife made a game of it. She’s good at the shopping stuff. We won’t run out until at least 2030.

      • Ownbestenemy

        My wife made it a game to buy TP, mouthwash, toothpaste and deodorant every time she went to Wally World….Can I interest you in something?

      • slumbrew

        This week, on “Horders”…

      • slumbrew

        “Horders”? WTF.

        Might be a sign I should go to bed.

      • Lachowsky

        Trump’s republican “not socialist” government is going to be the one that spends the country into massive monetary inflation and economic ruin.

        The response to his “capatilism” is going to be socialism.

        Get ready for dollar demand to drop and asset price inflation to explode.

        Trump is the asshole who pretends to be a capitalist while ushering in socialist policies that discredit capitalism.

        Make no mistake, the economic disaster that is coming will be blamed on trump’s capatitalism that is any thing but.

    • B.P.

      Green would’ve declared Trump the winner no matter what.

      And “no matter what” happened.

  138. pistoffnick

    How is the whole system not rigged?

  139. Count Potato

    Honestly, whereas I don’t know what racehorse drugs they gave Biden, he did way better than I expected.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I think he did no better than he normally does. Trump gave him openings that just shouldn’t have been there. It was obvious that Biden was going to make comments but Trump, being the ‘man’ just couldn’t let them slide. I get it, the media isn’t going to call out all the “clown” or “you’re an idiot” comments from Biden so you have to defend yourself, but Trump is so bad at it.

      Biden stammered and stumbled over lines that he has in the past “two million…two hundred thousand”…etc which means its not a gaffe, he really believes it, but has to correct it IMHO.

      Trump played defense most of the night in a childish way that came off brutish, I am guessing cause that is what won 2016. Thing is, its not 2016.

  140. Count Potato

    Is it just me or is this site really slow?

    • slumbrew

      You’re a towel slow!

      (it’s dragging a little, but not too bad)

  141. straffinrun

    Watched one exchange. Wallace conflating Critical Race Theory with teaching racial sensitivity. Christ, what an asshole.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Trump’s team really should make a montage commercial about how Joe has flip-flopped on issues over the years–have it play the “Any way the wind blows” refrain from Bohemian Rhapsody.

      • Hyperion

        Well, to be fair, at least they’ve never flipped on raising taxes and inventing new ones.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Well, certainly on “teh Richies”. As to what constitutes that, I’m sure he’s made many adjustments.

    • leon

      I guess we should thank Trump for getting critical race theory even talked about in the mainstream

      • B.P.

        I think he was trying to name-check a bunch of stuff that gets completely glossed over by the media.

        Spoiler: It will still get glossed over.

      • Hyperion

        One of the best things he’s done as president. That shit is going to cause a civil war.

  142. Ownbestenemy

    So my take. Shitshow, if you haven’t read above.

    Wallace lost control from question one but he can refer back to notes as the moderator. He also loaded a few questions towards Trump and soft-balled towards Biden. When talking about the California wildfires to Trump, Wallace, in the same question, connected it to climate change in a manner that wasn’t asking if it can be attributed, but that it was fact. To Biden, he did press him on Biden’s claim that he “was the democrat party” and asked him why then have you not called the governors of Oregon and such to stop the violence and rioting. This was probably Chris’ best question of the night and Trump went and talked over Biden.

    Trump was normal debate Trump which isn’t normal and comes off childish and like your crazy uncle at Thanksgiving. He didn’t let things slide, but the continuous quips and jeers just are not appealing. Trump almost had some good points but devolved and rambled on in Trump style.

    Joe looked like he has for the past couple of months and can fall back on his stuttering for repeated gaffes he has made in the past. He would start to get flustered but reigned it in because Trump just had to open his mouth. At one point, Biden once again referred to millions of COVID deaths and also confused 19 with 91 on some other topic. Unless you have paper in front of you, that isn’t easy to do.

    Honestly, Wallace screwed the pooch here and just couldn’t contain those two on stage. He called out both and both brushed him off like he was the little toddler in the corner that should just be eating paste.

  143. egould310

    Late ā€˜80ā€™s indie pop. But could be earlyā€™70ā€™s Bubblegum. This is a number one hit. Fuuuuck yeeaahh!! https://youtu.be/qFo6fbMMgjY

    • Ownbestenemy

      Don’t change the subject

    • The Hyperbole

      He said that trustees of Portland Place, the private neighborhood that protesters trespassed through, refused to seek charges against the nine.

      So why don’t the McCloskey’s seek charges?

      • Sir Digby Classic

        I am wondering that, as well. Could it be the case that they don’t won the home–that it belongs to the HOA/neighborhood? If so, shoulda never moved in.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I would guess it’s where the rioters were when they were arrested. On common HOA property, not the McCloskeys’ own property. I’d also wager that they were arrested for trespass after refusing to leave rather than just for being on the property (potentially) unlawfully.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Well, that’s what trespass is (at least here)–being somewhere unlawfully. Unless you’re talking about an unlawful assembly, but, it’s almost 6 of one, half-dozen of the other.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Right, but being present on private property itself may not be enough to trigger trespass, or for cops/prosecutor to act upon it. Being informed that they were on private property and then refusing to leave is more clear cut (and that’s apparently what happened at the time).

        I’m thinking that happened somewhere else in the private neighborhood rather than directly on the McCloskeys’ property.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Right (and I may have misunderstood)–owner has final say if someone is allowed to be on, or, if they are trespassing. From the looks of the damage done to the gate, and where it is, I think they were firmly on the couple’s prop.

        Then again….https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8b0FTmjzzp4
        Hard to tell–is that an actual sidewalk they are on? It looks like it would be the McCloskeys’ property, but, since this is all “private neighborhood”, I can’t tell. I do know they damaged an iron gate to get to where they are; I thought it was a gate leading onto the couple’s property.

      • The Hyperbole

        This video seems to show that the gate is to the neighborhood, and that the mob was on a sidewalk, Now the gate is adjacent to the McCloskey’s which appears to be the first house once inside the neighborhood. Also, as noted in the article, right at the start of the video the mob can be see walking through an undamaged open gate. There’s thirty or forty seconds before Mr. McCloskey appears with his assault rifle so it’s possible they smashed the gate in that time frame but my guess would be that the mob destroyed the gate after the altercation with the couple got everyone riled up.

      • whahappan

        Um, they’re not prosecutors, they don’t get to decide?

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Seek = press. Why the “neighborhood” has a say in pressing charges is question 1. 2 is why the couple can’t/doesn’t…or, why they did, but it’s not being mentioned.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Their Constitution is fairly weak on this.

        Section 26. Assemblages of people; instruction of representatives; application to legislature. No law shall be passed restraining any of the inhabitants of the State from assembling together in a peaceable manner to consult for their common good; nor from instructing their Representatives; nor from applying to the Legislature for redress of greviances

        So it will be okay.

    • cyto

      Wow

      ā€œA key feature of the designation is that anyone who assaults a federally deputized official could be subject to federal charges,ā€ Wheeler said. ā€œFortunately, I am confident the Multnomah County District Attorney will continue to prosecute anyone who assaults or otherwise harms police officers or others.ā€

      Yeah… that’s some wishful thinking.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Yeahā€¦ thatā€™s some wishful thinking bullshit to sound mayoral.

        /My take

  144. Ownbestenemy

    Greatest loss to the Las Vegas area? Double Down Saloon not having their normal gigs for upcoming garage bands and the “ass juice” shot.

  145. PieInTheSky

    SO before I read this who is the consensus debate winner? Was Joe sharp as I expected?

    Good Morning glibsters

    • Sir Digby Classic

      How sharp were you expecting? From the sounds of it, he recovered when he started to slip–possibly due to Trump taking jabs and causing Joe to re-focus.

      • PieInTheSky

        how sharp is no sign of distraction or mental slowness.. As he was 10-15 years ago I suppose…

      • Sir Digby Classic

        It seems like he did wander, but would recovery fairly easily.

      • cyto

        Wallace did a good job of running interference for him in those few times when Trump didn’t step in and stomp all over Biden’s floundering.

  146. Toxteth O'Grady

    We have the VP debate to look forward to next week. I could imagine Pence putting Kamala on the defensive.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      Get ready to see that man dragged through all nine levels of Hell, just for existing. Well, and daring to go up against a WoC who slept her way to power.

    • one true athena

      I know it won’t happen, but it would be hilarious if Pence brought in Tulsi to sit in the front row. She wouldn’t have to say anything or participate, just sit there and smile at Kamala.

      But tragically all we will get is “White man bullies woman of color, but nonetheless she persisted”. It’s all so boringly predictable.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        it would be hilarious if Pence brought in Tulsi to sit in the front row

        QFFT

  147. Gustave Lytton

    I can hardly believe it, but Walmart now has Duke’s mayo on the shelves around here.

  148. cyto

    The only thing worse than that debate was the after show. Holy crap, does our political reporting class suck.

    • Ted S.

      I think it was the drugs falling out of her ass that killed her.

      Mac Davis of “Baby Don’t Get Hooked on Me” fame also died yesterday aged 78.

      • Gender Traitor

        Wow. Rough day for early to mid-’70s pop stars.

      • Festus' Mustache

        North Dallas Forty is actually a pretty good movie.

    • PieInTheSky

      no

  149. westernsloper

    Who am I kidding, I can’t watch that debate first thing when I wake up. The sound of all three of their voices puts me in a bad mood. God what a shit show.

    • PieInTheSky

      typical uninformed voter

      • Festus' Mustache

        Like watching the first run of Apocalypse Now at the Theater with your family on Xmas Eve. Joy To The World, indeed.

      • Gender Traitor

        Saw Coming Home – another anti-Vietnam War film from around the same time, with hot sex scenes between Jane Fonda & Jon Voight – with my parents.

        Not recommended.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Hey F.! That was a thing that happened?

        Do you wake up around 3 or when? Just wondering.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Yes. It happened. Put a damper on Xmas that year. 1979, I believe. I grew up in a weird family. And yes, I do crawl out of bed around two in the afternoon.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Mawnin’!

      • Gender Traitor

        Morning, UCS & TO’G.

      • UnCivilServant

        Have to take the car in to the mechanic for the 60k mile maintenance, and to chase down the first real problem. For some reason, there are days where the cabin vents simply won’t work. The last time this happened, I drove for a hundred miles and they came on two miles from my destination. I’d been seeing it in the summer and thought it was a clogged filter, but I changed that, and it’s not corrected.

      • Gender Traitor

        We had a heck of a time figuring out what was wrong with the A/C in Tom T’s Forester. Found ourselves driving across Kansas in over-100 degree weather without it, but it would come back on during the next leg of the trip. ‘Fraid I don’t remember what the issue turned out to be.

      • UnCivilServant

        I need it working reliably by the time winter comes around.

      • Gender Traitor

        Oh, heavens yes. At least without A/C you can roll down the windows. No heat in winter…

        Do the defrost vents work OK?

      • UnCivilServant

        The defrost vents do not work when the main vents do not,

      • PieInTheSky

        You should buy a new car.

  150. l0b0t

    Good morning everyone. Work sucked, debates sucked, Helen Reddy is gone, and I’m about to face another day of trying to keep to kids focused on iPads and schoolwork for 6 hours straight.
    I’m watching Pete’s Dragon and getting weepy when Reddy sings Candle On The Water; she has a good half dozen costume changes throughout the film and only one of them a dress. G/d bless her, she is the only lady in 19th century New England wearing trousers.

    • PieInTheSky

      Iā€™m about to face another day of trying to keep to kids focused on iPads and schoolwork for 6 hours straight. – Now you know what true heroes teachers are.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, l0. Take heart – you still have us.

      ::mentally scrambles to think of something better. Has nothing::

    • Not an Economist

      Nobody tell L0b0t about Mac Davis.

      • Ted S.

        I hope he didn’t read upthread, then.

  151. Tres Cool

    mornin’
    Overnight work was brutal, but what a great excuse to open a beer @ 05.30h

    • Gender Traitor

      Mornin’, homey.

      I guess you could think of it as a form of cereal.

      • Tres Cool

        I have some leftover donato’s toppings and wings. Breakfast of champions!
        Put your fleece on this morning- its chilly out. Autumn seems like its finally here.

      • Gender Traitor

        Will do. It’s a short work day for me – get to leave early for my hair doctor appointment, then probably picking up Potbelly (near UD) for dinner.

    • l0b0t

      Good morning sir. Cheers! (raises post work whiskey drink). Sorry your night was rough. You are missed on the Zoom thingies.

      • Tres Cool

        Im still trying to get my sleep adjusted to accommodate such jocularity before work. And w/o alcohol.

      • Tres Cool

        And its kind of you to say Ive been missed. I still need another TV.

      • Gender Traitor

        You’re the evening’s entertainment. ; )

  152. Festus' Mustache

    Trump just can’t shut his goddamned pie-hole. Mornin’ fellow masochists!

    • Tres Cool

      Bon matin, Mssr. Stache

    • PieInTheSky

      he did not get where he at by shutting up

      • Festus' Mustache

        That is a cogent point.

    • Festus' Mustache

      R. Crumb disavowed that movie. He hated it. That being said it’s amazing how so little has changed since I was 7 fucking years old.

  153. Festus' Mustache

    I’ll probably be scarce around these parts for the next few days. Daughters have cooked up a little scheme to help us Oldsters with a few house and garden projects without my foreknowledge. The intent is appreciated but the lack of prep time is infuriating. It makes me feel so decrepit and useless to accept charity of any kind. I fully expect my decrepitude and uselessness will be on full display once the Sons-in-law show up on Saturday. It will be like an Amish barn raising that I neither sanctioned nor asked for. In the meantime I have much to do before that happens. Hope you wonders have a fabulous weekend and always remember, TMITE!

    • Gender Traitor

      We’ll miss you. Try to enjoy the time and to accept the gift (NOT charity) in the spirit in which it’s intended. See you back here soon!

      • Festus' Mustache

        Thanks Red! I’ll try but I’m the sort that doesn’t like even the idea of Xmas. I’ll do nice things for others but others doing good for me is just plain Oogy. “Hey Buddy, stop doing that!”

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Aw, Festivus, you will be missed. Come back soon, ya hear,

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        hear?

      • Festus' Mustache

        I will. Thanks, Toxteth. You are a kind person.

    • PieInTheSky

      One can never have to many barns. I heard of a man once who had two sheds…

      • PieInTheSky

        Anyway if the young ones do all the work what is stopping you from commenting šŸ™‚

      • Festus' Mustache

        Oh, there will be plenty of commenting, just not here.

      • UnCivilServant

        You’re supposed to shed those.

    • PieInTheSky

      meh.

    • slumbrew

      Let me know when Tulsi gets in on that act.