Trump on Dead Soldiers: They Probably Vote Democrat Anyway

by | Sep 10, 2020 | Satire | 371 comments

WASHINGTON DC – At a press conference today, CNN reporter Jim Acosta confronted Trump on his alleged disparaging remarks about fallen US soldiers buried in France. “Mr. President, why did you call fallen US soldiers suckers and losers? Do you hate America or just its military?” Trump responded by saying: “First, let me thank you for that very, very smart question. I can tell you’re great reporter for asking such a tremendous question. I never said that, but even if I did, dead soldiers probably vote Democrat anyway, like other dead people, so why should I care?” Trump then shrugged and sipped from a can of Diet Coke.

Trump’s odds stand in stark contrast to Democratic military heroes such as distinguished tank commander Michael Dukakis, amphibious warfare pioneer John Kerry, and pharmacological researcher Hunter Biden. The press conference room erupted, but Trump angrily shouted over the reporters. “OK, geniuses, it’s my turn to talk now”, said Trump as he crushed the Diet Coke can on his forehead. “Let’s talk Pelosi. I hate the military and she likes it? OK, then she should get her next haircut from the Army then. I hear they do haircuts really quickly and cheaply.”

Meanwhile, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) introduced her plan to overhaul the military to make it more sensitive and fair. “We must rebuild our military in order to fight against real threats like climate change, sexism, intolerance, and wealth inequality”, she said as she read off her neon pink Barbie smartphone. Some of the changes to basic training include replacing outdated and notoriously problematic events like rifle marksmanship and obstacle courses. Instead, the soldiers will hold hands, sing Kumbayah, and share poems about their feelings. Ocasio-Cortez even offered a preview of a new recruiting commercial created by her and her staff. In it, young women with exciting multi-colored hair and stylish nose rings order young men to march around in high heels while they berate them for their toxic masculinity.

“The 21st century will bring new challenges to America”, said defense analyst Joanna Gambolputty. “How will the US dominate battlefields of the future without the unique contributions of gender studies majors or diversity experts? It is vital to make the military more attractive to these quality candidates. My message to Trump is clear: Mr. President, we cannot allow a social justice gap!”

About The Author

Derpetologist

Derpetologist

The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp, Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy

371 Comments

  1. juris imprudent

    We will end up envying the dead, won’t we?

    • Florida Man

      What is dead, can never die.

      • Sean

        Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn

      • Aloysious

        Joe Biden?

      • Sean

        He caught the ‘Vid. I heard he was coughing all day.

      • Lackadaisical

        Not sure what scares me more, Joe Biden alive or Joe Biden dead.

      • Sean

        Either way, he’s shitting himself.

      • Hyperion

        The real question is, will they really let Camela take his place?

      • Rhywun

        Coughing up ichor.

      • Hyperion

        No debates now, am I right?

      • Derpetologist

        The Corn Pop Out of Space

      • Aloysious

        When does his chest split open and the tentacled horror emerge?

      • Sean

        Almost certainly on a Wednesday.

      • zwak

        Wednesday is anything can happen day!

      • slumbrew

        Speaking of tentacled horrors, anyone watching Lovecraft Country on HBO? Any good?

      • J. Frank Parnell

        The Call Of The Uh You Know The Thing End Quote

    • Lackadaisical

      Sometimes I already do.

  2. Derpetologist

    I meant to fix the “odds” typo in the 2nd paragraph, but procrastinated too long. Should be “remarks”. Although I kind of like the fact that I have coined a new meaning for the noun “odds”.

  3. KibbledKristen

    distinguished tank commander Michael Dukakis

    ? ? ? ?

    • Tejicano

      I’m kinda surprised that episode has survived for so long. It’s like the one thing he will go down in history for.

      • blackjack

        As opposed to Kerry, who’s most famous for double dipping in the ketchup?

      • Gadfly

        It’s like the one thing he will go down in history for.

        Well, other than that and managing to achieve a landslide loss to George H W Bush, what else could he even be known for? And really, of the two, which is more embarrassing?

      • slumbrew

        Also known for having a wife who drank rubbing alcohol. TBF, that’s not really on him, but still…

      • DrOtto

        The Kitty Cocktail.

      • DrOtto

        *Willie Horton clears his throat*

  4. Count Potato

    It just looks weird with more than half the stands empty.

    • Mojeaux

      It’ll look weirder at all the stadiums that aren’t allowing fans at all.

      • Rhywun

        This is infinity percent more fans than at any other sporting event I’ve seen since March. I hope they have enough ‘dozers to clear out the stacks of dead bodies.

    • westernsloper

      You at a farmers market?

    • Rhywun

      Love the mask propaganda from Uber. Science!

  5. westernsloper

    I never said that, but even if I did, dead soldiers probably vote Democrat anyway, like other dead people,…

    God I wish he would say that. I would probably drive in the ditch laughing if I heard the clip while driving.

    ……….we cannot allow a social justice gap.

    Mind the social justice gap.

    Sorry, I miss Q.

    • Lackadaisical

      Is he gone,or just on hiatus?

      • westernsloper

        On sabbatical studying the breasts of a pregnant wife if I am remembering correctly.

      • Lackadaisical

        That’s right. Good for him, sadly I think I’m done having children.

      • Tejicano

        ” sadly I think I’m done having children.”

        Nothing in this world could ever make me want to raise another child from infancy again. It was quite an experience doing it but I am surely done with that task forever.

      • blackjack

        It ain’t easy when you’re 50+, I’ll tell you that.

      • slumbrew

        Yeah, I got married at 47 for the first time – I’ve made my peace with not having kids. No interest in starting at this late date.

      • Tejicano

        My first was born just before I turned 50 so, yeah, I get it. I have to keep exercising just to keep up.

      • Lackadaisical

        30 for me, and its the same. No keeping up with him, but I think he might have some hyperactivity disorder. Other children don’t seem so active.

        When my son was born he was looking around the room right away, like within a second of popping out.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Other children don’t seem so active.

        Isn’t that the worst? You walk into a room and there’s a kid quietly gnawing on a crayon, another is sitting and tearing pages out of a book, but yours is the Tasmanian devil spinning across the room, leaving destruction in her wake.

      • Rhywun

        I was the kid in the corner with his nose in a book.

      • Tejicano

        Neither of my kids have ever had a”sit still” mode. Constant motion since they were born.

        I started noticing scenes in movies in which a mother/father is holding an infant, having a conversation with someone and I would think “Ha! That’s something I’ll never do!!”

      • Hyperion

        If there is a treatment tomorrow, for free, that will revert you back to a 20 year old, biologically. I’ll be the first in line, unless there is a requirement that you have an raise another child.

        I just cannot do that to anyone, not today, not in today’s society. I’m talking about the child, not me.

        Having a child today should be considered child abuse.

  6. Florida Man

    I like AOC’s plan. Only way to reduce the military’ spending is to get people to stop joining the military.

    • Derpetologist

      -1 $800 toilet seat

      • westernsloper

        and +1 “check out our new robot soldiers!”

  7. Derpetologist

    There was an episode of Masters of Horror called Homecoming that had dead soldiers coming back to life to vote against Bush.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homecoming_(Masters_of_Horror)

    ***
    President George W. Bush is running for reelection during a divisive war, and one of his speechwriters, David Murch (Jon Tenney), goes on TV to speak with talk show host Marty Clark (Terry David Mulligan) and strident right-wing sexpot (and Ann Coulter-like) Jane Cleaver (Thea Gill). Another guest is Janet Hofstader (Beverly Breuer), the Cindy Sheehan-like mother of a dead soldier, who demands to know what her son died for. Murch gets a bit teary-eyed and explains that he lost his older brother Philip (Ryan McDonnell) in Vietnam.

    “Believe me,” he tells the grieving mom, “if I had one wish, I would wish for your son to come back, because I know he would tell us how important this struggle is.” Cleaver is so impressed with Murch’s handling of the situation that she takes him out for a drink later, picks his brain, and eventually seduces him. The Karl Rove-like Kurt Rand (Dante regular Robert Picardo) interrupts their tryst, calling to let Murch know that the president plans to make his line part of his stump speech.

    Soon, the soldiers killed in Iraq do start returning from the dead, and it doesn’t go the way Murch predicted. They are not back to feast on the living, but unhappily for the president and his supporters, they just want a chance to vote in the upcoming election. “We’ll vote for anyone who ends this war,” one explains. The spin machine goes into overdrive, but the dead are determined to make their voice heard, even going as far as one soldier killing Kurt Rand by acting out the Lucio Fulci zombie stereotype (gouging his eye and slamming his head into the table) when Rand tried to force him to sign an unwanted document by threatening the soldier’s mother.
    ***

    Evidently, the genius writers who wrote this were unaware about the “dead people vote democrat” thing.

    ***
    The episode received generally favorably reviews. Village Voice described the film as “easily one of the most important political films of the Bush II era.”[2] a sentiment echoed by The New Yorker, who said that it was “[t]he best political film of 2005.”[3]
    ***

    Oh, get bent you clowns.

    About the writer:

    ***
    Sam Hamm (born November 19, 1955) is an American screenwriter and comic book writer.[1] Hamm is known for co-writing the screenplay for Tim Burton’s Batman and the story for Batman Returns. As a result of his work, he was invited to write for Detective Comics.[2] The result was Batman: Blind Justice, which introduced Bruce Wayne’s mentor, Henri Ducard, who later appeared in Batman Begins. Hamm’s other screen credits include Never Cry Wolf[3] and Monkeybone.
    ***

    Oh, wow Monkeybone? That’s like Chris Kattan’s 3rd greatest comedy.

    • westernsloper

      Aaaah, The New Yorker. That is the Bubble that may have started all the bubbles.

    • Lackadaisical

      Too many to all be socks. Duck the two who fired people for differing politics.

      • Sean

        *quack*

      • Lackadaisical

        I’m trying to clean up my language. *shrug*

      • Sean

        Like, with a rag?

      • blackjack

        That’s just switching to gamey language.

  8. Aloysious

    All good comedy must have an element of truthiness.

    Good job, Professor Derpy.

    • westernsloper

      You pause on the red booty shorts too? ?

      • Sean

        ?

    • Drake

      The cop… he was ever trained?

      But yes – good for the rest.

      • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

        The cop… he was ever trained?

        Not according to my estimate. Either that, or, he has erased all those files due to the ongoing anti-cop/ACAB push.

    • Lackadaisical

      Crazy, when the second cop finally shows up I thought he was going to mess everything up though. ..

      • Sean

        Nope. “He’s cool” and that’s all it took.

    • Lackadaisical

      Stuck up brats trying to ruin it for everyone.

      • LemonGrenade

        And succeeding!!

    • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

      Poor Frank–that dude’s got “handle-bar ears”…..

      /He’ll not go hungry

    • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

      Model Claire Severine

      Wait–seriously?? THAT is a model? I’d be far more convinced with biker mag chicks.

      • Not an Economist

        I googled her to see. Cleaned up, she is a cute girl next door type. Not bad.

        Obviously bat shit insane.

  9. Aloysious

    It: carrying over from the dead thread.

    Nobody can pronounce, let alone spell ‘Puyallup’.

    • westernsloper

      I wasn’t in the dead thread but that town is why the only name that matters in WA is Walla Walla.

      • Aloysious

        If I remember correctly, Bugs Bunny, or more likely Daffy Duck used Walla Walla Washington as a gag.
        I spent part of my misspent youth in Puyallup. The Western Washington Fair was a huge part of my teenage years.

      • westernsloper

        Aaaah, part of my misspent youth, as it were/mid-late 20’s, were spent in Westport so I know Puyallap but only by name. I have never been to the fair.

      • westernsloper

        Don’t you people eat sweet onions? sheesh.

      • Gender Traitor

        Oh, yeah! Vidalias!

      • Aloysious

        What that comment needs is a good old Lee Van Cleef narrowed gaze.

      • Gustave Lytton

        See westernsloper’s comment above.

        Sadly I’m almost out and didn’t freeze any before it’s too late.

      • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

        I, uh…..I don’t see him name any other type of sweet onion. Did I miss it?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Walla Walla sweets. Like candy.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Wait, you don’t look like Donald Sutherland…

      • But Enough About My Weird Culinary Fantasies

        Now add “Wawa, Ontario” to your repertoire, and you can can wow them in Poughkeepsie.

        “It all started at a 5,000 watt radio station in Wawa, Ontario…”

      • But Enough About My Weird Culinary Fantasies

        “…can can…”?

        Sigh.

      • Shpip

        When I grow up, I’m going to buy a minor league baseball club, move them to that town, and name them the Bing Bangs.

    • pistoffnick

      I played golf in Puyallup (I am NOT a golfer), once. Second hole, I failed to get the ball past the women’s tees. Most of you know what that means.

      The rest of the game, I targeted the damned deer with my balls.

      • Gender Traitor

        Phrasing!

    • Gustave Lytton

      The 1.5 syllables reply made me laugh.

  10. Fourscore

    ” I hear they do haircuts really quickly and cheaply.”

    I got a haircut at the OCS barbershop, Ft Benning and reported into OCS. The next morning my TAC Off said “Get a haircut” ME: “Sir, Candidate Fourscore, I got one yesterday” TAC, “I didn’t ask you when you got a haircut, I said , get a haircut and give me twenty (pushups).”

    A mobile unit was set up, 30 seconds in and out and I looked like 200 of my newest friends. It was gonna be a long 6 months.

    • westernsloper

      HA!

    • Rhywun

      I would not last long in that environment, at all.

    • Tejicano

      I’ll never forget being in a group of guys all looking at ourselves in the big mirror in the head (restroom) at the end of the first day of Boot Camp – each of us momentarily trying to figure out which one we were in that group. It was 1976 so everybody had showed up with a lot of hair that morning.

      • dbleagle

        I got the standard airborne school haircut from the same barber shop at Ft Benning in 1980. I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror. But it sure made it easier to get the wood chips off my sweaty scalp each training day.

      • But Enough About My Weird Culinary Fantasies

        I’m not even sure why they bother to call themselves “barbers.” Barbers are actually capable of doing more than one cut style, a skill which I don’t believe these “barbers” have ever actually demonstrated out in the wild.

      • Tejicano

        It also makes packing just one item easier as you don’t need shampoo.

      • Fourscore

        Or a comb or a brush

    • Derpetologist

      I had shoulder length hair and a wizard beard the day before I left. I shaved off my beard, put it in a ziploc bag, and gave it to my recruiter when he picked me up the morning.

      Me: Here you go, a little something to remember me by.

      Him: [laughs] aw, gee thanks…

      When haircut time came, I said to the barber “just a little off the top”.

      BZZZZT!

      It was kind of fun watching all that hair fall on the ground at the same time.

      And now I give myself a buzz cut once a month. $12 to a barber every 3 weeks. Screw that.

  11. Derpetologist

    Recently in Michigan:

    “Don’t say that, I’ll start to cry,” President Trump says to the crowd in MI chanting “WE LOVE YOU!”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRtwLNUmBbs

    OK, MSM – how do you plan to spin this one?

    • Sean

      That’s pretty good and hard to spin.

    • westernsloper

      It would wash off his spray tan?

    • Lackadaisical

      “Thousands of people were recklessly exposed to the coronavirus in one of the hardest hit states due to Trump’s…”

    • But Enough About My Weird Culinary Fantasies

      “President Trump comes out as a blubbering nancy-boy* at rally.”

      *Prejudiced, but when has that actually ever stopped the legacy media?

  12. slumbrew

    They must have thrown a huge pile of money at Paul Giamatti to get him to do the VW commercials.

  13. slumbrew

    Return Of The Mack is a guilty pleasure.

    • Mojeaux

      #metoo

    • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

      Omg

  14. Florida Man

    I hate people with a nervous laugh. Why are you laughing after every sentence, when nothing you say is funny? Hey Buddy, stop Doing that!

    • Lackadaisical

      Heh, teachers were always dicks to me because of my nervous laugh. /dies in jail

  15. hayeksplosives

    Distinguished tank commander Michael Dukakis.

    Snicker.

    • dbleagle

      That was a great line.

      • But Enough About My Weird Culinary Fantasies

        The best line. The classiest.

    • Rhywun

      austere military scholar

  16. The Late P Brooks

    Meanwhile, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) introduced her plan to overhaul the military to make it more sensitive and fair.

    No guns. Guns are scary and bad. We’ll ask nicely, and if that doesn’t work, we’ll surrender.

    • But Enough About My Weird Culinary Fantasies

      Surrendering works, for some values of the term “works.”

    • Tejicano

      Oh! Please tell me we get to sing French military songs too!

      • But Enough About My Weird Culinary Fantasies

        That’s awesome.

    • KSuellington

      At noon yesterday I needed to use my headlights, they were not optional. Four plus decades of environmentalism gave us darkness at noon. It was creepy as fuck.

      • Gadfly

        Four plus decades of environmentalism gave us darkness at noon.

        Just imagine what two more decades will get you, now that California has committed to go to 100% green power generation (using of course, the two dumbest green power sources there are).

      • commodious spittoon

        Maybe they can burn forests other than their own, like the UK facilities that are “green” because they’re burning wood pellets shipped over from the US…

  17. Count Potato

    That call was total BS

  18. Mojeaux

    This reviewing every touchdown by NY is going to suck all the life out of this game.

    I am bored and salty.

    • Count Potato

      Scoring plays have been reviewed for a long time…

      • Gender Traitor

        Every time they review them, they review them for a long time. ***SIGH!!!***

      • Mojeaux

        Right?!

      • AlexinCT

        I got that reference to the Vietnamese hooker from Full Metal Jacket!

  19. slumbrew

    I was just thinking, “what does Tony Dungy think about the current social justice protests?”

    Wait, no I wasn’t. I really, really wasn’t.

  20. Count Potato

    That ad was like there are no black people in NFL, WTF?

    • slumbrew

      I’m mostly just keeping things on mute when there’s no actual football being played.

      Seems prudent, re: my blood pressure.

  21. DenverJ

    I can’t wait until Nov 4 when the virus magically disappears and I don’t have to wear a mask at work when “those” people are around.

  22. dbleagle

    It just doesn’t look like there are anywhere near 17,000 people in the stands.

    Both teams still look sloppy. Maybe by week three they’ll be playing at NFL level.

    • gbob

      It’s like a pre season game if they kept starters in.

      I’m just watching to see if Andy Ried will try shoving a cheeseburger into his face mask.

      • dbleagle

        I think Moj was correct. The Chiefs badly screwed up the value of their product. As the SB champ they should have had all 17000 (~1/4 stadium) filled. Between the Redskins BS, panicdemic spacing, BLM fellating, no tailgating with higher tix prices they only got a few thousand there.

        The NFL could have broken the back of the panicdemic and chose not to- this will cost them $100 millions (?) over the season. That’ll impact TV contracts and drop the salary caps. Maybe by 2024 we’ll see NFL linemen selling cars or insurance in the off season.

      • hayeksplosives

        Roger Goodell has presided over many boneheaded NFL decisions.

        When I recall actual football fan Condi Rice stating her dream job would be to serve as NFL, I think of what could have been..

      • hayeksplosives

        Serve as NFL commissioner that it.

      • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

        Do you think she would have stuck around once the Kapernick Konniptions got started?

  23. commodious spittoon

    Listening to the latest Fifth Column… Moynihan’s talking about interviewing a couple business owners who’d been burnt out of Kenosha. One was a Palestinian immigrant, the other Indian. It’s a good thing it was white supremacist interlopers pretending to be black bloc vandals and arsonists who committed all this destruction, ‘cuz it’d be pretty awkward if the BLM rioters were responsible for enacting the kind of mayhem against minority immigrants that they imagine conservatives would just love to perpetrate. I mean, maybe it’d be tough to look yourself in the mirror in the morning if you sincerely believe you’re a champion of minorities and immigrants, and you’ve just demolished the life’s work of a couple minority immigrants.

    • Tejicano

      I’m sure your average SJW is totes fine with that outcome. Xer probably just tells xerself that they would have been facing the same risk of being burned out by a mob back where they came from so no biggie.

      • commodious spittoon

        I think the dumber are useful idiots who don’t think it through at all, and the marginally smarter are Mansonesque in thinking that anything that incites the race war, or class war, or whatever, serves their purposes.

        The actually smart rioters are opportunist looters who don’t give a fuck about some dumbass agenda.

      • hayeksplosives

        The shit-stirring to hasten a revolution or just to destroy the dominant culture is not unknown.

        Tim McVeigh cited sparking a revolution as his motivation for the OKC bombing. Then there’s the Manson Family, as you point out, BLM says they want revolution but it’s hard to say because the protesters are paid actors. On Babylon 5, the Shadow creatures stir up wars to hone and improve the human race.

        We inadvertently did it by toppling regimes in the Middle East, Afghanistan,and Libya with no governing authority to put in place.

        The deeply held shit-stirring gene carried by some (as a character flaw) has been given free expression in our woke society.

        I blame the brainwashing of the past 2 decades of children and teens with beliefs such as that the highest aspiration is “ to make a difference!”

        I took a shit today, and that made a difference. Hitler made a difference.

        Before I march under a banner into battle, I need a better reason than “I want to make a difference!”

      • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

        I blame the brainwashing of the past 2 decades of children and teens with beliefs such as that the highest aspiration is “ to make a difference!”

        I admit–when I started reading that sentence, I wasn’t sure where you were taking me/us, or, if I’d agree. But, I find it to be spot-on. I’ve often heard the phrase on TV and what-not, and wondered, “Who is saying that something needs to change? Why do they get to be the arbiter of such?”

        Sure, there are plenty of situations that tend to be universally condemned as bad, but, that’s not usually what is spoken, or meant in context.

    • slumbrew

      I enjoyed the heck out of that episode.

      My big take-away – all the “protests” and “counterprotests” are tiny, but you’d never know it since all the MSM (“the elite media” in the Fifth Column parlance) shoot the “crowds” tight, and you don’t get to see the media outnumbering the subjects.

      Oh, and the names of the two immigrant business owners were great – Sal and Lou(?).

    • slumbrew

      Hilarious.

      I suspect you’ll find some sociopath who’ll jump at the chance to tell people what to do.

      It’s current one of those jobs where nobody who wants it should be allowed to have it (like the presidency).

    • straffinrun

      WHIO wants to have the hard, real conversations in a series of stories that will hopefully lead our community toward change. Today, “Dayton Gets Real” about the disproportionate way COVID-19 has impacted communities of color, particularly African Americans.

      Who you calling “fat”? Racists.

      • slumbrew

        Let’s not talk about the dibeetus.

      • straffinrun

        The CIA created diabeetus as a fundraiser for Sandinistas.

      • slumbrew

        On that note:

        Have we discussed the whole Brimley/Cocoon Line thing? The fact that Wilford Brimley, that codger, was 49 years old when he was in Cocoon?

        WTF?

      • Chafed

        You’re shitting me.

      • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

        Not wrong. Well, probably on that cusp of 49-50. But, Born in 34, and it was shot in ’84-85.

  24. slumbrew

    Hilarious, NBC – we get it, Andy is fat.

    • Gender Traitor

      “It’s OK to fat-shame old white guys! Their existence is already shameful!”

    • Rhywun

      “Let’s take a break to blather about social justice for a while!”

      • Gender Traitor

        “…because no one seems to be willing to bring it up these days…”

      • commodious spittoon

        It’s so brave, and stunning.

    • Count Potato

      His face shield looks ridiculous.

      • Raven Nation

        55F, raining and they’re wearing cloth masks. ?

      • Count Potato

        SCIENCE!!!

    • Rhywun

      Evil lying fucking scum. None of them have to sacrifice their way of life in order to line that greaseball governor’s pockets.

      Meanwhile Andy and Bill are trying to play the same game here on the east coast but they don’t have the luxury of seasonal wildfires to point at.

    • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

      (((Stay Home, Save Lives)))
      @swww2198
      Replying to
      @RyanMaue
      While I share your cynicism, this seems at least marginally better than completely ignoring the situation – as our President and much of the media is doing

      From a guy dude person with “climate alarmist” in his Twatting bio, complete with the little red police lights bookending that phrase…

      Schmuck–if you have a cyanide pill, now’s the time to eat it.

      • one true athena

        Right? But no, he lives so comfortably even his own panic-mongering isn’t enough to bring him down that far. It’s juuuuust enough to make him anxious and have to go to a therapist to discuss how The World is Ending! but not enough to drink the special kool-aid.

        Sadly it appears race hustlers have grabbed most of the free floating cash and there’s less room for climate messiahs.

    • Rhywun

      Ah… a more innocent time.

  25. Count Potato

    31 – 7? This shit is getting boring.

    • slumbrew

      “getting”?

      • Count Potato

        Fair point.

      • slumbrew

        Maybe it’s it’s because I’m not a fan of either team, but that was a boring game; in my defense, I usually have no problem watching any random NFL game and enjoying it.

      • Count Potato

        “Maybe it’s it’s because I’m not a fan of either team”

        I’m not either. I pretty much ignore the AFC until the playoffs.

  26. creech

    “share poems about their feelings. ”
    This put me in mind of walking into the living room the other day while wife was watching America’s Got Talent. One contestant was reciting some black lives matter poetry as his talent. When he was done, I thought the two bimbo judges, and Howie, were going to go on stage and give him a blow job. They couldn’t stop slobbering over how important his words were. I understand he made it through to next round again last night and is probably on track to win the whole $1 million. Well, I must confess, he was way more articulate than either of the old men running for President.

  27. straffinrun

    You wanna pay me $200 to sit in this empty meeting room for two hours because your guy couldn’t make it back to your company from Osaka? Cool by me. Bizarre to me how many people throw their company’s money away.

    • commodious spittoon

      Piss in the fern planter.

      • straffinrun

        Great. Now I’m sitting in an empty room that smells like pee.

      • commodious spittoon

        Okay, I like this MUD. View OL skirts in vicinity

      • straffinrun

        Getting a little to close to the homeless man feeling for my taste.

      • commodious spittoon

        FURTIVELY view OL skirts in vicinity then, you prude

    • Gustave Lytton

      Bizarre to me how many people throw their company’s money away.

      Thanks for shaming me.

      I can’t find some parts at work and I’m fearing the box it was in slid across the bench and into the trash. Going to German search again tomorrow.

  28. Count Potato

    Wearing a mask, talking alone into a microphone?

  29. straffinrun

    Are you guys really watching football? That’s like going to the Colosseum to watch gladiator matches in the 11th century.

    • slumbrew

      Go on…

      • straffinrun

        It’s like banging an 18 year old chick with Down’s syndrome after she already had her tubes tied.

      • slumbrew

        Processing…

        Processing…

        Processing…

      • straffinrun

        There are several off ramps you can take in your processing which will make you less awful.

      • commodious spittoon

        Here I thought you weirded out from some MUD RP

        For reference, I had to re-remember MUDs because I hadn’t done any since high school.

        No, you’re not too weird for tame MUD references, you’re

        something inexplicable.

        Perhaps… indescribable.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        They say she’s retarded, but those titties ain’t retarded.

        /Dave Attell

    • Hyperion

      It’s like going to the Colosseum and watching the gladiators social signal when you were just in for some good ol blood and gore. At least back then they would have been fed to the lions and you would have gotten something for your season pass.

      • straffinrun

        I’m saying that football is now just a ghost of its once proud self.

      • Hyperion

        And I’m agreeing with you.

      • straffinrun

        ?

      • J. Frank Parnell

        #GaulLivesMatter

    • Hyperion

      But the MEME is accurate.

    • Rhywun

      Anyone not named Donald deserves what they get at this point for shooting their mouth off on social media like that.

      • Hyperion

        I think that would place everyone here who’s still on social media, in big trouble. That’s why I’m not on social media. Well, getting banned just got old.

      • Rhywun

        I deleted Facetwit and Google a couple years ago – best decision of my life.

      • Hyperion

        I quit and requested my account deleted on FB 12 years ago. I don’t have any other social media. I had Parler for about a month before asking myself ‘Why am I on the conservative version of Twitter?’. Because that is what it is and nothing else.

    • Count Potato

      OFFS!

  30. Hyperion

    Reading that reminds me of wifey and I’s first tour of the Naval Academy.

    The old guy who did the tour was 90 something years old and he had went to the academy as soon as he was old enough to sign up and had been in the Navy until he retired. He knew everything about the place and really did a great job, guy had the best stories.

    But when we were in the rooms for the newest recruits… I can’t remember what he called them now, Midshipmen of course, but he had a term that identified them as noobs, I can’t remember it now. Anyway, we were touring through the places were they slept, 2 people to a room. There was an officer down there who was in charge of some of them and he was answering some questions, talking about what their daily routine was like. My wife has horrified because she thought it was too harsh for them. Especially the part about them having limited access to cell phones. So she was telling the guy ‘but you can’t do that! The children need to able to call their mom when they want!’. The guy was like ‘maam, these are not children, they are grown men, they could get sent out to sea to engage the enemy soon!’, or something like that. She was horrified. Then we were walking down the hall where there were a bunch of pictures of former students on the wall, and one of them was John McCain. My wife looked nervous and she leans over and says something in my ear about not saying anything because the old guy is so nice. I wasn’t going to, but she knows how much I dislike McCain.

    But I was just thinking that if the wife and I are still around here in a few years and decide on another tour (I’d highly suggest everyone do it at least once’), maybe she’ll be happier because the dorms will have all the fixins and they’ll be able to talk on their phone all day with zero discipline. They’ll probably get daily manicures, I mean the guys.

    • slumbrew

      I can’t remember what he called them now, Midshipmen of course, but he had a term that identified them as noobs,

      Plebes, I’m guessing.

      • Hyperion

        That doesn’t sound right, I think it was something else. But it was 7 years ago, so…

      • Hyperion

        Sorry, you might be right. My wife just said that’s what she thought he called them. I still think it was something else, but you guys are probably right.

    • commodious spittoon

      The children need to able to call their mom when they want!’.

      ONCE A YEAR THEN

    • slumbrew

      Fun Annapolis story: my friend’s father went to the Academy (he dropped out) and talked about a classmate who had to drop out because he was so stressed out that he was literally unable to make a bowel movement from the moment he got there (ISTR he was hospitalized).

      Good times.

      • Hyperion

        That would have been me. When I was 18, some Marines came around our town right after high school graduation and they tried to sign me and my friend up. He signed up, and I knew he was going to do it.

        I couldn’t do it, not because I was scared of either the work or fighting. I can’t do discipline. The thought of someone telling me what to do all day and not being able to just say fuck you and walk away when I want is the most terrifying thing I can think of. I’d have nightmares about that.

      • one true athena

        Boy I used to babysit for across the street did NJROTC all in high school, did the whole Annapolis application thing with a letter from the senator, good grades, etc. Then I found out, during the boot camp they do before the kids (sorry, young MEN) get to Annapolis, he quit.

        All that effort and he didn’t last two weeks.

      • Brochettaward

        You babysat a pussy. All, baby sitting is gay.

    • Brochettaward

      She found Navy training to be too harsh?

      • Hyperion

        Yes.

    • Tejicano

      One evening in Boot Camp, as my platoon was forming up after chow, as the DI called us to attention he asked “Any of you maggots want to call home?” Many of the recruits shouted “Sir! Yes sir!”. So the DI said “OK. Repeat after me – HOME!!” The entire platoon shouted “HOME!!”

      • Festus' Mustache

        I’ve got a rebellious streak a mile wide and just as deep. No way that I would last six months in that environment. It’s a shame too because it would have knocked some shit out of my teen-aged head.

      • UnCivilServant

        And you didn’t rush the DI, rip off his limbs and beat him to death with them?

    • Hyperion

      This is some of the most solid evidence I’ve seen so far for Simulation Theory.

    • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

      The ONLY thing that seems even remotely attractive about signing up for the Twattering is the idea of putting “Up” & “Yours” as my listed pronouns.

      • Hyperion

        You’ll get banned. Trust me on this.

      • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

        That would be the dream.

        I (also) have Parler, but vary rarely get on. Even then, it’s to read, not to post. I did it more for a sign of support for a counter to Twatburger.

      • Hyperion

        Yeah, same reason I did it. But then I noted that you cannot even have a real conversation there with most people. They just want a nice I hate liberals MEME. If you can do a nice I hate liberals MEME, you’ll get a zillion upvotes and 1000 new followers.

        Also, some of the most popular guys there are totally illiterate. I mean I dislike the grammar police as much as anyone. But when you have one of the most followed people on the site who literally cannot do the simplest sentence without multiple spelling and grammatical mistakes in it, I’m out, I just cannot do it.

      • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

        you’ll get a zillion upvotes and 1000 new followers

        Ahh, well, since this hold 0 interest for me, I have no concern over it. Plus, it is a bit nice to find some great dunking on leftists. Then again, I only follow 3 (I think) things, one of which is Rand.

        I have virtually no interest in the comments, as I save all that for here, you lucky fuckers.

  31. Count Potato

    So what crazy shit is going to happen tomorrow?

    • Hyperion

      Nothing, it will still be Friday.

    • Plinker762

      Inland PNW glib meet up.

      • tripacer

        The world will never be the same.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Friday like any other in 2020

      • Ownbestenemy

        Reminds me…my son is turning 19 in a month and half…..

      • Gustave Lytton

        Where does the time go? Tomorrow feels like yesterday.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I’d be waking up in a few hours, driving to work listening to John and Ken on KFI in LA thinking they were doing some shock jock bit only to get to work with everyone huddled around the TV in the conference room.

        Pregnant wife, building collapsing, Pentagon, Flight 93….a lot went through my head then and for the next couple of years before I signed up in hopes that the war I was going off to fight would never be my kids war. How I was fucking wrong on that one.

    • Brochettaward

      1. Fuck the guy hitting the dog. Hopefully he gets charged.
      2. Fuck the building management team that apparently thinks its ok for their employee to release the video to the media (or which is too chickenshit to do anything about it after the fact).

    • one true athena

      He wore a MAGA hat in Santa Monica? California?

      **doubt**

      • Hyperion

        I saw a black guy walking down the street with a MAGA hat on, in downtown Baltimore. He was also wearing a t-shirt with some type of similar pro-Trump sentiment on it. No one was bothering him. That was in Feb-Mar of this year, right before the lock downs. That neighborhood, I’m guessing, is at least 75% black.

  32. Hyperion

    Where the fuck is everyone? It’s only 1am. Get up, it’s big daylight!… Well, OK, it’s not, it’s dark, but it will be in about 6 hours! You lazy fucks! Don’t try to tell me you work! No one is falling for that!

    • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

      You’re right! I will be out of work in…6 hours!

      Are you spying on me, bruh?

      • Hyperion

        Alexa tells me where everyone is. She’s a super AI genius!

    • Ownbestenemy

      Late night fire on the pit because its below 90deg at night in Vegas. A few mojitos in too

      • Hyperion

        Wow, nice.

        77 degrees here and 96% humidity.

        Drinking some beers. Wife and I are just chatting, I’m off work this week. She made a ton of food today, including her spaghetti, it has to be world famous, best spaghetti sauce ever, she does it from scratch. All the girls in her family are the best cooks. Her mom’s side of the family are Sicilian. Not sure if that’s why, but that’s what someone told me. She just abandoned me and went to bed, I’m going to keep drinking this Carlsberg Elephant until I go to sleep.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Excellent!

    • straffinrun

      I’m finished. Here’s an idea: spend Friday yelling *Duck!* at strangers every time a plane flies overhead.

    • Plinker762

      It’s only 10pm

      • Hyperion

        You wrong time zoners….

      • Brochettaward

        No one goes by queer time here, pal. Except for Hyperion. Because he’s gay.

      • Hyperion

        I’m on the East Coast, Broketard.

      • Brochettaward

        Yet you’re so gay you run on Pacific.

      • salted earth

        Wait does that mean you are not coming tomorrow? You said, “I’ll be there.” I trusted you!

      • Plinker762

        Where did that come from? I’ve already scammed my trip into a paid business trip.

      • tripacer

        I need to figure out that trick.

      • salted earth

        Brochettaward said he was going to meet us and I believed him!

      • Brochettaward

        I trusted you!

        Look…you fucked up.

      • salted earth

        I’ll add it to my list of failures.

  33. straffinrun

    Can we all come together for just one day and remember how much we hate the Muslims?

    • Hyperion

      Only as long as we can agree we hate liberals more and that Brochettaward is gay.

      • Count Potato

        “We hate liberals and Brochettaward is gay.”

        That should be an iron rule.

    • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

      “One day”?? I thought that’s what this whole site was…

      /I’m here every day, bustin’ my non-camel hump….

    • straffinrun

      7.50 is doable.

    • Chafed

      I didn’t see a single reference to Motley Crue but it’s a start.

  34. straffinrun

    Cody Wilson is one sharp dude. Give his appearance on “Your Welcome” a listen.

    • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

      After reading what the mother of his victim said, I can kinda see why the girl was intrigued by him.

    • salted earth

      He would be a good cult leader, it’s a good thing he hasn’t started one.

      • straffinrun

        Lamenting the end of the bomb throwing anarchists of the 18th and 19th centuries. It would a be Waco without the religion.

      • salted earth

        Willing to die for the cause by blowing off half your jaw. It was a more innocent time.

      • straffinrun

        And not whining like the little bitch Robespierre.

  35. straffinrun

    You look at how some people walk and wonder how they aren’t blowing out an ACL every 10 feet.

    • Ownbestenemy

      To stiff? To quick? Long gait? Inquiring minds are dying to know!

      • straffinrun

        Knock kneed and pigeon toed. Looks rather uncomfortable.

      • Ownbestenemy

        So like my first girlfriend. That girl was all knees and toes.

  36. Brochettaward

    The least self-aware paragraph I read today (an article on JJ Watt whining that fans booed their “moment of unity”):

    He’s right. It made no sense to boo. It wasn’t political in any way. But even an expression of unity has become political in this upside-down era of ours, because apparently everything must be viewed through a political lens, in the eyes of those who tolerate political viewpoints that mesh with their own but chafe in the face of any political viewpoints different than theirs as an invasion on their “escape” from having to deal with things that make them uncomfortable.

    https://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2020/09/11/j-j-watt-booing-during-moment-of-unity-was-unfortunate/

    I haven’t decided if I’ll watch my team this year. The rest of the league is a hard no. I still continue to hate read Profootballtalk, though.

    • Brochettaward

      And the hack who wrote this disabled comments on it. You know, because he’s so tolerant of differing viewpoints…

      • Brochettaward

        They act like its a mystery as to why fans might be booing. I don’t know what KC did, but I was told Houston refused to take the field for the anthem. Then they want to act like some bullshit moment where they gather in the middle of the field is supposed to represent “unity.”

    • Chafed

      I didn’t see the game. What did the players do during the moment of unity. (barf)

      • Brochettaward

        Apparently after doing their anthem protests they gathered in the middle of the field and called it a moment of unity.

      • Chafed

        Sounds stupid, holliw, and useless. But now that we achieved social justice it can stoo.

    • hayeksplosives

      Let me tell you a little about a sport called “hockey.” Or is that “honky”? Whatever you call it, there’s not much #BLM crap Involved.

      Plus the logistics. Kneel on ice right before taxing your body physically? Kneel for the US anthem but stand for O Canada?

      I hope the NHL just flies under radar on this issue.

  37. Plinker762

    Limited TV and adblock has been a blessing. Just saw the sleepy Joe riot ad. Apparently the Trumpenfuhrer has sent his ultra right wing goon squads into our cities to terrorize their peaceful citizens. I’m assuming the federal courts which are under his complete control are preventing prosecution of them. There is even a bible quote at the end.

    • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

      Hell, I just learned that the Fed is now, apparently, under Trumputin’s Master Pimp power.

      • hayeksplosives

        Just like it was Obama’s economy right up until it went to shit early in 2020 due to government overreach, and then magically it became Trumps economy.

    • hayeksplosives

      That ad is why Minnesota is considered a swing state for the first time in 60 years.

      All those blue collar workers on the “Iron Range” (large swathe of MN to the Nirtheast, along Lake Superior have been voting Democrat for ever. It’s in the MN state Democrat party official name: DFL for Democrat-Farmer-Labor. So the good Union guys voted DFL.

      But they showed signs of uneasiness about voting for Hillary, and MN could have flipped if the GOP had known and acted like it was in play.

      Turns out those Minnesota born and raised guys whose name ends in Lund aren’t universally thrilled with the Democrats’ new priorities.

    • hayeksplosives

      The wipipo want to go to Confession and have the priest tell them how many Hail Marys they must perform publicly while counting them off on their rosary beads.

    • hayeksplosives

      I’m just getting a map of Portland. What should I be seeing?

      • hayeksplosives

        Thanks.

        Is she that dumb, really? That she not only says that the mass riots and looting are being carried out by “right wingers” but that she believes it to be true?

      • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

        Every single one of her commenters is so full of shit, my screen damn near turned brown.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Lot of leftists think that. Or explain away the riots like that. Outside agitators. Agent provocateurs. Yeah…

    • Gustave Lytton

      Actually he’s quite lucky. If it was reversed, his antifa pals would have beaten an unfriendly and unwelcome propagandist to a bloody pulp and left the body for the EMTS to carry off.

      • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

        Yeah–“R3volutionDaddy” is simply a journalist.

        Shit-stain–if you really are a journalist, you should know what an assault rifle is, and how those aren’t. Also, interesting that you are such an innocent widdle journowist, yet, everything you do is based around “riots = good, conservatives = bad”

        GFY.

      • hayeksplosives

        But he “cocked” his assault rifle at me!!

        //whiney libtard

      • Gustave Lytton

        Three prominent antifa propagandists decide to play GreenBrown Acres for an afternoon. Olmos, who has been portraying himself as working for the NPR/PBS affiliate, when apparently he’s still a freelancer.

      • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

        Oh, I get him putting that shit in his bio–Twit is often Linked In lite, and he wants to crow about his exposure.

        Walter Duranty was still a commie shill and a POS.

  38. Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

    The cognitive dissonance is stronk:

    Tom Murphy
    @reefandresist
    Replying to
    @R3volutionDaddy
    and
    @too_secrets
    The worst part is as soon as these people decide the government isnt on their side it will be Tim McVey x 10

    Oh, you mean like antifa/BLM/CPA?

  39. Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

    After GL’s link to the commie reporter’s “OMG–citizens with guns are sooper scary, as opposed to police with guns”, I am now compelled to say #ACAB

    All
    Commies
    Are
    Bitchez.

    That is all.

    • hayeksplosives

      Can’t dispute that.

      • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

        It was so funny to read the comments in her thread about how they were “brandishing”, which she conveniently didn’t get a pic of (considering there were three of them there).

        “That’s illegal”. Really? You gonna make a report with the bastard cops?

      • hayeksplosives

        I needed an antidote to work and news today, so I desperately sought out an excellent clip of time lapse landscape, set to music that I also like.

        Photographer is Norwegian Terje Sorgjerd.

        https://vimeo.com/22439234

        That link is for my favorite, “The Mountain”

        His Vimeo page has more.

        https://vimeo.com/terjes

      • hayeksplosives

        Hmm. Meant to be a new post.

      • hayeksplosives

        She’s telling her truth, her lived experience.

        #believethatcrazybitch

  40. hayeksplosives

    I have eaten the last solid food I can have for the next 12 hours or so. Clear liquid only for an ultrasound later today.

    What a thrill for me!

    I’ll be ready to gnaw my arm off by the time I get home.

      • hayeksplosives

        I’m not entirely sure. It’s apparently a good way to “look” at all the major abdominal organs.

        I don’t know why ultrasound instead of CT scan. I suppose this way they get “action shots” of fluid flows, etc.

      • UnCivilServant

        You get a realtime view, focused on the area of interest, exposing the patient to less (no) radiation, and using less electricity. Besides you can fit an ultrasound on a mobile cart and not need to dedicate a room to the thing.

    • limey

      All the best hayeks. Whatever it is I hope it’s all good and the best part is you can really enjoy a decent meal when you’re finally able to eat again.

    • Sean

      Does clear liquid include vodka?

      Hope everything goes ok.

  41. limey

    I don’t think AOC is much about the holding hands and kumbayah, but rather the tearing down of things, the marxist usurpation of civic institutions, the cultist takeover of corporate boardrooms, and the forced redistribution of capital, and that sort of thing, none of which is ultimately very peaceful, even if much of it is done via the hoodwinking, “hmm, well that sounds reasonable, tell me more” method, which is how said institutions and boardrooms fall into the trap in the first place. Rationalizing it to themselves they say that it’s all fine and reasonable and anyone opposed must be bad, and then before you know it they’re mandating critical race theory privelege workshops for management, or doing a bizarre public display of kneeling while wearing kente scarves, or diverting tens of millions in donations to BLM. The faint patina of “peaceful” and “reasonable” remains intact for all those naked emperors, but the rest of us can see how godawful it was all along.

    Mornin’, Glib-mericans.

    Billy Ocean Matters.

    • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

      I don’t think AOC is much about the holding hands and kumbayah

      Maryann Williams?

      • limey

        Would.

      • limey

        Also would, and apparently I may have just given the go-ahead, sight-unseen, for this interesting lady. Teledildonics?

      • Digby's Patented Booty Sweat

        Never stick it in Crazy.

        I, uh….well, it’s certainly an interesting ‘field’, but, I gotta pass on Doctor Aussie, there.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Thirty years ago? Teak Wood.

  42. UnCivilServant

    Morning, Glibs.

    First day back in the cube after six days shy of six months of being away.

    I almost forgot the route to drive here. Almost.

    To start to counteract that much time of overly sedentary behaviour, I decided to take the stairs. I mean it’s only the fourth floor. My legs were unhappy and keen to remind me that I’d been sitting around for half a year. I’ll have to keep taking the stairs until they stop whining at me.

    • Gender Traitor

      Morning, UCS. Brave move to take the stairs all the way on Day One. Bravo! At least it’s all downhill at the end of the day.

      Do you have to mask up when you’re away from your cube? That’s our drill here in OH. We don’t have to put one on when we’re arriving or leaving as long as we go straight from the entrance to our work stations (and vice versa at day’s end.)

      • UnCivilServant

        Officially that’s the rule.

        So I’m just not going to leave my cube.

        I’m at the back of the row by the exterior wall, so there’s no reason for anyone to casually stop in.

        I don’t know who’s supposed to enforce the rule, as the only people who’ll be here are me and one consultant… who works in my unit and thus sort of reports to me. (My supervisor is out today so I’m in charge of the unit.)

      • Gender Traitor

        I guess you’d be The Enforcer. The question then becomes…would that consultant rat you out for eschewing the mask?

      • UnCivilServant

        *shrug*

        Donno. The consultants are all Indian guys, and there’s a distinct social divide between the consultants and state staff. Cultural and language differences make the natural social groups in the office the Indians and the Americans. So tendency to snitch is not something I have a good read on (since I’m not the person who’d get the reports)

      • UnCivilServant

        If all else fails, I have a #ThisMaskDoesNothing on hand, but I’m trying to avoid using it.

  43. Festus' Mustache

    Mornin’ Lightbringers! Just discovered a new trick to get namesake Kitteh to eat his regular food. He’s gotten incredibly spoiled so now all he wants to eat are the little things that we mush his medication up in. Those are $1.25 a pop and he was turning his nose up at anything else. If I pet the base of his spine he will eat his normal soft chow. Winning!

    • UnCivilServant

      Petting the cat is definately cheaper than $1.25, even $1.25 CAD

      • Festus' Mustache

        We still need the expensive stuff twice a day but things were getting out of hand. More blood work tomorrow(?) for my pal. He was always a weirdo that way ever since he was tiny. I’d pet his back and he would eat his crunchies. Imprinted from his Mom, I suppose.

      • Fourscore

        You guys and your euphemisms. I can’t keep up.

        “Petting the cat”

        C’mon, man, I’m only old, not stup…ooops, OK then

    • Gender Traitor

      Mornin’, Fes! (Lightbringer? I guess that’s OK. Think I might rather be a Lunchbringer, though.)

      Happy to hear Namesake Kitteh can be coaxed/conned into eating! Latest Porch Cat/Potential Official Cat didn’t show up to eat last evening, as far as I could tell. I even stayed in the living room with the front door open instead of “going campling” on the back porch just so the two cats could commiserate through the screen door and maybe get used to each other. I hope PC/POC comes back or, barring that, is OK and maybe has found his way back home. : (

      • UnCivilServant

        Think I might rather be a Lunchbringer, though

        I brought Szechwan chicken for lunch. (The $20 minimum for delivery from the chinese food place always results in 2-3 meals)

      • Festus' Mustache

        Being single does have its benefits. Sitting around in stained boxers eating left-over Chinese Food is one of them.

      • Festus' Mustache

        I do hope that you don your “chopstick gloves” for the task…

      • Gender Traitor

        Maybe not at the office, though.

      • Gender Traitor

        Then again, it IS “Casual Friday…”

      • UnCivilServant

        We don’t have that.

      • UnCivilServant

        I am required to wear pants at the office. And a shirt (buttoned). Oh, and shoes.

        Something about an official dress code.

      • Gender Traitor

        I’ve been able to wear jeans (while the weather has been warm, it’s been capri jeans) every day since most of the staff in our building started to work from home. Only requirement is that I wear a shirt with our corporate logo with them. My logo shirts have been getting quite a workout these last few months.

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t own any jeans. I pretty much only have the same style of black trousers that I wear to work. Like with my shirts, the main difference between work attire and non work attire is that the non-work attire is more worn and faded.

      • Gender Traitor

        I think wearing the same type of clothing almost every day for so many months has triggered my shoe-shopping gene. I’ve been indulging in peep-toe wedges whenever I can find any online in my size that look as if they might be comfortable. And I’ve run out of room in the hanging shoe organizer in the closet.

      • Sean

        Cargo shorts here. I do class it up with a polo shirt though.

      • UnCivilServant

        Even if I tend to push the sleeves up, I’m more comfortable in a shirt with long sleeves. I’m so accustomed to it than anything with short sleeves just feels wrong.

      • Fourscore

        Are suspenders appropriate with shorts? Inquiring minds and all

        /Need to hold pants up

      • Gender Traitor

        On Fridays I bring Atkins Chili – cheese, no beans – as my reward for being so brave.

      • Festus' Mustache

        You know how pathetic I have become? Every Sunday for the last month I’ve been buying a Big Mac because they are on special. I don’t even like Big Macs but I need to eat something on my heaviest day. Talk about automatic eating. Just keep chewing and think about something, anything else.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Thanks, Red! We also have a porch cat that is entirely Honey-Badger about our little dog trying to break the glass to get at him. He’s gorgeous. There seem to be a few folk around here that let their cats run wild, so much so that there is one section of the street I call “Kitty Corner” where I deliberately slow down because fresh batches of them keep popping up like weeds.

  44. Sean

    Morning all US based Glibs.
    Afternoon to the Euro based Glibs.
    Evening to the Asian based Glibs.

    • UnCivilServant

      Do we have anyone in Africa?

      Did you leave out the rest of the Americas on purpose?

      • Festus' Mustache

        No Africans. We are “Family Friendly” racists.

      • Sean

        Goddamn it.

        “Happy day/night Earthlings.”

        Fuck the Martians.

    • Festus' Mustache

      Even though it will hasten my own demise I want this year to be over. 2019 was challenging on a personal level ( I think we counted a dozen really shitty things) but this year has more of the Old Gods stirring feel to it. Those orange skies are eerie. Same thing happened up here a couple of years ago with the wildfires. Sound gets amplified because the atmosphere is so dense. Two ladies talking on the street a hundred feet away and it was like you were standing right beside them.

  45. Sean
    • UnCivilServant

      Couldn’t they even cleanly fill in the letters?

      • Sean

        It’s the weathered look.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Somebody used to watch “American Pickers”.

    • Festus' Mustache

      So Kentucky Man, then.