Read Part 1 first or this doesn’t make much sense.
* * * * * * * * *
The academic theory – pushed on them at The Farm, of course – was that you could never be certain of exactly which seemingly innocuous facts might later be critical in determining where a case went bad – if it did – or what might be important for the analysts back home, who had access to other reports from other case officers in the field, and even from other countries. So they were told, but Frank had quickly learned that the field reality was much like a ham-and-egg trial lawyer’s – you had a limited amount of time in which to write and too much other stuff to do on all of your cases. Therefore, you triaged and assessed very quickly and included what you thought was the important stuff and relied upon your memory of the case as you moved it along.
“Wait a minute…” Frank began, with his voice rising, “you’ve got satellites, don’t you? You’re just watching porn over there, huh?”
Tate laughed and almost swallowed some dip spit.
“Yeah! Don’t I fuckin’ wish. Haha! Nah, Tim’s the porn guy, Bro.” Ned laughed for a bit. “That guy’s into some weird shit, by the way.” When Frank looked over Tate raised his eyebrows.
Tate looked down at the laptop’s display and began to adjust the map resolution.
“Hunh. Ooh, here we go! Yahtzee! We’ve got satellites, yo!”
The terrain was much easier on this side of the mountain, so Slade clutched, slid the shift into neutral, and let the truck accelerate down the slope toward what looked like a four-way intersection of two dirt roads. As Frank scanned the valley, he noticed that the roads formed an X at the bottom. Both roads were passable for cars and light trucks, running off into the hills that surrounded them. The grass was thin on the hard packed clay, surprisingly smooth under the truck’s tires. The hill was steeper up top, but not terrible, curving to a more gentle slope near the bottom. As Frank glanced left again, he saw something on the ground… but his attention was on the surrounding hills. Damn bad if we get jumped here… he looked back ahead toward the intersection. Something made his head swivel back left, a prickling… a feeling…
He squinted to see if he could make it out… and his blood froze. He slammed on the brakes, nearly putting Ned’s face into the laptop.
“What the shit–” Ned began, but the words froze. He looked where Slade’s eyes were fixed and recognized it immediately.
“Oh.” He said softly. “Oh, fuck.”
Slade nodded his head once. Fifty yards to their left and front were the unmistakable flags of a United Nations de-mining project. They had both seen them before – together, in fact. You couldn’t spend much time in Afghanistan and not see them.
Frank knew that the Soviet Army had given not one single fuck about the Geneva Conventions, liberally spreading mines during their adventure in Afghanistan. Typically, the mines came from artillery shells or planes, airburst munitions that detonated a pre-determined height above the ground and then scattered tiny little bomblets over an area, usually about the size of a football field… one minefield per artillery shell. Frank was familiar with them because the United States also had them, but treaty restricted their use… a treaty the Russians had also signed.
The entire country was littered with those and many other kinds of mines, anti-tank mines, anti-personnel mines… it was how most of the IEDs being used against the US and Coalition Forces were constructed. The Taliban, AQ, or their surrogates would dig the Composition B out of the old mine and then repurpose it with a wire. Voilà! Instant remotely detonated IED with reliable Russian military explosive-filling to ensure it wouldn’t dud, as a lot of the homemade stuff did. Sometimes terrorists would simply pick up an old Russian anti-tank mine and move it to a road or route they knew that U.S. forces used. It was risky as hell – and not particularly smart – but war was a dangerous business.
Ned and Slade had been out in town doing some surveillance when a large explosion rocked the quiet of the day. It came from a dry riverbed they sometimes used for picking up sources. Some zipperhead had been trying to set a mine and blew himself into tiny bits. One of the case officers, a soccer fan, would later cheer when they figured out what happened: “Another own goal for us!” he cackled, and everyone in the small facility they shared for writing cables chuckled and high-fived.
Frank stared at the flags in the ground, in neat rows like Memorial Day at a cemetery, except these flags were red and white; some rows completed, some not. The flags were either entirely white, indicating that someone had verified the mine was safe, or red indicating a hot mine; uncertain mines got both red and white flags crossed together. Frank’s mind was furiously trying to find a pattern in all of the red and white, anything that might give a clue as to what they should do and which way was safe. His eyes traveled from the flags back across the grass to the truck. They were well within the area of the half-completed demining project…
Ned was looking in the side and rearview mirrors. His face was serious, but betrayed no emotion. Frank pondered their options, while he looked at the hills around them. They were completely exposed.
“I don’t think I can do it, Bro,” Ned finally said, casually, as if they were discussing whether or not to go to the gym. They had both served in the Marine Corps, officer and enlisted, and so they both knew the doctrine: if you wander into a minefield, the assistant driver should “dismount the vehicle” and “proceed to the rear to direct and assist the driver in backing up along the tire tracks” that brought you into the mess in the first place.
Frank had an instant phantasm of Tate walking backwards, trying to direct the truck, and then Frank watching Ned get vaporized in the rearview mirror. He pushed that thought away. The theory, which was certainly logical, was that you should be able to back your way out safely… the theory did not particularly interest Frank at the moment.
Frank paused and forced himself to ask the question: “You want me to try it?” He hoped his voice didn’t betray how badly he wanted Ned to say no. The thought of getting out of the truck while Ned drove made his stomach flip-flop and for a moment his bowels almost betrayed him. The feeling came on instantly and he had to clench his sphincter to keep from shitting himself. A thought flitted across his mind about an old expression he had heard about among World War Two Marines during the beach assaults during the Pacific campaign: Keep a tight asshole. Under the onslaught of machine guns and artillery, newbies would frequently shit their pants.
“Not really,” Ned said, looking around, up at the hills. A wave of relief mixed with guilt at his own cowardice washed over Frank. He would have gotten out if Ned had asked; his honor as a Marine officer would have demanded it.
The truck idled. It was eerily quiet, except for a soft, warm breeze making the grass sway in rivulets as the wind trickled over it and the light purr of the engine.
Unbidden, Slade became aware of his kids back home, eight-and-a-half time zones away. For a moment he wondered, if I die, will they have some instantaneous sense of it? Would they awake with a start from their dreams, as if they sensed a disturbance in The Force? Was there some psychic, faster-than-light connection that would let them know I died? Or would they spend the rest of their lives wondering what had happened to their father, with no one ever being able to tell them how Ned and I simply vanished from the Earth?
No one would ever know. He knew it at that moment with a certainty that was inescapable. They were utterly alone, just the two of them, and they would live or die here together. They had just gotten a satellite signal, but those could do nothing for them now. All the technology in the world couldn’t help them.
Ahead and to the right, they could see the road and intersection – clean, free, beckoning to them, perhaps fifty yards away. The main branch led west and south, just the way they needed to go. Just to the right of those fucking flags…
“Well,” Ned finally said, like a man playing poker who decides to go all in. “Fuck it. You got this, Man. Let’s go.” Tate grabbed his shoulder belt and tugged it so it locked.
Slade was glad Ned had said what he was thinking.
“Any particular way?” he asked. Ned shifted himself in his seat, and then pointed to where they were both looking. It was the most direct route to the road, but wasn’t the farthest possible way from the flags. Of course, the whole area looked like the perfect setup for a minefield. MotherFucking Russians…
…And then Slade had a moment of madness. He started to think about whether he should gun the engine, or go slowly and look for signs of mines in the ground, or, or, or… he was paralyzed by the thought of running over a mine and being blown to pieces. It might have been an instant, or thirty seconds… he would never be able to recall accurately.
Ned put his left hand firmly, but kindly, on Frank’s shoulder. Out of his peripheral vision, Frank could see Ned Tate smile warmly.
“You got this, Brother. C’mon. Let’s go,” Ned said with a nod toward the road. Then he turned forward and waited for Slade to go, a tight smile showing as a line through his beard. His left hand stayed on Frank’s shoulder.
Frank set his eyes forward, looked again for the slightest clue in the dirt that might tell him if they were going to die, and as he hit the accelerator, Frank prayed to God with every fiber of his being, perfectly reconciled that he would never know it or feel it when they died.
I make Firsting look effortless becase I’m better than you.
have you considered strolling through a mine field?
Gamboling is probably more appropriate.
stroll:gambol::stromboli:calzone
I would be the First one through safe and sound because I’m the chosen Firster. I have divine protection.
You’re a sad, strange, little man.
I don’t expect a thirder like you to comprehend what I do. Someone willing to cheat the system in order to try and represent themselves as a Firster.
You realize that such a taunt and claim makes no sense.
And are you still whining about making a fool out of yourself?
But whatever. I won’t waste any more pity on you.
“Sappers, UP!!”
Every unit needs at least one guy who believes this…
I was the designated machine gun nest runner.
LOL. Checks out. 😉
I pegged him for the “Let me see your M-16. Great, now break the seal on your mask and take a deep breath.” guy.
“I pegged him”
Too much information.
I’m going to use that phrase at work – when someone is quivering in fear that the Flu Manchu is waiting to leap out and cut them down in their prime.
“Tighten your sphincter.”
Beautiful.
I believe the equivalent in the ancient world was “Gird your loins.”
Oh, it’s gird?!?
*gingerly removes gold foil*
ALERT! ALERT!
*Trumpster identified*
(My wife and I always crack up about when we see photos of his residences.
It’s all like vintage Vegas, a la early 60s, everything with too much gold filigree.)
I’ll have you know that gilded loins are the classiest loins! The best loins!
If you spent any time in Saddam’s palaces you would be convinced he and Trump shared the same interior decorator.
I have used ‘Gird your loins’ as well as ‘Buckle my breastplate’.
‘Tighten your sphincter’ is one more arrow in the quiver, and might be more effective. Who knows.
Fuck yeah.
May I pre-order?
I will wait for it to hit the bittorrent
I’ll put you down for an author copy when it’s finally finished and published, Tundra.
Thank you, my brother!
Metoo, OZY
Hope its sooner rather than …
Yeah, I’m really tempted to commit to doing it here serially again, but I think it might hurt publication chances.
Maybe I’ll just commit to that in my head and then publish excerpts here.
How about I commit to this: come hell or high water, I’ll hand out copies at the next Honey Harvest.
You’ll be the most popular person there. I see a tag team, a challenge, Kinnath and OZY in this corner, , in the other 3 corners?
Me too! Me Too! I am thoroughly enmeshed in the story already.
Oh man you are a tease! Great read again Ozy. That really got my senses heightened and not wanting to read the next sentence just in case.
Sorry, OBE!
You gotta have a hook to start a book, and I figure leaving characters in the middle of a minefield is at least enough to get a coupla pages turnt.
😉
That really got my pulse elevated, I’ll admit. Great story telling!
“There is a time for planting and a time for harvesting”
We never know which is which, unfortunately.
the key is to leave the plating to neighbors and harvest yourself at night when it is cool and not too sunny
+ 1 social redistribution
at night when it is cool and not too sunny
Vampire confirmed.
Bullshit.
3rd Sunday in September.
Are we planting at that time? For the following year? I hope so.
Absolutely. You think ttyrant and his beautiful young lady will pass up the opportunity to hob-nob with a bunch of old guys and Leap?
And the newbies, unknown to us at this time. Jimbo will not let his record go unchallenged.
And just to answer the question, yes, this was based on a real incident. I posted the real-life version on my Fbook pages on the Marine Corps birthday a coupla years in a row, as a tribute to the guy I was with when I accidentally drove us into an old Russian minefield.
When I think of it now, it doesn’t seem real; it really does seem and feel like it happened to someone else.
Thanks for a continuing great story 🙂
I’ve had several puke inducing moments in The Corps. Waking up to find I’d humped through a field of undetonated cluster bombs the night before was one. Thanks for the reminder 😉
Yikes. (OT, but I hope you saw my comment on your music theory piece. I really enjoyed it. Thank you.)
And sorry about the reminder.
I did see it. Thanks!
I drove on a path engineers had cleared through a minefield. Not a great feeling. Wind had exposed a lot of the mines on either side of the cleared path – probably the same big Russian anti-tank mines in the story.
It’s not the ones you see… that you have to worry about…
Well, you still have to spare them some concern, or you might run it over anyway.
They were everywhere, ubiquitous, all-over-the-place in Asscrackistan. The Russians dropped them, to use the technical term, “willy-nilly.”
Watching the guys in the suits with the metal detector on a de-mining project was absurd to the point of hilarity. I mean, there was no way to watch it without just giggling at the absurdity. We drove past one once, then slowed down just so we could watch to see if someone would go ka-blooey. Utter lunacy.
I believe the U.S. air and artillery delivered mines are supposed to have timers – in other words they’ll explode at some set number of hours or days after being dropped so they don’t cause this kind of a problem.
In Kuwait in 1991 there was unexploded cluster munitions everywhere. They dropped every left over Vietnam era cluster bomb in the inventory just to get rid of them. Some percentage of the bomblets would land sideways and not explode. Whenever we got to a new position we would but a few glowsticks around them so nobody stepped on one at night. That had to have been a fun cleanup – I suppose being above ground they could have done some of it with a sniper rifle. The fins were usually brightly colored so they were easy to spot in daylight.
They shoot ’em with lasers now.
That’s cool.
I have not-terribly-fond memories of the “Warning! Unexploded Chemical Ordnance!” signs that festooned the base at Karshi-Khanabad.
Wouldn’t it have been easier to clear paths with explosives?
if you want to remove all the mines, the quick and dirty method doesn’t guarantee it, and is more expensive.
I think the breach I drove through was cleared with something like that followed up by one of those tank-plow things to make the crater into a dirt road.
But it’s just for breaching – not blowing up every mine in a field.
The MICLIC. MIne Clearing LIne Charge.
It was basically the same thing as a Bangelore Torpedo, without the requirement for dismounted crunchies to emplace it.
As demonstrated.
“More expensive”.
You crack me up.
“not blowing up every mine in a field”
Needz moar bombs! Bomb all the things!
OT time:
Some of You People doubted that Operation Tulsi would – ahem – bear fruit. Behold:
Rand and Tulsi double-teaming to roll back presidential power!
This should be a no brainer.
What’s this about double-teaming Tulsi?
Something about getting randy.
She’s a lame duck and a black sheep, so she’s got approximately zero influence.
And she’s been railing against ballot harvesting as well. If she would just re-examine her silly economic beliefs, I will truly swoon.
I’m sure the Democrats will get behind that, after they find out who wins the election.
Tulsi the Deplorable
It’s confirmed, Tulsi is a DINO, but a DINO with the best tits.
Cute little trash panda: https://www.dailywire.com/news/aggressive-raccoon-attacks-multiple-news-crews-outside-white-house
Also cute, some characteristics of a trash panda: https://twitter.com/KennedyNation/status/1310745646152986624
“Aggressive Raccoon Attacks ‘Multiple News Crews’ Outside White House”
Best Trash Panda ever.
Does anyone want to tell him?
Real patriots pay taxes.
Nevermind him, lets go have a tea party in a major port city.
“I’m a weak hearted coward who can’t even bear to have people i don’t like respond to me.
Some even pre-pay them.
Oh, Kayleigh.
@JoeBiden agreed to an inspection for electronic ear pieces at #Debates2020 BUT now he is reversing course, declining the inspection!
Tonight is gonna be fun.
I want to see Joe talking to the voice in his ear.
Phase One of the Great Cancellation.
Remember when the left went batshit conspiracy crazy and thought George the Lesser was wired up for one of his debates with Kerry?
For those who don’t.
I think it was really some kind of ballistic vest.
Big, if true.
Was it actually public in some way that he agreed to be inspected for an earpiece?
Sets up an interesting dilemma for Trump. Does he refuse to debate because Biden won’t be cleared of wearing an earpiece?
Or does Trump ring up one of his intelligence agencies and say he wants a jammer for the debate, so it doesn’t matter if Joe is wearing one or not. Of course, lots of people there will be wearing earpieces, so that may not work. Or it may work all too (hilariously) well.
Does he refuse to debate because Biden won’t be cleared of wearing an earpiece?
Fuck no. If this is true and they backtracked after agreeing – particularly with all the days off – I would hammer it over and over.
“Did the voice inside your head give you that answer, Sleepy Joe? It was the worst answer, maybe ever.”
AoSHQ theorized that……the Biden camp doesn’t want the debate to happen, but they also don’t want to admit to it, so they’re trying to provoke Trump into being the one who deep-sixes the debate. It’s an amusing enough theory but I can’t say I believe that.
Jam?
You’d be missing out on the chance of a lifetime. Well maybe you would jam his real handlers, but once you found the frequency, you’d be stupid not to start broadcasting yourself to Biden’s earpiece.
“C’mon man! Everyone knows my wife Jill is a total cunt for letting me run for office”
He would definitely repeat that.
“Who said that? What’s going on?”
Get the Impractical Jokers guys on the case, pronto!
Dude. He won’t let someone look in his ear?
lol.
Do you want to look in his ear? You get that close and he’s liable to sniff you.
Yes. It’s all I dream about.
They’ll see out the other side?
Better do a full cavity search, because he’ll mostly be talking out of his ass.
*golf clap*
I remembered some recent kerfuffle about written notes in a presidential debate and found this story Turns out there is a lot of back story to whether candidates can use notes or not. (It was Mittens who was accused of bringing in notes that I remembered)
I’m going to quote a different part of the story to show what a class act the Clintons were:
Can we get a photoshop of Biden nuzzling Biden’s neck as if he’s looking for the earpiece?
He don’t need it, they’ve implanted a neural receiver in his brain. They’re just going to transmit the answers straight into his brain.
That’s why all the cut offs to talking to the media. He’s recovering from the surgery and they’re fine tuning the transmitter.
I don’t think an earpiece would help him any. In his state of mine, it would probably either be obvious or make it worse. It’s not like reading off a teleprompter, you have to remember what was just said and repeat it. It might make for some hilarious gaffes.
That’s why I’m going with neural implant receiver.
They will put a remote control vibrator in hiss ass and set it to high every time they need him to shut the fuck up…
They will have to rev the fucking thing deep into the red zone…
Then drugs will fall out of his ass..
He might do a Nadler on stage.
I’d read more of this story.
Even if chapter 3 was just “Boom! The End.”
“I gots to know!”
Had a friend who was a combat engineer. Talked to me about mine clearing procedures.
He didn’t seem to like the idea.
Mines? Hidden bombs under the dirt?
More like “Your’s” amirite?
:Thunderous Applause:
I remember sitting around the maintenance sheds when I was in the Marines speculating about the wisdom of transferring to the EOD MOS. The scuttlebutt was that anyone in that MOS got promoted super fast because they couldn’t keep it staffed. “Man, they got E-6’s sweeping up” was what we had heard.
Then we’d all sit around and think on it for a bit more and decide that maybe being a low rate E-4 repairing navigational aids wasn’t all that bad.
“They got E-6s sweeping up…”
… what’s left of the last guy? Yeah, that’s not a job I particularly want to be stuck with.
What we heard was that it wasn’t really that dangerous (I only served in peace time) and that people would transfer there to pick up rank and then transfer out later.
The fact that most of your time would be spent stationed at Gitmo was a bigger item in the con side of the argument than the prospect of getting blown up.
Fuck we were 19 and 20 year old kids. All we heard was “There is a good chance that you could get blown” and we’d agree to sign up before they could finish with “up”
As if the chance to fuck with explosives and blow stuff up would deter under 25 men.
Like concussion grenades that attach to each other like Legos?
Holy crap. Iowahawk’s Twitter account is gone.
What did he say recently?
Rumor has it his account was hacked.
People saying his account was hacked.
Hacked account apparently
https://twitter.com/jtLOL/status/1310937523217195015?s=20
I’m calling no-hack, inside job at Twitter.
I’m thinking good call.
I will never believe Iowa Hawk is careless enough that his account could be hacked.
I am with you: insider job…
Too close to the election, must eliminate all wrong think now?
It’s been going on for a couple of months…
They have canceled and shut down people that are controversial in their delivery, and the ones they couldn’t do that to, they seem to be pulling this stunt with. I doubt he is the “only conservative” this has been done to..
The others simply lack the following to get that info out…
I think this is our cue to start rioting.
If they keep taking people off of Twitter it’ll be a quiet riot.
+1 Metal Health
Drives you mad!
I’m sure Twitter is racing to recover and restore his account. All. Hands. On. Deck.
After the election has been decided in the favor of Slow Joe is the ETA?
See ya on Gab.
Have I missed his political bias? As far as I recall he makes jokes about everyone and anything, and spends most of his time identifying old cars.
I always got a bit of right of centre feel from him.
But maybe i’m just seeing it through my own biases.
he makes jokes about everyone
Including the left. Not allowed, comrade. There will be no mockery of the vanguard of the progressive revolution.
Thanks for scaring the Hell out of me Ozy! I was reading and said, Oh Shit right BeforeI I read the words UN
/Raises glass
Back atcha, buddy!
Congrats on the new job, Yusef. I’m really psyched for you, my friend.
Ahhh, poor babies.
https://nypost.com/2020/09/28/verizon-scrambling-to-unload-huffpost-as-losses-mount/
If they go low enough we should buy it to skinsuit it’s corpse.
L
Head to head with the Union? How? Just come in and say “Everything is being Liquidated, you all can go home, If you aren’t gone in 30 min you are tresspassing on my property.
Oh, there’s an elaborate process required by law before you can close a union operation.
Serious question: can you structure the deal to purchase the IP (copyrights, etc) but not the operations?
Yep, but Verizon would never go for it. Why sell off all the upside and still be stuck with all the downside?
You could maybe do some more complex spin-sale where Verizon spins HuffPo off into its own standalone company, but keeps the branding, which it sells in whole or in part to a buyer.
The question, even in the spin-sale model, is who the hell wants to buy that company? Maybe you can sell it to the employees at fire sale prices?
I’m thinking the skinsuit option. It would be hi-larious to re-build HuffPost as, say, a thinly disguised InfoWars.
You bet. I suspect the owners would get a better price that way, too.
Of course, it leaves them with the headache of closing down the operations. The requirements aren’t specific to unions (my bad), but are under a 1988 law that applies to closures or mass layoffs generally.
“We just sold off all the stuff you used to do, and don’t have anything else for you at the moment. Here’s 2 months’ salary and 6 months of ‘placement services’ as a parting gift.”
This makes me want to put a proposal together to buy/license their IP. I wonder what a controlling stake in the name would cost…
WAY TO RUIN EVERYTHING LEON
Oh… was i not supposed to do that?
I thought the L was like the Bat signal for me.
“I am altering the deal. Pray I don’t alter it any further.”
I thought PuffHo didn’t pay its writers anyway?
Graffiti written on university property in chalk = temporary dedication. Graffiti written in permanent ink = vandalism. I think that is what the author is trying to convey but it’s not exactly clear.
“ST. LOUIS — St. Louis University announced Monday it is investigating a defacement of a temporary dedication on campus to Breonna Taylor, a woman killed by Louisville police.
Messages in commemoration of Taylor were written on the Lipic Clock Tower Plaza, and one or more persons defaced the dedication with permanent marker on either Thursday or Friday, the university said.
Several reports on social media said “Trump 2020” was written on the memorial, but the university did not confirm what was written. The university did say the message was political.
On Tuesday, after an evening shower, chalk messages such as “Protect Black Women” and “We Want Justice” were written in chalk on the tower, and posters showed support of Black Lives Matter.
SLU’S Office of Institutional Equity and Diversity is investigating the defacement.
https://www.stltoday.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/slu-launches-investigation-after-breonna-taylor-tribute-is-vandalized/article_301e8075-5238-5ecb-9e69-7672fd58fcb5.html
Related: https://www.slu.edu/about/key-facts/diversity/messages/investigating-recent-campus-incident.php
“Numerous students have filed complaints with SLU’s Office of Institutional Equity and Diversity following an incident at our iconic Clock Tower late last week.
We received reports that some time Thursday night or early Friday morning, a person or persons using permanent markers, defaced chalked messages in memory of Breonna Taylor at the Joseph G. Lipic Clock Tower Plaza with political messaging.
In response to these reports, the University initiated its Bias-Related Incident Protocol. The Bias Incident Report Team conducted an initial review and has authorized a full investigation of these complaints. The Office of Institutional Equity and Diversity is conducting the investigation and working closely with the Department of Public Safety. ”
Will the SLU Office of Institutional Equity and Diversity let the public know what forms of graffiti/temporary dedications are permitted to be written on the institutions buildings and structures along with preferred writing materials?
Who would have guessed that these guys would only investigate bias in one direction…
Seems to me that once you make your property a public forum, you can’t really discriminate by viewpoints (if you’re a government agency).
Now do pavement markings and the racism of driving on public streets.
Yeah, I’m saying: If you allow a “Breonna Taylor” memorium or “Black Lives Matter” on the street, then you are going to have to allow a “Trump 2020” on your property too.
Apologies, I phrased that wrong with the “now do” construction. Was trying to add on the street paint, not that it wouldn’t be an equally one sided public forum.
I’m sure that the people who agree that only good think like BLM being written on a street is acceptable would lose their cool when they see a religious manger scene on city property at Christmastime.
It’s 2020. It’s America. We nominally won the Cold War and this is all real.
Reading the words “Bias Incident Report Team” brings to mind the precrime cops from Minority Report.
I picture bedazzled queer theorists and master’s of social work candidates rappelling down the sides of university buildings.
I picture bedazzled queer theorists and master’s of social work candidates rappelling down the sides of university buildings.
Hut! Hut! Hut!
Along those lines, I got the notice I’ve long dreaded from work:
Oh, I don’t doubt for one second that she fully believes this nonsense is “her purpose and her gift”
I expected this, but it’s still depressing as hell. I hate interviewing for jobs.
There’s really nowhere left to escape to so you might as well just accept it.
I’ll sell handies in the alley before I ever participate in some struggle session bullshit requiring me to plaintively beg forgiveness for all of my nonexistent racist deeds.
Just tell them you identify as dark green.
The other jar heads can snicker and you can move on.
I told someone I wouldn’t attend any diversity sessions until they acknowledged that because I identify as a half-dragon half-celestial with royal blood lesbian trapped in a male body and that they would have to accept me and treat me as such. They didn’t like me making fun of their shitshows.
This. Then say you are feeling uncomfortable and afraid, and that you need your safe space. And you require that your safe space not include any race baiting assholes.
“Hello. I’m a racist. I supported affirmative action. I know better now, and only want the best candidate, but am forever stained by that past sin.”
/not my confession, I never supportted affirmative action.
Oh no, tongzhi, that is not an acceptable answer!
I’m afraid you’re wrong, Racist!
I will not attend a session led by a racist like you!
Resign in shame, I’ll lead this session now!
To keep my job, I will attend.
To keep my self-respect, I will not confess to being a racist. Because I’m not.
If refusing to confess to racism costs me my job, I have a severance agreement, and will have the option of pursuing a racial discrimination lawsuit instead. My settlement price under the racial discrimination lawsuit will be twice what my severance agreement is worth.
Before any struggle sessions, I will be advising my company of the risks they pose for racial discrimination lawsuits. Both an increased likelihood of such lawsuits, and the decreased likelihood of prevailing. Its hard to defend yourself against a racial discrimination lawsuit when everybody has confessed to being a racist, after all. I am currently weighing how I give this advice, as doing so will in itself pose a risk of termination.
And nobody believes that any conversation about race, systemic racism, anti-racism, or white fragility is a “safe space”. When these topics have been mentioned in leadership meetings, the silence is palpable.
“I will not be coerced into making a false confession, and these meetings are creating a hostile work environment.”
If (and its a huge if) the anti-discrimination laws were applied and enforced in a color blind fashion (as they are written), it would be a laydown win.
As it is, the odds are probably 50/50.
I was told that we had someone confess during one of these shitshows that they were racist, because while they were fine with diversity medical doctors, when it came to their health, they wanted only the Asian ones. Those are the cream of the crop docks, so she wanted nothing else….
That’s not racist, that’s a rational reaction to the effect of a racist program.
If you get lowered standards for people of one background that results in necessarily raising the standards required for those of another, then statistically, the people from the group with the hightened standards applied will be higher performing on average, while there will be more low-performing people from the lowered standards groups. So if you want to secure the best doctor and don’t have any additional information, it’s a rational choice to make.
Oh, I get the mechanics…
What I was trying to convey is that some people are fighting back.. This was very clever IMO. Cause you know every godamned motherfucker in that meeting would want the same when it comes to them.
It’s easy to grandstand when there is no cost to you personally. That’s why libs love to do it. Practically every single one of them are untouched by the shit they claim they want (look at who gets hurt by stupid shit like defund the police). Not so easy to demand stupid shit when you will get the ass fucking your stupid ideas result in, though…
“will have the option of pursuing a racial discrimination lawsuit instead”
This. Sue their fucking asses off. IOW, make them pay the fuck up to get you to go away.
I can tell you that there is a 100% chance I will do this if they try that shit on me and do not immediately fuck off and leave me be when I ask them too.
This needs to be done all over the country, often, and this shit will end.
Dude, just say that you identify as a pink tractor and act disinterested. My client has had one of those as long as I can remember and I’ve never participating in any bullshit like that.
And if the make me, I’ll act disinterested and if they try to make me participate, I’ll say that I identify as a non-binary pink tractor and any attempt to make me so anything I do not want to do is oppression and that I will take it straight to HR and then sue their fucking asses off if they don’t fuck off and leave me alone.
If I’m going out, I’m going to make a mark.
Coinbase.
We’re heading down that road.
When we cross the line, I will officially become a time-server waiting until I hit my retirement goals.
Her areas of expertise include Implicit Bias, Emotional Intelligence, Microaggressions, Identity Development, and Organizational & Leadership Development.
So no actual expertise beyond being a parasite? Got it.
“One of her favorite quotes is “A rising tide, lifts all boats”…”
She’s into free markets!
Even in the midst of all that, the comma between “tide” and “boats” is what my brain is REALLY rebelling against.
One of her favorite quotes is “A rising tide, lifts all boats”
Hold on, isn’t that exactly the kind of thing that the “equity vs. equality” people reject?
I’m pretty sure her interpretation of that quote would break your mind. Like seeing Cthulhu.
Isn’t that what JFK said when he cut the New Deal tax rates back down to sanity?
We inherited our DEI person from an acquisition we made. She was trotted out at some company meeting we had and I thought, “Oh crap, time to look for another job.” Fortunately we haven’t been forced to take any training, but that’s where I will draw the line. If they want to fire me for that, I’ll talk to a lawyer.
It used to be my policy to not work for a company that has an HR department, but that’s hard to find these days.
I have a hard time believing permanent marker would apply over chalk.
/mediumpedant
From the dead thread
Yes, and I think they also want to use a captive firearms company to take a fall to undermine the rest of the industry. Just like PG&E is getting utilities to turn off power for public safety while ignoring both the costs and dangers (good luck reporting a fire or other emergency when the phones don’t work after two days of no power) of doing so.
I still think Heller was an attempt by SAF to torpedo the individual right interpretation of 2A that went sideways with an unexpected ruling.
Why do you think the SAF wants to torpedo the 2A? Am I missing something?
Gottlieb seems to be more interested in raking in money than actually achieving results. He’s less than an absolutist on gunrights, voicing support for local gun control measures.
http://www.sweetliberty.org/mof.htm#.VNKBfyzHUhw
Same as most “activist” groups.
“Yes, and I think they also want to use a captive firearms company to take a fall to undermine the rest of the industry.”
Like Bangor Putna-era Smith and Wesson? Anyone remember back that far?
“I still think Heller was an attempt by SAF to torpedo the individual right interpretation of 2A…”
Wait, what? You think that SAF is *opposed* to an individual rights 2A? Are you smoking crack?
Yeah, as I recall back then, the only thing that kept S&W alive was LE sales. The only S&W gun I own is a secondhand 629 that was manufactured well before that time.
Yes.
https://www.npr.org/2013/04/16/177507489/guns-rights-activist-endorses-expanded-background-checks
Do you actually have any evidence for this, other than that he stated support for a bill that you don’t like?
I mean, I didn’t like the Manchin-Toomey bill either, but I thought that Alan made a reasonable case for supporting it…
‘What Is Thy Bidding, My Master?’ Asks Amy Coney Barrett To Cloaked, Holographic Pope
Given the current state of affairs, i wouldn’t be surprised if the Amy is more anti-abortion and a hardline catholic than the current Pope.
Look you don’t get into the Pope business if you want to get caught up in dogma and stupid theological debates.
We are in it for the flashy clothes, cool hats and kick ass pope-mobiles.
Just heard ACB talk for the first time. The thought of that squeaky grating voice for the next thirty years is awful. Hopefully Clarence Thomas can give her advice on public speaking.
I think her voice is quite a bit like mine, but I don’t like mine, either. LOL
Me neither. Mine is awful.
I wouldn’t worry about it. Once the confirmation hearings are over, there is very little likelihood you will ever hear her voice again unless you tune into oral arguments.
Wait, so she WON’T be doing workout videos with Jimmy Kimmel?
I haven’t heard her before. Does she have the little girl voice that the chick that Kavanaugh raped has?
Not little girl, older than that, but not what you’d think a 48-year-old should sound like.
Bravo, Bee.
All my white feminist friends are in an uproar about her. If you watch Bill Burr’s Netflix special, Paper Tiger, he rips into white feminists as nothing more than entitled individuals who complains over the most trivial shit without any sort of irony.
Occupational licensing requirements really have gone too far.
https://twitter.com/K_Niemietz/status/1310986055194152961
I can’t imagine the requirements are terribly dfficult to meet.
Depends?
*long sigh*
Ticket comes in “grant access to [familiar user] to [share]”
Checks, [familiar user] still has access.
Queries user “What is the issue you are seeing?”
User: “Oh, the option to fopy the file in [software we don’t support] is grayed out.”
Query “what happens when you manually copy the file?”
User: “Oh that works just fine.”
The problem is obviously that the user is trying to fopy files.
It’s a technical term.
Is it like when you mambo dogface to the banana patch?
Pope Jimbo is Biden? And having a stroke?
Mwaahaha!
When I reveal my secret Glibertarian leanings in the debate tonight by reading SF’s Hat and Hair posts all of you Trumpistas will throw your principles into the trash and bow down before me.
I’ll think about it man.
fopying is a normal copy accompanied by a handkerchief wave and tittering laugh acknowledgement.
“Judge Andrew Napolitano ‘forced’ man into ‘BDSM games,’ lawsuit alleges”
https://nypost.com/2020/09/28/judge-andrew-napolitano-forced-nj-man-into-bdsm-games-lawsuit/
Well I’ll be damned.
I was wondering if this would be mentioned here.
I didn’t know about the other suit either. Seems out of character but what do I know?
Right on the heels of another lawsuit.
Why go after Judge Nap? Why now? Is it a hit job?
Why can’t libertarians have nice
thingspeople?He’s gone all TDS. Doesn’t that buy him some protection?
Why do you think he went all TDS so suddenly?
Until we at least get to discovery and there’s evidence it’s still just an allegation.
I’m trying to imagine the interactions.
There’s no pleading the Fifth when daddy is interrogating you.
I’m going to quarter my soldiers in your domicile.
The Eighth Amendment doesn’t apply in my dungeon.
When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to strengthen the bonds which have connected another people to their plastic covered furniture…
*tugs collar*
Is it hot in here, or is it just me?
I figured Napolitano would have asked.
*Narrows gaze*
OMG I can’t believe that slipped by me until your reaction.
Was it because it was too subtle?
What if it was?
Ok, I’ll start:
What if I grabbed your buttocks and told you you were just so hot?
If…if you did it, sir?
Lol. Cool fantasy, bro.
Huh. Could be BS, but who knows. I didn’t realize he’s never been married. He’s supposed to be a traditional Catholic, right? But he never married? That’s very unusual, outside of the priesthood.
I thought he had a bunch of kids but I might have had him confused with Tom Woods.
I gathered long before this that he is gay.
Who among us hasn’t been fooled into overestimating the intelligence of someone who has fondled their ass and told them that they are hot?
Wait, CA is Judge Nap?
How would we be able to tell?
Hmmm… some time ago, a cishet male man in the legal profession with whom I worked, told some colleagues that he had been propositioned/hit on by Judge Nap. It was the subject of loud guffaws, some incredulity, and then nothing else was ever said of it except the occasional snide remark. According to the man’s story (as I recall it), it was widely known within the place the Judge was working at the time, but he did not know.
Now Ima have to send some emails…
Isn’t “forced” and “BDSM” sorta expected to go together?
I once attended a BDSM film shoot. It was ridiculous. It was mostly just making sure that nothing hurt. I was laughing the whole time. There was some discussion about how to achieve red marks without any pain being involved, LOL!
Commie cunte.
“Mayor Bill de Blasio on Monday night said the city will look into whether President Trump has paid the correct amount of city taxes,” the New York Post reported Tuesday.
“Our City Finance Department will get to work right away to determine if, in fact, the President of the United States cheated New York City on his taxes,” de Blasio told local media. “We’re going to pursue this with all we got because he needs to pay for his fair share.”
They’ve had decades to do it and haven’t done so before now?
Any politician who demands another person be audited should be forced to go thru an audit themselves.
OT – The Flynn hearing is bloody insane! This cat, Gleason, who Judge Sullivan appointed as amicus, is claiming that OMB’s tweets are clear evidence that Flynn has friends in high places trying to fix the trial and that the prosecutors are being corrupt and not performing their duty to prosecute.
Even if true (which I don’t believe it is), it’s not the fucking judge’s job to pursue that.
I’m rapidly going from flabergasted to ready-to-march-with-pitchforks-and-torches. This Gleason guy is either partisan and brazen as fuck or he is insane. I don’t think Flynn is gonna win today. I think Sullivan is gonna slow roll this for 5 or 6 more months in a bid to make Trump grant a pardon.
Which is itself insane. IANAL but how can you not be forced to make a judgment on a motion within some time frame?
Different rules for the little people..
I’m beginning to think there are a lot of judges in DC that have skeletons in their closets and the intelligence agencies have capitalized on it.
The 2nd District let this shitshow happen, and they Should all be removed from the bench. They either trusted Sullivan would heed their warnings, wich was foolish, or wanted him to do this, which is wrong. This spits in the face or Supreme Court Precedent, and unless Sullivan refuses to grant the motion to dismiss, then their is nothing Flynn can do.
And i think Sullivan is a fool enough to try to refuse to grant the motion to dismiss.
Besides which, do prosecutors have a duty to prosecute?
That’s like saying cops have a duty to protect people… oh wait…
They have a duty to not prosecute if the evidence doesn’t support the charges but absolute immunity gives them cover there too.
Tell that to Kyle Rittenhouse!
Those people in high places! With their fancy time machines that they use to go back in time and force the FBI to lie to the FISA courts and alter 302 interview notes. Maybe if they had a real job they would have so much time to go back and steal phones from all those Strock and Page and the other FBI agents to send all those totes fake texts.
OMB’s tweets are clear evidence that Flynn has friends in high places trying to fix the trial
Because when I want to conspire to commit multiple federal felonies, Twitter is my go-to platform.
That this has gone on like it has is definitive proof (to me, anyway) that the whole system really does need to collapse. I used to be like, “Oh, it can be reformed” but no longer. The veil has been lifted from my eyes. This is one of the most embarrassing episodes for U.S. law since Dred Scott. I no longer care if it all burns down.
There is no way to “fix” this kind of rot. It’s like stripping down a piece of wood or metal and finding rot/rust all the way through. At that point, it’s like, “well, that’s not salvageable.” That’s how I feel about the legal system and the political system now.
Fuck it all, color me a collapsatarian.
I’m with you, after watching all the legal moves by blue states. The rioters get a free pass and the self defenders get the book. That’s why they don’t mess around much in red states, because they know it ain’t gonna go the same. Dude that shot the guy pointing an AR at him in Texas ain’t having to fight a case. I feel really bad for the Rittenhouse kid. He was 100% in his decisions, except for being in true-blue WI at the time. I admire his ability to make good decisions under extreme stress. I doubt I could have done as good as he did. Then the ratfucker DA says, ” let’s try and get him a life sentence!” For being an exceedingly decent human being. Bastards.
So Today:
Flynn Hearing,
Debates,
And i thought there was something else happening today…
Happy National Coffee day!
Short term memory loss can be a sign of serious mental degradation, perhaps you should have that examined.
As if you lying dogfaced Cornpop!
Baseball postseason?
Nah, something that matters . . . .
Doesn’t there have to be a season before there can be a post season?
There was a seasonette.
I bet the writers at HuffPo are very proud of themselves
The only thing more virtuous than working for a nonprofit is bankrupting a for-profit.
Some people really should learn that the rest of the world doesn’t have to jump through hoops to satisfy some tiny group of oddballs/
I clearly live on a different planet than that person.
I’m not sure what to make of that, but I am tired of rhetorical bullshit.
Seems like he’s taking the name of the Muslim deity in vain. Now I get why this is illegal in the middle east.
“allocishets”
What the hell is that? Also, too many syllables.
an attempt to de-normify straight people
I’m thinking, mockery? parody?
But he protected his account. A parody wouldn’t do that – parodies want everyone to see.
It’s not called “Poe’s Suggestion.”
Muh first world problems!
Center for
DiseaseDenizen ControlThanksgiving is less than two months away and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has put out guidance on how to stay safe this holiday during the coronavirus pandemic. In order to prevent the spread of COVID-19, the CDC is recommending families who usually travel to see each other hold virtual Thanksgivings instead.
Since travel increases the chance of coronavirus transmission, staying at home is the best way to prevent the spread, the CDC says. For those who must travel during the pandemic, the CDC has a list of potential risks and how to protect yourself and others.
The agency recommends families skip traveling altogether and have smaller Thanksgiving dinners with people only living in the same household. The CDC also recommends having a virtual dinner and sharing recipes with friends and family, as a way to celebrate the holiday while social distancing.
At my interview today, no one wore masks, the signs are all for show, and we all shook hands, the Horror! We had a good laugh about Whitmer and Sleepy Joe,
And I got the job
Congrats. Are you up north now Yusef?
Central Michigan, on the shore,
Congrats! Was the move job related, or just a change of scenery?
Scenery, I was worried about being over qualified up here, but there are some good opportunities available, busy season right now,
Thanks to all you guys!
Saginaw? Or the other shore? Muskegon? Did I spell either of those right?
Congrats on the new job!
QC for a propane company, no driving
I may know the company involved then.
Fischer tanks
That propane will come in handy this winter, cuz you’re probably going to have a big fat pig in your yard. Unless you’re one them city slickers.
But get a good wood stove and start cutting firewood, propane is expensive.
excellent. congrats!
Yay! Congrats, Yusef!
Congrats, Yusef!
Thanks Tundra, gonna be cold for me, but layers
Huzzah!
w00 h00!!! Go you!
“virtual dinner”
Yeah right, get fucked…
The BS is pretty much at an end up here, looks about 60/40 for Trump, and everyone hates the Witch
The stolen base here is the assumption that the ‘Vid will still be anything to worry about in two fucking months. I can just see these sunken-chested pot-belleid petty authoritarians languidly stroking their semi-erections at the prospect of jerking the country around indefinitely.
Hell, its already well past its peak.
I hate everbody. Fuck the CDC. “Virtual” dinner my middle testicle.
Because of these asshats, instead of flying to visit the family in Texas, we’ll be driving. Fourteen hours each way, best case. With a stopover both ways, as well.
Fuck you, you fucking fucks.
I would rather drive, the weather will be a bit cooler, and no airport circus, and yes This Whole Thing Sucks!!!!
Snowmobile, you landlubber! You ain’t no Michianer yet, you got many lurnins, weed hopper. Now catch me a Walleye, the biggest Walleye in the forest!
Snow machines, where are you from Canada?
Snow machines are very popular in Michigan. And if you don’t get one, you’ll be an outsider. Also, don’t forget the 1000 HP snow blower that will blow all the snow on your property all the way across the lake into Toronto, even though it will all drift back in 15 minutes.
We won’t fly because of the additional layer of ‘Vid bullshit smeared over flying. I’m not wearing a fucking mask for 10 – 12 hours a day, for two days.
The drive is a pain in the ass and will add two days of staring at the uglier bits of West Texas, New Mexico, and AZ. Not worth it with the usual security theater of flying. But flying now is just a non-starter.
“The stolen base here is the assumption that the ‘Vid will still be anything to worry about in two fucking months.”
If Trump loses. Otherwise it will spring back to life and morph into the black plague+eblola+anthrax x eleventyleve!!!!111!
And skin me a wolverine, the biggest in the forest!
Shit, that goes up one notch. Help me, edit fairy, why hast thou forsaken me!?
I need my time machine fixed so I can find the last one, 2004 should do it, can I use worms for bait?
Neeeeeee!
“can I use worms for bait?”
No, blasphemer! Walleyes are noble fish! They don’t eat no worms. Now you have to learn the difference between summer fishin and ice fishin. And you’ll need an ice fishing house (used to be shack, but now they have custom kitchens, 5 bedrooms, and 4 bathrooms, and a home cinema) or else they’ll know you’re an outsider.
I dont fish, let’s sail instead
Don’t fall in lake Michigan. I’ve been to the Dunes before when she sand was so hot you couldn’t walk barefoot and the water was still ice cold.
Ice SAILING? This fucken guy…
lolgfy
CDC hates everything about America.
Next they’ll be cancelling midnight Mass on Christmas.
Isnt it already cancelled unless you have less than 2 people, wear masks and not utter the words God or praise unto Him?
Hmmmm….
So you are saying that I now have an iron clad excuse to not have to listen to the progressive yahoos in my family lecture me on why Trump and America are the worst?
I don’t think the normal people will miss Turkey Day that much this year. It will either be non-stop crowing about how great it is that Biden lost or non-stop lecturing on how failed our country is and Trump is Exhibit A. (or worse, litigation could still be going on).
From my own personal experience, the proggies will be way harder hit than the regular folks by this. How will they be able to virtue signal? I’m sure Slate and whatnot will be publishing “How to Zoom Explain to Your Racist Relatives about Trump”
Yusef talking about his new job at the next Glib meetup
Perfect. And now, tall cans.
Never equated it til I posted that but hanging out in the alleyway drinking beer saying “yep” is probably how most Glib meetups look like.
I thought it was out on the front lawn drinking 40s in a paper bag.
Me and Tres vacation plans
I’ll join you two if there’s some disc golf involved.
There’s always disc golf involved, the company owner plays disc, slap them chains!
I need my time machine fixed so I can find the last one, 2004 should do it, can I use worms for bait?
Tall cans!
Twice as many short cans!
Not the same, sometimes the beer winches are too slow.
Wenches, but jokes are welcome.
My witch of a wench winches weisse wisely
Electric Beer winches!
Need it attached to a treadmill. That way, every time you need a beer, you have to get up and run on the treadmill before you get it. Glibfit enhanced version!
I dont need to lose weight hype, let’s use electric power, just plug it in…..
I try not to get too wound up over simple misspellings.
If you need a winch, those aren’t short cans.
Intergalactic Kegger!
Short kegs?
They look sorta like plates for weightlifting, just a wee bit thicker, with lil pour spouts on the thin side.
This is true, but on the plus side, cubs don’t go warm as fast as fortys.
You pays your money and you takes your chances.
Tall Cans in the Air!
I just took my headlight fixture apart and changed the low beam left side, now the right side just failed, Ghaaa!
You crazies are so cool, no matter where I am, I’m always Gamboling with Y’allins Thanks !
Got a cabin at the lake, Bass lake, which is about a mile outside of the burn area for the giant fire. Finally get to get out town for minute. Starting to feel like this! Gotta get away from the madness.