Army Unveils New ‘Peaceful Protester’ Attack Helicopter

by | Oct 22, 2020 | Satire | 474 comments

FORT RUCKER – “This magnificent machine represents a new era in aerial warfare: the marriage of state of the art firepower with the principles of dignity, respect, and social justice”, said Major General Joanna Gambolputty during the unveiling. “Let our enemies fear and tremble before the awesome might of our PP: the Peaceful Protester”, she added. The helicopter’s armament includes eight “Hey-Hey, Ho-Ho” (formerly “Hellfire”) anti-tank missiles, 38 “Imagine” (formerly “Hydra”) rockets, and1,200 rounds for its 30 mm “We Shall Overcome” autocannon. Fighter ace Senator Dick Blumnethal was in the cockpit for its maiden flight. “She’s a real humdinger. It takes me back to my days of dodging flak and dueling with the Red Baron in the skies of Korea during Vietnam” said Blumenthal. “That was a war, you know. A war with fighting, that I fought in”, added Blumenthal as he put a cigarette in his lips and lit the filter tip. In the wake of the George Floyd protests for racial justice, the Army has faced increasing pressure to change problematic names. Fort Lee, named after Confederate general Robert E Lee is at the top the list. “Even though there are nine other Army bases named after Confederate generals, the only one most people have heard of is Lee, so now we only need to change one name”, said Gambolputty. “The easiest solution would be to simply say it is named in honor of Bruce Lee. Everybody likes kung fu, so that was that. What’s Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? Wah-taaaaah! That’s my kids’ favorite joke”, added Gambolputty who was promoted to her current rank as a reward for solving the conundrum. Critics have pointed out that the PP’s biodegradable ammo is vulnerable to spoiling and that the aircraft lacks a wheelchair access ramp. In lieu of traditional camouflage, the PP will be painted rainbow colors to show LGBT inclusion. The front sides of the chopper will be be painted to resemble the face of a snarling unicorn, though test pilots have complained that the horn obstructs visibility. Other Army helicopters named after Native Americans are also up for name changes, including the Black Hawk and the Chinook. “Nothing is set in stone yet, but re-naming the UH-60 Black Hawk as Ma-ka-tai-me-she-kia-kiak is the obvious choice” said Gambolputty, “It just rolls off the tongue.”

About The Author

Derpetologist

Derpetologist

The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp, Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy

474 Comments

  1. nw

    Satire or pre-news?

    • Bobarian LMD

      In this world, all satire is pre-news.

  2. Yusef drives a Kia

    so china wins?

    • Hyperion

      Wins? They’ll be invited over to sign the deed in January.

  3. Count Potato

    It also jumps to the top if you refresh the page. Sorry, SP, if I forgot to mention that.

  4. Rebel Scum

    Nice.

  5. westernsloper

    I named my new to me car Aunt Jemima in honor of an American icon being canceled. I spent most of the morning under her hood. The car being a pos is in no way a reflection on the real Aunt Jemima.

    • Ted S.

      Aunt Jemima is married to Uncle Ben, who is having an affair on the side with Mrs. Butterworth.

    • Rhywun

      I spent most of the morning under her hood.

      ?

      • Sean

        Hood…apron…whatever.

      • Rhywun

        Yeah, western was probably wearing the hood.

      • Bobarian LMD

        *snort*

      • westernsloper

        Removed her rear valve cover too.

        ?

      • Count Potato

        Transverse engine?

      • Rebel Scum

        Inline. Close-ratio. It’s tight.

      • westernsloper

        Ya, fuckers who came up with that idea need a kick in the nuts.

      • Rebel Scum

        *looks at Honda Civic in the driveway*

        *Sighs*

      • westernsloper

        Car ran like shit the other day, plugged in the scanner and I had a misfire cylinder 5 code. Looks like a bad coil pack from inspection after pulling it but if I am going to do all that bullshit to even get to cylinder 5 I am replacing everything back there. All the coil packs, plugs and the leaky ass valve cover. I am tired of smelling burnt oil anyway and sure the hell was not going to pay a shop for that. The cover alone is 200 clams. Thanks Nissan for not having replaceable gaskets around the plug tubes or whatever the fuck they call them.

    • Rebel Scum

      I’ve divulged from Uncle Ben’s rice since the company is so racist that it won’t have a black mascot. Also Great Value does 90 sec rice now.

      • Hyperion

        I was in the local grocery over the weekend to pick up a few times my wife put in a list. Butter – been buying the Land O Lakes stuff most of the time, for a long time. Picked up the box and saw a big O where the cute squaw used to be. Put it back down and selected another brand.

        Way to go, wokesters.

      • Sean

        Kerrygold. The correct answer is Kerrygold butter.

      • Rhywun

        I don’t like the strong flavor and it’s pricey to boot.

      • R C Dean

        Sean is objectively correct.

      • Rhywun

        I buy Cabot. Best of those similar kind of brands I’ve had. They make good cheeses too.

      • Count Potato

        Hotel Bar

      • Rhywun

        I see that a lot – haven’t tried it yet.

      • Count Potato

        It’s not cultured or baker’s butter, but imho, it’s the best regular butter.

      • Mojeaux the Melancholy

        Disagree on Cabot cheeses. Their extra sharp cheddar is barely cheddar, never mind sharp, never mind extra. No flavor at all.

      • Rhywun

        De gustibus something or other 🙂

      • Count Potato

        The 2-year cheddar in the purple wax was great. No idea if they still make it.

      • Rebel Scum

        Sargento is where it’s at.

      • blackjack

        Our cheese comes from Oregon. Tillamook. It’s not bad. I’m a medium kinda guy anyways, for most uses.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Tillamook’s quality has gone downhill. Used to be amazingly good. Now they’ve shit the bed in pursuit of nationwide growth. The shredded cheese and a bunch of other branded items aren’t even made in Tillamook.

        I miss Bandon, before Tillamook shanked them.

      • Sean

        I’m a fan of Cabot cheeses. Although I’m a fan of many good cheeses…

        We did a facility tour of them some years back. The Vermont vacation was food themed.

      • Count Potato

        They got rid of the indian and kept the land.

      • Mojeaux the Melancholy

        My favorite butter is whatever’s on sale that day.

        I will buy unsalted generic before I’ll pay more for brand name.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        That’s what we get. Unsalted generic brand, usually Costco.

        I grew up on margarine, so any time I use real butter, it feels like decadent luxury.

      • Hyperion

        Thanks for the tips. It’s the generic one that I bought this time. Smart Value or something.

      • Hyperion

        Be honest, my fav butter is the vegan stuff made out of pressed avocado oil. That stuff is great on corn on the cob.

      • Sean

        I like avocado oil, but this confuses me.

      • Hyperion

        It’s good, try it.

      • Hyperion

        Hey Sean, it’s this.

        Avocado butter

      • nw

        Isn’t that just avocado margarine?

  6. Count Potato

    An electric Humvee?

    No.

      • Count Potato

        Crab walk?

      • Sean

        It drives diagonally with 4 wheel steering.

      • Count Potato

        OK

  7. westernsloper

    Hey Hey Ho ho, let the hellfire go.

    -Barack Obama

    • Bobarian LMD

      He was pretty good at letting them go.

      /Wedding Celebrations

    • Hyperion

      No, bad kittah, that is a bad mr. kittah!

    • blackjack

      I can’t even imagine seeing that on a hike. My little cat can kick my ass. They have a dozen razor sharp bloodletting devices. Put ’em on cat the size of a large dog and it’s fucking scary!

      • Hyperion

        Don’t try to give that thing a bath.

  8. blackjack

    My brother had a black ’65 Chevy van with a huge unicorn and flames coming out the back. It was the front half of the uni and flames from there back, actually. The shift linkage would get stuck in second and you’d have to climb underneath and unstick it every few miles. We rolled it once and it barely noticed. We just kept driving after it righted it self. That was around ’78 or so.

    • egould310

      My brother rolled a 1974 Plymouth Valiant. Driving home on a bitterly cold Indiana winter night ( probably a little drunk). He went of the road, hit an irrigation ditch, rolled the car into corn field, sledded on the vinyl roof for a while, and then inertia or whatever flipped the car back over.

      His description of events was vague. But that landau top was definitely in contact with dirt, ice, and frozen corn stalk remnants.

      Yeah, he was probably drunk. Definitely lucky.

      • egould310

        He drove it home and it was in the driveway in the morning. My dad was on his way to work and noticed the vinyl roof and confronted my brother, “What the hell happened?!?”

      • blackjack

        We were stoned. Long sweeper and it just slowly tipped onto it’s side, then when it hit the curb it flipped all the way and landed on it’s wheels. We just looked at each other, got back on our seats and drove home. There wasn’t much damage, just scrapes and minor tweaks. I think one of the doors wouldn’t close all the way.

      • egould310

        They don’t build’em like that, anymore.

      • Sean

        People or vehicles?

      • blackjack

        Both.

      • blackjack

        They don’t paint ’em like that anymore either!

      • Bobarian LMD

        My Step-Dad borrowed his Mom’s Maverick and went out drinking with my Uncle and his girlfriend. They managed to roll the car 7 times, opposite corner to opposite corner, and land in a ditch.

        The top of the car was cradled by the ditch. My Uncle said he wasn’t sure what happened, but he was sitting flat on the ceiling of the car when everything stopped.

        They got out of the car and walked to the next bar. Called home to let them know where the car was.

    • PudPaisley

      My buddy has a van from around that year. I think it’s a Chevy: The Deece Machine. It’s at the beginning and end of the video.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fxx4sXh5DmI

      • PudPaisley

        You’d like my buddy Cheech’s various bands and musicians he jams with. One of them does some killer Allman Brothers Tribute shows.

        I got to see Eric Church do this live a couple years ago.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JNnQp1VThw

  9. Grumbletarian

    Renaming Fort Lee to Fort Floyd would have been funnier, but maybe too plausible.

    • Rhywun

      Especially in NJ.

      /yes, that is the only Fort Lee I am aware of.

      • Drake

        I thought it was named after his idiot father who lost the Battle of Monmouth

  10. Aloysious

    Gambolputty. That name is very familiar. Did his/her/it’s ancestors do any frolicking across the Great Plains of yore?

    • Hyperion

      Derp made it up last week, I think.

      • Aloysious

        I figured that it was from a long lineage of whitish indians,all of whom suffered from the uncontrollable urge to gambol hither and yon.

        I guess my imagination ran away with itself.

  11. Rebel Scum

    Does anyone else think that Don Jr is on speed? (He’s on the Crowder debate stream right now.)

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I was talking about that this morning. Adderall would be my guess.

      • Rebel Scum

        Maybe he is hopped up on Mt Dew.

      • Count Potato

        Do they still make that?

      • Mojeaux the Melancholy

        No idea. I can’t stand cola flavor so I never had it.

      • Rhywun

        Heh, it was good stuff. And a proud hometown tradition. Haven’t had it in decades.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Hey hey, looks like they’re bringing it back:

        https://www.joltcola.com/

      • Hyperion

        “Maybe he is hopped up on Mt Dew.”

        LOL. Reminds me of when I was in my late teens and twenties and my grandpa on my mom’s side.

        My grandfather was a hardass old dude, he was in WW2 and the Korean war, has two purple hearts, saw a lot of action over there.

        Me and one of my cousins and one of my best friends were working for him building houses, and we’d walk in there late all hung over and spaced out from whatever drugs we were doing, often up all night with no sleep. He’d just stand there looking at us, shaking his head, arms folded, and say ‘Well, you’re a hard lookin bunch, a sorry looking bunch if ever I seen. What are you boys all hopped up on now? Get your sorry asses to work or go home and sleep that shit off!’.

    • Hyperion

      “Does anyone else think that Don Jr is on speed?”

      I think Razorfist is on something for sure.

  12. dbleagle

    Comments go back to top and my submission won’t show up on my screen until I refresh the new top of page. Using Microsoft Edge on a laptop. (I know, I know. But it is a work laptop and they control the programs.)

    • straffinrun

      The site is a out of whack tonight/today. For example, my comments are showing up as neither witty nor insightful.

    • Rhywun

      An aside… I have admin rights on my work laptop – I can install any programs I want (as long as they don’t come from the Microsoft Store) but they control Chrome and I STILL can’t install an adblocker ?. That seems… ill-advised.

      • blackjack

        Chrome don’t get you home, they say in the motorcycle industry.

  13. straffinrun

    Hopefully President Biden will change the name of the Chinook by removing the two o’s.

    • Rebel Scum

      *sensible chuckle*

    • westernsloper

      Hah!

  14. Rhywun

    Hey, SP. Since you’re letting us pick nits tonight… is there some setting in WP that turns emojis into images or vice versa? Sometimes I get a tiny text-based emoji and sometimes I get an image with class ’emoji’ that I have styled into a nice big emoji that my old eyes can see. I can’t style the tiny text-based emoji 🙁

    Maybe it’s my browser being wonky, I dunno.

    • straffinrun

      Same. What was your Aunt Jemima reaction supposed to be?

      • egould310

        ?

    • Sean

      ?

    • Caput Lupinum

      By default, WordPress tries to use the default system emojis, but if you use an emoji that your browser doesn’t have it’ll use a third party library, twemoji, and pull in a .png of the emoji from there instead. If certain emojis are showing up for you as images instead of unicode, I’d assume it’s because of that.

      Or SP could be subtly fucking with your head, who knows?

      • Rhywun

        I’ve been on a beta OS for months. If anything, it’s probably Apple fucking with me.

  15. Hyperion

    “It takes me back to my days of dodging flak and dueling with the Red Baron in the skies of Korea during Vietnam” said Blumenthal.”

    That’s Biden level bullshit.

    • Drake

      Running through the jungle with Corn Pop.

  16. Count Potato

    Giants are just playing shit defense.

    • pistoffnick

      Wentz is an NDSU dude. I graduated from NDSU (although in my era, the Bison football team was known for stealing Christmas decorations).

      When I’m not cheering screaming at the Vikes, I’m cheering for the Iggles.

    • commodious spittoon

      Right after Zuckerberg or Jack… whosit… one of these days. Maybe in December.

  17. one true athena

    At first I thought this was going to be about helicopters for “Peaceful Protestors” to ride in. Although I guess multi-use helicopters are better, right?

    • Bobarian LMD

      That will be the UH-60 BlackhawkLivesMatter Helicopter, vice the AH-64 PP.

  18. DEG

    Major General Joanna Gambolputty

    I guess she’s free to Gambol.

    The easiest solution would be to simply say it is named in honor of Bruce Lee

    That’s what happened with King County, WA.

    I can see this story happening one day. Nice one.

  19. Count Potato

    OFFS!!

  20. straffinrun

    So some old guys are still doing the comb over. Hmmmm.

  21. Rebel Scum

    Bearded evil Ted Cruz is entertaining when he is not being a sanctimonious weasel on the judiciary committee.

  22. DEG

    Insane.

    Salem is shutting down early on Halloween, with access to downtown severely limited over the next two weekends, as the city attempts to deter potential visitors amid the coronavirus health crisis.

    The city is restricting parking over the next two weekends, having outbound commuter rail service from North Station bypass the Salem stop from 7:30 to 11:30 p.m. on Fridays and from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. the next two Saturdays and this Sunday, and closing downtown parking garages to non-residents after 2 p.m. on Fridays and noon on weekends through Halloween.

    The decisions announced at a joint news conference with Gov. Charlie Baker and Salem Mayor Kim Driscoll Wednesday afternoon are all designed to keep as many people as possible from coming to Salem during what are traditionally the two busiest weekends of the year.

    “I think the message for the most part is: ‘Stay away,'” Baker said.”

    • Rebel Scum

      “amid the coronavirus health crisis”

      Which one? There are several coronaviruses at all times.

      I can’t wait for the “rhinovirus health crisis”.

      • hayeksplosives

        Maybe they mean the health crisis from keeping us sedentary and locked up away from all other health care.

    • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

      Will they burn some witches as deterrence?

      • Hyperion

        They couldn’t find any right wing extremists in Salem. Maybe bring in a dowsing rod to draw them out.

  23. westernsloper

    Tuned into CSPAN via youtube for debate. Dude talking now is hyperventilating in his mask.

  24. Count Potato

    So switching from the game to the debate….

    • The Other Kevin

      … and back to the game lol

  25. The Other Kevin

    I have a brandy in hand and I’m watching the debate on Fox with my Republican uncle. Good times ahead.

  26. blackjack

    Jane you rotten slut!

  27. The Other Kevin

    So far neither candidate had said anything embarrassing.

    • westernsloper

      Biden is lying in his first statement. There are not that many deaths per day.

      • Hyperion

        “Biden is lying”

        I can’t even believe it.

      • Drake

        Wildly overstated the number of hospitalized people.

    • Lackadaisical

      Keep us posted. No way in hell I’m watching that shit.

  28. hayeksplosives

    Nicely done.

    Reminds me of my final year at my former employer (defense).

    They decided that naming all the conference rooms after famous battles was too triggering so they renamed Iwo Jima, Yorktown, etc as “Minnehaha Falls” and “Lake Itasca.”

    The idea is that we could attract more millennial graduates with those names and some bright paint.

    Um, you guys do know we make weapons to kill our enemies, right? I don’t want to hire people who get the vapors if our products are used in battle.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      We had contests to name all the conference rooms and focus rooms in the new office in DC. only rule was that it had to do with fedgov since we had fedgov clients in on occasion.

      I cleaned up $50 in gift cards and won both contests. Dumbasses wanted to name them after Supreme Court justices and senators and shit. No way was I going to sit in RBG conference room. I did space programs and national parks.

      • hayeksplosives

        “I did space programs and national parks.”

        Don’t worry; they will get their time on the chopping block. “Stolen land!” “Not the Native American name!” “Too many white men in space!!”

  29. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Can’t bring myself to watch it. I’ll check back in an hour to see whether y’all think the Donald has redeemed himself or whether he’s doomed us all to a Biden/Harris administration.

    • Cy

      So far… not a shit show…

      So far.

  30. Rebel Scum

    Does joe have vaseline in his eyes?

  31. Ownbestenemy

    Did Biden get the same Cheeto Shot as OMB? Or maybe its the cameras.

  32. The Other Kevin

    This format is favoring Trump. He had details, Biden is forceful but vague.

  33. Rebel Scum

    Joe: We’re going to get it done and that my friends is how we’re gonna do it.

  34. The Other Kevin

    Trump: here’s my plan, A, B, C, D. Biden: he has no plan.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Awesome…the clapping seal hand gestures are back!

    • Hyperion

      Oh, he has a plan. Tax us all to death and sell what’s worth selling to China.

  35. Ownbestenemy

    Trump needs to keep that demeanor and stick with his facts…and let Biden bury himself and go on attack.

    • The Other Kevin

      Yep. Calm Trump is killing it already.

      • Hyperion

        Did he watch Pence or did he listen to the Hair?

      • The Other Kevin

        We’ll have to wait for the tell-all book.

      • leon

        Written by SF?

      • Cy

        You can see he’s seething doing it though.

      • hayeksplosives

        Please, God, keep Trump off Twitter for a couple more weeks!!

      • Hyperion

        The Hair doesn’t have that much control. Anyway, the Hat will just get the phone and do his typical crack tweeting.

  36. Cy

    “He’s obviously made a lot of money some place…”

  37. Ownbestenemy

    So…Biden’s mic isn’t muted when its not his turn. He just giggled when Trump called him out in the basement. I thought that was the way it was going to run? Or was it only if they interrupt.

  38. Count Potato

    Moderators shouldn’t fact check.

    • Rebel Scum

      I’m sorry, CP, but I have to say that it was, in fact, a response to a video.

  39. Rebel Scum

    Is he serious with that “empty chair” line? It ain’t the bubonic plague, you cunte.

  40. Ownbestenemy

    Trump is attentive to what Joe says when talking, Biden stares at the moderator like hoping for help when Trump talks, Maybe I am biased on that.

  41. Sean

    I hate myself for watching this. ?

    • Ted S.

      Can’t break free from the things that they do?

  42. The Other Kevin

    Biden sounds flustered and is floundering. Trump is visibly more calm and measured.

    • Sean

      He’s on point so far.

  43. Ownbestenemy

    Eh, laying the blame on Dem guvs as being the harbinger of death is half truth…call out your party Trump…*cough* DeWine.

    • Rebel Scum

      The level of bullshit in that one made my blood boil.

  44. Rebel Scum

    “The standard is to do the standard things…with standards.”

    Would you care to be more specific?

    “No.”

    Moving on.

  45. Drake

    Come on!

    • Cy

      Man!

      Something…. something… mumble… mumble… let’s talk about my dead son.

  46. leon

    Geeze. I just got off a long work call. Hows the debate going?

    • Ownbestenemy

      Muted, calm and almost an actual debate of old.

      • leon

        Sounds Boring as hell.

    • The Other Kevin

      This format is a lot better. But Biden’s rambling looks worse than Trumps rambling.

    • AlexinCT

      Biden told us if he wins a dark time is coming…

  47. Ownbestenemy

    A republican using an emotional argument! Trump is right…people are dying – not from the virus, from crippling government edicts

    • Drake

      He finally pointed out the dire side-effects of the shutdowns.

      • Tundra

        What the fuck has he been waiting for?

      • Hyperion

        I don’t know, but I just cannot understand how people cannot be more than angry that their loved ones are dying from no medical care because they’re scared, drug and alcohol abuse, and even suicide.

        All because of a bunch of evil scum decided they could get rid of Trump by locking down the economy and trashing the economy. Damn all of them to hell.

  48. Rebel Scum

    It’s close to halloween. Trump is dressed up as bad orange Man. Biden should have dressed as the Joker. He has the smile for it.

  49. Tundra

    Smart to let Joe speak. He’s worse than I expected.

  50. westernsloper

    Trump will win the plague argument. People are done with it.

    • DEG

      There are still a lot of people out there that want to STAY SCARED!!1!11!!11

  51. Drake

    I don’t get Biden’s point that if Trump had said something different in February nobody would have died.

    • Hyperion

      Like not stopping flights from China in March? Because Biden said that’s racist and a bad idea?

  52. blackjack

    Hunter? Hunter? Where the fuck is the Hunter rundown?

    • The Other Kevin

      Here it is.

      • blackjack

        And it was a decent effort.

  53. leon

    I’ll watch the Eagles Giants game for yall.

    The Eagles are playing awfully. It’s surprising they are beating the Giants.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      The Giants are not good. The Eagles are blundering. Actually well matched.

      • hayeksplosives

        It’s because he’s secretly the Duke of Sussex.

    • Rebel Scum

      No matter who wins or loses the best riots are in Philly?

  54. Tundra

    So, Russia then?

    • AlexinCT

      RUSSIA!

      Heh, I wonder how Biden keeps pretending he would be though on people that not only bought him, but can blackmail him…

      And I am now sure Biden is living in a different reality…

  55. Rebel Scum

    IRAN wants Trump? Is this Question Cunte serious? //Retorical

    • leon

      It’s pretty obvious that Iran was doing that to hurt Trump.

  56. Rebel Scum

    Pwnd.

  57. Ownbestenemy

    In a proper Press, Biden would be done with this line about China…

    • AlexinCT

      We don’t have a proper press: we have a fucking bunch of operatives willing to lie for the democrat party and its causes.

      • hayeksplosives

        But why?

        Why does the media want the American economy to crumble? And for our enemies to humble us. Why is this good for them?

  58. Cy

    DEFLECT! DEFLECT!

    • Ownbestenemy

      BWAHAHAHA did the cameraman know Biden was going to do that look into the camera pointing?

    • leon

      All engergy to starboard?

      • Rebel Scum

        ALL AHEAD FULL IMPULSE, FULL AXIS ROTATION TO PORT, FIRE ALL VENTRAL PHASERS.

  59. The Other Kevin

    Wow she’s asking about Hunter!

    • Hyperion

      I’ll be shocked if the moderator does hot try to shut it down. I’m expecting a media blackout about right now.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Biden digging a grave with China. Not that it will matter…but ya know, it is what it is.

  60. Ownbestenemy

    Oh shit..she sorta asked but framed it to allow Biden to say it was above board about his son.

    • AlexinCT

      That’s the strategy: give Biden the opportunity to lie and say there is nothing there, then cover that story -with a pillow – until after the election.

  61. Rebel Scum

    Bidens shit-eating grin is his tell.

    • commodious spittoon

      I’ll be glad he’s gone, I dread what’s next.

  62. Cy

    Umm… yeah… We all said it was wrong you hack.

  63. Rebel Scum

    “Joe, you were sucking up foreign money like a Dyson.”

  64. Count Potato

    Both of them could be way more coherent.

    • AlexinCT

      I don’t want coherent. Used car salesmen suck.

      • hayeksplosives

        Bill Clinton and Barry O disagree. And have the perfect car for you!

  65. Ownbestenemy

    Trump going for the emails and moderator shuts it down….

    • AlexinCT

      You expect anything else? They want the takeaway from this to be that there is nothing there, and they can’t risk Trump giving too much information.

  66. Count Potato

    Um, that’s not equal time.

  67. The Other Kevin

    Biden: We had tariffs on China. Lol

  68. Ownbestenemy

    Malarkey! DRINK!

  69. Cy

    “It’s not about my family…”

    OK joe.

    • AlexinCT

      It’s about the American families sitting around the table going “Holy FUCK! Biden’s tax raises now have wrecked our retirement plans and budgets!”

      • hayeksplosives

        Nonsense!

        Your retirement fund is doing fine. In fact, it’s doing so well that we are going to redistribute it for the common good.

  70. Timeloose

    This might be the first time many have even heard about Biden’s son. The new will have to cover it to some degree. It will be interesting to see the fact checking after the debate.

    • Ownbestenemy

      True or they just gloss over it as President Trump tries to interject false news.

  71. Drake

    Joe’s losing it.

  72. Count Potato

    She didn’t let Trump talk that question.

  73. Count Potato

    WTF? She’s not letting Trump answer.

  74. Timeloose

    I have to admit this debate is more of a debate and less of “it’s always Sunny” yelling over each other.

  75. Ownbestenemy

    Quick poll – you middle class folks, did Joe’s description fit? Cause it didn’t for me….

    • AlexinCT

      See what I said above….

  76. Cy

    Uumm uuhh… Uuhh… continue… to continue…

    Go Joe GO!

  77. Count Potato

    So Biden gets to answer the Nork question, but not Trump?

    • leon

      I think people see through the moderator bias, and it hurts the left. At least the ones with a mind.

  78. Drake

    Did Joe just bash FDR?

    • The Other Kevin

      I guess you can look at it that way….

      • Drake

        He had good relations with Hitler!

    • Rebel Scum

      FDR affectionately referred to Biden as “Uncle Joe” before he referred to Stalin as “Uncle Joe”.

  79. westernsloper

    “C’mon.”

    DRINK

    • AlexinCT

      I need a refill…

  80. AlexinCT

    HEALTHCARE IS NOT IMPORTANT TO ME! THE FUCKING TAXES I GET FUCKING TAKEN AWAY FROM ME AND THE RIOSE IN MY PLAN COSTS BECAUSE OF OBAMACARE, IS!

      • Drake

        I kept my insurance – it just costs 3 times and fucking sucks.

      • cyto

        Mine went from a 3k deductable and a max of 13.5 k out of pocket including premiums to 22k for premiums and a 13k deductable. 35 k out of pocket before I saw a dime.

        Switched to medishare

  81. Rebel Scum

    “Uh…what can I say here? Hitler? Yes, Hitler! That’s it!”

    Like there is no nuance to foreign policy. We can’t have a negative relationship with everyone just because they are assholes, you cunte.

    And is it just me or is she not letting Trump respond?

    • Count Potato

      It’s not just you.

  82. Ownbestenemy

    “We had a good relation with Hitler before he invaded Europe.” Uh Joe….

    • Cy

      Joe did… He was in his prime.

  83. Timeloose

    On CSPAN Trump has a green tinge on his face and suit. He looks like a Frankenstein’s monster.

  84. The Other Kevin

    Update: Second brandy is kicking in.

    • Ownbestenemy

      First Guinness

  85. Timeloose

    We’re going to revamp Obama care?

    Stupid.

  86. Rebel Scum

    “So that stuff with the Norks, can you comment on that?”

    Yes, well we have made great strides and –

    “EXCUSE ME I RECLAIM MY TIME”.

    • Count Potato

      That was such horseshit.

  87. Timeloose

    Public option fo Biden.

    • Hyperion

      Aliens. It’s always aliens. Check for signs of an anal probe… OH NO! STEVE SMITH ALREADY CHECK, EVERYTHING FINE!

  88. The Other Kevin

    Biden continues to be vague and say that Trump has no plan right after Trump talks about his plan.

    • Rebel Scum

      Be still my beating heart.

    • Drake

      You may want to approach with caution.

    • Cy

      That’s got crazy hot drawn all over it.

  89. Count Potato

    This moderator is giving Biden so much more time it’s ridiculous.

    • Gender Traitor

      Not watching, but giving Biden more time than Trump may actually help Trump.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Trump needs to bring up Ice Cube money here.

  90. westernsloper

    Where is the moderator fact check on “no one lost their private insurance under Obama Care”. Jesus

    • mrfamous

      I lost my private insurance for four consecutive years. In fact I didn’t stop losing my private insurance until Trump got elected and allowed “temporary” plans in the market that didn’t have to abide by the Obamacare regs.

  91. Timeloose

    1/3 of the population has pre-existing conditions.

    A public option is not socialism…..OKJoe

  92. Rebel Scum

    No fracking way.

  93. Ownbestenemy

    Jesus…first part moderator was doing good…now, she is running interference. Just couldn’t hold out could ya?

    • Hyperion

      They had to save Slo Jo, it’s only fair.

  94. westernsloper

    Where’s the fact check……..aaah fuck it.

    DRINK

  95. Ownbestenemy

    Trump talking “we have to move on Mr. President” Biden talking *silence* It is so damn obvious.

    • Drake

      Trump should start say “we have to move on”.

    • leon

      The more obvious it is the worse it looks for Biden. It doesn’t help when you have to have the ref rescue you all the time. TMITE and most people are starting to realize that.

  96. westernsloper

    C’mon

    Drink!

  97. Rebel Scum

    Trump’s delivery is still Trump delivery but he has been pretty much on point.

    • The Other Kevin

      He seems to have a better grasp of facts. He might not but it seems that way.

      • Rebel Scum

        I admit to being biased. But he seems to be hitting a lot of the points I thought he needed to. And this cunte/bitch “moderator” keeps cutting him off.

  98. Rebel Scum

    “I’ll be an American president”.

    Bought in china? Works in a certain sense.

  99. Drake

    First Responders make $6 an hour?

  100. Rebel Scum

    Appeal to federalism? Has Rand been coaching Don?

  101. Cy

    She only interrupts Trump. Biden got the last word 2 times in a row.

    • westernsloper

      Ya, that is kind of funny in a debate where they say they muted the participants mic’s.

  102. Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

    I have never taken money from a foreign government. That’s because I use my son as a middleman. In retrospect I should have set up a foundation like the Clintons.

    • Cy

      and… a private email server…?

  103. westernsloper

    First responder’s don’t make $15 and hour? I think the idiot meant essential workers.

    Drink!

  104. Cy

    Well fuck…. Dual citizenship for the world!

  105. Apples and Knives

    They can’t find the parents? How does that happen if the parents are actively looking for them?

    • Cy

      It’s also proven that the people bringing these kids over are often times not their relatives.

      • Apples and Knives

        Yup.

  106. Rebel Scum

    The kids are separated from their criminal parents and get to live in nice, taxpayer funded dorms…

  107. Ownbestenemy

    Biden’s dentures starting to fail? Starting to sound slurry

    • Tulip

      I hope he has a stroke.

    • Hyperion

      He slurs a lot, I noticed that months ago.

  108. AlexinCT

    Did Biden just say that people that don’t have their hands on the wheel when a cop pulls them over get shot? Fuck, I have very little love for the LEOs, but that is fucking nuts.

    • Rebel Scum

      “they are told not to reach for the glove box”

      You have to if the cops ask for your license/registration as they are wont to do…

  109. westernsloper

    I tuned into this but I am not sure I can commit to finishing it. Last question was dumb as dog shit.

    • AlexinCT

      All questions are dumb shit..

      Now they are asking Trump why he is racist. He should tell them to ask Hershel Walker to explain that to them…

  110. Cy

    Giant white dude here, my dad had this talk with me. 2 and 10 and keys on the dash.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Was just saying that to the wife. We teach our kids that shit and they are Wonder bread.

      • Tundra

        Same.

        My daughter, too. That whole statement was such bullshit.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      Yup. “You say ‘yes, sir’ and ‘no, sir’ and you don’t do anything that makes the cop think you’re reaching for something.

    • Drake

      #metoo

      Window down and hands on dash until they ask for something.

    • LemonGrenade

      Seriously. I’ve always taught my kids to be wary, but respectful of the police, and intend to give them ‘the talk’ before either can drive.

  111. Apples and Knives

    Biden is starting to lose control. Someone needs to call a lid.

  112. commodious spittoon

    I’ll be glad he’s gone, I dread what’s next.

  113. Rebel Scum

    Rudy who? Has Joe been drinking?

    • Ownbestenemy

      Drewianai

  114. Tundra

    Whoops. Joe is spiriling or of control.

    Poor Boys?

    Maybe he’s hungry?

    • Count Potato

      Come on man, you ice people and your hot dishes, here’s the deal, cold fried catfish with pickles, tomatoes, red onion, and mayonnaise, on French bread, that’s just delicious.

  115. westernsloper

    Abraham Lincoln!

    Drink!

  116. Cy

    Hi 🙂

  117. Apples and Knives

    The Poor Boys? How about Willie?

    • Gdragon

      He brought a nickel and he was promised some foot tappin’!

  118. Rebel Scum

    “Abraham Lincoln here is one of the most racist presidents we’ve had in history.”

    Did I hear that right? I mean, yes and surprising admission.

  119. Rebel Scum

    Awkward….

  120. Ownbestenemy

    CLIMATE CHANGE! that no one cares about except Biden’s money laundering scheme.

  121. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    How the hell did daniel Jones trip on the 10 yard line with nobody within 15 yards of him???

    • Ownbestenemy

      Biden is going to retrofit every building in the world!

    • Rebel Scum

      How the hell did John Paul Jones spike a dozen British artillery pieces?

    • Contrarian P

      I’d say that’s the Giants’ entire season condensed into a single run. But they’re actually looking like they believe in themselves now. Then again the Eagles are terrible.

  122. Rebel Scum

    “climate warming is an essential threat” …

    To your campaign…

  123. westernsloper

    Is biden reading off of notes?

    • Ownbestenemy

      He is ‘taking notes’ or doing

  124. creech

    I’ve seen and heard alot about “How did Joe Biden get rich while working for the government?” How much is Biden supposed to be worth?

      • creech

        Yeah, looked it up. That’s what Forbes estimated. Supposedly he earned over $15mil in book deals, etc. after he left the vice presidency.
        So it would appear his enrichment came after his years as a politician, not during. Must have been a spendthrift because for 47 years with his salary and DOCTOR Biden’s income, they should have been able to accumulate at least $5 mil in assets by the end of 2016 just through investing about 15% of their income in the market.

    • DenverJ

      I’ll give ya 5 dollars per hr. Old man like him probably can’t paint too fast.

  125. DenverJ

    Well, there is go. Giant duche versus shit sandwich. I’ll let the reader de ide whom is who.

  126. Tulip

    Has anyone heard from Baked Penguin lately?

    • Ownbestenemy

      Has he been missing?

  127. Drake

    Biden gets the last word on everything?

    • Apples and Knives

      Excuse me, sir, we have to move on.

  128. westernsloper

    Zero emissions!

    Drink!

  129. Drake

    Living near an oil refinery was obviously a set-up with Biden and the moderator – now Joe blew it.

    • AlexinCT

      I will not get rid of it…

      Just faze it out!!

  130. Rebel Scum

    Clairmont? I thought you were from Scranton?

    • Drake

      Whichever is a better sob story.

  131. Cy

    Biden… last word… again.

  132. Gdragon

    “Do you hear that TEXAS?!?!?!”

    Hahaha I love it

  133. westernsloper

    I might have hit the “Drink” too much but Kristen is a fuck head but she is a total would. You reckon she is clean clam or racing stripe?

    Drink!

    • Apples and Knives

      I’d like to see a racing stripe. In person.

    • Rebel Scum

      Yeah she’s hawt. But the irritating, self-righteous bitch that is Ana Casperian really revs my engine for some reason.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        She’s pretty on the outside and as ugly as it gets on the inside.

      • hayeksplosives

        Mommy issues?

  134. Cy

    Diginity… while I take bribes… lots of bribes.

    Dignity.

  135. Rebel Scum

    “I will be an American president. I will represent all of you.”

    Except those that cling bitterly to religion, guns, freedom of speech and any semblance of constitutional government.

    • Drake

      Or drive a gasoline powered car.

      • leon

        Or don’t want Foreign Policy sold to the highest bidder.

      • Rebel Scum

        You can take my high-strung, 93 octane running transverse 4cyl, 6spd manual from my cold, dead hands.

      • Claypoolsreservoir

        I quite like my 2018 Hyundai Elantra GT Sport 6 speed.

      • blackjack

        Saturn sky redline. Turbo 2.0 with 300 hp after the download. Rear wheel drive. I’m impressed so far. Handles great, convertible, killer sound system, fast as all get out and still gets 24 mpg compared to my TBSS at 10 mpg. It was much faster, but didn’t handle nearly as good. Never mind the 400 a month in gas it cost.

      • Contrarian P

        I recently sold my Saturn Sky, though it was the base model, not the redline. I really enjoyed driving it, but replaced it with a Fiat Spyder Abarth and man I love that car. It’s so damn fun to drive.

    • Hyperion

      What country will we all get to invade next time?

      • DenverJ

        Syria. Bet?

      • leon

        Iran.

      • Ownbestenemy

        We could always go tilting at windmills to get our energy…

    • hayeksplosives

      Or those with jobs we consider non-essential

  136. Drake

    I laughed every time Biden went off on honor and dignity. That is some chutzpah.

    • westernsloper

      Dude, the “Vote Democrat” signs around here say , ‘Return truth and dignity to politics.’ or some such shit.

      • Rebel Scum

        Neither has ever existed in politics.

  137. Count Potato

    Damn, Melania still looks hot even with a mask. Herb model walk made Jill look like shlub.

  138. Ownbestenemy

    Trump for the most part came with his record and some facts and swayed into talking points. Biden threw out some facts also but devolved into mostly campaign talking points more often. Once again, moderator was a player and and not a referee, though in the beginning she stayed on point.

  139. leon

    This could be one of the worst played football games i’ve ever seen.

    • Drake

      I agree – just two old guys arguing.

      • Rhywun

        *snort*

    • Contrarian P

      It’s not a great game from an execution standpoint, but both teams are putting forth effort. They’re just not very good. The play Jones just made to not only evade the sack but pick up seven was impressive.

      • leon

        That was well done indeed.

  140. blackjack

    Trump won, but that will not be the take we get tomorrow. Moderator was better than I expected, but still obviously on Biden’s side.

  141. prolefeed

    Reason # 547 why one should never rent cars from Fox:

    Promised us a compact SUV. What we got was a high mileage scratched up Mitsubishi KAR. With a dodgy battery. That just died in 30-something degree weather.

    First option they offered: they’ll jump start the battery, and then we keep driving the car.

    Mrs. Prolefeed: “So when we next turn off the engine, it might not start … again?”

    Option 2: They’ll jumpstart the car, and we try driving it back to the rental place to exchange. But we gotta stay with the car until the tow truck arrives (or we’ll have cancelled the contract). In an hour. In near freezing weather. With no heat, cause the engine, you know, doesn’t start cause of the dead battery.

    Took a while to talk them off that ledge, and have them call us when the tow truck arrives.

    /venting

    • hayeksplosives

      Where are you, Honduras?

      • westernsloper

        Isn’t Honduras on the equator? Ish.

      • prolefeed

        Denver. Around freezing.

        Honduras would be warm.

      • westernsloper

        Wrong side of the Mtn’s my friend. It is a balmy 66 on the good side.

    • Claypoolsreservoir

      That sucks! I would call your credit card company and see if they can possibly refund you. This might count towards trip insurance that the card may cover. I’m grasping here though. Stay warm. Enjoy each other. Enjoy the story you can tell later.

    • Contrarian P

      Jesus, I didn’t realize the NFC East was that bad. Holy crap.

      • hayeksplosives

        Yeah, when the top team in the division has a 1-4-1 record, it’s not a good sign.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Well there is all that and the alignment always seems to end up leaning to the right.

      *waits for rim shot*

      I’ll see myself out.

  142. Rebel Scum

    MSDNC is actively distorting the child separation thing.

    “It wasn’t the coyotes, it was the horrors of the Trump administration.”

    Maybe don’t illegally cross borders and bring your kids (or send them with strangers) while doing so.

    “The kids find themselves in military like buildings.”

    Welcome to govt housing.

    “This is child abuse.”

    Former president Obama could not be reached for comment.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      Former president Obama could not be reached for comment.

      Hunter Biden also conspicuously absent

      • hayeksplosives

        Ghislaine Maxwell could not be reached for comment either.

    • LJW

      Compared to what they were coming from the cages that Obama built were probably like living luxury for them.

  143. The Other Kevin

    Final verdict: I watched the first hour, looked like Trump was winning. Biden looked angry and vague. Then I watched some Big Bang reruns and I’m really feeling the brandy. Good night.

    • westernsloper

      Big bang was my go to on free airline back of the seat tv. I have never watched it on my own personal tv.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Kpop takes over glibs.

    • Count Potato

      Good night!

  144. CatchTheCarp

    I got admit it was enjoyable watching Trump slap ol’ Joe around. Trump stumbled in spots but he managed tp keep Biden on the ropes. Icing on the cake, watching that old hag Andrea Mitchell’s voice cracking as she fumbled around trying to spin the debate as big win for Biden with suburban woman, Biden showed so much compassion. I thought she was going to lose it and have a break down…..

    • hayeksplosives

      Suburban women. Since when was that a people group? I hate it when I wake up in a new category that Previously didn’t exist. All those new opinions I have to learn from the community leaders.

      But if I don’t vote for Joe, then I ain’t a suburban woman, so there’s no choice…

    • Contrarian P

      I didn’t watch the debate in the interest of amity (I’m staying with family), but from the reaction videos I’ve seen it looks like it was a pretty one sided drubbing in favor of Trump. I guess if you want it hard enough you can think that suburban women are so emotional and vague they’d be swayed by “oh he’s so compassionate”. I don’t know what women they know, but the ones I know aren’t super impressed by squishy soft compassionate men.

      • creech

        “one sided drubbing in favor of Trump.”
        42 million have already voted. 2/3 of them are supposedly Democrats. How they going to now change their votes? The Biden corruption stuff should have come out Labor Day and been put into Trump ads immediately. I still think Covid-19 has claimed the Trump Administration as its most important victim.

      • slumbrew

        How many of those 42 million would have changed their minds? I have to think it’s a small number – I find it hard to believe undecideds are voting early.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Meh. they played it perfectly. You aren’t going to sway the diehards who vote early. October surprises are about disheartening the learners, and they all vote late.

      • Contrarian P

        Yes, 42 million have voted, but in 2016 about 130 million voted. So we aren’t even up to half the likely turnout.

  145. Gustave Lytton

    AH-60?

    Get a return key, Derpy.

  146. Count Potato

    Trump didn’t bring up peace in the Middle East.

    • hayeksplosives

      Huh. He probably figured those accomplishments spoke for themselves. Which of course they can only do if they get any news coverage.

      • Count Potato

        Which they didn’t.

      • Chafed

        Which is one more reason to bring it up.

    • Bobarian LMD

      I think that was released this past week at a rally in PA.

      • Tundra

        It’s been around for awhile, but Joe told him to “put it on your web site” or something like that.

      • cyto

        I’m a bit surprised. Our moderator was happy to jump in and put her two cents worth in several times when she wanted to move Trump away from what he was saying.

        But we have all seen this on a loop for many months. And she did not bother to chime in with a question to clarify that he was flat out lying.

        But it is true, at least once he specifically referenced federal land. The other times he said completely. Sometimes phasing out, sometimes simply banning.

  147. Count Potato

    Crap.

  148. hayeksplosives

    “The team from Washington”.

    Lame.

    How about the Washington Slime? To honor the algae that grow in the Swamp. The mascot could be that green dude from Ghostbusters.

    • Contrarian P

      Washington Inoffenders?

  149. Count Potato

    Fuck.

    • hayeksplosives

      Exciting, no?

      • Count Potato

        Still, Giants lost 🙁

  150. Count Potato

    FUCK!

    • LJW

      Oklahoma is really trying to be the Florida of middle America.

      • slumbrew

        That story is way more Germany than Florida.

    • CatchTheCarp

      “two men were arrested on numerous charges including desecration of a human member and outraging public decency with gross injury, according to LeFlore County Sheriff Rodney Derryberry.”

      I read that as Dingleberry at first….

    • Bobarian LMD

      Maverick?

      • Chipwooder

        Ice……man

  151. cyto

    The question about families of color living near oil fields and chemical factories was a revealing one

    It was a very odd topic. Nowhere near the public debate.

    And yet Biden had a very specific stump speech prepared.

    I call shenanigans. That one was coordinated

  152. cyto

    Krugman’s latest article: how many Americans will Ayn Rand kill.?

  153. Ownbestenemy

    I know the Drudge site has turned but found it interesting that they didnt have a poll on who won. I think they always have a poll.

    • slumbrew

      “site was sold” remains a compelling argument.

  154. Chafed

    Great job as usual Derpetologist. I have only one request. Csn you break it up into paragraphs. My tired eyes have trouble with the wall of text.

  155. cyto

    So apparently they had Hunter Biden’s business partner give a press conference where he confirms the substance of the laptop emails and that Joe is the chairman in question.

    So I went looking for the coverage.

    Not on CNN.

    not on ABC

    Not on NBC or MSNBC

    not on Huffpo

    Hmmmmm…. I detect a pattern.

    Directly after the debate, Stephanopoulos said Trump lied about his finances and repeated unverified claims about Hunter.

    you know how they always talk about conspiracy theories and how they can’t be real because you can’t have a conspiracy of more than a couple of people.

    Well, with the exception of Glenn greenwald and the people at a couple of right-wing sites like Breitbart, this is a pretty absolute conspiracy. They even have a reason magazine telling me that they laptop is irrelevant and unverified.

    • Brochettaward

      Biden could have easily come out and said that the emails are fake.

      He’s never done that. Not once. He won’t even insinuate it.

      • Gustave Lytton

        https://nypost.com/2020/10/22/hunter-ex-partner-tony-bobulinski-calls-joe-biden-a-liar/

        “As Chris Wallace said on the air about this very smear, ‘Vice President Biden has actually released his tax returns — unlike President Trump — and there is no indication he ever got any money from anybody in these business deals.’” said Bates.

        Oh well, shoot. If Biden didn’t declare it on his taxes, it must not be true then. No one has ever failed to properly report all bribes. ?‍♂️

  156. Ownbestenemy

    CNN is reporting:
    Trump 41:16 of talking time
    Biden 36:53 of talking time

    CBS fact checkers claim Trump’s statement about ‘young people’ recovering from COVID at 99% and say its misleading. Misleading how?

    “Among young people, according to the CDC, the survival rate for COVID-19 among people 19 years of age and younger is 99.997%. The survival rate among individuals ages 20 to 49 is 99.98%.

    But studying the death rate from the virus is complicated because drops in the overall U.S. death rate for COVID-19 coincides with a change in whom the disease is sickening. Studies that have calculated the death rate based on broader antibody testing suggest an infection death rate of less than 1%.”

    That is their fact check. They write 99% from <19 up to 49 as 99% then say it was misleading. I want whatever those fact checkers are smoking. CBS did not fact check any of Biden's statements.

    • leon

      It’s not about being fair, it’s about making a narrative that Republicans lie and Biden doesn’t.

      • Festus' Mustache

        It sucks. I personally don’t want to be on a “team” unless I’m playing a sport. The Left has forced my hand.

      • Tejicano

        I wouldn’t mind being on a team if we are all properly trained and armed, depending on the mission.

  157. Ownbestenemy

    Coronavirus outbreak strikes L.A. megachurch that defied public health orders

    Outbreak you say, my lets just read through the story, okay attendance is in the 7000s, lets see, oh…..3 confirmed cases.

    “Grace Community Church in Sun Valley has seen three confirmed cases, according to the Los Angeles County Department of Public Health.”

  158. Yusef drives a Kia

    Happy Friday Everybody! itappears that my tablet’s touch screen took a shit while it was charging last night, kind of sucks, but runs…….

      • Gender Traitor

        Morning, Yu & UCS. Sorry about your touch screen, Yu.

      • UnCivilServant

        I hate when I make a mistake. I have to get to the bank today during today’s business to deposit a check from myself so I don’t get overdrawn.

        Direct one payment to the wrong account…

      • Gender Traitor

        That’s why you should have all your accounts at your credit union! ; )
        /shameless shilling

        One thought – if from a different institution, might they put a hold on the check you deposit?

      • UnCivilServant

        For customers without red flags on their record, up to $100 on out of routing district banks will still be available right away.

        I literally need only $8.88 to avoid an overdraw.

        And two out of my three deposit banks are credit unions.

      • Gender Traitor

        Good boy! ::pats UCS on head::

      • UnCivilServant

        The credit unions are more of a hassle though. Wherever I’ve lived, the bank has had branches nearby. One credit union’s closest branch is by Rochester. The other is local to where I am, but doesn’t even have a location near the town my mother lives in. I know there are ATM sharing agreements between groups of credit unions, but I don’t use ATMs. You can’t trust those machines.

      • The Hyperbole

        What’s not to trust? I do all my banking through the any time money machines, haven’t stepped foot in a bank in ten years.

      • Gender Traitor

        You can also make in-person transactions on your CU account at a different CU if both participate in Shared Branching.

      • UnCivilServant

        @Hyperbole – There nothing trustworthy about those little fraudboxes and ‘mug me’ signs.

      • UnCivilServant

        @GT There’s a problem with that site – it doesn’t mention who is a participant when they don’t have any branches in the search radius.

      • The Hyperbole

        Meh, 25 years exclusively using them and never lost a deposit or got shorted on a withdraw, and I’ve only been mugged twice.

      • UnCivilServant

        And neither of my credit unions appear to be participants.

      • Festus' Mustache

        The last time I went to a bank was to replace my ATM card and the teller was a hatchet-faced old biddy. I can’t imagine what it must be like in the New Normal. Wifey takes care of the finances.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I hate when I do that,
        /long time CU member

  159. Festus' Mustache

    Mornin’ All! So what happened yesterday? I was drunk/sleeping/sober/working/drinking and now working on drunk again. Something about a Debate wherein both sides claimed a resounding victory? *Snuggles back into his rut*

    • Gender Traitor

      Mornin’, Fes. Didn’t watch the debate – just followed the running commentary here. (See above.)

      • Festus' Mustache

        I was jesting! I’m pretty OCD about reading the comments from first to last… Even watched a few highlights on my breaks. Trump did alright with the threat of a muzzle. Maybe they should give Joe the “Cone Of Shame” if his handlers ever let him him get closer than 6 feet from a human female again. I thought that “Who built the cages?” was a pretty good zinger.

      • cyto

        A conservative buddy sent the “interrupted by moderator” count. It seemed pretty one sided when I was watching, but I figured I might be a little biased.

        Nope.

        24-2.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Yep. “This is not the Media bias you are looking for…” I hope the rank and file see through the charade but I’m not hopeful.

    • Tejicano

      Yeah, I heard those two in the debate were rank amateurs – but had Toobin been on it he’d have been declared a master at it.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Old fishing joke comes to mind.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Also very happy that “toobin” as a verb is becoming another Glib-term.

      • UnCivilServant

        I am annoyed at that is happening.

      • Tejicano

        Actually, I think there are already plenty of perfectly good terms for “choking the chicken” so “toobin” should be reserved specifically for cases when perpetrated during a Zoom/video or conference call meeting.

      • Tres Cool

        Shame I have to work tonight….

      • Festus' Mustache

        Everything is a Zoom meeting now.

      • Tejicano

        Since the left is unlikely to really punish him in any real fashion the rest of us can punish him in our way. If he couldn’t have seen this coming (PHRASING!) we can add “gross stupidity” to his list of charges.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Agreed. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer Toad. I’ve been watching his bullshit for years. The “Everybody does it!” excuse from his defenders falls pretty flaccid. No, most of us don’t wank off at work on camera.

  160. Tejicano

    My oldest is out on some school outing and the wife is out with the girls so my youngest (grade school age) and I went out for dinner. It was his choice so we went to Gusto – a chain much like a Japanese version of Denny’s in the US. Fun times! Nice to spend time with them while they still want daddy in their life.

    • Tres Cool

      You know who else wanted a Daddy in their life ?

      • Tejicano

        Nothing wrong with that when they’re little. When they carry that with them for decades is when it gets strange.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Marilyn Monroe?

    • Festus' Mustache

      Nice! Cherish the happy times because it will get more difficult but hopefully not so bad from here on in. Growing humans are asshoe!

      • Tres Cool

        Too true. Tres Ver. 2.0 is on the cusp of being a teen…..