California Experiments With Absentee Electricity

by | Oct 15, 2020 | Satire | 203 comments

SACRAMENTO – After recent successes including absentee voting, absentee schooling, absentee policing, and in San Francisco, absentee plumbing, the Golden State is gearing up for a similar shift in its power grid. “This initiative represents a bold, new step into the future”, said energy expert Joanna Gambolputty before a brownout cut off her Zoom feed. Meanwhile, grad students at Caltech have been working towards turning the state’s resentment for Trump into a new source of renewable energy. “We’ve tried green energy and now we’re switching to orange energy”, said Associate Professor of Social Physics Morningstar Godiva Dingleberry-Kaufman. The plan is to build large sonic collectors in the San Gabriel hills surrounding Los Angeles. Instead of losing hundreds of megawatts every year as frustrated commuters honk and others scream helplessly into the sky, this noise will collected and put to use. Experts say it could provide enough power to run the proposed California High-Speed Rail line with enough left over for Bill Maher’s bidet. “We’ve run the numbers, and we’re confident we have enough a big enough margin. We even simulated Bill Maher eating gas station burritos everyday for a month and there were no outages,” added Dingleberry-Kaufman. Elsewhere, critics have pointed out to lackluster results from the state’s absentee forestry policy. “Yeah, like, I’m pretty sure wood burns, man”, said Skylar TreePhrog, a former Venice Beach surfer and current director of natural resources. “Yeah, turns out I got the job because I was like the only applicant who could speak English. I was just, like, wow, how can be you be so prejudiced? But I took the job, so whatever.” Director Treefrog wasted no time in identifying the number one problem in California’s forests. “So at the first meeting, I was like, OK guys so what’s deal? And they started talking about fires and stuff, and I was like, whoa dude, timeout – the forests are on fire?! Like, somebody call 911.” TreePhrog has formed a blue ribbon commission which is studying the feasibility of installing a sprinkler system for the state’s 33 million acres of forest. California Governor Gavin Newsom has tentatively approved the plan provided the system does not contain any materials known to the state to cause cancer.

About The Author

Derpetologist

Derpetologist

The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp, Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy

203 Comments

  1. Count Potato

    So Joe is on for two hours?

    • Count Potato

      So it’s only an hour and a half.

  2. Count Potato

    Oh great, a bullshit transgender question, and Joe responds with a bullshit answer.

      • Florida Man

        My family and friends know not to prank me, because I’m usually armed and semi-dangerous while unarmed.

      • Mojeaux the Malevolent

        I despise pranks. I don’t do them and I react badly if they’re done to me.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Fun fact: gaymo lamers hate pranks!!!!!

    • slumbrew

      Yes, please.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Not for nothing, but we did that school in the ’80s.

      “Where’d you go for spring break?”

      “Lauderdale”

      “Cool, I went to the orient… you know BANGCOK! *ballslap*”

      • slumbrew

        Were you a hot Asian chick with an Aussie accent?

      • Bobarian LMD

        N,o it was not anything you’d want to see.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      I dunno about that first vid. Something seems….fishy about it.

    • Chafed

      Is it wrong that I’m going to watch that again?

      • slumbrew

        Not even a little.

  3. Count Potato

    So Joe gets a nap after each question?

    • Crusty Juggler

      Sweet.

    • Florida Man

      That’s those people from Chappie!

      • Count Potato

        That movie was genius editing as it turned from one film into another.

      • Count Potato

        I never heard of that.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      Proof once again that nothing truly good ever comes out of SA. And, I like Sharlto Copley enough, as an actor.

      • slumbrew

        District 9 was good.

        I’ve got a friend from SA.

        Maybe that’s it?

      • Sir Digby Classic

        D9 was OK, in terms of SFX. The story doesn’t make much sense, other than as that allegory 2×4 to smack you upside the head and let you know that apartheid was bad, m’kay?

        Which, in and of itself, doesn’t actually work well, when dealing with an extraterrestrial species–of course you quarantine! And, I’m not into the nihilistic treatment of the good-guy protagonist. Cruel is cruel.

      • slumbrew

        Fair – it was a technical achievement but you are correct that the story had all the subtlety of a bulldozer in a china shop.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I think you’ve put the finger on it. I watched it the first time and felt somewhat dissatisfied with something that got rave reviews. I find it even more dislikable every time I’ve seen bits of it again when the wife has had it on.

  4. Gustave Lytton

    Need moar line breaks.

    • Rhywun

      Read my mind.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Penis

        Vodka

        Penis

        Sleep

        Vodka

      • Aloysious

        Needz moar eeevil penis.

      • Rhywun

        Scarily accurate, you magnificent bastard.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Well, don’t just give the plot away! Hold on to some mystery.

      • Chafed

        Glibs helping Glibs.

  5. commodious spittoon

    We’re still discussing Charlottesville after, you know… the last several months. How many thousand percent more murders occurred during BLM rioting than because some dude did something in Charlottesville?

    Hey, maybe next we’ll discuss Trump’s inauguration crowd exaggeration.

    • Count Potato

      I think BLM/Antifa have killed more people than white cops shooting black people.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        I imagine you mean “without cause”, Because, it does look like quite a few police shootings in the last few months. Some had black victims/targets/whatever term you want.

        Maybe the numbers are close. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    • LJW

      I demand he answer for what he did to the USFL!

  6. DEG

    This is strangely realistic.

    • Chafed

      My thoughts exactly

  7. Florida Man

    The cancer warnings in California are bonkers. I bought firewood for the cabin we rented. Firewood evidently causes cancer…

    • Crusty Juggler

      Firewood causes cancer of the prick.

      I got it.

      I’m in the books for that.

    • LJW

      California contains chemicals and people known to cause cancer.

      • pan fried wylie

        Really, shouldn’t the Prop 65 warning be branded on the forehead of every politician elected to office in California?

  8. LJW

    Delta Air Lines passenger claims she woke up to pastor urinating on her

    This might be drugs falling out of an ass.

    “Fortunately, an off-duty police officer was on the plane to restrain the man, who has only been identified by Fox 2 as a well-known pastor from North Carolina. The outlet reported that representatives for the pastor claim he was suffering from a reaction to a sleep aid that he took.”

    So weird it’s actualy believable it might have been a sleep aid. Ambien has a crazy effect on some people.

    • Florida Man

      Seems plausible, but I thought drugs were bad…mkay.

    • DEG

      Were they all wearing masks? Then it’s A-OK.

      • LJW

        Serious question. Are you required to wear a mask when sleeping on a flight? That might be a health hazard for someone.

      • Gustave Lytton

        People on supplemental oxygen?

      • DEG

        I haven’t flown in a while, and I won’t fly while the airlines require masks.

        From what I’ve heard about the policies, unless you are eating or drinking, you need to wear a mask.

      • Count Potato

        Unless you are a black guy with a mask eating while wearing a Trump hat. Then you get thrown off the plane.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      Sounds more like urine falling out of his penis.

      Not for nothing, but, this seems to be a Fox news story–in that, any place carrying the story ultimately goes back to the story you linked, with no other sources used.

  9. Gustave Lytton

    Why is CSPAN not immediately terminating Steve Scully?

    (Yes, I know why)

    • LJW

      Same reason Ellen still has a show.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Same reason Roseanne still doesn’t have a show.

  10. DEG

    I posted this as the last thread died. OT: The Clown Prince shuts down indoor hockey

    There will be no hockey in New Hampshire for two weeks while the state investigates several outbreaks of COVID-19 linked to the sport.

    Gov. Chris Sununu said the two-week pause on all activities on the ice in indoor facilities is necessary because of more than 150 cases of COVID-19 in the state associated with ice hockey.

    State epidemiologist Dr. Benjamin Chan said 117 cases were connected to eight outbreaks. Another 41 were not connected with specific outbreaks, but they were associated with ice hockey.

    • mikey

      117 “cases”. Any mention of symtoms, hospitalizations, or deaths? If not, the numbers must be zero.
      Age spread? Guessing there aren’t too many overweignt, diabetec 80-year-old hockey players.
      This has gone from the stupid to the criminal.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Didn’t you hear?

        COVID killed a 29 year old hockey coach!

        It totally didn’t have anything to do with the opioid overdose.

      • pan fried wylie

        COVID killed the dinosaurs. And the Population III stars.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        COVID killed the dinosaurs.

        This….needs to be made into merch.

        Seriously.

  11. Rhywun

    Sorry, Derp, but reality has beat you to the punch.

    • Chafed

      Let’s see how popular they are in January.

      • slumbrew

        When they are freezing in the dark, they will still be sure they were right.

    • l0b0t

      Wait!!! They are in WILLIAMSBURG. I only moved to NYC in 2005, but Williamsburg has been a VERY white and VERY expensive neighborhood since (at least) then. So, how does that fact square with this part? – “Residents complained that the controversial pipeline project was approved and launched without input from or notice to the community, the Eagle reported.

      “Would this happen in a rich, white neighborhood?” activist Gabriel Jamison, 24, said at Thursday’s protest.

      “No, it would not,” he said. “This is really personal to me because it started in my neighborhood.”

  12. Brochettaward

    There’s so many places to begin with the bias on display tonight between the two town hall events, but I think the most glaringly alarming element of it is that a hostile question for Joe is a question from those further to the left than he and his handlers are willing to admit. Trump, meanwhile, gets questions overwhelmingly from the left. There’s no representation of questions from the right let alone questioners from the right who are maybe dissatisfied with Trump.

    Our institutions are out of touch on so many levels, but they all view things through the leftist prism.

    • Gustave Lytton

      The Overton window is finite.

    • Brochettaward

      The best example is the Biden town hall. They let some woman with an Eastern European accent step up and ask a loaded question about how Trump is opposed to transgender rights citing how her own 10 year old daughter is transgendered.

      The good thing is that they are so out of touch that they don’t know how this plays to most of the country. The bad thing is that this think this plays well for them.

    • LJW

      1990s history channel was more like that. Whenever I stayed home from school sick I’d watch history documentaries all day long on the history channel.

  13. Crusty Juggler

    Hunter Biden is cool as fuck

    • Michael

      This is the most important thing I’ve learned this week.

      • Michael

        Hunter is anthropomorphic-breakfast-cereal-mascot-in-leather-jacket-and-wayfarers level of cool.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        I cannot find anything to dispute.

    • Tulip

      No. He is a drug addicted, corrupt asshole who treats women like garbage and doesn’t pay his child support. I hope you’re being sarcastic, but, yuck, he’s disgusting.

      • Hyperion

        Not as disgusting as his dad. But that’s only because he hasn’t been in the Senate for 40 years.

      • Rhywun

        I thought he was good-looking until, well, yesterday. Mind you, that’s just me being a superficial man.

      • Hyperion

        He USED to be good looking. That was a long time ago. Last several times I have seen Hunter, he looks like a mutant crack addict.

      • Rhywun

        It’s likely that every pic of him I saw before yesterday was like 20 years old or more.

      • Hyperion

        Could be. Because the few later ones I have seen, he looks like shit.

      • Mojeaux the Malevolent

        Also stupid. Don’t pay your computer repair guy, see what happens.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        “Dare!”

        “Truth, fuckface.”

      • commodious spittoon

        He is a drug addicted, corrupt asshole who treats women like garbage and doesn’t pay his child support.

        Do you even know what cool is??

      • Crusty Juggler

        I’ve never been sarcastic.

  14. Michael

    So was I hallucinating, or did Biden at one point tonight state that he “made the mistake of teaching constitutional law”? I may have misheard it, but it literally sounded like he was recording a clip for the Trump campaign to use.

  15. Don escaped Duopoly

    OT: Don’t hire me. I’m a dick. You were warned.

    I see several jobs in the queue between offices, work with colleagues to align and get them all out in time. The week is going well.

    The one due today, no one at office X was touching other than the folder was created. I reached out (Teams, typical) that I was starting it yesterday; no one replied. Had questions (email), areas outside my expertise or experience. Crickets, so made assumptions and moved on.

    Also was the only guy in my office all week. Some little stuff on the side, sold a pump, keyed an order, etc. Researched a supplier systems problem for someone; fixed it. Kept ginning on today’s project. Elevated problem 6 to boss since he worked for that supplier once upon time.

    Finished the project, saved my notes and calculations to a share folder ’cause that’s the kind of guy I am: what if I got hit by a bus? Wrote a summary email as I always do: all the open issues, assumptions, etc. Never heard back from my boss on problem 6.

    Got a scathing email regarding problem 6 from sales guy (I’m only salary this gig; have slide-rule, will travel sort of thing) because he thinks it’s easy, but his solution violates the specs (scanning 100 pages of specs is typical on a medium-sized building). I did 98% of the job that he’ll pick up all the commission on, he didn’t have a minute for me the whole time, I know very little about this firm, its suppliers, or the industry, and I’m getting my arse eaten out in a group email over something I tried valiantly to handle. . . I did handle it so far as the spec is concerned, but there might be a better way.

    Left for the day, picked up the Big Ugly complete with new lamp lenses and Michelins, all four corners: beset $2k I’ve spent all month. Phone is buzzing in my pants as I drive and listen to Advisory Opinions. Voted.

    NewWife went for a tub, so, oh, 9pm here now, I look and it’s a text from Mr GiftToTheCompany who needs to chat for four minutes. I delete it: I don’t like his name in my inbox. It was due at CoB: he’ll figure it out sometime tonight; baby probably needs a new pair of shoes.

    I’ll knock myself out for a client, for the company, for the stockholders; but I won’t suffer in-house morons to do it. I would be delighted to get a call from our boss about this. I’m going to be too busy with my own office’s work to help anyone at office X for a good little while, I’ve decided.

    This is good golf weather, and ATL just went up 5-1 in the sixth. 6-1. Diet beer. NewWife is always in a good mood after a tub. I’ve been impossible since I got the money for Escaped Jr’s college put away: haven’t kissed an ass in well over a decade now. Do not hire me.

    • RAHeinlein

      I feel your pain. My new mantra – “I’m not working for your bonus.”

      • Rhywun

        I’m stealing that. Should go over well at my next review.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I’d hire you.

      Except I’m an individual contributor. I’m not a people person and I thank the heavens I don’t have to supervise the people I work with.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I also don’t delete emails from people.

      • slumbrew

        I don’t delete e-mails, but I do ignore them…

        Being an individual contributor rocks.

      • Don escaped Duopoly

        having headlights that work ain’t nothing to sneeze at, either

        7-1

  16. commodious spittoon

    I especially can’t listen to Biden, but I especially can’t bear listening to Trump.

    • Hyperion

      I don’t know what drugs they have him on, but it sounds to me like he slurs his speech. Wife and I both noticed that.

      • commodious spittoon

        …which one?!

    • Michael

      I switched back and forth between the two for about ten minutes before deciding I couldn’t stand any of it. The only thing that stood out and kinda stuck with me for some reason was that the streaming audio for Trump’s town hall was considerably louder than Biden’s.

      • Hyperion

        Old people don’t like loud noises.

      • pan fried wylie

        How?

    • The Hyperbole

      My goal is to make it to election week without hearing either of their voices again, I may just make that a long term goal.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Oopsie! I think you just got added to yet another list with that one Hype. Got yer bug-out bag primed and ready?

  17. Hyperion

    I just had the weirdest thing happen to me. My wife and I were just sitting in the living room talking about something and I noticed that she was looking at me like she’s trying to figure out something, you know that look? So I said ‘what’?

    So she says ‘did you color your bread?’. And then it just occurred to me, I have been thinking for the last several days that my beard (mostly white for a long time) has a lot more color in it. But I’m thinking, has to be my imagination, because hair never returns to color once it’s white. WTF? I take a lot of supplements and I’ve added a few on it off lately, but I’m not aware of any that recolors hair. If there was such a thing, someone would be a billionaire over night. Maybe it’s some sort of rare ailment, God I hope not… I feel fine… freaking weird though.

    So go ahead, Hyperion is hallucinating again! Drugs are falling out of his ass! You’re welcome.

    No, seriously, I’m 100% sure of it, it’s obvious. Probably aliens. Also, I have never had gray in my hair, only my beard and that started in my mid 20s and was almost completely white at 50 while my hair on my head is brown with no gray or either so little it’s not noticeable by anyone, including me.

    • Hyperion

      Did you color your bread? Fuck it, I quit typing for the night.

      • Don escaped Duopoly

        just don’t trim the corners of your bread and you’ll be fine

      • LJW

        Sounds like one of your supplements might be the greatest thing since sliced beard… I’ll let myself out.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Have you been toasting your beard?

        /smartass off

        Some trace minerals can affect hair color; zinc, copper, magnesium…

      • Hyperion

        It’s weird. I have been taking supplements, herbs, all of that, since I was in my 20s. Never experienced this before. The only thing different I’ve taken the last few weeks that I’ve never taken before is GABA. I don’t think it could be that, it’s just weird. I’m afraid it’s something bad to be honest, sort of freaking me out.

      • Don escaped Duopoly

        a rye remark, indeed

    • Rhywun

      *shrug* My head-hair has been snow-white since my mid-thirties. My beard, which I am growing out for the first time in my life, is darker than my head-hair. But not by much.

    • pan fried wylie

      Wash your face, ya slob.

      • Hyperion

        Dude, it was right after washing my face for the first time this year that I noticed it.

      • pan fried wylie

        Hmmm, “washing it darker” wouldn’t make as much sense…unless there’s something in your water. Iron? Cu, Mn?

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Cumin?? I figured that would lighten facial….you know–never mind.

    • Hyperion

      Did Christy get his money back for the fat surgery yet? He got fat surgery and gained 80 lbs. How can that be legal?

      • slumbrew

        If you’re determined, you can eat your way through a gastric bypass.

      • Hyperion

        LOL. The thing is, why would you want to? Save your money for food.

      • Chafed

        Christie is very determined.

  18. Cy

    Watching the Trump townhall… This bitch…

  19. commodious spittoon

    Why do I always get the feeling of a defense attorney listening to a client testifying and pulling hair out whenever Trump speaks.

    • commodious spittoon

      I keep reading Grisham books that involve in some minor role a drunkard attorney who clearly underserved his innocent client… and the attorney is always dead and gone by the time the defendant is exonerated.

      Who’s the attorney responsible for letting this dumb idiot speak!? Giuliani?? HANG THIS MOTHERFUCKER.

      • slumbrew

        I was listening to Mark Geragos on the Adam Carolla podcast recently – I often grind my teeth when Geragos is talking nonsense about one of his active cases (like Kapernick), but he’s a pretty charming fellow.

        Great anecdote – in the courtroom with Chris Brown and Brown started to talk to the judge directly and Geragos shut him down: “Don’t talk; you don’t talk. I don’t dance, you don’t talk”.

        That sounds like great advice from any lawyer to their client.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        I keep reading Grisham books

        Think I found the problem.

  20. Don escaped Duopoly

    @jjcharlesworth: Lol, the lockdown left. Destroying working-class jobs, gutting the economy, trashing liberties. Two weeks to build an ‘effective test and trace system’, eh Aaron? Maybe we’ll need a little longer…. how about two, three, four months?

    Guy’s profile says he’s a Marxist but a speech absolutist. But he has the sense to decry the fallacy of governmental wisdom. So what gives: parody of some sort going over my head?

    • Hyperion

      Is he one of those leftist libertarians? I’ve seen a few of those. Turned out they knew nothing about what either libertarian or left means.

      The thing about those US commies back after the Bolshevik revolution is that those guys knew who they were, were card carrying members of the Communist Party. They mostly kept that to themselves because they were a small minority that would have been rejected by everyone who was not a card carrying commie. That’s when they invented the term ‘progressive’ so that they could talk about politics in the open without anyone actually knowing they were commies with copies of Marx and Lenin literature on their nightstands.

      Now, most of the people who are openly claiming to be communists are just idiots who want to party with a bunch of other idiots and get away with rioting and looting (antifa).

      The real commies are still claiming to be progressives, but they’re a lot more open with their lefty ways. And they have a huge herd of useful idiots who have no fucking idea about anything political.

      Then there are the democrat voters who still think the democrats are the party of their grandpa and will vote in a gang of commies because they don’t know what they’re doing.

  21. LJW

    I suspect this whole Hunter Biden story will have 0 effect on the election. The Democrats are hell bent on taking over.

    • Hyperion

      Didn’t you know it was their turn. Forever? They said so right after Obama got elected the first time. A millennial reign was coming, 1000 years of progressive rule. Rethuglicans defeated for the last time.

      But it’s totally not a religion with them.

  22. Michael Bluth

    I really hate that politics is such a dominate force in our culture. 2 blogs that read occasionally posted open letters this week. I’m not voting for Trump, but articles like these piss me off enough to consider it. Other than virtue signaling that “Orange Man Bad”, I don’t know what these accomplish other than alienating potentially 50% of your audience.

    https://chrisguillebeau.com/love-letter-to-trump-supporters/

    https://ryanholiday.net/letter/

    • Hyperion

      Pisses me off too. So I’m voting for Trump. I also don’t wish to live in a communist country, so there’s that.

      • Michael Bluth

        I’d probably be a lot more torn if I wasn’t in Idaho, since our votes are going Trump. I would like to actually vote for someone rather than against, but I don’t think I’ll ever have a candidate like that again.

        Commies are the worst and it is a shame the foothold has been made in our country.

      • Hyperion

        It’s taken more than 100 years. But those people live politics, everything is about politics. Most people have lives, but those people never sleep. That’s how they’ve completely taken over academia, the media, entertainment, and other things completely, while most people lived their lives, raised families. We’re up against the real life Borg.

      • Michael Bluth

        How do we win prior to societal collapse? Or at the very least fight back, as it does not seem like either of the main parties have dropped any pretense regarding liberty and not having the state involved in every single part of our lives.

      • Threedoor

        Ida-Ho you say?

    • Sir Digby Classic

      (And do you remember that the greatest moral controversy of Obama’s eight years in power was when he wore a tan suit to a press conference?)

      Oh, eat me, Mr. “Murder-droning isn’t really an problem”. Mr. “What Operation Fast & Furious?” I have not one whit of desire for your vision of what America should be.

      • Michael Bluth

        It is amazing how easily the Obama years were made out to be the high point of the Republic in the minds of the Left, rather than the reason we got Trump.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Very much so. And then, to be lectured on Presidential morality, by someone who appears to be inconvenienced by truth.

    • Bobarian LMD

      I’m not eating those.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      It’s more a calling, than a restaurant, huh?

  23. J. Frank Parnell

    Damn it, I was supposed to be seeing Neubauten tonight. Stupid coronavirus.

    • Threedoor

      That’s different. I appreciate the compressor wheel onstage. They can make cool sounds.

    • Chafed

      Was he playing his guitar with a vibrator?

  24. Cy

    First biden question: Biden, can I slob your nob? Like now?

  25. gbob

    I have now finished every single presidential debate since 1960. Started the project after last debate. Clearest evidence that politics have…changed.

    First, bring back the League Of Women’s Voters. I know they sucked, but little did the Pubs realize that the alternative was worse.

    Best debate from a Glib standpoint? Reagan vs Mondale. Best description of freedom values. Man was cool, charming, and although he failed, one of the best spreaders of freedom.

    Worst? Ford vs Carter. Ford shit the bed, and at the end of it, I would have voted for Carter.

    Point is, I have obviously more free time and drugs than I should have.

  26. J. Frank Parnell
    • slumbrew

      and ever, amen.

  27. Gustave Lytton

    On what planet is it acceptable for your kids to run around a hotel room like a jungle gym? Seriously, running around, jumping, and screaming. Control your mutts or put them back in their cages.

    Called the front desk which the 2nd time I’ve ever done that for noise.

    • Chafed

      I’ve encountered that in the Before Times. It’s enormously frustrating.

    • Cy

      It takes discipline to have behaved children. They refer to that as abuse now.

  28. hayeksplosives

    Mark Steyn has a column tonight on Free Speech and the Social media cartel tonight:

    <

    What matters more is the broader culture of free speech – and yesterday Dorsey and Zuckerberg just announced to the planet that they’re in charge of that.

    <blockquote< In old-school "people's republics", the dictator keeps the opposition party off the air. In the subtler version operated by social media, woke dictators of a nominally two-party state are now openly keeping one of those two parties off your telephones and tablets.

    https://www.steynonline.com/10692/the-last-copier-in-the-woods-arrives-sooner-than

    • Sir Digby Classic

      And, the thing is, much of this would go away rather quickly if people just stopped using those platforms. Not everyone will, because some applaud their ‘courageousness’ to fight ‘oppression’.

      But, all the users who just use it for business purposes, or, to stay in touch with whomever–if there was a concerted effort on the part of this demographic to no play by their rules any more, their power over this kind of thing would most likely plummet.

  29. KSuellington

    Good one Derp, but please don’t give them any more ideas. After I saw that tweet from Newsom’s office about remembering to put your mask back on between bites at a restaurant there is no peak derp here? Science!!

    • hayeksplosives

      You gotta figure that Newsome and his buddies are just laughing their asses off with proclamations like that.

      They are playing with their food like a cat.

      • KSuellington

        They know that the mice are obedient little creatures here. 90% of people here are walking around ôutside with masks on. I just saw two walking their dog, 30 somethings looking in fine health, walking by my porch at almost ten o clock with no one else anywhere around, being good little subjects and obeying as hard as they can. It is sad. I kind of want to find one of those old “Question Authority” bumper stickers that liberals (remember those) used to be so fond of. But I’m not really the bumper sticker type, maybe a t shirt.

      • hayeksplosives

        Ugh. Masks outside? No way.

        All the years of brainwashing have suppressed normal human inquisitiveness and ability to make observations.

        Truly sad. My corner of suburbia is 90% non masked when outdoors. And our community pool is open. I’ve seen a few Trump stickers. Looking forward to reading the vote breakdown by precinct.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Ugh. Masks outside? No way.

        What is this, some sort of Middle East haggling bazaar?

        FDS.

      • KSuellington

        Yup, it is so bizarre. There is no way I’m doing it or making my kids do it, some ultra obedient behavior. There are plenty who know full well it is, but go along to get along. It’s not in me to do that.

      • invisible finger

        “I kind of want to find one of those old “Question Authority” bumper stickers”

        I preferred the response bumper stickers: “Who are you to tell me to question authority?”

      • limey

        Thanks for sharing that, it’s a chilling, and thoroughly-sourced read. Unfortunately it’s the kind of thing that would just get my lefty (erstwhile?) friends and family reacting pretty aggressively, trying to shame it and deny it with tired, dogmatic talking points and absurd emotional arguments, all of which were untethered from rational thought and the evidence that is right in front of us. We share it in our little bubble of wrongthink, and we don’t talk about anything political outside of the bubble. Now everything is political, perhaps we don’t talk about much at all.

        China found, inadvertently or not, a way to decimate rival economies and accelerate their progress toward global ideological, economic, and technological dominance.

  30. Sir Digby Classic

    https://www.theblaze.com/news/dolloff-keltner-denver-shooting-charge

    OK, this is getting really freakin’ frustrating. The guy’s not an employee of Pinkerton. The guy IS an employee of Pinkerton. He’s a leftist supporting Antifa. No, he’s not. I get that this happens a lot these days. Here, it seems that facts (actual data) about his employment, would be easy to lock down fairly quickly.

    Then again, maybe people were lying to cover their own asses. Whatever.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        “Does Doloff potentially have a pretty strong case for self-defense?”

        Absolutely not, fear of death or great bodily harm is required and that situation didn’t warrant it. Nobody wants to get maced but responding to that with gunfire is unwarranted.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        If you have good reason to think you could be disarmed of that gun after a blast of a chemical irritant, that has high potential to be a deadly/GBH situation. I’m not suggesting the shooter is safe, here. Just that OC spray can incapacitate you PDQ.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        That’s about the only somewhat reasonable argument they can make but I’m not sure that holds water as the other guy appeared to be backing away.

      • The Hyperbole

        Backing away ≠ retreating, especially If you are still attacking. Fighters often step back to get space to make their next move.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Doesn’t necessarily mean retreating but could be indicative of that but the fact remains that the dead guy was spraying non lethal mace from several feet away. Maybe there are extenuating circumstances for the shooter I’m unaware of but his defense has an uphill climb.

      • EvilSheldon

        Greg has a good article up on that subject. https://www.activeresponsetraining.net/the-denver-pepper-spray-shooting

        Short version – you could probably be successful with this argument if the victim had actually tried to take the shooter’s gun. There’s no indication that he did, or even threatened to.

        Lethal force in self-defense requires a reasonable expectation of serious injury or death, not a mere possibility. I don’t see that reasonable expectation here. This was more a case of two assholes getting into an escalating conflict, and one of them shooting the other because he got disrespected.

        You can never tell what a politically corrupted court system will do, but to my eye the shooter is guilty of manslaughter at an absolute minimum.

      • Tejicano

        I can see a self-defense claim if you were alone in a dark alley facing multiple assailants – one with bear spray – advancing on you. But in broad daylight with others in your group close by, numerous people recording the entire incident, and police in the vicinity – looks pretty thin to me.

    • Tejicano

      The article states that he was not a licensed security guard which pretty much says is was not a Pinkerton employee, at least not as a security guard. I have no idea how he ended up in that position without a license. His actions (getting into an altercation which was not a direct threat to his principal and handling it poorly) show he didn’t have much experience in the security business.

      • Gustave Lytton

        That I think is the crux of the matter. He lacked the required training as a security guard and made a series of poor choices that stacked up. I also think there has been a knee jerk reaction here, and else where, based on who the involved persons appear to be. The takeaway for me is continue to stay the fuck away from these rallies/protests/confrontations/riots.

    • limey

      Good morning, sunshine.

    • Sean

      *nods*

      *slurps coffee*

    • Gender Traitor

      Morning, UCS.

    • gbob

      I didn’t miss it! I’ve seen lots of videos on the topic. I never watch more than a few minutes. I just find it amazing how many step moms and step sisters keep getting trapped in washers without underwear. Its a national epidemic that needs to be stopped.

  31. Yusef drives a Kia

    Howdy everyone, Ccp virus shutdowns suck, Im off work until Tuesday,

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        trying for paid with Cali, and it may mess up the house thing, at least for a few weeks,

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Yu. I hope this doesn’t throw a monkey wrench into your plans for your new home.

  32. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Damn, Amy Barrett is so bad Webster’s changed the fucking definition of “preference”:

    https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/preference

    Check out #5, apparently changed post confirmation hearing mention. What a damn crock.

    • Gender Traitor

      I don’t get that “preference” necessarily implies a freely-made choice. What was the flavor that’s been discussed here recently where it seems to be genetic whether one likes it or despises it? Was it anise?

      And I find M-W’s caving to wokeness offensive. Shame – they were my go-to dictionary. OED it is, I guess.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Cilantro and my preference is that it not be in my food but, yeah, preference doesn’t necessarily imply choice.

      • Gender Traitor

        That’s it! Thanks. And good morning.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        guten Morgen

      • invisible finger

        It’s completely idiotic. What they’re saying is “You have free will to change your sex organs but you don’t have free will about how to use whatever sex organs you have at the moment.”

        In order to understand doublethink you have to have half a brain.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        ?

  33. Gender Traitor

    This proposed law may not be perfect, but it seems to be a step in the right direction. I’m not going to knock it.

    • Festus' Mustache

      No worries, they will water it down to homeopathic levels and then pat each other on the back for a job well done. Cynical? Moi?

  34. UnCivilServant

    *sees it’s time to start work*

    *closes RDP session to work desktop*

    “Why did I do that?”

    • Gender Traitor

      Needz moar Mt. Dew.

      • UnCivilServant

        I thought the contents of this cup tasted a bit like water.

    • Festus' Mustache

      Triggered a long-suppressed memory of a visit to a “counseller” that Ex-wife bullied me into attending. It was that bad. Festus put his foot down pretty damn quick after that debacle.

    • Tejicano

      “We like to start a good dumpster fire as much as the next guy but this one was just a bit beyond”

      • Festus' Mustache

        It was literally like that old SNL skit wherein Phil Donahue interviews an author about her new book, “Men Bad, Women Good”. Phil Hartman as Donahue.

  35. Festus' Mustache

    Ugh. This weekend is gonna be a bear. First snow last night and I’ve got jack shit done. Waxing crew at one of my sites needs baby-sitting on Saturday and then on Sunday I get to move everything back into place that they will move aside. Solo. I’m literally getting too old for this shit.