GlibFit 4.0 – Coronavirus Edition XXXII: You Forgot Our Anniversary, You Bastard!

by | Oct 25, 2020 | Fitness, GlibFit | 197 comments

Last week was our one-year anniversary.  

 

Did you send a card or a gift?  No, you didn’t.  You bastard!

I’ve worked hard for you this past year.  I exercise, stay in shape, and a have a fresh article ready and waiting for you every week. And what do I get in return?  “I ate too much this week.”  “Does drinking beer count as exercise?” “I don’t exercise but I waited 30 minutes to go OT.”

Sure, you sometimes tell me about your spin class, long hike, or the giant stone you lifted.  But did you think, even once, to invite me along? No, you didn’t. You bastard!

You brag about your weight loss and then tell me how much you ate.  You tell me how you limited your eating to a tiny window of time, how you must eat this or avoid that, supplements don’t work but you take this or that because why not. Did you think to take me out to eat for our anniversary? No, you didn’t. You bastard!

Your weather is too hot, too cold, too dry, too humid to exercise. You can’t sleep, don’t need much sleep, wish you could get more sleep, need to improve your sleep habits. Stop confusing me.

I’m going to have to rethink our relationship.  Now excuse me while I get ready for the gym.  This ass isn’t going to take care of itself.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Unfortunately, my premonition last week came true.  My county slipped back into the purple zone. My gym is closed but another location in the same chain has moved a bunch of equipment outside so I’ll be going there. Morning temps for this weeks workouts are forecast to be in the low to mid 50s. I can’t imagine they will have a water fountain outside. This is going to be interesting. I’ll just keep imagining Jocko Wilink telling me to “get some.”

I remain befuddled by the panic. My county’s population is 2.4 million people. 161 people are hospitalized with Covid. Because our infection rate is over 5% gyms, restaurants, and houses of worship can’t have people inside them per my governor’s edict.  It’s rusty chainsaw time.

This week’s music choice. I can’t quit the lot of you.

About The Author

Chafed

Chafed

I'm looking California but feeling Minnesota

197 Comments

  1. Nephilium

    I skipped Spin class this week since I may have been exposed to the Vid. On the plus side new low weight, body fat percentage, and I’ve still been drinking multiple nights a week.

    • Chafed

      You could make a million if you wrote a book.

      • Nephilium

        It’s not that fancy. Count calories during the week, I’ve learned 5 days a week doing that means I’ll drop weight, 4 means I’ll maintain it. For the record, under 1,200 calories for those four days this week.

      • Fourscore

        “1,200 calories for those four days this week”

        That’s 3 X a day though, right?

      • Nephilium

        Nope. That’s the average for the week. I’ve got enough weight that I could probably go lower, but I’d be too hard.

      • Nephilium

        Nope. That’s the average for the week. I’ve got enough weight that I could probably go lower, but it’d be too hard for me

      • Sean

        *snicker*

      • Sean

        Err…meant for the one above… ?

  2. Heroic Mulatto

    I remain befuddled by the panic. My county’s population is 2.4 million people. 161 people are hospitalized with Covid. Because our infection rate is over 5% gyms, restaurants, and houses of worship can’t have people inside them per my governor’s edict.

    People are really, really bad at statistical thinking. Even those of us who studied and use statistical inference in our daily work are bad at it outside of the context-specific domain we’ve been trained to think that way in. The reason is due to the impact evolutionary pressures have had on the development of our brains and minds. Statistical thinking gets you eaten by lions and bit by poisonous snakes. Overcoming cognitive biases rooted in the early Miocene (at least) is nigh impossible – particularly at scale.

    • hayeksplosives

      The book “How Risky Is It, Really?” Is a good look into people’s fear psychology and risk assessment.

      People are dumb animals.

    • kinnath

      People will fixate on low-probability events and spend their lives in fear over bad things than are less likely to happen than being struck by lighting. At the same time, they live their lives oblivious to ordinary risks (like car accidents) that are actually relatively likely to end their lives.

      • Sensei

        I’ve long given up trying to explain that to people.

        Also try explain the economic cost for each life saved on regulation is always fun too. I can usually get people to agree that there isn’t unlimited funding, but when I narrow it down to where we should spend those dollars on safety they suddenly want it all.

      • Fourscore

        My good friend, a retired math prof, couldn’t/wouldn’t come to the Honey Harvest.

        “If there is the possibility of the virus…”. His wife is a retired RN. Yet a month later they visited and we went to a restaurant, with the silly outerwear on the outside of our face.

        I’ve tried to explain the remoteness of the possibility to several old friends. Urinating into the wind

      • Raven Nation

        I wonder if some of that is just lizard brain stuff. And maybe some of it is control?

        I know I’m at far more risk driving than flying. Yet I’ll happily jump in my car for an 11 hour drive without any particular worries. But these days when I fly, I’m very nervous (the latter is also interesting – I used to love flying when I was younger but not it gets me jumpy).

        Point here: when I drive I think I’m in control. When I fly, I know I’m not.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I would put sense of control, self-efficacy, etc. in the same category as lizard brain. Well, maybe monkey brain.

      • Ted S.

        Yeah, and the TSA bullshit doesn’t help.

        The security theater nature of the coronavirus shit is what really enrages me, with people thinking they’re virtuous for bullying people into obeying.

      • Ted S.

        In my listening to the various international broadcasters, I recently heard this enraging interview about “why won’t the people just obey?”.

        It’s part of why the lizard brain part of me thinks we should shut the transmitters down for 23 hours a day and keep the journalists under a severe lockdown.

      • Raven Nation

        True, but my fear is of crashes not terrorism.

      • kinnath

        I told my brother the other day that mask mandates are the new security theater:

        1) They are highly visible

        2) They are very inconvenient

        3) The inconvenience gives people a false sense that “something is being done”

        The sheep fall for it ever time.

      • juris imprudent

        “something is being done”

        It’s pretty sad that we laugh about Cargo Cult primitivism, when our veneer of civilization is clearly rice paper thin.

      • Cancelled

        “Voting is the most important thing you can do!” a magic incantation that imbues the speaker with virtue, especially when said to people who have never made a wise choice in their lives.

      • Mojeaux the Melancholy

        I am occasionally flummoxed by my enjoyment of flying and my nervousness on rollercoasters.

    • Raven Nation

      One of my friends here is a statistician. He is continually frustrated by the use of statistics. His theory is that it appears to be easy to use statistics and so this fools everyone into thinking they can do it.

      • Sensei

        Ask a reporter about the difference between a mean and median in a data set with one large outlier.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Or business analyst using company average work times per non standardized and widely variable widget for individual performance assessment.

      • Fourscore

        Ask an 80 year old about the likelihood of dying and the likelihood of dying with the corona. The result is gonna be the same.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Rationalization takes the edge off of life, even if it sometimes presents as complete denial of reality.

    • Chafed

      That’s not cheering me up.

    • Don escaped Duopoly

      The Drunkard’s Walk: How Randomness Rules Our Lives, by Leonard Mlodinow, is a nice sixth-grade level book that has fun examples.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      IMO social media is a huge part of the problem here.

      You can quote statistics at someone all you want, but on Facebook their friend from high school reposted their cousin’s friend’s post about their neighbor’s 9yo who died of COVID, so obviously you want children to die.

  3. juris imprudent

    Is the problem really with your county, or with your state?

    • prolefeed

      Yes.

      • peachy rex

        My governor is an evil moron. My County board president is an evil moron. My mayor is an evil moron. My city council is pretty much entirely evil morons.

        It’s tough sometimes to figure who, precisely, is screwing me over at any given moment.

      • Ted S.

        The answer is all of them.

      • Fourscore

        Starts at the lowest level. Every pol has his/her eyes on the next level and the next and…

        My solution is to only allow any person to have 1 try at any political office plus can only serve once if elected. If they can’t steal enough in 1 term they are too stupid to get a second chance.

      • peachy rex

        There’s not enough room back there, guys – I’m not Demi Rose.

      • Rhywun

        Seriously. We have a city council creature who is single-handedly denying a project that would bring a shit-ton of jobs to the neighborhood adjacent to mine because “social justice” or some bullshit. It’s maddening.

        How dare you provide jobs that might allow the rabble to better themselves!

      • Ayn Random Variation

        Gentrification!!!!111

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Well maybe you shouldn’t vote for evil morons! #vote #pleasevote #votingisimportant

      • Fourscore

        Good answer, that’ll lower the turnout down to about zero

    • Chafed

      The direct problem is my governor. The indirect problem is Rube Goldberg machine being used to assess the Covid levels by county.

    • Nephilium

      There’s talk here in Ohio about the lock down continuing until next year.

      I may have a rage issue now.

  4. Fourscore

    Chafed, you are invited to walk with me on the treadmill but it has room for 1 @ time and I’m not walking in front of you. I pulled a muscle in my back about 10 days ago, serious pain . I thought I was 23 and well, not even close. Heavy things are way heavier now.

    I’ve continued to walk and that seems to help, I feel better now. I started back on a Weider machine today after my walk. Got a heat pad on now for the first time, maybe that’ll help. Have lost a few lbs (4) but decided to try a few more, maybe see if 180 (a -10 more) is attainable. My theory is that my pot gut is pulling on the back muscles and mking things painful.

    You’re still invited to walk on the machine, alone, however, while I pump the iron.

    • Chafed

      Finally, someone who considers my needs.

  5. hayeksplosives

    The scale didn’t move at all this week and I was getting discouraged, but then Friday my slacks were hanging loosely (had to wear a belt to keep em up) and best of all, I had to adjust my car seat settings because my ass is shaped differently now. Yay!

    I think maybe the exercise added a bit of muscle that offset the fat loss. But the results don’t lie.

    • Ted S.

      my ass is shaped differently now.

      But is it a pleasing shape?

      • hayeksplosives

        One out of one person who’s allowed to tell me so says it is…

      • Ted S.

        Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
        Tell me who has the best ass of all.

      • Gustave Lytton

        One of Vincent Price’s best work.

      • Hyperion

        Unless that one person is a guy, it’s fake news.

    • Nephilium

      Good for you!

  6. Gender Traitor

    My thought at the moment is to stop concentrating on my weight and focus on my waist measurement, which I’ll take on Sunday mornings BEFORE our usual waffles & sausage brunch. Happily, the “baseline” I took this morning is such that I’d only have to lose one inch for my waist to be half my height. (Somebody here said that was a thing. Is it really a thing, especially for women? Seems as if it would be unrealistic for shorter women.)

    Oh – and Chafed? Would you like to come to “Butts & Guts” with me Tuesday, 6 p.m. EDT?

    • UnCivilServant

      Tundra’s the beanpole loving twig advocate.

    • Hyperion

      “Butts & Guts”

      Is that exercise or mud wrasslin?

    • Tundra

      Yep. It’s a thing

      Here you go!

      • Gender Traitor

        Thanks! By the way, do you happen to know of a low- or lower-carb sub for maple syrup (preferably without artificial sweeteners) for my Sunday waffles?

      • Tundra

        Nah, I hate artificial sweeteners. If it’s only once a week, just enjoy it! Buy the best one you can find and just use a little less.

    • Rhywun

      Wow, they scienced the shit out of that.

      • Sensei

        Speaking of statistics from above.

  7. westernsloper

    My county’s population is 2.4 million people. 161 people are hospitalized with Covid.

    You gave more information in those two sentences than NPR does in their scare stories every day. They won’t give a cities population much less a county and will never tell you how many are hospitalized but rather report “hospitalizations went up x%”. They talk to hospital staff who say they are short on beds without telling you how many people may be in the hospital for routine procedures since the powers that be now let people get their hips fixed, heart surgery and any number of other routine procedures that require a hospital stay. They don’t want you to know those things is all I can come up with. You even thinking about it proves you are a bad person. You are redeemed for the ass slap gifs though. I will never mention my failures at planned exercise again. I get the point. Know your contributions are appreciated even though some of us do not understand the gym need. Even when I did not fail at my goals and was in the best shape of my life I never needed a gym to reach them. A couple dumbbells, bench, pull up bar, bicycle (optional) and the great outdoors.

    • Chafed

      Let your freak flag fly. I just had some fun writing this article knowing it had been a full year.

  8. Hyperion

    If I could stop eating so much, I think I would have more success. I’ve lost 9.5 lbs. 29 lbs to go to target weight. Walking a lot, but I can’s stop eating since I stopped drinking. I think my body is trying to make up for all those calories and having a beer in my had all afternoon.

    • Ted S.

      You need to do like Dick Trickle did and keep an empty beer can in your hand. Everybody would think he had a drink and didn’t need another one.

    • Chafed

      Good job on what you have accomplished so far.

      • Hyperion

        Thanks. If only I could make a post without multiple type-os.

    • Ayn Random Variation

      Just not drinking will cause you to lose weight no matter how much you eat. I took a summer off from drinking once and lost weight without even trying. Not only because the body digests alcohol before anything else, but you lose some bad eating habits.

  9. Heroic Mulatto

    People need to eat more ass.

    • westernsloper

      Can’t be said enough.

    • Rebel Scum

      And here I was thinking it was enough for me to enthusiastically and without demand give cunnilingus.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I draw the line at horsemeat. Donkeys are a bridge too far.

    • Chafed

      This is what keeps me coming back.

  10. Rhywun

    Hey, a new jiggle gif!

    • Chafed

      You’re welcome.

  11. UnCivilServant

    My progress – I am down on pound in the one day since I began taking measurements.

    This is within the margin of error.

    I did, however, walk 3.2 miles today, albeit in two separate sojourns.

    • Hyperion

      My issue besides trying to eat enough to make up for lost beer calories, is frequency of routine.

      Last 5 days walking: 6 miles, off, 5 miles, 5 miles, off, off.

      It is raining today, but yesterday was a perfect day and I skipped it. I have to work on persistence.

    • Don escaped Duopoly

      I got a push-cart for golf and now rub down a the ball of one foot with Voltaren before heading out for the round. The first 18 Saturday went well enough (I shot 82) with no pain or swelling in the foot.

      We usually walk (except maybe the hottest two months of the year), but it is night and day just striding along instead of slinging and schlepping the bag.

      I’ve still can’t always feel that one finger, so grip is a wee inconsisent. I can’t walk across a hard floor bare-footed any more, but I can hump four miles in good shoes. Whatever you can do, be doing it because one day it goes away.

    • UnCivilServant

      I have ended up with sunburns on my face and neck.

      🙁

  12. UnCivilServant

    But did you think, even once, to invite me along?

    That’s my alone time, you selfish article.

  13. IRBE

    Well, Chafed..that was harsh. I was not aware we were keeping score and in Roman numerals no less. 4 years of Jesuit Latin failed me since I thought XXXII was only 32 ‘merican. I guess they had fewer weeks back then. My apologies. Is there any way to make it up to you? Perhaps a gift card …something from Bed, Bath and Beyond or Target.

    That reminds me of a great Target story. Once I ordered 6 cases of Atkins shakes from them. Cheapest price and all. Anyway, they did a poor job of packing them and a few didn’t make the trip fully integral. So I get a customer survey and convey the packing problem. They thanked me for filling out the survey form and promise to send me something for the trouble. Weeks go by and a package from them arrives. It is an assortment of goodies with what I thought was considerable measure. The goodies included samples of Midol, feminine napkins, adult diaper, Secret deodorant, douche, ext. Well played and a great laugh Target!

    Sorry about the gym closure in your area. Perhaps that is what caused your ratio of estrogen to testosterone to flip.

    Weather here has turned fall, with predicted windies that may cause the e-power to be cut…yeah NOCal!.

    Yesterday had friends over for a little Bocce. Very competitive games because we played sober since everyone has gained some weight and are now fat…drinking in early afternoon was frowned upon. I recommended a Wim Hoff breathing session with cold pool (65F) submersion. Anyway, everything with these guys gets overdone and true to our nature breath holds and time in cold pool turned competitive. Weird thing is everyone had a great time..normally have to kick them out. But they left early able to drive home sober…probably to do shots when they got home to warm up… Ever been cold to the bone literally. Took hours to get warm..slept with all the covers.

    Have a great week and skip a meal or 3.

  14. Rebel Scum

    Somehow 5 minutes went by while looking at that gif.

    • Chafed

      It’s mesmerizing.

  15. Gustave Lytton

    Sorry Chafed, if you want to be one of the people disappointed by me, the end of the line is back there.

    *points towards horizon*

  16. Tundra

    Happy Anniversary, Chafed!

    I’ve said it before, but I do really appreciate you doing this every week.

    Sorry to hear about the gym, but good on you for creating a workaround. Our cunthead governor is hinting that he’d like to close us down again. This time, I have a backup plan, but it will still suck.

    Making progress across the board on my lifts. I just got some MicroGainz fractional plates so I can keep the progression going as long as possible.

    Weather blows, but I’ve still been walking every morning. 6 miles today in the light snow and 26 degree temps. Why do I live here, again?

    Have a great week, people. Lift heavy shit, eat a lot of protein and be awesome!

    • Chafed

      Does eating ass get you enough protein? Asking for HM.

      • Cancelled

        Yes

  17. Gustave Lytton

    List of supported languages by state Secretary of State on their voting website:

    English
    Español Spanish
    中文 Chinese
    Tiếng Việt Vietnamese
    Soomaali Somali
    русский Russian

    Let’s see how many speakers of non-English at home are in the state and then how many aren’t proficient in English

    https://statisticalatlas.com/state/Oregon/Languages

    Huh, seems one of those supported languages isn’t there.

    • Rhywun

      OMG that website is a time-suck.

      • dbleagle

        But what a fun time-suck!

    • one true athena

      Don’t forget the classic:

      – bragging to friends on social media

      Idiots that do this stuff can’t help themselves.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yes, probably most likely. I forget the stupidity level of someone who travels multiple states to take pot shots at a government building.

    • R C Dean

      Or NOTA, because their instructions were to hang it on a right winger.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      I thought “boogaloo bois” was just an idea, not an actual group?

      • EvilSheldon

        Heh.

        Less an idea, more an inside joke.

  18. Nephilium

    So I’m mildly entertained by a dad getting protective of his kid today. Especially after the kid’s mom apologized to me for the kid running over to me. He was unhappy with me telling the kid that unlike his parents, I would and could beat her.

    She laughed about it. (I was not going to beat the child).

    • Drake

      That is great. I’m now of the opinion he wins big next week unless the fraud is too massive to hide.

      I stand by my prediction of Trump picking up a state or two that he didn’t win last time and isn’t supposed to be in play. New Hampshire and Minnesota are possibilities.

    • Rebel Scum

      Enthusiasm.

      wins big next week unless the fraud is too massive to hide

      The margin of fraud will be large, I suspect.

      • Rebel Scum

        “Constitution? What’s that?” – Roberts

        Idk how the election is going to go. In a world where media that purports itself to be “news” was in any way fair and balanced and in which election day was election day (barring few defined extenuating circumstances) Trump would be sailing to an electoral landslide.

        I do look forward to 2a (and any other BoR related) cases that will make it to scotus when Barrett is confirmed though. Hopefully she is as “originalist*” as she is said to be.

        *being the only legitimate way to judge the founding charter of the united States.

    • creech

      Still standing by my prediction that Biden goes over 300 electoral votes, perhaps even before the overwhelmingly Democrat mail in ballots get counted.

  19. SP

    For those of you keeping track (and that’s almost not me–I have to keep checking the calendar), this is Day 84 of the Great 100 Day Plant-Based Experiment. Still sticking to it 100%.

    Not feeling great this past week, but I think that’s due to adjusting to my new med, and lack of sleep. However, I have been able to do more around the house since starting this whole plant-based thing, hitting over 5000 steps several days recently, which could also be contributing to the fatigue. I generally have to moderate how much I do every day, so when I have a day when I feel better or just have an extra load of physical stuff to do like canning or reorganizing or landscaping or whatever, I tend to overdo it because it feels so good to be super productive.

    Thanks for keeping these going for an ENTIRE YEAR, Chafed. Time flies when we’re torturing ourselves. 😉

    • Tundra

      Yeah, baby!

      Sorry to hear you aren’t 100%, but overall it sounds as if your experiment is working.

      Honestly, I think walking might be the single best health-promoting activity there is. Requires nothing but a little time, gets you into nature and helps upregulate those happy hormones!

      Keep it up!

      • SP

        It’s still 100F here during the day….

      • Tundra

        So no problem working up a sweat then?

    • Plinker762

      My spreadsheet automatically calculates that.

    • Chafed

      Great work SP. Keep on keeping on with the step count.

  20. ttyrant

    On the whole I think I’ve been fairly fortunate in terms of my workouts not being terribly affected by One-Man Rule in Minnesota. At the start of the shutdowns I was living in St Paul, and although both my jiu jitsu place and regular gym closed, the weather was fairly nice which allowed me to do some sprint workouts a few days a week. We had an approximately 300 meter street on an extremely steep slope near my place — running up that four times made for a pretty great workout. I can’t recommend sprint workouts enough, even moreso if you can find a hill.

    Two months into the shutdown we moved to a small town in southern Minnesota. I was able to find a gym that also has a small-but-dedicated jiu jitsu crew. Even better is that the gym is open 24/7. They have not enforced any mask-mandate BS, and they haven’t been hounding anyone about social distancing and cleaning equipment. Apparently one of the owners knows the local sheriff, and he’s not in any mood to enforce the mask mandate.

    I’d be livid if Walz made it a point to screw (further) with the gyms like the NJ or California clowns. I can’t imagine the client base at my current place is anywhere near big enough to survive more than a couple of months without any revenue.

    • Tundra

      Hiya tt!

      Glad things are going well down there.

      These fuckheads have decimated the fitness industry. There is simply no excuse for it and makes me think that they seriously don’t want a strong, healthy population.

      Fuck them.

      All my best to you and the lovely J!

      • peachy rex

        I was thinking about that the other day. The best thing governments could have done would have been to encourage people to have strong immune systems. Yet they did *exactly* the opposite – fear-mongering and economic suicide to Jack up stress, shelter-in-place plus closed gyms and parks to reduce fitness and vitamin D, face masks to increase CO2/decrease O2/recycle expelled crap back into our bodies. It is indeed almost enough to make you think enemy action rather than mere massive incompetence.

      • ttyrant

        Hey Tundra – hope you’re doing well and surviving this winter in October. Also, Jess thought you might be interested to know that as of two Wednesdays ago she is no longer my girlfriend…

        …as she’s been upgraded to fiancé. After long and tense negotiations, she’s agreed to marry my sad carcass, so now we’re onto the fun part of planning a wedding in the Covid era. We’re actually off to an okay start — we may have an in with a jazz band from Chicago (The Cellar Boys) for them to come play at our reception.

      • Tundra

        Aw, that’s awesome! I’m so happy for you guys!

        Although I did tell her she should marry you. So, I’ll take credit for that!

      • ttyrant

        Thank you! She mentioned something about that on the car ride back south. I had to play coy and hide my grin.

      • Rebel Scum

        she is no longer my girlfriend…

        …as she’s been upgraded to fiancé.

        Condolences.

      • Ted S.

        as she’s been upgraded to fiancé

        So she is now a he?

      • ttyrant

        You know, I just assumed fiancé was interchangeable. I’ll be damned. So she’s technically my fiancée, then? The More You Know.

      • Tundra

        I’m not giving him a GOOD song!

      • Fourscore

        I thought it was a misspelling of “finance”. Accuracy counts

      • Fourscore

        Congrats, tt!

      • ttyrant

        Thank you Fourscore!

      • CPRM

        Congrats. Is she going to make her own dress?

      • ttyrant

        She is being tight-lipped on that front and will not give me any information on the dress. My guess is no, but that she will be doing her own alterations such that the fit is right. Having said that, she does have her own dedicated sewing room, so if she starts holing herself up in there for weeks on end, I think I’ll know the answer.

      • Tundra

        She’ll do something cool.

        I hope we’ll get pics?

  21. Rebel Scum

    The KC Injuns are having a good game in the snow. I suppose Moj is happy right now.

    • Rhywun

      I’m stuck with SF v NE. ?

  22. Rebel Scum

    Interesting commercial from Joseph Biden, carpetbagging senator ostensibly from Scranton, PA. Joe is every man. There are no Democrats or Republicans. And people can disagree. He will be a president for all Americans.

    I just hope we can agree that the BoR means what it says. Otherwise we are going to have a problem.

    • Semi-Spartan Dad

      That seems to be Biden’s new message. He’s having trouble sticking to it though. I watched part of the second debate and Trump was pounding on the Dem governors keeping their states closed.

      I don’t remember the exact phrasing but Biden said something like “Oh this guy. Here he goes again dividing us with the Republicans versus the Democrats. The coronavirus doesn’t care if you are red or blue. We are all Americans. And it’s the Republicans that are not following science and allowing this virus to spread!

      Not exact but close enough. Was amazed he could say those lines with a straight face.

      • Ayn Random Variation

        Yes, that was one of the many double takes I had. He said there are no red states and blue states. There are the United States. In the very next sentence he said it was the red states that are having all of the rona spikes.

        It was like the Rick James bit on Chapelle Show where he said he never rubbed his muddy shoes on Eddie Murphy’s couch, and then right after admitted doing it.

      • Fatty Bolger

        CHARLIE MURPHY! POW!!!!

      • Ayn Random Variation

        Charlie Murphy! What did the 5 fingers say to the face? Slap!!!!!

      • Fatty Bolger

        Habitual line stepper.

    • Fatty Bolger

      I heard a Biden commercial on the radio that had a little history lesson on voter suppression in America, starring Samuel Jackson. Oddly enough, he forgot to mention that it was Democrats doing all of that.

      • Nephilium

        The PaRTieS SWiTCHeD!

  23. Not Adahn

    Dinner is smoked pork shops from Oscar’s and broccoli.

  24. Spudalicious

    I’ve dropped about six pounds of the weigh I put back on. I should be back to where I want to be in a few months.

  25. Lazer

    Good first half for the CHIEFS!

    At the store yesterday and they had a box loin back ribs for $9. Can’t turn that down. Got home and it was three full slabs!! Cut them in half and put three in the oven and three on the big green egg. Turned out decent, not perfect.

    Anyone watch the documentary “what the health” or something to that sort? Does meat really cause cancer? If ya know of a site with good information please post.

    • Rhywun

      I’m sure meat causes cancer if you eat a cow a day or something.

    • Tundra

      All bullshit.

      Here are some places to explore:

      robbwolf.com
      marksdailyapple.com
      drcate.com
      carnivoremd.com

      There is a new book (and movie) out called Sacred Cow that might be interesting for you.

      I’m very comfortable saying that meat is ideal for you, but you need to do the work and decide for yourself.

      • Lazer

        Thanks, I figured it was propaganda and was only able to make about 20 minutes. But, I did want to read other opinions. Will look at them sites

      • IRBE

        MeatRX is a pretty good source with links to your heart desire.

    • westernsloper

      Prop 65: Everyfuckingthing causes cancer.

      • Lazer

        Yep, that’s for sure!

    • Caput Lupinum

      The issue is that “cause” doesn’t mean the same thing to the World Health Organization in regards to cancer that it means to everyone else. Does processed meat increase your chances of severing colon cancer? The evidence points to yes, from one fraction of a percent to a slightly larger fraction of a percent. Namely from roughly 6 in 10,000 to 8 in 10,000. Red meat is still in the WHO’s “likely to cause” category, which means any statistical decision is to small to really register.

      TL;DR: you’re going to die from something, and if you live long enough it’s probably going to be cancer. Enjoy your time and fuck the WHO.

      • Lazer

        ??

  26. hayeksplosives

    We know the Fed gov is obtaining height and weight measurements of kids, presumably through the school system.

    We know this because for 8 years under Obama we were repeatedly told American kids are overweight and sedentary, and that we needed fedgov to solve it.

    I am looking forward to data comparing the past 10 years with the next two, because I’m curious about the CovidPanic effect on kids’ health.

    I mean, the government is going to share that info with us, right?

  27. westernsloper

    I spent yesterday at 9K feet plus. I didn’t do well and I wasn’t even hungover. The smoking is stopping tomorrow for real. I am going to spend a week up there soon and if I don’t I am going to die.

    • Tundra

      Dude. I’m a flatlander who recently did 12K feet less than 24 hours after I arrived with no problem.

      Stop fucking smoking.

      • westernsloper

        I’M GOING TO!

      • Nephilium

        Best of luck on the quitting.

      • westernsloper

        It doesn’t take luck. Thanks though.

    • westernsloper

      On my way to where I was going I drove through my home town twice. This place was a great place to grow up. The economy was centered on ranching and a bit of tourism as people passed through. It was a very live and let live place. In 2016 election the county went for the cunte. Blue state transplants ruined the place. They have banners at all entrances to town ordering you to wear a mask and social distance. I stopped to grab a snack in the morning through at what is now a trendy hipster/hippy hangout/gas station convenience store. All the filthy hippies in the place had masks on but under their chin. Later after dark when I drove through to come home I stopped at the same place for ice. They have dine in service and everyone was masked up except in the booths where people were eating. It was shoulder to shoulder sitting eating, drinking and laughing. Every restaurant in town had full parking lots.

    • Derpetologist

      I spent a few days in Lhasa about 13 years ago. I did a grand tour of China as college graduation present to myself. The Potala palace is pretty cool, say what you will about Tibetan feudal theocracy. Anyway, the air was pretty thin at 12,000 feet. But the Tibet beer was good. Beer from the roof of the world was the tag line.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beer_in_Tibet#Lhasa_Beer

      When I climbed Mt Kilimanjaro, it got pretty hard to breathe up past 12,000 feet. The summit is 19,340 feet. It’s the highest mountain in the world to climb without special equipment. And I didn’t vomit at Gilman’s Point (18,885 feet) like so many others.

      • Ayn Random Variation

        Your posts always make realize how little I’ve done with my life.

        I will put that place on my list of places to visit if I ever have the chance.

      • Cancelled

        Does it make you feel better to learn that he climbed Kilimanjaro to hide a dead hooker?

      • Derpetologist

        Aw, geez. I didn’t mean to do that. When I look back on my life, I realize how lucky I’ve been. I got most of things I wanted and achieved most of my goals. I should be happier. Fortunately, these past few years, despite the various hardships, have been some of my best. I no longer feel like Frank Grimes.

    • IRBE

      Wim Hoff breathing. Look it up. He claims to have climbed Kilimanjaro without O2.

      • Derpetologist

        I climbed Kilimanjaro without O2. It wasn’t that hard. Maybe you meant to say he climbed Everest without O2?

        I was lucky because I had spent a year and a half in the foothills before I climbed. The village was called Kibosho, which means Kibo View in the local language. Kibo is the local name for the main peak. The other peak is called Mawenzi. There was a failed British expedition to build a bridge between the 2 peaks:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdTy1j7z-K4

        On a related note, I was reminiscing today about how many Swahili words start with m.

        Mbu mkubwa wa mti mrefu alimng’ataa mfugaji mzee wa ng’ombe na mbwa wake kwa mtoni.

        The big mosquito from the tall tree bit the old cow herder and his dog by the river.

        Hot damn, I still got it 10 years later!

      • IRBE

        He’s 61. Took a bunch of people who had never climbed before with him. He wore a trainers, t-shirt and shorts from the pictures.

      • Derpetologist

        Luxury!

        ***
        The fastest ascent and descent of Mount Kilimanjaro is held by Swiss mountain runner, Karl Egloff, who ran to the top the summit and back in 6 hours and 42 minutes in August 2014. This incredible feat beat the previous record which was help by Spanish mountain runner, Kilian Jornet and set in September 2010.
        ***

    • SP

      Hey, ‘Sloper? Quit smoking. We can make sure to nag you every day if it will help. 😉

      • westernsloper

        I got this.

      • Tundra

        You do.

        Enjoy, brother!

  28. Derpetologist

    I decided not to bike 100 miles yesterday. Maybe this coming Friday. It will take about 5 hours and 30 minutes. Instead I read more of the Lord of the Rings. I’m up to the part where they meet Fatty Bolger. I’m pretty sure there’s a commenter here who goes by that name. I remember seeing it here and at the old place. So many monikers are characters from the works of Tolkien, Rand, and Heinlein.

    Tolkien sure likes to pad his writing with lame songs about what the hobbits are doing or eating. Sheesh, get on with it.

    In Glib Fit adjacent news, the Army is researching a PT/combat bra: https://www.military.com/daily-news/2020/10/19/combat-support-army-looks-field-better-sports-bras.html

    ***
    The Army is surveying female soldiers to help pick the best sports bras on the market for a standard issue item, as the service seeks to field equipment better designed for women.

    “As an increasing number of female Soldiers assume combat roles, the emphasis on the acquisition of female specific [issued clothing and gear] and [personal protective equipment] is becoming greater,” the Army personnel division’s Uniform Policy Branch said in a message earlier this month.
    Advertisement
    ***

    My latest satire premieres on Thursday. My ideas for the one thereafter:

    Somalia Sends Peacekeepers to Portland

    Feminists Demand Plus-Size Cheerleaders

    Tell me your favorite, or reply with your own idea.

    • Chafed

      I was genuinely afraid they were looking at The Bro.

    • Fourscore

      Both are good but you had better hurry with #2, that’s too close to being a plagiarism, probably.

    • Rhywun

      Tolkien sure likes to pad his writing with lame songs about what the hobbits are doing or eating. Sheesh, get on with it.

      That’s pretty much why I tap out every time I try to read one of those books.

      • westernsloper

        Skip over them like everybody else does.

      • Derpetologist

        I remember the craze in 2003 when the movies came out. Everyone was telling me “OMG! You haven’t read the LOTR? You’d love it! Tolkien made up a whole bunch of languages!”

        I’m hoping the linguistic part pays off. I prefer real linguistics though. Did you know that Hittite is the oldest recorded Indo-European language? I didn’t.

        ***
        To solve the mystery about the Hittite language, Bedřich Hrozný used two sentences that appeared in a text that reads: nu NINDA-an ezzatteni watar-ma ekutteni. It was known at that time that the ideogram for NINDA meant bread in Sumerian. Hrozný thought that the suffix -an was perhaps the Hittite accusative. Then, he assumed that the second word, ed-/-ezza, had something to do with the bread and assumed that it could be the verb to eat. The comparison with the Latin edo, the English eat and the German essen led to the assumption that NINDA-an ezzatteni means “you will eat bread”. In the second sentence, Hrozný was struck by the word watar that has similarities to the English water and German Wasser. The last word of the second sentence, ekutteni, had the stem eku-, which seemed to resemble the Latin aqua (water). So, he translated the second sentence as “you will drink water”. Hrozny soon realized that the Hittites were speaking an Indo-European language, making it much easier to decipher and read their cuneiform tablets. Using these insights, Hrozný continued his work and was able to publish the Hittite grammar in 1917.[4]
        ***

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bed%C5%99ich_Hrozn%C3%BD

    • westernsloper

      I was obsessed with The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings in my early teens. I read that series at least three times before I turned 14. I said, Sheesh, get on with it. every time I read the books.

    • Fatty Bolger

      I’m up to the part where they meet Fatty Bolger.

      Hi.

      • Derpetologist

        Kaol, Jeddak!

        Whoops, wrong franchise…

      • Derpetologist

        Kaor, rather. My Barsoomian is a bit rusty.

      • Cancelled

        Kaor

      • Cancelled

        For some odd reason after buying Thuvia Maid of Mars as 13 year old I ended up with a strange attraction to lions…

      • Derpetologist

        Ha, my nimble fingers win again! On a side note, I think you’ll enjoy this lament of man’s evil from 800 years ago:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5JyZk1fd4U

        The speaker later became pope.

  29. whahappan

    Did a 5 or so mile hike yesterday at State Line Lookout (part of Palisade Interstate Park.) 5 miles isn’t much, but it took over 4 hours, much of it up or down the cliffs, plus a boulder field in the middle. Great views and scenery though. Trying to hike every weekend, plus some calisthenics at home. Gave up on gyms as the wife and I aren’t disciplined enough and just winded up wasting money on memberships we rarely used. No weight loss/gain goals, just want to get in better shape. I’m not getting any younger, and ski season’s coming up!

    • Tundra

      NJ?

      Where do you ski!

      • whahappan

        Usually Camelback in the Poconos. It’s close and a buddy lives 20 minutes away. Try to take one trip to NY or Vermont each year. Hopefully I’ll get out West this year for the first time!

      • Tundra

        Nice.

        We spent Thanksgiving last year at Big Sky.

        Highly, highly recommended!

      • whahappan

        Will probably go to Grand Targhee, as my ski buddy has gone there a few times and loves it. Almost anyplace out West would be a whole new experience to this East coaster.

      • Tundra

        Fuck yeah!

        Do your squats and wall-sits, brother!

  30. blackjack

    Dude, you posted the totally wrong REO song. This is the only one that can be posted with a straight face. The rest are chick songs.

  31. blackjack

    Turns out, it’s a bad plan to wave a gun at enthusiasm. I put up the whole search so we can see how they frame it. Poor black dude gets hassled by the man. No mention that the cousin waved his gun around , just because they were Trump supporters. There’s video of Cardi in a separate vehicle marveling that Trump people are free to walk around like that.

    • blackjack

      Dammit, link.

    • blackjack

      I’m thinking that if the cops get a call about having a gun brandished and they pull over a suspect vehicle which contains a guy who has a concealed and loaded gun on him, they probably did it right, this one time. How did the crowd know there was a gun in this particular car?

  32. Derpetologist

    today in fantasy statistics

    ***
    Universal mask wearing in public could greatly reduce the number of Americans who die by COVID-19 by February, a study published Friday in the journal Nature Medicine projects.

    Researchers at the University of Washington’s Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation made estimates based on some assumptions under different scenarios.

    In what they describe as the worst-case scenario, they project that COVID-19 deaths could exceed a million between September 2020 and February 2021 if what they call “the current pattern of easing” restrictions continues in states.

    In a second scenario that they think is more likely, they say 511,000 could die between September and February under the assumption that “states would once again shut down social interaction and some economic activity” for six weeks once deaths reach a certain threshold per million residents.

    But in a third scenario where 95% of the population dons face coverings and social restrictions are in place, the projection is for deaths to be about 381,000 — or about 130,000 fewer than under the second scenario.
    ***

    https://www.npr.org/sections/coronavirus-live-updates/2020/10/24/927472457/universal-mask-wearing-could-save-some-130-000-u-s-lives-study-suggests

    • blackjack

      Nobody noticed that deaths are down to almost nothing. They assume the max numbers they’ve seen and extrapolate them over the next few months as if there’s been no slowing whatsoever. It’s bald faced bullshit, but they don’t seem adverse to being labeled liars. We are most definitely in a post-truth era.