It’s Such a Shame

by | Oct 29, 2020 | Fiction | 317 comments

Rachael left the office building and headed down the street to the bistro where she met up with a bunch of friends from other offices.   The bistro had a great soup and salad combo that most of them had every day.  It was kind of an informal support group.  Each of them was trying to lose a few pounds before summer arrived.  Crystal, the group’s cheerleader of sorts, had already hit her goal and was only mildly annoying with the humble-brag she brought to the table every day.  Most of them were doing better than Rachael.  She had plateaued about 6 lbs over her target and was depressed by that.

But weight was the least of Rachael’s worries at this point.  Peter was an executive in an insurance firm.  He had always worked long hours, but he had been full of energy and very attentive at the beginning of their marriage.  Over time, however, he had slowly become withdrawn and now spent nearly every night working late.  On top of that, Peter snored like crazy.  He wouldn’t get tested for apnea and wouldn’t consider any treatment or equipment to alleviate the snoring.  So, Rachael had moved into one of the spare bedrooms just to get some sleep at night.  That was pretty much when their sex life ended as well.

An unexpected downpour caught Rachael off-guard halfway back to the office.  She took cover under the awning of a shop she walked past every day, but never paid any attention to.  The front window had elaborately painted lettering that was starting to wear badly:

 

 

She stepped over to the door, hesitated for a moment, and then walked in.  The shop was quite small.   Shelves lined every wall, and each shelf was jammed full of bottles, jars, and tin boxes.  There was a counter at the back of the store.  Behind the counter was an elderly man – tall with a slender build.   Still, he was quite striking in a vaguely European outfit that looked like it came from the silent film era.  The focal point was the blood red cravat around his neck.  He spoke, “May I help you Madame?”

“I’m sorry.  I just stepped in to get out of the rain.”

“Very well, Madame.  Please feel free to look around.  Let me know if you have any questions.”

She walked slowly around the room, trying to look like she was reading labels.  Finally, she said, “I’m sorry, I have to ask about your clothing.   It seems out of place in this neighborhood.”

“Ah.” He said.  “Nothing to apologize for.  Many of my clients are senior citizens looking for some of the more obscure items on the shelves.  They seem to prefer a more ‘old-school’ appearance.  So, this is just part of the marketing so to speak.  On weekends, I wear khakis and polo shirts just like regular people.”  He smiled wanly.

“Obscure items?” she asked.

“Those would mostly be the folk remedies.  Blends of this and that from the old country purported to cure one thing or relieve another.”

“Do they work?”

“That’s an interesting question.  Many things clearly work.  Willow bark provides a precursor the body converts to aspirin.  Other things, may or may not have any actual pharmacological effects.  But, since people take them over and over again, they must provide some benefit even if it is just as a placebo.  Most of the remedies that I stock have been in use for upwards of centuries in one culture or another in the old world.  And there are people that still want them.  So, I provide them.”

She pondered for a bit and sheepishly asked, “So, the love potions, do they work?”.

“Ah yes, another interesting question.  First, there are no magic potions like in the fairy tales.  No one falls madly in love with a single sip from a flask.  There is no yellow brick road to happily ever after.  But there are certainly compounds that bring about some of ‘the symptoms’ of love – attraction, desire, arousal, and so forth.   We now recognize some of these compounds as aphrodisiacs for instance.   Perfumes can contain pheromones that attract the attention of the other sex.   These are just a few examples.”

She hesitated, then asked “So then, they actually do work?”

“My dear lady, are you just curious?  Or are you in need of assistance?”

She blushed.  “I wasn’t thinking of anything like that when I came in.  I just noticed it on the window, and it seemed odd.”  After a pause, “But my husband and I are going through a dry spell.  So, I guess that I am a little interested.”

“Very well Madame.  I would suggest you start with the basics.   I have here a simple aphrodisiac – safe to use, moderately priced.  It’s a combination of some red ginseng, the leaves of a few weeds, some tree bark, a few other odds and ends.  It’s my own special blend.  And this is a very nice, musk-based perfume.  I have both of these in sample sizes.  Free of charge.  If you like them you can come back for more.”

He put the samples into a dainty little shopping bag and held it out for her to take.  After a moment, she took the bag from his hand.

“You’ll want to sprinkle the aphrodisiac onto some food, supper would the opportune time.  Put a dab of the perfume on just before you eat.  Have a nice glass of wine.  Things should progress nicely from there.”

She thanked him, and then headed out of the shop.

 

 

Rachael made plans to fix dinner at home on Friday and confirmed with Peter that he would not be working late that night.  She started Beef Burgundy on Thursday night, then warmed it Friday and served it with buttered noodles and some stir-fried veggies.   He didn’t appear to notice any off flavors from the aphrodisiac.  Of course, he was halfway through a bottle of red wine by time they ate.   He talked about work throughout the meal and said he needed to review some reports afterwards.  He thanked her for the lovely dinner and left her sitting alone in the dining room.

Well, she thought, that didn’t work out exactly the way she was expecting.  It was too bad she had gotten her hopes up.  At least, the stuff from the shop didn’t cost her anything.   She cleared the table and loaded the dishwasher.  Leafing through the stack of home and garden magazines that had collected on the counter didn’t improve her mood in anyway.  She went to be early feeling even more sorry for herself than before.

About an hour later, he came to her bedroom.  The sex was quick and perfunctory.  Hardly satisfying, but still it happened.  First steps and all that.

 

 

 

She waited until Wednesday before heading back to the tea shop.  The shopkeeper greeted her as she stepped through the door, “Good day, Madame.  I trust you had satisfactory results last week.”

“Well, sort of.  But it wasn’t quite what I was hoping for.  It wasn’t particularly romantic.”

“Ah, yes.  Romance.  Desire is such a complicated thing.  It goes far beyond just physical attraction doesn’t it.  Well, desire is a two-way street.  This is why a single love potion is not possible.”

“What do you mean?”

“You must work on yourself as well, my dear lady.  Being ‘needy’, for example, generally produces the opposite of desire in the other party.  You must be confident and self-assured.  You must create ‘need’ in the other person.”

“Is that possible?” she asked.  “Do you have anything that will do that?”

“Of course, Madame.  I have a remedy for everything in this shop.”

He walked over to one of the shelves and pulled down a large bottle sealed with a glass stopper.  A hazy, white liquid filled the bottled.  He moved back to the counter, reached underneath, and pulled out a tray filled with small dropper bottles and a collection of small pipettes.  He used one of the pipettes to transfer a bit of the liquid to the dropper bottle.

“Will Madame be needing the other items as well?”

“Yes, please.”

He spoke as he packaged up samples of the perfume and aphrodisiac, “You will want to take one drop of the new product each day.  Just put a single drop in a small glass of water or a cup of tea. You should notice positive results by this weekend.” He put the dropper bottle and the two other samples into another little shopping bag.

“What do I owe you?”

“Oh, nothing at this time, my dear lady.  These are just samples.  Come back next week, and we can get you setup with a long-term supply.  And good luck Madame.”

 

 

 

She put a drop from the bottle into her iced tea when she got back to her desk that afternoon.  She repeated this again each day after lunch on Thursday and Friday.   By Friday afternoon, she noticed that people she rarely ever spoke to found a reason to stop by her desk and chat with her.   It reached the point where it was interfering with her work.  Her boss stopped by near the end of the day, and she figured he was going to chew her out.  But instead, he pulled up a chair and said he just wanted to see how she was doing.  He didn’t actually say much; he mostly stared at her for the five minutes he was there.

Peter texted just before closing time:  crises at work – working very late – don’t wait up.

Rachael was getting ready to leave for the day when several other women from the office stopped by her desk.  They were heading out to happy hour and wanted to know if she wanted to join them. She barely knew these women, and yet they all seemed eager for her to join them.   ‘Why not?’ she thought.  Peter wasn’t going to be home for hours, and she had nothing better to do.

It was a strange experience at the bar.  She noticed people noticing her.  Drinks would show up at her table, and the waitress would point out one guy or another who smiled at her and raised a glass.  By the end of happy hour, she was feeling quite tipsy.  A handful of guys offered to give her a ride home, but she grabbed a ride with Uber instead.

The fridge offered up a few leftovers, and she ate a light meal.  She spent the rest of the evening wandering around the house.  Everything was in its proper place, and yet nothing seemed quite right.  Instead of worrying her, this somehow made everything more interesting.  Darkness eventually fell, so she headed to her bedroom and locked the door for the first time ever.  She slept great that night and then spent the rest of the weekend avoiding Peter for reasons she couldn’t articulate.

 

 

 

Monday morning Rachael left work early for lunch and went straight to the tea shop.  As soon as she stepped through the door, she pulled the dropper bottle from her purse and said “I need more of this.”

“Very well, Madame.  I take it that the weekend went well for you.”

“It didn’t go the direction I expected it to.  But I very much want to keep going down this path.”

“Excellent choice, Madame.” He replied.

He went and grabbed the bottle from the shelf.  This time he got a much larger dropper bottle and a large pipette from a different tray under the counter.  “This will last you 30 to 40 days.  Will that be sufficient for you?”

“Yes, it will.  That would be good.”

He used the pipette to transfer the hazy liquid from the large bottle to the dropper bottle.  When he was done, he laid the pipette on the counter and put the dropper bottle into a small shopping bag.  “That will be $35, my lady.”

She paid him in cash.  When he closed the drawer on the register, the large pipette rolled off the counter and shattered on the floor.  He muttered to himself as he was bending over “I really must be more careful with these things.”   He started picking up some of the larger pieces with his hands.  Suddenly, he pulled one hand back and exclaimed “Oh my.  Now I have really done it”.  He stood up and blood was dripping slowly from one of his fingers.  “I am really quite inept today.  And, I had forgotten just how much a simple glass cut can sting.”   He turned to face her directly with the finger held up in clear sight.  In a low voice, he said, “Perhaps, you could kiss it and make it better?”

She immediately recoiled, but his eyes caught hers, and she was captivated.  Seconds ticked by as a feeling of fascination and compulsion set in – from where, she didn’t understand.  Without realizing it, she stepped forward, and then her gaze dropped to the finger.  Blood continued to drip from the cut onto the floor.  She leaned forward and then faltered.  After a moment, she continued forward, put her lips onto the cut finger, and tasted his blood.

 

 

You don’t have to live a life of sin

You don’t have to break the law

And break the law again

You can make just one mistake

And it can take you to your grave, honey

One bad move can turn your world upside down

It’s such a shame ’cause you’ve been so good up to now

 

 

Rachael woke the next morning feeling invigorated, but also a bit confused.  The bathroom mirror lied to her and told her all the faint lines around her eyes and lips were gone.  The scale was just as confused.  It said she was back to her college weight. The clothes in her closet didn’t fit right.  They were too loose everywhere except at her bust where they were too tight.  She dug deep into a corner of the closet and found a very old sun dress that she hadn’t worn in years.  It fit perfectly.  A matching pair of stilettos were hiding at the far corner of the closet.

The week went by in a flash.  The wolf-whistles on street were annoying as Hell back in the day, but now they brought pleasant memories.   Three guys and one gal hit on her at work.   Her boss found a reason to drop by every day to chat all the while trying not to be obvious about staring.  Peter came home on time every day that week.  He followed her around the house constantly.  But she kept putting him off, and she locked the bedroom door every night.

Over the weekend she started to feel like she was dragging.  Monday morning, faint lines began to show her face and her breasts began the subtle journey south.

She was standing at the door of the tea shop when he opened that morning.  She followed him into the shop as soon as the door was unlocked.

“Can I help you my lady?”

“Yes, I need more.”

“Madame, you are not supposed to use more than one drop each day.”

“No, that’s not what I meant.”  She pointed to his finger. “I need more.”

“Ah.  Of course, you do.  Well then, let’s take care of that.”

He set a delicate tea cup on the counter and then walked to the far side of the shop.  He came back with a different bottle.  “This elixir will help temper and sustain the effect.  You’ll find the experience more satisfying that way.”  He filled the teacup halfway.  He used an exacto knike to make a small cut in the tip of his index finger and counted out 10 drops of blood.

“There you are my lady.  Drink up”

She stared at the cup simultaneously feeling repulsion and desire.   Her hand was shaking badly as she picked up the cup.  So, she needed the second hand to steady the cup.  Her eyes closed as she brought the cup to her lips.

 

Yes I saw the light fall from your eyes

Yes I saw how easy it was

The light it never lies

 

And as the darkness touched your lips

They tried to warn your fingertips, honey

One bad move can turn your world upside down

It’s such a shame ’cause you’ve been so good up to now

 

 

This time, the effects were immediate.  She could feel her body being invigorated before she put the teacup back on the counter.  He spoke.  “No charge, my lady.  Please enjoy your day.”

She smiled, then turned and exited the shop.  Halfway back to the office, the sun became dazzling in her eyes.  There was a pair of sunglasses at the bottom of her purse, and she fished them out.  They were barely enough to keep the sun to a comfortable level.   By the time she was back to the office, she became hyper aware of every person nearby.  She could read people in a way that she couldn’t before.  It was clear which men, and which women, were attracted to her.   Most of the people were clearly intimidated by her new demeanor.  Midafternoon, she made her pick and pulled a young guy into an empty conference room and locked the door.

The happy hour crowd was much thinner on Monday night.  That didn’t stop her from getting free drinks and leaving a trail of disappointed men in her wake.  Uber got her home, and Peter was waiting for her when she there.

“Where have you been?”

“Just having a drink with some of the girls from work.  I wasn’t expecting you home this early.”

“I sent you a bunch of text messages.  Didn’t you see them?”

“Actually, I’ve been having problems with my phone.  I need to take to the store and get it fixed or replaced.”

“Can we talk for a bit?”

“I’m sorry Peter, I’m just exhausted tonight.  I’m heading to bed.  We can chat tomorrow.”

 

When he looks at you what will he see

You can hide from him, baby

But you can’t hide from me

 

The next morning, Rachael called into work and said she’d be late.  Uber took her downtown, and she found a bank not far from work.  She opened a new checking account with a small cash deposit.   It was a quick walk from the new bank to her office.  She ignored all the email in her queue and the voice mail on her phone.

Peter had never given her online access to their joint accounts, but he was a creature of habit and she knew his family history.  So, it was easy to guess his passwords and the answers to the security questions.  Once she was in, she transferred the balances from their joint checking and savings accounts to her new checking account.   It would be trivial for Peter to track the money, but she didn’t care.

Next, she found a listing for cheap furnished apartment over a shoe shop just down the street from the tea shop.  One quick call lead to an appointment to look at the apartment right before lunch. The boss stopped by and asked if she has seen his email because he needed something done ASAP.  She replied that she hadn’t and then informed him that she was breaking early for lunch.   He was just about to say something, when she gave him a look that shut him up.   He stood there silently for several minutes after she left her desk.  She looked at the apartment and took possession on the spot.

 

You know right from right

And wrong from wrong

You know you can try to stop

But you can’t stop for long

 

Peter had given her a credit card to use in emergencies.  She maxed the card out buying new clothes and shoes.  She gave the store the address of the apartment and arranged for delivery of her purchases the next day.  From there she walked back to the tea shop.  The shopkeeper greeted her as she entered.

“And how are we doing this fine day, Madame?”

“I want more.” She stated bluntly.

He smiled briefly and said “As you wish.”  He then poured another cup of elixir, cut his finger, and counted out more blood drops.  There was no hesitation this time when she drank from the cup.  Then she turned and headed out.

“See you soon dear.” He said softly as the door closed.

It was too early for happy hour, but she stopped at the bar anyway.  A handful of business men were scattered around at different tables.   She walked up to one guy that was by himself, sat at his table, and told him to buy her a drink.  He was startled at first, but quickly recovered and asked what she wanted.  He then went up to the bar and brought her back a drink.

The business man tried to make small talk, but Rachael sat there saying almost nothing.   Finally, she said “Follow me”, and then lead him out the back door to the alley.  They said nothing when they reached the alley.  She just lifted up her skirt.  Then he grabbed her by her thighs, lifted her up, and pushed her back up against the wall.  The sex was fast and furious.  Rachael leaned down to kiss him.  She bit his lip and tasted his blood just as she climaxed.

 

 

And you just don’t seem to be yourself

So you do it like your someone else, honey

One bad move can turn your world upside down

It’s such a shame ’cause you’ve been so good up to now

 

 

 

Again, Peter was waiting for her when she got home. He started screaming as soon as she walked through the door.  “What did you do with my money, bitch?!”

“It was our money, dear.”

“I don’t care!  What did you do with the money?”

“All you need to know is that it’s not your money anymore.”

Peter hit her hard across the cheek with the back of his hand.  It spun her head completely around.  She could taste her own blood in her mouth, and she smiled.  She balled up her fist, made a full shoulder turn, and punched Peter in the throat with all her might.  Shock and pain contorted Peter’s face as he stumbled backwards.  He brought both hands up to his throat and made gasping noises.  Rachael took half a step forward and then lashed out with a front snap kick to the groin.  Peter dropped to his knees and then tipped over onto his side.

Rachael walked casually into the kitchen and came back a moment later with a gleaming chef’s knife in her hand.  She knelt down and plunged the knife in to the hardwood floor just inches from Peter’s nose.  He shat himself.  She looked him in the eyes and said, “Don’t come looking for me”.

She reached into his front trouser pocket and grabbed the keys to his new Buick.  Then she ftp all the cash that was in his wallet.  His eyes never left hers.  She rose up, grabbed her purse, and headed out the front door.

 

It’s such a shame ’cause you’ve been so good up to now

 

 

{You’ve Been So Good Up To Now; Lyle Lovett; 1992}

About The Author

kinnath

kinnath

I am not a bum. I'm a jerk. I once had wealth, power, and the love of a beautiful woman. Now I only have two things: the glibs, and... uh... my booze.

317 Comments

  1. Brochettaward

    I First again! Long live the Firster!

    • blackjack

      That was just a sample of firsting, later we’ll set you up with a long term supply.

  2. DEG

    First one is free.

    I wonder what the real price she pays is.

  3. kinnath

    two typos, shit.

    • Rhywun

      A couple more than two 🙂

      No worries; I loved it.

      • kinnath

        Thanks

  4. DEG

    Lyle Lovett is good.

    The story is good too.

    • kinnath

      thanks

    • Don escaped Duopoly

      Lyle Lovett is good.

      “She’s Already Made Up Her Mind” is on that same album and is a direct kick in the sack every time.

      • The Hyperbole

        It’s a tough call but that may be his best album.

      • Don escaped Duopoly

        I could never pick. HIs debut was stunning, and he’s only matured since then.

        It’s “his” album but others’ songs: the one that explains everything to the uninitiated is “Step Inside This House.” In it, Lovett covers standard after standard (well, standards to a certain sort) and some sweet old specials that only players and writers have much heard before, and every time he brings a respect, a sincerity, a new take that proves he is the most tasteful arranger and performer alive. Who has the guts to touch van Zandt, Fromholz, and Clarke? My favorite track is my favorite song, David Rodriguez’s “Ballad of the Snow Leopard and the Tanqueray Cowboy.”

  5. Not Adahn

    Sorry to jump in early, but I just got a text from targetsportsusa.com. They have 9mm in stock at only triple the pre-stupid times prices ($0.42/round). The shit is filthy, but it works.

    • Sean

      Pass.

  6. Sean

    Ftp?

    Great story, but the ending left me hanging a bit.

    • kinnath

      I have no idea how that happened. It’s correct in my MS word copy.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      I was wondering what File Transfer Protocol had to do with the story, but I rolled with it.

      Nonetheless, I enjoy your writing, unsettling, in a good way.

  7. Count Potato

    “Then she ftp all the cash that was in his wallet.”

    ftp?

  8. Don escaped Duopoly
    • blackjack

      Not bad, but this song played in my head while reading.

      • kinnath

        Great tune

      • blackjack

        That whole album is great. I had the good fortune to see them 3 times right after the release. Great story, btw. Thanks.

  9. Brochettaward

    1. Joe Biden is running on “Not Trump”
    2. Even if Hunter is a kiddy diddler how exactly is Joe protecting him?
    2a. Assuming you have a way that Joe is “protecting” a kiddy diddler what crime is that?
    3. I said I might feel sorry for him, I do feel sorry for you so I do “get it”.
    4. THBPBPTHPHBT!!!

    1. Joe Biden has on multiple occasions explicitly referenced his character.
    2. Well, call me crazy, but if the FBI had 9 months to look at videos and photos of me with an underage girl, I’d expect a little more scrutiny than Hunter’s received. But then there’s the whole part about just the fact that ol’Joe knew about the relations and did nothing. If I knew you committed a crime and did nothing about it, that would, I think, but any reasonable person’s standards, meet the threshold of protecting someone.
    2a. Most if not all jurisdictions have crimes about failing to report the abuse of a child.
    3. I think you’re a mendacious cunt.

      • Sean

        Both of you are good commenters.

        I think Bro won this one, but loses a point for no “e” at the end of #3.

      • westernsloper

        Pretty sure Bro was directing #3 at hype so no e needed.

      • Sean

        Mojeaux earned that e.

      • The Hyperbole

        Oh Bro won, I started arguing with him instead of what he was saying, It’s a trap I often fall into. Obviously not reporting KD is a heinous crime and if Hunter did that and Joe knew than they both should burn, as well as everyone at the FBI, Rudy and the computer repair guy.

      • Mojeaux the Meandering

        Bro’s right about this, especially if one only focuses on how the powerful are treated versus the powerless.

        You’d be put in the slammer to be devoured by anti-kiddie-diddlers if you were said to have done what Hunter’s said to have done. Even if you DIDN’T and the accusation was made, your life as you know it is over.

        He’s protected because he’s the son of a powerful man, and that’s something normies just don’t like much. See: Catholic church and Boy Scouts of America.

        Talk about power- and influence-peddling.

        And Epstein didn’t kill himself.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Well put

        And Epstien didnt kill himself.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      Blah1blah2blah3blah4

      WTF were you referencing?

      • Brochettaward

        I for one would like to take back one thing I said in the above. I called The Hyperbole a mendacious cunt. I will not add an e to the end of that, but I should have in fact called him a mendacious, loathsome cunt.

      • The Hyperbole

        Last post I opined on the strategy of Trumpsters attacking Hunter’s sex/drug stuff and not the corruption. Bro took offense and claimed it was about character, I responded by badly parroting Suthen’s “He’s not dating my daughter” defense of Trump, Bro took even more offense and made a numbered list, the numbered list above is my admittedly weak counter list. Then Bro got rather personal with his insults so I quit.

        I can’t imagine my lack of enough hatred for the Left or enough love of Trump causes this level of animosity so I must have said something else that get’s under Bro’s thin skin. Maybe he’s a huge Beach Bous/Jimmy Buffet fan or maybe it’s my constant disparagement of hillbillies, he must live in West Pensyltucky and be married to a first cousin or something.

  10. Aloysious

    Right on. I was expecting a totally different ending.

    Nice job.

    • kinnath

      First story without a body by the end.

  11. Ownbestenemy

    Nice kinnath. Enjoyed it

    • kinnath

      thanks

  12. Mojeaux the Meandering

    Well that’s a new way to make a vampire!

    Velly velly nice. I want to know where her adventure takes her.

    • kinnath

      Thanks

  13. Rhywun

    It’s such a shame that I guessed the song wrong.

      • blackjack

        I considered linking that one too. Music to get kicked out of high school by. Thanks.

      • pistoffnick

        Ain’t no cigarette in the drummer’s mouth.

        FAKE NEWS!

      • The Hyperbole

        Meh, Bun E. cigarette’d or no you’ll be hard pressed to find a better four minutes of straight up distilled down rock and roll than that. From the Slow burn build-up through the deceptively simple body, Robin has what? 4 or 5 lines, each one punctuated with Rick’s playful fretwork, and then the truncated finale, guitar bass and drum, one quick lick each and then it’s done. Perfect.

  14. Gustave Lytton

    I can’t wait for Nov 3. Stupid youtube is serving up geotargeted ads. I’m just staying in a hotel, not living here. So I get this endless stream of ads to crush the RINOs that currently representing this district. If not this election, then soon thanks to the Califucktards. Not that the RINOs are any better. Most are carpetbaggers themselves and have zero principles other than maybe we shouldn’t speed off the cliff so fast. Worthless sacks of shit on any gun rights or conservative issues.

  15. westernsloper

    Good work! You can tell a story Kinnath, although Lyle Lovett reminds me of whats her face number one and she is a cunte so I rate this story only a 3.

      • westernsloper

        Out of ten. You have never met whats her face number one.

      • Cancelled

        I’d hate to see what a 1 looks like then.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        ^This^

        It’s the kind of face for hooking a big-mouth bass.

    • kinnath

      Thanks.

    • Gustave Lytton

      And how much taxes did they pay total?

      Assholes.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Like they know….

    • leon

      They can’t say he raised their taxes, so they lie with this.

    • LJW

      This is why a flat tax with 0 deductions will never get public support. The public is too stupid to understand they get fleeced by the government every year.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        But x% of income to the poor has a bigger impact….. ARGLEBARGLEBARGLE!!!!1!!

        /Prog off

    • Hyperion

      That’s because those Americans aren’t paying in as much. I’ll take just keeping the money in my pocket instead of waiting to file taxes and them paying me back the extra I paid in.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      IMO, buying into this fallacy should result in you forfeiting your vote for a decade.

      • Hyperion

        People are willfully ignorant on stuff like this. I was talking to people in the office right after the cuts kicked in and most of the devs seemed to be really happy about it. But we have one prog and he said ‘What tax cut? No one got a tax cut.’ One of the guys said ‘I’m looking at it, all 3 or us got it’ and nodded to the other 2 of us standing there. Mr. Proggy says ‘I didn’t get one.’. I said ‘That’s impossible, everyone got it, did you look at your check today?’. He says ‘I don’t have to look’ and walked away. You cannot win with those people.

    • Don escaped Duopoly

      if the government were as small as it should be, the question of tax equity would approach zero

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      That was a milquetoast ad if I’ve ever seen one. CNN’s gone over the edge, dusted themselves off, and gone over the edge’s edge.

    • westernsloper

      Wow

    • commodious spittoon

      Oops, strike, not strikethrough.

      In my defense it’s very late I don’t post as often.

    • DEG

      BBC on it:

      Traffic leaving Paris hit record levels just hours before a new national lockdown came into force across France.

      Cars stretched for a cumulative total of 430 miles (700 km) in the Ile-de-France region early on Thursday evening, local media reported.

      Lockdown measures came into force at midnight on Friday (23:00 GMT) to tackle spiralling Covid infections.

      People have been ordered to stay at home except for essential work or medical reasons.

      President Emmanuel Macron said the country risked being “overwhelmed by a second wave that no doubt will be harder than the first”.

      Daily Covid-19 deaths in France are at the highest level since April. On Thursday, authorities reported 47,637 new cases and 250 new deaths.

      French media report that many Parisians have left the city to spend lockdown in the countryside.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Oh là là…

  16. Cancelled

    Kinnath

    Cool story bro!

    seriously.

    • kinnath

      thanks

  17. pistoffnick

    If it weren’t for perfunctory sex, I would get no sex a’tall.

    *blows bluesy harmonica*

    • commodious spittoon

      That’s not really sex.

      Wait, perfunctory is fancy talk for “by hand,” right?

      • pistoffnick

        *laughs at commodious*

        “You haven’t been married very long, have you?”

        At this point, I’ll take whatever I can get. Peanut butter and the dog’s tongue,dead deer, or a bear.

      • commodious spittoon

        Do you need assistance… bear fucker?

      • Cancelled

        I can’t tell if that comment is gay or homophobic.

      • commodious spittoon

        Interspecies erotica, fucko!

      • pistoffnick

        Knot hole on a pine board.

      • pistoffnick

        That space between the mattress and the boxspring

      • commodious spittoon

        It’s been three years for me, almost. I can’t claim I haven’t cared for it all along or I don’t care for it now. But three years I haven’t bothered or been terribly bothered by it. There’s just so much surrounding it, I can’t be bothered with. I don’t care to demean myself seeking it, or bemoan its missing. I don’t want to deal with women, mostly.

    • pistoffnick

      I love your writin’, kinnath.

      • kinnath

        thanks

    • The Hyperbole

      Funny, not being a gun nut I didn’t get the Taurus Jug? jokes, but still pretty good.

      • Cancelled

        It is a revolver that is chambered in .410 (can fire .45 long colt as well, but the jokes are about it firing shot shells). So you are firing shotgun shells from a short barrel which means most of the power is wasted and you end up with a small amount of shot (.410 is a small shotgun shell) that is not moving very fast, and that spreads out more quickly resulting in less damage to the target. The reason this is ‘funny’ is that people buy the Judge to ‘have the power of a shotgun in a pistol’ but end up with less power than they would have had with another less ‘interesting’ revolver.

      • blackjack

        Luparas worked OK, in Sicily anyway. At least in the movies, right?

        Btw, these are outlawed in CA. Luparas and Judges.

  18. westernsloper

    I must retire for the evening but if DBLEagle shows up, I wanted to share this and see if he has seen those things in the wild. That man in the video is one with the wind. legend. That video was my first knowledge of those contraptions. (not the foil, the wing thing) Amazing!

    Thanks for the story Kinnath, it rocked even if the song sucked.

    • kinnath

      the song sucked.

      I feel so terribly sorry for you.

    • dbleagle

      I have seen a few of them. I live easy walking distance from a popular kite-boarding beach, but in the last few months I have spotted a few of these at a distance. On Kanehoe Bay I saw three beginners trying to get proficient at turning. They were going much slower and came within 50m or so.

      They look pretty wild, and for the post Eisenhower Baby set.

  19. commodious spittoon

    No one falls madly in love with a single sip from a flask.

    It’s usually after many sips, sometime around last call.

    • Don escaped Duopoly

      last call

      The last tune played on ACL at Studio 6A was Closing Time because of course it was.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        The last tune played on ACL at Studio 6A was Closing Time

        Ooooh….I would be torn about that.

  20. Fourscore

    Great story, Kinnath. I tried to insert some past experiences in place, nothing fit very well but I filled in where necessary with imaginary images. The boss leering, yep, that worked, the guy in the alley, not exactly but I told myself it could have been me (It really couldn’t so I exaggerated). I can see another installment on this too.

    Thanks, K.

    • kinnath

      thanks

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      The ATF is worse than worthless.

    • commodious spittoon

      They let a journalist run the state health agency?

    • Brochettaward

      Meanwhile, the Oregon Health Authority is looking to hire a social media coordinator to join their communications team at a salary of up to $90,000 a year.

      90,000. To run the Oregon Health Authority’s social media accounts.

      • Rhywun

        I bet the lady who has the social media gig at my BigCorp makes a lot more than that.

      • Brochettaward

        And big corporations can be just as dumb as the government. It’s a role that could be filled by any moron with an ounce of common sense. They’re already employing communications people most likely who they also overpay who could easily do the job. Or they could just give it to the intern who gets them coffee.

      • Rhywun

        And big corporations can be just as dumb as the government.

        Don’t I know it.

      • pistoffnick

        Hello Safeeeeeeeeeeeeety Department.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Or they could just give it to the intern who gets them coffee.

        And some of them do. Next thing they know, the CEO is kissing Xi’s ass in apology because the intern clicked like on a map that showed Taiwan as its own country.

    • The Hyperbole

      Yesterday, I was listening to Outlaw Country!! as one does on Hillbilly Humpday and they broke in with the news, I didn’t realize how many songs he wrote and how many people covered his stuff, I just assumed he was good for Georgia on a Fast Train and Live forever.

    • Fourscore

      3 TX black arm bands this month.

    • commodious spittoon

      “I hit him right between a mother and a fucker. That was the end of that. He dropped his weapons and said, ‘I’m sorry.’ And I said, ‘Well, if you had said that inside, there would have been no problem.'”

      Woah.

      • Crusty Juggler

        It’s such a legendary quote.

      • commodious spittoon

        Avery Jessup is doing a game show now.

    • pistoffnick

      Git yer Yankee ass off me property.

    • The Hyperbole

      In case anyone wants to know what Trashy looks like he’s playing the upright bass in Don’s first link.

  21. Crusty Juggler

    Rachel fucks.

  22. Gustave Lytton

    What is wrong with web designers? They’re making the world even worse than they did before.

    Was doing some shopping on Amazon and they’ve changed their shopping cart to cater to the blind. That’s the only reason I can think of to make everything excessively large. Is some asshole getting a percentage of the amount of excess needless scrolling I now have to do?

    • Rhywun

      I like the trend towards bigger text.

      /old eyes

      • Rhywun

        But what it really is, is a trend towards accommodating fat fingers.

      • Brochettaward

        Beyond the elderly, it could always be because of people using cell phones. But given the lockdowns and current environment, I still lean towards elderly.

      • Rhywun

        It’s a symptom of the unification of phone + desktop interfaces. And phones are winning. Look at Windows 10. Everything is geared towards fingering which is kind of weird since nobody uses Windows Phone (does that even exist any more?).

      • Rhywun

        Or I suppose touch-screens which I fucking disabled the second I got one of those laptops.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Hit CTRL+, grandpa.

        (My eyes are degrading at an increasing rate. I think I might have to get new prescriptions more often than every two years.)

      • Hyperion

        I’m using a 34″ monitor and prefer on most pages, like this one for instance, to set my browser at 150%. It’s 3440×1440 resolution though. But still, 5 years ago I would never have had to do that on a monitor this size.

      • Brochettaward

        Well, Amazon has the elderly gay market locked up then.

      • Hyperion

        I didn’t buy it at Amazon.

      • Brochettaward

        I was going to say more likely its geared towards the elderly.

  23. commodious spittoon

    Avery Jessup is doing a game show now.

    • commodious spittoon

      She’s still hot, no doubt. Even almost 50. She sounds just as sexy. It’s just weird she was Jack Donaghy’s wife and baby mama like six years ago, I think? and now she’s basically… well, like when she’s kidnapped by Kim Jung Un and forced to do North Korean TV in 30 Rock. Has anyone checked that Elizabeth Banks wasn’t kidnapped and forced to do Family Feud, or whatever she’s doing? Or is that how Family Feud is produced? I just feel so bad for my memory of Avery Jessup. Now I have to deal with the fact that she isn’t a Fox news babe after all.

      • Rhywun

        I have no idea who any of those people are. Except Little Rocket Man.

      • commodious spittoon

        30 Rock is a pleasure reserved for the faithful, or those with Hulu accounts, unless Hulu has lost CBS properties, which I’ve wondered about since CBS started talking about making its own network

      • hayeksplosives

        30rock is NBC!!

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Right–wasn’t it on Netflix? I dunno; never watched.

      • Gdragon

        Press Your Luck I think it is. And doesn’t Elizabeth Banks also own/run the production company that makes it? If I’m right about that then it would seem that she actually wants to host it.

  24. mikey

    Nice. When she got the knife it thought it was too pat and we were going to get some more body carving up. Then she stuck in the floor near his face – good work. In this joint ftping the money actually worked.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      Holy fuck, are people ever stupid. It’s almost like they want to live down to stereotypes.

    • Ownbestenemy

      This is why I believe the 31% voting for Trump. The Dems/Celebs/Media all believe they had the Black vote in the bag.

      Recent notable persons have come out saying we dont need to follow what you say.

  25. Brochettaward

    I was just thinking, the fights in Star Wars make no sense. The Emperor is god like in the last movie and apparently stronger than Vader even in the original trilogy, but gets bested by Mace Windu in Revenge of the Sith until Anakin steps in. Anakin who was beaten by Count Duku with ease in Attack of the Clones (also beats Yoda) or whatever but is then killed like he’s a bitch in Sith.

    None of it makes any sense.

    • commodious spittoon

      I blame Kathleen Kennedy for all of the above.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Wrong timeline…

    • Urthona

      Agree to disagree.

      • Brochettaward

        I feel like I’m surrounded by Frenchmen around here with all this attempt to avoid argument.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      ::sigh::

      The Emperor is god like in the last movie

      Welp, there’s your first mistake

      gets bested by Mace Windu in Revenge of the Sith until Anakin steps in

      Mace is the better duelist by a skoatch, and much more knowledgeable/trained than Anakin

      Anakin who was beaten by Count Duku with ease in Attack of the Clones

      You mean teenager Anakin? The one with maybe a decade of training, vs several decades?

      but is then killed like he’s a bitch in Sith.

      Arrogance + eldery decline – Chosen One in prime of life = womp womp, Dooku.

      • Brochettaward

        You mean teenager Anakin? The one with maybe a decade of training, vs several decades?

        Then there’s Anakin losing to Obi-Wan in Sith…because he had like three feet of high ground. After Obi-Wan beat Maul in Phantom Menace by flipping around his attack and Anakin being the chosen one and all.

        Anakin in general comes off as a complete loser in the entire prequel trilogy to the point where any rational viewer should be wondering why The Emperor feels he needs him at all outside some strange and cryptic prophecy.

        Mace is the better duelist by a skoatch, and much more knowledgeable/trained than Anakin

        Yet in his final moments he has no sense that Anakin is going to cut off his arm…with no help from Palpatine.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Well, the canon is that Palps actually created Anakin in vitro. Could be a lie, but, it’s been depicted. So, it doesn’t seem it was because of “some strange and cryptic prophecy”. Plus, even though potential just means you ain’t done it yet, it doesn’t mean it won’t be done. And, Anakin was all about potential.

        he has no sense that Anakin is going to cut off his arm

        He’s holding back Force Li-OK….I get it; you wanted to draw someone into a SW argument for a “Spot the Loony” bit.
        Bang, Pow–Ya got me.

    • gbob

      I found a document I wrote that I have no memory of. I think I was planning on turning this into a glib article….

      It’s May, and I’m mighty bored by the days going past in a blur. It’s a gray and cold day, unseasonable for the region. I’m out of weed, and it’s 10 AM…about two or three hours before I can start drinking and yell at my girlfriend. You know what would be great? That last Star Wars movie just came out. Didn’t like the last one, skipped this one in theaters, but here it is streaming. What the hell. Let’s Watch this.

      [00:30] Opening scroll. I tell you, that Star Wars theme sure does bring happy memories of being a kid, wearing a black vest and playing with my Han Solo blaster. Don’t tell me the odds, kid.

      [00:35] So here’s the plot. The galaxy has heard a sinister warning from Emperor Palpatine. Leia has dispatched secret agents to gather intelligence. Kylo Ren, the pasty faced twink from the last movie “rages in search of the phantom emperor”. He is? I thought he was in charge of the bad guys in the last movie. Who is running things?

      Huh. Must have missed a few movies inbetween the last one and this one. Last I saw, the remaining rebels were able to fit into a single ship. Now she has special agents? Whatever. This has to [blah blah]

      Some of it was good. Why do I have no memory of it? Then I read to the end. Turns out, I was blackout drunk the whole movie…

      [43:44] On a new planet to find a robot version of doctor Kevorkian who will wipe the programming of C3P0, they find the entire planet is being interrogated by storm troopers to find the heroes that the empire would know would be there because…..because.

      Look, they just are. The gang is then set upon by a woman in armor who apparently has a backstory with Poe. After a fight, Rey wins the woman’s respect and friendship. They find a back alley robot abortionist, and wipe C3P0’s memory…mostly against C3P0’s wishes. My robot body, not my choice, I guess.

      Turns out the second macguffin tells the heroes that the first macguffin is located in the Endor system. You remember Endor, right? It’s where the little teddy bears live. Let the treasure hunting commence. Great. Off to Endor. Wait, there’s a new complication!

      Holy shit. I’m not even halfway done with this movie.

      Kylo arrives with his star destroyer. Rey senses that Chewbaca is aboard.

      Poe is given a magic coin that will allow him to board empire ships from the armored woman who we met earlier on this planet.

      The magic coin allows them to board the star destroyer.

      I write these words, but they’ve stopped making sense to me.

      So, they don’t have long to save the universe, but let’s take time to rescue Chewbaca. Why not.

      Rey senses that they need the dagger. I’m sure this will pay off.

      Action sequence in the Star Destroyer. Rey runs off…again. The heroes are captured by Stormtroopers after they rescue Chewbaca. Rey finds a room with Vader’s helmet, Chewbacca’s equipment, and the dagger. Another vision with Kylo who wants her to join the dark side. He gives Rey flashbacks to being a child. They fight with lightsabers. It’s revealed that Palpentine had her parents killed.

      Meanwhile, Poe, Flynn and Chewbaca are about to be executed. General Hux frees them, revealing the big secret that he was the spy. No way! You mean exactly what was fucking obvious from the first time the plot comes up?! The mind reels.

      I hate this movie so much. It’s one hour in, and when I paused it I see that I have over an hour to go. I’m so drunk. So very, very drunk. I can’t wantch any more o this. Kill the pain. Please….fuck it. I’m going to go argue with my woman.

      It’s then I realize I never saw the end of the movie…and I just don’t care.

  26. LemonGrenade

    Holy shit, I originally came to Glibs for the politics and interesting articles on weird subjects, but Kinnath, you and SugarFree and the other contributors have me coming here for the fiction alone. Bravo, and I fucking love your interweaving of songs with the stories. Absolutely outstanding.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I was always just a reader at TOS bit saw a link to this place after the too local debacle. Glad ever since.

      • LemonGrenade

        I lurked at TOS for years without commenting, largely to read the comments. And then the too local incident happened, the comments stopped being interesting, and to my shame it took me a while to actually find the good site. It’s been my solace since then.

    • slumbrew

      I was a disgruntled TOS reader/contributor – I kept seeing reference to ‘glibertarians’ but it took a bit to realize it was a reference to an actual site and not just some sort of lame insult 😀

      Finding this place gave a spring to my step. “I’m not alone!” is a good feeling.

      • Ownbestenemy

        You realized that its okay to be an asshole? I am also in Asshole Anonymous. ?

      • slumbrew

        Hey, fuck you, pal! I got your AA right here!

        /gestures to crotch

      • LemonGrenade

        I unironically refer to this as my ‘safe space’ and will only tell my husband the url.

      • hayeksplosives

        Ha! That’s good.

        I don’t encourage my spouse to come to this site because it’s MINE. Nice to get away figuratively.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Are y’all me? I remember when HnR launched but I stopped (very sporadically) commenting after the registration requirement. Used to be a great little mag once, though Liberty was more serious. I see the relaunched Kennedy is having TOS staff as guests: meh.

      • hayeksplosives

        TOS revealed the depth of Trump Derangement Syndrome. People we’d been reading for years lost all intellectual integrity while twisting themselves into pretzels to justify choosing Hillary over Trump.

        Tonio dropped a strong hint to email him, and he led me and others to what SP and the other founders made here.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        “Someone who could upend the political apple cart??? Hell no–we want the Swamp Creature!!!”

    • Gdragon

      Oh my god I was not ready for that! Spit out my drink laughing

    • slumbrew

      Savage and hilarious.

      Not exactly presidential, but I’m not sure what that means anymore.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        I take “presidential” to be just a modern American form of political adoration–sort of a mutation of the idea(s) that propped up the aristocracy and monarchy (minus any real estate holdings, of course).

        Yes–diplomacy is a facet of the job, and, therefore, decorum (whatever the current definition) is still necessary. But, seems like the American populace should be unconcerned that a member of the same populace who gets selected for the top government spot for less than a decade doesn’t come off as posh.

        I don’t get why so many see people who work in government as something beyond or above the rest of us. Cops aren’t grown in special orchards. Bureaucrats, governors, and congress-critters aren’t taken from the Emperor’s gene-seed.

      • slumbrew

        I don’t get why so many see people who work in government as something beyond or above the rest of us.

        I don’t, but if I were running for office neither would I be OK with such an ad – I like to think that fully grown men have a bit more gravitas than that.

        That’s why I’d lose any such election, of course. The idea of mature, sober elected leaders is a myth of course.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        a bit more gravitas than that

        Sure–were this the only ad for him out there. Many of us around here seem to be…let’s say “OK with” Vermin Supreme, or, whatever his name is. We like the idea of a bit of chaos and/or lunacy in government, primarily in the hopes that people will become disabused of the notion of Gov = be all, end all.

        But, yeah; I agree that there does need to be some seriousness at reasonable levels in the power-seekers.

      • slumbrew

        It’s all bread and circuses at this point, I fear.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        “Well….paychecks and muh helthcarr!”

      • Sir Digby Classic

        That wasn’t meant to be a quote (what I get for commenting at work….)

        ::ahem::

        Well….paychecks and “muh helthcarr!”

  27. Ownbestenemy

    Normally teen #1 chore is clean the bathroom. We get a marginally clean bathroom. Today? He is cleaning like crazy because a girl is coming over tomorrow.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      Shit….I just realized that having a teen *who is, ostensibly, trying to woo someone, is just what is needed in Digby’s Keep. ‘Cause the shit ain’t getting done with arguments, otherwise.

      *a teen who I am not responsible for

      • commodious spittoon

        *all I want is to make Mitchell and Webb jokes, and now I’m suddenly shy about the implication..

      • Sir Digby Classic

        The implication? We already think so lowly of you–the jokes can’t possibly damage your rep! ?

        But, please–M&W away.

      • slumbrew

        I don’t even remember that episode…

        There’s so much comedy to mine from that show.

    • LemonGrenade

      So grateful mine is too dorky to be interested in girls for real, yet. Dealing with the nonsense of virtual school has been hard enough. But good to see yours is getting a sense of priorities!

  28. Tundra

    Wow. Rachel is wicked.

    Again, kinnath, you are freaking me out.

    And I appreciate it! Great fucking story, brother.

    • Tundra

      Your state is fucked up.

      But really beautiful.

      • Gustave Lytton

        “Never stick it in the crazy”

        Too late.

      • Tundra

        Your well away from Portland, no?

      • Gustave Lytton

        In a geographic sense. The problem is that it’s the population and political center of the state so dictates their craziness to everyone else.

      • Tundra

        It’s too bad.

        If you raise an army to retake the state, I’m happy to play. Volcanic mountains are awesome!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Exhibit A

        https://ktvz.com/news/crime-courts/2020/10/29/da-hummel-charges-7-people-in-pilot-butte-melee-declines-to-charge-8-others/

        The lying sack of shit commie Deschutes Co DA continues to blame right wingers for violence and lets off those fellow travelers who blocked police from responding or arresting people. The Feds need to start hauling these abetters out of their comfy offices in cuffs and hit their foreheads going into the back of the cop cars.

      • Tundra

        Well, at least you have mountains!

      • Tundra

        You’re

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Scary, ain’t it? Mayor–you’ll be first up against the wall, no matter how well you suck off Che and the Boyz.

    • straffinrun

      That happened in 2015? Feels like that happened about 10 years ago.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      Mode it the century, though.

      SA-lute!

    • Mojeaux the Meandering

      Oh man! I formatted a book on her!

      In Chinese. That was a fun project.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Mo! You’re still awake! Bronkaid has been recalled; ditto Primatene (which I didn’t know came in tablets). No word on its return. A Lucy Ricardo waaaah.

    • Gustave Lytton

      That Barada Nikto Ando chimp cracks me up.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      Riiiiiiight…..why is this important, AP? Are you meaning to alarm people with the timeframe? The # vs the population size?

      Let me guess; they also forgot to separate the cases based on symptomatic vs asymptomatic, level of care needed, etc.

  29. Sir Digby Classic

    Huh….https://www.theblaze.com/news/journalist-glenn-greenwald-resigns-from-the-intercept-claiming-censorship-of-biden-critical-article-intercept-fires-back

    Interesting, and maybe, a long time in coming(?) Interesting that Glenn says that he proposed the editors write a counter-editorial, and that they refused (something that, to me, has the ring of truth to it). Either none of this happened the way he claims, or, it did. He does say he gonna make the email exchange public, so, that seems like he’s going to take the “put up” option.

    Plus, he freakin’ founded the org! Between him, Gavin, and, Drudge, there’s a mess of fuckery regarding anything news related going full ret….Leftist.

    • straffinrun

      As bad as the news was over the past year or so, there is no reason to trust anything coming out for the next month. From now until Wednesday, anything anyone says in the media should be dismissed. Right now may be the most unreliable news time in US history.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        In the Information age, too. That’s saying a lot. A metric shit-tonne.

      • KSuellington

        Lil Wayne shaking hands with Trump wearing a ridiculous sweater thing may be the last news we can truly trust for some time.

      • straffinrun

        I honestly thought he was wearing the Cracker Jack kid uniform when I saw that.

      • KSuellington

        Hahaha! I was trying to place what that thing looked like, it was familiar. Hilarious.

    • Brochettaward

      Glenn posted his entire story to be read and judged. The Intercept posted a few paragraphs promising future rebuttals that will totally show that they’re in the right while disavowing him. This is basically worst possible scenario for The Intercept and their best response was “trust us.”

      There’s no real question as to who was in the right.

    • Chafed

      I disagree with the large majority of his political positions. His reporting is different. He is an excellent reporter. I would bet big money he is telling the whole truth.

  30. grrizzly

    A documentary from the future?

    A mutated strand of coronavirus called COVID-23 wreaks havoc on the world in “Songbird,” produced by Michael Bay.

    On Thursday, the first trailer for the pandemic thriller showed a world trapped in lockdown for four years, reaching 8.4 million deaths in a single year. The movie takes place in 2024 and stars K.J. Apa and Sofia Carson, who play a couple separated by the pandemic and living under martial law. Apa’s character claims to be immune from the virus, which may help him as he searches for his girlfriend, who is forced to evacuate her apartment after her neighbor contracts the virus.

  31. PieInTheSky

    This must me some sort of feminist allegory I assume …

    Morning glibsters

    • straffinrun

      Mornin’, Pie.

    • Brochettaward

      Fuck your European communist timeline and fuck you, too, for good measure. Crypto-commie son of a bitch.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Care for a dissolving Klonopin, Bro?

      • Brochettaward

        Yes, pease….

    • Sean

      *throws Romanian gang signs*

  32. straffinrun

    Got Drunk on whisky last night while listening to Super Tramp and tried to write. Bad idea. I cringed when reading it back today and so will leave it here for you to cringe, too.

    Drinking Whisky
    It’s raining again and the blind and deaf are waiting
    Write drunk and edit sober is what I’ve been told
    Be honest and lie your ass off
    Carve out a moment to spend your life
    Without pressure and give a little a bit of your life
    To yourself
    These streets aren’t yours but they’ll take you home
    The corner condo in a corner of nowhere
    Let me tell you something
    And you’ll find a reason to tell me
    Something about you
    I don’t mind
    But I wish you’d listen to me a little bit more
    And I can’t promise I’ll return the favor
    I’m an asshole
    Your wife doesn’t love you
    Nah, she might and so might as well carry on
    Your friends are what they are
    And don’t ever forget that
    Keep that mask on and convince yourself
    You’re fooling anyone
    You’re the idiot in the room that others tolerate
    Until you’ve decided you’re the one
    The one with the idea they don’t get
    Just be quiet and maybe they’ll see you
    As the genius
    Or the wallflower
    Or the waste of space
    Buttress your defenses with
    Exaggerated stories of your past
    And you know all too well those stories
    Don’t paint you in the best light if told truthfully
    But you’ve abandoned truth a long time ago
    For ego saving self preservation
    An endless string of pain
    And the best you’ve done is
    Delude yourself
    Speak in the second person
    Assume everyone is you
    And go to sleep
    Your bottle of whisky down a few fingers
    It’s a strategy for humans.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      I keep hearing Take the Long Way Home AND Gerry Rafferty’s Baker Street playing over each other.

      • straffinrun

        Baker Street hits a 70’s vein of nostalgia, that’s for sure.

    • KSuellington

      There’s some good stuff in there.

      Also loved the Kinnath story, this one is the best I’d say. But then again I root for everyone keeping all their organs in most tales.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      A lotta dysthymics around here. Commiserations, straff-san.

      • straffinrun

        No worries. It’s the whisky. I drink sake and I’m light as feather.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        In uisce veritas. 😉 (IDK: maybe not.)

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Morning, Pie! You ever see the Romania episode of No Reservations (Anthony Bourdain’s second travel program)? It was a hilarious shitshow.

      https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x6llimn

      • PieInTheSky

        I think I saw it back in the day. caused quite the outrage among some of the locals.

  33. Gustave Lytton

    https://www.registerguard.com/story/news/politics/elections/2020/10/29/signature-challenge-2020-election-ballot-easy-fix/6033474002/

    When 88-year-old Shirley Latimer signed her voter registration in 1992, she didn’t have arthritis. This election season, she was worried that a variation in her signature might stop her vote from being counted.

    “I was really concerned, so I just wrote on my ballot that my signature might not look the same because I have arthritis, and I sent it back in,”filled out a new voter registration card with my current signature and sent it in.

    And these retards are voting.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I peaked at the reporter’s resume, and as suspected, based on her college graduation date she’s younger than that voter registration.

    • one true athena

      Well, I’m sure granny had some nice young person with the DNC there to help her out, so it all turned out for the best

    • straffinrun

      How do they verify signature authenticity? Some guy says, “Yep, that looks the same.”

      • straffinrun

        Carnac never got audited. Privilege.

  34. The Bearded Hobbit

    OT but related to Nick’s post earlier today.

    I have a Thursday Night men’s group that has met weekly for decades. I car-pooled with him tonight and the discussion turned to voting.

    I mentioned that I was pretty much done with voting since the state where I live has gone so hard core blue. He countered with the “voting is your duty” and even the old “if you don’t vote you can’t bitch” arguments. He brought up the fact that I have sworn to defend the Constitution. I pointed out, “It doesn’t do any good to support the Constitution if you are the only one doing it.” My example was two hypothetical candidates, A and B. A: “I hate the 1st Amendment!” B: “I hate the 1st Amendment even more that you!” A: “No you don’t! I hate it more!” B: “Not as much as me!” Yeah, yeah, over the top but it offers an example to what I’m trying to say. If both people are equally bad then who, in good conscience, do you vote for?

    This to me is the fundamental question. It’s almost as if by mutual agreement the color red was to be called “blue.” Everyone agreed, at first, that fire engines were all “blue” colored*. Here, now, in the future your choice in voting is the question, “Is red dark blue or is red sky blue?” The concept that “blue” might possible refer to the color “blue” is not even up for discussion.

    What is your rationale for voting if your choice is between the person who will make government twice as big but will override 1/3rd of your rights or the person who will only make government 1.5 times bigger but will override half of your rights?

    Or how about this: Your two choices in voting are cutting off the little finger of your right hand or cutting off the finger of your left hand. Go ahead, pick one.

    He asked me when I had given up hope and I replied, “The day after the 2018 election.” I had scored a perfect 0 on that ballot. In reflection over the past 4 or 5 election periods I might have had one or two successes. It’s such that one can predict the results of Election Day by looking at the inverse of my ballot (and I’m not the only person on this board who has made that observation).

    If I could talk any of them into a bet I would cover $100 on the following:

    The state rep for the district where I live will be a D
    The state senator for the district where I live will be a D
    The federal rep for the district where I live will be a D
    The federal senator for the state where I live will be a D
    Slow Joe and Commie-la will take the 5 EC votes of NM.

    I’m ranting to you good people but arguing with my pals in my head. Hence raving on the internet at 0030 instead of sleeping.
    OK, rant over. Thank you for your time. Maybe with this off my chest I can actually get some sleep tonight.

    Peace, love, and superior firepower.

    *Fort Kent Blue, if any other person alive gets the reference

    • Sir Digby Classic

      “voting is your duty”

      According to whom, bitch? I so fucking hate people holding me to their personal ethics code*. I didn’t invent the damn thing; get it out of my life.

      *Not talking about Natural (negative) Rights/NAP.

    • straffinrun

      Good rant. The zero sum nature of politics means it will always depend on appealing to the worst side of humanity.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Good taste there. Pity he’s asshoe though. Ever see their (WS) Great Northern Lights documentary?

      • The Hyperbole

        Huh, I haven’t got an asshole vibe from Jack, Is he just an asshole in general or is he one of those mouthy political celebrities?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        In one scene in the (very good) said doc he’s obviously coked up, and berating poor Meg for being quiet. Don’t know how well he gets along with present ex-wife.

        https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1487275

      • The Hyperbole

        Haven’t seen that, I’ll check it out.

      • Sean

        #metoo

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Maybe he’ll start a band with her…?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        😉 They might well have; I don’t know anything about Karen Elson without DDGing.

        He does seem sincere in his old-fashionedness, like how the Great Pumpkin is sincere.

      • Not an Economist

        I’ve read stuff where Jack got into public disputes with other musicians where he does not come off looking to good.

      • Festus' Mustache

        He accused The Black Keys of ripping off his schtick. He seems a cunte but surrounds himself with very talented musicians. I like the old timey stuff but the electric work is grating.

      • Sean

        Both sides publicly apologized and made up some years back. AFAIK.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        And didn’t he maim someone? Am I confusing him with Mark Wahlberg or is that true of both of them?

    • Tejicano

      “Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight”

      Maybe that doesn’t translate so well from the original Texanese.

  35. Yusef drives a Kia

    Happy Friday my Glib friends! Another day of counting steel and feelin the breeze, go get some kids, Biden is coming…………

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Isn’t Trump coming back to MI too? I can’t keep up with his schedule.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        He is everywhere, he is.
        TULPA!,

    • Tejicano

      “Biden is coming………”

      I guess he’s had more hair-sniffing opportunities.

      • Fourscore

        “Biden is coming”

        He should be so lucky

  36. Tres Cool

    10/$10 24 oz Milwaukees Beast Diet @ my Kroger

    mornin’ ya’all

    TALL CANS for breakfast/supper

    • Sir Digby Classic

      Milwaukees Beast Diet

      Unleash the keto?

      • Tres Cool

        3.5g/carbs per 12 oz
        I try to stay <50g-carb/day
        So a 12pack should be just dandy

      • Sean

        Still cracks me up with the beer and keto. Have you hit your goal weight or still in process?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Enjoy the Sunrise,
      Tall Cans!
      I wont touch those things, Natty Ice is far enough,

    • Gender Traitor

      Mornin, homey, Diggy, Teji, TO’G & Yu!

      Did I miss anybody?

      • Tres Cool

        ‘sup playa

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Buongiorno, signora! ☕️

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Kind of expensive for beer flavored water. How many does it take before you get a buzz with those things?

      • Tres Cool

        Its still 4.2% ABV, so not too many. Empty stomach and (likely) failing liver helps.

  37. Sir Digby Classic

    BTW–anyone catch the dig at libertarians/-ism on one of the recent Archer episodes?

    What–you didn’t know it was back on? That he’s back in his ‘normal’ world?
    To boot: It came from Lana; voiced by Aisha Tyler…who replaced a libertarian on WLIIA.

    • Gender Traitor

      What about morning people?

      Good morning to you.

      • UnCivilServant

        They tend to be up at this hour.

        Did I ever ask your opinion of the draft of the junior redemptioners sequel?

      • Gender Traitor

        I believe so. I’ll look back at my e-mail. I know I was enjoying it and will welcome any more you care to send. (By sequel, do you mean next in the hero series?)

      • UnCivilServant

        No, after the titular tale from “Lucid Blue” there is an incomplete yarn entitled “Junior Redemptioners” where we pick up the unresolved plot threads for that team and Hangman.

      • Gender Traitor

        After checking my e-mail, I may be thinking of what’s in Lucid Blue. I’m not finding what you’re describing. Would you mind (re?)sending?

      • UnCivilServant

        Sure. I’ll get that out sometime today. My workday started, and they expect me to do things like attend meetings and maybe even work, so Not sure when I’ll get to it.

      • Gender Traitor

        That’s fine. Closing in on the end of a re-read of Shadowboy.

    • PieInTheSky

      OMG look behind you it’s covid19!

      • UnCivilServant

        … what do you take me for?

      • Tres Cool

        THE COVID IS CALLING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!

    • Trigger Hippie

      No I’m not.

  38. l0b0t

    Good morning all. I watched this series (it’s just 4 episodes) and was very impressed. Porterhouse Blue

    • Trigger Hippie

      Jinx!

    • Festus' Mustache

      And a fine Good Morning to you, Good Sirrah! I actually had a pleasant and productive night at work which has become the outlier of late.

  39. Trigger Hippie

    Good morning, all. Excellent story, kinnath. The moral: Every woman has a devil in her, and nothing brings it out quite like neglect and resentment.

    The four year old niece has heart surgery today(nothing unexpected, planned for a year now) so I’m a touch tense but she’s at a fine hospital and I’m sure she’ll do well.

    Have a marvelous day, everyone.

    • PieInTheSky

      best of luck

    • Festus' Mustache

      Fondest vibes sent her way.

    • Sean

      Hope all goes well with your niece.

    • limey

      All the best for your niece, TH. Modern medicine is a marvel.

  40. Cy

    Good morning all. I awoke to a frozen windshield. It would’ve been fine if i hadn’t fallen into the extra long hot shower trap. Oh well. I made it in under the wire.

    • Sean

      ?☕??

    • Festus' Mustache

      Winter is the lesson that the Boy Scouts tried to teach.

    • limey

      Phew! Fortunately the extra long shower trap doesn’t get me at home because my shower over the tub is powerful weak. I have reason to believe that the bathroom in my new digs will be a much more long-shower-trappy experience, I hope. A couple three years past, we had a mighty cold winter which involved me dousing the windscreen with de-icer, and scraping like crazy every morning, but the worst problem was always screen fogging up inside. Blocked vents or drains or something combined with door and window seals that are probably past it. Unless you’ve a new, climate-controlled car, you’re really fighting a losing battle against moisture here on God’s damp, grimy rock in the north Atlantic. I oughta have waxed the glass or something.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Nor-Wex is a middle marketing scam that my Daughter got roped into but damn, the products work even better than advertised.

      • Cy

        The water pressure is insane and the hot water heater is about 10 feet from the shower head. I tend to drift off. It’s one of my real luxuries on my days off to just sit under that blast and have nowhere I have to be.

  41. cyto

    NBC just ran a very long commercial to commercial segment on Russians attacking the election. Filled with scaremongering, the conclusion was the likelihood of foreign influence changing the election outcome is very low.

    But, if one candidate contests the election results, this is very fertile ground for Russian interference. This was accompanied by a zoom in on Trump.

    So, if team Trump objects to any aspect of the election, it is actually Russian interference.

    is this what they invented the term gas lighting for?

    • limey

      I should have invested in plywood stocks. Look at how much extra boarding up is going on in the riot hotspots. The shock troops are getting ready for the biggest terror yet.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Yep. Whether it’s “Dancing In The Streets” or “Let’s Burn This Muthafucka Down” the result will be the same. Lot’s of BIPOCS with new kicks on November 4th.

    • Cy

      The Russians inarguably already heavily influenced the elections, they wired 3.5 millions dollars to Joe & Hunter Biden.

  42. Festus' Mustache

    Just went back to read Kinnath’s tale. Dude has talent. Publishable talent. This place makes me feel small in comparison.