Kasem – part I of II

by | Oct 26, 2020 | Fiction | 266 comments

*thwipp*  The quarrel whispered its song, speeding along its path to the chosen target.

Kasem skillfully worked the gaffe lever on his crossbow, ingeniously designed by Dwarven artisans, and slapped another quarrel in the channel before he smoothly shouldered the weapon.

Taking a heartbeat to ensure that the clearly delineated target area was well clear of anyone carelessly or Gods forbid unwittingly wandering through, Kasem centered his sight as quickly as he could on the target below, then fired.  The quarrel flew straight and true, down and over the wall of the family compound to strike the target butt just off center, right next to his first effort.

“Consistent,” he thought to himself, a blossom of pride sprouting in his chest.  He was getting better and better.  Although it pained him just a little to admit it, even if only to himself, his skills were improving just like Weapons Master Abraxas said they would.  That outworld dog.

Kasem scowled.  Where was Makmel?  The oaf was supposed to join him here for guard duty.  If that lay about made him look bad, he, Kasem, would give Makmel the thrashing he deserved.

“If I look like a meat headed dolt, Fahtmi might hear of it,” he thought.  Such a possibility was intolerable.  Maybe, just maybe, if he became good enough with his weapons, and was diligent in his duties, Fahtmi would stop laughing at him behind her veil and sit with him under the date palms.  Or the fig trees.  That would be nice.  He could even climb one of the trees to pick her some fruit for her to eat while they sat and talked about… things.

What things they would talk about, precisely, Kasem was not quite sure of yet.

Lost in the dreams of a boy on the verge of becoming a man, Kasem looked outwards from the commanding heights of the central tower, over the stone shaped walls of the family compound.  His gaze meandered over plots of vegetables, long fields of grain, and much farther out carefully tended groves of figs and dates.

His eyes followed the rutted dirt road that mirrored the path of the ancient aqueduct bringing life sustaining water from the Crown of the God mountains far to the south.

This construct, built generations ago when the Sultan ruled and the kingdom was strong, brought blessed water league upon league into the flat arid badlands to sustain fragile life.

All seemed as it should.  Quiet.  Peaceful.

Boring.

“I wish something interesting would happen.  Anything.  Before I wither away and die,” Kasem complained to himself.  Of course, that made him think of the obnoxious Weapons Master, who always said that boring was good.  Boring was safe.

Stupid dog of an outworlder.  Just because he came from a different world.  What did he know?

Kasem once again went through the well practiced motions of loading and firing a quarrel.  Another solid hit.  Not even the gentle flapping of the awning overhead that provided slight cover from the searing afternoon sun succeeded in breaking his focus like it had so many times in the past.

Maybe lots of practice was not a complete waste of time.  Perhaps that outworld dog was not as completely full of dung as Kasem had imagined.

Thinking it prudent to test another piece of advice, Kasem donned a pair of gloves, tight fitting and made of light cloth.  “Wear leather gloves.  Always protect your hands,” Weapons Master Abraxas had repeatedly intoned.  But leather was hot and made Kasems hands sweaty.  Surely these would work just as well.

“I will have to take Ruhdi with me when I retrieve my quarrels,” Kasem thought.  Ruhdi would make a good witness to his successes.  Ruhdi was trusted by older warriors, Kasem reflected as he ran his gloved hands over his weapon, familiarizing himself once again with the differences in how cloth made it feel.

It is not that the Weapons Master thought him a liar; it is just that the older man always seemed to know when Kasem… stretched… the truth in his own favor.

Sighing at the monotony of his watch, Makmel still not showing his homely face, and seeing nothing of interest near or far, Kasem peered over the parapet at the sprawling, enclosed courtyard far below.  The young man strained to see if he could by chance spot Fahtmi far below.  There were several women in sight that wore yellow as did Fahtmi, but from this vantage point he could not quite make out the individual details of their cloth.

However, Fahtmi had a distinct way of walking, a sway of the hip if you will, that distracted him without fail.  Kasem leaned farther out over the parapet to better see the figures below.

The movement of a shadow in the corner of his eye alerted him to his imminent danger.  Blessed by the speed and reflexes of youth, Kasem spun about, loading his crossbow with an efficiency that only long hard practice could produce, shouldering and firing almost as one.

Kasem’s quarrel flew true, striking the swooping Bhutapo in what the Weapons Master referred to in his uncouth offworld accent as ‘center mass’.  The ugly, ungainly creature let out a piercing squawk of rage and pain, its wings failing to hold it aloft as it plummeted past the young man over the parapet and to the stone courtyard below.

Muscle memory instilled from the nagging Weapons Master and his obsession with incessant training taking over, Kasem reloaded his crossbow while moving to his right along the parapet.  He could hear Abraxas’ voice in his head, offworld accent grating to his ears, yelling, “Load and move!  Load and move!  Don’t let the bloody wogs get you in their sights, or you will be one dead dog face!”

That offworld taskmaster said things Kasem did not quite understand.  He had no idea what a ‘bloody wog’ is or was, considering that he had never been to Abraxas’ home world.  They did, however, sound formidable.

Kasem knew what a ‘dog-face’ was; after all the Huzhago tribes lived throughout the seemingly endless flat arid badlands surrounding the plantation that Kasem knew as home.  The hyena-heads were mostly hostile, but a few tribes could be traded with.

Kasem took umbrage at the name dog-face, in spite of the Weapons Masters use of it making no real sense.  Abraxas stated that there were no living Huzhago on his home world outside of myth and legend.  Of course Kasem tried to defend his bruised honor in the face of insult and give that dog of an Weapons Master a sound thrashing to teach him the much needed lesson of humility.

He never succeeded.  Abraxas always made him eat dirt.  Lots of dirt.

So Kasem moved.  A second Bhuhapo shot through the spot the youth had just vacated, so close that it ruffled Kasems black hair with the rush of air.  The smell of bird dust and musty feathers filled his nostrils.

Abraxas said the Bhuhapo looked like an extra retarded gooney bird.  Kasem did not understand fully this offworld expression either.  He agreed the ungainly bird to be extremely ugly.  But everybody knew it was a cross between three different types of large predatory birds, the obscene result of an arcane experiment gone horribly wrong; the creation of a mad cackling mage whose name had been lost to time while the product of his ineptitude spread regrettably far and wide over the Badlands.

Bhuhapos are sneak attack artists, flying high overhead until their chosen prey lowered his guard.  Wherefore the ugly stinking things would swoop silently down, gliding in to peck a hole in the back of the head of their victim.  Everybody living and dead hated the stupid birds with a passion.

Kasem successfully demonstrated his own feelings towards the stupid bird that had just tried to knock a hole in his skull by driving his quarrel to the feathers into the back of his enemy, right where the flapping wings joined together.

Another shrill screech split the air as the second creature followed the first down to the stone courtyard below, a swirling cloud of molting feathers marking it passage.

Sounds of agitation filtered up from below to Kasems ears as he continued moving and reloading.  Skewered Bhuhapos raining down from the sky was certain to cause upset to the daily routine.

What puzzled Kasem was that the stupid birds were, to the best of his knowledge, solitary predators.  Two attacking together was not normal.

It was well that Kasem kept moving as trained.  A third, much larger figure tore through the thin fabric of the overhead awning, landing right next to the young guard.  A searing line of fire traced its way down the side of the young guards head, shoulder, and arm.  The force of the blow knocked the youth sprawling, spoiling his next shot.  Kasem caught a glimpse of his wasted quarrel as it weirdly skittered away across the stone.

Kasem landed hard on his back, the breath knocked from his lungs.  Stunned, he could but watch as his monstrous attacker stagger awkwardly on the parapet, claws scrabbling hard for purchase on the smooth stone.

Long spindly legs ending in wickedly pointed talons jutted from under a hunched feathered torso.  Overlong arms with an inhuman extra elbow stretched widely.  An egg shaped head with a cruelly hooked beak stretched wide as it screamed, spewing viscous goo in an incomprehensible shriek of hate.

Round goggle eyes wide with insane intensity fixed its human prey in place as its form finished the repulsive change into a mockery of humanity.

About The Author

Aloysious

Aloysious

"It's not, 'You don't have to shoot him now,' it's 'You don't have to shoot me now.' Well I say that you do have to shoot me now! I demand that you shoot me now!"

266 Comments

  1. westernsloper

    Whoa….

    • Aloysious

      I just now finally am able to see something besides the Glibfit articles. Yay!

      • straffinrun

        Thanks for story, Aloy. Good stories always appreciated.

      • Aloysious

        Thank you for reading it.

      • blackjack

        Yeah, thanks man, good read.

  2. Rhywun

    Casey?

  3. westernsloper

    individual details of their cloth.

    I read the last word as “crotch”. I have issues.

    • Aloysious

      Heh. He’s a guy, so that fits.

  4. Q Continuum

    Mammary Monday wraps up with tremendous tits and humungous hooters!

    https://archive.li/FhBco

    Further: Barrett is in the process of being confirmed. Who knows how she’ll vote, but I’ll say that her true purpose is Roberts insurance. I predict we’ll see a lot of 5-4 decisions (barring any shenanigans by the Jackasses packing the court) because now Roberts can damn the torpedoes and let his Prog freak flag fly.

    • Sean

      Barrett being confirmed is better soft core than the Chive. ?

      She’s gonna be good.

    • Rhywun

      Are you positing that Roberts has been restraining himself before now? Yikes!

    • Gustave Lytton

      Who will be the next to peel off? Kavaugh, despite the nomination treatment, would be my guess.

    • westernsloper

      For a second I thought you named your new kid Barrett and you switched to Catholic. Welcome back!

    • Gustave Lytton

      Of course as Chief Justice, he’ll still be able to steer things before it even gets to a vote.

    • Gustave Lytton

      It’s done. 52-48 with Collins voting against.

      • Rhywun

        Stunning and brave.

      • Animal

        She’s trying to save her phoney -baloney job. Much good may it do her.

      • hayeksplosives

        She has the respect of no one. I’ve no clue why she entered politics to stand for nothing.

      • Hyperion

        Go read DU right now. Never mind, I did it for you.

        It’s unreal. They are gnashing their teeth, rending their garments, and pouring ashes upon their own heads. 5 minutes after they proclaimed doom upon all their enemies, now they are proclaiming doom upon themselves.

        They go from dancing on clouds to suicidal and back several times a day, all because of politics. The entire site is Bi-Polar on steroids.

        ‘It’s all over, woe is us! First they will overturn gay marriage and immediately declare all gay marriages null and void. And then they’ll overturn Roe vs Wade and probably kill us all just for fun!’.

        They really believe all of this, lol.

      • Ted S.

        Can we kill the DU freaks for fun? Please?

      • Hyperion

        They also think that no one else will even bother voting for Trump now, because all the Trumptards just realized their ultimate dream come true of making gays illegal.

      • creech

        Maybe they think that because a large number of Trump voters did go to sleep in 2018 instead of voting for House Republican candidates. In politics, it is hard to rest on your laurels. Just ask the guy AOC replaced.

      • kinnath

        AOC replaced a democrat. She beat him in an extremely-low turn-out primary where a small number of dedicated nutjobs put her over the top.

        She was guaranteed the seat in the general election.

      • leon

        I Think that’s his point. The guy AOC replaced rested on his laurels thinking he was safe.

      • Hyperion

        “I Think that’s his point. The guy AOC replaced rested on his laurels thinking he was safe.”

        Oddly, what Biden seems to be doing. Never seen anything like it. It’s a warp, put a lid on it Joe and just coast on in.

      • Rhywun

        All the handmaid shit they pulled told me this was going to be barrels of tears. Probably the biggest barrels since ’16.

    • SandMan

      Life has been sucky lately, but Q returns with tiddy links, a ray of sunshine!

    • DrOtto

      Welcome (future lower) back (problems)!

  5. Sean

    Hate birds!

    I like it. ?

    • westernsloper

      Good stuff. #metoo

    • Aloysious

      Thank you, guys.

      • kinnath

        Looking forward to the rest of the story.

      • Aloysious

        It’s coming.

  6. db

    Captivating. Can’t wait for part ii!

    Wondering if the crazed experimenter was Rick Sanchez.

    • Aloysious

      Thank you. Possibly a crazed lunatic not unlike the feral humans inhabiting DU.

  7. Rhywun

    The Bears are 5 and 1??! I didn’t know.

    • The Gunslinger

      Not for long.

      • Rhywun

        *shrug* I don’t have any skin in this game except a mild preference for Chicago over Los Angeles.

      • The Gunslinger

        I’m rooting for the Bears. In a few hours they will either be 5-2 or 6-1. Not looking good so far.

    • straffinrun

      Football being played. Huh. They should come up with masks that match players facemasks from back in the day. The Terry Bradshaw N95, The Plunket, The Ray Lewis etc.

      • straffinrun

        Personally, I’d wear the Ray Guy.

  8. blackjack

    Best song off of Abraxas.

    • blackjack

      Of course, the best Santana song, about a year after I first saw him at the Santa Barbara county bowl.

    • Aloysious

      Good call.

    • Chipwooder

      “Something is very wrong here. I didn’t ASK for Santana Abraxas, I didn’t LISTEN TO Santana Abraxas, I didn’t do anything!”

  9. DEG

    A good cliff-hanger ending.

    I look forward to part two.

    • Aloysious

      Thank you. Just have to submit.

  10. mikey

    I’m in.
    When do we get the next one?

    • Aloysious

      As soon as SP judo chops the sever into submission, and things are back in line, I’ll submit.

  11. Hyperion

    I don’t even know how y’all have been posting. All I could see was Glibfit articles for an hour or more.

    • Rhywun

      I rarely visit the main page. ?‍♂️

      • Hyperion

        That’s all I could get even clicking on all the different links. Maybe it was just me.

      • Rhywun

        Ah. I don’t didn’t notice anything different except the main page. Which is now back to normal.

      • Hyperion

        Except we never had a sticky link before, and now we do.

      • kinnath

        The put up articles that stick to the top of the main pages once every year or so.

      • Hyperion

        I sense a lack of eraser fluid consumed over the past year.

    • Chafed

      You’ll get GlibFit articles and like it!

      • slumbrew

        I took the all-GlibFit format as a cue to knock it off with the carbs.

      • Hyperion

        But I already read them all, I haz a sad…

  12. straffinrun

    The confirmation of ACB has just sucked the life out the left.

    • leon

      The senators did look dejected when they did it.

      • straffinrun

        The look like they just left Planned Parenthood in a plastic bag.

      • Rhywun

        LOL Mitch shit-grinning on that show that follows Tucker.

      • Hyperion

        The dems are worried about their plan to find and count ballots for the next 3 years going up in flames.

      • one true athena

        Did you see that madman confirmed MORE JUDGES after the ACB vote?

        He didn’t just stab them, he rubbed salt in it. lol

    • westernsloper

      I’m not sure where you can find it, but I bet you can’t find it on the Biden campaign website.

      • straffinrun

        Not that desperate to find it. *Shudder*

    • westernsloper
      • westernsloper

        Ya, that is it and he is going ugly. Amazing.

      • westernsloper

        Nope that is not it. Joe always wears the same shirt.

      • straffinrun

        Man, that is garbled AF. The cut up video didn’t actually misrepresent it too much.

  13. Hyperion

    Trump did it. He slayed the Ginsborg.

  14. Hyperion

    The court is now a 5-4 majority, with Penaltax of course joining the libtards. Gorscuch is the new swing vote. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

    • leon

      Gorsuch? Id say ACB or Kavanaugh as Swing votes.

      • Hyperion

        Gorsuch has seniority, it’s his turn to be swing vote!

      • leon

        I thought he died.

      • kinnath

        That would be scalia.

    • Old Man With Candy

      Gorsuch is the lone libertarian vote.

      • Hyperion

        Did he beat Ron Paul on the libertarian purity test? I think shreek is the only one to ever do that, as far as I know.

  15. commodious spittoon

    Trump packed the courts. Biden’s merely correcting the balance.

    • Hyperion

      Of course. Just adding some justices may be more difficult then they imagine. Just like doing away with the electoral college. They’re like children and don’t recognize the danger of the ideas they have or the scope of the challenge.

      • Raven Nation

        Changing the EC would require a constitutional amendment. Adding justices just requires the Senate to approve the president’s nominees.

        Of course, the Dems could try and impeach some of the justices.

      • Hyperion

        “Of course, the Dems could try and impeach some of the justices.”

        That should be fun.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Not children, Roperites.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Sir Thomas More: “Yes! What would you do? Cut a great road through the law to get after the Devil?”

        William Roper: “Yes, I’d cut down every law in England to do that!”

        Sir Thomas More: “Oh? And when the last law was down, and the Devil turned ’round on you, where would you hide, Roper, the laws all being flat? This country is planted thick with laws, from coast to coast, Man’s laws, not God’s! And if you cut them down, and you’re just the man to do it, do you really think you could stand upright in the winds that would blow then? Yes, I’d give the Devil benefit of law, for my own safety’s sake!”</blockquote<

    • straffinrun

      I’m sure team blue will reflect on all that’s happened and realize that having ghouls in DC micromanaging our lives is a bad idea and come out against the expansion of state power.

      • leon

        And Reason and the LP and etc will rush to them. “This time they really mean it”. They only beat us because they love us, but now they have changed?

      • commodious spittoon

        Went to work thinking I’ll probably have to wear a coat one of these days, but not today. It wasn’t all that chilly.

        Left work with air temps below freezing and six inches of snow on the ground, with more expected.

      • commodious spittoon

        Hanging Wheeler pour encourager les autres would probably do something, it can’t hurt to try.

      • commodious spittoon

        Okay, this time it wasn’t all my fault.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Human sacrifice for weather control? Old school.

      • Hyperion

        I’m sure the ‘experts’ will be pushing that before too much longer.

  16. Crusty Juggler

    It’s cringe Monday!

    First up!

    Agonizing. Perfect. British.

      • Crusty Juggler

        Numero 3: relationships

        CW: A cups

        TW: actors acting

        Lesson: save up to buy a fuckdoll

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Wait….how did they meet after Dungham interviewed her? Are they meaning “met in-person”?

        /this is why I’m pro-death for communists

    • straffinrun

      Named “Remission” because they are like cancer.

  17. Rhywun

    Can somebody explain to me why a city that gets no rain and has pleasant temperatures year-round needs a five-billion-dollar football stadium with a roof covered in glittering animated lights…? 2.5 times the cost of the MetLife Stadium that raised eyebrows just a few years ago.

    • Raven Nation

      Hater.

      • Rhywun

        Pfft. I’m just amazed at the amount of money being thrown around. And I like various forms of sportsball.

        Caught the second half of the Grand Final the other day, purely by accident (I woke up at like 5:30 am, wondered “what’s going on in the AFL? and flipped over to Fox and there it was live – wow, that was an exciting half of footy!

      • Raven Nation

        Yeah, I was being sarcastic about the stadiums.

        I was mildly disappointed about the AFL since I would have preferred Geelong but I didn’t care that much. Geelong fell in a hole after half-time. Richmond outscored them 71-15.

      • Rhywun

        Yeah, I didn’t have skin in that game either… of the two I guess I had a mild preference for Richmond, but… again? Ugh.

        This season doesn’t count anyway.

    • The Gunslinger

      Makes even less sense when you don’t allow any fans inside.

      • Rhywun

        It does make one snicker.

      • db

        Snickest, even!

    • Hyperion

      Are you speaking of the Death Star?

      • Rhywun

        For five billion dollars I would expect nothing less.

      • Hyperion

        It won’t make the home team win. Brady’s white privilege too much to overcome.

    • creech

      Voters like their bread and circuses?

      • Rhywun

        “The stadium was built privately,[70] but the developer is seeking significant tax breaks from Inglewood.[71]” according to Wikipedia.

        The amount of private money flooding into sports is even more incredible to me. Public money, I can understand. Graft, the bread and circuses you mention, etc.

        But the private money seems… misplaced. WTF do I know.

  18. Ownbestenemy

    I thought traditionally the Chief Justice swore in junior associate judges?

    • leon

      And support this travesty of court Packing?! I’m sure Roberts doesn’t want to make the court look political so he’s going to avoid making it look like he supports this.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Gotcha.

      • Hyperion

        Is this where he declares her a penaltax and saves our democracy again?

  19. straffinrun

    Kamala Harris
    @SenKamalaHarris
    I’m on my way to the Senate floor to vote no on Judge Amy Coney Barrett’s nomination to the Supreme Court. Health coverage for millions of people hinges on who fills this seat. It’s clear that this nominee has the potential to do great harm to the American people

    Points for signaling your impotence. Bonus points for thinking only one SCROTUS member has the ability to do great harm.

    https://mobile.twitter.com/SenKamalaHarris/status/1320863904101240833

    • Hyperion

      Amy is one of them witches! Just look at her. She’ll do one of them nose wiggle things like that witch on the TV did and BAM! No healthcare for the poor folks! You know them kids of hers she trots out? She keeps them locked up in her dungeon and does witch experiments on them! And if you say anything, she’ll turn you into a newt she will!

    • Rhywun

      Now do babies’ health.

    • one true athena

      I wonder how many people actually got better/cheaper healthcare under the ACA? One number is like 2-4 Million added, mostly with medicaid expansion, so those people I guess. But how many others really saw improvement vs the number whose quality and affordability definitely went down?

      Anyway, I’m wondering if this is really the great point the DNC seems to think it is.

      • Hyperion

        They got a huge increase in deductible and long waits comparable to Europe. IOW, it sucked until Trumputin killed the penaltax and took all of the excess people out of the market. But the high deductibles are still there. The difference is that you can see your GP in a couple of days instead of a month.

      • KSuellington

        It kicked us off of our plan which was not acceptable under Obamacare. So we went from paying close to a grand a month (at the time) to close to a grand a month on our new Obamacare approved plan. Our per person deductible went up from 1000 per to 7000 per, effectively rendering our shiny new plan catastrophic insurance. For a grand a month.

      • straffinrun

        It’s very hard (impossible) to empirically determine exactly what was lost in terms of market innovation and competition by shoving the ACA on people. Examples of private vs public performance isn’t, though.

      • Hyperion

        It’s even worse than that. The biggest threat to medical innovation and technology is the hard push towards ‘healthcare equality’. That tripe has totally infested the medical research industry and medical academia to the point that nothing is untouched by it. It’s no longer about medical innovation, it’s about medical ‘equality’. IOW, we’re better off if everyone is equally sick, innovation be damned. It’s the same leftist bullshit that is killing everything else in Western Society.

        Either there is serious blowback soon and this shit is stopped, or we’re going back to the dark ages in every way.

      • Gadfly

        Anyway, I’m wondering if this is really the great point the DNC seems to think it is.

        According to polls (add salt as needed) the voters generally trust the GOP more on the economy but trust the DNC more on healthcare. So I do think it is (unfortunately) a good point for the Dems to be making, and it’s why they’ve been hammering healthcare so hard in their advertising while saying little about much else. We are going to get more government involvement in healthcare in the future, guaranteed, because the people seem to think that’s a good idea.

  20. straffinrun

    With ACB on the Bench, let’s hope Kavanaugh can make the trains run on time.

    • straffinrun

      “The governor has put some asks on the table, I’ve put some asks on the table, the federal government will undoubtedly put some asks on the table,” Wheeler said.

      WTF?

      • Gustave Lytton

        The nouning of verbs continues.

      • db

        I cannot state clearly enough how much I despise the use of “ask” as a noun meaning “request.” It is ubiquitous in our sales and marketing group, along with a bunch of other things on my buzzword bingo card, and I can barely contain myself when I hear it used.

      • straffinrun

        It’s completely pointless. What’s wrong with the word “request”?

      • db

        I have no idea, but it is no longer fashionable among nitwits, apparently.

      • Rhywun

        I actually thought the word that was being sought was “question”.

      • db

        Usually when I hear it used, the speaker is intending it as a more forceful request for action or concession on another’s part.

      • Rhywun

        I have no problem with nouning verbs – it’s just that not everybody agrees on WTF they are supposed to mean. Plus there’s the stink of corporate-speak.

      • Gustave Lytton

        “Spend” as a noun still grates me. But it’s become widespread and I’ve joined my fellow lemmings.

      • straffinrun

        I thought they were typos. Accidentally added a “K”.

      • db

        I thought you were supposed to put asks in the seats?

    • db

      “It is a plan so extra special, that we cannot reveal it for fear that our opponents will go completely mad and destroy everything in a fit of despair.”

  21. Rhywun

    Does Donald appear more orange than ever to anyone else? Yikes.

    • Hyperion

      Only 8 days, he’s got to get as orange as possible.

      • hayeksplosives

        Does that mean he’s about to deploy his super powers? He glows more orange prior to the power surge.

    • db

      Brought to you by the Florida Department of Citrus.

      • Rhywun

        The White House of the South says “Hi!”

  22. Hyperion

    Democracy Over

    Our democracy is dead now, comrades.

    • hayeksplosives

      “Extend the deadline”=play by different rules once the game is underway.

      Cue the racist hand-wringing about minorities being hardest hit. Because black folk can’t do maff or something.

      • Hyperion

        “Because black folk can’t do maff or something.”

        They can if democrat’s help them. And we all know math is the democrat’s forte.

      • hayeksplosives

        I’m sure the Democratic volunteers would never push their political leanings on the voter who needs extra time.

      • Hyperion

        I hear they’re really helpful. They show up at nursing homes and fill in voter’s ballots for them. I mean I just heard that, doesn’t mean it’s true.

    • db

      Just sent this to my friend who is a plumber.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Tell me his name is Bob. Please, God; let his name be Bob….

    • Chafed

      That was great.

    • Hyperion

      It’s either fake or all these Trump voters showing up at places do not answer calls from pollsters.

      • Drake

        Pretty sure the Amish aren’t answering pollsters’ calls.

    • Rhywun

      IIRC the Amish are quite conservative. Not that Trump is, but… look at the other side.

      Same with the Hasidim in Brooklyn.

      • Hyperion

        The Mennonite are also. I did hear they all look alike to the democrats, so we can save money on the gas chamb… I mean showers.

    • Chafed

      That town is Le Tits.

  23. hayeksplosives

    Some folks blame Hillary’s loss on Western state voters staying home when they saw how Eastern states were coming in.

    This is of course bull crap, but I find it interesting that the same Dems who used to complain about early returns having an effect on late voters have no problem with people casting votes literally after the count is in.

    What could go wrong?

    • Hyperion

      I can’t even imagine a world in which Biden has a greater chance of beating Trump than Hillary did. Lots of people saying it’s true, but it does not compute at all for me. I knew lots of enthusiastic Hillary voters, especially women. With Biden it all seems to be about getting rid of Trump. Oddest, worst campaign I’ve ever seen the dems run, and Trump has been running a great campaign from the start and it keeps gaining momentum, and his voters are even more enthusiastic than in 2016. I don’t get the predictions. Maybe I really am just totally missing it this time.

      • Rhywun

        There are so many variables at play I don’t have a fucking clue what’s gonna happen next Tuesday. I don’t trust the polls or my lying eyes.

      • db

        I am about where you are. I don’t trust anything enough to make a real prediction.

      • mrfamous

        I will say that absolutely no one is voting _for_ Joe Biden. I’ve never seen a more basic “not the incumbent” candidate in my life. I’ve never seen it work, but maybe this time it will. He’ll be an absolute joke as President, far worse than the 2nd half of Reagan’s 2nd term. But he’ll get plenty of cover from the media. Harris will be president by 2023, I think.

      • Gustave Lytton

        After the midterms she can run for two more full terms. 10 years as president.

      • Hyperion

        I’m not sure if that’s supposed to make me laugh or move to Somalia.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Q is providing therapy.

  24. Gustave Lytton

    Satsumas will be here Friday. About time.

      • Chafed

        Q is back and he brought his A game! Huzzah!

      • slumbrew

        Yes, please.

        Does this mean baby Q has arrived & you are killing time between feedings?

      • Q Continuum

        Not yet. I’ll be around intermittently until then. Need to remind the world that tits still exist.

      • slumbrew

        Thank you for your service.

        And good luck with the spawning! Can I ask if you’re having a boy or has comedic irony kicked in?

      • Ownbestenemy

        I think he mentioned he is getting a q-ette; so irony engaged.

      • Hyperion

        Enjoy before they get cancelled.

    • Hyperion

      “Execute papal order 66,” she said, her eyes glowing red. “Implement the theocratic state.”

      LOL

      That made my day, I’m in pretty much of a somber mood for some reason I can’t explain.

      • slumbrew

        Pffft, I expect this pope to come out as pro-choice before he’s done, nevermind getting down with Papal Order 66.

      • Chafed

        I’m waiting for Papal order 69.

      • PieInTheSky

        given the pope is a commie progs should be happy with papal orders

    • Chafed

      That’s infuriating.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        I can easily see why so many here donate to IJ.

      • PieInTheSky

        why? You can’t expect to exchange food willy nilly. What about the sodium content, potential trans fats and such

      • Sir Digby Classic

        And, straws! What if there are plastic straws being handed out?!

      • Ownbestenemy

        I don’t like turtles anyway, give me the damn straw. Maybe two, so I can put them together and I can sit up straight and drink my shake.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Its like the charities that cannot hand out food to people begging to eat because it wasn’t blessed by the Pope Daddy Government.

    • Chafed

      Somehow I don’t think the lack of a safety briefing made any difference.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Oooh, oooh, oooh–that’s not how you regulate, young man.

        /NTSB

    • Ownbestenemy

      Honest safety briefing. Not the greatest, but truthful.

      You don’t turn off your phones/laptops/etc during takeoff because it might mess with the avionics package, you do it because its a critical phase of flight. I never understood why the FAA (my employer) hasn’t just said that.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Just how does that usage interfere? What is the mechanism that puts that critical phase in jeopardy?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Modern avionics and modern personal computing devices most likely won’t interfere with each other. ILS (localizer/glideslopes) are in transmitted in VHF range, same with aviation radios. Radars which have no impact on the operation of flight characteristics might mess with your 2.4ghz cordless phone, but that is about it. Weather radars might be impacted if you have a strong repeater on-board since they are in the 5ghz range.

        No the idea is that first and last 12000-15000ft is critical for passengers to be aware of what is going on instead since statistically when problems can/will occur and you need eyes front.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Ah. That helps immensely, so thanks. I’m imagining the various stories of delays due to assholes that don’t care about that, and, I I think I can see why the FAA, et al, don’t go that route. Saying that they believe it’s critical (or, whatever) for passengers to be aware of things, waaaay too many people are gonna say, “Yeah, nah–I’m good. You do whatever you need to do, and I’m gonna instagram.”

        I mean, that’s my take on. Not saying it should be that way, so much as I am that it’s human nature for many to behave like that.

      • Unreconstructed

        My thought is that there’s jack shit a passenger is going to be able to do before the SHTF, and when/if there’s anything you can do (like bail out), you’re gonna already be well aware of the situation.

      • Ownbestenemy

        But it isn’t. They show the BA flight that caught fire on the runway in Vegas in the video I linked to make it a point to leave your damn luggage and yet, nearly all passengers deplaned with their luggage while it was on fire. I worked that day and we sat up in the tower watching with horror as the airport emergency services tried to get passengers to leave behind their crap.

        People, in emergency situations, do not think rationally unless they have been trained otherwise.

      • Ownbestenemy

        There is a lot a passenger can do when SHTF. Listen to the flight attendant is #1. They aren’t there to serve you drinks as popular belief may be. Scully crashed the plane as safely as possible in the water, but it was the flight crew in the cabin that saved all those people.

      • Ownbestenemy

        That is exactly the take that humans go to. Not knocking it at all since it is our nature. It is weird, but when I am on official travel, even when I wasn’t wearing my badge for a free drink (don’t tell the ethics committee), they knew I was FAA. My guess is when I book through our government funded money laundering agency (GovTrip ran by….Raytheon, maybe bought out by someone else now) it is transmitted to the airlines.

        Most flight attendants make it their business to make sure they know that I am FAA — even if I am just a lowly electronics tech with no pull on agency matters.

      • Not an Economist

        It is not the intentional transmissions which worry the FAA it is the unintentional ones. Every electronic device emits some sort of electronic field whether it is meant to transmit anything at all (think electromagnets). And this can (and has) interfered with other electronic devices. This is called Electromagnetic Interference or EMI. They actually test this anytime you certify an airplane design. Engineers have gotten better at shielding devices from EMI and minimizing the ability of devices to project EMI. But its not perfect.

      • Not an Economist

        I thought about it a bit more and I realize I was not quite correct. They do worry about everything I said but the reasons they want things that transmit off are they might induce current in the control system and the control devices might consider them commands. Consider the possibility of some random EMI telling the rudder to go hard over. There have been some unexplained (no pilot input) in-flight control surface changes during flight. In cruise (plenty of altitude) that can be recovered from, during take-off and landing the chances are not as good.

        And they want the passengers to pay attention as much as possible.

      • db

        That’s not even the case anymore. There’s basically no interference between today’s portable electronics and avionics. FAA regulations allow the operator of an aircraft to determine whether or not PEDs are allowed to be operated.

        The main reason they don’t allow them is that during critical phases like takeoff, approach, and landing, things can go wrong and emergency responses such as evacuation are greatly hampered by having a bunch of people focused on collecting their items and texting their loved ones, etc.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      “I wasn’t trying to suggest that I think the city of Portland is possessed.”
      If it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck…

    • Gustave Lytton

      Didn’t work. I was downtown today. This was actually the first time I’ve been there since pre-Covid/riots vs skirting around it. On street parking was mostly full, but not like before. Delivery spaces were almost uniformly empty. Bunch of utility work going on.

      Lot less people around. Bum to non-bum seemed to be 1:1. The non-bums didnt look like corporate workers either, mostly. Lots of trash and bum encampments (more around underpasses and around the tracks).

      Plywood covers pretty much every ground level glass surface that isn’t behind fencing. Weirdly, you’ll see signs says the business is open or neon open signs on what appears to be shuttered buildings. The plywood mostly has grey swathes that cover graffiti. All and all, not very welcoming. Didn’t go by the Fed courthouse. Sad to know that many longtime statues, the kind I used to admire as symbols of a real city, are torn down by Maoists.

      Shopped at a couple of places. First time I’ve been temp checked as a customer. Lots of security guards all over. Half the businesses seemed to have on site security at the entrance in addition to street patrols.

  25. Ownbestenemy

    Political divide is one thing, I loathed the right for their Obama rhetoric, the left it seems, is following the same path by calling Justice Barrett illegitimate. Talk about ‘destroying institutions’.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Also the picking and choosing the current SCOTUS is doing with State election laws is just fucking weird. PA laws ‘ya why not!’, WI laws ‘nah dawg’.

      • Unreconstructed

        The logic quoted in the article linked above actually makes sense – Roberts said that the PA decision was made because the PA Supreme Court said it was kosher, but the WI law was being blocked by a federal court order. He said the feds shouldn’t be interfering in state election matters. Which, I gotta say, is the most Constitutional thing I think I’ve ever heard him say. Now if only that logic was applied to *other* federal laws…

      • Ownbestenemy

        I admit, I didn’t read the opinions and I normally do. That is good to know some distinction was made but now the average voter is thinking exactly how I posted because their media of preference probably has the same line of thinking.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      I think a lot of that Obama rhetoric came about because of the Leftist shtick of calling any opposition to a Black President “raciss”. It just fueled the desire to dig the dagger in even deeper.

      But, much of it, he brought on himself, much like his predecessor.

  26. Ownbestenemy

    My Daddy Governor is moving onto the ‘its up to you to if you want to go to prom’ tactic that every parent has used against their unruly teen for us uppity citizens that question his rule.

  27. Ownbestenemy

    Seems like the Dems/Left/Media are making one final push into the final stretch with Doom Inc. and Coronapanic. For such a lock on the election, it seems like wasted breath.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      I always consider them a waste of space…er, breath.

  28. Yusef drives a Kia

    Why does the home page still land on Sunday?
    After that you have to arrow forward to get here, this is on my phone, last night my phone was fine but my tablet was landing there, makes no sense.

    • limey

      It’s already next Sunday in Japan, or something. It sort of works out somehow.

      • limey

        ps – it’s fine for me.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        It was fine on my phone last night, now its wonky

      • limey

        That seems to be the exact opposite of how I experienced it, not that it’s much of an inconvenience, but worth mentioning just in case that helps straighten out any gremlins? I would guess SP has the big picture firmly in hand (the other hand that isn’t brandishing something sharp and rusty).

    • Gender Traitor

      The Sunday evening post was “pinned” to stay at the top because of the announcement therein.

      Good morning, Yu & limey!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Oh OKthanks GT, and Good morning,

      • limey

        Good morning, GT. I’ve been real patchy in my early morning swing-by of the late night posts lately. How are you?

      • limey

        ps – also good morning, Yustefus!

      • Gender Traitor

        I’m well, thanks! And you? I’m also looking forward to a week-and-a-half of vacation starting Veterans’ Day (11/11.) Is that still Armistice Day in the UK? Or Remembrance Day or somesuch?

      • Gender Traitor

        Looks good – thanks! Will it teach my cats to share with each other?

    • Gender Traitor

      Morning, UCS.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Hidee Ho!

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=spBLdH5mtyk

        Limey ?, have you seen the forum on lockdownsceptics.org? You can meet either platonically or romantically people of a similar mindset. No provision for trading family members though.

    • Sean

      Mornin’

    • l0b0t

      That’s horrible. So young that kid was.

    • Festus' Mustache

      Somebody gunned down Richie Cunningham at “Inspiration Point”. Sorry for the joke, that was awful.

  29. l0b0t

    Good morning everyone. Made prime rib, creamed spinach, and individual Yorkshire puddings last night- bloody delicious. Then I schlepped north to Manhattan to purchase mushrooms as my connection moved; she was in Bushwick, Brooklyn so I could just drive, but now she lives on the Lower East Side so I have to take 2 trains. 1st world problems. Anyway, took some of the fungus for the train ride home and it was a blast. Sunrise in NYC, while traveling by rail across Jamaica Bay, is beautiful. This song played and it set my mood for today, I love you all and hope everyone has a wonderful day. https://youtu.be/xnyh6i9NvmE

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      What, morels? 😉

      • l0b0t

        Nah… I can get pretty amoral when hopped up on goofballs.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Mushroom poachers have been murdered up here for trespassing into somebody else’s prime spot. These weren’t even the fun type of mushroom but the ones that bring the big bucks from the Japanese.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Lucrative enough that a good haul would set you up for the year for two or three weeks of actual work.

      • Gender Traitor

        He got kinda high, morelless.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        You’re terrible, Muriel!

    • Sean

      I love prime rib, but never made it myself. GF made it once. It came out great.

      • l0b0t

        We use a Ronco Rotisserie Oven and it is dead simple. I like to dry the roast out in the fridge for a day or two, then schmear the whole thing with butter and coat with salt and pepper to one’s preference. Into the Ronco for 13 minutes per pound and it comes out perfect every time. The couple slices off of each side are perfect and the interior is just rare enough to withstand a quick sear as leftovers.

  30. Sean
    • Festus' Mustache

      While driving his Ferrari. A real “Man of the common people” right there.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Why does he hate the ones that enable him to live in such an ostentatious fashion?

  31. l0b0t

    Joe Biden – “I’ll shut down the virus, not the economy! We can walk and chew gum at the same time.”

    Well shucks, now I have to vote against the Short-Fingered Vulgarian.

    • Festus' Mustache

      I don’t think Joe can do either of those things at the same time anymore.