The Hat and The Hair: Episode 173

by | Oct 21, 2020 | Hat and Hair, SugarFree | 286 comments

 

“You have to prepare for the debate, Donald,” the hair said.

“What prepare? I don’t need to prepare. Sleepy Joe is the one who should be prepared. I’m going to go in there and be like Bam! and Pow! and Take That Old Man! and he’s going to stroke out and shit himself and die and I’ll be President for twelve more years.” Donald walked over the Oval Office window and waved to the crowds outside the White House who weren’t there.

“Twelve more years! Twelve more years!” the hat chanted.

“I survived impeachment and I survived COVID and I survived a thousand betrayals,” Donald said. “Nothing can stop me.”

“Donald…” the hair began.

“No, I said,” Donald said. “It is Hope’s birthday and I don’t want to think about this debate nonsense.”

“They are going to mute your microphone!’ the hair said.

“I can talk louder than any microphone, sign language faster than any fingers, and masturbate more thoroughly over Zoom than any Toobin ever did,” Donald said grandly. “I am Donald Trump and I approve this message.”

“Hold old is Hope today?” the hat asked.

“32,” the hair said.

Donald turned on him. “You lie!”
.
“She’s 32, Donald. That’s just how old she is,” the hair told him.

“Fake news,” Donald yawned.

“Pretty women should stop getting older,” the hat said. “It’s really a problem for their brand.”

“Everyone ages,” the hair said.

“I don’t,” Donald said, hobbling to the couch and sitting down heavily.

“Have you seen Ivana lately? She looks like a hooker corpse dredged out of East River,” the hat said.

“OK, OK,” the hair said.

“She looks like someone sculpted her neck out of sweaty nougat,” the hat continued.

“Maybe I should pass a law to keep women from aging,” Donald mused.

“Well, hot women,” the hat said. “Fatties and uggos can’t be helped.”

“You two are the worst,” the hair said. He slid down the back of Donald’s head and dropped to the floor.

“Look at Mr. Simp, over here,” the hat said. “The White Knight.”

“Who cares if Hope is 32? She’s smart and loyal and a good friend to us,” the hair said.

“At the end of our Presidency, she’ll be 44,” the Donald said.

“Twelve more years! Twelve more years!” the hat chanted again.

“Maybe an executive order?” Donald asked. “Sign it with Pelosi there to show why we need it?”

“Be careful,” the hat said. “I hear her mouth used to be full of teeth.”

“Guys…” the hair whined.

“Go drink some soy milk!” the hat yelled and he and Donald fell out laughing.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

286 Comments

  1. EvilSheldon

    /me stifles laughter with fake coughing fit.

  2. Hyperion

    “Go drink some soy milk!” the hat yelled and he and Donald fell out laughing.”

    LOL

  3. Count Potato

    ““Pretty women should stop getting older,” the hat said. “It’s really a problem for their brand.””

    True, though.

    • Cancelled

      MILFporn.com has a sad

  4. Rebel Scum

    Hope will be old enough to run in 2024. ///Hicks/Owens* 2024

    *Or vice versa. And Idk how old Candace is.

    • Count Potato

      “Candace Amber Owens

      April 29, 1989 (age 31)
      Stamford, Connecticut, U.S.”

    • Hyperion

      Yes, because what every Gliberatarin needs is a mandatory be empathetic towards orphans law.

  5. juris imprudent

    “Pretty women should stop getting older,” the hat said. “It’s really a problem for their brand.”

    Debating – sadly wise, or wisely sad?

  6. CPRM

    “Twelve more years! Twelve more years!” the hat chanted again.

    This goes into the cartoon if Trump wins and I remember.

    • SugarFree

      He said it at the Michigan rally, so finding audio won’t be a problem.

      • mrfamous

        Say what you will about him, but the man appears born to troll.

  7. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    *sigh*

    yet another implicit bias training today. That makes 4 I&D meetings and conference topics in the last week, 3 of which targeted implicit bias.

    Thankfully, I’m able to sit here #metoobin uninterrupted because i know how to turn my camera off.

    • Creosote Achilles

      We’ve hired a DEI (Diversity, Equity, Inclusion) executive where I work. They are talking about rolling out some training or other. I’m seriously considering refusing to go to it, stating why (I’m not going to listen to racist drivel that attacks me for my skin color, is fundamentally anit-American, and that if implemented will cause division and distrust in the org) and letting the chips fall where they may.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        it’s running muted in the background while I eat lunch.

        This curriculum has a nugget of truth. There’s a lot of shit your brain does subconsciously when making a decision. Especially when you’re on autopilot.

        If the original training on that specific issue had been the start and end of this shit, I’d be annoyed (why is that a higher priority than getting me regular training on my actual job skills), but not pissed. At this point, I&D is the only mandatory training we have at work. It’s the core component of most conferences I attend, and all of this is at the sacrifice of the useful content that was available as recently as two years ago.

        If you’re in a position to throw a shit fit about the DEI hire, do it. It goes nowhere but down from there.

      • juris imprudent

        it’s running muted in the background while I eat lunch.

        I’d have an easier time eating and reading the most twisted product of SF‘s imagination then doing that.

      • kbolino

        The problem with the implicit bias stuff is that it dips into pseudoscience and anecdotes real quick. I also don’t understand why, if “Robert” is more likely to get hired than “Deshawn”, people would continue to use the latter name instead of the former, then want to rework society to be more “accepting”. It’s easier to pick a different name (whether at birth or later in life) than it is to try to rework society around preventing a form of bias that’s so subtle it can only be measured by ouija boards.

      • CPRM

        People always be hasslin me just cuz my name is Rape Yer Fuckin Face. Fuckin white privilege!

      • kbolino

        Which reminds me, I think it has been shown that misspellings, formatting inconsistencies, and poor grammar will sink your resume much faster than having an uncommon name. Deshawn who writes with the King’s Own English will get the job before Robert who can’t string a sentence together, all else somehow being equal.

      • Rhywun

        You can cite facts until you’re blue in the face—they won’t believe you.

      • Mojeaux the Melancholy

        Devil’s advocate:

        After having chosen a pen name that I actively HATE, changing your name is a bit more difficult emotionally than you’d think. Hearing my real name after so many years online as Mojeaux or Moriah is jarring.

        I do not wish I’d used my real name for my pen name, but I do wish I’d been a helluvalot wiser in my decision-making process.

        A rose by any other name and all that, but what if Rose liked her name and it fit her and she FELT like a Rose? You lose a part of yourself when you change names.

      • kbolino

        Yeah, I don’t think anyone can lightly change their own name. I would guess that for a while it would seem like a kind of fraud, or at least wearing an uncomfortable second skin. That having been said, I don’t actually think name-based discrimination is all that common (anymore?). And then again, you can also emphasize one name on your resume (e.g. your more “normal” middle name) and another name (your real first name, or a nickname) when you actually get to know people on the job. “I prefer to go by X” will not usually raise many eyebrows.

      • Mojeaux the Melancholy

        I had a karate teacher from Korea by the name of Bong Soo [last name]. He went by Scott, although we in karate used them interchangeably. He didn’t mind as long as it was done respectfully. As he said, “Can you see people just going BOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGG all the time for fun? And leaving off ‘Soo’? So, no.”

        But again, his name and nickname were used interchangeably in many areas of his life, so he was as comfortable with one as the other.

      • Nephilium

        Mojeaux:

        Requisite Archer gag (probably NSFW).

        Benoit…

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        I don’t actually think name-based discrimination is all that common (anymore?).

        Here’s a counter example where the nugget of truth from implicit bias (how your brain shortcuts when you’re only half paying attention) shines through.

        We’re hiring for a position where we’re not going to be able to sponsor a foreign national. Just because the person is named Shuburesha Desai doesnt mean that they’re a foreign national. Angela Smith isn’t necessarily a US citizen.

        I had to force myself to slow down when processing nearly 100 resumes to avoid those kinds of short cuts. Would I have bypassed an eligible candidate because of their name? Probably not. Am I more comfortable asserting that I didn’t bypass an eligible candidate because I slowed down? Yes.

        When it comes down to it, this is why I’m not 100% against implicit bias being part of a training once in a blue moon. However, implicit bias (along with I&D as a whole) has taken over corporate America and is slowly strangling her to death, company by company. There is no rational reason why I should have 4 trainings on I&D in a week’s time unless I’m seeking them out (I’m not). It has gone insane.

      • kbolino

        Well, that’s a fair point, but I’d say the process there is flawed. Country of citizenship is not a resume question; it’s an application question. The resumes of ineligible candidates should never have reached your desk for consideration.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        The resumes of ineligible candidates should never have reached your desk for consideration.

        Correct. Law school recruiting is fucked up from top to bottom. I should not be receiving applications from English majors for a position that is required (by federal law) to be held by somebody with a STEM degree.

        HR is too busy paying bonuses to people who promote minorities to bother doing intake on our candidates. Granted, I kinda prefer it that way because HR doesn’t know the first thing about hiring qualified people.

      • Bobarian LMD

        HR is too busy paying bonuses to people who promote minorities to bother doing intake on our candidates. Granted, I kinda prefer it that way because HR doesn’t know the first thing about hiring qualified people.

        Yeah, but HR will screen the fuck out a qualified candidate because the last guy they hired messed up the demographics.

      • R C Dean

        As I understand it, implicit bias works backwards from disparate outcomes, to the conclusion that the explanation for disparate outcomes can only be racism/bigotry. Since its really hard these days to find outright/explicit bias/racism/bigotry, it must be invisible/implict bias. Because its invisible/implict, it can never be falsified as the reason for disparate outcomes, which is nice. The only way to “solve” it is by having equal outcomes, not equal opportunity. Equal opportunity is impossible, of course, in an organization that is racist/bigoted. How do you know its racist/bigoted? Why, because of the unequal outcomes, of course.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Thank you for that well-defined circle of reasoning.

      • kbolino

        It has been interesting to watch, from a sociological perspective, how we went from disparate outcomes don’t exist and anyone who says they do is racist (1990s) to of course disparate outcomes exist and it’s entirely the fault of implicit bias (2010s) to where we seem to be headed, which is that anything other than radical affirmative action in every aspect of life must be white supremacy.

        Implicit bias theory is just the grease on the slope.

      • R C Dean

        anything other than radical affirmative action in every aspect of life must be white supremacy

        That is exactly where this is going. From equal opportunity to equal outcomes based not on merit, but on today’s evershifting intersectional stack.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Poker x Calvinball. I look forward to learning and forever relearning the rules.

      • Rhywun

        We’ve hired a DEI (Diversity, Equity, Inclusion) executive where I work.

        Same here and I read this morning they want to start identity-group “support teams” or some such nonsense. These hacks have run out of new ideas, I guess.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Those identity group support teams are the leverage that the DEI uses to keep their position and maximize their influence.

        The groups effectively become outrage units that lobby management and threaten to disparage company practices in public, all the while becoming untouchable because of their aggrieved status.

        The C-Suite may not know it yet, but they just signed their own death warrants.

      • kbolino

        The C-Suite may not know it yet, but they just signed their own death warrants.

        Yet, oddly, the hammer always seems to land heaviest on the regular employees rather than the C-suite.

      • R C Dean

        I pointed out in one meeting that we had zero Latino executives (although I could technically qualify), but according to Tucson’s demographics we should be 40% Latino. At the rate of turnover in our executives, that would mean we would have to hire exclusively Latino executives for around the next 10 years, minimum.

        Unless, of course, we fired several current executives and hired Latino replacements.

        There was an uncomfortable silence. People just don’t think through what they are saying, and don’t like having it pointed out.

        Because I don’t want to be the first one fired to make room for a Latino replacement, I didn’t press the point.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Iron Balls McGinty here!

      • R C Dean

        Yeah, I kinda wish I’d kept my yap shut. Nothing I say is going to make any difference, anyway.

        *repeats mantra “just two more years”*

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Dunno, you might have planted a seed.

        “Two independent thought alarms in one day!”

      • juris imprudent

        *repeats mantra “just two more years”*

        You and me both brother.

      • leon

        to start identity-group “support teams”

        I don’t know how that is legal under any fair reading of the Civil Rights Act.

      • Rhywun

        As long as the whole thing is voluntary and I can manage to keep my head down, I don’t care. Knock yourselves out.

      • leon

        You should demand a White Race Support group.

      • kbolino

        For the most part, you can join a support group even if you aren’t one of the supported. Straight guys can join the gay group as “allies”, able-bodied individuals can join the disabled support group as “advocates”, men can join the women’s group as “feminists”, and so on. This is the fig leaf of legality.

        Now, the real rub is that you can’t really form any combination of white/straight/cisgender/male support group. While, technically, such things are just as legal as the others, you will almost certainly be accused of creating a hostile workplace and disciplined or fired. James Damore did something way less aggressive than that and still got fired for it.

    • CPRM

      I’m bad at social interactions, so I’ll put it up to a vote. Is jerkin it on work Zoom call better or worse more or less acceptable than jerking it in a parking lot?

      • Brochettaward

        We need to destigmatize male masturbation.

      • juris imprudent

        Hmm, one will offend only a select group of people that actually know you, while the other could impact any member of the public. However, if we allow any non-consensual viewer the legitimate use of violence as a response, I will rate it a toss-up.

      • Brochettaward

        I’m masturbating during half my comments. You can’t see it, but now you know it.

      • KOVIDKristen

        I think we’ve all known for a while

      • The Other Kevin

        I’ll never read “I’M FIRST!” in the same way again.

      • kbolino

        Yeah, the only surprise here is that it’s only half the time.

      • juris imprudent

        He isn’t ambidextrous.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Fistings during the other half?

      • Cancelled

        Is it actually masturbating when you use a severed hooker head as a fleshlight?

    • Rhywun

      Tubin’?

    • DEG

      I’ve got a whole bunch of required classes queued up at work. At some point I’ll have to break down and go through them.

      • Rhywun

        I burned through all my new-hire classes except I saved the worst for last: “harassment”, “discrimination”, and “code of conduct”. The last one seem innocuous enough but it’s 90 minutes (!) and who has time for that.

      • juris imprudent

        Consider yourself fortunate; the govt doesn’t believe you’ll retain anything past a year and so we do annual “refreshers”.

    • Florida Man

      That one of the benefits of being an expensive employee. They don’t waste our time with any training that isn’t mandated from the government.

  8. Tundra

    “Have you seen Ivana lately? She looks like a hooker corpse dredged out of East River,” the hat said.

    This is fake news.

    She’s still hot.

    Great line, however!

    • SugarFree

      You know that’s the ex-wife, right? The one that looks like a cake disaster.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        That’s hideous enough to scare Amaterasu back into her cave.

        Why do I eat lunch on Wednesdays?

      • SugarFree

        I like to think that somewhere there is a waiter with PTSD from listening to her scream that she needs more garlic bread.

      • juris imprudent

        I’m traumatized that she has a knife and not a spoon in her off-hand.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Probably a sterling silver poop knife

      • juris imprudent

        Right this moment, I’m imagining you with a little vomit caught in that mask.

      • Rhywun

        OMG I thought that was Winston’s Mom for a second. At least, from the hair and makeup.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        That hairdo looks tiring. Kudos for 35+ years of daily effort, but wouldn’t she rather have an ordinary pageboy by now?

      • banginglc1

        Maybe that’s her secret identity. Maybe Winston is Donald Trump’s disowned son.

      • EvilSheldon

        Certainly a cake decorating disaster. Who the hell did her makeup?

      • juris imprudent

        The ghost of Tammy Faye Bakker?

      • Agent Cooper

        She’s 71. I think after (checks age of Elizabeth Hurley) 60 we should stop expecting hot to stay anywhere near hot.

      • EvilSheldon

        Yow. Time does fly.

        Point granted, but her makeup is still awful.

      • Animal

        I see your Elizabeth Hurley and raise you a Helen Mirren, who rated a “would” well past 60.

      • EvilSheldon

        I re-raise you Faye Dunaway in the Thomas Crown Affair remake.

      • juris imprudent

        Something about mid-century Brits? Diana Rigg and Charlotte Rampling are two more.

      • Mad Scientist

        ALTHOUGH ZARDOZ STILL BELIEVES THE PENIS IS EVIL, WHEN IT COMES TO CHARLOTTE RAMPLING, ZARDOZ UNDERSTANDS.

      • Tundra

        Reading comprehension iz hard.

        Thanks for the pic, though.

      • Agent Cooper

        If you look at her pre-horrible-work she looks like a mostly normally aging former model.

      • Drake

        Ahhhh!

        Shit! Trump’s right, there ought to be a law. She was hot in the 80’s.

      • robc

        All the kids reverted to normal age with the bankruptcy. They couldn’t afford the sorcery bill any more.

    • SugarFree

      Ha-ha! Donald Trump’s hat doesn’t want to fuck you anymore!

      • CPRM

        Well, he does, just needs some electrical tape.

      • Swiss Servator

        I thought that was for grapefruit? Or was it avocados?

      • CPRM

        Just because he uses it on produce doesn’t mean that’s the only time he uses it. Trust me, I’m a source familiar with his thinking.

      • leon

        He’s 16 years too old for Biden too!

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      You just wait, you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet.

      *rubs left kidney area*

  9. Swiss Servator

    “Everyone ages,” the hair said.

    “I don’t,” Donald said, hobbling to the couch and sitting down heavily.

    A Portrait In Really Crass Gold.

    • CPRM

      A Portrait of Donald in not Gay?

  10. The Late P Brooks

    “Sign it with Pelosi there to show why we need it?”

    Irrefutable.

    • Swiss Servator

      Good Morning.

      Sunday Morning.

  11. KOVIDKristen

    OT: booked for TWA Hotel Dec 3-6. I’ll be working on Dec 4, but otherwise free after 4pm.

    • juris imprudent

      KOVID party!

      • Hyperion

        Super spreader!

    • kbolino

      How much poorer is Trump today than when he started as President? I think he DGAF when it comes to people trying to yank his chain.

      And after the Panama Papers, anyone who thinks that politicians of all stripes don’t have offshore bank accounts is a fool.

    • leon

      Quick, Twitter! NYT publishing his personal info without his approval! Ban the link!

      But yeah, this is what they came up with after Biden Campaign came down and yelled ‘WHAT DO WE HAVE LEFT TO THROW AT TRUMP!?!’

    • LJW

      OMG an international businessman and business have a bank account in a foreign country! That’s totally worse than a politician meeting with an executive of a corrupt foreign company that gave his son who has 0 experience a 50k a month job.

      • R C Dean

        Pretty sure everyone that does business in China has a Chinese bank account. I suspect Hunter Biden has a Chinese bank account, for example.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        You can’t conduct business in China without a bank account there. Period.

        If for no other reason, it’s how the CCP controls/prevents capital outflows.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Still, it’s a bit hypocritical that the loudest China Hawk since the 1910s does business with the ChiComs, but Nu-GOP types froth at the mouth over non-favored businesses doing business in China.

        Jus’ sayin’

      • R C Dean

        C’mon, HM. That’s different because reasons.

      • R C Dean

        At some point, he was paid $83K/month, for a smooth $1MM/year.

        Bribery and money laundering in broad dayling, known for years, and Nothing Else Happened. Its good to be People Who Matter.

    • Drake

      Now lets see Bidens tax returns and bank accounts. I bet that would be enlightening.

    • Fatty Bolger

      This can be taken as near-proof that Biden has a China problem, which is probably going to be exposed by Hunter’s laptop.

    • PieInTheSky

      I believe all people playing the piano are faking it. I can get other instruments but no way with all those keys and pedals and such

  12. KOVIDKristen

    My ammo is here! (got another 100 rds of 9mm from CTD for an outrageous price)

    • DEG

      I am bidding on two cases of GP-11 on GunBroker.

      I have only about 5,000 rounds of GP-11 in the house. Sad. I should have more.

      • KOVIDKristen

        I’m up to about 1000 rds of 9, just buying in small quantities because of volume restrictions.

      • DEG

        I have about a 1000 rounds of 9mm. I gotta shoot more and buy more.

        I also need to reorganize my storage in my basement to make more room for ammunition, plus inventory what I have. It’s been a while since I did an ammunition inventory. I’m probably over 15,000 rounds total of various calibers.

      • Sean

        I’m probably over 15,000 rounds total of various calibers.

        Awww….that’s cute. ?

      • EvilSheldon

        Yeah, but how much have you shot lately?

        Ammo + no practice = walking loot drop.

      • Sean

        Over a month ago. I have been doing some dry firing around the house.

      • DEG

        How much have I shot lately? Not enough.

        Given that some of the calibers are odd-balls, it’s not going to be a very useful loot drop.

      • leon

        🙁 I haven’t gone in months, because ammo is precious commodity.

      • EvilSheldon

        I’m teasing a little bit here, but there’s a grain of truth behind the snark.

        To wit: exactly how much ammo are you going to need for whatever disaster you’re stockpiling for? How many running gun battles are you going to have to provision yourself for?

        Now YMMV and so on, but I figure that the 30 rounds in my AR and the spare on my belt will see me through any gun battle I’m likely to find myself in. Same with the fifteen rounds in my carry pistol. And if it’s unlikely that I’ll be in one gunfight, it’s statistically impossible that I’ll have to get through three…

        It’s kinda like Dave Ramsey. Once you have your emergency fund (500-1k of defensive ammo) in place, use the rest of your ammo to pay down your skill debt.

      • Sean

        To wit: exactly how much ammo are you going to need for whatever disaster you’re stockpiling for?

        Zombie apocalypse jokes aside, the stockpile is for situations just like this. Shortages/astronomical prices.

        Buy it cheap, stack it deep.

        I’m not constrained by the great ammo shortage of 2020, I’m only constrained by my laziness.

      • DEG

        Buy it cheap, stack it deep.

        Yeah. Especially with some of the oddball stuff I own.

        And I just got outbid on one case of GP-11. We’ll see how much higher it goes. If it is not too much higher, I might be willing to pay a little more. The Swiss are making GP-11 again, but only for domestic consumption. I’ve heard the Prvi and S&B 7.5mm Swiss is decent, but I doubt it is as good as GP-11.

    • Drake

      I was just searching ammoseek.com for anything reasonable. It’s ugly out there. If Biden wins it stays ugly. If Trump wins, how long for things to calm down? A year?

      • EvilSheldon

        A friend of mine is sponsored by Federal. They say that the Ankoa plant is running an 18-million-round backlog as of September 1.

        Yeah, probably a year plus.

      • KOVIDKristen

        My Pa was wondering about ammo company stock prices. Federal’s parent company price seems to be pretty steady.

      • Idle Hands

        I think the damage is in the pipe no matter who wins unfortunately the economy is damaged in rather profound ways imho. There’s no magic bullet either way. I really really fear if the dems win they’ll make us a federal california which will exacerbate the recovery quite a bit.

      • kbolino

        A federal California is a lot worse than a state California because the state has limits that the feds don’t. The Feds don’t have to run a balanced budget, they can print money, and their power to tax is basically limitless.

    • PieInTheSky

      You americans and your obsession with killing

      • Drake

        Weird that we’re the ones with communist revolutionaries, isn’t it?

      • PieInTheSky

        hey maybe this time it will work… looking goo so far

      • EvilSheldon

        Please. It’s not an obsession. Merely a practical interest.

    • kinnath

      You are missing a zero.

      • KOVIDKristen

        Can’t buy more than that in a single order 🙁

      • juris imprudent

        By law or because the seller is limiting?

      • KOVIDKristen

        Seller restrictions

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        I went into the local sporting goods store (to pick this up) and they had a 3 box restriction on 9, 223, and 7.62 commie.

        They had 7.62 NATO unrestricted at $16/20rounds, so I bought half of their stock. I would’ve bought the other half, but I ran out of budget.

      • KOVIDKristen

        In the last week or so, I got all the way to “submit payment” on a website when they said they had insufficient stock to complete my purchase. MFers.

      • UnCivilServant

        They really should tell you when you try to add it to the cart, or on the first page load where it sells out from under you.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        I got a successful order from Bud’s, and they emailed me 4 hours later to tell me that I had bought a ghost gun*.

        Thanks to the Glib that recommended grabagun, because they got me the gun I wanted (more or less) at a cheaper price than I expected. It’s what allowed me to buy all the 7.62 that I did.

        *the nonexistent kind, not the urban DA complaining about gun laws kind

      • EvilSheldon

        “Thanks to the Glib that recommended grabagun,…”

        /me doffs silk hat, polishes monocle.

        GrabAGun.com is my first stop, unless I’m buying something weird. Gun.Deals is another good online dealer aggregator.

    • EvilSheldon

      Yay!

      Let’s go shoot USPSA!

    • Animal

      I’m even having trouble finding 2 1/2″ 12 gauge loads for my new double. Who’da thunk it?

      • R C Dean

        2 1/2″ is pretty unusual, isn’t it? I generally see 2 3/4″ and 3″.

      • Animal

        It is, unless you’re shooting a Henry Tolley double made in 1892.

  13. DEG

    “What prepare? I don’t need to prepare. Sleepy Joe is the one who should be prepared. I’m going to go in there and be like Bam! and Pow! and Take That Old Man! and he’s going to stroke out and shit himself and die and I’ll be President for twelve more years.” Donald walked over the Oval Office window and waved to the crowds outside the White House who weren’t there.

    This is probably really going on.

  14. Rebel Scum

    ACB gonna put y’all back in chains.

    Anchor Poppy Harlow said, “Let’s end on this, if Judge Amy Coney Barrett is confirmed to the Supreme Court this week, if Joe Biden wins the presidential election do you support a President Biden packing the Supreme Court?”

    Clyburn replied, “Well, I think the Supreme Court is being packed now.”

    Harlow pressed, “But more justices, to the question of more justices, adding them, is that a good idea?”

    Clyburn said, “Well, adding justices, I think we need to unpack the Supreme Court. There needs to be balanced in the Supreme Court. You know, I know what the Supreme Court was like during the Dred Scott decision, I know what the Supreme Court was like during Plessy vs. Ferguson. I think that this court that we see developing now is a throwback to Plessy vs. Ferguson and even Dred Scott?”

    • leon

      Mendacity is too soft a word for them

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        “Fucking disgusting unprincipled pieces of shit” seems too soft.

    • PieInTheSky

      even me?

    • Drake

      “House Majority Whip James Clyburn” – that sounds problematic.

    • juris imprudent

      Plessey was never overturned (Brown sidestepped overtly doing so), so stare decisis motherfucker, cause you all so believe in it (for some decisions).

    • R C Dean

      There needs to be balanced in the Supreme Court.

      Way to admit that the Court is just another political tool. “Balance” here means, of course, more leftists. Not more [insert judicial philosophy here], but more judges who are overtly political.

      • leon

        Yeah. There needs to be balance, as long as the balance means every close decision comes 5:4 on our side. Fuck off Slaver.

      • kbolino

        No, no, no. Balance means roughly half are from Harvard, and the rest are from Yale.

  15. DEG

    Letter to the Editor about the Lil Rona Panic

    Are you at the end of your rope with the masking mandate that continues to drag on? Are you aware extremely powerful psychological buttons inside your brain are being used to stoke deep fear inside you and control you? I have the indisputable proof and am about to share it. This psychology is so powerful it’s used by the police, the military, and despots around the world to control the masses under them.

    The three buttons are scarcity, social proof, and authority. Scarcity is by far the most powerful one of all. Military personnel use it to extract information from an enemy soldier. Make oxygen scarce and a POW will sing like a canary. You race to businesses that say a sale is about to end. The owners are making the sale price scarce.

    Your governor, and the likes of Dr. Fauci, are convincing you that you’re making your own life scarce if you don’t wear a mask. Have you taken the time to study the data? You’re terrified of a disease that has a survival rate very near 99.94 percent? And of those we send back to Heaven, most of them are older and have underlying health conditions. I can understand being afraid of yellow fever, a disease with a mortality rate of 50 percent, but not this virus that’s mastered the art of crying wolf.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      I would like to subscribe to his newsletter.

      • DEG

        You said something on an earlier thread, after I logged out for the night, about seeing your first Jo sign.

        I’ve seen a bunch of signs for LP candidates in my part of New Hampshire. Jo Jorgenson, Nicholas Sarwark (county attorney), A. J. Olding (US Rep). I’ve seen none for the LP candidate for NH governor. I think I’ve seen some for the LP candidate for US Senate, but my memory is hazy here.

        Someone associated with the LPNH has been busy putting signs up in my area because I’ve seen many more than I’ve seen in the past.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Kind of you to remember. The source of your avatar was on TCM a few weeks ago.

        Also sweet that libertarianism is still a thing around you. My area birthed much of it and then forgot about it.

        Come back, Harry Browne…!

      • DEG

        I have “The Outlaw Josey Wales” on DVD. It is a good movie.

        Watching how many of the locals react to the Clown Prince’s edicts, you wouldn’t know this is the “Live Free or Die” state. I guess this is internal Republican party polling since I haven’t seen a poll mentioned in the news, but a poll has the Clown Prince up by 25 points.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Nicholas Sarwark (county attorney)

        Oh God, now you’ve done it.

      • DEG

        Heh.

        I’m a bad person that does bad things.

        I’m also not going to vote for Sarwark. I’m writing in Dan Hynes.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Even ignoring Sarwark’s history, I just don’t like reverse carpetbaggers, be they Corky or Nicky.

  16. Rebel Scum

    Dealing with the important issues.

    Not so fast—I grew up with Northern Neck Ginger Ale and am among the many fans who would hate to see it fizzle out. We have reached out to @CocaCola and are doing everything we can to keep this popular Virginia staple on our shelves. Stay tuned…

    I can’t wait to see what cronyism I am going to have the displeasure of funding.

    • leon

      When you’re governor, you get to spend government resoucres towards protecting your childhood memories. It is one of the benies.

    • KOVIDKristen

      The replies are…disheartening

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      That’s my gov. The soft-spoken authoritarian with a taste for sugar-water.

      • leon

        And Baby Blood

    • Claypoolsreservoir

      Why don’t you leave office and buy the company then you baby bludgeoning blackface boob. Stop using my tax dollars to feed your fucking fascist fantasies.

      • R C Dean

        I thought he was the one in the Klan hood.

    • Drake

      A lot of (((them)))) do it?

    • leon

      Yeah everyone coming out to defend this just makes me think the Qannon people are onto somthing when they say the elites are full of pedophiles. “we need to normalize [insert private thing]!”. No we don’t. Just because people do things does not make it appropriate for it to be done publicly.

      • Raven Nation

        There may be some of the normalizing you note. But, I think a lot of this is just a sign of the almost complete polarization of (political) society. That is, “Toobin is on our side so we must support him.”

      • leon

        Well the normalization is out their in the tweet:

        OPINION: Jeffrey Toobin’s history of bad sexual judgment is really about our unease with masturbation.

        I’m not “uneasy” about people pleasuring themselves. It has no place in public life. The idea that we have to accept that people do things publicly or else they are being stigmatized and that is wrong is an idea that will lead us down much woe and trouble.

      • R C Dean

        The elites are convinced that everyone is a bigot and a sexual predator. Now, where would they get that idea? They have little contact with non-elites. Their “everyone” is their peer group.

        So maybe they aren’t wrong. Maybe everyone in their peer group is a bigot and a sexual predator.

    • Idle Hands

      Wtf happened to Friedersdorf?

      • kbolino

        You know, reading through the thread, I think I end up agreeing with Friedersdorf even though he’s probably a bit of a hypocrite and his “empathy and kindness” shtick is a little selective. When everybody comes off as an asshole, the guy saying “let’s not be assholes” is king, or something.

      • kbolino

        That having been said, I think humor and shame are entirely appropriate, and if I were his boss I’d fire Toobin.

        But as far as Conor is concerned, the sanctimoniousness, tu quoque, and dredging up irrelevant bullshit (the Koch brothers, seriously?) make for poor counterarguments. Maybe he’s blocked everyone who can make a strong argument against him, but the replies to his tweet are like a textbook exercise of weakmanning, if not for the fact that he didn’t make them up.

      • KOVIDKristen

        Mocking is the only punishment he’ll get, so I’m OK with it. And I generally have no empathy for people who deliberately do fucked up shit. No one can claim they don’t know rubbing your genitals in front of colleagues is wrong. There’s no Costanza Defense here.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        To follow the Golden Rule— Conor Friedersdorf (@conor64) October 20, 2020

        Idk, Friedersdorf is trying way too hard here.

      • kbolino

        True, and there is a whiff of “don’t crucify me next” that seems to be backfiring.

      • leon

        Conor Friedersdorf
        @conor64
        ·
        Oct 19
        When Occam’s Razor suggests someone humiliated himself through a combo of technological error, pandemic circumstances, bad judgment, & bad luck, it seems like we should react w/ empathy, politeness, & forgiveness, as we would want to be treated, rather than punitive mockery
        Anand
        @anandthakker
        ·
        Oct 19
        You tucked “bad judgment” in there among all those other factors, like it’s just one more thing that happened to the guy, just part of the perfect storm. Punitive, shaming mockery isn’t great, but neither is this dismissive apology. (Especially given *his* weak apology.)
        Conor Friedersdorf
        @conor64
        Replying to
        @anandthakker
        and
        @michelleinbklyn
        Have you never exercised bad judgment?

        What a try at a stolen base: If you aren’t perfect you can’t criticize a guy for fucking up really bad.

        I get redemption, but you can’t have redemption without walking the route of true remorse.

        . I think Robbie “the fire” Bernstein is generally right. If you fuck up in such a way that your name becomes national news, in association with your employer, it doesn’t matter how innocent the mistake was. You should expect to be fired.

      • KOVIDKristen

        Have you never exercised bad judgment?

        My bad judgements usually involve things that only affect me, like smoking that cig after 2 years quit, or eating all the Twinkies.

      • Raven Nation

        “You should expect to be fired”

        Yeah, I don’t understand why there is some kind of Zoom mercy rule. If you were in a regular staff meeting and yanked it out and started jerking off, you’d be shit-canned right there.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        You didn’t account for the pandemic though. Whatever that means.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Honestly, how hard is it to simply not let loose your Biden on Zoom?

      • R C Dean

        Have you never exercised bad judgment?

        You bet I have. And I suffered the consequences for it, too.

      • juris imprudent

        Warped idea of who the cool kids are?

      • leon

        OPINION: Jeffrey Toobin didn’t cover himself in glory — or, regrettably, anything else — in that fateful Zoom call, but CNN and his country need him, writes Vinay Menon.

        WTH?!

        I asked this earlier? In what way is Toobin so special that he doesn’t have some leftist understudy that can fill his role as a Legal Analyst for CNN? Why are they trying to save him?

      • Gdragon

        He’s been fucking awful on every issue that I’ve ever seen him weigh in on.

    • Ted S.

      Harvey Weinstein?

  17. The Late P Brooks

    Crimes against humanity

    A Miami officer is facing disciplinary action after he was photographed wearing a “Trump 2020” face mask while in uniform in a polling place.

    The photograph was shared on Tuesday by Steve Simeonidis, the chairman of Miami-Dade Democrats, who accused the officer in a tweet of voter intimidation while inside the Stephen P. Clark Government Center in Downtown Miami.

    ——-

    City of Miami Mayor Francis Suarez said the officer was in line to vote and he violated departmental policy by wearing political signage while in uniform.

    The mayor did not speak to whether it crossed the line into voter intimidation as Simeonid

    Notify the U N Commission on Human Rights. This banana republic oppression cannot stand.

    • R C Dean

      Honestly, that was stupid. It also violates the rules against electioneering at a polling place.

      Of course, it was in no way voter intimidation. Although who knows what else the bonehead did.

  18. Gadfly

    Bravo! That was hilarious.

  19. leon

    The poor hair is doing his best to try to get them re-elected, but Donald and the Hat don’t seem t obe having it.

    • juris imprudent

      I can’t imagine that Donald likes the Secret Service always hovering about him. He’ll be happy to go off and do something else.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        I don’t imagine anyone would like it: not the Royal Family nor Joe Average. It must feel like being under conservatorship.

  20. kinnath

    I saw a facebook post that showed a text messages supposedly from Hunter to his daughter. He complains about financing the family for the last 32 years and getting no respect. He tells his daughter to carry on. At least he won’t demand half her salary like dad did.

    I almost had a moment of pity for the dude having to be raised by Joe and and being Joe’s bag boy.

    • The Other Kevin

      I don’t blame Joe. If my kid were making money off my influence, I’d want a cut of the take too.

      • kinnath

        Depends. Is the son the grifter leveraging dad’s position? Is the dad the grifter leveraging his own position and using the son as the bag boy? Is it an equal partnership?

      • banginglc1

        Whether he’s using dad or dad’s using him is irrelevant. The son could always have said no. Either way, I can see why dad wants a cut of the grift.

      • kinnath

        As an agent of the state, the father is legally barred from saying yes.

        At this point, my interpretation is that the father is the product and the son is the channel to market.

        I’m okay with both serving time.

      • The Other Kevin

        Without dad, there is no grift. “Hunter TheOtherKevin” wouldn’t be able to get $50k a month from some company in an industry where he has 0 experience.

    • R C Dean

      I suspect its some of both. This is the way things are done. People approached Hunter, I’m sure, because he was in the logical place to be the cut-out/bagman. Joe saw nothing wrong with it, because its just how things are done. This is all pretty normal, with the possible exception of the amounts of money and its foreign sources.

    • Florida Man

      He knew it was illegal. I don’t care if you grow up in a gangbanger family. You have a choice not to be a thug. Both should be in jail, but nothing will happen, so you can lookup my sympathy between shit and syphillis.

    • wdalasio

      I’m not buying it. Remember, Hunter Biden wasn’t alone in his business ventures. He was in with John Kerry’s stepson and Whitey Bolger’s nephew. I don’t think even Biden would be so stupid as to run a shakedown with that many players in the know.

      My guess, is they saw the grift Marc Mezvinsky (who, surprise surprise surprise, was married to Chelsea Clinton at the time) was playing and thought they’d get in on the act. Biden was the juice to make their game work. Without him, they’re a bunch of nobodies.

      • Fatty Bolger

        I don’t think even Biden would be so stupid as to run a shakedown with that many players in the know.

        Are we talking about the same Biden who bragged publicly about getting the guy investigating his son’s company fired?

      • Pope Jimbo

        I thought he was talking about the Biden who left a laptop stuffed with incriminating files at a repair shop.

      • KSuellington

        Hunter also managed to secure a cool million for Kerry’s filmmaker daughter from some shady Kazakh businessman.

      • R C Dean

        They were both in on it. Hunter was such a fuckup, what else was he going to do? The night shift at the Kwik-trip?

        Joe taking meetings, off the record with his son’s new business pals? And, totally coincidentally, doing what they wanted? Hell, it was so obvious the Obama White House had some indigestion, but nothing was done. If Joe wasn’t in on it, why wouldn’t he have called Hunter and said “What the hell are you doing? You can’t get in bed with people I might have to deal with as Vice President.”

        Joe was absolutely in on it. It wouldn’t work without him or Hunter. You need a cut-out, and you need a product to sell. And while you never want to take what a crackhead says at face value, his laptop has numerous references to Joe taking a cut.

      • R C Dean

        the media blackout on this is astounding. I’ve never seen anything like it.

        Me neither. I’m honestly surprised. This is the most radioactive political scandal in a looong time, even moreso than Hillary’s emails and charity slush fund, IMO, because this is so easy to understand. I didn’t think even the DemOp media would be able to ignore/minimize/censor this as much as they have.

        I’m looking forward to Trump trying to hammer Biden with it at the debate, and the lefty moderator repeatedly killing his mike. Killing the President’s mike on live TV. What times we live in.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        The real, more worrying scandal, is that the permanent state obviously knew about all of this and chose to bury it. And then they fabricated evidence against a sitting, duly-elected president.

        Every single one of those nameless, faceless bastards needs to be tried and hung for treason. But that’s not going to happen.

      • Pope Jimbo

        My fear is that the reason that no one blew a whistle is because every single politician in DC is doing the same fucking thing. All of them are selling access on the sly through family members.

        If you are a bureaucrat who do you go to?

    • PieInTheSky

      Don’t be so pessimistic. We can turn Texas blue!

  21. RAHeinlein

    Arrived home with a “Paid Family Leave” flyer filled with anit-Ernst rhetoric attached to my door – the culprits were still wandering the neighborhood so I located and asked if this garbage belonged to them.

    Them: “Yes, we hang those” –

    Me: “Well I guess you don’t want jobs in the future”

    • Florida Man

      You think the market is predicting a Biden loss?

      • mexican sharpshooter

        To be honest, I think they are pricing in chaos. Since the first debate my solar and pot stocks were doing well until today, when it took a Biden. I

  22. The Late P Brooks

    I can’t imagine that Donald likes the Secret Service always hovering about him. He’ll be happy to go off and do something else.

    To be honest, I think Trump ran for President because he thought it would be fun. It was, for a while, but the shine is long gone.

    • Sean

      He sure looks like he’s having fun running again.

      • leon

        Yeah i was gonna say, despite all the shit, i bet he is still having tons of fun being in charge of it all.

      • leon

        Also, i made a Pysch reference in the previous thread. Thought you might catch it.

      • Sean

        Ohh…i didn’t make the connection. ?

      • juris imprudent

        The fun he has comes at the expense of properly running the govt. He tweets shit, but he doesn’t actually put it in writing and run it down the bureaucratic process – which also means following up that the careerists aren’t slow-rolling what he wants done.

        He could be a LOT MORE disruptive if he did that instead of the fucking tweet-show. And I’d vote for him if he did that.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        The executive orders look rather fun. ?

    • Florida Man

      Then he should have stepped down and let someone that wants to win run. Although I have a hard time believing he is doing all these rallies and really doesn’t want to win.

      • Sean

        He wants it.

    • KOVIDKristen

      I honestly thought he’d hate it so much that he would refuse a 2nd term. I don’t get how DC is so seductive. I mean, the power, yes. But the lifestyles these people lead – it’s…not natural.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Novelty? The ice rink writ large?

      • SugarFree

        He would look like a failure if he didn’t run again. Conceding weakness is not his style.

      • juris imprudent

        Plus the hangers on still have grifting to do. So they aren’t about to discourage him.

      • Gadfly

        I think he likes two things about it, and that’s why he sticks around: he likes the fight, and he likes the glory. He’s getting thousands of people to turn out to his rallies to cheer for him, thousands more to hold parades in his honor, his ego is being fed like never before in his life. Sure, he’s become very hated among a large number of people, but even the hate means he’s on their mind, so again, an ego boost. The worst thing for a man like Trump is to be forgotten, and he’s guaranteed that won’t happen as long as he’s alive.

    • KSuellington

      Trump wants to win it more this time than last. He is now running for his legacy. If he wins (which I think likely) it is complete vindication for the impeachment. However much or little he accomplishes in a second term will pale with shoving a win in the Dems faces.

      • Tundra

        Hey, thanks for that AIER article the other day. By far the best I’ve read on the subject.

      • KSuellington

        Cheers! AIER has been killing it during the pandemic. Was it the one on masks or the other one on the shutdowns?

      • DEG

        AIER has been great. A breath of fresh air.

      • Tundra

        The Year of Disguises.

        Amazing.

      • R C Dean

        I’m still 60/40 Trump wins. This is one weird effing election, but I still think he’s got the edge. I’m wobbling on maybe 55/45.

        But if he loses, I’m not going to say “Well, I wasn’t wrong because I didn’t say it was 100%” like some pussy. I’ll say “I thought he would win, but I was wrong”.

      • KSuellington

        Yeah I’m with you RC. I think it’s 60/40 T Dog or maybe a smidge higher. I don’t think the Dem cheat campaign is developed enough in the states that count to throw it.
        I have a few hundred on a win for him, think I will keep it at that and not increase it. I want to see the Dems get smacked down more than the last time even. The way they have behaved needs a spanking that I hope will be delivered. I was waffling on voting for BOM or writing in Rand, but at this point the bigger middle finger is Trump.

        (Plus 4 more years of H&H will be cool).

      • limey

        I think Biden will win, but by a very slim margin in the EC. He’ll have a bigger majority in tEh PoPuLaR vOtE, but he’ll just scrape by in the EC (maybe thanks to one or two “faithless electors”?).

      • Pope Jimbo

        That would be a perfect 2020 stunt to have faithless electors tip the election.

      • leon

        But if he loses, I’m not going to say “Well, I wasn’t wrong because I didn’t say it was 100%” like some pussy. I’ll say “I thought he would win, but I was wrong”

        Nate silver hides his shame.

        I even saw him the other day “Now remember, i’m saying that Trump still does have a 12% chance of winning”. Like that means anything when you are talking about a one off event. This isn’t some repeatable event. You can’t test it over and over and see “Oh look 12% of the time Trump won”.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        But it sounds super sciency when they put the percent sign after some number!

        /IFLS

      • juris imprudent

        Dude, decimal points before the percent sign. Precision for the [sciencey] win!

      • The Hyperbole

        Understanding probability makes one a pussy?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Have you met the average data scientist?

      • Cancelled

        Is he mean?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        You should see Cohen’s d!

      • R C Dean

        Understanding probability makes one a pussy?

        Being Nate Silver makes one a pussy. How his understanding of probability factors into that, I couldn’t say. But treating your conclusions as non-falsifiable is a pussy move. There, I said it.

  23. Raven Nation

    UCL spoiler…

    Real Madrid, hahahahahahahha

    • mexican sharpshooter

      They really Biden themselves didn’t they?

  24. The Late P Brooks

    Trump wants to win it more this time than last. He is now running for his legacy. If he wins (which I think likely) it is complete vindication for the impeachment. However much or little he accomplishes in a second term will pale with shoving a win in the Dems faces.

    I agree, mostly. If nothing else, his ego won’t let him walk away without a fight. And the crowds unquestionably energize him.

    Also- as much and as loud as the “muh Public safeteee” crowd squawk, I think Trump bouncing back from the plague, and telling people to not let the fear of it rule their lives has traction with a large segment of the population.

    Make the Presidency Fun Again!

    • R C Dean

      his ego won’t let him walk away without a fight

      Yup. And I think he’s the kind who holds a grudge. If so, he’s got a dumptruck full of scores to settle.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        he’s got a dumptruck full of scores to settle

        I think it’s a transoceanic cargo mega-ship.

      • juris imprudent

        Spacing Guild Highliner

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        +1 Seinfeld.

        “…You said spite.”

      • Pope Jimbo

        It could be a disaster for the Left if Trump loses.

        I could see him starting some sort of media company and using it to do nothing except bash Biden and the Left. Also he would be constantly tweeting and disrupting the new administration.

        Think how horrible it would be to have ex-President Trump start tweeting shit like “Time to ban fracking”, “Confiscate those guns” and “More taxes for the rich!”. Then when they did any of that, he could boast about how Biden is taking his advice.

        Wouldn’t need to make any sense. In today’s post reality world, Trump’s taunts would make as much sense as the MSM’s current stance that Hunter’s laptop is a Ruskie operation.

      • R C Dean

        I could see him starting some sort of media company and using it to do nothing except bash Biden and the Left.

        Deplatformed within a week. As in, no website, no financial transactions, no YouTube or social media. With the left running the FTC and the FCC, there’d be no pushback.

      • Gadfly

        I could see him starting some sort of media company and using it to do nothing except bash Biden and the Left. Also he would be constantly tweeting and disrupting the new administration.

        Holy crap. He’s going to become a talk-show host, isn’t he? He already likes to ramble on for hours at his rallies, and he loves winding people up and getting people to cheer him on. Although I don’t know if his ego will fit on the radio, where most of the right-leaning talk shows are.

  25. limey

    I opted in to supply a sample for a covid antibody study. No good can come of having my DNA on file indefinitely with a market research monopolist who sells its data to the cops, and in the hands of an institution that provided that godawful modeling.

    • EvilSheldon

      Wait, you opted IN to this?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Was wondering about that myself. Typo (deo volante)?

    • mexican sharpshooter

      If your wastewater is on sewer, they already have your DNA.

      • Mad Scientist

        That’s why you should put all your waste into glass jars.

      • mrfamous

        Finally, an authentic libertarian!

      • Cancelled

        This may help,

    • Heroic Mulatto

      Ok, but they didn’t ask for a semen sample.

      • Cancelled

        She is doing the collection. Sort of borderline NSFW

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Well, I wasn’t planning on Toobin’ right now, but here we are.

      • limey

        The courier they send hangs around for 5 mins so you can do the swabs, seal it up, and give it back to them. If they want a semen sample with that quick a turnaround they’d better send someone with a very particular skillset.

      • UnCivilServant

        Nope, they’ll just shove an electrode up your backside, the same way they harvest from bulls.

      • limey

        Yikes!

        *Scooby Doo running away sound effect*

      • juris imprudent

        People sometimes underestimate bureaucratic efficiency.

  26. juris imprudent

    Was late to notice this is episode 173. That was an auspicious number for me on the vacation. The last campground we stayed at was having a count the candy-corn contest and Mrs. JI wanted to put an entry in; she says to me “how many?” and I reply after a moments study “173”. The woman behind the counter looks up and says, no one has ever guessed the exact number – they’ve been close, but never on the nose. Then she tells me to go grab one of the logo’ed mugs off the several shelves of them (whereas the winner of the drawing only got the stupid jar of candy-corn).