The Way She Moves

by | Oct 12, 2020 | Fiction | 283 comments

It was Friday night and Joey had cash in pocket.  He entered his favorite dive bar and found Tony sitting at a table with great view of the TV.  There was already a pitcher of beer on the table – half gone of course, and Tony was digging into a plate of wings.   Joey grabbed the chair next to him and poured a glass of bear.

The talking heads at ESPN were talking away.  Joey looked around the bar to see if any of the other regulars were in yet.  He noticed a strawberry-blonde sitting at the bar by herself.  Tony had stopped eating and was saying something to Joey, but Joey was mesmerized by the girl.   A sharp jab to the shoulder broke the spell, and Joey turned to Tony.

“What?”

“It’s your turn.  Go get another pitcher and tell the guy at the bar to switch the TV.  The game is starting in 5 minutes”.

Joey topped off both their glasses and took the empty pitcher up to the bar.  By time he got back from the bar the announcers were reading through the starting line ups.

 

*    *    *

 

The first quarter clock ran down to zero.  Joey took his attention from the TV and glanced around the room.  The strawberry-blonde was still at the bar and still by herself.

“I think I’m going to go check her out.”

“That one.  She’s got crazy eyes.”

“Yeah, but she’s also way up on the hot scale too.”

“Nah man, she’s above the line, top of the danger zone.”

“You’re just bummed because I saw her first.”

“I saw her as soon as I got here.   Those are really, really crazy eyes.”

“Whatever dude.  Wish me luck.”

Joey pushed back from the table and headed to the bar.

 

Before Joey even got to the bar, she spoke without turning around.

“Took you long enough.”

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“I’ve been waiting here all night.  I didn’t think you would ever get up the nerve to come over.”

“You wanted me to come over?”

“I put a spell on this empty stool so no one else could sit in it.”

“You put a spell on the bar stool?”

“For fuck’s sake: Shut up; sit down; buy me a drink.”

Joey hesitated, then slid up to the bar.  He waved to the barkeep to get his attention.

“What are you drinking?”

“Gin and Tonic.”

Yelling down to the barkeep, “Gin and Tonic.  Two.”

Turning back, he said “Hi, I’m Joey.”

“Hello Joey.”

After an awkward pause, “And do you have a name?”

“Of course, I have a name Joey.”

And another pause followed by “And are you going to tell me?”

“Which name do you want?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you want the name I give to strange men in bars?  Or the name my mother gave me?”

“Let’s go with the name your mother gave you.”

“OK, I’m Amber.”

“Really?  Your mother gave you a stripper name?”

“Yeah, bless her heart.”

“Alright then, so what name do you usually give to strangers in bars?”

“Amber.”

Her blue eyes twinkled.  There was just a hint of a smile at the corners of her lips.

 

I met a girl she was half out of her mind

That’s okay cause I’m half out of mine

She said I’m tired of love, all the games, and crying

And all I want from you is a real good time

 

After a few drinks and some idle chit-chat, Joey turned to face Amber.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you here before.”

“No, you haven’t. I’m just passing through.”

“Oh, so where are you from?”

“Not here.”

“Okay then.” Slight pause. “And where might you be going?”

“Not here.”

“Uh huh, I see.  Top Secret stuff huh?”

“Nope.  Just mostly boring.”

“Boring is under-rated.  So uh, fate just happened to bring us together tonight then?”

“Could be.”  She continued, “My car is broken.  The part won’t be here for 4 days.  I’m stuck in a shitty motel just down the street, because that’s all I can afford.   The place reeks, but I did make the manager come down and put clean sheets on the bed.”

She turned her stool away from the bar and faced the door.

“What?  Are you leaving now?”

“Joey.  You really are slow on the uptake aren’t you.”  She slid down from the stool and started walking towards the door.  She called out over her shoulder, “Decide quickly Joey.  Time is wasting.”

 

Said I know how you feel cause I’ve been there too

She said you’re wasting time we got things to do

 

Joey watched her walking away for a second or two, then shook his head.   He pushed away from the bar and followed her out into the parking lot.

 

I like the way you move me

I like the way you bring it to me

Love the way you know what’s on my mind

 

I like the way you shake it

I like the way you don’t have to fake it

Knew right from the start it would be fine

 

Joey had to hustle to catch up with Amber.  He struggled to think of something witty to say, but nothing was coming.  She said nothing.  So, he gave up and did the same.

After a few minutes she cut across an open lot to the parking lot of the Motel Caswell.  The lot was nearly empty; there were only few beat-up old wrecks parked here and there.  She walked across the lot to a room away from all of the vehicles and pulled a key with a plastic tag out of her jeans pocket.   She struggled to get the key to turn over in the lock, and then she had to lean into the door to get it to open.   Once across the threshold, she dropped her purse on the dresser then turned to him and started to unbutton her blouse.

“Be sure to take off your socks.” Turning away, “I hate it when they don’t take off their socks.”

Joey stepped in and closed the door behind himself.

 

Later

 

I was laying in bed trying to catch my breath

Half ashamed half smiling at the things we did

 

She made it clear from the start it was a one-night stand

But I was thinking of ways to make her change her plan

 

Nobody else ever made me feel this way

Sounds shallow well I’m sorry what should I say

 

Joey scooted up in the bed to a sitting position.

“So, you’re going to be here for a few more days right.  Perhaps we can get together again.”

“I tell you what.  I’ll let you buy me breakfast”.

“When should I pick you up.”

“I meant right now.”

“It’s 3 o’clock in the morning.”

“Yeah, but there’s a waffle house right around the corner, and I haven’t eaten since noon yesterday.”

“Really.  Why not?”

“You forgot that part about not having much cash?”

“Oh, right.”

“So, buy me breakfast, we can talk about what happens after that.  Go jump in the shower, I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

 

I like the way you move me

I like the way you know how to do me

Like the way you know what’s on my mind

 

I like the way you shake it

I love the way you don’t have to fake it

 

Knew right from the start it would be

Don’t you think that we too could be

I’ll bet anything that could be fine

 

Amber stepped into the shower, and put her left hand on Joey’s shoulder.   He turned towards her, and she stepped in close and put her arm around his waist.  He put both hands on her head and tilted it up.  He leaned down to kiss her lips.

The pain was excruciating as the stiletto slipped between his ribs and pierced his heart.

Joey sunk slowly to his knees, and Amber first stepped backward in the tub and then out on to the floor.  Blood ran down his chest, then across his hip, and finally fell into the water at the bottom of the tub before going down the drain.  His eyes fluttered a bit, then closed.

Amber walked out of the bathroom and opened a drawer in the nightstand.  She pulled out a large ziplock bag that held a scalpel and a battery-operated Dremel with a cutting wheel.

Joey was in the same position as when Amber left.  The shower was still running and continued to wash the trickle of blood from the wound down the drain.  She turned off the water.

She grabbed Joey by the hair and pulled his body forward in the tub.   He landed face down, so it was hard work getting him rolled over and face up.  She used the scalpel to cut a deep Y into his torso and then pulled back the skin and muscle exposing the ribs.  The Dremel made quick work of cutting through the ribs.  She lifted out the sternum exposing the heart below.  A few flicks of the wrist and the heart was free.

She turned the shower back on and rinsed off the heart and her tools.  The heart went into the ziplock bag.   She carefully climbed back into the shower with her feet placed precariously on both sides of the body.   She quickly washed her hair and body, then turned off the water and climbed out of the tub.

 

*    *    *

 

Once she was dressed, she put the tools and the ziplock bag with heart into her purse.   Then she turned off the lights and left the room.  She walked across the parking lot and down the street away from the bar.  At mid-block, she crossed over to an old Buick and climbed into the driver seat.  A quiet voice came from the back seat.

“That took a long time.”

“Well, a girl has to have a little fun every now and then.”

She pulled the ziplock bag out of her purse, unsealed the bag, and then handed it back over the seat.  A frail, trembling hand reached out and took the bag.

“Where should we go now?” Amber asked.

“It’s starting to get cold.  We should go south.” He replied.

“South it is.”

Amber started the car.   She watched him in the review mirror as he carefully maneuvered the heart in the open ziplock bag to expose the cut edges of the aorta.  He began to nibble at the edges.  His face was sagging and the eyes were sunken.  But after just a few nibbles, she could see his face was starting to fill in.

“You be careful not to get that shit all over the seat back there.  It’s a bitch to scrub that out of the upholstery.”

“As you wish.”

She dropped the transmission into drive and pulled away from the curb.

 

I like the way you move me

I like the way you know how to do me

Like the way you know what’s on my mind

 

I like the way you shake it

I like the way you don’t have to fake it

Knew right from the start it would be fine

 

 

{Like The Way She Moves; Chris Isaak; 1998}

 

About The Author

kinnath

kinnath

I am not a bum. I'm a jerk. I once had wealth, power, and the love of a beautiful woman. Now I only have two things: the glibs, and... uh... my booze.

283 Comments

  1. Scruffy Nerfherder

    See?

    This is why I prefer brunettes.

    • straffinrun

      This. Except Yoko.

  2. Yusef drives a Kia

    Gingers, Ivory skin,

  3. Sean

    Kinda expected the murder by the time she got off the bat stool, still enjoyed the story.

    • Sean

      *bar

  4. Mojeaux the Malevolent

    Her real name’s Alexandria, right?

    Also, she coulda got his kidneys for some quick $$$$$.

    Heh.

    Awesome. Loved it. Is there more?

    • kinnath

      Is there more?

      Don’t know yet.

      Working on a different story now.

    • kinnath

      Did you see the story last week?

      • kinnath

        Actually two weeks ago.

      • Mojeaux the Malevolent

        Just re-read it. NICE, but I’m contributing to your therapy gofundme. LOL

      • kinnath

        Uh, this is therapy?

  5. westernsloper

    Ok, we need to start a gofundme for Kinnath’s therapy.

  6. DEG

    Joey grabbed the chair next to him and poured a glass of bear.

    I like this type-o. No, seriously, I like it.

    I also like the story. Gotta watch out for crazy eyes.

  7. Ted S.

    I got to the first set of asterisks and thought that was the end of the story. 😐

    • kinnath

      Just a pause. No relevant lyrics to stick in there.

  8. Count Potato

    I don’t read fiction, except SugarFree.

    Except I read this. And it turned out kind of SugarFree. So apparently, I have the magical power to make stories creepy and weird just by reading them.

    • kinnath

      Well, Subaru Horror Theater had a affect on me.

      • db

        The first time I read one of those, I didn’t come back to this site for close to a year.

      • westernsloper

        LOL

      • db

        Not a joke. That was fucking disturbing.

      • Chafed

        I sort of joined you. I still came to the site but never read another Subaru Horror Theater.

  9. westernsloper

    I do love the riffing on a song for a disturbing story. I preferred the song link at the beginning so you hear parts of the song as you read the story. If you can get it down to normal reading time and lyrics quotes you would become the master of this, whatever it is. I like it!

    • kinnath

      I couldn’t decide to put the music link first or last.

      • Rhywun

        I liked it last because it kept me guessing who or what it was.

      • kinnath

        Ok. One vote for last.

        Thanks for the feedback.

      • westernsloper

        And one vote for first. Just to cancel Rhy’s.

      • Rhywun

        Doherty’s right – voting is a waste of time.

      • westernsloper

        Ya, that is a tough one. What is normal reading time to insert into the story? I am kinda dumb so I read slow. Maybe shoot for the middle. Kidney stone herder read it five minutes faster than me and I don’t even think I made a drink during reading.

      • kinnath

        It’s a short song 2:47.

      • westernsloper

        Ok, so I can’t keep up. Like I haven’t experienced that. We under achievers adapt.

      • Sean

        “Kidney stone herder”

        Dude…

        Too soon?

      • westernsloper

        NEVER!

    • Sean

      I’d like to know more.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        jezza
        @extremely_wet
        Replying to
        @BustinTrudeau
        i hope the hot one wins

  10. pistoffnick

    kinnath was a quiet man. Kind of kept to himself. Made mead, as I recall, pretty good stuff. OK, ok, the best mead I have ever tasted.

    He never let us visit his basement though.

    Good stuff, K, the mead and the writin’. *shivers*

    • kinnath

      Thanks

  11. The Hyperbole

    I hate the term under-rated, so I’ll just say I dig Chris Isaak more than most people seem to. Thanks for the reminder Kinneth, for and the wank scary story.

    • Rhywun

      I only remember that hit he had, the one with the smoke-show video. And I guess the chick was good-looking too.

      • Rhywun

        Yes, I reviewed it before commenting 😉

      • The Hyperbole

        He had a short lived TV series on HBO or Sommat that I remember thinking was pretty good, a little quirky with good acting and naked chicks, but it got the WKRP thing where he had so many guest acts/musicians on that it’s impossible to get the okay to put out DVD or syndicate it. There’s some crappy bootlegs on you tube but the quality is off putting.

      • Sensei

        I think Amazon has season 1 of wkrp. Maybe more for pay, but perhaps not. Is that a reason for the lack of streaming?

      • Rhywun

        KRP is on one of those oldies channels frequently – MeTV or one of those. I watched it on some business trips a couple years ago when there was nothing else to do.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Not anymore, I don’t think.

      • Rhywun

        Yeah, I don’t see it. It’s Gomer Pyle and Green Acres now. Yuck. At least Hogan’s Heroes is still on after.

      • C. Anacreon

        I always liked Green Acres. A few of the characters were annoying (especially the star Eddie Albert, and Eb wasn’tso great) but it was a good ensemble, andMr. Haney and Hank Kimball were always hilarious. I loved how each show would create running gags just for that episode, such as Eva Gabor coming up with some bizarre malapropism, only to have everyone in the town using the same term later as if they’d always said it that way.

      • Cy

        It was a halloween party…. 40 FUCKIING YEARS AGO!

      • Tundra

        He was the drive though guy in Married to the Mob.

        Lol. Found it.

      • Count Potato

        Even re-runs of the Sopranos on HBO had some music replaced.

  12. westernsloper

    In the sidebar of Kinnath’s link was this. I like the song ok because memories, but sorry, this is way better.

    • Rhywun

      I’m not a huge fan of decades-later live performances but I do like the original a lot. The cover, too. Except I would prefer less camera time from the joker with the beard and more from the guy with the Joy Division shirt.

    • pistoffnick

      Agreed. And my beard length is approaching his (although much more grey, ok, completely grey)

      The chick with the nose ring has pipes. I like a girl with big…lungs.

    • kinnath

      I believe Madonna is the same age as I am.

    • Rhywun

      I didn’t know there was a “misshapen head” filter. Yikes.

      • Chafed

        I was thinking something similar.

    • straffinrun

      She’d have stayed a virgin if she always looked like that.

    • The Hyperbole

      after seeing the actors jump out of an unmarked van in ski masks carrying realistic-looking assault rifles while yelling, “This is a robbery!”

      I’m no cinematographer but wouldn’t all the lights and cameras and guys with flappy clapboard things kinda give away that this was a movie/TV shoot?

      • Rhywun

        I thought it was the “yelling ‘This is a robbery!'” that made it obviously fake. Who does that?

      • Sensei

        Ok. I laughed.

      • Rhywun

        Heh.

      • juris imprudent

        +1 HunnyBunny

      • straffinrun

        The IRS?

      • Sir Digby Classic

        That’s “FBI–warrant!”.

        And, they aren’t talking about being fans of the band.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Dammit–thought I’d caught it before it sent.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        That’s “Internal Revenue Service–warrant!”.

        And, they aren’t talking about being fans of the band.

      • Sensei

        Unless they were trying to cheap out and do it guerrilla style or something.

        Plus we are asking cops to asses thing before going all out. Does that usually work?

      • Rhywun

        I was left on the cutting-room floor of a guerrilla shoot once. Fun times.

  13. Tundra

    Holy shit kinnath.

    Now that I know you IRL this is even better.

    Really good, man. I thank you for the nice combo of creepy story and excellent music.

    Here’s a nice coda.

    • kinnath

      On of my all time favorites. It made a mix CD. This is the lead off number.

      I was listening to this on the drive back from Honey Harvest when I got the idea to turn a few tunes into stories.

      • Fourscore

        Midwest Glibs are the best!

      • kinnath

        Another one on my home made CD.

      • Tundra

        Yep. I know what I’ll be listening to tomorrow.

      • Sensei

        I remember that video!

  14. EvilSheldon

    I like it. It’s just about the right amount of sleaze.

    Amber needs to take a little more care with the disposal of the remains, though. Burn the body to ash, dissolve it with quicklime, feed it to pigs, woodchipper, something. But if you leave a body in a cheap motel room sans heart, more than maybe two or three times, the Big Law is gonna be all over you like a bukkake video…

    • kinnath

      I don’t think she cares.

      • straffinrun

        Easy to read, K’nath. Good stuff.

      • kinnath

        thanks

      • Rhywun

        This.

        *shudder*

  15. straffinrun

    Never trust a chick with hair the color of fruit.

    • Sensei

      Given some of the anime I’ve watched that checks out.

      • straffinrun

        Anime girls and gender studies chicks. Ugh. Gimme a natural dishwater blonde or a dung beetle brunette any day.

      • Sensei

        Same. I find unnatural hair color generally a big turn off.

        Although in your neck of the woods there won’t be a lot of natural variety.

      • straffinrun

        The hair coloring fad has really died down. Some of the gals will do a slight tinge of brown, but nothing like it was ten, twenty years ago.

      • Sensei

        Young women with accents and/or colored extensions.

        If not crazy it’s not a turn off, but it’s not a turn on either.

      • straffinrun

        Yep. If I wanted to bang some cotton candy, I’d go to the circus.

      • Rhywun

        Fuck… the dudes too. I asked a coworker/buddy of East Asian extraction once around that time period about his suddenly brownish hair and he looked at me like I had an extra arm growing out of my head or something.

      • Sensei

        The question is was straff in Japan when the perm/fro was popular?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Still seems to be popular with Koreans.

        Speaking of which, Sirius XM is playing Bind Torture Sing on their main hits channel now. Barely any Kpop on Korea Today and no Jpop or Cpop/Mpop channel’s.

  16. commodious spittoon
    • Tundra

      10/10.

      Well played.

    • kinnath

      +1

  17. Fourscore

    Another great Kinnathesque story. Surprised, sure, unexpected, maybe a little. Thanks

    Kinnath, to change the subject a little, I found some seeds sprouting in an apple, planted them, have 3 little apple trees growing. Have you ever grown apple trees from seeds before?

    Nick, I picked about 7-8 yellow raspberries today, smaller than summer ones but still tasty. If you ended up with any red stemmed bushes, those are wild red raspberries. I see some near where you were digging, toss the red stems away.

    • kinnath

      No, I have not grown trees from seeds.

      It will be interesting to see what they turn into. Perhaps you’ll produce the next Honeycrisp.

      • kinnath

        You are basically generating random new trees.

        Trees grown from seedlings will grow to full size (20 to 25 feet) and generally take 10 years to produce. Many famous apple varieties were discovered where some random seed took root. Generally, the tend to revert to crab apples.

      • Fourscore

        “generally take 10 years to produce”

        Oh, well… I think they were from Honeycrisp apples.

        ” produce better when grafted ”

        Politicians?

        If they grow big enough to transplant maybe I’ll put them in a clearing, put a fence around them and have some deer apples for someone.

    • pistoffnick

      I think the apples produce better when grafted to an appropriate root stock. Johnny Appleseed is a fairy tale.

      3 of the 5 raspberry plants I took from your garden are still alive. The ones I didn’t trim didn’t survive.

      The deer, those fucking,cocksucking deer, have eaten 3 of my 4 my blueberry bushes.

      Tempted, I am, of getting a crossbow and a medically evaluated shoulder injury.

      • pistoffnick

        The arthritis makes the shoulder injury plausible.

  18. straffinrun

    Favorite Femme Fatale?

    • kinnath

      Miss Emma Peel?

      • mikey

        Correct answer.

        Fun story kinnath.

      • kinnath

        thanks

      • Gustave Lytton

        Technical DQ. Miss Peel isn’t a femme fatale.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Miss Emma Peel?

        Isn’t it “Mrs. Peel”?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yes, yes it is. ?‍♂️

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      Favorite Femme Fatale?

      Jane Greer

      • hayeksplosives

        Gene Tierney

        (Leave Her to Heaven)

      • C. Anacreon

        Back in the early days of the MASH tv show, when it was still funny and Hawkeye was an irreverent wisecracker instead of a whiny liberal, that Hawkeye’s character had a thing for Gene Tierney. IIRC he liked that she had a little diastema, though I don’t see it in her photos, though there are very few shots of her showing teeth.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        she had a little diastema

        Oh, yeah…that.

        :;clears throat::

    • LJW

      Wow that escalated from funny to I wanna punch her. Glad he took and kept that dog. Hope she finds help.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Tiny pupils…

    • Sir Digby Classic

      That bitch is either gonna end up as someone’s bitch in a prison, with several rounds in her torso, or, found OD’d in a seedy motel like the one where Joey will be found.

  19. Count Potato

    “At Florida rally, Trump says he’s now “immune” to the coronavirus, feeling “powerful” and willing to “kiss everyone” in the audience. “I’ll kiss the guys and the beautiful women,” he said.”

    https://twitter.com/Monica_Akhtar/status/1315799645428355072

    LOLOLOLOL

    • Rhywun

      LOL everything Donald says is “potentially sensitive” now, isn’t it.

      • DEG

        I liked that too.

    • Gustave Lytton

      High alcohol content while voting is an American birthright.

      Besides, I don’t blame them for wanting to disinfect their ballot. Not from covid but for the politicians appearing in it or, given its California, the inevitable tax increases.

    • Chafed

      Not anymore per the story.

  20. Rhywun

    The Wherever Chargers have the ugliest uniform I’ve ever seen.

    • Count Potato

      Worse than Seattle and Cincinnati?

      • Rhywun

        Yes. Those are distinctive. This is like random scraps of discarded clothing thrown together.

      • hayeksplosives

        Much like the team itself.

      • Chafed

        *mic drop*

      • one true athena

        You will appreciate this, being SoCal also:

        The spouse told me the Rams helmets look just like the KTLA logo and now I can’t unsee it.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Heh. True!

      • Chafed

        Ha!

    • The Hyperbole

      An exterior security camera at the cafe, only open for six weeks, was mysteriously shut off, he said. There were no apparent witnesses, not even the usual tents of homeless people sleeping across the street, he said.

      What is the world coming to when random drunken assholes won’t even bear witness?

    • Cancelled

      Almost everyone?

    • straffinrun

      I think only 5.99 million Jews died in the Holocaust.

      • Cancelled

        Don’t visit Germany.

      • straffinrun

        Even if the point nine is repeating?

    • Sir Digby Classic

      Those mistaken people will be sure to change their stance once they see that their post was blocked by fb.

      Totes fer sure.

    • Chafed

      This tactic really bothers (((me))). I have long contended we have to take this fight to deniers/conspiracy theorists/dummies. Not only do you get a chance to rebut them, you also get a chance to educate fellow travelers who simply don’t know any better.

      • straffinrun

        The free speech argument is such an obvious slam dunk that I can only assume those against it are solely about gathering power.

      • Chafed

        Normally I would agree with you. But I don’t, usually, think that’s the case here. The Simon Weisenthal Center is a good example. They do a ton of Holocaust education. I have never seen the Center wade into any political issue. But the constantly exhort European countries to criminalize Holocaust denial.

        It drives me nuts. They seem to genuinely believe it’s the right tactic. I vehemently disagree.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Yeah, but….but, facebook! Won’t somebody please think of the children employees and shareholders?!

        ?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yes, and making something forbidden and off-limits makes that attractive in itself. It’s the same way that labeling large swathes of the political spectrum as white supremacists will just encourage actual white supremacism.

  21. Cy

    Great story.

    It reminded me of one of my favorite songs:

    Harry Chapin – A better place to be

    • Cy

      The endings are definitely a bi different…

  22. hayeksplosives

    Nice job, Kinnath. Good story.

    Also, Hallmark called; you didn’t get the job.

    • Cancelled

      So they hired SugarFree?

    • Chafed

      Yup. Good job Kinnath. It was disturbing in an SF way.

  23. Cy

    Almost done at the office… and then I’m off to shoot pool at a bar, drink, eat and be merry. God bless Texas.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      You have interesting tastes, mon frere.

      • straffinrun

        I despise gang bangers and love to hear them describe how they ruined their own lives. And when they still can’t figure out after decades that violently attacking people is wrong, I’m gonna enjoy watching them stew in their own misery.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        I admit I love the Scared Straight shit. In that venue, maybe they can be of some help. Some of the ones I’ve seen certainly were trying, as were some kids.

        Most, though, were just wastes, unfortunately.

      • straffinrun

        You murder one person and you no longer deserve respect for the rest of your life. Pity? Maybe, but that requires complete submission and acceptance. Even then, it’s still my choice to give pity or not.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        You murder one person and you no longer deserve respect for the rest of your life.

        Me, personally–I dunno if I’d go that far, considering there are people guilty of such who’ve had a literal psych break (moment of passion thing), and some who committed their crime because they perceived harm being done being greater than the CJ punishment, such as parents that killed their child’s rapist, etc.

        I’m not arguing that they are in the right; just that I can probably still find respect for them (presuming they don’t go down into the same pit as the gang bangers.

        Beyond that, I do agree wit’cha.

      • straffinrun

        Sure, I’m talking straight up, unprovoked murder.

    • one true athena

      One of my favorite tales I’ve heard is – This guy was in county jail for a stolen car. The cops suspect he’s the boss of a ring, but they only have the one car on him. One of his buddies comes to the jail. There are signs everywhere in the visiting room that CONVERSATIONS ARE RECORDED. The phone itself I think even tells them it’s all recorded.

      So, these dudes decide to be clever and they’re gonna use code words to talk about their biz.

      “So, Mickey, what’s happening outside?”

      “Well, boss, we moved two of the blue refrigerators to Pacoima, and the red fridge to Lawndale.”

      On tape. Blue. Refrigerators.

      So, so dumb.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        “Sos, I gotta side job doin’ custom paint jahbs on fridges–what of it?”

      • Chafed

        I had more than a few clients who discussed what happened with their parents or girlfriend when they visited. As you saud, signs prominently posted informing everyone their conversations can be recorded.

        Criminals and their families are dumb. We’re damn lucky. Most cops aren’t much smarter.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Most cops aren’t much smarter.

        I dunno….they figured out the definite best method for getting away with shit–do so as one of the King’s men. So, they have that going for them.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Talkin’ about them blue refrigerators…

  24. Sir Digby Classic

    Yes–excellent story, Kinnath. Although, I must admit that I was hoping it was going in a somewhat more conventional direction.

    Is anyone here at all aware of the story making the rounds about various academics trouncing on Pence, after the debate? I first saw in reported through Fox. I think other sites have run with it.

    Well, one of these wonderful, jolly assholes works for my college. Aaaaaand, the college Prez has put out a statement that refers (rightfully) to the person’s screed as, “hateful, vile and ill-considered”. This person has, of course, responded with an email that tries to turn the tables on the college (partially right; the rest just an accountability dodge), along with others who feel they are being “called out” for anti-American propoganda, when it’s really just stating facts, etc.

    Just the unmitigated gall these people are displaying, acting as if they are under attack for no reason, and complaining that they should have a freedom to express themselves, that they don’t seem to want to extend to others.

    tl; dr–boy these professor-types sure are thin skinned and hypocritical!

    • straffinrun

      They are solidly in a hate spiral. Hysteria feeding off hysteria. No recognition that those who you disagree with may have a legit point. These people need to read some Haidt.

      • straffinrun

        What can be done? I don’t see any way of salvaging the humanities departments of most universities.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Oh, I have no fix or cure. I would like to see them put their money where their collectivist mouth is, and join antifa, though.

        Antifa is shooting, now. I’m wondering how well they’ll hold up against an older, better trained Rittenhouse.

      • straffinrun

        Yeah. It was bad when I got my second degree in lit and that was 25 years ago. The stories coming out now are insane. As racist as any ideology out there.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Ooooh–check out Mr. two-degrees-and-a-beautiful-sketcher-with-a-beautiful-family over here!

        ;;quietly sobs to himself::

      • straffinrun

        If I’m your high water mark, we’re both in the sewer.

      • Chafed

        They should be embarrassed by their inability to meaningfully criticize Pence. The way they did it is so low brow it’s revealing.

        In 1983 I had a chemistry professor who hated Reagan. He would be at the blackboard writing out chemical equations when he would turn around and say “that fucking cowboy” followed by a chuckle. He’d spend 2 minutes venting his spleen in a droll way. Then he picked up where he left off. He was funny in his own way. It was an odd place for political commentary but the guy was brilliant. He also never asked a student their political opinion. He just taught chemistry with a side of “that fucking cowboy” thrown in.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        You sure he wasn’t just a connoisseur of western-themed porn? I mean, they aren’t mutually exclusive, either. But, maybe there were other explanations?

      • Chafed

        I’d be shocked. He had been a professor for 2 or 3 decades when I had him. No one had a bad word for the guy. He could actually teach a difficult subject. He had plenty of office hours. No one claimed he did anything but answer questions.

    • Raven Nation

      If politics is show business for the ugly, then I think we could say that academia is politics for the gutless.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        I will say this–at least one other instructor email blasted out a fairly tepid defense or the college prez.

        That doesn’t really address the shitty self-righteousness of the instructor at the center of our little part of this, but, it IS some sort of push-back on the overall self-righteousness on display in the email chain.

      • Chafed

        That’s good RN.

    • Ted S.

      And when anybody on the right complains about being attacked for speech, the reaction is “free speech has consequences”.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      I….it’s just….but…..WHAT?! Is he trying to find a new victim class to throw out, since the earlier shit hasn’t stuck very well?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Maybe?

        I’m just amazed that the Trump rorschach test returns “Indians” from “Animals” for Wheeler.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Oh, very much this. Then again, maybe it was bound to happen?

    • Chafed

      That does not make sense.

  25. Sir Digby Classic

    This worries me on both sides of the situation.

    Fuck that teacher for thinking he can dictate what people display in their home. But, this whole Trump merchandise type of story tells me the cult of personality around him is growing. And, I’m not sure if the people participating even know it, or, are just doing so to get a rise out of leftists.

    • Chafed

      They don’t know. Members of any cult of personality don’t know or can’t admit it’s happening.

      And fuck the teacher. Just teach your subject matter. If teachers didn’t have unions this stuff would disappear in an instant.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        I don’t enough about the phenomenon/whatever you call it to speak eloquently on it. That said, the Trump thing has a much different vibe, for the most part, and that perplexes me.

        The one around Obama was a no-shit cult. Messianic talk from any/all corners with a platform. I’m of the opinion that the Trump thing is less of ‘the Obama thing, but with Republicans’, and more about an “Oh, yeah? Well watch this, libs!” thing. Not that it’s less dangerous, per se. And, not that there aren’t true believers. But it seems like there’s less of that, to whatever end.

        I just wish we could get more people to stop glorifying government, and pretending like it’s not anything more than forcing others to do what you want.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        I know it very well! Wish there was more put out by them, ’cause they know how to bring it.

      • Plinker762

        Most of the Trump supporters I know are aware of his faults. The Obama supporters didn’t seem to acknowledge his faults. Could be my own confirmation bias.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        I do think that’s a big part of my ‘sense” of this, too. But, that just pushes it into that ‘stick it to leftists’ area, instead of showing what actual limit government can do. NOT do. UNdo. Dammit…

  26. Chafed

    Hey GL, it’s been days since I asked… what’s burning in Portland tonight?

    • Gustave Lytton

      I think they’re recovering from the firewater from celebrating Indigenous People’s Day by going on the warpath last night. Tore down statues of Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt, broke into the historical society’s building and damaged a black cultural quilt after stealing it, vandalized a bunch of businesses, and shot at a cafe that was pro-police according to the IRA-like advance phone call.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Big chief Wheeler heap mad!

      • Chafed

        I mean to all ZARDOZ, but where’s the actual fire?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Doesn’t seem to be an actual fire at the moment. Wildfires are mostly under control until the rains put them out (and smolder underground until next summer). Around me, fire season ended today and outdoor burning can start tomorrow at 8am.

      • Chafed

        Antifa is falling down on the job.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I guess they get federal holidays off. Wonder what the medical plan is like?

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      I knew the words but I sang them wrong…. ?

    • Sir Digby Classic

      Seems like a bunch of us have our favorites of his…odd to me that he hasn’t been as big of a draw as this would portend.

    • Chafed

      I’m just here for the chicks.

    • Chafed

      Total suicide by cop.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        CopS. That plural necessity is what makes that even scarier.

        “WHY WON’T YOU DIE?!””

  27. dbleagle

    Hey Moj,

    I missed the earlier thread. Try leaving your damsel out in the desert at the end of a road. I tried to find the section from the movie “The Eiger Sanction” where Clint Eastwood does that to Jack Cassidy. It is a good scene and easier than tossing her out of an airplane strapped into a parachute.

    All deserts in summer can be a bear to survive, but the Sonora Desert is probably the easiest. You could drop her in the 4 Corners region on the Colorado Plateau and really put her in the hurt. But if she uses the Anasazi ruins she might make it.

    • C. Anacreon

      Jack Cassidy’s character deserved that fate in that movie, what a jerk he was. It was great as he screamed while Clint drove off, knowing there was miles to anywhere and he was facing a certain agonizing slow death.

      Real life Jack Cassidy probably deserved a similar fate for giving the world his son David.

    • straffinrun

      I don’t wanna judge a book by its cover, but if Whitmer were on it, I’d support book burning.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        It certainly wouldn’t be a book I’d rescue from a burning Portland library.

        Hey-oh!!

      • straffinrun

        Burn! And, I couldn’t make it all the way through that video. It’s incredible how far over the line she went.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Did you hear that, after some ruling, two counties adopted their own rules based on hers?

        Mini-HitlerWhitmers runnin’ around.

  28. hayeksplosives

    Mark Steyn today on the language used by the AP to cover theSupreme Court happenings:

    AP: “Bullock said that if Coney Barrett was confirmed, he would be open to measures to depoliticize the court, including adding judges to the bench, a practice critics have dubbed packing the courts.”

    So, by happy coincidence, the AP has now adopted the same position as the Dems: A Republican filling a vacancy on the 150-year-old nine-member bench is, per Joe Biden, “court-packing”. But Democrats adding six leftie judges and making it a fifteen-member bench is “depoliticizing” the court. Orwell that ends well.

    • straffinrun

      At least the facade that SCOTUS isn’t already hyper politicized has been obliterated to anyone with a tinge of honesty.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        I know it wouldn’t matter in the long run, but, I do kinda wish that the FF had written actual How-To books/primers for each branch of the government (beyond the founding documents).

        For the SC, it would say something along the lines of, “Compare the legislation to the Constitution–is it an Enumerated Power? If not, you must overturn it.”

      • straffinrun

        Where are you supposed to find these non political people to run the courts even if you had the rules written in stone?

      • Sir Digby Classic

        My thought was, if it was that way from the get-go, maybe we’d have less of what we have now…?

      • straffinrun

        If any other group had done what they did in Dredd Scott, they’d still be considered a hate group.

    • C. Anacreon

      Tucker Carlson mentioned this AP line ” a practice critics have dubbed packing the courts” in his show tonight, saying, “no, critics haven’t dubbed it that, rather historians, scholars, politicians, really everyone has called it that for the past hundred years.”

      And yes, by the next few days all the media will follow their standard of adopting Dem talking points as reality, and yet another concept we’ve known our whole lives will be as if it never happened. Or if I bring up the traditional definition on Facebook, some old friend will say “what far-right website did you get that from?”

      • straffinrun

        Just wait for the new definition they have for fudge packing.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      I don’t care for the color, but “Supreme Walnut is an excellent screen/band name.

    • Ted S.

      TCM runs that every now and then at the end of the TCM Underground block (ie. around 5:30 AM Saturday). This week’s is one I’ve linked to here before, Shake Hands With Danger, a hilarious safety video from IIRC Caterpillar.

      Another fun one is R.F.D. Greenwich Village

      And since there’s a limit of two links, look up The Your Name Here Story on Youtube.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        No time to watch it all right now but the music seems pretty good.

    • Festus' Mustache

      I think that I understand my proclivities now. In 1968 I was three years old and already knew the difference between boys and girls.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Airboat, or Floatplane? Morons, of course,

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Howdy UCS

      • UnCivilServant

        How are you settling in?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        the job is alright, very mucky, and I should get the keys Friday, so things are looking up,

    • Gender Traitor

      Morning, UCS and Yu.

      • Gender Traitor

        My day off was delightful! I got one more morning to hang out on my back porch – and it may have been the last day off where it’ll be warm enough to do so comfortably. I also finished a book I was reading – exciting, and just enough plot resolution to wrap things up nicely but leave a couple of tantalizing threads to make me anticipate the next in the series. I’m going back to start rereading the series now.

        And your day off? Not too traumatic at the dentist’s office, I hope?

      • UnCivilServant

        Nothing new or surprising at the dentist.

        I don’t want to go to work, I just want to focus on writing. But today’s a workday. And I need to keep getting paid.

      • Gender Traitor

        I need to make sure all my co-workers and I get paid. Once again, the Monday holiday falls on what would normally be the day I submit payroll, so I’m under a time crunch to get it done.

      • UnCivilServant

        My stress has reached unhealthy levels.

        I need to get out of this place… and I’m at home.

      • Tulip

        I hear you. Not about writing, but about not wanting to go to work.

      • Gender Traitor

        Good morning, Tu!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Howdy GT!

      • Gender Traitor

        Hey, Yu! Did you get any of that long, skinny band of rain that moved through my neck of the woods last night? If so, hope it doesn’t make your job any muckier.

    • Sean

      Greetings all.

      • UnCivilServant

        How are things down your way?

      • Sean

        Cool and drizzly. Hoping to have a reasonable day at work.

      • Sean

        Saw some dude try to have an accident on my way in. Dark, rainy, and driving like an asshole. It was pretty close.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Froze last night. We’ll get snow this week.

      • Tejicano

        Today I’m Tokyo, Summer had its last gasp. T-shirt weather – no possible need for long sleeves. This won’t last

    • UnCivilServant

      Why would you appoint a criminal to that role?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        The obvious answer is so he crush his enemies, see them driven before him, and he enjoys hearing the lamentation of their women. That alone is a good reason to vote for you know who.

      • Festus' Mustache

        Michelle, Barack, Oprah and Joy Behar. There’s yer fudge-packing.

    • Gender Traitor

      That’s a more frightening horror story than kinnath’s – or anything SF has ever written.

    • Festus' Mustache

      Must be the rectal cattle-prod.

  29. Festus' Mustache

    I didn’t get to read Kinnath’s story yet but just wanted to pop in and apologize for the over-sharing on the last few late-nite links. Shit happens and you fine people shouldn’t have to put up with that nonsense. I’ll #Be Better in future if I can.

    • Festus' Mustache

      Okay, read it. Where the hell did we find this level of talent in such a small site? That kicked ass, Kinnath!

  30. Sean

    And in good news this morning, it appears my coworkers did not completely fuck up yesterday whilst I took the day off. So…yay.

  31. Festus' Mustache

    Image checks out as per usual.