Borg Announce New Motto: We’re All in This Together

by | Nov 16, 2020 | Satire | 188 comments

DELTA QUADRANT – “Mistakes were made; races were assimilated improperly”, said 7 of 11, spokesdrone for the hive-mind. “We’ve since realized that saying things like ‘resistance is futile’ and ‘you will be assimilated’ just makes our work harder. Our new message is about getting everybody on the same winning team. Doesn’t that sound nice?” The creature added that since humans have already shown a tendency for conformity, they would actually be happier without thoughts of their own.

“7 of 11 makes a compelling case at first, but on closer inspection, troubling details emerge, such as its lack of a blue check mark on Twitter” said futurist and sci-fi author Joanna Gambolputty. “How can we know that the Borg can protect us from fake news? Do they support Black Lives Matter? Will we, as drones, be allowed to use our preferred pronouns? These and other pressing questions demand answers.”

7 of 11 replied that the collective is working on making social media accounts but is not sure which of its 100 billion members to use for a profile picture. “We thought about just using a logo, but it seemed too impersonal. Then we thought that a we could use a fun cartoon character like Yogi Bear, but with the red eye laser. It did not do well with test audiences unfortunately.”

Meanwhile, Google and Facebook both expressed interest in a strategic partnership with the Borg. “The Borg offer huge user growth potential. Though we may not be able to build a firewall to defend them against Romulan disruptors, we are certainly willing to try”, said Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg. “I, for one, find these creatures to be charming companions and their blank, emotionless stares and monotone voices are quite soothing” said the tech tycoon without blinking.

Critics have pointed out the Borg’s troubling humanoid rights record, which includes removal of all individuality, mutilating surgery, and uncomfortable leather jumpsuits. “Why are there no fat Borg?” asked Joanna Gambolputty. “Do the Borg support the body positivity movement? I say assimilation at any size and will settle for nothing less. Also, the tight clothing would attract the male gaze. Is there sufficient diversity among the Borg, or is just a bunch of dead, white males?”

7 of 11 said the Borg is working on these and other issues. It added that as a gesture of good will, every human will get a free basket of lotion.

About The Author

Derpetologist

Derpetologist

The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp, Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy

188 Comments

    • Bobarian LMD

      #40 needs bigger hands.

  1. Aloysious

    Unleashing SJW’s on the Borg?

    That’s… inhuman.

  2. pistoffnick

    To Serve Humans is a COOKBOOK!

  3. juris imprudent

    Joanna and her ilk will fall in line as soon as they are offered the designator 1 of n.

    • Q Continuum

      NAZI!!!!

      That’s n of n! I don’t have limit myself to one gender!!!!!!!!

  4. R C Dean

    The Zuckerborg quote is excellent.

      • rhywun

        lol

      • Gustave Lytton

        From the sidebar, for BI subscribers only, is a how this 26 year old Asian chick got hired at a Silicon Valley VC firm with “no experience”. With a profile pic quarter turned with side boob. Yeah, it’s a fucking mystery that required a subscription to find out how she did it.

        Henry Blodget can still go eat a bowl of dicks.

      • blackjack

        She used one weird trick?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Turning tricks is my first guess, yes.

      • The Hyperbole

        She’s Brochettaward?

      • blackjack

        You realize that drivers about your age, who live right where you live are saving thousands on whatever it is that you buy, right?

  5. juris imprudent

    And speaking of cutting thru some derp…

    https://www.nationalreview.com/corner/no-joe-biden-did-not-only-improve-in-four-major-swing-state-cities/

    Yes, Biden had some really striking “metro area” improvements over Hillary in key states, but other than Atlanta, many of those came either in the surrounding suburbs (the election was really won in the suburbs, most of all around Philadelphia) or in counties such as Maricopa County, Ariz., (which contains both Phoenix and Mesa and was won by Trump four years ago) and Douglas County, Neb.,(which contains Omaha and swung one electoral vote). But those are not counties run by infamously corrupt Democratic local parties, and “voter fraud in the suburbs” is neither as sexy nor as plausible as fraud by the kinds of urban machines that gave us 100,000 fraudulent votes in Chicago in the 1982 Illinois governor’s race. Biden turned out tons of additional votes in Austin, Denver, San Antonio, Albuquerque, Portland, and Nashville, too, but none of those mattered to the outcome.

    If you are still looking for proof that Joe Biden did not legitimately win the 2020 election, nearly two weeks after Election Day, you will need to do better than this.

    • R C Dean

      “there is certainly at least a whiff of racial appeal in efforts to convince white audiences that these particular cities must have stolen the election”

      Fuck you. Playing the race bars is almost enough to make me write off the rest of your article.

      But, honestly, which is worse: Biden wins by cheating, or Biden wins honestly? Does either change the outcome? Are any trends that matter really affected by whether Biden or Trump is President?

      • Q Continuum

        “Are any trends that matter really affected by whether Biden or Trump is President?”

        Emphatically NO.

        That’s the farce. At best, Trump was a speed trap on the freeway to socialism. I respect his attempts to disempower the Swamp and deregulate the economy, but let’s not kid ourselves that he had any chance of creating sea change.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Dude, I want to believe. Stop harshing my buzz.

      • blackjack

        Still, fuck NR. Everywhere I look, I see the dems cheating, lying and scamming against Trump. EVERYWHERE! All of the usual metrics are unusual this time. They literally put people in prison for NOTHING! out of sheer hatred of Trump and their butthurt over Hillary’s rigging of the ’16 contest not working. You ain’t gonna sit here and tell me that the brain dead racist retard won this by sleeping all day, just no. I can’t find a single reason, other than CNN, to think that moron won. Not fucking one! I get that these people are deeply invested in the idea that nobody cheats in American elections, and I understand the desire to believe that nothing that drastic ever happens here. The facts are ALL pointing to them cheating their asses off. PUHLEEZE!

      • westernsloper

        I don’t think that is what Q or RC is saying. I think their point is, regardless the President we will eventually end up a socialist shithole.

        I agree BTW there was some seriously shady shit what gone down during this election. It matters not unless Trumps lawyers can prove it. And even then it probably doesn’t matter in the long run.

      • Sean

        Well, let’s get there before I’m geriatric then.

      • blackjack

        Chicken? Egg? If we don’t get better, we won’t get better, according to the wise latina. I’m sorry, wise latinx! I’m ranting at NR, not Q or RC. I agree the end result will not be a libertarian moment. But, I will not concede the battles along the way, in any case.

      • westernsloper

        I had this exact discussion with my one progressive friend last week (who I love like a brother and don’t even give a fuck about politics with him other than discussion topics). I essentially admitted defeat and told them they have won in the long run regardless of anything because the winds just blow that way and I sure hope he realizes what they have done eventually.

      • Homple

        “I essentially admitted defeat and told them they have won in the long run regardless of anything because the winds just blow that way and I sure hope he realizes what they have done eventually.”

        He will see it, but will blame Trump for what happens to him.

      • Count Potato

        He was a bull in a china shop, and fuck the assholes who own that china shop.

      • juris imprudent

        What’s worst? Biden wins with Dems taking the Senate and increasing in the House.

        And THAT did not happen. So everything after that, is pretty much a wash. Unless you just got a real crush on Trump.

        I think Trump managed to do a few good things. He also fucked up much more that he could have done if he wasn’t a walking, tweeting asshole. Could’ve been better, could’ve been worse. Those are the breaks.

      • Count Potato

        The executive branch still has a massive amount of power. If it didn’t, no one would care who is President.

      • dbleagle

        I feel are driving ahead of your headlights Juris. The Dems are going all out to win both the Senate races in Georgia. The Dems voters are energized and the GOP voters are flagging. I think it is possible the Dems can get close enough in both races to have fraud carry them across the finish line first.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        But, honestly, which is worse: Biden wins by cheating, or Biden wins honestly? Does either change the outcome? Are any trends that matter really affected by whether Biden or Trump is President?

        I’ll bite and say it matters. A fair Biden wins means elections still somewhat reflect the will of the people (less than the majority and all that aside). If the preferences of the electorate changes, then things can be shifted back. Even if not all the way, perhaps the worst tyrannical tendencies can be dulled.

        If Biden won by cheating, any pretense of governing with the consent of the people is gone. There’s no check, even an inferior or slow to act one, on what can be done.

      • R C Dean

        Good point, Dad.

      • juris imprudent

        Fuck “will of the people”. That’s not why we elect a President, and that is precisely the nonsense that is causing our problem. That was the Dem argument in ’16 – the will of the people, the will of the people. FUCK THAT. No one knows the will of the people – fucking asshole Rousseau.

    • Semi-Spartan Dad

      This article is pure derp. A redirection to bullshit that doesn’t matter while ignoring the massive fraud that appears to have taken place. Why doesn’t the national review to address why vote totals went down for Trump while we watched live across several networks? Or address the fractal votes?

      I’ve yet to hear a single logical explanation for why either of those occurred… and that’s assuming a media source even acknowledges it happened.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        I’ve yet to hear a single logical explanation for why either of those occurred

        Besides of course the logical explanation of election fraud.

      • juris imprudent

        You, like everyone else TALKS a lot about fraud, but you can’t put real numbers on it. Did you even actually WATCH the news and vote counts all fucking night – or are you taking that from people just telling you about it? If you yourself personally witnessed this, I’ll stand down on it. But it you’re just telling me what you’ve been told, then put up or shut up.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        I and others have posted link after link showing screenshots of all the major media networks and where the raw data can be pulled. Another glib ran the alleged algorithm against the official raw data source used to feed the networks and it checked out. There are real numbers detailing vote totals with timestamps in everyone of the battleground states. Take a look through Glibs over the past several days and take your pick of links to click.

      • juris imprudent

        All things someone else has told you. You know what that is – that’s a narrative.

      • Count Potato

        That’s retarded.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        I have no idea what you are talking about. Every person in this country is going by things someone else has told them for the election results. It’s a physical impossibility to be on the ground observing in Michigan, Arizona, Georgia, and Pennsylvania during the election night. As you weren’t either, you must also be getting your election information through something someone else (i.e., the media).

        You asked for real numbers and I said they exist and have been posted. No theories or conjecture but actual numbers. They could be fabricated. But debating the veracity of the data is different than claiming, as you did, that the data doesn’t exist.

        To be very clear, I’m not claiming I know that these numbers have not been fabricated somehow. I’m waiting to see further proof (which is why I made sure to include “appears” in my post. But any claims from the MSM needs to start with either refuting these numbers as fabricated bullshit or explaining why it doesn’t matter even if they are accurate.

      • blackjack

        If you take the blue pill, everything will appear as it always has…

      • Jarflax cancelled Cancelled

        Yes, unless you were in the room watching the count you don’t have first hand knowledge, but by that standard we know virtually nothing. I watched Trump rolling to victory, with concommitant meltdowns from Cenk et al. as they watched the same thing. Then Atlanta reported a water pipe break which appears to have been phony and Michigan, Wisconsin, Nevada, and Pennsylvania all stopped reporting any counts with Trump up heavily in all of them, especially PA where he was up by over 700k, after a couple of hours of no results I went to bed and awoke to Trump trailing in Michigan and with Georgia, Pa, and Wisconsin razor thin AND most importantly the percentage of ballots counted in all those states started rolling DOWN everytime it looked like Trump had held on to win.

        Now maybe the mail ins were all counted last, and maybe they broke heavily for Biden, and maybe the percentages shown as reporting were being calculated with inaccurate numbers for the total mail ins and were corrected, but if you do not see why those facts lead people to suspect foul play you are being deliberately obtuse. I am with you on calling out the people here taking the narrative from the Trump camp as gospel, but when you move to this “If you think there was significant fraud line, especially when you repeatedly reduce it all to Philadelphia county not being out of line with past results I do not find that persuasive.

        The TDS world has a narrative “Nothing to see here”
        The Trumpalos have a narrative of “Clear fraud which we will prove any day now”
        I reject the TDS narrative as obvious BS, especially because it is being crammed down my throat from every side.
        I reject the Trumpalo narrative less emphatically, as I would be happier if they did prove the fraud even if not enough to get Trump a second term because it might create enough backlash to reduce the fraud next time (as appears to have happened in Broward county after the old election official was removed)
        But you demanding people prove things to your satisfaction and rejecting every proffer as being something they have heard is silly, obviously no one here could have first hand proof even if it turns out that every conspiracy theory ends up conclusively proved.

      • straffinrun

        Yeah, if you set up a system where it’s possible to cheat without getting caught in any meaningful way other than statistical analysis, you may as well not have a vote at all. Are we saying there should be no punishment for obstructing observers?

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        but you can’t put real numbers on it.

        I don’t remember the exact numbers, but I was monitoring the VA election all night. By roughly 11pm, I was posting that I had no idea how Biden was supposed to win, because all of the deep blue precincts had come in, and there simply weren’t enough votes outstanding to make up the gap Trump had drawn, even if Biden had flipped some red counties. Then a couple hours later, a massive dump of unaccounted for votes, heavily pro-Biden, were reported, and VA flipped.

        I haven’t looked for an explanation. I assumed it was mail in ballots. However, I saw with my own eyes a giant flip of nearly 100k votes (IIRC).

      • The Hyperbole

        In VA they were allowed to process (check signatures and whatnot) Absentee/mail-in ballots before election day but could not start counting them until the polls closed so if there was a large mail-in vote an overnight swing seem plausible. They would have a large number of ballots ready to go but could only start counting them after 9pm or so.

    • Count Potato

      That Biden outperformed Hillary in many places is easily explained by two things:

      1) Hillary was a corrupt, no personality, harridan, that made many people stay home.

      2) Mail in ballots meant people could literally stay home and vote for Biden.

      • rhywun

        Re: #2

        I’ve said it before, but in my state (NY) it was easier to vote in person than by mail. Not every state mailed ballots to everyone.

      • Count Potato

        Many blue states did though. Also requesting a mail in ballot was still very easy. Because covid was accepted a reason.

      • blackjack

        We got the old one-two. Mail in and no request needed. Every dead person on the list got one. Two: ballot harvesting. Demops can just stroll into the polling place with a bag of however many votes they can carry, all filled out however they may have been by whomever they told how to fill them out. Totes legit, amirite?

      • mrfamous

        As far as I’m concerned, ballot harvesting is fraud. Full stop. Regardless of what election it is or what candidate is helped, they are fraudulent ballots. The number of extremely legitimate questions that can never (or rarely) be answered due to chain of custody issues makes it a fraudulent way to run an election.

        I have no idea whether this changes anything in this election, but I don’t care. The practice stinks to high heaven and needs to be abolished.

      • zwak

        This guy gets it.

        Harvesting is a cancer, a corrosion.

      • R C Dean

        Yup.

        And the chain of custody on mail in ballots is little, if any, better.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Jesus, National Review is fucked. Sorry guys but the right isn’t going back to the Bushites and nation building in the mideast. They need to slink on over to the Dems along with Krystol and their scumbag warmongering ilk.

  6. DEG

    The creature added that since humans have already shown a tendency for conformity, they would actually be happier without thoughts of their own.

    Too true.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      My 2021 white whale is Karl Popper’s The Open Society And Its Enemies.

      The entire first half of the book discusses this presumed tendency and Plato’s general hatred of the common man / individualism.

  7. LemonGrenade

    “Do they support Black Lives Matter? Will we, as drones, be allowed to use our preferred pronouns? These and other pressing questions demand answers.”
    True story: my company CEO was ousted over the weekend and a new one installed in their place today. During the all-hands to introduce the new CEO, the first questions asked by employees were related to the company’s recent efforts to be more ‘woke.’ Would we be losing our diversity and inclusion committees?

    In other words, Derpy, it’s hitting just a bit too close to home today.

    • R C Dean

      “No, those committees will remain. As a means of identifying employees who would be happier seeking opportunities elsewhere or spending more time with their families.”

      • Q Continuum

        Dean: would a hostile workplace suit have any chance against these mandatory brain-washing session?

      • R C Dean

        Theoretically, it’s a lay-down win.

        In practice, the EEOC will give a “no-action” response, the judge will follow their lead, and you’d have to bet on a jury. Properly prepped and instructed by the judge.

        My advice? Don’t do it unless you don’t need a job. Not just your current job, any job. Blacklists are the new black.

      • LemonGrenade

        I secretly hope that’s what will happen. We’ve pushed pretty hard left recently, and it’s killing me.

      • R C Dean

        Narrator: That’s not what will happen

      • LemonGrenade

        I’m allowed some faint hope since the new guy has actual CEO experience, rather than being an aspirational hire based on sex. But I’ll bet he keeps it around just to keep the children happy; just hoping it doesn’t have the same potential impact it was going to. We were heading toward straight-up struggle sessions, and I have a spark of hope that the change of CEOs is partly in recognition that normal people don’t like that shit.

    • rhywun

      My company is just getting started down this road. The “affinity groups” are coming soon. The only question I have is how far (((senior management))) is going to let it go.

      • LemonGrenade

        It’s painful. The more your company dives into it, the further they push. I just finished my mandatory ‘bias’ training today, in which it was explained to me that I shouldn’t assume that gay men enjoy shopping, and shouldn’t touch a black woman’s hair. This was narrated in a video by a black woman complaining that she had actually had one of her managers tell her that her hair was ‘unprofessional’ and complaining that random strangers wanted to touch it. Then she claimed that this never happened to white women. Okay, by the one drop rule, I’m not really white, but I have absolutely been told that my long hair is unprofessional and I should cut it to no longer than shoulder length if I wanted to be taken seriously. I have also had plenty of random strangers touch my hair. I’d say her bias was in assuming it only happened to her because she was black.

      • blackjack

        Ever had a vice president sniff it?

      • LemonGrenade

        Nope, but I’ve never worked in DC. I have been literally chased around a desk by a coworker trying to cop a feel, though! I’m old.

      • blackjack

        LOL, I can’t even imagine a guy chasing a woman around a desk! If she’s evading you, maybe move on?

      • LemonGrenade

        He was married, too! It was like working on the set of Mad Men. Even in the 90s, there were guys who felt perfectly comfortable trying to cop a feel or grab ass at work. Especially with fresh young things who needed to pay rent that they thought wouldn’t make noise about it. I absolutely believe it made me stronger, though.

      • blackjack

        Not to say, you’re not worth chasing, just that a guy oughta take a hint.

      • Jarflax cancelled Cancelled

        Geez blackjack, chase her arouond the comment section why don’t you. 😉

      • blackjack

        Sorry, apparently all that sensitivity training gets in one’s head.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        You worked for Benny Hill!?

        Was Yackity Sax playing in the background?

      • LemonGrenade

        The worst was, this was in 1995, not ’65 or something. People gonna be assholes until you tell them to stop, both men and women.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        To be fair, I had a guy try to cop a feel* in 2004. The girl who help me get his ass fired then proceeded to try to cop a feel for herself.

        *it was much more than him just trying to cop a feel. Also, I was 15 and he was like 40.

        I always love bringing that up when prog women go off on the whole “you don’t know what it’s like” diatribe. Oh, and I make sure to mention that the reason I got that job was because my first choice took my job application and threw it in the trash because “manager don’t hire boys”

      • LemonGrenade

        Like I said, people gonna be assholes until you tell them to stop, both men and women. I witnessed enough cases of discrimination or harassment against men to to decide it wasn’t special to my sex. To borrow woke phrasing, I find women who ignore the ‘lived experiences’ of men who have been harassed or discriminated against tiresome. We all got our burdens, and it isn’t limited to sex or skin color.

      • Caput Lupinum

        I have absolutely been told that my long hair is unprofessional and I should cut it to no longer than shoulder length if I wanted to be taken seriously. I have also had plenty of random strangers touch my hair.

        My God, all of my life i right i was a white man, but I guess I must actually be a black woman.

      • LemonGrenade

        Or the course was bullshit. I’m leaning toward that.

      • Caput Lupinum

        Hmm. Considering I’m so pale I glow in the dark and my dingle definitely dangles, you’re probably right.

      • rhywun

        I shouldn’t assume that gay men enjoy shopping

        AMEN! WHEN WILL THE SHAME AND HURT STOP.

        I have absolutely been told that my long hair is unprofessional and I should cut it to no longer than shoulder length if I wanted to be taken seriously

        That’s bonkers.

      • Jarflax cancelled Cancelled

        So no shopping tips? Do you at least advise on home decor?

      • rhywun

        Do you at least advise on home decor?

        Not to anyone I care about.

      • LemonGrenade

        What really got me, was, do your coworkers really ask you to go shopping with them solely because they want a gay man’s advice? That… just doesn’t seem like a thing. But I can’t imagine asking my coworkers to go shopping with me in the first place, regardless of their sexuality.

      • rhywun

        Yeah… I avoid anything personal, period.

        I guess I chased a few boys around the office when I was younger but sheesh those days are long gone.

      • R C Dean

        “I’d say her bias was in assuming it only happened to her because she was black.”

        This is the self licking ice cream cone that makes this flavor of Marxism so insidious.

      • LemonGrenade

        I started out as a fresh young thing and had plenty of experiences where people assumed shit about me because I was barely twenty and good looking. I had an initial assumption that this was just because I was a girl, and then I actually talked to other people, and was set straight pretty quickly. Do I deny racism or sexism in the workplace? Nah, but I think it’s far more likely, in my experience, that what people attribute to some sort of personal bias against them is just garden variety assholeism and you gotta work past it. People generally get bullied because they don’t push back against bullies, and people have their boundaries crossed because they don’t make it clear what their boundary lines are. Once you establish those, in my experience, you can get along with most people as long as they’re minimally competent.

  8. LJW

    Georgia recount unearths more than 2,600 uncounted ballots in Floyd County: Report

    “Georgia’s Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger blamed the problem on Floyd County election officials failing to upload votes from a memory card in a ballot-scanning machine.”

    They claim our voting is secure. How secure can it be when it relies on a human who can “forget” to upload votes?

    • R C Dean

      And the provenance and validity of these newly discovered votes, mysteriously stored on a memory card instead of reported?

      Is it SOP for election officials to store votes on memory cards rather than, or before reporting/in order to report them?

      • LJW

        Why is it so hard to create a system that encrypts the vote sends it to a central database where it is then instantly counted when the polls close?

      • LJW

        Add in the ability to confirm your vote by going to a website or giving them an email address when you vote.

      • The Hyperbole

        If you can do it anyone can do it and we no longer have a secret ballot. Others have said it better but you can have a secure vote or a secret one, not both.

      • EvilSheldon

        I could probably be convinced that ballot secrecy isn’t worth the inherent lack of security.

        It’s not like people willing to commit political violence need a confirmation of your vote before they get the knives out.

      • blackjack

        Bullshit. Nobody debated most elections before the army of robots took over. I “inkavoted” every time and everything made sense. Yes, I voted for losing candidates and props, but there wasn’t a huge shadow over the results. Now, with new rules and robots counting, it’s plainly not legit. Plainly. Lemme mark a paper and give me a receipt. Stop harvesting and letting the whole world get a ballot in the mail. I will trust that. When the DNC has proven to be crooks and they chose all these new rules, then they magically win this one off contest, I don’t trust any of it. AT all.

      • Urthona

        I don’t either.

        It’s also inherently flawed because poll workers get to decide which ballots are valid while almost certainly knowing it’s from a poll extraordinarily high in democrats.

        It’s bad design for a system.

      • Urthona

        pool not poll

      • LJW

        Issue a randomly generated number that you plug in when you check your vote. Pretty simple to still keep it private. Kind of like 2 factor authentication.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Fuck the Australian ballot. Making voting ‘Murican again.

      • Gustave Lytton

        It’s this obsession with having everything computerized, aka in a black box, and needlessly complex. A legitimate reason is reducing the costs of conducting elections if truly unnecessary, but really all the voting machines need to do is count how many votes for each candidates or other measures on a ballot and then display those counters.

    • blackjack

      The votes that they “forgot” to upload went 78% for Trump. Has there been any mistakes that benefitted Trump?

      • Drake

        Remembering the drive they forgot earlier?

      • blackjack

        No, forgetting the drive. If it exceeded the margin, There wouldn’t be recount. This one drive is an 800 vote flip against Biden. It’s only ten or so and you have the spread covered, assuming a comparable flip. Couple of even bigger “lost” flash drives, coupled with a concerted effort to prevent red votes from being cured and you just flipped the race. This is just the one that MSM is willing to report on.

      • R C Dean

        Republicans discovering the “Gosh, I just discovered thousands of votes in my pocket” game late (and weak) doesn’t really help.

      • Drake

        I assume the guy had to produce it or they’d fail the sum-check test where ballot counts are compared to votes.

      • Drake

        If they were really doing a manual / hand recount, flash drives wouldn’t matter.

      • blackjack

        I can’t say how, but it was reported as having flipped 800 votes to Trump. They apparently “forgot” to add the flash drive to the total, LOL.

      • Gadfly

        The manual recount discovered the discrepancy, which they traced back to a missing flash-drive.

    • Urthona

      If this happened with a Democrat candidate I’d believe they were trying to pull some late shenanigans!

  9. Ownbestenemy

    The teens blew off two nights of curfew and man the gnashing about no internet, phones limited to family contacts and no friends.

    • LemonGrenade

      Mine went through what was damn near DTs when we took their tablets away. The howling was intense. Sorry you have to go through it, but stay strong.

  10. westernsloper

    The creature added that since humans have already shown a tendency for conformity, they would actually be happier without thoughts of their own.

    Aaaah, yes indeed and that line made me think of something I read this morning. Not really surprising coming from someone who blurts DNC talking points for a living that hearing DNC talking points makes him feel comforted.

    • Drake

      Mr. Anderson said that’s why the first matrix failed.

  11. kinnath

    The borg wins again.

    https://www.kcrg.com/2020/11/17/gov-reynolds-announces-new-covid-19-restrictions-including-indoor-mask-requirements/?fbclid=IwAR1B2U5UMvrAUDmu0s8ZPBLuVwoBn82MMsEYMnPoydteqjZmExhDCA-c50U

    The proclamation, which is in effect starting 12:01 a.m. on Tuesday until December 10, includes a section stating that any person two years of age or older must use a mask or face covering when inside an indoor space that is open to the public where they are within six feet of individuals outside of their household for at least 15 minutes at a time. The requirement applies to both private-owned locations and state buildings.

    The mask requirement does not apply to persons with a medical condition or disability that would prevent them wearing a mask, when working alone in a space with social distancing, when a person is consuming food or drink in an establishment, for athletes in competition or a person engaged in physical exercise, persons in a religious, educational, artistic, or cultural presentation or performance, a person who is deaf or hard of hearing, when a service being provided requires the temporary removal of a mask, when a person is asked to show their identity, or for public safety officers.

    Indoor gatherings will be limited to 15 people or less by the proclamation, including weddings, funerals, family gatherings, festivals, conventions, and other “nonessential” gatherings. The restriction on occupancy does not apply to meetings or gatherings in an office or workplace environment, or for normal retail operations. Similarly, outdoor gatherings will be limited to 30 people or less.

    The lemmings continue their march off the cliff into the sea of slavery.

    • Jarflax cancelled Cancelled

      As a child I did ocassionally imagine dying in a civil war, usually in some very heroic fashion, but I never in my worst nightmares imagined I was going to die of impotent rage. Oh well, life takes odd turns.

      • blackjack

        I always kind of hoped for the “live free” option.

      • Drake

        That just put that on license plates in some out of the way state.

      • mikey

        The font keeps getting smaller,

      • LemonGrenade

        It’s not just me? Oh, good. I keep asking myself, “Who’s going to take the first shot in the civil war? It can’t be me.” And then I look around and see that no else is doing it either and we’re all kinda cowards who will go along to get along and keep feeding our families and we’re all fucked. And I don’t blame any of you for not doing what I’m not willing to do, but damn… the US Constitution was pretty nifty, and it’s disheartening to see that we’re letting Governors piss on it, and then say they’re sanitizing the thing.

      • kinnath

        Who’s going to take the first shot in the civil war?

        Not going to be me.

        I expect it will take a while for hostilities to show up in Iowa.

        But if it gets to Iowa, it basically means the world as we know it is coming to an end.

      • straffinrun

        I did something: I left. It’s an option.

      • Jarflax cancelled Cancelled

        It is emphatically not just you. Movies and books prep us for grandiose evil like Sauron, but CS lewis was right, evil is banal:
        To nine out of ten of you the choice which could lead to scoundrelism will come, when it does come, in no very dramatic colors…. Obviously bad men, obviously threatening or bribing, will almost certainly not appear. Over a drink or a cup of coffee, disguised as a triviality and sandwiched between two jokes, from the lips of a man, or woman, whom you have recently been getting to know rather better and whom you hope to know better still–just at the moment when you are most anxious not to appear crude, or naive or a prig–the hint will come. It will be the hint of something, which is not quite in accordance with the technical rules of fair play, something that the public, the ignorant, romantic public, would never understand. Something which even the outsiders in your own profession are apt to make a fuss about, but something, says your new friend, which “we”– and at the word “we” you try not to blush for mere pleasure–something “we always do.” And you will be drawn in, if you are drawn in, not by desire for gain or ease, but simply because at that moment, when the cup was so near your lips, you cannot bear to be thrust back again into the cold outer world. It would be so terrible to see the other man’s face–that genial, confidential, delightfully sophisticated face–turn suddenly cold and contemptuous, to know that you had been tried for the Inner Ring and rejected. And then, if you are drawn in, next week it will be something a little further from the rules, and next year something further still, but all in the jolliest, friendliest spirit. It may end in a crash, a scandal, and penal servitude: it may end in millions, a peerage and giving the prizes at your old school. But you will be a scoundrel.” — C. S. Lewis. The Inner Ring (1944)

      • straffinrun

        You don’t put the newbies in charge of lighting the ovens. Takes years of devolution.

      • Jarflax cancelled Cancelled

        You start them out in the streets fighting against Fascists or Jews to defend the great good.

      • Tundra

        So what should we do? Really.

      • The Hyperbole

        Peaceful non compliance, don’t mask, socially gather, live life. If they fine you – don’t pay, if they come for you – don’t resist. Make them bear the cost of punishing you, if we truly have right on out side we shall persevere.

      • Kwihn T. Senshel

        Well said. Still kinda terrifying to me, but within possibility.

      • straffinrun

        It’s the only peaceful option left. Will it work? Dunno, but it’s worth giving it a shot because the alternative is so horrible.

      • kinnath

        Continue to be the voice of reason {the madman barking at the moon}.

        Continue to push back on the collectivists {that selfish individualistic bastard that puts society at risk}.

        Be ready to take care of yourself and the people that directly depend on you {turn your back on the glorious state}.

        Be valuable when the shit finally hits the fan {survivalist nutcase with all the guns}.

        Beats the shit out of me.

      • Ted S.

        If another lockdown costs me my job, I’m going to tell the pro-lockdown people they want me dead and ask them why.

      • Brochettaward

        It’s your taste in music.

      • dbleagle

        The first shots (left or right) will probably be on what is called a “confidence target”, E.G. shooting a guy wearing a “bad hat” in the back in Portland with support people already in place and a well planned escape. The problem for the left was the shooter was ID’ed and shot down by the Feds a short time later. The next time the left will do better.

        Your chosen target must not be sympathetic to the larger populace. Your initial ambush team must either win big, or lose big. So six to ten armed lefties shoot down a cop who killed a black. (It doesn’t matter if it is a good shoot, the propaganda arm will take of the messaging.) They either must get clean away, and be memorialized for their acts of “justice”- OR- totally compromised and gunned down, on camera, lots of flames preferred, and memorialized. Either way your team wins the initial battle for the narrative and to win the hearts of the uncommitted.

        Thus is mini Lesson 01 from Starting a guerrilla war 101.

      • Jarflax cancelled Cancelled

        To my mind one of the keys in this is that the side perceived as starting the war will be at great disadvantage in winning popular support. The difficulty is deciding what step will be perceived as initiating the open break.

      • R C Dean

        Not to worry. Our friends in the media will sort it out for us.

      • straffinrun

        Yep. They’d love a full blown race war.

      • Plinker762

        The Bolsheviks didn’t start the revolution but they did finish it.

      • Jarflax cancelled Cancelled

        Conditions in the US are different than in post Czarist Russia. I think there is a significant advantage here to being perceived as being the side ‘defending America’ from those trying to overturn it.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Shit would have to get bad for us personally before I’d start thinking about resorting to violence. So far, I had a 10% pay cut for a while, we have the mild annoyance of masks, some of our family and friends have gone nutzo, and my job is showing troubling signs of racism/sexism becoming entrenched policy. Oh, and toilet paper is becoming hard to find again.

        I embrace my cowardice. My wife and kids gain nothing from having a martyr for a dad/husband.

      • LemonGrenade

        Ditto, and am working to escaping to an area less affected by a change in the executive branch (DC area sucks!). It’s impotent rage all the way down.

      • dbleagle

        I desperately want the fight to not start while I am alive. As an SF graduate I know for a fact my name has been on government list for decades. I don’t need Horizontal Harris’s goons showing up when I am at a severe tactical disadvantage.

        Plus war is bad juju. The deserving of death often survive without a scratch or a mental scar, The poor bloody fucks who get caught in the crossfire die too often. And those poor fucks are often non-combatants, or more accurately perceive themselves as non-combatants, whose destinies are being fought over.

        If I get drawn in, it will be personal, and as such I will be drawn down the dark path towards destroying my foes in such a manner that the ground will be salted and desolate for generations. I don’t want to go there if I don’t have to.

      • Gadfly

        It will be interesting to see if the Biden administration causes push-back and a calcification of a resistance movement. There won’t be a Civil War or a Revolution without two defined sides, and the sides aren’t quite defined and organized yet. Events like this develop slowly, and then suddenly. Keep in mind that it took ten years from the passage of the Stamp Act to the Battle of Lexington and Concord, while it took 41 years from the Missouri Compromise to the Battle of Fort Sumter. If a division is coming, I think we are still in the build up phase, the time when people should resist but not yet resort to violence. The people still have their guns (for now) and still have political solutions available (for now), so it would be premature to embrace a martial solution. But civil disobedience absolutely should be embraced, both on the individual level as well as the collective (organized resistance influencing lower levels of the political structure – when you have counties, cities, and even states resolutely defying unjust laws that will go a long way to forming a movement).

      • KSuellington

        There will definitely be some type of resistance movement against the BideHarris regime, it will indeed be interesting to see how large and if it gains traction. A lot will depend obviously on how hard they try to push lockdowns and mask mandates and such. How hard they will push the proggie vision will also entrench two sides. It’s been a terrible terrible year for liberty. I really desperately hope that the next year doesn’t bring more of the same or worse.

      • Akira

        I’m an optimist – I’m hoping that Biden-Harris will be tied up with allegations of voter fraud (like Trump was with Russiagate) and that pissed-off Trump voters will vote in more Republican Congresscritters, thus creating a situation where total deadlock occurs and nothing gets done.

    • Raven Nation

      Hah! I was just reading that story. It really is a magic virus: 15 people in a family gathering-DEATH!!! 15 people at work and you’re safe.

      What about 15 people from the same family who work together: safe or DEATH!!??

    • Gustave Lytton

      or for public safety officers

      King’s Men FYTW.

      • kinnath

        Yeah, I noted that.

        On the other hand, I don’t like the idea of the police walking around in masks either.

  12. straffinrun

    which includes removal of all individuality, mutilating surgery, and uncomfortable leather jumpsuits.

    Well done, Derp.

    • blackjack

      So, virtual membership in the band Devo?

      • straffinrun

        Devo transitioned?

    • Chafed

      How many Borg are trans?

      • one true athena

        They all transition to Borgsexual.

      • Gdragon

        If Bjorn is maybe don’t even tell Martina, she seems like good people and they’ve already tried to doxx her once.

  13. straffinrun

    Problem number 648 with social media: You get screwed over by some clearly unfair government policy and go online to bitch about it. Now you feel a little better because you were given some “likes” and heard similar stories. Your anger has been dispersed somewhat. In the past you’d have to gut the BS by yourself (a few friends and family included) and that could easily push you over the edge into taking matters into your own hands.

    • Akira

      Years ago I would have dismissed the concern about social media as nothing more than alarmism, but I do think it’s has become very harmful to society in many ways, including the way that you mentioned.

      My girlfriend has two daughters (9 and 13) and the effects of social media are glaringly obvious and very worrying. TikTok and Instagram are inviting children into a highly sexualized world that they can’t understand yet. Professor Johnathan Haidt has talked about how anxiety and depression are skyrocketing among young girls and blames social media for the trend. It’s entirely plausible – social media is very addictive, especially to kids who haven’t developed as much foresight or impulse control. It’s putting tremendous pressure on girls to compete in this Teenage Popularity Coliseum 24/7. I also think it contributes to severe egotism; their entire world becomes devoted to making other people look at them and admire them.

      I know that every generation condemns what the next generation does (there were op-eds about how all the kids are playing this “chess” game that rots your brain) but I really think social media is different.

      It’s an interesting time to be alive.

      • hayeksplosives

        I agree with several of your points, including that we’re hardly the first generation to look at the next generation as being into harmful habits and heralding the end of society (my favorite is ancient Egyptian scratched into a stone quarry and reading “the kids of today will never amount to anything).

        I also think it contributes to severe egotism; their entire world becomes devoted to making other people look at them and admire them.

        ^^^This is sadly true, They get so wrapped up in amassing “likes” that they will compromise their ethics and common sense.

        And those egos are fragile; if they don’t get near constant up/votes, they feel worthless and anxious.

      • hayeksplosives

        Oops. I messed up the html tag.

        About ten years ago I had a brief seminar about managing a team with generational gaps. One thing the instructor mentioned was that Millennials snd now post millennial employees need near constant feedback and feel very unappreciated and unmoored without it.

        Weird. But I have indeed seen that phenomenon in action.

        I hope I done have to resort to a name chart with star stickers.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Bonus points if the star chart is on the break room fridge, “Mom”.

      • Festus' Mustache Needs To Calm His Tits

        “Star Chart?” Fuck that noise, bring back the Chore Wheel!

      • hayeksplosives

        Are we too soft to object and endanger our jobs and happy homes?

        So many people between 16-25 have total failure to launch. Is it too late for them?

        Mark Steyn remarked recently that Britain and the rest of Europe began their decline after the devastation of WWI. He summed up the change in European outlook and culture as Europe “losing its confidence” after the war.

        Has America “lost its confidence” now? So we apologize for all our words and actions prior to 2008, pull down our statues, kneel for our anthem, and stay indoors like compliant sheep whenever the Governor decrees it, rewrite history, etc?

        People have to believe in what they’re fighting for. If Americans become ashamed at our history and culture, they won’t fight to preserve the nation or her interests.

    • Chipping Pioneer

      My guess is that Antifa are branching out from statues.

      • Chipping Pioneer

        Rats. Missed the usage in the original quote. I’ll leave now.

      • Sean

        S’ok.

        Have some more ☕.

  14. Sean

    Bail outs for everyone!!!

    Cancel Thanksgiving!!!

    Fuck the news media.

    Fuck the lockdowns.

    *Really getting pissed off*

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      They’re talking about canceling the first $50K of student debt through executive order. Can they do that? Just extend bankruptcy protections to include student loans FFS.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Having to declare bankruptcy is racist.

        In a just world, the universities would be left holding part of that bag. They’re the ones that are charging the exorbitant amounts for diminishing returns.

      • hayeksplosives

        Now that our betters in govt are qualified and accustomed to sorting essential jobs from nonessential ones, they should sort degrees into essential vs nonessential and only pay toward essential ones.

        Yeah, no, let the debtors wallow in the debt they voluntarily entered. Fuck them.

        If they pay off student debt with taxpayers dollars, the colleges will admit potted plants and hand out diplomas.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I’m a bit sympathetic because that’s the only debt that can’t be discharged or restructured through bankruptcy and some colleges are predatory in the way they encourage students to obtain loans to go to their respective schools. I didn’t have my head screwed on straight when I was eighteen and thank God I didn’t have a loan officer whispering sweet nothings in my ear. As for a flat out cancellation, he’ll to the no.

      • Plinker762

        Critical Theories are essential, STEM are not.

      • Festus' Mustache Needs To Calm His Tits

        Where was this cornucopia about forty years ago? I sure could have used some “free” college right when the economy went in the the shitter circa 1982. Interest rates through the roof, 4 bucks an hour for service jobs and if you surname didn’t add up at any company hiring you were basically dead-fucked. In 1985 I was left eating apples for about two weeks because my job fell off the dock.

      • Fourscore

        With all the discussion about cancelling student debt, how about this? The parents get the money and they decide what to do with it? Sounds like a better idea to me, the kids need to understand all the BS the parents went through to get the kids where they are.

        Any kid that gets a cancellation of debt should be unable to finance a car or house for the length of the loan repayment period.

        If I’m paying for the kid.’s college I need some sort of guarantee that the kid won’t hang another bad debt on the consumer/taxpayer.

        BTW, these are not kids, they are adults, with all the responsibilities of adulthood. They need to learn the responsibility of contract, of giving your word, of a written handshake. Life does not give out Participation Awards

      • Plinker762

        I thought we extended childhood to 28.

    • Sean

      I’ve calmed my tits back down.

      Morning news channel was grating on me.

      • Tres Cool

        Just got home from work, and Im having beer and leftover Big Boy for breakfast.
        Current titty status: CALM

      • Festus' Mustache Needs To Calm His Tits

        I’m five beers in. Status: Calming. Just discovered that the big site is going to around the clock next Sunday. I’m going to be the sorcerer’s apprentice for the next two months. I’m literally on my own and will be jumping from task to task at the whim of idiots. Thankfully I’m good at what I do but this sucks, badly.

      • l0b0t

        Good morning. I’m up, getting the kids ready for the YMCA Learning Center, and knoshing on leftover Mexican food from Yummy Taco. Yummy Taco is a local chain of Tex-Mex fast food places owned and staffed exclusively by Chinese. It is the absolute best Tex-Mex food I’ve had outside of the border states. Tortillas are all made fresh for each order on a giant steam powered tortilla press and they are quite generous with the meats.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    No one knows the will of the people –

    I do.

    They want to be left the fuck alone to live their lives in peace.

    • Plinker762

      And keeping their neighbors from doing icky things.

  16. Sean

    Have you ever fired two guns whilst jumping through the air?

    LOL, wut?

    • l0b0t

      Squeal!!! A camouflage pattern I don’t yet posses to make into shorts? Must have modern Russkie BDUs!!!!

    • Plinker762

      No jumping through flames while firing? Lame!

  17. The Late P Brooks

    *Really getting pissed off*

    #METOO

    Not that I was in any sort of position to do anything about it, but the place outside of Pocatello I had my eye on just sold. And I’m stuck here in the flatlands, accomplishing nothing nothing nothing.

    Fuck everything and everyone; except you guys and gals, who keep me from plunging off the edge of the knife.

    • l0b0t

      I’ve pretty much resigned to my fate and accepted that I will eke out my remaining years in penury and servitude. I will not do so in a mandated face diaper and I will never again bend my knee to man. I’m done. All they can do is break my body.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        they keep trying to break me, it still hasn’t worked,
        /DEFIANCE!

      • Festus' Mustache Needs To Calm His Tits

        After Wendy, you could cut and run. I don’t doubt your defiance but it’s a little different for some of us.

      • Festus' Mustache Needs To Calm His Tits

        This is where I am, IObOt. They can’t take much more than I’ve already willingly given them. “Go along to get along” is dead to me. Fuck that shit.

  18. The Late P Brooks

    They’re talking about canceling the first $50K of student debt through executive order. Can they do that?

    The banking industry is a completely unregulated Wild West shitshow, in which bankers ruthlessly prey on the unwary with their predatory usury and fraudulent promises.

    Someone has to act. Save us, Ballgag Joe!

  19. The Late P Brooks

    I’m done. All they can do is break my body.

    A man can go down swinging.

  20. The Late P Brooks

    People have to believe in what they’re fighting for. If Americans become ashamed at our history and culture, they won’t fight to preserve the nation or her interests.

    MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

    • l0b0t

      I had rather have a plain, russet-coated Captain, that knows what he fights for, and loves what he knows, than that which you call a Gentle-man and is nothing else.

      – Oliver Cromwell

      • Festus' Mustache Needs To Calm His Tits

        Nice