Feminists Slam Jeopardy! For Promoting Unrealistic Intelligence Standards

by | Nov 9, 2020 | Satire | 247 comments

CLEVELAND – “First off, it’s a GIRL-cott, not a boycott, and the difference is very important”, said Joanna Gambolputty, Associate Professor of Women Studies at Oberlin College. Ms. Gambolputty is also an activist in the ignorance positivity movement, which seeks to break down the stigma associated with the differently-informed. “At a time when more girls than ever are struggling in school, it’s high time we speak out against Jeopardy! for its rampant sexism. Only 40% of the contestants are women and men are 70% of the winners. Seven of the nine writers are male, as are four of the five researchers. These are the sad facts of the Trivia Gap.”

Ms. Gambolputty advocates an aggressive set of changes to the show’s format. “Far too many clues are about dead white males like Shakespeare. It’s insane to expect the average woman to be able to relate to such an obscure writer. Women need topics they can relate too, like shoes, soap operas, and the latest pop songs. This is the sensible way to promote gender equity in trivia games.” Meanwhile, another group of activists called Smart At Any IQ advocates a quota program so that the least intelligent get a guaranteed portion of space in newspapers and scientific journals. Paris Hilton, the unofficial spokeswoman of the group, is leading the way with her article in the Journal of Fluid Mechanics. The paper, entitled “Bedazzling Navier-Stokes” features a bold retake of the classic equations. Written in hot pink with a stylish cursive font, the differentials come to life and seem to dance with the festive glitter lightly sprinkled throughout.

“I’m proud to be a role model for stupid people everywhere” said Ms. Hilton. “If I can get just one girl interested in makeup and expensive purses, it will all be worth it.”

About The Author

Derpetologist

Derpetologist

The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp, Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy

247 Comments

  1. juris imprudent

    Hmm, Bro’s not here? Must be giving his hand a rest.

    • Brochettaward

      161st.

  2. db

    In a year or two, who knows if this will be satire, at the current rate?

    • Sean

      We’ll all be in reeducation camps. ?

      • straffinrun

        You were already there.

      • Sean

        Did I have fun?

      • straffinrun

        Not if you graduated.

    • DenverJ

      The really sad thing is that I got two thirds down before I realized it was satire.

  3. EvilSheldon

    “Smart at any IQ” – LOL!

  4. straffinrun

    Trebek didn’t kill himself.

    • db

      He saw the planet Venus.

    • db

      Honestly, with Trebek departing so soon after Connery, the SNL jokes should write themselves.

      Alas, SNL has no idea what’s funny.

      • Shpip

        I liked the idea promulgated here a couple of days ago of SNL doing “Afterlife Jeopardy!,” with a newly-arrived Alex Trebek showing up at Pearly Gates Studios only to discover that Sean Connery will be one of his contestants for all eternity.

        Trebek: “What did I do to deserve this? I was a good man!”
        Connery: “Not as good as your mother was lasht night, Trebek….”

        And of course, waiting in the wings for the occasional guest appearance, Burt Reynolds as Turd Ferguson.

      • Francisco d'Anconia

        Okay, THAT was funny. Which is exactly why it’ll never happen on SNL

    • kinnath

      Great. Thanks for that.

      • The Hyperbole

        Ditto, I was expecting something much differett from a Straff link, watched the entire thing.

      • straffinrun

        I hope more glibs watch it and can find that wonderful space where you realize the sham the election was regardless of who won. It’s emotionally freeing.

      • Count Potato

        I saved it and will watch later.

      • straffinrun

        Good. I’m reading Hoppe’s book now. A lot of bad summations of it from supposed libertarians out there.

      • Count Potato

        I was already a big fan of his # 9.

    • DenverJ

      Yeah, that was good

  5. Sean

    Huh, I just found out I can watch Newsmax on my firestick for free.

    *downloads app*

    OAN is there too, but they want a fee.

    • db

      Wow, really? Tech has really branched out, hasn’t it?

      Where do you get those, S-Mart?

      Oh wait, you said “firestick,” not “Boom Stick.”

    • C. Anacreon

      Firestick? You actually said firestick?

      That, my friend, is a Winchester 30.06.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Man, finding an Ash/Boom Stick scene that isn’t on YT is a pain in the ass…

      • DEG

        🙂

    • Sean

      So far, so good. But “Stinchfield”?

      Dude.

      Your name is working against you.

      • Sean

        Oh shit…he just said, no one is watching Fox news anymore.

        I’ll tune in tomorrow.

  6. juris imprudent

    You know, instead of Paris Hilton, wouldn’t Lena Dunham have been more appropriate?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Yeah, I think Paris isn’t all that dumb, just an act.

      Dunham has all the qualities of cottage cheese, inside and out.

    • Trigger Hippie

      Lena Dunham is never appropriate, regardless the scenario.

      • straffinrun

        Incest is never appropriate?

      • Trigger Hippie

        I’m struggling to rationalize a carve out for raping your underage sibling…I’m a touch slow, so give me some time here…

      • pistoffnick

        “Incest is best when it is kept within the family.” -Hunter Biden

      • juris imprudent

        Just for you TH, I want you to recall that Carl’s Jr ad that Paris did some years ago, sloppily if somewhat seductively chowing down on a burger. Got that image?

        Now put Lena Dunham there.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Oh, I remember that…and…no.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        This parody ad that some staffing company did was pretty good.

  7. Ted S.

    Women need topics they can relate too, like shoes, soap operas, and the latest pop songs. This is the sensible way to promote gender equity in trivia games.

    It’s been done. The original version of Inside Jeopardy!, by former producer Harry Eisenberg, alleged that the writers deliberately wrote more categories that were stereotypically female-friendly.

  8. Trigger Hippie

    All apologies, Derp. To be honest, I haven’t been paying too much attention to the satire/fiction articles here recently(In fact, apologies to all who have submitted such…fiction hasn’t been appealing to me recently).

    So, I can’t really recall much of Joanna’s back story. But I know this, if her last name isn’t an abbreviation for a much longer version, and if she isn’t from Ulm, I’m going to be very disappointed.

  9. C. Anacreon

    Was it White Indian who used to write about wanting to freely gambol in the putty?

    • Trigger Hippie

      Land Rights are an oppressive human construct, yo. What’s yours is mine.

  10. Don escaped Two Corinthians

    “Bedazzling Navier-Stokes”

    Hilton observed that she expected to ultimately have N-S struck down in the federal courts because of its history of dis-enfranchising thixotropes and fluids-of-color.

    • Don escaped Two Corinthians

      Dunham has also observed that much of American culture is thixotropicphobic.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Stirring the pot, are we?

      • Don escaped Two Corinthians

        I was trying to kick the Reynold’s number up an order of magnitude and tripped

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Just keep your bodily fluids unpolluted.

      • Don escaped Two Corinthians

        way too late for that: I’m partial to whiskey

      • db

        You don’t have to be a Newton to figure this out.

    • Sean

      Nope.

      • straffinrun

        Watch the ratio in real time.

      • Sean

        Ya know what’s sad/funny? If don’t understand “the ratio”.

      • straffinrun

        More retweets/replies than likes. You can’t down vote, so people retweet dumbshit stuff so that all the world can see it.

      • Sean

        Thank you.

      • Count Potato

        You’re probably better off that way, tbh.

      • rhywun

        Me neither. Some twitter thing – happy to remain ignorant.

    • Rebel Scum

      White men are the demographic that most deserves to lose the right to vote. And since we were the only ones with the guaranteed right to vote for around 130 years, it only seems fair that we sit out for about a century.

      No…

      *eyes nondescript, locked cabinet containing nondescript items*

      And I dare you to try to make me.

  11. Count Potato

    “Donald Trump isn’t yet president, and the Hamilton Electors have one shot to make sure he never is

    2:50 PM · Dec 10, 2016”

    https://twitter.com/Salon/status/807673744403656704

    Just in case anyone forgot…

    • Rebel Scum

      I don’t suppose we are going to get a psa from celebs to encourage the electors to defect from the apparent winner because he is clearly too mentally deficient and compromised to carry out the duties of the presidency this time.

  12. grrizzly

    Estonia’s far-right minister resigns over Biden remarks

    He made the remarks on Sunday in an Estonian radio show which interviewed both Mart Helme and his son Martin, who is the country’s finance minister. They also discussed a hypothetical scenario of a U.S. civil war after the election result.

    U.S. President Donald Trump “will win eventually. It will happen as a result of an immense struggle, maybe even bloodshed but justice will win in the end,” Mart Helme told the TRE radio station according to local media.

    “There is no question that these elections were falsified,” Martin Helme said in the interview, according to Estonian news portal Delfi and national broadcaster ERR. “I believe all normal people should speak up against it. There is no point in talking about democracy or rule of law in a situation where elections can be faked so plainly, boldly and on a massive scale.”

    • rhywun

      “I believe all normal people should speak up against it.”

      How quaint.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Exactly.

        Historically speaking, humans are politically simplistic and will go along with any results that favor their preferences, regardless if those who obtained power did so through predetermined rules.

        Might makes right, and my revenge boner needs release.

    • Rebel Scum

      There is no point in talking about democracy or rule of law in a situation where elections can be faked so plainly, boldly and on a massive scale.

      Get a load of this Nazi. It’s not like Estonians would know anything about obviously rigged elections.

      far-right minister

      Anything to the right of Karl Marx is “far” right…

      • rhywun

        The article gave several unrelated, cherry-picked examples to prove it, bigot.

  13. Semi-Spartan Dad

    Republican AGs to SCOTUS: Overturn Illegal Pennsylvania Ballot Extension
    https://pjmedia.com/election/tyler-o-neil/2020/11/09/republican-ags-to-scotus-overturn-illegal-pennsylvania-ballot-extension-n1133534

    It took a few days, but it looks like the GOP moved today to start throwing its support behind Trump. Barr has opened a federal investigation. The state AGs have filed lawsuits. McConnell gave a speech backing Trump (it wasn’t a forceful speech, but I expected the GOP leadership to start putting distance between themselves and Trump). Who knows how this will play out but the support is encouraging that this isn’t over yet no matter how loud the media screams it is.

    • Sean

      I
      Want
      To
      Believe

      I still have calm tits.

      • LemonGrenade

        You talk about your tits more than a girl does. But mine are calm, too. All the libs got to play ‘it ain’t over until the electoral college votes’ in 2016, I can in 2020.

      • Count Potato

        Al Gore thought he was going to be President for 37 days. This is only day 6.

        Anyway, let’s not dwell on every form of difference and sameness in nature. Sure, Sean is a man, and you are a woman, and you both have tits in some way as mere reflections of some perfect tits — that perhaps Q may have posted. That yours are better, means they are literally more good, than his. This leads us to the one form of sameness and difference that is the form of the good. The good is the basis for all other forms since it is what allows us to understand everything else. Just like the sun allows us to see things. The sun is not sight, but it is he cause of sight itself. Such is the good. Therefore, since computers also allow sight, for the good of the republic, anyone talking about their tits needs to post pics or it didn’t happen.

      • LemonGrenade

        I second the motion for Sean to show us his tits! I would also never allege that mine are better, never having seen Sean’s.

      • Count Potato

        An Aristotelian response to Plato? Excellent.

      • DenverJ

        Too clever for this crowd. Of course, I got it.

      • LemonGrenade

        I just thought it sounded better than “I double dog dare Sean to go first”…. then I was going to dig up something off of google images that was clearly not me.

      • Sean

        *contemplates an Onlyfans account*

        ?

      • Florida Man

        I know you try to keep a critical and measured opinion. Do you think Joe Biden won legitimately or there is no way to even know if fraud was the cause for his victory or he won illegitimately?

      • The Hyperbole

        The latter, although I have yet to see any compelling evidence to back up the fraud claim, lots and lots of ‘circumstantial evidence’ for lacvk of a better term, but no smoking gun, and that it what I think is needed to invalidate the ‘official’ count. Also I am in a unique position where who the president is doesn’t mean shit to me, so I hope Sean is right if for no other reason than there are a non-zero number of Glibs who I don’t think will handle a Trump loss well, and surprisingly I actually like all but one of you guys.

      • kinnath

        The results in Milwaukee are statistically improbable.

        The results in Detroit are statistically improbable.

        The results in Philadelphia are statistically improbable.

        The results in Atlanta are statistically improbable.

        In combination, these results are statistically impossible.

        Only malfeasance can explain the results.

        No need for any smoking guns.

      • Jarflax cancelled Cancelled

        A statistically implausible result is not evidence of malfeasance in the legal sense. Note that I am not saying you are wrong in the “I cannot believe this election was not decided by fraud” sense.

      • blackjack

        Fire=smoke. When there’s earth shattering anomalies in statistics, there’s a reason. Theoretically, it should be findable. It probably will. Remember, it’s 2020 and Trump is the president. 2016 and Romney, no way.

      • kinnath

        Statistically impossible results mean malfeasance on a grand scale.

        Thanks means there will be evidence that will stand up in court, if anyone actually wants to go find it.

      • rhywun

        The unlawful blocking of poll-watchers – if it shakes out – seems like the most compelling evidence so far.

        I think the rest stinks too, and if “the system” is so broken that there’s no way to prove it, well… we’re fucked.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Dont lewve us hanging Hype…

      • blackjack

        Man, I’m not THAT bad!

      • EvilSheldon

        In elections, as in other legal/government services, the appearance of impropriety is impropriety.

      • blackjack

        Sorry, 2012 and Rmoney.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Rmoney: good John-o if accidental.

      • Jerms

        Shit its not me you dont like is it?

      • Trigger Hippie

        ‘I hope Sean is right if for no other reason than there are a non-zero number of Glibs who I don’t think will handle a Trump loss well,’

        Don’t assume my thoughts, man.

        I could care less if Trump wins or loses, I only care about election integrity. So far, I see a lot of circumstantial evidence to sway me from believing this election was held legitimately, that’s all.

      • Trigger Hippie

        *Hits bowl*

        Huh, was that a reflexively defensive response? Because upon further inspection, that seemed like a defensive response…don’t make me self reflect, dude. 😉

      • Florida Man

        Thanks. I’m the one guy, aren’t I?

      • LemonGrenade

        Eh, I was pissed when Obama won, but I didn’t spend weeks raging about it. I won’t rage over a Biden presidency either, I’ll just stop voting. The other Glibs who have posited that voting was a pointless exercise and my vote doesn’t matter will have been proven right, and I’ll go along with it.

      • DenverJ

        …and surprisingly I actually like all but one of you guys.

        It’s kinnath, isn’t it?

      • Brochettaward

        He wants to get all cunty about being called a loathsome cunt a few times, I’m guessing.

      • Not Adahn

        A meteor strikes the Biden Inauguration, wiping out a significant fraction of piliticos, but more D than R.

        Does it lead to:

        -Attendance surging at chirch services as a sign of Divine intervention?

        -Riots on the west coast as they demand the r’s that used Trumps secrete asteroid weapons program be brought to justice?

      • Don escaped Two Corinthians

        The better question is who would want to be in a republic such as this. My state will not be voting for Biden; we do not deserve him nor his policies. My people tried to opt out of this mess, but the error of our ways was explained to us some nine score and five years ago.

        I have no opinion who should be the congresscritter for Haight-Asbury. I’m pulling for them in one way, and they can also go fuck themselves in all the others. I’ve already got seven million nosy and stupid neighbors too many, and I don’t really need another quarter billion.

        Trump is pure garbage, but I don’t hate the GOP necessarily. I do hate that it has had an excellent platform for several decades with only a few odious planks; on balance, I would be a much happier, richer, and freer man if any of the men who pretended to believe in that platform had made hardly any of it come to pass, so fuck them also.

        I believe it is terrible waste of energy to argue over whether goat shit or pig shit smells better. I would not die for Bucks County, and I don’t give a shit who they pretend to have voted for.

      • pistoffnick

        My man!
        *salutes escapee Don*

      • blackjack

        Well, Don’s never escaped California, where this election fixing was trial ran. This is an absolute federalizing of crooked Cali election tactics. Ya’ll will get what we got if this bullshit stands. I only like trump relative to other presidents and other candidates. If he’s as bad as it gets, I can live with that. President Harris is going to change things in a way that will have us all wishing for Trump’s administration, and very quickly.

      • Trigger Hippie

        ‘I would be a much happier, richer, and freer man if any of the men who pretended to believe in that platform had made hardly any of it come to pass, so fuck them also.’

        +1 Soul Brother

      • Gadfly

        The most interesting development about fraud being uncovered in MI (leading to a recount – which discounts precincts with discrepancies, so I’ve heard) is it could potentially take the Senate out of play – the R Senate candidate ran ahead of Trump and suffered the same red mirage, so if there was fraud it probably cost him a seat as well.

      • DenverJ

        Big if true? Sure, and absolutely not undoable. You can punish the workers who engaged in this behavior, but the votes that they coached are still valid and countable, unless you can prove everyone of those voters were mentally incompetent. By then, Boden will be dead, Trumpmwill be dead, hell- the earth will be dead.
        That’s the thing. Only so much of the cheating can be undone by the courts- a huge amount will still be on the record.

      • Rebel Scum

        Trump gave the GOP a spine. And Trump doesn’t do anything small. There will be more plot twists before this is over.

      • Hyperion

        It’s his supporters who gave us a spine. And many of them are libertarians.

        I don’t know why anyone besides fools can think they can mock half the county and then just go onto some fake healing and all is swell horseshit. Nothing is well, and there will not be no healing. Reap the whirlwind fools and die by the sword.

        Life is a gamble. You can take some and there are some you cannot take back and you cannot take this shit back. You drew the line, now live with it.

      • DenverJ

        Kinda where I’m at. Maybe a drink or two behind. But, so what? I mean, seriously, what can we so about it? Apparently we can’t even vote anymore. So, what’s left? Pray that Barr spends the next two months sending thousands of low level Dem operatives to prison? I mean, I’ve given up on Brennan facing any consequences for open felonies.
        There’s two options left, armed insurrection being one. That’s pretty extreme man. It’s the lobster in the pot- turn up the heat slowly enough, and the poor sap won’t even know he’s dying.
        The “tyranny” doesn’t affect the average person in recognizable ways enough to rouse them to anger.

      • Trigger Hippie

        ‘Trump gave the GOP a spine.’

        I’m sorry but, what?!

        If the GOP had a spine or at least more than two brain cells clanging around in their collective heads they would have issued orders to their state operatives to push for stronger voting laws in the major swing states a year before the elections. Granted, most of those bills would have failed anyway but, the DNC straight up told everybody what they intended to do…and yet, the GOP still found itself shocked and unprepared to counter the overt, lawless ambition of the left, despite over straight three years of that behavior.

        Rhetoric and lawsuits are all well and good but, until they actually accomplish something to preemptively stomp this behavior out I’m going to continue to consider this nothing more than posturing and view them as nothing more than full of shit/useless.

        Sorry if that came off as aggressive towards you personally, not my intention.

        I just really, really, really, find myself dissatisfied with my ‘legitimate option’ against outright socialism/corruption.

        Why should they inspire any faith in me?

      • Rebel Scum

        I’m sorry but, what?!

        I meant relatively speaking. The bar was very low.

        Sorry if that came off as aggressive towards you personally, not my intention.

        No offense taken.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Thank you.

        Again, I apologize to you and anyone here who may take offense…wait…*checks URL*

        Oh, yeah. Well, fuck y’all.

        I keeed, I keeed.

      • blackjack

        I’m with you. The four days they spent trying to decide if they should slob on Biden’s knob or stand behind their man who got jacked, showed us that they are the same lilly livered pussies they’ve always been. I have zero faith in them as a whole. A few have shown some minor improvement, but that doesn’t move them to “respectable” status. Trump has to do this basically by himself.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        More of a spine than they used to have maybe but they’re still wet noodles.

      • creech

        Didn’t the Chicom-19 change the election laws so that 100 million voted early (perhaps even, often)?
        That’s what killed Trump…and not getting the Hunter corruption out there at least a month earlier.

      • Don escaped Two Corinthians

        I still have calm tits.

        bio update ?

    • Gadfly

      This makes sense from a tactical perspective – Trump enjoyed 90% support from his party and expanded the party’s reach, and since those same people will be voting in future elections it makes sense for the GOP pols not to piss off their potential supporters. Plus they have to be thinking ahead about how election security will affect the future of their party – even if you are just in it for the graft, you get more graft if you win from time to time. The GOP pols who don’t much care for Trump may also want to thread the needle – if they make a show of support for Trump and manage to achieve better election security in the future without Trump actually winning this time, that would be a win-win for them.

      • R C Dean

        If Biden wins, election reform won’t be for “more security”, no matter what these putzes think.

  14. Gadfly

    Ms. Gambolputty is also an activist in the ignorance positivity movement, which seeks to break down the stigma associated with the differently-informed.

    This is gold.

  15. DEG

    “I’m proud to be a role model for stupid people everywhere” said Ms. Hilton. “If I can get just one girl interested in makeup and expensive purses, it will all be worth it.”

    As she laughs all the way to the bank.

  16. Rebel Scum

    I hope we can still get this type of entertainment in Truth and Reconciliation camp.

    • Hyperion

      LOL

    • blackjack

      Can we all take a moment to remember how Kamala tread the Kav AND Barrett, as well.

  17. Gadfly

    So, peak 2020: court challenges and recounts flip AZ, GA, and WI back into the Trump camp (each state has margins of less than 1%, with 20,000 or fewer votes separating the top two candidates) – leaving the electoral college at 269 to 269. Hilarity ensues.

    • Rebel Scum

      26-24 vote of State HoR delegations for Trump and leftists lose their shit and, well, continue what they were already doing.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      “Hilarity”

      You misspelled violence. If they were to lose the brass ring now they’d flip their shit.

  18. Aloysious

    If it’s a girlcott, do they still show their naughty bits, or is that activity being boycotted?

    • Not Adahn

      Calling pendulous gunts “naughty bits” is white cisheteropatriarchicalnormative racism!

  19. Florida Man

    One advantage of having odd ball calibers is they don’t sell out in a panic. I was able to get a few hundred rounds of 224 Valkyrie to go with the new vortex 6-24x scope I ordered. Now I just need to find a 1000 yard range…

    • Hyperion

      Yeah, but it’s bigger that twatter cannot silence Mark Dice.

      At this point, Mark Dice must be making Jack suck his cum out of his mum’s cunt.

      That’s what it takes, balls, and they lose.

      • Count Potato

        Or Mark Dice’s politics are so clearly antithetical to Twitter, that they are using him as beacon. By watching who likes and follows Mark Dice, they know who to shadow ban, censor, etc.

  20. Ownbestenemy

    Our school district is finally considering a hybrid model. After perusing their 205 page reopening guide, I just ended up more pissed off.

    • pistoffnick

      Welcome to the dark side. We have low carb snacks over there. And the cocaine vending machines are just down the hall. Between the automatic weapons vending machine and the used panties vending machine.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I hope those weapons are drop safe when they fall into the tray at the bottom.

      • pistoffnick

        You have to buy the loaded magazines separately. What kind of capitalist would I be if I sold the all together?

      • Gustave Lytton

        *walks over past Mexican ass sex MJ vending machine to the bundled RTU firearm machine*

    • LemonGrenade

      When they explained my children would have to wear face panties the entire time they were in school, except when they were eating in the cafeteria, I flashed back to “The Girl With All The Gifts” said “No thanks” and continued to keep them virtual. I’m still toying with pulling them entirely and putting them in a private curiculum.

      • Ownbestenemy

        We might have to go the private route. Their grades have suffered significantly. One just isn’t prone to a virtual environment and the other is doing okay, but struggling with AP classes.

      • LemonGrenade

        My daughter went from straight A’s every quarter to only passing because the school just started counting everything below a 70 as a C. My son is failing a couple of different classes. For both of them it’s a case of “you’re putting me in front of a computer and expecting me to do work when I could watch Youtube or play games?” And we can’t even block fucking youtube, because the teachers keep linking to videos on it. So it’s either physically sit in on every class to make sure they’re actually attending, or roll the dice and say ‘fuck it, if they fail a year, they’ll live. everyone is getting commie cough exceptions.”

      • Ownbestenemy

        Yep and our superintendent has came out and made safety and healtb their priority…not education. Fuck em all.

        Getting two 15 year olds to do school work has been..taxing.

      • LemonGrenade

        The switch to virtual school hasn’t so much made me grateful for the work teachers do, as made me realize a good 85% of their job was babysitting and I deserve a refund on my taxes since I have to do the babysitting now.

      • Ownbestenemy

        No doubt. In that tome of reopening there was a survey and behind getting ommie cough of why they shouldn’t reopen, teachers said they would have to find babysitters for their own kids and couldnt telecommute anymore.

      • LemonGrenade

        A good 20 of the teachers at the rural high school my son attends will be continuing to teach virtually, while they bring in full time substitutes to monitor the classrooms for those in-person students willing to jump through their hoops to get two days a week, who will then continue to receive instruction over video, from the teacher’s homes. I guess I should be grateful the subs don’t cost quite as much as the teachers do? But nah, I’m leaning strongly towards “unless you were letting those shits stay home and teach remote every flu season (you were not), demand they get their asses back to work or fire them.”

      • Ted S.

        It’s much easier to be a baby-sitter when the kids are in prison.

      • Mojeaux

        Are you me?

      • LemonGrenade

        Probably, since real libertarian women don’t exist. We’re all one single sock puppet running multiple accounts.

      • rhywun

        NYC decided the other day to just drop grades. “Oh, well! ?‍♂️”

      • LemonGrenade

        I’m still amazed any of NYC has continued with the hybrid model. My county just finally started this week and I fully expect it to be a complete clusterfuck, with probable shutdowns the first time a couple of kids trade masks or something. My boss is so happy every day his son gets his two days a week in school, because he spends the day working in our abandoned NYC office, where everything is covered in plastic sheeting, only his workstation is clear, and the milk in the fridge expired in March, like some crazy goddamned dystopia. But I guess it’s a step up after working for 7 months out of an apartment with two kids and a spouse trying to use the network at the same time.

      • Mojeaux

        I expect this to happen here this year too.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Same..I am pressing the district to release overall grades between this school year and prior in same time period.

        I know they won’t but they can’t hide that forever methinks.

    • one true athena

      My high schooler may – MAY – get to go to his school for one hour per week soon! Unfortunately because of the rules from Newsome and Co all students have to remain in their “cohort” but because this is high school, they can’t go to classes because those are mixed. So the school is doing what they can to at least try to get them together to socialize on campus, but that’s it. It’s ridiculous.

      • C. Anacreon

        So very thankful that last spring was our son’s senior year in a California public high school; he’s been off to a private college back east this fall, where thankfully almost all the students are on campus and several of his classes are in-person (and the school administration says they place a priority on in-person education). If he had been any younger this would have really screwed things up for him, as it was, even just that one last semester was a joke and he only had to check in with each teacher once a week to ‘pass’. I feel so sorry for all of you having to deal with your kids being fucked over by teachers’ unions right now, I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you and your family. Godspeed.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Huh. 48 reminds me of my wife, but I think it’s because they both use the same pile of Instagram* filters.

      * or whatever photo app the ladies are using these days.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Well ya, if they would have watched/read/opened their eyes to anything other than CNN/MSNBC they would have realized that Biden sign means nothing to the rabid mob.

      • one true athena

        It’s like that vid from a couple months ago when that dude shouted from his window that he was with them, and they threw a rock through his window.

        You may think the crocodile will eat you last, buddy, but sometimes you’re there and crocodiles get hungry.
        =

    • straffinrun

      I won’t say I enjoyed that. Predicted it, but not enjoying it. Rwanda redux.

      • LemonGrenade

        I totally enjoyed it. I’m willing to admit to being petty and I hate appeasers, though.

  21. Count Potato

    “YIKES: Memo from State Dept. on how it qualified Ukrainian elections as “rigged.”

    Bottom Line: According to our own State Dept’s assessment of corrupt foreign elections, the 2020 US elections do not meet its own standards.

    But let’s ignore this.”

    https://twitter.com/ChanelRion/status/1325816990636904449

    • rhywun

      LOL it’s like a checklist.

  22. slumbrew

    I stopped being the giant tech dork I am to be slightly manly:

    I disassembled my washing machine and fixed the unbalanced banging; one of the springs had somehow gotten disconnected but the spring and mounting loop were just sitting on the ground – one pair of pliers later, things are back to functioning smoothly.

    It was very satisfying during a day where I don’t thing I otherwise got shit done.

    • LemonGrenade

      That is pretty much exactly what made me decide my (then) boy-friend was the man I should marry. He took apart, repaired, then put his washing machine back together. So hot…. cheers for @slumbrew!

      • slumbrew

        Grazie. My wife was minorly impressed.

        It’s also a reminder of what black-boxes so many modern appliances are – you can wrench on these old direct-drive tub washers but I suspect you can’t do much with a modern front-loader.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Mechanics are the same…what controls it might be different. My hates it when I answer its a FM (f’n magic) box on anything where I tell her there is nothing I can do to it.

      • one true athena

        And then the controls are always the super expensive part, of course. Our new dryer control panel died when it was only 18 months old – technically out of warranty (only one year! for a major appliance! fuck all these companies) but Samsung replaced it. That part is list price something like 400 dollars. You might as well buy a brand new machine.

    • Trigger Hippie

      ‘unbalanced banging’

      I hear Inversion Therapy can help with that. 😉

  23. PieInTheSky

    goddamnit I don;t feel like work at all. I need a holiday and I aint probably geting one this year or next.

    GM glibbies

    • slumbrew

      ‘morning, Pie.

      My condolences – some days, you just need a break but none is forthcoming.

  24. Ownbestenemy

    Nevada’s definition of a covid death

    As of Oct. 19, the state’s official tally includes anyone who dies from natural causes within 30 days of testing positive for the respiratory disease. As long as there is a recent positive result, the person’s death certificate is not required to specifically list a COVID-19-related term as an underlying cause of death

    So you can test positive, recover, and die in in a couple weeks from that stage 4 cancer and its a covid death. At least they are out in the open about it I guess.

    • hayeksplosives

      They can’t let the numbers dip until Joe is inaugurated and heals the nation.

      • one true athena

        I wonder if there will be covid in the Gulag of Healing And Unity

      • hayeksplosives

        There will at least remain the threat of covid 19 for dealing with the more stubborn camp residents.

        Guy who claims that his mind will always be free suddenly disappears in the night.

        “Where’d Dave go?”

        “COVID got him. He had to be quarantined from the others to prevent the spread of his dangerous ideas, err, dangerous germs through the general population.”

      • rhywun

        Camp Of Very Insidious Deplorables

      • Festus' Mustache Needs To Calm His Tits

        Damn.

  25. hayeksplosives

    If masks, social distancing, and travel bans work, we should be entering a really mild or nonexistent flu season, right?

    • Trials and Trippelations

      Obama lowered the seas and Biden irradiated all disease

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      You’re correct but only because they’re being rolled into COVID.

  26. Yusef drives a Kia

    Good Morning Glibs! looks like rain in the forecast, with extra Doom and Gloom Courtesy of the Left, ah well………

      • Sean

        Meant to be a new post. Mornin Yusef.

    • Gender Traitor

      Awwwww! Looks like a larger version of one of my cats!

      • Festus' Mustache Needs To Calm His Tits

        Kitteh looks to be polydactyl. Don’t be sad, every time a kitteh dies about a million Song Sparrow get their wings. (PETA)

  27. Sean

    Joe Biden is not my president. Or yours.

    #StopTheSteal

    • Gender Traitor

      I had heard that their ratings had taken a nosedive. Is that actually Election Night, or since then?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Huh, even Carlson who I mostly like is fucked. Looks like betraying a loyal audience has consequences (assuming the numbers are legit of course).

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      howdy U

      • Tres Cool

        Mornin’ you two.

        MEDIUM cans! (my kroger was out of 24 oz, likely due to me, so I had to settle on 16 oz’rs)

      • Tres Cool

        Oh, and Sean and everyone else, too

      • Tres Cool

        I rather like THIS.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Sup Tres! high of 65 today……it’s already 65, this place is weird,

      • UnCivilServant

        That warm? It is weird.

      • Gender Traitor

        Good morning, U & Yu. Today’s my last day of work before a week-and-a-half vacation. Whew.

      • UnCivilServant

        I have to finish out this week before my two week vacation.

      • Gender Traitor

        I’ll have to be back the week of Thanksgiving to process payroll, but my boss will be off, which we always call Virtual Vacation.

      • Tres Cool

        Yo home-slice.

        You happen to see this wonderful little bit on our local news?

        “Dayton Gets Real: The struggle for racial justice in changing times”

      • Gender Traitor

        I see the links on WHIO’s site and avoid clicking them.

        Fun fact: Tom T heard the gunfire in the wee hours Saturday morning that ended up with the fatal on SS Rd.

      • Tres Cool

        Over on this side of 48, hearing gunfire has been happening more and more often.

      • UnCivilServant

        So there’s no backup for your job duties? From a management perspective, that seems risky. What happens if you get disgruntled and suddenly find another job?

      • Gender Traitor

        My boss does back me up on payroll, and my New Much More Reliable Co-worker will back me up on everything else. No travel plans – I was just about to max out on Vacation accrual, so I needed to take a chunk. Plus my birthday’s in there somewhere.

      • UnCivilServant

        Happy Birthday. Whichever day it is.

      • Gender Traitor

        Thanks. Hoping to indulge in lots of indolence & sloth, but with more frequent trips to the Y than usual.

      • Sean

        So there’s no backup for your job duties?

        There is none for me.

        Though after more than 20 years, I don’t think my boss is too nervous. Otherwise he wouldn’t be so annoying.

      • UnCivilServant

        With you it’s less likely that you get a better job than you get into a frenetic firefight with an angry herd of beef cattle and find out your body armor doesn’t stop 20mm cannon rounds. 😛

      • Festus' Mustache Needs To Calm His Tits

        No back-up on mine either. The closest thing that they could find was an independent contractor that doesn’t give a shit. She’s purdy and charming but she does a terrible job so all the male Supervisors are fine with it. There’s your real “disparate impact” since Eve plucked the Pomegranate. Mojo has had a few words to say about this issue.

      • Festus' Mustache Needs To Calm His Tits

        Morning All! Just watched Straff’s link to Mises. Good stuff and also a little redemption for linking that that VDH video the other night that clocked in at over an hour long. It’s less than 20 minutes and pretty thought provoking. Maybe those Libertarian weirdos on on to something?

  28. Stinky Wizzleteats

    “Michigan AG Dana Nessel Sends Cease and Desist Order to Journalist Demanding He Erase His #DetroitLeaks Video Showing Voter Fraud Training — OR FACE CRIMINAL PROSECUTION”

    http://archive.is/9rzOg

    Move along, nothing to see here.

  29. Festus' Mustache Needs To Calm His Tits

    I larfed at “Smart at any IQ”. Must be like “Beautiful at any weight” or “Fast at any amputation”.

  30. l0b0t

    Good morning all. I’m on day two of my mandatory two week vacation. Apparently, in the last contract we lost the ability for vacation days to roll over every year and I’m forced to use all of mine before 2021 (I had been planning to use it for Carnival). Hopefully, I can still go and punch in for a few shifts and double -dip. The kids are going to start their first day at a remote location for online learning – the YMCA down the road. They will have to sit at tables, wear face-diapers, and NOT have a father constantly bringing them snacks; so we’ll see how it works out today. I’ll spend this first day in the sauna and steam room (the horror, the horror) so I can whisk them home when the 6 year old has his inevitable tantrum.

    • Festus' Mustache Needs To Calm His Tits

      Sory, IObOt. Didn’t realize that the Gelflings were so wee. I’d always assumed that they were a little older. This whole thing must have turned their little world upside down in addition to other big changes. Jesus, Bro. Prayers.

      • l0b0t

        Thanks. Yeah, son is 6, daughter is 10. Sigh…

  31. UnCivilServant

    Oh yeah…

    Monday I saw a pickup towing a cannon down the street.

    Someone’s prepared.

    • Tulip

      Awesome!

      • Sean

        ⬆️

        Also, a lil jealous.

      • l0b0t

        #metoo

        Napoleon was quite correct about rioters being best met with “…a whiff of grapeshot.”

  32. The Late P Brooks

    These are the sad facts of the Trivia Gap.

    The very notion of “right” answers vs “wrong” ones must be stamped out. We have suffered far too long under the oppressive yoke of objective truth.

    • Festus' Mustache Needs To Calm His Tits

      I’m sorry, the answer is “Moops”.

      • Tres Cool

        MOORS!

      • Festus' Mustache Needs To Calm His Tits

        *punches Tres’ fist-fuck dildo avatar through the plastic bubble*

    • Cy

      HOW DARE YOU assume my REALITY!

  33. wdalasio

    I’m taking a “vacation” on Thursday and Friday to go make settlement on Stately WDalasio Manor. That is, if my bank stops dicking around on the mortgage. I swear they’re giving me agita.

    • UnCivilServant

      Congratulations (assuming no more bank dickery)

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Unfortunately very common right now.

      I have employees that have been thru refi’s which took 6 months to complete. I know this because they’ve called me 6 times to verify employment. I finally started asking them if they were going to get off their asses and finish it because I was tired of taking their phone calls.

      • Festus' Mustache Needs To Calm His Tits

        Swamp Creature flees, the only shaky-cam footage is lost in mysterious fire.

  34. Festus' Mustache Needs To Calm His Tits

    Today will be a chore. We got a shitload of snow that needs seeing to and I have to leave the bubble. My happy little bubble. Things need doing so I have to drive into town and do the stuff that Judi usually does. I’ll need to break my non-mask mandate to get meds for the cat and then visit the supermarket, which I have successfully avoided doing for about two years. Also need to do a few other grown-up things. You guys laughed at me on a Zoom when I said that I missed my Wife. At least I don’t need to work tonight because Nov 11 is a Holiday.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Hey F! Sorry I missed that (I am always too tired to Zoom). When does the missus come home?

      • Festus' Mustache Needs To Calm His Tits

        Friday, Gaia Willing! I take so much for granted. What a cur I am.

  35. Sean

    Just sent a quick note to my PA state rep about the attempt in Philly to steal an election.

    I’ll post his response if I get one.

    • Not Adahn

      You’ve taken porecautions prior to the red-flag raid you know is coming, right?

      • Sean

        *reserves boat rental*

      • Festus' Mustache Needs To Calm His Tits

        Rental? Fuck that! I’ll loan you a leaky one for free!

    • Festus' Mustache Needs To Calm His Tits

      I’m featuring a lot of boilerplate legalize, tons of cc’s and a terse note that states FYTW.