SACRAMENTO, CA — Election monitors in California discovered a massive error in the 2020 election, which caused several million Biden votes from other states to accidentally be recorded in California’s total votes. “We figured that there might have been some sort of error after we noticed Trump had still won several states,” said DNC election engineer Pat Cromulent, whose pronouns are smurf and snork. “What we discovered was that, due to human error, several million Biden votes in California were actually meant to be recorded in other states like Alabama, Texas, Utah — basically other states where Trump had seemingly won. Once we tracked it down we were able to properly reallocate those votes where they needed to be.”
After this minor and innocent error was corrected, Joe Biden won the 2020 election in a historic landslide, winning every state in the union. California’s vote total remained in Biden’s favor by just a large enough margin to avoid an automatic recount. Democrats hailed his victory as a clear mandate to begin forming the Union of Socialist States of America.
“We think there may have been a similar error in the House and Senate races,” Cromulent noted, while filling out mail-in ballots for the runoff elections in Georgia, “So we’re hard at work making sure we track down where each Democrat vote should be. Then we’re confident the will of the people will be heard.”
Why is this labeled satire?
Because they admitted an error, which would never happen in the real world.
Bravo!
This piece has my seal and walrus of approval.
Goo goo g’joob.
fun fact: in a parallel universe, there is a walrus band with a hit song called I am John Lennon.
Some Beatles song parodies I’ve mulled:
We All Live Under Bullshit Quarantine
The Magical Maskery Tour
Laziest Walrus Colony Ever: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6a0Wkq9wZE
Huh, so that’s what the morning after a Glibs meet up looks like.
There’s a Milwaukee band that mashes up Beatles and Metallica songs. Some of them are pretty funny.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EA_CgX2ihVg
[incapacitating laughter]
Stoned Golden Retriever
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkJorTMoSYw
Legit LOL.
Every dog has his day.
The best was Mad Magazine on George. The album was called ” Lifting Material from the World”
“so that’s what the morning after a Glibs meet up looks like”
Nuh-huh, what the morning before the Glibs meet up looks like.
/NoDak Glibs
Shouldn’t Smurf and Snork be capitalized.
Capitalization is eurocentric colonialism.
Smurfs for sure, as they were oppressed by a white man. My mistake.
Smurf off, slaver!
Progressive wing of Democratic Party laments lack of rail system to transport deplorables (i.e. Trump voters) to camps!
Ass Wednesday votes for succulent cheeks.
https://archive.li/ocNWc
Bonus:
https://archive.li/Wt9vs/1155e58da409445d9fa3d6fc5c87b6f6e9d17aad.jpg
I’ll take real ass over fake boobs any day, but faces are important.
Miss Gambolputty was unavailable for comment.
Help for when you run out of toilet paper.
What?
anyone play chess ?
https://play.chess.com/YfPr
White won on time. I’ve never played with a timer. I’ll try again with that in mind.
https://play.chess.com/wFK6
https://play.chess.com/esRk
Maybe another time. I just back from work and I’m tired.
Favorite Chess artist.
Ages ago. I found a challenging computer opponent on postcard chess dot com years ago. I think they’re defunct now.
My favorite chess article: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Immortal_Game
***
The Immortal Game was a chess game played by Adolf Anderssen and Lionel Kieseritzky on 21 June 1851 in London, during a break of the first international tournament. The bold sacrifices made by Anderssen to secure victory have made it one of the most famous chess games of all time. Anderssen gave up both rooks and a bishop, then his queen, checkmating his opponent with his three remaining minor pieces. In 1996, Bill Hartston called the game an achievement “perhaps unparalleled in chess literature”.[1]
***
I made the chess team in high school. About 100 tried out, and I was one of the top 5. One time, I came in sick after school just to break a 2-2 tie. They literally called for my help.
I checkmated the number 1 player once by sacrificing my queen. The look on his face was priceless.
Not sure if it’s related, but Chess by Post is a great phone app to play chess. I played it for years against a couple friends, but haven’t played now in a couple years.
What I like about the app is you can make a move anytime it’s convenient with no time limits. A game may take a couple weeks, or go quicker if both people have the time. It also ranks you so if you want to play random people it sets you up against others of similar skill.
I’d like to start playing again if anyone is interested in games that may take a little time.
I used to play a lot in HS and college. You being on the chess team always reminds me of this skit.
https://vimeo.com/68875087
Well, if Trump flips the election in court, Biden’s voters will be rolling in their graves!
*stolen from some random twitter page
Ben Ginsberg, Republican attorney from Bush v Gore and a legion of other election lawsuits
I don’t care what any establishment repub says, this election, this pandemic, this whole fucking year has pegged my bullshitometer.
Yeah who gives a fuck what some worthless sack of shit Bushie has to say about anything. They’re the very definition of controlled opposition.
The Chinese Army has developed a new MRE that can be parachuted in to troops on the ground.
And it’s sugar free!
But, is it keto?
Laugh it up, fuzzball.
Oh, shit — they gave HM edit privileges.
The Edit Fairy uses she/her pronouns.
Is it free of sugar?
Is it a sugarfree MRE?
Retches
When you open the package, an elder-god tentacle pulls you in and eats you. They never said what the meal was. Spoiler: it’s you!
Good. I’m over this fucking year.
Don’t lose heart. It’ll get better. In 10 years you’ll barely remember 2020.
In ten years I’ll barely remember my name, the way things are going.
They’re just gonna drop some more in an hour anyway!
* have to drop some more
And I know it was way to obvious, but someone hadda do it.
Thats just kidnapping a dog and jumping out a plane with it, hence the industrial strength muzzle.
I saw some article which claimed that a very high percent of Chinese college students go on sick call within days of being called in for mandatory military training, which consists mainly of singing patriotic songs.
Yet the windowlickers at the State Dept are wetting their pants about the lurking dragon:
https://www.foxnews.com/politics/state-department-warns-incoming-biden-administration-china
Chinese leaders speak of “Two Big Gaps” (liǎnggè chājù hěn dà, 两个差距很大) and the “Five Incapables [Cannots]” (wǔgè bùhuì, 五个不会).
Chinese military papers often refer to a country described only as the “Strong Enemy” (强敌). Guess who that is.
https://nationalinterest.org/blog/reboot/why-chinas-military-sees-america-true-enemy-162908
I thought the stereotype was that the Chinese eat cats, Korean’s eat dogs (absolutely not just a stereotype).
The stereotype I’ve always thought of with the Chinese peasants is that they will eat anything. At any time. Food is food.
I’d imagine it’s gotten to that point in North Korea.
South Koreans as well. You will never see a dog larger than a Sheltie kept as a pet.
+1 Fisheyes and Tripe soup *Barf*
It’s not just peasants, but that might be how it started.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dog_meat_consumption_in_South_Korea
You don’t know rage until you’ve seen 100 angry, starving Chinamen fight over the last scrap of dog meat.
1) I think that’s for operations south of the Yulu River.
2) They’re going to need complete air superiority and an airlift that would make Operation Vittles look like a one-off. I mean at a minimum you’re talking hourly air drops before the troops get hungry again.
Well, they do have a bunch of cheap knockoffs of western aircraft, but like most things from China, they will probably break the first time they use them.
Hopefully they went with genuine knockoffs, not the knockoffs made at the knockoff factory after hours.
From the Sugarfree noon post: Leon said the feds took over student loans to fund Obamacare. No. They’ve had them for a long time. See https://www.thebalance.com/direct-loans-what-to-know-about-federal-student-loans-4770462#:~:text=Direct%20Loans%20are%20loans%20that%20are%20funded%20and,programs%20have%20operated%20in%20the%20recent%20past%2C%20however%3A
I went to school right after the Rodney King thing and borrowed about 5 grand. I walked into the loan office and said, ” Can’t we all just get a loan?” They laughed.
…then the LAPD burst in and brained you with their nightsticks.
Whether or not the fed took over the student loan market before or after Ocare, I do remember: 1) at that time the fed were making money on student loans; 2) the student loan program was folded into Ocare specifically to provide the 10-year, revenue-neutral seal of approval from the congressional budget office.
In short, profit from student loans was used to hide losses in Obamacare.
Thus, Obamacare was founded on one major lie that no one talks about. But don’t worry, you can keep your doctor if you like your doctor.
Lol, and if I drink while I work that means buying beer makes me money. *eyeroll*
The other major lie was making the Individual Mandate non-severable.
They were daring SCOTUS to overturn the whole law based upon the mandate not being constitutional. The Dems figured SCOTUS would never do it.
They’ve been right so far.
I was in 4-year college from Spring 2009 to Summer 2011. When I started, I got student loans through the old program, and I had to identify a loan provider (which ended up being Sallie Mae, obviously not a truly private entity but not the Feds directly either). Something definitely change midway through my time in college and the Dept. of Education took direct control of my loans. I got a letter to that effect. I still had to pay Sallie Mae, which eventually renamed to Navient, but they were now just the loan servicer not provider.
Indeed, this bullet from your link matches directly with my experience:
So, while the Direct Loans program was older than Obama, it was under his administration (obviously, with Congressional involvement as well) that the other major loan programs were phased out and the DoEd took direct control over most loans. What this doesn’t seem to say but I distinctly recall happening is that it wasn’t just all new loans, as not long after taking over any new loans, the feds bought out my old loans too.
https://babylonbee.com/news/bernie-sanders-shocked-after-us-beats-venezuela-to-producing-covid-vaccine/
Bee continuing to blur the line between satire and reality.
Do you guys think Biden will move the US Embassy in Israel from Jerusalem to Tel Aviv?
That would be purely a spite move, but I wouldn’t be too shocked if the Dems do it.
Leave it in Jerusalem, but rename it the US Embassy to Hamas
No I don’t. That would showing their cards too much.
I think this is one of the cases where what’s done is done, and the fact that it didn’t produce the backlash from Arab states that they thought basically means it’s dead in the water. They have no leg to stand on.
I literally cannot avoid Medicare commercials tonight. It’s on every single channel during every break.
Is there any clearer sign of who’s running things?
Wait til you turn 65. The marketing gets even more targetty.
I’m Gen X which means we don’t control shit and all the commercials will have moved on to funeral homes and memorial parks.
“Back in my day, they showed music videos on MTV.”
I’m with ya,‘ man.
GenX is a smaller contingent than either baby boomers or Millennials.
There’s no history on the History Channel, no music on MTV, and no learning on TLC, but
there’s still foxes on FoxNews.
Or 32, which apparently is now the Medicare eligibility age, at least according to all the AARP crap that got sent to me after I turned that age.
Getting my hair cut tomorrow before they shut everything the fuck down again here. Fuck this state.
Save your blood pressure and don’t watch any of Cuomo’s tuff-gai performance today.
Any of you New Yorkers aware of voting shenanigans that are holding up congressional results? Overall in the country, the A.P. still hasn’t called nine races (GOP is up seven seats overall in decided races, not counting the Amash seat). I can see why in one case – the GOP candidate leads by only 47 votes in Iowa #2. But two NY districts haven’t yet been called even though A.P. says 100% of vote is in: #11 has GOP candidate ahead by 57.9% to 42.1%; and #22 has GOP candidate ahead by 52.9% to 44.9%. Why aren’t these latter two races being called?
Dunno. I heard the Dem just won the wealthy North Shore of Long Island. ?
11 is Staten Island and piece of Brooklyn; 22 is upstate Binghampton, Utica swath. I think both are already held by GOP.
Oh, right. I’m in 11. It flipped to the GOP and was called days ago. The incumbent gave his concession speech IIRC.
iowa district 2. The democratic candidate requested a recount in all 37 (I think) counties in the district. It will be a while.
I used to live in NY11. It’s essentially the only Republican-leaning/swing districts in the city. The campaign was bitter as hell (the candidates calling each other a fraud in television ads, claims that the Dem wanted to defund the police and the Rep was taking money from drug dealers, etc.). It was pretty clear the day after the election that Malliotakis (the Rep) had won. Rose (the Dem) had a reputation as a moderate, but this is the one district in the city wearing a MAGA hat walking down the street isn’t going to get you harassed. Think upper blue collar suburban voters.
The state and city Dems are wading through the numbers desperate to find some win for the Democrat in that district.
I’m in the Brooklyn portion – roughly 1/3 of the population of the district – where the Dem would probably always win if we weren’t attached to Staten Island but it would be close. There are huge old-money mansions and towering blocks of old-timey Italians steps away from neighborhoods teeming with immigrants and Manhattan refugees.
A Bay Ridge Guy! It’s been a while since I’ve been out there. But, even Bay Ridge is pretty Republican. At least compared to the rest of NYC outside S.I. Last I remember Marty Golden was still a pretty big power out there. I’d imagine, though, the Manhattan refugees may have tipped the scales.
We need to democracy harder.
This round of democracy was like Bender asking the audience if they had tried turning off the TV, sitting down with their children, and hitting them. Over and over until they agree to be ruled.
It is a wonder, in a dreadful way, that so very many people are ignorant of history and thus are quite amenable to being ruled by self-declared Experts.
History doesn’t apply to us, except the part about Nazis, which even then only applies to bad people.
Dear Governor Tim Walz (of Minnesoda),
Thank you for firing my daughter from her newest job with your latest shutdown of bars, restaurants, and gyms.
She just signed a lease on an apartment. I thought maybe she had flown the nest. But no, because you are a spineless shit-stain and a wanna-be dictator, she is stuck at home for the near future. I am stuck with her dog, which I detest and her cat, which I love.
I am a principled non-voter, but you may have pushed me over the edge. I will vote against you in the next election. I hope you die in a horrible fashion. If you were drowning, I would not lend a hand. If you had your legs and arms chopped off and were thrown into a den of hungry lions, I would not even try to save you. If pigs were to eat you, I would make bacon.
OK, the last line is a classic!
Inside that daft teddy bear skin suit Walz wears beats the heart of a cruel fascist.
Where have you gone, Jesse Ventura??
At least with Cuomo what you see is exactly what you get.
Sorry for your daughter dude. Good rant though.
Preeeeeeeeeeeet!
These videos seem like they should be on the dark net.
https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCVXkZbZ5cMd2ipNMS6xbXEA
I’m not getting an ASMR vibe at all. More like terrorist snuff videos.
I think I found the theme music for that series of videos:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97RcB_vSvbc
That’s a pretty catchy song.
Indeed, catchy AF, as the kids say. Fun to play and watch people slowly absorb the lyrics…
Watch this if you’re not on enough lists
My husbands phone rang at 11pm, after I had gone to bed early.
It was his longtime best friend, newly diagnosed cancer of the throat and mouth, spread to lymph nodes.
So my husband is going to Imperial Beach to hang out with him as he gets his chemo and rests up.
Fuck cancer.
(My minor quibble is that my spousal unit tends to brood and take the half empty view of life. So he’s wallowing a bit and lamenting “That’s the purpose of moving to California: so that we can come die.”
As if none of the bad things that have happened since we moved here in 3018 would ever have occurred if we’d stayed in Minnesota.
At least the old friend happened to move from Minnesota to San Diego a few years before we did..)
Agsin, fuck cancer.
+1 fuck cancer
Sorry to hear about both, lass (she said lamely). So much for sunshine as antidepressant.
(And re Jesse Ventura: running on the Green (!) Party ticket this year, apparently.)
Thanks . Let’s hops.
And I didn’t know that about Ventura! Illl have to look that up. I thought he was busy wearing tin foil hats in Mexico.
ISTR seeing him on the Alaska (?!) ballot.
Fuck cancer. Perhaps your hubster will find some new perspective from this and be a little more #carpediem
That would be a nice silver lining.
Sorry to here that, HE. My cohort is nudging toward that age so I imagine those sort of calls will become pretty routine in the next ten years or so. If you can, cut Hubby some slack because grief and fear do weird things to people. My unsolicited advice.
I going to ruin a serious subthread and welcome John Titor to glibs. What is the 31st century really like in CA?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zpMfZPAc1kg
?
https://abc7ny.com/christopher-dupree-god-flame-god/8077689/
Rapper with a flamethrower, on a rooftop of a bus. Seems legit.
I saw that on GP and then realised they were pushing viral PR for this clown and immediately stopped paying attention.
https://philadelphia.cbslocal.com/2020/11/18/new-report-finds-more-than-200-firearms-went-missing-from-philadelphia-sheriffs-office/
My shocked face, let me show it to you.
https://nationaldaycalendar.com/national-play-monopoly-day-november-19/
Happy national play Monopoly day Glibs.
*checks game rack*
Gf has the Supernatural version.
Sorry, Baltic Avenue has been burned down by outside communist agitators and Boardwalk and Park Place are boarded up because their residents are in the Hamptons until all this garbage blows over. Now go directly to jail.
And relinquish your pewter gamepiece as you go to jail so that you can be melters down and cancelled.
“But I’m a thimble! Wait until Comrade Stalin hears of this!”
Luxury Taxes for everyone!
https://mobile.twitter.com/jimrutenberg/status/1329298202399547393
2020 be flakey AF.
They signed affidavits saying they were coerced. Threats were made against them, but let’s not report that bit, let’s just say that they are lackeys for BAD ORANGE MAN.
I believe them on the threats. Hell, they were threatened live on a call I’ve seen and it’s probably safe to say that the threats that weren’t recorded were worse.
Yeah it was disgusting. It all gets flat out denied, memory holed, or rationalised away with distorted context or whataboutery in the MSM/Narrative.
That’s become par for the course unfortunately. The nonwoke just need to realize that’s the space they’re operating in and act accordingly while never giving in.
Barry is everywhere. It’s wall to wall obamasplaining about how the American system of government is bad because it doesn’t allow wise people like himself to act quickly enough or something. Stupid obstructionist rethuglicans!!!111
I don’t recall Obama having this much airtime when he was president for crying out loud.
That part of his Administratio alway made him sound like a Scooby Doo villan, “I would’ve gotten away with it if it weren’t for you Rethuglicans!”
Yea,h you didn’t see him this much during his time in office. He had the press running cover for him and if he were to spend too much time out and about he would’ve been as the empty suit hack that he was.
*been identified
“”Great Reset” Mastermind Suggests Risk Assessment “Brain Scans” Before Allowing Travel”
https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/great-reset-mastermind-suggests-risk-assessment-brain-scans-allowing-travel
Damn, this dude (Krause Schwab) doesn’t just look and sound like a Bond villain, he is one.
^Klaus Schwab
Instead of a white Persian cat held in his lap he keeps a colony of Naked Mole rats secreted about his person.
I haven’t paid too much attention to the whole ‘Great Reset’ thing. It is something that souds, superfically, like it is in tin foil territory at the moment. I have always said that there is a nugget of truth behind Alex Jones’ lunacy. So maybe there is more to it than I intailly thought.
It’s New World Order justified by a plague. Our own PM is all for it. Whether it is some nefarious plot by the Biderberger types or just some social activist wet-dream remains to be seen. Personally, I don’t believe it is fueled by despotism, merely vapidity of thought. I won’t paint all of the idgits with the same brush that they use to color anyone challenging the election as QAnon.
The Pentavirate: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TPMS6tGOACo
I would never have guessed owl worship was a real thing, so maybe Stuart Mackenzie isn’t so daft.
It seems that his plan relies on a great deal of technology that doesn’t exist or is barely in the concept phase.
https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2020/11/fox-news-loses-msnbc-daytime-ratings-first-time-since-2001/
*points & laughs*
Sadly, Pointing and Laughing became a Class Three Felony on January 22, 2021 under the E.O. of President Harris.
Calm yer tits.
?
Trump 2020.
All hope is not yet dashed but everything is aligned against the very idea of resistance. I drank too many liberal tears on the last go round and now I must pay the piper. Such is life.
Today in stoopid.
Do not dumb here.
Not dumb area here.
lol!
Seven years isn’t enough. Dropkick that creepy smolleé fraudster into an active volcano?
What an awful person.
Nope. Give him the option of either FYITA Prison or volunteering his time at a hospice house. Might teach that little cunte some humility.
I was thinking having him wear a sandwich board w/ “I am an idiot that incompetently tried to scam goodhearted people.”
Waitin’ on the Mornin’ Links, Watchin’ the time pass away… h/t Otis
Woo hoo.
Was on heavy rotation at Chez Festus about ten years ago. Nice pull!
Hey Neph, and anyone else who likes the skinhead oompa music that is ska, this film about the 3rd wave of ska in the 1990s just popped up and you might enjoy it (link expires at the end of the month).
I only like the messcan oompah which I blast from my candy flip painted Nissan hardbody which I cruise up and down the street several times occasionally blasting the cucuracha horn at fine mamacitas.
https://triblive.com/local/regional/covid-forces-punxsy-phil-to-go-virtual-no-crowds-on-gobblers-knob-in-february/
Sad!
They can take everything from us but they will never take our groundhog!!!!
*puts on woad face paint and picks up claymore*
*puts on gum-boots and leaves for the sheep pen*
So they have just conceded the fact that we are to be locked down for the next three or four months. Why don’t they just tip their hand already? We know it’s going to be a Straight Flush against four Aces.
10-15 years for Bill Murray to learn his skills in the movie.