Somalia Sends Peacekeepers to Portland

by | Nov 1, 2020 | Satire | 395 comments

MOGADISHU – In an emergency session of the Somali parliament, law makers determined that the crisis in Portland, Oregon requires immediate action. “We cannot stand idly by as the innocent suffer. I have seen and heard many things from that troubled land. Old people being attacked for merely wearing a hat? How shameful!” said speaker Mohamed Mursal Sheikh Abdurahman.

Part of the aid package includes sending young Somali experts who will teach Americans how to mount machine guns on their trucks to defend their clan’s territory. “I’m very excited for this chance to travel to a distant land, learn a new language and culture, and help make the world a better place”, said Serenity Regiment volunteer Ali Farah Ahmed. “It really broke my heart to learn that the suffering Americans do not have a single technical to defend themselves from bandits.”

Another group of volunteers will be helping the young women of Portland become wives and mothers. “I saw so many shocking things”, said Serenity Regiment volunteer Jawahir Iman. “So many ugly, childless women! No wonder Portland’s birth rate is at its lowest level in 25 years. Fortunately, our land is famous for its beautiful women.” Ms. Iman will work at a clinic where among other things, she will hand out pamphlets like “How to Find a Husband by not Being a Fat, Single Mom with Lots of Debt” and “Unnatural Hair Color, Tattoos, and Piercings: The Three Legs of the Stool of Spinsterhood”.

Portland has long be dogged lately by political violence and economic woes, with its debt now topping $4.1 billion. Ostensibly a multiparty republic, Portland is a de facto one-party state where dissidents have few if any rights. “Portland is not quite as bad as North Korea or Cuba, but it’s getting there”, said Joanna Gambolputty, a human rights analyst at Amnesty International.

Elsewhere, Somali and African Union peacekeepers mobilized and landed in Portland. “We were expecting a tough fight at least at the airport, but we were unopposed and so far there has been no armed resistance. In fact, many seemed to greet us a liberators, particularly this so-called ‘Black Lives Matter’ group”, said Major General Hassan Abdallah.  “However, when the remnants of Portland’s police force also came out to greet us, the Black Lives Matter clan became hostile and we had to fire in the air to disperse the mob”, he added.

The peacekeepers have spent several weeks restoring law and order and establishing rapport with the locals. There have been setbacks, however, including a failed raid to capture Portland’s notorious warlord Ted Wheeler, leader of the vicious Antifa clan. Critics of Somalia’s foreign interventions have dubbed the operation “Black Bloc Down”.

 

 

 

About The Author

Derpetologist

Derpetologist

The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp, Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy

395 Comments

  1. Tres Cool

    Im really tempted to make some silly rhyme about FIRST! but Ill let it slide.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Well how about Tall Cans! Somali style!
      Sup Tres!

      • Tres Cool

        HEY YUFUS!
        Its my day(night) off, and since I ripped thru them, SMALL CANS!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        220, 221, whatever it takes…..

      • Tres Cool

        .38, .39….

        How’s the mitten, my friend? We had our 1st kiss of snow flurries down here today.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Sideways dippin dots at the beach, 50 mph winds, high surf, no accumulation though

      • Gender Traitor

        We did?? I missed that. Just knew it was blowsy as all get out. Of course, I didn’t leave the house all day.

      • Tres Cool

        I took the garbage out and Kris Kringle dry farted all over our part of the county.

    • Sean

      *insert Fred Durst gif*

      • Tres Cool

        Oh, downthread Brochetta will be saying he COULD have firsted, but he was busy on TOS trying to beat FOE. Everyone needs a hobby, I suppose.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        He makes want to revive Office Manager Mohamed, with fewer caps

      • Sean

        Doesn’t even bother me. Seems to rile some other folks though.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I enjoy a first as well as anyone might, now its fun just to piss him off, he make me larf

      • Rhywun

        dittoes

      • blackjack

        He’s pretty cool, but he’s a ballbuster, and it would be wrong not to bust his balls right back.

  2. LemonGrenade

    “However, when the remnants of Portland’s police force also came out to greet us, the Black Lives Matter clan became hostile and we had to fire in the air to disperse the mob”
    I snorted. Thanks, Derp!

  3. Rothbardsbitch

    Hello friends, I am currently stressing the fuck out because I have to go on the news again as a political analyst and this fucking election is insane and I don’t want to get fired because I said something controversial, since I am not tenured yet. My college has decided to make me the point man for local news election coverage (Im in a medium sized city). The massive amount of time I have spent on this is uncompensated and I believe I have developed a drinking problem while teaching nearly 300 students without a fucking TA and serving on a shit ton of committees and going on the news. What really sucks is they don’t let you know that they need you to go on tv until the last fucking second.

    I need a fucking vacation.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Bummer, now go Fuck off like a good Tulpa

    • Sean

      Maybe you’ll get some time off when the riots start!

      That’s probably not helpful, is it?

      • Count Potato

        It isn’t.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      And Hi!

    • Sean

      Also, a Glib who drinks too much?

      Talk about really perpetuating stereotypes. Sheesh.

      • DEG

        We drink too much? That’s news to me.

      • Sean

        I drink just enough, in my opinion. My doctor may disagree.

      • Tejicano

        I barely drink at all.

        My liver may disagree,

      • blackjack

        I drink two much!

      • blackjack

        Forgot my comma, damn!

    • Rothbardsbitch

      If you hear about a professor losing his shit election night on local news, talking about conspiracies and overthrowing the government just know its me and I am going to need ya’ll to gofund me some bail.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        No bail when your in the camps, RUN NOW!

      • westernsloper

        We got your back. Rant away and bonus if you tell the interviewer she has nice tits.

      • Rothbardsbitch

        Oh man, the hottest people are local news people. They are totally obsessed with their looks and yet attainable. I think it would be hilarious to say something like, “I was in on the meeting, the media and deep state are rigging the election, act now if you are a patriot. The revolution will not be televised, lol, they will remove me from TV shortly.”

    • westernsloper

      I believe I have developed a drinking problem…..

      Welcome to the club!!!

      • Rothbardsbitch

        Seriously though I have realized since i’ve developed a drinking problem that just about everyone develops a drinking problem. I appreciate the temperance movement much more as I grow older.

      • Sean

        I’m picking up your slack.

        You’re welcome. ?

      • Mojeaux the Meandering

        It’s too bad I can’t stand the smell of alcohol because right now I’d take up drinking.

      • Count Potato

        Have you ever drank?

      • Mojeaux the Meandering

        I have had 1 sip of whiskey, 1 sip of red wine, and 1 sip of a wine cooler—35 years ago.

      • blackjack

        I quit everything for about 40 years. Started up at 46. I drink often but sparingly now. Thinking about an article explaining my journey on that issue…

      • Count Potato

        My father let me have sips of his drinks, so I think I drank more than that as a small child.

        I’ve also drank way much more that in church, if you don’t believe it was blood.

      • blackjack

        Thirty years, dammit. I’m too tired to be commenting. Plus, I drink two, much!

      • westernsloper

        Meh…..I am what one refers to as a functional alcoholic. I can get up to go to work at 0330 every day and am the only one I work with who ackshully gets to work on time @0600 consistently. Drinking was a problem when I was going through some serious depression a couple decades ago but I drank my way past that and now I am just a silly drunk. Fuck temperance unless it is self imposed. Then more power to ya. Those of us with addictive personalities know all about addictions. The only reason I don’t have Hunter Bidens coke problem is I never made Hunter Biden kind of money.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Huzzah, hail fellow, well met!
        I too am a functional alcoholic, I never miss work due to alcohol,
        On time and ass kicking, no matter what,
        Cheers!

      • Rhywun

        You don’t want a coke problem. Trust me on this.

      • Sean

        It’s only a problem when you run out.

      • westernsloper

        That was always my problem.

      • Rhywun

        That was always my problem.

        Right?

      • juris imprudent

        “Its stomach was literally packed to the brim with cocaine. There isn’t a mammal on the planet that could survive that. Cerebral hemorrhaging, respiratory failure, hyperthermia, renal failure, heart failure, stroke. You name it, that bear had it.”

        Despite all that, the examiner said, the bear’s body remained in good cosmetic shape.

        Proof that live hard, die young and leave good looking corpse was NOT empty advice.

      • Rhywun

        There are better diet plans.

      • Count Potato

        You don’t feel like eating, but you can drink a lot of calories — alcohol or otherwise.

      • Fourscore

        I never had a drinking problem, it was a paying problem.

      • Ted S.

        Yeah, I’m too damn cheap to develop a drinking problem.

    • Mojeaux the Meandering

      I remember you! No Tulpa talk from me. Hard to forget that moniker.

      Good luck on your TV appearance.

      • Rothbardsbitch

        Thanks, yeah i rarely post and I wish I had created a different username like Fox Mulder or something. But I guess it’s memorable. My college is just itching for an excuse to let people go for financial reasons. Not looking forward to it. Especially because I’m going to point out methodology flaws in polls.

      • leon

        Easy to change the username. Pretty much everyone does

      • Rothbardsbitch

        My username is from the Reason days. Its too late now people wouldn’t recognize me.

      • Fourscore

        Get your book deal started now, just in case.

      • Lackadaisical

        That’s ironic, since some people already don’t recognize you already.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Its too late now people wouldn’t recognize me.

        Ye-well….I mean, maybe. You could try; see how you like it, and if anyone gives you grief.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Food over principals?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Or principles…..

      • Rothbardsbitch

        My username is from the Reason days. Its too late now people wouldn’t recognize me.

      • Surly Knott

        We’re nearing the point where principals will be food.

      • DEG

        I remember Rothbardsbitch too.

        Rothbardsbitch, good luck!

    • Tres Cool

      “What really sucks is they don’t let you know that they need you to go on tv until the last fucking second. ”

      -Chris Hanson

      • Rothbardsbitch

        Lol!

      • Sir Digby Classic

        “What really sucks is they don’t let you know that they need you to go on tv.
        -Chris Hanson

        /FIFY

    • straffinrun

      Anarco capitalism leads to Anarco alcoholism.

    • Psycho Effer

      Pics, or it didn’t happen.

  4. hayeksplosives

    Portlandia Roads Matter

    • juris imprudent

      It’s too bad Portlandia isn’t around to skewer contemporary Portland – if they had the guts to do it that is.

      • Gadfly

        How could you possibly parody what it’s like now? Well, I mean short of what Derp’s doing, but I don’t think the show would have gone that far. It’s probably for the best that it ended before this. Portland’s weirdness was funny, but now it’s just sad.

      • Gdragon

        I put a bird on this makeshift bomb!

      • Rhywun

        *snort* But wasn’t it fish? That’s the only thing I remember about that show. (Never watched it.)

      • Rhywun

        Huh. I wonder what I was on when I formed that memory.

  5. Yusef drives a Kia

    Who are the Michigan Glibs? I need road trips to plan and Glibs to bug!

    • Tres Cool

      Frankenmuth.
      Go to Zender’s and get the chicken and mashed potatoes.
      https://www.zehnders.com/
      Touristy, but get that chicken.

    • hoof_in_mouth

      I’m in Mason. C’mon down, we can fly around for a bit and then drink at my neighborhood bar! There’s also disc golf at my former employer, not sure if they let me be there or not.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Fly what? I need to do ground checks for my R/C stuff,

      • hoof_in_mouth

        Piper Archer, full-sizeI might have a drone too, currently shopping. I’ve got a license but have never flown one.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I dont fly anymore, R/C, power kites and discs are as far as I go,

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Also west shore cc has a nice course in Scottville, hell the are all over Mason cty

    • Don escaped Duopoly

      Shirley Knott is near Lansing?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I think Holland, much closer, 90 minutes or so,
        / you dont use miles here, you use travel time

      • Surly Knott

        Yup, I’m in south Lansing.

  6. Derpetologist

    wow, quick turn around – submitted this yesterday

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Your good like that, Somali Pirates We!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Yarg!

      • Sir Digby Classic

        As long as you aren’t Jewish, Mexican, or, ginger.

      • zwak

        Shit. Two out of three and I am done.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        I would bet that lining up under Cartman’s so-called leadership isn’t something you’d really want in the first place.

    • westernsloper

      …including a failed raid to capture Portland’s notorious warlord Ted Wheeler, leader of the vicious Antifa clan.

      Nice touch.

    • straffinrun

      Well done!

  7. DEG

    Not bad.

    • juris imprudent

      The Three Legs of the Stool of Spinsterhood is better than not bad.

    • Rhywun

      +5 paragraphs

    • Rhywun

      I may actually watch this (later). I miss that Toy show.

    • westernsloper

      They’re chips for fucks sake. Damn foreigners.

      • The Hyperbole

        This, I’m not listening to some limey fuck telling me that chips are crisps and fries are chips for 13 minutes. Makes me want to hit him in the knee with a spanner.

      • Sean

        ????

      • The Hyperbole

        Thanks Sean, sometime I think my efforts are wasted on the humorless prigs around here.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Captain Slow was always my fave of the 3.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      OMG–he looks like he could be my MIL’s twin brother.

  8. Aloysious

    Thanks for the laughs, Derpy. They were sorely needed.

    • Derpetologist

      [grateful bow]

      I did stand up comedy as hobby in Chicago for 3 years. Performed about 500 times and had mostly new jokes for each set. I was so good at comedy that I ended up in the Army.

      But at least I can come here and try out my jokes. I like it better this way. No waiting through 3 hours of dick jokes to get my 5 minute turn at the microphone.

      • juris imprudent

        A former co-worker that I banter with had the idea for what would’ve been a brilliant duffleblog piece. “In a cost saving move, all GO promotions have been hidden in the Pentagon for a scavenger hunt. Former janitor to now be 3-star commander of…”

      • Fourscore

        “I was so good at comedy that I ended up in the Army.”

        I was so good in the Army I ended up as a joke.

      • Count Potato

        “Performed about 500 times”

        Wow!

  9. westernsloper

    I turned yesterdays stock chicken into some adobo chicken to top a salad with tonight. I might have over done the heat. That chicken will put some hair on your tongue.

    • straffinrun

      Sounds good. You know what else will put hair on your tongue?

      • Sean

        My gf.

      • Sean

        Wait, that sounds wrong…

        *only applies to my tongue*

        Fuck it. Whatever.

      • Tejicano

        Not sure about on the tongue but I know how to get it between my teeth. As long as it was hers, or at the very least mine, I’m good with that.

    • Grumbletarian

      Imagine what you could do with aftermarket chicken!

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Not for nothing, but, “aftermarket chicken” is an excellent name of some type.

  10. Tejicano

    “It really broke my heart to learn that the suffering Americans do not have a single technical to defend themselves from bandits.”

    Well, not exactly…

    https://imgur.com/a/rREmjm2

    • straffinrun

      That’s like Mad Max when he was only a little irritated.

    • DEG

      There’s this too.

  11. straffinrun

    It’ll stay in the “studies” departments. It’ll stay at Evergreen. It’ll stay in Portland. It’ll stay on the West coast. And the East coast. And the big cities. And…

    • Lackadaisical

      What a downer. Thanks.

      • straffinrun

        First they came in my mouth and I said nothing…

      • Brochettaward

        ,,,Because you enjoyed it, right?

    • Sean

      #BringBaconAndBourbon

  12. Sean

    Can we let Kyle Rittenhouse go and give him a bus ticket to Portland? Sounds much cheaper.

    3 and 0.

    Just saying.

  13. Yusef drives a Kia

    Good night Glibs, back at 430 Eastern, staywarm!

  14. commodious spittoon

    Gaslighting, or progjection? Is she a stupid hack or just a dishonest hack?

    When conservatives celebrated Trump’s election 4 years ago, did they know that in 2020 we would board up shops, prepare for riots and the arrival of militias, game out ways he might steal the election, protest aggressive vote suppression? This is what he has done to America.

    • Count Potato

      I’m going to go with dishonest.

    • Rhywun

      we’re entering the dynamics of a coup.

      L
      O
      L

      The lack of self-awareness is breathtaking.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        I took that more as a threat, really.

  15. Don escaped Duopoly

    I hope to check in election night here. Without question, some of the best insights from that evening I’ll find here well before any other place.

    I don’t mind Mr Biden per se because I’m not impressed with any philosophical consistency amongst the GOP, but we will regret it if Blue takes the Senate; a Senate check on the President is always the least bad scenario. I’ve long since predicted a Blue Senate after 2022, but I shouldn’t like to see that any earlier.

    • Count Potato

      I mind Mr Biden because after the covid lockdowns we need a President focused on the economy.

      • Don escaped Duopoly

        No objection here: that’s an intriguing notion. If I had ever seen a President who had a coherent economic philosophy, proposed and followed a constitutional plan, and then it actually had desirable results, I’d probably prioritize such planks myself. So all we can do is project whatever notions we wish onto a candidate and then rationalize the outcomes; this is clearly the majority of all political commentary and outcomes since the war on both sides.

        I guess a better way I could have put it is that Mr Biden can’t sign bills that never make it past the House. That, too, is small comfort.

        Maybe you have a top three policies that would be good for the economy that a President could constitutionally foment?

      • Viking1865

        Biden tweeted today his completely unconstitutional assault on the 2nd Amendment.

        There’s a significant difference between the two. There isn’t a single policy of the 2020 Democratic Party which seeks the advancement of liberty. Not one.

      • Don escaped Duopoly

        not news; not wrong; remember: I didn’t vote for either of the idiots

      • Don escaped Duopoly

        I’m generally skeptical that the President has any legitimate role in meddling in the economy, but I’m open to the possibility. Cheerleading is one thing, but when he actually enacts anything, it requires the sort of power that, when our opposition is in power, we would not wish them to have lest they deploy it in (what we understand to be) an unsuitable manner. Said another way, why would anyone who decries the Federal Reserve as a meddlesome complicator and multiplier of economic problems embrace that one man would magically be any better. I’d rather the economy ran roughshod over the President that risk further entanglements.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Trade negotiations would be the only responsibility I could think of. That said, I don’t get the point of wanking around about constitutional responsibilities of the presidency. We’re nowhere near a constitutionally limited presidency, and the only thing that could fix that would be a revolution.

        I can respect abstaining from voting because they both suck. I don’t really get the “they both suck equally” point of view. I’ll take an engine that burns a quart of oil an hour over an engine with oil in the radiator and coolant in the oil sump.

        To an extent, I don’t care about Biden. I care about the batshit insanity that his party passes off as a platform.

      • Don escaped Duopoly

        wanking

        principles matter

        I’m told all the time here about slippery slopes

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Don’t get me wrong, I agree about principles mattering. But what’s the point of comparing the relative merits of the candidates and advocating for an opposed senate and presidency if it merely results in dithering well outside the constitutional limits?

        You’re wavering between absolutism (neither president will be within the bounds of the constitution) and relativism (an opposed senate is the best result), and those two points seem rather inconsistent.

      • Don escaped Duopoly

        I’m not really comparing; I’m not endorsing; what I want will clearly not come to pass in my lifetime. I’m stuck; you’re stuck; we’re passing an evening.

        That I think Trump is a piece of shit isn’t news; that some think that all Republicans can always be excused of all things because Biden leads directly to Pol Pot is well plowed earth in these parts. as well. I’m on record as saying that this sort of stuff and owning the libs comprise my least favorite third of Glibtopia.

        But don’t put words in my mouth. “Wanking” is a handy insult; it would easier to dispose of my critiques if you can pigeonhole me as a ivory-towered philosopher; you’ve proven to be better than that when you try. I don’t love Biden; I won’t miss Trump. I’m neither socialist, apologist, or Democrat.

        But it will be infinitely more comfortable here to read of Biden’s failings, which will be true and numerous, to the ever-present defenses of the incumbent toad; Republitarians are better at critique than governance, and I would never want their able complaints to end. BTW, that’s essentially all that JB was trying to say on his way out.

      • grrizzly

        But it will be infinitely more comfortable here to read of Biden’s failings, which will be true and numerous, to the ever-present defenses of the incumbent toad; Republitarians are better at critique than governance, and I would never want their able complaints to end.

        I cannot understand why anyone’s preference for President would depend on feeling good or bad for people posting here. I like pretty much everyone here, including you Don, but having you to be a bit more agreeable to me is really not a priority.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Apologies for offending you with the “wanking around” comment. It wasn’t aimed at insulting you; I was merely trying to highlight the pointlessness of applying principled politics in a practical political situation.

        I don’t love Biden; I won’t miss Trump. I’m neither socialist, apologist, or Democrat.

        Of course not. Didn’t say anything of the sort. That said, you’ve made clear your animus against the right enough times that it doesn’t surprise me to see you get after the right leaners here. As one of those right leaners, I’m just here to stick up for those of us that see the GOP as the lesser of two evils.

        I’ve made my opinion clear many times on how little I think of the “pox on both their houses” mentality some libertarians have, so I’ll skip that monologue.

      • Hyperion

        There was a time years ago, when the Rs and the Ds were equally bad. That ship has sailed, the left are full on commies and there’s nothing worse than full on commies.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        That said, you’ve made clear your animus against the right enough times that it doesn’t surprise me to see you get after the right leaners here.

        (to be clear, I’m not saying that you’re wrong in doing so)

      • Count Potato

        “Maybe you have a top three policies that would be good for the economy that a President could constitutionally foment?”

        1. Not raise taxes.

        2. Continue to reduce regulations, and get better trade deals.

        3. Not try to kill fossil fuels with some “Green New Deal” horseshit.

        Regardless whether someone believes in climate change, systemic racism, income inequality, or whatever, is some real problem, it needs to take a back to getting the economy back.

      • Don escaped Duopoly

        I like these fine

      • Cancelled

        Number 2 is an executive function, the others are legislative. If you want those you need to take back the house.

      • Don escaped Duopoly

        and 3 is a subset of 2, but I take the point

        By foment I meant that these would be his policies, so he would request supporting legislation. After all, they’re always listing the things they’re going to do Day One that they have no authority to do whatsoever.

        This is the thing: where’s a principled man? Haven’t seen one in decades. Any remote consistency in policy at all from any corner would be almost shocking anymore.

      • Cancelled

        That’s pretty much what I was getting at below. I think the system is broken to an extent that makes it impossible for a principled man to get elected. The thing that makes me fatalistic, and depressed whenever I concentrate on politics, is that we all (not Glibs, all citizens) seem to think the problem is that we elect corrupt, inept, and evil politicians, but the problem really is that we as a populace have become selfish, ignorant and unprincipled. There is no way to fix things without giving up our ‘free’ stuff, and while people all agree that other people’s free stuff is bad, our own stuff is never seen as ‘free’, we paid in for it, so we should get it!

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Paul, Paul, Massie? mayyyybe Cruz or Gaetz? Gaetz says he won’t take PAC money.

      • Count Potato

        Presidents can influence the legislature, and veto bills.

        Much of #3 could be done through alphabet soup under the executive branch.

        Also, I meant to type “it needs to take a back burner to getting the economy back”. It’s not as though poor people and non-white people don’t buy gas or have bills to pay.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Yep should be an interesting and I agree some ofcthe best insight will be here regardless.

    • juris imprudent

      I could stomach Biden, but not Harris. No way Biden completes the term of office.

    • Cancelled

      If the Democrats take the Senate and win the White House, or even get to 51-49 with squishes on the R side, there will be some significant piece of the socialist wish list implemented, and if the Republicans ever get back in control they will, as always, fail to repeal it, and will pass some idiocy that ‘protects’ kids from the hordes of sex traffickers kidnapping kids and selling them on Wayfare. I will continue to be told I am evil in either case, either because I am too greedy and object to socialist crap, or because I am burying my head in the sand and denying the clear and present danger of sex trafficking. The ‘budget will grow no matter what. The deficit will grow no matter what, and someday, probably not that far away, the debt will finally choke off GDP growth totally, and the spiral down will start.

      • Don escaped Duopoly

        This is spot on. I’d generalize that there’s just no one and no party that can claim the moral high ground. It would have been so easy for a Mike Lee or a Paul Ryan to stand for something desirable, sane, and constitutional, to hold consistent positions and to achieve the improvements they claim to believe in.

        Absent this, it’s just a bad soap opera. No one has earned our respect or the right to claim to lead us.

      • straffinrun

        [Write-In] is on the ballot in all 50 states, no?

      • Cancelled

        At the risk of being an apologist, I don’t see any way that one of the more libertarian Rs can get the nomination. There are just too many voters looking for protectionism, and too many others looking for “a return to decency,” To those who will jump me for this, I am NOT saying the Parties are equivalent. The Democrats are worse by far. But that does not mean the Republicans are worth a damn, and we are way too far down the road to ruin for me to get excited about ‘slowing down the collapse.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        we are way too far down the road to ruin for me to get excited about ‘slowing down the collapse.

        I’m gonna try. Every year that we can add before the insane authoritarians raid my 401k and tax me at 50% and charge me a tax for using my ICE car and hobble me professionally for being a white male is a year that I can spend enjoying life with my family before having to fight these fuckers or find creative ways to live my life in hiding.

      • Hyperion

        It will be more than 50%. It will be 50-60% and a VAT tax on top of that. It will probably be more like 75% and not even that will cover all the left’s fantasy dreams, so the 25% you have left will not be worth much.

        Our only hope is that the left’s power diminishes significantly from this point on and they never gain a super majority at the fed level again. They’ve made their plans clear and anyone who doesn’t think they’ll make good on all that shit is going to be very disappointed when they do.

        It’s easy to say ‘oh fuck it, just burn it all down and get it over with’. But for most of us, that will mean that what life we have left will hardly be worth living. I’ll pass on that and hope it does not happen.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Our only hope is that the left’s power diminishes significantly from this point on and they never gain a super majority at the fed level again.

        IMO, this isn’t enough. It implies a narrowing of the Overton window, but not a shifting of it. The GOP is fucked up when viewed on an absolute scale. The inevitable collapse doesn’t go away without even the GOP being labeled as insane authoritarians.

        Thats why I’m a collapsitarian. It’s happening. Preferably generations in the future, but I have a feeling that I’m going to see it. That said, I’m not cheering it on. It’s gonna suck when it happens.

      • Hyperion

        “MO, this isn’t enough.”

        It’s not enough to get the libertarian moment, but it’s better than reliving the glory days of the USSR.

      • Cancelled

        The Republicans spend like drunken sailors but don’t raise taxes. Except that magic is not real, and government has no source of funds independant from private production, so the money they spend but do not tax from us still comes from us in some fashion or another. At the risk of over simplifying this to the point of being incorrect, it comes from the horribly destructive tax called inflation. Economic growth can hide this for a while, as can foreign investment in treasuries, but eventually the house of cards falls.

        I understand why you guys feel as you do. I feel the same terror and hatred for the Democrats you do. They are now fully onboard with truly evil programs. But to torture an analogy, we are voting for a slow cancer because the other choice is burining to death. Sure burning is worse.

      • Cancelled

        It’s not enough to get the libertarian moment, but it’s better than reliving the glory days of the USSR.

        When we devalue the dollar, either voluntarily or involuntarily I suspect we end up with either communism, fascism, or a theocracy of some sort. I’m not being a purist in this discussion. I am not talking about libertarian moments. I am saying that slowing the approach of hell is no longer enough. We have been alternating between acclerating toward the cliff and slowing down for almost a century without any significant turning of the wheel or reversing. The cliff is getting close.

      • Cancelled

        That was meant to be a block quote not a strikethough but I missclicked.

      • Viking1865

        The cliff is getting close.

        In my opinion, it’s already here.

        If Biden wins, that means the convergence of Wall Street, Big Tech, Big Media, entrenched bureaucrats, and especially the CIA, NSA, and FBI have managed to eject the outsider from the Oval Office.

        They will promptly take steps to ensure that never ever again does anyone even approaching Trump’s status as an outsider ever comes close to power again.

      • The Hyperbole

        Trump’s “I’m an outsider” schtick is one of the best PT Barnum moves he’s pulled. Sure he wasn’t a politician but he’s been rubbing elbows with those people and running in their circles his entire life. Heck one of the reason he was ‘qualified’ was because “you don’t become a billionaire Ney York real estate developer if you don’t know how to play the game.” The reason he ran was because Barry made fun of him a the press club dinner thing or whatever it was, he’s as much of an outsider as I am sober.

  16. kinnath

    It’s a good night. Just scored another 400 rounds of 308 Win.

    • Sean

      Did you need a 2nd mortgage?

    • DEG

      #3’s username is “fitkitty”. I think you should have some noticeable muscle/muscle tone in order to call yourself “fit”. She doesn’t rate.

      I ran a google image search to figure out who #10 is. The search was of no help, but I approve of the first hit.

      I’m disappointed to see face diaper pictures in #15’s iChive gallery.

      #17: “OH MY GOD BECKY!” reminded me of this.

      #32: Bad breast implants.

      #37: Yes.

      • Lackadaisical

        Idk, covering 15’s face seems like an improvement.

    • Lackadaisical

      1,5,10,12,37…

      Definitely lacking on the pulchritudinous posteriors, but still a fine set.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Yeah not seeing the benefit of going to that tactic.

    • DEG

      It’s not.

      It’s the Tappen Zee Bridge, not the Mario Cuomo Bridge. Fuck the NYS government for “naming” the bridge after that asshole.

      OK, on a serious note, it’s not good optics to shut that bridge down.

      • Rhywun

        I had just assumed it didn’t happen as described when I read about it ?‍♂️

        It’s the Tappen Zee Bridge, not the Mario Cuomo Bridge.

        Other recently renamed for Democrats infrastructure that everybody will forever refer to with their real names include the “Hugh Carey Tunnel” and the “Ed Koch Bridge” ?

      • Lackadaisical

        To be fair, it’s actually a brand new bridge, so it wasn’t ‘ renamed’.

      • Lackadaisical

        I meant the Tappan zee, but yeah.

      • Rhywun

        I know that 😛

        Actually kind of surprised they kept the name for the Kosciuszko.

      • DEG

        Technicalities.

      • Drake

        Seriously – they can fuck off with that name.

    • straffinrun

      Cop blocked is what I’m hearing.

    • Grummun

      Agreed. It’s self indulgent assholery that gives the enemy imagery to go along with their “Trump supporters are miscreants” propaganda.

    • Gadfly

      Honestly, I don’t think that’s good optics.

      Bad optics, and worse it’s just a dick move. They shouldn’t be aping the worst tactics of the other side. Trump should tell them to cut that out.

    • LemonGrenade

      I had a moment of childish snickering, thinking turnabout was fair play, but then my rational side kicked in and I thought “what dicks. don’t block the roads.”

      • Cancelled

        When your opponenet is making a tactical mistake you don’t interupt them. Unless you are Republican in which case you borrow the mistake.

      • LemonGrenade

        To be fair, I don’t think they were banging on any motorist’s hoods, or threatening them unless they did the YMCA in support of Trump, but… yeah. That was pretty dumb. I’d prefer Trump supporters kept the higher ground and, say, cleaned up after their rallies like the Tea Party did, even though the Tea Party was still tarred as a bunch of racists.

  17. Count Potato

    “It’s long past time we take action to end the scourge of gun violence in America.

    As president, I’ll ban assault weapons and high-capacity magazines, implement universal background checks, and enact other common-sense reforms to end our gun violence epidemic.”

    https://twitter.com/JoeBiden/status/1322976702419636225

    CWAA

      • straffinrun

        Hate to be dick, but what could you do if they actually enforced it? We’ve all learned to bend the knee since kindergarden.

      • Drake

        Who is “they”? Do they live in houses with addresses?

      • straffinrun

        Cops. I’m just curious about when that last straw will finally crack the camel’s back. There’s a hay bale up there already.

      • Drake

        That would be it for a lot of people. Not sure how the President has authority to get local cops to something so stupid – or make me wear a mask.

      • Rhywun

        Feh. All the president has to do is threaten to turn off the money spigot and the staties will be rounding up the maskless into camps five minutes later.

      • straffinrun

        They can take 30~40% of your income, get your kids killed in ridiculous foreign wars, throw you in a cage for using the wrong plant etc. Gun rights are huge, but I’m not sure what Biden is suggesting is any worse than what the other slavers have done. I hope it would be the last straw because you shouldn’t ever give up your weapons voluntarily.

      • pistoffnick

        “… 30~40% of your income…”

        Right? The original American rebellion was over a 2% tax.

      • Hyperion

        Biden blatantly flopped on his statement that he wouldn’t raise taxes on anyone making under 400k a year, almost immediately when he said ‘I’m going to repeal the Trump tax cuts’. Because every single person paying taxes got those cuts and there’s not many American making over 400k, what, maybe 5% making that or more? I’m in the top 15% and I’m not making near that.

    • Rhywun

      Just saw Trump’s “dog whistle” ad. “We all know who he [Biden] was talking about.”

      Dayum. Turnabout is fair play?

      • Viking1865

        If he can get black and brown men to vote the way white men do, that’s a game changer.

        I’ve said it for two years now: there is absolutely no reason for any man, straight or gay, who works at a private sector job that isn’t a government contractor, to vote Democrat.

      • Rhywun

        I thought it was only deplorable flyovers who vote against their own interest.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Got a link?

    • Viking1865

      “Assault weapons” = the nation’s most popular rifle.

      “high capacity magazines”= the standard capacity magazine that nearly every modern firearm ships with.

    • leon

      The idea that Biden is a good person is what is infuriating. He is just as low brow and douchebag as Trump.

      • Lackadaisical

        But people ate that shit up.

        Someone who is consistently juvenile and insulting to voters had somehow become the banner carrier for decency and truth, if you believe the democrats.

        Apparently repeating a lie enough really does work.

  18. Rhywun

    Biden has a 10-point lead.

    /NBC, journalisming the shit out of the election.

    Where that “That’s not how it works. That’s not how any of this works.” lady when you need her.

    • creech

      Will that big lead encourage potential Biden voters to stay home and get drunk or read Marx instead of going out to the polls, specially if the weather’s bad?
      Or will it discourage Trump voters, who will stay home and get drunk or watch “Star Wars – Part Leventy Leven?”

  19. CPRM

    Only thing missing is a bit about election over-sight, like their brethren in MinnySoda.

    • Hyperion

      That’s pretty cool. Someone had better warn the parents that fun has been cancelled before they are arrested as covid criminals.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      OK, not gonna lie–I am somewhat hoping that metal arm breaks.

      Not over a vat of acid, or an any pile, or anything like that.

      Still….

  20. straffinrun

    This looks like it’s gonna be a slow news week.

    • Hyperion

      Not expecting any massive riots?

    • pistoffnick

      ^
      |
      |
      This guy is hilarious.

    • Not Adahn

      You read the horoscope!

  21. Count Potato

    “Hawaiian pizza is product of imperialism & settler colonialism. White settler invented it in Canada. Put pineapple on ham pizza. Named it bc fruit came from can of Dole Hawaiian pineapple. Sanford Dole, cuz of corp’s founder, aided in illegal overthrow of Hawaiian Kingdom’s govt.”

    https://twitter.com/uahikea/status/1322587018581446658

    I’m sure we can all agree here.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Pineapple on a pizza is an abomination and a a mortal sin against Almighty God. Still, that whiner can fuck right off.

      • Hyperion

        Pineapple on pizza is an abomination. So is broccoli. I like both of those things, but not on pizza. Just pepperoni and cheese are fine with me, add some mushrooms and black olives, that’s a good pizza.

      • straffinrun

        Eat what you want and pay for it. Otherwise, IDGAF.

      • LemonGrenade

        My favorite pizza is pepperoni with pineapple and banana peppers. I’m not ashamed.

      • But Enough About My Wild Culinary Fantasies

        Double prosciutto and pineapple.

        Dayum, that’s good.

      • LemonGrenade

        I’m not the only heretic! Yay!

  22. The Hyperbole

    Are there any TV shows anymore that you can watch any episode at any time and not have to follow season/series long arcs? A good old Kojak or Rockford Files type thing. I remember when it was a special occasion if they had a two-parter on Happy Days, now every show is one long continuous story.

    • leon

      I dunno. I don’t watch new stuff.

      • The Hyperbole

        That’s not very helpful. leon.

    • straffinrun

      I tried Mad Men for the first time last night because everyone was raving about it. I don’t understand why.

      • Count Potato

        Mad Men is great, but it is one continuous story.

      • straffinrun

        I liked the retro feel. Only watched the very first episode and found it boring.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        It beats the viewer over the head with Bad Old Days tropes. If I want that I’ll watch The Apartment.

        Not sure I’ve watched a fiction series since Better Off Ted (recommended).

      • Hyperion

        It’s good because the guys smoke in the office and drink bourbon and harass the females, just like the good ol days. And that redhead is hot.

      • straffinrun

        That’s me thanks to work-from-home.

      • Hyperion

        Yeah, #MeToo. My office here is a 100% male pig dog zone.

      • straffinrun

        I have to run my own diversity training seminars. Pornhub interracial power point slides.

      • LemonGrenade

        I miss when my office was a 100% male pig zone. The guys I worked with were so much fucking fun. First time I visited, I met one of my new developers and he said, “Now [boss] says I have tone down the language, and not cuss so fucking much because you’re a classy broad.” Those were my guys.

      • Gdragon

        They like how pretty it looks.

    • Rhywun

      Gilligan’s Island reruns?

      • The Hyperbole

        See my reply to leon.

    • Ted S.

      Wheel of Fortune.

  23. straffinrun

    Love listening to Brett Weinstein’s Darkhorse podcast. Good guy with a giant blind spot. He gets asked a question about voluntary economic activity and he agrees it should be allowed as much as possible. However, he claims that externalities like pollution mean govt intervention is necessary. Either he has never read Rothbard or even people like Walter Block go over that in detail and how it would be handled and handled even better. Or he has read it and was unconvinced, but doesn’t bother to explain why. It’s frustrating because I like Brett.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      He’s a decent guy and a well-meaning lefty with an open mind which is rare nowadays. His brother’s stuff is good too.

      • straffinrun

        True. For a lefty he does understand libertarians quite well. For a lefty.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      This is true, however, he has guys like Douglas Murray et al on that do provide a bit of a pushback on some of his more statist compulsions.

      • straffinrun

        He’s great on free speech and does encourage dialogue. So, I’m a fan. However, he loves to portray the “true liberal” like himself as standing up for the weak and the “right” as standing up for systems and order. I don’t accept that. The interventions that he advocates hurt the weak more than anything. My philosophy doesn’t concede empathy and compassion to his.

  24. Urthona

    I suddenly find myself supporting pineapple pizza.

    • Rhywun

      ?

    • The Hyperbole

      While I don’t agree with your decision, I will defend to the death on the internet your right to be wrong.

  25. But Enough About My Wild Culinary Fantasies

    Hey SP!

    Every time I try to set Local Time Zone instead of Server Time Zone, a refresh tells me everyone’s posted on “Invalid Date.”

    Any ideas?

  26. Gustave Lytton

    Wheeler as a warlord of anything, particularly Antifa, is laughable. Antifa hates him as much as or maybe more than the imaginary right wingers living in their head.

  27. Gustave Lytton

    Done with everything for the day. I hate the end of DST. Cleaned up the yard, baked bread, did the laundry, gave the dog a bath, and cooked a porterhouse. Delicious with ketchup.

    • pistoffnick

      “Delicious with ketchup.”

      OK, Cam Newton.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I stand with Mahomes and DJT.

    • Gustave Lytton

      And the Louisiana satsumas arrived today. As good as ever.

    • straffinrun

      Which one of those isn’t a euphemism?

  28. straffinrun

    Food shaming is problematic.

    *Digs into celery stalks filled with peanut butter*

    • The Hyperbole

      If you put raisins on those you are dead to me.

      • straffinrun

        I am Bruce Willis. *Spoiler*

      • hayeksplosives

        Ants on a Log is a time honored tradition.

      • Tejicano

        In what parallel universe does that even makes sense?

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Well, it’s been around for a long time. And, continues to get made, meaning it seems someone is eating them.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Aint nothing wrong with that but hold the ants

    • The Hyperbole

      1am on a Wednesday? I may have to take a pass.

    • Gustave Lytton

      You’re twenty years too late.

      • Hyperion

        The minute they lost the fear of a hickory switch it was all over.

    • Brochettaward

      Eh. The conservatives we do have among the youth are probably the most libertarian conservatives this country has produced in a few generations.

      • hayeksplosives

        I think this is true.

        They accidentally created a crowd favorite when they wrote the Ron Swanson character. It’s safe to say they won’t do that again.

        “Just leave me alone” isn’t the worst party manifesto.

      • commodious spittoon

        Unfortunately it runs counter to “Make other people do what we want or we drive them to suicide,” which is proving pretty popular as far as party manifestos go.

      • invisible finger

        Government begins a genocide campaign but brands it as a “public health crisis.”

        No matter how cynical you are it’s hard to keep up.

  29. hayeksplosives

    I saw some shit NFL play but this Dallas v Philly game is awful.

    • straffinrun

      Dallas VS Philly eh? Metaphor for Tuesday.

      • hayeksplosives

        Mayhaps.

  30. Chafed

    Great job Derpe. I loved it.

  31. hayeksplosives

    Now that I have my chimney and fireplace operational, I want to get some fire tending tools.

    I want some solid, murder-weapon-quality brass fire tools.

    I am guessing that I’ll have to buy old ones. I’d not know where to find new ones in high quality.

    • straffinrun

      Good on ya. Having a non functional fireplace always struck me as odd.

      • hayeksplosives

        At some point in its past, somebody put a hideous fireplace insert in it; made it look like tile or something.

        Then the chimney and roof interface leaked. Probably from an earthquake. So water wrecked the fireplace insert.

        We got the chimney thing fixed right away because it was structural. Then we ripped out the fireplace insert.

        Finally last week a Mason came out to restore the fireplace brick, since the insert had been bricked into it and wrecked it coming out.

        It’s been a long time coming but is quite cozy now.

      • Tejicano

        Were I living in the US right now I’d forge you a set out of iron just for a fun Saturday morning project – for a reasonable fee. Easy and cheap enough to do.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      I want some solid, murder-weapon-quality brass fire tools.

      Uh-HUH….. Oddly enough, there may be some grill sales-type places that sell fireplace accoutrements. I don’t know this for sure, but, it seems to me that I’ve seen something of this sort in my area. That is, if you aren’t finding any on Amazon.

      Or, maybe on Etsy? There are a ton of metal-based crafters on there, and maybe some who do the brasswork.

      • hayeksplosives

        The idea of supporting an independent craftsman is appealing. I’m just a bit afraid to buy something I can’t see and hold in person.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Yeah, I saw that. I will say that etsy reviews tend to be more trustworthy (than, say, Amazon), although they may not reflect long-term ownership. Still, you’d think that CA would have craftspeople around that make things like fireplace tools.

        Then again, maybe Loathesome, et al, have chased them off, what with carcinogen warnings and all.

      • hayeksplosives

        There are some indies! The brick mason for example was under 30 y.o. But had learned a craft and made it his business.

        There are crazy rich people here who can afford all kinds of crafted goods. Those goods sometimes hit the market.

    • Caput Lupinum

      %20Fireplace%20Accessories”>Williams Sonoma have some good offerings that aren’t outrageously expensive. Home Depot and Lowes also sell fireplace tools, but they are on the cheaper side. Their wrought iron sets are decent quality, but the brass ones I’ve seen there are brass coated steel and the finish probably won’t hold up for very long.

      • Caput Lupinum

        Stupid extra mobile nonsense garbled the link; round two.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Ooof…well, I guess that’s to be expected, pricewise. They do look like they’d hold up.

      • hayeksplosives

        The price is fine as long as it’s for quality materials and craftsmanship, but not if it’s just for the brand name.

      • hayeksplosives

        Thank you. I will look around. I want to see actual product in hand.

        Wrought iron might work. The house has wrought iron elsewhere (Tuscan style house).

      • Sir Digby Classic

        I want to see actual product in hand.

        Ah, yeah…that would be an issue with at least part of my recco. I hope you can find something in the flesh metal that meets the criteria.

        Just don’t get caught on camera buying them. ?

      • hayeksplosives

        *taps nose*

      • Caput Lupinum

        I’d go with iron, personally. Brass looks nice but it’s much more expensive for actual brass tools, and brass finishes or coatings won’t last long in a fireplace. For seeing them in person you’re probably limited to a home improvement store. There are a lot of smaller specialty stores around here in Philly, but there are a lot of old houses with functional fireplaces, I’d imagine that San Diego homes aren’t as likely to have them given the difference in climate. Worth a look around though.

      • hayeksplosives

        I will definitely try a consignment shop here that has been the source of my dining table, sofas, a painting, and other odds and ends.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        That’d be my suggestion, or an estate sale if you can find any.

      • hayeksplosives

        I will check into it—thank you!

  32. straffinrun

    Heading out of town for a couple days with the family. Remote cottage in the Japanese Alps seems the perfect place to endure the apocalypse.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      So, do I pray that you got the timing is right, or…?

      • straffinrun

        It’s either apocaripse boogaroo or a nice little vacay. Not sure which I’m hoping for.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Well, I, for one, would like to be here, in relative comfort, to welcome you back. Not that I want any prepping resources* to go to waste, or anything. But, there’s time enough for that later.

        *not yours, necessarily.

    • pan fried wylie

      Japanese Alps

      You just made those up.

      • straffinrun

        I didn’t know that. Huh.

      • Caput Lupinum

        I saw the term used in an amine and thought the translators were being lazy so I looked them up. I was a bit surprised that it was an actual term used in Japan.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        OK–Alp. Everyone knows Fuji existed. At least, until Gojira destroyed it.

        Well, he hasn’t been around on evenings. Must’ve been him

        /I know–it is Halloween season, after all

  33. Sir Digby Classic

    Life is odd when Lamborghini starts making sedans. And, you see one next to you at a red light.

    Spousal unit wanted me to get a look at the driver. Youngish bleach bleach blond trophy wife, with a yuppie-scruff type in the passenger seat–whatever. I don’t know why the hell she cared. I also don’t know why you spend Lamborghini money on a sedan, but, whatever.

    Still…”Urus”?? Why not just go the obvious route, and call it Uranus? Or, Urea?

    • C. Anacreon

      I am me and Urus.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        ::looks side-eyed at Doc::

        Touche’, my friend–you wind this round!

    • whahappan

      That’s not a sedan, that’s a CUV.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Well, it’s built on a sedan platform, so I’m the best kind of correct. ?

    • Tejicano

      “Life is odd when…”

      Dude. This is 2020. “Surprised” is no longer an option.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        I didn’t claim ‘surprised’, just that I found it odd.

        ‘Irritating’ describes my feeling at being asked to find out who was driving…something unsavory about that being spoken out loud.

      • Tejicano

        Yeah, I guess “surprised” is the wrong word. More like some kind of inverse of that like “failed to expect”.

        The way this year has been going seems to be nature’s way of prepping us all for something beyond anything we knew before. Otherworld alien contact. “X-Men”-type human mutants. We should all be raising the mental bar for expectations.

    • hayeksplosives

      Is this the warning sign of an impending recession?

  34. pan fried wylie

    I was so good at comedy that I ended up in the Army.

    Killin’ It on stage wasn’t cutting it anymore.

  35. hayeksplosives

    If the donkeys are so certain of a Blue wave and Biden presidency, why are the shop owners in Dem cities boarding up their downtowns?

    Do they:

    A) Think Biden wins and Trump supporters riot violently

    S) Think Biden wins but the antifa/BKM/outrager brigade will riot anyway in celebration and relief

    OR

    3) Think that Trump will win

    ?

    • Sir Digby Classic

      Stupid is as stupid does? It is an interesting situation; just what is going through what passes for minds in those areas.

    • Caput Lupinum

      ‡) They’re bankrupt after the lock downs and riots, and are closing up shop permanently and fleeing to the suburbs in a last ditch effort to actually have a livelihood, and the election is incidental

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Oh, but that can’t be. Because, white* flight is an unmitigated evil, as is both gentrification AND not investing in/re-vitalizing low-income areas.

        *whatever the term would be for fleeing a sinking ship when you should be losing so others can win, no mater the ethnic identity of the fliers.

    • straffinrun

      I’m finally ready to call it: Trump wins. Hard to imagine an environment more ripe for “shy” voter syndrome.

      • hayeksplosives

        “If I vote for Trump, I’ll never get the Woke stamp on my passport!” Is a real fear that the shy voter experiences.

        Remember the Netscape dude who had to quit because he voted against the gay marriage act many years prior?

        No crime, no scandal. It was a vote, but he was effectively punished by the mediacracy, our true f I em if government.

      • straffinrun

        This. Also, “Vote for me and I’ll lock you in your house, bankrupt your employer and put a diaper on your face.”

        Ugh.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Why do I get the impression that this would be acceptable to many a Biden voter, even though it was laughable ‘shocking’ when it was due to some evil corporation in the movie?

    • Tejicano

      Possibly they’re tired of risking everything trying to accurately read every zig/zag and kink in the fantasy logic of the rainbow of lefty factions and just expect one of them will show up in force regardless of the outcome?

      • Gustave Lytton

        That’s my feeling.

        I bet even if Joe wins, there will be riotspeaceful celebrations in some cities. Gotta start the Xmas shopping sometime.

      • hayeksplosives

        Hmmm. How outraged do I feel today? 65” flat screen TV worth, or 75” flat screen TV worth of outrage?

        ~checks Twitter~

        Ok, 75” it is.

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Ok, 75” it is.

        I, uh…..are we not doing phrasing anymore?

      • Sir Digby Classic

        Gotta start the Xmas shopping sometime.

        Hey–maybe they’ll hit that Lambo dealer…..

    • Not an Economist

      I’m guessing they think Trump will be ahead at the end of Tuesday and the professional agitators want to get their riot on and remind people what to expect if Trump wins.

    • Tejicano

      I’ll watch that later.

      The verbiage which I’ve seen written up in the dead tree examples always seem like porn written by nuns for an audience of virgins. Since the largest chunk of Japanese who buy those magazines have very little real world experience even handling, much less shooting real guns there is quite a bit of “gush-iness” in their expressions.

      I had an interesting conversation with a Japanese guy a few weeks back – 180 degrees out from the norm on that topic. He’s a guy in his early 50’s. When he turned 20 he had a strong desire to “see the elephant” and ran off to join the French Foreign Legion. After 20+ years of that he came back to Japan and set up a security company. The first time I’ve ever had a conversation like that in Japanese.

      • hayeksplosives

        I wonder what he thought of Japan now compared to 20 years ago.

    • Tejicano

      OK. I watched a few of them. From what I saw he doesn’t really review the original Japanese gun porn (JGP) as do his own reviews on the guns covered in them. He pretends to do voice-overs of the originals but even if you can hear/understand the Japanese in the background (for the short spurts when he’s doing it) it’s easy to see that the content doesn’t match.

      So this is basically just his POV on the weapons that he saw in JGP as a child in Hong Kong decades ago.

      Gun Jesus does it better.

  36. hayeksplosives

    With early voting, do they keep a running tally or do they wait and process them all on Election Day?

    Because seeing the running tally would be a huge advantage in knowing where to focus. Or to cheat.

    • Caput Lupinum

      Varies state to state. Some process them all starting on election day, some start processing mail in, early, and absentee ballots a few days before.

    • Sir Digby Classic

      I always thought it was a running tally.

      • hayeksplosives

        Do they make the tally public or give it to the candidates’ campaign, or do you just have to bribe the right public servant?

      • Sir Digby Classic

        I dunno. It seems that something is making out and to people who study it, and let vague things be known to the media.
        If that sounds wishy-washy, that’s because I have no idea; I just have heard things being reported that suggested someone knows how various states are currently voting.

      • The Hyperbole

        Looks like bribery, here’s a fairly detailed state by state breakdown on when “processing” versus “counting” in allowed, I didn’t read them all but it mooks like the states that count early make it a crime to report results.

      • The Hyperbole

        “mooks” I’d blame early/no coffee but I really am just a bad typist.

  37. Yusef drives a Kia

    Good Morning critters!

    • Sean

      ?☕?

  38. Hyperion

    You guys go back to sleep.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I gotta go to work soon, what this sleep thing?

    • Tres Cool

      ‘sup?

      • UnCivilServant

        I have a tiny cut on the inside crease of the first joint of my right index finger, and I’m waiting for the super glue to dry, as that’s the only way to keep it closed.

      • Tres Cool

        Thats also a great way to keep a potential infection IN. Just something to think about.

      • UnCivilServant

        Only if it was dirty when glued.

        Letting it tear wider from movement placing stress on the edges of the wound while being unable to prevent it from getting dirty because it’s impossible to bandage that spot is far, far worse an option.

    • Gender Traitor

      Morning, UCS & Homey.

      I finally got my alarm clock straightened away between the brief power outage we had last week and the time change, so I managed to get up on time. Yippeee.

      • UnCivilServant

        Did you get the epub I sent last week?

      • Gender Traitor

        I did, and I’ve read it all. Thanks! Please check your Inbox when you have a chance.

      • UnCivilServant

        Got the email, gave a general question back because I didn’t want the specific questions coloring opinions.

  39. Tejicano

    I’ve been thinking about it and one thing that stands out to me is how 2020 must look to the large swarth of people who don’t really belong to either team red or blue*.

    They have no problem, or at least no heavy issues, with a lot of lefty causes – gay marriage, abortion, gun control, etc. But they increasingly feel that they are being targeted for being racist which they know they aren’t. This year they see that democrat governors are gleefully overstepping their bounds to enforce lockdowns, business closures, face diapers, etc. They see democrat mayors letting riots take over and burn out businesses with no regard for the safety of their business owners and residents.

    It is as if the Brownshirts in the form of antifa/BLM have appeared, we’re having an ongoing Kristalnacht in our streets against the un-Woke, now all the left needs is the right leader to take control and make this the standard for America. Anybody with half a brain can see that Biden is just a delivery vehicle for Harris – either in the first year or two after inauguration (for those who are paying attention), or after Biden gets his two terms in office (for those still following the old script). And she is obviously the kind of leader for the vast social-political change we see happening in our streets.

    I am expecting/hoping that this formerly politically ambivalent group will show up on Tuesday to vote against the DNC. I think the DNC overbid their hand on this election.

    *I postulate here that a there are lot of people who mouth the words to go along with the usual blue team sentiments because those feel better – but don’t really swallow to party line whole.

    • hayeksplosives

      I wish I shared your quasi-optimism about indie voters or centrist Dems to simply make observations of the realities around them.

      I fear that the voter-sheep have been so bombarded With ads and social media telling them Trump Bad, Biden Sade & Steady , they are unconsciously biased to be pro-Dem.

      So making Uncle Joe the “conservative” candidate gets him in, and then Harris, the Statist Woman of Color steps up to transform the very character of society.

      • Tejicano

        Looking at the usual participation rates in which a huge, significant number of people didn’t even show up I am thinking about how that group is feeling now.

        For a lot of past presidential elections I have seen my choice as being to ask for a mouth full of dung versus a mouth full of warm dung. Both choices have been bad for a long time.

        But this year we have very real, obviously dangerous movements seriously threatening people and businesses. Real people see that businesses are how we all have jobs and prosperity. I doubt that many people believe that pushing them to the side for the sake of an idea is good for anybody.

        When it comes down to it – for me – if America decides to go along with this revolution either I’ll have to wash my hands of them all or probably head back and join a number of comrades in arms in keeping our oath to defend the constitution.

      • Tejicano

        “how that group is feeling now.”

        “That group” being the huge number of people who never voted before.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Harris is just a frontwoman for the DNC. They chose her simply because she’ll say and do exactly what she’s told to, just like she did exactly what she needed to at any given time in California.

        I really don’t perceive any principles from her that aren’t just opportunism.

      • Tejicano

        She didn’t even win a single vote in the DNC primary. They own her body and soul – hard to imagine her trying to break that chain. She doesn’t have the character to become a leader on her own – she isn’t the type to gather any stratum of American grass roots voters on her own personality.

        But the DNC currently believes they have the backing to go for the brass ring on a number of things. Permanent Assault Weapons Ban, Cancel culture legislation, deeper & wider taxation, probably even slave reparations. That is going to be a hard ride for everybody in the long run.

    • Sean

      TRUMP 2020

      • Tejicano

        I have to wonder if there was a high-profile person who had come in as the third choice a few months ago who declared to “leave it up to the states” on all the big team red/blue issues (abortion, guns, gay marriage, etc) and only run the nation on foreign policy and things that had to be done as a nation – wuod they have had a chance this time?

      • UnCivilServant

        Nope, but they would catch all the blame by the people whose candidate didn’t win.

      • Tejicano

        You think Ross Perot might have an opinion on this?

      • Tejicano

        OK, might have had…

  40. Tres Cool

    “Why must I be like that; why must the dawg chase the cat? Nuthin’ but the dog in me.” – George Clinton

    • Tejicano

      One of my favorites in high rotation on my music device – if not in my head as frequently.

      • Tres Cool

        + bow wow wow, yippee yo, yippee yay

    • PieInTheSky

      again, size of rally crowds is utterly irrelevant.

      • UnCivilServant

        “It’s not who votes that counts but who counts the votes”?

      • PieInTheSky

        not really. a small hardcore fan base can fill rallies while not being representative for the general population.

      • Tejicano

        You still have to wonder, for every one who could arrange to show up, how many just couldn’t make it because they have jobs and businesses to run?

  41. The Late P Brooks

    Part of the aid package includes sending young Somali experts who will teach Americans how to mount machine guns on their trucks to defend their clan’s territory.

    Most excellent.