Recently we were treated to the Glib version of a Choose Your Own Adventure Story, the type the proliferated in the 1980’s. Well, since the 80’s were a stupid decade, I thought about that vastly superior decade, the 1970’s, which brought to mind those delightfully delightful Mad Libs books which were all the rage in that better time. You know, the ones that gave you a brief story, but left you to fill in certain words yourself, resulting in hilarious and often mildly embarrassing results when played with friends. Well, I thought I’d create a version for the fine people here at the Glibertarium. And when both of them are done, the rest of you can join in also.
I figured the best way to do this was to have you come up with the funny words first, without knowing how they’re going to fit into the story afterward, so let’s get that part out of the way now. You can write your answers on a piece of scrap paper, or, like I did, just write them on your computer screen with a permanent marker. Ready? Let’s go!
1 – part of the male anatomy
2 – the make and model of the ugliest car you’ve ever owned
3 – a small furry animal
4 – part of the female anatomy, plural
5 – a toy from your childhood
6 – any Japanese word
7 – another female bodypart, plural
8 – yet another part of the female anatomy
9 – yet another female body part
10 – a condiment
11 – a dumb sitcom
12 – a brand of snack food
13 – a particular make and model of firearm
14 – the first name of someone who bullied you in grade school
15 – a German last name
16 – a type of deli meat
17 – an action involving the mouth
18 – another part of the male anatomy
OK, rooty-tooters, now that we’ve got our word list, we’ll hop right into our story! Remember, when the corresponding word from the list pops up in the story, be sure to substitute your own answer, or it won’t make any fuckin’ sense.
Now, let’s go with the suspenseful espionage tale called –
The Ipcress Sandwich
My name is Johnny Poopfister, American secret agent. London, 1965 – I found myself in the office of Sergeant-Major Wheeler-Dumphreyshire; I was being punished for insubordination and sent on a dangerous assignment in Old Blighty. I had been with the OSS for over 6 months, but had been stuck filing papers and such. I wanted action. “And action you shall have,” said Wheeler-Dumphreyshire, as if reading my mind.
“Sir, it sure was mighty white of you to take me on despite my freakishly large [1 – part of the male anatomy].”
“Mmyes, yes. Now, Poopfister, this assignment requires the utmost discretion and professionalism. Get those lights, will you?” He stepped over to a film projector and turned it on. Various images flashed on the screen, including a terribly ugly man who looked like his face had been run over by a [2 – the make and model of the ugliest car you’ve ever owned]. Wheeler-Dumphreyshire continued. “This is Sir Hagan Hagan Hagan. We suspect him to be a double agent, giving our secrets to the other side. We’ve been tracking his movements for some time, but we can’t seem to…. What the devil is that?!”
“Hm? Oh. Sorry, sir, I was just making some shadow puppets because I was already bored by your stupid speech. Look, sir – I can make a [3 – a small furry animal]!”
“Dammit, man, this is important!” He shut off the projector and turned on the lights.
“Sorry, sir. I just thought I’d brighten the mood a bit.”
“This is 1960’s Britain, Poopfister. It will be unbelievably dreary for at least another decade.” A knock came at the door. “Come in!”
In walked the purtiest piece of pulchritude I’d ever plopped my palpitatin’ peepers ‘pon. She was stacked like the Giza pyramid. Her [4 – part of the female anatomy, plural] reached all the way up to her chin, or so it seemed to me. I would have paid a billion dollars just to drink her recently-used bathwater.
“Ah, Agent Simms-Plynth,” said the Sergeant-Major. Do come in. Poopfister, this is your partner in your new assignment, Lady Samantha Biggendish Simms-Plynth.”
“Pleased to meet you – “ But before I could finish my introduction, I found myself in a heap on the floor. She had tossed me around like a kid with a [5 – a toy from your childhood]. “Wow-ee!” I snorted. What in tarnation was that?!”
The young lady coolly replied, “A demonstration of [6 – any Japanese word], of which I am a master. A simple application of force at the right moment.”
“Agent Simms-Plynth is to be your partner and your bodyguard,” explained the Sergeant-Major, and leaned in to finish his sentence, “as well as your superior. You will do exactly as she says, and only what she says, is that clear?”
“Yessir,” I said, dusting myself off, “as clear as the [7 – another female bodypart, plural] on her [8 – yet another part of the female anatomy].”
“Hmphh. Yes, well. Agent Simms-Plynth, you may go.”
“Gawd Almighty!” I said after she had gone. “I’d love to grab her [9 – yet another female body part] and suck on it all night long.”
“Yes, yes. That’s quite enough. Now, here is the file I wanted you to memorize….” He handed me a plain manila folder with some documents inside. I opened it up, glanced at the first one, and screamed. He jumped. “What?! What is it?!”
“Hm? Oh, nothing. I just do that sometimes. Wait a second, is this… is this talking about a… a sandwich???”
“Yes. The… Ipcress Sandwich. You see, every agent who has ever eaten this type of sandwich has perished within 24 hours. We want you to find out why, and how Hagan Hagan Hagan might be involved.”
I glanced at the ingredients. “Looks pretty normal to me, except for the [10 – a condiment], which I would never eat, ’cause that shit is nasty.”
“Nevertheless, Poopfister, you have your assignment. We need to get moving, we’re already at over a thousand words and you haven’t even left the bloody office yet. SP is not made of patience, I dare say. Memorize the file tonight, and Agent Simms-Plynth will pick you up in her stylish roadster at 10-hundred hours tomorrow. Dismissed.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Oh, and Poopfister?”
“Yes, sir?”
“Don’t let the file be seen by anyone. It is of the utmost concern to the safety of this nation. As soon as you are finished reading it – destroy it.”
“Hm? Oh, yeah.” In my head I was already at home, watching [11 – a dumb sitcom] and scarfing [12 – a brand of snack food]. Blah, blah, something about a file? Ehh, I’d figure it out later.
After purchasing some items at the corner shoppe, I took a ride with a lorry that dropped me at my council estate where I took a lift up to my flat. (See? England!) I started to turn the key in the door, when suddenly, I noticed the door was ajar. I mean, not literally a jar, it was slightly open. And there was a light on inside. I pulled my trusty [13 – a particular make and model of firearm] and ran in.
I could hardly believe my eyes. There in my comfy chair sat my worst nemesis; the man I thought I had killed; the man who had murdered an even dozen of my fellow OSS agents: [14 – the first name of someone who bullied you in grade school] [15 – a German last name]. “You!” I squeaked.
“Before you fire that weapon,” he said coolly, “hear me out. I propose we join forces. We aren’t so different, you and I, are we?”
“And why would I do that, you fiend!”
“Because I know all about the Ipcress Sandwich… and I even know where to find the [16 – a type of deli meat].”
I was gobsmacked. “Well, [17 – an action involving the mouth] my [18 – another part of the male anatomy],” I whistled under my breath.
TO BE CONTINUED…??!!!!
11 – a dumb sitcom – to much choice not good
the make and model of the ugliest car you’ve ever owned – I have only ever owned one car
A Yugo?
Trabby, obvs.
my uncle owned a trabant. First car I ever drove. Did not occur to me to use that.
Here is some trivia, that car was featured in a movie, a good movie. If you can’t name it right away I can give a hint.
I don’t really watch east German porn
not far off, It starred Gene Hackman and Mikhail Berishnikov
Das Leben der Anderen?
Like the idea…when I get to a PC ill have go engage
1 – prostate
2 – daewoo matiz (not me a friend)
3 –dormouse
4 – ovaries
5 – whip
6 – Otoro
7 – nipples
8 – cervix
9 – prostate (women can have em)
10 – aioli
11 – Blue Mountain State
12 – Lays
13 – Trejo Model 1 Machine Pistol
14 – Ion (random name I was not bullied)
15 – Holzmueller
16 – Bresaola
17 – spit
18 – sperm cell
(in the U.S., Daewoo Matiz = Chevy Spark)
We seem to get both in the UK. I’ve seen slightly more with Spark badges than Matiz badges.
Apparently GM killed off the Daewoo brand entirely in 2010, but even before that they were extremely rare in the U.S. From what I’ve gleaned off of Top Gear, the U.K. car market is far more diverse than the U.S. car market. There’s no Peugeots, Citroens, Renaults, SEATs, or Daihatsus in the U.S., never mind the specialty UK makes like Noble.
Noble really just make fancy track cars. Something like that is always going to be on such a small scale, relatively speaking, that they will effectively only be specialist importers for them overseas. In Noble’s case in particular, I believe they sold the rights and manufacturing capabilities to Rossion (?) in the USA, for their older models. Most of the PSA (Peugeot/Citroen) range is small hatchbacks and MPVs, so they sell better here with our smaller roads and crowded towns. GM have sold Opel/Vauxhall to PSA now, so I think they’ve pretty much left the EU/UK markets completely. SEAT, like Skoda, are just equivalent cars built on VW platforms without the ritzy VW badge (kinda ironic how the “people’s car” is now a designer brand).
this is not to be interpreted as if I did not like Blue Mountain State
1 – part of the male anatomy – scrotal raphe
2 – the make and model of the ugliest car you’ve ever owned – Chevy Cavalier
3 – a small furry animal – plague rat
4 – part of the female anatomy, plural – Montgomery tubercles
5 – a toy from your childhood – Slip n’ Slide
6 – any Japanese word – oppai
7 – another female bodypart, plural – clitoral vestibular bulbs
8 – yet another part of the female anatomy – Skene’s gland
9 – yet another female body part – intermammary cleft
10 – a condiment – sriracha
11 – a dumb sitcom – Modern Family
12 – a brand of snack food – Lil’ Debbie
13 – a particular make and model of firearm – terrifying black rifle child-murder machine
14 – the first name of someone who bullied you in grade school – Luis
15 – a German last name – Hitler
16 – a type of deli meat – head cheese
17 – an action involving the mouth – bruxism
18 – another part of the male anatomy – bulbourethral gland
Hahaha the Cavalier. We had two of them in my family.
Poopfister: Do you expect me to talk, [14 – the first name of someone who bullied you in grade school] [15 – a German last name]?
[14 – the first name of someone who bullied you in grade school] [15 – a German last name]: No, I expect you to die, Mr. Poopfister. *laughs in evil* Mwahahaha!
1. Scrotum
2. Chevy pickup
3. chihuahua
4. labia
5. water rocket
6. gozaimas
7. ovaries
8. fallopian tubes
9. uterus
10. horseradish
11. the big bang theory
12. twizzlers
13. Mauser C96
14. terry
15. mueller
16. Lebanon balogna
17. slurp
18. glans
Buffer overflow error.
Attempted write to protected memory.
Rebooting.
you need better hardware
Brain upgrades are expensive, man.
Sell out to one of the megacorps in exchange for your wetware upgrades. That always ends well!
Are you a voting machine?
Well, I do vote regularly.
And often, weighing your socioeconomic status against others that are voting?
I don’t even know what you guys are going on with. I think I’ll fire up AC Valhalla again since I’m not working today.
How is it?
Well. It’s interesting. And you need to know that it was made by a crew of multicultural peoples having different belief systems. Now that you know that and can feel all warm and fuzzy about the game before actually experiencing it…
It’s somewhere between really good and OK.
The graphics can look stunning at times and sometimes just OK.
The story is interesting. It’s a bunch of Viking clans trying to exterminate each other. Norway apparently used to be very much more interesting place than it is today. They were a very adventurous people. I don’t know how they got from there to being afraid to say something insensitive on the internet.
It’s buggy. At least as of last night it was. The main bug is getting stuck. Stuck climbing on rocks. Stuck hiding in a haystack. Stuck on a wall. Stuck, stuck, stuck!
The combat is OK. I like the bow so far, but the melee is just OK. There’s a lot of stealth, of course there is. And trying to just bypass it and run through hoards of enemies just will get your frustrated, so you just give in and do the stealth. I mean I guess most people like that anyway. I’m more of just murder everyone in plain sight.
I don’t like the skills tree thingy too much. The inventory system and upgrading is pretty good though. But like I said, the story is pretty interesting and I think they are trying to stay true to the actual period as much as possible, but of course their wokeness will only let that hold so much.
It’s worth a buy. I’m going to keep playing for a while.
Cool. Thanks for the run down. I enjoy Odyssey and being of Norse descendants, I might pick this one up in a few months. Up until recently, Vikings really got a bad rap (which they were not saints of course) but they were much more than rapers and pillagers.
I like Odyssey, but I hate that level scaling trash they put in it. I guess you can turn it off now because people complained about it a lot.
I think I like Valhalla more and part of that might just be the setting and the Viking lore in the game.
UPlay+ for 15/mo to try a AAA game…on it. Now I don’t have to download it…via other means.
1 – part of the male anatomy – Gynecomastia
2 – the make and model of the ugliest car you’ve ever owned – Ford Fiesta
3 – a small furry animal – Mangalitsa pig
4 – part of the female anatomy, plural – ovaries
5 – a toy from your childhood – Transformers
6 – any Japanese word – miso
7 – another female bodypart, plural – vestibular bulbs
8 – yet another part of the female anatomy – fallopian tubes
9 – yet another female body part – breasts
10 – a condiment- mayo
11 – a dumb sitcom – Alf
12 – a brand of snack food – Lays
13 – a particular make and model of firearm – Browning M1918
14 – the first name of someone who bullied you in grade school – Pat
15 – a German last name – Müller
16 – a type of deli meat – Pastrami
17 – an action involving the mouth – blowing
18 – another part of the male anatomy – seminal vesicle
a pig aint neither small nor furry
That pig is furry..maybe not small but it works
I call it hairy not furry
How about wooly?
My freshman year, I would do my calculus homework during ALF.
Freshman calculus! HS?!
College. IIRC, ALF was on Monday nights, and I had the session with the TA to cover homework on Tuesdays.
Ah, makes sense. I must have misremembered you as a late 70s kid.
My talking Alf doll still works last I checked.
1 – halluces
2 – Ford Tempo
3 – sugar glider
4 – neurons
5 – Snoopy snowcone maker
6 – Mr. Roboto
7 – kidneys
8 – liver
9 – dura mater
10 – Spin Blend
11 – The Neighborhood
12 – Yoo Hoo
13 – Glock 19
14 – LaVon
15 – Scheister
16 – pastrami
17 – yapping
18 – metacarpal phalanges
What you did with #4…I see that.
?
Yes, that was a well thought out answer.
1 – part of the male anatomy – scrotum
2 – the make and model of the ugliest car you’ve ever owned – 68 Chevy Impala
3 – a small furry animal – vole
4 – part of the female anatomy, plural – chesticles
5 – a toy from your childhood – Sure Shot Hockey
6 – any Japanese word – kamikaze
7 – another female bodypart, plural – headlights
8 – yet another part of the female anatomy – cooter
9 – yet another female body part – snatch
10 – a condiment – ketchup
11 – a dumb sitcom – Three’s Company
12 – a brand of snack food – Cheetos
13 – a particular make and model of firearm – Taurus The Judge
14 – the first name of someone who bullied you in grade school – Lloyd
15 – a German last name – Manstein
16 – a type of deli meat – Pastrami
17 – an action involving the mouth – pucker
18 – another part of the male anatomy – cookies
Okay…so its pretty obvious what female and male anatomy we all think of…
“Mulva?”
*Runs to the widow, screams down to the street*
“Dolores!”
The prostrate and the fallopian tube?
*sigh*
autocorrect strikes again
Well only Mo has kept it above board, the rest of us…like school boys hearing words our big brother/sister has used.
Not all of us.
You notice I gave us the brains and you the fingers. So you can count. You’re welcome.
Disney needs to stop fucking around with Star Wars.
So it’s true that the Jedi are the evil ones.
From my perspective, yes.
Heh.
There’s no way to inject the necessary amount of wokeness without fucking with everything, all of the time, forever.
Mad Libs books which were all the rage in that better time.
Mad Libs made it into the 80s.
Missed a chance for the funniest choices…euphemisms for masturbation. Someone should compile a list.
Hi y’all. I am back.
Welcome back! Yes there is a running theme going on
Oh look, they have.
https://mashable.com/2018/05/07/masturbation-slang-euphemisms-list/
I can’t believe ‘flogging the bishop’ isn’t on that list.
Definitely missed some oldies on that list but not bad.
Missing – Making the bald man cry, saucing the taco
Spank the monkey is the one that always made me laugh.
#metoo
Or “having a zoom meeting”
*looks around* WINNER!
Toobin your trousers?
Welcome back.
Welcome back!
Hey you! How’s it going?
It is going fine. I ended up with ‘hurricane fatigue’. That God only one more year until more of that fun.
Wait, is “Fatiguing the hurricane” another one?
I am back. – like an addict
It’s you Pie. I missed you.
in a manly heterosexual way I hope
That’s not even wrong.
If the era of Rick Springfield was wrong, I don’t want to be right.
I know. What kind of drooling microcephalic doesn’t appreciate E.T. for the 2600?
/raises hand
I was one of the poor bastards who actually had that game and played it.
Is that the one they buried all the copies in a dump in between Alamogordo and El Paso?
It is. There was a whole documentary filmed about the hunt for the dump.
Used to drive past the supposed location almost weekly when I was stationed at Holloman AFB.
I still have my 2600.
1 – part of the male anatomy – Testicles
2 – the make and model of the ugliest car you’ve ever owned – HEH! None of them were ugly. Instead I’ll put the least reliable. Ford Mustang.
3 – a small furry animal – gerbil
4 – part of the female anatomy, plural – breasts
5 – a toy from your childhood – legos
6 – any Japanese word – hentai
7 – another female bodypart, plural – vulvae
8 – yet another part of the female anatomy – uterus
9 – yet another female body part – clitoris
10 – a condiment – horseradish
11 – a dumb sitcom – The Simpsons
12 – a brand of snack food – Utz
13 – a particular make and model of firearm – Ruger 10/22
14 – the first name of someone who bullied you in grade school – Asshole
15 – a German last name – Schiklgruber
16 – a type of deli meat – roast beef
17 – an action involving the mouth – suck
18 – another part of the male anatomy – cowper’s gland
I would have paid a billion dollars just to drink her recently-used bathwater.
Belle Delphine is jealous.
OK, that was amusing. We should have a part two.
1. beer intake port
2. cars all have some appeal to someone, somewhere.
3. chinchilla or wombat
4. I shouldn’t have to tell you, you should already know
5. skateboards
6. HAI DOMO
7. you should know that one too, this is really gonna piss her off
8. see above
9. men are pigs
10. marinara sauce
11. too wide of a field to pick just one
12 chiccarones
13.S&W model 29
14. we just called them “teachers”
15. Goebbels
16 soylent green
17 super spreading
18. beer waste exit port
“2. cars all have some appeal to someone, somewhere.”
Your forgot about Chrysler’s heinous K Car abominations.
It’s not ‘forgot’, its called repression with a touch of PTSD.
My freshman English Prof had one…it was the most gag-inducing orange color you can imagine. And fuck Lee Iococa. I remember the raging debates over whether the govt should be bailing out failing companies….low an behold, ‘too big to fail’ was born.
Relevant.
wchipperdove needs to go through all these and pick one best answer for each point.
1 – Adams Apple
2 – Honda Senata
3 – Shrew
4 – Tear Ducts
5 – Action Figure
6 – Yowmaoe
7 – Finger Nails
8 – Hair
9 – Middle toes
10 – Fry sauce
11 – Big Bang theory
12 – Pepperidge Farm
13 – S&W M&P 9
14 – Noman
15 – Schliemaner
16 – Salami
17 – That noise you make that sounds like water dripping from a faucet
18 – Achilies Tendon
Did you tame the shrew before is the question.
1 – part of the male anatomy – moobz
2 – the make and model of the ugliest car you’ve ever owned – Not really ugly, but my 1969 Buick Skylark was the worst one
3 – a small furry animal – Several Species Gathered Together in a Cave and Grooving with a Pict
4 – part of the female anatomy, plural – boobz
5 – a toy from your childhood – set of lawn darts
6 – any Japanese word – Baka!
7 – another female bodypart, plural – legs
8 – yet another part of the female anatomy – ass
9 – yet another female body part – there are no other ones
10 – a condiment – mustard
11 – a dumb sitcom – Laverne and Shirley
12 – a brand of snack food – Lays
13 – a particular make and model of firearm – all gone in boat accident
14 – the first name of someone who bullied you in grade school – Guido
15 – a German last name – Burgermeistermeister
16 – a type of deli meat – ham
17 – an action involving the mouth – talk
18 – another part of the male anatomy – schmoobz
Not really ugly, but my 1969 Buick Skylark was the worst one – but did it have positraction?
I think out of the 6 months or so I had it, it only ran like 3 times when I could actually drive it a day or two. The rest of the time it set in the driveway broken down.
Can’t make those tire marks without positraction
Oh you’re a smooth talker! You are! You are!
I can’t believe I actually did that. This is the worst chat room ever.
It was a lot of work with very little reward.
I had to crack a beer after doing it. Glibs is trying to make me fat again while peddling that fitness stuff.
Waiting to see if Poopfister pervices Simms-Plynth and if it involves the sandwich.
**The following is based off of real people, with real stories, the names of people, places, organizations and products have been change to protect the innocent**
[Continuing Saga of the Prototype Code]
Dominion Product Owner: Hey we shipped that new feature you worked on –
Leon: You mean my prototype code that wasn’t ready for production?
PO: Yeah, and it’s a hit. Except they clients, they are saying it’s slow. Can we speed it up?
Leon: Sure, i imagine it is slow, i only tested it on a small dataset. What is the size of data they are looking at doing ? 100? 500?
PO: Yeah, they want to process 50 Million Votes with it.
Leon: –
PO: So when will those bug fixes be done you think?
… To be Conitinued.
?
I just heard about a leak from a very reliable anonymous source that says Leon has been disqualified.
I mean i don’t work on voting software, but this is pretty much the exact conversation me and my team have had with product owners about what we do work on.
I just thought about the guys who work at Dominion having a similar experience and it made me chuckle. More to follow.
Sounds like PCR testing
I am conscientiously objecting to the list thing.
Me too, and I already did it.
If was the only one possible at Glibs that we all are not already on.
We are all
dissidentscitizens that are on Kommie-la’s list forReeducationHappy Fun Camp.Samesies.
Glib Accountability Project
Do as you are told,
subjectcitizen.“Each of our countries have that independent spirit, where we don’t want to be told what to do,” he said. “Well, I understand that, but now is the time to do what you’re told.”
“We’re not done, we still need to implement public health measures in a very intense way,” he said.
“We had too much individual approaches towards how we were going to handle the outbreak, so our baseline never came down to the low level where we wanted it to be,” he said.
I will not be taking orders from this garden gnome.
He got really lippy after the elections didn’t he
LOL. I don’t know if you’ve ever met someone who doesn’t like to be told what to do, but saying “I, understand, but do it” isn’t the way to convince them to get on board.
It’s a good way to get your nose broken. Who knows? Maybe that is his fetish.
Guys a fucking Cockroach. If we were all programmable Automotons that obeyed his every word, we would, by his own words, have done the wrong thing. Masks were bad, then Good, Lockdowns were the thing, then the WHO said no, now everyone is ignoring that and saying yes again. Fuck this guy. I would very much like to never hear about him again, because each time i do, i hope he dies slowly and alone, without anyone there to comfort him.
To paraphrase Mencken, Fauci is to pathology as an astrologer is to astronomy.
“Do what you’re told”
At what point in my entire existence did I ever consent to taking orders from you, Dr. Assclown?
When you signed the Social Contract, duh.
Which country are we cherry-picking today to compare against? Because it looks an awful lot like culture and government policy have nothing to do with this virus.
I have to go to a funeral for a guy who died of covid, right in the middle of a car accident. I shouldn’t joke, he was a really cool guy. The single best supervisor where I work.
Sorry
Sorry to hear that. We lost a good colleague recently as well. What a shitty year.
died of covid, right in the middle of a car accident
I laughed a bit too hard at that. I am probably a bad person.
I shouldn’t joke
Humor is a perfectly legit coping mechanism.
Healthier than permanent grief
Shit, man. Sorry.
RIP, really cool supervisor guy.
1 – part of the male anatomy; Johnson
2 – the make and model of the ugliest car you’ve ever owned; Cheby Cavalier
3 – a small furry animal; field mouse
4 – part of the female anatomy, plural; boobs
5 – a toy from your childhood; dirt
6 – any Japanese word; Banzai
7 – another female bodypart, plural; assume cheeks
8 – yet another part of the female anatomy; hooch
9 – yet another female body part; mouth
10 – a condiment; Tabasco
11 – a dumb sitcom; Green Acres
12 – a brand of snack food; Little Debbies ( thanks OMWC)
13 – a particular make and model of firearm; Win mpd 12
14 – the first name of someone who bullied you in grade school; Greg
15 – a German last name; Budweiser
16 – a type of deli meat; salami
17 – an action involving the mouth; eating salami
18 – another part of the male anatomy; foreskin
Hootch is a part of female anatomy? I thought it was moonshine.
“Hoodrat, hoodrat, hoochie mama!”
/2livecrew
Keep runnin’ ya mouth and I’ma stick my…never mind
Saucey!
I was probably thinking “snatch”.
“[Mrs. Speaker] do you accept any responsibility for losing seats?”
“I take responsicredit for winning a majority and holding the House.”
Nance has the right idea. Look on the bright side. Thanks for all the responses on my rant post on the morning links. It was all very much appreciated and I guess I found some perspective. I give you all responsicredit for improving my mood.
She didn’t actually say those words did she? If so, please give me a link because i want to laugh at it.
Say what you will but the next two years of Biden/Pelosi slurring their way through government will be hilarious. Might be the only time people laughed themselves to death on the way to the gulags.
She could make a legitimate zero-baseline argument but since she doesn’t favor zero-baseline budgeting probably wont go down that path.
Volume up. Just a standard slightly muddled sentence that could happen to anyone but I just liked the accidental neologism. It’s very applicable generally in politics.
I like it too. You got any pull with the OED?
Sadly no, otherwise I would be using every ounce of that influence to make sure the newspeak fluid definitions and “words have meanings” crowd didn’t have any say at all. Meanings have words. Language evolves in a slow and natural process, and this should be acknowledged in the dictionaries, but not dictated by them on political or casual whims.
/rant
https://mobile.twitter.com/Mankow/status/1327293976366428160
One of the replies:
I can feel the unity!
1 – part of the male anatomy prostate (not pro-state)
2 – the make and model of the ugliest car you’ve ever owned REDACTED
3 – a small furry animal chipmunk
4 – part of the female anatomy, plural vulvae
5 – a toy from your childhood He-Man sword with glowing blade and sound effects
6 – any Japanese word unchi
7 – another female bodypart, plural norks
8 – yet another part of the female anatomy chin
9 – yet another female body part proboscular tentacle
10 – a condiment wookiee cum
11 – a dumb sitcom C-SPAN
12 – a brand of snack food Takis
13 – a particular make and model of firearm General Electric GAU-8/A Avenger
14 – the first name of someone who bullied you in grade school Cunt
15 – a German last name Küntzmann
16 – a type of deli meat Moldovan garlic snouts
17 – an action involving the mouth gape
18 – another part of the male anatomy scilliated lateral sphincter
#1 was a real low blow.
Tolerance. Inclusion. Unity.
Ocasio-Cortez said, “Well, I’m going to be spending my next couple of months doing everything that I can to extend help and offer support to the work of fantastic leaders that we just heard from like Stacey Abrams to make sure that we don’t have a Republican Senate majority, that we win these races in Georgia, that we secure a Democratic Senate majority, so that we don’t have to negotiate in that way. ”
She added, “So these Senate run-off races, they’re on January 5, I believe. That is right around the time that we will be preparing to swear in now president-elect Joe Biden and vice president-elect Kamala Harris. And I think it’s really important that we all work very hard to give them a Democratic Senate as well.”
Anyone bring this up yet?
https://conventionofstates.com/news/rep-ocasio-cortez-wants-to-make-a-list-of-trump-supporters-to-hold-them-responsible?fbclid=IwAR3R6avuyAOQPBX_3V-0FL3HzmyRF01OWJ-A5l59zl1tQUWP5RfcAolyGD4
We may be in for a rough time. Think the Obama administration was shit?
These people are evil. The Democrat party should be dismantled while all of its leaders and representatives barred from office for life.
Tangentially related: progressive press for a beginner reloader? I saw Hornady on brownell’s that was (barely) within my price range, but wasn’t sure if I’d be biting off more than I can chew.
I would go with a new or if you can find one Dillion.
650XLs have a very loyal following with the new 750XL as a “improved version”. Most don’t see it that way.
Dillon 650 or 750. I have heard the 750 is better; I hvae a 15 year old 650 and I understand the 750 has some serious improvements.
I have a 750 I’m delighted with, but I’ve never used to 650 so I can’t compare.
I have access to both through several friends. There are those who love the rotary primer system of the 650 and those who hate it. The 750 is a linear priming system that was to correct the “issues” with the 650XL.
Both systems work great.
I can bang out 1K rounds in no time with great precision and few QC issues. It helps to have an anal retentive best friend who has one machine dialed in for each caliber and recipes for each variation of powder, primer, and bullet.
The Hornady is a pretty solid machine. I used one for years until I fell in love with my single stage Forster. MEC made a semi-progressive….super good frame with three non-moving die stations…you moved the cases one at a time. The MEC was probably the best ever but I think they quit making those back in the early ’60s. You won’t be sorry with either the Hornady or the Forster but if you choose the Forster be sure and get a separate primer charger. The one that comes on the press works very well but you will spend half of a day setting the thing.
How many different cartridges will you be using? With the Hornady you have to buy different plates for each one. As for biting off more than you can chew, it is really not that difficult to learn to use.
At most, I’d be loading 223, 9, 40 and 308. I’d probably just start with 9 since that’s the bulk of what I shoot at the range.
The great thing about the Forster is that it. has an excellent universal shell holder. With everyone else you must buy different plates, shell holders and so on for each cartridge.
The Forster has mechanical jaws that grab every case perfectly, every time. If you are loading something very small you can simply flip the jaws over….I have only ever had to use that function once on 25acp.
The jaws open on the upstroke and close on the downstroke. Also, no springs to wear out.
The dies dont screw in, the set ring slides into a slot. It takes half of a second to change dies. Setting it up is very easy and fast.
I don’t mind the single stage, but then I would sit for hours and hours working at it. What is the word for that….I forget…I am worse than obsessive-compulsive when it comes to reloading.
FIL is our reloader. Boys always ask why they have to pickup their brass. Well for one, you aren’t animals and can cleanup after yourself. The other is…we may need those for later.
In general: if you have the technical savvy sufficient to build a desktop computer from components, you won’t have any trouble setting up and operating a progressive reloading press.
Personally I wouldn’t buy as progressive reloading machine that wasn’t a Dillon (or a Mark7, if you want to really go nuts.) The Hornady is okay, but it’s not as durable or reliable as a Dillon.
Good to know. Sounds like continuing to toss pennies into the piggy bank is the right move for me right now.
“a progressive reloading press”
WTF? Is that like a commie reloading press? Fuck it all, they got the Glibs now! Nowhere left to go!
Rare is the reloader that wears out his press. Often an upgrade and the old press becomes excess. If you see something on the board at the club/Craig’s list, take a look. May even come with some aux equipment.
I have an RCBS Rockchucker, close to 40 years. Admittedly I don’t reload much now but I have in the past. Machine is good forever. For me I didn’t need progressive, I enjoy a quiet evening, no drinks other than coffee, load enough for a day’s shooting.
Back in the day when I was doing skeet/trap I’d ‘relax’ while reloading, had a couple that went “Poof” and watch the shot and wad as it went out about 20 yards, all heads turned towards me and no way out. Never had a problem with metallic, too serious.
Your name vill also go on ze list.
She is one of a handful that wants to do it too. Media talking heads (Rubin and Tapper) I believe said the same thing too.
Maybe we should all just move to China. You know you have no freedom there and they don’t bother with all the woke shit. Just don’t criticize the commies online and you can do pretty much anything you want. You won’t have any guns, but neither will anyone else. And you can move back to the USA after they take over and kill off all the wokesters.
Well, the county I live in has started to clamp down on masks:
No gaiters allowed at Cuyahoga County Public Library, in effort to stop coronavirus
So… what’s the shipping time for the minimally compliant masks? I’ve already got two Glibs talismasks.
Dunno. We’ve been waiting a couple of weeks on ours, and I haven’t gotten a shipping notice.
Just use a plastic grocery bag over your head.
And this is based on what, exactly? That “study” I saw a few weeks back purporting to show that gaiters stopped fewer droplets that other styles?
Their property, their rules, but this is the kind of stuff I point to and say “It’s not about health and safety, it’s about conformity and control.”
It’s a Public Library, so it isn’t their property, though they don’t seem to think so.
/kicks rock.
Only the first sentence is supposed to be blockquoted.
I always got the feeling it’s the wrong class of people that prefers gaiters, on average.
“Each of our countries have that independent spirit, where we don’t want to be told what to do,” he said. “Well, I understand that, but now is the time to do what you’re told.”
That loathesome little homunculus should be hanging from a lamppost.
Just heard that Univ of Rochester is requiring all students to Covid test prior to Thanksgiving – anyone testing positive must quarantine there rather than go home. So, I guess colleges are now internment camps.
“anyone testing positive must quarantine there rather than go home”
Or what?
I am not sure a university has that right, but they have the ability to say students broke their student code of conduct by leaving. I mean, are they going to have bed checks at lights out?
Carefully arranged pillows under the duvet and a wig peeping out might fool them, or you could do the full Ferris Bueller set up.
If only those mushable minds are that clever.
This code of conduct, may I see it in writing? I am guessing each student had to sign one.
Don’t have first hand knowledge but know unis…i bet the students signed something and didnt bother to read it
Was told at work that I might have to be tested due to someone else being near someone else that tested positive or something.
Said “nope.” I don’t have symptoms, I’m not sick.
Boss asked why I’d refuse (we have a good relationship), and I told him that if I tested positive for some reason, I’m not interested in pumping up the numbers being used to keep people scared, especially when I’m not sick.
He said “huh, I hadn’t thought of it like that,” and said I likely wouldn’t have to anyway.
A little knowledge is a powerful thing. In dealing with my MIL’s COVID illness, I learned that testing asymptomatic people is useless. I was planning on taking a rapid test to see if I caught it from her, but found out that I could test positive for up to 14 days, EVEN IF I already tested negative. So even with a test I’m still supposed to quarantine for 14 days.
They might catch a few positives, but if they think this will keep anyone from bringing COVID home they are wrong.
What exactly gives them that authority?
The lockdowns are illegal. Mask mandates and mandatory testing are illegal. Detaining someone against their will without a criminal charge is illegal. Preventing people from traveling freely is illegal. Every goddamned bit of this is specifically prohibited by the bill of rights….you know, that thing that is the contract between the people and the government…the supreme law of the land. The people that orchestrated this, every bit of it, should be in prison.
What gives them the authority? Fear, that’s what. At least half of this nation are chickenshits.
Nothing
If they attempted to enforce it on any of my family, there would be charges for illegal detention filed quite quickly.
Here’s a little rant:
A co-worker recently passed away very unexpectedly. We had a meeting yesterday that had a number of people who knew him well for varying lengths of time. The meeting leader started off with some various pleasantries, then broke out in tears about how sad she was about our lost colleague, and wanted to take a few minutes to say some words about him. The thing is, she has only been at our company for about 6 years, she is universally disliked, hasn’t had a whole lot of interaction with the deceased (certainly not on a meaningful level, given their respective roles and areas of experties) and tends to make everything about herself. Of course, she had to make his death all about her feelings. I had to listen to her go on about how sad and unexpected it was, and how much she was going to miss him, and how much he had contributed to the project (he invented the product, but hasn’t been involved in this project for more than a few minutes of consulting).
I have only worked with the deceased colleague directly a few times during my decade plus at the company, and I respected his technical prowess and thought he was a great guy, but I’m not super worked up about his loss. It’s tragic, and sad, and we will miss him greatly, but people die all the time. I hope someday that changes, but right now it is a fact of life.
I know people handle grief in different ways, but given my prior experience with her, I frankly don’t believe she is sincerely sad about his loss.
Am I out of line to have been pissed off about her bringing this up in the way she did?
Drama queens gonna drama.
IOW, no.
This. God, please, take her internet button away.
I picture this particular co-worker as spending inordinate amounts of time bitching online about things other people do, but I’m not certain. She’s just the type.
I’ve said often, one of the biggest problems with society today is that most people spend way more time worrying about what other people are doing than worrying about what they themselves are doing or even are permitted to do. IOW, take away all of our freedoms is better than letting my neighbor do something I don’t like.
“I hope someday that changes”
Be careful about saying that anywhere on the internet. The luddites will crawl out from every dark slimy rock they’re hiding under and go into mob horde attack led by their dear leader Zeke fucking Nazi Dr Death Fuckenstain.
Anyway, according to that fuckit fascist ,shouldn’t Biden already be reporting to the ovens?
People were probably a lot more stable a resilient 200 years ago when half the population didn’t survive to adulthood.
Well, don’t worry, our new woke fearless leaders will have us all right back there in no time!
“…Am I out of line to have been pissed off …”
The only person qualified to decide what feelings you should have is yourself.
Flagrant displays of emotion are almost always about the person who is doing the displaying.
So no you aren’t.
Sorry about the death of your co-worker.
Sorry about you having to go through the drama queen’s bullshit.
You aren’t out of line being pissed about it.
Thanks for the replies, folks. I was pretty sure I was not out of line, and frankly don’t care much if I was, but sometimes I feel like I need a calibration.
Every day I have a rant about the 19. My Old Friends want to be safe, as I try to tell them we are already past our “Best Used By” date. We’re on borrowed time now, having watched 1/2 our classmates disappear. I try to tell them the nursing home is the elephant graveyard and not a spa. It’s a one way ticket. Worrying about dying is not doing much good but the shut in fever is doing a lot of bad.
I want to be out with friends and I’m as introverted and obnoxious as anyone but still. The FEAR is what’s killing people. I’m so damned tired of hearing highly paid bureaucrats that want to help save me. Sometimes I get so worked up my wife worries about my mental well being (and she should). Good thing I have the Glibs.
Local Man Wouldn’t Have Believed There Was Election Fraud Except Media, Big Tech Keep Insisting That There Wasn’t
^The most damning proof so far. If CNN said: “that sounds bad for the country, let’s investigate and get to the bottom of it” it would smell a lot less fishy.
96% Of Dominion Voting Systems Political Donations Went To Democrats
Should voting machine companies be making political donations? Legally okay / morally reprehensible?
No
Next we’ll find out Richard Daley is a shadow investor.
Isn’t Dominion the one majority-owned by Pelosi’s husband, with her chief of staff acting as the CEO?
Most secure election ever blatantly stolen right under our noses. Biden won this on the up and up like I am a flying reindeer.
Most securely defrauded electorate ever. They had the whole thing sewn up and despite the optimism of folks like the brothers Hoff, or certain people in the WH and on the Hill, I just don’t think there are enough good people in “the apparatus” of the DoJ, FBI, FEC, etc, to coordinate a proper investigation without it being severely hampered and compromised. Effectively all we’re left with is circumstancial evidence, which even the most creative lawyers won’t be able to spin into any kind of case. Soros made his moves well in advance securing all those D Secretaries of State, and nobody realized what he was up to, what they were up to, until it was too late. Bummer.
Effectively all we’re left with is circumstancial evidence
There is video after video showing the Dems actively committing election fraud. Videos in every one of these states in question. There are affidavits sworn under oath from poll workers providing the exact details of the election fraud they were told to commit.
We’re far past circumstantial evidence at this point.
I’m not sure any of the videos would stand up on their own as being absolutely showing what is claimed beyond all reasonable doubt. I think there will also be grounds on which the defense will have much of the video evidence thrown out or seriously called into question for a jury. In legal terms, as they say, it’s not what you know, it’s what you can prove. I’m sure I sound like the contrarian’s contrarian playing Devil’s advocate for the Devil himself, but I’m not at all confident that anything substantial will actually be admissible in court. Likewise I don’t hold much hope for the witness testimony, partly because it’s often very easy for any competent lawyer to cast serious doubt on whether the sky is blue, (and they will have the best) but also because of certain extra-judicial activity such as perhaps someone paying them a visit; the sort of person connected to those well positioned to acquire the necessary information to make witness protection a waste of time and money. That or they might well meet a similar fate to Seth Rich right off the bat. Remember. If the people you are testifying against are capable of pulling off such a fraud on such a massive scale, they wouldn’t think twice, and would be perfectly capable of eighty-sixing you with every degree of deniability and impunity.
Count checks – comparing ballots cast to votes will reveal the places where some types of cheating took place.
Whooo. This is almost like when Russians spend 70k on Facebook ads!
Yes, it gives them away.
1 – Adam’s apple
2 – Pontiac Grand Am
3 – chinchilla
4 – vulvas
5 – Capsela
6 – besuboru
7 – ovaries
8 – Fallopian tubes
9 – womb
10 – chow chow
11 – Two and a Half Men
12 – Pringles
13 – CZ 75
14 – Sal
15 – Schmitt
16 – Pickle loaf
17 – whistling
18 – testes
I think I might try following Japanese besuboro next year, if it avoids an awokening. I can’t imagine Japanese audiences responding well to that petulant gaijin nonsense. If I do I may as well follow the Korean leagues as well.
Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot in a CRINGE Covid video saying science is back and the earth isn’t flat
*cringe*
Worst Second City audition ever.
OK, Beetlejuice.
AHAHAHA! The internet better come up with some good memes on that.
“Just spent the last 10 minutes yelling at my grandma for voting for Joe Biden….. Then after leaving the cemetery I went and got breakfast.”
LOLOLOL!!!
Alright, I’ll play:
1 – part of the male anatomy – navel (nobody said it had to be exclusive to males) oh, alright – back hair
2 – the make and model of the ugliest car you’ve ever owned – Buick Riviera
3 – a small furry animal – vole
4 – part of the female anatomy, plural – eggs
5 – a toy from your childhood – balls
6 – any Japanese word – hai
7 – another female bodypart, plural – Qs
8 – yet another part of the female anatomy – eyes in the back of the head
9 – yet another female body part – headache
10 – a condiment – Trojan oh, condiment, err, sririacha
11 – a dumb sitcom – Gilligan’s Island
12 – a brand of snack food – Hostess
13 – a particular make and model of firearm – Springfield M1A
14 – the first name of someone who bullied you in grade school – Chano
15 – a German last name – Schickelgruber
16 – a type of deli meat – salami
17 – an action involving the mouth – cunnilingus
18 – another part of the male anatomy – ear hair
“navel (nobody said it had to be exclusive to males) oh, alright – back hair”
No one said back hair either.
*thinks of last trip to the beach and shivers*
Am I out of line to have been pissed off about her bringing this up in the way she did?
I don’t think so.
For what THAT’s worth.
*shocked face*
Something extremely bogus is going on. Was tested for covid four times today. Two tests came back negative, two came back positive. Same machine, same test, same nurse. Rapid antigen test from BD.
Two new COVID cases reported to the health authorities, no doubt.
…and four tests.
50% infection rate!
DOOM!
Best reply: Revenues from tests are probably not bogus & very consistent.
It’s irresponsible what Elon is doing. I mean telling the truth, that is.
I also love the ramdon internet twatter fuckstains telling Elon what science is. The only guy in America who can put a human in space and bring them back again. And you’re telling this guy what science is.
We should have never invented the internet, it increases and breeds stupidity and I’m afraid there is no vaccine for this condition, it’s terminal.
Twitter never fails to make me feel we’re doomed as a society.
Twitter, being a written platform, means that the average user is smarter than the average person.
Thanks man, I feel much better now.
I think more than 50% of the world’s population is literate at this point.
Sure, but all the illiterate ones don’t use twitter.
Well, that’s great, then they can better know how their betters want them to think.
Does the test involve throwing a coin in the air?
Nothing to see here. Move along prole.
Oh, Kristi.
What a ridiculous message. Obama had 8 years, including 2 with full control of Congress. He sent our jobs to China, left our healthcare system in disarray, our foreign policy in shambles & our people divided. Instead of blaming Trump, Obama should consider what led to 2016.
Yeah, right, chocolate Jesus, your America, the one your dreamed up of Kenyan’s founding the greatest country in history and you being their King.
Was tested for covid four times today. Two tests came back negative, two came back positive.
50% infection rate!
So, since there no screaming headlines, I’m assuming that the Veritas Video was a bust?
Or just ignored. No report, no smoke, no fire.
There are enough folk here plugged into the rightosphere that if Ace, PJ, ZH, et. al. had their own headlines about it, I’d assumed we’d have seen them.
Outstanding Move: Trump Begins Referring To Himself As Galactic Emperor-Elect
I for one welcome our new Galactic Emperor who has pretty much left me the fuck alone for 4 years.
His big accomplishment, IMO, was raising the standard deduction enough to move a bunch of people off of itemizing. Including me, probably. I went about $400 over the standard last year, should be under this year. Plus SC uses the federal deduction, so I don’t have to itemize for state taxes anymore (KY has a very low deduction).
That and the SALT limitation. I don’t like it, at last in its current form, but its hilarious watching Dems argue for a tax cut for the rich.
Oh, dude! Fact Check: FALSE
Biden said he won’t raise taxes on anyone making over 400K. Then says he will repeal the Trump tax cuts immediately, which will raise taxes on everyone making less than 400K.
That’s why they used to teach math in school and why they no longer teach it.
The tax cuts, which only billionaires got, helped me to make more money over the past 2 years than I ever have in my life, and not by a really small margin.
And then the Galactic Emperor resistance sprang into action and fucked up the economy so badly that I lost all of my bonuses from my clients. I lost 2 of my clients because they ceased to exist and I also could not increase my pay rate by any, something I have been doing for 20 years, so that I couldn’t even keep up with inflation.
A pox on all the house of all these anti-freedom fuckwits.
Hundreds of dollars per paycheck for me. A not insignificant tax cut.
Commie Scum
These scum need to be ran out of here on rail.
“Ossoff did not disclose his ties to PCCW in his initial financial report, which he filed in May.”
Should I have not done that?
Someone posted an article by a guy who had infiltrated Antifa on more than one occasion and described their tactics, organization of riots etc. I think the last sentence is “I am convinced that in the end we are going to have to shoot them.”
I am not nuts for suggesting that Chinese money and influence is behind a lot of what is causing the rift in our country. We should start treating them the way we treated the USSR. Too late now, we have an president elect bought and paid for by the Chinese.
Almost certainly have dirt on his son and probably him too as well. Trump needs to send a couple of nukes to Taiwan before he’s (probably) done.
It is just stunning to me that Biden probably won this. I weep for my country.
The political machine is predictable, it is safe, it will tell you whatever bullshit you want to hear, and it all it asks in return is your quiet obedience. That it will sell you and deliver you bound to your foes is just an inconvenient unintended consequence.
Stole, won, what’s the diff?
Sorry, guys – I didn’t know (or maybe forgot) that this posted today! I’ll read thru the page here shortly.