Government Over-reacting to Virus, Says Traveler Being Frisked by TSA

by | Dec 7, 2020 | Satire | 225 comments

CHICAGO – “The government is really being absurd about this pandemic” said Hugh Jass as a TSA agent patted him down for hidden weapons before Jass boarded a flight to Phoenix. “I mean, if you look at the numbers, the risk is really minuscule and the cost of the precautions is outrageous. And even despite the extreme measures, if anything, the situation has gotten worse” said Jass as he recovered his shoes and belt from the x-ray machine while holding up his pants with one hand.

But according to leading infectious disease expert Dr. Joanna Gambolputty, there could be dire consequences if Americans let their guard down. “If you see something, say something. And pay attention to the color-coded alert system.” Jass remains skeptical, however, adding that “if you look at it on the basis of cost vs benefit, there’s no rational justification for it. It’s just feels over reals. It really seems like there are people profiting off this fear and have every incentive to keep it going as long as possible rather than actually deal with the problem in a sensible way.” Jass then recovered his TSA-approved travel-size liquids stored in a clear baggie.

But according to Dr. Gambolputty “our heroes on the front-lines need our support. If we fight among ourselves, the terrorists, ah I mean the virus, will win.” Elsewhere, The Office President Elect Joe Biden proposed a new Virus Defense Agency to ensure that a similar pandemic never strikes the US again. “This new VDA would also stimulate a flagging economy as the unemployed are hired as Public Health Guardian Angels, who will enforce proper mask wear and social distancing.” Critics warn that a new agency would simply add confusion to the already bloated public health sector. “We spend more on public health than several of the next highest spending countries combined”, continued Jass,”and as far as I can tell, we aren’t any healthier.”

Dr. Anthony Fauci, the nation’s top infectious disease expert addressed the issue from his ultra-secure National Virus Response Command Post located deep the isolated, rugged terrain of Hawaii. “The price of freedom, I mean health, is eternal vigilance” said Fauci as he scanned the horizon through binoculars. “It’s a bit tricky, you know. It turns out the big side faces away from your eyes” said Fauci of the binoculars. “I guess I’m so used to putting my eye on the big side what from all the time I spent using a microscope.” Dr. Fauci, whose new call-sign is Ghost Viper 007, is head of the elite Alpha Strike Force, consisting the nation’s top men except President Trump. “What a bunch of losers. Sad!” said Trump of the task force in a tweet. Twitter has flagged the tweet as containing misinformation.

About The Author

Derpetologist

Derpetologist

The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp, Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy

225 Comments

  1. DEG

    The Office President Elect Joe Biden proposed a new Virus Defense Agency to ensure that a similar pandemic never strikes the US again.

    He hasn’t yet?

    • blackjack

      Just the facts, ma’am, I with the Dept. of Virus Defense. We’ll have this all straightened out in a jiffy!

      • westernsloper

        Just the facts, ma’am, I with the Dept. of Virus Defense. We’ll have this all straightened out in a jiffy! who have you came into contact with? Shared a car? What convenience stores do you visit? Grocery stores? Have you been shopping lately? Do you have our App to help contain community spread?

    • westernsloper

      Pretty sure we have that one already but we had numerous to prevent 9/11 and how did that work out? Good work Derp!

    • Chafed

      You doubt the prophecy?

  2. DEG

    From the dead thread: Info packet from Rebuild NH that they passed out at the legislative summit. I received the link as this post went live.

    • Q Continuum

      As if the legislaturds give a shit about data and facts.

      Can’t blame them for trying though.

      • DEG

        I know of some that are interested.

        I think I’ve convinced one to flip sides. But we don’t need to flip all of them.

      • westernsloper

        At least someone is. The rest of us just sit and bitch.

      • rhywun

        just sit and bitch

        But that’s my strong suit.

      • DEG

        It’s a lot of people’s strong suit.

        A couple of legislators have told folks in the Reopen group that when the legislature has committee meetings/public hearings on the attempts to reign in the Clown Prince, we can’t sit around and bitch. We need to show up. A lot of legislators in NH sit on the fence until they see how many people show up for the committee hearings/public hearings.

    • westernsloper

      Love it. And good on you for getting involved with a group. As you know my being an introverted slack ass I don’t even do that. I am aware of a few on the contributors page of that data.

      • DEG

        Thanks!

    • straffinrun

      Fittingly, that link never opens for me.

    • DEG

      #2 looks off.

      #6 has been in other galleries. Good iChive gallery.

      #12 – Best iChive gallery yet. She has a good sense of humor.

      #15 looks bored.

      Google Image search failed me on #16.

      #17 – I like azaleas.

      #30 is cute.

  3. Mojeaux

    So the Redskins beat the Stillers. I have no dog in that fight except for the soft spot in my heart for Alex Smith.

    • westernsloper

      Whatever, from what I heard (didn’t watch) the Broncos almost beat your Chiefs. If that happens this season you need to worry.

      • Mojeaux

        What you heard is true. Lots of salty KCitians today over that very point. They have been playing down to their competition all fucking season.

    • KOVIDKristen

      Holy shit LOL

      The crowing on the local news tonite is gonna be lit. I bet it’s the top story, above the election & the ‘VID

    • rhywun

      I enjoyed it but yeah, no skin.

      GO BILLS!

      • hayeksplosives

        Bills are a-going alright!

      • rhywun

        I think I saw a graphic that read Buffalo have not won a game on MNF since 1991.

        TONIGHT’S THE NIGHT!

      • Mojeaux

        ERMAGERD!!!

        Awesome and go Bills!

      • Shpip

        Bills are the only NFL team to not have won a Monday Night Football game in the 21st century. Let’s see if that changes.

      • rhywun

        Oh right, “in the 21st century” LOL

        That’s the graphic I saw.

    • Q Continuum

      Don’t you mean “Football Team” beat the Stillerz?

      • Mojeaux

        No I do not. Everybody’s fair game, even the Chefs.

    • Shpip

      The last 25 years or so have been rough on Redskins fans. The revolving door of coaches, the overpriced, underperforming free agents, the draft busts, all stemming from utterly inept ownership.

      To top it off, the squad capitulated to Caitlyn from HR and Man Bun Lance on Twitter and changed their name over the vociferous objections of the people who actually buy tickets and purchase merchandise.

      So I was happy to see this stat: the Pittsburgh Steelers were 78-1-1 when leading by 14 at home since they moved into their stadium.
      Make that 78-2-1.

      • Mojeaux

        Those oddly specific stats drive me nucking futs.

      • Shpip

        More oddly specific (or oddly pointing to the WTF ineptness in the Snyder era): last time they beat a team, regular season or playoff, with 10+ wins was in 2007.

  4. Mojeaux

    Derpie, as usual, I envy your authorial voice. You do excellent work.

  5. Lil Yu and the NK Defects

    “It’s a bit tricky, you know. It turns out the big side faces away from your eyes”
    seen my Avatar eh?

  6. Aloysious

    Hugh Jass for President.

    Better than Dum Bass, I reckon.

    • blackjack

      I saw a name on a list, I can’t remember where, but it was: Duhm Assluht.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Asswipe Shithead

        “That’s az weep eh shi thead!”

      • Aloysious

        Richard Phuquehed would like to throw his hat in the ring, but he is suffering terribly from a Cranial Rectal Impaction.

  7. Fourscore

    Another good real life story, Derp. Seems like in spite of the TSA planes continue to crash, in spite of HHS pandemics rage. Some wise old wag once said and I quote, “Shit Happens”

    Saw Sen Rand Paul on TV tonight, he pretty much said open up everything, help those that need the help, vaccinate those that want it and get out of the way. We’re destroying the country and not saving it.

    Trade offs and we have not idea what the upside or downside is but we do know what we’re doing isn’t working.

    Thanks Derp, hope you out welded all the kids in your class tonight.

    • rhywun

      open up everything, help those that need the help, vaccinate those that want it and get out of the way

      This thing could have hit us five years ago – OK, maybe ten – and that’s exactly what would have happened.

      The country – hell, the world – has gone way more stupid in the last few years than I ever could have predicted.

      • one true athena

        At least in AMerica I can say “I bet if Herself was president, we’d barely know this was happening since the media would still be asleep” but looking at the rest of the world, I guess not. It’s mostly all the same as here. Is this the “CNN-ization of the world” (is it our fault?) , is it global creeping socialism/media? is it a really skillful prop op by China (well, yes, we know that part). So would she just be treated like Cuomo – Trying her best bravely to do what’s right in a horrific situation, stay home!!! (wins re-election by 10 pts)?

      • rhywun

        I can’t explain it. The whole thing baffles me.

      • Chafed

        As Andrew Sullivan said, we are all living on campus now.

      • hayeksplosives

        I was asking myself if the path to peak derp is accelerating or does it just seem so.

        My husband says it really is accelerating. He calls it The Quickening, as he is convinced it is the beginning of the end of days.

  8. Gadfly

    I want my money back. This isn’t satire.

    We’re going to have to keep track of how many things Derp writes about that turn into predictions. If something like the VDA doesn’t happen, I’ll be pleasantly surprised.

    • LemonGrenade

      Agreed, this seems just a tad too plausible. Up to and including a traveler bitching about virus restrictions whilst going through the TSA theater.

    • juris imprudent

      The only name that is truly appropriate Virus Defense – Social Tracking Investigations.

      • Gadfly

        *tips cap*

        I love a good, cheeky acronym.

    • Grosspatzer

      Yo! I was active on that site for about 2 years. Then, this summer they started prosletyzing for BLM, right about the time I was working on a project to scrub offensive terms (white/black) from our Git repository. At which point I left for greener pastures (I may have been a bit harsh with my response to their inquiry about my reasons for leaving). So anyhow I now frequent chess24.com which is refreshingly free of editorial bullshit, even if their interface is a bit more basic. My handle there is “Not Guilty”.

  9. Timeloose

    Way too close to reality unfortunately.

  10. Don escaped Two Corinthians

    Clark Neily @ConLawWarrior
    1. Steal hundreds of lawfully owned guns under color of law.
    2. Get sneaky ex parte order authorizing their destruction.
    3. Assert qualified immunity when owner sues.
    4. Lose in the Ninth Circuit
    5. Wait, what—cops LOSE a QI case involving blatant disregard for guns rights?!?

    https://t.co/mKXs6GSDT5?amp=1

    • blackjack

      In the ninth circuit, no less. I remember that guy when he got busted. The news failed to make it clear what he actually got busted for. Just made a big deal about the sheer number of guns.

  11. mikey

    Nice job Derpy.
    Thinking of the tsa scares me – like taking off our shoes, the masks and the rest of the charade will always be with us.

  12. Timeloose

    By the way has anyone purchased precious metals via the internet from the several reputable sellers like Ampex and the like?

    If so what were your preferences for the form factor? I’m no collector of coins as there is too much work involved and too much mark up.

    I’m looking more as a hedge for inflation and potential monetary collapse.

    It’s easier to transport something like a 100g bar of platinum compared to a bunch of bills, jewelry, or even coins.

    • kinnath

      I just bought some US junk silver (90% silver coins, US denomination). I picked up dimes, quarters, halves, and a few dollars.

      • Timeloose

        Coins with little rarity beyond their spot metal price are something I considered as well. Their value should be understandable to a layman for the most part.

        I didn’t want to buy anything that would require me to learn about coin collecting to know if I was being ripped off.

        A guy I might trade a coin or bar for some work on my furnace or roof shouldn’t need to either.

      • kinnath

        Whatever the spot price is, it is relatively easy to figure out 18 times, or 20 times, or 22 times face value.

        And they are still legal tender for face value. So certain games could be played.

      • kinnath

        And I just bought for more rolls of dimes.

      • rhywun

        I used to love coin collecting. I could see getting into that again.

      • kinnath

        I still have a handful of coins from my youth.

        I sold most of the coins I had to my father during the silver spike in the 80s when the Hunt Brothers tried to corner the market.

      • Urthona

        I bought cardboard when it was 3 cents a ton.

    • Semi-Spartan Dad

      Apmex and JM Bullion have good reputations.

      I think it’s worth paying the slight extra markup for gold or silver Eagles over marked bars. The main reason being Eagles are instantly recognizable and more creditable than anything else for bartering or cashing in. I’ve heard this from a few sources, but one was a really interesting interview with a guy from Argentina who described their monetary collapse, and that gold/silver became preferred for bartering for food.

      • Timeloose

        Thanks for the advice.

        Coins sound more liquid. I was uncertain if the bars made sense. They make ones that can be broken like chocolate bars into 1g bars

    • Plinker762

      I buy my precious metals online at sgammo but lately the shelves have been bare.

    • Mojeaux

      Serious question: If SHTF, are people really going to find value in coins?

      • kinnath

        Precious metals have utility beyond being stamped into coins. They will always have value.

        When hyper inflation hits and the value of the US dollar crashes, real things will still have value: houses, cars, bikes, tools, food, and so on. Precious metals will still have value. Barter is always an option.

        The trick with precious metals is the buyer and seller need to agree on the weight and purity of the unit of metal that gets sold. Coins produced by a reputable source simplify that.

        The risk is that government will ban the private possession of precious metals (been done before).

  13. KOVIDKristen

    Joanna Gambolputty of the Long Island Gambolputtys?

  14. zwak

    Ugh, the rodent of unusual size is back.

    For some reason, mainly my wife letting a bunch of pears rot on the ground, we have attracted a nutria to our back yard. An invasive species, you can’t trap it and release it, but being in city limits (and in the very “blue” part of town) you can’t shoot it. So, pellet gun to the rescue. Should be quiet enough for town, but .177 should either kill it (headshot) or scare/hurt it enough to make it move on (pears are gone now).

    The damn thing is as big as my blind dog.

    • Don escaped Two Corinthians

      How much muzzle energy you got?

      I don’t know much about the new pellet guns, but wouldn’t you need at least 100 ft*lbs to kill one?

    • Fourscore

      Trap it, take it on a one way trip to Grandpa’s farm, throw the remains in a ditch. If the weather is warm it’ll be gone in days, if cold the critters will eat it up. My opinion, never release a problem, it just moves the problem to someone else. Some folks are moving their problems to your area. Just solve the problem, one at a time. A .22 short will do justice.

      • Mostly Peaceful JaimeRoberto

        We did that with the skunks we had under our shed. The remains were gone within a day.

    • one true athena

      I think this is where the archery post comes in?

      also, I had no idea those things existed. they’re like the unnatural offspring of a capybara and a beaver, jfc.

    • KOVIDKristen

      Don’t those things have Kevlar hides?

      • zwak

        Dunno about that, but they have walrus tusks!

    • Gustave Lytton

      You have my sympathies. Buddy had/has a nutria problem. They’d figure out a way into his fenced yard every year or so and his dogs would get all scratched up from the bastards and sometimes kill it. Pain in the ass to dispose of and some of the cuts were vet worthy.

      • zwak

        If this plan doesn’t work, I will quietly let the guy next door know that the .22 is coming out next.

        A railroad runs right behind the house, we hear crashes and bangs all the time.

    • Q Continuum

      PS: I’ll eat my dirty gym socks if this is true.

    • Urthona

      I suddenly realized how boring my life is.

  15. juris imprudent

    Derp in action!

    The Royals were part of Utah Soccer, the entity that also owns Major League Soccer side Royal Salt Lake. Dell Loy Hansen announced in September that he would sell the teams and its assets following MLS and NWSL investigations of sexism and harrassment at the organization.

    Well, they sure showed ol’ Dell about his miscreant ways, and managed to fold the franchise in the process. Something about cutting off your nose?

  16. kinnath

    Instead of going back in time and shooting Hitler, I think it would be good to go back to early 1992 and shoot Ross Perot. Bush wins, the Clintons never get out of Arkansas. I think that’s good enough.

    • straffinrun

      “You hear that giant sucking sound? That’s coming from my chest wound.”

      • blackjack

        If you got a better idea, I’m all ears!

    • Chipwooder

      Wouldn’t it be simpler to just shoot the Clintons?

      • straffinrun

        Why are we worried about the Clintons right now?

      • Chipwooder

        Because so long as they’re still breathing, they’re still trying to scheme ways to get back in power.

      • kinnath

        Bush wins in 92.

        Mainstream Dem wins in 96 and again in 2000. This mainstream Dem is there for 9/11.

        Mainstream Rep wins in 04 and again in 08.

        No Clintons, No Obama. Obama doesn’t trash Trump at a gala event, so Trump never runs as Republican.

        Alt History 1992 to 2020.

      • straffinrun

        One of infinite number of alt histories.

      • kinnath

        What can I say, it just popped into my head.

      • Gadfly

        No Clintons, No Obama. Obama doesn’t trash Trump at a gala event, so Trump never runs as Republican.

        The popular R VP wins in ’12, the Dems are fed up with losing and move center, Trump runs as a Democrat and wins in 2016, everyone who hated him in this timeline is wearing blue MAGA hats.

      • LemonGrenade

        That’s an alt-history that would at the least make a very entertaining novella.

      • kinnath

        I can live with that.

      • Urthona

        And after that shoot Bush. Would’ve been hilarious with Perot as president.

    • Don escaped Two Corinthians

      Rooster Cogburn in the Indian Territory with a 92 Winchester

      • rhywun

        Alt Clue?

      • Don escaped Two Corinthians

        should I have keyed it up thus:

        Rooster Cogburn
        in the Indian Territory
        with a 92 Winchester

        ??

  17. straffinrun

    It’s always about risk, isn’t it?

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      It’s always about risk, isn’t it?

      I’m attacking Alaska from Kamchatka, three on two.

      • straffinrun

        *concentrates entire army in Ukraine*

        Your move.

      • rhywun

        UKRAINE STRONG!

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        You no say Ukraine is weak!

  18. Spudalicious

    One of your best.

  19. hayeksplosives

    Derpy is uncomfortably close with that Virus Defense stuff.

  20. LemonGrenade

    I think it was hayeksplosives that recommended minimally compliant masks as a vendor, and wanted to say thanks. Picked up a linen one and made it through a trip to the hardware store without fogging my glasses, heavy breathing, or sweating up my face, and when my daughter saw the “You’re treading” t-shirt I bought from them as well, she announced that if I didn’t buy her one too, she’d simply steal mine. So I ordered linen masks for each of the rest of the family members and another shirt for my daughter.

    The experience of wearing one of those, versus one of the stupid disposables or other masks I’ve tried is remarkable. Apart from being able to breathe (hooray!) instead of feeling like a total dipshit for putting one on, I feel more like the kid sneaking a water bottle full of vodka into a high school football game.

    • straffinrun

      I use one of those foam like masks. No problem breathing.

      • LemonGrenade

        Foam like masks? I don’t think I’ve seen anything like that over here. It seems to be all cloth variations or the disposable paper ones.

      • rhywun

        Ditto.

        Something breathable would be nice.

      • mikey

        But then the cooties get in!
        Or get out! Yoiu wnat Grandam to die!

      • straffinrun

        Not foam exactly. Some kind of spongy stuff that breathes very easily. Most people here use them.

      • straffinrun

        Never noticed the name before, but yeah. Highly recommended if you must wear one.

      • LemonGrenade

        Huh, haven’t seen those around. If they figure out my minimally compliant ruse (which bonus is thin enough I can fold it up and stuff it in the back of my wallet phone case) I might check them out. I still do my best to avoid masking anywhere unless it’s a service I can’t do without, like an eye exam for new glasses.

      • one true athena

        Huh. I’ll have to go check out our local Japanese stores for that.

      • Chafed

        Staff is sponge worthy!

    • hayeksplosives

      Ha! Nice. I might have to get a “You’re treading” y shirt myself.

      I don’t remember which Glib first linked to the Minimally Compliant Masks. I can’t take credit for the original post; I just reshared.

  21. UnCivilServant

    It’s so long since I’ve played a finishable game to completion that I forgot how much trying to wait out the credits saps the feeling of achievement.

    Damn, the credits are still going…

    • rhywun

      I finish very few games. Last one in years was GRIS and most of you probably wouldn’t even consider it a proper “game” but I loved it.

    • Gadfly

      You can skip those, you know…

  22. juris imprudent

    Maybe the old “I’m from the govt and here to help” has a new twist?

    Goya Foods CEO Bob Unanue said Monday Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D-N.Y., was selected as the company’s “employee of the month” earlier this year after she drew attention to the boycott against the company, and a spike in sales followed.

    • rhywun

      LOL that’s some fine trollin’.

  23. Don escaped Two Corinthians

    https://91-divoc.com/pages/covid-visualization/

    Total deaths/M are particularly concave up for NJ, MA, and CT in the sort of arc that seems to suggest a virus does what it damned well pleased.

    Take the state names off the curves and you can’t tell which state has an iron fist and which is running wild.

    • Gadfly

      Indeed, California is having more cases per capita than Texas, and Texas is much less locked down than Cali (we can still go to indoor restaurants, and gyms, and church, etc, but do have to wear masks most places).

      The iron fist’s effectiveness reminds me of that line from Star Wars – the more you tighten your grip, the more will slip through your fingers.

      • Mojeaux

        “Pressure busts the pipe”.

      • LemonGrenade

        They’re just doing weird shit out in Cali. Locking down the population for three weeks, but announcing they’ll decline to prosecute most misdemeanors in LA? Prostitution, drugs, public intoxication, loitering, driving without a license, A-Okay, but don’t you dare go outside without a mask on or operate a small business. California is at the bleeding edge of crazy for the rest of the US. (I’m fine with not prosecuting entrepreneurs engaged in the oldest profession, nor do I necessarily have a problem with public intoxication unless it’s otherwise joined with aggression against others, but California is still nuts, because of the rest of it.)

      • Urthona

        Yeah Here in Texas we have to wear masks to walk through the threshold of places. Restaurants and gyms.

        Then when you get where you’re going you take the mask off.

        So dumb.

    • Q Continuum

      I can find no discernible pattern other than what you said; the virus does its thing.

  24. Don escaped Two Corinthians

    Chuck Yeager was 97.

    damn you, covidDDDDDDDDDDddddddddD11!1111!!!!!!!!

    • Gadfly

      The commenters seem to agree with you. Top two comments:

      If Ubisoft didn’t want us to identify with it then they shouldn’tve made it such a banger.

      Ubisoft: “You’re not supposed to identify with this song. It’s about the dangerous results of propaganda.”
      Me: “Haha AR-15 go brrrrr.”

      • straffinrun

        Pew pew

  25. Don escaped Two Corinthians

    dead on arrival

    This bill would require a victim to attempt to retreat in the face of an attacker before using deadly force, except when you are in your own home (Section 9.31(c)). This eliminates so-called stand your ground protection.

    • Gadfly

      Texas Democrats have definitely been becoming more liberal. Fortunately, the Rs are not moving left and keep winning, so I think the state is still good for a while. This bill doesn’t have a snowballs chance in hell.

  26. Derpetologist

    Welding is fun! 1st lesson was making a nice straight, consistent bead. It was like being in kindergarten again, but with molten metal instead of tracing paper. 1 class down, 35 to go.

    When I made my first good bead and burned the welding stick almost down to the nub, I turned to see the head teacher, a crusty old codger, with a beatific smile. I stood at attention and said “weld ready for inspection, sir!” He didn’t even need to say “that’ll do pig, that’ll do.” I left the shop 4 hours later with the same number of eyes and fingers I walked in with.

    Oh yeah, I met a young lady. The shop was loud so I had to ask her name twice.

    Me: What’s your name again?

    Her: Lex. Like sex with an L.

    Rowr! See you Wednesday!

    • Mojeaux

      LOL That’s awesome!

    • Plinker762

      Which rod did they start you with?

      • Derpetologist

        I forgot the number. The welding stick was about 15 inches long. Current was 100 amps.

    • LemonGrenade

      That’s awesome. Glad your first class went well, and cheers to future new career opportunities!

    • straffinrun

      Good on ya. Biden will have you welding apartment doors closed any day now.

    • mikey

      Good on you Derp.
      I have much respect for someone tat welds good. I can’t weld for shit.
      I did all the welding on my car restoration and thank Dog for bequeathing us angle grinders and Bondo.

      • Plinker762

        A grinder and paint makes me the welder I aint.

    • slumbrew

      Her: Lex. Like sex with an L.

      *Mr. Burns* Excellent.

      I may be an old middled-aged married dude, but I believe she may be interested.

    • slumbrew

      Lex-rhymes-with-sex aside, I’m a bit jelly – I like the idea of welding, but my hand-eye coordination is and always has been shit. The fine-motor-skills for quality welding is likely beyond me at this point.

    • KSuellington

      Right on Derp, good piece and sounds like a good start to your class.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Does she aspire to perform in the ballet?

  27. Don escaped Two Corinthians

    https://mises.org/wire/great-reset-and-plans-global-war-savings

    Global debt is expected to soar to a record $277 trillion by the end of the year, according to the Institute of International Finance…….Most of this massive increase of $15 trillion in one year comes from government and corporates’ response to the pandemic. However, we must remember that the total debt figure had already reached record highs in 2019, before any pandemic and in a period of growth……….The main problem is that most of this debt is unproductive debt.

    This debt is probably a problem, but Mises always grinds my gears with their corner-cutting. It’s a failing of righteous on both extremes: since they know what’s good for the rest of us, there is no harm in twisting the truth a little to make easy points. Ugh. This debt will be used inefficiently . . . that’s all we know . . . “unproductive” has no economic meaning: it will become, as all spending does, income for someone. The problem with Keynes isn’t that demand never matters: it’s that government-directed demand perverts markets and creates moral hazards.

    When asserting the high ground, it’s important to present only strictly correct and fully defensible notions.

  28. Derpetologist

    Oh yeah – the shop owner gave me a great orientation.

    “So, here’s a bunch of stuff we’re supposed to read everybody, but since you’re paying cash and you hate paperwork. I’m just going to flip through it. You get a certificate when you’re done, but it doesn’t mean anything because every place requires a welding test. Also, if you get in argument with me, call this number. The state agency will listen politely and tell you I’m right. If you get a hot speck in your eye, tell us right away, otherwise it will heal over fast and have to be drilled out. Ready to start?”

    • Don escaped Two Corinthians

      every place requires a welding test

      tis true

    • Plinker762

      That little piece that doesn’t seem to be that big a deal is a real bitch in a couple of days when it starts corroding. (From experience)

  29. Derpetologist

    This will sound wild, but I think my experience in writing Arabic gave me a steadier hand for welding.

    Life is strange and wonderful.

  30. Timeloose

    I’m watching Jonny Neumonic for the first time. Wow they made a big deal of him holding 300GB in his head.

    • UnCivilServant

      Well, can you hold 300gb in your head?

      • Timeloose

        Yep, one 100GB flash drive chip up each nostril and one in my mouth.

      • UnCivilServant

        That’s not even close to right.

      • slumbrew

        We all can. And do.

    • rhywun

      I wonder what the brain’s capacity really is.

      • rhywun

        Lord knows I have a lot of useless junk in there.

      • egould310

        Dialogue from cereal commercials from the 1970’s.

        Whole episodes of Scooby-Doo.

        The combination to your 8th grade gym locker.

        Etc.

      • slumbrew

        A couple of petabytes are what I’m seeing.

      • UnCivilServant

        Naw, memories contain too many compression artifacts for that to be true. We hold more metadata than data.

      • slumbrew

        See below – apples and oranges. We’re not just biological computers.

      • slumbrew

        With the caveat that our brains work utterly differently than computers, so those sorts of comparisons aren’t all that useful.

      • Don escaped Two Corinthians

        10^(-6) acre*feet

    • Timeloose

      I realize I recognize a lot of the scenes from the pinball game by Williams. It had a led screen that played some video and dialog.

    • Chafed

      I blame the script writer. Gibson never stated the amount of data in the short story.

  31. Shpip

    Well, it happens to all of us, but he was kinda special.

    Requiescat in pace, Chuck Yeager.

    • mrfamous

      Wow. He outlived most of the astronauts he was too old to become. If his doesn’t count as a full and meaningful life, then there ain’t no such thing.

    • slumbrew

      I’m shocked that was the first shooting in over a year.

      Good shoot, IMO. They had tried everything but harsh language to that point.

      • dbleagle

        Yep. In my opinion it was a good shoot. It passed my basic test. If I was in that situation would I be able to remain uncharged? In any halfway sane jurisdiction no citizen would be charged.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I was surprised when the shooting didn’t take place at the beginning of the video when the guy lunged into the cop car with the bottle.

    • Chafed

      I’m SFPD is really motivated to di its job.

  32. Q Continuum

    Family friend just committed suicide with an overdose of insulin.

    I’m sure glad for all these lives we’re saving with lockdowns!

    • slumbrew

      That’s terrible to hear, Q. My condolences.

    • LemonGrenade

      Awful news. I can’t even make a snarky quip about it. I’m sorry Q.

    • Akira

      Sorry to hear that, man.

    • hayeksplosives

      I’m very sorry for your loss.

    • Chafed

      Sorry Q. That’s awful.

    • Sean

      Sorry Q.

    • TARDis

      Sorry. That’s horrible.

    • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

      Oh Crap! Sorry I skimmed, Friend. Condolences.

    • Grosspatzer

      Terrible news, very sorry to hear that. Friends of ours lost their 20 yr old daughter last week to liver failure brought on by excessive drinking (Mom called it “pandemic level drinking”) combined with Tylenol. The panic mongers have blood on their hands.

      • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

        20 years-old? Jesus…

    • mrfamous

      Jesus. So sorry Q.

  33. Toxteth O'Grady

    Woof.

    So sorry to hear that, Q.

    • Q Continuum

      Puts me out of the mood to post T&A pics.

      • slumbrew

        No shame in skipping.

    • hayeksplosives

      An Arrested Development Tulpa?!?

      I need to visit this site more often.

      • Michael Bluth

        I’m here daily; but comment vary sparingly.

      • hayeksplosives

        Howdy!

    • Chafed

      I’ve never looked for the generic version of Vaseline but I will now.

    • hayeksplosives

      “The idea of twinkling, colorful lights are a reminder of divisions that continue to run though our society, a reminder of systemic biases against our neighbors who don’t celebrate Christmas or who can’t afford to put up lights of their own,” it reads.

      For the love of Pete!! GAH!!

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Has to be a troll. For my sanity, I am going to believe it is a troll.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Im with you…please be a troll. You can skip a latte and get a strand of lights.

    • Chipwooder

      Eh, these days I automatically assume everyone who goes running to the press with an anonymous letter they received is making it up.

  34. hayeksplosives

    My news dispatch from Commifornia under the renewed 3 week stay-at-home “order”:

    Nothing was different. Went to work, wore a mask at work per my paymaster’s rules.

    People out walking for exercise or dog walking and not wearing masks.

    Having the sheriffs of some of the most populous counties give a collective middle finger to Newsom didn’t hurt.

    Locking people down on Christmas might have been the last straw. Some people see their grandkids and kids ONLY at Christmas or Hanukkah.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Probably see some high profile arrests like the bar owner in NY to keep the people nodding their heads in agreement

    • TARDis

      I was hoping the side effect would be a dramatic rise in testosterone levels. The government gets overthrown by emboldened men, and the women screw everyone’s brains out during month long orgies. I expect just opposite will happen.

      • EvilSheldon

        Emboldened women overthrow the government, and the men screw everyone’s brain out?

        Go on…

      • TARDis

        I was thinking of this.

        I knew girl in AF who had to to take testosterone therapy for some reason. She was… popular.

  35. Sean

    *puts mask on*

    “Gurmt mormng Glids”

    • TARDis

      “Murmphing, Schmen!”

      • Gender Traitor

        ::waves frantically, gasps for breath::

    • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

      Daughter #1 calls them “Muzzles”.

  36. Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

    Whelp, it has come to this. I’m officially working 7 days a week for the next month or two. Used to be I’d get Friday and Saturday off but no more. Overtime will be nice but I’m stretched pretty thin physically as it is. We shall see what we shall see. No more Zoomies for the forseeable future, I’ll be toiling. Oh, they also changed the layout at my small site to parcel distribution to free up space at the big site. Thanks for adding to my workload and not informing me beforehand Canada Post. You’re the best! (In all fairness, CP didn’t inform the couriers themselves about the change before Monday AM. I didn’t find out until I went to site to clean and found the alarm off and a flurry of activity in the back.)

    • Gender Traitor

      Yikes! Hang in there, Fes. Try to pace yourself. : (

      • Festus' Mustache's tits keep calm and carry on.

        I’ll be drinking less and watching my diet for once. Maybe start taking supplements. I used to work in camp for weeks at a time but that was quite a few years ago. Company will get my best effort but you can’t wring piss from a turnip. Injury is a concern.

    • Sean

      7 days a week is a bit much. Sorry dude.

    • TARDis

      Bummer. OT is nice, but not that nice. Stay safe!