Poll: Cornbread

by | Dec 30, 2020 | Poll | 331 comments

Welp, TPTB got into a brouhaha a couple days ago. Topic: cornbread.

The opinions were wide-ranging, and most were incorrect. So I thought I’d ask all of you.

Should cornbread be:

1) sweet

2) savory

3) corn flour without wheat flour

4) only baked in cast iron

5) tarted up with various sauces, condiments and toppings

6) never consumed

 

Discuss!

Then I’ll let you know why many of you will be wrong.

About The Author

SP

SP

I've got an idea! How about we just stick to the Constitution as written and then the government can leave me the fuck alone.

331 Comments

  1. Rebel Scum

    Sweetish and served at a fish fry.

    • Rebel Scum

      And it is appropriate to use butter.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Mando!

    • Rebel Scum

      And it should be in the form of a hushpuppy.

      • SP

        Not *technically* corn bread. But I might let this one slide. It explains your previous wrong answers.

  2. Yusef drives a Kia

    Yes,
    Yes,
    Yes,
    No,
    No.
    No,
    I learned from Grandma, sweet and Savory!

    • egould310

      Yes
      Yes
      Yes
      No
      No
      No

      We’re cornbread bro’s!

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Corn bread in the Air!

      • egould310

        I got crumbs all over the place and in my hair and down the back of my shirt……

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I got it on video as I ate my piece, Tik Tok!

      • Dr. Chipping Pioneer

        ^ These guys get it

  3. kinnath

    Sweet, savory, and drizzled with raw honey.

    • Spudalicious

      This guy gets it.

    • LCDR_Fish

      I like molasses if available.

  4. Surly Knott

    Yuck, cornbread. Inedible no matter how prepared or served.
    I have spoken.
    YMMV. AKA de gustibus non disputandum est

    • KOVIDKristen

      COVID elbow bump

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Chili
      Pinto beans
      Tomato Soup

  5. KOVIDKristen

    As soon as I find a moist & non-grainy cormbreab, I’ll let you know. And nobody can fuckin’ say I haven’t tried enough to make a determination. I’ve literally tried 100s. The closest I’ve gotten to actual enjoyment were those rare times I ate a whole piece.

    For now, #6. Don’t need it.

    • commodious spittoon

      It’s like turkey at Thanksgiving, it’s tradition but not a great one.

      • KOVIDKristen

        I’m a huge Yankee, too – I like beans in my chili, and saltines with it. I’ll very rarely eat the cornbread that comes with BBQ. It’s pretty serviceable as stuffing/dressing, though

      • Trigger Hippie

        Cranberries.

        The cranberry is the Red-Headed Step Child of the Thanksgiving Meal.

        I get it. It’s a regional crop that directly relates to the first Thanksgiving meals. But aside from that, the cranberry is completely out of place with pretty much all the other foods.

        I guess it breaks up the general earth toned colors on your plate but aside from that I can’t think of any other utility it serves. Maybe ensuring you get that heartburn you’ve been flirting with all afternoon?

      • Ted S.

        Let them linger.

      • straffinrun

        Did you have to?

      • Trigger Hippie

        Nah, It’s been since 1916, basically a zombie at this point.

  6. Timeloose

    This is an easy one.

    Yes
    Yes
    No and Yes
    Yes
    All forms are good
    NO

  7. Trigger Hippie

    2
    3
    4

    And that’s it.

  8. DEG

    Should cornbread be:

    On my plate with some BBQ ready to eat.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      ^This, right here, answer, Yes!

  9. hayeksplosives

    Mostly savory with a hint of sweet.

    Corn meal and wheat flour blend BUT the key is to get corn meal that is not ground too fine. The texture is critical to success.

    In Minnesota, I couldn’t find course ground cornmeal until I found it as at Indian Grocer.

    Cast iron skillet OR cast iron muffin tins.

    Hot peppers mixed in (Serrano preferred).

    I just can’t overstate the importance of the right cornmeal. I use Swad brand Yellow Corn Meal. Goya also makes a course yellow corn meal.

    • hayeksplosives

      “Coarse”

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Heathen! Get thee to Stater Bros. and buy Jiffy Corn muffin mix!
      Seriously, it’s very good mix

      • hayeksplosives

        Puh-lease.

        Get out of here with that Jiffy mix. It’s the wigga equivalent of corn bread.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        The Cali equivalent

      • J. Frank Parnell

        The Cali equivalent

        That would be the Marie Callendar mix I think.

      • KOVIDKristen

        What an interesting article!

      • Gustave Lytton

        I know! Coincidentally, I was reading about them recently after noticing the boxes around Thanksgiving. Reminds me of childhood and making those muffins.

      • hayeksplosives

        That’s kinda neat.

        Thanks!

      • rhywun

        I liked it too. “We don’t advertise” my ass – now I want to go out and buy some!

        (Actually, I WAS looking for that brand the other day but – incredibly – I didn’t see it so I wound up with P.A.N. (a Goya product).

        To be fair, this is the halal market across the street and there are a lot of weird omissions there. Like… no frozen french fries of any kind.)

  10. Not Adahn

    Are there collard greens on the table? Then sweet. Also sweet if to be eaten cold for breakfast.

    Unsweetened or half-sweetened if to be turned into dressing.

    Beyond that, I’m pretty ecumenical.

    This evening I made unsweetened corn-only baked in preheated cast iron with the last of my chili on top for dinner.

  11. rhywun

    Neither sweet nor savory, if that makes sense, and crunchy on the edges.

    No idea what goes into that or which vessel it’s prepared in.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      9×9 cake pan works good, gets the edges you like, it’s poor folks food, and when they could add sugar, honey, etc. they called it,
      Corn Pone, at least my people did

  12. egould310

    Had my first encounter with a mask douchebag today. Wife and I were at an outdoor mall in Seattle, walking along the concourse. Out gaiters were around our necks, not over our faces.

    Some old dude, probably 75 plus walks up to us and tugs on his mask and goes, “Why don’t you put your masks on?” I told him, “Don’t worry about it, guy” and kept walking. My wife had the clever retort, “Oh fuck you, dude!”

    Why did this old guy even approach us? Why would he make it his business? What does he gain from it? Did he make the world a better place? What the fuck is going on right now?!?! I don’t understand any of this shit.

    • Trigger Hippie

      ‘What does he gain from it?’

      A small, fleeting sense of power and purpose in an otherwise powerless, purposeless, and soon to end life?

    • rhywun

      My one encounter was an old guy too. Outside, breezy day.. I had my headphones on and completely ignored him.

      Indoors? Fine, OK, I’ll wear the ribbon. It’s your place and I’m there for a reason.

      Outdoors? GTFO.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Hear Him!

      • Trigger Hippie

        I’m keep telling you guys: facial scars. People don’t fuck with dudes with facial scars.

        Sure, you’re a touch uglier now but it may be more than worth it in our near future.

        Think on it.

      • pistoffnick

        Also, I have been told, chicks dig scars.

      • Trigger Hippie

        I’m sure rhy-rhy will be excited to know that. 😉

      • rhywun

        I shave my head – well, not frequently enough – but I’m kind of doughy. I bet if I got skinny I could scare a couple wackos off. The scariest mofo I ever saw was a skinny looking shaved head dude on the subway platform a couple years ago. Well, he was also dressed head-to-toe in neo-Nazi regalia but I’m not going there.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        dressed head-to-toe in neo-Nazi regalia

        MAGA hat and an “All Lives Matter” shirt?

      • rhywun

        More like that dude from Falling Down, with a soupçon of tweaker.

      • Suthenboy

        The scariest guy I ever met was bald, 60ish, 5’2″, 115lbs and a heart surgeon from Shreveport.
        He was a guest instructor in my jui jitsu class.

        I was the first volunteer to spar with him. I thought I would take it easy on him. That is when I found out what the mats taste like. I also got two broken ribs.

        Be careful. People you dont know, you have no idea what they are capable of.

      • slumbrew

        You sparred with Ben Kingsley? (He was terrifying in that role).

      • Trigger Hippie

        Nah, get even bigger. Then clean shave your head and get a spiderweb tattoo across it.

        Not even an angry, tweeked out Juggalo would mess with you then.

      • rhywun

        Yikes. Lying around on the beach or in a tanning bed is such an easier way of demonstrating your superiority over the lower classes.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Hmm,…my strongest bloodline does stem from Northern Germany/The Netherlands…

        My inherent culture prejudice and racism strikes again!

        I should engage in a solid session of Self-flagellation.

        Wait, that’s too Germanic as well!

        Dammit!

    • straffinrun

      If he challenged you to a push up contest, I think I know him.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Bob is dead Straff, deal with it,

      • mrfamous

        C’mon man. Put the mask on, fat.

      • straffinrun

        That NPC makes the game fun.

      • Rebel Scum

        *removes mask*

        *coughs into hand*

    • Rebel Scum

      Was he not risking contracting convid by approaching you? Is the desire to virtue signal so strong?

      • egould310

        Yeah. And that also kind of pisses me off. This old guy sized me up and then decided I was “ safe” to tattle on. I’m a middle-aged white guy, spiffy haircut, wearing nice clothes, strolling casually at an upscale shopping mall.

        I was in Fife, WA two weeks ago on business and witnessed a couple of real scumbags fighting on the sidewalk. Neither had masks on. Would that old bastard like me to take him back to the location, so he could admonish them to wear masks?

        Or I could take him to the Yakama reservation. Not alot of mask wearing last time I was there in October. There was alot of drunkenness and violence, though. Maybe the old dude would like ti approach some of the maskless scumbags roaming the reservation and ask them to mask up?

        I figure he’d opt out of that. So why even approach anyone? I fucking hate everybody.

    • Gustave Lytton

      People like to tell other people what to do. Masks are just the latest form of it.

      • Gustave Lytton

        When masks are no longer mandatory, and that day will come, the same sort of person will walk up someone who is wearing a mask, maybe an allergy sufferer or immunocompromised, and demand that they take it off because it offends them that someone else is still wearing one.

      • straffinrun

        Yep. It’s masks all the way down.

      • mrfamous

        I wish I shared your optimism. I just can’t get past the fact we’re still taking our shoes off at the airport 19 years later. That’s the time frame I’m envisioning.

      • Trigger Hippie

        And nevermind the fact that if you brought up the fact that the reason you have to do this was a one time occurrence that failed and that it happened 19 years ago to a TSA agent it would significantly increase your probability of having a ‘private screening’ by that person’s superiors along with a self serving screed about “If we didn’t do this, it would have happened again! Thank us for our service to keep you safe!” before being released.

      • KOVIDKristen

        And you can pay the government extra for the privilege of NOT taking off your shoes, so it’s definitely not about safety. (they do a background check, but sometimes they randomly assign Pre-Check to boarding passes)

    • Master JaimeRoberto (royal we/us)

      I was thanked for not wearing a mask while out on a hike yesterday. It was a Russian guy walking the other way, “It’s so ridiculous”.

      Close to the other end of the spectrum the day before a lady with a mask riding a bike in the opposite direction also put her elbow in front of her mouth when she saw we weren’t wearing our masks. My wife and I got a good laugh out of that one.

  13. mrfamous

    I’m not gonna answer this poll for two reasons:

    1) I’ve had very little cornbread in my life
    2) The cornbread I have had has been dry and crumbly and not very good (though not awful)

    So what the hell do I know?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      It’s who you know, and you know us, we have recipes for yummy cakes….

  14. Crusty Juggler

    Are Women Crazy?

    The answer may surprise you!

    • Ted S.

      Only if the answer is no.

  15. Timeloose

    I also consider corn tortillas as a corn bread.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Yes, Mexican Jew Bread is awesome…

      • mrfamous

        Will be using that term, though only in company that will appreciate it.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Like us, trust me on this one, it can end poorly,

  16. Crusty Juggler

    Kenny Rogers corn muffins are peak corn bread.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Jiffy, or GTFO!

  17. westernsloper

    Cornbread should only be made using too many candied jalapenos in the mix. I prefer them in the muffin shape but it works well on a chili bake. No need to get fancy, Jiffy mix is fine.

    -that is all.

  18. straffinrun

    What is cornbread? The dried out Twinkie without the load inside lookin’ stuff?

  19. Suthenboy

    Not sweet and with jalepenos.

    Fight me if you want, but you will lose.

    • westernsloper

      Suthen cornbread that isn’t sweet? I have never heard of such a thing.

    • hayeksplosives

      ^ This is an acceptable answer.

      The proximity of southern Oklahoma to Louisiana might account for our similar opinion on this food topic.

      • Suthenboy

        Field peas cooked in chicken broth with snaps, bacon, a touch of garlic and onion over jalapeño cornbread. Yum.

  20. trshmnstr the terrible

    1) Yes
    2) Yes
    3) Yes
    4) I’m not a zealot, but my favorite is in the cast iron
    5) I wouldn’t turn it away, but butter is all I want
    6) No

  21. pistoffnick

    Slightly sweet. Cornbread is but a vehicle for honey or chili.

    Too many carbs for me, but the missus likes it, so I make it.

  22. Old Man With Candy

    I was always an advocate of cast iron- and I still am- but I was shocked at how well it turned out made in an All-Clad saute pan.

  23. hayeksplosives

    I’ve got my blacks eyes peas and ham hock on hand for New Year’s Day but still need to go get some cornmeal. I only have a cup of it right now.

    The garden kale is gone, so I have to decide whether to purchase it or skip it this time. I’m inclined to skip it and make green beans instead.

  24. Yusef drives a Kia

    Great Poll SP! food is always a good topic ’round here,

    • straffinrun

      Interesting, aren’t they? Food should be made they way I like it or GTFO.

  25. Tulip

    Sweet or savory, depends on what you’re serving it with. Cast iron only.

  26. Old Man With Candy

    Something else I just thought of- we have one of those steel tool bins used for Detroit-style pizza. I bet that would work great for cornbread.

    Oh, and any decent cornbread has some whole kernels in it. Maybe that should be in the poll as well so non-kernel people can show off their total lack of integrity, intellect, and esthetics, as well as their six webbed toes.

    • Tulip

      No on the whole kernels. You really are a degenerate.

      • Old Man With Candy

        So you admit to being an inbred genetic defective? Noted.

    • Trigger Hippie

      ‘Oh, and any decent cornbread has some whole kernels in it.’

      *recoils in horror*

      Kinda defeats the point, dude.

      • commodious spittoon

        I like when I’m eating peanut butter and have to spit out those fibrous chunks of peanut shell.

      • Trigger Hippie

        You know, the McRib is back…care to chew on some random gristle?

      • commodious spittoon

        I’ve never understood why people abhor fast food, it’s not like they’d poison customers, that’s not great for business.

        *fast food places start poisoning customers for business*

        My one act play about social media, find me on only fans dot com and follow me

      • Trigger Hippie

        Oh, I don’t hate fast food. Far from it. In fact, I eat entirely too much of it. I just hate the McRib.

        I can probably attribute that to being in an environment(KC) that has so many better bbq based options that the McRib seems like a silly purchase.

        Sure, a McDonald’s is pretty much everywhere you look within five miles but, so is a bbq joint. If I spend an extra $2-3 I can buy something far, far better and avoid the swamp ass after every McDonald’s meal I have.

        I guess I’m spoiled in that regard.

      • egould310

        I used to do McDonalds. Two McDoubles and a large coffee. The best.

        Went to a McD’s in Laurel, MS back in September. The McDoubles were inedible. I took three bites before my stomach told my brain to slow my roll. I was disappointed.

        Went to a McDonalds a couple weeks later in Portland, OR. Two McDoubles and a large coffee. Same shitty burgers. Inedible. I don’t know what happened to the burgers. but, I am depressed.

        McDonalds is dead to me. Now if I get a burger, it’s at whatever local/greasy spoon that’s nearby.

      • Mojeaux

        Unless it’s a Big Mac, a burger is a burger is a burger is a burger.

      • pistoffnick

        “…local/greasy spoon …”

        The more calendars on the walls, the better. -William Least Heat-Moon

        I just learned that the most loyal customer to the greasy spoon that I worked at while in high school, died. Jerry came in every day, lunch and supper, and ordered a California Basket, no mayo, I worked there for 4 years, my little brother worked there for another 4 years. Can you imagine eating the same thing twice a day for at least 8 years?

      • rhywun

        Unless it’s a Big Mac, a burger is a burger is a burger is a burger.

        I can’t even.

      • Trigger Hippie

        e310:

        It’s funny you say that. Just yesterday I was in a rush and couldn’t make my usual big breakfast, so I stopped at McDonald’s and grabbed a pair of cold, rock hard burritos and lukewarm cup of coffee from the nearest one.

        I spent the afternoon saying to myself: “Why in the ever loving hell did I eat that? It would have been better to be hungry”…

        The McChicken with no mayo is still tolerable.

      • egould310

        “ Can you imagine eating the same thing twice a day for at least 8 years?”

        Fried chicken, buttered mashed potatoes, double Jim Beam and Coke in a tall glass. Yeah. I think I could do that for 8 years.

    • Crusty Juggler

      You probably enjoy corn on the cob, a food meant for animals, degenerates, Ohioans.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Yeah, count me in on team kernel.

      • hoof_in_mouth

        My extended family (Kentucky) makes a “corn soufflé “ with jiffy, sour cream, creamed corn, whole canned corn, eggs, etc. It’s weird but tasty.

      • Old Man With Candy

        I’m not talking about your poo, I’m talking about cornbread.

    • Aloysious

      Yes on the whole kernels.

    • Sensei

      Look, if I want that kind vitriol I can visit audio forums.

  27. J. Frank Parnell

    1) Yes, but not too much

    2) A bit. Spicy is good too.

    3) No idea, I’ve only made it at home from pre-packaged mix and don’t know how the restaurants do it.

    4) This is the optimal method, although other methods are preferable to no cornbread at all

    5) Whipped butter (preferably with honey whipped in)

    6) Wrong.

  28. Tulip

    Is anyone interested in a zoom tomorrow?

    • KOVIDKristen

      I’ll be going out, but I plan to be home loooooong before midnight, so I’m down.

      • KOVIDKristen

        That should be our theme song. Maybe Tonio can do a cold open to that song.

      • Trigger Hippie

        I shudder to think what the performance art aspect of that would be.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      yes

    • straffinrun

      Depends on the time. I’m supposed to go out tonight. The wife is giving me a guilt trip because I’m don’t wanna go to with her to the in-laws. Half tempted to just stay home and get drunk on sake by myself.

    • BakedPenguin

      I’m in.

    • Ted S.

      As if there’s no flopping in basketball or diving in hockey.

      But those are American sports, so it’s OK.

  29. Rebel Scum

    The squirrels are angry.

    Aggressive squirrels are attacking residents in one New York City neighborhood unprovoked, leaving some bitten and bloodied, according to media reports.

    The combative critters have bitten at least five people in the Rego Park section of Queens within the past month, according to residents who spoke with Patch. One woman said she had to go to the hospital after an attack left her with bites on her hands and arms.

    Her snow-covered front yard was stained with blood, Micheline Frederick told the news outlet. She said she was holding her front door open for movers when the squirrel ran up her leg and she pushed it off. It came back and began biting her, she said.

    “He was angry and he was vicious,” she said. “This was more than just a bite. This thing was fighting with me.”

    And I heard that rats are attacking pigeons. NYC is a shithole.

    • commodious spittoon

      Animals are taking back what’s theirs. Nature is healing. #InTheBalance #GreenNewDeal #AWorldWithoutHumans #SquirrelRefugeNYC #AnInconvenientTurth

    • rhywun

      We don’t have attacking squirrels in my neighborhood but that didn’t make Fox News I guess.

  30. hoof_in_mouth

    Jiffy is the correct answer, Yusuf gets it. (It’s local for me, I’ve toured the factory several times). I feel like I should like unsweetened with jalapeños but they’re all very low in taste. Michigan bbq is not great.

    • hayeksplosives

      Bad Brad’s BBQ in Sterling Heights Michigan is one of the best BBQs I’ve had north of the Mason-Dixon Line.

    • Crusty Juggler

      “I’ve toured the factory several times”

      My God.

  31. KOVIDKristen

    BTW, Chevy’s “fresh Mex” has this corn bread pudding thing they serve on the side that I might cut a bitch to get. But we don’t have any Chevy’s here anymore.

    • KOVIDKristen

      (well, there’s one up the Metro line a bit, but none in my neighborhood)

  32. Threedoor

    Cornbread is like wings and ribs.
    Po folk food.

    I’ll eat it if it’s free.

    With butter and honey.

  33. Mojeaux

    Good gravy.

    1) sweet: a little

    2) savory: a lot

    3) corn flour without wheat flour: oh fuck that

    4) only baked in cast iron: fuck that too

    5) tarted up with various sauces, condiments and toppings: butter and MAYBE honey MAYBE

    6) never consumed: fuck that thrice

  34. hayeksplosives

    You know you’re on a libertarian website when the commentariat all have different opinions on how certain food should be prepared, some of those opinions being fairly strongly held.

    But no one is trying to outlaw all other methods than their favorite, and no one is leveling cultural appropriation charges at others over food.

    • KOVIDKristen

      I want a Constitutional Amendment banning it!!

    • straffinrun

      Have no clue why we’re talking about cornbread. I’ve missed a few news cycles.

      • TARDis

        It’s the poor, less hip carb that get no attention, unlike pizza. Apparently it is something we can use to divide us as well.
        Sweet cornbread?

        *BLAM BLAM BLAM*

        Die mother*&%#!!!

      • TARDis

        For some reason, I found that relaxing. I think it may be my soundtrack for 2021.

        *Slurps coffee*

    • Trigger Hippie

      I’m both amused and glad that we apparently have a new food meme to use.

      I mean, cornbread of all the damn silly things to fight over.

      Deep-dish sweet cornbread covered in a pineapple glaze: The dessert of the Devil himself.

      Why not?

      • Trigger Hippie

        ‘Deep-dish sweet cornbread covered in a pineapple glaze’

        I’m almost stoned enough to make this my new handle.

        Yo! TPTB, will this fit as my new name?

      • Crusty Juggler

        Those who circumsise their oven-fresh cornbreads are monsters.

      • Old Man With Candy

        Try changing it and see.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Enacting my own labor?

        What kinda site is this anyway? Oh, yeah…

      • straffinrun

        ^This. The pineapple pizza thing is an internet cancer. I saw people on a Vice thread joking about it.

      • SP

        IT’S NOT A JOKE.

      • straffinrun

        *Bends over backwards ala Neo, tin can lids whiz by*

    • SP

      Look, you really want to get me started with the pizza thing? Where there SHOULD be laws.

  35. Aloysious

    Answers:
    1. Savory. If I want sweet, that is what honey, jam, or real maple syrup is for.
    2. Course ground corn flour is a must. If there’s no wheat flour, then it’s mush, which is a different animal.
    3. Cast iron only. Anything else, and it’s corn cake.
    4. Corn bread was invented for chili, but there are some lesser dishes it could possibly be used for. I guess. If I have to.
    5. Bad corn bread, and there is such a thing, should be fed to the dogs.
    6. Amazon Women on the Moon is the shizzle.

  36. Hyperion

    This is the greatest song in American history.

    Born Free

    • pistoffnick

      “You were born free, you got fucked out of half of it and you wave a flag celebrating it.”
      – Doug Stanhope

      • pistoffnick

        Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the sentiment. The reality…

      • Trigger Hippie

        We were fucked out of seventy-five percent of it and we burn a flag demanding one hundred percent?

  37. Rebel Scum

    Jake, you mendacious hack.

    “This gets to a bigger question, Nia-Malika, about the rot in the Republican Party right now. I don’t know how widespread it is. Certainly, there are a number of local and state Republican officials in Georgia and Arizona and Michigan and Pennsylvania who are standing up for reality. You have others, such as Senators Pat Toomey and Mitt Romney, and Adam Kinzinger, who are standing up for reality. But you have two-thirds of the House Republicans siding with that deranged Texas lawsuit. Now you have that Kraken Caucus opening up in the Senate with Hawley. If Republicans held the House of Representatives right now, right, if Kevin Mccarthy was the incoming speaker, how sanguine would any of us be about whether or not this democracy was going to be overturned?” …

    “Fighting facts, fighting truth, fighting standards, fighting democracy.”

    • straffinrun

      I can google the word “sanguine”, Jake. Your laconic attempt at infusing rarely used terms into your flexicon only makes you look sartorial.

      • commodious spittoon

        Sanguine… you know, bloody, but also… temperate? I’m awful sanguine at times… in fact, most times. I’m sanguine all the time.

      • straffinrun

        Bloody is good way to look at it.

      • Mojeaux

        Temperate = phlegmatic

      • straffinrun

        *Ahem*

      • Mojeaux

        *hands Straff a Kleenex*

      • Ted S.

        Sanguine is not bloody. That’s sanguinary.

      • commodious spittoon

        Comme ci, comme ça?

    • KOVIDKristen

      Jake, you mendacious hack ignorant slut.

      • Rebel Scum

        Don Lemon is the ignorant slut.

      • KOVIDKristen

        Except for the Jake/Jane thing is too good to pass up

    • commodious spittoon

      Shag carpeting? Yeah, baby, yeah!

  38. l0b0t

    Po’ boy cornbread is the best cornbread; the science is settled. Made with fine ground corn flour, NOT corn meal, and thin like a crepe, it is the ultimate savory butter delivery vehicle for mealtime accompaniment.

    Also, as a lifelong Southron, I had never heard of sweet cornbread until encountering it at soulfood restaurants in Yankeeland.

  39. UnCivilServant

    AAAARRRRGGGG!!!!

    Why do the people with the least initiative get stuck in operations?

    Yes, open a damn ticket because no one can get to the server.

    I shouldn’t have to tell you that. I’m not even your manager, why are you calling ME?!

    • straffinrun

      All that stimming is bad for your joints.

  40. EvilSheldon

    1 thru 5 are true.

    Cornbread is wonderful however and wherever.

    • Dr. Chipping Pioneer
      • hayeksplosives

        Link no worky

  41. BakedPenguin

    I jumped to the end just to say – as with vegetables, butter is necessary. BUTTER. I know it might offend your vegan principles, SP, but if you are serving anything that can be described as “bread”, butter is necessary. Not optional. And margarine is to butter what canola oil is to olive oil. This is a hill I will die on, and I stole Suthenboy’s .1911 while he was taking a piss – so there.

    • rhywun

      I grew up on margarine and vegetable oil. It took me *decades* to appreciate the better things in life like butter and olive oil. And real bacon, and mayo, and numerous other products that I rarely had when I was a kid because stretching dollars was so important.

      • straffinrun

        There’s a reason they never made I Can’t Believe It’s Not Margarine.

      • BakedPenguin

        I grew up on margarine and vegetable oil.

        Me too. Besides the taste, they used to sling margarine and corn oil as the “healthy” alternatives. Didn’t someone write about the mediocrity of evil?

        Also, I didn’t really take your gun, Suthen.

      • hayeksplosives

        They also tried scaring us all off eggs. Your cholesterol is high! Eggs have cholesterol! Therefore, if you eat eggs, you will have a heart attack or stroke!!

        “If you eat fat, you will get diabetes 2!! Here. Eat this entire loaf of white bread instead.”

        As if the food we eat bypasses the digestive system and just implants itself in our arteries and muscle tissue.

        And now we know that bleached flour, corn syrup, partially hydrogenated oils, and other substitutes are far worse than the “safe” low fat alternatives. (Compare the low fat versions of Mayo and salad dressings to the originals—the low fat has a bunch of added sugar to compensate for the flavor hit.)

        Eggs are simply wonderful. So is whole milk. Nutritionists aren’t tesearching or teaching from a science perspective.

      • egould310

        DENIER!!!!

      • BakedPenguin

        Yeah- thanks a lot, “nutritionists”. I pretty much don’t care what they say anymore – “oh, cured meats are bad for me? That won’t be good when I eat this 1/2 lb. of pepperoni!” That said, I do try to eat at least about a half pound of vegetables a day.

        Swimming in butter.

      • pistoffnick

        People have been eating cured meats since they were discovered. I don’t think there is anything wrong with them.

        High Fructose Corn Syrup, on the other hand,…

      • Gustave Lytton

        The latest diet “guidelines” came out. Still terrible.

      • Tres Cool

        Now do that socialist paradise, Venezuela. Or cuba.

      • slumbrew

        Yeah, I remember the “you have to be careful with eggs” nonsense growing up.

        I eat 4 every morning – doctor’s notes after lab results from last check-up, “[your] HDL (good cholesterol) is EXCELLENT – 74”

        They are arguably the most perfect food.

        My Jewish MIL still uses margarine for “meat” meals – it’s a shame, since she’s such a good cook, to have to compromise like that. Ironically, she didn’t grow up keeping kosher – that started with her now deceased husband and she’s kept going even though it’s just her now. She’ll probably give that up when she finally moves out of that house.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Same. Thankfully my now wife saved me from oleomargarine (as my grandma called it).

        I like vegetable oil for frying (except fried chicken which gets lard added) and some other cooking tasks because it has a neutral flavor. For dishes where the flavor is needed, olive, sesame, or some others.

    • SP

      Agreed. I only make cornbread for one of my 2% non-vegan meals.

  42. Fourscore

    If Mrs F make something and puts it on the table I eat it. Doesn’t matter what it is. Usually its good, sometimes less good but I eat it anyway. I learned a long time ago not to complain and not care, as long as it’s filling. The alternative of doing it myself would be worse.

    She travels a lot, not so much the last couple years but before that she was always headed somewhere, she has done the seven continents, usually a couple trips a year. She cooks plenty of food, puts it in single meal containers, freezes it and it’s ready to microwave. She doesn’t want me to touch her stove and I don’t. One time she took the knobs off the stove and hid them so I wouldn’t be tempted. That got a chuckle from my friends. I’m not a fussy eater.

    My time is better spend outside. Every man needs a metal building as a place to hide out between meals.

    • pistoffnick

      I just want to say I am impressed with both your woodshed and your honey shed.

      • Fourscore

        We got about 6-7 inches of light fluffy snow last night. I got the yard cleaned up, do the driveways tomorrow.

      • pistoffnick

        I snowblowed the driveway and the sidewalks this early morning. It was light and fluffy. I suspect the next one won’t be as pleasant.

  43. Don escaped Two Corinthians

    1) sweet must be a janqui thing

    2) I like jalapenoa about half the time

    3) 2:1 corn flour to wheat

    4) I use cast iron, but I’m sure AllClad works: it’s heavy enough to soak up lots of heat heat. Lots of oil very hot so the batter takes a crunchy crust as you pour it in

    5) tarted up: every man.v has to live with hisc own conscience

    6) best with fried crappie and purple hull peas

    • Chafed

      I want to know what substances were involved.

      • slumbrew

        Various puberty hormones.

      • Chafed

        I’m a little skeptical. Lord knows I did some stupid dangerous driving as a teenager. But what that kid did was either unbelievably stupid or due to impairment.

  44. KOVIDKristen

    JFC I’m so sick of that tow truck show on The Weather Channel. They need to show more Strangest Weather on Earth when they’re not doing, you know, actual weather.

    • rhywun

      I don’t think I’ve looked at The Weather Channel in around 20 years. What’s the tow truck show?

  45. R C Dean

    2) savory

    4) only baked in cast iron

    5) tarted up with various sauces, condiments and toppings – its a side dish, so having something with it is a given. Butter, honey, whatever sauce or whatever is on the plate. Always an option, and your cornbread should be up for it.

    • KSuellington

      This guy gets it. ^

  46. straffinrun

    My sister told me today that a well placed Q Tip will ease the desire of a cat in heat. Claims she’s done it and it works. That seems both wrong and right at the same time.

    • Trigger Hippie

      Japan is getting to you.

    • egould310

      Like, a gentle *boop!* on the cat’s nose with a fluffy q-tip?

      • straffinrun

        Try the other end.

      • egould310

        *Dangerfield collar tug*

      • Don escaped Two Corinthians

        never not funny

      • rhywun

        Yeah, it’s not their nose they’re presenting to you.

        /victim of a cat in heat holy crap never again

      • rhywun

        /bob barker was right

    • But Enough About My "Essential Retiree" Status

      My sister told me today that a well placed Q Tip will ease the desire of a cat in heat.

      My Mom used to do it with her cats. I always found it offputting, to say the least.

    • Mojeaux

      This is why God invented spaying and neutering.

    • Sensei

      You mean in its ear? Like in in Japan…

      (Kidding aside I’ve read Asians have more issues with ear wax, but having your partner clean your ears cracks me up.)

      • Gustave Lytton

        -2 Vietnamese ear wax extraction videos

      • rhywun

        My mom would file off the dead skin on my step-father’s feet.

        /tru luv

        /it’s not so weird any more now that i’m middle aged

      • straffinrun

        Don’t think the cat would enjoy putting a 耳掛け up there.

      • straffinrun

        Ugh. 耳かき.

      • BakedPenguin

        Better than a ハサミムシ

    • Chafed

      I’m sure Q’s tip can take care of it.

    • slumbrew

      You on point, Tip?

      • slumbrew

        For a pile of middle-aged hip-hop fans, I am disappoint that there are no suitable responses.

      • Chafed

        Maybe Tres is working.

  47. TARDis

    This.

    Served as a side with this.

    Served to my crew as a reheat at work more than once. No complaints.

    Wife hates grits but these are grits are so awesome she can’t resist.

  48. BakedPenguin

    Oh, and to actually address the post:

    2) savory : yes

    3) corn flour without wheat flour : preferred, not obligatory

    4) only baked in cast iron : see #3

    5) tarted up with various sauces, condiments and toppings : BUTTER

  49. The Bearded Hobbit

    “Why don’t you put your masks on?”

    “I have a great idea. How about you go fuck yourself and I’ll go do what I want.”

    /haven’t read any of the comments

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      Getting ready for bed and am quite sick and tired of the whole bullshit theatre. We are leaving Montana on Friday to go back to lockdown hell in New Mexico.

  50. zwak

    No.
    Yes.
    Yes.
    Hell no.
    OK
    OK

  51. hayeksplosives

    Is the Sooners QB an African American with albinism or am I crazy?

    • Mojeaux

      Though he does look like that, with a name like Spencer, I’m guessing weird-looking white kid.

    • slumbrew

      Were I a betting man, I’d say he’s mixed-race.

      • Chafed

        So you’re saying he is a heroic mulatto?

    • BakedPenguin

      You’re not crazy. I can’t tell you if he’s a black albino, but he does look like a black (oh, POC) albino.

    • Trigger Hippie

      No, his father is very much predominantly black and his mother is as Nordic white as it gets.

      They kept showing them during the Big12 Championship, as well as his sister. While the qb won the genetic lottery in regards to athletic abilities, the sister won the perfect combination of looks. Deep golden blonde hair with natural waves due to Nordic and African heritage. Curves in…anyway…without checking, I’m going to assume she’s his older sister so I don’t feel like a dirty old man.

      The dude looks albino because he has his dad’s features and hair with his mother’s hair color and complexion, that’s all.

      • Chafed

        Pics of the sister?

  52. straffinrun

    Haven’t sketched in a while. Gave an egg a shot. Hmmmm. Maybe fried would be easier.

    https://ibb.co/Wcn5YMg

    • Chafed

      That’s not bad. But it could use a Q Top.

    • Mojeaux

      That’s pretty good!

      • straffinrun

        It’s relaxing. Give it a shot if you got time. I don’t have a blending stump, but you can use a Q tip (not the used one from upthread). You really can turn the sound off from the video. I was listening to The Police as I did it.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyCJ4E8wCTA

      • Mojeaux

        It looks a little more like metal than actual egg shell.

      • straffinrun

        Use an HB for the lighter parts. If you have at least a 4B for the darker parts, it should work out better.

    • slumbrew

      In my defense:

      1) I don’t live in Boston (Slummerville, yo)
      2) we’re _much_ dumber here – I’m sure they’re gnashing their teeth that they don’t have a suitable statue to cancel.

      • Chafed

        That town has changed quite a bit since I left.

      • slumbrew

        It has indeed. I am not nostalgic for the Section 8 housing cum crackhouse next door, but the influx of upper-middle class douchebags has utterly changed this town (ignoring the fact I’m part of that influx – I’m a townie at heart, I swear).

      • Chafed

        It’s still the gateway to Medford so it has that going for it.

      • KSuellington

        Hahaha! Yes, that is a straight up set piece for a Chinese Triad drug running movie. And for 2.9 million! What a steal.

    • straffinrun

      There doesn’t seem to be any magic bullet. Social distancing, masks, herd immunity, vaccine, hydroxychloroquine, curve bending, hand lathering.
      Watch out for yourself and let the govt funnel money to cronyists that have an excuse why they should get paid.

    • KSuellington

      Quite obviously we have not lockdown hard enough and there still a few people that don’t wear masks outside. We need to go full weld everyone in their house mode to defeat this virus.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Derpy picked a good time to learn that trade.

      • KSuellington

        Truly a growth industry.

        Still waiting for the pendulum to swing the other direction.

      • Chafed

        Stop giving Newsom ideas!

  53. straffinrun

    2020. Which one fits better? This MAW or This MAW?

    • BakedPenguin

      So you avoid the obvious libertarian selection?

      • straffinrun

        Not choosing from the list provided gets you booted off Michael Malice’s twitter.

      • BakedPenguin

        There go my North Korea updates…

      • KSuellington

        Excellent choice as well. It’s a shame what happened to the sax/keyboard player with regards to the IP lawsuit.

      • BakedPenguin

        Roman_Valdax 3 months ago
        Libertarians when the IRS comes to their house

        Okay, so it’s not just my opinion.

  54. KSuellington

    I can’t get to sleep, I think about the implications. Especially at night…

    Who knew that Men at Work could be so prophetic? I saw them headline a music festival once in Salvador, Brazil. It was awesome, of course. Roving beer vendors that had cold 1 buck beers made it even better.

      • KSuellington

        Hehheh. Good one. I haven’t seen the last few seasons of that, but I loved the first whole bunch. Is it still good?

      • slumbrew

        Not sure I’ve seen every episode, but the quality remained high, AFAIK.

      • straffinrun

        STEVE SMITH is less creepy. That’s funny stuff.

  55. Tres Cool

    It’s my day-night off, Im drinking beer and doing laundry.
    Then I realized- yo it’s 3 am.

  56. Tres Cool

    (Im trying to catch up)

    Straffin-san: WRT q-tips and a feline in heat. Ive heard the same story, and once my ex’s cat had the same problem. Called the vet and he said to use a q-tip to simulate sex.
    I suppose it worked, but I certainly looked silly with that q-tip sticking out of the zipper of my pants.
    /rimshot.exe

    Mentioned previously, but the Q in “q-tips” stands for quality. Prior to that, they were called “baby gays”.

  57. Tres Cool

    Why, Ill just be damned: Ohio changes quarantine rules for students at schools; curfew extended to late January

    “The statewide 10 p.m. to 5 a.m. curfew has been extended until Jan. 23. “This is because we don’t yet know what effect the holidays may have on our hospitals and health care systems, so we must continue to be cautious,” DeWine said.”

    Why, thats just following the inauguration.

  58. Sean

    The news channel made a point to remind me that celebratory gun fire is not acceptable for this evening. ?

  59. Sean

    On topic, I will occasionally eat some corn bread with my bbq. Small bits of evil carbs are almost always delish. Sweet, savory, slathered in buttter, whatev.

    Hushpuppies dunked in melted cinnamon butter are the best possible form.

    Fuck your chunks of corn though.

    • Tres Cool

      “Hushpuppies dunked in melted cinnamon butter are the best possible form.”

      WTF is wrong with you

      • Sean

        A lot.

        *shrug*

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Do they still qualify as hush puppies when you do that? That sounds more like a dessert.

      • Tres Cool

        Hush Puppies require tartar sauce and ideally handfuls of those crunchy things from Long John Silvers, obvs.
        Of course any entrée from LJS while tasty, generally comes with intense gastric discomfort 30-60 minutes after ingesting.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        The LJS ones are good, there’s a BBQ place near me that has ones that are similar but cooked browner and they’re a little more oniony. I’ll pick up a bag of them and eat them dipped in a mustard based BBQ sauce from time to time. Good shit…

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      “underwater hamster cities”
      That’s, um, huh…

      • Tres Cool

        Brilliant!

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        It just amazes me what people manage to monetize. I guess I’m just not much of a marketer.

      • commodious spittoon

        Donate your appreciation.

  60. UnCivilServant

    Morning, Glibs.

    I really dislike wireless controllers. The batteries always need charging when you want to play.

    • Tres Cool

      “The batteries always need charging when you want to play.” -Winston’s mom

      ‘sup playa

      • UnCivilServant

        I need to stop answering calls from operations.

        I am not on-call. I should not have to tell them how to do basic troubleshooting checks.

        They also reliably call when I’m on vacation.

      • Tres Cool

        Ive noticed that, as a consultant, when times are slow the best way for me to guarantee work is to block off a week or two for a vacation. For added suriety, I can purchase cheap, non-refundable, airline tickets. That will insure that no matter what days I’ve set aside, someone will call insisting on having a project done during that time.

      • R C Dean

        “I need to stop answering calls from operations.

        I am not on-call.”

        Yeah, yer doin’ “not on call” wrong.

      • UnCivilServant

        You see, I also get calls that need to be answered, and for some darn reason, caller id just doesn’t seem to differentiate between everyone behind that one outgoing phone number. (our outgoing calls all appear with the main switchboard’s number instead of our individual phones)

      • R C Dean

        So how are you going to stop answering calls from operations?

      • UnCivilServant

        Magic.

        Actually, I keep reporting when they contact me off-hours, and we’re going to have management renforce that this is not the procedure. If it is listed as the procedure, we’re going to have them take it out, because this is trivial shit they should be able to handle. And as I said, I’m not in their group, I shouldm’t have to tell them “yes, open the damn ticket”.

    • Sean

      Why you no plug in when done playing?

      Wireless allows me to sit back comfortably in my leather recliner.

      • UnCivilServant

        Because then the batteries last even less time. Battery memory is no myth.

        Besides, I never said it was always when you start playing. I don’t care how many hours I’ve been playing, I shouldn’t have to stop because the controller has to be docked back on the damn console.

      • Sean

        My retropie set up has replaceable batteries. I’m very new to the nonreplaceable battery PS4 controllers.

      • UnCivilServant

        The switch is even worse, since by default the controller can’t be independantly plugged in. I think there are aftermarket charging docks, but I can’t charge and play on my big screen. (That stupid little screen shouldn’t even exist on the console)

    • LCDR_Fish

      I picked up 6 energizer rechargeable batteries (and a charger) back in 2010. Sure they don’t last quite as long these days but I have more than enough time to recharge 4 while using the last two even if I’m playing all day- very rare.

      • UnCivilServant

        If I could swap out the batteries, that would be one thing. But I’d have to buy an entire second set of controllers because of the stupid anti-consumer design.

  61. Tres Cool

    I just heard it on the morning news weather. They’re predicting THUNDER SNOW !

    • Sean

      *insert electric guitar riff*

      • Tres Cool

        I think that this works.

      • Tres Cool

        damn it…I meant to link Run To The Hills

        Oh well. Trooper works too.

    • Gender Traitor

      Oh. Just. Swell.

      You were off last night, right? So you don’t know if there’s going to be ice under the snow all over my car?

  62. Festus

    Mornin’ Glibbies! I just barely made it through my shift last night. Tottering some on my pins, you know. When I over exert my back has a tendency to start sending false messages to my legs. I have today off and back at it on Friday. Fuck off 2020 and the horse you rode in on!

    • Festus

      ALL cornbread is good, by the by.

    • Tres Cool

      I had todaylastnightovernighteverning off, so Ive been here since 2 am, drinking and typing to myself. #TurdShift!

      Overnight is alight.

      • Festus

        #metoo Pacific Time. I get home from work and try to catch up with the comments while drinking my daily quota. Eat and go to bed somewhere around 7 or 8. Wake up in the afternoon. Get ready to go back to work. Rinse and repeat. Skinny, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son!

    • TARDis

      Fuck off 2020 and the horse you rode in on!

      AMEN.

    • Festus

      It snowed again yesterday so I need to deal with that but at least the fact that one of my sites won’t need attention until Sunday is a bonus.

  63. LCDR_Fish

    May have missed it – but being lazy and cheap, I will heartily recommend Jiffy corn muffin mix – whether you’re making muffins or just a pan of bread, its my go to – not that I do it very often. I prefer it as a side for chili, BBQ, etc – and a little honey and/or molasses – but its pretty versatile. Some places put a jalapeno slice on each piece while its cooking.

    • Tulip

      Since you like Jiffy, look up thread for an article about the company – very interesting

      • Festus

        Mornin’ Tulip!

      • Tulip

        Morning Festus!

    • Chipwooder

      Plus those boxes of muffin mix are dirt cheap, less than a dollar usually.

      • Tulip

        I always bought Jiffy in grad school. Cost less than buying ingredients. I think Jiffy and the store brand mac-n-cheese is the only prepared food where that’s true

  64. Festus

    On Topic – Corn Bread requires cast iron. An Iron Law, if you will.

  65. Chipwooder

    Well, I’m late to the party, but I prefer just-slightly-sweet cornbread that is a little crumbly made in the cast iron pan. Back when I lived in Orange Beach, there was a great restaurant down the street from us that made the best cornbread I’ve ever had. They’d serve it to you in these little individual cast iron pans. Sadly, it’s long gone today.

    • UnCivilServant

      People kept stealing the serving pans?

      • Festus

        That’s why you have the Wife carry a ridiculously large purse, just like the Gypsy crones do.

  66. straffinrun

    “”Alright. Go out with your friends for a few hours and then come to my mother’s house by midnight so we can do the countdown together.”

    The wife not thinking shit through and I’m willing to play.

  67. Francisco d'Anconia

    7. BANISHED FROM THE EARTH!